July 17, 2025 • 156 mins
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello, Hello, Hello, beautiful loved ones. This is Grace on
a journey and you are listening to Angelic Healing Express.
(00:36):
Welcome to the newcomer and to those of your returning
my fellow travelers, welcome back. We are happy to have you,
and I am happy to be back again. So we
(01:05):
finally meet again. And I say this because I had
a couple of episodes that I didn't post. I always
(01:31):
acts for guidance and sometimes I receive a lot of healing,
(01:55):
and so the episode is sentimental to me, so to speak.
And I'm granted permission to keep those episodes close to
(02:23):
my heart in God's ears. So this journey has been
flowing wonderfully and my spirit feels good. Information and the
(03:01):
sense of wholeness has returned. It's really a new life
(03:21):
due to some spiritual work that I did earlier. And
although I can mean many things, I'm referring specifically to studying,
(04:10):
I feel that it always has an effect on me.
Where As I learned something new, I find ways to
(04:33):
share it with you. And although today's episode will not
be a summary, because I'll be sharing with my interpretation,
(04:58):
my experiences and discernment and what have you it's still
(05:20):
worth everyone's while. I heard a confirmation outside which reminds
(05:41):
me of some downloads I received, one being that some
(06:03):
of you still had areas in your life that required
your attention when it comes to security. It could be
(06:25):
due to negligence or procrastination, or feeling overwhelmed and not
paying attention to the details. If you haven't noticed the
(06:52):
areas that need more security, it's very likely that it'll
happen in the near future. And obviously there are changes
(07:14):
that you will invest in to be in the space
that God wants you to be. There's a need for
(07:37):
alignment connecting to your protection, your personal space, your safe space.
(08:08):
Others of you will be receiving messages of who not
to trust now. The reason I bring this to your
(08:37):
attention is because in my case, I I know a
majority that I should not trust. But the reason I
still bring this to your attention there were others that
(09:03):
are now identified. Fortunately I don't have the second guess
what God tells me if he tells me. Listen, God,
in the past, when you told me, I didn't see
(09:27):
the signs as clearly as I do today, and so
I don't need to retake this class I get it
so blindly I trust you and declutter and these individuals
(09:58):
don't even know yet. Fortunately it's not a large quantity.
But I'm very grateful for the protection of God because
(10:28):
sometimes you question people's motives, like what really would you
be getting out of that? Like it doesn't even make
any sense. But I had to remind myself that we
(10:51):
all have different priorities, and although I don't feel the
need to discredit them regarding their choices, I do understand
(11:29):
what's important to me is not what is important to them.
And I'm very proud of myself today that I set boundaries,
that I enforced them that the first time is the
(11:58):
last time. With a world full of choices to make,
we all get to pick one, and in my case,
(12:20):
that will always be in alignment to self respect. It's
the principle of the matter. I expect to be treated
how I treat others. It doesn't matter who considers my
(12:45):
expectations to be high or not. If I know that
I'm a true friend, I'm not talking about a seasonal friend.
(13:07):
I'm not talking about someone that I don't invest in.
(13:32):
Whether your title is friend, your title is family, your
title is acquaintance, your title is coworker. None of that
matters to me because I respect all those that are
(13:56):
in my care. I don't negotiate your welfare. I don't
jeopardize your life, your core, your spirit, your wellness, your rehabilitation.
(14:35):
And I stand on that that this is my season
to receive what I've spent a lifetime giving. I treat
(15:03):
people accordingly to the energy that they spew on me.
(15:27):
I don't like negative energy. I don't like drama. I
don't like back and forth. In fact, I'm very unavailable
(15:53):
for conflict. It just so happens in There are moments
you get cornered. There are moments you have to speak
up for yourself. There are moments you have to speak
up for your loved ones. And that's always been the
(16:22):
hat I wore since I was a child. It doesn't
matter what state I'm in. Maybe this is relevant because
I'm having a flashback right now. I remember there was
(16:44):
someone that was in my care and this person got sick.
I remember taking to this person to the emergency room
(17:04):
with some other family members and they was playing games.
Sometimes you go to the emergency room and you tell
them the situation and how grave it is, and they're
(17:24):
talking about things that don't even make sense, like this
is somebody's life we're talking about over here, right, we
have the insurance, we have everything right here, So what's
(17:45):
the problem because we have to go with priorities here.
And they were playing, they were planning up by someone
I loved you. They were playing so I believe I
(18:13):
was seven months pregnant at that time, and I was like,
you know what, please let me behave myself. I I
had to, you know, I had to take it there because,
(18:35):
like I said, I like to be calm. You know
what I'm saying. Sometimes you have to tell them, please
let me behave myself. Please allow me to be calm.
Please let's have a civil conversation. And and if for
(18:58):
some reason you don't like me me, please let me
speak to your supervisor because we all have choices and
there's no need for me to you know, and there's
no need for you to disrespect me either. And one
(19:18):
thing I'm very proud of is after those types of altercations,
when they're telling me about regulations that are relevant to
the present situation. Even after such altercations, I always mentioned,
(19:41):
I don't have an issue with you. It's not a
personal thing. I want you to know that I may
not agree with those regulations, but that has nothing to
do I'm aware that you didn't make those rules, and
I'm aware that it's I feel even when things don't
(20:08):
necessarily go as smoothly as you would have liked them to.
Part of adulting is being able to see something from
another person's respective and respect where they're coming from and
(20:32):
respect your truth. Me respecting you has nothing to do
with me allowing myself to be bullied or disrespected in
(20:58):
any manner soever. There's always a great area. And I've
shared many times before I have no desire to be perfect.
(21:24):
I've never had that desire to be perfect. But I
have the desire to be better every day. If I
don't feel that I've improved myself in some type of
manner every day, I don't get a good night's dress. Now.
(21:50):
That's me, and that's why I say I'm very tough
on myself, because before I shut my eyes at night,
I feel my angels off. Before I shut my eyes
at night, I have to know why I see progress
in this area, and it doesn't have to be obsessively
(22:10):
like Okay in your career. This happened in your family.
This happening. It could be something minor. It could be
something I did for myself, a compliment I gave myself,
(22:32):
or when I saw myself in the mirror I smiled back.
It's about progress. It's always been about progress, not perfection.
(22:53):
You see, I'm an artist. Art is not per and
that's what makes it so beautiful. The flaws is what
makes it unique. The flaws is what connects to you.
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It's what holds the stories that bring meaning and sometimes decoding.
And this is one of the reasons why I love nature,
because everything in nature is free to be. There isn't
(23:47):
a necessity to conform to Every rock has to be great,
All sam has to be beige. Some sand is black.
For those of you that we're not aware of that,
(24:08):
there are beaches with black sands, and understanding that bodies
of water majority of the time, if you don't swim,
(24:29):
you sink. And I enjoy watching nature channels and seeing
different parts of the world where you can experience going
into a body of water that is saturated with salt
(24:50):
and the water is deep, yet you float, you cannot sink.
You know, sometimes I question, even though you know you
(25:14):
can't sink because of the saturation of the salt. Like
you gotta be courageous to still be comfortable in a
(25:38):
body of water that is that deep. And sometimes they
have tunnels like never ending, you know, holes under the
water and you don't even know where they lead to.
And these people are so comfortable. Oh we're fine here,
you know, nobody can sink here and whatever. But I
(26:07):
smile because I know myself, I love adventure. There are
things I would be willing to try that people say,
(26:33):
that's not a thing that people like us do, you know,
but it makes me alive. It makes me high in
(26:57):
spirit to experience newness, new cultures, new peoples, new cuisines,
and due to the fact that I've never found Thank
(27:29):
you God. I'm thinking God for my blessings, because there
(27:50):
was gonna be something that I was gonna share with you,
and I realize that's no longer my story. There was
a time it was hard to believe that I could
(28:21):
be in the energy of someone that is as adventurous
as I am. For God knew that would assist in
(28:50):
areas that would offer complemental nurturing. So there's a lot
of doors that God's opened for me that I'm very
(29:23):
grateful for. I want those of you that we're targeted
to know I stand with you those of you that
(29:51):
we're Sometimes and seasons in your life where you felt
that no other human being can or will ever understand
my truth stemming from being targeted. You go to a
(30:37):
psychiatrist or psychologist or therapists and you share certain events
going on confirmation and they asks you what medicalation are
(31:00):
you due to cultural ignorances, lack of awakening and you're
(31:39):
not connecting spiritually. So sometimes you feel like, oh, I
need the help of a professional. I'm going through a lot,
and if I have a professional, maybe that will help me.
But some professionals people, i'm'a tell you straight up, cause
(32:01):
I don't have the fried. In fact, this is why
I am my counselor I am my therapist. I'm not
advising you to do that at all. But God has
(32:29):
afforded me the ability to heal myself. I've experienced enough
years of talking it through with others that I retained
so that I retained the coping skills that they would
(32:53):
still be reciting to me and I would still need
to effectively implement in my behaviors in order to experience
(33:14):
a progressive change. Like I said, I'm not suggesting that
therapists are not necessary. Psychologists counselors. Actually I recommend it.
(33:38):
I recommend it, but only someone that has been under
the care of a counselor as long as I have
would be able to understand what I'm trying to explain
to you. There comes a point where you've been there
(33:58):
for so long, you're you know everything they're gonna say.
It's like you can tell yourself. And besides that, I
also have a degree that offers me enough knowledge in
(34:19):
psychology and therapy, and the careers that I've always been
attracted to and in turn had the ability to experience
also offered me training regarding counseling and group facilitation and
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so forth. So there are many ways you can still
get therapy without it being one on one. For example,
group therapy is not a support group. I want to
clarify that it's not a support group. Those are two
(35:04):
different things, but it could supplement in case you didn't
have what was needed to invest in taking group therapy.
(35:25):
It's more expensive, in other words, to take group therapy
than it is to go to a support group. Most
support groups just offer you the option of whatever you're
able to donate. You know, so there are a plethoro
(35:48):
way of ways to receive treatment, and it is always
your choice. Although I'm encouraging it, I'm trying to tell
you that I'm aware of those that have tried to
(36:11):
make the effort to receive assistance from a professional and
when they connect with them, they don't understand. They begin
scratching their head like should I add on to the diagnosis?
(36:31):
Is it getting more serious? And this has nothing to
do with illness. This has something to do with the
natural process of awakening. There's nothing that is disorderly about awakening.
(36:56):
In fact, those that are trying to suppress your ability
to process the truth, it's because they are benefiting from
(37:16):
you lacking knowledge. I just feel that the more spiritually
gifted you are, the more difficult it can be when
it comes to receiving the type of care that you're seeking.
(37:57):
In areas of mental health, you have to be very
careful what you say, and at the same time, you
have to be honest at your appointments. You can't lie
(38:20):
because if you're lying, then you can't receive the help
you need. So those of you that are going through that,
because I feel as if I'm talking about this, it's
probably because some of you are going through that. If
you find yourself in situations where you don't feel comfortable
(38:43):
with talking to your therapist or your counselor whatever you
call them due to a disconnect in crucial areas, whether
it's the area truality. Sometimes religion is also a disconnect culture, beliefs,
(39:15):
at systems, etc. New beginning. All right, I just received
the sign and when I looked over at the clock,
that's what that angel number means. New beginning. So what
I'm telling you right now will offer you a new
(39:38):
beginning as you select a mental health professional that is
beneficial to your wellness. If you begin to be selective
(40:00):
considering these tips that I'm giving you, you will experience
a new beginning. You'll experience change. You may even end
up liking and appreciating that therapist. Okay, So that's good news.
(40:30):
That's good news, And that's why it's important to be
your own advocate, Okay, when it comes to your wellness,
but also in areas of your personal life, in areas
(40:56):
of business, your career issues connecting to parenting and so
forth consider your needs, because it's in the considera of
in the consideration of your needs, that you'll be able
(41:18):
to afford yourself. These accommodations necessary to bring your best
self and perform responsibly, whether it is in areas like
(41:47):
parenting or for example, if we're considering parenting and you
know that you're dealing with depression, anxiety, or what have you,
(42:09):
there are community resources out there that you can reach
out to that can assist you with case managers right
that are funded for that to assist those in the
mental health population. They can assist you even with parenting.
(42:43):
These case managers. Okay, if your child needs certain services
or certain supplies or what have you, these case managers
can assist you. They can if you're having issues with
(43:07):
providing nutrition in variety for your children, they can help
you with food banks. They can help you with vouchers.
(43:28):
If you don't have a vehicle, they can assess you
with bus passes. The reason why a lot of people
don't have help is because they don't want to ask
for it. And the other reason is because of their priorities.
(44:00):
What they need to aks for they're not aksing for,
and what they don't need to aks for. They're acting for.
Even if you find yourself in a scary place, cause
(44:20):
sometimes you can't get out of bed, you so depressed,
whatever you're going through, Like I said, call these numbers,
call your information hotline, their community services. And some of
you are in fear because you feel like, oh, social
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workers will get involved. I don't want nobody taking my
kids away. Like I'm taking a deep breath, because when
(45:17):
it comes about when it comes to children, they need
healthy parents. And sometimes we may feel you're afraid of this,
(45:44):
and you're afraid of that, but especially in their youth,
they need a chance to live a healthy life because
(46:10):
whatever they're being exposed to can affect them, sometimes for
the rest of their life. I used to know an
individual whose mom was depressed all the time, like she
(46:39):
couldn't even get up to make breakfast in the morning.
She said her mom didn't comb her hair. Sometimes the
teachers had pity for her and they combed the hair.
(47:01):
She grew up to be a loving person. However, I
(47:22):
noticed certain areas where she was underdeveloped in certain things
that she also knew that she didn't know. She didn't understand,
she didn't know how to do, and led her to
(47:45):
have very low self esteem. This caused her to take risk.
(48:10):
And like I said, this was a very loving person,
a very good person, a very intelligent person as well.
So she took a risk with someone and she experienced
(48:43):
a trauma. She didn't have the confidence built in her.
She didn't have the faith or the belief that I
(49:06):
am somebody you know, And then she started going to
counseling and so forth. So you may look at your
(49:30):
kids now, and they may be five or seven or
eight or whatever, and you think they'll forget about it.
They may forget about it for a little while, but
they experience triggers that give them flashbacks, especially when they
(49:55):
have their own kids, a lot of memories back, and
then resentment builds up. So if they remember anything, you
(50:15):
want them to remember that they saw you putting effort
in trying to get better. I will never be shy
about saying that depression is something that has been around
(50:44):
for too long in my life. But the fortunate thing
is I now possess the skills necessary to apply myself
(51:07):
as a responsible adult. I'm not codependent. I realized that
it wasn't the counseling that was gonna help me alone.
(51:35):
It was the decision that I wanted more and I
was gonna do what I needed to do to experience more.
So if that meant facing certain pains that I would
(52:04):
have preferred to forget, then that's what I had to do.
I say that a lot to those in my circle.
(52:37):
I don't know about you, but one of the reasons
why people that have suffered from I can only speak
about my experience. I know there are several other diagnoses
out there, but one of the reasons you keep pushing
(53:06):
a lot of the times, it's not for yourself. It's
for the people you love. And I remember when I
was experiencing a very difficult time, God took me back
(53:26):
to my childhood, or I made promises to myself when
I grow up, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna behave
like this, I'm gonna do this, And I'm like, I
(53:47):
gotta keep those promises that I made. Sometimes you already
made those promises when you were younger. You just need
to remember in order for me to achieve this, this,
(54:12):
and that, I have to take this step and this
step and this step. I was never one to be
comfortable in the sense of relying on others because I
(54:32):
always knew it is human to error, so I never
planned on Okay, well, if I'm in this kind of relationship,
then this, well supposed it didn't work out, you know.
(54:53):
So I don't make my decision based on players. I
make my decisions based on my commitment to what I'm
aiming for, and everything else is just God's favor that
(55:24):
keeps me in the momentum of sanity, because if you're
just relying on well, somebody owes me this, or someone
has this title, so they should do this. People let
you down every day. Are you kidding me? I've had
(55:47):
a lifetime learning that all your eggs in one basket
(56:09):
like I do, because that basket offers me assurance. Then
your reason why all my eggs are in one basket
today is because God never lies. God never lies. And
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this is my own personal experience. This is not what
I've read alone. This is not what I've heard from
friends or from a pulpit. This is what I know
to be true. If God told me such and such,
(57:08):
I don't care what it looks like. You hear me,
I said, I don't care what it looks like. If
God said it, that's all he needs to do. I'm
(57:34):
a hold on to it until it happens. And that's
why I always arrive at my prayer request, because when
you build a relationship with God, you begin to understand
him and you begin to recognize his patterns, and you know,
(58:07):
just like he said this, and he did this, and
frequently I aksed God to connect the dots, like I've
been receiving a lot of downloads connecting the dots things
(58:29):
that I've never seen before in the sense that they
were having a connection. And I'm like, wow, So that's
what that means, and this is what happens, and this
is why I know why I know that because of this,
(58:51):
And like I said, there's a d difference from just
praying to God and rather than talking to God. Because
you have both opportunities, why not take both. The more
(59:24):
connected you are, the more guidance you receive. Earlier, I
(59:50):
mentioned I wanted to title today's episode the Reset because confirmation,
because if I am able to awaken you to this healing,
(01:00:29):
it will change your life. But in order for me
to do this, I'm gonna have to be more emotional
than I feel comfortable with being. But one of the
(01:00:54):
w reasons why that I'm so favored. It's even though
those moments when I'm hesitant in being emotional, cause I'm
(01:01:15):
like in a calm place, So why disturb it? God
answered my prayers? Why disturb it? It's because God knows
that as much as I want my healing, I want
(01:01:52):
your healing. I want others to heal. So although I
(01:02:13):
stay away from the word sacrifice, my vulnerability is my
offering to God, my vulnerability and sharing my experiences. My
(01:02:56):
victory is my mountains, my valleys. How God took me
out of the fire. I can only be what I am,
(01:03:38):
So I wanna tell you how God took me out
of the fire. There was a time that I was
very angry. You see, I'm a very select the person.
(01:04:01):
I don't allow everybody in my circle, and those who
know me know that it is at a very gradual pace.
I don't push up on people, and I don't like
(01:04:24):
it when people push up on me. Let it happen naturally.
So when I open up to you, it's because I
(01:04:57):
made space for you. See, when people have had experiences
(01:05:29):
that change the trajectory of their life, it changes them.
And I haven't changed more than once enough times that
(01:05:55):
my new beginning has finally arrived. I've mentioned in my
youth is when I began to hesitate on the idea
(01:06:24):
of marriage, And that's because I saw the grown ups
around me, and they weren't happy. There's a lot of commotion, disloyalty,
(01:06:54):
disconnect in religion. In areas of spirituality. I witnessed those
that were underdeveloped in areas of maturity, others that just
(01:07:34):
didn't care enough, wondering why they got married anyway, Because
(01:08:04):
if you're going to prioritize the connections that you've had
before you get married, then why get married. It's that easy.
(01:08:30):
So when I saw the misfortune of how many adults
were disappointed with the experience of marriage, I said, nah,
(01:08:51):
I would never allow such and such. I will never
stay committed to such and such. I would never. I
would never. I would never. Then, when I get a
little older my teenage years, I get redirected by my
(01:09:13):
cousins a couple of years maybe ten years older than me,
and so he saw it from another perspective that an
honest woman should be married. So he redirected me in
(01:09:40):
my decision making. But I always had confirmation the experience
(01:10:15):
of witnessing of watching others experience misery due to the
(01:10:46):
contract of marriage. So when I go to college, that's
the farthest thing from my mind. Besides, I was raised
to get an education first. So those times that I
(01:11:18):
did receive proposals, there was one of 'em. I didn't
even consider it. No, I can't I'm not finished with school.
(01:11:43):
And it wasn't even about when I'm finished with school,
then we can. It was that's my focus period. Then
(01:12:07):
I got older, and then I noticed my friends getting married.
I'm like, oh, I guess this is something we do
around this age group. But still I was very selective. No,
(01:12:30):
I don't want this, and I don't want that. I
wanna live a happy life. I don't wanna argue. I
don't want So when the season came that I was
(01:12:55):
willing to consider something always came out. They always got
caught up in some type of lie or And when
(01:13:17):
I'm saying lie, I mean like it's not even necessarily
to get into all these details, but enough for me
(01:13:46):
to lose trust in them. Sometimes these lies were like
they weren't even important, Like you don't even know why
the person lied about it, because I didn't even know
you when such and such happened, so why would you
have to hide that or you know? So when I
(01:14:11):
finally did get married, I didn't get married for play.
I would've never gotten married for play because I grew
up with understanding when you get married, it's something you
(01:14:37):
stay committed to. I believe that's one of the reasons
why I was so selective, because I know I didn't
wanna be in any connection where I would be experiencing
(01:14:58):
domestic violence or someone that was addicted to cheating or
baby mama drama. So in order to attract alignment, I said,
(01:15:20):
let me just be honest and tell them everything, whether
they wanna hear it, confirmation, whether they wanna hear it
or not. I'm gonna introduce myself. That has always been
(01:15:43):
my strategy, cause I felt like, in order for something
to work, you gotta introduce yourself because you can't act
for the rest of your life, but you can be
authentic for the rest of your life. So when might
(01:16:04):
do that? Although there were many other things that interfered,
(01:16:25):
and reason to believe there was never any hope in
that connection due to the intentions of the parties involved,
and money and thirst and so forth. I did my
(01:17:07):
part in my offering as a teammate and more than
(01:17:29):
what was expected of me. Cause I figured if I
waited longer and later on in life, I might as
well just find a way to be mature about the
(01:18:01):
situation and God would handle the rest. I know, I
was unhappy because it's certain things that I was confirmation,
certain things I was hearing after the marriage, like I
don't love you. One day, I'll grow to love you
(01:18:27):
and such. I would have never made a commitment with
somebody who felt they didn't love me. I was lied
to and told that I do love you, and then
after marriage, no I don't. That was the first detachment.
(01:18:47):
By the way, See, a woman doesn't have to tell you,
they just show you, especially if I tell you I
love you and then you don't respond. Child. I've had
(01:19:19):
people I met one time I didn't say two times,
like I've been to the mall before, and people tend
to just start up conversations with me, and I recall
(01:19:48):
when a particular conversation ended, I was like, bye, it
was nice talking to you, and yes, the conversation it
is pleasant, But I wasn't gonna say I love you,
(01:20:09):
you know. I did enjoy the client. I mean I
stayed long enough, like probably ten more minutes than I
had to. But I know what those words mean to me,
So I felt very uncomfortable when that individual said I
(01:20:32):
love you. I felt like I was put in a
position to respond, but I felt if I did, it
(01:20:53):
wouldn't be authentic because I can't hide how I feel.
And then I told myself that you love everybody. I
had this internal conversation with myself. I said, you love
(01:21:19):
anybody anyway, because God made everybody, so it's not really
a lie, cause that's the thing too. I don't want
to lie to you, right, so I prefer not to
answer if I have to lie. But given the situation
(01:21:40):
that I was in, I was like, thank you, love you.
But I had a whole conversation inside because of those
three words. The nature of the conversation we were having
(01:22:07):
had nothing to do with flirtation whatsoever. They had to
do with the fact that he learned what I was
doing for a living, and I learned what he was
doing for living, And because he's farther along in that
(01:22:31):
project and showed me this is my work, this is
what I've done, and such and stuff and I was like, Wow,
I'm impressed, and he's like, if you're interested in what
have you, I can do this, I can do that.
(01:22:51):
And so yeah, I was an interesting conversation because of
the fact that it was my dream. I was talking
about my dreams, right, So that was the passion that
was portrayed if it was felt right. So and funny
(01:23:29):
thing is we didn't even we didn't even reconnect. I
really pay attention to science. Something happened when I got home,
(01:23:54):
and because it happened, something happened with my phone, And
because because it happened, I said, nah, I'm not supposed
to work with that person. Like I pay attention to signs.
So even though something may appear, you know, to look
a certain way or whatever, I'm not going to move forward.
(01:24:23):
Just earlier today I was gonna do something and then
I asked for guidance. I said, Angels, I'm considering to
do this, but you know my hesitation, but just give
me a sign. Give me a sign, yes, give me
(01:24:44):
a sign. No. I'm just gonna go with whatever you say.
And the kind of sign that I was looking for
due to the fact that I'm having a human experience,
I was looking more for a sign that was related
(01:25:07):
to hearing someone say yes in my household, or watching
TV and hearing someone say no, or something like that,
or opening a book and seeing But that's not what happened.
There was something I was gonna use and it left
(01:25:34):
my hand. I don't have to hear yes and I
don't have to hear no. The fact that it left
my hand, the fact that I had that conversation just before,
is telling me and it's brand new. It's telling me no.
(01:26:00):
So I threw it away just like that because I
understand today. I could use my eyes, I could use
my glasses, I could use my understanding and still not
see something that's very important. I was feeling ify about it.
(01:26:38):
Whenever you're feeling ify about something due to where you're
connecting something to the vibe there. You know what I'm saying,
the vibe of where I came in contact with it,
And I said, I don't know. Then I got the sign.
(01:27:03):
You know. I feel like I'm sharing some details, but
(01:27:35):
it's not easy for me to open up about how
I was able to reset myself so after experiencing so
(01:27:59):
much betrayal, because I allowed myself to open up to
(01:28:20):
who I thought was a husband in truth, and the
things that I learned that were set about me that
(01:29:00):
I never displayed in my character other than feeling shocked
(01:29:27):
because I never saw that side of him. I never
(01:29:47):
experienced him calling me a prostitute, and the accusations of
(01:30:40):
having abortions when in my entire life I had one
pregnancy and one child, biological child. And then to take
(01:31:36):
it farther when I learned that my name was being
brought into circles and discussions were made concerning my physical appearance,
(01:32:52):
my hygiene, my intellectual abilities, my mental health status, my
(01:33:25):
financial constraints. All these stories that were fabricated with lies
(01:34:05):
that people believed, and some of those people are no
longer with us. They died with that interpretation of me.
(01:34:49):
That I was a dirty person, that I was bad luck,
(01:35:14):
that I had one night stance, that I had body odor,
(01:35:51):
that I wasn't in shape, that I was beneath him.
(01:36:16):
All of those moments of truth felt like bleeding being
(01:36:44):
slashed with a whip. And as I was saying, being bleeding,
tried to come out after being awakened to the fact
(01:37:22):
that others said they slept with me when I don't
even know who they are. That people have been photoshopping
(01:37:42):
pictures of me, claiming I do porn, using my picture
(01:38:21):
to make appointments and advertisements for prostitutes. Every tear that
I cried, I gave it to God. I lifted my
(01:38:50):
fingers up to God and I called judgment. You see,
(01:39:15):
the thing is, you don't have to like me. You
don't have to think I'm beautiful. You don't have to
think I have nice features. You don't have to be
(01:39:37):
attracted to me. You don't have to want me to
be alive. But you have to leave me alone. My
(01:40:12):
name was forged, scams were done with my name. Police
reports were done in request for restraining orders for people
(01:40:36):
I don't know. I gotta know you to know where
you live. I gotta chase you to not wanna let
(01:40:57):
go of you. When I'm the same woman that accepted
I'm gonna leave you because my parents said that I
need to No, it was confirmation. It wasn't just parents.
(01:41:22):
My family said. My son said it's taken too long.
My mom said this, my cousin said this. I really
(01:41:47):
didn't want you to go to my cousin's house because
they don't like Hatian people. They don't like dark skinned people.
It was blue after the blue, after the blue, And
(01:42:09):
the truth I never shared is due to my lack
of knowledge concerning the dark at that time, I had
(01:42:32):
false expectations appearing real. There were times either he slipped
up or his family members slipped up. Does so and
(01:42:58):
so know what f family we come from? And I
knew they were referring to demonic associations, because why would
someone make any type of commentary like that. When I
(01:43:23):
met the person, he said he was a pastor's kid,
I didn't know he was rooted in that type of bloodline,
but we learned. And so when I heard his cousin
make a mention of that, and then after we got
(01:43:49):
married that, yeah, my father is a pastor, but my
mom is not really that involved because she goes to
another church. And I'm thinking to myself, if you're a
pastor's wife, that's interesting that you choose to go to
another church. And well, my mother, she knows, she knows things.
(01:44:15):
She she was hinting she was spiritual, she knows things.
So little by little I was picking up what I
(01:44:35):
found myself in, and so I knew there was possibility
of spiritual warfare in any chance of discarnect. But what
sealed it is when he was on the phone with
(01:44:59):
his mom and and said something about, well, if Grace
did this, I would do this, and I would do
that like some cruel things, some very cruel, cruel, cruel.
And I was sitting on the same bed, and I
(01:45:24):
asked them, what were you talking about. Well, my mom
said that someone had a vision that you would leave me,
and this, this and that. So all of that was
(01:45:47):
connected with false expectations, appearing real in the knowledge that
(01:46:15):
he would be willing to do this, this, this, this, this,
and not to me if I ever left him. I
knew I was in danger. I knew I was in
danger even before he left my house. And actually he
(01:46:48):
got put out because he had everyone living in torment.
And then one day someone in my household says, I
can't deal with this anymore. I can't deal with this anymore.
(01:47:12):
He'll kill me. He'll kill me. This individual was afraid
to drink from anything in the fridge or eat from
anything from the fridge because she kept on having dreams
of him turning into there's a show. I believe it
(01:47:39):
was out. I don't know if it was developed in
the sixties or the seventies. I think it was called
the the Incredible Hulk. If you have a dream or
(01:48:00):
where you see an individual and then you see his
face changing and him turning green, and his like the
body is busting out of the seams, and you know
he has some type of entity on him. So I
(01:48:27):
really was never in the dark like people thought. I
was moving carefully confirmation. I was already certified from a
(01:48:58):
domestic violence program. At that program, they taught us how
to leave a man without being killed. Even he can testify.
(01:49:22):
I had a lot of bags with me in my
car in case I would have to leave and go
somewhere else. I had everything I needed in my car,
but I had to prepare myself mentally and physically and emotionally,
(01:49:47):
training myself to detach from my abuser. Well, from the
abuser is not mine, nothing from the abuser point of correction.
(01:50:13):
So in order to maintain my piece, I always felt
I needed to be prepared, prepared, prepared, and due to
my efforts, a feeling I needed all of these things
(01:50:37):
around me. He would ridicule me. He came in the
spirit of division, in the spirit of chaos. I never
(01:50:58):
experienced so much drama in my household until he can
(01:51:22):
He was doing spell work to create chaos in my
household so I could be divided from family members. I
could be against them and they could be against me,
so I would lose support from others. Those were the
(01:51:44):
beginning efforts to isolate me. It began with my family,
and then because I was very dedicated and passionate about
(01:52:06):
my work, he always would make remarks about my work
that I should find something else to do. I shouldn't
do what I'm doing, even though I found it gratifying
and the pay was paying my way, taking care of
(01:52:34):
my bills, affording the opportunities to climb the ladder as
a speaker, a motivational speaker, of group facilitator, a teacher.
But he wanted me to find something that he deemed
(01:53:02):
to be less menial to affect my self esteem in
his mind and suggestions. He brought up CNA Home health aid. Oh,
(01:53:35):
because you would make more money? Would I would make money,
but not necessarily more money what I made in the hour.
Out what I was doing. I probably would have made
(01:53:56):
a day at certain facilities. I wasn't trained in that area,
and that wasn't my preference, but he was always telling me,
you need to find another job, because if you find
another job, then we could have money. Then I could
(01:54:17):
pay the lawyer fees. Then we could buy this, then
we could go on a vacation, then we could It
was always everything was on me. I wasn't enough because
everything was on me, everything, all the bills. As I've
(01:54:52):
shared before, I'd never even gotten a birthday card from
the ninety nine since door, I've never had a flower
from the ground. He came to take, steal, and destroy,
(01:55:26):
one of the reasons why I am being granted this
new beginning. When he was in need and needed lawyer fees,
(01:56:00):
I would assist him, I'll pay you back. I'll pay
you back. I'll pay you back with my inheritance money,
(01:56:32):
my father's money. He never repaid my father's money. Meanwhile,
(01:57:04):
he lived where I was in my family home, never
paid rent, never paid a bill, never paid for food,
(01:57:45):
and my ancestors all over the walls watching him freeload
(01:58:10):
on a mission to kill. And I'm going to have
to rewind because my grandmother wants me to rewind cause
I said my father's money it was originally her money,
(01:58:33):
then it was my father's money. Then it was my money.
So he has issues with many ancestors. The act of
(01:59:00):
stealing it and never repaying it when you said you
was going to repay it comes with a debt, and
when I asked him to pay it, you thought I
(01:59:25):
was going to pay you back. In assistance to his
friends that heard me crying on his speakerphone as they
ridiculed me, he was behind. I was going to say
(01:59:58):
beyond cold, but I said behind. He was behind all
the hardships I was going through because my life was
(02:00:21):
beautiful before I met him. Then when I met him,
everything started to go downhill. And it all began with spellwork.
That's why we have to be very careful when we
(02:00:42):
meet people because they're wearing certain colognes, or they could
put something in your food, or put something in your drink,
or say something, or hug you and say something, or
sit in your car and say something. In many ways,
you are exposing yourself. I was always there for him.
(02:01:24):
Whenever he was sick. I was always there for him.
He didn't have health insurance. I used to give him
(02:01:49):
some of my pills to take for his blood pressure
and skip days, putting my health at risk. For his
blood pressure. And when I began having issues and realized
(02:02:19):
that I had to take my medication as it was ordered,
I was aksed to send money to Jamaica to get
medication from his doctor. It's interesting, h When I said
(02:02:53):
that water started running down the dream I was being dreamed.
(02:03:42):
I was being dreamed for a very long time. Notice
how long that water is running. And in all of this,
(02:04:06):
it's not because I was stupid. It's not because I
was dumb. It's because I believe in building. I'm a builder,
(02:04:29):
and I try to consider people's circumstances. I never had
to deal with immigration or finding a lawyer for that,
or not being able to get a interview, not being
(02:04:58):
not being in a possession pos not having possession of
proper identification. And because my parents migrated to this country,
(02:05:35):
I had a soft spot for immigrants. But I learned
a lot from this experience that even if you want
(02:05:55):
to help somebody, they don't have to appreciate it. Us
(02:06:18):
not staying together, that even sounds gross to say, is
not the issue. Because I was very unhappy in every area.
(02:06:41):
There was not one area that he offered sunshine, smiles, life.
Everything was dead. First of marriage and you can't perform,
(02:07:14):
and you say it's because you're not attracted to me
first week of marriage. How was a woman supposed to
feel when you never had to be attracted to me?
(02:07:47):
With or without you, I would be loved. Yes, I
have family, I have friends, I have coworkers, I have acquaintances.
But I'm saying by a man.
Speaker 2 (02:08:05):
There would be a man that would love me, that
would honor me, that would respect me, that would choose me,
that would cherish me.
Speaker 1 (02:08:45):
Thank you God, Thank you God. It's amazing how my
mood could change just when I think of God's favor. So,
(02:09:20):
in the end, if I had body odor, if my
skin was too dark, if my features weren't European enough,
(02:09:41):
if my hair wasn't slick enough, if my style wasn't
flashy enough, if my hips were not wide enough, if
(02:10:10):
I was less than, if I was boring in the
bedroom as you said, if I was all the other
(02:10:39):
labels that you freely gave me that I didn't deserve.
I know today that's what saved me. I know today
(02:11:13):
that's what gave me a new life. You see, you
don't know what it is to be loved until you're loved,
and at the time I really didn't know. I'll be honest,
(02:11:41):
I didn't know. But today I know. Today I speak
(02:12:08):
the same love language with my future. And God answered
(02:13:06):
my prayers just like a accident. After the dark night
of the soul that I experienced from the last betrayal,
there were parts of me that felt I would never
be able to trust like that again. So in my prayers,
I said, God, I know that you said you're gonna
(02:13:28):
send someone for me. I'm remembering that conversation confirmation. What
(02:14:13):
I'm about to say would surprise some of you. He's
more than what I expected for, but an I didn't
(02:14:35):
aks God to Finally, there's a message coming in. Let
me see what it is before I finish that statement. Well,
(02:14:56):
I'm being guided to keep that between me and God.
(02:15:23):
But I smile. I'm able to see everything I experience
(02:15:45):
because none of it matters anymore. Your disgust for me
doesn't matter because as I look in this mirror, I
(02:16:25):
like what I see. I love my features. I love
(02:16:48):
my hyper pigmentation. That you said makes me look dirty.
You actually took your finger and rubbed it against my neck.
(02:17:12):
I thought you was dirty. I want you to know.
(02:17:37):
I remember all of that, and I still release it.
(02:17:58):
I still understand that even in your ignorance, you can
still regret the day you decided trashing me made you cool.
(02:18:59):
I don't have anyone in my circle like that anymore.
No one's ashamed of how dark I am. No one's
(02:19:23):
afraid of others knowing that we're connected in some way.
Noah's wow. I was gonna say, no one is complaining,
(02:19:50):
but I said, no one n o Ah See. I
have everything I need in my arc, and from the
(02:20:14):
view I'm getting, I see people drowning in their emotions.
Whether you thought I was too dumb, she's crazy, she's retarded,
(02:20:41):
she's slow, she's poor, so much poverty. She doesn't come
from a good breed you do. She's a nobody. You
(02:21:07):
can do better than that. I know that's not your type.
You like girls like me. Last I heard some believed
(02:21:45):
the Devil was handsome. But even after everything I expect,
there are certain words. I'm not even going to lower
(02:22:10):
myself to state about your appearance. I'm'a let you believe
what you wanna believe. Just know it was never your
looks heard that gate close, it was never your looks
(02:22:43):
that could get you inside of the gate. I look
for more. Your looks can't love me. It can't care
(02:23:08):
for me. It can't appreciate me, It can't keep me companying.
It can't protect me, It can't defend me. It can't
be loyal to me, It can't respect me. People have
(02:23:40):
different tastes, and without degrading you, I repeat, it was
never your looks. I've dated taller. Oh There's so many
(02:24:30):
other things I could say, and I'm referring to what
you praise, which is vanity. I smiled. Yeah, it's not necessary,
(02:25:14):
it's not so how did I reset myself? Even though
you introduced me to the monster inside of you? I
(02:25:38):
know that monster knows the truth. So even if it's
just the truth, it's enough. MM with my truth, And
(02:26:21):
today I am free, just like that, free to smell good,
free to look good, free to be attractive, free to
(02:26:45):
be smart. Two confirmations. So a double confirmation is definitely
a standing confirmation. And the fact that someone wanted to
come in is telling me that that monster inside of
(02:27:18):
you wants to come in from outside of the gate.
And this time my eyes is falling on the mirror.
(02:27:47):
This time I'm too beautiful. My skin is too sun kissed,
(02:28:11):
my hair it's too soft to the touch. My body confirmation,
(02:29:10):
it's too purified. My reputation has been revived. My funds
(02:29:52):
come from celestial territory, unlimited, whenever mandatory. My health even
(02:30:21):
better than ever, and I got the records to prove it.
I'm in a very happy place, very peaceful place, a
(02:30:45):
very loving place. And although I don't know how you
will move from this place in your season, I'm loving
(02:31:21):
where I am in my life. I'm grateful to God
for everything, for my new beginning, for my reset. All
it took was the truth to accept even you are
(02:31:50):
everything that you are to day, you see the truth.
(02:32:20):
I'm whole, I'm complete, and I'm still me. I am
everything God says. I am nothing more and certainly nothing less.
(02:32:48):
Grace upon grace upon grace is God's will for my life,
because love is my inheritance. I cut chords with all people, places,
(02:33:10):
things that carry energies that are no longer in alignment
with my free will and my highest good. I disconnect
from all objects, all material that is used to send
(02:33:48):
me harm. I disconnect from all pictures I posted on
social media. I disconnect from all articles of clothing that
(02:34:11):
were stolen from me. I disconnect from all of my
hair that was stolen from me, all to invest in
doing voodoo dolls to torture me. I disconnect from anything
and everything, past, present, future, in all realms, in all dimensions,
(02:34:35):
in all space and time that caused any harm to
me or my family, including jewelry, glasses, hats, undergarments, everything
(02:34:55):
that was stolen. I called back all my energy that
was illegally ciphering from me. I called back all of
my gifts, all of my fortune, all of my protection,
all of God's favor. I closed all doors and all
(02:35:25):
portals and all entrances that lead to me all my
loved ones. Now the doors, the portals, the entrances are shut. Confirmation,
(02:35:50):
sealed and secured. Be free,
Hello, Hello, Hello, beautiful loved ones. This is Grace on
a journey and you are listening to Angelic Healing Express.
(00:36):
Welcome to the newcomer and to those of your returning
my fellow travelers, welcome back. We are happy to have you,
and I am happy to be back again. So we
(01:05):
finally meet again. And I say this because I had
a couple of episodes that I didn't post. I always
(01:31):
acts for guidance and sometimes I receive a lot of healing,
(01:55):
and so the episode is sentimental to me, so to speak.
And I'm granted permission to keep those episodes close to
(02:23):
my heart in God's ears. So this journey has been
flowing wonderfully and my spirit feels good. Information and the
(03:01):
sense of wholeness has returned. It's really a new life
(03:21):
due to some spiritual work that I did earlier. And
although I can mean many things, I'm referring specifically to studying,
(04:10):
I feel that it always has an effect on me.
Where As I learned something new, I find ways to
(04:33):
share it with you. And although today's episode will not
be a summary, because I'll be sharing with my interpretation,
(04:58):
my experiences and discernment and what have you it's still
(05:20):
worth everyone's while. I heard a confirmation outside which reminds
(05:41):
me of some downloads I received, one being that some
(06:03):
of you still had areas in your life that required
your attention when it comes to security. It could be
(06:25):
due to negligence or procrastination, or feeling overwhelmed and not
paying attention to the details. If you haven't noticed the
(06:52):
areas that need more security, it's very likely that it'll
happen in the near future. And obviously there are changes
(07:14):
that you will invest in to be in the space
that God wants you to be. There's a need for
(07:37):
alignment connecting to your protection, your personal space, your safe space.
(08:08):
Others of you will be receiving messages of who not
to trust now. The reason I bring this to your
(08:37):
attention is because in my case, I I know a
majority that I should not trust. But the reason I
still bring this to your attention there were others that
(09:03):
are now identified. Fortunately I don't have the second guess
what God tells me if he tells me. Listen, God,
in the past, when you told me, I didn't see
(09:27):
the signs as clearly as I do today, and so
I don't need to retake this class I get it
so blindly I trust you and declutter and these individuals
(09:58):
don't even know yet. Fortunately it's not a large quantity.
But I'm very grateful for the protection of God because
(10:28):
sometimes you question people's motives, like what really would you
be getting out of that? Like it doesn't even make
any sense. But I had to remind myself that we
(10:51):
all have different priorities, and although I don't feel the
need to discredit them regarding their choices, I do understand
(11:29):
what's important to me is not what is important to them.
And I'm very proud of myself today that I set boundaries,
that I enforced them that the first time is the
(11:58):
last time. With a world full of choices to make,
we all get to pick one, and in my case,
(12:20):
that will always be in alignment to self respect. It's
the principle of the matter. I expect to be treated
how I treat others. It doesn't matter who considers my
(12:45):
expectations to be high or not. If I know that
I'm a true friend, I'm not talking about a seasonal friend.
(13:07):
I'm not talking about someone that I don't invest in.
(13:32):
Whether your title is friend, your title is family, your
title is acquaintance, your title is coworker. None of that
matters to me because I respect all those that are
(13:56):
in my care. I don't negotiate your welfare. I don't
jeopardize your life, your core, your spirit, your wellness, your rehabilitation.
(14:35):
And I stand on that that this is my season
to receive what I've spent a lifetime giving. I treat
(15:03):
people accordingly to the energy that they spew on me.
(15:27):
I don't like negative energy. I don't like drama. I
don't like back and forth. In fact, I'm very unavailable
(15:53):
for conflict. It just so happens in There are moments
you get cornered. There are moments you have to speak
up for yourself. There are moments you have to speak
up for your loved ones. And that's always been the
(16:22):
hat I wore since I was a child. It doesn't
matter what state I'm in. Maybe this is relevant because
I'm having a flashback right now. I remember there was
(16:44):
someone that was in my care and this person got sick.
I remember taking to this person to the emergency room
(17:04):
with some other family members and they was playing games.
Sometimes you go to the emergency room and you tell
them the situation and how grave it is, and they're
(17:24):
talking about things that don't even make sense, like this
is somebody's life we're talking about over here, right, we
have the insurance, we have everything right here, So what's
(17:45):
the problem because we have to go with priorities here.
And they were playing, they were planning up by someone
I loved you. They were playing so I believe I
(18:13):
was seven months pregnant at that time, and I was like,
you know what, please let me behave myself. I I
had to, you know, I had to take it there because,
(18:35):
like I said, I like to be calm. You know
what I'm saying. Sometimes you have to tell them, please
let me behave myself. Please allow me to be calm.
Please let's have a civil conversation. And and if for
(18:58):
some reason you don't like me me, please let me
speak to your supervisor because we all have choices and
there's no need for me to you know, and there's
no need for you to disrespect me either. And one
(19:18):
thing I'm very proud of is after those types of altercations,
when they're telling me about regulations that are relevant to
the present situation. Even after such altercations, I always mentioned,
(19:41):
I don't have an issue with you. It's not a
personal thing. I want you to know that I may
not agree with those regulations, but that has nothing to
do I'm aware that you didn't make those rules, and
I'm aware that it's I feel even when things don't
(20:08):
necessarily go as smoothly as you would have liked them to.
Part of adulting is being able to see something from
another person's respective and respect where they're coming from and
(20:32):
respect your truth. Me respecting you has nothing to do
with me allowing myself to be bullied or disrespected in
(20:58):
any manner soever. There's always a great area. And I've
shared many times before I have no desire to be perfect.
(21:24):
I've never had that desire to be perfect. But I
have the desire to be better every day. If I
don't feel that I've improved myself in some type of
manner every day, I don't get a good night's dress. Now.
(21:50):
That's me, and that's why I say I'm very tough
on myself, because before I shut my eyes at night,
I feel my angels off. Before I shut my eyes
at night, I have to know why I see progress
in this area, and it doesn't have to be obsessively
(22:10):
like Okay in your career. This happened in your family.
This happening. It could be something minor. It could be
something I did for myself, a compliment I gave myself,
(22:32):
or when I saw myself in the mirror I smiled back.
It's about progress. It's always been about progress, not perfection.
(22:53):
You see, I'm an artist. Art is not per and
that's what makes it so beautiful. The flaws is what
makes it unique. The flaws is what connects to you.
(23:18):
It's what holds the stories that bring meaning and sometimes decoding.
And this is one of the reasons why I love nature,
because everything in nature is free to be. There isn't
(23:47):
a necessity to conform to Every rock has to be great,
All sam has to be beige. Some sand is black.
For those of you that we're not aware of that,
(24:08):
there are beaches with black sands, and understanding that bodies
of water majority of the time, if you don't swim,
(24:29):
you sink. And I enjoy watching nature channels and seeing
different parts of the world where you can experience going
into a body of water that is saturated with salt
(24:50):
and the water is deep, yet you float, you cannot sink.
You know, sometimes I question, even though you know you
(25:14):
can't sink because of the saturation of the salt. Like
you gotta be courageous to still be comfortable in a
(25:38):
body of water that is that deep. And sometimes they
have tunnels like never ending, you know, holes under the
water and you don't even know where they lead to.
And these people are so comfortable. Oh we're fine here,
you know, nobody can sink here and whatever. But I
(26:07):
smile because I know myself, I love adventure. There are
things I would be willing to try that people say,
(26:33):
that's not a thing that people like us do, you know,
but it makes me alive. It makes me high in
(26:57):
spirit to experience newness, new cultures, new peoples, new cuisines,
and due to the fact that I've never found Thank
(27:29):
you God. I'm thinking God for my blessings, because there
(27:50):
was gonna be something that I was gonna share with you,
and I realize that's no longer my story. There was
a time it was hard to believe that I could
(28:21):
be in the energy of someone that is as adventurous
as I am. For God knew that would assist in
(28:50):
areas that would offer complemental nurturing. So there's a lot
of doors that God's opened for me that I'm very
(29:23):
grateful for. I want those of you that we're targeted
to know I stand with you those of you that
(29:51):
we're Sometimes and seasons in your life where you felt
that no other human being can or will ever understand
my truth stemming from being targeted. You go to a
(30:37):
psychiatrist or psychologist or therapists and you share certain events
going on confirmation and they asks you what medicalation are
(31:00):
you due to cultural ignorances, lack of awakening and you're
(31:39):
not connecting spiritually. So sometimes you feel like, oh, I
need the help of a professional. I'm going through a lot,
and if I have a professional, maybe that will help me.
But some professionals people, i'm'a tell you straight up, cause
(32:01):
I don't have the fried. In fact, this is why
I am my counselor I am my therapist. I'm not
advising you to do that at all. But God has
(32:29):
afforded me the ability to heal myself. I've experienced enough
years of talking it through with others that I retained
so that I retained the coping skills that they would
(32:53):
still be reciting to me and I would still need
to effectively implement in my behaviors in order to experience
(33:14):
a progressive change. Like I said, I'm not suggesting that
therapists are not necessary. Psychologists counselors. Actually I recommend it.
(33:38):
I recommend it, but only someone that has been under
the care of a counselor as long as I have
would be able to understand what I'm trying to explain
to you. There comes a point where you've been there
(33:58):
for so long, you're you know everything they're gonna say.
It's like you can tell yourself. And besides that, I
also have a degree that offers me enough knowledge in
(34:19):
psychology and therapy, and the careers that I've always been
attracted to and in turn had the ability to experience
also offered me training regarding counseling and group facilitation and
(34:43):
so forth. So there are many ways you can still
get therapy without it being one on one. For example,
group therapy is not a support group. I want to
clarify that it's not a support group. Those are two
(35:04):
different things, but it could supplement in case you didn't
have what was needed to invest in taking group therapy.
(35:25):
It's more expensive, in other words, to take group therapy
than it is to go to a support group. Most
support groups just offer you the option of whatever you're
able to donate. You know, so there are a plethoro
(35:48):
way of ways to receive treatment, and it is always
your choice. Although I'm encouraging it, I'm trying to tell
you that I'm aware of those that have tried to
(36:11):
make the effort to receive assistance from a professional and
when they connect with them, they don't understand. They begin
scratching their head like should I add on to the diagnosis?
(36:31):
Is it getting more serious? And this has nothing to
do with illness. This has something to do with the
natural process of awakening. There's nothing that is disorderly about awakening.
(36:56):
In fact, those that are trying to suppress your ability
to process the truth, it's because they are benefiting from
(37:16):
you lacking knowledge. I just feel that the more spiritually
gifted you are, the more difficult it can be when
it comes to receiving the type of care that you're seeking.
(37:57):
In areas of mental health, you have to be very
careful what you say, and at the same time, you
have to be honest at your appointments. You can't lie
(38:20):
because if you're lying, then you can't receive the help
you need. So those of you that are going through that,
because I feel as if I'm talking about this, it's
probably because some of you are going through that. If
you find yourself in situations where you don't feel comfortable
(38:43):
with talking to your therapist or your counselor whatever you
call them due to a disconnect in crucial areas, whether
it's the area truality. Sometimes religion is also a disconnect culture, beliefs,
(39:15):
at systems, etc. New beginning. All right, I just received
the sign and when I looked over at the clock,
that's what that angel number means. New beginning. So what
I'm telling you right now will offer you a new
(39:38):
beginning as you select a mental health professional that is
beneficial to your wellness. If you begin to be selective
(40:00):
considering these tips that I'm giving you, you will experience
a new beginning. You'll experience change. You may even end
up liking and appreciating that therapist. Okay, So that's good news.
(40:30):
That's good news, And that's why it's important to be
your own advocate, Okay, when it comes to your wellness,
but also in areas of your personal life, in areas
(40:56):
of business, your career issues connecting to parenting and so
forth consider your needs, because it's in the considera of
in the consideration of your needs, that you'll be able
(41:18):
to afford yourself. These accommodations necessary to bring your best
self and perform responsibly, whether it is in areas like
(41:47):
parenting or for example, if we're considering parenting and you
know that you're dealing with depression, anxiety, or what have you,
(42:09):
there are community resources out there that you can reach
out to that can assist you with case managers right
that are funded for that to assist those in the
mental health population. They can assist you even with parenting.
(42:43):
These case managers. Okay, if your child needs certain services
or certain supplies or what have you, these case managers
can assist you. They can if you're having issues with
(43:07):
providing nutrition in variety for your children, they can help
you with food banks. They can help you with vouchers.
(43:28):
If you don't have a vehicle, they can assess you
with bus passes. The reason why a lot of people
don't have help is because they don't want to ask
for it. And the other reason is because of their priorities.
(44:00):
What they need to aks for they're not aksing for,
and what they don't need to aks for. They're acting for.
Even if you find yourself in a scary place, cause
(44:20):
sometimes you can't get out of bed, you so depressed,
whatever you're going through, Like I said, call these numbers,
call your information hotline, their community services. And some of
you are in fear because you feel like, oh, social
(44:40):
workers will get involved. I don't want nobody taking my
kids away. Like I'm taking a deep breath, because when
(45:17):
it comes about when it comes to children, they need
healthy parents. And sometimes we may feel you're afraid of this,
(45:44):
and you're afraid of that, but especially in their youth,
they need a chance to live a healthy life because
(46:10):
whatever they're being exposed to can affect them, sometimes for
the rest of their life. I used to know an
individual whose mom was depressed all the time, like she
(46:39):
couldn't even get up to make breakfast in the morning.
She said her mom didn't comb her hair. Sometimes the
teachers had pity for her and they combed the hair.
(47:01):
She grew up to be a loving person. However, I
(47:22):
noticed certain areas where she was underdeveloped in certain things
that she also knew that she didn't know. She didn't understand,
she didn't know how to do, and led her to
(47:45):
have very low self esteem. This caused her to take risk.
(48:10):
And like I said, this was a very loving person,
a very good person, a very intelligent person as well.
So she took a risk with someone and she experienced
(48:43):
a trauma. She didn't have the confidence built in her.
She didn't have the faith or the belief that I
(49:06):
am somebody you know, And then she started going to
counseling and so forth. So you may look at your
(49:30):
kids now, and they may be five or seven or
eight or whatever, and you think they'll forget about it.
They may forget about it for a little while, but
they experience triggers that give them flashbacks, especially when they
(49:55):
have their own kids, a lot of memories back, and
then resentment builds up. So if they remember anything, you
(50:15):
want them to remember that they saw you putting effort
in trying to get better. I will never be shy
about saying that depression is something that has been around
(50:44):
for too long in my life. But the fortunate thing
is I now possess the skills necessary to apply myself
(51:07):
as a responsible adult. I'm not codependent. I realized that
it wasn't the counseling that was gonna help me alone.
(51:35):
It was the decision that I wanted more and I
was gonna do what I needed to do to experience more.
So if that meant facing certain pains that I would
(52:04):
have preferred to forget, then that's what I had to do.
I say that a lot to those in my circle.
(52:37):
I don't know about you, but one of the reasons
why people that have suffered from I can only speak
about my experience. I know there are several other diagnoses
out there, but one of the reasons you keep pushing
(53:06):
a lot of the times, it's not for yourself. It's
for the people you love. And I remember when I
was experiencing a very difficult time, God took me back
(53:26):
to my childhood, or I made promises to myself when
I grow up, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna behave
like this, I'm gonna do this, And I'm like, I
(53:47):
gotta keep those promises that I made. Sometimes you already
made those promises when you were younger. You just need
to remember in order for me to achieve this, this,
(54:12):
and that, I have to take this step and this
step and this step. I was never one to be
comfortable in the sense of relying on others because I
(54:32):
always knew it is human to error, so I never
planned on Okay, well, if I'm in this kind of relationship,
then this, well supposed it didn't work out, you know.
(54:53):
So I don't make my decision based on players. I
make my decisions based on my commitment to what I'm
aiming for, and everything else is just God's favor that
(55:24):
keeps me in the momentum of sanity, because if you're
just relying on well, somebody owes me this, or someone
has this title, so they should do this. People let
you down every day. Are you kidding me? I've had
(55:47):
a lifetime learning that all your eggs in one basket
(56:09):
like I do, because that basket offers me assurance. Then
your reason why all my eggs are in one basket
today is because God never lies. God never lies. And
(56:40):
this is my own personal experience. This is not what
I've read alone. This is not what I've heard from
friends or from a pulpit. This is what I know
to be true. If God told me such and such,
(57:08):
I don't care what it looks like. You hear me,
I said, I don't care what it looks like. If
God said it, that's all he needs to do. I'm
(57:34):
a hold on to it until it happens. And that's
why I always arrive at my prayer request, because when
you build a relationship with God, you begin to understand
him and you begin to recognize his patterns, and you know,
(58:07):
just like he said this, and he did this, and
frequently I aksed God to connect the dots, like I've
been receiving a lot of downloads connecting the dots things
(58:29):
that I've never seen before in the sense that they
were having a connection. And I'm like, wow, So that's
what that means, and this is what happens, and this
is why I know why I know that because of this,
(58:51):
And like I said, there's a d difference from just
praying to God and rather than talking to God. Because
you have both opportunities, why not take both. The more
(59:24):
connected you are, the more guidance you receive. Earlier, I
(59:50):
mentioned I wanted to title today's episode the Reset because confirmation,
because if I am able to awaken you to this healing,
(01:00:29):
it will change your life. But in order for me
to do this, I'm gonna have to be more emotional
than I feel comfortable with being. But one of the
(01:00:54):
w reasons why that I'm so favored. It's even though
those moments when I'm hesitant in being emotional, cause I'm
(01:01:15):
like in a calm place, So why disturb it? God
answered my prayers? Why disturb it? It's because God knows
that as much as I want my healing, I want
(01:01:52):
your healing. I want others to heal. So although I
(01:02:13):
stay away from the word sacrifice, my vulnerability is my
offering to God, my vulnerability and sharing my experiences. My
(01:02:56):
victory is my mountains, my valleys. How God took me
out of the fire. I can only be what I am,
(01:03:38):
So I wanna tell you how God took me out
of the fire. There was a time that I was
very angry. You see, I'm a very select the person.
(01:04:01):
I don't allow everybody in my circle, and those who
know me know that it is at a very gradual pace.
I don't push up on people, and I don't like
(01:04:24):
it when people push up on me. Let it happen naturally.
So when I open up to you, it's because I
(01:04:57):
made space for you. See, when people have had experiences
(01:05:29):
that change the trajectory of their life, it changes them.
And I haven't changed more than once enough times that
(01:05:55):
my new beginning has finally arrived. I've mentioned in my
youth is when I began to hesitate on the idea
(01:06:24):
of marriage, And that's because I saw the grown ups
around me, and they weren't happy. There's a lot of commotion, disloyalty,
(01:06:54):
disconnect in religion. In areas of spirituality. I witnessed those
that were underdeveloped in areas of maturity, others that just
(01:07:34):
didn't care enough, wondering why they got married anyway, Because
(01:08:04):
if you're going to prioritize the connections that you've had
before you get married, then why get married. It's that easy.
(01:08:30):
So when I saw the misfortune of how many adults
were disappointed with the experience of marriage, I said, nah,
(01:08:51):
I would never allow such and such. I will never
stay committed to such and such. I would never. I
would never. I would never. Then, when I get a
little older my teenage years, I get redirected by my
(01:09:13):
cousins a couple of years maybe ten years older than me,
and so he saw it from another perspective that an
honest woman should be married. So he redirected me in
(01:09:40):
my decision making. But I always had confirmation the experience
(01:10:15):
of witnessing of watching others experience misery due to the
(01:10:46):
contract of marriage. So when I go to college, that's
the farthest thing from my mind. Besides, I was raised
to get an education first. So those times that I
(01:11:18):
did receive proposals, there was one of 'em. I didn't
even consider it. No, I can't I'm not finished with school.
(01:11:43):
And it wasn't even about when I'm finished with school,
then we can. It was that's my focus period. Then
(01:12:07):
I got older, and then I noticed my friends getting married.
I'm like, oh, I guess this is something we do
around this age group. But still I was very selective. No,
(01:12:30):
I don't want this, and I don't want that. I
wanna live a happy life. I don't wanna argue. I
don't want So when the season came that I was
(01:12:55):
willing to consider something always came out. They always got
caught up in some type of lie or And when
(01:13:17):
I'm saying lie, I mean like it's not even necessarily
to get into all these details, but enough for me
(01:13:46):
to lose trust in them. Sometimes these lies were like
they weren't even important, Like you don't even know why
the person lied about it, because I didn't even know
you when such and such happened, so why would you
have to hide that or you know? So when I
(01:14:11):
finally did get married, I didn't get married for play.
I would've never gotten married for play because I grew
up with understanding when you get married, it's something you
(01:14:37):
stay committed to. I believe that's one of the reasons
why I was so selective, because I know I didn't
wanna be in any connection where I would be experiencing
(01:14:58):
domestic violence or someone that was addicted to cheating or
baby mama drama. So in order to attract alignment, I said,
(01:15:20):
let me just be honest and tell them everything, whether
they wanna hear it, confirmation, whether they wanna hear it
or not. I'm gonna introduce myself. That has always been
(01:15:43):
my strategy, cause I felt like, in order for something
to work, you gotta introduce yourself because you can't act
for the rest of your life, but you can be
authentic for the rest of your life. So when might
(01:16:04):
do that? Although there were many other things that interfered,
(01:16:25):
and reason to believe there was never any hope in
that connection due to the intentions of the parties involved,
and money and thirst and so forth. I did my
(01:17:07):
part in my offering as a teammate and more than
(01:17:29):
what was expected of me. Cause I figured if I
waited longer and later on in life, I might as
well just find a way to be mature about the
(01:18:01):
situation and God would handle the rest. I know, I
was unhappy because it's certain things that I was confirmation,
certain things I was hearing after the marriage, like I
don't love you. One day, I'll grow to love you
(01:18:27):
and such. I would have never made a commitment with
somebody who felt they didn't love me. I was lied
to and told that I do love you, and then
after marriage, no I don't. That was the first detachment.
(01:18:47):
By the way, See, a woman doesn't have to tell you,
they just show you, especially if I tell you I
love you and then you don't respond. Child. I've had
(01:19:19):
people I met one time I didn't say two times,
like I've been to the mall before, and people tend
to just start up conversations with me, and I recall
(01:19:48):
when a particular conversation ended, I was like, bye, it
was nice talking to you, and yes, the conversation it
is pleasant, But I wasn't gonna say I love you,
(01:20:09):
you know. I did enjoy the client. I mean I
stayed long enough, like probably ten more minutes than I
had to. But I know what those words mean to me,
So I felt very uncomfortable when that individual said I
(01:20:32):
love you. I felt like I was put in a
position to respond, but I felt if I did, it
(01:20:53):
wouldn't be authentic because I can't hide how I feel.
And then I told myself that you love everybody. I
had this internal conversation with myself. I said, you love
(01:21:19):
anybody anyway, because God made everybody, so it's not really
a lie, cause that's the thing too. I don't want
to lie to you, right, so I prefer not to
answer if I have to lie. But given the situation
(01:21:40):
that I was in, I was like, thank you, love you.
But I had a whole conversation inside because of those
three words. The nature of the conversation we were having
(01:22:07):
had nothing to do with flirtation whatsoever. They had to
do with the fact that he learned what I was
doing for a living, and I learned what he was
doing for living, And because he's farther along in that
(01:22:31):
project and showed me this is my work, this is
what I've done, and such and stuff and I was like, Wow,
I'm impressed, and he's like, if you're interested in what
have you, I can do this, I can do that.
(01:22:51):
And so yeah, I was an interesting conversation because of
the fact that it was my dream. I was talking
about my dreams, right, So that was the passion that
was portrayed if it was felt right. So and funny
(01:23:29):
thing is we didn't even we didn't even reconnect. I
really pay attention to science. Something happened when I got home,
(01:23:54):
and because it happened, something happened with my phone, And
because because it happened, I said, nah, I'm not supposed
to work with that person. Like I pay attention to signs.
So even though something may appear, you know, to look
a certain way or whatever, I'm not going to move forward.
(01:24:23):
Just earlier today I was gonna do something and then
I asked for guidance. I said, Angels, I'm considering to
do this, but you know my hesitation, but just give
me a sign. Give me a sign, yes, give me
(01:24:44):
a sign. No. I'm just gonna go with whatever you say.
And the kind of sign that I was looking for
due to the fact that I'm having a human experience,
I was looking more for a sign that was related
(01:25:07):
to hearing someone say yes in my household, or watching
TV and hearing someone say no, or something like that,
or opening a book and seeing But that's not what happened.
There was something I was gonna use and it left
(01:25:34):
my hand. I don't have to hear yes and I
don't have to hear no. The fact that it left
my hand, the fact that I had that conversation just before,
is telling me and it's brand new. It's telling me no.
(01:26:00):
So I threw it away just like that because I
understand today. I could use my eyes, I could use
my glasses, I could use my understanding and still not
see something that's very important. I was feeling ify about it.
(01:26:38):
Whenever you're feeling ify about something due to where you're
connecting something to the vibe there. You know what I'm saying,
the vibe of where I came in contact with it,
And I said, I don't know. Then I got the sign.
(01:27:03):
You know. I feel like I'm sharing some details, but
(01:27:35):
it's not easy for me to open up about how
I was able to reset myself so after experiencing so
(01:27:59):
much betrayal, because I allowed myself to open up to
(01:28:20):
who I thought was a husband in truth, and the
things that I learned that were set about me that
(01:29:00):
I never displayed in my character other than feeling shocked
(01:29:27):
because I never saw that side of him. I never
(01:29:47):
experienced him calling me a prostitute, and the accusations of
(01:30:40):
having abortions when in my entire life I had one
pregnancy and one child, biological child. And then to take
(01:31:36):
it farther when I learned that my name was being
brought into circles and discussions were made concerning my physical appearance,
(01:32:52):
my hygiene, my intellectual abilities, my mental health status, my
(01:33:25):
financial constraints. All these stories that were fabricated with lies
(01:34:05):
that people believed, and some of those people are no
longer with us. They died with that interpretation of me.
(01:34:49):
That I was a dirty person, that I was bad luck,
(01:35:14):
that I had one night stance, that I had body odor,
(01:35:51):
that I wasn't in shape, that I was beneath him.
(01:36:16):
All of those moments of truth felt like bleeding being
(01:36:44):
slashed with a whip. And as I was saying, being bleeding,
tried to come out after being awakened to the fact
(01:37:22):
that others said they slept with me when I don't
even know who they are. That people have been photoshopping
(01:37:42):
pictures of me, claiming I do porn, using my picture
(01:38:21):
to make appointments and advertisements for prostitutes. Every tear that
I cried, I gave it to God. I lifted my
(01:38:50):
fingers up to God and I called judgment. You see,
(01:39:15):
the thing is, you don't have to like me. You
don't have to think I'm beautiful. You don't have to
think I have nice features. You don't have to be
(01:39:37):
attracted to me. You don't have to want me to
be alive. But you have to leave me alone. My
(01:40:12):
name was forged, scams were done with my name. Police
reports were done in request for restraining orders for people
(01:40:36):
I don't know. I gotta know you to know where
you live. I gotta chase you to not wanna let
(01:40:57):
go of you. When I'm the same woman that accepted
I'm gonna leave you because my parents said that I
need to No, it was confirmation. It wasn't just parents.
(01:41:22):
My family said. My son said it's taken too long.
My mom said this, my cousin said this. I really
(01:41:47):
didn't want you to go to my cousin's house because
they don't like Hatian people. They don't like dark skinned people.
It was blue after the blue, after the blue, And
(01:42:09):
the truth I never shared is due to my lack
of knowledge concerning the dark at that time, I had
(01:42:32):
false expectations appearing real. There were times either he slipped
up or his family members slipped up. Does so and
(01:42:58):
so know what f family we come from? And I
knew they were referring to demonic associations, because why would
someone make any type of commentary like that. When I
(01:43:23):
met the person, he said he was a pastor's kid,
I didn't know he was rooted in that type of bloodline,
but we learned. And so when I heard his cousin
make a mention of that, and then after we got
(01:43:49):
married that, yeah, my father is a pastor, but my
mom is not really that involved because she goes to
another church. And I'm thinking to myself, if you're a
pastor's wife, that's interesting that you choose to go to
another church. And well, my mother, she knows, she knows things.
(01:44:15):
She she was hinting she was spiritual, she knows things.
So little by little I was picking up what I
(01:44:35):
found myself in, and so I knew there was possibility
of spiritual warfare in any chance of discarnect. But what
sealed it is when he was on the phone with
(01:44:59):
his mom and and said something about, well, if Grace
did this, I would do this, and I would do
that like some cruel things, some very cruel, cruel, cruel.
And I was sitting on the same bed, and I
(01:45:24):
asked them, what were you talking about. Well, my mom
said that someone had a vision that you would leave me,
and this, this and that. So all of that was
(01:45:47):
connected with false expectations, appearing real in the knowledge that
(01:46:15):
he would be willing to do this, this, this, this, this,
and not to me if I ever left him. I
knew I was in danger. I knew I was in
danger even before he left my house. And actually he
(01:46:48):
got put out because he had everyone living in torment.
And then one day someone in my household says, I
can't deal with this anymore. I can't deal with this anymore.
(01:47:12):
He'll kill me. He'll kill me. This individual was afraid
to drink from anything in the fridge or eat from
anything from the fridge because she kept on having dreams
of him turning into there's a show. I believe it
(01:47:39):
was out. I don't know if it was developed in
the sixties or the seventies. I think it was called
the the Incredible Hulk. If you have a dream or
(01:48:00):
where you see an individual and then you see his
face changing and him turning green, and his like the
body is busting out of the seams, and you know
he has some type of entity on him. So I
(01:48:27):
really was never in the dark like people thought. I
was moving carefully confirmation. I was already certified from a
(01:48:58):
domestic violence program. At that program, they taught us how
to leave a man without being killed. Even he can testify.
(01:49:22):
I had a lot of bags with me in my
car in case I would have to leave and go
somewhere else. I had everything I needed in my car,
but I had to prepare myself mentally and physically and emotionally,
(01:49:47):
training myself to detach from my abuser. Well, from the
abuser is not mine, nothing from the abuser point of correction.
(01:50:13):
So in order to maintain my piece, I always felt
I needed to be prepared, prepared, prepared, and due to
my efforts, a feeling I needed all of these things
(01:50:37):
around me. He would ridicule me. He came in the
spirit of division, in the spirit of chaos. I never
(01:50:58):
experienced so much drama in my household until he can
(01:51:22):
He was doing spell work to create chaos in my
household so I could be divided from family members. I
could be against them and they could be against me,
so I would lose support from others. Those were the
(01:51:44):
beginning efforts to isolate me. It began with my family,
and then because I was very dedicated and passionate about
(01:52:06):
my work, he always would make remarks about my work
that I should find something else to do. I shouldn't
do what I'm doing, even though I found it gratifying
and the pay was paying my way, taking care of
(01:52:34):
my bills, affording the opportunities to climb the ladder as
a speaker, a motivational speaker, of group facilitator, a teacher.
But he wanted me to find something that he deemed
(01:53:02):
to be less menial to affect my self esteem in
his mind and suggestions. He brought up CNA Home health aid. Oh,
(01:53:35):
because you would make more money? Would I would make money,
but not necessarily more money what I made in the hour.
Out what I was doing. I probably would have made
(01:53:56):
a day at certain facilities. I wasn't trained in that area,
and that wasn't my preference, but he was always telling me,
you need to find another job, because if you find
another job, then we could have money. Then I could
(01:54:17):
pay the lawyer fees. Then we could buy this, then
we could go on a vacation, then we could It
was always everything was on me. I wasn't enough because
everything was on me, everything, all the bills. As I've
(01:54:52):
shared before, I'd never even gotten a birthday card from
the ninety nine since door, I've never had a flower
from the ground. He came to take, steal, and destroy,
(01:55:26):
one of the reasons why I am being granted this
new beginning. When he was in need and needed lawyer fees,
(01:56:00):
I would assist him, I'll pay you back. I'll pay
you back. I'll pay you back with my inheritance money,
(01:56:32):
my father's money. He never repaid my father's money. Meanwhile,
(01:57:04):
he lived where I was in my family home, never
paid rent, never paid a bill, never paid for food,
(01:57:45):
and my ancestors all over the walls watching him freeload
(01:58:10):
on a mission to kill. And I'm going to have
to rewind because my grandmother wants me to rewind cause
I said my father's money it was originally her money,
(01:58:33):
then it was my father's money. Then it was my money.
So he has issues with many ancestors. The act of
(01:59:00):
stealing it and never repaying it when you said you
was going to repay it comes with a debt, and
when I asked him to pay it, you thought I
(01:59:25):
was going to pay you back. In assistance to his
friends that heard me crying on his speakerphone as they
ridiculed me, he was behind. I was going to say
(01:59:58):
beyond cold, but I said behind. He was behind all
the hardships I was going through because my life was
(02:00:21):
beautiful before I met him. Then when I met him,
everything started to go downhill. And it all began with spellwork.
That's why we have to be very careful when we
(02:00:42):
meet people because they're wearing certain colognes, or they could
put something in your food, or put something in your drink,
or say something, or hug you and say something, or
sit in your car and say something. In many ways,
you are exposing yourself. I was always there for him.
(02:01:24):
Whenever he was sick. I was always there for him.
He didn't have health insurance. I used to give him
(02:01:49):
some of my pills to take for his blood pressure
and skip days, putting my health at risk. For his
blood pressure. And when I began having issues and realized
(02:02:19):
that I had to take my medication as it was ordered,
I was aksed to send money to Jamaica to get
medication from his doctor. It's interesting, h When I said
(02:02:53):
that water started running down the dream I was being dreamed.
(02:03:42):
I was being dreamed for a very long time. Notice
how long that water is running. And in all of this,
(02:04:06):
it's not because I was stupid. It's not because I
was dumb. It's because I believe in building. I'm a builder,
(02:04:29):
and I try to consider people's circumstances. I never had
to deal with immigration or finding a lawyer for that,
or not being able to get a interview, not being
(02:04:58):
not being in a possession pos not having possession of
proper identification. And because my parents migrated to this country,
(02:05:35):
I had a soft spot for immigrants. But I learned
a lot from this experience that even if you want
(02:05:55):
to help somebody, they don't have to appreciate it. Us
(02:06:18):
not staying together, that even sounds gross to say, is
not the issue. Because I was very unhappy in every area.
(02:06:41):
There was not one area that he offered sunshine, smiles, life.
Everything was dead. First of marriage and you can't perform,
(02:07:14):
and you say it's because you're not attracted to me
first week of marriage. How was a woman supposed to
feel when you never had to be attracted to me?
(02:07:47):
With or without you, I would be loved. Yes, I
have family, I have friends, I have coworkers, I have acquaintances.
But I'm saying by a man.
Speaker 2 (02:08:05):
There would be a man that would love me, that
would honor me, that would respect me, that would choose me,
that would cherish me.
Speaker 1 (02:08:45):
Thank you God, Thank you God. It's amazing how my
mood could change just when I think of God's favor. So,
(02:09:20):
in the end, if I had body odor, if my
skin was too dark, if my features weren't European enough,
(02:09:41):
if my hair wasn't slick enough, if my style wasn't
flashy enough, if my hips were not wide enough, if
(02:10:10):
I was less than, if I was boring in the
bedroom as you said, if I was all the other
(02:10:39):
labels that you freely gave me that I didn't deserve.
I know today that's what saved me. I know today
(02:11:13):
that's what gave me a new life. You see, you
don't know what it is to be loved until you're loved,
and at the time I really didn't know. I'll be honest,
(02:11:41):
I didn't know. But today I know. Today I speak
(02:12:08):
the same love language with my future. And God answered
(02:13:06):
my prayers just like a accident. After the dark night
of the soul that I experienced from the last betrayal,
there were parts of me that felt I would never
be able to trust like that again. So in my prayers,
I said, God, I know that you said you're gonna
(02:13:28):
send someone for me. I'm remembering that conversation confirmation. What
(02:14:13):
I'm about to say would surprise some of you. He's
more than what I expected for, but an I didn't
(02:14:35):
aks God to Finally, there's a message coming in. Let
me see what it is before I finish that statement. Well,
(02:14:56):
I'm being guided to keep that between me and God.
(02:15:23):
But I smile. I'm able to see everything I experience
(02:15:45):
because none of it matters anymore. Your disgust for me
doesn't matter because as I look in this mirror, I
(02:16:25):
like what I see. I love my features. I love
(02:16:48):
my hyper pigmentation. That you said makes me look dirty.
You actually took your finger and rubbed it against my neck.
(02:17:12):
I thought you was dirty. I want you to know.
(02:17:37):
I remember all of that, and I still release it.
(02:17:58):
I still understand that even in your ignorance, you can
still regret the day you decided trashing me made you cool.
(02:18:59):
I don't have anyone in my circle like that anymore.
No one's ashamed of how dark I am. No one's
(02:19:23):
afraid of others knowing that we're connected in some way.
Noah's wow. I was gonna say, no one is complaining,
(02:19:50):
but I said, no one n o Ah See. I
have everything I need in my arc, and from the
(02:20:14):
view I'm getting, I see people drowning in their emotions.
Whether you thought I was too dumb, she's crazy, she's retarded,
(02:20:41):
she's slow, she's poor, so much poverty. She doesn't come
from a good breed you do. She's a nobody. You
(02:21:07):
can do better than that. I know that's not your type.
You like girls like me. Last I heard some believed
(02:21:45):
the Devil was handsome. But even after everything I expect,
there are certain words. I'm not even going to lower
(02:22:10):
myself to state about your appearance. I'm'a let you believe
what you wanna believe. Just know it was never your
looks heard that gate close, it was never your looks
(02:22:43):
that could get you inside of the gate. I look
for more. Your looks can't love me. It can't care
(02:23:08):
for me. It can't appreciate me, It can't keep me companying.
It can't protect me, It can't defend me. It can't
be loyal to me, It can't respect me. People have
(02:23:40):
different tastes, and without degrading you, I repeat, it was
never your looks. I've dated taller. Oh There's so many
(02:24:30):
other things I could say, and I'm referring to what
you praise, which is vanity. I smiled. Yeah, it's not necessary,
(02:25:14):
it's not so how did I reset myself? Even though
you introduced me to the monster inside of you? I
(02:25:38):
know that monster knows the truth. So even if it's
just the truth, it's enough. MM with my truth, And
(02:26:21):
today I am free, just like that, free to smell good,
free to look good, free to be attractive, free to
(02:26:45):
be smart. Two confirmations. So a double confirmation is definitely
a standing confirmation. And the fact that someone wanted to
come in is telling me that that monster inside of
(02:27:18):
you wants to come in from outside of the gate.
And this time my eyes is falling on the mirror.
(02:27:47):
This time I'm too beautiful. My skin is too sun kissed,
(02:28:11):
my hair it's too soft to the touch. My body confirmation,
(02:29:10):
it's too purified. My reputation has been revived. My funds
(02:29:52):
come from celestial territory, unlimited, whenever mandatory. My health even
(02:30:21):
better than ever, and I got the records to prove it.
I'm in a very happy place, very peaceful place, a
(02:30:45):
very loving place. And although I don't know how you
will move from this place in your season, I'm loving
(02:31:21):
where I am in my life. I'm grateful to God
for everything, for my new beginning, for my reset. All
it took was the truth to accept even you are
(02:31:50):
everything that you are to day, you see the truth.
(02:32:20):
I'm whole, I'm complete, and I'm still me. I am
everything God says. I am nothing more and certainly nothing less.
(02:32:48):
Grace upon grace upon grace is God's will for my life,
because love is my inheritance. I cut chords with all people, places,
(02:33:10):
things that carry energies that are no longer in alignment
with my free will and my highest good. I disconnect
from all objects, all material that is used to send
(02:33:48):
me harm. I disconnect from all pictures I posted on
social media. I disconnect from all articles of clothing that
(02:34:11):
were stolen from me. I disconnect from all of my
hair that was stolen from me, all to invest in
doing voodoo dolls to torture me. I disconnect from anything
and everything, past, present, future, in all realms, in all dimensions,
(02:34:35):
in all space and time that caused any harm to
me or my family, including jewelry, glasses, hats, undergarments, everything
(02:34:55):
that was stolen. I called back all my energy that
was illegally ciphering from me. I called back all of
my gifts, all of my fortune, all of my protection,
all of God's favor. I closed all doors and all
(02:35:25):
portals and all entrances that lead to me all my
loved ones. Now the doors, the portals, the entrances are shut. Confirmation,
(02:35:50):
sealed and secured. Be free,
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