June 12, 2024 • 30 mins
Please enjoy House-Hunting a great episode of the legendaryAvalon Time radio show - A Classic Old Time radio Show - OTR
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
W E A S. New Yorkeight thirty pm. B U L O
v A Bullivar Watch time see theseventeen duel Priscilla A back of Avalon cigarettes.
(00:21):
Please, yes, sir, justa moment, sir, don't forget
your change. You'd never guess,but Avalon's cost you less. Ohne Avalon,
(00:42):
it is mean burring me, itis gl Kane saying welcome to Avalon
time featuring Radio's Redheaded Rag him Upand Richard red Skelton with Dick todd Edna
Stillwell but Hercules band over the Avalonchorus and Bob's Gong with his Orchanestra opening
the program with Old Johnny, Oh, ladies and gentlemen. The first time
(02:38):
you try an Avalon cigarette, youwill probably say the price of quality cigarettes
is coming down. Yes, friends, just one trial is all that's necessary
to tell you. Union made Avalonsare unsurpassed in quality. In fact,
you couldn't get finer quality tobaccos inany other cigarette, regardless of price,
(03:00):
regardless of brands. That's why you'dnever guess Avalons cost you less three to
five cents less per pack than otherpopular price brands. Remember that price won't
you three to five cents less thanother popular price brands, a real saving,
truly, friends, any cigarette thatoffers you so much certainly deserves the
(03:22):
trial. Why not get a packof Avalons tonight? And now, ladies
and gentlemen, we bring you thatall year round. Santa Claus, the
man who always has long white whiskerson his jokes. Red Shelton, thank
(03:46):
you very much for good evening,ladies and gentlemen, and Dell. It
was a very unwise remark for youto make it this time of the year.
You know, present, present,present. Oh yes, you were
doing your Christmas shopping yesterday, weren'tyou. I saw you in Woolworth.
Yeah, I'll wait a minute.I only went in there to buy some
stickers for Christmas packages. I lickedso many stickers belt When I passed the
(04:09):
stationary store of the envelope flaps wavedas my tongue. I didn't mind that
so much, but my tongue keptwaving back. It says, getting to
be a beautiful friendship. You hada lot of You had a lot of
packages wrap. Oh yeah, butthat was nothing. When I got to
the post office, it was somob that the air mail service was rushed.
(04:32):
All was terrible, and they wereusing every possible form of airmail carriers,
no kidding. While I was standingin the line with a big package,
a pigeon walked up to me andhe says, where's it going,
Bud. The charges on the packagewas ninety seven cents, So I just
took a dollar bill in the inhis beat and told him to keep the
change. No very big shot likeme. He must have been very happy
(04:55):
about it the tip because when heflew away kept thinking, cheap, sheep,
cheap. That's really a canary joke. But I put it in there.
We needed a laugh. We stillneed one. I finally got to
the stand. I finally got tothe stamp window, and it was so
crowded, crowded, I couldn't seewhat I was doing. Then, as
(05:18):
I licked the stamp, Washington lookedup at me and he says, on
the other side, clob logan.By this time, I was so knocked
out that I went to sleep rightby the window with my mouth open,
and the near sighted old lady cameup and stuck a fifty cent stamp on
my tongue. And I woke upthe next morning in Detroit, I asked,
(05:41):
young, Oh, Dick, Todd, ladies, And that's when I
sing in tyd can have you gota little Christmas Carol for tonight? Dick?
Well, not exactly, I'm singing. I thought about you. Oh
that's very nice. I'm crazy aboutCarol. Eddie Lamar's ain't bad either,
sing Dick. We said, wewent too, But what did I do?
(06:12):
I thought about you? Thought aboutyou. Seems that I read or
somebody said that out of silent isout of my naybe that's so I tried
to go and leave you behind.God did I find. I took a
(06:42):
trip on a train and I thoughtabout you. I passed the shadowy lane
and I thought about you. Sworethree cars, pots under the stars,
(07:04):
winding streams, moon shining down onsome little town, and wear these beams
came Old Reason at every stop,and we made no thought about you.
(07:29):
But when I pulled down the sheaves, then I really felt. I peeped
through the crayer and looked at thetrack, no one going back to you.
And what did I do? Ithought about you. Oh that was
(08:03):
very nice, Dick. And toshow you that how much I really enjoyed
it I'm gonna give you a Christmaspresent right now here. It is,
Dick. Oh, Red, youshouldn't have done it. Go on open
the box, Eric, go ahead, let's see. Oh it's lovely.
Y gosh, I've always wanted apin cushion. It's not that much.
(08:24):
Well, last my little gift toyou, Dick. You Oh uh?
You got anything you want to sayto me? Dick? Yeah? Thanks,
gosh, I didn't get you anything, Brad, I feel like a
heel. Oh, don't be still, hey, geez, I didn't expect
anything from you, Dick. Yeah, hih. You don't have to feel
like a heel yeah heel. Well, I may as well give the rest
(08:48):
to cast their present while they gottime to go out and do a little
shopping. Oh, witn't it?What isn't mister scouton? And honest I
didn't expect anything. Well, you'regonna get it anyhow. Here I got
a surprise for you to put yourhand in my pocket there. Yeah,
what do you feel? A biggrow a deal? The old pocket?
(09:09):
Here it is. That's for you, Edna. Oh, how lovely.
I'll watch the phony diamonds ye wait, I mean I those aren't phony diamonds.
Look at those big red stones orphony rubies. Oh it isn't the
gift, mister Stalt, Mi's thefox that reflects the character the giver.
(09:30):
Does the watch works? Does thewatch work? Certainly, the watch works.
It's got to shake it a little. Oh, well, then i'll
shake it. You see it hasa Swiss movement. A movement sounds like
a retreat. Well before I forgetit. And then here's a little present
(09:50):
I got for your mother? Whatanother can opener? Yes, now I
didn't give your mother a can openerlast year. That was two years ago.
Last year I gave her a verylovely present. And those were genuine
and ermine garters, genuine Erman.My mother dropped. I had a lettuce
on the floor, and the gartersjumped down and ate it. Those were
(10:16):
rabbit garters. They were not rabbitgarters. Well, then, how come
my mother has six tears? Now? Well, i'll quip soling around.
What'd you get me for Christmas?Oh? We'll put your hand in my
pocket. Okay, hey, youhaven't got any pockets. Well, merry
(10:37):
Christmas. You wouldn't. Well that'stwo seconds I wasted this year. Arc
Hry Christmas. Throw me a fish, arc arc Hurry Christmas, throw me
a fish. Hey, who areyou are? Just a Christmas shield?
Hey? Wait a minute, comeback here. Hey, I know who
(10:58):
you are, ladies and jail us, and I have a surprise for you.
A new member of avalon Avalon Timeand he's going to be on the
show every week. And here heis. That's flap happy, Grandpappy cliff
urcat hire a little kids. Grandpappy, welcome to Avalon Time. You know
(11:20):
I heard you on the Rudy Valleyprogram in the Hall of Fun, and
I think you're swell well, Reddyboy, I heard you on the radio
and you're a killer yourself. Poorthanks, Grandpappy, gee, but I
think you're much funnier than I am. No, no, already, boy,
you get more last than I everdreamed. Shall I turn out the
light so you two can be alone? And Redy. I just dropped in
(11:43):
to give you this little Christmas presentfrom me. It's a sweater. Oh
don't tell anybody, but I crochetedmis shake geez, Grand Pappy, that
swell a beautiful traffic cops sweater topull over the think you made it with
your own little hands. Say wait, a minute. What are those two
(12:05):
big bumps on the front of it? Well, those are the baggy knees.
It started out to be wrong underwear. He'd be funny. Ain't these
are funny? Now? Well?I got the run along now, Hi
diddle it a regie boyd Grandpa,We see you next week. Exeze,
(12:28):
grand Pap aren't there? And now, ladies and gentlemen, Bob Strong and
his orchestra will play Jimmy Fiddler's themesong, jingle bells s. Friends,
(14:56):
did you hear what old Scrooge saidon Christmas Eve when he stopped to buy
pack of cigarettes. Well, thestore clerk greeted him with all ry Christmas,
sir, Hey, Christmas panic classby humbugs. Give me a pack
of cigarettes. Those right there withthe several letters on the outside. Silver
money money Okay, sorry, forshey, you've got some change coming.
(15:22):
Those are avalons you got. Theycost three to five cents less for pack
three to five cents less. Iget money back. H huh there is
a panic law, yes, friends, that's saving on avalon cigarettes amounts to
many many extra dollars every year,and it's just like getting a gift of
(15:45):
that much money too. Because judgingby the quality, you'd never guess Avalons
cost you less three to five centsless per pack than other popular price brands.
They're guaranteed unsurpassed in quality. Sothe next time, try balm and
save the difference. That was thebest commercial I ever heard. Just to
show you how much I appreciated it, here's your Christmas specience. Oh well,
(16:08):
thanks, Red, Gosh just whatI wanted to a pair of riding
breeches. Yeah, there's the lateststyle to dell riding breaches with a building
flungs linium linimum absorbing. Oh gee, it's too bad that I didn't get
something for you, Red. Iwas gonna get you a saddle for Christmas,
(16:30):
but they didn't have your size.God give me that stuff. You
buy saddles a fiddle horse. Ohso that's your size. Yeah, let's
forget the whole thing. Do youever? Boy? He forgot me?
What is it? Don't feel badlybecause you didn't get any presents. A
little bird just told me that SantaClaus is coming to see you in person
tomorrow. Santa Claus is coming uphere to see me. You bet,
(17:00):
Santy Claus, you better have hisraindeers vowels ground. Well, here he
is, ladies and gentlemen, andhe's read to Wait a minute, are
you santy Claus? Well, I'mnot gonna plug yomer man with high blood
pressure. Thank you, Lisa,you're supposed to be santy Claus. Where's
your whiskers? Oh my goodness,I thought that breakfast food tasted flash this
(17:23):
morning. Look the next time heeats read and we you better put your
whiskers up in a smooth say Iheard you drive up just now? Tell
me? Do you win wi yourreindeers to make him pull a slips?
Oh? Parents a thought kitto?Why wouldn't make those poor raindeers pull left
slad? Well, how do youget anywhere? We all jump on the
(17:44):
slam go belly wopping. See thatmust be fun, hanky fun. Say,
miss Shelton, did you ever havea reindeer jump on your back?
Horn? Spurs? Well, monthly, kind of nice playing, Santa Claus,
hurrgee, except for going down thosedirty chimneys. Oh it sucks me.
(18:10):
Oh Santa Claus, you really reacheddown the bag for that one.
What do you need for Chris?Let's some new jokes, But tell me
heike, there's a lot of fungoing down those chimneys. Well, I
went down one last night, andit was simply horrible. The darn foold
forgot to put the fire out.Oh you mean you got a hot foot?
Oh that wasn't the seat of mytrouble. But here you are,
(18:32):
Kittle. The whole cast shifted themto get you the lovely present. Oh
well see I knew they wouldn't forgetme. Wait a minute, this package
is over sticky. Well I didn'thave any strings, so I wrapped the
fly papers. Well let's see whatit is. Oh, what a beautiful
gift, like an eggs eater.See now I can have a normal and
(18:55):
every Thursday morning. Yeah, withthe eggs you lay every Wednesday night.
Well I gotta go now with thescout. You see, I have to
deliver some presents to my little friendsout in Hollywood. Yeah that Charlie Champel,
Jay wathers in Baby Snook Kergie,are you a friend of Baby Snooks?
(19:15):
Am I? Why? I've knownBaby Sonoks ever since she was forty
five. Welcome by this thing.There's a little old church that's covered with
(19:37):
mall where I held your hands tenderlyI all can go there you games at
mccrawl and dream that you can barto me, how I'd love to do
the old in the chapel in themoone I was strolling down the eye.
(20:12):
Why roll doesn't for her? HowI love to hear you whisper in the
chapel in the moon that the lovelife in your eye? All rabber Moore,
(20:42):
chilling hell if you come. HowI love to hear the cr in
(21:17):
the chapel in the moon as theysing all promise me, all Rabberby.
(21:52):
That was dig proud the avalon coursesinging chapel in the moonlight. Hey,
Dick, how come you always singsongs about chapels in the moonlight? You
know, Red, when you're witha girl, a chap will always go
for moon life. That's very funny. Allow me to give you another Christmas
present, Dick. Here o,why Red you dropped it? Yeah,
(22:17):
leave it laid, Dick at youroption. And now we come to our
slife alife. You set the scenethen, okay, Red. As you
know, ladies and gentlemen, womenare more and more taking the places of
men in business. Tonight's Slice ofLife shows what happens when the wife works
and the husband takes care of thehouse. As the scene opens, the
husband is alone in the parlor knittwo pearl food drop one dropkick touchdown.
(22:44):
I wonder where Edna is. She'snever this lace. Oh why does she
worry me like this? All day? I've had a terrible feeling that something
was going to happen to her.And I had the same feeling the day
they hung Dick Tracy in the world. You could at least call me,
for goodness sake, another salesman.I won't go to the door. I
(23:06):
don't care if you knock your knucklesoff. Well, yes, you let
your door open. Good afternoon,man, Good afternoon, madam. Madam,
Wait a minute, don't let theirvaprons fool you. Very funny,
(23:26):
sir, very funny. Now Ihave here. I don't want any customers,
all right, Never try to forcethe say get your foot out of
the door. That's right, Ikeep smiling, sir, that my apron.
I have a real bargain here.Get your hands from off my throat.
Look, look, buddy, I'mtrying to get an education by selling
magazine. Yeah, if you buyfour magazines, you will help me through
(23:49):
college. I don't want any well, why don't you buy two and help
me through high school? Now,with help me copy of the real American
magazine we give away absolutely a foolof an Indian. I can't use it.
Well, how about the Home Companionmagazine? With every copy I personally
brush your teeth, cook your hair, and carry out your ashes once a
(24:10):
month. Get out, get out, get out? Or in house a
house salesman give a minus, they'lltake a foot and shove it through the
door and slamming my door that way. Oh, I put a look in
the oven. If he made mycake drop, I'll scream. Well,
it's about time you got here.Where have you been? I had to
(24:30):
work late at the office. Getevery night the thing now, don't get
excited, dear, And how aboutdinner? That's all you ever think about.
I'm tired cooking for you. It'sno fun opening thirty or forty cans
every day. I'm getting apple,it's rest. Why don't you let me
(24:52):
do that? Why don't you dothe house? Where can let me go
out and get a job? Ohnow, dear, a man's places in
the hall? Oh now, howabout something? Indeed, dinner is burned?
What happened? There was a fireat the delicatessen. We'll fix anything.
Dear, I've had a hard daytoday. You had a hard day,
(25:15):
how about me? You know whatI go through with these neighbors.
That mister Jones next door, he'ssuch a cat. We were both hanging
out our laundry in the yard thismorning and he looks. He looked over
at mine. He says, Ohotitle tale breaks. Oh, I hate
him. All Stop whining. Getdressed and we'll go out to dinner.
(25:37):
Get dresssh You know I haven't athing to wear. What's the matter with
your gray suit? Well, that'sthe only rag I got to my back.
Don't I deserve more? I slavefor your wife, Sacius, Look
at my man. It's you're run. I'm sorry, Dear. I know
you're a good husband, Darling.What is it, Richard? Well,
(26:02):
I was looking in the paper todayand I saw the cutest new suit,
only seventeen fifty with fourteen pair ofpants and a bicycle. We can't afford
it, Richard. Look at thesebills of yours. Kidney plasters eighty cents
as friend, thirty cents five dollarsfor a tooth extraction. That's six dollars
and ten cents for your own selfEast pleasure. No, no wonder you're
(26:26):
always laying low on your allowance.Well, how do you expect me to
run a house on twenty dollars?Look at mister Smith's down the street.
His wife gives him thirty dollars aweek. Well, mister Smith, I'd
get him thirty myself. You brute, you, you, you big bruce.
(26:48):
My father always said you had shippedthe eyes fighting with me this way
and at this time. Why Richard? What is you? Of course you
wouldn't notice what I was doing whenyou came in. I'm sorry, dear,
what were you doing? Nitty niddiknitting? What little sweaters? Joining
(27:12):
you move? Yes, our policedog, isn't I have? Ricky Ladies
and gentlemen. If you live ina city or state which is recently imposed
additional taxes on cigarettes, here's away to get your cigarettes for pre tax
prices. Switch to Avalon cigarette.You see, Avalons regular price is three
(27:37):
to five cents less per pack thanother popular price brands, and that saving
brings your cigarette toss down to theold lower price, the pre tax price.
Yes, friends, no matter whereyou live, Union made Avalons save
you money, and at the sametime guarantees you unsurpassed quality. Avalons are
truly an unusual cigarette and certainly wortha trial. Get a fact. Tonight,
(28:33):
ladies and gentlemen, before we saygood night, we won't be able
to see you before next Wendy Wednesday, and on behalf of our sponsor,
the cast and myself. We wantto wish you a merry Christmas, and
I hope Santa Claus leaves and allyour stockings, these things that you've been
hitting for all week. So untilnext week we say Merry Christmas and goodbye.
Now, well, friends, wehope that you've a joyter John be
(29:00):
with us next Wednesday night at thesame time when the Brown and Williamson Tobacco
Corporation again presents Red Skelton's Fat Pappy, Grandpappy, Cuff Arcuat, Dick todd
Edne Stillwell, Bob Strong and hisorchestra, and the entire gang in Avalon
time. This is del King speakingreminding you of the during the week when
you ask for Avalon cigarette. Don'tforget your change. Yes, you'd never
(29:33):
guess that Avalon cost only ten centsplus city or state tax. Pipe smoker's
attention for the very finest in pipesmoking enjoyment. Try Sir Walter Raleigh,
(29:53):
the quality pipe tobacco of America.Sir Walter Raleigh is the largest pipe tobacco
in the Army, in the Navy, on American college campuses, in fact,
everywhere you find men who know qualitysmoking. And here's a mighty fine
Christmas gift subjection, a big onepound vacuum sealed tin of Sir Walter Raleigh.
(30:15):
It'll make a big hit with anypipe smoker. This is a national
broadcasting company. Oh W e AS New York nine pm Bulova Bullivo Wats
(30:42):
Time. Wu EA S New Yorknine pm b ulo Va Bullivo Watts Time
W E A S. New Yorkeight thirty pm. B U L O
v A Bullivar Watch time see theseventeen duel Priscilla A back of Avalon cigarettes.
(00:21):
Please, yes, sir, justa moment, sir, don't forget
your change. You'd never guess,but Avalon's cost you less. Ohne Avalon,
(00:42):
it is mean burring me, itis gl Kane saying welcome to Avalon
time featuring Radio's Redheaded Rag him Upand Richard red Skelton with Dick todd Edna
Stillwell but Hercules band over the Avalonchorus and Bob's Gong with his Orchanestra opening
the program with Old Johnny, Oh, ladies and gentlemen. The first time
(02:38):
you try an Avalon cigarette, youwill probably say the price of quality cigarettes
is coming down. Yes, friends, just one trial is all that's necessary
to tell you. Union made Avalonsare unsurpassed in quality. In fact,
you couldn't get finer quality tobaccos inany other cigarette, regardless of price,
(03:00):
regardless of brands. That's why you'dnever guess Avalons cost you less three to
five cents less per pack than otherpopular price brands. Remember that price won't
you three to five cents less thanother popular price brands, a real saving,
truly, friends, any cigarette thatoffers you so much certainly deserves the
(03:22):
trial. Why not get a packof Avalons tonight? And now, ladies
and gentlemen, we bring you thatall year round. Santa Claus, the
man who always has long white whiskerson his jokes. Red Shelton, thank
(03:46):
you very much for good evening,ladies and gentlemen, and Dell. It
was a very unwise remark for youto make it this time of the year.
You know, present, present,present. Oh yes, you were
doing your Christmas shopping yesterday, weren'tyou. I saw you in Woolworth.
Yeah, I'll wait a minute.I only went in there to buy some
stickers for Christmas packages. I lickedso many stickers belt When I passed the
(04:09):
stationary store of the envelope flaps wavedas my tongue. I didn't mind that
so much, but my tongue keptwaving back. It says, getting to
be a beautiful friendship. You hada lot of You had a lot of
packages wrap. Oh yeah, butthat was nothing. When I got to
the post office, it was somob that the air mail service was rushed.
(04:32):
All was terrible, and they wereusing every possible form of airmail carriers,
no kidding. While I was standingin the line with a big package,
a pigeon walked up to me andhe says, where's it going,
Bud. The charges on the packagewas ninety seven cents, So I just
took a dollar bill in the inhis beat and told him to keep the
change. No very big shot likeme. He must have been very happy
(04:55):
about it the tip because when heflew away kept thinking, cheap, sheep,
cheap. That's really a canary joke. But I put it in there.
We needed a laugh. We stillneed one. I finally got to
the stand. I finally got tothe stamp window, and it was so
crowded, crowded, I couldn't seewhat I was doing. Then, as
(05:18):
I licked the stamp, Washington lookedup at me and he says, on
the other side, clob logan.By this time, I was so knocked
out that I went to sleep rightby the window with my mouth open,
and the near sighted old lady cameup and stuck a fifty cent stamp on
my tongue. And I woke upthe next morning in Detroit, I asked,
(05:41):
young, Oh, Dick, Todd, ladies, And that's when I
sing in tyd can have you gota little Christmas Carol for tonight? Dick?
Well, not exactly, I'm singing. I thought about you. Oh
that's very nice. I'm crazy aboutCarol. Eddie Lamar's ain't bad either,
sing Dick. We said, wewent too, But what did I do?
(06:12):
I thought about you? Thought aboutyou. Seems that I read or
somebody said that out of silent isout of my naybe that's so I tried
to go and leave you behind.God did I find. I took a
(06:42):
trip on a train and I thoughtabout you. I passed the shadowy lane
and I thought about you. Sworethree cars, pots under the stars,
(07:04):
winding streams, moon shining down onsome little town, and wear these beams
came Old Reason at every stop,and we made no thought about you.
(07:29):
But when I pulled down the sheaves, then I really felt. I peeped
through the crayer and looked at thetrack, no one going back to you.
And what did I do? Ithought about you. Oh that was
(08:03):
very nice, Dick. And toshow you that how much I really enjoyed
it I'm gonna give you a Christmaspresent right now here. It is,
Dick. Oh, Red, youshouldn't have done it. Go on open
the box, Eric, go ahead, let's see. Oh it's lovely.
Y gosh, I've always wanted apin cushion. It's not that much.
(08:24):
Well, last my little gift toyou, Dick. You Oh uh?
You got anything you want to sayto me? Dick? Yeah? Thanks,
gosh, I didn't get you anything, Brad, I feel like a
heel. Oh, don't be still, hey, geez, I didn't expect
anything from you, Dick. Yeah, hih. You don't have to feel
like a heel yeah heel. Well, I may as well give the rest
(08:48):
to cast their present while they gottime to go out and do a little
shopping. Oh, witn't it?What isn't mister scouton? And honest I
didn't expect anything. Well, you'regonna get it anyhow. Here I got
a surprise for you to put yourhand in my pocket there. Yeah,
what do you feel? A biggrow a deal? The old pocket?
(09:09):
Here it is. That's for you, Edna. Oh, how lovely.
I'll watch the phony diamonds ye wait, I mean I those aren't phony diamonds.
Look at those big red stones orphony rubies. Oh it isn't the
gift, mister Stalt, Mi's thefox that reflects the character the giver.
(09:30):
Does the watch works? Does thewatch work? Certainly, the watch works.
It's got to shake it a little. Oh, well, then i'll
shake it. You see it hasa Swiss movement. A movement sounds like
a retreat. Well before I forgetit. And then here's a little present
(09:50):
I got for your mother? Whatanother can opener? Yes, now I
didn't give your mother a can openerlast year. That was two years ago.
Last year I gave her a verylovely present. And those were genuine
and ermine garters, genuine Erman.My mother dropped. I had a lettuce
on the floor, and the gartersjumped down and ate it. Those were
(10:16):
rabbit garters. They were not rabbitgarters. Well, then, how come
my mother has six tears? Now? Well, i'll quip soling around.
What'd you get me for Christmas?Oh? We'll put your hand in my
pocket. Okay, hey, youhaven't got any pockets. Well, merry
(10:37):
Christmas. You wouldn't. Well that'stwo seconds I wasted this year. Arc
Hry Christmas. Throw me a fish, arc arc Hurry Christmas, throw me
a fish. Hey, who areyou are? Just a Christmas shield?
Hey? Wait a minute, comeback here. Hey, I know who
(10:58):
you are, ladies and jail us, and I have a surprise for you.
A new member of avalon Avalon Timeand he's going to be on the
show every week. And here heis. That's flap happy, Grandpappy cliff
urcat hire a little kids. Grandpappy, welcome to Avalon Time. You know
(11:20):
I heard you on the Rudy Valleyprogram in the Hall of Fun, and
I think you're swell well, Reddyboy, I heard you on the radio
and you're a killer yourself. Poorthanks, Grandpappy, gee, but I
think you're much funnier than I am. No, no, already, boy,
you get more last than I everdreamed. Shall I turn out the
light so you two can be alone? And Redy. I just dropped in
(11:43):
to give you this little Christmas presentfrom me. It's a sweater. Oh
don't tell anybody, but I crochetedmis shake geez, Grand Pappy, that
swell a beautiful traffic cops sweater topull over the think you made it with
your own little hands. Say wait, a minute. What are those two
(12:05):
big bumps on the front of it? Well, those are the baggy knees.
It started out to be wrong underwear. He'd be funny. Ain't these
are funny? Now? Well?I got the run along now, Hi
diddle it a regie boyd Grandpa,We see you next week. Exeze,
(12:28):
grand Pap aren't there? And now, ladies and gentlemen, Bob Strong and
his orchestra will play Jimmy Fiddler's themesong, jingle bells s. Friends,
(14:56):
did you hear what old Scrooge saidon Christmas Eve when he stopped to buy
pack of cigarettes. Well, thestore clerk greeted him with all ry Christmas,
sir, Hey, Christmas panic classby humbugs. Give me a pack
of cigarettes. Those right there withthe several letters on the outside. Silver
money money Okay, sorry, forshey, you've got some change coming.
(15:22):
Those are avalons you got. Theycost three to five cents less for pack
three to five cents less. Iget money back. H huh there is
a panic law, yes, friends, that's saving on avalon cigarettes amounts to
many many extra dollars every year,and it's just like getting a gift of
(15:45):
that much money too. Because judgingby the quality, you'd never guess Avalons
cost you less three to five centsless per pack than other popular price brands.
They're guaranteed unsurpassed in quality. Sothe next time, try balm and
save the difference. That was thebest commercial I ever heard. Just to
show you how much I appreciated it, here's your Christmas specience. Oh well,
(16:08):
thanks, Red, Gosh just whatI wanted to a pair of riding
breeches. Yeah, there's the lateststyle to dell riding breaches with a building
flungs linium linimum absorbing. Oh gee, it's too bad that I didn't get
something for you, Red. Iwas gonna get you a saddle for Christmas,
(16:30):
but they didn't have your size.God give me that stuff. You
buy saddles a fiddle horse. Ohso that's your size. Yeah, let's
forget the whole thing. Do youever? Boy? He forgot me?
What is it? Don't feel badlybecause you didn't get any presents. A
little bird just told me that SantaClaus is coming to see you in person
tomorrow. Santa Claus is coming uphere to see me. You bet,
(17:00):
Santy Claus, you better have hisraindeers vowels ground. Well, here he
is, ladies and gentlemen, andhe's read to Wait a minute, are
you santy Claus? Well, I'mnot gonna plug yomer man with high blood
pressure. Thank you, Lisa,you're supposed to be santy Claus. Where's
your whiskers? Oh my goodness,I thought that breakfast food tasted flash this
(17:23):
morning. Look the next time heeats read and we you better put your
whiskers up in a smooth say Iheard you drive up just now? Tell
me? Do you win wi yourreindeers to make him pull a slips?
Oh? Parents a thought kitto?Why wouldn't make those poor raindeers pull left
slad? Well, how do youget anywhere? We all jump on the
(17:44):
slam go belly wopping. See thatmust be fun, hanky fun. Say,
miss Shelton, did you ever havea reindeer jump on your back?
Horn? Spurs? Well, monthly, kind of nice playing, Santa Claus,
hurrgee, except for going down thosedirty chimneys. Oh it sucks me.
(18:10):
Oh Santa Claus, you really reacheddown the bag for that one.
What do you need for Chris?Let's some new jokes, But tell me
heike, there's a lot of fungoing down those chimneys. Well, I
went down one last night, andit was simply horrible. The darn foold
forgot to put the fire out.Oh you mean you got a hot foot?
Oh that wasn't the seat of mytrouble. But here you are,
(18:32):
Kittle. The whole cast shifted themto get you the lovely present. Oh
well see I knew they wouldn't forgetme. Wait a minute, this package
is over sticky. Well I didn'thave any strings, so I wrapped the
fly papers. Well let's see whatit is. Oh, what a beautiful
gift, like an eggs eater.See now I can have a normal and
(18:55):
every Thursday morning. Yeah, withthe eggs you lay every Wednesday night.
Well I gotta go now with thescout. You see, I have to
deliver some presents to my little friendsout in Hollywood. Yeah that Charlie Champel,
Jay wathers in Baby Snook Kergie,are you a friend of Baby Snooks?
(19:15):
Am I? Why? I've knownBaby Sonoks ever since she was forty
five. Welcome by this thing.There's a little old church that's covered with
(19:37):
mall where I held your hands tenderlyI all can go there you games at
mccrawl and dream that you can barto me, how I'd love to do
the old in the chapel in themoone I was strolling down the eye.
(20:12):
Why roll doesn't for her? HowI love to hear you whisper in the
chapel in the moon that the lovelife in your eye? All rabber Moore,
(20:42):
chilling hell if you come. HowI love to hear the cr in
(21:17):
the chapel in the moon as theysing all promise me, all Rabberby.
(21:52):
That was dig proud the avalon coursesinging chapel in the moonlight. Hey,
Dick, how come you always singsongs about chapels in the moonlight? You
know, Red, when you're witha girl, a chap will always go
for moon life. That's very funny. Allow me to give you another Christmas
present, Dick. Here o,why Red you dropped it? Yeah,
(22:17):
leave it laid, Dick at youroption. And now we come to our
slife alife. You set the scenethen, okay, Red. As you
know, ladies and gentlemen, womenare more and more taking the places of
men in business. Tonight's Slice ofLife shows what happens when the wife works
and the husband takes care of thehouse. As the scene opens, the
husband is alone in the parlor knittwo pearl food drop one dropkick touchdown.
(22:44):
I wonder where Edna is. She'snever this lace. Oh why does she
worry me like this? All day? I've had a terrible feeling that something
was going to happen to her.And I had the same feeling the day
they hung Dick Tracy in the world. You could at least call me,
for goodness sake, another salesman.I won't go to the door. I
(23:06):
don't care if you knock your knucklesoff. Well, yes, you let
your door open. Good afternoon,man, Good afternoon, madam. Madam,
Wait a minute, don't let theirvaprons fool you. Very funny,
(23:26):
sir, very funny. Now Ihave here. I don't want any customers,
all right, Never try to forcethe say get your foot out of
the door. That's right, Ikeep smiling, sir, that my apron.
I have a real bargain here.Get your hands from off my throat.
Look, look, buddy, I'mtrying to get an education by selling
magazine. Yeah, if you buyfour magazines, you will help me through
(23:49):
college. I don't want any well, why don't you buy two and help
me through high school? Now,with help me copy of the real American
magazine we give away absolutely a foolof an Indian. I can't use it.
Well, how about the Home Companionmagazine? With every copy I personally
brush your teeth, cook your hair, and carry out your ashes once a
(24:10):
month. Get out, get out, get out? Or in house a
house salesman give a minus, they'lltake a foot and shove it through the
door and slamming my door that way. Oh, I put a look in
the oven. If he made mycake drop, I'll scream. Well,
it's about time you got here.Where have you been? I had to
(24:30):
work late at the office. Getevery night the thing now, don't get
excited, dear, And how aboutdinner? That's all you ever think about.
I'm tired cooking for you. It'sno fun opening thirty or forty cans
every day. I'm getting apple,it's rest. Why don't you let me
(24:52):
do that? Why don't you dothe house? Where can let me go
out and get a job? Ohnow, dear, a man's places in
the hall? Oh now, howabout something? Indeed, dinner is burned?
What happened? There was a fireat the delicatessen. We'll fix anything.
Dear, I've had a hard daytoday. You had a hard day,
(25:15):
how about me? You know whatI go through with these neighbors.
That mister Jones next door, he'ssuch a cat. We were both hanging
out our laundry in the yard thismorning and he looks. He looked over
at mine. He says, Ohotitle tale breaks. Oh, I hate
him. All Stop whining. Getdressed and we'll go out to dinner.
(25:37):
Get dresssh You know I haven't athing to wear. What's the matter with
your gray suit? Well, that'sthe only rag I got to my back.
Don't I deserve more? I slavefor your wife, Sacius, Look
at my man. It's you're run. I'm sorry, Dear. I know
you're a good husband, Darling.What is it, Richard? Well,
(26:02):
I was looking in the paper todayand I saw the cutest new suit,
only seventeen fifty with fourteen pair ofpants and a bicycle. We can't afford
it, Richard. Look at thesebills of yours. Kidney plasters eighty cents
as friend, thirty cents five dollarsfor a tooth extraction. That's six dollars
and ten cents for your own selfEast pleasure. No, no wonder you're
(26:26):
always laying low on your allowance.Well, how do you expect me to
run a house on twenty dollars?Look at mister Smith's down the street.
His wife gives him thirty dollars aweek. Well, mister Smith, I'd
get him thirty myself. You brute, you, you, you big bruce.
(26:48):
My father always said you had shippedthe eyes fighting with me this way
and at this time. Why Richard? What is you? Of course you
wouldn't notice what I was doing whenyou came in. I'm sorry, dear,
what were you doing? Nitty niddiknitting? What little sweaters? Joining
(27:12):
you move? Yes, our policedog, isn't I have? Ricky Ladies
and gentlemen. If you live ina city or state which is recently imposed
additional taxes on cigarettes, here's away to get your cigarettes for pre tax
prices. Switch to Avalon cigarette.You see, Avalons regular price is three
(27:37):
to five cents less per pack thanother popular price brands, and that saving
brings your cigarette toss down to theold lower price, the pre tax price.
Yes, friends, no matter whereyou live, Union made Avalons save
you money, and at the sametime guarantees you unsurpassed quality. Avalons are
truly an unusual cigarette and certainly wortha trial. Get a fact. Tonight,
(28:33):
ladies and gentlemen, before we saygood night, we won't be able
to see you before next Wendy Wednesday, and on behalf of our sponsor,
the cast and myself. We wantto wish you a merry Christmas, and
I hope Santa Claus leaves and allyour stockings, these things that you've been
hitting for all week. So untilnext week we say Merry Christmas and goodbye.
Now, well, friends, wehope that you've a joyter John be
(29:00):
with us next Wednesday night at thesame time when the Brown and Williamson Tobacco
Corporation again presents Red Skelton's Fat Pappy, Grandpappy, Cuff Arcuat, Dick todd
Edne Stillwell, Bob Strong and hisorchestra, and the entire gang in Avalon
time. This is del King speakingreminding you of the during the week when
you ask for Avalon cigarette. Don'tforget your change. Yes, you'd never
(29:33):
guess that Avalon cost only ten centsplus city or state tax. Pipe smoker's
attention for the very finest in pipesmoking enjoyment. Try Sir Walter Raleigh,
(29:53):
the quality pipe tobacco of America.Sir Walter Raleigh is the largest pipe tobacco
in the Army, in the Navy, on American college campuses, in fact,
everywhere you find men who know qualitysmoking. And here's a mighty fine
Christmas gift subjection, a big onepound vacuum sealed tin of Sir Walter Raleigh.
(30:15):
It'll make a big hit with anypipe smoker. This is a national
broadcasting company. Oh W e AS New York nine pm Bulova Bullivo Wats
(30:42):
Time. Wu EA S New Yorknine pm b ulo Va Bullivo Watts Time
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