Lady Barber an episode of Avalon Time radio show

Please enjoy Lady Barber a great episode of the legendaryAvalon Time radio show - A Classic Old Time radio Show - OTR

Episode Transcript

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Ooo ooo w E A S NewYork Date thirty p M b U l
O v A Boulevar Watch Time Boulevarguest of a lifetime track of Avalon cigarettes.

(00:32):
Please yes, sir, just themoment said, don't forget your change.
You'd never guess that avalons cost youless. Always good e goody thing,

(00:54):
this is del king thing. Welcometo Avalon Time, featuring Radio's Redheaded
Rag him Up and Richard red Skelvinwith Dick todd Ed. Stillwell but hercules
vanned over the four pubs, theAvalon Cars, and Bob Strong and his
Orchestra opening the program with the Manwith the Mandolin. You can pay more

(02:54):
for your cigarettes, but you can'tget finer quality than Avalons. Avalons are
Union made from extra choice, extraselect Turkish and domestic tobaccos blended to perfection.
That's why you'd never guess. Avalonscost you less three to five cents
less per pack than other popular pricebrands, a saving that means many many

(03:15):
extra dollars for you. Friends,Take advantage of Avalons, the cigarettes that
give you both outstanding quality and realmoney saving economy. Try a pack tonight
and now, friends, we bringyou that great party man. Not the

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present head of the Democratic Party,not the nominal head of the Republican Party,
but the pumpkin head of the Halloweenparty, Red Scouting, thank you
very much. Good evening, ladies, and jack butt Litiandelle. I'm no
Jack o' Leonard. You're no JackO'benny either. Come on, let's get

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gone say yeah, that was someHalloween party last night. By the way,
who was that old coaduer? Wasa gruesome makeup who kept kidding about
borrowing money from everybody? That wasmy uncle. They didn't have on any
makeup and he wasn't kidding. Theyspeaking of gruesome people, Dell, who
was that girl you were with lastnight? Who I thought the wicked on?
Which was the Oh listen, Red? What was wrong with her?

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What do you know? She wasa debut own who just came out what's
from an apple? I'm just kiddingDowne. We really had a lot of
fun, and Edna stillwell and Ishowed up at the party without costumes,
but they took care of us.They gave Edna a mini mouth costume,
and they gave me a mickey.Then we dug for apples. You know
when my turn came was right.It was right after my uncles. On

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the third try, I came upwith an apple and an extra set of
teeth. The older folks got kindof tired of losing their teeth, you
know, every time they bobbed thoseapples, So they went out in the
kitchen and start bobbing for apple sauce. Halloween with a frost on the pumpkins
and corn in the script and thesponsors in the client's booth listening to the

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drift had a lot of fun.I'll ever forget. Oh we were going
out last night and play some prankson those Midgian houses. But there's a
new rule in our neighborhood, notipping. But you know, I think
they carry this scaring business too far. Why this morning and this evening?

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Rather when I stepped into the studio, everybody yelled booth, oh look what
came in, Dick to how'd youenjoy my party last night, Dick pine
rad I wasn't there, Oh thelittle man who wasn't there? Well,
what's your first number of to night? Dick sendor Ota, stay in my
arm? Well, all right,you give give him sing it, Dick,

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stand in my arm Inderella while theclock is striking, while hole the
stroke of twelve, don't run away? Don't can you hear my heart?

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It bad to stay in my arms? Inderella? Name behind that, fellow
Prince char inside Matthew, I've hadone desire your wedding shoes place next to

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my midnight off midnight and sol divicein dalla stay in my midnight of midnight

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and sol divice Indora save that was? That was big girl Steeler Todd singing

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Cinderella saying my arm. No,wait a minute, scouting, What do
you mean, girl Steelers? Youtook in the still well dinner last night,
didn't you? Well? What's wrongwith that? What's wrong with it?
You paid her check? Now everytime I take her at dinner,
she'll expect me to do the samething. Wow, you don't have to
worry. She's crazy about you.I go on, and you're just saying
that, ain't you? No,I'm reading it. Well, I'm crazy

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about her. You know. I'ddo anything she told me to. I'd
even drink a cup of tea withrat poison if she told me to.
Well, you have cream or lemonlittle cream? Oh? Hor edn't it
say? Speaking of rat poison.Where's that brother of yours he's supposed to
be? What a fubblisity man heturned out to be. That's a nice
way to talk about brother. Andafter him booking you into that club?

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You mean, after him clubbing meinto that booking? Boy? What a
joint? A nightclub? Well,what's wrong with a nightclub? Rad nothing,
dell, But it's a little embarrassinggoing to work through a manhole.
Through a manhole, Yeah, you'vebeen down, you're not three times?
If a rat answers at the place, yeah, well, don't let brother
know you aren't grateful for what he'sdoing, or he'll break his heart and

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your neck. He wouldn't, right, It's why it's stooge. Stooge.
Listen, what's the idea of bookingme into that alleged nightclub? Why?
What's a man? Don't you wantto get someplace in the world? Han't
you got no ambition? Do youwant to spend the rest of your life
being and he's take a rat girl. Listen, brother dear, I'm a

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high class I'm a comedian of thefirst water. What are you laughing?
But the first time in my lifeI know what jerk water means mistiness.
Kevin, I step in here totell you about my latest publicity. Oh
it ought to be good. NowMonday at the club, we're gonna have
ten rounds of boxing. See now, that's why you come in. You're

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gonna offer to fight anybody in theplace. Well that's what who me?
Oh? No, brother, notin that joint. I'm not challenging anybody.
Why the other night I sneeze andsomebody started to say kazoot height and
somebody shouting between the kazoots and theheight. Besides, I don't know much
about fighting. What I do know, we're gonna keep them onself. But
I got that all fixie. There'san athletic trainer coming over, who teach

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you to fight in ten easy lessonsor one hard one. Yeah, well,
I ain't gonna do it on Ilove scap. I wouldn't there.
You're wrong, yore my bread andbrother. Yeah, but you're trying to
get me killed for a little meatand potatoes while you'll be there. O
kay, What have I got tolose besides a few teeth? And now,
folks that are being an old donutdunker myself, I'm anxious to find

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out what the four Puffs have tosay about donut DUNKI okay, it's going
your old dunkers, tom dum dugcodonna hold the coffee battle. Let us

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begins a nap. Came down toyour kids. Dump down cadona, dump
dun dun codonna. Don't you mindme? The coffee is dump it up
on the others. It why yousay, come on, let's have a
party. You see you all dumbparty that's all round, donny, I

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think wild duck dump dun dun.Yes, the dose. It is the
thing to beat off. It's atreat a king when you dump dundu dum

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dump dug. Yes, to doit is the thing to beat up.
It's treat a king when you dumpingon it. You're bounce, sing and
sing and sing and sing. Friends, you've heard about the pixilated sisters,
But did you hear what the pixelatedbrother said about Avalon cigarettes. Well they

(12:39):
said, we smoke cavalons all thetime. Yes, we smoked them all
the time, my fine cigarette,Oh yes, very fine. We saved
lots of money with avalon. Ohyes, we saved lots of money with
air farm. But we don't careabout money. We're pixelated. You said
it, brother, We're nuts,not friends. If you care about money,

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if you want every cent of yourhard earned money to go as far
as possible, switch to Avalon cigarettes. Avalons are guaranteed highest quality, but
tossed three to five cents less perpack than other popular price brands, a
very worthwhile saving. Why not giveAvalons a trial tonight. You'd never guess
they cost you less. Hey yousound very good tonight, Delmer, Thank

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you, Richard? Yeah, Hey, we stilly calling each other by our
maiden names. Please ellis my trainergot here yet? No he hasn't.
Then say listen, don't tell meyou're going through with this publicity side.
But Red, you're not strong enough. You haven't got any muscle. Who
hasn't got any muscle? Here?I'll take off my coat. There,
just feel a muscle in my arm? Here? Now up a little higher.

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That's a mole. There? Igot it? Now what it got?
Away? Again? Nobody's gonna talkme out of this fight except me.
Besides, I've already hired the trainer. Should be here any minute.
I don't know it. It's probablyhim, the boy he must be talking.
He cracked the door. He mustbe a regular killer. Yeah,

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come in, gee, I'm gladyou got here. Well are you the
physical trainer? Well, I ain'tthe physical ragging the hat bro? Thank
you the fight trainer? Oh mygoodness, yes, mister Selton. And
you know when Mike fighters go inthe ring, they just simply oozed with
pep zim and riggers. Martest,Why didn't you ever hear of mike slogan?

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Mister Skelton, you have a sloganhurricane, Oh, jeffs Indeed,
he who fights and runs away haslearned to fight the hurcuy way. But
Hurcue, you don't have the physiqueof a fighter. Oh haven't I Why,
mister Calton, you're just take alook at me here, look at
Mike tummy. You just don't asbig rolls like a little doe. Say,

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look, you really think you couldtrain me to fight hiking? Why
listen? Why out he killed upbeathom Bottom Bosom and bury it. Well,
I think I've changed my mind aboutthe listener. Hrcy, we gotta
do our playlett now, scout,mess that scout. You'll pay attention to
me now in hal in Hale,Oh, let me see you in hal

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look, Hurky, it's gitting late. I gotta act. Would you like
to see me act? No,I'd rather see you in hal first.
Now, I'm gonna give you areal body dollar the Hercule leaves combination.
Okay, make it snappy, herky, What are you gonna do? Well?
Oh? You just love this combinationtreatment? Mess the coultain, you

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say, First, I take yourright leg and I put it up over
your head like that. Don't ooh. Now I take your left leg and
I wrap it around your head.Laugh for you look so cute. This
is kilting. It look like you'rewearing a smooth say. Look, herky,

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get me out of this, willyou now? Now? And I'll
take it easy pennyway. Let's sayI turned this foot this way. Oh
no, no, I turned thefoot this way. Oh I like puts
your back and shape again a budtime. But I don't like this combination
treatment. Oh, for goodness sake, hi goodness, I take a ganza.
What's the matter? I forgot thecombination? Well, I guess this

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don't teach me not a twist.Cars makes me think twice about physical culture,
And this is sweetly teaching me anawful death. Yeah, well,
what does it teach me? Samelessons? Hey, somebody get me out
of this. Forget me not whythat glson, that's your lesson in physiology?
Oh gosh, while I'm on learningit, dig Todd the avalon corsos

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thing. There's a gold mine inthe side the sky. Where's a gold
mine in the sky far over?We will find if you and I some

(17:11):
sweeter, there'll be clover just foryou down the line where the sky A
roll out of my close but paand the sky, and we'll set up

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there. And what's the world goby? When we find the long long
scal mine in the sky are awayaway far away, we will find that

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long last story mine on sea,and we will say hello two friends who
said goodbye. When we find thelong law storm in the sky are away

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are world go I'll let me findit. And now again we present our

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flies alive. A short sketch aboutthings that really happened. And the night's
playlet is about a lady barber.You set the scene there, okay,
Red, The time eight o'clock inthe morning, the place a small hotel
somewhere in your hometown. Edna stillwellcuts herself a small slice of acting in
this playlet. And Red Skelton isin there, butchering too. Go on

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to the hotel front boy, listen, hello, Broken Arms hotel. Yes,
this is a room clerk. Whatyou did? Smatter of pop for
the admiralting room? Three? Youtwo found the city of Flint? Yeah?
Where are you playing it on themap of Michigan? Say, bud

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Ain't Jesus Fellow's down here to givemister Greek in a transfusion? That's right.
Transfusions are my especially, here's mycard. When you want a transfusion,
don't ask for just ask for corpuzzles. Ask for it. Skelton's
corpuscles. They're good for the lastdrift there? What are they? Cincinnati
reds or Saint Louis Lu's No,there's gonna be white. Geez, don't

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it make you weak? Given transfusion? No, don't bother me a bit.
Besides, I like it down hereon the floor. Say, by
the way, is there a barbershopping this wildlife refuge? Yeah? Right
through that door is Edna's Choppy shoppingfor Yes, he's a good barber.
Oh, she's a good barber.And then her mother run it right for

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two bits. You'll make you looklike a new man. So what can
you lose when I grow up?I'm gonna resent that. But look,
tell me more about this lady barber. Does she put a bowl over your
head? Yeah? Eh, butin your case, you'll probably just you
a coffee cup. Well, i'llbe in the barber shop. If the
hospital falls about that transfusion, I'lltake the call of it. Oh,

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come right in your next, littleman. Yes, say you're new around
here, aren't you. Yeah,I'm in telling to give a transfusion.
Well, it's good to see astrange face. Yes, you know you're
pretty surprised. Yeah. When theroom clerk told me that the barber was
a lady, I expected to findsomebody looked like she'd made up the beds
at Washington slept in. Say,I'll bet you do a big business,

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miss barbershop. You are my thirdcustomer today, No, just my third
customer. Yeah. Well, wellthe bud shave her a haircut. Well,
I know I'm going to hate myselffor this, but I'll have a
shave once over politely. You havean at around here? Oh sure,
mother? Yes, would you bringan ash tray? Oh, here's the

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ash tage, thanks a lot,man. She is a funny looking things.
Hashtray looks like a nickel plated ear. It is if I got that
from our second customer. What happenedto the first customer? We never speak
of him anymore. Well, Idon't suppose he does much popping off himself.
Say tell me what happened. Well, I was shaving him and the

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radio was on, and just whenI got to his throat, the voice
of experience answered my letter. Doyou want soap on your face? See?
What are you gonna do? Shavethe whiskers or just rubb off of
your knuckles. If that's the wayyou feel, I'll use a razor.
Do you mind if I use Mandy'sLinby soap? I'm saving the rappers.

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Oh so, by the way,how's your physical condition? All fine?
Oh that's good? Well, andnot just use a local anesthetics? Yes,
hey, wait, I just remembersomething. I gotta go mail a
letter. Oh no, you don't. You need a shave and I need
the experience. Yeah, right afteryou shave me, you're gonna need bail

(23:14):
money. Here, hold your headback and I'll laugh at your face.
Well, what do you think aboutthe cubs chances next year. Will I
think you're right? Absolutely? Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm a little
nervous. Nervous. Yes, herdoctor says it's Saint Vibus, but it's
really just her nerves. Oh dear, I am nervous. Look, I

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just got the razor strap into.Isn't that a screen? No? But
this is put me on it.No, be a brave little tomboy.
Well, she's got the soap onyour face. You might as well go
through with it and decides it'll beall over in a few minutes. That's
what I'm afraid of. See.I hope this racor doesn't pull o.

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You're going against the grains. Inipped you. Wait a minute, you
did you nick? Meet? Where'sthe where's the mirror? Oh? Oh
oh, well, I thought sobad. I always wanted to pug nose
anyhow, my but you have prettydimples. Pretty dimples funny I didn't have

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when I came in here. Here, pop up your jaws. I'm gonna
get out the corners of your mouth. Okay, what's that funny noise?
Oh it's nothing at all. Justbring a leak in my left cheek.
Well, don't worry about it wedo vulcanizing free. Oh that's funny.
Why see almost save for the bell. I think that calls for me.

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I hope I'll answer that. Mother. Hello, mister Skelton, Oh,
yes he's here. What. Ohthis is Edna, the lady barber.
Yes, I just gave him ashave. If that calls for skeleton,
listen, I'm supposed to over tothe hospital and give a guy a transfusion
so he won't dig. Yeah,that's what they say. That's what they
just said. But there's been achange of plans. You mean I'm not

(25:07):
going over to the hospital and givea guy a transfusions. No, he's
coming over here to give you one. Millions upon millions of people will tell
you your money ahead when you switchto Avalon cigarette. You see Avalon's costs

(25:29):
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(25:53):
Friends, you have everything to gain. Give Avalons a trial tonight in

(28:23):
well Dell. There goes another thirtyminutes with dear old Avalons. Yeah,
so true as heaven. Where doyou go after the program's over, Well,
Roger, I have a little hideaway up in the mountain. Yeah,
I know, But how do youget out of town in a big
armored Oh? What's you? Goodnight, everybody, I'll see you next
week. Goodbye now, well,friends, we hope you enjoyed our show

(28:45):
and be with us next Wednesday nightat the same time when the Brown and
Williams and Tobacco Corporation will again presentRed Skelton, Dick todd Edna Stillwell and
the entire gang in Avalon time.This is del King speaking reminding you that
during the week when you asked forAvalon sickness, don't forget your change avelon

(29:06):
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Raleigh is certainly worth a trial.Gentlemen, get attend tonight. This is
a national broadcasting Company. Oh we A S New York noh w e

(30:21):
A S New York, No.