I Was Bullied by My Sister, Ignored by My Parents, and Left Home at 18

A heartbreaking Reddit story of neglect and resilience. Growing up with a bullying sister and indifferent parents, one person finally decides to leave home at 18 to find freedom. Dive into this emotional tale of family struggles and self-discovery!  

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I was bullied by my sister, ignored by my parents,
and left home at eighteen years later, they contacted me
for financial help for my sister. For years, my parents
disregarded my elder sister's harsh bullying, so I moved out
at the age of eighteen. Six years later, they wanted
us to reconcile, so they contacted me with the awful news.
But it backfires on them because my older sister, Rose

(00:23):
was a huge bully all my life, and living with
her was sometimes terrible and tough. To be honest, Rose
has adh. Her continual hyperactivity and aggression made her a
difficult person to live with, especially during our childhood. Rose
was five years old when I was born, and her
reaction to my presence was anything but welcome. She was
always uncomfortable with the attention I received from our parents.

(00:44):
It's not uncommon for older siblings to feel jealous or
displaced by a new baby, but Rose's emotions were very strong.
She would throw full blown tantrums whenever my parents spent
time with me, as if my very presence offended her.
All I remember from my youth is my sister snatching
all of my toys. She would snatch them away without hesitation. Birthdays,
which should have been pleasant occasions for me, turned into mayhem.

(01:07):
Rose would shout, cry and stage a theatrical scene, completely
overshadowing my jubilation. Instead of feeling special on my special day.
I was frequently humiliated by my sister's actions. As I
grew older, Rose's actions got more targeted. She began to
physically lash out at me. She would sometimes shove me
out of the way, even when there was no need

(01:27):
for it. Other times she would bite me, which felt
intentionally painful and malicious. It was evident that her dislike
for me was more than just a phase. She seemed
to resent me for taking the spotlight and ruining the
interaction she had with our parents before to my arrival.
Rose has never had any pals. My parents would plan
play dates in an attempt to make her feel included,
but those should have been fun times evolved into stressful,

(01:50):
uncomfortable experiences. I had to continually mediate or apologize for
her actions. Over the years, I couldn't help but harbor
tremendous anger for my sister. I couldn't understand why she
didn't behave like other people, or why she couldn't manage
her emotions. She also didn't seem to like me much
and would frequently pick conflicts with me. Living with her
was confusing and upsetting. I wished for a sister who

(02:12):
would protect me, not one who continuously tortured me or
made me feel unwanted. What made things worse was my
parent's lack of concern for me. They adored Rose, and
it seemed like they were completely unaware of how her
bullying was impacting me. Every time I tried to express
my emotions or explain how much her behavior upset me,
they dismissed it. They'd explain to me that Rose was

(02:33):
a special kid who required my understanding and patience at
all times. Even though I was younger than her, I
was expected to satisfy her demands and moods, even if
it meant sacrificing my own happiness. I remember when I
turned thirteen, I spent days urging my parents to make
it a memorable trip for just the three of us.
After much appealing and arguing, they finally reached an agreement.

(02:54):
The plan was set, Rose would spend three days with
our grandparents and I would finally get my moment. But
when Rose found out. She had a major rage, crying
uncontrollably for hours, cursing, throwing things, and even getting in
my face screaming threats that she would kill me for
attempting to take our parents away from her. To be honest,
seeing her rage focused at me was horrifying and overpowering.

(03:16):
Instead of sticking up for me, my parents started begging
with me to let Rose join us. They tried to
argue with me, explaining that it was the only way
to calm her down. I resisted at first, knowing deep
down that if she came, my fantasy trip would be shattered.
But with Rose raving furiously and my parents desperate, I
felt forced to give in. Once again. Her actions determined

(03:37):
the outcome, and I was forced to accommodate her as
I had anticipated, Bringing Rose turned the vacation into another
fiasco from the moment we arrived at Disneyland. She refused
to enjoy anything like other children. She refused to sit
on any of the rides and remained close to my
mother the entire time. She was continually complaining about being
overwhelmed by the throng and how much she disliked everything.

(03:59):
Shouts and cries immediately became the focus of everyone's attention,
drowning out the joy I'd been building up for weeks.
Within two hours, Rose was pleading with my parents to
take us back to the hotel, severely ruining what should
have been a perfect day. In the end, my parents
had to split up to make the situation more manageable.
My mother drove Rose back to the hotel and my

(04:20):
father stayed with me so I could try to salvage
what was left of the day. While I appreciated my
father's efforts, the overall experience felt tainted. My birthday was
not the pleasant and carefree event I had hoped for,
as Rose's wants and tantrums took precedence once more. I
know my parents did their best with the cards they
were handed, but it was brutally clear that my sister's
needs and priorities always came first. Rose wanted their attention

(04:43):
at all times, and no matter what I did, I
was always relegated to the background. While they believed they
were doing the right thing by helping Rose, it frequently
left me feeling invisible, as if my needs and feelings
were insignificant in comparison to hers. By the time I
turned seventeen, I had had enough of my sisters in
des 'sessant bullying, in my parent's constant ignorance. I began

(05:03):
fantasizing of freedom, of finally enjoying a life unencumbered by
my sister's needs or my parents' demands. I started applying
to colleges, focusing on those far away from home. When
my parents learned about my plans, they were furious. They
did not understand, or perhaps refused to see why I
felt compelled to leave. They persuaded and virtually begged me
to remain in our hometown. They argued that Rose needed me,

(05:26):
that I was her sibling, and that it was my
job to be there for her. I argued back, emphasizing
that I didn't care about Rose and would continue to
apply to remote institutions regardless of how they felt. My
parents revealed the actual reason they wanted me to stay
their retirement plan. They intended to travel and enjoy their life,
while expecting me to bear full responsibility for Rose. They

(05:48):
informed me about how they had been sacrificing their lives
for years, waiting for my time to stand forward first
and foremost. I had never been consulted about my parents'
long term plans, and I had never given them any
reason to assume I would be willing to accept care
for my sister. Second, I had no intention of becoming
her caretaker. I wasn't her dad, and it seemed unjust
and absurd to expect it from me. I explained it

(06:10):
to them as fully as I could. I also proposed
alternate possibilities, such as hiring a full time caregiver or
teaching Rose to be more self sufficient, at least for
a few days at a period, so they could continue
to enjoy their retirement. My mother stated that Rose would
never be comfortable with a caretaker and insisted on twenty
four hour surveillance, which could only be provided by a
family member, meaning me. My father agreed, even accusing me

(06:34):
of being selfish for refusing to participate in their absurd idea.
Their remarks stung deeply. As if that wasn't enough, my
father then confessed that the entire reason they had me
their second child, was so that I might grow up
and take care of Rose in the future. I froze
my thoughts world as the weight of that discovery fell
on me. I stared at them silently, my eyes wide

(06:55):
with disbelief. My mother instantly intervened, chastising my father for
disclosure that secret and instructing him to apologize. She then
tried to backtrack, stating he didn't mean it and that
of course they loved me as well, but her comments
rang hollow. The damage was done. I couldn't unhear what
he said, and it was then that I realized why
I had always felt invisible in comparison to my sister.

(07:17):
The fact that my existence had been portrayed as a
solution to Rose's care, rather than as my own person
with my own goals, was upsetting. My mother insisted that
Rose needed care and that as a member of the family,
I had a responsibility to her. She even argued that
attending college far away would not benefit my life in
any way, and that staying in our community was a
better alternative. Living at home, she reasoned, would save me

(07:40):
money on rent and other bills. I understood Rose's predicament,
but did that mean I didn't deserve a life of
my own. Did I have to give up my future
just because she existed? The thought was suffocating. I didn't
say anything to my parents at the time, knowing it
wouldn't change their opinions, but within I was more determined
than ever to escape. I ignored their peals and plunged

(08:00):
myself into my college applications, determined to avoid them. It
wasn't easy, but I worked tirelessly and my efforts eventually
paid off. I eventually got into a decent enough college
to make the effort worthwhile. Obviously, when I told my parents,
they were outraged. They refused to let me go and
did everything they could to guilt trip me into staying.
Although I was eighteen, I knew I still needed support

(08:22):
to get away from my parents, so I turned to
my grandparents. I contacted, appealing for their assistance. My grandma,
who has always been a solid and caring presence in
my life, came over right away. She helped me pack
my bags and documents and offered me a place to
stay with her and my grandfather till I left for college.
But my parents did not stop there. They threatened to

(08:43):
cut me off financially, refusing to cover any of my
educational fees. They informed me that if I left, I
would be on my own forever and they would cut
all relations with me. Even so I refused to give in.
I took out a student loan to help support my schooling.
On top of that, my grandfather offer to cover some
of my bills using his retirement savings. Accepting his help

(09:04):
crushed my heart because I knew how hard he and
my grandma had worked for that money. They were doing
what my parents should have done, providing love, encouragement, and
financial assistance. The subsequent four years of my life were
a whirlwind of hard work and perseverance. College was tough,
not only academically but also emotionally. While most of my
peers had supportive parents and enough money to go out,

(09:26):
I did not have the same luxury. Almost every day,
I studied as hard as I could to support myself financially.
I even took on a part time job as a server,
juggling long days and late nights around my studies. Those
years were difficult, but I persevered because I knew there
was no other option. Meanwhile, my parents never contacted me,
not once to ask how I was doing or if

(09:46):
I needed anything. They maintained a deafening hush. Sometimes I
questioned my worth, wondering if I truly deserved to be
abandoned by those who were meant to love me. Unconditionally.
But even then I refused to give up, telling myself
that if if I kept going, I'd finally make a
life for myself. After graduation, I was really fortunate to
get an excellent job. It was the opportunity I had

(10:08):
been working so hard for, and it seemed like the
first true payoff for all of my years of sacrifices.
With this work, I was finally able to start repaying
my college loans. More importantly, I began repaying the money
my grandfather had given me to help when my parents refused.
He never wanted me to repay him. It was a
gift of love, not alone, but it meant a lot

(10:28):
to me to lessen his burden and demonstrate that his
trust in me was not misplaced. I maintain a close,
loving relationship with my grandparents. Whenever possible, I arranged for
them to pay me a visit and express my gratitude
for everything they've done for me. This year, I started
hearing alarming things about my sister from my grandparents. Rose's
behavior appears to have worsened with time, and now that

(10:50):
I am no longer her target, she has turned her
bullying on others. She just began bullying the neighborhood youngsters. Apparently,
she had been throwing water at the kids whenever they
played out, and intimidating them by saying that they weren't
allowed to play in her area. Unsurprisingly, the kid's parents
were concerned and complained to my parents several times, urging
with them to address Rose's actions and keep her away

(11:11):
from their children. However, as usual, my parents did not
take appropriate action. They expected Rose would eventually become bored
and leave the youngsters alone. However, Rose maintained her shenanigans,
and the situation erupted when one of the parents, fed
up with her relentless bullying, contacted the cops. When the
cops arrived, they noticed Rose throwing water at one of

(11:32):
the children and screamed at her to flee for her life.
Rose was immediately detained for allegedly harassing miners. My parents objected,
but the police chastised them as well for failing to
keep Rose under control. While this news has stunned some
members of the family, it does not surprise me at all.
I'd witnessed her unrestrained conduct for years, knowing full well
that my parents were more interested in creating excuses for

(11:54):
her than holding her accountable. Nonetheless, the fact that my
sister was now in legal jeopardy was a stark reminder
of how disturbing her behavior had become. My parents ended
up bailing her out, but Rose is now facing a
court date. This week, I received a call from my
parents that caught me off guard. After six years of silence,
seeing their phone number on my phone seemed weird. My

(12:15):
father told me that he and my mother were at
their wits and dealing with my sister. He claimed they
wanted to reconcile with me, that they had missed me
for years, but had been too furious and stubborn about
my decision to leave for college to contact me. It
seemed as if he was attempting to rewrite the story,
wiping away years of pain and abandonment with a half
hearted apology. I could tell he and Mom had called

(12:35):
me for something, so I told them to spit it out.
That's when Dad indicated that with my sister's approaching court appearance,
they were finally seeing the truth that perhaps I had
been correct all along about my sister. My father admitted
hesitantly that my sister was a bully. He claimed that
she had gotten worse over the years since I had
left and was getting into more serious trouble. Dad informed

(12:56):
me how he and Mom had talked and that he
now felt sorry for what I had been through. He
admitted that they should have listened to me more. He
also informed me that they were finally willing to send
Rose to therapy so she could receive the assistance she
clearly required. Hearing those comments from Dad felt bizarre, especially
since I had spent so much of my life urging
him and Mom to take action against my sister, only

(13:17):
to be dismissed or taught to accept Rose's actions. Dad
went on saying they wanted to meet with me and
apologize in person if I was willing to listen. That's
when I informed my dad as quietly as I could
that while I was relieved that they were finally providing
my sister with the assistance she required, the truth was
that I no longer cared. They had been ignoring me
for far too long. Over time, I accepted their absence

(13:39):
and constructed a life without them. I wasn't willing to
reconcile with them just now. My father then tried to
get me to reconsider am I an asshole a ta
if I don't reconcile with my family, especially given how
they've treated me for years. Update one, I want to
clarify a few points because I can't respond to everyone
in the comments. No, my sister was never bullied. She

(14:01):
attended a special school developed for children with similar disabilities,
and it was a tiny, closely regulated environment. The school
only accepted a small number of special needs kids who
were closely monitored during the day. Her instructors were wonderful
and provided good care for her, and my parents were
constantly active in her life, checking in on her on
a daily basis. There's no way my sister was bullied

(14:23):
at school and took out her frustration on me. The
truth is that her troubles were never caused by outside influences.
They were caused by how she was allowed to behave
at home. My parents tolerated her frequent mistreatment of me.
If she bit me, slapped me, or shoved me, she
would face no consequences. Meanwhile, I was always expected to
console Rose or be more sympathetic of her actions. As

(14:45):
for why Rose was never sent to therapy, the simple
reality is that it has always been too expensive for
my parents to consider Furthermore, my mother has always maintained
a possessive attitude about Rose. She never let her spend
much time with anyone else since she believed that on
she knew Rose's needs. As a result, Rose is too
reliant on my mother, who makes all decisions for her.

(15:06):
Now that I've read through all of the comments on
my post, I understand why my parents are reaching out
after all this time. The explanation is obvious. They most
likely require my assistance with my sister's future case. I
believe they may want me to provide a character reference
for her if that is necessary, or they may be
hoping I can help with the lawyer bills because I
make a good living and they are aware of this

(15:26):
after all these years. It cannot simply be about reuniting.
It appears to be a desperate attempt to rectify things,
especially given Rose's legal troubles. They need someone to back
her up, and I assume they believe I am that person.
I am sure they want me to step in and
be the good son who helps them clean up their mess,
but I Am not going to do it. Update two
for those wondering how my grandparents feel about my parents,

(15:49):
trying to reconnect with me. They're not delighted. They haven't
communicated much to my parents throughout the years, especially since
I was kicked out and wanted to go to college.
Since then, their relationlationship has been rocky, and they have
generally maintained their distance. My grandparents have only maintained in
contact with my parents because they occasionally help out with Rose,
whether it's babysitting or caring for her when my parents

(16:11):
need it. My grandparents understand exactly what Rose is like.
They've witnessed her conduct personally, including her bullying, and are
dissatisfied in how my parents have handled everything over the years.
They've always been supportive of me, but they've never dismissed
Rose's acts. So with my parents now wishing to make
amends and reconnect with me, my grandparents have made it
obvious that they understand my reluctance. They have asked me

(16:34):
to be cautious. They understand how devastated I have been
as a result of my parents' actions, and they do
not want me to rush into anything that could wind
up being much more traumatic. My folks have also continued
to message me all week. They strongly urge me to
consider giving them another shot. They keep saying how much
they regret the way things have been between us, and
how they've recognized they made mistakes as a result. I'm torn.

(16:57):
Update three. My concerns regarding my my parents were correct. Today.
After weeks of asking, I finally consented to a video
conversation with them. It had been a long time since
we'd seen each other, and I was feeling a range
of emotions building up to the call. When I finally
saw them on TV, I couldn't help but note how
different they appeared. They were considerably older than I remembered,

(17:18):
tired and worn out. It crushed my heart to see
them like that. Despite the emotions churning inside me, I
attempted to remain calm. We chatted about their lives, how
things had gone for them, and I told them a
little bit about my business. We talked about my grandparents
and caught up on family news. Our talk seemed nearly regular,
as if no time had gone since I last saw them.

(17:40):
My parents apologized to me again. They appeared almost desperate
in their statements, inviting me to come see them and
stating that they had been thinking about me. But at
that point I couldn't hold back anymore. I questioned them outright,
why now? After all, if they genuinely missed me, wouldn't
they have contacted me sooner during college? While I was
gone and needed their help. They made no effort to

(18:01):
stay in touch, So what changed now? Why were they
so ready to reconcile after so much time? A part.
That's when my parents almost unwillingly began to divulge the
real reason they had contacted me. They claimed that they
were in severe need of financial assistance to care for
my sister Rose. My father told me that they had
depleted practically all of their savings over the years due

(18:23):
to Rose's ongoing medical procedures. The bills had exhausted them,
and now, with her court case waiting and the possibility
of requiring therapy for her behavioral disorders, the financial strain
was becoming insurmountable. My father finally begged me, almost pleadingly,
if I could start sending them money every month because
I was doing so well in life. My mother soon
stepped in, emphasizing that the money would only be used

(18:45):
for Rose and nothing else. I shook my head in answer,
feeling a nut form in my stomach. I implored them,
my voice quivering with rage. Do you really think I
would just send you my hard earned money to spend
on Rose? I was straining to contain my rage. No
matter how much you needed, how could I possible assist
you with her? She was the one who bullied me
for years. She's the one that made my life miserable.

(19:08):
She's the one who destroyed every birthday party I've ever had.
My voice cracked as I continued, she is the one
who has never shown any sympathy or concern for me,
So why should I aid her now? My history with
Rose was so unpleasant, and now they expected me to
jump in and be the financial rescuer for someone who
had treated me so badly. It didn't make sense, and
I couldn't let go of years of pain. I did

(19:30):
not stop there. However, all of my frustration and years
of bottled up resentment came spilling out. I pointed out
to my parents that they had never kept me safe
from Rose. They'd never given me genuine compassion when it
came to her. Instead, they simply expected me to follow suit,
to buy into their story, and to care for her,
as if everything she did was something I had to
accept I was a youngster and I needed their protection,

(19:52):
but they had let me down several times. I explained
that just because Rose has ADHD does not mean she
should not be held accountable for her conduct now that
she is an adult. I blamed my parents and made
it plain that if they had given her proper care
when she was younger, things could have turned out differently. Now,
perhaps she would have grown into a better person, capable
of realizing the pain she causes others. But they didn't.

(20:14):
They had let her get away with so much that
she was eventually jailed for pestering young children. Even after this,
they kept urging me to intervene and assist her, as
if I weren't her first victim. My parents attempted to
argue back, but I informed them that while I appreciated
their apologies, it did not mean I would simply forgive
and forget everything that had happened. My parents backed down
after hearing this. They told me that regardless of whether

(20:37):
I could help them financially, they wanted to keep working
on our relationship. Mom informed me that she and Dad
regretted they had made other decisions back then, but because
they couldn't erase the past, they wanted to be there
for me in whatever way they could going forward. On
the one hand, I applauded their eagerness to move forward,
but on the other I wasn't sure I was ready
to let go of all the sorrow I'd been caring

(20:57):
for so long. I asked for some time to think.
Update four. I apologize for the month long gap between updates.
My sister has been compelled to attend court mandated counseling,
which I believe is a step in the right way.
My parents also had to pay a significant fine as
a result of Rose's harassment of those children. I honestly
expected my sister's punishment would be harsher, but I guess

(21:18):
the judge was lenient because this was Rose's first formal crime.
In addition, some of the children's parents have filed a
restraining order against my sister. Rose is now legally compelled
to stay far away from their children. If she breaks
the order, she will be arrested. Now back to my parents.
Since that conversation in which I declined to grant them
any financial assistance, they have not mentioned it again. We

(21:41):
have continued to chat, but only about minor details. I
guess they meant what they said and are just trying
to rebuild their relationship with me. Although I am glad
to be back in their life, I am not ready
to resume a full connection with my family, especially with Rose.
I don't think I'll ever forgive her. No matter how
much time passes. The things she did to me, bullying me,

(22:02):
making my life miserable for so many years, cannot simply
be wiped. I hope that through counseling, she will finally
learn to hold herself accountable for her acts. To be honest.
I have no idea how long it will take or
if it will ever happen. Thank you for watching. If
you haven't subscribed yet, please do so and hit the
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(22:22):
stories happening around you.