Pursued My Dream As A Photographer, Lost My Parents’ Support. Until They Learned...

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Pursued my dream as a photographer, lost my parents' support
until they learned about my six figure income. My parents
went completely crazy when I decided to try my hand
at fashion photography instead of attending college after high school.
For months we quarreled over this. Ultimately, they informed me
that they would never forgive me and would stop interacting
with me if I chose to go down this route

(00:21):
rather than earning a college degree. Knowing that my connection
with my parents was not my top concern at the moment,
I did not let that deter me. My goal was
to become a fashion photographer, and I did just that.
They were furious with me and avoided talking to me
for a few years. I found it really challenging, particularly
because I was so young and needed assistance from other
family members. Most of the assistance I required was monetary.

(00:44):
I had only ever worked summer jobs part time before,
and the money I had saved was insufficient to support
myself in a new place. I was in dire need
of help because at the time I was an intern
and didn't get paid much. Fortunately, my dad's older sister,
my aunt, frequently sent me the money I needed to
pay my bills. Naturally, my aunt had a soft spot
for me because I had always been close to her

(01:06):
daughter as a child. Even with her help, I occasionally
still felt very alone. After I left home. My brother
and dad began to act as though I didn't even exist.
So I didn't have the support of my immediate family
because it would cause friction between them. My aunt never
disclosed to my father that she was providing financial support
for me. Without a doubt he would blame her for

(01:26):
pushing me to make poor choices. In spite of this,
my aunt informed me of my parents' reactions to my decision.
She would always bring me up to them when she
saw them, but they would usually still react negatively. It
was discouraging to hear them abruptly shift the subject. Then,
one year, they suddenly demanded that I spend the holidays
at home so that we could get back in touch.
In the end, I returned that year to try again

(01:48):
with our relationship. They were pretty normal about the whole thing,
which surprised me because I had expected an emotional reunion.
My mother later informed me that they knew I wouldn't
alter my mind, so they made the decision to get
in touch with me. Furthermore, they didn't want to be
seen as the type of parents that didn't encourage their
kid's goals and aspirations, because that would come across negatively.

(02:09):
I came to see that rather than truly respecting my choice,
they had only contacted me to protect their brand. Despite
my disappointment, I made the decision to keep in contact
with them in the hopes that they would someday reconsider
their opinion of me. They have never seemed to be
as proud of me as they are of my brother,
even though I have told them about all of my
successes over the previous few years. After earning a business degree,

(02:30):
my brother began working with a friend of my dad's.
He makes a nice living, and my parents are always
boasting about how he started providing for them as soon
as he started working. I did offer to assist them monetarily,
so it's not that I hadn't, but because of my
unusual line of work, they turned me down, saying they
wouldn't feel comfortable taking my money because they weren't sure
I could live comfortably without it. I was aware that

(02:52):
this was not a sincere worry. It served as just
another reminder that they didn't think I was performing well
enough and would much rather rely on my brother. I
was never going to be good enough for them no
matter what I did. They relied on my brother instead
of believing me, even after I assured them that I
was okay and could help. It wasn't like they didn't
require assistance. They have been having financial difficulties for the

(03:14):
past few years, particularly following the pandemic. About two years ago,
my parents had to close the cafe they owned and
retire early because of significant losses sustained during the pandemic.
My brother began providing them with financial help. At that point,
it was quite offensive that they refused to assist me.
In spite of this, I stopped insisting on staying in
contact with them. After that, the only times we would

(03:36):
see each other were at family gatherings, where I would
try to be as polite as possible, since I knew
they wouldn't value me. I even stopped spending the holidays
at home. Rather, they would take advantage of the occasion
to criticize and ridicule my decisions. I was done with
that negativity. I no longer needed it in my life.
Since then, our relationship has gotten much worse and we

(03:57):
hardly ever communicate because I disliked discuss it. Very few
family members are aware of my feelings. My cousin, who
recently got engaged, is one of the few who does.
My family was invited to her engagement party a few
days ago, but I was also invited. Regretfully, my illness
prevented me from attending. After years of not speaking to me,

(04:17):
my parents finally called me while I was away because
of a chat my cousin had with them. I need
to explain what my cousin told me before I talked
to my parents about the phone call. As soon as
I finished talking to my parents, I contacted my cousin
to talk to her about it. She informed me that
my parents had been boasting at the engagement party about
my brother's big promotion at work and how he would
now be making nearly twice as much as he had before.

(04:39):
My cousin claimed that it was starting to irritate her.
I'm not sure if that's accurate or if they were exaggerating.
In addition to making the entire celebration about themselves, they
were utterly disregarding the fact that I, their other kid,
was succeeding in her life on par with if not
better than her. She was aware that, despite my best
efforts to pretend otherwise, my connection with my parents clearly

(05:00):
had an impact on me. Even though I had accomplished
a lot, I felt like I could never do enough
to make them proud of me. I found that to
be really distressing. My cousin chose to defend me since
she was aware of this. My relative mentioned how wonderful
it was that they now had two children earning six
figures annually. As my parents were boasting about my brother,
my parents, who hadn't bothered to stay in contact with

(05:21):
me over the previous two years, were understandably startled. Since
I didn't think it was necessary, I had never disclosed
my income to them. My parents called me the following
day after my cousin dropped that bombshell without providing any
further details. I was taken aback when they called. They
inquired as to whether I had been making six figures
annually and whether I had been doing so for a
number of years. Thinking they were finally calling to congratulate

(05:45):
me and express their pride, I made the decision to
be honest with them. They said they couldn't believe they
had been forcing my brother to provide for them financially
when I had been doing so well, which was really
foolish and delusional of me. They had the gall to
become upset rather than happy for me. They chastised me
for not informing them of my earnings sooner so they
could make an informed decision about which child should provide

(06:06):
them with financial support. I couldn't speak in retrospect. That
was exactly the reaction I should have anticipated, but it
was not the one I had anticipated. Let me tell
you what occurred next. If you think that's awful. My
parents began to explain how they had put a lot
of pressure on my brother when I didn't reply. They
said that he had been too busy providing for them
to save enough money for his own future. They maintained

(06:28):
that I should now pay one hundred thousand dollars in
reparations to help even things up because I hadn't been
burdened in the same manner. They rationalized it by claiming
that they were also my parents and that I had
to share my brother's responsibility. They made it seem as
though I had been avoiding accountability utterly, disregarding the fact
that they had initially turned down my assistance. After giving
their requests some attention, I erupted in laughter and hung up.

(06:51):
The scenario was so ridiculous that it was the only
response I could summon. I then gave my cousin a
call to get the whole narrative and to double check
the information. I have been deliberately avoiding my parents ever since.
After the call, I banned their number, but they began
texting me from a burner phone, which I also blocked.
In every one of their mails, I was accused of
concealing my earnings. They said they would never have requested

(07:14):
my brother for help and would have accepted my help
instead if they had known about it sooner. Recently, I
also received a text from my brother, who usually avoid
similar situations. He stated that he thought our parents had
a point, but he didn't want to pick sides. He
acknowledged that they ought to have been more encouraging and
that they had mistreated me, but he also said that
I should have told them exactly how much I made,

(07:35):
rather than leaving them in the dark if I really
wanted them to accept my assistance when I first offered.
He maintained that they couldn't have known I was doing
so well for myself because this isn't a career. They
understood well. He said that he had been the only
one providing for our parents up until this point, and
that he thought it only right that I do the same.
I owe it to them because they reared me, he
reminded me, and whether I like it or not, they

(07:56):
are also my parents. I'm bewildered now, sorry for my brother,
but I'm not sorry for my parents. Although we haven't
had a fantastic relationship, it hasn't been as horrible as
our relationship with our parents. He could have a point, though,
and I can't deny that. Is it bad of me
to keep my actual income a secret from my parents? Atit?
Since people are curious as to why I never told

(08:18):
my parents how much I made, here's the answer. First
of all, I dislike discussing my income. I want people
to trust me when I tell them that I have
enough to aid them, especially my parents. Why would I
pretend that I had the money to provide for them. Second,
money isn't the only metric I use to gauge my achievement.
For me, success is about following my dreams and realizing them,

(08:39):
not about how much money I make. When I first
began out, I felt just as accomplished since I had
followed my passion and defied the odds. In addition to
being wealthy, I wanted my parents to be proud of
me for being content and successful in my line of work. Finally,
I never realized that in order to get their approval,
I would have to be specific about my salary. I
suppose I've had some delusions about them throughout my life. Eventually,

(09:03):
I thought they would treat me the same way they
treated my brother, but that never materialized. Before any of
this occurred, I did discuss this with my cousin, who
informed me that I shouldn't have needed to disclose my
income to my parents in order for them to treat
me like their child. At least someone was on my side,
so it was a tremendous relief when she told me
that I hadn't done anything wrong. Additionally, I am positive

(09:25):
that my aunt shares my cousin's viewpoint. But what really
irritates me is that my brother, who had previously been impartial,
is suddenly opposing me. I'm open to any suggestions you
may have, because I haven't decided whether or not I
should feel bad about it. First update, Hello, I appreciate
all of your remarks. I suppose I needed that because
going through them was a true eye opener for me. Actually,

(09:48):
I had started to think that perhaps I was mistaken,
but I no longer believed that to be the case.
I blocked my brother as well, after realizing that despite
his initial neutrality, it had not aided me in any way.
Like my aunt and cousin, who both defended me, he
never did. In all honesty, my brother is only supporting
my parents today because they have never given him a

(10:08):
reason to oppose them, in contrast to me, who undoubtedly
has a number of reasons. I responded to his message
prior to blocking him. Although he didn't grow up in
the same household as me, I informed him that I
still respected the idea that he was making the extra
effort to defend our parents. He can never really comprehend
what I've gone through, since the parents he knows are
so different from the parents I know. His statement that

(10:30):
I owe it to our parents to assist them, whether
I like it or not, was incredibly unjust. I owe
them nothing, nothing at all. Anything they did for me
prior to my eighteenth birthday was required by law, not
as a favor. I left home to pursue my aspirations
as soon as I was no longer a minor. They
didn't support me or even spoke to me for the
next few years after that. My aunt, not my brother,

(10:52):
or my parents had supported me during that period. My
cousin provided me with emotional support the entire time. As
a result, I seldom ever think of my brother or
parents as family because they have never supported me. My
aunt is the one person I owe the most. My
brother has been providing for our parents alone for the
past few years, and I don't blame him for that.
It's not that I didn't offer assistance. In fact, I did,

(11:15):
but they turned me down. I decided to cut them
out of my life because of that. They also didn't
appear to be in any worse shape without me. They
haven't apologized to me, but now that they know how
much I earn, they expect me to make it right.
That's entitled and unfair, and I don't think I have
to put up with it. I decided I didn't want
to talk to my brother anymore after sending him that message,

(11:36):
so I blocked him as well. Neither my brother nor
my parents have messaged me since. My aunt, however, got
in touch with me and informed me that my brother
must have forwarded my message to my father. I had
stated in the mail that my aunt had helped me
out when my parents hadn't. My father went crazy over it,
as we had anticipated, and started blaming my aunt for
misguiding me. He thinks I wouldn't have deviated so much

(11:58):
from my parents if my aunt had never incouraged me
and had instead advised me to return to them and
follow their rules. He maintains that we would have a
far better connection now if it had occurred. To be honest,
I have no idea why someone would think this. In
all honesty, I would have found another means to follow
my aspirations. Even if my aunt hadn't assisted me, I
would not have abandoned them. I wouldn't be earning as

(12:19):
much money or enjoying my career as much if I
hadn't been able to pursue a career in photography. Rather,
I would be angry at my parents for preventing me
from pursuing my own interests. How would our relationship be
enhanced by that? It would have significantly worsened the situation.
My aunt is currently being used as a scapegoat, which
seems to be all they need. They have been accusing
her of being a bad sister in their constant messages.

(12:42):
They say that instead of supporting me, she would have
persuaded me to return to my parents if she had
been a decent sister. My present bad behavior, which they
say has always been praised, is attributed to her. They
have even implicated my cousin in this, claiming that it
is not surprising that she has become impolite and uncultured.
They can that because my cousin called them out at
her engagement party. This illustrates my aunt's incapacity to raise

(13:05):
children appropriately. My parents are essentially acting irrationally. My aunt
is certain that they won't let this go despite the
fact that she has barred them. They are intent on
making a big deal out of it and playing the
victim in a predicament they started. I truly don't know
what else I can say to my brother if he
still believes that supporting our parents is appropriate in light
of everything that has happened, I suppose I should have

(13:26):
anticipated it. Perhaps this isn't unexpected because although he never
mistreated me. He also never defended me. Second update, Hello,
I haven't posted anything for the past two weeks. My
parents made the decision to make this drama public for
some reason. They have posted a number of posts disparaging
my aunt and myself in the last several days, and

(13:47):
I honestly have no idea what they are trying to accomplish.
They have been promoting a biased narrative in these posts.
They say that despite the fact that photography is an
unsteady career, my aunt pushed me to pursue it against
their wishes. They also claim that I rejected their attempts
to patch things up with me. They claim that when
they recently requested financial assistance from me, I ostensibly offered,

(14:08):
but minimized my income. As a result, they had to
rely on my brother, which has had an impact on
his financial security. I'm still refusing to assist and placing
all the weight on my brother, even though their acting
as though they just recently found out the whole truth
about my financial status. A large portion of their story
is false and it is entirely biased. I don't want
to interact with them on social media, and neither does

(14:30):
my aunt. We've been attempting to get in touch with
them privately to request that they remove the posts. I
even warned them that if they didn't comply, I would
get legal help. But because no one is going to
waste their money on a lawyer for something like this,
I suppose my parents can see I'm bluffing. This is
a minor nuisance, but it's not like it's having a
significant impact on me. Many people, including those I haven't

(14:52):
spoken to in years, have contacted me to inquire about
the issue. The way they are handling this as a
show bothers me a lot. I want my parents to
remove their posts because I may have to share my
side of the story with my aunt if they don't.
Asking them to remove the posts hasn't worked at all
thus far, but neither of us wants to do that.
We might eventually have to publicly present our case. We

(15:13):
should go ahead, according to my relative, but I'm sick
of anticipating all the drama that will ensue. In any case,
we must take the necessary action. Third update. My last
post was two days ago, and as I previously stated,
we were at a loss on what to do. In
the end, my aunt and I posted the truth, not
just our version of events in order to dispel my

(15:34):
parents by a story we wanted to correct the record.
My parents haven't made any public remarks about it yet,
but many people have left encouraging remarks. The rest of
the family hasn't been as ignorant as I initially believed.
It turns out many of them have observed throughout the
years how my parents have been more publicly proud of
my brother and have always treated him better than I have.
Getting all of this support makes me very happy. At

(15:57):
least I now know that in my heart they supported me,
even though they had never previously spoken out about it.
That is reassuring. But when my brother sent me an email,
his reply wasn't encouraging. I was advised that what I
was doing was seriously messed up. He claimed that he
had been attempting to manage the problem with our parents
and had nearly persuaded them to remove their posts. However,

(16:18):
they are now refusing to do so because I posted
my side. He claimed that I wasn't the kind of
person who would add fuel to the fire and stir
up more controversy. He's correct. I didn't want to make
things worse, but I had no other option. My brother
has treated me unfairly. In my opinion, this was started
by our parents, not by me. I only spoke the
truth to avoid needless hatred toward my aunt and me.

(16:41):
It's possible that my parents should have considered the repercussions
before making such a fuss. I don't think I have
anything further to say to my brother at this time.
It is obvious that he has chosen a side, and
it is not mine. In any case, I had no
desire to communicate with my parents. I don't mind at
all if they all want to completely cut me out
of their life. Fourth update. Hi, everyone. My last update

(17:04):
was quite a few months ago. I recently returned home
to attend the wedding of my cousin as her maid
of honor. I performed all of my responsibilities for her
for about a month before the wedding. She informed me
that neither my brother nor my parents had received an invitation.
They shouldn't have been surprised by this, because it was
obvious that neither my aunt nor my cousin wanted anything
to do with them following the events of a few

(17:25):
months earlier. I don't see why my parents thought they
would be invited when they hadn't even tried to apologize
to any of us following the incident. They were not
just disappointed that they hadn't received an invitation, but they
had also expected one. They even came to shout at
my aunt when she was at her residence. My father
was incensed and informed her that she couldn't abandon him
for such a little matter. Coming from a dad who

(17:47):
essentially pulled his daughter out of his life, that is
rather ironic. My aunt quickly put him in his place
after putting up with his antics after a heated argument
that day. My parents are now ranting about us to
anyone who would listen. I don't think anyone is taking
them seriously, though, as it looks like the most of
them are just looking to gossip. My brother has not
gotten back to me, Although it is unfortunate, he has

(18:10):
made the decision to support our parents. Everything went off
without a hitch, and the wedding was stunning. The icing
on the cake was that I also got to spend
a lot of time with my aunt and cousin. I've
returned to work after a much needed vacation knowing that
my parents haven't altered at all in all these months
is comforting. Thank you for watching. If you haven't subscribed yet,

(18:30):
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