15 - Amiable Charlatan by E. Phillips Oppenheim

Journey with Paul Walmsley, a well-known regular at Stephanos, as his peaceful dinner is interrupted by a fast-acting stranger who not only steals his meal but also hands him a mysterious packet beneath the table. This encounter marks the start of exhilarating adventures with the enigmatic American adventurer, Joseph H. Parker and his charming daughter, Eve. Please note that there is an alternative narration for section 8, both renditions are equally compelling and we invite you to enjoy either or both.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Chapter twelve of An Amiable Charlatan. This is a LibriVox recording.
All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more
information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Recording
by Kirsten Webber. An Amiable Charlatan by E. Phillips Oppenheim,

(00:22):
Chapter twelve, the Emancipation of Lewis. At about half past
ten the following morning, I turned into Prince's gardens find
a four wheel cab drawn up outside the door of
mister Bundercombe's house. On the roof was a dressing case
made of some sort of compressed cane and covered with linen.

(00:43):
Accompanying it was a black tin box on which was
painted in white letters Hannah Bundercombe, President W. S. F.
Standing by the door was a footman with an article
in his hand that I believe is called a grip,
which in the present instance I imagine took the place
of a dressing case. I surveyed these preparations with some interest.

(01:05):
The temporary departure of Missus Bundercombe would, I felt, have
an enlivening influence upon the establishment. As I turned in
at the gate, Missus Bundercombe herself appeared. She was followed
by a young woman who looked distinctly bored, and whom
I was not at first able to place. Missus Bundercombe
was in a state of unusual excitement. Say mister Wamsey,

(01:28):
she began, and her voice seemed to come from her forehead.
It was so shrill and nasal. How long will it
take me to get to Saint Pancras? I looked at
the four wheeler on the roof of which another servant
was now arranging a typewriter in its tin case. I
should say about thirty five minutes in that, I replied,
A taxi would do it in about a quarter of

(01:50):
an hour. None of your taxis for me, Missus Bundercombe
declared warmly. I am not disposed to trust myself to
a piece of machinery that can be made to tell
any sort of lies. I like to pay my fare
and no more. If thirty five minutes will get me
to Saint Pancras, then I guess i'll make my train.
You are leaving us for a few days, I remarked,

(02:10):
suddenly catching a glimpse of a face like a round
moon beaming at me from the window. I have received
a despatch, Missus Bundercombe announced, drawing a letter with pride
from an article that I believe she called a reticule
signed by the secretary of the Women's League of Freedom,
asking me to address their members at a meeting to
be held that leeds to night. Very gratifying, I murmured,

(02:33):
how the woman knew I was in England? Missus Bundercombe continued, carefully,
replacing the missive I cannot imagine, but I suppose these
things get about. In any case, I've felt my duty
to go some of us, Mister Walmsey, she added, regarding
me with a severe air, think of little else save
the various pleasures we are able to cram into our
live day by day. Others are always ready to listen

(02:56):
to the call of duty. I wish you a pleasant journey,
Missus Bundercombe, I said, raising my hat. I suppose I
shall find eve. In no doubt you will, she snapped.
I glanced at the very depressed young woman. I am
taking a temporary secretary with me, Missus Bundercombe explained. Recent
reports of my speeches in this country have been so

(03:18):
unsatisfactory that I have lost confidence in the press. I
am taking an experienced shorthand writer with me, who will
furnish the various journals with a verbatim report of what
I say. Much more satisfactory, I'm sure, I agreed. Edging
told the house I wish you was successful meeting Missus Bundercombe.
You mustn't miss your train, and I trust. Missus Bundercombe concluded,

(03:40):
as she turned to enter the cab that if you
accompany Eve in her shopping expeditions to day or during
my absence, you will not encourage her in any fresh extravagances.
I made my way into the house and entered the
morning room. As the cab drove off, Mister Bundercombe and
Eve were waltzing. Mister Bundercombe paused at my entrance and
wiped his forehead. He was very hot, a little ebullition

(04:05):
of my feeling, dear pa, he explained. On seeing you,
you met Missus Bundercombe. You have heard the news I gathered.
I remarked that Missus Bundercombe's sense of duty is taking
her to Leeds. Mister Bundercombe breathed a resigned sigh. We
shall be alone, he announced, with ill concealed jubilation. If

(04:25):
we have any luck at all for three days. One
never knows, though, I propose that we celebrate tonight, unless
he added, with a sudden gloom, you two want to
go off and dine somewhere alone. Not likely, I assured him. Daddy,
Eve exclaimed reproachfully. Mister Bundercombe ched up. Then if you

(04:46):
are both agreeable, he posed, let us go and pay
Liegie a visit. I have rather a fancy to show
him a re established mister Bundercombe, you know, I sometimes
think he went on that Luigi was beginning to regard
me with sus pession. There isn't any doubt of it,
I observed dryly. We will dine there to night. Mister

(05:06):
Bundercombe decided, that is, if you two are willing. I
hesitated for a moment. He was looking at me for
my decision. I really see no reason why we shouldn't
go there, I said. I had to take Eve to
some rather dull relatives for luncheon, and I suppose we
shall be shopping afterwards. Full brighten up the day. We

(05:27):
will give Luigi no intimation of our coming. Mister Bundercombe suggested,
with relish, we shall be in no hurry, so we
can order our dinner when we arrive there at eight o'clock.
At eight o'clock, I agreed, more presents, Paul Eve informed me,
taking my arm, come along and help me unpack. Isn't
it fun? Luigi's reception of us that night was most gratifying.

(05:52):
He escorted us to the best table in the place,
from which he ruthlessly seized the mystic label that kept
it from the onslaughts of less privileged guests. He congratulated
me upon my parliamentary honors and my engagement in the
same breath. Twas perfectly clear to me that Luigi knew
all about us. He addressed mister Bundercombe with an air
of deep respect, in which was visible too an our

(06:14):
of relieved apprehension. He took our order himself, with the
aid of an assistant, Matre d'hotein that whom mister Bundercombe
glanced with some surprise. Where is Louis? He inquired? Gone left?
Luigi answered. Mister Bundercombe was obviously disappointed. Say is that so?

(06:34):
He exclaimed? Why I thought he was a fixture? Been
here a long time, hadn't he? Nearly twelve years? Luigi admitted,
as he got a restaurant of his own mister Bundercombe asked,
Luigi shook his head. On the contrary, Sir, he replied,
I think Louis has gone off his head. He has
taken a very much inferior post at a very inferior place,

(06:55):
restaurant of a different class altogether, not at all comille
faut little place for the multitude Giatron's in soho the
foolishness of it, for all his old clients must be useless.
No one would eat in such a hole. It's most mysterious.
We dined well and gaily. Mister Bundercombe renewed many restaurant acquaintances,

(07:16):
and I am quite sure he thoroughly enjoyed himself. Every
now and then, however, a shadow rested on his face
watching him, I felt quite sadden of the reason. Twas
only dying the last few weeks that I had begun
to realize the immense good nature of the man he
was worrying about Lewis. We sat there until nearly ten o'clock,
when we rose to go. Mister Bundercombe turned to us

(07:39):
say he asked, a little diffidently, would you people object
to just dropping in at this Giatronz, or will you
go off somewhere by yourselves and meet me afterward. We
will go wherever you go, Dad, he declared, we are
not going to leave you alone. When we do have
an evening off, I should like to find out about

(08:00):
Lewis myself, I interposed. I always thought he was the
best metro hotel in London. We drove to Jatron's and
found it in a back street, a shabby, unpretentious looking place,
with a front that had once been white, but that
was now grimy in the extreme. The windows were hung
with little curtains in the French fashion, whose freshness had

(08:21):
also long departed. The restaurant itself was low and teeming
with the odor of past dinners. At this hour it
was almost empty. Several untidy looking waiters were rearranging tables.
In the middle of the room. Lewis was standing. He
recognized us with a little start, though he made no
movement whatever in our direction. He was certainly a changed being.

(08:45):
He stood and looked at us as though we were ghosts.
Mister Bundercombe waved his hand in friendly fashion. Was not
until then that Louis, with marked unwillingness, came forward to
greet us. Come to see your new quarters. Lewis, mister
Bundercombe said, cheerfully, find us a table and serve us
some of your special coffee. We will dine here another evening.

(09:06):
Lewis showed us to a table and handed us over
to the care of an unwholesome looking German waiter with
only a very brief interchange of courtesies, and then with
a word of excuse, he darted away. Mister Bundercombe looked
after him wonderingly. The coffee was brought by the waiter
and served without Louis's reappearance. The effect of his absence

(09:28):
on mister Bundercombe, however, was only to make him more
determined than ever to get at the bottom of whatever
mystery there might be. Just tell Louis the maitre d'hotel
I wished to speak to him, He instructed the waiter.
The man departed. Ten minutes passed, but there is no
sign of Lewis. Mister Bundercombe sent another and more imperative message.

(09:50):
This time Louis obeyed it. As he crossed the room
a little hesitatingly toward us. Was almost sad to notice
the alteration in his appearance. At Luigi's. He had been
so smart, so upright, so well dressed. Here he was
a changed being. His hair needed cutting, his linen was
no longer irreproachable, his clothes were dusty and out of shape.

(10:12):
The man seemed to have lost all care of himself
and all pride in his work. When at last he
reached the table, mister Bundercombe did not beat about the bush. Louis,
he said, we have been to Stefano's to night for
the first time for some weeks. I came along here
to see you because of what Luigi told me. Now

(10:32):
you could just take this from me. You've got to
tell me the truth. There's something wrong with you. What
is it? Louis extended his hands. He was making his
one effect. There is nothing wrong with me, he declared.
I left Stefano's too, as they say in this country,
better myself. I am in charge here, next to Monsieur

(10:53):
Giatron himself. If Monsieur Giatron should go back to Italy,
I should be manager. It seemed like a good post.
Perhaps I was foolish to leave, Louis, Mister Bundercombe protested,
I guess I didn't come round here to listen to lies.
You and I had some little dealings together, and I
feel i've the right to insist on the truth now,

(11:14):
then don't give us any more trouble. There's a good fellow.
If you'd rather talk to me alone, invite me out
into the office or behind that desk. Louis looked round
the room, which was almost empty save for the waiters
preparing the tables for supper. Mister Bundercombe, he said, with
a little gesture of resignation, tis because of those dealings

(11:35):
that I came to trouble. Mister Bundercombe eyed him. Steadily,
go on, he ordered. Louis moved closer still to the table.
It was all those bank notes, mister Bundercombe, he confessed.
You gave me one packet to be destroyed in the kitchen.
I obeyed, but I looked at them first. Never did
I see such wonderful works those notes. Every one seemed real.

(11:59):
Every one as I put it into the fire gave
my heart a pang. And then the other time, when
you slipped them under the table to me, because mister
Cullen was about, I took them two to the fire.
I destroyed one, two, three, four, five, one dozen, two dozen,
and then I came to the last two or three,
and my fingers they went slow. I could not bear it.

(12:21):
I thought what could be done. My wife, she was
not well. I could send her to Italy. I owe
little Bill the tips they had not been good lately.
Behold there was one ten pound note left where all
the others were destroyed. I put him in my waistcoat pocket.
Go on, mister Bundercombe said encouragingly, No one's blaming you.

(12:42):
Upon my word, it sounds natural enough. Louis's voice grew
a little bolder. For some time I hesitated how to
change it. Then one day I came here to see
my friend Giatromp. We came together from Italy. I hand
him the note. I asked him please change. He gave
me the change, and I stay to have a drink
with the head waiter, who is a friend of mine.

(13:03):
Presently Jatron comes out. He calls me into the office
and I begin to tremble. He looks at me, and
I tremble more. Then he knows that he have got me.
Giatron's a very cruel man, mister Bundercombe. He make hard terms.
He made me give up my good place at Luigi's.
He made me come here and be his head man.
He gives me half as much as Luigi, and there

(13:25):
are no tips. Besides which, the place offends me every
moment of the day. The service, the food, the wines.
Everything is cheap and bad. I take no pride in
my work. I go to Giatron and I pray him
to let me go, But not so I know my
work well. He thinks that I will bring clients. Nowhere
else could he get a headman so good as I

(13:46):
at the wages of a common waiter. So I stay
here a slave. A man's story was finished. In a sense,
it seemed ordinary enough, and yet both Eve and I
felt a curious thrill of sympathy as he finished. There
was something almost dramatic in the man's sad voice, his
depressed bearing, the story of this tragedy that had come

(14:07):
so suddenly into his life. One looked round and realized
the truth of all he had said. One realized something
even of the bitterness of his daily life. Mister Bundercombe
sipped his coffee thoughtfully. Tell me why you did not
come to me, or wright Louis, he asked. The man
stretched out his hands. But it was you, sir, that

(14:27):
I had broken my word, he pointed out. When you
gave me that fast little bundle. You looked at me
steadfastly when you told me that every scrap was to
be destroyed, and I promised. I promised you faithfully. And
you asked me afterwards about that last batch. You said
to me, Louis, are you sure that they are all
quite gone? Remember that there is trouble in the possession

(14:50):
of them. And I told you a lie. Mister Bundercombe
coughed and poured himself out a little more coffee. Louis,
he declared, you are a fool. You are a blithering idiot.
You are a jackass. It never occurred to me before.
I am the guilty one for placing such a temptation
in your way. Now where is this, monsieur Giatron of yours?

(15:15):
Louis looked at him wonderingly. There was a dawn of
hope in his face, blended with a startled fear. He
arrives in ten minutes, he announced, he comes down for
the supper. He is here. Mister Bundercombe glanced round. A
stout man with the black mustache had entered the room.
His eyes fell at once on the little group mister

(15:37):
Bundercombe turned round, So that is Monsieur Giatron. Louis bowed.
Mister Bundercombe beckoned the proprietor to approach an old patron
of Luigi's. Mister Bundercombe explained, introducing himself, come round to
see our friend Lewis here. Delighted, I am very sure,

(15:57):
mister Giatron, exclaimed, bowing to all of us. It will
be a great pleasure to us to do the very
best possible for any friends of Louis. Mister Bundercombe rose
to his feet. He pointed to the glass framed office
at the other side of the room. Mister Giatron, he said,
I have always been a great patron of Lewis. You

(16:18):
and I must have a chat. Will you not invite
us into your little office and show us whether there
is not something better to be found than this coffee.
We will take a glass of brandy together and drink
success to your restaurant. Giatron hesitated to lead the way. Eve,
in response to a glance from her father, remained at
the table, but I followed mister Bundercombe. We went into

(16:41):
the office. Giatron himself placed three glasses upon the desk,
and produced from a cupboard a bottle of what appeared
to be very superior brandy. Mister Bundercombe sipped his with relish.
Then he glanced at the closed door. Mister Giatron, he began,
I have been having a chat with Louis. He has
told me of his troubles, told me the reason for

(17:03):
his leaving Luigi and accepting this post with you. Giatron paused,
with the bottle suspended in mid air, he slowly set
it down. A frown appeared on his face. Mind you,
mister Bundercombe continued, I am not sympathizing with Lewis. If
what he has said is true, I am inclined to
think you have been very merciful. Giatron recovered his confidence.

(17:28):
He tried Lewis, tried my old friend. He complained, to
take advantage of me to enrich himself at my expense
by means of a false note. That is the only point,
mister Bundercombe said, was the note bead? Do you know
I can scarcely bring myself to believe it. The restaurant
keeper smiled very deliberately. He produced a great bunch of

(17:51):
keys from his pocket and opened the safe which stood
in the corner of the office. Mister Bundercombe whispered a
scarcely audible word in my ear, and became absorbed once
more in the brandy. Presently Giatron returned. He laid on
the desk and smoothed out carefully what was, to all
appearances a ten pound note. If you will examine that carefully, sir,

(18:14):
he begged, you will see that it is the truth
that note. He is very well made, but he is
not a good Bank of England note. Mister Bundercombe slowly
adjusted his glasses, placed the note in front of him,
and smoothed it carefully with his large hand. This is
very interesting, he murmured. Allow me to make a close examination.

(18:35):
I've seen some high class printing in my Giatron started
as though he were shot, and jumped round toward me
with unpardonable clumsiness. I had upset my glass in leaning
over to look at the note. I'm awfully sorry, I exclaimed,
glancing ruefully at my trousers. Would you give me a napkin? Quickly,

(18:57):
Chiertron hastened to the door of the office called to
a passing waiter. The napkin was soon procured, and I
rubbed myself dry. The restaurant keeper returned to the desk
at mister Bundercombe's side. All I can say, mister Bundercombe declared,
as he drew away from the note which she had
been examining, is that I do not wonder you were deceived.

(19:19):
Mister Giatron. This note is the most perfect imitation I
have ever seen in my life. A wicked piece of work. Sir,
you recognize the fact, however, that the note is beyond
question counterfeit, mister Gietron persisted, I fear you are right.
Mister Bundercombe admitted, there is a slight imperfection. Yes, yes,

(19:42):
a very bad business, mister Giatron. We must come here
often and try to see whether we cannot make you
a second. Luigi Chietchon returned to the safe with the note,
which she carefully locked up. Very excellent, brandy, mister Bundercombe
pronounced warmly. You will see a great deal more of us,
my friend. I promise you that we shall haunt you.

(20:06):
Mister Chetron bowed to the ground. You are always very welcome,
and the young lady we rejoined Eve, paid our bill
and made our way to the door. Louis looking very pathetic,
was in the background. Mister Bundercombe beckoned to him, Louis,
you can give your shark of an employer a week's

(20:27):
notice to night. I have the note in my pocket,
he whispered. It's cost me a good one, but I
owed you that on Monday week, Louis, I shall order
my dinner from you at Luigi's. The man's face was wonderful.
He came a little closer. He was shaking at the knees,
his hands were trembling, and his mouth was twitching. Mister Bundercombe,

(20:52):
he pleaded hoarsely, you would not deceive me. Mister Bundercombe
looked at him steadfastly. On my honor, Lewis, the note
is in my pocket, already torn in four pieces. When
I put my hand into my waistcoat pocket to pay
my bill in three minutes, it will be in a
hundred pieces gone. You need have no fear the note,

(21:13):
mister Giatron is guarding so carefully as a very excellent
ten pound note of my own. At a quarter to
eight on the following Monday week, mister Bundercombe and I
entered Luigi's restaurant. Louis himself advanced to greet us, the
old Lewis, whose linen was irreproachable, whose bearing and deportment

(21:34):
and gracious smile all denoted the Lewis of old. Mister
Bundercombe ordered dinner and beckoned Louis to come a little nearer.
Was there any trouble, he inquired for me. No, Louis replied,
but Monsieur Giatron, never never have I seen a man
like it. He fetched out the note. Now, he said,

(21:55):
I take your notice, you take mine, ring up the
police or show. Then I tell him, I say, I
don't believe the note bad at all. He laughed at me.
He got it from the safe and laid it on
the desk. Not bad, he jeered, not bad, And then
he stood looking at it. Mister Bundercombe, I see his

(22:16):
face change. His mouth came wide open, his eyes looked
as though they would drop out. He bend over that note.
He looked at it and looked at it, and then
he looked at me. I don't believe that note was
ever bad, I say, I told you when you charged me,
I didn't believe it. That is why I have made
up my mind to give you notice to go away

(22:37):
from him. And if that note is bad, then you
can put me in prison, Monsieur Giatron. He went back
to the safe. He rummaged round among a pile of papers,
and soon he come out again, is looking pasty colored, Louis.
He said, some one has been very clever. You can
go to hell. And so mister Bundercombe. Louis wound up beaming.

(23:01):
Here I am end of Chapter twelve. Recording by Kirsten Webber.