Off in the Clouds

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Chapter three of and Iron Tales by John Bangs. This
LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Off in the
clouds now, the point to be decided, said the left
hand Iron, after he and his companions had been flying
through space for some time, is where we are going.

(00:20):
There are two or three things we can do, and
Tom can have his choice as to which it shall be,
subject of course to my advice, said the right hand Iron,
with a bow to Tom. You can go where you
please if I please see, yes, said Tom. I see,
I can have my way as long as it is
your way, precisely, said the right hand Iron, with an

(00:44):
approving nod. And as you may have heard, precisely means
exactly so you can have your way as long as
it is my way, Which shows how generous I am
fond of my way. As I am, I am willing
to divide it with you. All right, returned turned Tom.
I'm very much obliged. What are the two things we
can do? Well, said the left hand Iron, scratching his

(01:07):
head softly. We can fly up a little higher and
sit down and watch the world go round. We can
take the long jump, or we can visit Saturn. What
was the first asked Tom to fly up a little higher,
or we can get a better view. To sit down
there and watch the world go round. It is an
excellent way to travel. It's awfully easy. In fact, it

(01:28):
isn't you that travels at all. It's the world that
does the traveling. While all you've got to do is
to sit down there and keep an eye on it.
It's like a big panorama, only it's real. And any
time you see a place going by that you think
you'd like to see more of, all you've got to
do is to fly down there and see it. When
you get up higher and sit down, said Tom, what

(01:51):
do you sit on? You sit on me and I
sit on my hind legs, of course, said left hand iron.
Don't you know anything? Of course I do, said Tom, indignantly.
I know lots of things. Then I can't see why
you ask such silly questions, retorted the left hand iron,
what do we sit on? Why? You might just as

(02:11):
well ask a dog what he barks with, or a
lion what he eats his breakfast with, And that would
be as stupid as the poker's poem on sandwiches? Did
the poker write a poem on sandwiches, asked Tom. Eight
of 'em returned the left hand iron. The first of
them went this way. He sat upon a lofty hill
and smoked his penny pipe. Ha quoth the passing whip?

(02:34):
Or will the oranges are ripe? The other seven went
like this, observed the right hand iron. The day was over,
and the sixteen little darkies then found they were in
a dreadful fix like several other men. There isn't anything
about sandwiches and those poems, said Tom, with a look
of perplexity on his face. No, that's where the stupidity

(02:57):
of it comes in. He wrote those poems in called
them all sandwiches just to be stupid, and it was stupid.
But what did he want to be stupid for, asked Tom.
Just his vanity, that's all, said the right hand iron.
The poker is a very vain person. He thinks he
is superior to everybody else in everything. If you say
to him the gas fixture is bright tonight, he'll say, oh, yes,

(03:21):
but I'm brighter. Someone told him once that the kindling
wood that started the fires was stupid, and he wouldn't
even stop his bragging. Then, oh yes, he said, but
I'm a great deal stupider than the kindling would, and
I'll prove it. So he sat down and wrote those
verses and called them all sandwiches, and everybody agreed that
he was the stupidest person going. You only told me

(03:42):
two of em, said Tom. No, the whole eight were there.
To make it more stupid, the poker said that the
first one was number five, and the second the other seven.
Tom smiled broadly at this and made up his mind
to cultivate the acquaintance of the poker. He was boy

(04:02):
enough to like stupidity of that sort because it made
him laugh. I'd like to meet the poker, he said.
He must be lots of fun. He is, said the
left hand iron ten acre, lots of fun. You'll meet
him soon enough, because we shall join him shortly. We
never go off on any of our trips without him.

(04:24):
He has great help sometimes when we get into trouble,
just because he has so many sides. If we fall
into a pit through some misstep, the poker comes along
and pries us out of it. If we fall into
the hands of some horrible creature that wants to hurt us,
the poker talks to that creature as stupid as he
knows how, which makes the other so drowsy that he

(04:47):
can't possibly keep awake. And then of course we escape. There.
He is now cried the right hand Iron, putting his
right forepaw up to his ear and listening attentively. I
can hear him singing, can't you. The left hand Iron
stopped short, and Tom strained his ears to hear the
poker's song. For a moment, he could hear nothing, But

(05:10):
then a slight buzzing sound, like the hum of a
bee came to his ears, and in another minute he
could distinguish the words of the song. It was a
song showing that the singer was one of those favored
beings who are satisfied with what the world has given them.
As you will see for yourself when you hear it.
These are the words as they came to Tom's ears,

(05:32):
sung to a soft little air, which the poker made
up as he went along, thereby showing that he was
a musician as well as a poker. Oh, I'm a poker,
bold and free, and I poke the livelong day. I
love the land and I hate the sea, But the
sky and the clouds are there for me. I dote
on the milky way. The clouds are as soft as

(05:55):
a fleecy rug, and as cool as cool can be.
The skies fit into my feet. You're snug, and they
make me feel so blithe and smug that I'm glad
fate made me me. Oh me, ah me. Tis a
lovely fate and a mission great to be like me,
and to love the skies and the clouds, to prize

(06:15):
and to hate the turbulent sea. He he, So I
lift my voice and I loud rejoice that the fates
have made me me. Hello, cried the right hand Iron. Halloa,
called the left hand Iron. That's not my name, came
the voice of the poker, from behind a cloud just

(06:36):
above Tom's head. But I know who you mean, so
I answer, Helloa yourself. Where are you? Cried Lefty here,
called the poker. No, you're not called Righty, You're there.
We are here. Well, that's neither here nor there, retorted
the poker, poking his head out through the cloud. Hello,

(06:58):
who have you got there? That is? And Tom is it? No,
it's sleepy head deed dormouse laughed. Lefty good, said the poker,
advancing and shaking Tom by the hand. I was afraid
it was Tom. Not that I'd disliked Tom, for I don't.
I think he is one of the nicest boys I know.
But he weighs a good fifty seven pounds, and so

(07:20):
far we haven't been able to get a cloud strong
enough to support more than fifty six. If Tom were
to come up here and sit on a cloud, he'd
fall through. And if he fell through, you know what
would happen? No, I don't, said Tom, to whom the
poker's remarks were addressed. What would happen? Well, in the
first place, it would spoil the cloud, and in the

(07:41):
second place, if he tumbled into the sea, he'd have
to swim ashore, said the poker sagely. That's why I'm
glad you're young, mister dormouse, and not Tom. Dormice can
sit on the flimsiest clouds we have and not to
break through. What is a dormouse anyhow, asked Tom to
it now occurred for the first time that he had

(08:02):
never seen a dormouse. Oh, jeered righty, as Tom asked
the question. The idea of not knowing what a dormouse is,
he's a mouse with the door to him of course,
said Lefty. Which he keeps closed, said the poker, so
that he will not be disturbed while he is asleep.
Tom tried to imagine what a creature of that sort

(08:23):
looked like, but he found it difficult. Not liking to
appear stupid, he accepted the explanation. Oh, he said, it
must be a very pretty animal. Oh yes, said the poker,
But he isn't as pretty as I can be when
I try my how pretty I can be. But say, andies,
where are we bound to this trip? We've left that

(08:46):
too sleepy head to decide, said Lefty in the usual way,
of course, queried the poker. Oh, yes, he can't decide,
except as we want him to and have it to
go as a real decision. We've given him his choice
of watching the world go round, going to Saturn, or
taking the long Jump. And which will it be, dormy,

(09:07):
asked the poker. I sort of think I'd like to
sit up here and watch the world go round, said Tom. Nope,
said righty. Then let's go to Saturn, suggested Tom. Oh No,
said righty. Not that. Then there's only one thing left,
said Tom, with a sigh, And that's the long Jump.

(09:27):
Whatever that is Tom's three companions roared with laughter. Absurd,
cried Righty. The idea the long jump the only thing left. Hah,
perfect nonsense, laughed Lefty. I never thought Dozy Pate could
be so dull. Well, he isn't anything like as dull
as I can be when I try, said the poker.

(09:50):
He's pretty dull low. I don't see where the joke
comes in, snapped Tom, who did not at all like
the way the antirons and the poker were behaving. If
if there are only three things we can do, and
you won't do two of them, there's only one left.
Ha ha, roared Lefty. Poor dull dormouse, said Righty, with

(10:10):
a smile that was half of mirth and half sympathy.
You are evidently a dormouse with very little education, dormy,
said the poker. If there are three apples on a plate,
one red, one green, and one white, and you are
told to take your pick of the lot, there are
four things you can do, not three? What are they?

(10:31):
Asked Tom meekly. You can take a red one, a
white one, a green one, or all three. See, oh, yes,
said Tom, beginning to smile again. I see you don't
want me to choose watching the Earth go round, or
going to Saturn or taking the long jump. But you
do want me to choose all three. Now you are
talking sense, said Righty, And sense is what we are after.

(10:55):
That's it, said the poker. Now what do you choose, Dormy?
Well three, roared Tom. The dormouse is getting his eyes open,
said Lefty, Which is very proper, put in Righty, For
there is a great deal for him to see, not
so much as there is for me to see, said
the poker. My, what a lot there is for me

(11:17):
to see. The first thing for us to do, said Lefty,
paying no attention to the poker's words, is to get
a good place for us to sit so that sleepyhead
can see the world. There's no better place than this cloud,
said the poker. I've sat here many a time and
studied China by the hour. It's a little too far

(11:38):
away for sleepy head, said Lefty. Dormy mustn't be allowed
to strain his eyes. Never thought of that, said the poker.
Of course I can see a great deal farther than
he can. My how far I can see? What's the
matter with our pushing the cloud in a little nearer
nothing if we can do it, said Righty. But can we?

(12:00):
We can wink our eye and try, as the poet says,
returned the poker ever heard that poem, Dormy no, returned Tom,
that is not that I know of. I've heard lots
of poetry in my life. But it goes in one
ear and out the other. You must have a queer head,
said the poker, peering into Tom's ear. How a poem

(12:21):
poured into one ear can go out of the other.
I can't understand. There doesn't seem to be any opening there.
His head isn't solid like ours, said Lefty. It's too
bad to be afflicted the way he is. He ought
to do the way a boy I knew once did.
He suffered just as Dormy does. You'd tell him a
thing in his left ear, and the first thing you'd know, pop,

(12:43):
it would all come out of the other ear and
be lost. The poor fellow was growing up to be
an Ignoramus couldn't keep a thing in his head until
one night I overheard his father and mother talking about
it in the library. The boy's father wanted to punish
him for not remembering what he learned at school when
his mother said, just what dormy here said that everything

(13:05):
went in one ear and out of the other. Then
they both looked sad, and the mother rubbed her eyes
until the tears came. I couldn't stand that. If there's
one thing in the world I can't stand, it's other
people's sorrows. Mine don't amount too much, but other people's do.
Sometimes I felt so bad for the poor parents that

(13:25):
I racked and racked my brains trying to think of
some way to cure the boy. It took me a week,
but I got it at last, and the next time
the boy's parents talked about it, I took the matter
in hand. I simply walked out to the fireplace where
I was and said, I hope you will excuse the
interference of an andiron, ma'am, but I think your boy

(13:46):
can be cured of his ear trouble, noble fellow, said
the father, after he got over his surprise at my
unusual behavior. What do you suggest put a cork in
his other ear, said I, And they did, and from
that time on the boy never lost a bit of
information any one gave him. He grew up to be
a dreadfully wise man, and when he finally died, he

(14:09):
was known as the human in Cyclopedia. That was a
noble act of yours, said the poker. Did you have
the idea patented? No, said the and iiron I wanted to,
but the patent rules require that a working model should
be sent with a request for a patent for the
patent office to keep, which, of course I couldn't do.

(14:30):
Why not, asked Tom. I couldn't get a boy who
would consent to spend his life in the showcase. I
could get all the corks I wanted, but no boy,
and so I had to give it up, replied Lefty
with a sigh. I'd have been a rich and iron
to day if I could have had that idea patented.
I shouldn't be surprised if I'd hadn't had enough to

(14:51):
have Righty and the poker and myself gold plated. Oh well,
I wouldn't feel bad about that, said the poker. What's
the use you're, bride? Is any gold that ever shined?
And you are quite as useful. Gold may be worth
more than you are, but what of it. The people
who bought you are willing to change their gold for you,
so that really puts you ahead. As for myself, I

(15:13):
wouldn't be gold if I could gold pokers aren't worth
anything as poker's. And what's more, if I were gold,
Tom's father would lock me up in the safe every night.
Than then I couldn't travel about the way I do.
Never thought of it in that light, said Lefty. I'm glad,
I'm brass after all. But you were going to tell
us a poem, weren't you, asked Tom? Yes, said the poker.

(15:38):
It's a simple little verse, but there's a good deal
of fine advice in it. All it says is if
you're in doubt, if you can do a thing someone
has asked you too, don't sit down and moan and
cry because you can't, but wink your eye and try.
There's good advice enough for a lifetime in that dormy,
said the right hand iron. And let's see if we

(16:00):
can move the cloud. The four little creatures set out
at once to push the cloud nearer to the earth
so that Tom could see the latter going around more clearly.
But their efforts were in vain. The cloud wouldn't budge
an inch. No use, said the poker, panting with his exertion.
There is only one thing to do now, and that

(16:20):
is to send for the bellows. If he'll come and
blow in his usual style, we'll have that cloud where
we want it in less than no time. I'd blow
it there myself, for I am a far better blower
than the Bellows is my how I can blow. But
I'm out of breath trying to push the cloud. I'll
run back and get the bellows, said Lefty, And I'll

(16:43):
go with you, said Righty. He may not come for one,
but I'm sure he will for two. All right, said
the poker Dormy, and I will wait here for you,
and I'll tell him a story while you're gone. How
will that suit you, Dormy first rate? Said Tom. I
like stories. We'll be back soon, said the right hand Iron,
as he and the others started back after the bellows.

(17:05):
So make your story short, very good, returned the poker amiably.
I'll make it so short that Dormy will hardly know
that it was ever begun. And so Tom was left
sitting on a big cloud way up in the sky
with the poker, which was indeed a very novel position
for a small boy like him to be. In end
of chapter three,