3 Hours Of Reddit Stories - My Best Friend’s Fiancé Confessed He Loves Me But Still Planned To...

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
My best friend's fiance confessed he loves me but still
planned to marry her. I told her she left him,
and I'm helping her move on. My best friend and
I have always been close and I adore her. We're
really open and honest with each other, about as close
as two people can go without being romantically attached. We're
even joking that we're wives because we're so close. Because

(00:20):
of her fastidious personality, we have already discussed random circumstances
and how we would like the other to approach them.
For example, if a guy asked one of us out,
how would the other react, or if we both developed
affections for the same person. We've even discussed what would
happen if one of us died. One of these situations
involved the dreaded if I had a boyfriend and he

(00:40):
had feelings for you issue. The possibility of this happening
has arisen several times over the years, with varied degrees
of concern. We both thought that would be terrible, but
we couldn't agree on how to deal with it. I've
always claimed that I'd want to know, regardless of the circumstances,
but she insisted on not telling me. She has been
adamant about this every time it comes up. Regardless of
how I phrase or changed the circumstance, she made it

(01:03):
abundantly apparent that she would never want to know. About
three years ago, my best buddy began dating a guy.
He was already a loose member of our friend group,
so we both knew him. I didn't think much of
him at first. He appeared cool, courteous, and respectful. He
gradually grew more integrated into our group, and he got
along with everyone. The guys in the group liked him,

(01:24):
the girls were excited for my closest friend, and most importantly,
she was overjoyed. She had always wanted to be in
love and he seemed ideal for her. He treated her
in everyone else with great respect. He and I got
along great, but we never hung out one on one.
Our conversations were primarily limited to small talk about music, work,
and other casual topics which occurred in group situations. He

(01:47):
made similar efforts to connect with the other members of
the group, and I always appreciated that he was interested
in her life and the people she was close to.
I've always been the odd one out among our group
of pals. I missed a few classes in school, so
the mom Most of my pals are significantly older than me,
and I've always been the baby of the group while
most of us attended to the same institution. I've never

(02:07):
been interested in dating, though I've had interest from men.
I'm a daydreamer who is obsessed with my profession. My
future goals do not include children and may not even
include marriage. The idea of love appeals to me, but
I've always been content with myself and have never felt
compelled to seek it out. This resulted in an ongoing
joke among our friends about me dying alone surrounded by dogs.

(02:29):
It was innocent fun, and the guide joined in on
the jokes. Over time, I observed that he was particularly
concerned in my love life, urging me to follow my
goals and take my time. My best friend always did
the same thing, so I didn't think much of it
until about four months ago. I met a man twenty
five million who utterly swept me off my feet. We'll
call him Max because that is his name. It was

(02:51):
very unexpected. He just swooped in and we've had a lovely,
fairy tale like romance. Because of my lack of experience
with relationships. I've spent a lot of time discussing my
sentiments with my best buddy. She's pleased for me, offers advice,
and is usually quite supportive. Her fiance, let's call him Guy,
is often present during these chats and occasionally contributes. Everything

(03:12):
seemed wonderful and awesome until Guy started acting strangely. We'd
be hanging out as a group and i'd relate a
tale about Max. Guy would suddenly act strangely, informing me
that seemingly typical things Max did were red flags. For example,
when Max unexpectedly came up to take me stargazing late
at night, which I appreciated because I enjoy surprises and
work in astronomy, Guy went on about how hazardous it

(03:33):
was for me to go alone. Blah blah. Guy has
always been polite, supportive, and considerate to others. His judgment
is so respected that my best friend began to question
Max's intentions solely because Guy expressed doubts. Meanwhile, all of
my other pals thought Max sounded fantastic and dismissed Guy's
conduct as strange. During this time, Guy told me that

(03:54):
he planned to marry my closest friend. I was ecstatic
for them and pledged to keep it a secret. He
told me because he wanted advice on the ring and
how my best friend wanted to be proposed to. Everything
appeared fine until it wasn't. The tipping point occurred when
Max met my friends for the first time. Everyone liked
him and he appeared to get along with everybody. Max
and Guy were speaking off to the side when Guy

(04:15):
abruptly dropped his drink on the table and walked out
of the pub. My best friend became perplexed and pursued him,
while I approached Max to find out what had happened.
Max appeared shocked. He told me that Guy had been
performing the big brother thing, which he had learned from
a number of the guys in the group. The majority
of them were joking around, but Guy was much more serious.

(04:35):
He stormed out after Max expressed how serious he was
about me. Max told him that there was no need
for concern because he would never injure me. Later on,
Max speculated that Guy might be envious. I was hesitant
because Guy had never done or said anything to indicate
that he had affections for me. He'd always treated me
the same as the rest of the group, despite the
fact that we spent more time together because I frequently

(04:57):
visited him in my closest friend's house. I decided I'd
had enough of the stress and message guy. First, I
inquired if he was okay. Then I stated I hope
things was okay amongst us. All the conversation went as follows.
MY response is everything okay? I hope we're good the gentleman,
it's not cool. I don't trust that guy. You do

(05:19):
you mind if I ask why not? Specifically? No one
else has bad vibes. Everyone even invited him to the
beach tomorrow. Guy, what are you saying? He looks at
you funny. I can't explain it properly. You've known me
a while, you know I have your best interests at heart.
Trust me on this. I understand that you can't help
but get bad vibes, but no one else does. I'm sorry,

(05:42):
but I need more than trust me to go on.
While I appreciate your concern, I'm capable of making my
own mistakes, and I don't think this is one. It
would mean a lot to me if you could try
to get along with him to make it easier for
him to fit in. I plan on keeping him around
for a while, and best friend wants to do double
dates and stuff. You're going to run into him eventually.
Guy replies, One, double date sound lame. Two, even if

(06:07):
they didn't, I don't want him to come. I say, One,
take that up with your lady. Two Do you really
not like him that much? He responded, Okay, he seems
all right, but kind of weird. How can a theater
kid be so alpha? It's more that I'm jealous. My
response was, I resent the notion that theater guys can't

(06:27):
be manly, but also the group is really tight and
everyone really likes you. You've been one of us for
years now. Max got a lot of attention tonight because
he's the new guy. I'm sorry if you felt excluded,
but I promise it's really not like that. He didn't
respond for a long then sent this. He said, I've
been thinking very carefully about how to phrase this message.

(06:49):
I don't want you to think I don't love best friend,
because I do very much. But I'm also in love
with you, and have been for about two years. When
I realized, I thought about breaking up with best friend,
but you were always so in your own world. I
thought I'd never have a shot anyway, especially if I
was your bff. Sex I pushed it down and lived
with it. It was hard, it sucked. I got over it, kai.

(07:11):
I figured that if I couldn't be with you, I
could at least be happy with best friend and close
to you. Then you met Max, and watching you begin
to fall in love with him was the most difficult
thing I've ever had to do. I know this is
cliche and theatrical. I know it's wrong and I should
just not say anything about him, but I genuinely feel
sick when you talk about him. I can't tell you
how much I wanted to strike the guy last night,

(07:32):
and then how bad I felt about it when I
learned he was actually a nice guy. I believe the
only thing worse than you being with another guy as
you being with another guy. I like, sorry for offloading
this onto you. I know it's unfair to do this now.
I do love best friend, you know I do. I
want to marry her. I would rather you didn't tell her,
but what happens next is up to you. I guess

(07:54):
you if this is a joke, it's not funny. Can
you please tell me the truth? He replied, sorry, but
that is the truth. What are you going to do?
I have not responded to him. He then sent me
a few more texts, asking what I was going to do.
I said, I'm thinking small at it. Since I posted this,

(08:15):
he has sent several more messages wondering what I was
going to do. I told him I hadn't made up
my mind, but I also made it apparent that I
didn't reciprocate his feelings. I am devastated, and my feelings
are nothing compared to how best friend would react if
she knew. I want to tell her so badly. I
know if I were in her situation, I would want
to know. The last thing I want is to marry

(08:35):
someone who isn't open with me about something like this.
But when we joked about this situation earlier this year,
she insisted she didn't want to know. I understand it
is not my responsibility, but I still feel bad. I'm
wondering if I did anything to provoke guy's reaction, and
if I can even continue to pretend he never said anything.
His affections have never been reciprocated. Max was with me

(08:56):
when I received the message and has been incredibly supportive,
beit a little annoyed with Guy for obvious reasons. Send help. Summary.
Best friend and Guy met three years ago. He fit
right in with our group of friends, got along with everyone,
and was overall a pleasant person. Life continued on. They
moved in together, and I was overjoyed for her. He

(09:18):
is everything she has ever wanted. Then I met what
seemed to be my dream boyfriend. Everyone was pleased for me,
except Guy, who became quite standoffish and strange about it.
I don't think much about it. Guy wants to marry
my closest friend and asks me for advice. Awesome. After
Max and Guy meet for the first time, things quickly escalate.

(09:38):
Guy begins messaging me that he is in love with me,
but wants to marry my best friend and only be
in love with me in the shadows. His sentiments for
me are not returned in the slightest. I need to
discuss this Reddit. Should I tell her? Should I keep
this to myself? I am upset at Guy. I feel dreadful.
I feel terrible for my dearest friend. I'm not sure

(09:59):
if I can face her in the eyes while she
marries this person. I'm not sure I can let her
marry him. Without her knowing all the facts. I'm overwhelmed.
Please give me some advice. Update. Sorry, this will probably
grow long. It does. There were many differing ideas on
what to do, and many of you had very good
reasons for your suggestions. However, there appeared to be a

(10:21):
consensus one, this sucks and there is no ideal answer,
and two everyone seemed to agree on the letter idea,
which had been presented by a couple of people. The
gist was that I should write a letter, add screen caps,
and then give her the information. That way, she would
have some control over whether or not she wanted to know.
I have to admit that telling her there was something

(10:41):
to know felt like I was forcing her to open it.
But this is what happened. I made the envelope and
went to her house while guy was working, well, just
to hang out. Typical things read it. I'm not a
bad actress, but this woman knows me very well. She
answered the door for me and instantly asked what was
wrong to my everlasting shame, I burst into tears. It
was quite pitiful of me, and not great. Uugh. After

(11:05):
I had collected myself, I began saying what I had
been practicing in my brain. That was something we'd discussed
a lot in hypothetical scenarios, and it had actually occurred.
She'd always stated she didn't want to know, but I
wanted to give her the option. I handed her the
letter then, without even opening it, she started crying, which
prompted me to restart. That was okay, since the absurdity

(11:26):
of us both standing in her living room crying all
over each other made us giggle a little. Many others
assumed she had noticed or understood Guy's feelings, and they
were completely correct. But it gets crazier than that. I
honestly cannot believe I'm describing this. It's simply odd. I
do not know. My closest friend had assumed Guy had
a harmless little crush on me, the kind that people

(11:47):
in partnership sometimes have, But when he didn't tell her
about it, she began to feel uncomfortable. She did something
she should not have. You know how it goes. She snooped.
She snooped on his piece months ago and discovered a
file with my initials buried among a slew of other documents.
She went to get his laptop and handed it to
me to read. As she read my letter, inside. He
had written stories similar to fan fiction about the three

(12:10):
of us living a polly relationship lifestyle as spouses. Some
of it was sexual content, which you know, I think
I would understand more if it had only been sexual fantasies. However,
there were also really long records about our lives together.
It also goes deep. There was a whole storyline about
him attempting to persuade me to have children. I love them,
but I don't have children, and everyone knows it. There

(12:31):
were many stories of varying lengths. I didn't read them all. Instead,
I browsed them with my mouth hanging wide. It's difficult
to express. It was strange to read about myself like that.
There were newer docs that my closest friend hadn't read yet.
She went on to say that she didn't mind because
she was in all of the articles as well. That
reassured her of his love for her, but having me

(12:52):
and their lives in that way was clearly not ideal
for her. She was disturbed by the way he had
spoken to me in the previous day's messages and those
he had seen since. I asked her many questions, including
whether she felt safe. She stated she did. When I
asked her what she wanted to do, she stated she
wanted to leave him. She also apologized for not informing
me earlier. While it bothers me that she didn't, Given

(13:15):
what transpired later, I've basically forgiven her and put any
discussion about it on hold. She doesn't need it right now.
I've been so glad that she wasn't upset with me
for busting her bubble and was more concerned about her
that it appears to be a secondary issue. This was
not one of the things I expected to happen during
my vacation. The subject then moved to me being concerned
about her safety. While he does not appear to be dangerous,

(13:37):
his conduct is quite compulsive, and he is clearly irritated
that his fantasy is growing more and more distant from
reality with Max in the picture. I'm also concerned about
Max's safety. I'm not sure if I'm being rational or paranoid.
She continuously assured me that she felt absolutely protected. She
claims he has never done anything but this, which is
a red sign. But she still wants to leave. She

(13:59):
is natural cautious, so she is taking extra precautions. Then
she stood up and began packing her bags, giving me
normal business like orders on what items she wanted me
to gather from around the home. She filled her suitcases
and I packed a box with her personal belongings. She
then wrote a note to guy stating that she no
longer thought they should be together and that she would
discuss it with him via messaging or in person. A

(14:21):
few days later, in a public area, she assured me
of the plan. This is when I may have done
something wrong. I'm not sure. I have a pen drive
on my keychain. I told her I needed to grab
copies of the articles because even if she doesn't believe
it would happen, we need something to prove his compulsive behavior.
She consented, and I now have a pen drive filled
with stories and playlists about myself, my best friend in

(14:43):
her ex I'm not going to lie. I've been tempted
to read the stories out of morbid curiosity, but I've
managed to resist so far. We went to my apartment
first to decide what to do next. Her feelings were
understandably mixed. I then got a call from Max and
filled him in. He advised we stay with him because
this guy doesn't know where he lives. However, my best
friend preferred to stay in a nearby motel. We paid

(15:06):
for it with my car, and after I hovered nervously
over her as she settled in, she finally declared she
wanted to be alone. That is not uncommon for her
when she is upset. I've been visiting her and she's
been messaging me the entire time, so I'm very certain
about where her brain is. Sad, but coping well. Given everything, still,
I can't help but be worried. I'll remain with Max

(15:27):
till things settle down. Since approximately five p m. That night.
Two nights ago, I received messages from Guy there the
I just want a talk sort, not aggressive or anything.
I was about to block him on everything, but my
best friend persuaded me not to since she was concerned
about his mental health. For the time being, I'm staying
at Max's as a precaution. Guy has attempted to communicate

(15:49):
with both me and her, but the only reaction he
has received is to read the note she left him again. Finally,
thank you to everyone who left a remark, especially those
who wrote a lot, gave great advice, sent me good vibes,
or pmed me. You people were fantastic and I appreciate
all of your feedback. Now to the next story story too.
Am I the asshole for declining to celebrate Christmas with

(16:12):
my boyfriend's family and not inviting him to my family's celebration.
Original post for context. I nineteen f am from the
United States and currently a second year university student in
the UK. My boyfriend, twenty three m is British, recently
finished his masters and is now working. We've been dating
for ten months and he's my first boyfriend. He's been

(16:33):
nothing but understanding, kind and supportive throughout our relationship. I've
met his parents and siblings twice and both times were wonderful.
His mom even told him she thinks I'm the one.
In late November, he asked if I'd like to spend
Christmas with his family. He said every one would love
to have me there, and I thought it was sweet,
but I declined. I've been feeling homesick and wanted to

(16:55):
spend Christmas, a holiday that means a lot to me,
with my family in South Dakota. When I told him,
he seemed aloof for a few days. I went to
his flat later to reassure him that I'd love to
visit his family another time, but for me, Christmas is
a family holiday. I now realize how that would have
sounded dismissive. He looked hurt and asked, do you still
love me? And aren't I your family? I reassured him

(17:18):
that I do love him, and things seemed fine after that.
About a week later, he surprised me by showing me
a flight he'd booked to South Dakota for Christmas. Flights
to South Dakota are expensive, especially internationally, and while the
gesture was touching, I thought it was impulsive and unwise.
I told him it wasn't a good idea. For the
first time. He got really upset, accusing me of not

(17:39):
caring about him, not being serious about us, and thinking
only of myself, all of which are untrue. I love
him in value our relationship. Deeply, knowing he was speaking
out of hurt, I asked him to take a walk
to cool off. When he returned, I explained that he
meant everything to me, but I wasn't ready for him
to meet my family. To be honest, I'm nervous about
how my family would react. I'm white, he's Arab, and

(18:01):
my family in rural South Dakota is not exposed to diversity.
They've made ignorant racist comments in the past. While they'd
likely be polite to his face, I fear they might
say something offensive or jokingly inappropriate. They also assume Arab
equals Muslim, even though he's Christian. This ignorance embarrasses me,
and I don't want to put him in a situation
where he might be hurt. I didn't tell him any

(18:23):
of this, though. Instead I said I felt it was
too soon to bring someone home, as in my family
that's often a precursor to engagement, which is true. He
asked if he wasn't good enough, and I reassured him
that he's perfect. He then mentioned that the tickets were
non refundable. I started crying, apologizing for wasting his money,
and saying how much I wanted him there, just not

(18:43):
right now. He asked me to leave and said he
needed space. I flew back home nearly a week ago,
and since then we've only had brief phone conversations. He
still texts me I love you and good night, but
he's clearly distant and hurt. I don't know if there's
anything I can do to fix this or reassure, so
aita verdict asshole. Editor's note. Op received mixed reactions of

(19:06):
ytas and NTAs. Yta was based on the details where
Oop was not clearing up regarding racism issues from her
family and their background. NTA was for what Oop did,
as her relationship isn't even a year yet. Relevant comments
Commenter one, Yta, your family is pretty racist and you
might as well tell him that now. Their reaction is

(19:27):
going to be the same if you brought him there
now or five years from now. Your intent is selfish
in nature. You're not protecting him, You're protecting yourself from
the criticism you're going to get. He's hurt now, Wait
till he meets your parents and realizes you kept such
a massive thing a secret. Ope, my immediate family mom, dad,
and sister are very open and totally fine with me

(19:48):
dating him. It's my extended family Grandma, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
I am extremely worried about. Commenter two, No one is
an asshole, em O, but you've both made big errors.
Being a non refundable international flight without telling you is
very unwise. Like you said, but you're not being a
good partner by hiding the truth about your family from him.

(20:09):
You're nineteen, so I'm not going to say yta, but
this is an asshole move. He deserves to know your
true motivations. I'm sure he would understand if you just
explained it kindly. Nearly everyone has experiences with ignorant family.
Did you even tell your family about where he's from? Though, Oop,
My entire family knows his race. My immediate family, parents

(20:29):
and sister are in full support and it doesn't bother
them at all. My extended family grandma, aunts, uncles, and
cousins have already made racist remarks about him, most of
them they tried to pass off as jokes common or three.
Do you push back against that? Have you made it
clear to them that this is serious and they need
to cut it out. Unless you're planning to go low

(20:49):
contact with your family and live in the UK full time,
this isn't going to end well. Trying to just push
the meeting off into the future. Oop. My boyfriend and
I want to live together in the US UK once
I graduate. My family doesn't know this yet, and I
think this would be another reason to get mad at him.
They were already livid about me going to another country
for UNI as for their racism. I have told them

(21:11):
I didn't appreciate it, but most of the comments I
have heard through my sister after they happened. Comment or
for bold of him to book non refundable plane tickets
without talking to you pretty huge red flag. Tbh. You've
been together ten months. He needs to chill the fuck out.
This seems controlling and clinging. When you get back, you
need to be honest with him that you weren't sure

(21:32):
your family would behave and also that you felt him
buying tickets was presumptive and moving too fast. You're nineteen,
you don't need to rush things, and he needs to
respect your boundaries. OP, thank you so much. This was
really helpful. Update one. My boyfriend twenty three M and
I nineteen f have been dating for ten months now.

(21:52):
He's from the UK, where I study at university, and
I am currently back in the USA for winter break.
I made a horrible mistake about how I handle his
invitation to Christmas and refusing to let him come to mine.
In another Reddit post of mine yesterday, I decided to
call him and try to fix things since what I
did was so wrong. I explained my family's issues with racism.

(22:12):
He's Jordanian and I'm white, and how I was wanting
to protect him and trying to handle my family's problems
before he gets introduced. I acknowledged that I should have
told him and handed it poorly, but would be honest
with him from now on. I also told him that
I had a conversation with my family about my relationship
and told them any racist behavior from their end would
be completely unacceptable. Initially, he was understanding of my situation.

(22:35):
He said, my family didn't change the way he felt
or viewed me. He was glad I was honest, and
he apologized for his reactions earlier. After a while, he
said that after what happened, we should lay some ground
rules for each person in our relationship. I thought it
was going to be things like honesty, trust, consideration, et cetera. Instead,
he literally gave me things I must do in order

(22:56):
for this relationship to be successful. Firstly, he told me
I couldn't make decisions about things without him. First, he
basically said that relationships require sacrifice and compromise, and with
big things such as Christmas, vacations, et cetera, I would
need him to be okay with me doing these things.
He said it was childish of me to be in
the habit of doing whatever I want. Secondly, he told

(23:18):
me I should distance myself from my family. I actually
understand his reasoning here, considering how some of them are
racist and not great people. I told him it was
complicated because I still love them despite this, which might
make me just as bad. Not sure, I could still
see where he was coming from, so I told him
that if they ever made a racist comment about anyone
in front of me, I would try to educate, and

(23:39):
if that didn't work, I would distance myself. He then
said I was playing middleman and that was unfair to him.
He said, in a few years, when we get married,
I would have to make the choice. He finally told
me he wants my location at all times and wants
me to go low contact with my male friends, most
of which are gay. Anyways, I told him a lot
of these rules seemed over the top, and in the

(23:59):
most patroning tone. He said, you've never been in a
relationship before, and I'm older than you, so you should
listen the moment he said that, I thought it didn't
sound like him at all. Most of the time, he
is the most easy going and relaxed person, so I
couldn't believe it. I told him I didn't appreciate being
talked to like a child, and if he wanted to
be someone's father, then he should look for another person.

(24:20):
He said that, while he still forgave me for what
I did earlier, my behavior was a testament to how
immature I am. He then said we would continue this
conversation another time and hung up before we could even
say goodbye. I feel like I partially caused this shift
in his behavior by inadvertently making him insecure because of
my refusal to let him come before this, He was
honestly the last person I would ever consider getting insecure.

(24:42):
He is very good looking, has a good career, and
has always been confident, so I would never think he
would act this way. It breaks my heart to know
that I caused his actions and want to know how
I can convince him to let go of the rules
so things can go back to the way they were,
or Ada for declining to follow the rules and should
I just follow them? Edit. I've been in this relationship
for ten months and really do love him. I told

(25:05):
my friends the things he said, and they've reiterated the
points made here, but I guess it's hard for me
to wrap my head around how he could go from
such a good guy to this. I'm not sure what
I'm going to do yet, but please be mindful that
it's a lot more difficult for me to look at
this objectively. Second edit. I appreciate everyone's comments and support.
I have read every single comment and have thought about
my relationship all afternoon. I cried when I realized I

(25:27):
must end things. I will be calling, texting him tomorrow
morning and breaking up relevant comments. What is Op's boyfriend's
religion and his family's background in UK? Op He's not
Muslim but Christian, and his family has lived in the
UK for three generations. Commoner one O P. I'm going
to be brutally honest here, even if I get down
voted to hell. Keep in mind I've read your first post,

(25:51):
one Dash. He comes from a misogynistic culture, even if
he's not Muslim, and it's showing why I he got
angry cause you chose your birth family for Christmas, even
though you guys haven't been together, not even for one year.
B he inserted himself in your holidays with those tickets
he bought. That was controlling and intrusive, not caring. He

(26:11):
now just because you didn't really told him why you
didn't want him there to not hurt him, He's taking
that as a green flag to call you immature and
assume an even more controlling stance. He's already used manipulation.
Don't you love me? Two? There's plenty of suffering in
your future if you remain with this guy. This has
only just begun. Leave him and spare yourself or regret

(26:32):
it later. The choice is yours, OPI thank you. I
have really absorbed everything you said and what others have said,
and am going to break things off. I am not
sure if I should until I am back so it's
in person, or if I should just do it over
the phone. It feels mean to just break up over
the phone. And since our relationship is long term, shouldn't
I just do it when I get back. Does Op

(26:54):
live with her BF? And what do her friends think
of the relationship altogether? Oh? Op, we don't live with
each other. Sometimes I stay over at his flat, but
I live in my UNI accommodation. My friends in the
UK really like him. We've been to the pub together
as a huge group and it's always been a lot
of fun. He's very kind and funny, so they've never

(27:14):
had issues with him. My friends in the US didn't
mind him until this entire thing happened, since they never
met him in person. I would send photos of us
in SS's of our texts, and they all would say
how in love we looked. Before this, he was legitimately perfect.
I met him in my university's cafe, where he bought
me coffee and chatted with me up. He was so
charismatic and made me feel so special, always remembering little

(27:36):
details and giving me random surprise gifts. He seriously has
never been this uptight before. The only thing he did
was express concern over a few of my male friends,
but I assured him they were gay or they didn't
have feelings for me, and he let it go. Comment
or two op This is classic controlling behavior. He is
trying to isolate you from your family. I haven't read

(27:57):
your other posts yet, but it looks like they are
inadvertently given him the right tools to do so. From
your friends and basically everything that would provide you a
place of refuge and shelter if you ever have to
leave him. This whole I am older, so you must listen.
Would not fly even if he was ten years older.
But he is fucking twenty three. That is four years
older than you. He still is a fucking immature child.

(28:17):
Maybe not legally, but certainly from the way he acts.
What are the rules for him? What are the sacrifices
he makes? Right now, all I can see is him
trying to basically make all decisions for you and make
him totally dependent on you while he gives up nothing NTA.
And when you go back to the UK, politely tell
him to fuck the hell off Commoner three. Op. You

(28:38):
didn't cause him to be like this. It was already
there and he latched onto the first mistake you made
to show his true colors. He's using your guilt to
manipulate you and control you and make it your fault.
This was always what was going to happen. Nothing you
did or didn't do was going to prevent it. You're nineteen.
You just got done being a child who had to
listen to their parents. This is the time for you
to make your own decisions, the independent and yet do

(29:01):
what you want within reason of wv's don't stay in
this relationship. It's not going to end well for you
if he's already this controlling after ten months. Update two.
Hey everyone, I wanted to update on my previous two posts.
I received great advice from a lot of people, and
it immensely helped me try to evaluate our relationship. I
texted my friends about the situation and they also agreed

(29:23):
he sounded overbearing. About an hour ago, I ended things
for good. I texted him yesterday afternoon that I thought
we should have a serious discussion about our relationship. He
said we should wait until we have both cooled off
from our conversations earlier, so I suggested tomorrow. He sent
me his usual good night and I love you texts,
which kind of broke me. His horrible behavior didn't erase

(29:44):
ten months of love that I feel for him, and
it almost felt like betraying him saying the same things
back when I knew what I was going to do
in the morning. Here's kind of a summarized version of
the call. It was over an hour, so I condensed
it as much as I could, and I tried to
write it as quickly as the call ended so I
wouldn't forget Anyways. When I called him, he seemed very
normal and calm. We talked for ten minutes, just about

(30:05):
how things were going and stuff. Then I basically told
him that I didn't want to do this, but I
thought it would be best if we broke up. I
said that we probably expected different things from our partners
and I couldn't do what he wanted from me. After
I said that, he sat in silence for like a minute.
I thought the call had dropped, but then he said
he was processing what I said. He asked me if

(30:25):
this was revenge for what he said two days ago,
and I said no, just a realization of incompatibility. He
then said he wasn't going to change his mind on
his boundaries and me giving him an ultimatum was manipulative.
I told him that this wasn't an ultimatum. It was
going to happen. He then kept repeating what the fuck
my name and then told me I didn't mean it.

(30:45):
He asked me if I loved him still, and I
said yes, and then he said he knows I'll come back.
I said this was it. He said something about how
we need each other and went on a rant, but
I don't remember that much of it because I was crying.
At that point. I cut him off at the end
and just said goodbye. He said he would never forgive
me and I would never see him again since he
was that awful, and then hung up. I immediately blocked

(31:07):
his number, WhatsApp, Snapchat, an Insta. I do not think
he will have another way of contacting me. I do
not think he will seek me out or anything, so
I'm not too worried about that. My university accommodation also
has front desk security and you can't get in without
a key card. Thanks again everyone. Edit His mom just
texted me saying she was sad things ended the way

(31:28):
they did, but she wishes me all the best. Minor
update one of his friends tried adding me on Snapchat
for some reason. Don't know if it's him using his
friend's account. His friend wants to know what happened or
a coincidence. He added me right when this unfolded. Relevant
comments Commenter one NTA, you did the right thing. When

(31:49):
you get back, make sure to inform campus Accommodations that
this person is not allowed to contact you or visit
you or anything. He also might try to see you
in the buildings where you have your lectures if those
are accessible, or places where you shop or like to eat.
For the next few weeks, see if you can mostly
socialize in groups and with friends avoid being alone. OOP.
Thank you. Most of the buildings require an ID to

(32:11):
get into. Comment or two n t A. Please please,
please be careful when you return to the UK. Get
help to watch your back. He is not done and
he does not accept this is over. He sees you
as the dumb, immature, inexperienced girl he can mold and
control the way he wants. No way will he give
this up easily without fighting. OOP. Thanks for your advice.

(32:33):
I have talked to a lot of my friends in
the UK and I am going to stay close to
them for a while when I get back. Commenter three
n t A. Setting boundaries and then actually enforcing them
is an important life skill. Now to the next story.
Story three. My mom let her friend and his kids stay,
giving them my room without asking. Am I the asshole

(32:53):
for refusing to pay the bills at home and moving
in with a friend. My mother and I share a
modest but comfortable home since she and her husband split
up a few years ago. It's just the two of us.
To be honest, she suffered as a result of the
nasty separation. Seeing her so broken at the moment was difficult,
but she eventually started to get better. Even though it
was difficult, I always stood by her side as she

(33:15):
worked to improve her life. She deserves to be happy,
after all. My mother informed me a few months ago
that she had made a new friend who will call Jake.
It looked so innocent at first. She informed me that
they began spending time together after meeting through common friends.
It seemed pleasant to me. I was happy that my
mom had someone to chat to and enjoy because she

(33:35):
had gone through a lot. You know, she seemed lighter,
as though she didn't have the same emotional weight as before.
Jake seemed like a decent friend to me. I didn't
want to pry, so I didn't ask a lot of questions.
But as time went on, I saw that they were
spending more and more time together. They spent time together,
went out to dinner, and he even dropped by a
couple of times when I wasn't home. Once more, I

(33:58):
didn't give it much thought. I did desired for my
mother to live her life apart from the house and me.
She is free to enjoy herself and go on. I
didn't think twice when she told me one day that
Jake needed a temporary somewhere to stay since his upstairs
neighbors had flooded his flat. Why don't you let him stay,
I said, let's assist him. It seemed like a good idea.

(34:18):
Then everything began. I thought Jake would arrive with just
one guy and maybe a few suit cases, but he
didn't show up. He and his two kids showed up
at our door, two teenagers, ages thirteen and fifteen, a
girl and a boy. My mother never mentioned that he
would have kids, much less that they would move in
with us. Like a deer in headlights, I stood there
staring at them. When Jake presented his children, they appeared

(34:41):
to be kind enough, but my only thought was where
in hell are they going to sleep. We don't have
a large house. The apartment has two bedrooms and a
tiny kitchen and living area. That's all. My mother and
I each have our own room. No guest room is
available for use. Right now, I assumed my mom would
have a plan. Perhaps Jake and his children would spend
the night in the living room on couches or air mattresses. Naturally,

(35:05):
it would be tight, but manageable for a little period
of time. However, after showing them around the house, my
mother said something that startled me, as if it were
no great issue. She pointed to my room and stated,
you'll all be sleeping in her room. Wait what I said,
in awe, my chamber, every one of them, My privacy,
my space, my bed. I was totally taken aback. She

(35:28):
didn't ask me at all, she didn't discuss it with
me in advance, She failed to warn me nothing. She
made the independent decision that I would let these strangers
stay in my room. As Jake and his children thanked
her and nodded, as if everything were usual. I stood
there in quiet, trying to take in what had just happened.
I was screaming within at the same time. I was

(35:48):
finally able to speak to my mother when they went
to bring their baggage inside. What do you mean their
sleeping in my room? I asked her? Where do I go?
She pretended it didn't matter, it won't last long. She said,
you can sleep on the couch, as though it were
the best course of action. I was enraged. She made
this decision without even consulting me, and I told her

(36:09):
that was unfair. This is my home and I'm just
trying to help a friend in need, she stated, dismissively.
When you're older, you'll comprehend. When I'm older, will you comprehend?
I'm not a kid. This was extremely unjust, and I'm
old enough to recognize when I'm being treated unfairly. She
was asking me to give up my place, my refuge,

(36:29):
for an indeterminate amount of time, not just a minor sacrifice.
She didn't even have the decency to discuss it with
me beforehand. I was too ashamed to even look at
Jake and his children when they returned, even though they
had done nothing wrong, I couldn't help but feel bitter.
My room, my bed, my closet, everything was going to
be taken over by them as they settled. I tried

(36:50):
to avoid them for the remainder of the day. While
I sat on the couch angry, my mom assisted them
in moving their belongings into my room. That night, I
slept on the couch and it was awful. There wasn't
enough space to spread out and the cushions were rough.
I barely slept at all and woke up with a
tight neck. Although Jake's children are adorable, they still occupy

(37:11):
a lot of room in our teenagers. They constantly use
the restroom when I need it, are noisy, and leave
their belongings all over the place. I feel as like
I'm a visitor in my own house now, and my
room no longer even looks like mine. Jake too, Although
he is courteous, he is too at ease for someone
who is only meant to be here momentarily. He spends
all of his time in the kitchen, cooking, watching TV,

(37:33):
and generally behaving as though he owns the place. I've
attempted to express my feelings to my mother, but she
keeps ignoring me. She assures me that I need to
learn more and that it's only temporary. She even had
the audacity to accuse me of selfishness for whining when
Jake and his children were having problems. However, I don't
believe that wanting a little respect and care in my
own house is selfish. Am I mistaken? I'm not sure

(37:56):
how long I can put up with this. My mom
seems to have forgotten about me entirely in her efforts
to assist Jake. I know she wants to help him
and cares about him, but at what price? Here? I
feel like the victim. This is not just her home,
and it used to be my home as well. I
have no idea what that is now. Although Jake and
his children moved here three days ago, it feels like

(38:17):
weeks have passed. There was a sudden and overpowering change
in the atmosphere of the house. It's difficult to describe,
yet it no longer feels like home. Tiptoeing around strangers
and avoiding getting in their way makes me feel like
the visitor. Jake and his children, however, behave as though
they had been here for ages. My mom seems quite
content with the patterns they've established, routines that don't involve me.

(38:40):
The most difficult night was the first one. As previously stated,
I found myself sleeping on the couch because I had
nowhere else to go. While I struggled to get by
on a lumpy couch in the living room, Jake and
his two children were well settled in my room, which
I had spent years creating as my own. The unfairness
of it kept coming to mind. I felt like a
zombie by morning, after tossing and turning all night. However,

(39:02):
I reasoned that it was only transitory and that I
would overcome it. Perhaps it won't be as horrible as
I fear. It was terrible, to be honest, the house
no longer felt at all like it was mine. On
the third day, Jake's children were all over as if
they owned the house. They dispersed their belongings, shoes, backpacks, chargers,
and miscellaneous snacks all over it. Their juice bottles and

(39:24):
cereal boxes littered the kitchen countertops. There was no space
for my belongings because the bathroom shelves were piled high
with their toiletries. And the roar, the noise, My god,
there was no stillness anywhere because of their music, their chatting,
and their incessant TV use. I'm a person who cherishes
their personal space, so not having one was really annoying me.

(39:45):
Jake was no better. He appeared totally comfortable, cooking in
the kitchen, relaxing on the couch, and generally settling in.
I once returned from a round of errands to find
him seated on the couch where I usually sit, eating
a sandwich, as if he had lived there for years.
Even though it was so minor, it truly annoyed me.
I no longer even had the couch. In the meantime,

(40:06):
my mother was behaving as though nothing was wrong. She
was upbeat, talkative, and didn't appear to notice my discomfort.
The fact that I was being forced to leave my
own house seemed to go unnoticed by her. They also
had pals over, which was the cherry on top. The
third day was in the afternoon. When I got home
from work, feeling worn out and ready to pass out
on the couch, I discovered that Jake and his children

(40:27):
had brought some friends over. There were maybe five or
six of them, adults and teenagers, all chatting, laughing, and
munching in the living room. They would prepare a small feast,
consisting of coke, snacks, dips, and even some alcoholic beverages.
It appeared to be a small gathering. When I went in,
nobody bothered to acknowledge me, and I didn't recognize a
single face. Feeling alienated in my own house, I stood

(40:50):
there for a minute before slipping into the kitchen in silence.
That moment struck me more strongly than anything else, and
I'm not sure why. Perhaps the awareness that I didn't
belong in the house while they did was the cause,
or perhaps it was the fact that my mother was
sitting there, laughing and talking to everyone as though nothing
was wrong. I felt unnoticeable. That night, I returned to
the couch, but I didn't get any sleep. I lay there,

(41:13):
looking up at the ceiling and wondering how this had happened.
I decided the following morning that I could no longer
remain there. I couldn't continue to feel alienated in my
own house while sleeping on the couch with strangers around me,
while Jake and his children were living with us, I
was unable to get the solitude, space, and tranquility I required.
I so made the decision to temporarily move in with

(41:34):
my friend. I knew she wouldn't mind, because I'd stated
at her apartment a few times previously, and she was
always friendly. My mom didn't appear angry when I told
her about my idea. She hardly responded at all. In fact,
that hurt more than I anticipated when she just answered, okay,
if that's what you want. I'm not sure what I
was expecting, perhaps some recognition that something wasn't right, that

(41:56):
she knew why I was leaving, But I didn't get it,
just to okay and a shrug. It felt unreal packing
away my belongings. I only brought a few personal belongings,
some clothes and toiletries. However, I couldn't get rid of
the sensation that I was being pushed out, even after
packing everything into my suit case. I called this place
home after years of living there. I was going because

(42:18):
my mother had chosen to put her buddy and his
children above me. What could I do? Even though it
didn't feel fair, My friend and I had an amazing
life together. I was able to breathe for the first
time in days. I had a bed of my own,
a place of my own, and most importantly quiet. Being
there was a thousand times better than being at home,
and my friend understood and encouraged me. The bills, however,

(42:41):
arrived later. Typically, my mother and I split all household expenses,
including groceries, internet, and utilities. I was okay with the
fact that it was always a shared duty. However, I
no longer reside there. I didn't use the internet, water
or electricity. I didn't consume the meal. I told my
mother I was going to pay half the expenses when

(43:01):
she texted me to remind me of this. She reacted
instantly to put it mildly, She was taken aback. She
was unable to comprehend my refusal to pay for me. However,
it was straightforward. Why should I pay for a home
that I don't occupy? Since I had practically been kicked
out of my own house, why should I pay my bills?
She wasn't happy when I told her this. She accused

(43:23):
me of being petty, ungrateful, and self centered. She stated
I should be more understanding because Jake and his kids
were going through a tough time. But since she didn't
understand me, how could I be understanding. I refuse to
back down. I promised her that I wouldn't pay a
dime until Jake and his children left and I could
go back home. I didn't care that she didn't like it.
This time, I had to establish limits. I have to

(43:46):
put myself first. I'm now staying with my friend while
I try to decide what to do next. I feel
horrible about leaving, but I also feel like I had
no other option. My mother's willingness to ignore my feelings
for someone else was demonstrated to me in this circumstance.
I'm not sure how long Jake and his children want
to stay, but I'm not going to return until things change.
After I first refused to pay the bills, a couple

(44:08):
more days went by, I began adjusting to living at
my friend's house during the time. In all honesty, I
felt more at ease in her tiny apartment than I
had in my own home in weeks. Since she had
been so patient about the whole thing. For folks, I
hardly knew. I wasn't being made to give up my
comfort or my personal space. I was beginning to feel
normal again, and it felt like a secure haven. My

(44:29):
mother then texted me once more. It was time for
me to pay my share, she said, bringing up the
bills again. My stomach fell when I received her message.
Even though I knew this was coming, I was still
quite frustrated. She had made me feel like a stranger
in the house, so how could she really expect me
to pay for it when I wasn't living there. In
an attempt to remain composed, I inhaled deeply before responding

(44:51):
and informing her that I would not be making the payment.
I reiterated to her that I no longer resided there.
I told her that she had made the independent decision
to put Ja and his children before me, and that
she had invited them into our house without my permission.
I promised not to return as long as they were
residing in the house. Sincerely, I was sick of saying
the same thing over and over again, so I was

(45:11):
strong this time. She couldn't ask me to pay for
a living arrangement that excluded me, even if she wanted
to live with them. I also suggested that since Jake
and his children were taking up all the resources I
was paying for, he might be able to help if
she needed it with the bills. What did she say,
He can't. It seems that Jake's apartment still needed to
be fixed following the flood, and she claims that he

(45:32):
was unable to assist with our household expenses while simultaneously
covering the cost of the repairs. She also mentioned that
Jake and his children would probably be remaining for a
few more weeks, which completely shocked me. Weeks weeks of
strangers occupying what used to feel like my haven, weeks
of them taking over my room, and weeks of me
sleeping on a couch if I ever returned, made my

(45:53):
heart sink. What I was reading was unbelievable. In addition
to allowing Jake and his children to stay for a
short time, my mother had totally changed the dynamics of
our home to accommodate them. She was now telling me
that I had to keep making payments for a house
that I didn't even feel comfortable in. I was enraged.
As quietly as possible, I informed her that I would
not be contributing to the costs if such were the case. Rather,

(46:17):
I would be giving money to my friend, the one
who had truly provided me with a warm and secure home.
Since I was now more of a visitor in my
friend's house than a resident of mine, I informed her
that I would be helping to pay her bills. My
mother lost it at that point. She bombarded me with
texts accusing me of being ungrateful and self centered. She
said that I was punishing her for attempting to assist

(46:38):
a friend in need, that I was wrecking her life,
and that I didn't want her to be happy. She
kept talking about how difficult Jake's circumstances were, how he
had nowhere else to go, and how I had to
be more sympathetic all I could think about, though, was
how she hadn't showed me the same level of comprehension.
She hadn't informed me that Jake's children would be arriving,
She hadn't inquired about my consent to them occupying my room.

(47:00):
She made her choice without even thinking about how it
would impact me. Was she now accusing me of being
self centered? She seemed to have entirely ignored anything I
had been attempting to communicate. It couldn't be further from
the truth to say that I wasn't unhappy because I
didn't want her to be happy. I wished for her
to have friends, be happy, and advance in life, but
her enjoyment wasn't the point of this. She didn't seem

(47:22):
to understand how much it stung that she had put
someone else's comfort, her own child's comfort, above mine. Naturally,
I felt bad. I adore her and she is my mother. However,
her remarks resonated. She gave the impression that I was
a terrible, cold hearted person who didn't give a damn
about her welfare. How could I not feel deceived? Though

(47:42):
it was about the idea behind it, not only Jake
and his children. She didn't even consider asking me how
I felt about it. She is now upset with me
for establishing limits and advocating for myself. I decided to
put myself first and wasn't going to back down the
more I understood that I couldn't allow her to make
me pay for anything that didn't benefit me. My mom
was free to decide whether or not to assist Jake,

(48:04):
but she had to deal with the fallout, including the
financial strain. Given that I had effectively been kicked out
of my house, it wasn't my responsibility to support their
living arrangements. I'm staying at a friend's house for the
time being and concentrating on the things I can manage.
I've been assisting her with household duties and expenses, and
it feels good to be a part of a family
that genuinely values me. Throughout all of this, my friend

(48:26):
has been invaluable, and I'm not sure what I would
have done without her. I'm still upset and hurt over
my mom, but I'm attempting to give myself some space
to think things through. I have stated that I would
not return until Jake and his children have left, but
I am unsure of how long they will be staying.
It's a difficult position, and I feel conflicted about taking
care of myself against wanting to help my mom. However,

(48:48):
I have to prioritize my health In the end, I
don't care if that makes me selfish. Right now, I'm
not sure if our relationship will ever be the same,
so I just hope my mom understands how her actions
have affected me before it's time too late. It has
been a couple more days since I last spoke to
my mother. I continued to remain at my friend's house
in an effort to concentrate on my work and adjust

(49:08):
to the fact that I would no longer be living
at home. To be honest, it was an odd sensation.
I felt more at ease and liberated than I had
in weeks. On the one hand, however, there was resentment
lurking in the back of my mind. Knowing that you
have unresolved stress looming over you makes it difficult to
completely unwind. I was still very wounded by the way
things had turned out, even though I didn't want to

(49:29):
acknowledge it. My mother had chosen someone else over me,
and I had been expelled from my own house. There
was no way I could simply let it go. My
mother then texted me once more one day. Her tone
was quite different this time, Unlike before, she wasn't demanding
or irate. Rather, she expressed regret. She said that she
was sorry for the way things had gone, and that

(49:49):
she was unaware of how deeply her choices had wounded me.
She said that things would be different if I came home.
She even promised to make an effort to get me
a room of my own so I wouldn't have to
sleep on the coup much any longer. It was unbelievable
to me. Did she actually make this choice now? And
why couldn't this be done earlier? It was like being
slapped in the face once more. She was offering me

(50:10):
an arrangement that was equally as humiliating as the last time,
in addition to asking me to return to a setting
where I was obviously not a priority. How was I
expected to feel better after that? How could I think
anything had changed at all? When she revealed that she
was struggling to pay the bills without my help, things
became worse. I was truly pushed over the edge by
this part. Was I meant to feel sorry now? I'm

(50:33):
the bad guy now that everything has happened because I
didn't pay for a house that I didn't even reside in.
I didn't abandon her without warning. I repeatedly assured her
that while Jake and his children were there, I would
not be helping with household expenses. However, she attempted to
use guilt to get me to return, rather than dealing
with the underlying issue. Her apology didn't appear sincere it

(50:53):
was about money, not about repairing things or repairing our relationship,
and to tell the truth, that only made me more irate.
I could feel my irritation boiling over as I read
her message again. She obviously still didn't get why I
had gone in the first place. She did express regret
for the incident, but she refused to accept accountability for
the choices that led to it. She refused to admit

(51:14):
how much her behavior had wounded me. She only appeared
interested in getting me back so I could resume paying
the rent, I declined. While Jake and his children were
still there, I informed her that I would not be returning. Furthermore,
even after they went, I wasn't sure if I wanted
to return. There was a breach of trust. I no
longer felt the same sense of security and acceptance in

(51:35):
that place. As I gave it more thinking, I came
to the conclusion that perhaps it was time for me
to move on. At that point, the thought of renting
my own house started to cross my thoughts. Even though
I wasn't rich, I had a reliable job, and with
careful budgeting, I could afford a modest, one bedroom apartment.
It would be mine, even though it would be tight,
my own place where I wouldn't feel out of place

(51:57):
or have to answer to any one. It was both
thrilling and terrible to consider, since I had never lived
entirely alone before, the thought of making such a drastic
change felt intimidating. However, it appeared to be the only
practical remedy at the moment I was unable to constantly
switch between my mom's and my friend's homes. My friend
was really supportive when I shared this concept with her.

(52:18):
I could stay with her as long as I needed to,
she said, and I should take my time. I felt
like I was holding her back, even though her kindness
meant the world to me. Although she would never admit it,
I didn't want to cause her any trouble. I couldn't
constantly invade her personal space because she had a life
of her own. I therefore began searching for apartments. Finding
something that appeared like a good fit didn't take long.

(52:41):
It was a modest, one room apartment close to where
I worked. Although it wasn't very noteworthy, it was tidy,
reasonably priced, and most importantly mine. I went to see
it for myself, and I knew right away that this
was the place I wanted to be the thought of
having a place of my own, a place where I
might at last feel at home again, was liberating. A
few days later, I signed the lease and began gradually

(53:03):
relocating my belongings. I am incredibly grateful to my friend
for all of her assistants during this process. She has
always been my pillar of support, and I will always
remember how she came through for me in my hour
of need. In the meantime, I received a text from
my mother requesting that I return. Her messages were a
mix of desperation, anger, and apology. She continuously talked about

(53:25):
how difficult life was without me, how much she missed me,
and how she wished to put things right. However, the
night Jake and his children arrived was the only thing
on my mind. Whenever I received her texts, she invited
them to sleep in my room without even asking. I reflected.
I reflected on how she had disregarded my feelings when
I expressed my discomfort to her. I recalled how when

(53:45):
I made the decision to go, she accused me of
being self centered. I choose to ignore her. I might
as well disregard her now, since she disregarded me when
I most needed her. I did it to protect myself,
not out of resentment. I couldn't return to a place
where other people's wants and feelings would constantly take precedence
over mine. I had to make a decision. As I
write this, I'm sitting in my new apartment trying to

(54:08):
take it all in. Anger, grief, and relief have all
been mixed together, But mostly I just feel liberated. I
feel like I have control over my life for the
first time in a long time. I'm not sure how
my connection with my mother will develop in the future,
but for now, I need time to recover and consider
my options. Am I being self centered by not going
back to put myself first? Although I doubt it, Some

(54:30):
individuals might answer yes, Setting limits and being selfish, in
my opinion, are two different things. In light of everything
that transpired, I am not sorry for my decision. Now
onto the next story. Story four. I babysat my brother
on New Year's Eve, but he came home at four
am drunk and disrespected my time. Am I the asshole

(54:51):
for being angry? I am a childless woman of twenty
five years of age. For weeks, my friends and I
had been anticipating a New Year's Eve celebration at a
rooftop bar with delicious cuisine, live music, and a view
of the fireworks. The tickets were previously paid for by me.
My brother called three days before the New Year. He
needed a babysitter because he and his wife had been

(55:12):
invited to a posh party. He asserted that they had
exhausted all other options, including friends, neighbors, and babysitters. He
guaranteed me they would return by one am and promised
to pay me twice. Unwilling to disappoint him, I reluctantly
consented in the hopes of catching the last of my party.
At six pm on New Year's Eve, I reached their home.

(55:32):
My brother described the children's nighttime routine while they were
still in their pajamas. I got the kids to bed
around eight thirty pm, and they departed at seven pm.
I was thinking about how much fun my friends were
having as I browsed through my phone At ten pm
while lounging on the couch, I told myself that I
could join them in just a few hours. I texted
my brother around midnight to see whether they were en route.

(55:54):
No answer. I was irritated by twelve thirty and attempted
to contact him and his wife, but both call went
straight to voicemail. I even tried calling the location, but
got no response. I was alarmed when I saw a
picture of them looking fantastic at the party on social media.
I became angry instead of worried, they were ignoring me,
even though it was obvious they had their phones. I

(56:15):
was angry. At two am, I considered phoning their buddies,
but decided against it to avoid making a disturbance. I
also left voicemails and texts. The kids slept peacefully, oblivious
to my annoyance. When they finally arrived at four am,
my brother was intoxicated and his wife was not doing
much better. I got up and went up to them
without saying, hello, What the devil? You promised to return

(56:37):
at one o'clock? How many times have I phoned you?
Do you know? My brother chuckled and said, calm down,
the new year is here. You didn't have anything significant anyhow.
I was shocked by his contemptuous demeanor. Did their plans
take precedence over mine? Did my time not count? I
informed him that I was sick of being treated disrespectfully

(56:58):
and that if they were unable to honor my time
or fulfill their commitments, I would no longer be able
to watch the children. I was being dramatic, he replied,
rolling his eyes. They only needed a night and couldn't
find anyone, his wife muttered. The following morning, I received
a text from my brother warning me that I was
being careless. He stated I should be more understanding and
that they deserve to enjoy themselves. He even called me selfish,

(57:21):
which was absurd considering the circumstances. They mislead me and
act as though my time is useless in return for
my numerous attempts to assist them. He is now upset
with me since I told him I would no longer babysit.
He says I'm overreacting and that I'm punishing him and
his wife for a single error. But to me, this
is a pattern of conduct rather than just something that
happens on New Year's Eve. The unwavering belief that I'll

(57:43):
do anything to assist them, and the total disregard for
my personal boundaries. Because I adore my niece and nephew
and don't want them to think I'm leaving them, I'm torn. However,
I also believe that I must advocate for myself. When
will I establish boundaries? If not, now, is it my
fault that I've decided to stop babysitting? First update, I
began to feel as though things were calming down a

(58:04):
few weeks after the New Year's Eve disaster. To be honest,
it felt like a weight had been taken off my
shoulders when I committed to my choice to stop babysitting
for my brother. Even though I adore my niece and nephew,
I couldn't keep putting myself in situations where I was
taken advantage of and treated disrespectfully. It was about respecting myself,
setting limits, and appreciating my own time. My phone rang

(58:26):
one evening. My brother was the one I paused before answering,
speculating about the topic of the call. He requested me
to watch the kids. After a clumsy beginning, He claimed
that he and his spouse had no one else to
turn to and were forced to work late. He expressed
regret for the events of New Year's Eve, stating that
they had learnt their lesson and that it was an
isolated incident. He underlined how much they trusted me with

(58:48):
the kids and assured them it wouldn't happen again. He
even said that I was the only one who could
manage them. Despite my want to believe him, I was
unable to do so. They had not only arrived home
late on New Year's Eve, but they had also completely
disregarded my sentiments, my plans, and my time. I informed
him that I couldn't. I clarified that, particularly after being

(59:09):
humiliated the last time, I wasn't prepared to be in
that situation once again. He did not protest, which surprised me.
He didn't exert pressure, He simply hung up. For a
brief period, I felt relieved since I had defended myself
and believed that was the end. Of it. However, my
phone called once more later that evening. It was my mom.
This time, I realized right away that she wasn't phoning

(59:31):
to catch up. When she called from overseas, where she
had been residing for a few months, she immediately jumped
in and expressed her disappointment at my refusal to assist
my brother. She made statements that really resonated with me,
such as, you know how hard it is for them
to juggle work in kids. If I were there, I'd
be happy to take the kids off their hands. She
seemed to be attempting to guilt me into agreeing, and

(59:53):
my feelings of conflict increased as she spoke. On the
one hand, I was aware that I had every right
to refuse. I didn't have to intervene each time my
brother and his spouse required assistance. On the other side,
the idea that my niece and nephew were entangled in
it was devastating. I eventually gave in to my mother's
persistent demands, which included statements like, it's just for one night,

(01:00:14):
and you're their family. You have to be there for them,
just for this one time. I promised her I would,
with a tone of relief, almost triumph. She thanked me,
and I hung up the phone with a mix of
resignation and sadness. After work the following day, I arrived
at my brother's place. My brother and his wife were
on the verge of leaving, and the kids were already home,
bouncing around the living room. They hurried left the door

(01:00:37):
after saying only a brief thank you, as if they
were simply pleased that I had finally decided to help
and didn't want to give me an opportunity to back out.
I couldn't help, but note how rush they were with
the kids. I became accustomed to the evening routine, food, playtime,
and bedtime. Everything seemed recognizable, almost reassuring in its consistency
as usual. The children were sweet and oblivious to the

(01:00:59):
conflict between their parents and myself. I briefly questioned whether
I had overreacted. Perhaps they truly had nowhere else to
turn and I was providing assistance during a time of
true need. However, the resentment persisted throughout the night. I
enjoyed spending time with the kids, but that wasn't the
main focus. It was about how, after everything that had transpired,

(01:01:19):
my brother and his wife had placed me in this
predicament once more. I couldn't stop thinking about how my
brother laughed when I told him how angry I was
on New Year's Eve, and how he discounted my sentiments.
This was not a single error. Rather, it was a
pattern of total disregard for me as a human being
with a life and obligations of my own. My brother
texted me at around nine pm to let me know

(01:01:40):
they would be arriving home a little later than expected.
I didn't respond, I remained silent. I simply hung up
the phone and concentrated on getting the kids to sleep.
Around nine thirty. They eventually slept off, and I was
left waiting for the door to open while sitting on
the couch and watching the clock. They arrived home at midnight,
which is somewhat later than I had commited too, but

(01:02:00):
not as late as New Year's Eve. My brother said
another halting thank you as they walked in, and I
walked out without a word. I didn't think I could
talk at that point without it becoming a heated debate.
I was still apprehensive about the night before. When I
got up the following morning, all of the resentment I
had been attempting to control was rekindled when my brother
and his wife arrived home late once more. In addition

(01:02:22):
to feeling used, I also felt torn. Perhaps they arrived
at work quite late. Perhaps they weren't taking advantage of
me again. A part of me wanted to doubt them,
but I kept thinking about it. I made some coffee
and browsed through my phone before checking social media, which
is a popular way to divert my attention from unresolved grievances.
I found a tale that one of my brother's friends

(01:02:42):
had posted as I was scrolling. It was an image
of a welcoming cafe where people congregate to unwind and
enjoy themselves. I didn't give it much thought at first,
but then I saw that my brother and his wife
were in the pictures backdrop. They appeared completely comfortable as
they sat at a table, chatting and sipping drinks. I
briefly believed it to be an old photograph shot weeks
or months ago. Then I noticed the timestamp though. When

(01:03:05):
I was at their house the previous evening, watching their
children and wondering why they were getting home so late,
I came across the post. They weren't at their jobs
they didn't experience an unforeseen crisis. I once again sacrificed
my evening by sitting at their house while they were
out having fun because I trusted their justifications. Anger and
incredulity were brewing inside of me as I gazed at

(01:03:26):
my phone. What were they able to do? They deceived
me once more after all that transpired on New Year's Eve,
despite all of the assurances and regrets. Even worse, they
tricked me into believing that they needed my assistance because
of an emergency, and I was duped once more. For
some minutes, I was at a loss for what to do.
A part of me wanted to dismiss it, act as

(01:03:47):
though I hadn't noticed anything and move on. However, my
anger increased as I gave it more thought. This was
a purposeful act of dishonesty, not only a small white lie.
They purposefully chose to employ me since they knew I
wouldn't consent to babysit in any other way. As if
to make fun of me for thinking they would change,
they took advantage of me once more. I was unable

(01:04:07):
to stop. I texted my brother after opening my messaging
app to let him know that I had seen the
photos and that I was aware of his deceit. Despite
my diminutive stature, I didn't hold back. I wanted him
to understand that I wasn't gullible and that I wasn't
going to ignore it. I waited for an answer while
staring at my phone, feeling both anxious and excited. It
was like adding salt to an open sore. When he

(01:04:28):
eventually responded, he acknowledged it. He claimed they lied since
they were aware that I wouldn't have consented to babysit
in any other situation. The evidence that my own brother
and his wife had no trouble lying to me in
order to obtain what they desired was there in black
and white. He made no attempt to explain it or
claim that it was a misunderstanding. Simply said it was
a premeditated move. Stunned, I sat there. There was nothing

(01:04:53):
to say, and I wasn't even sure how to respond.
I was stunned by the blatant insolence. It wasn't due
to a breakdown in commit comunication or a conflict in priorities.
It was deceit and a total lack of concern for
me personally. They viewed me as a convenience, someone they
could utilize whenever it was convenient for them, rather than
as a member of their family. In an attempt to

(01:05:13):
comprehend what had just transpired, I set my phone aside
and gazed out the window. Of course I was angry,
but I felt anguish more than anger. That I could
be treated this way by my own brother was painful.
It was painful that, after repeatedly giving them the benefit
of the doubt, I was shown to be mistaken. They
took advantage of my trust and betrayed it. The remainder
of the day was a blur. I was unable to

(01:05:35):
concentrate on anything else. I repeatedly relived the incident in
my mind, recalling all the instances in which I had
sacrificed everything for them, putting their demands ahead of my own,
only to be met with deceit and manipulation. The pattern
was more important than the cafe shot alone. Utter disregard
for me, as an individual with a life and priorities
of my own. I made a choice. At the end

(01:05:56):
of the day, I had had enough of babysitting and
going above and above for individuals who obviously didn't appreciate me.
There was no use in me confronting my brother anymore.
He had stated unequivocally that he saw nothing wrong with
his behavior. But this time I was determined to set
a real barrier, put an end to babysitting. No more
hurried phone calls, no more feeling guilty about giving up

(01:06:18):
my time and effort for folks who couldn't even be
honest with me. I experienced an odd sensation of relief
as I sat there thinking about everything. Yes, it hurt,
but it was liberating as well. I was at last
prioritizing myself, and for the first time in a very
long time, I felt that I was acting in the
best interests of myself, not my mother or brother. Second update,

(01:06:40):
after a few days, I was trying my best to
move on from my brother's treachery. Even though I was
still hurting. I had no intention of talking to him anymore,
no matter how much guilt, manipulation or slick talk I received.
I had already decided that I would never again babysit.
It wasn't worthwhile. I had tried to be the helpful,
trustworthy sister for far too long, only to be taken

(01:07:01):
advantage of and lied to. I assumed that if the
matter didn't resolve itself, it was their fault, not mine.
My phone then rang it was my mother. At first,
I didn't give it much thought, thinking it would be
a friendly conversation or perhaps another attempt by her to
coerce me into assisting my brother. But I knew something
wasn't right. As soon as I responded, she seemed annoyed,

(01:07:22):
almost accusing, and I instantly prepared myself for whatever was
about to happen. She got right into it, claiming that
after talking to my brother, he informed her that I
hadn't watched the kids that evening. I initially believed I
had misheard her. She couldn't be saying what I believed
her to be saying. Surely. She continued, however, reciting what
he had told her, namely that they had hired a

(01:07:42):
nanny since I had declined to assist. My brother reportedly
informed her that they intended to keep employing nanny, since
in his view, I wasn't good with kids. I was
taken entirely by surprise and startled. I had no idea
how to interpret what I was hearing. In addition to
deceiving me and tricking me into watching the kid that evening.
My brother was now lying to our mother about what

(01:08:02):
had transpired. To make things worse, He was making fun
of me by suggesting that I couldn't possibly take care
of my niece and nephew. He seemed to be trying
to twist the story to make himself appear like the victim,
and was stepping up his disdain, which felt like a
slap in the face. Naturally, my mother seemed to believe him.
She began to ask, why didn't you just lend a hand.

(01:08:23):
She had obviously accepted his account of events without questioning anything,
saying things like it's not that hard to watch kids
for one evening. To be honest, that was nearly as
painful as the falsehoods themselves. I had spent years demonstrating
my dependability, my concern for my family, and my willingness
to lend a hand whenever necessary. However, she was prepared
to disregard all of it because my brother had made

(01:08:45):
up a preposterous tale to hide his identity. I sat
there trying to figure out why he would tell such
a falsehood. Was it shame, guilt, or just another instance
of his avoiding responsibility for his actions. Perhaps he didn't
want to tell our mother that he and his spouse
had lied to me about having to work late, or
that they had gone out to a cafe while I
was at home with the kids. Perhaps it was simpler

(01:09:05):
for him to blame me, to make it appear that
I was the one who had failed them, than to
acknowledge that he had been dishonest. I couldn't believe he
would go to such lengths, though, whatever of his motivations,
it was now more about the idea behind it than
it was about myself. He was trying to harm my
reputation in our family by lying to our mother. For
what purpose, to keep one's face intact, to escape accountability

(01:09:28):
for his deeds. I didn't see how he could defend
it to himself, and it felt harsh and petty. I
came to the conclusion that there was no use in
attempting to tell my mother the truth. While she continued
to speak, her decision was already made. He had likely
been extremely convincing in his account of events, and I
knew my brother. I didn't have the energy to dispute
because it would just become a he said, She said,

(01:09:49):
situation In addition, I had the feeling that it wasn't
worth anything at all. Perhaps it said more about my
mother than it did about me, if she was so
willing to believe him without hearing my side of the story.
I hardly responded, letting her speak, I hung up and
sat there looking at my phone. When the discussion finally finished,
I was exhausted, dejected, and most of all, extremely wounded.

(01:10:11):
It was more than simply the lies. It was about
my own brother using me as a scapegoat to hide
his inappropriate behavior, and my mother mindlessly supporting it. I
repeatedly re enacted the scenario in my mind over the
course of the following few days. I reflected on the
numerous occasions I had gone above and beyond to support
my brother, the sacrifices I had made for him and
his family, and the apparent lack of appreciation on his part.

(01:10:34):
I reflected on how my mother had assumed the worst
about me without even attempting to get my side of
the story, and how she had been so quick to
support him, And the more I gave it more thought,
the more I saw that this went beyond what had
just transpired. My brother was always the golden child who
could do no wrong, and I was supposed to take
the fall for it. It was about a pattern, a
dynamic that had existed for years. I briefly contemplated going

(01:10:57):
up to my brother confronting him, exposing his deception, and
requesting an explanation. However, that idea appeared less tempting the
more I considered it. What would it achieve. He had
previously demonstrated his unwillingness to accept accountability for his deeds.
To confront him would just result in more manipulation, more falsehoods,
and more excuses to be honest. I didn't require such

(01:11:19):
negativity in my life. I made the decision to stand back. Instead,
I began concentrating on myself, stop talking to my mother
about the problem, and stopped returning my brother's calls. It
wasn't simple. A part of me was concerned about how
my connection with my niece and nephew could be impacted
by the friction in my family, which I detested. However,
I also realized that I couldn't continue to put myself

(01:11:42):
in precarious circumstances where I was treated disrespectfully and taken
advantage of. Ultimately, I understood that establishing boundaries was about
protecting myself, not about punishing others. It was about not
allowing the behavior of others to determine my value as
a person, and although it was painful to take a
step back, it was also freeing to prioritize myself. At
last third update, I avoided my mother and brother in

(01:12:05):
the weeks and months that followed. Although it was a
difficult choice, it was essential. I came to the realization
that I needed time to recover and take care of
myself after everything that had transpired. I made the decision
to leave it all because the ongoing drama, deception, and
disrespect had worn me down. Restoring my feeling of self
worth and establishing a life where I felt appreciated and

(01:12:27):
respected were more important than merely establishing boundaries. I devoted
all of my time to my career and interest. Throughout
this period, I spent more time with friends who never
made me feel like I was asking too much simply
for being there, and who always gave me unwavering support.
In addition to trying new things I had been putting
off for years, like joining a local book club and
taking up yoga, I began to accept social invitations more frequently,

(01:12:49):
I was able to find who I was outside of
the family dynamics that had taken up so much of
my energy. Thanks to these seminars, I first met my
boyfriend on one of these outings with pals. I never
would have imagined how he would alter my life. We
first met at a small get together at the home
of a mutual acquaintance. I wasn't really excited to go
at first, since I was still dealing with the emotional
fallout from everything that had happened to my family. However,

(01:13:13):
my pals were correct when they said it would benefit me.
I met him through a friend of a friend during
a card game. We wound up sitting next to each other,
and what began as light hearted teasing over who would
win evolved into a meaningful, interesting discussion. He was kind, focused,
and sincerely interested in what I was saying. I felt
hurt and seen for the first time in a long time.

(01:13:33):
We discussed everything from job to favorite movies to hobbies,
and at the end of the night I couldn't recall
ever laughing so hard. We began seeing each other on
a regular basis after that evening. Initially it was informal
coffee dates, park walks, and late night phone conversations that
continued into the morning. However, as the weeks passed, it
became evident that this was something unique in ways I

(01:13:55):
didn't realize I needed. He was patient, kind and encouraging.
He reminded me that it's acceptable to put my own
needs first, respected my limits, and pushed me to advocate
for myself. It was refreshing to spend time with him.
He didn't have the manipulation or emotional baggage I was
so accustomed to from my family. Rather, he helped me
realize that not all relationships need to be stressful or

(01:14:17):
conflictual by bringing stability and optimism into my life. Additionally,
he assisted me in managing my feelings toward my family
by advising me to handle the matter diplomatically, while also
reminding me that it was acceptable to leave if it
was negatively impacting my mental well being. Now to the
next story. Five. My sister flirted with my boyfriend and
attacked me when confronted. Drama erupted at my wedding when

(01:14:40):
my parents forced a reconciliation. I'm twenty eight and my
sister is twenty six. We haven't communicated for about six
years because of a terrible tragedy, which I will explain
in a bit. As we grew up, my parents, for
whatever reason, never discouraged our intense sibling rivalry. They urged
us to compete instead. In retrospect, I don't think that

(01:15:00):
was a wise decision, because it made us incredibly jealous
of one another. If they had dealt with this sooner,
maybe our relationship would have been better. We could sometimes
put aside our differences while we were younger, but as
we grew older our hostility increased. When we got to
high school, we didn't talk much to one other, and
we both liked it that way. I only saw my
sister when I returned home from college after high school.

(01:15:22):
Compared to being with someone who was disagreeable all the time,
this was a relief. I started dating my fiance around
the time I was about to graduate. After three years
of friendship, he finally worked up the nerve to ask
me out right before I graduated. I said yes, as
we had been friends for years and I thought he
was amazing. He and I moved in together after I graduated.
After three months of dating, I made the decision to

(01:15:44):
present him to my parents one weekend. It just so
happened that my sister, who had just begun college, chose
to stay at home that same weekend with both of
us present at the same moment. It was already a
formula for disaster. My life was going great at that point.
I had my own apartment, a job, and a cute partner,
but things weren't going as smoothly for my sister. She

(01:16:05):
was disappointed that she couldn't get into her first choice
of college and had to settle for her second. Later,
my parents explained that she kept returning home so often
because she was struggling to make friends at college. I
could tell my sister wasn't happy when I told my
parents about my relationship. As I introduced him to him,
she pouted in the background. When I introduced her, she
instantly turned on her charm despite the fact that my

(01:16:27):
partner was aware of the strained relationship I had with her.
It felt weird, but I tried not to let it
upset me. Then, however, things became much stranger. While we
were all sitting around, my sister continued trying to chat
to my boyfriend since she was too interested in his life.
Despite our discomfort. Neither of us spoke. Then she went
too far. During dinner, she started to overtly flirt with

(01:16:50):
him in front of me. She was obviously trying to
irritate me. She wasn't subtle. I attempted to ignore my
family's turmoil for a while, since I didn't want my
partner to notice. I finally lost it though. As she
went on. I became enraged as she was openly flinging
herself at him. I informed her that her behavior was
disgusting and told her to stop. She continued to speak

(01:17:11):
to him while rolling her eyes. That's when I lost it.
I screamed at her, telling her that since she was
making him feel uncomfortable, she should respect him as he
was my guest. Even worse was her reaction helping my
boyfriend realize he had alternatives and that he deserved better,
she remarked with a sly smile. I was angry at
the way she stated it. We began yelling at one another,

(01:17:32):
and I became so irate that I branded her a
loser and said she was resentful because she wasn't performing
as well as I was. That struck a chord. The
words had a profound effect on her, and before I
could respond, she snatched my hair and gave me a
slap across the table. I was too shocked to react
at first because we hadn't fought physically since middle school. However,
the situation swiftly turned into a full fledged altercation. My

(01:17:55):
boyfriend and our parents had to break us up because
we had gotten so violent. We were both bruised and
scratched by the end, yet we were still yelling at
one another. After attempting to reassure me the entire time,
my partner was able to finally pull me away, get
me into the car, and drive us home. I was
glad to have him on my side, since without him,
the conflict might have lasted even longer. I didn't speak

(01:18:16):
to my sister at all after that happened. We had
argued before, but it had never been this savage. This
was the last straw for me. It was already easier
living apart from her, and I no longer felt compelled
to think of her as a member of my family.
Even though my sister wasn't prepared to apologize, My parents
called me the day after the fight to let me
know they had chastised her and hoped we might work

(01:18:37):
things out. In the end, I informed them that I
was not interested in finding a solution. I wanted our
connection to stay as it was non existent, and I
didn't want anything to do with her anymore. I reminded
my parents that they were partially responsible when they attempted
to persuade me otherwise. They had, in a sense encouraged
our intense sibling rivalry while we were growing up and
had never addressed it. My sister and I didn't want

(01:18:59):
to be a raad each other, so they weren't shocked.
They disagreed with me, so we got into a fight
about it. They admitted their error and apologized over the
phone a few days later. I've forgiven them, even though
it felt a little empty at the time. I didn't
want to break up contact with my parents, even if
I had decided to stop talking to my sister. That
incident happened six years ago, and I haven't spoken to

(01:19:21):
my sister since. As long as they don't put any
pressure on me to get back together, I don't mind
if she and my parents continue to have a regular contact.
We don't talk much, and even on holidays, we avoid
each other, even though I've seen her at family get togethers.
That's how I like it. We don't get along, and
everyone in the family knows it, but nobody knows why.
They just know that we got into a fight and

(01:19:43):
that none of us has looked good. Ever. Then, after
six years of concealing the information, I eventually came clean
at my bridal shower. Because we weren't precisely adhering to
traditional norms, my maid of honor only invited close friends
and family, including my fiance, to the ceremony. My parents
prized me by inviting my estranged sister as well. What
they were thinking, I don't know. I was in disbelief

(01:20:06):
when my folks showed up with her. My sister appeared
just as shocked to see me, and tents stand off
occurred as the room went silent. My parents came over
to us after what seemed like an eternity and said
that enough time had gone by and that they hoped
we could get back together. They thought we were now
older and wiser. My sister's look made it obvious that
our parents had deceived her into going. I told my

(01:20:27):
parents that on such a significant day, they had no
right to surprise me. I gently but forcefully requested my
parents to accompany my sister on her departure before she
could say anything. Instead of leaving, they insisted that I
move on from the past, while pretending that nothing important
had occurred. Their contemptuous behavior angered me. I gave a
detailed account of the full incident that occurred six years ago.

(01:20:48):
In order to correct the record, I asked whether everyone
in the room believed I could just forgive and move on.
After making sure everyone knew exactly what had transpired, I
then went to my parents and asked, would you still
believe it was so easy to let go if I
had married someone else of this things would have turned
out differently if I had wed someone else. However, when
I first took him home to meet the family, my

(01:21:09):
sister had shamelessly flirted with the man I was marrying
in front of me. She had done it without guilt,
as if he were a competitor in a competition. He
had never agreed to. She did all of that, but
more than that, she attacked me first because I called
her out on it and called her a loser. It
was traumatic for me because I had never before experienced
someone attempting to physically harm me in that manner. She

(01:21:30):
never apologized to me in the six years that followed,
acting as though nothing had happened. I didn't feel pressured
to let go of the past or forgive her. I
thought it was more crucial to keep myself safe and
keep someone like her out of my life. It was
ridiculous of my parents to think they could just take
her to my bridal shower and expect us to get
back together. Luckily, my sister recognized her error and departed

(01:21:51):
before my parents could continue their argument. I imagined my
sister wasn't happy about being duped too, so my mother
followed her, probably to please her. For a brief period,
my father stayed with me, but I told him that
he had let me down and that I didn't want
to speak to him. At that time. I was acting
like a brat, and he got annoyed and accused me
of being unreasonable, saying that it was pointless to cling

(01:22:11):
to something that had happened six years before. I told
him to go because I didn't want to quarrel with him,
even though I didn't think I was being a brat.
After a few minutes, he departed. I had to take
a few moments to gather myself after that since I
was so overwhelmed. Thankfully, I had the support of my
fiancee and maid of honor, and I quickly returned to
my normal self since I needed a diversion and didn't

(01:22:33):
want to worry about my dad or sister. Everyone else complied.
We carried on with the festivities as if nothing had occurred.
My fiance and I went home after the encounter and
didn't talk about it again. Since the incident, which happened
around five days ago. I had not heard from my parents,
but I was fine with it. After what they did,
I thought we should take a break. I didn't anticipate

(01:22:54):
hearing from them immediately, but they did finally get in touch,
not to apologize, but to blame me for my sister's
sity situation. My mom called this morning. When I replied,
she told me to get in touch with my aunt
and make sure she gave my sister the job she
had been talking about. My mother was upset and scared,
and I had no idea what she was talking about,
so I told her to calm down. She continued by

(01:23:15):
explaining that layoffs and downsizing at her prior workplace had
left my sister unemployed. For about six months. A few
weeks ago, she realized she could no longer afford the
rent and had to return to live with our parents.
She had been looking for work, but she had not
been able to locate a position that paid enough or
that she enjoyed. My aunt, who was starting a new business,
and my mother had talked about this. My aunt had

(01:23:38):
originally decided to make my sister the head of marketing
because she had prior marketing experience, but after the bridal
shower incident, when I told my aunt what had happened
six years earlier, she stopped responding and finally canceled the offer.
I wasn't shocked because I had always been my aunt's favorite,
and I thought that was a reasonable explanation. My aunt
replied that it was clear from her knowledge of the incident.

(01:23:58):
I recounted that my sister had serious anger management problems
when my mother forwarded her mail to me. The fact
that my sister had not even apologized during the bridal
shower infuriated my aunt. In addition, my aunt said that
although she had originally decided to hire my sister due
to their familial ties, she had just interviewed a better
qualified applicant for the position. Instead, she made the decision

(01:24:19):
to offer the job to the better qualified candidate. That
made perfect sense to me, and I was really happy
that my aunt had changed her mind. After receiving my
aunt's note, I told my mother that there was nothing
I could do about it. I wanted to avoid my
aunt feeling pressured to recruit my sister just because they
were related, as I had witnessed the detrimental impacts of
nepotism in the workplace. It was evident that my aunt

(01:24:41):
had identified a more qualified candidate for the position, which
was the true reason my sister was not employed. I
didn't want to get involved because my aunt was in
charge of this. My mother became I rate when I
promised her that I wouldn't attempt to harm my sister's
standing or reputation in the family. At my bridal shower,
she started screaming at me, saying that I had ruined
my sister's chances by bringing up the past. Considering how

(01:25:04):
much it would affect my sister, she said, I didn't
need to bring up the incident at my bridal shower.
She said I deliberately portrayed my sister as unstable and
evil in order to win the family's pity and position
myself as the nice one. Just so you know, when
I described the incident, I wasn't concealing anything. I freely
acknowledged that prior to her physical assault, I had called
her a loser. But I don't think her violent response

(01:25:26):
was justified by the name calling. My mother's accusation that
I brought up the incident purely to harm my sister's
reputation was unfair. After giving it some thought, I hung
up the phone and blocked my parents. I wondered if
it was the correct thing to bring up the past.
My mother had claimed over the phone that I hadn't
given my sister a fair opportunity to demonstrate her growth
over the years, and that it was unkind of me

(01:25:46):
to bring up the fight, particularly when it cost her
a job. Offer first update, Hello read it. I want
to thank everyone who took the time to leave a
comment before I talk about what transpired after my first post.
Thank you very much for your guidance and good remarks.
Since my sister had previously been prohibited from contacting me
for six years, my parents were unable to get in

(01:26:07):
touch with me directly after I blocked them. They chose
to visit my home since they had no other choice.
With my wedding just a few weeks away, I was
overburdened and very busy getting ready. I had just gotten
home from work that day, and my fiance and I
had a last minute wedding dress fitting planned. I instructed
them to go when they showed there without an invitation,
we knew that if we opened the door, they would

(01:26:28):
continue the talk and aggravate me much more, so we
didn't want to interact. They remained even after I threatened
to contact the police. To be honest, I didn't want
to contact the police since I didn't want to handle
the problem that way and it felt over the top.
We agreed to let them in for a little talk,
hear their side of the story, and end it there.
After talking it over with my fiance after deciding on

(01:26:49):
a course of action, we let them in and warned
them to hurry because we had other obligations. Thankfully, my
folks quickly got to the point. They clarified that my
behavior at the bridal shower was the reason my aunt
had withdrawn her offer of employment to my sister. They
said that I was to blame for my sister's situation
and asked that I contact my aunt to make sure
she was hired. I paid attention, but I didn't want

(01:27:10):
to say it again since it was the same argument.
I told them that since I had already called my mother,
there was nothing I could do about it. It didn't
make sense for them to come to my house and
talk about it again since they knew I was busy
and getting married in a few weeks. I was interrupted
by my sister, who said they had come for reasons
other than the job offer. This was our first chat
in six years, so I was surprised. She continued by

(01:27:33):
saying that she felt obligated to apologize, which is why
she chose to come. At the moment, I was unsure
of how to feel. To be honest, I had severe
misgivings and didn't trust her intentions. I chose to be
straightforward and inquired as to whether she sincerely wanted to
apologize or if she was merely doing so in hopes
of getting the job. I informed her that because I
couldn't help her, there was no use in wasting her

(01:27:55):
breath if it was only about the work. Although she
appeared a little taken aback by my candor. She said
that our parents were present to talk about the job
and that she had come to apologize. Even my parents
appeared astonished when I looked at them, indicating that they
hadn't discussed this, but my sister seemed unconcerned. She reaffirmed
that she had no interest in the job and was
only come to apologize. She claimed to have thought back

(01:28:18):
on her behavior during the previous six years, but she
had always found an excuse not to apologize. She was
unable to deny that she had mistreated me after the
bridal shower. Her tone and manner conveyed that she was serious,
even if my fiancee and I were still processing the situation.
She said that she had harbored resentment towards me since
she was a young child because she felt compelled to
compete with me constantly. She felt guilty for squandering her

(01:28:41):
childhood and adolescence on that rivalry now that she saw
how pointless it was in the real world. She was
sad that we could have become friends, given that I
had tried to get in touch with her multiple times.
Because she always viewed me as a rival. She acknowledged
pushing me away. It was very overwhelming to hear her
speak all of this, and I'm ashamed to say that
I still started crying as she expressed her emotions. She

(01:29:02):
then turned to face my fiance and expressed regret for
the way she had behaved toward him during their one
and only meeting. She admitted that it was long passed
for her to apologize and that her preoccupation without doing
me had caused her to lose sight of who she
had become. When she was done, she didn't wait for
a reply. She merely said that she needed to express
herself and that we didn't have to forgive her. She

(01:29:23):
promised not to disturb us again now that she had.
Only my parents, my fiance, and I remained in the
room after she departed. We sat there in startled silence,
trying to take in what had just transpired, none of
us expecting this. My parents eventually departed without saying anything,
and my fiance and I went as schedule to my fitting.
Until we arrived home, we didn't talk about any of it.

(01:29:45):
We started discussing my sister's apology approximately thirty minutes ago.
Despite the six year delay, I thought my sister's apology
was incredibly sincere and mature. My fiance and I are
still processing things, so we aren't sure if we should
forgive her. I'm glad she recognized we could have been friends,
and I've unblocked her, but I need more time to
reassure her that everything is really okay. Second update. I

(01:30:08):
neglected to include my parents in my last update. Since
their visit a few days ago, they have not gotten
in touch with us, since they haven't expressed regret for
what they did. We want to stay away from them
because they encouraged, rather than resolve the conflict between my
sister and me. I consider them responsible. Their disregard for
my sisters and my sentiments is evident, even after years

(01:30:29):
of conflict and my attempts at forgiveness. We'll let them
know in a few days that they won't be invited
to the wedding. Third update. I was married last week
and it was a stunning, ideal day. My parents were
not present, as was to be expected. They sent an
email stating that they would not be attending, stating that
they no longer wanted to be a part of our
lives because my sister and I had stigmatized them. I

(01:30:50):
don't mind if that's what they decide to do. On
a more positive note, I contacted my sister prior to
the wedding to welcome her to the event and to
accept her apology. Her there made the day even more memorable,
and she accepted with grace. I'm happy to be getting
back in touch with her, even if it's unbelievable to
consider how far we've come. My husband and I are
excited about our honeymoon and life is better than ever.

(01:31:15):
Now to the next story. Six stepdad takes my mom
and his kids on vacation, leaving me home alone. I
move to my dad's and everything falls apart. I'm a
sixteen year old guy in high school. Two years ago,
my mother married Eddie, my stepdad. Eddie is forty two
years old. My mother is forty. My parents never entered
into marriage. Actually, I was the product of a very

(01:31:37):
brief fling following college that they assumed would last a
few months. Then my mother started to conceive. She hired
me since she wanted to end the pregnancy without calling
for termination. My dad has shared custody of me, since
he too wants to participate in my life. Every month,
I move residences, spending the year alternately with my mother
and my father, therefore distributing my time equally between them.

(01:31:59):
I love my parents. I know both of them have
given quite a lot of sacrifices for me to remain
close by the first and most important one is that
they have spent years living in the same city. Hence
I wouldn't find the travel between the two houses to
be too challenging. Previously unaware of this, now I see
that both of my parents had to forfeit several chances
to progress in their professions in order to stay in

(01:32:19):
the same city and live near each other, all for
my benefit. Thanks to me, my mother also had to
turn away countless guys who were totally in love with her.
Her priorities should have been parenting me rather than getting
married and juggling her personal life, work and husband. Eddie
helped me to learn all these things. He is not
precisely the ideal stepfather one could want for To help
me to accept him, my mother had to go over

(01:32:41):
all of this with me. If she could make so
many sacrifices for my sake, she believes I should be
able to at least somewhat repay the favor and embrace Eddie.
Since I never asked her to make such sacrifices, I
find it difficult to properly grasp how that reasoning holds.
She could have readily ended the pregnancy or allowed my
father take over completely rearing me. Still, I love her
and want her to be happy, so I never fought

(01:33:03):
with her about it. Though Eddie wasn't a very lovely guy,
I was eager to welcome him. By not a nice guy,
I mean, he is not nasty to me in any sense.
Simply said, he doesn't like me. He doesn't try to
hide it. Though I'm not sure what kind of forty
two year old has problems with a sixteen year old guy.
He most certainly does. Since I never offended him, I'm

(01:33:23):
not sure why he hates me. Actually, I have always
tried to be friendly to him, since my family taught
me to treat every one kindly, even if they show
you their dislike of you. He never remarks on me
and never talks to me disrespectfully. He doesn't talk to
me at all. Hence the reason behind this is straightforward.
For the past three years, he acts as though I
don't exist in the household. I have no idea what

(01:33:44):
I ever done to irritate him. But one day he
simply decided he would not be talking to me and
would be acting as though I wasn't there at all,
the craziest thing on earth, and I'm not really used
to this type of treatment. He seems to be treating
me coldly for something, but I'm not sure what that is.
Not knowing what his issue with me is, I can't
even change my conduct. According to my mother, that is

(01:34:05):
his natural state. He doesn't particularly like me, but he
doesn't have any problems with me. But especially when you're
forty two and the other person is essentially just sixteen,
I believe that if you dislike someone, there should at
least be a cause for it. It probably relates to
the dynamics of my being the first kid of my
mother or anything. I have no idea either. He has
made it rather clear that he hates me, at least generally.

(01:34:28):
We used to get along reasonably earlier. He would communicate
with me and ask all kinds of questions about my
life when he arrived home. First few times, I would
reply to him quite politely, but he just decided he
would not be talking to me. Following one visit. It
was quite haphazard, and at the time I had no
idea why he did that. Originally, I didn't ask questions,
since I assumed he might have simply forgotten to say

(01:34:49):
hello or anything. But then it occurred so often that
it became difficult to overlook. Given that my mother was
behaving as though I hadn't been in the house. I
even asked her whether I had done anything to irritate him.
Every time I walked into the living room or any
whatever room he was in, he would turn his face away.
Regarding that, my mother gave me no particular precise advice.
She just explained that he was attempting to process the

(01:35:11):
reality that he would now have to deal with the
presence of me. Perhaps he was merely not used to it,
as he had only dated women without children prior to this.
Given his own two children, I found it difficult to believe.
His two sons were twelve and fifteen years old, respectively.
After the younger brother was born, their mother died in
an accident. I used to see my dad every other month.

(01:35:32):
Hence it was untrue that I would stay there all
the time. Still, a few months went by, and finally
I came to terms with Eddie's reality that he was
not going to talk to me any longer. Eddie proposed
to my mother after a year of dating, and few
months later they were married. Eddie moved in the residence
with his children following their marriage. I had only visited
his children a few times before, and even then their

(01:35:53):
father had instructed them not to talk to me. It
was simply so insane. I have no idea how I
handled that. For years as a man are a fact.
Eddie and my mother used to live apart before marriage.
Since Eddie's mother stayed with him and was quite ill,
he moved his mother in with his sister so she
could look after her. Once they were married. Then Eddie
brought his kids into our house. Though I'm not sure

(01:36:13):
if any of you have actually gone through this, living
in the same house with several people who won't interact
with you and pretend you don't even exist is rather difficult.
I had to put up with that, and based on
their treatment of me, I felt like I was some
sort of criminal, which made me terribly depressed. The worst
aspect was that I never found out initially what I
did wrong. I still have no idea, at least I'm

(01:36:33):
not living with them anymore. Hence it makes no difference.
Years went by and their behavior remained the same, despite
my adaptation to it. Eddie not talking to me whenever
he came over to see my mother was already second
nature to me. Given his frequency. I grew used to
him and his children living in the same house with
me and not talking to me. When they got married,
every time I visited my mother, I had to get

(01:36:54):
ready psychologically to solely chat to her. For the following
few weeks, the only person who would talk to me
in that house was her. Everybody else pretended I was invisible, absent.
Although it hurt, I had to learn to deal with
it as I wanted to spend time with my mother.
She was not going to discuss it with Eddie, I knew,
trust me. I tried to persuade her several times to
approach him about it, find out more, or at least

(01:37:17):
try to resolve this. She informed me she had already
discussed it with him, but she could not reveal to
me some personal reasons. He thus denied to recognize my existence.
She knew where Eddie was coming from, Hence she could
not act about it in the house as she also
knew why I felt guilty about it. I would simply
have to swallow it and deal with it, though she
would get emotional and tell me I was being unappreciative

(01:37:38):
if I tried to stand up for myself and dispute
with her as I was forgetting the fact she had
made so many sacrifices for me. She thought I could
surely deal with it for her benefit and pass Eddie
for acting the way he did. Though I wanted to
argue with her, I knew I would damage her emotions.
I never even told my father about any of this,
as I knew he would be rather irate and would
most certainly confront my mother about it should he find out.

(01:38:00):
Often they had tiny conflicts and arguments since they were
rather different people with rather different opinions on how to
raise me. But I knew that something this big would
most likely cause my father to seek extreme behavior or
file for complete custody. I avoided telling him and acted
as though everything was good with my mother and her
new family, since I wanted to avoid starting conflict. Eddie
and my mother had been living together for two years,

(01:38:21):
following one year of dating before they were married. I
have so been tolerating this kind of behavior. For three
years now, I have been stretched quite thinly and pushed
to my breaking point. Something lately truly drove me over
the line, and I realized I could not continue to
put up with this. I was meant to spend last
month at my mother's place. Eddie and his children had
been excluding me as usual, having been arguing with some

(01:38:43):
of my school classmates. I was already going through a
difficult period and truly not in the appropriate frame of
view at the time. Then one morning two weeks ago,
I woke up to discover the house was totally empty.
Over that I began to go crazy. Everything had been usual,
or as normal as it gets at my mother's house
up until the evening before, though they had all been
ignoring me and chatting to one another. No mention of

(01:39:05):
them traveling any place was made. But when I got
up the following morning, the house was deserted. I asked
about it right away, phoning my mother, though I had
no idea where they were. Happily my mother answered the call.
She told me she and the kids were heading out
on a small trip for the week, and requested me
to stay in the house and take care of it
when I asked her what they were doing right now.

(01:39:25):
I'm on summer break, hence I have no classes and
not really have to travel any place. I do, not, however,
believe it appropriate to leave me at home alone and
expect me to operate like a watchdog. I told my
mother as much that I was not ready to spend
all day observing the house from home. I was not
on board with that plan. If she desired something like that,
she most likely ought to have just increased the protection

(01:39:47):
surrounding her house rather than fooling me into remaining at home.
They're leaving me at home all by myself, and not
even informing me about their intention to go on a
road trip infuriated me most as well. Not even the
politeness to let me know about it ahead of time
allowed me to make an informed decision on whether or
not to undertake it. As a male in high school,
there is practically nothing more we want than an empty

(01:40:08):
house all to ourselves, so I most likely would have
answered yes. I might have lived it for a few
days after inviting a handful of my buddies over, But
my mother was treating me like garbage. So I was
so enraged that I didn't even feel like doing it.
It made me quite sick. I wasn't really having anyone
to invite at the time, since I was also battling
with my buddies. I was just living through a generally

(01:40:29):
terrible period. I advised my mother to apologies to me
for doing this. Eddie disliked talking to me, so I
could understand that. But the very minimum they could do
was let me know they were headed somewhere before they went.
Not very pleasant to wake up one morning and discover
you or by yourself. She advised me that I should
get over it, as I was exaggerating things. She simply
hung up the call. She did not even wait for

(01:40:51):
my response. She texted me instead of answering when I
tried to contact her back, claiming to be trying to
enjoy her trip and would chat to me once she
arrived at the hotel. Everything infuriated me so much that
I chose to walk away. Though I knew the house
would be empty upon departure, I didn't give a damn.
My calls went straight to voicemail. When I attempted phoning
my mother once more to let her know I was going,

(01:41:13):
she did not respond. My mother typically leaves the house locked,
so I locked it and left the keys under a
potted plant. I then headed over to live with my dad.
My father had anticipated me to be living with my
mother until the end of the month, so he was
genuinely startled to see me back so early once I
got there, but I had enough therefore I just returned
to him. I ultimately told him everything that had been happening.

(01:41:35):
I told him all about Eddie and his outrageous actions
toward me, as well as how he had even instructed
his children not to interact with me. It was getting
on me since I felt as though I had done
something wrong, even though I had no idea what it was. Then,
regardless of how much it hurt, I told him. My
mother simply wanted to let things go as it was
and refused to even discuss this with Eddie. Eddie had

(01:41:55):
personal motives which she felt were legitimate. Thus her justification
was that she wasn't even ready to tell me what
those motives were, though, so I could understand the events
around me. I had tolerated this for long enough only
for the benefit of my mother. She constantly reminded me
of the things she had given up in her life
to make me happy. She cited this as grounds for
why I need to put up with Eddie's actions, but

(01:42:17):
I was not going to take it any more. As
this was becoming really excessive. I turned around. My father
needed to know what my mother was subjecting me to,
Hence I had to inform him. Though I had done
nothing to offend any one, I was just so sick
and tired of being treated like this. Thus maybe he
could be able to act about the matter. I had
always aimed to treat every one kindly and compassionately. I

(01:42:38):
then informed him about how my mother had left me
at home alone without even letting me know Eddie, his children,
or her were on travel plans. She simply wanted me
to make sure everything was in order, look after the house,
and live on my own for the following week. That
hardly constituted my main concern. Her lack of understanding of
the need of informing me about it ahead of time
caused me much trouble. She hung up and turned away

(01:43:00):
my calls when I tried to chat to her, as
if I didn't count to her. She had definitely crossed
the line, and I could not stand it any more.
I started crying after I completed telling my father all
of this. I had not known exactly how much over
the past few years all of this had been weighing
on me. Before she met Eddie, my connection with my
mother was normal. Then everything changed and nothing was the

(01:43:21):
same afterwards. It was quite tough for me to understand.
I felt small to her. When I vented to my father,
he just told me he was going to look after
everything for me coming forward. He clearly was agitated, but
he did not show me his irritation. Rather, he told
me he was happy I had shared with him and
that right now it was all on my chest. He
reassured me that I would be living with him from

(01:43:42):
then on. If I ever wanted to visit my mother,
it would be my decision only, but he would not
advise it. I have been living with my father since then.
I never tried to call my mother following that day.
The odd thing was she never tried to phone me either.
She had left her son at home all alone, so
the least she could have done was stay in touch
with him as she traveled with her new family. What

(01:44:03):
she had done had emotionally wounded me, But after talking
to my father, I felt much lighter. I had resolved
myself not to let this disturb me. We seldom spoke
for five days or so. Then, when my mother called
at last, I assumed it would be to check on me.
She was screaming at me at the top of her
lungs when I answered the call. Though the house had
been stolen, hence it took me some seconds to understand

(01:44:24):
she was yelling. Apparently, several of their possessions, including the
TV and a few other pricey items, were now gone.
She was attributing all of it to me for some reason,
given I had tried to let her know I was
leaving and would be staying with my father. I'm not
sure why I told her I was offended with her treatment.
Once she stopped screaming, I then reminded her that although
I had tried to get in touch her numerous times

(01:44:46):
after she hung up on me, she had continuously turning
down my calls. I could have texted her instead, she
informed me. Although that was a good point, I said,
I was upset, and I didn't text her on intention.
She shouldn't have expected me to stay in the first place,
since I thought it was quite clear that I was
unhappy we started a rather intense argument on it. She
had been depending on me and thought I should have

(01:45:07):
stayed at home, no matter how furious or irritated I was,
since it was a safety issue, I informed her I
never promised to shoulder such accountability. She ignored all of
my calls, even though I had tried my best to
let her know I was leaving and didn't want to
be home alone. She now had to deal with the
results of her acts, not mine. That they, including Eddie,
were trying to attribute this on me seemed absurd. Eddie

(01:45:29):
visited me for the first time in years, only to
rage at me and accuse me of being reckless. He
even mentioned some perplexing things, such as he had always
known I would be the reason they fell apart. We
hardly interact at all, Hence I have no idea what
that implies. How he arrived to that opinion without ever
interacting with me is unknown. In any case, I agree
with my dad as he believes this is my mom's fault,

(01:45:51):
and my parents are now bickering. My mother argues, nonetheless
that I am responsible. She is now demanding that my
father cover the damages, and can intends that should he
be defending me, he should be ready to cover the expenses.
Not sure what to do right now, she claims she
will drop the issue provided I at least apologies to
her and her family, though I also don't want her

(01:46:11):
to keep pestering my father. I do not want to
do that. Am I terrible for leaving my mother's house
empty to go live with my father after she and
my stepdad left me home alone to travel with his
family without even trying to tell me. Update one, two
weeks after the incident, A lot of things have come
to light. First of all, at last I found the
reason Eddie detested me so strongly. Eddie apparently asked my

(01:46:33):
mother if he might bring his mother to live with
them when they first began dating. Not comfortable with the
thought of them moving in together so quickly, my mother
had said no. She particularly objected to the notion of
his sick mother living with him, Though Eddie had made
it clear that his mother had a full time nurse
to look after her. She felt that having Eddie's mother
live with us would be too much effort for her,
and declined Eddie needs someone around to offer emotional support.

(01:46:56):
Solely not ready to move in with Eddie. My mother
wanted the extra burden of having her mother in law
live with her gone. She blamed all on me, rather
than being direct with Eddie. About three months into their relationship,
which was already somewhat serious, this happened. That was my
mother's decision. I didn't want to say anything, even though
I felt it was too soon for them to be
thinking of such things. She lied to Eddie, telling him

(01:47:18):
she would be cool with him moving home with his
mother and kids. She said, though, that I might be
trouble telling Eddie that I had drove away her former
boyfriends as I wanted to protect her and still thought
my parents may be reunited. My mother presented me as
a young criminal. She said she didn't want Eddie's mother
to suffer because of me, and she didn't want to
break my heart. She also informed Eddie I had spoken

(01:47:39):
negatively of his family. She said I had vowed to
make his mother's life miserable should she move in, and
referred to her as a useless burden. She further claimed
that I spoke of his children as little evil goblins
destined to destroy our family. These are things I would
never say, since for me, they are callous and utterly
out of line, but Eddie thought her. He then stopped

(01:47:59):
interacting with me to totally, since he wanted nothing to
do with me. Although I had always behaved properly around him,
he trusted my mother's lies. He had no reason to
mistrust such allegations. I learned about all of this so
many days ago. Eddie had been pushing my mother to
cut relations and disown me for what I had allegedly done.
She had to come clean and reveal the truth at last.

(01:48:19):
When she objected, Eddie was astounded to find, based on
things my mother had told him, he had been mistreating
me for years, she had lied since she was too
terrified to tell him she was the one not wanting
his sick mother to live with us. Eddie and my
mother live apart these days. Eddie was shocked he had
treated me so badly over something untrue. Eddie even said
in an e mail that if my mother had simply

(01:48:40):
been honest with him, he would not have had a problem.
Had she told him she lacked the bandwidth to tend
to a sick relative, he would have devised a plan
with his sister to alternate in looking after their mother.
She instead decided to lie and invented a terrible tale
about me. Eddie emailed me, also apologizing for what he
had put me through and hoping I could pardon him.
I'm still suggesting how I feel, thus I haven't answered yet.

(01:49:02):
Right now, I want to keep my thoughts clean and
avoid obsessing over this. Eddie had been mistreating me for
so long since falsehoods my mother had told him caused
him to change. She let it happen since it suited her.
She even gave him tales about how I was running
a foul of rules at the institution. He trusted her totally,
hence he never even questioned it. We never communicated, thus

(01:49:23):
he never knew that I was really a regular man,
which prevented the exposure of my mother's lies. I have
to admit she is one twisted person. Knowing all of this,
my father is now seeking full custody, claiming she loved
us and wanted us to be a happy family. My
mother is depressed, but I'm sorry. Wrecking everyone else's life
does not allow you to have a content family on

(01:49:44):
your own terms. Update two, Eddie is apparently seeking divorce
in addition to my dad seeking complete custody. My mother
wrote my dad a lot of texts pleading him to
talk to Eddie and men things. Since she can't live
without all of us, I wonder how she even expects
us to listen to her. After all she did, knowing
full well that she had been lying about me to
her husband. She made sure I was treated badly and

(01:50:05):
didn't have any issues for so many years. I wish
that nobody ever suffers something like this at the hands
of their own mother. She merely cared about herself and
nothing else. Yet I continued wondering what I did wrong
and why I was despised by her husband and his
family for no reason. I have blocked her everywhere and
desire never to interact with her ever once more. I
loved her and wanted her to be happy, so over

(01:50:25):
the past few years I put up so much. She
obviously just gave her personal happiness first priority and felt
different about her own son. That renders two of us
who gave her happiness top priority, well not any more.
Update three, Eddie has formally asked for divorce. Right now,
that is absolutely all anyone in my family or among
the mutual friends of my parents is talking about. My

(01:50:47):
mother is handling this in a very unusual manner by
sharing depressing remarks on social media, screenshots of which I
constantly getting from my cousins. Though I'm not sure what
she expects. That is most certainly not going to help.
She dug her tomb now she had to lie in it.
Update four, My dad owns me entirely right now. After
a few months, my mother fought valiantly, but the divorce

(01:51:09):
and all the evidence of what she went through made
things extremely difficult for her. She truly had no chance
since we had all the evidence required, even though her
attorney stretched the matter out for a few months. Nevertheless,
since my dad is the custodial parent, I no longer
have to see my mother if I so wish not
to see her. She does have visitation rites, but I'm
not sure why that would be relevant given I no

(01:51:30):
longer wish to interact with her. Living with my father
makes me pleased. Everything is going rather nicely. I'm excited
to move on. I've even made plans with friends. Now
to the next story. Seven. My parents demanded I give
my welcome party dress to my sister, who always destroys
my things. Am I the asshole for finally telling the truth.

(01:51:51):
I twenty two F severely need help about a matter
involving my family, notably my sister, Susan twenty four F.
I've been a long time lurker, but recent circumstances have
compelled me to finally share my tail. Please bear with
me as this may be a bit long. I'm actually
shivering as I type this, partially out of rage and
partly out of dread of what will happen if they
find out I'm asking for help. I recently graduated from

(01:52:14):
college and got my dream job at a top technology business.
Everything was going well. I worked hard in college, maintaining
a three point nine GPA with a partial scholarship, and
securing this position after numerous rounds of competitive interviews. The
organization is well known for its positive work environment and
ample prospects for advancement. After years of walking on eggshells

(01:52:35):
at home, I was truly pleased to begin my working life.
The welcome reception for new staff is tomorrow evening. It's
a formal function where new employees can meet top management
and team leaders. Several VIPs will be there, and it
is recognized to be an important networking event that can
impact your future career. Path inside the organization. I worked
part time for months and saved up enough money to

(01:52:55):
buy appropriate attire. It is not ostentatious, but rather professional
in stuff eilish. It cost me four hundred dollars, which
equates to numerous hours of tutoring and weekend shifts at
a nearby cafe. My parents, both forty five, didn't contribute anything,
which was not surprising given their history of preferring my sister.
My sister, Susan has always been the golden child. She

(01:53:16):
is currently unemployed after failing to complete college twice. She
spends the majority of her time partying and posting on
social media, while our parents cover her expenses without question.
They've spent thousands on her shopping spreees, expensive devices, and
even a car, which she crashed within three months. Meanwhile,
since high school, I've had to work part time jobs
to cover basic expenses such as school supplies and clothing.

(01:53:40):
The inequality and treatment began early. When I was five,
my aunt gave me a tiny art set for Christmas.
Susan threw a violent rage, so my parents took it
away and handed it to her, despite the fact that
she had previously received other expensive gifts. They told me
I needed to learn to share that Susan was more sensitive.
This set the tone for our entire life. Life growing up,

(01:54:01):
Susan would frequently throw temper tantrums if I received something pleasant.
When I was twelve, I won a science competition at school.
Instead of celebrating, Susan had a melt down because she
wasn't getting enough attention. What is my parents' solution? They
took away my prize and certificate to avoid causing susan
concern Susan couldn't stand seeing me on stage, so they

(01:54:21):
forced me to miss the award ceremony. This pattern persisted
throughout my life. Any accomplishment or enjoyment of mine was
viewed as a danger to Susan's well being. As we
became older, the situation worsened. Susan had a habit of
removing my belongings without permission. Clothes, books, electronics, nothing was
off limits. If I protested, my parents would chastise me

(01:54:43):
for being selfish and insensitive to my sister's sentiments. They
would remark things like, Susan is sensitive and requires additional support.
You're stronger, so you must compromise. When I acquired my
first smartphone at sixteen, which I paid for my tutoring money.
Susan demanded it because hers was outdated, despite the fact
that it was only six months old. My folks made

(01:55:03):
me swap phones with her. There were numerous occurrences like this.
Susan would physically assault me if she didn't get her way.
She once pushed me down the stairs when I refused
to allow her to use my laptop for a social
media broadcast. I sprained my ankle, but my parents did
not take me to the hospital. Instead, they instructed me
to remain in my room and not provoke Susan further.

(01:55:25):
Another time, Mom slapped me in the face at a
family gathering because I was getting more compliments on my
academic achievements. My parents called me aside and chastised me
for showing off and making Susan unhappy. The emotional assault
was far more severe than the physical. Susan would frequently
tell me that I was unwanted and that our parents
had me solely to give her a sibling. She made

(01:55:45):
fun of my appearance, circulated rumors about me at school,
and even ruined my friendships. When I was fifteen, I
had my first boyfriend Susan claimed I was cheating on him.
I wasn't and even showed him modified screenshots of phony chats.
He broke up with me, and when I confronted Susan,
she simply laughed. Our parents they say I should never
have begun dating, since it made Susan lonely. Throughout all

(01:56:08):
of this, I learned to keep my head down and
concentrate on my school work. My dream of financial independence
kept me going during the toughest moments. I stopped expecting
support or validation from my family. I even intended to
move out as soon as I started earning money, hoping
to finally be free of this toxic environment. I immersed myself
in schoolwork and extra curricular activities, doing everything I could

(01:56:30):
to avoid being at home. During college, I believed things
would improve because I was living in the dorms, but
Susan would frequently drop up unexpectedly, demand money or clothes,
and throw fits if I refused. My parents would call
and chastise me for neglecting my sister, despite the fact
that she was meant to be the older sibling. They
even tried to force me to quit out after Susan

(01:56:50):
failed her classes for the second time, stating that it
was unfair for me to complete my education while she couldn't.
But yesterday everything came to a head. Susan and our
parents and stormed into my room one hour before I
was supposed to try on my dress for final changes.
She demanded that I dressed for her next job interview.
When I declined, she screamed about how I was arrogant

(01:57:10):
for having a job before her, how I was purposely
attempting to make her appear bad, and how I'd always
been a selfish, attention seeking brat. Our parents obviously supported her.
Your sister needs this more than you, mom remarked, using
the guilt tripping tone. I've come to despise. She has
interviews scheduled and this garment would greatly increase her confidence.

(01:57:30):
You can wear something else to the celebration. Why are
you always so difficult? I tried to explain how important
this event was to my career, how I had saved
for months to buy the outfit, and how this was
my last chance to make a good first impression at
my new job. But Dad cut me off, his face
flushed with rage. Stop being so difficult, he snapped, you
understand how difficult this time has been for Susan. Why

(01:57:53):
do you always have to make it about yourself? Can't
you think about your sister's emotions for once? What is
the worst part? Susan had previously returned her own beautiful
dress purchased by our parents for two thousand dollars and
use the money to buy makeup in a new iPhone cover.
She didn't even have any actual interviews arranged. She only
wanted my dress because it was mine. Later, I overheard

(01:58:15):
her on the phone with a friend joking about how
she was going to take care of her sister's attitude issues.
What distinguishes this situation from prior ones is that my grandmother,
seventy one, f expects images from the welcome celebration. She's
always been more sensible than my parents, but living in
another state means she's not as familiar with our family dynamics.
She explicitly requested that I send her images of my clothing,

(01:58:37):
expressing her pride that I had landed such a good
position right out of college. She even considered framing the
photo for her home room. I am currently locked in
my room trying to figure out what to do. My
hands are trembling while I type this. My sister is
still having a fit outside, yelling that I am ruining
her life and that she will make me regret being born.
I can hear her hammering on my door and threatening

(01:58:59):
to smash down. My parents are texting me to stop
being selfish and to think about family harmony. They're threatening
to ground me yes at twenty two and confiscate my
phone if I don't cooperate. Should I just give in
again to maintain the peace? I am aware that if
I do not comply, they may physically compel me to
hand over the dress, or Susan may trash it out
of spite, as she has done with my belongings in

(01:59:21):
the past. But I'm so tired of being the family's scapegoat.
This welcoming celebration meant the world to me. It's my
first step toward independence, a chance to begin establishing a
life free of their destructive influence. I can't help but
worry if telling my grandmother the truth about what's going
on will make a difference. She's always been nice to me,
but my parents have taught me that contacting relatives would

(01:59:43):
bring shame to the family and that no one would
believe me anyhow, They have spent years telling me that
their treatment is normal and that I am to blame
for not being more flexible. I am lost and unsure
what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Am
I irrational in wanting to keep my own outfit which
I purchased with my own mind? How do I approach
this scenario without causing further controversy, but also without giving

(02:00:05):
up something that is really important to me. I feel
like I'm having a panic attack just thinking about approaching them.
The welcoming celebration is tomorrow evening, so I have to
make a decision fast. I've worked so hard to get here,
and it's upsetting that my accomplishment is being overshadowed by
my sister's demands and my parents' supporting conduct. The idea
of showing up in something inappropriate and perhaps harming my

(02:00:26):
professional reputation is worrisome, but so is the prospect of
another violent encounter with Susan. Thank you for reading this far.
I've never told anyone the whole amount of what goes
on in our family, so writing it all down seems
both terrifying and liberating. I keep second guessing myself, wondering
if I'm overreacting or if I'm insane for believing this
isn't typical right now, any advice or assistance would be

(02:00:49):
greatly appreciated. Update one first and foremost, I'd like to
thank everyone who left positive comments on my first post.
A lot has transpired in the past twenty four hours
and everything has altered. Yesterday, after I posted, my grandmother
called to inquire about the welcome celebration and pictures. When
I started making excuses, she realized something was wrong. She

(02:01:10):
insisted on bringing me up for lunch today, claiming to
require assistance with grocery shopping. My parents couldn't turn her
down without raising suspicions. At a quiet cafe away from home,
my grandma held my hands and whispered, now, tell me everything.
Her gentle tone smashed through all of my barricades. For
the first time, I revealed the entire truth about our
family dynamics. I told her how Susan ruined my school projects,

(02:01:34):
shredded my college prep books, and bleached my prom outfit.
I revealed years of secrets that I had kept buried
out of fear and shame. My grandma listened without interrupting,
but I could see her hands trembling in rage when
I concluded. She confessed that she and other relatives had
suspected difficulties for years, but had been unable to prove
them because my parents always presented a perfect family picture

(02:01:54):
at gatherings. Right there at the cafe, mother began calling
family members, including my aunt's uncles and family acquaintances. As
she made these calls, my phone started vibrating NonStop with
texts from my family. My mother sent more anxious texts,
how can you tell lies about our family after everything
we've done for you. You're making your sister cry again.

(02:02:15):
Susan's communications began with a guilt trip. I cannot believe
you would do this to me. You know how sensitive
I am. They swiftly moved to threats. You better tell
Grandma you lied, or I'll make you regret it. Remember
your prom dress. This will be worse. Dad joined in.
Your mother is having a breakdown because of you. Come
home right now and mend the mess you've made. But

(02:02:37):
this time their threats had a different effect on me.
Each message proved what I had told my granny while
they were making these threats. My grandma showed me scores
of encouraging texts from family members who were finally realizing
the truth. The family has responded overwhelmingly. My aunt apologized
for believing Susan's falsehoods about how cruel I was to her.
My uncle promised to help me find an apartment close

(02:02:59):
to my workplace. Another aunt recommended therapy and even offered
to cover the fees. My grandmother made it clear that
she will not allow them to scare me longer. She
contacted her lawyer and purchased me a new outfit for
the welcome celebration, which is now safely stored at my
aunt's house. Even family friends have begun to share their
observations of Susan's troubling behavior at gatherings, including a child

(02:03:20):
psychologist who had observed warning flags years ago. I am
writing this from my aunt's place. My parents are still
sending me texts threatening to cut me off financially, which
is immaterial because I support myself and telling everyone what
a bad daughter I am. Susan's latest threat was to
ruin my job, but it no longer scares me. For
the first time, I am not facing their assault alone. Tomorrow,

(02:03:42):
I'll go to the welcome reception in my new dress,
with my aunt driving me there for safety. My Grandma
instructed me to chronicle everything from now on, including Susan's threats.
Thank you read it for letting me see that what
I've normalized isn't typical at all. I'll post another update
when I can update two. I never anticipated things to
escalate so soon following my last update. I'm writing this

(02:04:04):
from my grandmother's house with a broken nose and confused
feelings about what's transpired. The day following my welcome celebration,
my grandmother surprised me with a new MacBook for work.
She had it transported to my aunt's place first, knowing
Susan's track record with my belongings. When I returned home
to pack some clothing, I assumed my parents and Susan
would be gone. I was mistaken. Susan waited in my room.

(02:04:27):
She'd learned about the laptop via social media, where my
cousin had posted a congratulations message about my new job
and mentioned the gift. What occurred next still seems strange.
So you're taking bribes from Grandma now? Susan sat on
my bed, browsing through her phone. Her voice strangely quiet.
Do you think you can turn the entire family against us?

(02:04:47):
I tried to hastily get some clothing and leave, but
she was blocking the door. Do you remember when we
were kids and Mom always said that sharing is caring.
She smiled, but her eyes remained icy. Grandma also needs
to learn in that lesson hand over the laptop. When
I declined, stating that I needed it for my new job,
she pulled my hair and banged my face against the

(02:05:08):
door frame. I heard a crack and felt warm blood
rush out of my nose. The agony was excruciating, but
what hurt worse was hearing my parents reaction when they
heard the ruckus. They came upstairs, but instead of assisting me,
Mom began yelling at me for provoking Susan. Dad simply
stood there, saying me, I should have known better than
to flaunt my new gift in front of my sister. Fortunately,

(02:05:30):
my aunt insisted on waiting outside in her car. When
she heard the shouting, she entered and discovered me bleeding.
What followed was like a scene from a movie. My
aunt phoned both the police and my grandmother. Within an hour,
my grandma came along with two additional aunts and an uncle.
The cops gathered accounts and photos of my injuries. Susan
kept changing her tail, first saying it was an accident,

(02:05:52):
then that I had assaulted her first, and ultimately breaking
down and yelling that I deserved it for stealing her family.
The most shocking development and was not the police involvement,
but the community response. While I was in the hospital
getting my nose treated, word went throughout our extended family
and social networks. My parents carefully cultivated picture of the
ideal family broke totally. Their country club membership was quietly canceled.

(02:06:16):
Mom's club barred her from their weekly sessions. Dad's golf
mates were suddenly too busy to play. Susan's few remaining
acquaintances began relaying anecdotes about her violent outbursts that they
had witnessed. Over time, my parents suffered greatly from social isolation.
They'd spent years promoting their images ideal parents with two daughters,
the sensitive artist Susan and the difficult one me. Everyone

(02:06:38):
now knows the truth and they are unable to handle it.
They've been calling relatives NonStop in an effort to minimize
the harm. Their latest claim is that I'm having a
mental breakdown and fabricating stories about Susan, but nobody believes
it anymore, especially after the police report. Susan's attitude to
the social ramifications has been especially worrying. She set up
several social media identities to harass me and disseminate misinformation

(02:07:02):
about our family situation. She even came up to my
office attempting to convince my new coworkers that I am unstable. Fortunately,
my manager was aware of the issue through my uncle,
who works in human resources, and had security take her away.
My grandmother's lawyer assisted me in filing for a restraining
order against Susan. The proof was overwhelming, years of documented events,

(02:07:23):
witness accounts from family and friends, and now police photos
of my injuries. I'm currently residing at my grandmother's house,
and the difference with my previous existence is startling. Nobody
here advises me to stop provoking my sister. Nobody insists
that I give up my possessions in order to keep
the peace. I can leave my laptop on my desk
without worry of it disappearing. My extended family's support continues

(02:07:45):
to astound me. Cousins I haven't spoken within years, have
reached out to share their impressions about Susan's behavior at
family gatherings. My aunt's acquaintance a therapist helped me comprehend
that what I was going through was continuous abuse enabled
by my parents. Meanwhile, while my parents' social circle is diminishing,
their neighbors no longer stop and speak. Mom's social media

(02:08:06):
posts about praying for her troubled daughters are received with
silence or harsh criticism. Dad's business associates have begun to
distance themselves, concerned about his judgment after learning how he
handled the family problem. Susan's work prospects, which were previously poor,
have become virtually non existent in our society. Word spreads quickly,
and her violent outburst is now widely known. She blames

(02:08:28):
me for wrecking her life, but more people recognize her
threats for what they are. I am still absorbing all
that has transpired. My nose will heal, but witnessing my
parents carefully constructed facade disintegrate has been both satisfying and
heart breaking. They are dealing with the natural consequences of
their decisions, and no amount of trickery will help them.
This time. I'll provide another update as I have more

(02:08:50):
information to offer. Thank you everybody for your encouragement. It
helped me hold firm when Susan requested the laptop, even
though the repercussions were unpleasant. Sometimes things have to get
worse before they can improve. Update number three. Thank you
for your support on my prior updates. It's been a
hectic few days and I wanted to highlight some important developments.

(02:09:10):
My healing is progressing well. The swelling in my nose
has subsided, but the bruise appears worse. The doctor thinks
there will be no permanent harm, which is reassuring given
my future work presentations. Living at my grandmother's house has
become permanent, and the contrast with my previous existence is stark.
This morning, I unintentionally spilled a coffee mug and found

(02:09:30):
myself flinching, expecting screams and punishment. Instead, I received my
grandmother's polite concern and assistance cleaning up. The community's response
has been incredible. Mom's social media presence collapsed when a
prayer request posts about her troubled daughters backfired. Susan's previous
students swarmed the comments section with their own accounts of
her bullying and violence. Dad's business has suffered a big blow.

(02:09:54):
Several long term clients have gone, and his partners convened
an emergency meeting to evaluate his situation after disas covering
his participation in facilitating Susan's actions. They are especially concerned
about his judgment and leadership roles. Susan has been on
a downward spiral since the restraining order. She set up
other phony profiles to harass me and my supporters, but
unintentionally posted from her main account, providing additional proof for

(02:10:17):
the court case. My aunt made a stunning revelation. My
parents had frequently refused to allow Susan to get psychological
care when she was younger. They were more concerned with
preserving their ideal family image than with resolving the real challenges.
My parents' attempts to regain control backfired spectacularly. Their family
meal to clear the air was only attended by two

(02:10:37):
distant relatives. Mom's best friend publicly unfriended her after viewing
the police report images. Dad was asked to step down
from church leadership, and Mom's gardening group decided to continue
without her. The most affirming moment occurred when my high
school counselor contacted me, apologizing for not doing more when
she recognized indicators of abuse years ago. My parents had
persuaded her that my reclusive conduct was teenage rerous rebellion

(02:11:00):
and Susan's violence was artistic temperament. My workplace has been
quite supportive following Susan's attempt to make trouble. My manager
added additional security precautions, and my coworkers have been understanding
of my predicament. My uncle published a public post yesterday
documenting years of disturbing behavior he had witnessed. His post
went viral in our neighborhood, resulting in additional social ramifications.

(02:11:23):
My parent's reputation in the area has shattered. Mom was
ousted from the homeowner's association board, and they can't go
shopping without being followed by murmurs and glances. Susan's victim
narrative is failing. She had a meltdown at our aunt's
church when someone mentioned my name, confirming what everyone had
heard about her conduct. I'm still adjusting to living without
constant fear. My grandma enrolled me in therapy, which has

(02:11:45):
helped me appreciate how unusual my home life was our
lawyer's response to my parents' latest cease and desist letter
regarding spreading Falsehoods included police report images and witness statements.
The help from this community has been tremendous. You made
me realize that I wasn't insane for believing my situation
was unusual. I'll publish a final update after everything has
settled down, but for now I'm focusing on recuperating and

(02:12:08):
starting a new life. It's incredible how much energy you
have when you're not always walking on eggshells. Update number four.
It has been six months since my previous update, and
I believe it is finally time to conclude this chapter
of my life. Thank you to everyone who has followed
my journey and provided support. I'm presently prospering in my profession,
having recently received my first promotion for leading a successful project.

(02:12:32):
My team leader applauded my attention to detail and calm
attitude to crisis management skills I honed while navigating my
family's chaos for years. My personal life has changed completely.
I've moved into my own place, but I still see
my grandmother on a daily basis. The first night in
my new place. I realized I could put my possessions
anywhere without fear of being stolen or destroyed. Simple things

(02:12:54):
such as having my own space and making decisions without
concern feel like valuable gifts. Was recently diagnosed with a
number of mental health issues after being compelled to undergo
evaluation as part of an anger management program. She is
currently in a specialist treatment facility, not by choice, but
as a condition of her probation. Following another violent event
that did not involve me, My parents have faced serious penalties.

(02:13:17):
Dad's firm encouraged him to retire early after big clients
expressed worries about his judgment. Mom has become a social
outcast in their neighborhood. Their attempts to join a new
religious congregation were thwarted when members of their previous church
revealed their background. Their selling their home and moving to
another state for a fresh start, but their reputation precedes
them in various areas they've investigated. The continual chilly shoulders

(02:13:40):
and whispered remarks became too much for them. The most
unexpected development has been the ripple effect among our extended family.
My tale inspired two cousins to speak out about their
own experiences with family abuse. It's as if breaking the
veil of silence has enabled others to finally recognize their
own hardships. Work has become my haven. I just created

(02:14:00):
a support system for new employees, and my manager applauded
my unique perspective on building friendly settings. The irony is
not lost on me that my previous difficulties have become
a source of professional strength. My parents made one more
attempt at reconciliation last month, sending a beautifully worded letter
through their new lawyer recommending family therapy. My grandmother's lawyer
simply said all communication must go through legal channels, and

(02:14:24):
I am not interested in reconciliation. The greatest rewarding shift
has been in my interactions with my extended relatives. Sunday
dinners at my grandmother's place have become a ritual full
of real laughter and joy. My aunts and uncles tell
me things from my childhood that my parents twisted or
kept buried, allowing me to regain some of my heritage.
I've begun mentoring at a local youth center, working with

(02:14:45):
teenagers from challenging home backgrounds. One girl just informed me
that my tale inspired her to come up about her
own sister's abuse. My grandma has been my biggest supporter,
demonstrating what genuine family love looks like, unconditional, but with
appropriate boundaries. Susan's restraining order is now permanent, and she
is legally prohibited from approaching my employment or apartment. The

(02:15:06):
community's response has served as a lesson in social fairness.
My parents and Susan faced no legal consequences other than
the restraining order, but the social isolation and loss of
status were more effective than any court sentence. I'm finally
creating the life I've always wanted but never thought possible.
I have a successful career, a supportive social circle, and
most importantly, peace of mind. I no longer react to

(02:15:29):
sudden noises or apologize for my existence. This will be
my last update to anyone in a similar situation. It
is never too late to speak up and reclaim their life.
Sometimes the most difficult step is believing you deserve better.
Now to the next story. Eight. My wife forgot our anniversary,
so I didn't pick her up at the airport. Am

(02:15:49):
I the asshole for not forgiving her? Despite her later apology?
My wife forgot our anniversary, so I decided not to
pick her up at the airport. I am a twenty
three year old male married to Sarah twenty five. We've
been together for five years, and I'm reaching a breaking point.
Let me set the stage. It's our fifth wedding anniversary.
You'd think that after five years of marriage, some recognition

(02:16:11):
of the milestone would be expected, right. I had been
dropping hints for weeks, saying things like I can't believe
we've been married for five years, or do you think
we'll do anything special for our anniversary this year? She
responded distractedly, as I expected given her hectic schedule. Then
the day arrived and everything went as usual. She didn't
say anything. There were no flowers, no meal, and no

(02:16:34):
mention of our anniversary. I mean I had gone all
out every year before, organizing surprise dinners, writing meaningful messages,
and sending thoughtful gifts, But over the past few years
it seemed like I was the only one making an attempt.
So I brought it up. I said something like, hey,
I suppose we aren't celebrating today. She just laughed it off, saying, oh,

(02:16:55):
we'll do something later, don't worry. But later never arrived.
The day went without her realizing it. I felt hurt
and irritated. I've put so much into this marriage, and
now here I am feeling forgotten on our anniversary. Then
things began to spiral. She had a business trip arranged
for the same week, departing on the fourteenth and returning

(02:17:16):
the following evening. She asked me to bring her up
from the airport as usual. At first, I hesitated. I
had been giving passive, aggressive indications about my feelings, but
she didn't appear to notice. Instead, she kept making jokes
about how weary she was from the trip and how
excited she was to be home, without mentioning the anniversary.
It was all about work, and everything seemed okay. Frustration

(02:17:38):
built up. I had been doing all the emotional work,
making every special occasion memorable, while she was constantly distracted
or preoccupied. That night, after lying awake for several hours,
I made a decision. I was not going to pick
her up at the airport. I wasn't about to reward
her contempt for me. Maybe if I stopped being so accommodating,
she'd realize how much she took me for granted. I

(02:18:00):
did not text her, call her, or do anything when
She gave me the normal message with her flight information, time,
gait and ETA. I didn't answer. I did not even
acknowledge it. It felt empowering to simply not care, even
if only for a moment. I spent the day doing
my own thing, treating myself as I deserved, with no
regard for Sarah's flight or her return. Around eight p m.

(02:18:23):
I began receiving texts from her, one after the other.
She started phoning over and over. I simply ignored it.
A part of me felt bad, but the majority of
me felt strangely satisfied. Sarah was stranded at the airport
with no one to pick her up, and I wasn't
going to be the dutiful husband anymore. She could figure
things out. Finally, about an hour later, after ignoring her

(02:18:44):
calls for what seemed like an eternity, I texted her,
Oh sorry, I completely forgot you needed a ride. This
happens from time to time. I confess it was a
touch petty, and I'm not proud of it, but after
five years of always putting her needs first, I finally
broke The remarks were almost too sweet, full of irony.
I knew it would enrage her. And that's exactly what occurred.

(02:19:07):
The next text I received was a series of heated rants,
calling me selfish and reckless. She went on about how
I was overreacting and being childish. I didn't care. The
following several hours were a haze. She eventually found her
way home, and as she came through the door, there
was a chill in the air. She scarcely acknowledged me.
She was still angry and sulking, and I didn't care anymore.

(02:19:29):
I went to bed early that night and left her
to her thoughts. The following day was no better. Sarah
did not even apologize. She made the same old excuse
about work being stressful, claiming she had just lost track
of things. But I wouldn't have it. I wasn't going
to let her brush everything under the rug anymore. I
wanted her to admit she had messed up. I wanted
her to understand what she done. As the days passed,

(02:19:52):
I couldn't shake the sense that nothing would change, so
I let her be angry and me I felt an
odd combination of remorse and delight. I have no idea
where this will lead, but I know I can't go
back to the way things were something has to give.
Update number one. After I texted Sarah about forgetting to
take her up, I didn't hear from her for a while,

(02:20:13):
but oh when I did, it was not pretty. She
started texting and calling repeatedly. I ignored each one. Part
of me wanted to just let her stew, but I
kept my phone on silent and hours passed. I wasn't
going to rush to pick up the pieces because she
was the one who had ignored me for so long.
It wasn't until after ten pm I eventually surrendered and
checked my phone. I had missed perhaps fifteen calls and

(02:20:35):
at least twenty texts. Most of them consisted of her
calling me petty, reckless, and juvenile. She was infuriated. The
most memorable text was one that read, you really had
to leave me stranded? Is this how you treat me
after all I've done for you. I wasn't going to
fall into that guilt trip. Instead, I said, quietly, maybe
now you know what it feels like to be forgotten.

(02:20:57):
I didn't say anything else. I knew any additional explanation
would be lost on her. Sarah attempted to defend herself
as best she could. Her response was classic. I apologize, okay,
but I've been occupied with work. I did not mean
to forget the anniversary. You know how hectic things have
been recently. It was the usual excuse she had always used,

(02:21:18):
job stress, but this time it wasn't going to work.
I did not respond right away. I just let the
silence linger between us. After a while, she got the hint.
It wasn't until the next morning that I realized how
deeply she'd been affected by the entire affair. Sarah waited
at the airport for more than three hours. Apparently she
tried to phone me every half hour throughout that time.

(02:21:41):
She couldn't catch a cab soon away because she didn't
want to spend money on it. She eventually gave up
and hired a cab, but by the time she arrived home,
it was already past midnight. When she came through the door,
I didn't welcome her or make small conversation. She did
not even look at me. She simply went past me,
dropping her suitcase on the floor. It was obvious that
she was still irritated. The tension in the room was

(02:22:04):
thick enough to cut with a knife. She tried to talk,
but it was more of a monologue about how unfair
I was. I worked hard, and this is how you
treated me, she inquired, her voice filled with frustration. But
the excuses were no longer effective for me. I wasn't
interested in hearing about how difficult her job was when
I felt like I'd been carrying this relationship alone for months.

(02:22:24):
The first night back was horrible. We did not converse much.
The only time she looked at me was while I
was preparing for bed. I could feel her stare at me,
but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I was
not going to make the first move. The next day,
Sarah tried to make things right by texting me and stating,
I've been working so hard lately. It simply slipped my mind.

(02:22:45):
You know how it goes, same old narrative, same lame excuse.
At this point, it was clear she didn't get it.
We scarcely communicated for the following two days. Every time
we did it, she seemed to be walking on eggshells.
She was passive aggressive, and I was not about to
back down either. I had made my point and I
was not going to let her convince me that everything

(02:23:06):
was all right just because she offered a few, meaningless apologies.
It didn't help that her father became involved. He called
to ask why Sarah had to take a cab home.
He was concerned, of course, but it seemed like he
was trying to guilt trip me. I can't believe you
left her there, he said. She's been working so hard
and you just let her figure it out on her own.
I had no idea how to answer, so I didn't.

(02:23:28):
I let the call finish and walked away. Later that evening,
Sarah made an effort to apologize, but it was not real.
It felt forced, as if she was saying sorry simply
to relieve the tension. I guess I could have done better,
but you didn't have to leave me stranded, she replied.
There was no true accountability, no understanding of why I
was furious in the first place, only another deflection. I

(02:23:50):
wasn't going to accept a half hearted apology. I told her,
I'll get past this if you can acknowledge how I
feel and start being more considerate. It's not only about
the anniversary, it's about how you treat me overall. How
did she respond? She accused me of overreacting. She claimed
I was overreacting to the situation, but I refused to
back down. After a few more days of stillness and

(02:24:12):
tens I decided to establish some boundaries. I wanted space
to focus on myself, so I resumed my own activities.
It was a comfort not to have to continuously attend
to her moods. Sarah wasn't delighted with this, but she
made one more effort to make things right. She made
a dinner reservation for the two of us, stating it
was to compensate for something. I wasn't sure if she

(02:24:32):
truly believed it would heal things, or if it was
a last ditch effort to escape true responsibilities. Regardless, I
wasn't sure if it was enough. I was still waiting
to see if she was truly going to change. Is
this a serious attempt or just another temporary fix that
will come apart in a few weeks. Update number two.
Following the airport incident, Sarah determined to attempt to set

(02:24:53):
things right. She made a dinner reservation at a restaurant,
claiming it was to make amends for everything that had occurred.
I won't lie. Part of me was cautiously optimistic. Maybe
this was the moment she realized how much she had
hurt me and decided to make an effort, But as usual,
this was not the case. Sarah texted me at midday
on the day of the dinner to inform me that

(02:25:13):
the reservation had been made for seven pm. I didn't
sense any enthusiasm. I was simply going through the motions.
Perhaps it was the fact that this wasn't our first
attempt to settle things, or it was the nagging feeling
in my gut that this supper would make no difference. Still,
I got ready and decided to give it a shot.
At least for one night, everything might be different. We

(02:25:34):
got at the restaurant, and to my surprise, it wasn't
as nice and private as I had imagined. Instead, it
was a basic chain restaurant, the kind you go to
for casual evenings when you don't want to put in
too much effort. It wasn't even a place I enjoyed.
I'd previously stated that I didn't like such types of places,
but Sarah had chosen them regardless. I tried not to
let it affect me, but it was difficult to ignore

(02:25:55):
the lack of effort. It felt like she had chosen
the easiest option as if she couldn't be bothered to
think about what I would want. The conversation began awkwardly.
Sarah immediately began discussing how hard her job had been,
going on and on about deadlines, meetings, and the amount
of strain she was under. She didn't even recognize that
she had missed our anniversary or left me stranded in

(02:26:16):
the airport. Instead, she simply kept chatting about work. She
said something about doing her best and being stressed out,
but I couldn't help but think she was entirely missing
the point. She had not apologized for the anniversary. She
had not apologized for making me feel totally invisible. The
more she discussed work, the more frustrated I felt. It
wasn't simply that she was disregarding the larger issue. She

(02:26:38):
didn't appear to comprehend how deeply her actions had hurt me,
and it struck me harder than ever. In that moment,
I recognized that this was not an isolated incident, This
was a pattern. We were sitting there trying to have
a great supper, but all I could think about was
how disconnected she was from what was truly important. She
didn't seem to get why I was wounded. It wasn't
only about the anniversary, It was not only about the airport.

(02:27:02):
It was about all the tiny things she had overlooked
over the years, like the birthday surprises I arranged alone.
She was too busy during the holidays, so we spent
them apart. Our small conversation didn't last long, and things
began to unravel. We had a minor quarrel about the food,
but as often, it escalated into something more. She became defensive,
arguing that I was being very picky and ungrateful. I

(02:27:25):
attempted to clarify that it was not about the meal
or the restaurant, but about everything else. That's when everything
started to spill out. I told her how I felt
ignored and how she never seemed to put any effort
into our relationship. I mentioned the anniversaries, birthdays, and quiet
nights where I felt like a supporting figure in her life. Sarah, however, deflected.

(02:27:45):
Rather than accepting responsibility, she began talking about how nobody's
perfect and how I should simply accept what I had.
And there it was the excuse I'd grown tired of
hearing nobody's perfect. It was the mantra she usually said
when things got tough, and this time was no exception.
When the waiter came by to see if we needed
anything else, I simply stared at Sarah. Her countenance was blank,

(02:28:08):
and it was evident she was no longer listening. She
made a token effort, offering me a small box of
chocolates with a half hearted smile. Here she answered, this
is for you, sorry for everything. It was a lovely gesture,
I suppose, but it felt insincere, a last ditch effort
to make things right without actually addressing the larger issues
between us. I did not even want the chocolates. I

(02:28:30):
was past the point of making little gestures. I needed
something authentic. The remainder of the dinner was quiet, unpleasant,
and full of meaningless platitudes. We scarcely chatted on the
way home. I felt the strain in the car. Sara
was still unhappy, but I couldn't tell if she was
upset with me for calling her out or with herself
for not understanding why I was upset in the first place.

(02:28:51):
It did not matter regardless. The silence was deafening. When
we returned home, I couldn't shake the impression that nothing
had changed. I thought that this time she'd understand that
it wasn't about the little things, but about the broader picture.
But my hopes were dashed when I looked at her
and realized she still didn't see it. Sarah began completing
minor household chores over the next three days. She washed

(02:29:14):
the dishes, helped with the laundry, and cleaned up. At first,
I assumed this was a sign that she was attempting
to change. However, it felt more like damage control than
anything else. She wasn't doing these things because she truly
wanted to. She was doing them because she knew I
was furious and wanted to avoid a confrontation. I noticed
myself emotionally distancing more and more. I couldn't help it.

(02:29:36):
I did not want to keep being disappointed. I didn't
want to keep waiting for her to change when it
appeared she wasn't trying. I didn't want to fix someone
who refused to meet me halfway. A friend of mine
advised I provide Sarah an ultimatum, either she changes or
you walk away. He replied. It seems harsh, but perhaps
it was the wake up call she needed. I couldn't

(02:29:57):
keep on like this always wondering if she was going
to make it genuine effort. Sarah's excuses piled up over time, work, stress, deadlines.
They were always her explanations for everything. I was beginning
to notice a larger problem. Sarah didn't seem to realize
the developing emotional distance between us. She assumed that performing
the bare minimum would suffice, but I realized that wasn't

(02:30:18):
the case anymore. I began to ponder about our future together.
Was this relationship salvagable? I had no idea anymore. Update three.
After weeks of dealing with the same cycle, empty apologies,
half hearted attempts at change, and more excuses, I had
reached my breaking point. I could not go on like
this any longer. I had tried to be patient and

(02:30:39):
give her opportunities to step up, but it was evident
that Sarah didn't grasp it. So I decided to sit
down with her and have the chat we should have
had months ago. It was not easy. I'd been putting
it off, hoping she'd figure it out on her own,
but that wasn't happening. When she returned home from work
one evening, I informed her that we needed to discuss.
There was no way around this one. We sat in

(02:31:01):
the living room and I could immediately feel the tension rising.
I didn't want to yell, but I couldn't hide my
feelings any longer. I began by telling Sarah I can't
do this anymore. This relationship has been one sided for
far too long. You've disregarded me, forgotten critical events, and
never accepted responsibility for any of it. She only glanced
at me, bewildered. What are you talking about, she asked.

(02:31:25):
I've been working so hard and you're acting like I'm
doing nothing. I took a deep breath and tried to
remain cool. It is not about your work, Sarah. It's
about how you treated me, the anniversary, the airport incident.
I've tried to make this relationship work for both of us,
but you haven't even attempted to meet me halfway. Sarah
instantly went on the defensive, as she usually does. You're

(02:31:47):
blowing things out of proportion, she continued, her voice rising,
you're acting like I forgot your anniversary on purpose. I
didn't mean to forget. Okay, I've been stressed out with work.
Sarah responded with defiance. I was not buying it. It
isn't only the anniversary, Sarah. It is everything. It's every
time you make me feel unimportant. Every birthday and holiday passes,

(02:32:10):
and I'm the only one who makes an attempt. Sarah's
face stiffened. I am not perfect. Okay, nobody is perfect.
Maybe you're just too demanding. I do what I can.
She placed the responsibility back on me. Perhaps you expect
too much of me. Her statement made me even enraged.
I am not looking for perfection, Sarah. I am asking

(02:32:31):
for basic consideration. I am seeking for respect. I'm asking
you to care about our relationship in the same way
that I do. But you don't, and that's what really hurts.
The room fell silent for a minute. I could see
Sarah wasn't expecting this type of discourse. She squirmed uneasily
in her seat, obviously unsure how to answer. I guess
I could have done better, she said, but it was

(02:32:52):
clear she didn't truly believe it. She didn't really accept
responsibility for anything. She wasn't even apologetic, she was simply
stating what she needed to say. I'm not interested in
hearing you say you could have done better, I stated calmly.
I need more than that. I need to know you
understand it. I need to know you understand how much
your negligence has harmed me, and I need you to

(02:33:13):
demonstrate that you are prepared to make an attempt. Sarah
avoided staring at me. I could tell she was uncomfortable,
but I was not done. I had one final point
to make. How would you feel if the roles were reversed, Sarah,
how would you feel if I forgot about our anniversary
and left you at the airport. For the first time
in the conversation, she was silent. Her mouth opened, but

(02:33:35):
no words emerged. I could see the wheels moving in
her thoughts, and for a brief time, it appeared that
the truth had finally been accepted. She didn't say anything
for quite some time, and I let the stillness hang
in the air. Finally, Sarah broke the pause with a
low I'm not sure I suppose I'd be pissed. I nodded, exactly,
that is how I feel, that is how I have

(02:33:57):
felt for a long time. I proposed something soon. Couple's activities,
such as frequent date nights, are simply spending time together
to restore the connection we once had. I wanted to
see if she was truly willing to put up the
effort to alter things. We can try it, of but
it will require work from both of us. I can't
keep carrying this relationship by myself, I admitted. Sarah stared

(02:34:19):
at me and hesitated for a second. Okay, I'll try,
she answered, but her tone was flat, as if she
was simply repeating what she thought I wanted to hear.
I'm not sure whether date nights will solve anything, but
I'll try. That was the lackluster response I expected. It
felt more like a responsibility than a commitment. I knew
I had to wait a few weeks to see whether
anything would change. I couldn't simply accept her word for it.

(02:34:42):
The conversation concluded on a tense note. Sarah did not
appear convinced, and neither did I. We went to bed
without saying anything more, both of us lost in our
own thoughts. I kept wondering if Sarah's statements were sincere,
or if she was just saying anything to get me
off her back. I chose to give it time, but
I knew I could didn't wait forever. I had already
invested so much in this relationship, and I wasn't sure

(02:35:05):
how much more I could offer if nothing changed. I
couldn't let myself become trapped in a cycle of disappointment
and broken promises. So now I'm simply waiting to see
if Sarah will make an attempt or if she'll revert
to her old habits. I'm not sure what will happen,
but I do know one thing. I'm not going to
stick around for another false promise. Update four After that
serious chat, things appeared to take a turn for a time.

(02:35:28):
Sarah tried harder. She actually organized a small date night
for us, which included dinner at a local restaurant. We
both enjoyed. Nothing extravagant, but it did feel like an effort.
She also began to assist around the house more, cleaning
dishes without being asked, bringing out the garbage, and picking
up groceries. Things appeared to be improving for about a week.
I even began to wonder whether she was finally getting it.

(02:35:50):
Maybe I was wrong about her. But during the second
week things began to return to normal. Sarah canceled a
planned outing, claiming that work had piled up and she
couldn't get away again. Work stress was her go to excuse.
I tried to be understanding, but it was difficult not
to perceive it as yet another meaningless excuse. I was frustrated.
I had hoped that her efforts in the first week

(02:36:11):
were meaningful, but they suddenly felt like a temporary fix,
something she did only to keep me quiet. The saddest
thing was when Sarah forgot another milestone she didn't recall
the day we first met. It wasn't something big, just
a minor detail that mattered to me. I mentioned it lightly,
but she just shrugged it off as if it were
no great deal. In that instant, I knew she was

(02:36:32):
no longer trying to keep track of these things. She
didn't care about the small things that used to matter
to both of us. It was only me attempting to
hang on to whatever spark we had left, while she
appeared to be losing interest. I began doubting everything. Did
Sarah genuinely care about our marriage or did she simply
assume that I would always be there. She didn't appear
to realize how much effort I was putting in, which

(02:36:54):
hurt more than I'd want to admit. I wasn't sure
if she still respected me or just took me for granted.
One day, while cleaning up the living room, I discovered
something that made my blood run cold. I found Sarah's
calendar stashed beneath some papers on her desk. I don't
typically rummage through her belongings, but something told me to look.
I noticed the date of our anniversary marked on the calendar.

(02:37:16):
But here's the thing. She still forgot it. It was
as if she had prepared for it, made a note
of it, but then forgot about it when it finally arrived.
I was quite frustrated. Later that night, I confronted her,
wondering why she had marked our anniversary yet still forgot
about it. She made some poor excuse about forgetting to
check her calendar that week. That is what she said,

(02:37:36):
as if it were an innocent mistake. It was not
a mistake. It was plain negligence. When I looked at
the calendar more thoroughly, I realized what had actually been prioritized.
There were work obligations, sporting events, and weekend vacations with pals,
but almost nothing about us. Our relationship seemed to have
slipped under her notice. I had understood that work was

(02:37:58):
always her top priority. It set out like that stung
me harder than intended. I had tried so hard to
keep things going between us, but it seemed like she
couldn't be bothered. The final straw arrived. A few days later.
I overheard Sarah on the phone with a friend discussing
a weekend trip they were arranging for a sporting event.
She was ecstatic about it, discussing the trip's specifics as

(02:38:18):
if it were the greatest thing ever. I felt terrible
to my stomach. This was something she had not revealed
to me. She had time for a weekend excursion with
her pals, but she couldn't remember even the smallest details
about me. I tried to dismiss it at first, but
the more I considered it, the more betrayed I felt.
It wasn't simply that she prioritized her hobbies. She never
thought about how I'd feel. She had plenty of time

(02:38:41):
and energy for everything else, but when it came to us,
I felt like an afterthought. So I stopped engaging. I
stopped making an attempt. I stopped texting her throughout the
day and trying to make small chat when she arrived home.
I felt if she didn't notice the distance between us,
she probably never would I needed her to see what
was going on. I needed her to feel how I

(02:39:01):
was feeling. Eventually, our pals noticed. They were initially all
on Sarah's side, claiming that I was overreacting, but eventually
they noticed it as well. Several friends contacted me, stating
they understood my unhappiness and even confessed Sarah had been selfish.
They told me I deserved better, and I understood I
wasn't alone in seeing the reality. But nothing changed. The

(02:39:23):
final blow came when Sarah canceled our scheduled dinner date
to attend a last minute gathering with her pals. She
didn't even tell me in person. She sent me an
apology stating she couldn't refuse the invitation. That was it.
That was when I understood I needed to make a decision.
This was something I couldn't keep putting off. Sarah wouldn't
change unless I forced her to. I could wait for

(02:39:44):
her to figure it out, but at what cost. The
longer I stayed, the more I felt like I had
lost myself. I needed to stop waiting for a relationship
that was unsatisfactory. Now I'm at a cross roads. I'm
not sure if I have the strength to walk away.
But I can't keep continuing like this. The emotional barrier
has grown so far that I'm not sure how to
bridget any more. Something needs to give. It's time for

(02:40:06):
me to make a difficult decision about my marriage, one
that will either force her to wake up or allow
me the space I require to move on. Update five.
After everything that had happened, I felt it was time
to take a step back and consider what I really wanted.
I needed to decide if I wanted to keep trying
in this relationship or if it was time to walk
away for forever. So I choose to spend the entire

(02:40:28):
weekend alone. I did not respond to Sarah's SMS or calls.
I didn't even leave the house often. I needed room
to think, and this time I wasn't going to allow
my emotions influence my decision. During that weekend, I finally
realized the reality I had been settling for less than
I deserved for quite some time. I recognized how emotionally
spent I had gotten by clinging to something that no

(02:40:50):
longer existed. The small things I did for Sarah, the gestures,
the effort, all seemed to go unappreciated. She wasn't making
an effort to make me feel respected. She was not
even trying. And the worst part, Sarah didn't seem to
notice anything wrong. She simply went about her normal routine,
figuring everything was great. That understanding ached. I spent the

(02:41:11):
entire weekend reflecting on how much I gave to this
relationship and how little I received in return. I was
no longer upset about the anniversary or the airport event.
I was concerned about the big picture. Sarah had never
really cared about putting me first. She had never seen
me as a priority. When I came out of my
weekend of reflection, I realized I couldn't keep pretending everything

(02:41:31):
was fine. I was emotionally weary, and if I stayed
in this relationship, I would only continue to be harmed.
So I arranged one last conversation with Sarah. This was it.
I was going to lay it all out and set
clear boundaries for what I needed if this relationship was
going to survive. I decided to wait until the following
weekend to have the chat. Sarah was going to be home,

(02:41:52):
and I knew it was our last chance to actually talk.
I was prepared to be direct, to tell her everything
I had been keeping hidden for so long. When the
time arrived, I sat with Sarah in the living room.
She could see something was wrong, but I don't think
she expected what happened. I began by telling her that
I couldn't continue in a relationship in which I felt underappreciated.

(02:42:13):
I've tried to connect with you, I explained, but nothing
has changed. You're always too busy, and I'm constantly making
excuses for you. I can't do it anymore. Sarah appeared shocked.
She couldn't believe what I was saying. She continued, asking
why didn't you tell me earlier? I didn't realize things
were so horrible. It was as if she was taken

(02:42:33):
aback by anything I said. But I found it difficult
to feel sorry for her. How could she not have
realized it? How could she not notice the impact her
negligence was having on me. She instantly transferred the blame
back onto me, saying, you should have told me how
you felt. I didn't realize things were this horrible. I
thought everything was fine, she explained. She made it appear

(02:42:54):
as if it was my fault for not being more
outspoken about how miserable I was That's when I realized
was completely out of touch with the state of our relationship.
I've tried, Sarah, I answered, trying to remain cool. I've
tried to connect with you multiple times, but you never listen.
You do not take my problem seriously, and I have
been left feeling alone. I can't continue doing this. Sarah

(02:43:17):
did not take it well. She asked me for another opportunity.
I will change. I swear I will put forth more effort.
I will prioritize you. Please don't leave me. Her voice
was imploring now, and her eyes were filled with desperation.
For a brief moment, I considered backing down, but I
knew I couldn't just let her keep making bogus promises.

(02:43:37):
She had been doing so for years. I'm willing to
give it one last try, I told you, but this
time things have to be different. I need you to
actually show me that you can change. No more excuses,
no more empty apologies. Sarah agreed, but I was not
convinced her words were only that words. Actions spoke louder,

(02:43:58):
and I wanted to see if she would follow through
on anything she said. We discussed specific things she could
do to make time for us organize more thoughtful dates,
and be present while we were together. It was a
modest list, but it was the beginning. The following few
days saw a variety of tiny but obvious changes. Sarah
began planning dates again. They weren't lavish, but they were thoughtful,

(02:44:19):
and she was obviously trying. She began to be more
present at home, taking the time to talk to me
rather than disappearing into her phone or watching TV. It
felt like a start in the right direction, but a
part of me didn't believe it would endure. Several days later,
Sarah surprised me with a handwritten note. She apologized for everything,
realized how much I had been carrying in the relationship,

(02:44:40):
and stated her commitment to making significant changes. I was shocked.
This was the first time she had truly accepted responsibility
for her acts, and it meant a lot to me.
It was a step forward, but I was still unsure
whether it would be sufficient. I began to sense a
glimmer of hope, but I maintained my hard boundaries. I
wasn't going to let myself slip into the same habits.

(02:45:01):
I needed to see actual, long lasting progress. For the
first time in a long time, I felt hopeful that
things would improve, but I wasn't going to base my
happiness only on Sarah. That was how much I had learned.
So for now, I'm cautiously optimistic. I'm not sure what
the future holds, but I know I can control my
own happiness whatever happens to her. If things go better,

(02:45:22):
that's terrific. But if they don't, I will be prepared
to walk away. The decision is now in my hands.
Now to the next story. Nine. I was bullied by
my sister, ignored by my parents, and left home at eighteen.
Years later, they contacted me for financial help for my sister.
For years, my parents disregarded my elder sister's harsh bullying,

(02:45:45):
so I moved out at the age of eighteen. Six
years later, they wanted us to reconcile, so they contacted
me with the awful news. But it backfires on them
because my older sister, Rose was a huge bully all
my life, and living with her was sometimes terrible and tough.
To be honest, Rose has ADH. Her continual hyperactivity and
aggression made her a difficult person to live with, especially

(02:46:07):
during our childhood. Rose was five years old when I
was born and her reaction to my presence was anything
but welcome. She was always uncomfortable with the attention I
received from our parents. It's not uncommon for older siblings
to feel jealous or displaced by a new baby, but
Rose's emotions were very strong. She would throw full blown
tantrums whenever my parents spent time with me, as if

(02:46:27):
my very presence offended her. All I remember from my
youth is my sister snatching all of my toys. She
would snatch them away without hesitation. Birthdays, which should have
been pleasant occasions for me, turned into mayhem. Rose would
shout cry and stage a theatrical scene, completely overshadowing my jubilation.
Instead of feeling special on my special day, I was

(02:46:48):
frequently humiliated by my sister's actions. As I grew older,
Rose's actions got more targeted. She began to physically lash
out at me. She would sometimes shove me out of
the way, even when there was no need for it.
Other times she would bite me, which felt intentionally painful
and malicious. It was evident that her dislike for me
was more than just a phase. She seemed to resent

(02:47:09):
me for taking the spotlight and ruining the interaction she
had with our parents before to my arrival. Rose has
never had any pals. My parents would plan play dates
in an attempt to make her feel included, but those
should have been fun times evolved into stressful, uncomfortable experiences.
I had to continually mediate or apologize for her actions.
Over the years, I couldn't help but harbor tremendous anger

(02:47:31):
for my sister. I couldn't understand why she didn't behave
like other people, or why she couldn't manage her emotions.
She also didn't seem to like me much and would
frequently pick conflicts with me. Living with her was confusing
and upsetting. I wished for a sister who would protect me,
not one who continuously tortured me or made me feel unwanted.
What made things worse was my parent's lack of concern

(02:47:52):
for me. They adored Rose, and it seemed like they
were completely unaware of how her bullying was impacting me.
Every Time I tried to expels rest my emotions or
explain how much her behavior upset me, they dismissed it.
They'd explain to me that Rose was a special kid
who required my understanding and patience at all times, even
though I was younger than her, I was expected to

(02:48:12):
satisfy her demands and moods, even if it meant sacrificing
my own happiness. I remember when I turned thirteen, I
spent days urging my parents to make it a memorable
trip for just the three of us. After much appealing
and arguing, they finally reached an agreement. The plan was set,
Rose would spend three days with our grandparents, and I
would finally get my moment. But when Rose found out,

(02:48:34):
she had a major rage, crying uncontrollably for hours, cursing,
throwing things, and even getting in my face screaming threats
that she would kill me for attempting to take our
parents away from her. To be honest, seeing her rage
focused at me was horrifying and overpowering. Instead of sticking
up for me, my parents started begging with me to
let Rose join us. They tried to argue with me,

(02:48:55):
explaining that it was the only way to calm her down.
I resisted at first, knowing deep down that if she came,
my fantasy trip would be shattered. But with Rose raving
furiously and my parents desperate, I felt forced to give in.
Once again. Her actions determined the outcome, and I was
forced to accommodate her. As I had anticipated, bringing Rose
turned the vacation into another fiasco from the moment we

(02:49:18):
arrived at Disneyland. She refused to enjoy anything like other children.
She refused to sit on any of the rides and
remained close to my mother the entire time. She was
continually complaining about being overwhelmed by the throng and how
much she disliked everything. Her shouts and cries immediately became
the focus of everyone's attention, drowning out the joy I'd
been building up for weeks. Within two hours, Rose was

(02:49:40):
pleading with my parents to take us back to the hotel,
severely ruining what should have been a perfect day. In
the end, my parents had to split up to make
the situation more manageable. My mother drove Rose back to
the hotel and my father stayed with me so I
could try to salvage what was left of the day.
While I appreciated my father's efforts, the overall experience feltted.

(02:50:00):
My birthday was not the pleasant and care free event
I had hoped for. As Rose's wants and tantrums took
precedence once more. I know my parents did their best
with the cards they were handed, but it was brutally
clear that my sister's needs and priorities always came first.
Rose wanted their attention at all times, and no matter
what I did, I was always relegated to the background.
While they believed they were doing the right thing by

(02:50:22):
helping Rose, it frequently left me feeling invisible, as if
my needs and feelings were insignificant in comparison to hers.
By the time I turned seventeen, I had had enough
of my sister's incessant bullying in my parent's constant ignorance.
I began fantasizing of freedom, of finally enjoying a life
unencumbered by my sister's needs or my parents' demands. I
started applying to colleges, focusing on those far away from home.

(02:50:46):
When my parents learned about my plans, they were furious.
They did not understand, or perhaps refused to see, why
I felt compelled to leave. They persuaded and virtually begged
me to remain in our home town. They argued that
Rose needed me, that I was her sibling, and that
it was my job to be there for her. I
argued back, emphasizing that I didn't care about Rose and

(02:51:06):
would continue to apply to remote institutions regardless of how
they felt. My parents revealed the actual reason they wanted
me to stay their retirement plan. They intended to travel
and enjoy their life, while expecting me to bear full
responsibility for Rose. They informed me about how they had
been sacrificing their lives for years, waiting for my time
to stand forward. First and foremost, I had never been

(02:51:28):
consulted about my parents' long term plans, and I had
never given them any reason to assume I would be
willing to accept care for my sister. Second, I had
no intention of becoming her caretaker. I wasn't her dad,
and it seemed unjust and absurd to expect it from me.
I explained it to them as fully as I could.
I also proposed alternate possibilities, such as hiring a full

(02:51:48):
time caregiver or teaching Rose to be more self sufficient,
at least for a few days at a period, so
they could continue to enjoy their retirement. My mother stated
that Rose would never be comfortable with a caretaker and
insisted on twenty four hour surveillance, which could only be
provided by a family member, meaning me. My father agreed,
even accusing me of being selfish for refusing to participate

(02:52:09):
in their absurd idea. Their remarks stung deeply. As if
that wasn't enough, my father then confessed that the entire
reason they had me their second child, was so that
I might grow up and take care of Rose in
the future. I froze my thoughts world as the weight
of that discovery fell on me. I stared at them silently,
my eyes wide with disbelief. My mother instantly intervened, chastising

(02:52:31):
my father for disclosing that secret and instructing him to apologize.
She then tried to backtrack, stating he didn't mean it
and that of course they loved me as well, but
her comments rang hollow. The damage was done. I couldn't
unhear what he said, and it was then that I
realized why I had always felt invisible in comparison to
my sister. The fact that my existence had been portrayed

(02:52:52):
as a solution to Rose's care, rather than as my
own person with my own goals was upsetting. My mother
insisted that Rose needed care and that as a member
of the family, I had a responsibility to her. She
even argued that attending college far away would not benefit
my life in any way, and that staying in our
community was a better alternative. Living at home, she reasoned,

(02:53:12):
would save me money on rent and other bills. I
understood Rose's predicament, but did that mean I didn't deserve
a life of my own? Did I have to give
up my future just because she existed? The thought was suffocating.
I didn't say anything to my parents at the time,
knowing it wouldn't change their opinions, but within I was
more determined than ever to escape. I ignored their appeals

(02:53:33):
and plunged myself into my college applications, determined to avoid them.
It wasn't easy, but I worked tirelessly, and my efforts
eventually paid off. I eventually got into a decent enough
college to make the effort worthwhile. Obviously, when I told
my parents, they were outraged. They refused to let me
go and did everything they could to guilt trip me
into staying. Although I was eighteen, I knew I still

(02:53:54):
needed support to get away from my parents, so I
turned to my grandparents. I contacted a feeling for their assistance.
My grandma, who has always been a solid and caring
presence in my life came over right away. She helped
me pack my bags and documents and offered me a
place to stay with her and my grandfather till I
left for college. But my parents did not stop there.

(02:54:15):
They threatened to cut me off financially, refusing to cover
any of my educational fees. They informed me that if
I left, I would be on my own forever and
they would cut all relations with me. Even so, I
refused to give in. I took out a student loan
to help support my schooling. On top of that, my
grandfather offered to cover some of my bills using his
retirement savings. Accepting his help crushed my heart because I

(02:54:38):
knew how hard he and my grandma had worked for
that money. They were doing what my parents should have done,
providing love, encouragement, and financial assistance. The subsequent four years
of my life were a whirlwind of hard work and perseverance.
College was tough, not only academically but also emotionally. While
most of my peers had supportive parents and enough money
to go out, I did not have the same lug.

(02:55:00):
Almost every day, I studied as hard as I could
to support myself financially. I even took on a part
time job as a server, juggling long days and late
nights around my studies. Those years were difficult, but I
persevered because I knew there was no other option. Meanwhile,
my parents never contacted me, not once to ask how
I was doing or if I needed anything. They maintained

(02:55:21):
a deafening hush. Sometimes I questioned my worth, wondering if
I truly deserved to be abandoned by those who were
meant to love me unconditionally. But even then I refused
to give up, telling myself that if I kept going,
I'd finally make a life for myself. After graduation, I
was really fortunate to get an excellent job. It was
the opportunity I had been working so hard for, and

(02:55:43):
it seemed like the first true payoff for all of
my years of sacrifices. With this work, I was finally
able to start repaying my college loans. More importantly, I
began repaying the money my grandfather had given me to
help when my parents refused. He never wanted me to
repay him. It was a gift of love, not alone,
but it meant a lot to me to lessen his burden.
And demonstrate that his trust in me was not misplaced.

(02:56:05):
I maintain a close, loving relationship with my grandparents. Whenever possible,
I arranged for them to pay me a visit and
express my gratitude for everything they've done for me. This year,
I started hearing alarming things about my sister from my grandparents.
Rose's behavior appears to have worsened with time, and now
that I am no longer her target, she has turned
her bullying on others. She just began bullying the neighborhood youngsters. Apparently,

(02:56:30):
she had been throwing water at the kids whenever they
played outside and intimidating them by saying that they weren't
allowed to play in her area. Unsurprisingly, the kid's parents
were concerned and complained to my parents several times, urging
with them to address Rose's actions and keep her away
from their children. However, as usual, my parents did not
take appropriate action. They expected Rose would eventually become bored

(02:56:51):
and leave the youngsters alone. However, Rose maintained her shenanigans,
and the situation erupted when one of the parents, fed
up with her relentless bullying, contacted the cops. When the
cops arrived, they noticed Rose throwing water at one of
the children and screamed at her to flee for her life.
Rose was immediately detained for allegedly harassing miners. My parents objected,

(02:57:12):
but the police chastised them as well for failing to
keep Rose under control. While this news has stunned some
members of the family, it does not surprise me at all.
I had witnessed her unrestrained conduct for years, knowing full
well that my parents were more interested in creating excuses
for her than holding her accountable. None the less, the
fact that my sister was now in legal jeopardy was
a stark reminder of how disturbing her behavior had become.

(02:57:35):
My parents ended up bailing her out, but Rose is
now facing a court date. This week, I received a
call from my parents that caught me off guard. After
six years of silence, Seeing their phone number on my
phone seemed weird. My father told me that he and
my mother were at their wits and dealing with my sister.
He claimed they wanted to reconcile with me, that they
had missed me for years, but had been too furious

(02:57:56):
and stubborn about my decision to leave for college to
contact me. It seemed as if he was attempting to
rewrite the story, wiping away years of pain and abandonment
with a half hearted apology. I could tell he and
Mom had called me for something, so I told them
to spit it out. That's when Dad indicated that with
my sister's approaching court appearance, they were finally seeing the
truth that perhaps I had been correct all along about

(02:58:18):
my sister. My father admitted hesitantly that my sister was
a bully. He claimed that she had gotten worse over
the years since I had left and was getting into
more serious trouble. Dad informed me how he and Mom
had talked and that he now felt sorry for what
I had been through. He admitted that they should have
listened to me more. He also informed me that they
were finally willing to send Rose to therapy so she

(02:58:39):
could receive the assistance she clearly required. Hearing those comments
from Dad felt bizarre, especially since I had spent so
much of my life urging him and Mom to take
action against my sister, only to be dismissed or taught
to accept Rose's actions. Dad went on saying they wanted
to meet with me and apologize in person if I
was willing to listen. That's when I informed my dad

(02:59:00):
as quietly as I could that while I was relieved
that they were finally providing my sister with the assistance
she required, the truth was that I no longer cared.
They had been ignoring me for far too long. Over time,
I accepted their absence and constructed a life without them.
I wasn't willing to reconcile with them just now. My
father then tried to get me to reconsider Am I

(02:59:20):
an asshole? AITA if I don't reconcile with my family,
especially given how they've treated me for years? Update one.
I want to clarify a few points because I can't
respond to everyone in the comments. No, my sister was
never bullied. She attended a special school developed for children
with similar disabilities, and it was a tiny, closely regulated environment.

(02:59:41):
The school only accepted a small number of special needs
kids who were closely monitored during the day. Her instructors
were wonderful and provided good care for her, and my
parents were constantly active in her life, checking in on
her on a daily basis. There's no way my sister
was bullied at school and took out her frustration on me.
The truth is that her troubles were never caused by
outside influences. They were caused by how she was allowed

(03:00:03):
to behave at home. My parents tolerated her frequent mistreatment
of me. If she bit me, slapped me, or shoved me,
she would face no consequences. Meanwhile, I was always expected
to console Rose or be more sympathetic of her actions.
As for why Rose was never sent to therapy, the
simple reality is that it has always been too expensive
for my parents to consider. Furthermore, my mother has always

(03:00:27):
maintained a possessive attitude about Rose. She never let her
spend much time with anyone else since she believed that
only she knew Rose's needs. As a result, Rose is
too reliant on my mother, who makes all decisions for her.
Now that I've read through all of the comments on
my post, I understand why my parents are reaching out
after all this time. The explanation is obvious. They most

(03:00:47):
likely require my assistance with my sister's future case. I
believe they may want me to provide a character reference
for her if that is necessary, or they may be
hoping I can help with the lawyer bills because I
make a good living and they are aware of this
or all these years. It cannot simply be about reuniting.
It appears to be a desperate attempt to rectify things,
especially given Rose's legal troubles. They need someone to back

(03:01:09):
her up, and I assume they believe I am that person.
I am sure they want me to step in and
be the good son who helps them clean up their mess,
but I am not going to do it. Update two
For those wondering how my grandparents feel about my parents
trying to reconnect with me, they're not delighted. They haven't
communicated much to my parents throughout the years, especially since
I was kicked out and wanted to go to college.

(03:01:31):
Since then, their relationship has been rocky and they have
generally maintained their distance. My grandparents have only maintained in
contact with my parents because they occasionally help out with Rose,
whether it's babysitting or caring for her when my parents
need it. My grandparents understand exactly what Rose is like.
They've witnessed her conduct personally, including her bullying, and are

(03:01:51):
dissatisfied in how my parents have handled everything over the years.
They've always been supportive of me, but they've never dismissed
Rose's acts. So with my parents now wishing to make
amends and reconnect with me, my grandparents have made it
obvious that they understand my reluctance. They have asked me
to be cautious. They understand how devastated I have been
as a result of my parents' actions, and they do

(03:02:13):
not want me to rush into anything that could wind
up being much more traumatic. My folks have also continued
to message me all week. They strongly urged me to
consider giving them another shot. They keep saying how much
they regret the way things have been between us, and
how they've recognized they made mistakes as a result. I'm torn.
Update three. My concerns regarding my parents were correct. Today,

(03:02:34):
after weeks of asking, I finally consented to a video
conversation with them. It had been a long time since
we'd seen each other, and I was feeling a range
of emotions building up to the call. When I finally
saw them on TV, I couldn't help but note how
different they appeared. They were considerably older than I remembered,
tired and worn out. It crushed my heart to see
them like that. Despite the emotions churning inside me, I

(03:02:57):
attempted to remain calm. We chatted about their lives, how
things had gone for them, and I told them a
little bit about my business. We talked about my grandparents
and caught up on family news. Our talk seemed nearly regular,
as if no time had gone since I last saw them.
My parents apologized to me again. They appeared almost desperate
in their statements, inviting me to come see them and

(03:03:18):
stating that they had been thinking about me. But at
that point I couldn't hold back anymore. I questioned them outright,
why now? After all, if they genuinely missed me, wouldn't
they have contacted me sooner During college? While I was
gone and needed their help. They made no effort to
stay in touch, So what changed now? Why were they
so ready to reconcile after so much time apart? That's

(03:03:41):
when my parents, almost unwillingly began to divulge the real
reason they had contacted me. They claimed that they were
in severe need of financial assistance to care for my
sister Rose. My father told me that they had depleted
practically all of their savings over the years due to
Rose's ongoing medical procedures. The bills had exhausted them, and
now with her court case waiting and the possibility of

(03:04:02):
requiring therapy for her behavioral disorders, the financial strain was
becoming insurmountable. My father finally begged me, almost pleadingly, if
I could start sending them money every month because I
was doing so well in life. My mother soon stepped in,
emphasizing that the money would only be used for Rose
and nothing else. I shook my head in answer, Feeling
a nut form in my stomach, I implored them, my

(03:04:24):
voice quivering with rage. Do you really think I would
just send you my hard earned money to spend on Rose?
I was straining to contain my rage. No matter how
much you needed, How could I possible assist you with her?
She was the one who bullied me for years. She's
the one that made my life miserable. She's the one
who destroyed every birthday party I've ever had. My voice

(03:04:45):
cracked as I continued, she is the one who has
never shown any sympathy or concern for me, So why
should I aid her now? My history with Rose was
so unpleasant, and now they expected me to jump in
and be the financial rescuer for someone who had treated
me so badly. It didn't make sense, and I couldn't
let go of years of pain. I did not stop there. However,
all of my frustration and years of bottled up resentment

(03:05:07):
came spilling out. I pointed out to my parents that
they had never kept me safe from Rose. They'd never
given me genuine compassion when it came to her. Instead,
they simply expected me to follow suit, to buy into
their story, and to care for her, as if everything
she did was something I had to accept. I was
a youngster and I needed their protection, but they had
let me down. Several times, I explained that just because

(03:05:29):
Rose has ADHD does not mean she should not be
held accountable for her conduct now that she is an adult.
I blamed my parents and made it plain that if
they had given her proper care when she was younger,
things could have turned out differently. Now, perhaps she would
have grown into a better person, capable of realizing the
pain she causes others. But they didn't. They had let
her get away with so much that she was eventually

(03:05:50):
jailed for pestering young children. Even after this, they kept
urging me to intervene and assist her, as if I
weren't her first victim. My parents attempted to argue back,
but I informed them that while I appreciated their apologies,
it did not mean I would simply forgive and forget
everything that had happened. My parents backed down after hearing this.
They told me that regardless of whether I could help

(03:06:10):
them financially, they wanted to keep working on our relationship.
Mom informed me that she and Dad regretted they had
made other decisions back then, but because they couldn't erase
the past, they wanted to be there for me in
whatever way they could going forward. On the one hand,
I applauded their eagerness to move forward, but on the
other I wasn't sure I was ready to let go
of all the sorrow I'd been caring for so long.

(03:06:31):
I asked for some time to think. Update four. I
apologize for the month long gap between updates. My sister
has been compelled to attend court mandated counseling, which I
believe is a step in the right way. My parents
also had to pay a significant fine as a result
of Rose's harassment of those children. I honestly expected my
sister's punishment would be harsher, but I guess the judge

(03:06:52):
was lenient because this was Rose's first formal crime. In addition,
some of the children's parents have filed a restraining order
against my sister. Rose is now legally compelled to stay
far away from their children. If she breaks the order,
she will be arrested. Now back to my parents. Since
that conversation in which I declined to grant them any
financial assistance, they have not mentioned it again. We have

(03:07:14):
continued to chat, but only about minor details. I guess
they meant what they said and are just trying to
rebuild their relationship with me. Although I am glad to
be back in their life, I am not ready to
resume a full connection with my family, especially with Rose.
I don't think I'll ever forgive her. No matter how
much time passes. The things she did to me, bullying me,

(03:07:34):
making my life miserable for so many years, cannot simply
be wiped. I hope that through counseling, she will finally
learn to hold herself accountable for her acts. To be honest,
I have no idea how long it will take or
if it will ever happen. Thank you for watching. If
you haven't subscribed yet, please do so and hit the

(03:07:56):
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