January 23, 2025 • 23 mins
Welcome to Author Nation! In this enlightening episode, we explore how Kindness Driven Success for Authors can transform your writing journey. Join host Melody Ann and guest Michael Neece as they discuss the importance of emotional intelligence and effective strategies for coping with criticism in the literary world.
Want a step-by-step roadmap to make your book a success? Grab my FREE guide: Beyond the Book: 10 Profit Pathways for Authors here: http://authornation.online/profit
Key Takeaways:
Want a step-by-step roadmap to make your book a success? Grab my FREE guide: Beyond the Book: 10 Profit Pathways for Authors here: http://authornation.online/profit
Key Takeaways:
- Discover the powerful role of kindness in fostering a successful author career.
- Learn how to develop Emotional Intelligence for Writers to enhance your interactions with readers and peers.
- Explore practical coping mechanisms for dealing with criticism and rejection.
- Gain insights into self-reflection and journaling techniques to boost your writing confidence.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hello, and welcome to author a Nation. Today we're diving
into kindness and how kindness can help you navigate your
author career. I'm your host, Meladan, and I'm here to
guide you towards actionable insights and strategies that will help
you succeed as an author. Toward that. You can visit
author Nation online to access a treasure trove of resources
(00:30):
created just for you nonfiction authors. So whether you're sitting
on your morning coffee or whining down or after a
long day, settle in and let me introduce our guest.
Michael Nie is a visionary leader, author, and entrepreneur who
believes that kindness is the key to building a future
we all want to live in. His wide ranging experience
(00:51):
includes leadership and educational roles in traditional corporate settings, as
well as planetariums, where he has delivered more than seven
hundred and fifty sessions Above the world, wonders of the Universe,
and the curiosity invoked by space exploration. Michael has developed
a unique approach to helping teams thrive by talking about
highness through a cosmic lens. Michael is the author of
(01:13):
Inkind Consciously Craft a Meaningful Life and career and the
host of the podcast Our Future is Kind, where he
interviews executives, futurists, politicians, artists, writers, and community leaders to
help his audience ponder what should the future be like,
who will be there? How can we craft it carefully
into what we want and deserve. Let's welcome Michael. Well, Michael,
(01:37):
how are you today?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Doing great? Thank you so much for having me on melody.
I'm looking forward to it.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
I'm thrilled to here. I actually you, Kindness is I
believe something that is incredibly important in our world. And
in fact, I have this little strategy maybe you want
to talk about it. I have this little strategy that
if something upsets me and I'm a bit grumpy, I
go out of my way to be kind to people.
So if somebody upsets me, I'll open the door for
(02:06):
the next people or you know. And it's actually, it's
a really great way to shift yourself back into that
non grumpy state that you know, the more content state.
So that's my little that's my little kindness kindness tip
of the day. Yeah, what inspired you to write in
(02:28):
kind and how did your experiences shape the book's message.
I would just want to dive into the book.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Sure yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
I wrote in Kind because I've been in so many
different roles in so many different careers, and what I
found was I enjoyed doing honorable work, but I was
also just csmarized people. That's where the fun is, that's
where the magic is. And there were so many times
when I found that people were very kind where they
(02:57):
were very unkind, and those were the most memorable times. Right,
you have all of those long stretches in between you know,
a project or you know, some tasks that you're doing,
but it's when people really they bend over backwards to
try to help you, just like your kindness strategy of
oh gosh, I need to.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Snap out of this.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
I'm going to hold the door open for the you
know several people having having those moments where somebody really
reached out to you and.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Did you up.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
That's what was the big motivation for the book, because
I kept thinking, gosh, don't we all need more kindness
and shouldn't we find ways of bringing it into everything
that we do. And there's so many just tip tricks
and strategies, so many ways of being reflective that I
wanted to include in the book as ways to give
(03:45):
a gift to the world, you know, so that people
could say, oh, I have I have an idea of
what to do. Now I'm not stuck anymore, and I'm not,
you know, dreading work tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Because I have ideas of what to do. So that's
that's big information.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Yeah, it's interesting you said, the things I remember are
the people who were kind and the people who are unkind,
So you remember the extremes right on your end exactly.
So let's talk a little bit about ego, yes, and
ego management, you know, because you talk a lot about
it in the book. And my question is this, how
(04:25):
do you see ego commonly manifesting? And when it does manifest,
what are some strategies that we might be able to
use to help ourselves with that.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
It's such a good question. Yeah, that's It's something that
I think haunts all of us, that we all think
of ourselves as ging beings. We are feeling beings, and
that's just the truth of it. Even the people who say, oh, feelings,
they don't matter, you know, your feelings are our bogus,
they usually say with an awful lot of heft and
(05:01):
a lot of anger. So when I when I think
about ego. It's usually manifesting itself in terms of an
overblown sense of self that's not I think of it
at least, and that's where I shouldn't stand in this line.
Why is this person.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Cutting me off and going faster on the highway?
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Why didn't my boss give me that really great promotion
that gave it to this other person who doesn't work?
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Is hard?
Speaker 3 (05:28):
It's that it's that sense that I shouldn't have to
put up with this. But there's the flip side of
the ego, which is where you think everybody's watching your
every move. They're ready to mock you and make fun
of you because you're making bad choices and whatever. You know,
the things that you look in the mirror you don't
like about yourself, those are the things you're afraid other
(05:49):
people are gonna notice. And so ego can come out
in those forms where you're telling yourself, Oh, I'm awesome
or oh I'm terrible. It's somewhere in between. So the
best way to handle it when your own ego is
out of check is to really think, you know, am
(06:11):
I approaching this situation in a way that's.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Kind of even with the situation.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
If somebody cuts you off in traffic. Are you thinking
about chasing them and following them to their home and
writing down their life's number, or are you just a
little bit miffed? Are you just a little bit upset?
So so check, you know, is my emotional reaction outsized?
I guess that's a big way of thinking about it.
(06:37):
And the other side is true too. You find out
a colleague not a big promotion and you didn't, Oh,
is it really the end of the world? The things
haven't really changed that much between yesterday and today when
you found out Is it really that big difference? When
somebody else's ego is out of check, that's when you
(06:58):
can employ some other stratgy jeez, which is you can
pull them out of their little world into the world
of reality by just saying, hey, how are you doing?
What's going on in your world? They're really really upset.
You say, Hey, let's pause this meeting, Let's let's do
this right now, let's come back when we're all fresh.
It's great that we're all so passionate about this.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Right.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
So it's it's it's intervening with yourself or intervening with
the other person and just trying to remind them, Hey,
it's not the best thing in the world. It's not
the worst thing in the world. It's probably somewhere in between.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Yeah, And since I'm a words person, I want to
point out that one of the things, one of the
things that usually I hear people say that doesn't work
is what's wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
That is good advice.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Don't have that I liked you didn't ask that you
you asked, like, what's going on in your world today? Right,
that's it's a very it's a neutral question. Right.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Being authentically curious about the other person is.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Helpful, exactly, exactly. Sometimes I think that when ego comes up,
people are kind of acting as though they're important because
they have a lot of beliefs about themselves that include
not being important. Do you think that's true.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
I think it's absolutely true. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Depending on what soup you were swimming around in as
you were being raised, you could believe all kinds of things. Again,
I bring us back to the idea that we're all
emotional creatures who occasionally have a good thought. When you're
being raised, it's hard to tell what's emotional truth and
what's actual truth. Yes, I should have an emotional truth
(08:48):
that we never have enough money and we should be
panicked about money all the time, because I used to
hear my parents argue about money when in fact they
may have been fabulously wealthy, but they were talking about
the minutia of something. And so for me, I'm panicked
about money all the time. Right, So many other you know,
(09:10):
limiting beliefs like that, you know, beliefs that are based
in in motion rather than an actuality, so many other things.
I think you said one of them, which is I'm
not enough or or I don't matter, something along those lines,
And I think a lot of us fall into that
one where you know, somebody doesn't applaud loudly enough for
(09:31):
you at your violin recital when you're ten, or somebody
laughs but at the wrong time when you're telling a joke. Right,
It's it's those moments where you start to build up
a narrative of Oh, wow, I'm lacking, I'm not doing
a great job.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Fighting be thiefs is a big deal.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
And that's where ego pops up. Right, So limiting beliefs
in ego are somewhat connected, aren't they.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Oh? Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
I think that's that's a observation, because if you're being
guided by those emotions and they're not really based in reality, yeah,
you could have that overblown reaction.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Yeah exactly. So what do we do about our limited
but limiting beliefs?
Speaker 3 (10:16):
I think step number one is to try to identify them.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
There are so.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Many good surveys that are out there on the internet.
I included one that's in my book that just gives
you statements and you have to read the statement and
try to think, does this resonate with me? Am I
having a really big reaction when I read this right now?
I need to be thin, I need to be taller.
(10:41):
I don't belong.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
If you're reading.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Through these and you identify four or five or six
that you're like, wow, those are my big ones, that's
step one two and is to dissect it and say
where did this come from? And then you know that
it's something that you sometimes bring with you to the
grocery store or to a meeting or to you know,
(11:04):
some time with your loved ones. And so now, oh, okay,
so I bring this idea of I don't belong, and
now I'm going out on movie night with my wife.
Oh you know, let me, let me think about that
when we make sure that that's not just bubbling up
and then I'm mad at her for no good reason
because I just happened to bring this with me everywhere.
(11:27):
So identify them next to you, then say.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Where did they come from?
Speaker 3 (11:31):
And then third you try to think about them consciously
when you're in a situation. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
I love that, and so let's let's now add kindness
to the to the soup to the mix. So the
principle of kindness you've talked about how it can help
act as a compass right for navigating these types of challenges.
So how does that work?
Speaker 2 (11:54):
I had somebody ask me the question once.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Are we hardwired to climb all over each other to
get to what we want? Or are we hardwired to
hold the door open for others to get to what
they want? And I think the truth is it depends
on which one you nourish and nurture if you try
to build that habit of kindness and really think consciously
(12:22):
about how would I handle this situation and how would
I handle it if.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
My boss says this to me?
Speaker 3 (12:27):
How how do I reach out to people to tell
them how important they are to me, to remind them
and uplift them of you know, with those great words.
I think if you've cultivated kindness, now it acts like
a compass. Right, you have this great practice methodology and
how it guides you of doing the right things at
(12:50):
the right time for you your people.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
So in that way, it is yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
I mean we've talked about the you know, what's the
nate to humans? You know, way back a long time ago.
If we look at that question through the lens of anthropology,
lone humans didn't live, didn't survive, right, And so we
are actually we're social animals, and so in order to survive,
(13:20):
we need each other, and in order to get along,
we need to be kind. So this the the ego
and the anger and the and all of that other stuff.
I thought, my personal opinion is that is a reflection
of something wrong. Right, So not not like there's something
wrong with you, I mean like something's something's happening that
we need to fix, because the truth is we are
(13:43):
social animals and and lone humans don't survive emotionally, spiritually, physically,
we just don't survive. And so that, you know, I
just wanted to kind of add that to the mix.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
So I completely agree and I just have to put
the exclamation point on it. People are fascinating and wonderful
and why would we cut ourselves off from all these
amazing other entities that are.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Available to us.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
So the kinder you are, the more you cultivate them
into that clutch that's going to be with you.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Yes. So let's take all of this that we've talked
about and let's apply it to authors. So you're an author,
how do you see a kindness coming into the life
of the author to help authors create the success that
they want.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
I think an awful lot of it is knowing who
you are. If you are kind enough to yourself, you
try to reflect, learn who you are, and you try
to be honest about it. There are times when you
have unkind thoughts, and it's honest to be able to
bring that up and think about, what do I actually
(14:58):
think about this person who comes to my you know, uh,
my dinner parties and kind of annoying. What do I
think about how do I handle that? Being real about
that makes it possible for you then to write your truth.
I think until you don't know yourself well enough or
you're not willing to admit some of those harder things
(15:18):
and scarier things and shame filled things until you're ready
to write that stuff, or until you're ready to investigate
that stuff.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
You're not ready to write that stuff.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Yeah, so that's the first step.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Yeah, the first.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Step is yeah, yeah, it's it's knowing yourself. And then
the next step is being able to reflect and do
journal entries.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Right, I don't know if you know the artist's way.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
Yes, you write those three pages every morning to just
get going.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
I think that's another big step.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Yeah. Yeah, and about dumping out just like dumping everything
out right, you can get to put it, put the
negative down on and you know, move it away positive too.
But yes, absolutely, Okay. So the idea of self exploration
and what I love about that answer is that's a
lot of what writers do, even when they're writing fiction.
(16:15):
I work with nonfiction authors, but even when writing fiction,
a lot of authors are exploring their ideas, their opinions,
their philosophy to doward life. And so I actually I
love that. So, you know, explore self was step one, right,
explore self, and then once you understand yourself, reflect on
(16:37):
who that is. Now let's talk about you know, so
I know who I am. I've been reflecting on that.
But that doesn't mean it's not difficult. It doesn't mean
I'm not going to get fifty rejections from publishers, or
have setbacks, or or get a bad review online somewhere.
So how can we then kind of use all of
(17:02):
this to help us through these things that often happen
to authors?
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Right, So part of my kindness compass is to remind
myself never to read the comments. If somebody is commenting
on my Amazon book or something that I wrote online,
or another product that.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
I have provided to the world, they may hate it,
they may love it.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
I'm not really sure that that matters either way. What
I'm hopeful is that I've spoken my truth and that
truth matters to some subset of the population. And if
it matters to them, now I've really found my people.
I've found my target audience. And so part of all
of this kindness is kindness to yourself.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
To remember, if I wouldn't.
Speaker 3 (17:53):
Have asked them for their advice, then why would I
trust them with critique?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Hmmm, So that's a piece of it.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Yes, Yes, I've also I've given the advice to authors
when it comes to comments and reviews, don't read your own,
get someone else to read them, and have them summarize
all the good and all the people, all the things
people love about it. And then if you do get
the same comment over and over and over again, like
the book's repetitive or something, you know your your friend
(18:27):
can give you this information but in a and you
know they can frame it in a way that doesn't
you know that you get the information, but it's not devastating.
So that's that's a suggestion I have made to people
in the past is let other people, yeah help you. Yeah,
I think.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
That's a great suggestion. I think the other thing is
if you don't have a friend available, then one of
the AI's that are out there, you can cut and
paste it all in there and you can say, here's
what I want to know.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
What are the comment and good themes, what are the things.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
That are suggestions for improvement? And then just read the
summaries just AI told you, because it's not going to
lie to you, but it will also try to frame
it the way you ask it to frame it.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yes, exactly, great great advice. Great advice. So as we
wrap up my audience, they always appreciate some takeaways things
that they can do now apply in their own lives,
in their own author career to create momentum around you know,
applying kindness in their lives and in their author careers
(19:34):
to create even more success. Could you give us just
like a couple of suggestions.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Sure?
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Absolutely. Number one is self care. If at the end
of your very hard work week, you haven't made a
ton of meals and paid the bills, and driven places
and gone to the dentist, oh my gosh, when is
the time for you to just be silent and quiet
with yourself and careful with yourself. When is the time
for you to meditate or get in a hot tub
(20:03):
or do something that's really glorious for you. So I
think self care can never be understated.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Do that.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
I think another big thing to do is to be reflective,
take time to journal. I think that that is a
great way of being kind to yourself. And then one
of the last things to remember is that bad words
on a page are better than no words on a page. Yes, so,
(20:33):
if you are writing stuff, it can be imperfect and
even terrible, as long as you're getting it out there.
The magic happens in the editing. The magic happens when
you reflect on it and think about it and come
back the next day or two days later, or have
somebody else look at it. So yeah, just give yourself
a break and just write and write in right now.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Yes, I agree. If diamond miners went into a mine
and only saw Cole and they were refused to dig
through the coal, we wouldn't have diamonds. And that's and
that's what writing is about.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Right.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
We shovel a lot of coal, which is useful. Cole's useful.
It's useful, but we're looking for the diamonds. But you
got to shove a lot of coal to get to
the diamonds. So that's how I think about writing. Yes, beautiful, Michael.
You know, if people want to learn about you, they
can go to our future is kind dot com? Is that?
(21:27):
Is that right?
Speaker 2 (21:28):
The best place to go?
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Yeah, Eryl, excellent, beautiful. Any final words as we wrap up,
I just.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
I really appreciate the work that you're doing. I love
the Carl Sagan quote about books being a window into
the mind of other humans that you may never have met,
possibly from thousands of years ago.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
I love that idea.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
So the fact that you are highlighting different authors' works
so that we kind of get the nitty gritty.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
Oh, I love it. Thank you so much for what
you do.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
You're absolutely welcome. I absolutely love my job. Love what
I do too. Thank you so much everyone for joining
us today at author Nation. I hope this conversation has
inspired you and giving you some insights into bringing more
kindness into your world, more kindness into your author journey,
and especially more kindness to yourself. So remember to visit
(22:20):
authoranation dot online to unlock a wealth of resources designed
to support your growth. And of course, we always appreciate
your feedback and your support, So if you've enjoyed this episode,
please consider leaving a comment or review, and don't forget
to share it with a fellow author who will benefit
from this episode because your participation helps us continue delivering
(22:42):
the insights and the tools you need to succeed. So
keep writing, keep creating, and keep sharing your unique stories
with the world.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
A
Hello, and welcome to author a Nation. Today we're diving
into kindness and how kindness can help you navigate your
author career. I'm your host, Meladan, and I'm here to
guide you towards actionable insights and strategies that will help
you succeed as an author. Toward that. You can visit
author Nation online to access a treasure trove of resources
(00:30):
created just for you nonfiction authors. So whether you're sitting
on your morning coffee or whining down or after a
long day, settle in and let me introduce our guest.
Michael Nie is a visionary leader, author, and entrepreneur who
believes that kindness is the key to building a future
we all want to live in. His wide ranging experience
(00:51):
includes leadership and educational roles in traditional corporate settings, as
well as planetariums, where he has delivered more than seven
hundred and fifty sessions Above the world, wonders of the Universe,
and the curiosity invoked by space exploration. Michael has developed
a unique approach to helping teams thrive by talking about
highness through a cosmic lens. Michael is the author of
(01:13):
Inkind Consciously Craft a Meaningful Life and career and the
host of the podcast Our Future is Kind, where he
interviews executives, futurists, politicians, artists, writers, and community leaders to
help his audience ponder what should the future be like,
who will be there? How can we craft it carefully
into what we want and deserve. Let's welcome Michael. Well, Michael,
(01:37):
how are you today?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Doing great? Thank you so much for having me on melody.
I'm looking forward to it.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
I'm thrilled to here. I actually you, Kindness is I
believe something that is incredibly important in our world. And
in fact, I have this little strategy maybe you want
to talk about it. I have this little strategy that
if something upsets me and I'm a bit grumpy, I
go out of my way to be kind to people.
So if somebody upsets me, I'll open the door for
(02:06):
the next people or you know. And it's actually, it's
a really great way to shift yourself back into that
non grumpy state that you know, the more content state.
So that's my little that's my little kindness kindness tip
of the day. Yeah, what inspired you to write in
(02:28):
kind and how did your experiences shape the book's message.
I would just want to dive into the book.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Sure yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
I wrote in Kind because I've been in so many
different roles in so many different careers, and what I
found was I enjoyed doing honorable work, but I was
also just csmarized people. That's where the fun is, that's
where the magic is. And there were so many times
when I found that people were very kind where they
(02:57):
were very unkind, and those were the most memorable times. Right,
you have all of those long stretches in between you know,
a project or you know, some tasks that you're doing,
but it's when people really they bend over backwards to
try to help you, just like your kindness strategy of
oh gosh, I need to.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Snap out of this.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
I'm going to hold the door open for the you
know several people having having those moments where somebody really
reached out to you and.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Did you up.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
That's what was the big motivation for the book, because
I kept thinking, gosh, don't we all need more kindness
and shouldn't we find ways of bringing it into everything
that we do. And there's so many just tip tricks
and strategies, so many ways of being reflective that I
wanted to include in the book as ways to give
(03:45):
a gift to the world, you know, so that people
could say, oh, I have I have an idea of
what to do. Now I'm not stuck anymore, and I'm not,
you know, dreading work tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Because I have ideas of what to do. So that's
that's big information.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Yeah, it's interesting you said, the things I remember are
the people who were kind and the people who are unkind,
So you remember the extremes right on your end exactly.
So let's talk a little bit about ego, yes, and
ego management, you know, because you talk a lot about
it in the book. And my question is this, how
(04:25):
do you see ego commonly manifesting? And when it does manifest,
what are some strategies that we might be able to
use to help ourselves with that.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
It's such a good question. Yeah, that's It's something that
I think haunts all of us, that we all think
of ourselves as ging beings. We are feeling beings, and
that's just the truth of it. Even the people who say, oh, feelings,
they don't matter, you know, your feelings are our bogus,
they usually say with an awful lot of heft and
(05:01):
a lot of anger. So when I when I think
about ego. It's usually manifesting itself in terms of an
overblown sense of self that's not I think of it
at least, and that's where I shouldn't stand in this line.
Why is this person.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Cutting me off and going faster on the highway?
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Why didn't my boss give me that really great promotion
that gave it to this other person who doesn't work?
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Is hard?
Speaker 3 (05:28):
It's that it's that sense that I shouldn't have to
put up with this. But there's the flip side of
the ego, which is where you think everybody's watching your
every move. They're ready to mock you and make fun
of you because you're making bad choices and whatever. You know,
the things that you look in the mirror you don't
like about yourself, those are the things you're afraid other
(05:49):
people are gonna notice. And so ego can come out
in those forms where you're telling yourself, Oh, I'm awesome
or oh I'm terrible. It's somewhere in between. So the
best way to handle it when your own ego is
out of check is to really think, you know, am
(06:11):
I approaching this situation in a way that's.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Kind of even with the situation.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
If somebody cuts you off in traffic. Are you thinking
about chasing them and following them to their home and
writing down their life's number, or are you just a
little bit miffed? Are you just a little bit upset?
So so check, you know, is my emotional reaction outsized?
I guess that's a big way of thinking about it.
(06:37):
And the other side is true too. You find out
a colleague not a big promotion and you didn't, Oh,
is it really the end of the world? The things
haven't really changed that much between yesterday and today when
you found out Is it really that big difference? When
somebody else's ego is out of check, that's when you
(06:58):
can employ some other stratgy jeez, which is you can
pull them out of their little world into the world
of reality by just saying, hey, how are you doing?
What's going on in your world? They're really really upset.
You say, Hey, let's pause this meeting, Let's let's do
this right now, let's come back when we're all fresh.
It's great that we're all so passionate about this.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Right.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
So it's it's it's intervening with yourself or intervening with
the other person and just trying to remind them, Hey,
it's not the best thing in the world. It's not
the worst thing in the world. It's probably somewhere in between.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Yeah, And since I'm a words person, I want to
point out that one of the things, one of the
things that usually I hear people say that doesn't work
is what's wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
That is good advice.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Don't have that I liked you didn't ask that you
you asked, like, what's going on in your world today? Right,
that's it's a very it's a neutral question. Right.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Being authentically curious about the other person is.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Helpful, exactly, exactly. Sometimes I think that when ego comes up,
people are kind of acting as though they're important because
they have a lot of beliefs about themselves that include
not being important. Do you think that's true.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
I think it's absolutely true. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Depending on what soup you were swimming around in as
you were being raised, you could believe all kinds of things. Again,
I bring us back to the idea that we're all
emotional creatures who occasionally have a good thought. When you're
being raised, it's hard to tell what's emotional truth and
what's actual truth. Yes, I should have an emotional truth
(08:48):
that we never have enough money and we should be
panicked about money all the time, because I used to
hear my parents argue about money when in fact they
may have been fabulously wealthy, but they were talking about
the minutia of something. And so for me, I'm panicked
about money all the time. Right, So many other you know,
(09:10):
limiting beliefs like that, you know, beliefs that are based
in in motion rather than an actuality, so many other things.
I think you said one of them, which is I'm
not enough or or I don't matter, something along those lines,
And I think a lot of us fall into that
one where you know, somebody doesn't applaud loudly enough for
(09:31):
you at your violin recital when you're ten, or somebody
laughs but at the wrong time when you're telling a joke. Right,
It's it's those moments where you start to build up
a narrative of Oh, wow, I'm lacking, I'm not doing
a great job.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Fighting be thiefs is a big deal.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
And that's where ego pops up. Right, So limiting beliefs
in ego are somewhat connected, aren't they.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Oh? Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
I think that's that's a observation, because if you're being
guided by those emotions and they're not really based in reality, yeah,
you could have that overblown reaction.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Yeah exactly. So what do we do about our limited
but limiting beliefs?
Speaker 3 (10:16):
I think step number one is to try to identify them.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
There are so.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Many good surveys that are out there on the internet.
I included one that's in my book that just gives
you statements and you have to read the statement and
try to think, does this resonate with me? Am I
having a really big reaction when I read this right now?
I need to be thin, I need to be taller.
(10:41):
I don't belong.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
If you're reading.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Through these and you identify four or five or six
that you're like, wow, those are my big ones, that's
step one two and is to dissect it and say
where did this come from? And then you know that
it's something that you sometimes bring with you to the
grocery store or to a meeting or to you know,
(11:04):
some time with your loved ones. And so now, oh, okay,
so I bring this idea of I don't belong, and
now I'm going out on movie night with my wife.
Oh you know, let me, let me think about that
when we make sure that that's not just bubbling up
and then I'm mad at her for no good reason
because I just happened to bring this with me everywhere.
(11:27):
So identify them next to you, then say.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Where did they come from?
Speaker 3 (11:31):
And then third you try to think about them consciously
when you're in a situation. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
I love that, and so let's let's now add kindness
to the to the soup to the mix. So the
principle of kindness you've talked about how it can help
act as a compass right for navigating these types of challenges.
So how does that work?
Speaker 2 (11:54):
I had somebody ask me the question once.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Are we hardwired to climb all over each other to
get to what we want? Or are we hardwired to
hold the door open for others to get to what
they want? And I think the truth is it depends
on which one you nourish and nurture if you try
to build that habit of kindness and really think consciously
(12:22):
about how would I handle this situation and how would
I handle it if.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
My boss says this to me?
Speaker 3 (12:27):
How how do I reach out to people to tell
them how important they are to me, to remind them
and uplift them of you know, with those great words.
I think if you've cultivated kindness, now it acts like
a compass. Right, you have this great practice methodology and
how it guides you of doing the right things at
(12:50):
the right time for you your people.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
So in that way, it is yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
I mean we've talked about the you know, what's the
nate to humans? You know, way back a long time ago.
If we look at that question through the lens of anthropology,
lone humans didn't live, didn't survive, right, And so we
are actually we're social animals, and so in order to survive,
(13:20):
we need each other, and in order to get along,
we need to be kind. So this the the ego
and the anger and the and all of that other stuff.
I thought, my personal opinion is that is a reflection
of something wrong. Right, So not not like there's something
wrong with you, I mean like something's something's happening that
we need to fix, because the truth is we are
(13:43):
social animals and and lone humans don't survive emotionally, spiritually, physically,
we just don't survive. And so that, you know, I
just wanted to kind of add that to the mix.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
So I completely agree and I just have to put
the exclamation point on it. People are fascinating and wonderful
and why would we cut ourselves off from all these
amazing other entities that are.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Available to us.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
So the kinder you are, the more you cultivate them
into that clutch that's going to be with you.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Yes. So let's take all of this that we've talked
about and let's apply it to authors. So you're an author,
how do you see a kindness coming into the life
of the author to help authors create the success that
they want.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
I think an awful lot of it is knowing who
you are. If you are kind enough to yourself, you
try to reflect, learn who you are, and you try
to be honest about it. There are times when you
have unkind thoughts, and it's honest to be able to
bring that up and think about, what do I actually
(14:58):
think about this person who comes to my you know, uh,
my dinner parties and kind of annoying. What do I
think about how do I handle that? Being real about
that makes it possible for you then to write your truth.
I think until you don't know yourself well enough or
you're not willing to admit some of those harder things
(15:18):
and scarier things and shame filled things until you're ready
to write that stuff, or until you're ready to investigate
that stuff.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
You're not ready to write that stuff.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Yeah, so that's the first step.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Yeah, the first.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Step is yeah, yeah, it's it's knowing yourself. And then
the next step is being able to reflect and do
journal entries.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Right, I don't know if you know the artist's way.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
Yes, you write those three pages every morning to just
get going.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
I think that's another big step.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Yeah. Yeah, and about dumping out just like dumping everything
out right, you can get to put it, put the
negative down on and you know, move it away positive too.
But yes, absolutely, Okay. So the idea of self exploration
and what I love about that answer is that's a
lot of what writers do, even when they're writing fiction.
(16:15):
I work with nonfiction authors, but even when writing fiction,
a lot of authors are exploring their ideas, their opinions,
their philosophy to doward life. And so I actually I
love that. So, you know, explore self was step one, right,
explore self, and then once you understand yourself, reflect on
(16:37):
who that is. Now let's talk about you know, so
I know who I am. I've been reflecting on that.
But that doesn't mean it's not difficult. It doesn't mean
I'm not going to get fifty rejections from publishers, or
have setbacks, or or get a bad review online somewhere.
So how can we then kind of use all of
(17:02):
this to help us through these things that often happen
to authors?
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Right, So part of my kindness compass is to remind
myself never to read the comments. If somebody is commenting
on my Amazon book or something that I wrote online,
or another product that.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
I have provided to the world, they may hate it,
they may love it.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
I'm not really sure that that matters either way. What
I'm hopeful is that I've spoken my truth and that
truth matters to some subset of the population. And if
it matters to them, now I've really found my people.
I've found my target audience. And so part of all
of this kindness is kindness to yourself.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
To remember, if I wouldn't.
Speaker 3 (17:53):
Have asked them for their advice, then why would I
trust them with critique?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Hmmm, So that's a piece of it.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Yes, Yes, I've also I've given the advice to authors
when it comes to comments and reviews, don't read your own,
get someone else to read them, and have them summarize
all the good and all the people, all the things
people love about it. And then if you do get
the same comment over and over and over again, like
the book's repetitive or something, you know your your friend
(18:27):
can give you this information but in a and you
know they can frame it in a way that doesn't
you know that you get the information, but it's not devastating.
So that's that's a suggestion I have made to people
in the past is let other people, yeah help you. Yeah,
I think.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
That's a great suggestion. I think the other thing is
if you don't have a friend available, then one of
the AI's that are out there, you can cut and
paste it all in there and you can say, here's
what I want to know.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
What are the comment and good themes, what are the things.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
That are suggestions for improvement? And then just read the
summaries just AI told you, because it's not going to
lie to you, but it will also try to frame
it the way you ask it to frame it.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yes, exactly, great great advice. Great advice. So as we
wrap up my audience, they always appreciate some takeaways things
that they can do now apply in their own lives,
in their own author career to create momentum around you know,
applying kindness in their lives and in their author careers
(19:34):
to create even more success. Could you give us just
like a couple of suggestions.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Sure?
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Absolutely. Number one is self care. If at the end
of your very hard work week, you haven't made a
ton of meals and paid the bills, and driven places
and gone to the dentist, oh my gosh, when is
the time for you to just be silent and quiet
with yourself and careful with yourself. When is the time
for you to meditate or get in a hot tub
(20:03):
or do something that's really glorious for you. So I
think self care can never be understated.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Do that.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
I think another big thing to do is to be reflective,
take time to journal. I think that that is a
great way of being kind to yourself. And then one
of the last things to remember is that bad words
on a page are better than no words on a page. Yes, so,
(20:33):
if you are writing stuff, it can be imperfect and
even terrible, as long as you're getting it out there.
The magic happens in the editing. The magic happens when
you reflect on it and think about it and come
back the next day or two days later, or have
somebody else look at it. So yeah, just give yourself
a break and just write and write in right now.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Yes, I agree. If diamond miners went into a mine
and only saw Cole and they were refused to dig
through the coal, we wouldn't have diamonds. And that's and
that's what writing is about.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Right.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
We shovel a lot of coal, which is useful. Cole's useful.
It's useful, but we're looking for the diamonds. But you
got to shove a lot of coal to get to
the diamonds. So that's how I think about writing. Yes, beautiful, Michael.
You know, if people want to learn about you, they
can go to our future is kind dot com? Is that?
(21:27):
Is that right?
Speaker 2 (21:28):
The best place to go?
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Yeah, Eryl, excellent, beautiful. Any final words as we wrap up,
I just.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
I really appreciate the work that you're doing. I love
the Carl Sagan quote about books being a window into
the mind of other humans that you may never have met,
possibly from thousands of years ago.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
I love that idea.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
So the fact that you are highlighting different authors' works
so that we kind of get the nitty gritty.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
Oh, I love it. Thank you so much for what
you do.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
You're absolutely welcome. I absolutely love my job. Love what
I do too. Thank you so much everyone for joining
us today at author Nation. I hope this conversation has
inspired you and giving you some insights into bringing more
kindness into your world, more kindness into your author journey,
and especially more kindness to yourself. So remember to visit
(22:20):
authoranation dot online to unlock a wealth of resources designed
to support your growth. And of course, we always appreciate
your feedback and your support, So if you've enjoyed this episode,
please consider leaving a comment or review, and don't forget
to share it with a fellow author who will benefit
from this episode because your participation helps us continue delivering
(22:42):
the insights and the tools you need to succeed. So
keep writing, keep creating, and keep sharing your unique stories
with the world.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
A
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