May 15, 2025 • 19 mins
Journey with Paul Walmsley, a well-known regular at Stephanos, as his peaceful dinner is interrupted by a fast-acting stranger who not only steals his meal but also hands him a mysterious packet beneath the table. This encounter marks the start of exhilarating adventures with the enigmatic American adventurer, Joseph H. Parker and his charming daughter, Eve. Please note that there is an alternative narration for section 8, both renditions are equally compelling and we invite you to enjoy either or both.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Chapter eleven, Part one of an Amiable Charlatan. This is
a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
An Amiable Charlatan by E. Phillips Oppenheim, Chapter eleven, Mister
(00:22):
Bundercombe's Wink, Part one. I scarcely recognized mister Cullin when
he first accosted me in the court yard of the Milan,
at no time of distinguished appearance. A certain carelessness of
dress and gait had brought him now almost on a
level with the loafer in the street. His close needed brushing,
he was unshaved, and he looked altogether very much in
(00:42):
need of a bath and a new outfit. May I
have a word with you, mister Walmsley, he asked, standing
in the middle of the pavement in front of me
and blocking my progress towards the strand. I hesitated for
a moment. His identity was only just then beginning to
dawn upon me, mister Colin exclaimed, At your service, sir,
(01:03):
I turned round and led the way back into the court.
This is not a professional visit, I trust, I said,
as we passed into the smoke room. Not entirely, sir,
mister Cohen admitted. At the same time, he paused and
looked out the windows steadily for a moment, as though
in search of inspiration. I trust, I began hastily that
(01:25):
mister Bundercombe has not precisely about him, Sir, that I
came to see you, mister Coullen interrupted, I am bound
to admit that a few weeks ago, there was no
man in the world I would have laid my hands
on so readily. That day at the Ritz, however, changed
my views completely, I feel, he added, with a dry smile,
that I got more than level with mister Bundercombe when
(01:46):
I sent for his wife. So it was you sent
the cables that brought her over, I remarked, But please remember, sir,
he begged, apologetically, that I had never seen the lady.
I sent the cables competently, anticipating that she would disclaim
all knowledge of mister Bundercombe. When she arrived and I
realized that she was actually his wife, I forgave him
(02:08):
freely for all the small annoyances he had caused me.
My visit to you this morning, in fact, is entirely
in his interests. What has mister Bundercombe been up to now,
I asked, nervously, Nothing serious at any rate that I
know of, mister Culin assured me. For the last fortnight
ever since missus Bundercomb's arrival. In fact, mister Bundercombe has
(02:29):
somehow or other managed to keep away from all his
old associates and out of any sort of mischief. Last night, however,
I was out on duty. I haven't had time to
go home and change my clothes yet in a pretty
bad part shadowing one of the most dangerous well mopsmen
in Europe, a man you may have heard of, sir.
He is commonly known as Deggar Rudwell. I hastily disclaimed
(02:51):
any acquaintance with the person in question. Tell me, though,
I begged, what this has to do with mister Bundercombe.
Just this, mister Cohen explained. I ran my man to
ground in a place where I wouldn't be seen except professionally,
and with him was mister Bundercombe. They were not engaged,
I asked, quickly, in any law breaking escapade of the time,
(03:13):
I trust, mister Cohen shook his head reassuringly. Rodwell only
goes in for the very big coups. He said, two
or three in a lifetime if he brought them off
would be enough for him. All the same, there's something
planning now, and he's fairly got hold of mister Bundercombe.
He's a smooth tongued rascal, absolutely a gentleman to look
at and speak to. What I want you to do, sir,
(03:35):
if you're sufficiently interested, is to take mister Bundercombe away
for a time. Interested, I groaned, he'll be my father
in law in a couple of months. Then if you
want him to attend the ceremony, sir, mister Cumhan advised
earnestly you'll get him out of London. He's restless. You
may have noticed that yourself. He's foiling for an adventure
(03:56):
and dagger Rodwell adjust the man to make use of
him and then leave him high and dry the booby
for us to save our bacon with. I don't wish
any harm to mister Bundercombe, sir, and that's straight. Until
the day I meant missus Bundercomb at Liverpool, I am
free to confess that I was feeling sore against him.
Today that's all wiped out We had a pleasant little
(04:16):
time at the ridge that afternoon, and my opinion of
the gentleman is that he's the right sword. I'm here
to give you the officer to get him away from London,
and get him away quick. I may know a trifle
more than I've told you, or I may not, but
you'll take my advice. If you want to escape trouble.
I'll do what I can, I reassured him, little blankly.
(04:37):
To tell you the truth, I have been fearing something
of the sort during the last few days, especially. His
daughter tells me that he has been making all sorts
of excuses to get away. I'll do what I can,
and many thanks, mister Cullen. Let me offer you something.
Mister Cullen declined anything except a cigar, and went on
his way. I called a taxi and drove round to
(04:58):
the very delightful house the Bundercombe Sa taken in Prince's gardens.
I caught mister Bundercombe on the threshold. He would have
hurried off, but I laid a dictating hand on his arm.
Come back with me, if you please, I begged. I
have some news I need to consult you all. Mister
Bundercomb glanced at his watch. His manner was a little furtive.
He was not dressed as usual in frock coat, white
(05:20):
waistcoat and silk hat, a costume that seemed to render
more noticeable his great girth and smooth pink and white face,
but in a blue serge, double breasted soup, a bowler hat,
and a style of neckgear a little reminiscent of the Bowery.
Something his very apparent seemed to me a confirmation of
mister Collins warning. He looked at his watch and muttered
something about an appointment. I promised not to keep you
(05:42):
more than a very few minutes, I reassured him. Come along.
I kept my arm on his and led him back
into the house. Eve is in the morning room. He whispered,
let's go in quietly, and perhaps we shan't be heard.
We crossed the hall on tiptoe in the manner of conspirators.
Before we get into the room, however, our progress was
arrested by a somewhat metallic cough, Missus Bundercombe, in a
(06:05):
gray tweed coat and skirt of homely design, a black
hat and black gloves, with a satchel in her hand,
from which were protruding various forms of pampul literature appeared
suddenly on the threshold of the room she had insisted
upon having allotted for her private use, in which she
was pleased to call her study. Mister Bundercombe, she exclaimed, portentously,
taking no notice whatsoever of me, My dear, he replied,
(06:29):
May I ask the meaning of your leaving the house
like a truant schoolboy at this hour of a morning
and in such garb demanded Missus Bundercombe, eyeing him severely
through her pince nez. Is your memory failing you? Joseph Henry,
did you or did you not arrange to accompany me
this morning to a meeting at the offices of the
Woman's Social Federation. I fear I had forgotten the matter,
(06:53):
mister Bundercomb stammered, an affair of business. I was rung
up on the telephone. Missus Bundercombe stared at him. She
said nothing expression was sufficient. She turned to me. Eve
is in the morning room, mister Walmsley, She said, I
presume your visit at this hour of the morning was
intended for her precisely, I admitted, I will go in
(07:14):
and see her. I opened the door and mister Bundercombe
rather precipitously preceded me if he had contemplated escape. However,
he was doomed to disappointment. Missus Bundercombe followed us in.
She reminded us of her presence by a hard cough,
as Eve saluted me in a somewhat light hearted fashion.
Mind there's mother, Eve whispered with a little grimace. Tell
(07:35):
me why you come so early, Paul. Are you going
to take me out motoring all day? Or are you
going to the dressmaker's with me? I really ought to
have a chaperone of some sort, you know. And mother
is much too busy making friends with the leaders of
the cause over here. She made a face at me
from behind a vase of flowers. Missus Bundercomb apparently thought
it well to explain her position. I find it, she said,
(07:57):
absolutely incumbent upon me while on a visit to this Betralopolis.
To cultivate the acquaintance of the women of this country,
who are in sympathy with the great movement in the
States with which I am associated. It is expected of
me that I should make my presence over here known. Naturally,
I agreed. Naturally, Missus Bundercombe I see by the papers
that you were speaking at a meeting last night. That
(08:17):
reminds me. I went on that I really did come
down this morning on rather an important manner. And perhaps
it is as well that you are all here, as
I should like your advice. I have received an invitation
to stand for the division of the county in which
I live. They all looked puzzled. To stand for parliament,
I mean, I hastily explained to them, it seems really
(08:39):
rather a good opportunity, as of course I am fairly
well known in the district, and the majority against us
was only seventy or eighty at the last election. Say
that's interesting, mister Bundercombe declared, putting down his hat. I
didn't know you were by way of being a professional man,
though I am not, I replied. You wouldn't call politics
a profession exactly. Mister Bundercombe was more puzzled than ever.
(09:03):
His hand caressed his chin in a familiar fashion. Well
it's one way of making a living, isn't it, he asked,
We call it a profession on our side, it isn't
a way of making a living at all, I assured him.
It costs one a great deal more than we made
out of it. Mister Bundercombe stopped scratching his chin. Missus
Bundercombe sat down opposite me, and I was perfectly certain
(09:23):
that she would presently have a few remarked offer. Eve
was looking delightfully interested. Say I'm not quite sure I
follow you, mister bundercombserved, I am with you all right
when you say that the direct procuniary payment for being
in parliament doesn't amount to anything. But what's your pollworth?
Eh my? What I inquired? Dash it all, mister Bundercombe
(09:44):
continued a little testily. I only want to get at
the common sense of the matter. You are thinking of
trying for a seat in Parliament and you say the
four hundred a year you get for it is nothing, Well,
of course it's nothing. What I want to know is
just what you get out of it indirectly, you get
the handling of so much patronage. I suppose what is
it worth to you? And how much is there I
(10:07):
spent the next five minutes in an eloquent attempt to
explain the difference between English and American politics. Mister Bundercombe
was partially convinced, but more than ever sure that he
had found his way into a country of half witted people. Eve, however,
was much quicker at grasping the situation. I think it's
perfectly delightful, Paul, she declared. I have read no end
of stories of English electioneering, and they sound such fun.
(10:30):
I want to come down and help. I have tons
of new dresses and I can read up all about politics.
Going down on the train that bring me, I went
on to the real object of my visit. I want
you and your father. I want you all, I added heroically,
to come down with me to Bedfordshire and help. You.
Were coming anyway next week for a little time. You know,
(10:51):
I want to carry you off. At once. Missus Bundercombe,
who had been only waiting for her opportunity, broke in
at this juncture, young man, she said impressively, mister Walmsley,
before I consent to intend one of your meetings, or
to associate myself in any way with your cause, I
must ask you one plain and simple question, and insist
upon a plain and simple answer. What are your views
(11:14):
as to women's suffrage? The views of my party? I answered,
with futile diplomacy, A nunciate as briefly as possible, but
clearly what the views of your party are, Missus Bundercomb
bade me. I won't have him, heckled, he protested, coming
over to my side, I coughed. But we are entirely
in sympathy, I explained, with the enfranchisement of women up
(11:37):
to a certain point. I think that unmarried women who
own property and pay taxes should have the vote. Rubbish,
Missus Bundercombe exclaimed, firmly. We want universal suffrage. We want
men and women placed on exactly the same footing politically
and socially. That I said, I am afraid no political
party would be prepared to grant at present. Then, save
(11:58):
as an opponent, I can attend no political meetings in
this country, Missus Bundercombe declared, rising to her feet with
a fearsome air of finality. I sighed. In that case,
I confessed, I am afraid it is useless for me
to appeal to you for help. Perhaps you and your father,
I added, turning to Eve, let them go down to
(12:19):
you in the country by all means, Missus Bundercombe interrupted.
For my part, though my visit to Europe was wholly undesired,
was forced upon me, in fact by dire circumstances, she
added emphatically, glaring at mister Bundercombe. Since I am here,
I find so much work ready to my hand, so
much appalling ignorance, so much prejudice, that I conceive it
(12:39):
to be my duty to take up during my stay
the work which presents itself here. I accordingly shall not
leave London. Mister Bundercomb cheered up preceptibly at these words.
I'm rather busy myself, he said, but perhaps in a
day or two. I thrust my arm through his. I
rely upon you to help me, Canvas, I told him.
(13:00):
A lot is done by personal persuasion. Can this mister
Bundercomb repeated reflectively, Say just what do you mean by that?
It is very simple, I assured him. You go and
talk to the farmers and voters generally and put a
few plain issues before them. We'll post you up all
right as to what to say. Then you wind up
by asking for their votes and interest on my behalf,
(13:21):
I do that, do I, mister Bundercombe, firmed, Talk to
them in a plane, straightforward way. Eh, that's it, I agreed.
A man with a sound common sense like yourself could
do me a lot of good. Mister Bundercombe was thoughtful.
I am convinced that at that moment the germs of
certain ideas which bore fruit a little later on were
born in his mind. I saw him blink several times
(13:42):
as he gazed up at the ceiling. I saw a
faint smile gradually expand over his face. A premonition of trouble,
even at that moment forced itself upon me. You'll have
to be careful, you know, I explained a little apprehensively.
You'll have to keep friends with the fellows all the time.
They would appreciate practical jokes down there, and the law
as to bribery and corruption is very strict. Mister Bundercomb
(14:06):
nodded solemnly. If I take the job on, he said,
you can trust me. It seems as though there just
might be something in it. You'll come down with me.
Then I begged both of you come this afternoon. The
dressmakers can follow you. Eve, it isn't far an hour
in the train, in twenty minutes in a motor. We
may have to picnic a little just to start with.
But I know that the most important of the servants
(14:28):
are there ready and waiting. Fray, and I'll let me
stand in your way, missus. Bundercomb declared, rising, my time
will be fully occupied. I wish you a good morning,
mister Walmsley. I have an appointment at a quarter to twelve.
You can let me know your final decision at lunch
in time, she left the room, mister Bundercombe, Eve and
I exchanged glances. How far away did you say your
(14:50):
place was, Paul, mister Bundercomb asked, right in the country.
I told him, takes you about an hour and a
half to get there. I think we'll come, mister Bundercomb decided,
looking absently out the window and watching his wife eloquently
admonish a taxicab driver who had driven up with a
cigarette in his mouth. Yes, I'm all for it. My
little party at Walmsley Hall was in most respects a
(15:12):
complete success. My sister was able to come and play hostess,
and Eve was charmed with my house and its surroundings.
Mister Bundercombe, however, was a source of some little anxiety.
On the first morning, when we were all preparing to
go out, he drew me to one side. Paul, he
said he had, with some difficulty, cut into the way
of calling me about my Christian name occasionally. I want
(15:33):
to get wise to this thing. Where does your political
boss hang out? Oh, we haven't such a person, I
told him. He seemed troubled. The more he inquired into
our electioneering habits, the less he seemed to understands him.
What's your platform anyway, he asked. I handed him a
copy of my election address, which he read carefully through
with a large cigar in the corner of his mouth.
(15:53):
He handed it back to me with a somewhat depressed air.
Seems to kind of black grit, he remarked, a little doubt.
Why don't you go for the other side a bit more?
Look here, I suggested, mindful of Eve was waiting for me.
You run down and have a chat with my agent.
You'll find him just office of the town hall in Bidborough.
There's a car going down. Now I'm on, he agreed. Anyway,
(16:16):
I must get to understand this business. He departed presently
and returned to luncheon with a distinctly crestfallen air. He
beckoned to me mysteriously into the library and laid his
hand upon my shoulder in a friendly fashion. Look here, Paul,
he said, is it too late to change your ticket?
Change my what I asked him. Change your platform or
(16:36):
whatever you call it. You're on the wrong horse, Paul,
my boy. Even your own agent admits it, though I
never mentioned your name at first or told him who
I was. All the people round here with folks are farmers,
agricultural labors and small shopkeepers. Your platforms of no use
to them. Well, that's what we've got to find out,
I protested personally. I am convinced that it is now.
(17:00):
I'll look here, mister Bundercombe argued. These chaps, though they
seem stupid enough, are all out for themselves. They want
to vote for what's going to make life easier for them.
What's the good of sticking it into them about the
empire between you and me. I don't think they care
a fig for it. That all this talk about military service, Gee,
they ain't big enough for it. Disestablishment too, What do
(17:23):
they care about that? You let me write an address
for you. Promise them a land bill, promise them the
food on their tables and a bit less stick something
in about a reduction in the price of beer. I've
seen the other chap's address and it's a corker, mostly lies,
but thunderingly good ones. You let me touch yours up
a bit. Where have you been, I asked, a straight,
(17:45):
misgiving stealing into my mind. Have you been talking to
mister Ansell like this? Ansel? No, who's he? Mister Bundercomb
inquired my agent, Mister Bundcump shook his head. Chap I
pauled up with was called Harrison. I groaned, you've been
to the other fellow's agent, I told him, the agent
for the radical candidate. Mister Bundercomb whistled. You don't say,
(18:09):
He murmured, well, I'll tell you what it is, Paul.
There are no flies on that chap. He's a real
nippy little worker, that's what he is. If you take
my advice, he went on, persuasively, you'll swap. We'll make
it worth his while to come over. I've seen you,
mister Ansell, if that's his name, I saw the name
on a brass plan. I saw him come out of
his office, stiff, stark sort of chap with a thin
(18:32):
face and gray side whiskers. That's the man, I admitted.
He and his father before him and his grandfather had
been solicitors to my people for I don't know how
many years. He looked it mister Bundercumb declared, Oh with it,
old stunk, if ever there was one. You want a
live man to see you through this, Paul, you let
me go down and sound Harrison this afternoon. No reason
(18:54):
that I can see why we shouldn't use this fellow's
address too, if we can make terms with him. Look here,
I said, PAULA takes over on this side. Don't admit
that such violent changes. My address is in the printer's hands,
and I've got to stick to it, and answer will
have to be my agent no matter what happens. It
isn't all talk that Windsy's elections. The Wansleys are well
known in the county, and we've done a bit for
(19:15):
the country during the last hundred years. This other fellow,
Horricks his name is, has never been near the place
before I gradu. He's going to promise a lot of
very interesting things. But that's been going on just a
little too long. The people have had enough of that
sort of thing. I think you'll find they'll put more
trust in the little you can promise than in that
riggen role of Harrison's. Mister Bundercomb shook his head doubtfully well,
(19:39):
he sighed I'm only on the outside edge of this thing.
Yet I must give it another morning. End of Chapter eleven,
Part one recording by Todd
Chapter eleven, Part one of an Amiable Charlatan. This is
a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
An Amiable Charlatan by E. Phillips Oppenheim, Chapter eleven, Mister
(00:22):
Bundercombe's Wink, Part one. I scarcely recognized mister Cullin when
he first accosted me in the court yard of the Milan,
at no time of distinguished appearance. A certain carelessness of
dress and gait had brought him now almost on a
level with the loafer in the street. His close needed brushing,
he was unshaved, and he looked altogether very much in
(00:42):
need of a bath and a new outfit. May I
have a word with you, mister Walmsley, he asked, standing
in the middle of the pavement in front of me
and blocking my progress towards the strand. I hesitated for
a moment. His identity was only just then beginning to
dawn upon me, mister Colin exclaimed, At your service, sir,
(01:03):
I turned round and led the way back into the court.
This is not a professional visit, I trust, I said,
as we passed into the smoke room. Not entirely, sir,
mister Cohen admitted. At the same time, he paused and
looked out the windows steadily for a moment, as though
in search of inspiration. I trust, I began hastily that
(01:25):
mister Bundercombe has not precisely about him, Sir, that I
came to see you, mister Coullen interrupted, I am bound
to admit that a few weeks ago, there was no
man in the world I would have laid my hands
on so readily. That day at the Ritz, however, changed
my views completely, I feel, he added, with a dry smile,
that I got more than level with mister Bundercombe when
(01:46):
I sent for his wife. So it was you sent
the cables that brought her over, I remarked, But please remember, sir,
he begged, apologetically, that I had never seen the lady.
I sent the cables competently, anticipating that she would disclaim
all knowledge of mister Bundercombe. When she arrived and I
realized that she was actually his wife, I forgave him
(02:08):
freely for all the small annoyances he had caused me.
My visit to you this morning, in fact, is entirely
in his interests. What has mister Bundercombe been up to now,
I asked, nervously, Nothing serious at any rate that I
know of, mister Culin assured me. For the last fortnight
ever since missus Bundercomb's arrival. In fact, mister Bundercombe has
(02:29):
somehow or other managed to keep away from all his
old associates and out of any sort of mischief. Last night, however,
I was out on duty. I haven't had time to
go home and change my clothes yet in a pretty
bad part shadowing one of the most dangerous well mopsmen
in Europe, a man you may have heard of, sir.
He is commonly known as Deggar Rudwell. I hastily disclaimed
(02:51):
any acquaintance with the person in question. Tell me, though,
I begged, what this has to do with mister Bundercombe.
Just this, mister Cohen explained. I ran my man to
ground in a place where I wouldn't be seen except professionally,
and with him was mister Bundercombe. They were not engaged,
I asked, quickly, in any law breaking escapade of the time,
(03:13):
I trust, mister Cohen shook his head reassuringly. Rodwell only
goes in for the very big coups. He said, two
or three in a lifetime if he brought them off
would be enough for him. All the same, there's something
planning now, and he's fairly got hold of mister Bundercombe.
He's a smooth tongued rascal, absolutely a gentleman to look
at and speak to. What I want you to do, sir,
(03:35):
if you're sufficiently interested, is to take mister Bundercombe away
for a time. Interested, I groaned, he'll be my father
in law in a couple of months. Then if you
want him to attend the ceremony, sir, mister Cumhan advised
earnestly you'll get him out of London. He's restless. You
may have noticed that yourself. He's foiling for an adventure
(03:56):
and dagger Rodwell adjust the man to make use of
him and then leave him high and dry the booby
for us to save our bacon with. I don't wish
any harm to mister Bundercombe, sir, and that's straight. Until
the day I meant missus Bundercomb at Liverpool, I am
free to confess that I was feeling sore against him.
Today that's all wiped out We had a pleasant little
(04:16):
time at the ridge that afternoon, and my opinion of
the gentleman is that he's the right sword. I'm here
to give you the officer to get him away from London,
and get him away quick. I may know a trifle
more than I've told you, or I may not, but
you'll take my advice. If you want to escape trouble.
I'll do what I can, I reassured him, little blankly.
(04:37):
To tell you the truth, I have been fearing something
of the sort during the last few days, especially. His
daughter tells me that he has been making all sorts
of excuses to get away. I'll do what I can,
and many thanks, mister Cullen. Let me offer you something.
Mister Cullen declined anything except a cigar, and went on
his way. I called a taxi and drove round to
(04:58):
the very delightful house the Bundercombe Sa taken in Prince's gardens.
I caught mister Bundercombe on the threshold. He would have
hurried off, but I laid a dictating hand on his arm.
Come back with me, if you please, I begged. I
have some news I need to consult you all. Mister
Bundercomb glanced at his watch. His manner was a little furtive.
He was not dressed as usual in frock coat, white
(05:20):
waistcoat and silk hat, a costume that seemed to render
more noticeable his great girth and smooth pink and white face,
but in a blue serge, double breasted soup, a bowler hat,
and a style of neckgear a little reminiscent of the Bowery.
Something his very apparent seemed to me a confirmation of
mister Collins warning. He looked at his watch and muttered
something about an appointment. I promised not to keep you
(05:42):
more than a very few minutes, I reassured him. Come along.
I kept my arm on his and led him back
into the house. Eve is in the morning room. He whispered,
let's go in quietly, and perhaps we shan't be heard.
We crossed the hall on tiptoe in the manner of conspirators.
Before we get into the room, however, our progress was
arrested by a somewhat metallic cough, Missus Bundercombe, in a
(06:05):
gray tweed coat and skirt of homely design, a black
hat and black gloves, with a satchel in her hand,
from which were protruding various forms of pampul literature appeared
suddenly on the threshold of the room she had insisted
upon having allotted for her private use, in which she
was pleased to call her study. Mister Bundercombe, she exclaimed, portentously,
taking no notice whatsoever of me, My dear, he replied,
(06:29):
May I ask the meaning of your leaving the house
like a truant schoolboy at this hour of a morning
and in such garb demanded Missus Bundercombe, eyeing him severely
through her pince nez. Is your memory failing you? Joseph Henry,
did you or did you not arrange to accompany me
this morning to a meeting at the offices of the
Woman's Social Federation. I fear I had forgotten the matter,
(06:53):
mister Bundercomb stammered, an affair of business. I was rung
up on the telephone. Missus Bundercombe stared at him. She
said nothing expression was sufficient. She turned to me. Eve
is in the morning room, mister Walmsley, She said, I
presume your visit at this hour of the morning was
intended for her precisely, I admitted, I will go in
(07:14):
and see her. I opened the door and mister Bundercombe
rather precipitously preceded me if he had contemplated escape. However,
he was doomed to disappointment. Missus Bundercombe followed us in.
She reminded us of her presence by a hard cough,
as Eve saluted me in a somewhat light hearted fashion.
Mind there's mother, Eve whispered with a little grimace. Tell
(07:35):
me why you come so early, Paul. Are you going
to take me out motoring all day? Or are you
going to the dressmaker's with me? I really ought to
have a chaperone of some sort, you know. And mother
is much too busy making friends with the leaders of
the cause over here. She made a face at me
from behind a vase of flowers. Missus Bundercomb apparently thought
it well to explain her position. I find it, she said,
(07:57):
absolutely incumbent upon me while on a visit to this Betralopolis.
To cultivate the acquaintance of the women of this country,
who are in sympathy with the great movement in the
States with which I am associated. It is expected of
me that I should make my presence over here known. Naturally,
I agreed. Naturally, Missus Bundercombe I see by the papers
that you were speaking at a meeting last night. That
(08:17):
reminds me. I went on that I really did come
down this morning on rather an important manner. And perhaps
it is as well that you are all here, as
I should like your advice. I have received an invitation
to stand for the division of the county in which
I live. They all looked puzzled. To stand for parliament,
I mean, I hastily explained to them, it seems really
(08:39):
rather a good opportunity, as of course I am fairly
well known in the district, and the majority against us
was only seventy or eighty at the last election. Say
that's interesting, mister Bundercombe declared, putting down his hat. I
didn't know you were by way of being a professional man,
though I am not, I replied. You wouldn't call politics
a profession exactly. Mister Bundercombe was more puzzled than ever.
(09:03):
His hand caressed his chin in a familiar fashion. Well
it's one way of making a living, isn't it, he asked,
We call it a profession on our side, it isn't
a way of making a living at all, I assured him.
It costs one a great deal more than we made
out of it. Mister Bundercombe stopped scratching his chin. Missus
Bundercombe sat down opposite me, and I was perfectly certain
(09:23):
that she would presently have a few remarked offer. Eve
was looking delightfully interested. Say I'm not quite sure I
follow you, mister bundercombserved, I am with you all right
when you say that the direct procuniary payment for being
in parliament doesn't amount to anything. But what's your pollworth?
Eh my? What I inquired? Dash it all, mister Bundercombe
(09:44):
continued a little testily. I only want to get at
the common sense of the matter. You are thinking of
trying for a seat in Parliament and you say the
four hundred a year you get for it is nothing, Well,
of course it's nothing. What I want to know is
just what you get out of it indirectly, you get
the handling of so much patronage. I suppose what is
it worth to you? And how much is there I
(10:07):
spent the next five minutes in an eloquent attempt to
explain the difference between English and American politics. Mister Bundercombe
was partially convinced, but more than ever sure that he
had found his way into a country of half witted people. Eve, however,
was much quicker at grasping the situation. I think it's
perfectly delightful, Paul, she declared. I have read no end
of stories of English electioneering, and they sound such fun.
(10:30):
I want to come down and help. I have tons
of new dresses and I can read up all about politics.
Going down on the train that bring me, I went
on to the real object of my visit. I want
you and your father. I want you all, I added heroically,
to come down with me to Bedfordshire and help. You.
Were coming anyway next week for a little time. You know,
(10:51):
I want to carry you off. At once. Missus Bundercombe,
who had been only waiting for her opportunity, broke in
at this juncture, young man, she said impressively, mister Walmsley,
before I consent to intend one of your meetings, or
to associate myself in any way with your cause, I
must ask you one plain and simple question, and insist
upon a plain and simple answer. What are your views
(11:14):
as to women's suffrage? The views of my party? I answered,
with futile diplomacy, A nunciate as briefly as possible, but
clearly what the views of your party are, Missus Bundercomb
bade me. I won't have him, heckled, he protested, coming
over to my side, I coughed. But we are entirely
in sympathy, I explained, with the enfranchisement of women up
(11:37):
to a certain point. I think that unmarried women who
own property and pay taxes should have the vote. Rubbish,
Missus Bundercombe exclaimed, firmly. We want universal suffrage. We want
men and women placed on exactly the same footing politically
and socially. That I said, I am afraid no political
party would be prepared to grant at present. Then, save
(11:58):
as an opponent, I can attend no political meetings in
this country, Missus Bundercombe declared, rising to her feet with
a fearsome air of finality. I sighed. In that case,
I confessed, I am afraid it is useless for me
to appeal to you for help. Perhaps you and your father,
I added, turning to Eve, let them go down to
(12:19):
you in the country by all means, Missus Bundercombe interrupted.
For my part, though my visit to Europe was wholly undesired,
was forced upon me, in fact by dire circumstances, she
added emphatically, glaring at mister Bundercombe. Since I am here,
I find so much work ready to my hand, so
much appalling ignorance, so much prejudice, that I conceive it
(12:39):
to be my duty to take up during my stay
the work which presents itself here. I accordingly shall not
leave London. Mister Bundercomb cheered up preceptibly at these words.
I'm rather busy myself, he said, but perhaps in a
day or two. I thrust my arm through his. I
rely upon you to help me, Canvas, I told him.
(13:00):
A lot is done by personal persuasion. Can this mister
Bundercomb repeated reflectively, Say just what do you mean by that?
It is very simple, I assured him. You go and
talk to the farmers and voters generally and put a
few plain issues before them. We'll post you up all
right as to what to say. Then you wind up
by asking for their votes and interest on my behalf,
(13:21):
I do that, do I, mister Bundercombe, firmed, Talk to
them in a plane, straightforward way. Eh, that's it, I agreed.
A man with a sound common sense like yourself could
do me a lot of good. Mister Bundercombe was thoughtful.
I am convinced that at that moment the germs of
certain ideas which bore fruit a little later on were
born in his mind. I saw him blink several times
(13:42):
as he gazed up at the ceiling. I saw a
faint smile gradually expand over his face. A premonition of trouble,
even at that moment forced itself upon me. You'll have
to be careful, you know, I explained a little apprehensively.
You'll have to keep friends with the fellows all the time.
They would appreciate practical jokes down there, and the law
as to bribery and corruption is very strict. Mister Bundercomb
(14:06):
nodded solemnly. If I take the job on, he said,
you can trust me. It seems as though there just
might be something in it. You'll come down with me.
Then I begged both of you come this afternoon. The
dressmakers can follow you. Eve, it isn't far an hour
in the train, in twenty minutes in a motor. We
may have to picnic a little just to start with.
But I know that the most important of the servants
(14:28):
are there ready and waiting. Fray, and I'll let me
stand in your way, missus. Bundercomb declared, rising, my time
will be fully occupied. I wish you a good morning,
mister Walmsley. I have an appointment at a quarter to twelve.
You can let me know your final decision at lunch
in time, she left the room, mister Bundercombe, Eve and
I exchanged glances. How far away did you say your
(14:50):
place was, Paul, mister Bundercomb asked, right in the country.
I told him, takes you about an hour and a
half to get there. I think we'll come, mister Bundercomb decided,
looking absently out the window and watching his wife eloquently
admonish a taxicab driver who had driven up with a
cigarette in his mouth. Yes, I'm all for it. My
little party at Walmsley Hall was in most respects a
(15:12):
complete success. My sister was able to come and play hostess,
and Eve was charmed with my house and its surroundings.
Mister Bundercombe, however, was a source of some little anxiety.
On the first morning, when we were all preparing to
go out, he drew me to one side. Paul, he
said he had, with some difficulty, cut into the way
of calling me about my Christian name occasionally. I want
(15:33):
to get wise to this thing. Where does your political
boss hang out? Oh, we haven't such a person, I
told him. He seemed troubled. The more he inquired into
our electioneering habits, the less he seemed to understands him.
What's your platform anyway, he asked. I handed him a
copy of my election address, which he read carefully through
with a large cigar in the corner of his mouth.
(15:53):
He handed it back to me with a somewhat depressed air.
Seems to kind of black grit, he remarked, a little doubt.
Why don't you go for the other side a bit more?
Look here, I suggested, mindful of Eve was waiting for me.
You run down and have a chat with my agent.
You'll find him just office of the town hall in Bidborough.
There's a car going down. Now I'm on, he agreed. Anyway,
(16:16):
I must get to understand this business. He departed presently
and returned to luncheon with a distinctly crestfallen air. He
beckoned to me mysteriously into the library and laid his
hand upon my shoulder in a friendly fashion. Look here, Paul,
he said, is it too late to change your ticket?
Change my what I asked him. Change your platform or
(16:36):
whatever you call it. You're on the wrong horse, Paul,
my boy. Even your own agent admits it, though I
never mentioned your name at first or told him who
I was. All the people round here with folks are farmers,
agricultural labors and small shopkeepers. Your platforms of no use
to them. Well, that's what we've got to find out,
I protested personally. I am convinced that it is now.
(17:00):
I'll look here, mister Bundercombe argued. These chaps, though they
seem stupid enough, are all out for themselves. They want
to vote for what's going to make life easier for them.
What's the good of sticking it into them about the
empire between you and me. I don't think they care
a fig for it. That all this talk about military service, Gee,
they ain't big enough for it. Disestablishment too, What do
(17:23):
they care about that? You let me write an address
for you. Promise them a land bill, promise them the
food on their tables and a bit less stick something
in about a reduction in the price of beer. I've
seen the other chap's address and it's a corker, mostly lies,
but thunderingly good ones. You let me touch yours up
a bit. Where have you been, I asked, a straight,
(17:45):
misgiving stealing into my mind. Have you been talking to
mister Ansell like this? Ansel? No, who's he? Mister Bundercomb
inquired my agent, Mister Bundcump shook his head. Chap I
pauled up with was called Harrison. I groaned, you've been
to the other fellow's agent, I told him, the agent
for the radical candidate. Mister Bundercomb whistled. You don't say,
(18:09):
He murmured, well, I'll tell you what it is, Paul.
There are no flies on that chap. He's a real
nippy little worker, that's what he is. If you take
my advice, he went on, persuasively, you'll swap. We'll make
it worth his while to come over. I've seen you,
mister Ansell, if that's his name, I saw the name
on a brass plan. I saw him come out of
his office, stiff, stark sort of chap with a thin
(18:32):
face and gray side whiskers. That's the man, I admitted.
He and his father before him and his grandfather had
been solicitors to my people for I don't know how
many years. He looked it mister Bundercumb declared, Oh with it,
old stunk, if ever there was one. You want a
live man to see you through this, Paul, you let
me go down and sound Harrison this afternoon. No reason
(18:54):
that I can see why we shouldn't use this fellow's
address too, if we can make terms with him. Look here,
I said, PAULA takes over on this side. Don't admit
that such violent changes. My address is in the printer's hands,
and I've got to stick to it, and answer will
have to be my agent no matter what happens. It
isn't all talk that Windsy's elections. The Wansleys are well
known in the county, and we've done a bit for
(19:15):
the country during the last hundred years. This other fellow,
Horricks his name is, has never been near the place
before I gradu. He's going to promise a lot of
very interesting things. But that's been going on just a
little too long. The people have had enough of that
sort of thing. I think you'll find they'll put more
trust in the little you can promise than in that
riggen role of Harrison's. Mister Bundercomb shook his head doubtfully well,
(19:39):
he sighed I'm only on the outside edge of this thing.
Yet I must give it another morning. End of Chapter eleven,
Part one recording by Todd
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