August 23, 2025 • 11 mins
Stephanie L. Maley, author of the new memoir NO LONGER THAT GIRL: Retracing the Scars of Past and Present. Stephanie talks about the lingering toll of abandonment and sexual abuse, but also our capacity for resilience, healing and transformation. “No Longer That Girl takes hard topics and turns them into palpable illumination. This story is proof that we can transform our wounds into love and healing. Sometimes we need to look into our past in order to move forward in our lives. Not everyone has the courage to be so self-honest, but Steph delivers her truth with hope to live by.”
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, and good morning everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Hey, good morning, this is Stephanie Mainly.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hey, I love your energy. Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Well, thank you. Thanks for having.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Me absolutely because you're doing something inside this book that
I have been I don't want to say preaching, but
I've been trying to share and get into the hearts
of other people for literally over three decades, and so
it's it's fun and fascinating to me to see that
you've walked this path as well, because there is somebody
in our past and the thing is is that if
we don't like them, we got a problem in our future.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Yes, that's exactly right. I couldn't agree more. Well, again,
this is this is just a great opportunity to share
some of that. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
The book we're talking about is no longer that girl,
Except I want to hear your inflection on that, because
I mean, because there are many times I've sat there
and said, I'm no longer that guy, I'm not him.
Is that the kind of inflection you were looking for?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Yeah, well it is. It's like I am no longer
that girl. Yep, you know, I'm not that person anymore
who doesn't have her voice, you know, or who's filled
with shame anymore and that has been broken free. And
so yeah, that's exactly how I would say it.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
How did you face that mountain and that wall? Because
we all live landslides every single day, how did you
get through that?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Well? For years, I just literally tucked it inside a
pouch that I envisioned in my heart and just held
onto it. But what ended up happening for me that
really broke it free was when COVID hit. Because what
happened is my husband's a pediatrician and we live in
(01:37):
a rural area and I was a pediatric nurse, and
it just hit me that I was a sitting duck
that I was actually going to die from it because
I have asthma, and it just all those vulnerabilities that
I had tucked away. My husband knew everything, but it's
just you know, the day to day I just kept
(01:57):
it tucked away, and so it got triggered so to speak,
when COVID came and it scared me. I was like,
there's no way I'm gonna get away from this to
help care provider.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
You know, did you go back and study journals or
because I mean the way that I look at you know,
the way that people sometimes describe their life is it's
all based on what you know in your moment of now.
But I mean, because I've been a daily writer since
July of nineteen ninety four, everything is in these books.
So did you go back and read.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I did, and actually have written a lot of journals.
I did, and what I instead of doing a memoir
initially I didn't. I wrote an autobiography so that I
could really take my time and get it all down
and then try to also match is my memory correct,
you know, looking up dates, trying to figure things out,
(02:51):
and so that was another part of it. I took
the time, but I'm so visual. I'm a professional photographer
as well, so I'm very visual. That is a real help,
you know, when you're a visual learner, I can picture
you know, these things. And when I tried to verify,
you know, my memory with people who were still alive
and were around, it was very helpful and pretty accurate.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Somewhere along the line, though, you had to realize, hey, Stephanie,
this isn't about you. This is about someone who's going
to read maybe your experiences, but this isn't about you.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Exactly, and that that's when I went to write the
memoir because frankly, I would just love to write from
my house and be done with it. But I realized
I could help other people who've gone through something similar
and they can know that, Hey, I've survived, and not
(03:45):
only survived, I have an incredible life and you can too.
And this is how I did it. This is what happened.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Is it building a relationship up with darkness? Because I've
always been a firm believer that some of the most
creative people on the planet have walked through darkness.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Absolutely, I wouldn't be who I am today if I
had had those experiences. And do I want those experiences
and do I want anyone else to go through them? No?
But definitely, when you're in darkness, it makes the light
so much frighter. You can really appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Please do not move. There's more with Stephanie L. Mayley
coming up next, the name of her book No Longer
That Girl. We're back with Stephanie L. Maylee. Listeners need
to understand that you are not revisiting your past. What
you are doing is you're building your present as well
as you're new now.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Yes I am, but it did take looking into the
past to get there for sure. But yes, I'm looking
at today and going forward and again trying to be
a beacon of light for other women and even men.
I mean men go through this as well, they just
aren't as likely to talk about it. Again. If I
(04:58):
can be that person, if I just help one person,
it'll make all It'll make it all worth it.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
What did you learn along this path? Because I mean
when you when you get this close to your heart
and everything, that really is the rooting of your system.
You have to be a student as well.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Absolutely, you definitely have to be a student. And I
think going through the I had been in therapy for
a long time and that was very helpful talk therapy,
But actually when I got to writing the book, there
was a whole other layer of healing that happened because
I had to go back to those scenes. And when
(05:34):
I wrote the memoir, I had to make it like
it's a movie, man that you're watching, sitting and watching,
and so I had to set those scenes. Going through
those scenes again was so healing in that it's I'm
going through it again, and I can tell my child
and the little girl who went through those things, or
(05:55):
the teenage girl who went through those things I can say.
I have you now, we have a voice, and I've
got you, and you're okay and we're going to do
this together.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Do you ever feel alone in the way of when
when you when you do put focus on everything now
and as things are growing in the future. Not everybody
believes in that path, and sometimes they want to live
in their past. And you're going, please God your excess
wait to me.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Yes, yes, because you know, if you just stay in
the past, you stay of being a victim. I think,
and I'm not saying people do that consciously at all,
and I've certainly been, you know, had that kind of
victim mentality. But if you stay in that past, you
don't really move forward. And you use the past to
(06:41):
springboard yourself into present day and to heal whatever wounds
you may have that live for today and enjoy your
present and look forward to the future.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Let's get real here, okay. And I and this is
the way that I have dealt with it is that
every one of my different levels of changing challenge in life,
and I'm sixty three, but I do believe they all
have their own personality. Do you ever sit there and
talk to that personality like Aro is the showman. Arrow
is this guy that does this and this, But CT
is the fourteen year old kid who put Arrow on
(07:14):
the map because he had a radio dream. But if
I say the name Clarence somewhere in there, I'm in
trouble and that means that I am I'm totally out
of focus. What about you? Do you go through those
those multiple layers of personality as well?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Yeah, I would say so, because there are a lot
of facets to each and every one of us. You know,
we can all be again the dark person, we can
be the light person, we can be the goofy person,
we can be the awkward person, and we can stand
up for ourselves. And so yeah, I have definitely experienced that.
I mean I have. I'm an athlete and I still
(07:49):
say that. And I'm sixty three as well, even though
I'm not currently playing a sport right now. But you know,
that's always been in my fabric and it was interesting
for me. And when I was playing in tournaments several
years back, some of my current friends who know me
didn't really know me until they went to see me
play pickleball, you know what I mean. It was just like,
(08:12):
oh my gosh, you know I'm very competitive, and so yes,
there's a lot of different sides that I experienced for sure.
Like everybody else.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
I want generations of the future to realize you and
I were part of that pickleball invention, but they're going
to steal this game from us, and it's I mean,
it's ours. I want to have something that's really ours.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
I know, well, we kind of check over Facebook. You
have to admit that we ran Facebook from the younger ones,
you know. But I know, and since I have not
been able to play, I have some foot issues and
going to have some foot surgery. It is it has
grown even more leaps and bounds and I was playing
about ten years ago, and you're right, it's just completely
(08:58):
different from where I've played. It's just grown. But you
know that's okay. I mean, as long as we can
find our time that we can play and I'm competitive,
you know, it's close to a full grow. When I
had to stop that, yes, I hear you.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
How important is it to forgive those who injured us
spiritually as well as physically along the.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Path, And when you are forgiving someone, you're doing it
for yourself, okay, And so it is really important you
know as saying is that you can be holding a
grudge or being you know, holding anger towards someone and
they're out there playing golf and they're having a great life. Yeah,
I'm the one who's injured, and I need to do
(09:42):
the forgiveness for myself. I think it's critical. Otherwise, again,
you stay stuck. You can stay stuck in a victim mentality.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
You know, where can people go to find out more
about you, Stephanie, because I know there's a lot more
than just book you know, book pages and notes that
you've taken with a pencil.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Well, thank you, Yes there is. They can go to
Stephmailey dot com and you can pre order my book.
It comes out in November fourth. You can go to
any bookstore Barnes and Nobles bookshop dot org. If you
want to go online of course Amazon, it's available now
(10:21):
in most of the mainstream book stores. And again that
can go to my website if I'd like to order
that way.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
And listeners need to understand that pre ordering a book
is so important in the way of you know, they
can sit there and hear this conversation today, pre order
the book and then when it shows up, it's like Christmas.
I mean, it's like sad because you totally forget that
you pre ordered it, and then when it gets here,
you go, oh my god, here it is.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
I know, I know, and I know so many authors
now that the same thing's happening, like I'm pre ordering
their books and then it's like when they should go
up theme, like oh finally, you know. Yeah, it's like
a delayed gratification.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Absolutely well, please come back to this show anytime in
the future. The door is always going to be open
for you. Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
You're so kind. Thank you so much for having me.
I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
You'd be brilliant today.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Okay, all right, you too, er, thank you
Hello, and good morning everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Hey, good morning, this is Stephanie Mainly.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hey, I love your energy. Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Well, thank you. Thanks for having.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Me absolutely because you're doing something inside this book that
I have been I don't want to say preaching, but
I've been trying to share and get into the hearts
of other people for literally over three decades, and so
it's it's fun and fascinating to me to see that
you've walked this path as well, because there is somebody
in our past and the thing is is that if
we don't like them, we got a problem in our future.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Yes, that's exactly right. I couldn't agree more. Well, again,
this is this is just a great opportunity to share
some of that. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
The book we're talking about is no longer that girl,
Except I want to hear your inflection on that, because
I mean, because there are many times I've sat there
and said, I'm no longer that guy, I'm not him.
Is that the kind of inflection you were looking for?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Yeah, well it is. It's like I am no longer
that girl. Yep, you know, I'm not that person anymore
who doesn't have her voice, you know, or who's filled
with shame anymore and that has been broken free. And
so yeah, that's exactly how I would say it.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
How did you face that mountain and that wall? Because
we all live landslides every single day, how did you
get through that?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Well? For years, I just literally tucked it inside a
pouch that I envisioned in my heart and just held
onto it. But what ended up happening for me that
really broke it free was when COVID hit. Because what
happened is my husband's a pediatrician and we live in
(01:37):
a rural area and I was a pediatric nurse, and
it just hit me that I was a sitting duck
that I was actually going to die from it because
I have asthma, and it just all those vulnerabilities that
I had tucked away. My husband knew everything, but it's
just you know, the day to day I just kept
(01:57):
it tucked away, and so it got triggered so to speak,
when COVID came and it scared me. I was like,
there's no way I'm gonna get away from this to
help care provider.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
You know, did you go back and study journals or
because I mean the way that I look at you know,
the way that people sometimes describe their life is it's
all based on what you know in your moment of now.
But I mean, because I've been a daily writer since
July of nineteen ninety four, everything is in these books.
So did you go back and read.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I did, and actually have written a lot of journals.
I did, and what I instead of doing a memoir
initially I didn't. I wrote an autobiography so that I
could really take my time and get it all down
and then try to also match is my memory correct,
you know, looking up dates, trying to figure things out,
(02:51):
and so that was another part of it. I took
the time, but I'm so visual. I'm a professional photographer
as well, so I'm very visual. That is a real help,
you know, when you're a visual learner, I can picture
you know, these things. And when I tried to verify,
you know, my memory with people who were still alive
and were around, it was very helpful and pretty accurate.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Somewhere along the line, though, you had to realize, hey, Stephanie,
this isn't about you. This is about someone who's going
to read maybe your experiences, but this isn't about you.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Exactly, and that that's when I went to write the
memoir because frankly, I would just love to write from
my house and be done with it. But I realized
I could help other people who've gone through something similar
and they can know that, Hey, I've survived, and not
(03:45):
only survived, I have an incredible life and you can too.
And this is how I did it. This is what happened.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Is it building a relationship up with darkness? Because I've
always been a firm believer that some of the most
creative people on the planet have walked through darkness.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Absolutely, I wouldn't be who I am today if I
had had those experiences. And do I want those experiences
and do I want anyone else to go through them? No?
But definitely, when you're in darkness, it makes the light
so much frighter. You can really appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Please do not move. There's more with Stephanie L. Mayley
coming up next, the name of her book No Longer
That Girl. We're back with Stephanie L. Maylee. Listeners need
to understand that you are not revisiting your past. What
you are doing is you're building your present as well
as you're new now.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Yes I am, but it did take looking into the
past to get there for sure. But yes, I'm looking
at today and going forward and again trying to be
a beacon of light for other women and even men.
I mean men go through this as well, they just
aren't as likely to talk about it. Again. If I
(04:58):
can be that person, if I just help one person,
it'll make all It'll make it all worth it.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
What did you learn along this path? Because I mean
when you when you get this close to your heart
and everything, that really is the rooting of your system.
You have to be a student as well.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Absolutely, you definitely have to be a student. And I
think going through the I had been in therapy for
a long time and that was very helpful talk therapy,
But actually when I got to writing the book, there
was a whole other layer of healing that happened because
I had to go back to those scenes. And when
(05:34):
I wrote the memoir, I had to make it like
it's a movie, man that you're watching, sitting and watching,
and so I had to set those scenes. Going through
those scenes again was so healing in that it's I'm
going through it again, and I can tell my child
and the little girl who went through those things, or
(05:55):
the teenage girl who went through those things I can say.
I have you now, we have a voice, and I've
got you, and you're okay and we're going to do
this together.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Do you ever feel alone in the way of when
when you when you do put focus on everything now
and as things are growing in the future. Not everybody
believes in that path, and sometimes they want to live
in their past. And you're going, please God your excess
wait to me.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Yes, yes, because you know, if you just stay in
the past, you stay of being a victim. I think,
and I'm not saying people do that consciously at all,
and I've certainly been, you know, had that kind of
victim mentality. But if you stay in that past, you
don't really move forward. And you use the past to
(06:41):
springboard yourself into present day and to heal whatever wounds
you may have that live for today and enjoy your
present and look forward to the future.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Let's get real here, okay. And I and this is
the way that I have dealt with it is that
every one of my different levels of changing challenge in life,
and I'm sixty three, but I do believe they all
have their own personality. Do you ever sit there and
talk to that personality like Aro is the showman. Arrow
is this guy that does this and this, But CT
is the fourteen year old kid who put Arrow on
(07:14):
the map because he had a radio dream. But if
I say the name Clarence somewhere in there, I'm in
trouble and that means that I am I'm totally out
of focus. What about you? Do you go through those
those multiple layers of personality as well?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Yeah, I would say so, because there are a lot
of facets to each and every one of us. You know,
we can all be again the dark person, we can
be the light person, we can be the goofy person,
we can be the awkward person, and we can stand
up for ourselves. And so yeah, I have definitely experienced that.
I mean I have. I'm an athlete and I still
(07:49):
say that. And I'm sixty three as well, even though
I'm not currently playing a sport right now. But you know,
that's always been in my fabric and it was interesting
for me. And when I was playing in tournaments several
years back, some of my current friends who know me
didn't really know me until they went to see me
play pickleball, you know what I mean. It was just like,
(08:12):
oh my gosh, you know I'm very competitive, and so yes,
there's a lot of different sides that I experienced for sure.
Like everybody else.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
I want generations of the future to realize you and
I were part of that pickleball invention, but they're going
to steal this game from us, and it's I mean,
it's ours. I want to have something that's really ours.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
I know, well, we kind of check over Facebook. You
have to admit that we ran Facebook from the younger ones,
you know. But I know, and since I have not
been able to play, I have some foot issues and
going to have some foot surgery. It is it has
grown even more leaps and bounds and I was playing
about ten years ago, and you're right, it's just completely
(08:58):
different from where I've played. It's just grown. But you
know that's okay. I mean, as long as we can
find our time that we can play and I'm competitive,
you know, it's close to a full grow. When I
had to stop that, yes, I hear you.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
How important is it to forgive those who injured us
spiritually as well as physically along the.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Path, And when you are forgiving someone, you're doing it
for yourself, okay, And so it is really important you
know as saying is that you can be holding a
grudge or being you know, holding anger towards someone and
they're out there playing golf and they're having a great life. Yeah,
I'm the one who's injured, and I need to do
(09:42):
the forgiveness for myself. I think it's critical. Otherwise, again,
you stay stuck. You can stay stuck in a victim mentality.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
You know, where can people go to find out more
about you, Stephanie, because I know there's a lot more
than just book you know, book pages and notes that
you've taken with a pencil.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Well, thank you, Yes there is. They can go to
Stephmailey dot com and you can pre order my book.
It comes out in November fourth. You can go to
any bookstore Barnes and Nobles bookshop dot org. If you
want to go online of course Amazon, it's available now
(10:21):
in most of the mainstream book stores. And again that
can go to my website if I'd like to order
that way.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
And listeners need to understand that pre ordering a book
is so important in the way of you know, they
can sit there and hear this conversation today, pre order
the book and then when it shows up, it's like Christmas.
I mean, it's like sad because you totally forget that
you pre ordered it, and then when it gets here,
you go, oh my god, here it is.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
I know, I know, and I know so many authors
now that the same thing's happening, like I'm pre ordering
their books and then it's like when they should go
up theme, like oh finally, you know. Yeah, it's like
a delayed gratification.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Absolutely well, please come back to this show anytime in
the future. The door is always going to be open
for you. Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
You're so kind. Thank you so much for having me.
I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
You'd be brilliant today.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Okay, all right, you too, er, thank you
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