Meeting the In-Laws an episode of Avalon Time radio show

Please enjoy Meeting the In-Laws a great episode of the legendaryAvalon Time radio show - A Classic Old Time radio Show - OTR

Episode Transcript

(00:05):
Lack of Avalon cigarettes. Please,yes, sirs, just the monastery.
Don't forget your change. You'd neverguess that Avalons cost you less. You

(00:27):
even friends beds me with a gelteam for the first time on Wednesday Night,
saying welcome to Avalon time with Dicktook Edna Stilwell but Hercules vandover Martin
Hurts the Avalon Chorus, Bob Strongand his orchestra, and Radio's Red Headed
Rag him Up, and Richard Red'schildren the program with the Little Man who
Wasn't there. S Avalon cigarettes areguaranteed unsurpassed in quality. You couldn't get

(02:43):
finer quality tobaccos than any other cigarettes, regardless of price, regardless of brands.
And still Avalons past three to fivecents less per fact, three to
five cents less, mind you,than other popular price l a very worthwhile
saving. Try a pack of Avalonstonight, Ladies and gentlemen. If you

(03:13):
have anything to do around the house, like fire the furnace, turn on
the electric span, wash the dishes, any odd jobs you haven't finished.
Now's the time to do them,because here comes America's freame line Jester with
his weekly news Grist from the funmil Red Skeelvin and now for the nurse

(03:36):
from Coast to coast man invents cooloriiteglasses and eliminates glare. You'll have to
get my landlady a pair, no, kidd And every time she looks at
me, my shirt rolls up.Hollywood, California, Malinadetrich to make a
Western picture. Now I know whatHorse Greeley meant. One day India,

(04:00):
my Halfmaganda writes the hit song ofthe week. It's entitled I Poured My
Faith until a ten Chicago, Illinois. Joe Lewis was in town this week.
Boy, there's a fighter. That'sJoel Lewis. I used to be
a fighter. Did I ever tellyou about my first fight? So?
Did I ever tell you about mylast fight? Same fight? I love

(04:20):
fighting. My fighting a bill,It becomes natural. My whole family were
Sunday drivers. It was I fast. Every time I hear the bell,
I spring out of my corner andsomebody had thrown me back on the rain.
Oh let's forget that last fight though. In fact, every Saturday afternoon
I go out to the White CityArena just so I can be near my

(04:42):
feet. Chicago, Illinois, theAmerican Legion holds huge praise. It takes
fifteen hours to pass a given spot. The only trouble is nobody would give
you the spot. Oh, bythe way, they found Elmer. He
gave you himself, helped to Winchell. Oh, my uncle he was up

(05:09):
here. He's surprised everybody. Myuncle Hody. You never know he was
around unless you tripped over him.It was a little noisy here in Chicago
last year. There was one legionnairewho couldn't sleep, so he just started
counting the people in his room,and he just dropped right off from the
boys, brought some vinca my hometown. I took him over to see the
Lewis and Pastor fight. I didn'tthink we'd make it, though. We

(05:30):
got there at the theater just asthe fifteen cent price was changing. One
of the one of the legions gotinto one of those turkey spats on the
Ladies' night. He was very polite, though he explained that he thought it
was the headquarters of the Emily Post. Well, last enough news for the

(05:57):
night. The ladies and dunsmen,we'd like you to meet at this time
a new member of avalon time,a young fellow who's made many, many
Victor records. He has a grandvoice, and I'm sure that you'll all
like his style of singing. Andit's really a pleasure to present at this
time, Dick Toss, Come on, fella. I saw my two blue

(06:25):
workers, my beautiful blue wakers lastnight, and what a sweet surprise when
you look at me, it wasplain to blue worker, it's only blue.
Then you're are. It's been oftensaid that rich he'll be who dreams

(06:53):
of something blue. Riche I shallalways be, for that's how I found
you. I dreamed of two blueorkiss, two beautiful blue orkins, one

(07:15):
file in my lonely room. Idreamed of two blue orchids so full of
love and life that I wanted topossess each tender blue. Then my dreams
of queen and threw a thousand springsblue orchids steamed in the world upon But

(07:43):
when I met you, something paleand blue came stealing from the meadows of
my har I saw my two blueOrkans, my beautiful blue orkins his last
night. What a sweet surprise whenyou looked at me. It wasn't named

(08:11):
blue work. It's long blue inyour blue walking long in your That was

(08:37):
Blue Worker from the Colored Blind Flores, sung by our new avalon anchor Man
Dick talked. I might add thathe's sort of a glamour boy too.
He only had my ears. Hecould match gable oop for oom. Of
course, I don't do bad myself. The legion prayed yesterday. I had
a girl on each arm, agirl on each charm bred who does your

(08:58):
tattoo? It? The guyra thatwas some way brough look a fifteen hours
of solid marching guys. I thoughtI'd never seen this sight of Michigan Boulevard
again. Hey, yeah, youhaven't met Dick. Dick to this is
red scouting high Skelton see last Saturdayafter your programmed My Side eight? Oh

(09:20):
no kidding laughs, huh no.I tipped over the radio trying to turn
it off. Another comedian on theprogram? You mean me? Where's the
other one? Witty too? Whatthis program means, Skeouson, is more
singing, don't you think so?Well? Yes and no? What do

(09:41):
you mean? Yes and no?Yes? I don't think so. No,
we don't need any more singing,And don't come on this program,
fella find easy. It was misterAvalon personally who wanted Dick tok oh so
that said he got on this programwith a pool, No, with a
jerk. I listen here, ifI'm gonna be less of relief, have

(10:13):
somebody take a rap at the doorinstead of me. Come in, Hello,
Lena. Well, if it ain'tGypsy Rose Levy, please please say
I'm irid your problem for beauty treatment. I'm being known as lady Epstein.
You're a beauty expert saying you reallymake money. But definately mister Skelliphan,

(10:37):
I'm robbing the rich lady. Whatyou mean you steal from him? Oh
no, no, I'm robbing offthe path with massaging, with robbing creams.
I'm giving a knife doe a niceStill, they might have seen some
of your wife. You're a buildinginspector. With you, I should paddling

(10:58):
my name. I'm gonna out andsee how the legions are advertising my new
book on reducing Your new book,what's the name of it? Nip away?
Well, how do you like beingon Wednesday night instead of Saturday?
Man? Oh, well, Ibet a couple of weeks there'll be millions
of people tuning in about this time, sure, waiting to hear Fred Allen.

(11:18):
Yeah, I'll listen. Ed.Oh, who's the heymn from looking
fellows for him? Oh? Istick Todd, he's the new singer.
Well, I wish he'd stop annoyingme. Annoying me as even looked at
you. That's what's annoying me.Thanks felt here strong? What is it
boss? Well, Deck and Ihave been talking it over and we decided

(11:39):
this program needs more music and songs. Oh wait a minute, and I
got something to say about that.I'll bet it won't get a laugh.
Yeah. Well, I know forsure that the sponsor wants more comedy on
this show. Way to celebrate thisnew time. Last night he took me
out and grow out a new battlecampaign. Ah, you don't believe me,
I'll show you the stitches my head. Well we'll find out. We'll

(12:05):
find out. You know, Idon't think the sponsor follows that stuff about
you being a baby of the comedians. Well, why not, it's true.
Don't kid me. Those aren't teethingrings under your eyes. I will
you just wait and see. I'mgonna make this a real juvenile program.
ID even send for a child movieactor to come over here tonight. Probably

(12:26):
the child actor. Now come in, Sonny, Well, are you the
child star? Well I ain't FrankingStein's grandpa. Thank you the child star?
Oh goodness, yes, that's thecutain, and I'm all ready to
play the part of little lark angel. Putt you sure look cuting that jacket?

(12:52):
Say what kind of material is that? Is that real English eating or
that small seaton? Say? Wouldyou think you're a little bit too old
to be a child star? Hurcane? To o, why, good heavens?
No, why I'm so young?My mom still shaved me and my
eyes a little toughy. Oh youshould hear me recite poetry. Poetry that

(13:13):
was tell very tough. Oh youshould hear the poetry. Oh, I
guess I'm just a big play.I'm afraid you don't fit into my plans
as a child star Hurce. Oh, good heavens, then I'll never find
my proper place in this world.But confidentially, mister Skelton, when I
was born, the star flew overthe zoo for three hours before I could

(13:33):
talk him out of it. Goodold Hurcane, one of the seven blunders
of the world, Uh say,Red, I'll bet you can't name the
seven wonders of the world. Whocan't why it's nothing in ald else to
see? There's a Temple of Dinah, the Temple of Jupiter, the Temple
of Shirley, I mean to see. There's the hanging gardens of Babylon,

(13:54):
the Colossus in Rhodes, the Pyramidsand Egypt and Brooklyn and third place,
I say, what is the seventhwonder of the world? How you ever
got on this program? Now listen, Dick. You don't know me,
but the way I put this programover I misgravel On thinks I'm a wizard.
That's me. I'm a wizard.Stop making an ozza yourself. Well,

(14:28):
what do you know about this Alkalon? Time is full of surprises Tonight
here's something you know you've never heardbefore. Bob's wrong and the boys playing
Goody Goodbye, featuring our Who's singinggroup, the four Putts? What put

(15:24):
you good? Five? Five?I'll see you, lamb. How could
you good fye five? You thinkyou're clamber all the time that you were
playing with my part? You lovethe play your part. I must have
been down down as a constant.You need get from the start opus a

(15:45):
good son to that walty. Imean the one you save undercomer. Take
a goody good little skin, goodgood. There's a goody good reason why
it's good. Five five my goodgood think, goody good look in the

(16:17):
goody good looks. He's a reasonwhy it's good. Five five bady,
good Bye to you, bye mybaby, good bye, Ladies and gentlemen.
Did you hear how Grizzly a gruntThe famous wrestler described his last big
match. Well, Grizzly was afterthe match, and here's what he said

(16:40):
to me. He came up andhe said, yeah, high cost of
cigarettes has a stranglehold on me.See, so I gives them the scissors.
Nothing happens. I switched to atoe hold, nothing happens. I
switched to a half noson, nothinghappens. I switched to Avalons. I'm
the winner, yes, friends,and you win all the way around when

(17:03):
you switch to Avalons, because youget cigarettes that are positively unsurpassed in quality
but costs three to five cents lessper pack than other popular price brands.
Give Avalons a trial tonight. WhenDick Todd joined the program, he requests

(17:25):
that he be allowed to sing apopular number each week, and also a
song as the way. So forhis second number, to night to hear
him in Ride tenderfoot Rock Ride andthe foot drive he the ald Range Rider

(17:48):
at your side, fast come.If you want to be a cowboy man,
you gotta rise and a foot row. You've gotta hit the trail in

(18:17):
Oklahoma when the moon is tailed andget to Texas with morning maids war.
You can be a Cawby Cable.You've got a row band roll. You
gotta get your shaf a buffalo andwhen the money at the roll fil war

(18:47):
you can be a Cawby. Yougot to can your cap that you can't
a your Lincoln ride and her footdrive to lie in the old Braine rider

(19:26):
there side to lie there fire underall. You wanna be a go boy.
Now you've gotta ride and look fordry well. And now we come

(20:10):
to our Slight of Life, Ashort play a little about things that happen
in everyday life, things that youdo that I do, in fact,
everybody does. The ninth episode isabout a newly married couple who are on
their way to meet her folks forthe first time. You set the scene
though, okay, the time abouttwo in the afternoon. The place somewhere
in your hometown. Now the sceneopens, we find Edna Stillwell, who

(20:33):
plays the part of the blushing bride, talking to her new husband played by
Skelton, who has a little redtoo. Listen, Well, it won't
belong now until you meet my folks. Are you nervous? Nervous? I
feel like a plate of gelatin witha nervous breakdown. I know you'll like
mother and dad, and I hopethey like you. Well, I don't

(20:53):
know why they shouldn't. I don'tdrink sue or stay out late at night.
Fact, I'm a regular tomboy.Oh see, they live along here
somewhere, don't they. Which houseis it? You see that beautiful mansion
on the corner. Yeah, isthat where you live? No, that's
the filling station. They live inthe little house next door. They that's

(21:14):
a cute little house. Why isit only half in it though? Well,
that's the half that's paid for it. Oh. Oh, their dad
sitting on the porch. He justloves to sit and face the sun.
But I'm gonna say they'll overdo it. Yeah, his nose is just about
right. He's kind of a memy, throwing boys storry next to him and

(21:37):
look like rubar. But he isdistinguished working. Well you've been from they
or four years ago? Yeah?What you doing now? Now? I
think he was elected? See thatthere is a nice house. Are both
those garages there? No? Theone on the right's mother, you better
stop along here. Okay, Igotta get those breaks faces o mother,

(22:04):
mother? Little say? Oh no, what's she crying about? You lose
your job? Let me look atyou. Why you haven't seen to be
okay? The taxi driver coming home? No taxi driver, mother, this

(22:32):
is my husband. You've made amistake, your husband. Oh, I'm
sorry for my mistake. A littleyour mind and let nothing married to a
man? Do you think it wouldhelp if I learned to cook or sew

(22:56):
or something. Two weeks I'm notstand there's still something? Help? Please,
he words? Mother. Oh thatshe is lying there? Don't she
look natural? Oh well she's onlyfainted. Well, get the smelling sauce

(23:22):
while we tore into the house.I'll like that. I'll help you that
I met the person. Your congratulations. Grab a leggs, all right,
which she sure is how to handle. How as you know, here's the

(23:45):
smelling sauce. Dear mother, Takea deep breath. I'm all I know
nobody should tell nobody you were goingto look so suddenly. And besides,
how would you feel when you waitto send? Oh, don't worry about
that. I gave them all therings back. Hey what am I a
lucky number in a rapper? Well? I hope the word out for you.

(24:11):
What was your name? Skelton?Richard Skelton? Yes, I remember
that you're an American. I'm too. Oh, yes, ma'am, I
haven't worked in three years. Wellwhat have you done to the series of

(24:33):
South Late l Are you out standingin any line? Yeah? I'm the
only republic running for president. Oh, let's go inside that that's a good
idea. I'll open the windows sothe neighbors won't miss anything. Well,
we can't stay very long. Youhave to check in as the hotel.
You will do no such things.You can sleep with me and he can

(24:56):
sleep in the market. That thefather, as long as he doesn't kick
Well, I won't think it,Murphy, don't very nice, mother?
But you see what? Look yousee? This is sort of a honeymoon.
You see you do see, don'tyou? No? I don't.
And if it is your honeymoon,why didn't you go to nagor Fall.

(25:18):
Well, you see, when wegot married it was ringing, and Richard
said, Niagara Falls was made outof the same stuff. Okay, well
we'll stay, thank you very much. Well that's better, come in,
don't come on to picking up.Yes, I'll be right with you.
Just as soon as I kissed mysnooky lookie goodbye. Not see what change.

(25:45):
Don't forget me while she's going.I don't want to be a bud
intersting. But you're getting off onthe wrong foot. I know I've been
married three times. You have geesort of an old established firm apop,
and I'll come in here. Iwant to show you something. Hey,
this house and figure on the insightof the lunk sit. Yeah. Well

(26:06):
what I wanted to tell you wasthis. Now, you just got married,
so right away you've got to starthandling your wife with an iron hand.
Yes. Oh, you've got tobe the boss in your family,
just like I'm the boss in mine. Why do you know any time I
want to, I can make mywife junk. What do you do give
her? No, I just trainedher that way. That's what I'm gonna

(26:27):
do from now on. I'm goingto be the boy. Yes, the
spirit you do like I do?Where are the pants? Yeah, my
wife they're gonna tell me what todo. Now, now you've got the
idea, wrap them around your littleface. That's right. I'll call my
wife down and give you a cutepoints. Am Are they come here immediately?
I'll call in it down here too. He come down here? Were

(26:49):
good color of thinger three? Well, what do you want? Yeah?
What do you want? Maybe youbetter tell you son. So we were
just sort of wondering what my dinnerwould be ready. Avalon Avalon cigarette top

(27:11):
three to five cents less for packsthan other popular price brands, but you
positively could not get finer quality tobaccosin any other cigarette, regardless of price,
regardless of brands. Try a packand save the difference. Well,

(28:56):
then I guess this ends our firsthash Wednesday? Right? Hold red damn
do hey Skelton? How about thatsinging? Oh look dick. Comedy may
not be important to you, butat least it keeps me alive. Prove
its Yeah, Oh what's the use? Good night? Everybody will see you
on next Wednesday. Good night.Now, remember friends, during the week,

(29:21):
when you ask for Avalon cigarette.Don't forget your change. Oh why
not all avalon? Yes, you'dnever guess, but avalons cost only ten

(29:41):
cents plus city or state test.Well, we hope that we've made a
lot of new friends with our firstprogram on Wednesday Night, not Falter Le
Brown and Williams and Tobacco Corporation inviteyou to be with us next Wednesday Night
at the same time for avalon timethe Teal King saying good night,