Arms and The Man by George Bernard Shaw - Act 3

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Act three of Arms and the Man by George Bernard Shaw.
This libre vox recording is in the public domain. Act three.
In the Library after lunch, it is not much of
a library, its literary equipment consisting of a single fixed
shelf stocked with old paper covered novels broken back to

(00:24):
coffee stained, torn and thumbed, and a couple of little
hanging shelves with a few gift books on them, the
rest of the wall space being occupied by trophies of
war and the chase. But it is a most comfortable
sitting room. A row of three large windows in the
front of the house show a mountain panorama, which is

(00:46):
just now seen in one of its softest aspects, in
the mellowing afternoon light. In the left hand corner a
square earthenware stove. A perfect tower of colored pottery rises
nearly to the ceiling and guarantees plenty of warmth. The
ottoman in the middle is a circular bank of decorated cushions,

(01:07):
and the window seats are well upholstered. Divans, little Turkish tables,
one of them with an elaborate hookah on it, and
a screen to match them. Complete the handsome effect of
the furnishing. There is one object, however, which is hopelessly
out of keeping with its surroundings. This is a small

(01:28):
kitchen table, much the worse for wear, fitted as a
writing table, with an old canister full of pins, an
egg cup filled with ink, and a deplorable scrap of
severely used pink blotting paper. At the side of this table,
which stands on the right, Blutchley is hard at work,
with a couple of maps before him, writing orders. At

(01:52):
the head of it sits Sergius, who is also supposed
to be at work, but it was actually gnawing the
feather of a pin and contemplating Blenchley's quick, sure, businesslike progress,
with a mixture of envious irritation at his own incapacity
and awe struck wonder at an ability which seems to
him almost miraculous, though its prosaic character forbids him to

(02:15):
esteem it. The Major is comfortably established on the ottoman,
with a newspaper in his hand and the tube of
the hookah within his reach. Catherine sits at the stove
with her back to them, embroadering Rhina. Reclining on the
divan under the left hand window, is gazing in a
day dream out at the Balkan landscape, with a neglected

(02:37):
novel in her lap. The door is on the left,
The button of the electric bell is between the door
and the fireplace. Petkof, looking up from his paper to
watch how they are getting on at the table. Are
you sure I can't help you in any way, Blunchley Blunchley,
without interrupting his writing or looking up, quite sure, thank you, Saronov,

(03:01):
And I will manage it, Sergius grimly, Yes, we'll manage it.
He finds out what to do, draws up the orders,
and I sign him the vision of labor. Major. Blunchley
passes him a paper another one. Thank you. He plants
the paper squarely before him, sets his chair carefully parallel

(03:23):
to them, and signs with the air of a man
resolutely performing a difficult and dangerous feet. This hand is
more accustomed to the sword than to the pen. Pet Cough.
It's very good of you, Blunchly. It is indeed to
let yourself be put upon in this way. Are you
quite sure I can do nothing? Catherine, in a low

(03:45):
warning tone, You can stop interrupting, Paul pet Cough, starting
and looking round at her eh, oh, quite right, my love,
quite right. He takes his newspaper off, but lets it
drop again. Ah, you haven't been campaigning, Katherine. You don't
know how pleasant it is for us to sit here

(04:05):
after a good lunch with nothing to do but enjoy ourselves.
There's only one thing I want to make me thoroughly comfortable, Katherine.
What is that? Petkof my old coat? I'm not at
home in this one. I feel as if I were
on parade, Katherine, My dear Paul, How absurd you are

(04:30):
about that old coat. It must be hanging in the
blue closet where you left it. Pekof, my dear Catherine.
I tell you I've looked there. Am I to believe
my own eyes or not? Katherine quietly rises and presses
the button of the electric bell by the fireplace. What
are you showing off that bell for? She looks at

(04:51):
him majestically and silently resumes her chair and her needlework.
My dear, if you think the obstinacy of your sex
can make a coat out of two old dressing gowns
of Rhina's, you're a waterproof in my macintosh, You're mistaken.
That's exactly what the blue closet contains at the present,

(05:12):
Nikola presents himself. Katherine, unmoved by Petkoff's sally, Nikola, go
to the blue closet and bring your master's old coat here,
the braided one he usually wears in the house. Nikola, yes, Madam.
Nikola goes out Petough Catherine, Katherine, yes, Paul Pekoff, I

(05:37):
bet you any piece of jewelry you like to order
from Sophia against a week's housekeeping money. That the coat
isn't there. Katherine done. Paul Petkoff excited by the prospect
of a gamble, Come, here's an opportunity for some sport.
Who'll bet on it? Blinchly, I'll give you six to one, blunchlely, imperturbably,

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it would be robbing you. Major. Madame is sure to
be right. Without looking up, he passes another batch of
papers to Sergius. Sergius also excited. Bravo Switzerland, Major, I
bet my best charger against an Arab mare for Raina
that Niccola finds the coat in the blue closet, Petkof eagerly,

(06:29):
you're best, Chuck, Katherine hastily interrupts him. Don't be foolish Paul,
an Arabian mayor will cost you fifty thousand levas Raina
suddenly coming out of her picturesque reverie. Really, mother, if
you are going to take the jewelry, I don't see
why you should grudge me my Arab Niccola comes back

(06:50):
with the coat and brings it to Petkof, who can
hardly believe his eyes. Katherine, where was it Nikola Niccola
hanging in the blue closet, Madam Pekof, Well, I am dick,
Catherine stopping him, Paul Petkough, I could have sworn it

(07:12):
wasn't there. Hage's beginning to tell on me. I'm getting
hallucinations to Niccola here, help me change excuse me bluntly,
he begins changing coats, Niccola acting as valet. Remember I
didn't take that bet of yours, Sergius, you'd better give
Reina that Arab steed yourself, since you've roused her expectations. Ehrhena.

(07:37):
He looks round at her, but she is again wrapped
in the landscape with a little gush of paternal affection
and pride. He points her out to them and says
she's dreaming as usual. Sergius assuredly she shall not be
the loser. Petkough, So much the better for her. I

(08:01):
shan't come off so cheap. I expect. Change is now complete.
Nikola goes out with a discarded coat. Ah, now I
feel at home at last. He sits down and takes
his newspaper. With a grunt of relief. Lunchley to Sergius,
handing a paper that's the last s order, pet Cough

(08:22):
jumping up, What finished? Blunchley finished? Pet Cough goes beside
Sergius looks curiously over his left shoulder as he signs,
and says with childlike envy, haven't you anything for me
to sign? Bluchley? Not necessary? His signature will do, pet Cough. Ah, well,

(08:46):
I think we've done a thundering good day's work. He
goes away from the table. Can I do anything more? Blunchley?
You had better both see the fellows that are to
take these to Sergius. Pack them off at once, and
show them that I've marked on the arders the time
they should hand them in by tell them that if
they stop to drink or tell stories, if they're five

(09:09):
minutes late, they'll have the skin taken off their backs, Sergius,
rising indignantly, I'll say so, and if one of them
is man enough to spit in my face for insulting him,
I'll buy his discharge and give him a pension. He
strides out his humanity, deeply outraged. Blnchley confidentially. Just see

(09:32):
that he talks to them properly, Major, will you pet
Cough officiously? Quite right, Blenchley, Quite right, I'll see to it.
He goes to the door importantly, but hesitates on the threshold.
By the bye, Catherine, you may come as well to
they'll be far more frightened of you than of me, Catherine,
putting down her Embroidary, I dare say I had better?

(09:56):
You will only splutter at them. She goes, pet Cough,
holding the door for her, and following her blunchly. What
a country they make cannons out of cherry trees, and
the officers send for their wives to keep discipline. He
begins to fold and dock at the papers. Raina, who

(10:17):
has risen from the divan, strolls down the room with
her hands clasped behind her, and looks mischievously at him. Raina,
you look ever so much nicer than when we last met.
He looks up, surprised. What have you done to yourself? Blunchly,
washed brushed, good night's sleep and breakfast, that's all, Raina.

(10:41):
Did you get back safely that morning? Blunchly, quite thanks, Raina.
Were they angry with you for running away from Sergius's charge?
Blunchly No, they were glad, because then I'll just run
away themselves, Raina going to the table and leaning over
it toward him. It must have made a lovely story

(11:04):
for them, all that about me and my room. Blenchley
capital story. But I only told it to one of them,
a particular friend, Raina, on whose discretion you could absolutely
rely Bluchley absolutely, Raina, humh. He told it to my

(11:26):
father and Sergius the day you exchanged the prisoners. She
turned away in strolls carelessly across to the other side
of the room. Blunchley, deeply concerned and half incredulous. No,
you don't mean that, do you, Raina, turning with sudden eagerness.
I do, indeed, But they don't know that it was

(11:47):
in this house that you hid. If Sergius knew, he
would challenge you and kill you in a jewel Blinchley
bless me. Then don't tell him Raina full of reproach
for his levity. Can you realize what it is to
me to deceive him? I want to be quite perfect
with Sergius. No meanness, no smallness, no deceit. My relation

(12:12):
to him is the one really beautiful and noble part
of my life. I hope you can understand that, Blunchley skeptically.
You mean that you wouldn't like him to find out
that the story about the ice pudding was a a
you know, raina wincing ah. Don't talk of it in

(12:33):
that flippant way. I lied, I know it, but I
did it to save your life. He would have killed you.
That was the second time I ever uttered a falsehood.
Blunchley rises quickly and looks doubtfully and somewhat severely at her.
Do you remember the first time, Blunchley, I no, was

(12:55):
I present? Raina, yes, And I told the officer who
who was searching for you that you were not present?
Bluchly true, I should have remembered it, Raina greatly encouraged Ah,
it is natural that you should forget it first. It
cost you nothing. It cost me a lie, a lie.

(13:18):
She sits down on the ottoman looking straight before her,
with her hands clasped on her knee. Blenchley, quite touched,
goes to the ottoman with a particularly reassuring and considerate air,
and sits down beside her. Bluchley, My dear young lady,
don't let this worry you. Remember I'm a soldier. Now.

(13:41):
What are the two things that happened to a soldier
so often that he comes to think nothing of them?
One is hearing people tell lies, Raina recoils. The other
is getting his life saved in all sorts of ways,
by all sorts of people, Raina rising in indignant protests,
and so he becomes a creature, incapable of faith and

(14:04):
of gratitude. Blunchley, making a wry face. Do you like gratitude?
I don't. If pity is akin to love, gratitude is
akin to the other thing, Raina, gratitude, turning to him.
If you are incapable of gratitude, you are incapable of

(14:25):
any noble sentiment. Even animals are grateful. Oh, I see
now exactly what you think of me. You were not
surprised to hear me lie to you. It was something
I probably did every day, every hour that is how
men think of women. She walks up the room melodramatically, blunchly, dubiously,

(14:48):
there is reason in everything you said. You told only
two lies in your whole life, dear young lady. Isn't
that rather a short allowance? I'm quite a straightforward man myself,
but it wouldn't last me a whole morning. Raina staring
haughtily at him. Do you know, sir, that you are

(15:09):
insulting me? Bluchely? I can't help it when you get
into that noble attitude and speak with that thrilling voice.
I admire you, but I find it impossible to believe
a single word you say, Reina, superbly, Captain blunchly blnchey unmoved. Yes, Raina,

(15:35):
coming a little towards him, as if she could not
believe her senses. Do you mean what you said just now?
Do you know what you said just now? Blenchley? I do,
Raina gasping I I, she points to herself, incredulously, meaning I,

(15:56):
Reina Petcock tell lies. He meets her gaze on. She
suddenly sits down beside him and adds, with a complete
change of manner, from the heroic to the familiar, how
did you find me out, Blunchley promptly instinct, dear young lady,
instinct and experience of the world, Raina, wonderingly, do you

(16:21):
know you are the first man I ever met who
did not take me seriously? Blunchley, you mean, don't you
that I am the first man that has ever taken
you quite seriously? Raina? Yes, I suppose I do mean
that cozily quite at her ease with him. How strange

(16:42):
it is to be talked to in such a way.
You know, I've always gone on like that. I mean,
the noble attitude and the thrilling voice. I did it
when I was a tiny child to my nurse. She
believed in it. I do it before my parents. They
believe in it. I do it before Sergey. He believes
in it Blunchly. Yes, he's a little in that line himself,

(17:06):
isn't he, Reina startled? Do you think so, Blunchley? You
know him better than I do, Reina? I wonder, I
wonder is he if I thought that? Discouraged? Ah? Well,
what does it matter? I suppose now that you've found
me out, you despise me, Blunchly warmly rising, No, my

(17:31):
dear young lady, no, no, no, a thousand times. It's
part of your youth, part of your charm. I'm like
all the rest of them, the nurse, your parents, Sergius,
I'm your infatuated admirer. Reina pleased, really, Blunchley, slapping his

(17:52):
breast smartly with his hand, German fashion hung off huts,
Really and truly, Raina very happy? But what did you
think of me for giving you my portrait? Blnchley astonished
your portrait? You never gave me your portrait, Raina quickly

(18:13):
Do you mean to say you never got it? Blunchley? No.
He sits down beside her with renewed interest and says,
with some complacency, when did you send it to me? Raina? Indignantly,
I did not send it to you. She turns her
hat away and adds reluctantly, it was in the pocket

(18:35):
of that coat, Blunchley, pursing his lips and rounding his eyes. Oh,
I never found it. It must be there still, Reina,
springing up, there still for my father to find the
first time he puts his hand in his pocket. Oh,
how could you be so stupid? Blunchley rising, Also, it

(19:00):
doesn't matter, It's only a photograph. How can he tell
who it was intended for? Tell him he put it
there himself, Raina impatiently, Yes, that is so clever, so clever.
What shall I do, Blenchley? Ah, I see you wrote
something on it that was rash, Raina annoyed, almost to tears.

(19:28):
Oh to have done such a thing for you, who
care no more except to laugh at me? Oh? Are
you sure nobody has touched it? Blunchley? Well I can't
be quite sure. You see. I couldn't carry it about
with me all the time. One can't take much luggage
on active service, Raina. What did you do with it? Blunchley?

(19:52):
When I got through to Peter Wrought, I had to
put it in safe keeping somehow. I thought of the
railway cloak room, but that's the surest place to get
looted in modern warfare. So I pawned it. Raina pawned it, Blenchley.
I know it doesn't sound nice, but it was much
the safest plan. I redeemed it the day before yesterday.

(20:16):
Heaven only knows whether the pawnbroker cleared out the pockets
or not. Raina, furious throwing the words right into his face.
You have a low shop keeping mind you think of
things that would never come into a gentleman's head. Blenchley phlegmatically,

(20:37):
that's the Swiss national character. Dear lady Raina, Oh, I
wish I had never met you. She flounces away and
sits at the window fume. Luca comes in with a
heap of letters and telegrams on her salver and crosses
with her bold free gate to the table. Her left

(20:58):
sleeve is looped up to the shoulder with a brooch
showing her naked arm with a broad gilt bracelet covering
the bruise. Luca, too blunchly for you. She empties the
salver recklessly on the table. The messenger is waiting. She
is determined not to be civil to a servian, even

(21:19):
if she must bring him his letters. Blunchley to Rania,
Will you excuse me? The last postal delivery that reached
me was three weeks ago. These are these subsequent accumulations.
Four telegrams a week old. He opens one, Oh, who
bad news, Raina rising and advancing a little remorsefully bad news, Blunchley,

(21:47):
my father's dead. He looks at the telegram with his
lips pursed, musing on the unexpected change in his arrangements. Raina, Oh,
how very sad Blunchley. Yes, I shall have to start
for home in an hour. He has left a lot
of big hotels behind him to be looked after. Takes

(22:08):
up a heavy letter in a long blue envelope. Here's
a whacking letter from the family solicitor. He pulls out
the enclosures and glances over them. Great heavens seventy two hundred,
in a crescendo of dismay, four hundred, four thousand, nine thousand,

(22:29):
six hundred, What on earth shall I do with them all?
Reina timidly, nine thousand hotels, Blunchley hotels. Nonsense, if you
only knew. Oh, it's too ridiculous. Excuse me, I must
give my fellow orders about starting. He leaves the room
hastily with the documents in his hand. Luca taunting ling

(22:54):
he has not much heart that Swiss. Though he is
so fond of the Serbians, he has not a word
of grief for his poor father. Raina bitterly grief. A
man who has been doing nothing but killing people for years?
What does he care? What does any soldier care? She

(23:15):
goes to the door, evidently restraining her tears with difficulty, Luca,
Major Saranov has been fighting too, and he has plenty
of heart left. Reina at the door, looks haughtily at
her and goes out, Ah, I thought you wouldn't get
much feeling out of your soldier. She is following re

(23:36):
Rena when Nikola comes with an armful of logs for
the fire. Nikola, grinning amorously at her, I've been trying
all the afternoon to get a minute alone with you,
my girl. His countenance changes as he notices her arm.
Why what fashion is that of wearing your sleeve, child,

(23:57):
Luca proudly my own fact, Nikola. Indeed, if the mistress
catches you, she'll talk to you. He throws the logs
down on the ottoman and sits comfortably beside them. Luca,
is that any reason why you should take it on
yourself to talk to me? Nicola? Calm, don't be so

(24:20):
contrary with me. I've some good news for you. He
takes out some paper money. Luca, with an eager gleam
in her eyes, comes close to look at it. See
a twenty live bill. Sergius gave me that out of
pure swagger. A fool and his money are soon parted.
There's tim leave us more. The Swiss gave me that

(24:42):
for backing up the mistresses, and rayin Is lies about him.
He's no fool, he isn't You should have heard old
Catherine downstairs, as polite as you please, to me, telling
me not to mind the major, being a little impatient,
for they knew what a good servant I was, after
making a fool and a liar of me before them,

(25:03):
all the twenty will go to our savings, and you
shall have the ten to spend, if you'll only talk
to me so as to remind me I'm a human being.
I get tired of being a servant occasionally, Luca scornfully. Yes,
sell your manhood for thirty livaus and buy me for ten.

(25:25):
Keep your money. You were born to be a servant.
I was not when you set up your shop. You
will only be everybody's servant instead of somebody's servant. Nikola
picking up his logs and going to the stove. Ah,
wait till you see. We shall have our evenings to ourselves,
and I shall be master in my own house, I

(25:48):
promise you. He throws the logs down and kneels at
the stove. Luca, you shall never be master in mine.
She sits down on Sergeus's chain, Nikola turning still on
his knees and squatting down rather forlornly on his calves,
daunted by her implacable disdain. You have a great ambition

(26:11):
in you, Luca. Remember if any luck comes to you,
it was I that made a woman of you, Luca,
you Nikola with dogged self assertion? Yes, me? Who was it?
Made you? Give up wearing a couple of pounds of
false black hair on your head and reddening your lips

(26:31):
and cheeks like any other Bulgarian girl? I did? Who
taught you to trim your nails and keep your hands
clean and be dainty about yourself like a fine Russian lady? Me?
Do you hear that? Me? She tosses her head defiantly,
and he rises ill humoredly, adding more coolly. I've often

(26:54):
thought that if Rhena were out of the way, and
you just a little less of a fool, and Sir
just just a little more of one, you might come
to be one of my grandest customers, instead of only
being my wife and costing me money. Luca, I believe
you would rather be my servant than my husband. You

(27:14):
would make more out of me. Oh, I know that
soul of yours, Nikola going up close to her for
greater emphasis. Never you mind my soul, But just listen
to my advice. If you want to be a lady,
your present behavior to me won't do it all a
less when we are alone. It's too sharp and impudent,

(27:38):
and impudence is a sort of familiarity. It shows affection
for me. And don't you try being high and mighty
with me either. You're like all country girls. You think
it's genteel to treat a servant the way I treat
a stable boy. That's only your ignorance. And don't you
forget it. Don't be so ready to defy everybody. Act

(28:02):
as if you expected to have your own way, not
as if you expected to be ordered about. The way
to get on as a lady is the same as
the way to get on as a servant. You've got
to know your place. That's the secret of it. And
you may depend on me to know my place if
you get promoted. Think it over, my girl, I'll stand

(28:22):
by you. One servant should always stand by another. Luca
rising impatiently. Oh, I must behave in my own way,
you take all the courage out of me with your
cold blooded wisdom, Go and put those logs on the fire.
That's the sort of thing you understand. Before Nikola can retort,

(28:44):
Sergius comes in. He checks himself a moment on seeing Luca,
then goes to the stove. Sergius to Nicola, I am
not in the way of your work, I hope Niccola
in a smooth, elderly manner. Oh no, sir, thank you kindly.
I was only speaking to this foolish girl about her

(29:05):
habit of running up here to the library whenever she
gets a chance to look at the books. That's the
worst of her education, sir. It gives her habits above
her station to Luca, make that table tidy, Luca for
the major He goes out sedately. Luca, without looking at Sergius,
begins to arrange the papers on the table. He crosses

(29:26):
slowly to her and studies the arrangement of her sleeve reflectively. Sergius,
let me see, is there a mark there? He turns
up the bracelet and sees the bruise made by his grasp.
She stands motionless, not looking at him, fascinated, but on
her guard. Who does it hurt? Luca? Yes, Sergius, shall

(29:52):
I cure it? Luca instantly, withdrawing herself proudly, but still
not looking at him. No, you cannot cure it now,
Sergius masterfully, quite sure, He makes a movement as if
to take her in his arms. Luca, don't trifle with me, please.

(30:13):
An officer should not trifle with a servant. Sergius, touching
the arm with a merciless stroke of his forefinger. That
was no trifle, Luca, Luca, no, looking at him for
the first time. Are you sorry, Sergius with measured emphasis,
folding his arms, I am never sorry, Luca wistfully. I

(30:40):
wish I could believe a man could be so unlike
a woman as that. I wonder, are you really a
brave man? Sergius, unaffectedly, relaxing his attitude. Yes, I am
a brave man. My heart jumped like a woman's at
the first shot. But in the charge I found that
I was brave. Yes, that at least is real about me, Luca.

(31:07):
Did you find in the charge that the men whose
fathers are poor like mine were any less brave than
the men who are rich like you? Sergius with bitter levity,
not a bit. They all slashed and cursed and yelled
like heroes. Pshah. The courage to rage and kill is cheap.

(31:28):
I have an English bull terrier who has as much
of that sort of courage as the whole Bulgarian nation
and the whole Russian nation at its back. But he
lets my groom thrash him all the same. That's your
soldier all over. No, Luca, your poor men can cut throats,
but they are afraid of their officers. They put up

(31:50):
with insults and blows. They stand by and see one
another punished like children. Aye, and help to do it
when they are ordered, and the officers well with a
short bitter laugh. I am an officer. Oh, fervently, give
me the man who will defy to the death any

(32:10):
power or on earth or in heaven, that sets hisself
up against his own will and conscience. He alone is
the brave man, Luca, How easy it is to talk.
Men never seem to me to grow up. They all
have schoolboy's ideas. You don't know what true courage is, Sergius. Ironically, indeed,

(32:33):
I am willing to be instructed, Luca. Look at me,
how much am I allowed to have my own will
I have to get your room ready for you, to
sweep in dust to fetch and carry. How could that
degrade me? If it did not degrade you to have
it done for you but with subdued passion. If I

(32:57):
were Empress of Russia above every one in the world,
then ah, then, though according to you I could show
no courage at all, you should see. You should see, Sergius,
what would you do, most noble Empress Luca, I would

(33:18):
marry the man I loved, which no other queen in
Europe has the courage to do. If I loved you,
though you would be as far beneath me as I
am beneath you, I would dare to be the equal
of my inferior. Would you dare as much if you
loved me? No, if you felt the beginnings of love

(33:38):
for me, you would not let it grow. You dare not.
You would marry a rich man's daughter because you would
be afraid of what other people would say of you.
Sergius carried away you lie? It is not so. By
all the stars. If I loved you, and I would
the Tsar of Russia himself, I would set you on

(34:01):
the throne by my side. You know that I love
another woman, a woman as high above you as Heaven
is above earth, and you are jealous of her, Luca,
I have no reason to be. She will never marry you.
Now the man I told you of has come back.
She will marry the Swiss. Sergius recalling the Swiss, Luca,

(34:27):
a man worth ten of you. Then you can come
to me and I will refuse you. You are not
good enough for me. She turns to the door, Sergius
springing after her and catching her fiercely in his arms.
I will kill the Swiss, and afterwards I will do
as I please with you, Luca, in his arms, passive

(34:49):
and steadfast, the Swiss will kill you. Perhaps he has
beaten you in love. He may beat you in war, Sergius, tormentedly.
Do you think I believe that she, she whose worst
thoughts are higher than your best ones, is capable of
trifling with another man behind my back? Luca? Do you

(35:13):
think she would believe the Swiss if he told her
now that I am in your arms? Sergius, releasing her
in despair. Damnation, Oh, damnation. Mockery, mockery everywhere. Everything I
think is mocked by everything I do. He strikes himself
frantically on the breast. Coward, liar, fool. Shall I kill

(35:39):
myself like a man? Or live and pretend to laugh
at myself? She again turns to go Lugo, She stops
near the door. Remember you belong to me, Luca quietly,
What does that mean an insult? Sergius commanding. It means

(36:01):
that you love me, and that I have had you
here in my arms, and will perhaps have you there again.
Whether that is an insult, I neither know nor care.
Take it as you please, but vehemently I will not
be a coward and a trifler. If I choose to
love you, I dare marry you in spite of all bulgaria.

(36:24):
If these hands ever touch you again, they shall touch
my affianced bride. Luca. We shall see whether you dare
keep your word, But take care. I will not wait long, Sergius, again,
folding his arms and standing motionless in the middle of
the room. Yes, we shall see, and you shall wait

(36:47):
my pleasure. Blunchly, much preoccupied with his paper still in
his hand, enters, leaving the door open for Luca to
go out. He goes across to the table, glancing at
her as he passed. Sergius without altering his resolute attitude,
watches him steadily. Luca goes out, leaving the door open.

(37:10):
Blinchley absently, sitting at the table as before and putting
down his papers. That's a remarkable looking young woman, Sergius gravely,
without moving, Captain Blenchley. Blinchley, Eh, Sergius, you have deceived me.
You are my rival. I brook no rivals. At six o'clock.

(37:35):
I shall be in the drilling ground on the Glesora road, alone,
on horseback, with my saber. Do you understand Blnchley staring
but sitting quite at his ease. Oh, thank you, that's
a cowalrymn's proposal. I'm in the artillery, and I have
the choice of weapons. If I go, I shall take

(37:57):
a machine gun, and there shall be no mistake of
the cartridges this time Sergius flushing, but with deadly coldness.
Take care, sir. It is not our custom in Bulgaria
to allow invitations of that kind to be trifled with.
Blunchley warmly, pooh, don't talk to me about Bulgaria. You

(38:19):
don't know what fighting is, but have it your own way.
Bring your saber along I'll meet you, Sergius, fiercely delighted
to find his opponent a man of spirit, well said swit, sir,
shall I lend you my best horse, Blunchley. No, damn
your horse. Thank you all the same. My dear fellow,

(38:41):
Raina comes in and here's the next sentence. I shall
fight you on foot. Horseback's too dangerous. I don't want
to kill you if I can help it. Reina, hurrying
forward anxiously. I have heard what Captain Blinchley said, Sergius.
You are going to fight? Why? Sirgius turns away in
silence and goes to the stove, where he stands watching

(39:04):
her as she continues to blunchlely. What about Blunchley, I
don't know. He hasn't told me. Better not interfere, dear
young lady. No harm will be done. I've often acted
as sword instructor. He won't be able to touch me,
and I'll not hurt him. It will save explanations. In
the morning, I shall be off home and you'll never

(39:26):
see me or hear of me again. You and he
will then make it up and live happily ever after. Reina,
turning away deeply hurt, almost with a sob in her voice.
I never said I wanted to see you again, Sergius,
striding forward. Ah, that is a confession. Reina, haughtily, what

(39:50):
do you mean, Sergius? You love that man raina scandalized Sergius. Sergius,
you allow him to make love to you behind my back,
just as you accept me as your affianced husband behind
his Blinchly, you knew our relations and you deceived me.

(40:14):
It is for that that I call you to account,
not for having received favors that I never enjoyed. Blnchley
jumping up indignantly. Stuff rubbish. I've received no favors. Why
the young lady doesn't even know whether I'm married or not?
Reina forgetting herself, Oh, collapsing on the ottoman. Are you, Sergius,

(40:39):
you see the young lady's concern. Captain Blenchley, denial is useless.
You have enjoyed the privilege of being received in her
own room late at night, Blenchley interrupting him pepperily, Yes,
you blockhead. She received me with a pistol at her head.
Your cavalry were at my heels. I'd have blown out

(41:00):
her brains if she'd uttered a cry Sergius taken aback Bluchley,
Raina is this true? Raina rising in wrathful majesty? Oh,
how dare you? How dare you? Blenchley apologized, man, apologize?
He resumes his seat at the table Sergius with the

(41:23):
old measured emphasis, folding his arms. I never apologize, Raina, passionately.
This is the doing of that friend of yours, Captain Blinchley.
It is he who is spreading this horrible story about me.
She walks about excitedly. Blenchley. No, he's dead, burnt alive, Raina, stopping, shocked,

(41:50):
burnt alive Blnchley, shot in the hip in a woodyard,
couldn't drag himself out. Your fellow's shells, set them on fire,
and burnt him with half a dozen other poor devils
in the same predicament, Raina, how horrible, Sergius, and how
ridiculous a war? War? The dream of patriots and heroes?

(42:14):
A fraud, Blenchley, A hollow sham like love, Raina outraged
like love? You say that before me, Blenchley, come, Sadanov.
That matter is explained, Sergius. A hollow sham. I say,

(42:35):
would you have come back here if nothing had passed
between you except at the muzzle of your pistol. Raina
is mistaken about our friend who was burnt. He was
not my informant, Raina, who then suddenly guessing the truth. Ah, Luca,
my maid, my servant, you were with her this morning,

(43:00):
all that time after Oh what sort of god is this?
I have been worshiping? He meets her gaze with sardonic
enjoyment of her disenchantment. Angered all the more, she goes
closer to him and says, in a lower intenser tone,
do you know that I looked out of the window

(43:20):
as I went upstairs to have another sight of my hero,
and I saw something that I did not understand? Then?
I know now that you were making love to her, Sergius,
with grim humor. You saw that Raina only too well.

(43:40):
She turns away and throws herself on the divan under
the center window. Quite overcome, Sergius, cynically, Reina, our romance
is shattered. Life safe force Blunchley to Reina. Good humoredly,
you see he's found himself out now, Sergius, Blenchley, I

(44:03):
have allowed you to call me a blockhead, you may
now call me a coward, as well, I refuse to
fight you. Do you know why? Blunchley? No, but it
doesn't matter. I didn't ask the reason when you cried on,
and I don't ask the reason now that you cry off.
I'm a professional soldier. I fight when I have to,

(44:26):
and am very glad to get out of it when
I haven't too. You're only an amateur. You think fighting
is an amusement. Sergius, you shall hear the reason all
the same, my professional. The reason is that it takes
two men, real men, men of heart, blood and honor,

(44:46):
to make a genuine combat. I could no more fight
with you than I could make love to an ugly woman.
You've no magnetism. You're not a man. You're a machine.
Bluchley apologetically. Quite true, Quite true. I always was that
sort of chap. I'm very sorry. But now that you've

(45:08):
found that life isn't a force but something quite sensible
and serious, what further obstacle is there to your happiness?
Raina riling. You are very solicitous about my happiness and his?
Do you forget his new love, Luca? It is not
you that he must fight now, but his rival, Nicola

(45:31):
Sergius rival striking his forehead, Raina, did you not know
that they are engaged? Sergius, Nicola our fresh abysses opening niccola,
Raina sarcastically, A shocking sacrifice. Isn't it such beauty, such intellect,

(45:54):
such modesty, wasted on a middle aged servant man? Really, Sergius,
you cannot stand by and allow such a thing. It
would be unworthy of your chivalry. Sergius losing all self control.
Viper viper, He rushes to and fro raging Blenchley. Look here,

(46:16):
sir Runolf, you're getting the worst of this. Raina getting angry.
Do you realize what he has done? Captain Blenchley. He
has set this girl as a spy on us, and
her reward is that he makes love to her. Sergius false, monstrous,
Reina monstrous, confronting him. Do you deny that she told

(46:41):
you about Captain Blenchley being in my room? Sergius? No,
but Raina interrupting. Do you deny that you were making
love to her when she told you? Sergius, No, but
I tell you, Raina, cutting him shart contemptuously. It is
unnecessary to tell us anything more. That is quite enough

(47:03):
for us. She turns her back on him and sweeps
majestically back to the window. Blunchley quietly as Sergius, in
an agony of mortification, sinks on the ottoman, clutching his
averted head between his fists. I told you you were
getting the worst of it, Saranov, Sergius, tiger cat Reina

(47:28):
running excitedly to Blunchley. You hear this man calling me
names Captain Blunchley, Blunchley, what else can he do? Dear lady,
he must offend himself somehow, Calm, very persuasively. Don't quarrel?
What good does it do? Reina, with a gasp, sits

(47:48):
down on the ottoman, and after a vain effort to
look vexedly at Blunchley, she follows a victim to her
own sense of humor, and is attacked with a disposition
to laugh. Sergius, engaged to Nicola, he rises ha going
to the stove and standing with us back to it. Ah, well, Blenchley,

(48:12):
you are right to take this huge imposture of a
world coolly Raina too, Bluchly, with an intuitive guest at
his state of mind, I dare say you think us
a couple of grown up babies, don't you? Sergius, grinning
a little. He does, he does Swiss civilization, nurse tending

(48:33):
bulgarian barbarism, A Blunchley blushing not at all, I assure you,
I'm only very glad to get you too quieted there. Now,
let's be pleasant and talk it over in a friendly way.
Where is this other young lady Raina listening at the door,
probably Sergius, shivering as if a bullet had struck him,

(48:57):
and speaking with quiet but deep indignation. I will prove
that that, at least is a calumny. He goes with
dignity to the door and opens it. A yell of
fury bursts from him as he looks out. He darts
into the passage and returns, dragging in Luca, whom he
flings against the table right as he cries, Judge her, Blunchly,

(49:21):
you the moderate, cautious man, Judge the eavesdropper. Luca stands
her ground, proud and silent, blunchly shaking his head. I
mustn't judge her. I once listened to myself outside a
tent when there was the mutiny brewing. It's all a
question of the degree of provocation. My life was at stake. Luca,

(49:45):
my love was at stake. Sergius flinches, ashamed of her,
in spite of himself. I am not ashamed, Raina contemptuously
your love, your curiosity you mean uokah, facing her and
retorting her contempt with interest. My love stronger than anything

(50:07):
you can feel, even for your chocolate creamed soldier. Sergius
with quick suspicion to Luca, what does that mean, Luca fiercely.
It means Sergius interrupting her slightly. Oh, I remember the
ice pudding. A paltry taunt girl. Major pet Cough enters

(50:27):
in his shirt sleeves. Pet Cough, excuse my shirt sleeves, gentlemen, Raina,
somebody has been wearing this coat of mine. I'll swear it,
somebody with bigger shoulders than mine. It's all burst open
at the back. Your mother is mending it. I wish
she'd make haste. I shall catch cold. He looks more
attentively at them. Is anything the matter, Raina? No? She

(50:54):
sits down at the stove with a tranquil air. Sergius,
oh no. He sits down at the end of the
table as at first Blunchley, who is already seated. Nothing. Nothing, Petkof,
sitting down on the ottoman in its old place. That's
all right, he notices Luca. Anything the matter, Luca, Luca, No,

(51:19):
Sir Petkough, genially, that's all right, he sneezes. Go and
ask your mistress for my coat, like a good girl,
will you. She turns to obey, but Nikola enters with
the coat, and she makes a pretense of having business
in the room by taking the little table with the
hookah away to the wall near the windows. Raina rising

(51:42):
quickly as she sees the coat on Nikola's arm. Here
it is, Papa. Give it to me, Nikola, and do
you put some more wood on the fire. She takes
the coat and brings it to the Major, who stands
up to put it on. Nikola attends to the fire.
Petkof to Raina, teasing her affectionately, Aha, going to be

(52:02):
very good to poor old Papa, just for one day
after his return from the wars a Raina with solemn reproach.
Oh how can you say that to me, father pet Cough, Well, well,
only a joke, little one. Come give me a kiss,
she kisses him. Now give me the coat, Raina, Now

(52:24):
I am going to put it on for you turn
your back. He turns his back and feels behind him
with his arms for the sleeves. She dexterously takes the
photograph from the pocket and throws it on the table
before Blenchley, who covers it with the sheet of paper
under the very nose of Sergius, who looks on, amazed
with his suspicions. Roused in the highest degree, she then

(52:47):
helps pet Cough on with his coat. There, dear, now
are you comfortable? Pet cough quite little love? Thanks. He
sits down, and Raina returns to her seat near the dove. Oh,
by the bye, I've found something funny. What's the meaning
of this? He puts his hand into the picked pocket. Eh, hello.

(53:12):
He tries the other pocket, Well, I could have sworn
much puzzled, he tries the breast pocket, I wonder, tries
the original pocket. Where can it? A light flashes on him.
He rises, exclaiming, your mother's taken it, Raina, very red taken?

(53:34):
What pet Coough? Your photograph with the inscription Raina to
her chocolate cream soldier a souvenir. Now you know there's
something more in this than meets the eye. And I'm
going to find it out, shouting Niccola, Niccola, dropping a
log and turning, Sir Petcough, did you spoil any pastry

(53:56):
of miss rain Is this morning? Niickola, you heard Miss
rain say that I did, Sir pet Cough, I know that,
you idiot. Was it true, Nikola? I am sure Miss
Raina is incapable of saying anything that is not true,
Sir pet Cough, Are you then? I'm not turning to

(54:18):
the others? Calm, Do you think I don't see it all?
Goes to Sergius and slaps him on the shoulder. Sergius,
you're the chocolate cream soldier, aren't you, Sergius standing up,
I a chocolate cream soldier, certainly not pet coof not.

(54:40):
He looks at them. They are all very serious and
very conscious. Do you mean to tell me that Rayina
sends photographic souvenirs to other men? Sergius enigmatically. The world
is not such an innocent place as we used to think.
Pet Cough rising It's all right, Major, I'm the chocolate

(55:04):
cream soldier. Petkoff and Sergius are equally astonished. The gracious
young lady saved my life by giving me chocolate creams
when I was starving. Shall I ever forget their flavor?
My late friend Stoles told you the story at Pirot.
I was the fugitive. Petkough, you, he gasps, Sergius, do

(55:29):
you remember how those two women went on this morning
when we mentioned it? Sergius smiles cynically. Petkof confronts Rhinea severely.
You're a nice young woman, aren't you? Raina bitterly Major
Saranov has changed his mind. And when I wrote that

(55:50):
on the photograph, I did not know that Captain Blenchley
was married. Blenchley much startled, protesting vehemently, I'm not married, Reina,
with deep reproach. You said you were Wenchley. I did not.
I positively did not. I never was married in my life.

(56:12):
Petkough exasperated, Reina, will you kindly inform me if I
am not asking too much, which gentlemen you are engaged to, Reina,
to neither of them. This young lady introducing Luca, who
faces them all proudly, is the object of Major Sarnov's

(56:32):
affections at present. Petkof, Luka, are you mad, Sergius? Why
this girl's engaged to Nikola? Nicola coming forward, I beg
your pardon, sir, there is a mistake. Luca is not
engaged to me, Petkough, not engaged to you, you scoundrel.

(56:58):
Why you had twenty five livres from me on the
day of your betrothal, and she had that guilt bracelet
from Miss rain Nicola with cool unction. We gave it out,
so sir, But it was only to give Luca protection.
She had a soul above her station, and I have
been no more than her confidential servant. I intend, as

(57:21):
you know, Sir, to set up a shop later on
in Sofia, and I look forward to her custom and
recommendation should she marry into the nobility. He goes out
with impressive discretion, leaving them all staring after him, pet
Cough breaking the silence. Well, I am Sergius. This is

(57:41):
either the finest heroism or the most crawling baseness. Which
is it? Blunchley Blunchley? Never mind whether it's heroism or baseness.
Nicola's the ablest man I've met in Bulgaria. I'll make
him manager of a hotel if he can speak French
and German, Luca suddenly breaking out at Sergius, I have

(58:04):
been insulted by every one here. You set them the
example you owe me an apology. Sergius, immediately, like a
repeating clock of which the spring has been touched, begins
to fold his arms lunchly before he can speak. It's
no use. He never apologizes. Luca, not to you, his

(58:27):
equal and his enemy, to me, his poor servant. He
will not refuse to apologize. Sergius approvingly, you are right.
He bends his knee in his grandest manner. Forgive me, Luca,

(58:47):
I forgive you. She timidly gives him her hand, which
he kisses. That touch makes me your affianced wife. Sergius,
springing up, ah, I forgot that. Luca coldly, you can
withdraw if you like, Sergius, withdraw never you belong to me.

(59:10):
He puts his arm about her and draws her to him.
Katherine comes in and finds Luca in Sergius's arms, and
all the rest gazing at them in bewildered astonishment. Katherine,
what does this mean? Sergius releases Luca Petkaugh, Well, my dear,
it appears that Sergius is going to marry Luca instead

(59:31):
of Hina. She is about to break out indignantly at him.
He stops her by exclaiming, testily, don't blame me. I've
nothing to do with it. He retreats to the stove. Katherine,
marry Luca, Sergius. You are bound by your word to us.
Sergius folding his arms, nothing binds me. Lunchley much pleased

(59:58):
by this piece of common sense. Saranov, your hand, My congratulations.
These heroics of yours have their practical side after all,
to Luca, gracious, young lady, the best wishes of a
good Republican. He kisses her hand. To Raina's great disgust,
Catherine threateningly, Luca, you have been telling stories, Luca, I

(01:00:24):
have done, Reina no harm, Catherine haughtily Reina. Reina is
equally indignant at the liberty Luca. I have a right
to call Horaina, She calls me, Luca, I told Major
Saranov she would never marry him if the Swiss gentleman

(01:00:44):
came back. Blenchley surprised, hullo, Luca, turning to Reina, I
thought you were fonder of him than of Sergius. You
know best whether I was right, Blenchley, what none, since,
I assure you, my dear Major, my dear Madame. The
gracious young lady simply saved my life. Nothing else. She

(01:01:08):
never cared to straws for me. Why bless my heart
and soul. Look at the young lady, and look at me.
She rich, young, beautiful, with her imagination full of fairy
princes and noble natures and cavalry charges, and goodness knows what.
And I a commonplace Swiss soldier who hardly knows what

(01:01:30):
a decent life is after fifteen years of barracks and battles.
A vagabond, a man who has spoiled all his chances
in life through an incurably romantic disposition. A man Sergius,
starting as if a needle had pricked him, and interrupting
Blenchley in incredulous amazement. Excuse me, Blenchley, what did you

(01:01:52):
say had spoiled your chances in life? Blunchley promptly and
incurably romantic position. I ran away from home twice when
I was a boy. I went into the army instead
of into my father's business. I climbed the balcony of
this house, when a man of sense would have dived
into the nearest cellar. I came sneaking back here to

(01:02:16):
have another look at the young lady, when any other
man of my age would have sent the coat back,
pet Cough, my coat, Blenchley, Yes, that's the coat. I mean,
would have sent it back and gone quietly home. Do
you suppose I'm the sort of fellow a young girl
falls in love with? Why look at our ages. I'm

(01:02:38):
thirty four. I don't suppose the young lady is much
over seventeen. This estimate produces a marked sensation, all the
rest turning and staring at one another. He proceeds innocently.
All that adventure, which was life or death to me
was only a schoolgirl's game. To her chocolate creams and

(01:02:59):
hide and seek. Here's the proof. He takes the photograph
from the table. Now, I ask you, would a woman
who took the affair seriously have sent me this and
written on it, Rayina to her chocolate cream soldier a souvenir.
He exhibits the photograph triumphantly, as if it settled the

(01:03:20):
matter beyond all possibility of refutation. Petkough, that's what I
was looking for. How the deuce did it get there?
Blunchley too, Rayina, complacently, I have put everything right, I hope, gracious,
young lady Raina, in uncontrolled vexation. I quite agree with

(01:03:42):
your account of yourself. You are a romantic idiot. Blunchley
is unspeakably taken aback. Next time, I hope you will
know the difference between a schoolgirl of seventeen and a
woman of twenty three. Blinchley, stupefied twenty three. She snaps

(01:04:02):
the photograph contemptuously from his hands, tears it across, and
throws the pieces at his feet. Sergius with grim enjoyment
of Blenchley's discomfiture. Blenchley, my one last belief is gone.
Your sagacity is a fraud. Like all the other things.
You have less sense than even I have. Blunchley, overwhelmed

(01:04:26):
twenty three, twenty three. He considers Hm swiftly making up
his mind. In that case, Major pet Cough, I beg
to propose formally to become a suitor of your daughter's
hand in place of Major Sirranoff retired Raina, you dare, Blenchley,

(01:04:50):
if you were twenty three when you said those things
to me this afternoon, I shall take them seriously. Catherine,
loftily polite, I doubt, sir, whether you quite realize either
my daughter's position, or that of Major Sergius Saranov, whose
place you propose to take. The pet Coughs and the

(01:05:11):
Saranovs are known as the richest and most important families
in the country. Our position is almost historical. We can
go back nearly twenty years. Pet Cough. Oh, never mind that,
Catherine to Blunchly, we should be most happy, Blucheley, if
it were only a question of your position. But hang it.

(01:05:33):
You know, Rain is accustomed to a very comfortable establishment.
Sergius keeps twenty horses, Blunchley. But what on earth is
the use of twenty horses? Why it's a circus? Catherine severely,
My daughter, Sir is accustomed to a first rate stable Rain. Hush, mother,

(01:05:55):
you're making me ridiculous. Bluchley, Oh, out of it comes
to a question of an establishment, here goes He goes
impetuously to the table and seizes the papers in the
blue envelope. How many horses did you say, Sergius twenty
nobles Switzer, Blunchley, I have two hundred horses. They are amazed.

(01:06:21):
How many carriages Sergius three, Blenchley, I have seventy twenty
four of them? Will hold twelve inside besides two on
the box, without counting the driver and conductor. How many
tablecloths have you, Sergius? How the deuce do I know, Blenchley?

(01:06:41):
Have you four thousand, Sergius, No, Blunchley, I have. I
have nine thousand, six hundred pairs of sheets and blankets,
with two thousand, four hundred either down quilts. I have
ten thousand knives and forks, and the same quantity of
dessert spoons. I have six hundred servants. I have six

(01:07:01):
palatial establishments besides two livery stables, a tea garden, and
a private house. I have four medals for distinguished services.
I have the rank of an officer and the standing
of a gentleman. And I have three native languages. Show
me any man in Bulgaria that can offer as much

(01:07:22):
pet cough with childish awe are you Emperor of Switzerland, Blunchley.
My rank is the highest known in Switzerland. I'm a
free citizen, Catherine, then, Captain Blenchley. Since you are my
daughter's choice, I shall not stand in the way of
her happiness. Petkoff is about to speak. That is major

(01:07:46):
Petkoff's feeling. Also pet Cough, Oh, why shall be only
too glad. Two hundred horses whew, sergius, What says the
lady rain Pretending to sulk, The lady says that he
can keep his tablecloths and his omnibuses. I am not

(01:08:08):
here to be sold to the highest bidder, Blunchley. I
won't take that answer. I appeal to you as a fugitive,
a beggar, and a starving man. You accepted me. You
gave me your hand to kiss, your bed to sleep in,
and your roof to shelter me. Reina, interrupting him, I

(01:08:28):
did not give them to the Emperor of Switzerland, Blunchley.
That's just what I say. He catches her hand quickly
and looks her straight in the face as he adds
with confident mastery, Now tell us who you did give
them to, Reina, succumbing with a shy smile to my

(01:08:50):
chocolate cream Soldier Blunchy with a boyish laugh of delight.
That'll do. Thank you, looks at his watch and suddenly
becomes businesslike. Time's up. Major. You've managed those regiments so
well that you are sure to be asked to get
rid of some of the infantry of the Timok Division.

(01:09:11):
Send them home by way of long Polanka Sarranov, don't
get married until I come back. I shall be here
punctually at five in the evening on Tuesday, fortnight. Gracious ladies,
good evening. He makes them a military bow and goes, Sergius,
what a man, What a man? Into BAC three end

(01:09:36):
of Arms and the Man by George Bernard Shaw. This
recording by Phil Shinever, August twenty seventeen. Baton Rouge Louisiana