The Hotel an episode of Avalon Time radio show

Please enjoy The Hotel a great episode of the legendaryAvalon Time radio show - A Classic Old Time radio Show - OTR

Episode Transcript

(00:12):
A pack of Avalon cigarettes. Please, yes, sirs, oh just a
moment stairs, don't forget you're change. You'd never guess the Avalon's cost you
left away. Good evening, friends, good evening. This is jel King

(00:41):
thaying welcome to Avalon time with KirkMatthew, Edna Stilwell, Jeannette, the
Avalon Chorus, Bob Strong and hisOrchestra, and Red Skelton the Orchestra fans
a program with well, all right, ladies and gentlemen. Facts prove that

(01:15):
every day more and more people areswitching to Avalon cigarettes, and it's little
wonder. Avalons are entirely new anddifferent, a cigarette value you could never
get before. They're quality cigarettes thatcost less three to five cents less per
pack than other popular price brands.Now don't think lightly of those pennies.

(01:38):
The consistent and repeated saving of threeto five cents on every pack you smoke
will net you many many extra dollarsevery year. And remember this. Avalons
are packed tight, they burn slow, and even you have but to try
them to convince yourself that they area superior quality cigarette. When you can
get this unsurpassed quality and union madeAvalons for three to five cents less.

(02:02):
Why pay more? The next timeask for avalons and pay the difference,

(02:51):
and now we bring is the onlyman in radio who uses blanks when he
shoots off his mouth, Red Sheldon, thank you very much in good evening,
ladies and Jess. But I don'tcare what you say about me.
Then I feel great tonight. Iwas out at Arlington Park Racetrack today and

(03:13):
I cleaned up. What I mean, I cleaned up? Yeah, I
thought you were doing your laundry betweenraces, but Rag, you know you
look awfully tired tonight. Yeah.That racetrack really tired me out. And
I was standing over a hot tipall day? What tip did you have?
John? Sound good? Warp?But Chaladon won? Yeah, I

(03:34):
know, but he tricked John Towns. They were coming down the streets next
to next day, so chill itdoes Philod and he says to John town
He says, would you mind droppingback and see if my girdle's straight?
And I love those horses, soI picked I do I pick them?
The free parts I picked was ahorse named Indigestion. You waent ahead on

(03:57):
me back then the third thorpe Igot on with the horse came into deck
and he's a cute thing. Now. The only way they could get him
to run with the heaving to daya big boxer bypartments of soda. It
was a radio fan the horse was. After the race had started, the
horse turned to the jockey and thenlooked up with a grandfam He says,

(04:18):
don't forget folks, We'll be backwith you next week. You get a
faint time. The horse was upzip though it was sway back. He
was so sway back in the middleof the race. The jockey stumbled,
I WoT stumbled on that one myself. The horse had nice legs, though,

(04:41):
even if they were a little knockme, little knockne. That horse
was so knocked me. Before hecould take a sip, the right knee
called out signals on a dog.On the way back to the stables,
he got picked up by the orphansof the storms were starts everything. You
know, I mess that one up, man. I had a little trouble

(05:02):
after the third race though. Ihad a hole in my pocket, and
when I wasn't looking, some guycame up to stock his hand in my
pocket and stole my short. Myuncle was bet you know the one that
drinks all the time. I won'tsay he was drinking today, but the
last I saw him and he wasrunning around the track with a saddle on

(05:23):
he back, yelling for the loneranger? Did he embarrassed meoking? After
the fourth race, they have presenteda big cup to the winner, and
my uncle was in it. Bythe way, he was hanging over the
sides. He looked like he waspoured in forgot to say win. I

(05:43):
really had a swell time at therace track. Oh, I was sorry.
I didn't get a chance to beton a certain horse, a horse
named Dizzy Dean. I didn't geta bet on Dizzy. Just scratched.
Well, I think I've been gallopingaround here long enough, so I'll turn
the track over to Bob Sorong inhis musical Blue Blood. Who will play
to You? Go ahead, Bobhit it. That was the theme song

(09:01):
to You from the opera Nurse playedby Bob Strong his Flophouse fifteen. We
call him the flophouse fifteen because hefavors the quarter rest. No, that
was really swell, Bob. ButI still don't believe your trumpet player gets
fan mail from Gabriel Oh No,why do you think they wrote that song?

(09:24):
And the angels swing, and theangels swing? All the devils with
you tonight? Graham, big thing? You know you'd be telling me that
you wrote a song called swing LowSweet jitter Buggy he home, Hey,
rest, Why don't you leave themusic department of Bob? Because I know

(09:46):
more about music than he does.Why because you've got a sharp nose and
flash beat? Yeah, Roger's afiddle player. What do you think,
my soso virtuoso? Say? Youknow? I don't why you only gets
the smarter around here on Saturday night. I used to play fiddle too,
I played my ears. I'd havebeen a success, but for one thing.

(10:07):
What's that his ears got caught inthe strings? Yeah? How are
you tonight? Didn't say? Ilike your half, which like two chickens
fighting in a plate of spaghetti.Oh, don't worry, and I like
it. Thanks Bob. By theway, what are you doing tonight?
Nothing exciting? Oh? A digwith red? Yeah, now that's the

(10:30):
if I'm gonna settle this once andfor all. Oh. Look, and
I've been wanting to ask you somethingfor a long time, that is,
would you uh well, could well? Uh Oh jeez, if a certain
girl, if I were to aska certain girl to marry me, you
think she would, Well, don'task me. Well, I don't know

(10:52):
why you're so crazy about Bob Strong. He's too pretty. This guy's got
so many ways, and he's thereevery time he comes in to get Sea
sick. Oh, don't take itso hard, read, I say,
you know, I just happened tothink about something. You had a birthday
this week, didn't you. Yeah, that's right, I guess, Dell.
Well, I just wanted to besure. I didn't know whether it

(11:13):
was this week or next week thatI planned not to buy you a present.
Oh well, and I didn't forgetit was my birthday. She baked
me a cake. She did well. I didn't know she could cook,
or if she a cook. Myuncle took a piece of a home to
sleep on it, you know,make a wish. Yeah, well,
he put the cake under his pillows, dives in bed, and got a
Frankick skull. Hey Skelton. Whatsign of the zodiac were you born?

(11:39):
And nae after corn No, Roger. I was born under the sign of
Pans of the Crab and over thesign of Louis the Butcher. Hey,
how bet I know what sign youwere born under? Roger? Yeah?
What Nydia? It's the fins.Oh say, I forgot to tell you
fell us some slavic news. Igot a telegram on my birthday from a

(12:01):
lawyer telling me that my long unclehad willed me a hotel up in the
mountain. Oh that's well, yeah, your rights? Oh really, no,
O'Reilly anyhow them any hall a wiresays, I gotta come up by
the way and take the place overto say Red. That reminds me,
weren't you the social director of asummer hotel and a picture called having a

(12:24):
Wonderful Time? Yeah, that's right, Del, it's about let's see one.
You know when was that picture reliefrelease? I had it escape.
Now that's not so. Now Iwork off for Ginger Rogers. Yeah,
she worked on one side of theroom and you worked on the other.
Yeah, now that's not so either. What was the picture about, Red?

(12:45):
Well, it was one of thoselove triangles. Douglas Fairbanks Junior was
nuts about Ginger. I was nutsabout Ginger, and Ginger was nuts about
Sunday at a friddler. I givethat joke one bell. Well, too

(13:09):
bad. You gave me that Icould have been a Nobel prize. Well,
good morning. Then we'll dump mycar and go up to my mountain
hotel. Say that way is goingto turn the place over to me when
I get there. Say I can'thelp to think of it. Just think
we'll have a place where people cancome and get a little sun and air.
A little sun and air there,what is it a hotel or a

(13:31):
hospitals? It's time for Jeannette tosay if I didn't care more than what

(13:56):
can pay. If I didn't care, who would I feel this world?
If this isn't love, then maybeI'm wrong? But why do I lie

(14:16):
awake all night and bad all daylong? If I didn't care? Would
it be the same? Would myevery prayer begin an with just your name?

(14:39):
And would I be sure that thisis love? Be uncomfain? Who
would all this be true if Ididn't care for? And would I be

(15:13):
sure that this is love? Theuncomt Would all this be rude if I
didn't care for? And now let'sfollow Red, Scalp and net nup into

(15:43):
the mountains where Red is gone toclaim the summer hotel left to him by
his late uncle. There they arenow, just pulling up in front of
the hotel. Can't you keep thisthing in the middle of the road.
No, I wa washed it,and they came to a thing with us.
Well here she is, I say, Look at it. Looks like

(16:03):
a real Swiss chalet. Say youthink we were up in the Alps,
boy in this lovely notice the Swissair about it? Well, if you
ask me, it's more like Limburger. Oh look over there too, deer,
those are cows. You don't.Well, that's what I was gonna
say. Look at those two dearlittle cows. Look a white cow for

(16:23):
milk and a brown cow for coffee. Cant come to somebody? It looks
like a bell boy. Yeah,they say, fella, will you think
are you the bell boy? Well, I ain't a gongbuster, thank you.
He's a bell boy. He say, what job will you have next?

(16:44):
Oh? Good, heaven zidol.No, I guess I'm just a
jerk of all trade. Well,come on, mister Scallas, Okay,
come on, Edna say is thishotel run on the American plan or the
European plan? Herky, Oh,it must be the European plan, because
there's always somebody fighting in the corridor. How do you like being a bellhop

(17:08):
herky? Well, to tell thetruthman, still, well, it'd be
just ripping if they'd ever get aroundthe chipping. What no tips? Oh,
my gracious no. The only timeI get any tips is when I
go in the dining room an arter, it's paragus. Well, I've come
to think over this place, harkey, Say if you've seen anything of a
lawyer around here? A lawyer?Oh, good, heaven that must see

(17:32):
that strange creature in the high silkhat. He talks so much, I'm
afraid he's gonna bust the heaviest carbus on it all. For heaven's sake,
there's somebody on the top door ringingfor an elevator. I have to
go out and bring him down.Are you the elevator boy too? Say
there's no elevator in this hotel?Well, I can play taggybackshun I good

(17:56):
old herkye. Well, I'll takeover behind desk and listen, isn't it
I tink you be the chamber maidsgraft noon, This is chal to pay
on the ball. Eagle up,bog, let it go. What's that
you like a reservation? If onall positively. We have a bathroom right
on the premises. Ah, that'sthis is a kind of a hotel I've

(18:26):
always wanted. Ivy creeping up thewalls and rumors creeping down the fire skame.
Oh, here comes the guests,graft noons here, welcome to Chala.
Say, oh god, I liken rum It's like a room by
the lake. Though by the weekI was just paid the president about baking

(18:52):
sirs, and I got a willlet ye pay that. I want to
celebrate. Yeah, okay, Well, here's the key to five o five.
I would have a boy to takeyour bags. Your bag guys,
say, would you like to havea what do you do? Stay home

(19:15):
all week and figure those things out? Say? Would you like to have
a bellboy to call you in themorning? Though I always get off world,
would you mind holding the bellboys?I mean, say, Herky show
this man up to five o five? Hey him here, Herky need You'll
get a better tip than usual fromthis guy. Oh, it couldn't be

(19:37):
any bars. There ain't nothing lessthan nothing. Hello, this is a
death. How long will you're gonnamake droom service? Room service? You
mean room service? Now I wantdroom service. I got a horse in
my room. Maybe I should haveused brooms. See, say, I

(20:07):
guess I'm just no good as achambermaid. No, no, I tried
to make up a couple of bedsin four oh four, but I can't
smoove out the lumps. No,why not? Well, I don't know.
Do you think I should have waituntil the guests got up? Boy?
Why that chambermaid? Excuse? Oh? And in one of the rooms,
I fell the cutest little things callingall over the bed, huge little

(20:33):
things. Hey, you get theexminator, examinator. Nothing, it's the
summer Hose Company of midget I thinkI'll want and get a litld of Well,
call me back, tell me myex wif you please, X wire?
Where did you get the squire?I show you off the newstands?

(20:56):
Say what are you doing up here? This? Why am I doom?
Why I'm your council? Red war? You a lawyer? Go on?
You were never admitted to the bar? Oh? No, check up with
the bartender. I must get downup West tex. This will is now
in effects and effects, the effectsof your office. Effects, it says,
be sound to mind, sounds offighting, sounded limbs, sound of

(21:18):
wait, wait, a minute.What is it a case of sound effects
set? Then I would you wouldn'the get me all my stuff? For
I don't know what I'm talking about. If it is, wouldn't you wouldn't
please get me on? What doyou do? Pick your English up?
Over augie boys, I'll be serious, will you read it? Says I?
O o oh wiley, if willbe queen bestow to wit whereas an

(21:40):
ad lib all my worthy good propertyestates belonging said tells and struttles, in
which the stout might be a nephew. The guy's spelt nephew. H o
o e y god, he didn'tsay that. What are you doing to
accuse me of poison your something?Do I look like a chip a lawyer?

(22:03):
It's complained English right here? Hick? What it says? It's so
backed, so noncompass. I pickedit. I tacked a green and yellow
beast. But I'm gonna say,don't get excited. Let me see you
got your old were weather. Ohyeah, to mind, nephew riches guntain

(22:23):
to bake, borrow heal this boyfor better or voice rich or poorer,
sticker or better corp res or theleft shy pet or fight your braces and
stick chaper tyran agent. You puriassume the hoop boy set them out.
For give me a glass of water. I got pressures. It's clears,
no good. Then I'll be asuccessful lawyer. Well, I got a

(22:45):
lot of white. The dude,you know you're want to left about one
thousand flocks and I gotta go andwind up your escape. Wherefore what a
lawyer that guy is? Look Ihave with bo Yeah, I can't give
it a key of that room.There's a big executive up there celebrating.

(23:07):
Hell, that's be dope. Ijust put out of the wind though.
Hey, that is there a doctorin the house? Not? What's the
matter? Well, I fell inthe dining room. Has a janulated eyelids
late ilid? Is that serious?Not very A guy tried to flirt with
me and I found him with asugar bowl. What were you doing in

(23:30):
the dining room anyhow, I'm waitingon stable? You mean waiting on table?
I said stable. They like horses. I'll go back and unpitched.
Don't know dream? What was it? A let's oh hus a countin?
Hey, if that's you on thephoto? Can went on in Alex sounder

(23:52):
Graham and meet KEI see what areyou doing up in room three twenty eight
with a man in this room?Just Suddy's arm? What like? All
up the Chicago Cubs and see ifthere's a picture mission. It looks like
Dizzy's pitching a double header in thistrip? What were you doing? The

(24:15):
recond me. I'm read Shelton.This is a hotel. Let's meet.
But my uncle? Oh oh,o'liley, where are you? I am
ernest, I'm pleased to meet allright? Oh no, no, you
please? Why you're down? You'reyou're dead? I'm I'm well, can
you prove it? I mean,what's the trouble then, what's the trouble?

(24:36):
Now? What's going on? What'sthe parent? O? O oh,
mister o'wiley. You see, mistero' wiley, see how the executed
to William? I'm not hell.Look, I mean, what's the idea
of bringing me up here? Andtell me? I got a hotel?
And the guy's still alive? Well, I'm so sorry. See you shouldn't
get excited about it. Of course, I know I got you in this
mess and I'm gonna kick him in. Yeh. Look my uncle is still

(24:57):
alive. What are we gonna do? Don't stay like a, don't suggest
something. It's a mob at Knightsfor Mighty if it is temporary next Canada,
he's never heard I take that ofmy women? Are you sick?
It's gonna cut me out of thewill Without a set you wouldn't day.

(25:18):
Now listen, I got this hoteland I'm going to keep it right and
to learn. I see, Isee you court, That's what I do.
I'll be there if I lose theresunga in Supreme Court. Yeah,
well I'll be there. And ifI use this hotail, I'll see you
in hades. Yeah, I'll beMy warrior will be there. And now

(25:45):
a song symbolic of the Western planes. Song for You by a boy raised
on the Western Plane, Kirk Matthewand the avalon Porus thinging my little bucker
root, close your sleep, beyondmy little bougoo, while alive of Western

(26:12):
tides tanning down on you. Don'tyou know it's time for another day?
Oh go to sleep, my lettlebottgo soon you go ride the range fi

(26:49):
thrown up cowboys do. Now it'stime that you around na A dream of
you. So go sleep, mylittle but when the West watching up sleep

(27:27):
sleep, sleep, those your sleepbeyond my little but you while alive of
Western sides signing down on you,those your sleep beyond? Why many things

(27:53):
to you go go to? OldScotty mccabbage is a mighty shrewd buyer.

(28:37):
And the first time he tried Avaloncigarettes he said, hoofman, what a
bark? And he meant never inall his experience, and he found such
a big cigarette battoo. And you'llsay the very same thing the first time
you try avalons. Avalons are qualitycigarettes, yes, highest quality, and
still they cost three to five centsless for pack than other popular price brands,

(29:03):
three to five cents less for cigarettesthat are unsurpassed, unsurpassed in fine
quality Turkish and domestic tobaccos, andunsurpassed in real smoking enjoyment. Friends,
don't miss out on Union made Avalons, the outstanding cigarette value on the market.
Why not try a pack tonight?Well angles another clan bake del Yes,

(29:41):
that finishes it. But listen,what's going to happen if you lose
your summer hotel? Where will youlive? That's easy? The just go
back to where his paddage serves well. It was good enough for father,
it's good enough for me. GoodNight, folks, I'll see you next
week. Remember, friends, duringthe week, when you ask for Avalon,

(30:03):
don't you get your change saloon?Yes, you never guess that Avalon's
cost only ten cents plus city orstate texts. Be with us next Saturday

(30:32):
evening at the same time when theBrown and Williams and Tobacco Corporation will again
present Avalon time Delta. Good night, Amalon time have waked you for launch
to pass us through the old time. This is what I can own.
Broadcasting O W E A F NewYork nine p m. D U l

(31:03):
O B A bull ofvar Watch time. Will u e A F New York
nine p m. D U lO B A bull ofvar Watch Time.