October 8, 2025 • 46 mins
When you’re always the one giving—your time, your energy, your money—it’s easy to think you’re just being selfless. Putting yourself last comes with a price tag you can’t. We will unpack the hidden financial & emotional costs of neglecting your own needs, from burnout & depleted savings to missed opportunities & strained relationships. Recognize the warning signs, set healthy boundaries, & start investing in yourself without the guilt—because taking care of you is the smartest move you can make.
Ask Good Questions is broadcast live Wednesdays at 6PM ET on W4CY Radio (www.w4cy.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Ask Good Questions is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Ask Good Questions Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/ask-good-questions--6441735/support.
Ask Good Questions is broadcast live Wednesdays at 6PM ET on W4CY Radio (www.w4cy.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Ask Good Questions is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Ask Good Questions Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/ask-good-questions--6441735/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The topics and opinions expressed in the following show are
solely those of the hosts and their guests and not
those of W FOURCY Radio. It's employees are affiliates. We
make no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services,
or products mentioned on air or on our web. No
liability explicitor implies shall be extended to W FOURCY Radio
or its employees are affiliates. Any questions or comments should
be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing
(00:21):
W FOURCY Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Welcome to to Ask Good Questions Podcasts, broadcasting live every Wednesday,
six pm Eastern Time on W four CY Radio at
w four cy dot com. This week and every week,
we will reach for a higher purpose in money and life,
as well as a focus on health and wellment. Now,
(00:49):
let's join your host, Anita bell Anderson, as together we
start with Asking Good Questions.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Hello, and welcome to the Ask Good Questions podcast. So
excited that you're here today. We have a wonderful guest
today that is going to enlighten you with some very
important things that sometimes we might even not be thinking about.
So with that, I would like to invite my guest
to the proverbial podcast stage. Her name is Linda Grizzly,
(01:26):
like the bear right right. So Linda is a personal
finance educator and she's also a motivational speaker, and she
is the creator of something she calls me Money or
the Me Money Method, and it's a mindset first approach.
(01:47):
I'm seeing that more and more of these gates a
mindset first approach that helps women stop putting themselves in
their own budget last. So that's basically what we're going
to be talking about today is how a lot of
times women put themselves last. She is a former teen
mom who went back to college at forty eight and
(02:10):
built a multi six figure career in financial services and
now she helps women gain clarity and confidence and control
with their money without lectures or judgment. So with that, Linda,
I just want to welcome you to the podcast.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
Anita, I'm glad to be here.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Yeah. So, you know, this podcast is all about asking
good questions. So I hope that we're going to not
disappoint today with asking some very good questions. So let
me ask you if you do you have anything to
add to that. As I'm asking you, like my first question,
is there anything you want to add when you think
(02:52):
about when did you first realize that always putting others
first was costing you more than you thought?
Speaker 5 (03:02):
Well, I have to say that I first realized that
putting others before myself was costing me my health and
mentally and physically.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
I understood that first.
Speaker 5 (03:15):
And I think that that that came about during during
COVID times when I was trying to juggle everything. I
had two elderly parents that I was partly taking care of.
It was complicated, and it was just a lot, Like
I had a lot going on. And there was one
(03:36):
point in time where I ended up hanging up on
my mother on the phone and my husband was like,
what is wrong with you? And I was like, you know,
I just I was dealing with my dad. Like I said,
there's separate. I was dealing with something with my dad
and like like he had been in this accident and
like it was just everything was just way too much.
(03:57):
And I realized at that point that I was putting
everyone else before me and I was trying to do
it all, but I still wasn't taking care of myself.
So I think that's when I realized, like mentally and
physically what was happening, But it wasn't actually until a
little while later that I realized that I was putting
everybody else before myself financially as well. And that actually
(04:21):
came about in a completely different way than you would think,
because it came about because I put my husband on
a budget.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
And I can tell you more about that story, but.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
I want to just start talking and take completely off
track yet, so I will stop there and let you
ask me the next question.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
Well, it's kind of the truth behind that is that
if you don't, if you don't take care of yourself,
then you're not going to be Eventually, it's going to
catch up to you, and you're not going to be
any good to anybody. So that is a truth that
I have learned again and again and again that you
have to take care of yourself first. So tell me this,
(05:01):
what do you think are some of the subtle morning
signs that you're giving too much financially or emotionally where
you suddenly realize that you're on the way to burn out.
Speaker 5 (05:17):
Well, I think like physically and mentally the signs are there.
I mean I knew they were there, and most people
know that they're there. They just don't do anything about
it until something happens. And that happens to a lot
of people in the workplace too, like burnout in the workplace,
Like they know it's there, but they just keep pushing through.
And I can tell you that I've talked in the
(05:39):
last six months to probably five different people women who
in the workplace ended up actually in the hospital from
stress and overwork and just everything that was go overwhelm
everything that's going on in their lives. Not necessarily that
they've ended up in the hospital in six months, but
in the last six months, but people that I've talked
to in the last six months, it's it's more prevalent
(06:00):
than you would and you know, it's not like you
don't know, you know, you just don't do anything about
it because you just keep pushing through. Yeah, So it's
it's really it needs to be talked about more because
we need to know that we're not alone and that
this is happening and that we need to do something
(06:22):
about it before those types of things happen.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
I've I'm just saying I'm thinking of personal trainers and
different people that are in the physical education, you know,
just educating people about about physical about exercise. They a
lot of times say, if you don't make time for
like in particular exercise, then eventually you're going to have
(06:47):
to because your health will deteriorate to the point where
you then are nursing. Who knows what, but I'm I'm
just wondering if you think that selflessness, you know, if
you consider yourself being selfless, if that can be a
form of self neglect, what do you think it is?
Speaker 4 (07:05):
It is absolutely a form of self neglect.
Speaker 5 (07:08):
And I think that it's hard because you know, you
always hear the whole you know, put your oxygen mask
on first. People repeat that as from the airplane, but
people repeat it all the time. But the thing is
that when you're in the thick of it, like you
don't know where your oxygen mask is, you know. Because
I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how
(07:28):
to take time for myself because anytime I would take
time for myself, I would feel guilty because there are
all these other things that I needed to be doing.
I had so much responsibility, and so for me to
take time for myself, there was just so much emotion
around that that I couldn't even relax when I tried
because of all the other things.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
That were going on in my head.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Yeah, well you make me think of my effort. You Now,
I grew up in a wonderful family, but the women
in my family were typically you know, they were basically
serving and giving all the time. And I'm wondering what
role you would say, culture or upbringing play in Maybe
(08:11):
is it possible that we feel obligated to overgive?
Speaker 5 (08:16):
Absolutely, it's definitely part of how we grew up, how
our society is that just the norms, you know, what
we've been taught, and the norms and just everything.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
It's part of.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
That.
Speaker 5 (08:30):
But it's also part of our nature because as women
were nurturers, you know, so it's part of who we are.
But we're nurturers, but we're also trying to do all
these other things and we forget to nurture ourselves.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
There's another thing I'm thinking of is have you ever
you know, I'm just wondering if you have any stories
or anything around I was wondering if when helping somebody
is actually enabling them. I'm just thinking of I've recognized
that a few times when it's like it's not really
(09:07):
doing them any good. So what would you say about
helping somebody actually you know, be in a form of
enabling them so that they're not taking care of themselves.
Where's that line?
Speaker 4 (09:19):
Where's the line that is?
Speaker 5 (09:21):
I'm I know that very well, and I'm still not
clear on where that line is.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
It's a great fuzzy area, right, because it's also.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
Going to depend on the person and the situation as
to where that line really is. So it sounds like
it's easy, right stop enabling. You can you can see
when you're doing too much for someone and it's just
letting them perpetuate the situation that they're in because you're
taking care of things, right. But then there's also times
when that person really needs your support and they're trying
(09:52):
really hard. But it's hard sometimes to define or to
really know where where that where are the differences like
when you're just enabling and when you're supporting.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
So I think that.
Speaker 5 (10:08):
Again you have to take a step back out and
get yourself like out of the situation. There's another reason
why stepping out and giving yourself that self care, taking
time to step away and clear your mind can help
you look at it, hopefully from a different perspective than
just being always in the thick of it so that
you can see am I enabling or am I supporting?
Speaker 4 (10:30):
And you know I'm guilty of both.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Right, Well, I'm actually I'm not going to go into
the story, but I'm thinking of two sisters in my
neighborhood who are taking care of their father as well
as an antie. They're both in The antie's husband has died,
but these two sisters are taking care of both, and
the antie is actually terrible. They have to uncut all
(11:00):
kinds of stuff around finances that she just has not
taken care of. And so they actually called me one
day because they were so overwhelmed that they were like frozen.
So I came in and I looked at the big
(11:21):
situation and just sat down with them and just listened
and was going, Okay, so why don't you do this
and do this and do this and try and so
they were very grateful just for a little bit of
support and someone on the outside to talk to. But
what I'm and because that is a situation that there
was a financial situation there that was just a train wreck,
(11:44):
like taxes not having been paid and all kinds of things.
But what would you say about in what ways does
putting yourself last show up in your bank account? I'm
you know, I'm sure sometimes if things aren't being paid,
it can turn into a real problem, real fast.
Speaker 5 (12:06):
Yeah, And that's not usually the conversation I have around
of putting yourself last as far as that goes.
Speaker 4 (12:12):
But I think that.
Speaker 5 (12:15):
That having the things not being paid and not having
those not having taxes filed and bills paid is actually
more common than people realize of people that are that
are getting older, right, So that this is another reason
why it's important to have somebody that you that you trust,
that's a family member that can handle finances for you
(12:36):
and getting those powers of attorney and things that we
talk about in financial and estate planning together, because it's
really hard when you're older and you're starting to lose
some capacity to give up things, because give up power,
because you already know that you're when you're at that
transition point, you already know that you're kind of losing it,
(12:57):
and you feel like if you're giving it away, then you're.
Speaker 4 (12:59):
Losing it all.
Speaker 5 (13:00):
But if you can give someone that power before you
start to lose capacity, it's actually easier to give that power,
not that they're going to do it right then, but
give them the ability to have the power later when
it's needed to take that on. It can be really
helpful because the thing that most people don't realize is
when a person starts to lose their capacity, their memory, Alzheimer's, dementia,
(13:22):
whatever you want to call it, they don't necessarily know
that they are. They think that they are much more
capable than they are and much more present than they are,
and you.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
Can't tell them that they're not right.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
One of the I've got a couple of professional designations,
and one of them was a whole section on as
we get older and and seniors losing control and so
you're making me think of this whole thing that I
went through in this training. But it's really true because
I've seen it in my own family. As people get older,
(14:01):
they there's less and less control, like what if the
car keys are taken away? And then you know, and
I actually had to tell a client not too long ago,
you need to get your kids involved in helping you
with your finances because he was forgetting things. So what
do you know? Why don't you tell me? Tell me
(14:24):
that story? You were saying you had another story I
think was with your husband.
Speaker 5 (14:28):
Yeah, it's it's about how I discovered that I was
putting myself least financially and this has this has more
to do with money personalities. But I so I am
in the financial business, so I handle our household finances.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
And we're a blended marriage.
Speaker 5 (14:46):
We got married older in life and and so we
don't really you know, control each other.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
We have we have mixed stuff, but it's we don't
kind of do our own thing.
Speaker 5 (14:55):
So I really realized that my husband was spending more
money than he realized he was spending right, And I
was like, you know, you know, you go on this trip,
you go on that trip, you do this, you do that,
and like he's like, it's not that much. You know,
I get a cabin with the guys and like it's
you know, we split it and it's you know, and
(15:17):
I'm like, yeah, you're you've got to pay for your
boat and your boat insurance and your gas and your
fishing stuff, and like it's fun. So I said, I'm
giving you a budget, Like I'm just putting you on
a budget, and you get this much money. Each paycheck
is yours and you get to spend it however you
want and you need this, but you have to save
it because you need to pay for the trip later.
(15:37):
So you have to like live within your means within
this budget. Simple, absolutely super simple budgeting, like just this
one little piece of it. I'm not even you know,
talking about their wizards, just one little piece. And the
whole point of it was not to restrict him, but
it was to make him see how much money he
was actually spading, right. So we did this for a
couple of months and I came back to him and
(15:58):
I said, oh, I forgot I forgot this. He asked me,
are you gonna put yourself on a budget too, And
I said, sure, I'll give myself the same exact budget,
same household, same lifestyle, whatever, same thing, So I'll do
the same thing.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
He's like, okay. So I came back to him a
couple of months later. I was like, how's it going?
Speaker 5 (16:13):
And he said it's fine. And I'm like fine, what
do you mean by fine? And he's like, well, he's
like it's it's okay. And I go, well, do you
feel restricted? Do you feel like it's not enough money?
How do you feel He's like, oh, he's like I
feel fine.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
And he's like, I'm just I'm making better decisions.
Speaker 5 (16:30):
I'm like, oh, tell me more, and he said, well, like,
for instance, I saw this golf shirt that I wanted,
and normally I would just buy the golf shirt, but
he has a whole closet full of golf shirts, and.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
He's like, but I thought about it.
Speaker 5 (16:42):
And I was like, mm, if I buy this golf shirt,
I won't have this money to put towards my golf trump.
Speaker 4 (16:47):
So I'm not going to buy the shirt. I'm just
going to save it for the Trump. And I said, well, do.
Speaker 5 (16:53):
You feel bad that you didn't get to buy the shirt?
He's like, no, I don't need the shirt. I mean,
but you would have bought it if it didn't if
you didn't have this, and he said yeah, I would
have totally about it and I would have gone on
the trip too. But now so he's making better choices.
He doesn't care that he is and have the shirt.
And so I was like, that's great. This, this worths
even better pole because my whole idea was just to
make him see like you're actually.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Spending a lot of money.
Speaker 5 (17:15):
So then the flip side of it was that I
every time I would spend money and myself would feel guilty.
I would just be like, oh gosh, I shouldn't buy that,
because you know, I'm.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
The planner, I'm the saver.
Speaker 5 (17:28):
I'm the one who's like, this should go you know,
this should replenish my emergency fund that we spent on
the windows for the house, or this should replen it,
this should go into my retirement fund, Like I should
be spending this.
Speaker 4 (17:38):
You know, I can't afford to go on a girl's trip.
Speaker 5 (17:40):
All these things I was telling myself, but you know
I was the only one telling me that.
Speaker 4 (17:45):
So now I have the.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
Same money and I'm using like these little packets of
these samples of this stuff I got for face cream
from facials that I picked up from this this little storm,
and I'm using I'm like, God, this stuff is fantastic.
And I'm like, I would I ever spend this much
money on myself. And then I'm like, wait a minute,
I have the money. I have it set aside. It's
(18:07):
my money, it's my me money, and this is where
any money came from.
Speaker 4 (18:10):
I can want this.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
Yeah, And so I bought it.
Speaker 5 (18:13):
I bought the whole thing. I bought like the day
and the night and I spent like what. I was like,
this is a ton of money, but it was my
money was already set aside for me and I didn't
have to answer to myself and have to answer to
myself because it was already there.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
And it was like mind blowing for me too.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
So once I realized this, and I thought about all
the financial plans that I had done, all the people
that I had talked to, where you come in, you
talk about cash flow, this is what's coming in, this
is what's going.
Speaker 4 (18:40):
Out, this is what we do for this.
Speaker 5 (18:41):
You might put going out to eat, you might put
you know, vacations on there, but there's never a line
at them that says this is my money, my me,
money that I could spend on me. It's never on there.
And I was like, this is mind blowing. So I
started implementing me telling other people about it, and I
found that it works with almost any money, with all
the money personalities. Almost every percent is like wow, this
(19:04):
is just really giving me a framework around what I
spend on myself. So for me, it allowed me to
put myself first and as a line item on my
budget and say I am allowed to spend money on myself.
Speaker 4 (19:15):
Right, Yeah, Well.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
What would you say about So if somebody is constantly giving,
how does that show up affecting a long term goal
like retirement? Yeah, I was just you know, the retirement, well,
the emergency fund. Like that's what I've seen so many
(19:42):
times where somebody's taking money out of retirement because of
this that, and I'm going, no, no, no, find another
way or put it off or whatever. Don't don't take
your don't don't put your retirement money at risk. How
do you think it shows up for retirement?
Speaker 4 (19:57):
It definitely shows up. Let me tell you a story
about somebody that I know.
Speaker 5 (20:01):
This person that I know had a decent job and lived,
you know, middle class, you know, nice you know, decent
summer home and had this nice job and was doing well,
and had this sister that also had a nice job,
but had a lesser home and maybe her husband didn't work,
(20:23):
and so they always lived very poor and they just
made different decisions with their life.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
Right.
Speaker 5 (20:30):
So this this person, let's just say his name is Bob.
So I'm just pulling a name out of the ear.
So the person is Bob, and Bob is going to
visit his mother out of state, and his sister wants
to go, So Bob is buying his sister tickets to
(20:51):
go visit the mother because they lived, they're poor and whatever.
Speaker 4 (20:56):
The truth behind this, behind.
Speaker 5 (20:58):
The scenes, is that Bob is not putting money into
his into his retirement funds. He's spending his money well
as the system is putting money into her retirement fund
this whole time, which is why they're living poor, because
she's putting the money in there. So guess what happens, Bob,
(21:18):
who's been giving money out, giving his money to his
sister to help her all these years when it comes
to retirement time. Guess who gets to retire first.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Yeah, that is so easy to have happen. Oh my gosh, Yeah, yeah,
you're right, Well what do you Yeah, I'm just hoping
that some of these things are going to help people
recognize maybe some of these conversations in themselves. And how
(21:51):
do you think Gyelter fear keep people from setting healthy boundaries?
I mean, would would that be a case of setting boundaries?
I mean I would say he's not setting boundaries for himself, right,
He's not putting saving for retirement retirement high enough on
his own list.
Speaker 5 (22:10):
Yeah, he's not he's not taking care of himself, but
he's also he's not spending the money on himself, He's
spending it on someone else. He's being very generous in
giving and helping out someone that he feels like needs support,
you know, and maybe he is enabling We talked about
that before, because they're living this lifestyle, because that's the
lifestyle that they're choosing. You know, it's not it's not
(22:32):
that they can't do more. They're choosing that lifestyle. But
there's a lot of things in there. There's boundaries, there's
you know, there's all that.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
Well, what are some other examples that you can think of,
like missed opportunities that people face when they don't invest
in themselves and retirement, you know, saving for the future.
That's part of investing in yourself.
Speaker 5 (23:00):
Right, absolutely, So when I when I talk about me
money and putting yourself on as a line on on
your budget and paying yourself first, kind of like it's
kind of like the.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
Same things with that personal finances.
Speaker 5 (23:12):
So it's it's it's allowing yourself to enjoy money. Now,
if you're a person that's a saver and always wants
to save it for later.
Speaker 4 (23:20):
But if you're a spender.
Speaker 5 (23:21):
It's allowing you to put a container around it to
say like I'm allowed to spend this, but I need
to make.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
My choices like is my money worthy of this purchase.
Speaker 5 (23:32):
So that it allows you to have freedom within a
certain amount and just make those better choices so that
you can be sure that you're putting away for you know,
retirement and saving money elsewhere, so that you'll need to
spending everything. Right.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Have you ever seen when someone does burn out? Have
you ever seen that result in like a career setback? Oh?
Speaker 4 (23:54):
Absolutely, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 5 (23:57):
I mean it's it's well, it's all about finding that
we can We talk about work life balance all the time,
but really there's no balance. I mean, and it's what
you what you focus on is what you get, right.
It's just you know, you talk about there's those videos
where you watch where like you say, focus on how
(24:19):
many things are read, and then like a gorilla walks
through the screen, you know what I'm talking about, and
then exactly how it goes.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
But then you're like, you know, how many things were read.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
How many white people, how many white shirts, how many
black shirts? And then the gorilla walks.
Speaker 5 (24:33):
Through exactly whatever and people don't see the gorilla, right,
So if you're if you're not looking for it and
you don't see it, your your brain.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
Is going to pay attention to what you're paying attention to.
Speaker 5 (24:44):
So you have to make yourself pay attention to these
things and make yourself find time for yourself and for
self care and all of those things.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Well, you would hope that people, like from this conversation
to I'm hoping that people might see warning signs that
they're headed that way because I know, you know, like
I went through a terrible divorce about twenty five years
ago and then I've been married for the second time
now for fifteen years, but I know that depleted emotional reserves.
(25:21):
I mean, there was there was a whole lot of
emotions around that divorce. So do you have any examples
of when you're on the way down with emotions impacting
your relationships? Do you have any ideas or stories around
when what you know, Like I sometimes I wonder wonder
(25:45):
what would have happened if I would have realized some things?
You know, what do you think? Do you think that
there's some ways that you can stop this in its tracks?
How can you make sure how you know, you know,
it's like.
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Oh, I am far from the expert on this, but
I have to say that you have to keep an
open mind to yourself and really just look internally because
it's all going to come from inside, and you have
to really think about how you're thinking, how you're feeling,
why you're feeling it, and and sometimes you know, you
(26:29):
need a coach or a therapist or somebody to help
you work through that to figure that out, because sometimes
you can't do it on your own.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
You need someone to talk to you about it.
Speaker 5 (26:37):
Like I talk about money stories and money mindset and
all that stuff all the time. And just a couple
of months ago, I was having a conversation with someone
and they asked me one question and I answered it,
and I was like light bulb because I was like,
oh my god, that just explains something to me about
something in my life that I hadn't even thought about yet.
But because I'm so used to now thinking about things
(27:00):
like that, as soon.
Speaker 4 (27:01):
As those words came out of my mouth, I was.
Speaker 5 (27:03):
I connected the dots and I was like, that's why
I'm doing that, and that's why because I'm telling him
a story about something that happened in my childhood and
I was like, Okay, that's exactly why I'm doing what
I'm doing. It's just you really have to just get
inside your own head and start understanding what makes you tick.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
And most people don't do that, right.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
I think for me, it's taken a lifetime of trial
and error, going to programs, just doing all kinds of
different things. I remember right after my divorce and having
to restart myself financially and all that, going to a
therapist and all I wanted to do was throw the
garbage can at him because he was like, well, how
(27:44):
do you feel? And I'm like, I feel like I'm angry. Yeah,
so yeah, you know, so let's talk. Let's talk a
little bit about how you can take back your power.
I wanted. The first thing I'm thinking of is what's
some difference between generosity that's healthy and generosity that's harmful
(28:08):
to you?
Speaker 5 (28:12):
Wow, that's really you are asking good questions.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
I don't think that again.
Speaker 5 (28:19):
Like, I hate to say this, but there's not ever
a one good answer for everybody, but I feel like,
as long as you are aware of your finances, I mean,
you know this, you work in finance, Like, as long
as you know where everything is going, and that you're
that you're you have all the right things, and you
have a strategy for your giving, whether it's to your system,
(28:41):
whether it's to.
Speaker 4 (28:42):
Whatever charity you want, or whatever it's for.
Speaker 5 (28:45):
As long as you have a strategy and something behind
it so that you understand where it fits.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
Into your overall picture, that's what's important.
Speaker 3 (28:54):
Mm hmm. What do you think are some so if
somebody says, oh, I need to make some changes, what
would you say are some practical ways to set boundaries
for yourself without feeling selfish? Well?
Speaker 4 (29:13):
I think the biggest thing is take it in small chunks.
Speaker 5 (29:16):
Right, So, I know I have like at this all
or nothing personality, and I'm like I'm either doing it
or I'm not doing it, and I need to stop that.
I need to actively stop that and say like, Okay,
I'm just going to do this one piece, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 4 (29:34):
Like, for instance, I'm usually one of those people who's like.
Speaker 5 (29:36):
Either I'm going to the gym regularly or I'm just
not doing any exercise at all because I feel like, oh,
a fifteen minute walk, what's that going to do? But
you know what if I take a fifteen minute walk
every couple of days.
Speaker 4 (29:48):
It all adds up, right, Every.
Speaker 5 (29:49):
Little bit count Yeah, absolutely, so just remember every little
bit counts. Take it in small chunks, work towards what
it is that you feel like you need to do.
Don't feel like you have to just transform overnight. It's
everything's a process.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
Well don't you think it's also around how you frame it?
You know, like how can you reframe self care so
it feels like a necessity and not a luxury?
Speaker 5 (30:14):
Yeah, well, and that's part of the financially the met
money method, Like it's it's part of the process. Like
you just set up the process and it's just there
and then it is self care.
Speaker 4 (30:25):
It's not a luxury, it's just a thing that you have.
Speaker 5 (30:27):
I think that by creating that structure, I mean, it's
kind of like just the habit thing, right, you know,
we have all the all the books about like the
good habits, these tiny things that you do every day.
It's that same sort of thing where if you just start,
you just have to start at whatever peace you want
to start with.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
So how so if you say okay, I'm going to
say no. Sometimes say no is hard, but it's what
you really need to do. How can say no actually
strengthen a relationship then instead of harming you know sometimes
you know, like with your spouse, I think you make
(31:09):
choices right and so have you ever had times when
you've said no and you've found that saying no to
something actually strengthen your relationship?
Speaker 4 (31:21):
Absolutely?
Speaker 5 (31:22):
I think the biggest, the hardest part about saying no
is not the saying no and the other person, it's
how you feel about yourself when you say no.
Speaker 4 (31:31):
I mean, think about it. When you say no to someone.
Speaker 5 (31:35):
Is it really that they're that upset or that you
just feel really guilty? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (31:43):
Sometimes I think, yeah you might. I mean what I'm
thinking of is fomo, you know, I fear of missing out.
I have found that and so a lot of times
I have to just step back and say what's really
important here?
Speaker 4 (31:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (31:58):
So do you think there's a way to track and
measure the personal cost of overgiving?
Speaker 5 (32:10):
I think the only way that you can track and
measure that is by your own feelings, your own I
don't think there's another way.
Speaker 4 (32:20):
Yeah, I mean, it's going to be you know, and
it's going to be different for every single person.
Speaker 5 (32:25):
I keep saying that, but it is right, because you're
if you're talking about this joy in giving, like, there
absolutely is a joy in giving, but there's also guilt
when you don't, and sometimes there's guilt when you do
because you sometimes you know, sometimes you're giving and you
(32:47):
know that you're hurting yourself by doing it.
Speaker 4 (32:49):
M And so.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
I want to ask you. You know, in my intro
of you, you you mentioned there was a little piece
about being a teen mom and then completely rebuilding yourself
into a successful, successful grown woman. Here where no. So
I'm going to give you a little story about myself.
(33:12):
So that divorced twenty five years ago, I characterized myself
as being curled up in a corner, sucking my thumb,
just completely blown away, and I finally realized I needed
to My three daughters were also hurting, and so I
needed to restart myself. And so I know the day
(33:32):
that I said, damn it, I'm not going to let
this destroy me. I'm going to find a way. And
that was the point where I started rebuilding my life
and I had, you know, completely redo my finances and everything.
So do you tell me a little bit about that process.
I mean, if you were you were a young you
(33:54):
were a teenage mom and then where, how how did
you go through your process? What do you think when
you step back and look at your life.
Speaker 5 (34:07):
I made a lot of bold moves in my life.
Being a teen mom was the was one of those.
I mean, deciding to have a child at sixteen is
a huge bold move, and I didn't I didn't think
of it that way then, right, because everyone looks down
on you, and everyone you know, is like always questioning you.
(34:28):
And then even as you get older, when when you
meet people and you're like, oh, this is my daughter
and they're they're like, how old is she?
Speaker 4 (34:33):
And then they're like doing math that you can see
them doing.
Speaker 6 (34:36):
Yeah, how many times I saw people doing you know,
that's crazy.
Speaker 5 (34:42):
But you know, that was a bold move and I
look back at it now and I'm like, hell, yeah,
that was sorry, that was a bold move, and like
I'm like, I should be super proud of that, and
I am. And then you know, I did get married,
and then I had more kids, and then I was
you know, then I was a mom.
Speaker 4 (34:59):
Try hold everything together. And then I got divorced and
I did the same as you.
Speaker 5 (35:03):
I had to rebuild, and you know, at that time,
I'm not in the financial services business.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
I'm talking to.
Speaker 5 (35:08):
My husband's financial guy and the CPA that he's been
working with, and they won't talk to each other. And
then nobody's given me any answers. Nobody cares about me
and my piddly little money, you know this, Yeah, And
I'm like, just you know, what do I.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
Do with this?
Speaker 5 (35:24):
Now that I have this, like this little bit, what
do I do with it? How do I how do
I get ahead? What do I do? And so, you know,
that was a whole story in itself, and I don't
I found some help, but it wasn't the help that
I needed, and it was okay, but really it was
just somebody selling me stuff to make money.
Speaker 4 (35:43):
And yeah, it was an investment, but I feel like
I just didn't know who to go to. I did
have a person to trust, and so I just figured
things out.
Speaker 5 (35:51):
And that's that's one of the reasons why I'm so
passionate about financial wellness and talking about finance and and
and getting the message out that that there resources out
there for people so that they aren't like you or me,
you know, just because I'm sure you probably we were
the same way, just like trying to figure it out
on your own.
Speaker 4 (36:10):
I mean, did you well, I didn't ask me.
Speaker 3 (36:12):
I didn't twenty five years ago, I didn't have somebody
that was like me exactly. I felt very much I
felt very much alone.
Speaker 5 (36:21):
Yeah, absolutely, And so that's one of my goals is
to make sure that people aren't alone and they're going
through that stuff.
Speaker 4 (36:26):
But yeah, and I also, I mean bold moves.
Speaker 5 (36:29):
Yeah, walking away from a twenty twenty three year marriage
after you know, I was what forty five at the time,
so over half my life I was married by.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
That point, that was a bold move. I didn't know
what I was doing. I had to recreate myself.
Speaker 5 (36:42):
Decided to go back to school at forty eight, you know,
get my bachelor's degree, and then I still didn't know
what I was going to do, you know, and things
just came about in you know, the way they came about.
But when I look back, like every every bold move
that I made, and everything that every obstacle that I overcame,
and every opportunity that I thought I lost actually was
(37:05):
a sil you know, was a good thing, was a
silver lining to help me get to where I am.
Speaker 3 (37:09):
Yes, you can look back and you can say, oh,
that actually was yeah, you can see you can see it.
Speaker 4 (37:16):
You can see it to the hindsight.
Speaker 5 (37:17):
Yeah, Like, there was this job that I wanted, I
wanted so bad, and I was like one of the
top two and they were making me do like all
these different interviews and I had to do a presentation.
It was like between me and this one other person,
I was much more qualified than this other person, and
the other person got the job, and I was like devastated.
But that was right before I got into the career
of financial services, and.
Speaker 4 (37:38):
I was like, thank goodness I didn't get that job.
Thank goodness I did not get that job. Yeah, because
I would still be stuck in that in over there,
in doing that thing and not making.
Speaker 5 (37:51):
You know, the money that that I that I wanted
to make, that I deserve to make, and I'd still
be undervaluing myself and and I wouldn't be helping the
people that helping.
Speaker 3 (38:00):
Now we're not really talking about purpose today, but that's
one of the things that I do a lot of
with financial education is talking about what's your purpose for
your life? And that was what I had to do
way back in the day when I was like what
am I where am I going? What am I doing now?
And so what you're really talking about is is really
(38:23):
finding that And I think that those that can find
a purpose in their life that really gives the joy
it can really help. So we are we're running out
of time. It always happens. So what small steps for
(38:44):
those that are listening, that are thinking about this, What
small steps do you think you could take to start
investing in yourself, both financially and emotionally.
Speaker 5 (38:58):
Let me say, the one thing that I would tell
anybody to do is to think about where they want
to be in the future, whether that's financially or with
a job, or or in their personal life, whatever it is.
Think about what that is, and then take at least
one small step every single day towards that goal, whatever
(39:22):
it is, even if it's sending one email yeah, or
making one phone call or researching you spend in an
hour researching something you know, just do something every day
to work towards that version of you that you want
to become.
Speaker 3 (39:39):
Right right, and don't beat yourself up. I would say,
give yourself credit, celebrate those little teeny tiny wins.
Speaker 5 (39:50):
Right, yes, give yourself the same compassion you would give
somebody else.
Speaker 4 (39:55):
Think about it.
Speaker 5 (39:55):
If it was your best friend or your sister talking
to you and saying, this is where I'm at, this
is whatever, give yourself the compassion you would give them.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
Right right?
Speaker 4 (40:05):
Well?
Speaker 3 (40:06):
Can you also? Can you think of anything else about break?
You know, like somebody is going, oh, I can see
myself in this. What would you say would be some
strategies to help break the cycle of always putting yourself last?
Maybe saying no.
Speaker 5 (40:25):
More, saying no more setting boundaries and boundaries. You know,
if I could get into a whole other spiel about boundaries,
and I don't want to do that because we're run
out of time, but you know, look up the real
definition of boundaries, because boundaries sometimes aren't what you think
they are. Sometimes you're thinking about setting boundaries for other
(40:45):
people or other things, but really you got to set
your own boundaries, right.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
So well, talking with just a little bit more about boundaries,
how do you think you can involve family and friends
in supporting So if you're saying, Okay, I'm going to
have these new boundaries, I'm gonna have new ways of being,
how how can you get those that are closest to
you involved in supporting you. What do you think.
Speaker 4 (41:12):
Communication is always the answer to almost everything is communicating.
Speaker 5 (41:17):
But that doesn't mean that they're going to understand or
that they are going to be supportive.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
It doesn't mean that. And you know what, that's okay,
It's not their life, it's yours.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
Yeah, Well, how do you think you remind yourself? I mean,
I can tell you so many times when I've like restarted,
but restarted, restarted and restarted, but every time I was
a little bit further ahead and I didn't realize it.
(41:49):
But how can you remind yourself? You know that you
are making progress and that taking care of yourself. What
would you say would be strategies around reminding yourself to
take care of yourself so that you can benefit those
that you need or want to give to.
Speaker 4 (42:09):
Read.
Speaker 5 (42:09):
Every day is the first day of the rest of
your life. You get a fresh start every day to
do whatever right. That doesn't mean that your past is erased.
It means you've learned from your past and it's a
stepping stone to your future. Everything that you do is
about becoming the next best version of yourself. So even
(42:30):
if you have setbacks, all those times you restarted, all
the times I restarted, those were all parts of us
becoming our next best self.
Speaker 3 (42:41):
Yeah, well we are going to run out of time,
but I would love to have you. Can you summarize
the me money method and just exactly, you know, how
what it is and how it came about. And you
talked a little bit about how it came about, but
you know, just maybe talking a little bit about what
it is.
Speaker 6 (43:01):
It came about because I put my husband on a
budget and then I put myself on the same budget
and was mind blowing for us because we both we
both were able to it leaned into our personalities and
that's the key part of it because it's a financial strategy,
but it's a mindset shift because it.
Speaker 5 (43:17):
Takes your money personality and it gives a framework to it.
So that's why it works with any money personality because
there's a framework to it. It's taking a set amount
of money and putting it aside just for you, and
then that's the money that you can spend on yourself
and you don't answer to anyone. If you want to
buy it, you buy it. It's your money. You can't
(43:37):
go outside of that, though you have to.
Speaker 4 (43:39):
You have to live within your me money means, but
you don't have to answer to your For me, I
have to answer to myself. So in for my husband,
he was just making better choices.
Speaker 5 (43:48):
Right, So depending on where you fall in your personality, that's.
Speaker 4 (43:52):
The key shift to it is that it gives you
a type of abundance rather than restriction, because you get
to make the choices about what you value. Is this
worthy of my money or not?
Speaker 5 (44:05):
And for instance, I was a person who could justify
paying ten dollars for ten different things at ten different times,
but I wasn't going to justify spending one hundred dollars
on myself. So I was really probably spending the same
amount of money sometimes, but I was just making a
better choice rather than ten things for ten dollars because
it was a deal, because I can always justify that
(44:27):
because awareness. Yeah, it is awareness, you're right, absolutely.
Speaker 3 (44:36):
So it's an online course that you take.
Speaker 5 (44:39):
There's an online course I have, uh huh, and it's
pretty simple and there's an easy way to do it,
and then there's like a more complicated way to do
it that talks about like how to figure the cash flow,
and it's all in the course and you can figure
out your money personality in there and just understand a
lot more than yourself.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
Well, on my way site, I always have this thing
that I have about information about guests, and so there
will be information on the website about where to find
Linda and links to all of her cool stuff. So
with that, Linda, the time is gone.
Speaker 4 (45:21):
I know so much.
Speaker 3 (45:22):
So thank you so much for joining us, and thank
you so much for joining the Ask Good Questions podcast,
and we will see you again next time.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
Today's episode is over, but we need ask Good Questions again,
didn't We don't miss out as we broadcast live every Wednesday,
six pm Eastern Time on W four CY Radio at
w four cy dot com. Joined Banina Bellenderson next week
for more conversations with experts on finances, retirement, behavioral finance issues,
(45:57):
health and wellness and more. Until well then, remember to
ask good questions.
The topics and opinions expressed in the following show are
solely those of the hosts and their guests and not
those of W FOURCY Radio. It's employees are affiliates. We
make no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services,
or products mentioned on air or on our web. No
liability explicitor implies shall be extended to W FOURCY Radio
or its employees are affiliates. Any questions or comments should
be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing
(00:21):
W FOURCY Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Welcome to to Ask Good Questions Podcasts, broadcasting live every Wednesday,
six pm Eastern Time on W four CY Radio at
w four cy dot com. This week and every week,
we will reach for a higher purpose in money and life,
as well as a focus on health and wellment. Now,
(00:49):
let's join your host, Anita bell Anderson, as together we
start with Asking Good Questions.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Hello, and welcome to the Ask Good Questions podcast. So
excited that you're here today. We have a wonderful guest
today that is going to enlighten you with some very
important things that sometimes we might even not be thinking about.
So with that, I would like to invite my guest
to the proverbial podcast stage. Her name is Linda Grizzly,
(01:26):
like the bear right right. So Linda is a personal
finance educator and she's also a motivational speaker, and she
is the creator of something she calls me Money or
the Me Money Method, and it's a mindset first approach.
(01:47):
I'm seeing that more and more of these gates a
mindset first approach that helps women stop putting themselves in
their own budget last. So that's basically what we're going
to be talking about today is how a lot of
times women put themselves last. She is a former teen
mom who went back to college at forty eight and
(02:10):
built a multi six figure career in financial services and
now she helps women gain clarity and confidence and control
with their money without lectures or judgment. So with that, Linda,
I just want to welcome you to the podcast.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
Anita, I'm glad to be here.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Yeah. So, you know, this podcast is all about asking
good questions. So I hope that we're going to not
disappoint today with asking some very good questions. So let
me ask you if you do you have anything to
add to that. As I'm asking you, like my first question,
is there anything you want to add when you think
(02:52):
about when did you first realize that always putting others
first was costing you more than you thought?
Speaker 5 (03:02):
Well, I have to say that I first realized that
putting others before myself was costing me my health and
mentally and physically.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
I understood that first.
Speaker 5 (03:15):
And I think that that that came about during during
COVID times when I was trying to juggle everything. I
had two elderly parents that I was partly taking care of.
It was complicated, and it was just a lot, Like
I had a lot going on. And there was one
(03:36):
point in time where I ended up hanging up on
my mother on the phone and my husband was like,
what is wrong with you? And I was like, you know,
I just I was dealing with my dad. Like I said,
there's separate. I was dealing with something with my dad
and like like he had been in this accident and
like it was just everything was just way too much.
(03:57):
And I realized at that point that I was putting
everyone else before me and I was trying to do
it all, but I still wasn't taking care of myself.
So I think that's when I realized, like mentally and
physically what was happening, But it wasn't actually until a
little while later that I realized that I was putting
everybody else before myself financially as well. And that actually
(04:21):
came about in a completely different way than you would think,
because it came about because I put my husband on
a budget.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
And I can tell you more about that story, but.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
I want to just start talking and take completely off
track yet, so I will stop there and let you
ask me the next question.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
Well, it's kind of the truth behind that is that
if you don't, if you don't take care of yourself,
then you're not going to be Eventually, it's going to
catch up to you, and you're not going to be
any good to anybody. So that is a truth that
I have learned again and again and again that you
have to take care of yourself first. So tell me this,
(05:01):
what do you think are some of the subtle morning
signs that you're giving too much financially or emotionally where
you suddenly realize that you're on the way to burn out.
Speaker 5 (05:17):
Well, I think like physically and mentally the signs are there.
I mean I knew they were there, and most people
know that they're there. They just don't do anything about
it until something happens. And that happens to a lot
of people in the workplace too, like burnout in the workplace,
Like they know it's there, but they just keep pushing through.
And I can tell you that I've talked in the
(05:39):
last six months to probably five different people women who
in the workplace ended up actually in the hospital from
stress and overwork and just everything that was go overwhelm
everything that's going on in their lives. Not necessarily that
they've ended up in the hospital in six months, but
in the last six months, but people that I've talked
to in the last six months, it's it's more prevalent
(06:00):
than you would and you know, it's not like you
don't know, you know, you just don't do anything about
it because you just keep pushing through. Yeah, So it's
it's really it needs to be talked about more because
we need to know that we're not alone and that
this is happening and that we need to do something
(06:22):
about it before those types of things happen.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
I've I'm just saying I'm thinking of personal trainers and
different people that are in the physical education, you know,
just educating people about about physical about exercise. They a
lot of times say, if you don't make time for
like in particular exercise, then eventually you're going to have
(06:47):
to because your health will deteriorate to the point where
you then are nursing. Who knows what, but I'm I'm
just wondering if you think that selflessness, you know, if
you consider yourself being selfless, if that can be a
form of self neglect, what do you think it is?
Speaker 4 (07:05):
It is absolutely a form of self neglect.
Speaker 5 (07:08):
And I think that it's hard because you know, you
always hear the whole you know, put your oxygen mask
on first. People repeat that as from the airplane, but
people repeat it all the time. But the thing is
that when you're in the thick of it, like you
don't know where your oxygen mask is, you know. Because
I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how
(07:28):
to take time for myself because anytime I would take
time for myself, I would feel guilty because there are
all these other things that I needed to be doing.
I had so much responsibility, and so for me to
take time for myself, there was just so much emotion
around that that I couldn't even relax when I tried
because of all the other things.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
That were going on in my head.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Yeah, well you make me think of my effort. You Now,
I grew up in a wonderful family, but the women
in my family were typically you know, they were basically
serving and giving all the time. And I'm wondering what
role you would say, culture or upbringing play in Maybe
(08:11):
is it possible that we feel obligated to overgive?
Speaker 5 (08:16):
Absolutely, it's definitely part of how we grew up, how
our society is that just the norms, you know, what
we've been taught, and the norms and just everything.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
It's part of.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
That.
Speaker 5 (08:30):
But it's also part of our nature because as women
were nurturers, you know, so it's part of who we are.
But we're nurturers, but we're also trying to do all
these other things and we forget to nurture ourselves.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
There's another thing I'm thinking of is have you ever
you know, I'm just wondering if you have any stories
or anything around I was wondering if when helping somebody
is actually enabling them. I'm just thinking of I've recognized
that a few times when it's like it's not really
(09:07):
doing them any good. So what would you say about
helping somebody actually you know, be in a form of
enabling them so that they're not taking care of themselves.
Where's that line?
Speaker 4 (09:19):
Where's the line that is?
Speaker 5 (09:21):
I'm I know that very well, and I'm still not
clear on where that line is.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
It's a great fuzzy area, right, because it's also.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
Going to depend on the person and the situation as
to where that line really is. So it sounds like
it's easy, right stop enabling. You can you can see
when you're doing too much for someone and it's just
letting them perpetuate the situation that they're in because you're
taking care of things, right. But then there's also times
when that person really needs your support and they're trying
(09:52):
really hard. But it's hard sometimes to define or to
really know where where that where are the differences like
when you're just enabling and when you're supporting.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
So I think that.
Speaker 5 (10:08):
Again you have to take a step back out and
get yourself like out of the situation. There's another reason
why stepping out and giving yourself that self care, taking
time to step away and clear your mind can help
you look at it, hopefully from a different perspective than
just being always in the thick of it so that
you can see am I enabling or am I supporting?
Speaker 4 (10:30):
And you know I'm guilty of both.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Right, Well, I'm actually I'm not going to go into
the story, but I'm thinking of two sisters in my
neighborhood who are taking care of their father as well
as an antie. They're both in The antie's husband has died,
but these two sisters are taking care of both, and
the antie is actually terrible. They have to uncut all
(11:00):
kinds of stuff around finances that she just has not
taken care of. And so they actually called me one
day because they were so overwhelmed that they were like frozen.
So I came in and I looked at the big
(11:21):
situation and just sat down with them and just listened
and was going, Okay, so why don't you do this
and do this and do this and try and so
they were very grateful just for a little bit of
support and someone on the outside to talk to. But
what I'm and because that is a situation that there
was a financial situation there that was just a train wreck,
(11:44):
like taxes not having been paid and all kinds of things.
But what would you say about in what ways does
putting yourself last show up in your bank account? I'm
you know, I'm sure sometimes if things aren't being paid,
it can turn into a real problem, real fast.
Speaker 5 (12:06):
Yeah, And that's not usually the conversation I have around
of putting yourself last as far as that goes.
Speaker 4 (12:12):
But I think that.
Speaker 5 (12:15):
That having the things not being paid and not having
those not having taxes filed and bills paid is actually
more common than people realize of people that are that
are getting older, right, So that this is another reason
why it's important to have somebody that you that you trust,
that's a family member that can handle finances for you
(12:36):
and getting those powers of attorney and things that we
talk about in financial and estate planning together, because it's
really hard when you're older and you're starting to lose
some capacity to give up things, because give up power,
because you already know that you're when you're at that
transition point, you already know that you're kind of losing it,
(12:57):
and you feel like if you're giving it away, then you're.
Speaker 4 (12:59):
Losing it all.
Speaker 5 (13:00):
But if you can give someone that power before you
start to lose capacity, it's actually easier to give that power,
not that they're going to do it right then, but
give them the ability to have the power later when
it's needed to take that on. It can be really
helpful because the thing that most people don't realize is
when a person starts to lose their capacity, their memory, Alzheimer's, dementia,
(13:22):
whatever you want to call it, they don't necessarily know
that they are. They think that they are much more
capable than they are and much more present than they are,
and you.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
Can't tell them that they're not right.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
One of the I've got a couple of professional designations,
and one of them was a whole section on as
we get older and and seniors losing control and so
you're making me think of this whole thing that I
went through in this training. But it's really true because
I've seen it in my own family. As people get older,
(14:01):
they there's less and less control, like what if the
car keys are taken away? And then you know, and
I actually had to tell a client not too long ago,
you need to get your kids involved in helping you
with your finances because he was forgetting things. So what
do you know? Why don't you tell me? Tell me
(14:24):
that story? You were saying you had another story I
think was with your husband.
Speaker 5 (14:28):
Yeah, it's it's about how I discovered that I was
putting myself least financially and this has this has more
to do with money personalities. But I so I am
in the financial business, so I handle our household finances.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
And we're a blended marriage.
Speaker 5 (14:46):
We got married older in life and and so we
don't really you know, control each other.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
We have we have mixed stuff, but it's we don't
kind of do our own thing.
Speaker 5 (14:55):
So I really realized that my husband was spending more
money than he realized he was spending right, And I
was like, you know, you know, you go on this trip,
you go on that trip, you do this, you do that,
and like he's like, it's not that much. You know,
I get a cabin with the guys and like it's
you know, we split it and it's you know, and
(15:17):
I'm like, yeah, you're you've got to pay for your
boat and your boat insurance and your gas and your
fishing stuff, and like it's fun. So I said, I'm
giving you a budget, Like I'm just putting you on
a budget, and you get this much money. Each paycheck
is yours and you get to spend it however you
want and you need this, but you have to save
it because you need to pay for the trip later.
(15:37):
So you have to like live within your means within
this budget. Simple, absolutely super simple budgeting, like just this
one little piece of it. I'm not even you know,
talking about their wizards, just one little piece. And the
whole point of it was not to restrict him, but
it was to make him see how much money he
was actually spading, right. So we did this for a
couple of months and I came back to him and
(15:58):
I said, oh, I forgot I forgot this. He asked me,
are you gonna put yourself on a budget too, And
I said, sure, I'll give myself the same exact budget,
same household, same lifestyle, whatever, same thing, So I'll do
the same thing.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
He's like, okay. So I came back to him a
couple of months later. I was like, how's it going?
Speaker 5 (16:13):
And he said it's fine. And I'm like fine, what
do you mean by fine? And he's like, well, he's
like it's it's okay. And I go, well, do you
feel restricted? Do you feel like it's not enough money?
How do you feel He's like, oh, he's like I
feel fine.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
And he's like, I'm just I'm making better decisions.
Speaker 5 (16:30):
I'm like, oh, tell me more, and he said, well, like,
for instance, I saw this golf shirt that I wanted,
and normally I would just buy the golf shirt, but
he has a whole closet full of golf shirts, and.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
He's like, but I thought about it.
Speaker 5 (16:42):
And I was like, mm, if I buy this golf shirt,
I won't have this money to put towards my golf trump.
Speaker 4 (16:47):
So I'm not going to buy the shirt. I'm just
going to save it for the Trump. And I said, well, do.
Speaker 5 (16:53):
You feel bad that you didn't get to buy the shirt?
He's like, no, I don't need the shirt. I mean,
but you would have bought it if it didn't if
you didn't have this, and he said yeah, I would
have totally about it and I would have gone on
the trip too. But now so he's making better choices.
He doesn't care that he is and have the shirt.
And so I was like, that's great. This, this worths
even better pole because my whole idea was just to
make him see like you're actually.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Spending a lot of money.
Speaker 5 (17:15):
So then the flip side of it was that I
every time I would spend money and myself would feel guilty.
I would just be like, oh gosh, I shouldn't buy that,
because you know, I'm.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
The planner, I'm the saver.
Speaker 5 (17:28):
I'm the one who's like, this should go you know,
this should replenish my emergency fund that we spent on
the windows for the house, or this should replen it,
this should go into my retirement fund, Like I should
be spending this.
Speaker 4 (17:38):
You know, I can't afford to go on a girl's trip.
Speaker 5 (17:40):
All these things I was telling myself, but you know
I was the only one telling me that.
Speaker 4 (17:45):
So now I have the.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
Same money and I'm using like these little packets of
these samples of this stuff I got for face cream
from facials that I picked up from this this little storm,
and I'm using I'm like, God, this stuff is fantastic.
And I'm like, I would I ever spend this much
money on myself. And then I'm like, wait a minute,
I have the money. I have it set aside. It's
(18:07):
my money, it's my me money, and this is where
any money came from.
Speaker 4 (18:10):
I can want this.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
Yeah, And so I bought it.
Speaker 5 (18:13):
I bought the whole thing. I bought like the day
and the night and I spent like what. I was like,
this is a ton of money, but it was my
money was already set aside for me and I didn't
have to answer to myself and have to answer to
myself because it was already there.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
And it was like mind blowing for me too.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
So once I realized this, and I thought about all
the financial plans that I had done, all the people
that I had talked to, where you come in, you
talk about cash flow, this is what's coming in, this
is what's going.
Speaker 4 (18:40):
Out, this is what we do for this.
Speaker 5 (18:41):
You might put going out to eat, you might put
you know, vacations on there, but there's never a line
at them that says this is my money, my me,
money that I could spend on me. It's never on there.
And I was like, this is mind blowing. So I
started implementing me telling other people about it, and I
found that it works with almost any money, with all
the money personalities. Almost every percent is like wow, this
(19:04):
is just really giving me a framework around what I
spend on myself. So for me, it allowed me to
put myself first and as a line item on my
budget and say I am allowed to spend money on myself.
Speaker 4 (19:15):
Right, Yeah, Well.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
What would you say about So if somebody is constantly giving,
how does that show up affecting a long term goal
like retirement? Yeah, I was just you know, the retirement, well,
the emergency fund. Like that's what I've seen so many
(19:42):
times where somebody's taking money out of retirement because of
this that, and I'm going, no, no, no, find another
way or put it off or whatever. Don't don't take
your don't don't put your retirement money at risk. How
do you think it shows up for retirement?
Speaker 4 (19:57):
It definitely shows up. Let me tell you a story
about somebody that I know.
Speaker 5 (20:01):
This person that I know had a decent job and lived,
you know, middle class, you know, nice you know, decent
summer home and had this nice job and was doing well,
and had this sister that also had a nice job,
but had a lesser home and maybe her husband didn't work,
(20:23):
and so they always lived very poor and they just
made different decisions with their life.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
Right.
Speaker 5 (20:30):
So this this person, let's just say his name is Bob.
So I'm just pulling a name out of the ear.
So the person is Bob, and Bob is going to
visit his mother out of state, and his sister wants
to go, So Bob is buying his sister tickets to
(20:51):
go visit the mother because they lived, they're poor and whatever.
Speaker 4 (20:56):
The truth behind this, behind.
Speaker 5 (20:58):
The scenes, is that Bob is not putting money into
his into his retirement funds. He's spending his money well
as the system is putting money into her retirement fund
this whole time, which is why they're living poor, because
she's putting the money in there. So guess what happens, Bob,
(21:18):
who's been giving money out, giving his money to his
sister to help her all these years when it comes
to retirement time. Guess who gets to retire first.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Yeah, that is so easy to have happen. Oh my gosh, Yeah, yeah,
you're right, Well what do you Yeah, I'm just hoping
that some of these things are going to help people
recognize maybe some of these conversations in themselves. And how
(21:51):
do you think Gyelter fear keep people from setting healthy boundaries?
I mean, would would that be a case of setting boundaries?
I mean I would say he's not setting boundaries for himself, right,
He's not putting saving for retirement retirement high enough on
his own list.
Speaker 5 (22:10):
Yeah, he's not he's not taking care of himself, but
he's also he's not spending the money on himself, He's
spending it on someone else. He's being very generous in
giving and helping out someone that he feels like needs support,
you know, and maybe he is enabling We talked about
that before, because they're living this lifestyle, because that's the
lifestyle that they're choosing. You know, it's not it's not
(22:32):
that they can't do more. They're choosing that lifestyle. But
there's a lot of things in there. There's boundaries, there's
you know, there's all that.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
Well, what are some other examples that you can think of,
like missed opportunities that people face when they don't invest
in themselves and retirement, you know, saving for the future.
That's part of investing in yourself.
Speaker 5 (23:00):
Right, absolutely, So when I when I talk about me
money and putting yourself on as a line on on
your budget and paying yourself first, kind of like it's
kind of like the.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
Same things with that personal finances.
Speaker 5 (23:12):
So it's it's it's allowing yourself to enjoy money. Now,
if you're a person that's a saver and always wants
to save it for later.
Speaker 4 (23:20):
But if you're a spender.
Speaker 5 (23:21):
It's allowing you to put a container around it to
say like I'm allowed to spend this, but I need
to make.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
My choices like is my money worthy of this purchase.
Speaker 5 (23:32):
So that it allows you to have freedom within a
certain amount and just make those better choices so that
you can be sure that you're putting away for you know,
retirement and saving money elsewhere, so that you'll need to
spending everything. Right.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Have you ever seen when someone does burn out? Have
you ever seen that result in like a career setback? Oh?
Speaker 4 (23:54):
Absolutely, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 5 (23:57):
I mean it's it's well, it's all about finding that
we can We talk about work life balance all the time,
but really there's no balance. I mean, and it's what
you what you focus on is what you get, right.
It's just you know, you talk about there's those videos
where you watch where like you say, focus on how
(24:19):
many things are read, and then like a gorilla walks
through the screen, you know what I'm talking about, and
then exactly how it goes.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
But then you're like, you know, how many things were read.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
How many white people, how many white shirts, how many
black shirts? And then the gorilla walks.
Speaker 5 (24:33):
Through exactly whatever and people don't see the gorilla, right,
So if you're if you're not looking for it and
you don't see it, your your brain.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
Is going to pay attention to what you're paying attention to.
Speaker 5 (24:44):
So you have to make yourself pay attention to these
things and make yourself find time for yourself and for
self care and all of those things.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Well, you would hope that people, like from this conversation
to I'm hoping that people might see warning signs that
they're headed that way because I know, you know, like
I went through a terrible divorce about twenty five years
ago and then I've been married for the second time
now for fifteen years, but I know that depleted emotional reserves.
(25:21):
I mean, there was there was a whole lot of
emotions around that divorce. So do you have any examples
of when you're on the way down with emotions impacting
your relationships? Do you have any ideas or stories around
when what you know, Like I sometimes I wonder wonder
(25:45):
what would have happened if I would have realized some things?
You know, what do you think? Do you think that
there's some ways that you can stop this in its tracks?
How can you make sure how you know, you know,
it's like.
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Oh, I am far from the expert on this, but
I have to say that you have to keep an
open mind to yourself and really just look internally because
it's all going to come from inside, and you have
to really think about how you're thinking, how you're feeling,
why you're feeling it, and and sometimes you know, you
(26:29):
need a coach or a therapist or somebody to help
you work through that to figure that out, because sometimes
you can't do it on your own.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
You need someone to talk to you about it.
Speaker 5 (26:37):
Like I talk about money stories and money mindset and
all that stuff all the time. And just a couple
of months ago, I was having a conversation with someone
and they asked me one question and I answered it,
and I was like light bulb because I was like,
oh my god, that just explains something to me about
something in my life that I hadn't even thought about yet.
But because I'm so used to now thinking about things
(27:00):
like that, as soon.
Speaker 4 (27:01):
As those words came out of my mouth, I was.
Speaker 5 (27:03):
I connected the dots and I was like, that's why
I'm doing that, and that's why because I'm telling him
a story about something that happened in my childhood and
I was like, Okay, that's exactly why I'm doing what
I'm doing. It's just you really have to just get
inside your own head and start understanding what makes you tick.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
And most people don't do that, right.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
I think for me, it's taken a lifetime of trial
and error, going to programs, just doing all kinds of
different things. I remember right after my divorce and having
to restart myself financially and all that, going to a
therapist and all I wanted to do was throw the
garbage can at him because he was like, well, how
(27:44):
do you feel? And I'm like, I feel like I'm angry. Yeah,
so yeah, you know, so let's talk. Let's talk a
little bit about how you can take back your power.
I wanted. The first thing I'm thinking of is what's
some difference between generosity that's healthy and generosity that's harmful
(28:08):
to you?
Speaker 5 (28:12):
Wow, that's really you are asking good questions.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
I don't think that again.
Speaker 5 (28:19):
Like, I hate to say this, but there's not ever
a one good answer for everybody, but I feel like,
as long as you are aware of your finances, I mean,
you know this, you work in finance, Like, as long
as you know where everything is going, and that you're
that you're you have all the right things, and you
have a strategy for your giving, whether it's to your system,
(28:41):
whether it's to.
Speaker 4 (28:42):
Whatever charity you want, or whatever it's for.
Speaker 5 (28:45):
As long as you have a strategy and something behind
it so that you understand where it fits.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
Into your overall picture, that's what's important.
Speaker 3 (28:54):
Mm hmm. What do you think are some so if
somebody says, oh, I need to make some changes, what
would you say are some practical ways to set boundaries
for yourself without feeling selfish? Well?
Speaker 4 (29:13):
I think the biggest thing is take it in small chunks.
Speaker 5 (29:16):
Right, So, I know I have like at this all
or nothing personality, and I'm like I'm either doing it
or I'm not doing it, and I need to stop that.
I need to actively stop that and say like, Okay,
I'm just going to do this one piece, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 4 (29:34):
Like, for instance, I'm usually one of those people who's like.
Speaker 5 (29:36):
Either I'm going to the gym regularly or I'm just
not doing any exercise at all because I feel like, oh,
a fifteen minute walk, what's that going to do? But
you know what if I take a fifteen minute walk
every couple of days.
Speaker 4 (29:48):
It all adds up, right, Every.
Speaker 5 (29:49):
Little bit count Yeah, absolutely, so just remember every little
bit counts. Take it in small chunks, work towards what
it is that you feel like you need to do.
Don't feel like you have to just transform overnight. It's
everything's a process.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
Well don't you think it's also around how you frame it?
You know, like how can you reframe self care so
it feels like a necessity and not a luxury?
Speaker 5 (30:14):
Yeah, well, and that's part of the financially the met
money method, Like it's it's part of the process. Like
you just set up the process and it's just there
and then it is self care.
Speaker 4 (30:25):
It's not a luxury, it's just a thing that you have.
Speaker 5 (30:27):
I think that by creating that structure, I mean, it's
kind of like just the habit thing, right, you know,
we have all the all the books about like the
good habits, these tiny things that you do every day.
It's that same sort of thing where if you just start,
you just have to start at whatever peace you want
to start with.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
So how so if you say okay, I'm going to
say no. Sometimes say no is hard, but it's what
you really need to do. How can say no actually
strengthen a relationship then instead of harming you know sometimes
you know, like with your spouse, I think you make
(31:09):
choices right and so have you ever had times when
you've said no and you've found that saying no to
something actually strengthen your relationship?
Speaker 4 (31:21):
Absolutely?
Speaker 5 (31:22):
I think the biggest, the hardest part about saying no
is not the saying no and the other person, it's
how you feel about yourself when you say no.
Speaker 4 (31:31):
I mean, think about it. When you say no to someone.
Speaker 5 (31:35):
Is it really that they're that upset or that you
just feel really guilty? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (31:43):
Sometimes I think, yeah you might. I mean what I'm
thinking of is fomo, you know, I fear of missing out.
I have found that and so a lot of times
I have to just step back and say what's really
important here?
Speaker 4 (31:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (31:58):
So do you think there's a way to track and
measure the personal cost of overgiving?
Speaker 5 (32:10):
I think the only way that you can track and
measure that is by your own feelings, your own I
don't think there's another way.
Speaker 4 (32:20):
Yeah, I mean, it's going to be you know, and
it's going to be different for every single person.
Speaker 5 (32:25):
I keep saying that, but it is right, because you're
if you're talking about this joy in giving, like, there
absolutely is a joy in giving, but there's also guilt
when you don't, and sometimes there's guilt when you do
because you sometimes you know, sometimes you're giving and you
(32:47):
know that you're hurting yourself by doing it.
Speaker 4 (32:49):
M And so.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
I want to ask you. You know, in my intro
of you, you you mentioned there was a little piece
about being a teen mom and then completely rebuilding yourself
into a successful, successful grown woman. Here where no. So
I'm going to give you a little story about myself.
(33:12):
So that divorced twenty five years ago, I characterized myself
as being curled up in a corner, sucking my thumb,
just completely blown away, and I finally realized I needed
to My three daughters were also hurting, and so I
needed to restart myself. And so I know the day
(33:32):
that I said, damn it, I'm not going to let
this destroy me. I'm going to find a way. And
that was the point where I started rebuilding my life
and I had, you know, completely redo my finances and everything.
So do you tell me a little bit about that process.
I mean, if you were you were a young you
(33:54):
were a teenage mom and then where, how how did
you go through your process? What do you think when
you step back and look at your life.
Speaker 5 (34:07):
I made a lot of bold moves in my life.
Being a teen mom was the was one of those.
I mean, deciding to have a child at sixteen is
a huge bold move, and I didn't I didn't think
of it that way then, right, because everyone looks down
on you, and everyone you know, is like always questioning you.
(34:28):
And then even as you get older, when when you
meet people and you're like, oh, this is my daughter
and they're they're like, how old is she?
Speaker 4 (34:33):
And then they're like doing math that you can see
them doing.
Speaker 6 (34:36):
Yeah, how many times I saw people doing you know,
that's crazy.
Speaker 5 (34:42):
But you know, that was a bold move and I
look back at it now and I'm like, hell, yeah,
that was sorry, that was a bold move, and like
I'm like, I should be super proud of that, and
I am. And then you know, I did get married,
and then I had more kids, and then I was
you know, then I was a mom.
Speaker 4 (34:59):
Try hold everything together. And then I got divorced and
I did the same as you.
Speaker 5 (35:03):
I had to rebuild, and you know, at that time,
I'm not in the financial services business.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
I'm talking to.
Speaker 5 (35:08):
My husband's financial guy and the CPA that he's been
working with, and they won't talk to each other. And
then nobody's given me any answers. Nobody cares about me
and my piddly little money, you know this, Yeah, And
I'm like, just you know, what do I.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
Do with this?
Speaker 5 (35:24):
Now that I have this, like this little bit, what
do I do with it? How do I how do
I get ahead? What do I do? And so, you know,
that was a whole story in itself, and I don't
I found some help, but it wasn't the help that
I needed, and it was okay, but really it was
just somebody selling me stuff to make money.
Speaker 4 (35:43):
And yeah, it was an investment, but I feel like
I just didn't know who to go to. I did
have a person to trust, and so I just figured
things out.
Speaker 5 (35:51):
And that's that's one of the reasons why I'm so
passionate about financial wellness and talking about finance and and
and getting the message out that that there resources out
there for people so that they aren't like you or me,
you know, just because I'm sure you probably we were
the same way, just like trying to figure it out
on your own.
Speaker 4 (36:10):
I mean, did you well, I didn't ask me.
Speaker 3 (36:12):
I didn't twenty five years ago, I didn't have somebody
that was like me exactly. I felt very much I
felt very much alone.
Speaker 5 (36:21):
Yeah, absolutely, And so that's one of my goals is
to make sure that people aren't alone and they're going
through that stuff.
Speaker 4 (36:26):
But yeah, and I also, I mean bold moves.
Speaker 5 (36:29):
Yeah, walking away from a twenty twenty three year marriage
after you know, I was what forty five at the time,
so over half my life I was married by.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
That point, that was a bold move. I didn't know
what I was doing. I had to recreate myself.
Speaker 5 (36:42):
Decided to go back to school at forty eight, you know,
get my bachelor's degree, and then I still didn't know
what I was going to do, you know, and things
just came about in you know, the way they came about.
But when I look back, like every every bold move
that I made, and everything that every obstacle that I overcame,
and every opportunity that I thought I lost actually was
(37:05):
a sil you know, was a good thing, was a
silver lining to help me get to where I am.
Speaker 3 (37:09):
Yes, you can look back and you can say, oh,
that actually was yeah, you can see you can see it.
Speaker 4 (37:16):
You can see it to the hindsight.
Speaker 5 (37:17):
Yeah, Like, there was this job that I wanted, I
wanted so bad, and I was like one of the
top two and they were making me do like all
these different interviews and I had to do a presentation.
It was like between me and this one other person,
I was much more qualified than this other person, and
the other person got the job, and I was like devastated.
But that was right before I got into the career
of financial services, and.
Speaker 4 (37:38):
I was like, thank goodness I didn't get that job.
Thank goodness I did not get that job. Yeah, because
I would still be stuck in that in over there,
in doing that thing and not making.
Speaker 5 (37:51):
You know, the money that that I that I wanted
to make, that I deserve to make, and I'd still
be undervaluing myself and and I wouldn't be helping the
people that helping.
Speaker 3 (38:00):
Now we're not really talking about purpose today, but that's
one of the things that I do a lot of
with financial education is talking about what's your purpose for
your life? And that was what I had to do
way back in the day when I was like what
am I where am I going? What am I doing now?
And so what you're really talking about is is really
(38:23):
finding that And I think that those that can find
a purpose in their life that really gives the joy
it can really help. So we are we're running out
of time. It always happens. So what small steps for
(38:44):
those that are listening, that are thinking about this, What
small steps do you think you could take to start
investing in yourself, both financially and emotionally.
Speaker 5 (38:58):
Let me say, the one thing that I would tell
anybody to do is to think about where they want
to be in the future, whether that's financially or with
a job, or or in their personal life, whatever it is.
Think about what that is, and then take at least
one small step every single day towards that goal, whatever
(39:22):
it is, even if it's sending one email yeah, or
making one phone call or researching you spend in an
hour researching something you know, just do something every day
to work towards that version of you that you want
to become.
Speaker 3 (39:39):
Right right, and don't beat yourself up. I would say,
give yourself credit, celebrate those little teeny tiny wins.
Speaker 5 (39:50):
Right, yes, give yourself the same compassion you would give
somebody else.
Speaker 4 (39:55):
Think about it.
Speaker 5 (39:55):
If it was your best friend or your sister talking
to you and saying, this is where I'm at, this
is whatever, give yourself the compassion you would give them.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
Right right?
Speaker 4 (40:05):
Well?
Speaker 3 (40:06):
Can you also? Can you think of anything else about break?
You know, like somebody is going, oh, I can see
myself in this. What would you say would be some
strategies to help break the cycle of always putting yourself last?
Maybe saying no.
Speaker 5 (40:25):
More, saying no more setting boundaries and boundaries. You know,
if I could get into a whole other spiel about boundaries,
and I don't want to do that because we're run
out of time, but you know, look up the real
definition of boundaries, because boundaries sometimes aren't what you think
they are. Sometimes you're thinking about setting boundaries for other
(40:45):
people or other things, but really you got to set
your own boundaries, right.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
So well, talking with just a little bit more about boundaries,
how do you think you can involve family and friends
in supporting So if you're saying, Okay, I'm going to
have these new boundaries, I'm gonna have new ways of being,
how how can you get those that are closest to
you involved in supporting you. What do you think.
Speaker 4 (41:12):
Communication is always the answer to almost everything is communicating.
Speaker 5 (41:17):
But that doesn't mean that they're going to understand or
that they are going to be supportive.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
It doesn't mean that. And you know what, that's okay,
It's not their life, it's yours.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
Yeah, Well, how do you think you remind yourself? I mean,
I can tell you so many times when I've like restarted,
but restarted, restarted and restarted, but every time I was
a little bit further ahead and I didn't realize it.
(41:49):
But how can you remind yourself? You know that you
are making progress and that taking care of yourself. What
would you say would be strategies around reminding yourself to
take care of yourself so that you can benefit those
that you need or want to give to.
Speaker 4 (42:09):
Read.
Speaker 5 (42:09):
Every day is the first day of the rest of
your life. You get a fresh start every day to
do whatever right. That doesn't mean that your past is erased.
It means you've learned from your past and it's a
stepping stone to your future. Everything that you do is
about becoming the next best version of yourself. So even
(42:30):
if you have setbacks, all those times you restarted, all
the times I restarted, those were all parts of us
becoming our next best self.
Speaker 3 (42:41):
Yeah, well we are going to run out of time,
but I would love to have you. Can you summarize
the me money method and just exactly, you know, how
what it is and how it came about. And you
talked a little bit about how it came about, but
you know, just maybe talking a little bit about what
it is.
Speaker 6 (43:01):
It came about because I put my husband on a
budget and then I put myself on the same budget
and was mind blowing for us because we both we
both were able to it leaned into our personalities and
that's the key part of it because it's a financial strategy,
but it's a mindset shift because it.
Speaker 5 (43:17):
Takes your money personality and it gives a framework to it.
So that's why it works with any money personality because
there's a framework to it. It's taking a set amount
of money and putting it aside just for you, and
then that's the money that you can spend on yourself
and you don't answer to anyone. If you want to
buy it, you buy it. It's your money. You can't
(43:37):
go outside of that, though you have to.
Speaker 4 (43:39):
You have to live within your me money means, but
you don't have to answer to your For me, I
have to answer to myself. So in for my husband,
he was just making better choices.
Speaker 5 (43:48):
Right, So depending on where you fall in your personality, that's.
Speaker 4 (43:52):
The key shift to it is that it gives you
a type of abundance rather than restriction, because you get
to make the choices about what you value. Is this
worthy of my money or not?
Speaker 5 (44:05):
And for instance, I was a person who could justify
paying ten dollars for ten different things at ten different times,
but I wasn't going to justify spending one hundred dollars
on myself. So I was really probably spending the same
amount of money sometimes, but I was just making a
better choice rather than ten things for ten dollars because
it was a deal, because I can always justify that
(44:27):
because awareness. Yeah, it is awareness, you're right, absolutely.
Speaker 3 (44:36):
So it's an online course that you take.
Speaker 5 (44:39):
There's an online course I have, uh huh, and it's
pretty simple and there's an easy way to do it,
and then there's like a more complicated way to do
it that talks about like how to figure the cash flow,
and it's all in the course and you can figure
out your money personality in there and just understand a
lot more than yourself.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
Well, on my way site, I always have this thing
that I have about information about guests, and so there
will be information on the website about where to find
Linda and links to all of her cool stuff. So
with that, Linda, the time is gone.
Speaker 4 (45:21):
I know so much.
Speaker 3 (45:22):
So thank you so much for joining us, and thank
you so much for joining the Ask Good Questions podcast,
and we will see you again next time.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
Today's episode is over, but we need ask Good Questions again,
didn't We don't miss out as we broadcast live every Wednesday,
six pm Eastern Time on W four CY Radio at
w four cy dot com. Joined Banina Bellenderson next week
for more conversations with experts on finances, retirement, behavioral finance issues,
(45:57):
health and wellness and more. Until well then, remember to
ask good questions.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.