I Stopped Supporting My Brother's Family After He Said, ＂No Place For Losers＂

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I stopped supporting my brother's family after he said no
place for losers. That's why I wasn't invited to Christmas.
Now he's losing it. In fact, I was excited for
Christmas this year. I wasn't rushing to finish everything at
the last minute. For once, I had purchased gifts for
my parents, my brother Jacob, his wife Kelly, and their
children before the first week of December. I even purchased

(00:22):
extra presents in case there were any unannounced visitors. I
have no idea why, but I had the impression that
this year would be successful. I was really taken aback
when my mom opened the door and said, we don't
want you here this year. As I was standing on
my parents' front porch holding a bag of wrapped gifts
in each hand. At first I assumed it was a
strange joke. I began to chuckle, but Jacob's voice interrupted

(00:44):
her from behind his words, this is no place for losers.
You're really starting to wear on all of us. I
simply stood there and gazed at her. My dad was
in the background, staring nervously everywhere except at me, without
saying a word. Despite her uneasy appearance, my mother didn't reach,
and Jacob was utterly arrogant. I had a flurry of feelings,

(01:04):
including humiliation, rage, and perplexity. However, I managed to remain composed. Fine,
if that's how you feel, I said, nodding, and then
I made my way back to my car. Something inside
of me changed as I sat in the driveway and
gazed at the bags of gifts in the passenger seat.
No place for losers, tired of me. From where did

(01:25):
this originate? I suspected Jacob was responsible, but I was
unable to determine why. Over the years I had shown
him and his family nothing but generosity. I had paid
for his children's summer camp tuition, school supplies, and even
his mortgage when he needed it most. And now suddenly
I wasn't invited to Christmas. I made the decision not

(01:45):
to go just yet. To gain some answers, I was
heading back to the door. I returned after leaving the
gifts in the car. As though they hadn't anticipated my return,
My parents were still standing there, chatting in low voices.
Jacob was pretending no nothing had happened as he sat
on the couch and browsed through his phone. I chose
not to knock. What's going on? I said, as I entered,

(02:07):
Why am I not welcome at Christmas? What did I do?
Without raising his eyes from his phone, Jacob smiled, You
really don't get it, do you. You've been slacking off lately.
The kids have barely gotten anything from you this year. Stunned,
I gazed at him, What are you talking about? I've
spent hundreds on presents for your kids. They have more
presence in the car than anyone else. Last year, you

(02:30):
did more this year. It's like you don't care. It's
embarrassing for us, honestly, Jacob said, turning to face me.
At last, I looked to my parents, thinking they would
say something, perhaps defend me or warn Jacob that he
was acting inappropriately. Rather than that, my mother smiled awkwardly
and remarked, but you just bought a new car. You
found money for it. I wasn't even sure how to

(02:51):
react for a moment. The car is on credit, I stated,
maintaining a steady tone. And even if it wasn't, how
does buying a car suddenly make me responsible for Jacob's kids?
They're not my responsibility. Jacob leaned back on the couch
and declared, you're the one who makes the most money,
as though everything had been explained. We're a family. Families

(03:12):
help each other. You've always done that. His wife, Kelly,
was sitting calmly in the corner. When I glanced at her.
Her face was hot and she was looking down at
her hands without saying anything. It was as though she
wished to vanish. I questioned, is that your reasoning? Because
I've been generous in the past, I'm now obligated to
do so forever, and if I don't, I'm a loser.

(03:35):
Jacob gave a shrug. If the shoe fits for me,
that was it. I shook my head and stepped back.
I turned to face my parents and said, you know what,
You're right, I don't belong here. Turning to Jacob, I said,
enjoy your Christmas and good luck with those presents, because
this loser is done financing your life. Without waiting for

(03:57):
a response, I left. I gripped the wheel more tightly
than I had to and drove silently home. I was
unable to comprehend it was I the villain in this situation.
For years, I had gone above and beyond for my family,
always helping Jacob when he needed it and ensuring that
his children never suffered because of his financial difficulties. And
now I was a loser for not doing enough. In

(04:17):
addition to being unwelcome at Christmas, I spent some time
sitting in the driveway after I arrived home, staring at nothing.
I felt sick to my stomach when I saw the
bag of gifts that was still in the van. I
had spent weeks choosing the ideal items, considering what my
parents would value and what the children would enjoy, and
for what I wasn't supposed to be here. It became

(04:38):
more apparent to me as I gave it more thought.
This went beyond Christmas and gifts. I had been too blind,
or perhaps too willing, to notice that this had been
developing for years. The fact was that Jacob had always
relied on me. He and Kelly had a difficult financial
beginning to their marriage. He struggled to maintain a consistent job,
and Kelly's part time job hardly provided for their bas needs.

(05:01):
With the assumption that it would only be for a
short time, a few hundred here, a few hundred there,
I volunteered to help once when they were in danger
of being evicted, I assisted with the rent. Later, when
their second child was born, I helped with child care.
A little while became years. However, Jacob always called me
first when he was having a bad day. To be honest,

(05:22):
I always said yes because I cared for his kids,
not because I had to. I didn't want to see
my brother and his family suffer, and I didn't want
them to be without. In retrospect, I saw that I
had produced this dynamic. Jacob relied on me too easily.
Because of me, it became entitlement somewhere along the line
and ceased to be thankfulness. The final straw was being
excluded from my own family's Christmas celebration tonight because I

(05:45):
didn't do enough. I decided I was done when I
woke up the following morning with more clarity. Don't help
Jacob any longer, no more incessant presence to compensate for
his inefficiency. He could decide for himself if he wanted
his children to have the items I had given them.
Making the choice wasn't simple. Not only would I lose
my brother's financial support, but I would also jeopardize my

(06:06):
connection with him, his kids, and possibly even my parents. However,
I couldn't continue to be treated more like an at
M than a brother and son. They didn't contact me,
and I didn't contact anyone. Perhaps they received the message
I thought. However, I should have known Jacob wouldn't take
it so lightly. New Year's Eve was spent in complete silence.

(06:26):
No texts, no phone calls, nothing. My parents, Jacob, and
even Kelly didn't get back to me. I was all
alone over the holidays for the first time in years.
Although I didn't anticipate them contacting me, it was an
odd sensation when midnight passed and my phone was still silent.
I'll admit that I considered phoning, but every time I did,
I thought of Jacob's sneer and his statement no place

(06:48):
for losers. I had been the one keeping things together
for years, and they had the gall to treat me
as though I were disposable number. I would give them
distance if that was what they desired. I started to
notice a change by the middle of Jamanuary. Kelly has
always been a reserved individual who shied away from confrontation. However,
she unexpectedly texted me one evening. It was succinct and direct.

(07:10):
I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I don't agree
with what happened. Jacob won't hear it from me, but
I thought you should know. Unsure of how to react,
I sat for a while looking at my phone. The
fact that someone in the family recognized things for what
they were was comforting. On the one hand. However, Kelly's
apology suddenly seemed like too little, too late, because she
had not spoken that evening at last. I responded, I

(07:33):
appreciate it, Kelly, but this isn't something I can just
move on from. I didn't mind that she didn't continue
the topic the surprise visit. Then, in early February, Jacob
unexpectedly arrived at my residence. When I heard the knock
on the door, I was in the middle of a
work meeting. I initially disregarded it, as I wasn't expecting anyone. However,

(07:54):
the knocking continued. Jacob was there when I eventually opened
the door, and he looked more unkempt and irritated than
I had ever seen him. Before I could stop him,
he remarked, we need to talk and went inside. I
folded my arms. What's this about, He was direct and concise.
You need to stop acting like this and start helping
out again. I laughed because I couldn't believe he meant it,

(08:16):
not because I thought it was amusing helping out? You
mean pay for your life? I told you I'm done
with that. He gave me a scowl. You're the one
with the money. Do you know how hard it's been
for us since you decided to act like this. The
kids barely have what they need. Kelly's trying to keep
it together, but we can't do it without your help.
What I was hearing was unbelievable. Are you listening to

(08:39):
yourself right now? You're a grown man, Jacob. You have
a wife and children. If you need more money, go
out and earn it. It's not my job to solve
your problems, he retorted. You've always helped before. Why are
you being so selfish now? Selfish? I said again. You
want to talk about being selfish, Let's talk about how

(09:00):
you lied to our parents about me, turn them against me,
and then banned me from Christmas because I didn't spend
enough on your kids, and now you're here asking for more.
You've got some nerve, Jacob. I interrupted him by raising
a hand before he could say anything further. We're done here.
I'm not giving you another dime, and I don't want
to hear from you again until you figure out how
to act like an adult. He glared at me as

(09:22):
he stood there for a while before hurriedly leaving. I
assumed that would be the last of it for a while.
Once Jacob stormed out, he would grumble to my parents,
but he would soon realize that I wouldn't give up.
I was mistaken. I received a call from an unfamiliar
number two days later. I wouldn't have answered normally, but
I felt compelled to do so. Hello. A man's voice said,

(09:45):
is this Michael? Yeah? Who's this? This is Mark Dawson.
I'm a lawyer. I represent a client who has recently
expressed concern about certain financial matters involving your family. Do
you have a moment to discuss them? I went cold
an attorney, what are the financial issues? In an unduly
courteous tone, he stated, I can't go into detail over

(10:07):
the phone, but it involves financial contributions you've made to
your brother Jacob and his family, specifically your use of
those contributions. Would you be willing to come to my
office for a discussion. I was at a loss for words.
There were a lot of options in my head, but
none of them were good. Had Jacob borrowed money under
my name? Was he up to no good with my information?

(10:28):
Or was this a last ditch effort to scare me
into handing him money once more? Who's your client? I
inquired at last. There was a moment's silence. I'm afraid
I can't disclose that right now, but I assure you
this is not a lawsuit against you. It's more of
an investigation. I consented to a meeting against my better judgment.
My curiosity overcame me, and I couldn't get rid of

(10:49):
the impression that this was more than just Jacob being himself.
The following day, I had no idea what to anticipate
as I entered Mark Dawson's office, but he dropped a bombshell.
As soon as I sat down. He pushed a packet
across the desk toward me and stated, Kelly is the
client I'm representing. I was so surprised that I blinked Kelly,
why would she need a lawyer? Mark studied me intently

(11:12):
while folding his hands. She thinks Jacob's been using the
money you've given him over the years inappropriately. She has
reason to believe he's been hiding money from her and
from you. I felt sick to my stomach. Hiding money?
What do you mean? Copies of bank statements, receipts, and
what appeared to be screenshots of text messages were visible
when he opened the folder. She suspects that Jacob has

(11:34):
been taking your financial contributions and funneling them into a
separate account. Based on what she found, he may have
been using the money for gambling and other personal expenses
instead of supporting his family. I gazed incredulously at the
paperwork you're saying all those times I helped him with bills,
with his kid's school stuff, that money never went to them.
Mark gave a serious nod. It seems that way. Kelly

(11:57):
discovered this recently and came to me because she didn't
know what to do. She didn't want to involve you
at first, but given the circumstances, she thought you should know.
What I was hearing was unbelievable. All along, Jacob had
been deceiving me by spending money I believed would benefit
his family on unspecified expenses. For not recognizing it sooner,
I wasn't sure if I should feel deceived, angry, or

(12:19):
just foolish. My voice was strained as I questioned, does
Kelly have proof? Take a look for yourself. Mark nodded
and moved the folder closer to me. The proof. I
looked over the papers. There were withdrawals from Jacob's account,
significant amounts moving to a different account in his name,
and transfers from my account to his, which corresponded with
the times I had assisted him with emergencies. I observed

(12:41):
transactions from that account, including visits to pricey dining establishments,
internet gambling sites, and even a few hotel stays. Unbelievable.
I shook my head and mumbled. And Kelly knew about this.
She only recently discovered the second account. Mark clarified she
had suspicions for a while, but she didn't have access
to his banking information until she stumbled across some bank

(13:03):
statements he had left out. She didn't have proof. That's
when she contacted me. I tried to absorb everything as
I sat back. Does she want me to do anything,
press charges or something? Mark gave a headshake. Not. At
this point, She's more focused on protecting herself and the children,
but she thought you should know in case Jacob tries
to manipulate you further. I laughed resentfully, Well, he already tried.

(13:27):
He showed up at my house a few days ago
demanding that I start helping again. Mark looked at me irritably.
That goes along with what Kelly told me. It seems
Jacob is feeling the pressure now that your financial support
has stopped. He may be an even deeper trouble than
Kelly knows. As I gazed at the folder, my thoughts
were racing. A part of me wanted to go to
Jacob's house and confront him, but I also knew that

(13:49):
would only make him feel good because he had irritated me.
I said, what's Kelly up to instead? Mark paused before responding,
She's considering her options. She wants to make sure she
and the kids are safe financially and otherwise. If Jacob's
behavior escalates, she may file for separation or take other
legal action. I was more affected by hearing this than

(14:11):
I had anticipated. Kelly had always given off the impression
of being a gentle, devoted person who would always be
there for Jacob. I could tell how horrible things had
gone if even She was eager to leave with a
mix of feelings angry at Jacob, sad for Kelly and
the children, and guilty for not seeing sooner how far
this had gone. I thanked Mark for his time and
walked out of the office. Above all, though, I experienced

(14:33):
an odd sense of relaxation. This was the first time
in years that I wasn't bearing Jacob's burden, and now
that I was aware of the reality, I would never
again allow him to control me the request. I couldn't
stop thinking about all I had just discovered after leaving
the lawyer's office, the gaming, the hidden money, and Kelly
subtlely plotting her next move. I was in the center

(14:53):
of my family's drama, which was similar to a soap opera.
I stayed away for the next few days. I didn't
give my parents a call, and I didn't get in
touch with Jacob either. However, it seems that he didn't
like the quiet, because one evening, as I was ready
to have supper, his name appeared on my phone. I
thought about leaving it on voicemail, but I felt compelled
to answer it. What do you want, Jacob? He wasted

(15:16):
no time at all, he said, we need to talk.
In a strained, almost desperate voice. You said something to Kelly,
didn't you. I arched an eyebrow. What are you talking about?
Don't act foolish, he yelled. She's been acting weird since Christmas,
and now she's bringing up lawyers in separation. I know
you've been putting ideas in her head. I couldn't contain

(15:37):
my laughter. You think I'm the problem. You're the one
who lied to her, hid money, and gambled it away.
If she's tired of your crap, that's on you, not me.
After a pause, Jacob eventually spoke the words you don't
know what you're talking about. I responded, Oh, I think
I do. As my rage boiled up. Kelly told me everything,

(15:59):
the secret account, the gambling, the money you've been wasting
while I've been breaking my back trying to help you.
You're a joke, Jacob. I interrupted him before he could
finish his shout, saying, here's the thing. I interrupted him
before he could respond. I hung up. My hands were shaking,
but it felt good to finally say what I'd been
holding in for years. You've used me for the last time.

(16:21):
I'm done helping you. I'm done covering for you. If
Kelly leaves you, that's on you. And if you try
to drag me into this mess again, I'll make sure
everyone knows exactly what you've been up to. The backlash
was quick, and Kelly called me the following day. Has
Jacob given you a call with caution? She asked, yes,
I replied, he wasn't content. Has something taken place? I

(16:44):
confronted him about the gambling and the hidden account, she said,
after hesitating, he acknowledged some of it, but he is
still making an effort to downplay it. Are you all right,
I inquired, Despite not hearing it, she answered, I'm fine,
but she was sick of defending him. The children are
worthy of better. I knew things were terrible between them,
but hearing her say that felt like the beginning of

(17:06):
the end, and it impacted me harder than I thought
it would. Whatever you decide to do, you have my support,
I replied. Thank you, she said softly, and I apologize
for everything. The way we treated you over Christmas wasn't fair.
I ought to have spoken up sooner. We spoke for
a while, and when we hung up, I felt a
weird sense of closure. Although Jacob had ruined our relationship.

(17:28):
Kelly and the children weren't my enemies, and I wouldn't
be angry with her if she had the courage to
confront him. Nevertheless, I couldn't get rid of the feeling
that Jacob wasn't finished causing trouble. Kelly sent me a
brief text message a few weeks later, consisting of only
three words, we're going to day. She told me she
was moving to another state with the kids while Jacob
was out of town on a business trip, which I

(17:49):
figured was just another excuse for gambling, and that she
had packed up their belongings, rented a moving van and
left without telling him, at least not until she had
everything sorted out legally. I call her right away. I
just couldn't stay any longer, she stated gently. I can't
keep pretending this is normal, what about everything? Even the rent.
Sincerely interested in how she was doing, I inquired, I

(18:12):
was hoping you could help me with that, just for
a little while, she said, after a pause. As much
as I hate to ask, say no more, I said,
I'll take care of it. So yes, I did end
up helping her and the kids, but for the first
time in years, I felt like I was finally doing
the right thing and not being used. When Jacob returned
home to find the house deserted, he naturally went completely

(18:33):
mad and called me to vent about how I had
ruined his life and turned Kelly against him. After letting
him vent for a while, I said, perhaps this wouldn't
have occurred if you had spent more time as a
husband and father in less time gaming. I hung up
after saying, but hey, good luck with that. The children
are adjusting to their new school, Kelly has secured a
stable career, and she is at last beginning to feel

(18:54):
in charge of her life again. I've heard that Jacob
continues to blame everyone but himself, but in all honesty,
it's no longer my problem. Then, if you can call
it that, you have your happy ending. Thank you for watching.
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