August 8, 2025 • 44 mins
Finding Love After Narcissistic Abuse — Join Stephanie McPhail, Co-Founder of the Divorce Support Network, as she shares her personal journey and expert guidance on rebuilding trust, confidence, and hope after narcissistic abuse. Together with host Tina Huggins, Divorce & "Narcissist Conflict" Specialist, on The Awakening show, this powerful episode on NEWStreamingNetwork.com offers insight and encouragement for those ready to open their hearts again and find healthy, lasting love.
More About Tina: Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor.
Connect with Tina: Email: coachtinalynn@gmail.com
Website: https://divorcecoachspecialist.com/
About Stephanie: Stephanie and David are a husband and wife coaching team who bring their expertise, personal experience and balanced viewpoints together in a powerful synergy. Offering a unique male/female perspective that's both inspirational and practical, they help clients from all over the world transform their lives to include more peace of mind, personal freedom, love, joy, passion and purpose.
Assistant@divorcesupportnetwork.com
http://divorcesupportnetwork.com/
http://www.beinglovedshouldnthurt.com/
More About Tina: Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor.
Connect with Tina: Email: coachtinalynn@gmail.com
Website: https://divorcecoachspecialist.com/
About Stephanie: Stephanie and David are a husband and wife coaching team who bring their expertise, personal experience and balanced viewpoints together in a powerful synergy. Offering a unique male/female perspective that's both inspirational and practical, they help clients from all over the world transform their lives to include more peace of mind, personal freedom, love, joy, passion and purpose.
Assistant@divorcesupportnetwork.com
http://divorcesupportnetwork.com/
http://www.beinglovedshouldnthurt.com/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to WGSNDB Go and Solo Network Singles talk
radio channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hello and welcome to our show, The Awakening here on WGSNDB,
the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The information and
opinions expressed on this show are just that, the opinions
of the individual speaking based on their individual personal experiences.
They do not intend to diagnose and do not constitute
(00:48):
professional advice or recommendations. So you know the pain, stress
and struggle that divorcing men and women go through while
there is a way to find peace and your sanity
all while helping your lawyer through the process. This can
save you thousands of dollars. My name's Tina Huggins. I'm
your divorce Coach, Specialist, divorce planning specialist, restorative family mediator
(01:13):
and confliction co parenting coach. Today we are graced with
this beautiful lady, Stephanie. Stephanie mcfaye is going to join
us today and Stephanie is she actually works alongside her husband, David,
and Stephanie and David are a husband and wife team
of They coach together, and they bring their expertise, personal experience,
(01:38):
and balanced viewpoints together in a powerful synergy, offering a
unique male female perspective that's both inspirational and practical. They
help clients from all over the world transform their lives
to include more peace of mind, personal freedom, love, joy
(02:01):
and purpose. Thank you for joining me today, Stephanie, Thank
you so much.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
For having me.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
We have to show the picture right behind you of
your husband and you and your wedding day. They don't
get to see David today, so we get to see
you in the picture behind you.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Yes, exactly, I know. I know it's funny because our
anniversary is actually coming up next week.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
And we'll be married for ten years. Oh how wonderful
is that?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Yes? Yeah, and I would have never imagined it when
I was going.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
Through all my sure is your dream husband?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yes, he's who I was looking for.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
Yes, yes I am. I was married to my dream husband.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
And so I remember us kind of talking about this
when we originally talk and so I didn't realize just
how intertwined you and David were in your coaching aspect
until we got ready to do the show today.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
So can you tell me how come you ended up here?
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Sure? Well, well, I don't know about anyone was listening,
but I used to be really good at choosing really
shitty partners and then trying really hard to make it work.
So it's this thing that we have. And I realized,
you know, after my first marriage that was abusive, I
learned what codependency was. I remember at one point, while
(03:20):
he was yelling and screaming at me, he told me
I was codependent, and I was like, how dare you
tell me that it's my fault because that's basically what
I felt. And when I started doing my own healing work,
I was like, wait a minute, he was right. That's
why I was with him to begin with. And so
that self discovery, you know, getting out of there and
actually taking the time to learn who I was, what
I wanted, going on a journey of figuring myself out.
(03:43):
I got to a point where I was totally happy
being single for the first time in my life. And
that's when I met an amazing man that is now
my husband of almost ten years and father of my
two children. And I never could have imagined that this
is where I would be while I was in the trenches,
when I was with the abusive partner, when I was
with those toxic people. It was so much work. I
(04:05):
had to try so hard to make it not work realistically.
But I was so busy researching and trying to figure
it out and changing myself and walking on eggshells and
doing all the things that so many of us do.
And I had lost myself in the process. And so
it's such a different experience when you're married to the
right person versus married to the wrong person, where you're
(04:27):
trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.
It just doesn't work.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Yeah, yeah, I am as you're talking. I was in
a relationship.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
I dated a guy. I lived with him for a short.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Period of time in northern Colorado, and he called me
a narcissist. I had never heard of the word narcissist before,
and so this is probably this is around ten years ago,
maybe eleven, and so I did a deep dive to
understand narcissism, and I realized that I couldn't be a
(05:03):
narcissist because I did a deep dive trying to fix
me narcissists fix themselves right, and so understanding narcissism it
was such.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
A deal for me.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
It's like, oh my god, you know people like this
exist and so and I'm currently writing a book about abuse,
and of course narcissism is inside the book. I was
able to go back through other relationships and point out
or pull out information why I was married to my
first husband who who was not or I can't say
(05:38):
is an abuser, but got abusive, and so there's a
spectrum of narcissism and he kind of set at the
very bottom of narcissism and would jump up and down.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
Anyways, just you're.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Saying that that you know, he called you something and
you went and did the deep dive. So so now
you understand. And so that's that's why you're here. And
so you're working. You know, your bio talks about your healing.
You helped your clients go through the healing. So what
did you do that helped you to get through the
healing part to get here?
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Well, one of the things, one of the things that
I think is really important is that I just remember
I was the one who always took care of everybody else.
I was successful. I was a professional. I had degrees,
I had a great job, I made really good money.
And when you think about what the stereotype of someone
who's an abusive relationship, I didn't fit that mold, and
so part of me was able to compartmentalize and be like, no, no,
(06:35):
that happens to those other people. I'm okay, you know,
And I find that a lot of my clients were
on fire and drowning, and we'll keep telling people were okay.
And it's this commonality that a lot of us have,
so being able to reach out for help is hard
for us. We are great researchers. We are great at
trying to figure out solutions to problems, which makes us
(06:55):
really good in our jobs and our businesses, but makes
it not so good in these types of situations where
the solution is get out. The solution is not try
to keep making it work and it's not giving up.
We are not good at feeling like we have lost. So,
you know, because we're successful and professional, we're like, I'm
going to figure it out. The solution is there, We're
going to just power through. But when it comes to
(07:16):
these types of relationships, pushing just prolongs the pain and discomfort.
We are not failures for leaving something that is toxic.
And so when I did finally make that decision to leave,
I just remember there was a period of time where
I thought to myself, Okay, I'm just never going to
do this again. And some of you might might have
experienced that, so that this is what a lot of
(07:37):
times people will say, we I'm going to start dating again,
or I'm just not going to do that ever again,
like we're going to just will ourselves through it. But
I have found from my own experience and now working
with clients for the past twelve years, is that it's
not just the will. We have to understand how to
create something different. We don't mean to keep repeating the
same patterns. We just do because as much as it's uncomfortable,
(07:58):
it's what we know. So we do the learn patterns
from childhood, we do the learn patterns from the adults,
past relationships, the baggage that we bring in too. Where
we are right now, we have to be able to
really look at what are the things that are causing
us to be attracted to these types of people, What
are the things that are keeping us stuck with these
types of unhealthy people, and then what am I looking
(08:19):
to create that's different, So we have to make sure
that we're focusing on learning who we are. And of
course I have a six step process, but I will
tell you one of the most important things that I
recommend to all my clients is to make sure that
you are spending time alone before you start dating. Again,
huge problem. Everybody wants to get right back into dating,
(08:40):
but spend some time alone. Get to know who you are,
and this is important. What makes you tick? What do
you love to do without the world in your business?
Who are you without all of that? And then once
you figure that out, you start creating that team of people.
So you have your professional whether it's a therapist or
(09:01):
a coach, your friendship group. Who are the people that
are supporting team you. You're creating that base along with
your passions. And then when you are already, when you
have that base going, then you can start dating. But
I always say to my clients, we date then for
educational purposes only. We're not dating to meet our next
future significant other. We are dating to figure out, Hey,
(09:24):
wait a minute, who is going to be the right
fit for me with this person that I have become
And am becoming, not who do I have to be
in order to get somebody to like me? And I
think that's a big turnaround. It's a big twist on
what a lot of dating is. I think there's a
lot of pick me, and there's a lot of let
(09:44):
me prove myself worthy of this person. Where we need
to flip that script and realize that we are basically
interviewing for the position of our partner, and so who's
going to be the best position, the best fit for
that position, instead of trying to mold ourselves into some else.
So I think, you know, when you look at the
healing process, it's about self discovery. It's about who you are,
(10:05):
but also not being afraid to say, you know what,
I am top shelf and I want someone who's going
to add to my life, not someone that I have
to change or turn things around in order to make
them happy and make their lives better. It's a synergistic
relationship where both people are getting positive benefits from the relationship.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
That's cool that the part, you know, I tell my
clients actually more like was telling my girlfriend that you
need to take the list from all of the guys
that you've dated and put down. You know, these are
my things that I don't won't have in my life,
and these are the one things that they had.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
That I want more in my life. You know.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Tony Robbins talked about that, and that's where I picked
that up originally. And so I did that. And one
of the things that was on my list that I wanted.
I wanted my mate to be able to support me,
to support my work, support my my my habits with
my taekwondo, and to support that part of my life.
(11:05):
To be somebody that would cheer me on and always
be there for me and who would let me do
that for them, And that was huge. I would have
lots of guys that would support me, but I didn't
ever have one that would really let me support them.
And I really love that part of my life. And so,
just like you said, I went out and I was
(11:28):
alone and I dated and I had fun. I had
a good time, figured me out, started loving me for
the first time in my life, and boila, I met
mister perfect for me and I met him on match.
It was it was love at first sight for him
and for me. I was still kind of going.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
I tend to think that way too quickly, and so
I kind of waited for a while. But literally after
our long date, he texted me when I was in bed.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
I was snuggled in and ready to.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Go to sleep, and he's like, I wish I was
still with you, And I jokingly said, well you could be,
and he said, what's your address?
Speaker 4 (12:09):
And he never left.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
You know, it's that, it's those types of things, when
you're ready, they'll come.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
You become a magnet for the right person.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
And I'll say too. I mean, it's funny. I met
my husband also on on Plenty of Fish, and I think,
you know, it was one of those things where like
I knew what I was looking for, so I had
my list, and I always tell clients also make the list,
but also then go out and date to see like
is this really what you want on your list? Because
sometimes we have this idea of what we want and
then we start dating and we're like, oh wait, I
was just kidding, it's not exactly I asked for the
(12:42):
wrong thing, So you know, you do that. But I
was at a point where I was so happy being
single that I was dating just for fun, like let's
just see what happened. So when I met him actually,
and it was the same kind of thing it was
for him, like love at first sight. I was like, oh,
he seems he's attractive. He's what I'm looking for physically,
you know, let's see. But then after a few dates,
(13:02):
I was like, he's really awesome, but I don't know
if I want to stop being single. So I almost
broke up with him, and I remember thinking to myself
at the time, wait a minute, I feel like if
I actually break up with him, I just felt this
like hole in my chest, like I'm not giving him
the opportunity that I feel like I should. I feel
like I'm missing out and if I don't give him
(13:22):
the opportunity, And so I finally And the cool thing
about dating from that perspective is that I was okay
if it didn't work out. I was okay with letting
it go if it didn't work out, and so I
was also free completely to be myself. So in the
beginning of even up it was dating, I'm like, I
don't even know if I want to be single, I
might date other men. And he was like, that's okay.
(13:43):
I'm not going to force you to do or say
anything that you don't want to do, and I was like, wait,
a guy that's not trying to control me, He's not
trying to put me in a box. And like it was,
it was such a different freeing experience where I was like,
I really do need to give this guy a chance,
and so I did, and I mean we actually got
engaged also very quickly got married within like six months.
(14:04):
I mean everything once it was I allowed him fully in.
I mean, the process of our courtship just went really
quickly and we very quickly got married, started having kids,
doing all that kind of stuff, and then started working
with me helping people heal from toxic relationships, which I
never could have imagined in a million years ever having
a spouse that would help me in my passion for
(14:26):
helping others. So you know, again, if you're stuck in
that place where you're you're the one doing all the
work and you're trying to figure everything out, you could
be with a partner. You could be single. You could
also be with a partner that love and respects and
just like what you said, it loves what you're doing,
whether it's working with you or just supporting what you're doing.
But really that cheerleader.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
That wants you to be the best version of you. Yes,
And and that was with my late husband. This show
came from him. He wanted to let men know that
men can be in abusive relationships too, and that there
is a way out and that you can find magical
(15:09):
love on the other end of things. So he was
the one who I mean, I had suggested the show,
and he had suggested that he be the co host
so that he could be my male partner and be
the masculine part and be able to let men know
that abuse does happen to men as well.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
So he was partnered up with me.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
He didn't coach, although I did have him talk with
a couple of clients, because men sometimes need to be
reassured that they're not weird by asking for help and
not weird by saying that they've been in an abusive relationship.
So it was for me it was like having heaven
(15:49):
right there.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
And statistically, I mean, we know it literally can happen
to anyone. It's very popular for women to accuse me
of narcissism and for men to accuse women of being
borderline personality disorder. That's like the here or bipolar You
hear those all the time, but realistically we all have
some qualities of those qualities, Like there's moments and especially
(16:13):
if you're back into a corner where you might not
behave the best version of yourself. And so that's another
thing too that I think is really really important, is
that sometimes it doesn't have to be that someone's the
bad guy. Sometimes we just don't work well together. Sometimes
we're just not the right fit. And where you might
not you and you know, a different partner might not
bring out those same qualities in each other. And so
(16:36):
you know, it's it's like Kevin Bacon in a flash
dance or whatever it's called, where they they're not allowed
to dance. They're at a you know, a town where
nobody's allowed to dance. You got to find another dancer.
If you love to dance, you got to find another
person who likes to dance. Like find the people that
love doing the things that you love to do and
not trying to force again things that don't work for you.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
M Yeah, I'm at a point on the other end
of the death of my husband where I'm very happy
with where I'm at right now. I don't need to
go anywhere else. I'm happy at this moment here, and
so that I've got a whole tribe of friends, you know,
(17:22):
And when you talked about having the tribe or the
family that supports you, that was the one thing. I
haven't had almost any family support, not from my original
divorce and not from the death of my husband. It's
like everybody got afraid that I might have the plague
(17:43):
or something.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
When my husband died.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
My family the only real support I had was my
two sons, and they both went out to Arkansas where
we were, and that support system is so important for
our healing and finding that so I know that after
my divorce, and part of my problem in my divorce
was I didn't tell my family what was going on.
(18:07):
I didn't tell them about the abuse. Nobody knew I
had broken my hand, nobody knew I had separated ribs,
and didn't tell anybody about the dislocated leg. Later on,
and these were years apart, we stayed in that relationship
and and it's at a point, you know, this is
something that a lot of people don't understand. They'll say, well,
(18:29):
how can you stay in a relationship where.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
You're getting abused? We don't know we're being abused. In
most of those cases.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
We can compartmentalize, you know, And that's the same thing
I most people don't tell anybody. I didn't tell anybody.
I was embarrassed. I had a lot of shame. I
don't want anyone to know. And then we compartmentalize, Like,
you know, I was talking about this with someone the
other day. Being strangled on your wedding night is pretty terrible.
I didn't tell anybody that, and I didn't tell, you know,
And even getting an order of protection, I almost forgot
to mention that as I was trying to get the order,
(18:58):
and luckily I had an advocate with me that was
like anything else happened. And I told her that almost
like passing, and she was like, oh my, what like
that happened? Do you know how quickly could have killed you?
And it took someone to give me that reality check
to even And again, we are professional, you know, educated women,
So this has nothing to do with that at all.
We just don't. Our brains are not functioning when we
(19:21):
are in that kind of state.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Yeah, you know, they aren't, you know, the the dis
or the broken hand, and I think the separated ribs
came from the same fight, and then there's the other
portions that might have been from that same fight and
might have been from another fight. I can't even like
separate them and figure that all out.
Speaker 4 (19:41):
And then where were my children. I have no clue when.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
This fight was going on where my children were, and
that fight they were still fairly young. And so I
even now in writing this book about all this stuff,
I can't I can't find that in my head.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
It's there to protect me.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Yeah, yeah, it's amazing. I mean when I when I
wrote my book, it was I had to go through
some of the orders of protection, police reports, things like that,
and there were things that I completely forgot happened. I
was like, oh, okay, I forgot what he followed me,
you know, had called the police to have me followed
to my friend's house, accusing me of drunk driving. Like
(20:21):
I forgot when he showed up to the house and
knocked all of the furniture all over the place, when
my friends were like completely those things just completely came
out of my mind. And you're right, it's our brains
trying to protect us. But you know, it's there's there's
this weird thing that I find is that we with
when you're talking about leaving an abusive person, there is
(20:42):
this trauma bond that goes on, and so when when
you it's it's like we're trying to prove to them
that we were worthy of being chosen. And it literally
feels like withdrawal from drugs when we are removed from them,
even though it is a terrible unsafe place for us.
But that's what our brain does. So it's scared of
(21:05):
what and if you've been told over and over again
that we're not good enough, or to opinionated, or to
whatever the things that they've said to try to break
down our spirit, that kind of is in the back
of our mind also. So now we're thinking about leaving,
but we also were thinking to ourselves, but maybe there
is something wrong with me, Maybe I am going to
be alone forever. Maybe maybe I do deserve this. Maybe
this is the best that I can get. And those
are all the things going through our head as we're
(21:26):
also saying, but I want them to love me, and
I see what's good, and I want it to be
the way it was in the beginning. So you have
all of these conflicting thoughts in our head, in your head,
which is one of the reasons why we stay stuck.
So when healing and removing ourselves, we have to go
through the withdrawals of it. It's in order to be
able to fully leave. But that's why it's so hard
for us to make that decision.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Yeah, and I'm the one who left. And six months
after I left, and I because I had nobody else.
On the outside, it looked like I left him for
another man, which was kind of sort of the but
the reality was is I needed a safe fricking place
to stay, and my family had chosen his side, and
I needed somebody with no alcohol.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
So he was in AA. He was one of the
martial artists that was in my class.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
He wasn't one of my students, but he was safe
and I knew.
Speaker 4 (22:19):
That he wasn't going to bug me.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
He was the type of person that would just let
me sit in my office and be there and do
whatever I needed to do. But six months later, I
went to my husband's now house it used to be ours,
and I attempted suicide. I was only lucky that I
drank the whole bottle of wine with the sleeping pills,
(22:41):
otherwise I wouldn't have grown up. And I wouldn't have
gotten rid of all of the sleeping pills in my system.
And it's because we, you know, like you were saying,
that separation, we struggle so hard to make that separation.
And I didn't like the yelling. You could hit all day.
I was a martial artist. I can take the hits.
(23:03):
The hits didn't bother me. And not that he ever
struck me, like punched me or slapped me, but he
grabbed me. And that's how come the hand got broke
is because I knew how to release, and I released
and there was a doorjam in the way, and so
he had me gas lit to make me believe that
it was my fault that my hand broke, and it
was my fault. He separated the ribs because he threw
(23:23):
me then on the bed and stuck his knee in
my chest, and he said, but you were so crazy.
I just didn't want you to go drive off and
hurt yourself. That's is totally not what really happened. But
it took me years to see the truth in that
gaslighting aspect. And then I went through several other things
(23:43):
that he gasled me on, and it took me, Like
I said, it took me fifteen years really until I
started doing this work, so like twenty plus years to
really get the whole aspect to what really took place.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
And that's and it's good. I mean, it's I'm so
glad that you were able to do the work and
be able to work through that so that you didn't
bring that into other relationships, because it's you know, there's
a whole other life outside of that that we don't
when we're in it. It's like it's hard to see
the light when you're in the darkness. It really is.
And it's I and I can't say this enough. We
(24:19):
we don't know what else is out there. And so
I remember leaving and he would say to me, you know,
every relationship has issues. You think everything is lollipops and rainbows,
but you know everybody has something. And I just remember thinking, well,
but what if there's a chance, what if there's the
tiniest little chance that maybe my life could be different?
(24:42):
Because I remember thinking to myself, can I do this
for another fifty years? And then I remember thinking, well,
maybe I'll die, maybe he'll die, And those felt like relief.
I didn't want to die, but the thought of being
not around that. However, that was felt like relief. And
then I thought, wait, if there's that tiny bit of
chance that maybe I can create something different for myself,
I want to go for that. And that little glimmer
(25:04):
is what I held on to to get out of there.
And at first I thought that, well, maybe maybe he
was right and it is that bad because I had
all those horrible feelings after I left, and then as
time went on. I always give the example it kind
of feels like you get a new pair of glasses
and as you start doing the healing work, you're like,
holy crap, this is what the world looks like. It's beautiful,
like a look at the definition and the colors and
(25:27):
people are different than what I imagined, because you know,
when you're like a caged animal, and so you get
out and all of a sudden, you're like, wow, this
is the world as it really is, not as the
way he has said it is. And you know, for me,
it was him, but it's a whole different world out
there than what I was living when I was in
that toxicity.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yeah, you know, as you're talking, I get all of
these little scenes in my head. There's situations where I
can remember being in those and just fighting and fighting
and fighting, And now there's people that are in those situations.
And because I'm on the outside being who I am
now with all this training and understanding and everything, I look,
(26:10):
you can prevent that fight by not engaging in the conversation.
Just by not engaging in the conversation. They may or
may not be mad at you when they bark at you,
but if you don't engage in the conversation, you can
walk away, do your dishes, go fold the clothes, just
don't engage. And when they come and knock at the
(26:30):
door and want to open the can of worms again,
you still don't engage. You can apologize for how they feel.
You can say I'm sorry for what's going on, and
just go back to whatever. And I recently experienced this
with a friend, this exact thing. She told me, the
exact story of what I was just saying, and within I.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
Don't know, about fifteen minutes, she said.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
After she didn't engage the second time, he came back
in and gave a.
Speaker 4 (27:00):
Kiss on her forehead.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
He couldn't say I'm sorry, but that was his I'm sorry,
and it was just because he was having a bad
time at work, and he needed somebody to blame, and
so he was going to start a fight, so so
it could be his fault, and and just not engaging
in the conversation. And we don't need to engage in
(27:23):
the conversation, Gray Rock, drop it and walk away.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
And we don't need to act on every feeling that
we have. You know, I think that's one of the
things that we start learning is that you know to
kind of pay attention to do it with the metacognition, right,
pay attention, think about what you're thinking about. And so
if you're in a super negative place, be aware of that. Like, hey,
I'm in a negative place right now, I'm feeling like
I want to lash out. Okay, we at least thanks
(27:48):
for letting me know, you know, or like you're feeling
negative about yourself. Okay, why am I feeling negative about myself?
I didn't eat enough, I didn't sleep enough, I didn't
have you know, whatever, whatever those things are. But we
we very much are in these as mode and sometimes
you just have to take a step back and say, hey,
wait a minute, I don't have to act on this
negative feeling just because I'm feeling it. Sometimes it's just
(28:09):
takes a distraction to be able to move on.
Speaker 4 (28:13):
Yes, and.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
It's there's so many I just I can just see
all of these little things that have gone on in
my life. And had I just not engaged, or had
I had understanding for their situation, or had I just
listened to them without my two cents, those all could
have prevented an argument a fight that that eventually would
(28:37):
have happened through that conversation. And now, and that was
the way it was with my late husband and I
and I've got friends now that that if I would
engage in different conversations, we could go sideways, you know.
So it's like you just learn what's important, you know,
and what's not important. And Yes, when you're in a relationship,
(29:00):
there are things discussions. You may not be happy with
something they said when you were at the party or
something to that effect. And I'm a big big component
of don't talk about it in front of other people.
We don't need other people to be affected by our
negative energy. But do we have to get negative about it?
(29:23):
Can we just say something in kindness about that or
ask why without engaging in the negative side of that.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
I think that speaks a lot to everyone needs to
take responsibility for their own behavior.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
Mm hmm. And that's it's very easy for us to blame.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
You know.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
I just have this conversation recently with someone where it's like, well,
they're doing this, they're doing that, they're doing this, and
I'm like, it must be really exhausting to be so
focused on everybody else all the time, right right, like,
oh my gosh, everybody's against me. Well, okay, who what's
actually really going on here? Like can we take responsibility
for our reaction to their reaction? Do we have to
(29:59):
engage and everything that they say and do? What can
we do differently? You know? And again this is not
about trying to you know, step on eggshells and be
worried about what they're going to do. But you know,
again we're not always perfect, and so you know, what
are the things that we're doing, Like we're going to
say things that we don't really mean, we're going to
but take responsibility for it. I was in a shitty
(30:19):
mood yesterday and I said some things didn't mean too.
I apologize, you know, and being aware of it and
again working on those things that we need to work
on without because if you're going to take some time
focusing on what somebody else needs to change. That's an
avoidance technique that's never going to get you anywhere, right literally,
I mean the only way to get anywhere is to
(30:40):
be like, oh okay, like for me, like being called
codependent in the early you know, my last relationship and
thinking like, we wait, so this is me now? Instead
of people saying, well, you know, you're victim blaming or whatever.
I think there's something super empowering with being able to say, hey,
I was the common denominator in all of my toxic relationships. Yes,
I didn't deserve to be treated badly. I didn't deserve
(31:02):
to be abused. I didn't deserve any of those things.
But I was doing something that was getting me to
this place. What can I do differently to not get
here again? That's a good question to ask yourself. Is
it remove yourself from that relationship? Is it how are
you're reacting to people? Is it your communication skills? Is
it you saying yes when you should say no? What
(31:22):
are the things that are going on there? And as
soon as you start taking that kind of responsibility, then
you can create that life that you want. Then you're
not going to be into those situations where it's unhealthy
and unsafe for you as well.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
Yes, I know taking responsibility from my actions has been
how my life's got to where it's at. I can
go back and say, yep, that was my responsibility. And
the thing that I tell you know a lot of
clients and I'm like, stop for a minute, look at.
Speaker 4 (31:52):
Your whole life. You see your whole life.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
You created it, all the bad, all the good. It
by your viewpoint, what you're focusing on, and the people
you're choosing to hang out with and talk to and
how you talk to them. You created your whole life.
So if it sucks, it's your responsibility to change you
so you can change your life. That we have to
(32:19):
take responsibility for that. I know if I hadn't taken responsibility,
I would have never met my mister perfect for me.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Exactly same thing. It's again letting go. It's it's hard
to let go. It's hard. And then you know you
mentioned Tony Robbins before, But I think there's also the
being thankful for the lessons instead of saying like, oh,
look at all these mistakes on this time that I wasted,
instead of make repeating those same mistakes over and over again.
Look at them as lessons. What's the lesson that I
(32:49):
can get from this? Okay, I choose an abusive partner, Okay,
what can I learn from this? Okay? Don't don't try
to get into relationship Brian trying to fix someone. Don't
ignore the red flags, don't try to be the savior.
You know, work on myself, you know, one of the
and you can learn a lot from the from the
lessons that you are given throughout your life.
Speaker 4 (33:10):
Yes, definitely.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
I think if we don't learn lessons from our life,
then we're not growing.
Speaker 4 (33:16):
We're we're somehow stagnating somewhere.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
Well, and I always say in the universe just taps harder.
So if we don't learn that lesson, the universe is
like hello, now you're gonna learn it this way, it's
gonna suck even more than the last time I tried
to show you that lesson.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Right, right, Yes, so true, so true? And it does
you know that I always call it a two by four.
That's the next tap. You know, if you don't watch it,
you're gonna end up in a car accident or whatever
the situation. And sure enough, that's the next step and
it's we have got to slow down, stop, take a look,
(33:53):
take an inventory of what's going on with our life,
because it's our life.
Speaker 4 (33:58):
And we're in charge.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
The one thing that I have heard several times here
in the last several months is that you have three
hundred and sixty five days. They're gonna unfold. No matter
what they're gonna unfold. You can choose how they unfold
and help them unfold in the direction you want them,
or you can just let them make a mess of
your life.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
Yep, it's gonna happen anyway. It was like a friend
of mine she went back for her PhD, and we
were in our mid thirties, and I remember one of
her friends said to her, Yeah, but you're gonna be
almost forty when you get your PhD. And she was like, well,
I'm going to get to forty anyway, might as well
have a PhD associated with it. And that was like,
that is exactly how you should live your.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
Life, right right. I don't know that.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
I remember back in the day when I was married
to my first husband that and we were in we
were in our thirties, and I said something about he
had talked about that he wanted to go and be
become a Dodebu officer, divisional wildlife officer.
Speaker 4 (35:03):
And I says, why did you do that?
Speaker 2 (35:04):
And he says, well, I'm too old, like in your thirties.
You're too old to go back to school to be
a Doebut officer. And again, just like he said, we're
going to get there anyways. Might as well get there
doing something we want to do.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
Yeah, exactly, exactly. It's so silly what we do, you know,
because even my first marriage, I was I felt the
clock I was twenty eight. I want to get married,
I want to settle down. I want to be able
to have children. I want to be able to do
all those things. So I haven't found anything great. Might
as well settle for this, I mean, and realistically, that
was what I was thinking. I wouldn't have said that
at a time, but that was what I was thinking.
(35:40):
So I ignored those red flags because of it, and then
instead I wasted years of my life with the wrong person.
And then you know, was able to leave and then
do what I was what I needed to do and
take care of myself and find the right person. But
and then ended up being able to have my kids
and do all that. But yeah, it's amazing what we
tell ourselves at different ages or I'm too old, or
you know, all these these things. I don't care if
(36:01):
you're in your fifties or sixties or seventies. There's the
right person out there for you. Still, there's always an opportunity.
You're alive, you're here, There's always an opportunity to turn
your life around, no matter what you've experienced, no matter
how long you've experienced. It's time right now listening to
this for anyone who needs that reminder, it's time to
make yourself a priority.
Speaker 4 (36:20):
Amen. Amen.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
So since you opened that door, tell me, Stephanie, how
you work with your clients.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
So we work remotely. We have a holistic coaching program
where we do one on one we do it's kind
of a well, we have different combinations. We do one
on one coaching. We also have a hybrid group coaching
approach where there is curriculum, there's one on one coaching.
My husband actually uses something called psyche k, which is
high speed mindset for the subconscious. So it's in the
(36:48):
same family as NLP and EMDR, but we tend to
find that it works at a much quicker rate with
our clients, and we call it our secret sauce, so
that instead of going back to I'm not good enough,
it's not possible for me. Were able to change your
beliefs at a subconscious level and help you to really
change your perspective and heal at a much quicker pace.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
Yes, and I actually have studied site K back when
in one of my earlier certifications, and so I understand
pite K and I believe those types of training, those
type of therapies are just way better than just traditional
talk therapies because they involve more, more of the brain
(37:29):
and just gets you involved in your healing process as
you move forward.
Speaker 3 (37:33):
Agreed. Yeah, find we've had clients that have come to
us and said one session with myself or one session
with my husband was better than twenty five years of therapy.
And that makes me sad because I think about, well,
you spent twenty five years going to a therapist once
a week and you never got what you needed. Like
that sucks. That sucks. They obviously were trying, but you know,
and again you're here now this is what it is.
(37:55):
But you know, if you've been trying the same thing
over and over again, you're not finding results, then try
something different. For me, coaching and therapy was the best
combination for me. For my clients, I find the same
thing for you know, they started out with therapy and
then they go to coaching. That's how they get their results.
And so if you're in that place, then find and
I don't care who you you know, whether it's Tina,
(38:17):
whether it's me, Find a coach that you feel comfortable with,
that you resonate with, hire them and have them help you.
You want to find someone who's where you want to be,
and then they can help pull you there at a
quicker rate because they can see and they know where
you keep repeating those patterns, they can call you out
and help you move more quickly.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
Yes, and that said, not every coach can coach every person,
and that is important for you to find the right
coach for you, the right fit for you, because you're
going to move much faster with the right fit, the
right person. So, Stephanie, we're reaching that time where we're
coming to an end. So so we know how you
(38:56):
work with your clients. So now tell us how people
can find you.
Speaker 3 (39:00):
We can find us in a bunch of different ways.
If you look up Stephanie mcfail. If you do a
Google search with Stephanie mcfail, Toxic Love Transformation is my podcast.
My business is being Loved, Shouldn't Hurt. You can find
me in all of those places. I also am the
co founder of Divorce Support Network, so you can go
over to Divorce Support Network and find out about the
work that we do for bridging the gap between divorce
(39:21):
professionals and people at all different stages of divorce. So
go ahead and find us. We're on all the social
media's like TikTok, LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, I mean, you name it.
If there's social media, we're probably on it, So go
follow us. We give a lot of value. We even
have a private Facebook group, Divorce Support Network. Go check
it out, follow us and really dive into what we
(39:42):
have and if it feels like the right fit for you,
reach out and then let's talk about getting you some
support and getting you to the place you want to be.
Speaker 4 (39:50):
Amen to that.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
So, I'm a certified divorce coach, meaning that I've trained
in the complexities of divorce. I've also dealt with abuse,
not just my abuse, but the abuse of my father
who was almost murdered in a second relationship and my
late husband who he felt was tortured in his relationship.
Speaker 4 (40:08):
So I've come.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
From the abuse and I've learned about the divorce aspect
and that makes me understand the situation. You can find
me or reach me on my email at Coach Tina
Lynn at gmail dot com, dot co A c h
t I n A l y n N at Gmail,
and my website is Divorcecoachspecialist dot com. You can find
(40:33):
me on social media Facebook under Tina Huggins h U
G g I n S, on LinkedIn under Tina Huggins,
on Instagram under Divorce Coach Tina Lynn, and TikTok under
Divorce Tina.
Speaker 4 (40:46):
And so.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
It's I would just like for you to give our
viewers a last bit of advice for a Stephanie.
Speaker 3 (40:56):
Stop trying to fix the world and start fixing yourself heal.
If you can focus on that, then you can end
up doing those great things you were put here to do.
But until you stop focusing on everybody else and really
take that step back to focus on you, you're going
to keep ending up in a place where you don't
want to be.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Yes, And I have given this advice in the last
few shows, but reach out and ask for help.
Speaker 4 (41:23):
You can't do it alone. It's like dig in a ditch.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
I mean you can dig forever if you want to,
or you can ask for help and you can get
the ditch done. And when it is time for you
to start healing and start moving forward and working on yourself,
it's best to have help because what we think is
wrong is not always the case. And being able to
fix what truly is wrong or is not wrong and
(41:51):
strengthen those parts and pieces of us, that's where we
come in and that's where Stephanie can definitely help. And
the fact that she gets to work with David, you
get a team that's there to support you, whether you
are a man or a woman as you move through.
So thank you so much Stephanie for joining us. So
I will say this to our viewers because I and
(42:14):
I talked about it earlier. Suicide is something that we
can come to, the suicidal ideations because of all the
stress that were underneath. So please understand if you are there,
there is a way out. Call the National Suicide Prevention
Hotline Simple number nine eight eight and if you're in
the Netherlands, it's one one three. Get that support so
(42:36):
that you can talk to somebody right here, right now,
so that you can get into a better place. If
you are in a situation that you need the police
officers there right now. It is nine to one one.
It is nine nine nine in the UK and in
the Netherlands it's one one two. Just make sure that
you press charges when you get to that point, press charges,
(42:58):
because that's your key out of the abuse. Once you
press charges, do not drop those charges. If you have
been abused, what happens on the other side of drop
charges is usually way worse than what's happened to date,
So don't drop the charges.
Speaker 4 (43:12):
This is your key out of the relationship. The Domestic
Violence Hotline.
Speaker 2 (43:16):
If you are somebody you know are involved in domestic violence,
you can call eight hundred seventy ninety nine seventy two
three three. That number again is eight hundred seven ninety
nine seventy two thirty three And if you can, please like,
comment and share so that this can help others. Thank
you so much, and thank you so much for being
(43:36):
with me here, Stephanie.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
You're listening to WGSNDB going Solo Network Singles Talk Radio
channel where We take a lighthearted and candidate approach to
discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting, being single, relationships, building, dating,
and yes sex. Join our listen years and begin living
your best life. MHM.
You're listening to WGSNDB Go and Solo Network Singles talk
radio channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hello and welcome to our show, The Awakening here on WGSNDB,
the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The information and
opinions expressed on this show are just that, the opinions
of the individual speaking based on their individual personal experiences.
They do not intend to diagnose and do not constitute
(00:48):
professional advice or recommendations. So you know the pain, stress
and struggle that divorcing men and women go through while
there is a way to find peace and your sanity
all while helping your lawyer through the process. This can
save you thousands of dollars. My name's Tina Huggins. I'm
your divorce Coach, Specialist, divorce planning specialist, restorative family mediator
(01:13):
and confliction co parenting coach. Today we are graced with
this beautiful lady, Stephanie. Stephanie mcfaye is going to join
us today and Stephanie is she actually works alongside her husband, David,
and Stephanie and David are a husband and wife team
of They coach together, and they bring their expertise, personal experience,
(01:38):
and balanced viewpoints together in a powerful synergy, offering a
unique male female perspective that's both inspirational and practical. They
help clients from all over the world transform their lives
to include more peace of mind, personal freedom, love, joy
(02:01):
and purpose. Thank you for joining me today, Stephanie, Thank
you so much.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
For having me.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
We have to show the picture right behind you of
your husband and you and your wedding day. They don't
get to see David today, so we get to see
you in the picture behind you.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Yes, exactly, I know. I know it's funny because our
anniversary is actually coming up next week.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
And we'll be married for ten years. Oh how wonderful
is that?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Yes? Yeah, and I would have never imagined it when
I was going.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
Through all my sure is your dream husband?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yes, he's who I was looking for.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
Yes, yes I am. I was married to my dream husband.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
And so I remember us kind of talking about this
when we originally talk and so I didn't realize just
how intertwined you and David were in your coaching aspect
until we got ready to do the show today.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
So can you tell me how come you ended up here?
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Sure? Well, well, I don't know about anyone was listening,
but I used to be really good at choosing really
shitty partners and then trying really hard to make it work.
So it's this thing that we have. And I realized,
you know, after my first marriage that was abusive, I
learned what codependency was. I remember at one point, while
(03:20):
he was yelling and screaming at me, he told me
I was codependent, and I was like, how dare you
tell me that it's my fault because that's basically what
I felt. And when I started doing my own healing work,
I was like, wait a minute, he was right. That's
why I was with him to begin with. And so
that self discovery, you know, getting out of there and
actually taking the time to learn who I was, what
I wanted, going on a journey of figuring myself out.
(03:43):
I got to a point where I was totally happy
being single for the first time in my life. And
that's when I met an amazing man that is now
my husband of almost ten years and father of my
two children. And I never could have imagined that this
is where I would be while I was in the trenches,
when I was with the abusive partner, when I was
with those toxic people. It was so much work. I
(04:05):
had to try so hard to make it not work realistically.
But I was so busy researching and trying to figure
it out and changing myself and walking on eggshells and
doing all the things that so many of us do.
And I had lost myself in the process. And so
it's such a different experience when you're married to the
right person versus married to the wrong person, where you're
(04:27):
trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.
It just doesn't work.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Yeah, yeah, I am as you're talking. I was in
a relationship.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
I dated a guy. I lived with him for a short.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Period of time in northern Colorado, and he called me
a narcissist. I had never heard of the word narcissist before,
and so this is probably this is around ten years ago,
maybe eleven, and so I did a deep dive to
understand narcissism, and I realized that I couldn't be a
(05:03):
narcissist because I did a deep dive trying to fix
me narcissists fix themselves right, and so understanding narcissism it
was such.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
A deal for me.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
It's like, oh my god, you know people like this
exist and so and I'm currently writing a book about abuse,
and of course narcissism is inside the book. I was
able to go back through other relationships and point out
or pull out information why I was married to my
first husband who who was not or I can't say
(05:38):
is an abuser, but got abusive, and so there's a
spectrum of narcissism and he kind of set at the
very bottom of narcissism and would jump up and down.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
Anyways, just you're.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Saying that that you know, he called you something and
you went and did the deep dive. So so now
you understand. And so that's that's why you're here. And
so you're working. You know, your bio talks about your healing.
You helped your clients go through the healing. So what
did you do that helped you to get through the
healing part to get here?
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Well, one of the things, one of the things that
I think is really important is that I just remember
I was the one who always took care of everybody else.
I was successful. I was a professional. I had degrees,
I had a great job, I made really good money.
And when you think about what the stereotype of someone
who's an abusive relationship, I didn't fit that mold, and
so part of me was able to compartmentalize and be like, no, no,
(06:35):
that happens to those other people. I'm okay, you know,
And I find that a lot of my clients were
on fire and drowning, and we'll keep telling people were okay.
And it's this commonality that a lot of us have,
so being able to reach out for help is hard
for us. We are great researchers. We are great at
trying to figure out solutions to problems, which makes us
(06:55):
really good in our jobs and our businesses, but makes
it not so good in these types of situations where
the solution is get out. The solution is not try
to keep making it work and it's not giving up.
We are not good at feeling like we have lost. So,
you know, because we're successful and professional, we're like, I'm
going to figure it out. The solution is there, We're
going to just power through. But when it comes to
(07:16):
these types of relationships, pushing just prolongs the pain and discomfort.
We are not failures for leaving something that is toxic.
And so when I did finally make that decision to leave,
I just remember there was a period of time where
I thought to myself, Okay, I'm just never going to
do this again. And some of you might might have
experienced that, so that this is what a lot of
(07:37):
times people will say, we I'm going to start dating again,
or I'm just not going to do that ever again,
like we're going to just will ourselves through it. But
I have found from my own experience and now working
with clients for the past twelve years, is that it's
not just the will. We have to understand how to
create something different. We don't mean to keep repeating the
same patterns. We just do because as much as it's uncomfortable,
(07:58):
it's what we know. So we do the learn patterns
from childhood, we do the learn patterns from the adults,
past relationships, the baggage that we bring in too. Where
we are right now, we have to be able to
really look at what are the things that are causing
us to be attracted to these types of people, What
are the things that are keeping us stuck with these
types of unhealthy people, and then what am I looking
(08:19):
to create that's different, So we have to make sure
that we're focusing on learning who we are. And of
course I have a six step process, but I will
tell you one of the most important things that I
recommend to all my clients is to make sure that
you are spending time alone before you start dating. Again,
huge problem. Everybody wants to get right back into dating,
(08:40):
but spend some time alone. Get to know who you are,
and this is important. What makes you tick? What do
you love to do without the world in your business?
Who are you without all of that? And then once
you figure that out, you start creating that team of people.
So you have your professional whether it's a therapist or
(09:01):
a coach, your friendship group. Who are the people that
are supporting team you. You're creating that base along with
your passions. And then when you are already, when you
have that base going, then you can start dating. But
I always say to my clients, we date then for
educational purposes only. We're not dating to meet our next
future significant other. We are dating to figure out, Hey,
(09:24):
wait a minute, who is going to be the right
fit for me with this person that I have become
And am becoming, not who do I have to be
in order to get somebody to like me? And I
think that's a big turnaround. It's a big twist on
what a lot of dating is. I think there's a
lot of pick me, and there's a lot of let
(09:44):
me prove myself worthy of this person. Where we need
to flip that script and realize that we are basically
interviewing for the position of our partner, and so who's
going to be the best position, the best fit for
that position, instead of trying to mold ourselves into some else.
So I think, you know, when you look at the
healing process, it's about self discovery. It's about who you are,
(10:05):
but also not being afraid to say, you know what,
I am top shelf and I want someone who's going
to add to my life, not someone that I have
to change or turn things around in order to make
them happy and make their lives better. It's a synergistic
relationship where both people are getting positive benefits from the relationship.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
That's cool that the part, you know, I tell my
clients actually more like was telling my girlfriend that you
need to take the list from all of the guys
that you've dated and put down. You know, these are
my things that I don't won't have in my life,
and these are the one things that they had.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
That I want more in my life. You know.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Tony Robbins talked about that, and that's where I picked
that up originally. And so I did that. And one
of the things that was on my list that I wanted.
I wanted my mate to be able to support me,
to support my work, support my my my habits with
my taekwondo, and to support that part of my life.
(11:05):
To be somebody that would cheer me on and always
be there for me and who would let me do
that for them, And that was huge. I would have
lots of guys that would support me, but I didn't
ever have one that would really let me support them.
And I really love that part of my life. And so,
just like you said, I went out and I was
(11:28):
alone and I dated and I had fun. I had
a good time, figured me out, started loving me for
the first time in my life, and boila, I met
mister perfect for me and I met him on match.
It was it was love at first sight for him
and for me. I was still kind of going.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
I tend to think that way too quickly, and so
I kind of waited for a while. But literally after
our long date, he texted me when I was in bed.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
I was snuggled in and ready to.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Go to sleep, and he's like, I wish I was
still with you, And I jokingly said, well you could be,
and he said, what's your address?
Speaker 4 (12:09):
And he never left.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
You know, it's that, it's those types of things, when
you're ready, they'll come.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
You become a magnet for the right person.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
And I'll say too. I mean, it's funny. I met
my husband also on on Plenty of Fish, and I think,
you know, it was one of those things where like
I knew what I was looking for, so I had
my list, and I always tell clients also make the list,
but also then go out and date to see like
is this really what you want on your list? Because
sometimes we have this idea of what we want and
then we start dating and we're like, oh wait, I
was just kidding, it's not exactly I asked for the
(12:42):
wrong thing, So you know, you do that. But I
was at a point where I was so happy being
single that I was dating just for fun, like let's
just see what happened. So when I met him actually,
and it was the same kind of thing it was
for him, like love at first sight. I was like, oh,
he seems he's attractive. He's what I'm looking for physically,
you know, let's see. But then after a few dates,
(13:02):
I was like, he's really awesome, but I don't know
if I want to stop being single. So I almost
broke up with him, and I remember thinking to myself
at the time, wait a minute, I feel like if
I actually break up with him, I just felt this
like hole in my chest, like I'm not giving him
the opportunity that I feel like I should. I feel
like I'm missing out and if I don't give him
(13:22):
the opportunity, And so I finally And the cool thing
about dating from that perspective is that I was okay
if it didn't work out. I was okay with letting
it go if it didn't work out, and so I
was also free completely to be myself. So in the
beginning of even up it was dating, I'm like, I
don't even know if I want to be single, I
might date other men. And he was like, that's okay.
(13:43):
I'm not going to force you to do or say
anything that you don't want to do, and I was like, wait,
a guy that's not trying to control me, He's not
trying to put me in a box. And like it was,
it was such a different freeing experience where I was like,
I really do need to give this guy a chance,
and so I did, and I mean we actually got
engaged also very quickly got married within like six months.
(14:04):
I mean everything once it was I allowed him fully in.
I mean, the process of our courtship just went really
quickly and we very quickly got married, started having kids,
doing all that kind of stuff, and then started working
with me helping people heal from toxic relationships, which I
never could have imagined in a million years ever having
a spouse that would help me in my passion for
(14:26):
helping others. So you know, again, if you're stuck in
that place where you're you're the one doing all the
work and you're trying to figure everything out, you could
be with a partner. You could be single. You could
also be with a partner that love and respects and
just like what you said, it loves what you're doing,
whether it's working with you or just supporting what you're doing.
But really that cheerleader.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
That wants you to be the best version of you. Yes,
And and that was with my late husband. This show
came from him. He wanted to let men know that
men can be in abusive relationships too, and that there
is a way out and that you can find magical
(15:09):
love on the other end of things. So he was
the one who I mean, I had suggested the show,
and he had suggested that he be the co host
so that he could be my male partner and be
the masculine part and be able to let men know
that abuse does happen to men as well.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
So he was partnered up with me.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
He didn't coach, although I did have him talk with
a couple of clients, because men sometimes need to be
reassured that they're not weird by asking for help and
not weird by saying that they've been in an abusive relationship.
So it was for me it was like having heaven
(15:49):
right there.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
And statistically, I mean, we know it literally can happen
to anyone. It's very popular for women to accuse me
of narcissism and for men to accuse women of being
borderline personality disorder. That's like the here or bipolar You
hear those all the time, but realistically we all have
some qualities of those qualities, Like there's moments and especially
(16:13):
if you're back into a corner where you might not
behave the best version of yourself. And so that's another
thing too that I think is really really important, is
that sometimes it doesn't have to be that someone's the
bad guy. Sometimes we just don't work well together. Sometimes
we're just not the right fit. And where you might
not you and you know, a different partner might not
bring out those same qualities in each other. And so
(16:36):
you know, it's it's like Kevin Bacon in a flash
dance or whatever it's called, where they they're not allowed
to dance. They're at a you know, a town where
nobody's allowed to dance. You got to find another dancer.
If you love to dance, you got to find another
person who likes to dance. Like find the people that
love doing the things that you love to do and
not trying to force again things that don't work for you.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
M Yeah, I'm at a point on the other end
of the death of my husband where I'm very happy
with where I'm at right now. I don't need to
go anywhere else. I'm happy at this moment here, and
so that I've got a whole tribe of friends, you know,
(17:22):
And when you talked about having the tribe or the
family that supports you, that was the one thing. I
haven't had almost any family support, not from my original
divorce and not from the death of my husband. It's
like everybody got afraid that I might have the plague
(17:43):
or something.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
When my husband died.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
My family the only real support I had was my
two sons, and they both went out to Arkansas where
we were, and that support system is so important for
our healing and finding that so I know that after
my divorce, and part of my problem in my divorce
was I didn't tell my family what was going on.
(18:07):
I didn't tell them about the abuse. Nobody knew I
had broken my hand, nobody knew I had separated ribs,
and didn't tell anybody about the dislocated leg. Later on,
and these were years apart, we stayed in that relationship
and and it's at a point, you know, this is
something that a lot of people don't understand. They'll say, well,
(18:29):
how can you stay in a relationship where.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
You're getting abused? We don't know we're being abused. In
most of those cases.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
We can compartmentalize, you know, And that's the same thing
I most people don't tell anybody. I didn't tell anybody.
I was embarrassed. I had a lot of shame. I
don't want anyone to know. And then we compartmentalize, Like,
you know, I was talking about this with someone the
other day. Being strangled on your wedding night is pretty terrible.
I didn't tell anybody that, and I didn't tell, you know,
And even getting an order of protection, I almost forgot
to mention that as I was trying to get the order,
(18:58):
and luckily I had an advocate with me that was
like anything else happened. And I told her that almost
like passing, and she was like, oh my, what like
that happened? Do you know how quickly could have killed you?
And it took someone to give me that reality check
to even And again, we are professional, you know, educated women,
So this has nothing to do with that at all.
We just don't. Our brains are not functioning when we
(19:21):
are in that kind of state.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Yeah, you know, they aren't, you know, the the dis
or the broken hand, and I think the separated ribs
came from the same fight, and then there's the other
portions that might have been from that same fight and
might have been from another fight. I can't even like
separate them and figure that all out.
Speaker 4 (19:41):
And then where were my children. I have no clue when.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
This fight was going on where my children were, and
that fight they were still fairly young. And so I
even now in writing this book about all this stuff,
I can't I can't find that in my head.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
It's there to protect me.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Yeah, yeah, it's amazing. I mean when I when I
wrote my book, it was I had to go through
some of the orders of protection, police reports, things like that,
and there were things that I completely forgot happened. I
was like, oh, okay, I forgot what he followed me,
you know, had called the police to have me followed
to my friend's house, accusing me of drunk driving. Like
(20:21):
I forgot when he showed up to the house and
knocked all of the furniture all over the place, when
my friends were like completely those things just completely came
out of my mind. And you're right, it's our brains
trying to protect us. But you know, it's there's there's
this weird thing that I find is that we with
when you're talking about leaving an abusive person, there is
(20:42):
this trauma bond that goes on, and so when when
you it's it's like we're trying to prove to them
that we were worthy of being chosen. And it literally
feels like withdrawal from drugs when we are removed from them,
even though it is a terrible unsafe place for us.
But that's what our brain does. So it's scared of
(21:05):
what and if you've been told over and over again
that we're not good enough, or to opinionated, or to
whatever the things that they've said to try to break
down our spirit, that kind of is in the back
of our mind also. So now we're thinking about leaving,
but we also were thinking to ourselves, but maybe there
is something wrong with me, Maybe I am going to
be alone forever. Maybe maybe I do deserve this. Maybe
this is the best that I can get. And those
are all the things going through our head as we're
(21:26):
also saying, but I want them to love me, and
I see what's good, and I want it to be
the way it was in the beginning. So you have
all of these conflicting thoughts in our head, in your head,
which is one of the reasons why we stay stuck.
So when healing and removing ourselves, we have to go
through the withdrawals of it. It's in order to be
able to fully leave. But that's why it's so hard
for us to make that decision.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Yeah, and I'm the one who left. And six months
after I left, and I because I had nobody else.
On the outside, it looked like I left him for
another man, which was kind of sort of the but
the reality was is I needed a safe fricking place
to stay, and my family had chosen his side, and
I needed somebody with no alcohol.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
So he was in AA. He was one of the
martial artists that was in my class.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
He wasn't one of my students, but he was safe
and I knew.
Speaker 4 (22:19):
That he wasn't going to bug me.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
He was the type of person that would just let
me sit in my office and be there and do
whatever I needed to do. But six months later, I
went to my husband's now house it used to be ours,
and I attempted suicide. I was only lucky that I
drank the whole bottle of wine with the sleeping pills,
(22:41):
otherwise I wouldn't have grown up. And I wouldn't have
gotten rid of all of the sleeping pills in my system.
And it's because we, you know, like you were saying,
that separation, we struggle so hard to make that separation.
And I didn't like the yelling. You could hit all day.
I was a martial artist. I can take the hits.
(23:03):
The hits didn't bother me. And not that he ever
struck me, like punched me or slapped me, but he
grabbed me. And that's how come the hand got broke
is because I knew how to release, and I released
and there was a doorjam in the way, and so
he had me gas lit to make me believe that
it was my fault that my hand broke, and it
was my fault. He separated the ribs because he threw
(23:23):
me then on the bed and stuck his knee in
my chest, and he said, but you were so crazy.
I just didn't want you to go drive off and
hurt yourself. That's is totally not what really happened. But
it took me years to see the truth in that
gaslighting aspect. And then I went through several other things
(23:43):
that he gasled me on, and it took me, Like
I said, it took me fifteen years really until I
started doing this work, so like twenty plus years to
really get the whole aspect to what really took place.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
And that's and it's good. I mean, it's I'm so
glad that you were able to do the work and
be able to work through that so that you didn't
bring that into other relationships, because it's you know, there's
a whole other life outside of that that we don't
when we're in it. It's like it's hard to see
the light when you're in the darkness. It really is.
And it's I and I can't say this enough. We
(24:19):
we don't know what else is out there. And so
I remember leaving and he would say to me, you know,
every relationship has issues. You think everything is lollipops and rainbows,
but you know everybody has something. And I just remember thinking, well,
but what if there's a chance, what if there's the
tiniest little chance that maybe my life could be different?
(24:42):
Because I remember thinking to myself, can I do this
for another fifty years? And then I remember thinking, well,
maybe I'll die, maybe he'll die, And those felt like relief.
I didn't want to die, but the thought of being
not around that. However, that was felt like relief. And
then I thought, wait, if there's that tiny bit of
chance that maybe I can create something different for myself,
I want to go for that. And that little glimmer
(25:04):
is what I held on to to get out of there.
And at first I thought that, well, maybe maybe he
was right and it is that bad because I had
all those horrible feelings after I left, and then as
time went on. I always give the example it kind
of feels like you get a new pair of glasses
and as you start doing the healing work, you're like,
holy crap, this is what the world looks like. It's beautiful,
like a look at the definition and the colors and
(25:27):
people are different than what I imagined, because you know,
when you're like a caged animal, and so you get
out and all of a sudden, you're like, wow, this
is the world as it really is, not as the
way he has said it is. And you know, for me,
it was him, but it's a whole different world out
there than what I was living when I was in
that toxicity.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yeah, you know, as you're talking, I get all of
these little scenes in my head. There's situations where I
can remember being in those and just fighting and fighting
and fighting, And now there's people that are in those situations.
And because I'm on the outside being who I am
now with all this training and understanding and everything, I look,
(26:10):
you can prevent that fight by not engaging in the conversation.
Just by not engaging in the conversation. They may or
may not be mad at you when they bark at you,
but if you don't engage in the conversation, you can
walk away, do your dishes, go fold the clothes, just
don't engage. And when they come and knock at the
(26:30):
door and want to open the can of worms again,
you still don't engage. You can apologize for how they feel.
You can say I'm sorry for what's going on, and
just go back to whatever. And I recently experienced this
with a friend, this exact thing. She told me, the
exact story of what I was just saying, and within I.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
Don't know, about fifteen minutes, she said.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
After she didn't engage the second time, he came back
in and gave a.
Speaker 4 (27:00):
Kiss on her forehead.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
He couldn't say I'm sorry, but that was his I'm sorry,
and it was just because he was having a bad
time at work, and he needed somebody to blame, and
so he was going to start a fight, so so
it could be his fault, and and just not engaging
in the conversation. And we don't need to engage in
(27:23):
the conversation, Gray Rock, drop it and walk away.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
And we don't need to act on every feeling that
we have. You know, I think that's one of the
things that we start learning is that you know to
kind of pay attention to do it with the metacognition, right,
pay attention, think about what you're thinking about. And so
if you're in a super negative place, be aware of that. Like, hey,
I'm in a negative place right now, I'm feeling like
I want to lash out. Okay, we at least thanks
(27:48):
for letting me know, you know, or like you're feeling
negative about yourself. Okay, why am I feeling negative about myself?
I didn't eat enough, I didn't sleep enough, I didn't
have you know, whatever, whatever those things are. But we
we very much are in these as mode and sometimes
you just have to take a step back and say, hey,
wait a minute, I don't have to act on this
negative feeling just because I'm feeling it. Sometimes it's just
(28:09):
takes a distraction to be able to move on.
Speaker 4 (28:13):
Yes, and.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
It's there's so many I just I can just see
all of these little things that have gone on in
my life. And had I just not engaged, or had
I had understanding for their situation, or had I just
listened to them without my two cents, those all could
have prevented an argument a fight that that eventually would
(28:37):
have happened through that conversation. And now, and that was
the way it was with my late husband and I
and I've got friends now that that if I would
engage in different conversations, we could go sideways, you know.
So it's like you just learn what's important, you know,
and what's not important. And Yes, when you're in a relationship,
(29:00):
there are things discussions. You may not be happy with
something they said when you were at the party or
something to that effect. And I'm a big big component
of don't talk about it in front of other people.
We don't need other people to be affected by our
negative energy. But do we have to get negative about it?
(29:23):
Can we just say something in kindness about that or
ask why without engaging in the negative side of that.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
I think that speaks a lot to everyone needs to
take responsibility for their own behavior.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
Mm hmm. And that's it's very easy for us to blame.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
You know.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
I just have this conversation recently with someone where it's like, well,
they're doing this, they're doing that, they're doing this, and
I'm like, it must be really exhausting to be so
focused on everybody else all the time, right right, like,
oh my gosh, everybody's against me. Well, okay, who what's
actually really going on here? Like can we take responsibility
for our reaction to their reaction? Do we have to
(29:59):
engage and everything that they say and do? What can
we do differently? You know? And again this is not
about trying to you know, step on eggshells and be
worried about what they're going to do. But you know,
again we're not always perfect, and so you know, what
are the things that we're doing, Like we're going to
say things that we don't really mean, we're going to
but take responsibility for it. I was in a shitty
(30:19):
mood yesterday and I said some things didn't mean too.
I apologize, you know, and being aware of it and
again working on those things that we need to work
on without because if you're going to take some time
focusing on what somebody else needs to change. That's an
avoidance technique that's never going to get you anywhere, right literally,
I mean the only way to get anywhere is to
(30:40):
be like, oh okay, like for me, like being called
codependent in the early you know, my last relationship and
thinking like, we wait, so this is me now? Instead
of people saying, well, you know, you're victim blaming or whatever.
I think there's something super empowering with being able to say, hey,
I was the common denominator in all of my toxic relationships. Yes,
I didn't deserve to be treated badly. I didn't deserve
(31:02):
to be abused. I didn't deserve any of those things.
But I was doing something that was getting me to
this place. What can I do differently to not get
here again? That's a good question to ask yourself. Is
it remove yourself from that relationship? Is it how are
you're reacting to people? Is it your communication skills? Is
it you saying yes when you should say no? What
(31:22):
are the things that are going on there? And as
soon as you start taking that kind of responsibility, then
you can create that life that you want. Then you're
not going to be into those situations where it's unhealthy
and unsafe for you as well.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
Yes, I know taking responsibility from my actions has been
how my life's got to where it's at. I can
go back and say, yep, that was my responsibility. And
the thing that I tell you know a lot of
clients and I'm like, stop for a minute, look at.
Speaker 4 (31:52):
Your whole life. You see your whole life.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
You created it, all the bad, all the good. It
by your viewpoint, what you're focusing on, and the people
you're choosing to hang out with and talk to and
how you talk to them. You created your whole life.
So if it sucks, it's your responsibility to change you
so you can change your life. That we have to
(32:19):
take responsibility for that. I know if I hadn't taken responsibility,
I would have never met my mister perfect for me.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Exactly same thing. It's again letting go. It's it's hard
to let go. It's hard. And then you know you
mentioned Tony Robbins before, But I think there's also the
being thankful for the lessons instead of saying like, oh,
look at all these mistakes on this time that I wasted,
instead of make repeating those same mistakes over and over again.
Look at them as lessons. What's the lesson that I
(32:49):
can get from this? Okay, I choose an abusive partner, Okay,
what can I learn from this? Okay? Don't don't try
to get into relationship Brian trying to fix someone. Don't
ignore the red flags, don't try to be the savior.
You know, work on myself, you know, one of the
and you can learn a lot from the from the
lessons that you are given throughout your life.
Speaker 4 (33:10):
Yes, definitely.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
I think if we don't learn lessons from our life,
then we're not growing.
Speaker 4 (33:16):
We're we're somehow stagnating somewhere.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
Well, and I always say in the universe just taps harder.
So if we don't learn that lesson, the universe is
like hello, now you're gonna learn it this way, it's
gonna suck even more than the last time I tried
to show you that lesson.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Right, right, Yes, so true, so true? And it does
you know that I always call it a two by four.
That's the next tap. You know, if you don't watch it,
you're gonna end up in a car accident or whatever
the situation. And sure enough, that's the next step and
it's we have got to slow down, stop, take a look,
(33:53):
take an inventory of what's going on with our life,
because it's our life.
Speaker 4 (33:58):
And we're in charge.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
The one thing that I have heard several times here
in the last several months is that you have three
hundred and sixty five days. They're gonna unfold. No matter
what they're gonna unfold. You can choose how they unfold
and help them unfold in the direction you want them,
or you can just let them make a mess of
your life.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
Yep, it's gonna happen anyway. It was like a friend
of mine she went back for her PhD, and we
were in our mid thirties, and I remember one of
her friends said to her, Yeah, but you're gonna be
almost forty when you get your PhD. And she was like, well,
I'm going to get to forty anyway, might as well
have a PhD associated with it. And that was like,
that is exactly how you should live your.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
Life, right right. I don't know that.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
I remember back in the day when I was married
to my first husband that and we were in we
were in our thirties, and I said something about he
had talked about that he wanted to go and be
become a Dodebu officer, divisional wildlife officer.
Speaker 4 (35:03):
And I says, why did you do that?
Speaker 2 (35:04):
And he says, well, I'm too old, like in your thirties.
You're too old to go back to school to be
a Doebut officer. And again, just like he said, we're
going to get there anyways. Might as well get there
doing something we want to do.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
Yeah, exactly, exactly. It's so silly what we do, you know,
because even my first marriage, I was I felt the
clock I was twenty eight. I want to get married,
I want to settle down. I want to be able
to have children. I want to be able to do
all those things. So I haven't found anything great. Might
as well settle for this, I mean, and realistically, that
was what I was thinking. I wouldn't have said that
at a time, but that was what I was thinking.
(35:40):
So I ignored those red flags because of it, and then
instead I wasted years of my life with the wrong person.
And then you know, was able to leave and then
do what I was what I needed to do and
take care of myself and find the right person. But
and then ended up being able to have my kids
and do all that. But yeah, it's amazing what we
tell ourselves at different ages or I'm too old, or
you know, all these these things. I don't care if
(36:01):
you're in your fifties or sixties or seventies. There's the
right person out there for you. Still, there's always an opportunity.
You're alive, you're here, There's always an opportunity to turn
your life around, no matter what you've experienced, no matter
how long you've experienced. It's time right now listening to
this for anyone who needs that reminder, it's time to
make yourself a priority.
Speaker 4 (36:20):
Amen. Amen.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
So since you opened that door, tell me, Stephanie, how
you work with your clients.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
So we work remotely. We have a holistic coaching program
where we do one on one we do it's kind
of a well, we have different combinations. We do one
on one coaching. We also have a hybrid group coaching
approach where there is curriculum, there's one on one coaching.
My husband actually uses something called psyche k, which is
high speed mindset for the subconscious. So it's in the
(36:48):
same family as NLP and EMDR, but we tend to
find that it works at a much quicker rate with
our clients, and we call it our secret sauce, so
that instead of going back to I'm not good enough,
it's not possible for me. Were able to change your
beliefs at a subconscious level and help you to really
change your perspective and heal at a much quicker pace.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
Yes, and I actually have studied site K back when
in one of my earlier certifications, and so I understand
pite K and I believe those types of training, those
type of therapies are just way better than just traditional
talk therapies because they involve more, more of the brain
(37:29):
and just gets you involved in your healing process as
you move forward.
Speaker 3 (37:33):
Agreed. Yeah, find we've had clients that have come to
us and said one session with myself or one session
with my husband was better than twenty five years of therapy.
And that makes me sad because I think about, well,
you spent twenty five years going to a therapist once
a week and you never got what you needed. Like
that sucks. That sucks. They obviously were trying, but you know,
and again you're here now this is what it is.
(37:55):
But you know, if you've been trying the same thing
over and over again, you're not finding results, then try
something different. For me, coaching and therapy was the best
combination for me. For my clients, I find the same
thing for you know, they started out with therapy and
then they go to coaching. That's how they get their results.
And so if you're in that place, then find and
I don't care who you you know, whether it's Tina,
(38:17):
whether it's me, Find a coach that you feel comfortable with,
that you resonate with, hire them and have them help you.
You want to find someone who's where you want to be,
and then they can help pull you there at a
quicker rate because they can see and they know where
you keep repeating those patterns, they can call you out
and help you move more quickly.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
Yes, and that said, not every coach can coach every person,
and that is important for you to find the right
coach for you, the right fit for you, because you're
going to move much faster with the right fit, the
right person. So, Stephanie, we're reaching that time where we're
coming to an end. So so we know how you
(38:56):
work with your clients. So now tell us how people
can find you.
Speaker 3 (39:00):
We can find us in a bunch of different ways.
If you look up Stephanie mcfail. If you do a
Google search with Stephanie mcfail, Toxic Love Transformation is my podcast.
My business is being Loved, Shouldn't Hurt. You can find
me in all of those places. I also am the
co founder of Divorce Support Network, so you can go
over to Divorce Support Network and find out about the
work that we do for bridging the gap between divorce
(39:21):
professionals and people at all different stages of divorce. So
go ahead and find us. We're on all the social
media's like TikTok, LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, I mean, you name it.
If there's social media, we're probably on it, So go
follow us. We give a lot of value. We even
have a private Facebook group, Divorce Support Network. Go check
it out, follow us and really dive into what we
(39:42):
have and if it feels like the right fit for you,
reach out and then let's talk about getting you some
support and getting you to the place you want to be.
Speaker 4 (39:50):
Amen to that.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
So, I'm a certified divorce coach, meaning that I've trained
in the complexities of divorce. I've also dealt with abuse,
not just my abuse, but the abuse of my father
who was almost murdered in a second relationship and my
late husband who he felt was tortured in his relationship.
Speaker 4 (40:08):
So I've come.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
From the abuse and I've learned about the divorce aspect
and that makes me understand the situation. You can find
me or reach me on my email at Coach Tina
Lynn at gmail dot com, dot co A c h
t I n A l y n N at Gmail,
and my website is Divorcecoachspecialist dot com. You can find
(40:33):
me on social media Facebook under Tina Huggins h U
G g I n S, on LinkedIn under Tina Huggins,
on Instagram under Divorce Coach Tina Lynn, and TikTok under
Divorce Tina.
Speaker 4 (40:46):
And so.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
It's I would just like for you to give our
viewers a last bit of advice for a Stephanie.
Speaker 3 (40:56):
Stop trying to fix the world and start fixing yourself heal.
If you can focus on that, then you can end
up doing those great things you were put here to do.
But until you stop focusing on everybody else and really
take that step back to focus on you, you're going
to keep ending up in a place where you don't
want to be.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Yes, And I have given this advice in the last
few shows, but reach out and ask for help.
Speaker 4 (41:23):
You can't do it alone. It's like dig in a ditch.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
I mean you can dig forever if you want to,
or you can ask for help and you can get
the ditch done. And when it is time for you
to start healing and start moving forward and working on yourself,
it's best to have help because what we think is
wrong is not always the case. And being able to
fix what truly is wrong or is not wrong and
(41:51):
strengthen those parts and pieces of us, that's where we
come in and that's where Stephanie can definitely help. And
the fact that she gets to work with David, you
get a team that's there to support you, whether you
are a man or a woman as you move through.
So thank you so much Stephanie for joining us. So
I will say this to our viewers because I and
(42:14):
I talked about it earlier. Suicide is something that we
can come to, the suicidal ideations because of all the
stress that were underneath. So please understand if you are there,
there is a way out. Call the National Suicide Prevention
Hotline Simple number nine eight eight and if you're in
the Netherlands, it's one one three. Get that support so
(42:36):
that you can talk to somebody right here, right now,
so that you can get into a better place. If
you are in a situation that you need the police
officers there right now. It is nine to one one.
It is nine nine nine in the UK and in
the Netherlands it's one one two. Just make sure that
you press charges when you get to that point, press charges,
(42:58):
because that's your key out of the abuse. Once you
press charges, do not drop those charges. If you have
been abused, what happens on the other side of drop
charges is usually way worse than what's happened to date,
So don't drop the charges.
Speaker 4 (43:12):
This is your key out of the relationship. The Domestic
Violence Hotline.
Speaker 2 (43:16):
If you are somebody you know are involved in domestic violence,
you can call eight hundred seventy ninety nine seventy two
three three. That number again is eight hundred seven ninety
nine seventy two thirty three And if you can, please like,
comment and share so that this can help others. Thank
you so much, and thank you so much for being
(43:36):
with me here, Stephanie.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
You're listening to WGSNDB going Solo Network Singles Talk Radio
channel where We take a lighthearted and candidate approach to
discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting, being single, relationships, building, dating,
and yes sex. Join our listen years and begin living
your best life. MHM.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.