May 17, 2024 • 30 mins
Please enjoy Killer Hitchhikers a great episode of the legendaryAvalon Time radio show - A Classic Old Time radio Show - OTR
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:11):
A bag of Avalon cigarettes. Please, yes, sir, oh just the
moment says, don't forget your change. You'd never guessed, but Avalon's cost
you less. Good evening, Friends, good evening. This is del King
(00:38):
saying welcome to Avalon time with KurkMassey, Edna Jowell, Jeanette, the
Avalon Chorus, Bob Strowing in hisdarkest and Radio's red headed Ragamuffin, Richard
red Kelvin. Ladies and gentlemen,if you want every penny you spend for
(01:23):
your cigarettes to bring full value,then switch to Avalon cigarettes that give you
more for your money. Yes,the outstanding cigarette value on the market today.
Avalon are highest qualities but costs threeto five cents less perfact than other
popular price brands. And they're thisin mind, that saving of three to
(01:46):
five cents means a reduction of asmuch as one third of your total cigarette
expence, and that amounts to many, many dollars every year. Now,
don't think you're sacrificing quality to gainAvalon money saving economy. Absolutely not.
Avalons are union made of a matchlessblend of the world's finest turkeys and domestic
(02:08):
tobaccos in fact, you couldn't getfiner quality tobaccos in any other cigarette,
regardless of price, regardless of brand. When any cigarette offers such definite advantages,
it certainly deserves a trial. Sothe next time, try avalons the
(02:28):
modern cigarette price to fit the time. And now for the news, we
(02:53):
present our Cara top commentator with hisheadline Holcomb. Here he is that naughty,
nicey nuts he knows a news hawks'sgiming. Thank you very much,
good evening, ladies and jentlemen.And now for the news. Don't hollow
Kansas. A small town dogcatcher,after five year term in office, loses
(03:14):
his jobs. Busn't left for theguy to do. He finally caught the
dog Chicago, Illinois this week inChicago's Courtesy Week. In other words,
automobiles are not allowed to hit morethan three pedestrians in one safety zone.
So you think he's not tough onthe pedestrians nowadays, No kidding. The
only chance the pedestrian has nowadays isto be able to jump three ways at
(03:36):
the same time. The fashion newsfrom Paris, France, bustles will be
worn this fall. He my girlwill be right in style and she ain't
trying him. Even the world.In sports, the National League pennant will
go to the team that's good forthe long pull. In the American League,
(03:59):
long pulls don't count just the Yanks. Yesterday was Lady's Day over at
the ballpark. All the ladies gotin for nothing. I took Eddon stillwell
over there, and it was funny. So many people mistook us for sisters.
And news from coast to coach collegecollege, schollegue, college students and
(04:23):
high school students prepared to go backto school. See good old college.
I wonder what the kids will learnto eat this year. I love school,
though. Five of the half theyears of my life I spent in
the fourth grade. But after fiveyears in the fourth grade, they finally
put me in the third News fromthe fields of medicine. A man frozen
(04:46):
in the ice for five days hasrevived and he says that he feels no
ill effect. My uncle says theyshould do something for the guys who stayed
boiled that long. You know,if they carry this freezing cure too far,
all the doctors will go lot ofbusiness. No kidding, somebody gets
a bum liver. All they dois open up the icebox and say to
the eggs and meat move over.So I think that's enough news for the
(05:09):
night. So I sprang out ofhere and let Jeannette sing. My heart
has wings, singing pretty Jeannette,but pretty my heart has we id like
(05:34):
to I cinder who you and sweetsurrender? I clean my heart has we
enjoy my souless Robin, I justlike Robin stream a dear and dream of
(06:09):
you eat not. It's thrilling whenyou hope me Mo glad hot sea had
flying to heaven because mon hot gladhote flying wine heaven because mine, Ah,
(07:16):
that was very very pretty Jeannette.And now ladies and j Justin,
we come to our slice of life, things that happen in everyday life,
that you do and that I do, in fact, all of us.
Do you set the scene? Wethere right, Red Well, As the
scene opens, a young couple ofsong riding along the highway in an automobile.
It's a beautiful night. Edna Stilwellplays the part of the romantic young
(07:36):
girl, and Red Cousin plays thepart of the handsome young man. Handsome,
it's a very dark night. Folks, listen, say, can't this
cargo any faster. It can't,but I ain't gonna get out and push
it. They ended a beautiful night. Shall we pause and look at the
(07:57):
moon? We'll look at the moon, but you keep your paws to yourself.
See, isn't it romantic? Drivingalong the road? Here we are
all alone, just June and meand the good humor men. I think
we're out of gas. Now,don't give me that stuff. Why have
you got no money? Oh?It seems to be all right now.
(08:20):
Never for a minute I thought we'regoing to have a little snipe and work.
What's that down the road? Ididn't know. It looks like a
couple of hitchhikers. Shall we pickthem up? Or shall we just whiz
by and let them swear at it? I don't know. It's awful dangerous
picking up strangers. And besides,I don't think they're hitch hikers. Look,
it's a dark knights and they aren'twearing neon thumbs. Yeah, well,
(08:43):
maybe they're just beginners. I feelsorder sorry for him. Let's pick
them up. Huh. I gottaget that sound man's face. Say you
want to right, bellas, I'llget in there in the back seat.
There, make yourself at home.See, I hope it's comfortable back there.
For I wish you hadn't picked thoseguys up. They look bad.
(09:03):
And did you see the bulls thatbig one has under his arms? Yeah?
Bet he buys. He's closed thesame place I do. What can
you expect from box Tom, Let'sdon't worry. Just switch on the radio.
There all cars, all cars,two prisons of state tonight from the
(09:33):
state, from the country, theone seen on Highway forty Hall, Hoddy
Hall. Did you hear that?Two escape convicts on Highway forty one?
What highway is this? It ain'tthe Mando Lake that they're the convicts.
People the mirror and see what they'redoing. Well, they're feeling around in
their pockets. They're looking for thegun. Gee, in a minute,
(09:54):
you may be dead. I meanaltogether. Look one of them three king
out in pain. Say buddy,have you got a match? Yeah?
Oh no, I mean yeah,here's a cigarette lighter, just keep it.
I got plenty more. Have yougot a cigarette? Yeah, should
just move in. Here's a wholefat I'm sorry I don't have a carton.
(10:18):
Well, as I was saying Billbefore we picked up this ride,
the best killes are done scientifically.Now this afternoon, I killed eleven of
them, and the sound out ofany of them. Stop sticking out your
tongue. That's not my tongue atmy heart. Well, don't let them
know you're scared. I'm not scared. I'm just scared. I'm scared.
(10:39):
I'm gonna get scared. You're gonnaWell, if you're not scared, you
better call back your eye. Yes, you take a knife like this and
then with a quick stab. Sure, Sure it's quicker that way, and
they don't suffer so much. Yeah, I'll bet it's more fun too.
By the way, how would youlike a big fat head I think they're
talking about, you know, yeah, a couple of those true soul murderers.
(11:07):
Boy, this road getting darker anddarker. Ooh, there's a sign
that's twenty miles to Goslow. Boy, you are scared. Twenty miles to
Goslow. It's that speed limit twentymiles an hour. Go slow. Look
and I'll try to talk him intoletting you go free. But I want
(11:28):
you to know that I love you, and I've only been untrue to you.
Once you have Yeah, once Ikissed The chorus girl on the floor
on the forest. Yeah, shewasn't the chorus girl. And besides,
I thought you were the one whonever looked at another woman. Now,
look, you're just doing fun.I want the last few minutes to be
happy. Ones Well, farewell myglove. Oh no, there's a filling
(11:50):
station. Yeah, you pull him, man, I'll start yelling for help.
Yeah, and the guy I'll probablyrun out and start wiping off the
windshields. Say will don't you thinkhe's people are actually rather funny? Yes?
And did you notice the man looksjust like left key? Or I'll
tap him on the shoulder and we'llintroduce ourselves. Please, good man with
(12:16):
the trouble, don't write a playin it. So we heard every word
you said, bro about those elevenpeople, your pals, you know,
those eleven people, your powers.I didn't kill eleven people. Oh you
don't even tell him anymore. Ohyou're clever criminals. But we heard every
word you said. Just a minute. Hold on there, fella, here's
my god. Why. I'm BillGreen of the State Animal Husbandry and I'm
(12:37):
here to show the farmers how tobutcher their cattle scientifically. Oh yes,
and I'm Parson smith, Oh,I beg your parsons pardon? Did you
hear that another couple of unts ofstuff? Can we do anything to repay
you for your kindness? Yes,you can get me a glass of water.
My cave man just caved in byway of letting you keep up to
(13:09):
date for the latest encimilating rhythm bob'strongin his archest to present Bob's arrangement of
pavan, ladies and gentlemen. Didyou hear what the learned Chinese philosopher Teaching
(15:16):
said about Avalon cigarettes, Well,he said, in China it is written
in letters a goal come ku shatsay stitching in time? What's too in
bodsh correction? Bud in hand?Bad table manna correction, good thing?
Come a little package Avalon, Comea little package you're never getting that costs
(15:39):
your lesson. Yes, friends,Teaching certainly knows what he's talking about.
Everyone can save money, and plentyof money too by switching to Avalon cigarette.
Avalons costs three to five cents lessper pack than other popular price brands.
(16:00):
Let me tell you you be surprisedhow fast that repeated saving on every
pack will turn into important money.Yes, many, many extra dollars,
but judging by the quality, you'dnever guess avalons cost you less. Their
union made from extra choice, extraselect Turkeish and domestic tobaccos blended to perfection
(16:21):
to give you cigarettes that are unsurpassedfor real smoking enjoyment. Just think outstanding
quality, exceptionally money saving economy.Truly, Avalons are the cigarette y of
today. So the next time,try a pack of Avalons. Here's Kurt
(16:44):
Massey and the Avalon chorus to seeyou, a very beautiful song of a
few years back. It's still agreat favorite when it's twilight on the trail,
all right, kurk for waiting,when it's the trail, And my
(17:04):
joy along the world is like adream, and the ripple of the streams
is my soul. Have yay.I was born that way where it al
(18:00):
all my train, and my voicestill least plant this part of my underneath
the load some pig on when itwas on the train. And now we
(18:59):
come to the send out skeleton service. If you're in distress and need some
help and need it bad, we'llsend out Skelton. Here we are in
Skelton's office, where Edna Stillwell assumesto do. Here's a secretary. Hello,
this will send out skeleton service.The government's project is the WPA.
Skeltons is the WPU. What's that? Miss? Oh? You're getting married
(19:22):
today and you want mister Skelton tocome over and make your fiance jealous?
Are you sure you want mister Skelton? Oh? I see boys, Carlos
was out. Okay, he'll beright over. What's this? I gotta
go over and make a boyfriend jealousYep? And does this make telephone history
the first time anybody was connected withthe party They called and still got the
(19:42):
wrong number. Yeah, listen,now, don't go around selling me short
as a glamour boy. I've gotmore oom than I can handle. What
do you mean, m Well,lebride just quarrel with a groom, and
you're supposed to make him jealous enoughto make him do his part in the
(20:03):
wedding ceremony? An the wedding.Oh, I love wedding. Last June.
I stood up for my uncle,you know, the one that drink
so much he couldn't bite make it. I didn't think any self respecting lovebug
wouldever bite him. Well, ifdon't bite him anymore, it just sort
of gums him a little. Youknow, you should have seen how red
the bride's face was. Well,can you blame her for blushing? That's
(20:26):
what she got. That was twomonths after the wedding, before he found
out that he's blushing bride with anIndian. But romance sure runs in our
family. Well, gets going perpetualemotions. Yeah, hell, I'm off
to pitch a little wood gets inthe house, all right? The old
(21:03):
man means to be as the signsays, beware of doors. I'll just
ring the door about her. Well, oh, I'm the fully you here
on the radio that goes out andmake somebody jealous. I'm the one you
send for another boost for television.Come in and don't look now, But
(21:26):
that man over there, he andmy daughter had a little spat. Well,
congratulations a boy or a girl?Oh fat? Yes, he won't
go through with the ceremony we plan, so I'm afraid you'll have to help
us out. I don't worry,I'll make him jealous. Say what do
you think her boyfriend will do whenhe sees me he thinks I'm going to
(21:48):
marry your daughter. He'll probably comeover and wring your hand off. Well,
that's what. Huh, well,idiom, she'll explain everything. Oh,
sentium, this is a man who'sgoing to make Henry jealous. How
are you, tootsies, listen,I'll make that guy so jealous. Oh,
(22:10):
you don't look like you'd be jealous. Oh no, I even make
my own mother jealous. Your mother, Yeah, she looks at me and
gets jealous of other mothers. Now, if you don't want me, I'll
just leave out of it. Well, it's too late for last minute changes.
My fiance refuses to go through theceremony. So you march with me,
and when he sees you, he'llget jealous and rush over him.
(22:30):
So sound marrying me himself? Hewill? Why? I mean? Now,
quiet, get ready while I talkto the bridesmaids. Now, let's
see. I should have something old, something new, something borrowed, and
something blue. I think that wasthe bridegroom. It just blue. Don't
(22:52):
be silly. That's Henry over there. Oh isn't he distinguished looking? Yes?
She is. What makes seem sodistinguished looking probably those horn rimmed circles
under his eyes. Ah, shureyou wait here, say dressmaker. Keep
your eye on this specimen, buttightly sweeplingess well for a gypsy Rose Leavy.
(23:15):
Please please in the business addresses,I'm being known as missus Judge Bernard
Schwartz, say this. Your isa screwy setup. Here au, Oh,
I think you'll make a lovely couple. That dame's fat enough for me,
a couple herself, you know,to marry hers on the border of
bigamy. I ain't talking to remember, but at the last wedding, because
(23:40):
she was so fatly through popped riceand you make her dress off tightly.
I'm confidentially it is the first timeI'm making a tent with shoulder straps.
That's sure as a funny looking dressshe has all the night? What is
it? Does the genuine scrap ofthe shins with Thecadians leaves, with the
(24:03):
wheel stitching with veal stitching, hamstitching. I couldn't say, Oh,
I'm all fluttered. I'll go first, so watch out for my wedding.
How now are you nervous? Well? Who mean me? No, I
should say not. Then stop chewingon that Texas plan. My last husband
(24:26):
got an awful fright. Yeah,you're telling me, I mean, gee,
I just stepped on your tail.I mean the clumsy, Hannah,
you better walk with me. Oh, look at Henry. He has his
eyes cosed. He can't bear tosee you. Some other man. Yeah,
(24:47):
look at all those other guys smiling. I'll bet they're bachelors, say,
Henry, don't seem to be payingmuch attention to us. Don't worry.
He will just wait till we're pronouncedman. And yeah, well I'll
wait a minute. Man and wife. Look, I can't look. I
gotta go see a man about awife. I mean, I can't do
(25:08):
it. I've got a child andnine small wives. I mean, father,
listen, if you embarrass my daughterin front of all these people.
Are oh, okay, okay,but just remember you turn around and take
the preacher. Okay, but I'lllive. Well. Are you supposed to
be the preacher? Well, Iain't, Shirley Temple McPherson, thank you
(25:29):
the parson, I should say so, mister Skelton, And am I ready
to give your splice for life?But you can't do it, Turkey,
I just got a why quiet,mister skeelt This ceremony must go on.
Now join hands? Now do youwoman? Take this? Man? I
tell well, if you're in sucha hurry, I'll go faster her.
(25:49):
And do you man take this womanfor chard Recher, for better or worse,
they're far sick, our thicker tilldeath takes a holiday. I'm most
certain. Well, here's the ring, mister Skelp. Don't look perky.
I can't do this thing. Chasesomebody else where's omer. Don't get excited,
(26:11):
mister Skelp. I'm not excited,I'm just a little. Well then,
for Heaven's thanks, stop trying toput the ring in her nose.
But don't you see hercy? Oh, for goodness, take keep quiet.
I now pronounce you man and wifeto dollars. Lease. Oh, I'm
so thrilled. Kiss me? Isthat necessary? I mean, is it
(26:32):
to kiss the mary to cuts thebride? I mean, not quite so
soon? And for gonna thake missusSkelton, don't shake so much, but
herkye, I'm married, me amarried man, and right when I'm in
the prime of life too all forgonna thake. Stop blubbering. Nothing happened.
We both were hired at stand inat a wedding rehearsal. Oh well,
(28:40):
Della, looks like we're just aboutready to talk the show. Away
for another week. That's right,Red, Look, I don't want to
mention any names, but do youknow that somebody around here actually believes that
Marshall Field is a playground your kittens. You know, I've often wondered what
they use those fields for myself.Good night, Red, Oh, I
don't guess he knows. Good Night, folks. I'll see you all next
(29:02):
week. Remember, friends, duringthe week, when you ask for Avalon
cigarette, don't forget your change.My God always alone. Yes, you'd
(29:26):
never guess, but Avalon's cost hima ten cents plus city or state tex
Red Skelton is appearing in person withDazu Fits and John Balls at the Chicago
Theater now and all next week throughThursday. Be with us next Saturday evening
at the same time when the Brownand Williams and Tobacco Corporation will again present
(29:48):
Avalon time Dell came figuring good Night, a selection ingong the Witch's Dead We
in the program from the book cutOut. I have a long time to
come here to my Chicago studio,just just as the National Lowcastle problem.
(30:08):
Oh oh,
A bag of Avalon cigarettes. Please, yes, sir, oh just the
moment says, don't forget your change. You'd never guessed, but Avalon's cost
you less. Good evening, Friends, good evening. This is del King
(00:38):
saying welcome to Avalon time with KurkMassey, Edna Jowell, Jeanette, the
Avalon Chorus, Bob Strowing in hisdarkest and Radio's red headed Ragamuffin, Richard
red Kelvin. Ladies and gentlemen,if you want every penny you spend for
(01:23):
your cigarettes to bring full value,then switch to Avalon cigarettes that give you
more for your money. Yes,the outstanding cigarette value on the market today.
Avalon are highest qualities but costs threeto five cents less perfact than other
popular price brands. And they're thisin mind, that saving of three to
(01:46):
five cents means a reduction of asmuch as one third of your total cigarette
expence, and that amounts to many, many dollars every year. Now,
don't think you're sacrificing quality to gainAvalon money saving economy. Absolutely not.
Avalons are union made of a matchlessblend of the world's finest turkeys and domestic
(02:08):
tobaccos in fact, you couldn't getfiner quality tobaccos in any other cigarette,
regardless of price, regardless of brand. When any cigarette offers such definite advantages,
it certainly deserves a trial. Sothe next time, try avalons the
(02:28):
modern cigarette price to fit the time. And now for the news, we
(02:53):
present our Cara top commentator with hisheadline Holcomb. Here he is that naughty,
nicey nuts he knows a news hawks'sgiming. Thank you very much,
good evening, ladies and jentlemen.And now for the news. Don't hollow
Kansas. A small town dogcatcher,after five year term in office, loses
(03:14):
his jobs. Busn't left for theguy to do. He finally caught the
dog Chicago, Illinois this week inChicago's Courtesy Week. In other words,
automobiles are not allowed to hit morethan three pedestrians in one safety zone.
So you think he's not tough onthe pedestrians nowadays, No kidding. The
only chance the pedestrian has nowadays isto be able to jump three ways at
(03:36):
the same time. The fashion newsfrom Paris, France, bustles will be
worn this fall. He my girlwill be right in style and she ain't
trying him. Even the world.In sports, the National League pennant will
go to the team that's good forthe long pull. In the American League,
(03:59):
long pulls don't count just the Yanks. Yesterday was Lady's Day over at
the ballpark. All the ladies gotin for nothing. I took Eddon stillwell
over there, and it was funny. So many people mistook us for sisters.
And news from coast to coach collegecollege, schollegue, college students and
(04:23):
high school students prepared to go backto school. See good old college.
I wonder what the kids will learnto eat this year. I love school,
though. Five of the half theyears of my life I spent in
the fourth grade. But after fiveyears in the fourth grade, they finally
put me in the third News fromthe fields of medicine. A man frozen
(04:46):
in the ice for five days hasrevived and he says that he feels no
ill effect. My uncle says theyshould do something for the guys who stayed
boiled that long. You know,if they carry this freezing cure too far,
all the doctors will go lot ofbusiness. No kidding, somebody gets
a bum liver. All they dois open up the icebox and say to
the eggs and meat move over.So I think that's enough news for the
(05:09):
night. So I sprang out ofhere and let Jeannette sing. My heart
has wings, singing pretty Jeannette,but pretty my heart has we id like
(05:34):
to I cinder who you and sweetsurrender? I clean my heart has we
enjoy my souless Robin, I justlike Robin stream a dear and dream of
(06:09):
you eat not. It's thrilling whenyou hope me Mo glad hot sea had
flying to heaven because mon hot gladhote flying wine heaven because mine, Ah,
(07:16):
that was very very pretty Jeannette.And now ladies and j Justin,
we come to our slice of life, things that happen in everyday life,
that you do and that I do, in fact, all of us.
Do you set the scene? Wethere right, Red Well, As the
scene opens, a young couple ofsong riding along the highway in an automobile.
It's a beautiful night. Edna Stilwellplays the part of the romantic young
(07:36):
girl, and Red Cousin plays thepart of the handsome young man. Handsome,
it's a very dark night. Folks, listen, say, can't this
cargo any faster. It can't,but I ain't gonna get out and push
it. They ended a beautiful night. Shall we pause and look at the
(07:57):
moon? We'll look at the moon, but you keep your paws to yourself.
See, isn't it romantic? Drivingalong the road? Here we are
all alone, just June and meand the good humor men. I think
we're out of gas. Now,don't give me that stuff. Why have
you got no money? Oh?It seems to be all right now.
(08:20):
Never for a minute I thought we'regoing to have a little snipe and work.
What's that down the road? Ididn't know. It looks like a
couple of hitchhikers. Shall we pickthem up? Or shall we just whiz
by and let them swear at it? I don't know. It's awful dangerous
picking up strangers. And besides,I don't think they're hitch hikers. Look,
it's a dark knights and they aren'twearing neon thumbs. Yeah, well,
(08:43):
maybe they're just beginners. I feelsorder sorry for him. Let's pick
them up. Huh. I gottaget that sound man's face. Say you
want to right, bellas, I'llget in there in the back seat.
There, make yourself at home.See, I hope it's comfortable back there.
For I wish you hadn't picked thoseguys up. They look bad.
(09:03):
And did you see the bulls thatbig one has under his arms? Yeah?
Bet he buys. He's closed thesame place I do. What can
you expect from box Tom, Let'sdon't worry. Just switch on the radio.
There all cars, all cars,two prisons of state tonight from the
(09:33):
state, from the country, theone seen on Highway forty Hall, Hoddy
Hall. Did you hear that?Two escape convicts on Highway forty one?
What highway is this? It ain'tthe Mando Lake that they're the convicts.
People the mirror and see what they'redoing. Well, they're feeling around in
their pockets. They're looking for thegun. Gee, in a minute,
(09:54):
you may be dead. I meanaltogether. Look one of them three king
out in pain. Say buddy,have you got a match? Yeah?
Oh no, I mean yeah,here's a cigarette lighter, just keep it.
I got plenty more. Have yougot a cigarette? Yeah, should
just move in. Here's a wholefat I'm sorry I don't have a carton.
(10:18):
Well, as I was saying Billbefore we picked up this ride,
the best killes are done scientifically.Now this afternoon, I killed eleven of
them, and the sound out ofany of them. Stop sticking out your
tongue. That's not my tongue atmy heart. Well, don't let them
know you're scared. I'm not scared. I'm just scared. I'm scared.
(10:39):
I'm gonna get scared. You're gonnaWell, if you're not scared, you
better call back your eye. Yes, you take a knife like this and
then with a quick stab. Sure, Sure it's quicker that way, and
they don't suffer so much. Yeah, I'll bet it's more fun too.
By the way, how would youlike a big fat head I think they're
talking about, you know, yeah, a couple of those true soul murderers.
(11:07):
Boy, this road getting darker anddarker. Ooh, there's a sign
that's twenty miles to Goslow. Boy, you are scared. Twenty miles to
Goslow. It's that speed limit twentymiles an hour. Go slow. Look
and I'll try to talk him intoletting you go free. But I want
(11:28):
you to know that I love you, and I've only been untrue to you.
Once you have Yeah, once Ikissed The chorus girl on the floor
on the forest. Yeah, shewasn't the chorus girl. And besides,
I thought you were the one whonever looked at another woman. Now,
look, you're just doing fun.I want the last few minutes to be
happy. Ones Well, farewell myglove. Oh no, there's a filling
(11:50):
station. Yeah, you pull him, man, I'll start yelling for help.
Yeah, and the guy I'll probablyrun out and start wiping off the
windshields. Say will don't you thinkhe's people are actually rather funny? Yes?
And did you notice the man looksjust like left key? Or I'll
tap him on the shoulder and we'llintroduce ourselves. Please, good man with
(12:16):
the trouble, don't write a playin it. So we heard every word
you said, bro about those elevenpeople, your pals, you know,
those eleven people, your powers.I didn't kill eleven people. Oh you
don't even tell him anymore. Ohyou're clever criminals. But we heard every
word you said. Just a minute. Hold on there, fella, here's
my god. Why. I'm BillGreen of the State Animal Husbandry and I'm
(12:37):
here to show the farmers how tobutcher their cattle scientifically. Oh yes,
and I'm Parson smith, Oh,I beg your parsons pardon? Did you
hear that another couple of unts ofstuff? Can we do anything to repay
you for your kindness? Yes,you can get me a glass of water.
My cave man just caved in byway of letting you keep up to
(13:09):
date for the latest encimilating rhythm bob'strongin his archest to present Bob's arrangement of
pavan, ladies and gentlemen. Didyou hear what the learned Chinese philosopher Teaching
(15:16):
said about Avalon cigarettes, Well,he said, in China it is written
in letters a goal come ku shatsay stitching in time? What's too in
bodsh correction? Bud in hand?Bad table manna correction, good thing?
Come a little package Avalon, Comea little package you're never getting that costs
(15:39):
your lesson. Yes, friends,Teaching certainly knows what he's talking about.
Everyone can save money, and plentyof money too by switching to Avalon cigarette.
Avalons costs three to five cents lessper pack than other popular price brands.
(16:00):
Let me tell you you be surprisedhow fast that repeated saving on every
pack will turn into important money.Yes, many, many extra dollars,
but judging by the quality, you'dnever guess avalons cost you less. Their
union made from extra choice, extraselect Turkeish and domestic tobaccos blended to perfection
(16:21):
to give you cigarettes that are unsurpassedfor real smoking enjoyment. Just think outstanding
quality, exceptionally money saving economy.Truly, Avalons are the cigarette y of
today. So the next time,try a pack of Avalons. Here's Kurt
(16:44):
Massey and the Avalon chorus to seeyou, a very beautiful song of a
few years back. It's still agreat favorite when it's twilight on the trail,
all right, kurk for waiting,when it's the trail, And my
(17:04):
joy along the world is like adream, and the ripple of the streams
is my soul. Have yay.I was born that way where it al
(18:00):
all my train, and my voicestill least plant this part of my underneath
the load some pig on when itwas on the train. And now we
(18:59):
come to the send out skeleton service. If you're in distress and need some
help and need it bad, we'llsend out Skelton. Here we are in
Skelton's office, where Edna Stillwell assumesto do. Here's a secretary. Hello,
this will send out skeleton service.The government's project is the WPA.
Skeltons is the WPU. What's that? Miss? Oh? You're getting married
(19:22):
today and you want mister Skelton tocome over and make your fiance jealous?
Are you sure you want mister Skelton? Oh? I see boys, Carlos
was out. Okay, he'll beright over. What's this? I gotta
go over and make a boyfriend jealousYep? And does this make telephone history
the first time anybody was connected withthe party They called and still got the
(19:42):
wrong number. Yeah, listen,now, don't go around selling me short
as a glamour boy. I've gotmore oom than I can handle. What
do you mean, m Well,lebride just quarrel with a groom, and
you're supposed to make him jealous enoughto make him do his part in the
(20:03):
wedding ceremony? An the wedding.Oh, I love wedding. Last June.
I stood up for my uncle,you know, the one that drink
so much he couldn't bite make it. I didn't think any self respecting lovebug
wouldever bite him. Well, ifdon't bite him anymore, it just sort
of gums him a little. Youknow, you should have seen how red
the bride's face was. Well,can you blame her for blushing? That's
(20:26):
what she got. That was twomonths after the wedding, before he found
out that he's blushing bride with anIndian. But romance sure runs in our
family. Well, gets going perpetualemotions. Yeah, hell, I'm off
to pitch a little wood gets inthe house, all right? The old
(21:03):
man means to be as the signsays, beware of doors. I'll just
ring the door about her. Well, oh, I'm the fully you here
on the radio that goes out andmake somebody jealous. I'm the one you
send for another boost for television.Come in and don't look now, But
(21:26):
that man over there, he andmy daughter had a little spat. Well,
congratulations a boy or a girl?Oh fat? Yes, he won't
go through with the ceremony we plan, so I'm afraid you'll have to help
us out. I don't worry,I'll make him jealous. Say what do
you think her boyfriend will do whenhe sees me he thinks I'm going to
(21:48):
marry your daughter. He'll probably comeover and wring your hand off. Well,
that's what. Huh, well,idiom, she'll explain everything. Oh,
sentium, this is a man who'sgoing to make Henry jealous. How
are you, tootsies, listen,I'll make that guy so jealous. Oh,
(22:10):
you don't look like you'd be jealous. Oh no, I even make
my own mother jealous. Your mother, Yeah, she looks at me and
gets jealous of other mothers. Now, if you don't want me, I'll
just leave out of it. Well, it's too late for last minute changes.
My fiance refuses to go through theceremony. So you march with me,
and when he sees you, he'llget jealous and rush over him.
(22:30):
So sound marrying me himself? Hewill? Why? I mean? Now,
quiet, get ready while I talkto the bridesmaids. Now, let's
see. I should have something old, something new, something borrowed, and
something blue. I think that wasthe bridegroom. It just blue. Don't
(22:52):
be silly. That's Henry over there. Oh isn't he distinguished looking? Yes?
She is. What makes seem sodistinguished looking probably those horn rimmed circles
under his eyes. Ah, shureyou wait here, say dressmaker. Keep
your eye on this specimen, buttightly sweeplingess well for a gypsy Rose Leavy.
(23:15):
Please please in the business addresses,I'm being known as missus Judge Bernard
Schwartz, say this. Your isa screwy setup. Here au, Oh,
I think you'll make a lovely couple. That dame's fat enough for me,
a couple herself, you know,to marry hers on the border of
bigamy. I ain't talking to remember, but at the last wedding, because
(23:40):
she was so fatly through popped riceand you make her dress off tightly.
I'm confidentially it is the first timeI'm making a tent with shoulder straps.
That's sure as a funny looking dressshe has all the night? What is
it? Does the genuine scrap ofthe shins with Thecadians leaves, with the
(24:03):
wheel stitching with veal stitching, hamstitching. I couldn't say, Oh,
I'm all fluttered. I'll go first, so watch out for my wedding.
How now are you nervous? Well? Who mean me? No, I
should say not. Then stop chewingon that Texas plan. My last husband
(24:26):
got an awful fright. Yeah,you're telling me, I mean, gee,
I just stepped on your tail.I mean the clumsy, Hannah,
you better walk with me. Oh, look at Henry. He has his
eyes cosed. He can't bear tosee you. Some other man. Yeah,
(24:47):
look at all those other guys smiling. I'll bet they're bachelors, say,
Henry, don't seem to be payingmuch attention to us. Don't worry.
He will just wait till we're pronouncedman. And yeah, well I'll
wait a minute. Man and wife. Look, I can't look. I
gotta go see a man about awife. I mean, I can't do
(25:08):
it. I've got a child andnine small wives. I mean, father,
listen, if you embarrass my daughterin front of all these people.
Are oh, okay, okay,but just remember you turn around and take
the preacher. Okay, but I'lllive. Well. Are you supposed to
be the preacher? Well, Iain't, Shirley Temple McPherson, thank you
(25:29):
the parson, I should say so, mister Skelton, And am I ready
to give your splice for life?But you can't do it, Turkey,
I just got a why quiet,mister skeelt This ceremony must go on.
Now join hands? Now do youwoman? Take this? Man? I
tell well, if you're in sucha hurry, I'll go faster her.
(25:49):
And do you man take this womanfor chard Recher, for better or worse,
they're far sick, our thicker tilldeath takes a holiday. I'm most
certain. Well, here's the ring, mister Skelp. Don't look perky.
I can't do this thing. Chasesomebody else where's omer. Don't get excited,
(26:11):
mister Skelp. I'm not excited,I'm just a little. Well then,
for Heaven's thanks, stop trying toput the ring in her nose.
But don't you see hercy? Oh, for goodness, take keep quiet.
I now pronounce you man and wifeto dollars. Lease. Oh, I'm
so thrilled. Kiss me? Isthat necessary? I mean, is it
(26:32):
to kiss the mary to cuts thebride? I mean, not quite so
soon? And for gonna thake missusSkelton, don't shake so much, but
herkye, I'm married, me amarried man, and right when I'm in
the prime of life too all forgonna thake. Stop blubbering. Nothing happened.
We both were hired at stand inat a wedding rehearsal. Oh well,
(28:40):
Della, looks like we're just aboutready to talk the show. Away
for another week. That's right,Red, Look, I don't want to
mention any names, but do youknow that somebody around here actually believes that
Marshall Field is a playground your kittens. You know, I've often wondered what
they use those fields for myself.Good night, Red, Oh, I
don't guess he knows. Good Night, folks. I'll see you all next
(29:02):
week. Remember, friends, duringthe week, when you ask for Avalon
cigarette, don't forget your change.My God always alone. Yes, you'd
(29:26):
never guess, but Avalon's cost hima ten cents plus city or state tex
Red Skelton is appearing in person withDazu Fits and John Balls at the Chicago
Theater now and all next week throughThursday. Be with us next Saturday evening
at the same time when the Brownand Williams and Tobacco Corporation will again present
(29:48):
Avalon time Dell came figuring good Night, a selection ingong the Witch's Dead We
in the program from the book cutOut. I have a long time to
come here to my Chicago studio,just just as the National Lowcastle problem.
(30:08):
Oh oh,
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