June 8, 2024 • 29 mins
Please enjoy Newlyweds on Their H a great episode of the legendaryAvalon Time radio show - A Classic Old Time radio Show - OTR
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
W E A F New York eightthirty p m. B U l O
v A Bolivar Watch Time Bulluvar masterpieceof fine watchmaking. A pack of Avalon
(00:21):
cigarettes. Please, yes, sir, just a moment, sir, don't
forget your change. You'd never guessthat Avalons cost you less. Avalon Good
(00:42):
evening, Friends, good evening.This is gel King Kaine, Welcome to
Avalon Time featuring radio's Redheaded raghum Upand Richard red Skelton with Dick todd Edna
stillwell but Hercules vandover the Avalon Torusand Bob Strong his orchestra opening the program.
Where that's one hundred to one friends, why needlessly spend three to five
(02:46):
cents extra on every pack of cigaretteyou buy? Switch to Avalons and save
yourself that money. Avalanche costs threeto five cents less per pack than other
popular price brands. And make nomistake about a friend that repeated saving adds
up to ten or fifteen dollars beforeyou realize it. But bear this in
(03:07):
mind. Without knowing the price,you'd never guess Avalons cost you less.
They're union made and guaranteed highest quality. Surely a cigarette that offers such distinct
advantages is worth a trial. Sothe next time, try avalons and save
the difference. And now, ladiesand gentlemen, with only nineteen days to
(03:31):
Christmas, I give you that littleman with the jokes who's going to do
his Christmas flopping early. It's RedChoven very much dreading me. Ladies and
gliks. They had a nice wayto introduce me. Where'd your Christmas spiritdal
don't you believe in Santa Claus?They read? Do you get paid for
(03:53):
being on this program? Certainly Ibelieve in Santa Claus. Now that's a
nice way to talk. Every nightspending the whole day trying to find you
a Christmas present. Oh you've beendoing your Christmas shopping already, I'll say.
And boy, want mobs? Atthe store I went to, it
was so crowded. When I scratchedmy back, three girls slapped my face.
I thought it was my back.Boy, what crowds. Everybody's buying,
(04:15):
buying, buying. Nobody's paying,but everybody's buying. Day if you
get to see Santa Claus while theywere chopping, Yeah, and they're picketing
them, Oh they are. Theywant him to join the sleigh Driver's Union.
But I finally got a post andI said on his lap and he
says, well, my little man, what do you want for Christmas?
And I says, please, SantaClaus, just leave me and Marlena Dietrich
(04:35):
Stockings. Oh that's very funny,Red you and Marlena Dietrich Stocking funny about
that? The perfect lade gets theperfect heel. You want to see the
(04:56):
cute toys they have this year?Though they have a dollar a It's all
I ever saw. Does it sayMama? No, it's a modern doll.
When you squeeze it, it says, shoot the bottle to the John
bullet. I'm terrific. It hasa complete wardrobe of clothes and a little
baby bottle. And when you feedthe doll the bottle of water. Tell
you'd be surprised what happened? Nokidding? They call an avalon doll.
(05:24):
Don't forget your change. Do theyhave any other interesting toys? Yeah?
They have the dollars, They haveall the movies, the radio stars better,
and their priced according to their popularity. Now the Fred Allen dollars two
dollars and the Bob Hope doll isthree dollars, and the Charlie McCarthey dollars
four dollars, and even have adoll of me, the Red Skelton doll
(05:46):
they have. Yeah, they giveit away with a box of cracker Jack.
Hi am skelting. Hi. TheTodd ladies and gentlemen are singing style.
You said some time, Dick,what are you gonna say to night,
my beautiful? From George White Scandals, Dick, I didn't think you
cared. Good Night, my beautiful. Just being with you, so beautiful,
(06:24):
and tearing away from your arm,it's not easy to do. Good
Night, my wonderful. There's nobodywho is so wonderful. Each moment with
you is like living a dream.Come through so close to you. Parting
(06:56):
is so sweet, sour. Yourlove is all I have to awaken,
fall from all over. Good Night, my beautiful. The nights will be
longely but beautiful when I am alonewith my wonderful dream. Good Night,
(07:46):
my beautiful. The night will belongely but beautiful when I am alone my
wonderful dream. All that was DickTodd singing, and it was very nice
(08:13):
to say. Everybody gather around.I got some great news. What is
it read what is skelting? Well, everybody on this program has been kicking
me around. You all think I'ma nobody, don't you. Yeah,
that's right, and overrated too,nobody overrated. Well, from now on
things are going to be different.I am in society. What That's why
(08:33):
I get a little bit invitation Ijust got from the upper crust, Red
Skelton esquire. This is to informyou that Lord and lady cruts, but
request the pleasure, present pleasure ofyour presence at a combination SWO ray and
craft game. Yes, bring yourown dives. You in society Read just
(08:54):
a moment, dear boy, thatred stuff's out. From now on.
Red is quite a common name fora fellow. My position from now on,
it's series skeltornon Just a moment,dear girl. You weren't here when
I informed the cast. From nowon, my name is Skelton, Skelton,
(09:15):
Skelton. What's the name a rose? By any other name? Smell?
You picked a fine time to loseyour plate. Say you may not
know You may not know it,miss Stilwell, but I've been invited to
diner. At dinner rather with Mordon, Lady futzbutt. Don't laugh, boys,
I'm doing my best. My ladycrutchbus my, how too too nauseating.
(09:46):
I've always known that I've had potentialitiesfor society, after all, when
one's reading in the atmosphere of gentilityand refinement, gentility and refinement, hospil
tale. Hey, Red Skelton,what is it, my good man?
Better feed it home. Your mother'shaving company, and she want you to
keep your old man in the kitchen. Somebody put him up to that.
(10:07):
You don't have to keep my ownman in the kitchens. You can't get
up off the floor. Well,I want you to remember that on the
twelfth, I'm dining with the upperset. The steak may be tough.
You better take your lores set too, Edna, I'll have you to know
that the blood of gentlemen runs throughmy veins. How many transfusions? About
eleven? I'll wait, I'm Idon't mean to hurt you, miss the
(10:30):
scoutain, but you don't belong withthose people. Why they sleep in gold
beds with filk, sheep wear Erminpajamas, Ermin pajamas, Yeah, don't
they tickle? Well, I'm notgonna miss that party. Anyway, Oh,
ROBERTA, I mean Robert, wouldyou give us a little musical cocktail,
(10:50):
something classical, perhaps something from Choppingor Wagner or maybe the Naggiol.
How about a little brown jug saythat would be right in the Grooveroo Roberts
play Si, ladies and gentlemen.I was out at the race track the
(13:05):
other day and the chap gave mea tip on a horse. Well,
believe it or not, the horsecame in and after the race, this
man came up to me and said, why can I pick him? Or
can I pick him? Just likeI told you, buddy, Eh,
that sure fires some horse. Justlike Avalon cigarettes, you're pound to make
money on them. See how's thatfor a plug? Yes, friends,
(13:28):
the gentleman is right. Absolutely yourmoney ahead when you switch to Avalon cigarettes.
You see, Avalons costs three tofive cents less per pack than other
popular price brands, and that savingmoms up to many extra dollars. Truly,
Avalons give you all advantages, highestquality, real money saving economy.
(13:48):
So the next time, why notgive Avalons a trial? Ah? That
word swells almar. That's something I'vealways wanted to do, is read a
commercial. I could only read,I ain't kid, What are you gonna
say that? You don't have toworry about making any faul positive that classic
party. My brother Roger sending thesociety editor of the Bugle over here to
(14:09):
give you some coaching on etiquette.Oh, you didn't have to do that,
Edna. After all, of BobHope can get around in society without
coaching White and all. Well,mister Skelton, there's a lot of difference
between you Exhale and Bob Hope.What do you mean a lot of difference
between me and Exhale and Bob Hope. Well, I don't want to mention
you and Hope in the same breath. That's probably the society editor. Now
(14:39):
come in. Well, I'm gladyou got here. Well are you the
society editor from the Bugle? Wellbredisfield shut from crumbs along the mohawk lay
Chilis. I didn't know you werean authority on etiquette. Oh my goodness,
yes, mister Skeelton. Why theycall me the emery post of Maxwell
Street. Last night I had dinnerat the home of Madame art Riders.
(15:01):
Who you know, Madame art Riders. She has a swell Jarney hercules.
You broke bread with Madame arth Ridersbroke bread? Why we fractured bagels?
Bagels? Yeah, don't know whata bagel is, missus Kelton. That's
a donut with hardening of the arteries. You will tell me, Herky,
(15:24):
how do I hack is this societyparty? Well, when you go into
dinner, be sure to remain standinguntil all the ladies are seat, unless
there's not enough chairs to go round. Now, if the lady at your
left is wearing a fan, youtake the fan and check it a little
to Sally rant, well, whatelse do I do with the dinner?
Why you show your versatility, sillyblot in the kitchen and help serve the
(15:46):
meal. Oh, I couldn't dothat. Herky's supposed to have lamb charms.
Why I wouldn't even know what kindof panties to put on me.
Ah, it's very very simple,mister Skelton. Now, most lamb shops
prefer lace pan he that button upthe back. But some lamb shops might
like Fanny some at their cody andtesty. You mean they have personalities like
(16:07):
male and female. Oh, definitelydefinitely. Well look there, you tell
me, how do you tell amale lamb chop from the female that mister
Skelton should be of interest only toanother lamb chop. Well, I gotta
be going along on missus Skelton.A girlfriend of mine us having a coming
out party tonight, and I wantto sure be there. A girlfriend of
(16:30):
yours is coming out in society.No at Minsky, I feel that justin
echo you in the valley You butbrings by sweet memory memory stop you cat,
(17:03):
but it brings back sweeze memories,lolling back memory stock you. Can
you hear through the twilight when itanswers love you, why don't I love
(17:29):
you? How I was? Wewere here? Just why we used to
be? Or since you have gone? There's nothing less for me, just
nacho you in the valley You,But it brings back sweet memories? Love
(18:03):
you in the vaal? What itbrings back? Sweet memories, all memories
of you. Can't you hear mein the fie when it answer I love
(18:37):
you, I do love you?How I went? We were here?
Yes, why we used to be? Or since you have gone? There's
nothing else army, just an echoin the valley, but it brings my
(19:12):
sweet memory. A par in theavalon course singing justin echo in the valley,
(19:37):
and that was very nice to Dick. Say, how about coming up
the lord, Lord and ladies footfoot party, and you can sing a
song as a favorite for me?Of course, anything for you. Read.
Okay, what's in it your mercenarypiece? All right, I'll pay
out of my own pocket. Supposewe call it five hundred dollars. That's
fine, of course, you understandwe only call it five hundred. Actually
you get a dollar a quarter.And now, ladies and gentlemen for a
(20:00):
slice of life, you set thescene, okay, Red, the nice
slice of life is an incident thatmight be happening in your own hometown.
Newlywed's on a honeymoon. Now.As the scene opens, the blushing bride
played by Edna Stillwell has just takenout her compact to put on a new
blust while the groom played by aRed Skelton, has just paid the driver
(20:21):
and just taking his bag out ofthe cab. All right, there,
get out of the cab. Wellthere this is the hotel. Oh it's
you, yeah, the best hotelin Niagara Falls. The vaccination arms,
Darling. I don't want anyone toknow where newly weds. Let's make believe
(20:41):
we've been married a long time,all right, I'll ask for a room
with twin bed, A good afternoon, welcome to vaccination arms. Oh we'd
like a nice room, something witha bag. Now this is a pleasure
trip. Well, I have justthe figure. Want nice and airy as
the window on every side faces thegas work, the glue factor, the
fish market of the stock gards.Yes, sir, you can always tell
(21:03):
which way the wind is blowing.Well, look, we're not exactly here
on a nasal holiday. If yougot something with a view and stead that's
out of it, well I canlet you have something overlooking the blessed cause
well we'll always have been coming overthere. You don't understand I'm here with
my wife. Oh I thought yousaid it was a pleasure trail. Well
(21:29):
I think we have just what youwant. Sign the please, it'll be
six fifty in advance. That's fine, not always pay in advance. I
like the stock to day off withthe clean sheet. That'll be a dollar
action for the clean Sheetron showed uscoup of the room one oh four.
Yes, sir, it's just downthe halls or follow me, okay,
I'm sure you'll like it here,sir. The hotel's only three blocks from
the fall. Oh, darling,we must visit here sometime and see them.
(21:56):
This is the room, sir.The clerk didn't tell you, but
it's the Bridles. I love you. Brace yourself, dear. Oh Richard,
what are you jumping on my backfor? You're gonna carry me over
the threshold. Oh, there youare, so your bags are all in
now. The bathroom is down thehall okay, Oh, before I forget.
The hot water is Mark coal,yeah, and the cold water is
(22:17):
Mark top. Yeah. But don'tlet that boy, you brother, there're
eating water alone. At last,we're gonna be so happy on our honeymoon.
Richard, what are you doing?Sh I'm looking through the keyhole.
What do you see? The bellboysdie, I'll hang my coat over the
(22:38):
top. Just think, dear.We've been married for three hours. Yeah.
Remember when we were in jay Rememberfather made to go home every night
at ten o'clock. But now we'remarried, and here we are on our
honeymoon all alone. Yeah. Well, I'm about a game a peanutle Oh,
(23:03):
Bitchard, don't you love me anymore? You haven't kissed me for ten
minutes. Oh, momsy MSI putsyour arm around popsy wops, you know,
give you a little kissy? Whichh nutsy? Watching? Come in?
Excuse me, I just want toinfer those myself. I'm the oper
at this hotel. What do youmean you're the upper Well you say there's
(23:26):
no lock on a washroom door,So I stand outside while they're taking a
bath, and if somebody else thoughtsto walk in, I yell up.
See you up, person. Welllet's see where was we? Oh?
Yes, put your arms around me. Dear, hold me tight, douns
tighter? Yes, tighter. Don'tever let anyone come between us. A
(23:51):
shadow couldn't get through here. Fuckit up? Then, gee, come
in. There's a package for you, sir. Don't bother me now,
I'll get it in the morning.Okay, jump. For heaven's sakes,
can't they see we want to bealone. Oh now, don't get excited.
Dear, nuggle close and kiss me. I'd love to kiss you,
honey. But gee, just whenI get set, something happens. I
(24:14):
have to unpuck her. Well,I'm ready and I'll come on. Oh
wait a minute, this thing abridle, sweet, it's a bridle path.
Come in. Oh a cue again? How what do you want?
Well, that package wasn't for you. That's finishes, That settles it.
Get the bag. We're checking outof here. Now. Calm down.
(24:37):
You're just upset because it's your weddingday. Now you just sit down here
and I'll turn on the radio.Oh what goods of radio? People button
in and out. You can't evenbe alone with my bride. No,
geez, my mother told me thatthese ads like that. Oh no,
dying. Don't carry on this way. You know how much I love you
(25:00):
and you've been so sweet to me, and I'm crazy about this engagement.
Then you gave me you are Doyou really like it? Yes? Will
you let me have your magnifying glass? There? I want to look at
the diamond again. Look, Dimond, it's quiet. We haven't been disturbed
now for a couple of say.This is wonderful. Shoven under the door.
(25:26):
Okay, there you are, atlast, I found a way to
keep people out of here. Who'sit from there? It's from your mother,
she says. Dear children, Iknew you'd be lonesome, so I
took the next train to spend yourhoneymoon with you. Oh my goodness,
(25:49):
ladies and gentlemen. If you livein a city or state which has recently
imposed additional taxes on cigarettes, here'sa mighty important tip. There's a way
to save your self that tax money. Switch to Avalon cigarettes. You see,
Avalons cost three to five cents lessper pack than other popular price brands.
That saving brings the cost of yourcigarettes down to pre tax prices.
(26:12):
Friends, no matter where you live, it pays you to switch to Avalons,
the cigarettes that guarantee unsurpassed quality plusoutstanding money saving economy. Why not
give Avalons a trial tonight? I'lltake that. Hello, Hello, Red
(28:19):
Skelton, Hey, you made acrack on your program last Wednesday that tick
Tracy was gonna get out of thewell. How did you know? Why?
Who is this stooge villa stooge uller? Yeah? How the next time
you tip Tracy off, you're gonnawind up without your legs, without my
legs. Yeah, we're running alow on pig sty shit. Good night,
(28:45):
everybody, I see you with younext week. I hope to fine
up well. Friends, we hopeyou enjoyed us. Shall and deal with
us next Wednesday night at the sametime when Le Brown and Williams and Tobacco
Corporation again presents Red Skeleton, Dicktodd At is still well, Bob Strong
and his Orchestra and the entire gangat Avalon time. This is del King
speaking reminding you that during the weekwhen you ask for Avalon cigarettes, don't
(29:10):
forget your change. Oh why notalways travel on
W E A F New York eightthirty p m. B U l O
v A Bolivar Watch Time Bulluvar masterpieceof fine watchmaking. A pack of Avalon
(00:21):
cigarettes. Please, yes, sir, just a moment, sir, don't
forget your change. You'd never guessthat Avalons cost you less. Avalon Good
(00:42):
evening, Friends, good evening.This is gel King Kaine, Welcome to
Avalon Time featuring radio's Redheaded raghum Upand Richard red Skelton with Dick todd Edna
stillwell but Hercules vandover the Avalon Torusand Bob Strong his orchestra opening the program.
Where that's one hundred to one friends, why needlessly spend three to five
(02:46):
cents extra on every pack of cigaretteyou buy? Switch to Avalons and save
yourself that money. Avalanche costs threeto five cents less per pack than other
popular price brands. And make nomistake about a friend that repeated saving adds
up to ten or fifteen dollars beforeyou realize it. But bear this in
(03:07):
mind. Without knowing the price,you'd never guess Avalons cost you less.
They're union made and guaranteed highest quality. Surely a cigarette that offers such distinct
advantages is worth a trial. Sothe next time, try avalons and save
the difference. And now, ladiesand gentlemen, with only nineteen days to
(03:31):
Christmas, I give you that littleman with the jokes who's going to do
his Christmas flopping early. It's RedChoven very much dreading me. Ladies and
gliks. They had a nice wayto introduce me. Where'd your Christmas spiritdal
don't you believe in Santa Claus?They read? Do you get paid for
(03:53):
being on this program? Certainly Ibelieve in Santa Claus. Now that's a
nice way to talk. Every nightspending the whole day trying to find you
a Christmas present. Oh you've beendoing your Christmas shopping already, I'll say.
And boy, want mobs? Atthe store I went to, it
was so crowded. When I scratchedmy back, three girls slapped my face.
I thought it was my back.Boy, what crowds. Everybody's buying,
(04:15):
buying, buying. Nobody's paying,but everybody's buying. Day if you
get to see Santa Claus while theywere chopping, Yeah, and they're picketing
them, Oh they are. Theywant him to join the sleigh Driver's Union.
But I finally got a post andI said on his lap and he
says, well, my little man, what do you want for Christmas?
And I says, please, SantaClaus, just leave me and Marlena Dietrich
(04:35):
Stockings. Oh that's very funny,Red you and Marlena Dietrich Stocking funny about
that? The perfect lade gets theperfect heel. You want to see the
(04:56):
cute toys they have this year?Though they have a dollar a It's all
I ever saw. Does it sayMama? No, it's a modern doll.
When you squeeze it, it says, shoot the bottle to the John
bullet. I'm terrific. It hasa complete wardrobe of clothes and a little
baby bottle. And when you feedthe doll the bottle of water. Tell
you'd be surprised what happened? Nokidding? They call an avalon doll.
(05:24):
Don't forget your change. Do theyhave any other interesting toys? Yeah?
They have the dollars, They haveall the movies, the radio stars better,
and their priced according to their popularity. Now the Fred Allen dollars two
dollars and the Bob Hope doll isthree dollars, and the Charlie McCarthey dollars
four dollars, and even have adoll of me, the Red Skelton doll
(05:46):
they have. Yeah, they giveit away with a box of cracker Jack.
Hi am skelting. Hi. TheTodd ladies and gentlemen are singing style.
You said some time, Dick,what are you gonna say to night,
my beautiful? From George White Scandals, Dick, I didn't think you
cared. Good Night, my beautiful. Just being with you, so beautiful,
(06:24):
and tearing away from your arm,it's not easy to do. Good
Night, my wonderful. There's nobodywho is so wonderful. Each moment with
you is like living a dream.Come through so close to you. Parting
(06:56):
is so sweet, sour. Yourlove is all I have to awaken,
fall from all over. Good Night, my beautiful. The nights will be
longely but beautiful when I am alonewith my wonderful dream. Good Night,
(07:46):
my beautiful. The night will belongely but beautiful when I am alone my
wonderful dream. All that was DickTodd singing, and it was very nice
(08:13):
to say. Everybody gather around.I got some great news. What is
it read what is skelting? Well, everybody on this program has been kicking
me around. You all think I'ma nobody, don't you. Yeah,
that's right, and overrated too,nobody overrated. Well, from now on
things are going to be different.I am in society. What That's why
(08:33):
I get a little bit invitation Ijust got from the upper crust, Red
Skelton esquire. This is to informyou that Lord and lady cruts, but
request the pleasure, present pleasure ofyour presence at a combination SWO ray and
craft game. Yes, bring yourown dives. You in society Read just
(08:54):
a moment, dear boy, thatred stuff's out. From now on.
Red is quite a common name fora fellow. My position from now on,
it's series skeltornon Just a moment,dear girl. You weren't here when
I informed the cast. From nowon, my name is Skelton, Skelton,
(09:15):
Skelton. What's the name a rose? By any other name? Smell?
You picked a fine time to loseyour plate. Say you may not
know You may not know it,miss Stilwell, but I've been invited to
diner. At dinner rather with Mordon, Lady futzbutt. Don't laugh, boys,
I'm doing my best. My ladycrutchbus my, how too too nauseating.
(09:46):
I've always known that I've had potentialitiesfor society, after all, when
one's reading in the atmosphere of gentilityand refinement, gentility and refinement, hospil
tale. Hey, Red Skelton,what is it, my good man?
Better feed it home. Your mother'shaving company, and she want you to
keep your old man in the kitchen. Somebody put him up to that.
(10:07):
You don't have to keep my ownman in the kitchens. You can't get
up off the floor. Well,I want you to remember that on the
twelfth, I'm dining with the upperset. The steak may be tough.
You better take your lores set too, Edna, I'll have you to know
that the blood of gentlemen runs throughmy veins. How many transfusions? About
eleven? I'll wait, I'm Idon't mean to hurt you, miss the
(10:30):
scoutain, but you don't belong withthose people. Why they sleep in gold
beds with filk, sheep wear Erminpajamas, Ermin pajamas, Yeah, don't
they tickle? Well, I'm notgonna miss that party. Anyway, Oh,
ROBERTA, I mean Robert, wouldyou give us a little musical cocktail,
(10:50):
something classical, perhaps something from Choppingor Wagner or maybe the Naggiol.
How about a little brown jug saythat would be right in the Grooveroo Roberts
play Si, ladies and gentlemen.I was out at the race track the
(13:05):
other day and the chap gave mea tip on a horse. Well,
believe it or not, the horsecame in and after the race, this
man came up to me and said, why can I pick him? Or
can I pick him? Just likeI told you, buddy, Eh,
that sure fires some horse. Justlike Avalon cigarettes, you're pound to make
money on them. See how's thatfor a plug? Yes, friends,
(13:28):
the gentleman is right. Absolutely yourmoney ahead when you switch to Avalon cigarettes.
You see, Avalons costs three tofive cents less per pack than other
popular price brands, and that savingmoms up to many extra dollars. Truly,
Avalons give you all advantages, highestquality, real money saving economy.
(13:48):
So the next time, why notgive Avalons a trial? Ah? That
word swells almar. That's something I'vealways wanted to do, is read a
commercial. I could only read,I ain't kid, What are you gonna
say that? You don't have toworry about making any faul positive that classic
party. My brother Roger sending thesociety editor of the Bugle over here to
(14:09):
give you some coaching on etiquette.Oh, you didn't have to do that,
Edna. After all, of BobHope can get around in society without
coaching White and all. Well,mister Skelton, there's a lot of difference
between you Exhale and Bob Hope.What do you mean a lot of difference
between me and Exhale and Bob Hope. Well, I don't want to mention
you and Hope in the same breath. That's probably the society editor. Now
(14:39):
come in. Well, I'm gladyou got here. Well are you the
society editor from the Bugle? Wellbredisfield shut from crumbs along the mohawk lay
Chilis. I didn't know you werean authority on etiquette. Oh my goodness,
yes, mister Skeelton. Why theycall me the emery post of Maxwell
Street. Last night I had dinnerat the home of Madame art Riders.
(15:01):
Who you know, Madame art Riders. She has a swell Jarney hercules.
You broke bread with Madame arth Ridersbroke bread? Why we fractured bagels?
Bagels? Yeah, don't know whata bagel is, missus Kelton. That's
a donut with hardening of the arteries. You will tell me, Herky,
(15:24):
how do I hack is this societyparty? Well, when you go into
dinner, be sure to remain standinguntil all the ladies are seat, unless
there's not enough chairs to go round. Now, if the lady at your
left is wearing a fan, youtake the fan and check it a little
to Sally rant, well, whatelse do I do with the dinner?
Why you show your versatility, sillyblot in the kitchen and help serve the
(15:46):
meal. Oh, I couldn't dothat. Herky's supposed to have lamb charms.
Why I wouldn't even know what kindof panties to put on me.
Ah, it's very very simple,mister Skelton. Now, most lamb shops
prefer lace pan he that button upthe back. But some lamb shops might
like Fanny some at their cody andtesty. You mean they have personalities like
(16:07):
male and female. Oh, definitelydefinitely. Well look there, you tell
me, how do you tell amale lamb chop from the female that mister
Skelton should be of interest only toanother lamb chop. Well, I gotta
be going along on missus Skelton.A girlfriend of mine us having a coming
out party tonight, and I wantto sure be there. A girlfriend of
(16:30):
yours is coming out in society.No at Minsky, I feel that justin
echo you in the valley You butbrings by sweet memory memory stop you cat,
(17:03):
but it brings back sweeze memories,lolling back memory stock you. Can
you hear through the twilight when itanswers love you, why don't I love
(17:29):
you? How I was? Wewere here? Just why we used to
be? Or since you have gone? There's nothing less for me, just
nacho you in the valley You,But it brings back sweet memories? Love
(18:03):
you in the vaal? What itbrings back? Sweet memories, all memories
of you. Can't you hear mein the fie when it answer I love
(18:37):
you, I do love you?How I went? We were here?
Yes, why we used to be? Or since you have gone? There's
nothing else army, just an echoin the valley, but it brings my
(19:12):
sweet memory. A par in theavalon course singing justin echo in the valley,
(19:37):
and that was very nice to Dick. Say, how about coming up
the lord, Lord and ladies footfoot party, and you can sing a
song as a favorite for me?Of course, anything for you. Read.
Okay, what's in it your mercenarypiece? All right, I'll pay
out of my own pocket. Supposewe call it five hundred dollars. That's
fine, of course, you understandwe only call it five hundred. Actually
you get a dollar a quarter.And now, ladies and gentlemen for a
(20:00):
slice of life, you set thescene, okay, Red, the nice
slice of life is an incident thatmight be happening in your own hometown.
Newlywed's on a honeymoon. Now.As the scene opens, the blushing bride
played by Edna Stillwell has just takenout her compact to put on a new
blust while the groom played by aRed Skelton, has just paid the driver
(20:21):
and just taking his bag out ofthe cab. All right, there,
get out of the cab. Wellthere this is the hotel. Oh it's
you, yeah, the best hotelin Niagara Falls. The vaccination arms,
Darling. I don't want anyone toknow where newly weds. Let's make believe
(20:41):
we've been married a long time,all right, I'll ask for a room
with twin bed, A good afternoon, welcome to vaccination arms. Oh we'd
like a nice room, something witha bag. Now this is a pleasure
trip. Well, I have justthe figure. Want nice and airy as
the window on every side faces thegas work, the glue factor, the
fish market of the stock gards.Yes, sir, you can always tell
(21:03):
which way the wind is blowing.Well, look, we're not exactly here
on a nasal holiday. If yougot something with a view and stead that's
out of it, well I canlet you have something overlooking the blessed cause
well we'll always have been coming overthere. You don't understand I'm here with
my wife. Oh I thought yousaid it was a pleasure trail. Well
(21:29):
I think we have just what youwant. Sign the please, it'll be
six fifty in advance. That's fine, not always pay in advance. I
like the stock to day off withthe clean sheet. That'll be a dollar
action for the clean Sheetron showed uscoup of the room one oh four.
Yes, sir, it's just downthe halls or follow me, okay,
I'm sure you'll like it here,sir. The hotel's only three blocks from
the fall. Oh, darling,we must visit here sometime and see them.
(21:56):
This is the room, sir.The clerk didn't tell you, but
it's the Bridles. I love you. Brace yourself, dear. Oh Richard,
what are you jumping on my backfor? You're gonna carry me over
the threshold. Oh, there youare, so your bags are all in
now. The bathroom is down thehall okay, Oh, before I forget.
The hot water is Mark coal,yeah, and the cold water is
(22:17):
Mark top. Yeah. But don'tlet that boy, you brother, there're
eating water alone. At last,we're gonna be so happy on our honeymoon.
Richard, what are you doing?Sh I'm looking through the keyhole.
What do you see? The bellboysdie, I'll hang my coat over the
(22:38):
top. Just think, dear.We've been married for three hours. Yeah.
Remember when we were in jay Rememberfather made to go home every night
at ten o'clock. But now we'remarried, and here we are on our
honeymoon all alone. Yeah. Well, I'm about a game a peanutle Oh,
(23:03):
Bitchard, don't you love me anymore? You haven't kissed me for ten
minutes. Oh, momsy MSI putsyour arm around popsy wops, you know,
give you a little kissy? Whichh nutsy? Watching? Come in?
Excuse me, I just want toinfer those myself. I'm the oper
at this hotel. What do youmean you're the upper Well you say there's
(23:26):
no lock on a washroom door,So I stand outside while they're taking a
bath, and if somebody else thoughtsto walk in, I yell up.
See you up, person. Welllet's see where was we? Oh?
Yes, put your arms around me. Dear, hold me tight, douns
tighter? Yes, tighter. Don'tever let anyone come between us. A
(23:51):
shadow couldn't get through here. Fuckit up? Then, gee, come
in. There's a package for you, sir. Don't bother me now,
I'll get it in the morning.Okay, jump. For heaven's sakes,
can't they see we want to bealone. Oh now, don't get excited.
Dear, nuggle close and kiss me. I'd love to kiss you,
honey. But gee, just whenI get set, something happens. I
(24:14):
have to unpuck her. Well,I'm ready and I'll come on. Oh
wait a minute, this thing abridle, sweet, it's a bridle path.
Come in. Oh a cue again? How what do you want?
Well, that package wasn't for you. That's finishes, That settles it.
Get the bag. We're checking outof here. Now. Calm down.
(24:37):
You're just upset because it's your weddingday. Now you just sit down here
and I'll turn on the radio.Oh what goods of radio? People button
in and out. You can't evenbe alone with my bride. No,
geez, my mother told me thatthese ads like that. Oh no,
dying. Don't carry on this way. You know how much I love you
(25:00):
and you've been so sweet to me, and I'm crazy about this engagement.
Then you gave me you are Doyou really like it? Yes? Will
you let me have your magnifying glass? There? I want to look at
the diamond again. Look, Dimond, it's quiet. We haven't been disturbed
now for a couple of say.This is wonderful. Shoven under the door.
(25:26):
Okay, there you are, atlast, I found a way to
keep people out of here. Who'sit from there? It's from your mother,
she says. Dear children, Iknew you'd be lonesome, so I
took the next train to spend yourhoneymoon with you. Oh my goodness,
(25:49):
ladies and gentlemen. If you livein a city or state which has recently
imposed additional taxes on cigarettes, here'sa mighty important tip. There's a way
to save your self that tax money. Switch to Avalon cigarettes. You see,
Avalons cost three to five cents lessper pack than other popular price brands.
That saving brings the cost of yourcigarettes down to pre tax prices.
(26:12):
Friends, no matter where you live, it pays you to switch to Avalons,
the cigarettes that guarantee unsurpassed quality plusoutstanding money saving economy. Why not
give Avalons a trial tonight? I'lltake that. Hello, Hello, Red
(28:19):
Skelton, Hey, you made acrack on your program last Wednesday that tick
Tracy was gonna get out of thewell. How did you know? Why?
Who is this stooge villa stooge uller? Yeah? How the next time
you tip Tracy off, you're gonnawind up without your legs, without my
legs. Yeah, we're running alow on pig sty shit. Good night,
(28:45):
everybody, I see you with younext week. I hope to fine
up well. Friends, we hopeyou enjoyed us. Shall and deal with
us next Wednesday night at the sametime when Le Brown and Williams and Tobacco
Corporation again presents Red Skeleton, Dicktodd At is still well, Bob Strong
and his Orchestra and the entire gangat Avalon time. This is del King
speaking reminding you that during the weekwhen you ask for Avalon cigarettes, don't
(29:10):
forget your change. Oh why notalways travel on
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