August 2, 2025 • 27 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Andy. You know what that music scene, Yes, sir, Amos
that music say good health to all from rex.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
All The Amos and Andy Show Transcribed Written by Joe
Connelly and Bob Moser, featuring Ernestine Wade, Johnny Lee, Amanda, Randolph,
Corney Anderson, Jeff Alexander's Music Yours Truly, Harlow Wilcox and
(00:32):
starring Radios all time favorites Freeman Gosden and Charles Carrell
Amos and Andy.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
How do you do, ladies and gentlemen? I am Freeman Gosden.
You know, Charles Carella and I have been partners for
a long time. There are some things we agree on
and some we don't, but we always talk it out.
Maybe that's why we have such good friends.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
But there is one matter on which we definitely agree,
and that is that for real economy, we can always
rely on our rex Al druggist. We're always sure that
our money buys more in a rex Al store, and
we know you will agree with us if you start
trading at your rex Al family Druggist. Well, the Kingfisher's wife,
(01:32):
Sapphire and her mother went to the bank this morning
and have just returned to the apartment with a stack
of papers and legal looking documents.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
So far? Was you and your mama bringing all that
stuff home from our safety deposit box.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
Because you didn't pay the rate on it?
Speaker 5 (01:48):
Yeah, we was evicted from that to your bum.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
And me, and we're gonna have to keep all these
valuables around the hosier.
Speaker 6 (01:57):
What you're talking about valuables? The only thing valuable in
here is mama's twenty five hundred dollars engagement ring, and
mama can keep that from her dress a drawer. That
ring is the only thing of value.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
What you mean? Now? Look right here, there's four hundred
dollars worth.
Speaker 6 (02:11):
Of war bonds, Yes, but there are wild bars from
the Spanish American War.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
Yeah, and on top of that there's David Barcelona US
our Spain was gonna win.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Well, I got a bad trip. Somebody told me that
Admirals Duer's first name was Jose. There's other valuables down.
What is this thing right here? What is it say
here properly?
Speaker 6 (02:38):
Did that's that crazy lot with that shack on it
you brought up in Connecticut ten years ago?
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Yeah? Well almost made my fortune on that. If people
wanted to buy it to put up that big Monmouth hotel.
Speaker 6 (02:50):
Yeah, but just like all your deals, you held out
for two bigger price.
Speaker 5 (02:53):
Yeah, and the hotel wound up by building that place
a mile away on the other side of the highway,
your big, bad headed boom.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Thank you, mamma, Thank you for them sweet thoughts. Think
how I felt it was a bad break for me.
That cabin of mine must be in pretty bad shit
by now. Tho. I ain't done a thing to the
players in five years. You know, if I fix it
up at it might not make a bad summer cottage
for somebody.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Well.
Speaker 6 (03:21):
If you can sell that overgrown lot and broke down
cabin to anybody.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
You is a genius. Now wait a minute. Chairs you
ever heard of the Louisiana presses.
Speaker 6 (03:29):
You mean when Napoleon sold the United States Louisiana for
fifteen million dollars.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yeah, you've been down there, see all them swamps and
buy you in the flooded land angine.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Yeah, I seen it.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Unlessen the boy that lost the Battle of Water Lucas
swing a deal like that, Think what a future there
is for me in the real estate business. Me. I
guess south Ire was right. I just had that ad
in the paper for two days now. I guess nobody
(04:00):
wants to buy that cabin up in Connecticut. I ain't
had one nibble. If I could get a fish to bite,
one little nibble, one fish high, kingfish, and the brown
welcome to the aquarium, King fink. Well, I was just
thinking about your boy, you know, and the h This
(04:24):
is the time of year when the robin red breast
wings its way north, when the swallows return to their
homes in the trees, the pigeons to their roost, and
the doves to their nests. Kingfish, what as you get mad?
You're trying to sell me a box of them stale
bird eggs again. And I was sinking with summer coming
on this time that you made your vacation plan. Oh well,
(04:45):
I done made my vacation plans already. Oh you is huh. Yeah,
me and a couple of the other brothers was gonna
take a trip and go camping in the north Woods.
The north Woods. Yeah, it's gonna cost us three or
four hundred dollars, but it'll be worth it. You're going
to the north Woods. You're going behind Nature's iron curtain,
the tree study, Devil's Islands. You infern here that the
(05:10):
woods is dangerous. Well, then they're camping in the woods
is all righty for the experience hunt and trapper, but
it's sure death for their ten defeats who don't know
nothing about it. A neophyte like you. You're gonna campout, huh. Yeah,
we're taking all the equipment, sleeping bags and everything. Sleeping bags.
Huh you mean one of them bags. He crawls into
the night and didn't close the whole thing up with
(05:31):
a zipper. Very dangerous and dangerous. After I zips the
thing up, I safe inside the bag from the rain
and the wild elements and everything. All I got to
do is on zip myself and I want to get
up in the morning. That's it. And you know how
them zippers is, you mean they get stuck sometimes stuck?
(05:55):
And they why the north Woods is full of sleeping
bags that's been kicking around and screaming since last summer.
Must be five or six hundred sleeping bags there hoping
around like Mexican jumping beans. Well, I ain't gonna take
no chances. Then I'll just sleep out in the open,
don't know, huh. With all them ferogious bears around, what
(06:17):
do you mean a fellow explaining to me how all
them bears are team he walks right up and eats
out the car. Yeah, but what he didn't explain to
you is that what they eat out of the cars
is the drivers, doesn't hell, Aura, Aura, And I won't
mess with the bears. Then I'll just go fishing. Fishing.
The summer is the worst time of the year to
(06:38):
go fishing up there. I was afraid of that. That's
when the deadly rattlesnakes come down to the water's edge
to share their rattles. Holy mackerel. If the rattlesnakes loses
their rattles, how they notify you when they about to strike,
Well they do. Send John L. Lewis for around with
no newde I can tell you that you know something, Kingfish,
(07:00):
I'm gonna call off the camping trip. I'll have to
think of some other place to go on my vacation.
Now you say you got four hundred dollars to spend there,
that's right, four hundred dollars. Sit down, bro, Then there,
let me tell you about a cozy cottage and carefree Connecticut.
Sit down, Joe, and what is this in the you
(07:26):
has called off your camping trip to the woods. Yeah,
AMA's my features too tender, me being a neon light
and everything. The bears are eating me right out of
my sleeping bag now and there. What is you talking about?
The bears eating you? What is that? Oh, it's real dangerous.
They comes down to the river every night to shed
the zippers. Yeah, zippers. Yeah, they do that because they
(07:47):
got permission from John L. Lewis. I don't know what
you're talking, but yeah, you was all hot on this
camping trip and they what made you change your mind? Well,
amos I Downe bought a cozy cottage in Connecticut from
the Kingfish for four hundred dollars. Are the Kingfish? Well,
I don't know about this any but I'll tell you
one thing. He was crazy to put up your money
(08:08):
before you see the thing. Make sure he show you
the place. Yeah, that's right, you was right. I'm gonna
call him right away. Oh shure, Andy, don't let him
sell you no pig in the poke. Yeah he must.
I'll tell you one thing this time. If he's trying
to sell me a pig in the poke, I'm going
to give him a poke in the puss. I tell
him good evening. This is your rex Al family druggist
(08:42):
speaking to you for the ten thousand independent druggists who
have made the word rex Al part of our own
store names. We've done that because we recommend and sell
the two thousand or more drug products made by the
rex Al Drug Company. Rexol in My thirty one is
a good example. This tangy amber color antiseptic killed contacted
germs in seconds when used full strength, yet will not
(09:03):
harm the most delicate membranes of the mouth and throat.
That's why my thirty one serves with equal effectiveness as
a cleansing mouthwash, soothing gargle or refreshing breath deodorant. Ask
for my thirty one, America's Mani purpose antiseptic at rex
Al Drug Stars everywhere. Now listen, hello, hello, look here,
(09:36):
ain't no sense of shouting me on the telephone. If
you want to see the players, why I'll let you
see it, all right, and all right, all right, we'll
drive up there. Omar, Okay, goodbye. Hmhm you want to
see the players. What a dirty trick to play on me,
Because one I'll never be able to camouflage that dump.
So we'll fall for and oh me, I can't give
(10:01):
him his money back door because if he uh, how
you king, well our conquerence, Jack cal Horn, how you
why you been boy?
Speaker 7 (10:07):
Oh I've been open the park King Fish the Atlantic
segment over there. They rated some fella for feeding the
ducks and donet throw them in jail.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Sued him in jail for feeding the ducks.
Speaker 7 (10:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was putting them out of the
water and feeding him to his ab dail.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
I have a little trouble myself, calt Hoon. I had
a broken down cabin up in Connecticut and I sold
his the hand of a four hundred dollars. Now he
wanted to see the players before he consummated a deal.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 7 (10:38):
Now, that's a sneaky thing for handy to do.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Ain't got the police.
Speaker 7 (10:42):
You sunk the people was gonna buy him put the
hotel on.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yeah that's right. But the double crossman, he built the
Monmouth Hotel about a mile on the other side of
that full lane highway. Wait a minute, I think I
got an idea. Yeah, yeah, well, I look at you.
Speaker 7 (10:56):
Just suppose Andy was to think that the cabin was
part of the hotel property. He was entitled to all
the hotel facilities.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Yeah that's a great idea, boy, Yeah, yeah, that's a
big hotel with a swimming pool, tennis court, golf course
and everything. Yeah. Yeah, that'll sell him on the place.
And then by summer time I'll think of something else
has stole him off. Yeah yeah, hoy, you like that.
And they're getting smart on me. The unexpected always happening
an inn and boy, yeah, I'll say it is.
Speaker 7 (11:24):
Why just to day I got a card from my cousin, Margatroity.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Oh yeah, your cousin Murgatroyd, the Bobster. Yeah yeah, where
is he now?
Speaker 7 (11:33):
Well, Murgatroyd is over in Paris.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Huh. It seemed that he and another.
Speaker 7 (11:37):
Hipster, a friend of his, was sitting having cocktails in
one of them sidewalk cafes in Paris.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Yeah, all of a.
Speaker 7 (11:44):
Suddn that was a big explosion under the street, and
right before their eyes two French workmen come flying out
of an open manhole and went ninety feet.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
In the air. Ninety feet in the air. Yeah.
Speaker 7 (11:56):
His friend turned to Margaretroud and said, dig them to
bo was flying through the air, and Murmur Trod said, yeah, man,
I wonder what they're serving down there.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Well, Kingfish, I must say that this is a wonderful
hotel up here, Hotel Monmouth. They of course it ain't
open yet for the summer there, but you can see
it's a great place. Oh yeah, the nice hotel. Oh yeah.
And if you meet the girl. When it comes to recreation,
where you can tennis court it or you can bridle
path it or shuffle board it. Well, when it comes
(12:41):
to smooching, Kingfish, I rather back porchit the canoe or
down by the summer houser. But listen, you say the
cabin I done boarders on the grounds of the hotel.
Huh oh yes, And there course their you cabin is
a little more private than Dee's right here around the hotel,
right and what we called it vicinally there's huh yeah.
I news that you is the type of fellaw that
(13:03):
enjoys your privacy. Yeah, but I has found that, I
guess more of a kick out of my privacy if
there's people around, show me where the cabin is, all right,
then they roll up your pants leg and follow me.
It's just a hop skipping the jump from here, just
a hop skipping a jump. Well, Andy, here we here's
(13:31):
you love the cabin? Holy Macro, what a trip you say?
It was a hop, skipping a jump. We hopped over
three bob wire fences, skipped across a four lane highway
just ahead of a mac truck, and jumped over that
drainage that they get you. Well, it was worth a trip.
Any there you is, There is your delightful rusty cabin.
(13:51):
That thing there with the holes in the walls and
the roof have gone, well, it's designed that way. End
there what they call Swiss cheese modern. In a place
like that, you can commune with nature. Commune with nature
the way that's falling apart. I'm gonna be able to
commune with the rain, the wind, the flies and the
mosquitoes without ever leaving the house. Say well, come on,
(14:12):
and then let's go in and look at the players.
Come on, look at over the Okay, come on, I'm
going to port you all in, Michael Kingfish. The boards
and them steps is all loose. Well, that's natural. After
the winner, them steps just need a little tightening up.
Open the door. Then, yeah, that door need a little
(14:33):
tightening up too, fell right off. Eh, Well it's made
that way in there not only keeps the wind out,
but it doubles as a surfboard case you want aqua
playing on it in the leak. You see what step inside?
Then there get a load of this rustic splendor we
got here. Say wait a minute, king fish, this place
is a mile from the hotel. How's I gonna get
(14:54):
any service over here? Well? And there the hotels sends
a chamber made over every morning to dust up the place.
You mean, she's got to jump that barbed wire and a
cross that highway to get you.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Any course, with the traffic lights and all the trucks
whizen by, you may miss a couple of changes of
sheets during the summer. That's one of the joys of
rustic living. Yeah, but look here, this is just one
room with a stove. Don't The joys of rustic living
include no bathroom? Well, any like, I say, you use
(15:24):
the facilities of the hotel. You mean, if I want
to take a bath, I got a steeple chase across
that highway in my bathrobe and slippers. Yes, any you
can use any bathroom that's available. There's just one caution
due if he walks in while another fella's taking the bath.
It's against the rules of the hotel for you to
climb in with him.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
You see what I mean.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Listen, kingfish, I ain't gonna take the place. Now wait
a minute, and then you done paid me the money.
You don't mean a deal or this dealer's clothes. You
can't get out of there. Yeah, but wait a minute.
When I made it, I didn't know this place was
such a broke down dunk. Oh didn't know it? Well,
there you is, you stuck right there. Don't forget the
ignorance is nine points of the law. I got you,
boy it. Yeah, that's right. Well, I guess if that's
(16:04):
the law, it ain't nothing nothing to do about it. Oh,
you will love it up here to wind. Yeah, but
I tell you were that chamber maid getting held up
in traffic with my sheets and me having to wait
for the light to change the dagga bath. Look like
I'm going to spend a pretty dirty summer. Let me
(16:26):
get on in my apartments. Yeah, I sure pull the
pairs one on that end. M Well, see the mail
is here, just one letter, let's see, uh, mister George Stevens,
Dear sir, this is to inform you that we are
expanding our prison nine whole golf course, and are interested
in your property across the highway. We are prepared to
(16:50):
pay you to some of three thousand dollars for seeing
kind of Let us know it once. If these terms
meet with your approval signed the Monmouth Hotel Corporation hold
him mackerel three thousand dollars and I don't sold it
to end it for four hundred. Let me get that
boy on the phone and tell him that dealer is off.
Oh oh me, as the Australians say, when the boomerang
(17:11):
hit him in the back of the head, this thing
is done. Took a turn for the worse. I just
hope that hello and the Kingfisher about the cottage. The
dealer is off. I gotta have it back. Well, I'd
be glad to let you have it back, Kingfish, except
for one little thing, one little thing. What's that ending?
(17:31):
I don't change my mind about living up there, and
sold the place to a mister Theodore Nelson for seven
hundred dollars.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Now Here is your rex Al family druggist.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
I hope every overweight person listening will hear this statement.
You can lose up to five pounds a week with
m Delafields reducing plan. What's more, you can lose where
it shows.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
Sounds wonderful, but it sounds tough too.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
But you're wrong. And Delafield's reducing plan is easy. It's fun.
You don't starve, you don't count calories, there are no drugs,
no unbalanced dieting. Yet the pounds slip away as many
as three to five a week.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
What all is the plan include?
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Well, you get vitamins to keep your diet, vitamin safe
and delicious appetite reducing wafers for between meal hunger, plus
a complete beauty book with many valuable tips on menus,
health and beauty.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
All this must be pretty expensive.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Again, you're wrong. And Delafield's plan costs less by the day,
works faster by the minute. It's the easiest, soundest, safest
way you've ever found to lose weight. If your extra
pounds are not due to an organic cause, ask about
the and Delafield Reducing Plan. It's available only at rex
Al drug Stars. Well, then there, here's the cottage, mister
(19:10):
Nelson that you done. The sola too must be up
here now, Yeah, that's right, that must be his car.
He told the real estate people. He's gonna be working
on the place all month getting into shape. Listen, you
think this idea is gonna work and we'll get him
out of here. Well, it's gotta work, and I can't
lose that three thousand dollars at the hotel offerer. Yeah,
But trying to scare him out by telling him there's
building the airport for jet planes on these fields round here.
(19:34):
I don't know if that's gonna work or no. Now listen,
and we got a break. You had a real estate come.
They sell the place to him, and he ain't never
seed you. That's why I go in first, like I said,
And after I got him going, you bust in at
the psychological moment. Yeah, yeah, all right, go ahead, I'll
hide out here by the stoops. Yeah, I man, m
(19:55):
fightening up the door. Yes, Uh, what can I do
for you? You must be mister knows. Allow me to
introduce myself as George Stevens, President, General Manager of the
trans Continental trans European, trans Ocean and Transparent Airlines. The airline. Well,
what has this got to do with me? Oh? Nothing nothing.
I just wanted to get acquainted since we're gonna beat
(20:17):
neighbors neighbors. Oh yeah, uh, we is building an airport
in the cow pasture next to you here. So during
the natural with your place being at the end of
our runway, why we ought to get acquainted.
Speaker 8 (20:29):
What is this My house is at the end of
your runway.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Well, yeah, of course with the small pasture we got there,
we only going to be able to have a runway
eighty feet long. And with us flying the new jet
transports off there, why we bound a run into each
other sooner or later.
Speaker 8 (20:46):
You don't mean to say that by my living here,
my house is in danger from your airplanes.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Well I wouldn't say it was exactly dangerous, But if
you were sleeping here some night and one of them
super jet engines starts climbing in bed, would you don't
stop to shake hands with it? That's all.
Speaker 8 (21:00):
Well, an airport way out here in the country, it
just doesn't seem right to me.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Oh, I realize know, there's a long way from the
city here, but that's the way we in the airlines
do it. You see, we always put the airport way
out in the country. That way we has to hold
the people out there in our buses. Actually, the secret
of the airline is it makes their money on the
bus fare they airplanes just a sidelines. Well, I just
(21:28):
can't believe you're putting an airport out here, ah, Chief Hire, Well, well,
well now it is a coincidence. Now just look who
walked in here, my head pilot. Excuse me, missus Nelson,
I'd like to have you meet the head pilot of
our airlines, near Sighted Brown. How do you do? Yeah? Well,
call Roger contact, keep your flaps down and all that stuff.
(21:51):
What is the trouble, Neil Sighted? I notice that you
wear an a bandage on your head again, oh Sam
old trouble coming in the LaGuardia field. I overshot that
seventeen thousand foot runway again. Shot it hit anything this time? Nees?
I didn't? Yeah, I think so. When I come back
to the field, I noticed they had a three foot
control tower. I wonder if I'm ever going to get
(22:13):
the knack of land of the airplane.
Speaker 8 (22:15):
Hey, just a minute here. You mean you're a licensed
pilot and you overshot the field?
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Well, now, oh, miss Nelson, I can explain this whole
thing to you. You see, he do it all the time.
Last week on our western flate, he missed Los Angeles completely.
It was lucky I had friends in Hawaii by the
way near send it. I think you better be running along.
(22:40):
I'm afaire of all this talk about overshooting the field
with the jetson stuff. Might have scared our neigh of
miss Nelson here. Yeah, well, so long, missus Nelson. I'll
be seeing you, know you will. Yeah. With your house
so close to the runway, me and Mike co pilot
is bound to be dropping in on you one of
these foggy nights. Oh great Pilot Brown, Oh yeah, considered
(23:00):
one of the greatest parlots of all time. Once we
get the right buy focals on him, he gonna be unbeatable.
That I don't know.
Speaker 8 (23:09):
What this is all about, but I'm not giving up
this place. I paid seven hundred dollars for it, and
I'm not giving it up now.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Look here, it's it's it's really a matter of life
and death. I plan.
Speaker 8 (23:20):
I'm spending the summer up here. I am going to
put a lot of money in this place.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Well look here, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
I gonna make your deal that you can't turn down.
Tell you what I'm gonna do. I like you miss Nelson,
and I gonna give you money back. No go, Well,
now listen, I tell you what I'm gonna do. I'll
make it the highest price I can make you. And
this is my last offer, but you gotta take it.
I'll give you one thousand dollars if you vacated right away.
Speaker 8 (23:43):
One thousand dollars.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Yes, well, let me see.
Speaker 8 (23:46):
Okay, but I want to catch by the first thing
in the morning.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
No delay? Oh yah? So yeah, So I'll raise the
money somewhere and I'll have it here the first thing
in the morning. Yes, sir, I'll make out.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
Kay.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Fish not so good. I had to agree to pay
him a thousand dollars by the first thing in the morning.
Well what's the difference? You still gonna be two thousand dollars?
I had one way sells it to the hotel for
the golf course. But listen, tell me this, where are
you going to get the money from?
Speaker 4 (24:12):
You?
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Was even spent the money that I paid you? Now
look at and I gon't raise it somewhere. I desp
but I can't miss out on this three thousand dollars
offer from the Monmouth Hotel. Yeah, but say, you know,
there's just one thing that bothers me in this whole thing?
Or what is that end? Why would a hotel want
to put a golf course so close to our air?
Oh no, well, come on in my apartment, and I
(24:38):
want to tell Sapphire to Mama about the big deal.
You say you're done to raise one thousand dollars and
paid mister Nelson to move out of the cabin. Huh well, yeah,
give him the money this morning. Now all I does
is to get ahold of the man that's written me
a letter from the Monmouth Hotel. And I has got
all of two thousand bucks to the good.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Is that you, George?
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Yeah that's you Scott. Watch me rubbing this big deal
into them two old coaches. Oh yes me girls.
Speaker 5 (25:05):
Huh see you got bird brain with you?
Speaker 1 (25:08):
How you doing, miss Smith? Well? I got some news
for you two girls. I done made two thousand dollars
profit on that old broken down cabin, and all I
had to do was to raise a thousand bucks to
get it. I was going in and called the man
who written me the letter. Now yeah that mama, ain't
that a ho a?
Speaker 4 (25:25):
How yeah?
Speaker 5 (25:27):
Your poor saf I wanted to play a joke on
you I've rich you that letter off in you the
three thousand dollars, and I signed it to Mama's hotel.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
What ain't that a good way?
Speaker 6 (25:48):
Yes, yes, Mama sure put a fastoon on you.
Speaker 5 (25:51):
Joy, come off, daughter, Let's start dinner.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
The show is leveled up, Anti Kingfish, I got the
idea a lot of the humor is going to go
out of the joke when he finds out that we
are rears a thousand books. How'd you do it? I
pawned mama's twenty five hundred dollars time in Ramo.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
There's no faster acting aspirin maid. That's right, friends, I'm
talking about rex Al aspirin. Laboratory tests prove that, when
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(26:47):
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Speaker 2 (27:35):
Has presented the Emerson Andy Shall transcribed and directed by Cliffowl.
This is the CBS Radio Network
Andy. You know what that music scene, Yes, sir, Amos
that music say good health to all from rex.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
All The Amos and Andy Show Transcribed Written by Joe
Connelly and Bob Moser, featuring Ernestine Wade, Johnny Lee, Amanda, Randolph,
Corney Anderson, Jeff Alexander's Music Yours Truly, Harlow Wilcox and
(00:32):
starring Radios all time favorites Freeman Gosden and Charles Carrell
Amos and Andy.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
How do you do, ladies and gentlemen? I am Freeman Gosden.
You know, Charles Carella and I have been partners for
a long time. There are some things we agree on
and some we don't, but we always talk it out.
Maybe that's why we have such good friends.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
But there is one matter on which we definitely agree,
and that is that for real economy, we can always
rely on our rex Al druggist. We're always sure that
our money buys more in a rex Al store, and
we know you will agree with us if you start
trading at your rex Al family Druggist. Well, the Kingfisher's wife,
(01:32):
Sapphire and her mother went to the bank this morning
and have just returned to the apartment with a stack
of papers and legal looking documents.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
So far? Was you and your mama bringing all that
stuff home from our safety deposit box.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
Because you didn't pay the rate on it?
Speaker 5 (01:48):
Yeah, we was evicted from that to your bum.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
And me, and we're gonna have to keep all these
valuables around the hosier.
Speaker 6 (01:57):
What you're talking about valuables? The only thing valuable in
here is mama's twenty five hundred dollars engagement ring, and
mama can keep that from her dress a drawer. That
ring is the only thing of value.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
What you mean? Now? Look right here, there's four hundred
dollars worth.
Speaker 6 (02:11):
Of war bonds, Yes, but there are wild bars from
the Spanish American War.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
Yeah, and on top of that there's David Barcelona US
our Spain was gonna win.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Well, I got a bad trip. Somebody told me that
Admirals Duer's first name was Jose. There's other valuables down.
What is this thing right here? What is it say
here properly?
Speaker 6 (02:38):
Did that's that crazy lot with that shack on it
you brought up in Connecticut ten years ago?
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Yeah? Well almost made my fortune on that. If people
wanted to buy it to put up that big Monmouth hotel.
Speaker 6 (02:50):
Yeah, but just like all your deals, you held out
for two bigger price.
Speaker 5 (02:53):
Yeah, and the hotel wound up by building that place
a mile away on the other side of the highway,
your big, bad headed boom.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Thank you, mamma, Thank you for them sweet thoughts. Think
how I felt it was a bad break for me.
That cabin of mine must be in pretty bad shit
by now. Tho. I ain't done a thing to the
players in five years. You know, if I fix it
up at it might not make a bad summer cottage
for somebody.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Well.
Speaker 6 (03:21):
If you can sell that overgrown lot and broke down
cabin to anybody.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
You is a genius. Now wait a minute. Chairs you
ever heard of the Louisiana presses.
Speaker 6 (03:29):
You mean when Napoleon sold the United States Louisiana for
fifteen million dollars.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yeah, you've been down there, see all them swamps and
buy you in the flooded land angine.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Yeah, I seen it.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Unlessen the boy that lost the Battle of Water Lucas
swing a deal like that, Think what a future there
is for me in the real estate business. Me. I
guess south Ire was right. I just had that ad
in the paper for two days now. I guess nobody
(04:00):
wants to buy that cabin up in Connecticut. I ain't
had one nibble. If I could get a fish to bite,
one little nibble, one fish high, kingfish, and the brown
welcome to the aquarium, King fink. Well, I was just
thinking about your boy, you know, and the h This
(04:24):
is the time of year when the robin red breast
wings its way north, when the swallows return to their
homes in the trees, the pigeons to their roost, and
the doves to their nests. Kingfish, what as you get mad?
You're trying to sell me a box of them stale
bird eggs again. And I was sinking with summer coming
on this time that you made your vacation plan. Oh well,
(04:45):
I done made my vacation plans already. Oh you is huh. Yeah,
me and a couple of the other brothers was gonna
take a trip and go camping in the north Woods.
The north Woods. Yeah, it's gonna cost us three or
four hundred dollars, but it'll be worth it. You're going
to the north Woods. You're going behind Nature's iron curtain,
the tree study, Devil's Islands. You infern here that the
(05:10):
woods is dangerous. Well, then they're camping in the woods
is all righty for the experience hunt and trapper, but
it's sure death for their ten defeats who don't know
nothing about it. A neophyte like you. You're gonna campout, huh. Yeah,
we're taking all the equipment, sleeping bags and everything. Sleeping bags.
Huh you mean one of them bags. He crawls into
the night and didn't close the whole thing up with
(05:31):
a zipper. Very dangerous and dangerous. After I zips the
thing up, I safe inside the bag from the rain
and the wild elements and everything. All I got to
do is on zip myself and I want to get
up in the morning. That's it. And you know how
them zippers is, you mean they get stuck sometimes stuck?
(05:55):
And they why the north Woods is full of sleeping
bags that's been kicking around and screaming since last summer.
Must be five or six hundred sleeping bags there hoping
around like Mexican jumping beans. Well, I ain't gonna take
no chances. Then I'll just sleep out in the open,
don't know, huh. With all them ferogious bears around, what
(06:17):
do you mean a fellow explaining to me how all
them bears are team he walks right up and eats
out the car. Yeah, but what he didn't explain to
you is that what they eat out of the cars
is the drivers, doesn't hell, Aura, Aura, And I won't
mess with the bears. Then I'll just go fishing. Fishing.
The summer is the worst time of the year to
(06:38):
go fishing up there. I was afraid of that. That's
when the deadly rattlesnakes come down to the water's edge
to share their rattles. Holy mackerel. If the rattlesnakes loses
their rattles, how they notify you when they about to strike,
Well they do. Send John L. Lewis for around with
no newde I can tell you that you know something, Kingfish,
(07:00):
I'm gonna call off the camping trip. I'll have to
think of some other place to go on my vacation.
Now you say you got four hundred dollars to spend there,
that's right, four hundred dollars. Sit down, bro, Then there,
let me tell you about a cozy cottage and carefree Connecticut.
Sit down, Joe, and what is this in the you
(07:26):
has called off your camping trip to the woods. Yeah,
AMA's my features too tender, me being a neon light
and everything. The bears are eating me right out of
my sleeping bag now and there. What is you talking about?
The bears eating you? What is that? Oh, it's real dangerous.
They comes down to the river every night to shed
the zippers. Yeah, zippers. Yeah, they do that because they
(07:47):
got permission from John L. Lewis. I don't know what
you're talking, but yeah, you was all hot on this
camping trip and they what made you change your mind? Well,
amos I Downe bought a cozy cottage in Connecticut from
the Kingfish for four hundred dollars. Are the Kingfish? Well,
I don't know about this any but I'll tell you
one thing. He was crazy to put up your money
(08:08):
before you see the thing. Make sure he show you
the place. Yeah, that's right, you was right. I'm gonna
call him right away. Oh shure, Andy, don't let him
sell you no pig in the poke. Yeah he must.
I'll tell you one thing this time. If he's trying
to sell me a pig in the poke, I'm going
to give him a poke in the puss. I tell
him good evening. This is your rex Al family druggist
(08:42):
speaking to you for the ten thousand independent druggists who
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(09:03):
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Al Drug Stars everywhere. Now listen, hello, hello, look here,
(09:36):
ain't no sense of shouting me on the telephone. If
you want to see the players, why I'll let you
see it, all right, and all right, all right, we'll
drive up there. Omar, Okay, goodbye. Hmhm you want to
see the players. What a dirty trick to play on me,
Because one I'll never be able to camouflage that dump.
So we'll fall for and oh me, I can't give
(10:01):
him his money back door because if he uh, how
you king, well our conquerence, Jack cal Horn, how you
why you been boy?
Speaker 7 (10:07):
Oh I've been open the park King Fish the Atlantic
segment over there. They rated some fella for feeding the
ducks and donet throw them in jail.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Sued him in jail for feeding the ducks.
Speaker 7 (10:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was putting them out of the
water and feeding him to his ab dail.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
I have a little trouble myself, calt Hoon. I had
a broken down cabin up in Connecticut and I sold
his the hand of a four hundred dollars. Now he
wanted to see the players before he consummated a deal.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 7 (10:38):
Now, that's a sneaky thing for handy to do.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Ain't got the police.
Speaker 7 (10:42):
You sunk the people was gonna buy him put the
hotel on.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yeah that's right. But the double crossman, he built the
Monmouth Hotel about a mile on the other side of
that full lane highway. Wait a minute, I think I
got an idea. Yeah, yeah, well, I look at you.
Speaker 7 (10:56):
Just suppose Andy was to think that the cabin was
part of the hotel property. He was entitled to all
the hotel facilities.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Yeah that's a great idea, boy, Yeah, yeah, that's a
big hotel with a swimming pool, tennis court, golf course
and everything. Yeah. Yeah, that'll sell him on the place.
And then by summer time I'll think of something else
has stole him off. Yeah yeah, hoy, you like that.
And they're getting smart on me. The unexpected always happening
an inn and boy, yeah, I'll say it is.
Speaker 7 (11:24):
Why just to day I got a card from my cousin, Margatroity.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Oh yeah, your cousin Murgatroyd, the Bobster. Yeah yeah, where
is he now?
Speaker 7 (11:33):
Well, Murgatroyd is over in Paris.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Huh. It seemed that he and another.
Speaker 7 (11:37):
Hipster, a friend of his, was sitting having cocktails in
one of them sidewalk cafes in Paris.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Yeah, all of a.
Speaker 7 (11:44):
Suddn that was a big explosion under the street, and
right before their eyes two French workmen come flying out
of an open manhole and went ninety feet.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
In the air. Ninety feet in the air. Yeah.
Speaker 7 (11:56):
His friend turned to Margaretroud and said, dig them to
bo was flying through the air, and Murmur Trod said, yeah, man,
I wonder what they're serving down there.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Well, Kingfish, I must say that this is a wonderful
hotel up here, Hotel Monmouth. They of course it ain't
open yet for the summer there, but you can see
it's a great place. Oh yeah, the nice hotel. Oh yeah.
And if you meet the girl. When it comes to recreation,
where you can tennis court it or you can bridle
path it or shuffle board it. Well, when it comes
(12:41):
to smooching, Kingfish, I rather back porchit the canoe or
down by the summer houser. But listen, you say the
cabin I done boarders on the grounds of the hotel.
Huh oh yes, And there course their you cabin is
a little more private than Dee's right here around the hotel,
right and what we called it vicinally there's huh yeah.
I news that you is the type of fellaw that
(13:03):
enjoys your privacy. Yeah, but I has found that, I
guess more of a kick out of my privacy if
there's people around, show me where the cabin is, all right,
then they roll up your pants leg and follow me.
It's just a hop skipping the jump from here, just
a hop skipping a jump. Well, Andy, here we here's
(13:31):
you love the cabin? Holy Macro, what a trip you say?
It was a hop, skipping a jump. We hopped over
three bob wire fences, skipped across a four lane highway
just ahead of a mac truck, and jumped over that
drainage that they get you. Well, it was worth a trip.
Any there you is, There is your delightful rusty cabin.
(13:51):
That thing there with the holes in the walls and
the roof have gone, well, it's designed that way. End
there what they call Swiss cheese modern. In a place
like that, you can commune with nature. Commune with nature
the way that's falling apart. I'm gonna be able to
commune with the rain, the wind, the flies and the
mosquitoes without ever leaving the house. Say well, come on,
(14:12):
and then let's go in and look at the players.
Come on, look at over the Okay, come on, I'm
going to port you all in, Michael Kingfish. The boards
and them steps is all loose. Well, that's natural. After
the winner, them steps just need a little tightening up.
Open the door. Then, yeah, that door need a little
(14:33):
tightening up too, fell right off. Eh, Well it's made
that way in there not only keeps the wind out,
but it doubles as a surfboard case you want aqua
playing on it in the leak. You see what step inside?
Then there get a load of this rustic splendor we
got here. Say wait a minute, king fish, this place
is a mile from the hotel. How's I gonna get
(14:54):
any service over here? Well? And there the hotels sends
a chamber made over every morning to dust up the place.
You mean, she's got to jump that barbed wire and a
cross that highway to get you.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Any course, with the traffic lights and all the trucks
whizen by, you may miss a couple of changes of
sheets during the summer. That's one of the joys of
rustic living. Yeah, but look here, this is just one
room with a stove. Don't The joys of rustic living
include no bathroom? Well, any like, I say, you use
(15:24):
the facilities of the hotel. You mean, if I want
to take a bath, I got a steeple chase across
that highway in my bathrobe and slippers. Yes, any you
can use any bathroom that's available. There's just one caution
due if he walks in while another fella's taking the bath.
It's against the rules of the hotel for you to
climb in with him.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
You see what I mean.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Listen, kingfish, I ain't gonna take the place. Now wait
a minute, and then you done paid me the money.
You don't mean a deal or this dealer's clothes. You
can't get out of there. Yeah, but wait a minute.
When I made it, I didn't know this place was
such a broke down dunk. Oh didn't know it? Well,
there you is, you stuck right there. Don't forget the
ignorance is nine points of the law. I got you,
boy it. Yeah, that's right. Well, I guess if that's
(16:04):
the law, it ain't nothing nothing to do about it. Oh,
you will love it up here to wind. Yeah, but
I tell you were that chamber maid getting held up
in traffic with my sheets and me having to wait
for the light to change the dagga bath. Look like
I'm going to spend a pretty dirty summer. Let me
(16:26):
get on in my apartments. Yeah, I sure pull the
pairs one on that end. M Well, see the mail
is here, just one letter, let's see, uh, mister George Stevens,
Dear sir, this is to inform you that we are
expanding our prison nine whole golf course, and are interested
in your property across the highway. We are prepared to
(16:50):
pay you to some of three thousand dollars for seeing
kind of Let us know it once. If these terms
meet with your approval signed the Monmouth Hotel Corporation hold
him mackerel three thousand dollars and I don't sold it
to end it for four hundred. Let me get that
boy on the phone and tell him that dealer is off.
Oh oh me, as the Australians say, when the boomerang
(17:11):
hit him in the back of the head, this thing
is done. Took a turn for the worse. I just
hope that hello and the Kingfisher about the cottage. The
dealer is off. I gotta have it back. Well, I'd
be glad to let you have it back, Kingfish, except
for one little thing, one little thing. What's that ending?
(17:31):
I don't change my mind about living up there, and
sold the place to a mister Theodore Nelson for seven
hundred dollars.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
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Speaker 1 (17:52):
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Speaker 4 (18:03):
Sounds wonderful, but it sounds tough too.
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What all is the plan include?
Speaker 1 (18:22):
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Speaker 4 (18:35):
All this must be pretty expensive.
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Again, you're wrong. And Delafield's plan costs less by the day,
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Al drug Stars. Well, then there, here's the cottage, mister
(19:10):
Nelson that you done. The sola too must be up
here now, Yeah, that's right, that must be his car.
He told the real estate people. He's gonna be working
on the place all month getting into shape. Listen, you
think this idea is gonna work and we'll get him
out of here. Well, it's gotta work, and I can't
lose that three thousand dollars at the hotel offerer. Yeah,
But trying to scare him out by telling him there's
building the airport for jet planes on these fields round here.
(19:34):
I don't know if that's gonna work or no. Now listen,
and we got a break. You had a real estate come.
They sell the place to him, and he ain't never
seed you. That's why I go in first, like I said,
And after I got him going, you bust in at
the psychological moment. Yeah, yeah, all right, go ahead, I'll
hide out here by the stoops. Yeah, I man, m
(19:55):
fightening up the door. Yes, Uh, what can I do
for you? You must be mister knows. Allow me to
introduce myself as George Stevens, President, General Manager of the
trans Continental trans European, trans Ocean and Transparent Airlines. The airline. Well,
what has this got to do with me? Oh? Nothing nothing.
I just wanted to get acquainted since we're gonna beat
(20:17):
neighbors neighbors. Oh yeah, uh, we is building an airport
in the cow pasture next to you here. So during
the natural with your place being at the end of
our runway, why we ought to get acquainted.
Speaker 8 (20:29):
What is this My house is at the end of
your runway.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Well, yeah, of course with the small pasture we got there,
we only going to be able to have a runway
eighty feet long. And with us flying the new jet
transports off there, why we bound a run into each
other sooner or later.
Speaker 8 (20:46):
You don't mean to say that by my living here,
my house is in danger from your airplanes.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Well I wouldn't say it was exactly dangerous, But if
you were sleeping here some night and one of them
super jet engines starts climbing in bed, would you don't
stop to shake hands with it? That's all.
Speaker 8 (21:00):
Well, an airport way out here in the country, it
just doesn't seem right to me.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Oh, I realize know, there's a long way from the
city here, but that's the way we in the airlines
do it. You see, we always put the airport way
out in the country. That way we has to hold
the people out there in our buses. Actually, the secret
of the airline is it makes their money on the
bus fare they airplanes just a sidelines. Well, I just
(21:28):
can't believe you're putting an airport out here, ah, Chief Hire, Well, well,
well now it is a coincidence. Now just look who
walked in here, my head pilot. Excuse me, missus Nelson,
I'd like to have you meet the head pilot of
our airlines, near Sighted Brown. How do you do? Yeah? Well,
call Roger contact, keep your flaps down and all that stuff.
(21:51):
What is the trouble, Neil Sighted? I notice that you
wear an a bandage on your head again, oh Sam
old trouble coming in the LaGuardia field. I overshot that
seventeen thousand foot runway again. Shot it hit anything this time? Nees?
I didn't? Yeah, I think so. When I come back
to the field, I noticed they had a three foot
control tower. I wonder if I'm ever going to get
(22:13):
the knack of land of the airplane.
Speaker 8 (22:15):
Hey, just a minute here. You mean you're a licensed
pilot and you overshot the field?
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Well, now, oh, miss Nelson, I can explain this whole
thing to you. You see, he do it all the time.
Last week on our western flate, he missed Los Angeles completely.
It was lucky I had friends in Hawaii by the
way near send it. I think you better be running along.
(22:40):
I'm afaire of all this talk about overshooting the field
with the jetson stuff. Might have scared our neigh of
miss Nelson here. Yeah, well, so long, missus Nelson. I'll
be seeing you, know you will. Yeah. With your house
so close to the runway, me and Mike co pilot
is bound to be dropping in on you one of
these foggy nights. Oh great Pilot Brown, Oh yeah, considered
(23:00):
one of the greatest parlots of all time. Once we
get the right buy focals on him, he gonna be unbeatable.
That I don't know.
Speaker 8 (23:09):
What this is all about, but I'm not giving up
this place. I paid seven hundred dollars for it, and
I'm not giving it up now.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Look here, it's it's it's really a matter of life
and death. I plan.
Speaker 8 (23:20):
I'm spending the summer up here. I am going to
put a lot of money in this place.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Well look here, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
I gonna make your deal that you can't turn down.
Tell you what I'm gonna do. I like you miss Nelson,
and I gonna give you money back. No go, Well,
now listen, I tell you what I'm gonna do. I'll
make it the highest price I can make you. And
this is my last offer, but you gotta take it.
I'll give you one thousand dollars if you vacated right away.
Speaker 8 (23:43):
One thousand dollars.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Yes, well, let me see.
Speaker 8 (23:46):
Okay, but I want to catch by the first thing
in the morning.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
No delay? Oh yah? So yeah, So I'll raise the
money somewhere and I'll have it here the first thing
in the morning. Yes, sir, I'll make out.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
Kay.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Fish not so good. I had to agree to pay
him a thousand dollars by the first thing in the morning.
Well what's the difference? You still gonna be two thousand dollars?
I had one way sells it to the hotel for
the golf course. But listen, tell me this, where are
you going to get the money from?
Speaker 4 (24:12):
You?
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Was even spent the money that I paid you? Now
look at and I gon't raise it somewhere. I desp
but I can't miss out on this three thousand dollars
offer from the Monmouth Hotel. Yeah, but say, you know,
there's just one thing that bothers me in this whole thing?
Or what is that end? Why would a hotel want
to put a golf course so close to our air?
Oh no, well, come on in my apartment, and I
(24:38):
want to tell Sapphire to Mama about the big deal.
You say you're done to raise one thousand dollars and
paid mister Nelson to move out of the cabin. Huh well, yeah,
give him the money this morning. Now all I does
is to get ahold of the man that's written me
a letter from the Monmouth Hotel. And I has got
all of two thousand bucks to the good.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Is that you, George?
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Yeah that's you Scott. Watch me rubbing this big deal
into them two old coaches. Oh yes me girls.
Speaker 5 (25:05):
Huh see you got bird brain with you?
Speaker 1 (25:08):
How you doing, miss Smith? Well? I got some news
for you two girls. I done made two thousand dollars
profit on that old broken down cabin, and all I
had to do was to raise a thousand bucks to
get it. I was going in and called the man
who written me the letter. Now yeah that mama, ain't
that a ho a?
Speaker 4 (25:25):
How yeah?
Speaker 5 (25:27):
Your poor saf I wanted to play a joke on
you I've rich you that letter off in you the
three thousand dollars, and I signed it to Mama's hotel.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
What ain't that a good way?
Speaker 6 (25:48):
Yes, yes, Mama sure put a fastoon on you.
Speaker 5 (25:51):
Joy, come off, daughter, Let's start dinner.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
The show is leveled up, Anti Kingfish, I got the
idea a lot of the humor is going to go
out of the joke when he finds out that we
are rears a thousand books. How'd you do it? I
pawned mama's twenty five hundred dollars time in Ramo.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
There's no faster acting aspirin maid. That's right, friends, I'm
talking about rex Al aspirin. Laboratory tests prove that, when
taken with water, the five full grains of pure aspirin
in every rex Al tablet are ready to go to
work for you even before they reach your stomach. Yes,
there's no faster acting aspirin made. So take a tip
(26:47):
from Harlow Wilcox. Never ask for just aspirin. Ask for
rex al aspirin at rex all drug stores everywhere. They're
the stores with the orange and blue sign.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, don't forget to visit your rex
All Family Drugs to thank you and good night. See
you next Sunday. Yes, for the one.
Speaker 9 (27:09):
Woman in ten with sensitive skin, there's Karenome the beauty
aids that are hypoallergenic, carefully compounded of fine, pure mild ingredients,
safe for most sensitive skin.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
There's a safe, pure Karenome beauty aid for every possible need,
created especially.
Speaker 4 (27:25):
For the one woman in ten with sensitive skin, and.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Sold and rex Al drug stores everywhere. Your rex Al druggist.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Has presented the Emerson Andy Shall transcribed and directed by Cliffowl.
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