May 31, 2024 • 28 mins
Please enjoy Expectant Father a great episode of the legendaryAvalon Time radio show - A Classic Old Time radio Show - OTR
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
For e A f New York eightthirty pm. B U l O V
A boulevard watch time bull of amasterpiece of fine watchmaking. A pack of
Avalon cigarettes. Please, yes,sir, just a moment, sir,
(00:26):
don't forget your change. You'd neverguess that avalons cost you less. Why
not alway Avalon Good evening, Queens, good evening. This is call King
saying welcome to Avalon Time, featuringradio's redheaded Ragamuffin Richard red Skeldon with Dick
(00:52):
todd Edna stillwell the poor puff buthercules band over the Avalon course, and
Bob Strong and his orchestra comes nowcomes to the orchestra. Avalons are entirely
(02:46):
different from any other cigarette on themarket today because they give you both outstanding
quality and exceptional money saving economy.Avalons are Union made from the very finest
Turkish and domestic tobacco. In fact, you couldn't get finer quality tobaccos in
any other cigarette, regardless of price, regardless of brands, and you get
(03:08):
this unsurpassed quality in Avalons for threeto five cents less, yes, three
to five cents less per pack thanother popular price brands avalons are the outstanding
cigarette value on the market. Trya pack tonight. That muffled noise,
(03:35):
ladies and gentlemen is from the closet. There's usually a skeleton in the closet
that's a family secret. But wehave a skeleton in our closet that are
public nutance. So here he isnow that hambone of contention, red skeleton.
Thank you very much, greeting peopleand everybody, and happy birthday Thackery
(03:58):
Zackery whose packery? It's a newrider del but sure as opposed to start
the show off by saying something funny. Now that's why I told packeray,
well, what do you do?Take orders from your rider? Who meet?
Take orders from factory? Who wasthat red? That was Packery?
I mean that he's a tough lookingmug. Come you hired him? Well,
(04:23):
I had to. He applied forthe job by sending me threatening script.
I should have found out more abouthim. Well as he ever written
for radio Oh sure he wrote allthe no talking signs at Radio City.
Look here's one of the jokes hewrote for me. A dark complexed lady
was standing by a green gate,and a little boy in a red hat,
(04:44):
brown shirt blue pants rides by ona bicycle, and the dark complexed
lady says, my ma, yousure can ride that bicycle. That laugh,
one laugh, lady, And Juninwas furnished by factory. Everybody laughs
at his own jokes. Ought tohave his head examine, buy a head
hunter. Hey, it ain't bad. I mean, oh, Helen,
(05:10):
Hey, where you been? I'vebeen out walking with Dick Todd? And
does he attract attention from the girl? Well, so, wad I attract
the attention of girls when I walkup to speak myself? Yeah? But
he does it without whistling. Where'dyou go? With Dick? We went
over to the hospital to see hissister the hospital saying, maybe you shouldn't
have come over here among all thesepeople. Maybe she's got something that's contagious.
(05:30):
I don't think so. She hastwins, say that's what our's life
of life is about tonight and expectinghis father say as soon as Dick Todd
gets here, we'll do it,like where is pod anyhow you don't show
up, I'll sing the song myselfafter a fashion as fashion went out after
your ancestors, come out of thetrees and learn to talk. So you're
(05:54):
here a hell, I want tosing a song, I'll sing it young,
getting sick of getting pushed around here. Wow, it looks like we're
gonna have an exhibition of a littlespunk tonight. Spunk. That ain't the
way I wrote it. Yeah,things, I can't give you anything but
(06:18):
love, baby, That's the onlything I'm plenty of, baby, dream
of wile, steam of while we'resure to find happiness. And I guess
all those things you've always pine forsee, I'd like to see you looking
(06:42):
swell baby, Diamond bracelest full workdoesn't sell baby, you're that lucky,
you know, darn well, Baby, I can't give you anything love.
(07:18):
I can't give you anything but lowbaby, that's the only thing I'm plenty
of, baby, streamobile, schemobiles. We're sure to find happiness. Then,
(07:38):
I guess all those things you've alwayspineforned, see, I'd like to
see you looking swell baby, diamondbracelets, wolf world doesn't sell baby,
so bad lucky day, you know, darn well, baby, I can't
(08:01):
give you anything but longe. Thatwas I can't give you anything but love,
baby, sung by Dick Tod darnit. And now we come to
our short playlet about things that reallyhappen in everyday life, things that you
do and that I do, infact, everybody does. And tonight's life
(08:24):
life is about the troubles that youngfathers have while waiting for a blessed Is
that you set the scene there?Okay, the time just before midnight.
The place a hospital somewhere in yourhometown. The nurse is played by Edna
Stillwell. The expectant father is playedby Red Skelton, who has never been
so nervous before. In fact,he is really a nervous wreck ever since
Winchell told him about it. Whyhospital Z owned? Doctor Jones wanted in
(08:48):
surgery, Doctor Brown wanted in surgery. Doctor Smith wanted in surgery. Doctor
Green wanted in surgery. Don't forgetthe cards, boys, she how can
they played cards at a time likethis? Stay sleep in the daytime.
Now, listen, mister Skelton,I told you you can't bring all that
stuff in this hospital. Now youjust take that catcher's glove and that football
(09:11):
outside. But yeah, and thatmotorcycle too. Oh, gim my kid's
gotta have something to play with whenhe gets here. Anything just set around
twiddly thumbs you know you think youlike this baseball bat. Supposing it's a
girl, Well, then i'll wait. No, she starts going to high
school before I give her the bat. She'll need it then, or she's
good looking. Not just keep calm. You look nervous. Oh I'm not
(09:33):
nervous. Gee, I wish Ihad my knee pads on. Has Junior
arrived yet? No? But whenhe does, whom shall I say?
Called mister Skelton here, I'll justleave my Hey, I know he can
read. Listen if you can hecan, Well, I think i'll wait.
Any is the doctor here? No, he's out right now. Oh
(09:58):
got a case I'll play. Youshould see her? Say this doctor.
He's a good doctor and he good? You know the five couldn't Yeah,
they're cute. An say, haveyou ever been in this hospital before?
Yeah? I was born here?My you put on weight, haven't you?
(10:20):
She? I'm so excited. Youget me mixed up. I don't
even know what I'm doing. Gosh, she whizz Say do you think the
baby will look like me? What? He wouldn't? Dare? Well?
You know I was the picture ofmy father. I had my father's eyes,
his nose, he's hair, andhis teeth. Where's your father now?
He's home looking pray, say goodevening, nurse. How are you
(10:45):
doctor? Oh doctor, this ismister Skelton, s Kevin Skelton. Oh
whees, I suppose it was sentover by the museum. No, I'm
Richard Skelton, expectant father. Ohyes, yes, yes, you're all
the fellow who get gave me thelittle pig bang full of pennies for a
down page. Yeah. See,you know I found funny thirty dollars down
(11:05):
and five dollars a month. Soundlike buying an automobile. I am,
How are you feel well? Notso good? Doc? I know,
I know, I know what you'regoing through, and I hope I never
have to go through it again.You know, sometimes I doubt if women
(11:26):
realize what we follothers have to gothrough. I have three children, you
know, oh you four things?Is this is the first time for you
to hear the sound of little footstepsaround the house. Now I've been hearing
this sound a little footsteps for ayear now. They're my wife's brother.
He's a midget. Nurse. Iwant to talk to you alone, were
(11:50):
alone. I just wanted to tellyou keep your eye on this. Ikeyhikey.
He's getting the jim jam jumping jivewith a slight dash of chop chop
chop. So if he starts toswing out with the boogie woogie, call
(12:11):
maybe before the joint starts jumping.Okay, hep cat take it away.
He's a squell guy because you knowa lot about medicine. Dotty. Why
he sat through every doctor killed theirpicture twice? Geez? He must be
good kid. Drink this? Iknow you don't. Ah know you don't.
(12:33):
Now come on and drinking. Ohno, I got one of those
the other night. Don't be silly. If something to quiet your nerves.
Oh my nerves are quiet. Ibuzz like this all the time. Now
come on like a good little man. All right, you want to chase
it? I don't think anything couldcatch that stuff. By the way,
(13:00):
do you know anything about having achild around the house? Sure I do.
I've been reading the Karen feeding ababy and Blondie. I'll bet you
were a noisy little baby. OhI wasn't either. I didn't utter a
sound until I was a year old. Really, how come? Oh?
I was bashful? I was ashamedopen my mouth. I didn't want my
mother to know I didn't have anyteeth. See, I'll bet Junior will
(13:22):
be smarter than I was. I'lltake that bet. Yeah, is that
my nerves? That's the doctor hewants me. I'll be right back.
Not here. You just sit downand figure out what you're gonna tell Junior.
After all, everything's gonna be newto him, and you might learn
something too. I never thought ofthat. She d it wonderful me your
father, Well, my son won'tgo to that old reform school. You'll
(13:46):
go to the new one like Idid. Don't get excited. We don't
stand there, nurse tell me,well speak ause gf Rowlet's saint a movie
you know? Oh no, wellthat's a double feet double feature. Twins?
Ohkych, I'm gonna thaink why youhaven't even seen them yet? Ye?
(14:09):
Twins? See two of them?Huh gosh, not only knitted one
sweater? Here? Something? Wouldyou like to see the twins? Yeah?
Wheel me over, docs get herunful little? Ain't they he looks
at him. Ain't they ugly?Yes? And they're all your Yeah?
(14:31):
Where did they get that terrific sunburn? Gee? Ain't they ugly? But
I guess Oh, boys are uglylike that when they're little hunt docs fair
girls. Yeah, girls, areyou kidding? Oh my goodness, both
of them girls. What's the matter. What's the matter? Look at them,
two girls, and they're both ballheaded. And now our four parts
(15:05):
work themselves up to the four windsand get ready to go fly a kite.
It's from the star maker, singit kiss, So fly a high?
(15:39):
How you probles to the head,every going away, so so far
away by him every game, Gofly a high stems to the wind,
and they won't come back there beto shut no one. Make friends with
the sky and have a long,long time for the sun. It's all
(16:00):
right way at this way. Ifyou want the fun old you don't fly
a kie. You imagine your rope. Oh you got your world on a
piece of thing. Don't fire,kid, You imagine your roqety b propably
(16:30):
high. Oh your troubles away.You got your little world on a piece
of thing. Don't want fire.Time, Ladies and gentlemen, did you
hear what the ghost of twenty yearsago said about avalon cigarettes? What it
said? Twenty years we didn't haveavalon a cigarette. We couldn't think it's
(16:57):
bad in that big save. Buttoday I take the Avalone wherever I go.
I don't forget my change. Yes, friends, and when you buy
Avalon cigarettes, don't forget your change. You see, Avalons cost three to
(17:19):
five cents less per pact than otherpopular price brands, a repeated savings that
will let you many many extra dollarsin mighty short orders. But without knowing
you'd never get, Avalons cost youless their highest quality through and through,
So tonight try Avalon cigarettes. DickTodd in the Avalon chorus, thing out
(17:48):
with a new Western ballad. Southof the Border, south of the bar
gow Mexico. That's where I fellin love, when stars of all came
out to play. And now asI wandered my thought ever stray south of
(18:15):
the border, down Mexico, downMexico Way, she was a picture in
all spanishly Spanish, just for atender while I kissed a smile upon her
(18:36):
face. Lauren was fierce, andwe were so gay when down of the
border, down Mexico, down Mexico. Then she sighed as she whispered mignonna
(18:57):
ever reading, and I lost asI whispered, Mananna forout to my roll
verk out of the border, myroll back one day back having a vale
(19:18):
of war by candlelights. We knowto pray, consh and bells told me
and I mustn't stand, mustn't standof the border down Mexico, Mexico.
(19:41):
My I A I A A IA A I I I A backward south
(20:07):
of the border, sung by DickTodd and ablely assisted by the Avalon course.
There was a small arrangement too,Dick a real Western style. Sounds
like it was arranged by the lonearranger. I don't think that was much
of a Joe brad Well, personally, I don't either. But it's one
of factories, and I think they'llget better later on. I sent for
another writer. Oh well, whatabout that? Now he comes over to
(20:30):
night. Well, if he's good, will you fire factory? Well maybe?
Well, what time of contract doyou have with it? Well,
it's just the usual thing, astraight ninety nine year contract. Don't forget
the option. But confidentially, BillI sneaked in a cancellation clause in the
That was smart, Red. Buthow can you break the contract by dying
before him? And he's five brothers. I wouldn't mind so much. But
(20:52):
he lives at my house. Heeats my food, sleeps my bed,
where's my clothes? Even goes outwith my girl. Don't you ever ever
had time for yourself? Only whenhe sends me on errands? Hey's Countain,
tell that gag I might about youruncle. I can't do it,
Sachary. We're out of the hospitalnow. I could arrange to get you
back in. Okay, okay,I'll tell it. My uncle Dell was
(21:15):
so crooked, and lay off thead lib. My uncle Dale was so
crooked. I went in. Hewent into a hospital for a next ray
and they found his bones were loaded. A think that, Ma's cautin and
Betty. Soon you'll be somebody onthis program. After next week's program,
(21:37):
I'll be the little man who wasn'tthere. Hey, I got another swell
gag for you, Captain about thejerk. No, please, please,
Sachery, not that. We justgot a letter from the sponsors saying that
the jerk has been terribly overworked onthis program. Does that mean if Celton
gets a vacation? Yeah? Sorry, Nick, I wish that other author
would get here. He writes cleverstuff, sophisticated sketches. Ah, I
(22:02):
not a writer. Huh yeah,what do they look like? I don't
know factory. I have never metthe man, and I'm going outside,
So if anybody shows up in theair with till broken arms, I'll be
him. Oh why did I everhire that guy? I can write my
own jokes. I don't need anybody. She had a lot of energy.
Or when I get going on aregular human domino? You mean human dynamo?
(22:22):
Oh domino, I see spots beforemy eyes. That's probably the author.
Now come in, boy, amI glad you got? Well?
Are you a writer? When Iain't? But Cocky's first reader? Thank
you, Leson author? Oh heavenjest, that's a skelton. I'm the
pull of surprise package from Peorias.Well, the first thing I want to
(22:45):
know Herky is are you original?Well? I ain't a reasonably exact facsimile?
And do I work hard? Andthat's the skelton? Why I sat
down at my typewrider and whacked andclacked like I hacked for five days and
night. I suppose when you finishyour head masterpiece, No, I forgot
to put a ribbon in the typewriter. Then you mean you didn't You don't
have a sketch for me? Youhaven't any play? Oh haven't I why
(23:08):
miss their skelting? I've got awonderful original play for you called uh Well,
let's see. I'll give you asynopsis of at first, the play
takes place in Africaus. As thefirst team opens, you're going through the
Suez Canal and the natives are onthe bank of the canal doing a weird
dance. You see, they hoparound with their index fingers waiting in the
air, and they yelled eq eqeq. This dance is called the Suez
(23:32):
eq. This ought to be verygood. And then you've plunge real deep
into the jungle. You go fromyou gg to you bangy. You sure
know you bang Didn't you ever hearof those you bangy women? Yeah?
I know that's the girls with theirlips and their laps. Well, then
(23:52):
you find out they're cannibals, butthey don't eat you because you tell them
you're a missionary. And the missionarieshave taught them that you can't keep a
good man down. So on yougo looking for the white wand warner.
What's the warner wanna? Is whatthey call a white man. It means
master. Oh, but no matterwhere you go, you get the same
(24:14):
answer. Not buana, that meansyes, we have no blonde. I
think I better go out right nowand look for a new sponsor. Oh
no, no, no, yousee, you go on looking for this
white man. Finally you see awhite man in the deepest, darkest part
of darkest Africa, and you walkup to and you say, how about
a light? Oh you till not. You walk up to him and you
(24:37):
say, doctor Livingstone. I presumeit is this is your original story.
Why it certainly is. I'm callingit Stanley and Livingstone. Oh wait,
a man of hercle. Stanley andliving Stone were two real men, real
men. They've already made four movies, six plays, and eighty two radio
sketches about the story. Oh goodheaven, they can't do that to me.
(24:57):
Why that's like? Is that stealing? I better hurry and get a
copyright on my new play. Thenwhat's lame of it? Well? I
call it the Birth of a Nation. Oh they ought to be good too,
But I gotta scram now. Ifyou keep me busy writing for the
masses and misses and muscles and amess, I think I better get out
and find a writer. I presume, Friends, if you've seen the time
(25:27):
when an extra dollar or two wouldcome in mighty handy, you know the
importance the value of money. Thenwhy pay more for your cigarettes when you
can get highest quality in Avalons forthree to five cents less per pack than
other popular price brands. They're guaranteedunsurpassed in quality. You'd never guess they
(25:47):
cost you less. Give Avalons atrial tonight. The cigarettes that give you
so much and cost you so little, Well that I guess that winds up
(27:40):
another one. Yes, read anotherprogram has gone by the board. Yeah,
And I want you to be sureand come of my Halloween party next
week. Dell. We're gonna havea lot of games. We'll duck for
apples and I'll win that, andwe'll play the witch hunt. I'll probably
win that, and then we'll pinthe tail on the donkeys. That's the
game went out stick you, ye, ladies and gentlemen, don't forget that
(28:02):
this is the season when good Americansshow that they're good neighbors by contributing to
their community chess. So let's allbe real good neighbors and give freely.
Good night, everybody, see younext week. By now well, friends,
we're putting our Skelton back in theirclosets for this week, and we
hope that you've enjoyed our show.Be with us next Wednesday night at the
same hour when the Brown and Williamsand Tobacco Corporation again presents Red Skelton,
(28:23):
Dick todd Edna Stillwell and the entiregang at Avalon time. And remember,
friends, during the week, whenyou ask for Avalon cigarettes, don't forget
your change.
For e A f New York eightthirty pm. B U l O V
A boulevard watch time bull of amasterpiece of fine watchmaking. A pack of
Avalon cigarettes. Please, yes,sir, just a moment, sir,
(00:26):
don't forget your change. You'd neverguess that avalons cost you less. Why
not alway Avalon Good evening, Queens, good evening. This is call King
saying welcome to Avalon Time, featuringradio's redheaded Ragamuffin Richard red Skeldon with Dick
(00:52):
todd Edna stillwell the poor puff buthercules band over the Avalon course, and
Bob Strong and his orchestra comes nowcomes to the orchestra. Avalons are entirely
(02:46):
different from any other cigarette on themarket today because they give you both outstanding
quality and exceptional money saving economy.Avalons are Union made from the very finest
Turkish and domestic tobacco. In fact, you couldn't get finer quality tobaccos in
any other cigarette, regardless of price, regardless of brands, and you get
(03:08):
this unsurpassed quality in Avalons for threeto five cents less, yes, three
to five cents less per pack thanother popular price brands avalons are the outstanding
cigarette value on the market. Trya pack tonight. That muffled noise,
(03:35):
ladies and gentlemen is from the closet. There's usually a skeleton in the closet
that's a family secret. But wehave a skeleton in our closet that are
public nutance. So here he isnow that hambone of contention, red skeleton.
Thank you very much, greeting peopleand everybody, and happy birthday Thackery
(03:58):
Zackery whose packery? It's a newrider del but sure as opposed to start
the show off by saying something funny. Now that's why I told packeray,
well, what do you do?Take orders from your rider? Who meet?
Take orders from factory? Who wasthat red? That was Packery?
I mean that he's a tough lookingmug. Come you hired him? Well,
(04:23):
I had to. He applied forthe job by sending me threatening script.
I should have found out more abouthim. Well as he ever written
for radio Oh sure he wrote allthe no talking signs at Radio City.
Look here's one of the jokes hewrote for me. A dark complexed lady
was standing by a green gate,and a little boy in a red hat,
(04:44):
brown shirt blue pants rides by ona bicycle, and the dark complexed
lady says, my ma, yousure can ride that bicycle. That laugh,
one laugh, lady, And Juninwas furnished by factory. Everybody laughs
at his own jokes. Ought tohave his head examine, buy a head
hunter. Hey, it ain't bad. I mean, oh, Helen,
(05:10):
Hey, where you been? I'vebeen out walking with Dick Todd? And
does he attract attention from the girl? Well, so, wad I attract
the attention of girls when I walkup to speak myself? Yeah? But
he does it without whistling. Where'dyou go? With Dick? We went
over to the hospital to see hissister the hospital saying, maybe you shouldn't
have come over here among all thesepeople. Maybe she's got something that's contagious.
(05:30):
I don't think so. She hastwins, say that's what our's life
of life is about tonight and expectinghis father say as soon as Dick Todd
gets here, we'll do it,like where is pod anyhow you don't show
up, I'll sing the song myselfafter a fashion as fashion went out after
your ancestors, come out of thetrees and learn to talk. So you're
(05:54):
here a hell, I want tosing a song, I'll sing it young,
getting sick of getting pushed around here. Wow, it looks like we're
gonna have an exhibition of a littlespunk tonight. Spunk. That ain't the
way I wrote it. Yeah,things, I can't give you anything but
(06:18):
love, baby, That's the onlything I'm plenty of, baby, dream
of wile, steam of while we'resure to find happiness. And I guess
all those things you've always pine forsee, I'd like to see you looking
(06:42):
swell baby, Diamond bracelest full workdoesn't sell baby, you're that lucky,
you know, darn well, Baby, I can't give you anything love.
(07:18):
I can't give you anything but lowbaby, that's the only thing I'm plenty
of, baby, streamobile, schemobiles. We're sure to find happiness. Then,
(07:38):
I guess all those things you've alwayspineforned, see, I'd like to
see you looking swell baby, diamondbracelets, wolf world doesn't sell baby,
so bad lucky day, you know, darn well, baby, I can't
(08:01):
give you anything but longe. Thatwas I can't give you anything but love,
baby, sung by Dick Tod darnit. And now we come to
our short playlet about things that reallyhappen in everyday life, things that you
do and that I do, infact, everybody does. And tonight's life
(08:24):
life is about the troubles that youngfathers have while waiting for a blessed Is
that you set the scene there?Okay, the time just before midnight.
The place a hospital somewhere in yourhometown. The nurse is played by Edna
Stillwell. The expectant father is playedby Red Skelton, who has never been
so nervous before. In fact,he is really a nervous wreck ever since
Winchell told him about it. Whyhospital Z owned? Doctor Jones wanted in
(08:48):
surgery, Doctor Brown wanted in surgery. Doctor Smith wanted in surgery. Doctor
Green wanted in surgery. Don't forgetthe cards, boys, she how can
they played cards at a time likethis? Stay sleep in the daytime.
Now, listen, mister Skelton,I told you you can't bring all that
stuff in this hospital. Now youjust take that catcher's glove and that football
(09:11):
outside. But yeah, and thatmotorcycle too. Oh, gim my kid's
gotta have something to play with whenhe gets here. Anything just set around
twiddly thumbs you know you think youlike this baseball bat. Supposing it's a
girl, Well, then i'll wait. No, she starts going to high
school before I give her the bat. She'll need it then, or she's
good looking. Not just keep calm. You look nervous. Oh I'm not
(09:33):
nervous. Gee, I wish Ihad my knee pads on. Has Junior
arrived yet? No? But whenhe does, whom shall I say?
Called mister Skelton here, I'll justleave my Hey, I know he can
read. Listen if you can hecan, Well, I think i'll wait.
Any is the doctor here? No, he's out right now. Oh
(09:58):
got a case I'll play. Youshould see her? Say this doctor.
He's a good doctor and he good? You know the five couldn't Yeah,
they're cute. An say, haveyou ever been in this hospital before?
Yeah? I was born here?My you put on weight, haven't you?
(10:20):
She? I'm so excited. Youget me mixed up. I don't
even know what I'm doing. Gosh, she whizz Say do you think the
baby will look like me? What? He wouldn't? Dare? Well?
You know I was the picture ofmy father. I had my father's eyes,
his nose, he's hair, andhis teeth. Where's your father now?
He's home looking pray, say goodevening, nurse. How are you
(10:45):
doctor? Oh doctor, this ismister Skelton, s Kevin Skelton. Oh
whees, I suppose it was sentover by the museum. No, I'm
Richard Skelton, expectant father. Ohyes, yes, yes, you're all
the fellow who get gave me thelittle pig bang full of pennies for a
down page. Yeah. See,you know I found funny thirty dollars down
(11:05):
and five dollars a month. Soundlike buying an automobile. I am,
How are you feel well? Notso good? Doc? I know,
I know, I know what you'regoing through, and I hope I never
have to go through it again.You know, sometimes I doubt if women
(11:26):
realize what we follothers have to gothrough. I have three children, you
know, oh you four things?Is this is the first time for you
to hear the sound of little footstepsaround the house. Now I've been hearing
this sound a little footsteps for ayear now. They're my wife's brother.
He's a midget. Nurse. Iwant to talk to you alone, were
(11:50):
alone. I just wanted to tellyou keep your eye on this. Ikeyhikey.
He's getting the jim jam jumping jivewith a slight dash of chop chop
chop. So if he starts toswing out with the boogie woogie, call
(12:11):
maybe before the joint starts jumping.Okay, hep cat take it away.
He's a squell guy because you knowa lot about medicine. Dotty. Why
he sat through every doctor killed theirpicture twice? Geez? He must be
good kid. Drink this? Iknow you don't. Ah know you don't.
(12:33):
Now come on and drinking. Ohno, I got one of those
the other night. Don't be silly. If something to quiet your nerves.
Oh my nerves are quiet. Ibuzz like this all the time. Now
come on like a good little man. All right, you want to chase
it? I don't think anything couldcatch that stuff. By the way,
(13:00):
do you know anything about having achild around the house? Sure I do.
I've been reading the Karen feeding ababy and Blondie. I'll bet you
were a noisy little baby. OhI wasn't either. I didn't utter a
sound until I was a year old. Really, how come? Oh?
I was bashful? I was ashamedopen my mouth. I didn't want my
mother to know I didn't have anyteeth. See, I'll bet Junior will
(13:22):
be smarter than I was. I'lltake that bet. Yeah, is that
my nerves? That's the doctor hewants me. I'll be right back.
Not here. You just sit downand figure out what you're gonna tell Junior.
After all, everything's gonna be newto him, and you might learn
something too. I never thought ofthat. She d it wonderful me your
father, Well, my son won'tgo to that old reform school. You'll
(13:46):
go to the new one like Idid. Don't get excited. We don't
stand there, nurse tell me,well speak ause gf Rowlet's saint a movie
you know? Oh no, wellthat's a double feet double feature. Twins?
Ohkych, I'm gonna thaink why youhaven't even seen them yet? Ye?
(14:09):
Twins? See two of them?Huh gosh, not only knitted one
sweater? Here? Something? Wouldyou like to see the twins? Yeah?
Wheel me over, docs get herunful little? Ain't they he looks
at him. Ain't they ugly?Yes? And they're all your Yeah?
(14:31):
Where did they get that terrific sunburn? Gee? Ain't they ugly? But
I guess Oh, boys are uglylike that when they're little hunt docs fair
girls. Yeah, girls, areyou kidding? Oh my goodness, both
of them girls. What's the matter. What's the matter? Look at them,
two girls, and they're both ballheaded. And now our four parts
(15:05):
work themselves up to the four windsand get ready to go fly a kite.
It's from the star maker, singit kiss, So fly a high?
(15:39):
How you probles to the head,every going away, so so far
away by him every game, Gofly a high stems to the wind,
and they won't come back there beto shut no one. Make friends with
the sky and have a long,long time for the sun. It's all
(16:00):
right way at this way. Ifyou want the fun old you don't fly
a kie. You imagine your rope. Oh you got your world on a
piece of thing. Don't fire,kid, You imagine your roqety b propably
(16:30):
high. Oh your troubles away.You got your little world on a piece
of thing. Don't want fire.Time, Ladies and gentlemen, did you
hear what the ghost of twenty yearsago said about avalon cigarettes? What it
said? Twenty years we didn't haveavalon a cigarette. We couldn't think it's
(16:57):
bad in that big save. Buttoday I take the Avalone wherever I go.
I don't forget my change. Yes, friends, and when you buy
Avalon cigarettes, don't forget your change. You see, Avalons cost three to
(17:19):
five cents less per pact than otherpopular price brands, a repeated savings that
will let you many many extra dollarsin mighty short orders. But without knowing
you'd never get, Avalons cost youless their highest quality through and through,
So tonight try Avalon cigarettes. DickTodd in the Avalon chorus, thing out
(17:48):
with a new Western ballad. Southof the Border, south of the bar
gow Mexico. That's where I fellin love, when stars of all came
out to play. And now asI wandered my thought ever stray south of
(18:15):
the border, down Mexico, downMexico Way, she was a picture in
all spanishly Spanish, just for atender while I kissed a smile upon her
(18:36):
face. Lauren was fierce, andwe were so gay when down of the
border, down Mexico, down Mexico. Then she sighed as she whispered mignonna
(18:57):
ever reading, and I lost asI whispered, Mananna forout to my roll
verk out of the border, myroll back one day back having a vale
(19:18):
of war by candlelights. We knowto pray, consh and bells told me
and I mustn't stand, mustn't standof the border down Mexico, Mexico.
(19:41):
My I A I A A IA A I I I A backward south
(20:07):
of the border, sung by DickTodd and ablely assisted by the Avalon course.
There was a small arrangement too,Dick a real Western style. Sounds
like it was arranged by the lonearranger. I don't think that was much
of a Joe brad Well, personally, I don't either. But it's one
of factories, and I think they'llget better later on. I sent for
another writer. Oh well, whatabout that? Now he comes over to
(20:30):
night. Well, if he's good, will you fire factory? Well maybe?
Well, what time of contract doyou have with it? Well,
it's just the usual thing, astraight ninety nine year contract. Don't forget
the option. But confidentially, BillI sneaked in a cancellation clause in the
That was smart, Red. Buthow can you break the contract by dying
before him? And he's five brothers. I wouldn't mind so much. But
(20:52):
he lives at my house. Heeats my food, sleeps my bed,
where's my clothes? Even goes outwith my girl. Don't you ever ever
had time for yourself? Only whenhe sends me on errands? Hey's Countain,
tell that gag I might about youruncle. I can't do it,
Sachary. We're out of the hospitalnow. I could arrange to get you
back in. Okay, okay,I'll tell it. My uncle Dell was
(21:15):
so crooked, and lay off thead lib. My uncle Dale was so
crooked. I went in. Hewent into a hospital for a next ray
and they found his bones were loaded. A think that, Ma's cautin and
Betty. Soon you'll be somebody onthis program. After next week's program,
(21:37):
I'll be the little man who wasn'tthere. Hey, I got another swell
gag for you, Captain about thejerk. No, please, please,
Sachery, not that. We justgot a letter from the sponsors saying that
the jerk has been terribly overworked onthis program. Does that mean if Celton
gets a vacation? Yeah? Sorry, Nick, I wish that other author
would get here. He writes cleverstuff, sophisticated sketches. Ah, I
(22:02):
not a writer. Huh yeah,what do they look like? I don't
know factory. I have never metthe man, and I'm going outside,
So if anybody shows up in theair with till broken arms, I'll be
him. Oh why did I everhire that guy? I can write my
own jokes. I don't need anybody. She had a lot of energy.
Or when I get going on aregular human domino? You mean human dynamo?
(22:22):
Oh domino, I see spots beforemy eyes. That's probably the author.
Now come in, boy, amI glad you got? Well?
Are you a writer? When Iain't? But Cocky's first reader? Thank
you, Leson author? Oh heavenjest, that's a skelton. I'm the
pull of surprise package from Peorias.Well, the first thing I want to
(22:45):
know Herky is are you original?Well? I ain't a reasonably exact facsimile?
And do I work hard? Andthat's the skelton? Why I sat
down at my typewrider and whacked andclacked like I hacked for five days and
night. I suppose when you finishyour head masterpiece, No, I forgot
to put a ribbon in the typewriter. Then you mean you didn't You don't
have a sketch for me? Youhaven't any play? Oh haven't I why
(23:08):
miss their skelting? I've got awonderful original play for you called uh Well,
let's see. I'll give you asynopsis of at first, the play
takes place in Africaus. As thefirst team opens, you're going through the
Suez Canal and the natives are onthe bank of the canal doing a weird
dance. You see, they hoparound with their index fingers waiting in the
air, and they yelled eq eqeq. This dance is called the Suez
(23:32):
eq. This ought to be verygood. And then you've plunge real deep
into the jungle. You go fromyou gg to you bangy. You sure
know you bang Didn't you ever hearof those you bangy women? Yeah?
I know that's the girls with theirlips and their laps. Well, then
(23:52):
you find out they're cannibals, butthey don't eat you because you tell them
you're a missionary. And the missionarieshave taught them that you can't keep a
good man down. So on yougo looking for the white wand warner.
What's the warner wanna? Is whatthey call a white man. It means
master. Oh, but no matterwhere you go, you get the same
(24:14):
answer. Not buana, that meansyes, we have no blonde. I
think I better go out right nowand look for a new sponsor. Oh
no, no, no, yousee, you go on looking for this
white man. Finally you see awhite man in the deepest, darkest part
of darkest Africa, and you walkup to and you say, how about
a light? Oh you till not. You walk up to him and you
(24:37):
say, doctor Livingstone. I presumeit is this is your original story.
Why it certainly is. I'm callingit Stanley and Livingstone. Oh wait,
a man of hercle. Stanley andliving Stone were two real men, real
men. They've already made four movies, six plays, and eighty two radio
sketches about the story. Oh goodheaven, they can't do that to me.
(24:57):
Why that's like? Is that stealing? I better hurry and get a
copyright on my new play. Thenwhat's lame of it? Well? I
call it the Birth of a Nation. Oh they ought to be good too,
But I gotta scram now. Ifyou keep me busy writing for the
masses and misses and muscles and amess, I think I better get out
and find a writer. I presume, Friends, if you've seen the time
(25:27):
when an extra dollar or two wouldcome in mighty handy, you know the
importance the value of money. Thenwhy pay more for your cigarettes when you
can get highest quality in Avalons forthree to five cents less per pack than
other popular price brands. They're guaranteedunsurpassed in quality. You'd never guess they
(25:47):
cost you less. Give Avalons atrial tonight. The cigarettes that give you
so much and cost you so little, Well that I guess that winds up
(27:40):
another one. Yes, read anotherprogram has gone by the board. Yeah,
And I want you to be sureand come of my Halloween party next
week. Dell. We're gonna havea lot of games. We'll duck for
apples and I'll win that, andwe'll play the witch hunt. I'll probably
win that, and then we'll pinthe tail on the donkeys. That's the
game went out stick you, ye, ladies and gentlemen, don't forget that
(28:02):
this is the season when good Americansshow that they're good neighbors by contributing to
their community chess. So let's allbe real good neighbors and give freely.
Good night, everybody, see younext week. By now well, friends,
we're putting our Skelton back in theirclosets for this week, and we
hope that you've enjoyed our show.Be with us next Wednesday night at the
same hour when the Brown and Williamsand Tobacco Corporation again presents Red Skelton,
(28:23):
Dick todd Edna Stillwell and the entiregang at Avalon time. And remember,
friends, during the week, whenyou ask for Avalon cigarettes, don't forget
your change.
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