August 29, 2025 • 44 mins
On The Awakening, Host Tina Huggins, Divorce & "Narcissist Conflict" Specialist, welcomes Guest Brianna Beski, CDFA® to share her powerful journey — from Olympic hopeful, through the challenges of a toxic family, to creating a path toward a better divorce. This inspiring conversation offers hope, resilience, and strategies for transformation.
Watch now on NEWStreamingNetwork.com.
More About Tina: Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor.
Connect with Tina: Email: coachtinalynn@gmail.com Website: https://divorcecoachspecialist
More about Brianna Beski: Brianna knows what it feels like to have your entire identity wrapped up in success—only to have it all come crashing down. As an Olympic hopeful, she trained relentlessly, dedicating her life to mastering multiple sports and pushing herself beyond limits. But when an injury shattered her dreams, she was left questioning everything: Who am I if I’m not succeeding? Who am I if I disappoint the people around me? At the same time, she was living in a household defined by constant conflict. Her parents stayed in a toxic marriage for years, using their children as emotional leverage rather than finding a healthier path forward. It all came to a head when, on the day of Brianna’s wedding, her mother announced her own divorce. That was the moment Brianna realized just how deeply a failed relationship could impact not only two people—but entire families, financial confidence, and self-worth. She decided to change the way people experience divorce.
Contact Brianna: Office: 719-208-3767 Brianna.Beski@raymondjames.com www.raymondjames.com/briannabeski
Watch now on NEWStreamingNetwork.com.
More About Tina: Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor.
Connect with Tina: Email: coachtinalynn@gmail.com Website: https://divorcecoachspecialist
More about Brianna Beski: Brianna knows what it feels like to have your entire identity wrapped up in success—only to have it all come crashing down. As an Olympic hopeful, she trained relentlessly, dedicating her life to mastering multiple sports and pushing herself beyond limits. But when an injury shattered her dreams, she was left questioning everything: Who am I if I’m not succeeding? Who am I if I disappoint the people around me? At the same time, she was living in a household defined by constant conflict. Her parents stayed in a toxic marriage for years, using their children as emotional leverage rather than finding a healthier path forward. It all came to a head when, on the day of Brianna’s wedding, her mother announced her own divorce. That was the moment Brianna realized just how deeply a failed relationship could impact not only two people—but entire families, financial confidence, and self-worth. She decided to change the way people experience divorce.
Contact Brianna: Office: 719-208-3767 Brianna.Beski@raymondjames.com www.raymondjames.com/briannabeski
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to WGSNDB Go and Solo Network Singles talk
radio channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Hello, and welcome to the show The Awakening here on WGSNDB,
the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The information and
opinions expressed on this show are just that, the opinions
of the individual speaking based on their individual knowledge and
personal experience. They are not intended to diagnose and do
(00:48):
not constitute professional advice or recommendations. Along with this information today,
we also want you to know that there will be
no let me. Along with this, we will not be
giving any financial or legal advice, and the views expressed
here by Brianna Beskie do not constitute or do not
(01:14):
represent Raymond James's views. So you know the pain, the stress,
and the struggle that the divorcing men and women go through,
while there is a way to find peace and sanity
all why assisting your attorney and saving thousands of dollars
in the process. My name is Tina Huggins. I'm your
(01:35):
divorce coach specialist, your divorce planning specialist, restorative family mediator,
and conflicttional co parenting coach and joining me here today.
I'm super excited about this. We have Brianna Beski, just
as I stated earlier, She's one of my favorite people
to work with, so being able to have her here
and have a conversation with her here is pretty special.
(01:57):
So Brianna knows what it feels like to have your
entire identity wrapped up in success, only to have it
all come crashing down. Brianna was an Olympic hopeful. She
trained relentlessly, dedicating her life and mastering multiple sports and
(02:18):
pushing herself beyond her limits.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
But when an injury shattered her.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Dreams, she was felt she left questioning everything, Who am I?
Speaker 3 (02:31):
I'm?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Who am I if I'm not succeeding? Who am I
if I disappoint the people around me? At the same time,
she was living in a household defined by constant conflict.
Her parents stayed in a toxic marriage for years, using
the children as emotional leverage rather than finding a healthier
(02:54):
path forward. It all came to a head on the
day of Brianna's wedding, her mother announced her own divorce.
That was the moment Brianna realized just how deeply failed
relationships can affect not just the two people involved, but
(03:14):
entire families, the financial, confidence, and self worth. She decided
to change the way people experience divorce. Thank you for
joining me here today, Brianna.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Awesome.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
So we've had, you know, conversations, and I did a
workshop with you and not once, not once, and all
of that, did I know that you were an Olympic hopeful?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
So we need to start that off with that little
bit of story.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Sure, So I was the Olympic hopeful for modern pent
top one that's shooting, fencing, swimming at the time, horseback writing.
They've changed it now to ninja and running. So that
was what I was hopeful for. I got thrown from
a horse, I hurt my back and I didn't make it.
(04:10):
But I share that story really because a lot of
my clients, I feel like they've worked so hard for
this relationship and to make it work, and then stuff happens,
whether or not it's in their control. Quite frankly, for
many my clients. They feel like it's not in their control.
They tried everything, and here we are, and I want
(04:33):
my clients to know that I feel you, friend. I
may not know exactly what you're going through, but holy cow,
it sucks. And I can be empathetic too, because I've
been through a life shattering event where everything feels upside
down and you have no control.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yeah, and then going through and I find and I'm
not going to label your mom, but I you know,
just before we came on, we were talking about my
late husband's ex wife and the torture and torment that
he went through and that I got to witness during
(05:12):
our lifetime together. And I just I'm thinking back of
one of his daughter's weddings where he was going to
walk her down the aisle and literally at the last minute,
the mom got in their face, made her cry and
said she had to walk down with both of them. So,
(05:35):
as I was reading that, you know, and putting this together,
here you are on your very special day and you're
super excited, a little nervous, and your mom announces she's
getting divorced. It's like, here, let's take all the spotlight
off you and put it on her. It's about me
now and not my beautiful daughter.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
It's frustrating when that happens, and it's not fun, and
everyone around sees it's not right, and everyone around sees
that stuff publicly. It's not fun, not at all.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
And so you got to grow up in this household.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
And I find that to be an interesting thing because
I got to meet my late husband's children and they
all turned out really wonderful. And it's crazy how you
can spend so much time in a relationship with parents
that are toxic or one that is extremely toxic, and
(06:31):
the others trying to make up for it. And that
was the way kind of my late husband did. And
yet you turn out to be this wonderful, kind, empathetic,
gentle person.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
Thank you. I appreciate the compliment. I mean, I don't
have the same expertise you have, so I don't label
either one. But I'd say my household was a situation
where everyone had the fault, if that makes sense. Some
people are willing to ask for help, some people aren't,
and you move forward with those realities, which it sucks
(07:06):
at times, and you move forward. There's a reason why
we get to make friends. And I like to refer
people to you as well.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Yeah, and I am.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I went through some training, some high conflict training for mediation.
So we had to read Bill Eddie's book on high
conflict Mediation, and so inside the book he talks a
lot about you know, high conflict and a lot of
times that it's one person and like you're saying in
your household that everybody was kind of to blame.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
He does talk in that book. So we had to
go through some training.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
About how when you have two high conflict people in
a family. And I just can't even imagine Brianna, especially
your personality and your demeanor, living in a household with
a whole toxic family.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
Yeah. No, I ended up moving out about at age sixteen.
It was one of those things where I would say
probably that was motivation for the sports, which is interesting
in retrospect because I will be transparent. I love competing.
I really did enjoy what I was doing, But waking
(08:19):
up at four and five am to do things so
you get to be a higher level and qualified to
live somewhere else, that was something that really I guess
motivated me at the time. So thankfully to get out
earlier than what you would expect. So I got out
at sixteen, and it took me a while to recognize
(08:43):
the value of asking for help and getting said help.
And I'd say decades later, that is how you find
me now.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
And that I did a post about this this last
week where I went through my divorce twenty two years ago,
and I didn't ask for any help. I didn't talk
to an attorney, I didn't talk to anybody, and the
mediator the day of mediation, I had no clue what
mediation was. I was going into this blind. We owned
(09:16):
forty acres, a house, a few vehicles, some beautiful furniture,
and I had a tea in China set that I collected,
and I collected specific Barbie dolls at that time of
my life.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
And so I had all of this stuff.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
That was invested in this relationship, right and because I
didn't understand, and because the abuse that I was receiving,
which was mostly psychologically yelling and screaming at me, which
is probably the worst thing you can do to me,
I can walk away from that fairly easy, but that
aspect of walking away became physically dangerous for me. And
(10:02):
so going through that, I didn't have a good experience
in my divorce, and I ended up with my van
the clothes on my back. Later I got to take
the rest of most of the clothes and my china teapots,
a set of wine glasses, and three or four pieces
(10:22):
of furniture, and.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
That was it.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
He got all of the rest.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
I didn't get any financial support, and because of the
way that we left, I didn't get any child support
for the kids. So having somebody like you would have
made a huge difference for.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
Me, for sure. Yeah. I think you elaborated on some
of that experience in a blog for Not Quite Done
with Divorce in the workshop which you did reached up
speaking for So yeah, No, I like working with people
in terms of helping them understand what is allowed by
(10:58):
the law, what is something they need to understand, and
what their decisions mean for now later through retirement, through
life expectancy, because as you highlight, where you walk into
a situation just blind and you don't know what to expect,
and you know, you know this one thing is really important,
(11:20):
but you're not really thinking past the emotions because the
emotions are real. It's unfortunate and I am very thankful
that I'm able to help my clients kind of visualize,
you know, here decisions and here's what it means for you,
and hear different ways that you can look at this
and kind of slice that pie up. Because you're right,
(11:41):
it can be very meaningful when it's not just you.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
And not asking for help or not asking for help
soon enough, because back then I didn't ask for help.
And I've shared this with our audience before, but six
months after I left, I attempt at suicide because I
didn't have that support, thank you. I didn't have that
support because I didn't reach out. And yes, the cost
(12:09):
of support back then was probably something I couldn't do
because I didn't ask for financial assistance from him. But
if I had at least reached out to somebody, I
probably could have found a way to afford either the
coach aspect or working with somebody like you, finding somebody
(12:31):
that could guide me through what I needed to do,
or therapist.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
Yeah, no, I think that is very important, is asking
for help. Like I can tell you that just by
the virtue of asking questions, even into Google, so you're
finding this podcast or show, you're doing a service to
(12:56):
yourself because you are asking a question. You are going
to find more information because Tina, I'm sure you'd agree
with me that, Like, nobody cares about your situation as
much as you do, and it really matters to you.
You know, there is value in getting that help. And
even if you think cost is a question or a concern,
(13:18):
it is worth asking questions. Wouldn't you agree?
Speaker 3 (13:23):
I totally agree.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
I mean there's you know, people like you that, yes,
you can't do your work for free, but when you
do the consultation, you can definitely give guidance to that
person so that they can find some of the answers
that they may not be able to afford with you.
But if they don't reach out to you, they won't
know that you have that kind of information, and then
(13:45):
they might find that it's going to be more affordable
for them to work with you and I together as
opposed to just going with an attorney and letting an
attorney take them into court where a judge has all
of the same.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
So you're you're right, I agree with you. No, I
one hundred percent agree. Like I know your your website
has a lot of great resources mind us too, and
I do enjoy being able to offer resources to people
when when the situation arises. I was actually checking somebody yesterday.
(14:22):
It's like, well, here's this free replay of how to
understand and organize your assets ahead of divorce, because these
are questions people got asked. You can either watch it
or you can read it, but they're available for you.
Please please use that information. I agree with you.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Yeah, and yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
I worked with Vesta Divorce for a little while, which
was a really wonderful organization where they did all these
free podcasts or free where you could attend them in
person and you could write out your questions in the
Q and A form and they would answer them right there.
And they always had like a financial person like yourself,
(15:05):
and they had two attorneys, one that was litigative and
one that was usually traditional family law. And then there
was the divorce coach, usually a parenting coach, and in
some cases they had realtors and mortgage professionals on there
as well. And I can tell you that I learn
(15:27):
from those things how to better help my clients.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
Yeah, that sounds like an awesome resource.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Well, and then coming and speaking with you it was
all virtual and stuff, but being able to talk with
you on you're not quite done with divorce yet that
is another great resource that's out there. Why don't you
kind of explain to our viewers.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
What that is so similar to what you mentioned, I
very much believe that the legaltional and financial sites of
divorce lead to a lot of questions, and as you
and I mentioned, help sometimes you don't even know what
questions to ask. And what I like about not Quite
(16:13):
Done with Divorce is it does help people go from
contemplating or going through and feeling stuck. There's a monthly
workshop for that, and then the nonprofit also has workshops
focused on people going through and post a divorce decree
(16:33):
to go help answer questions or start that conversation or
highlight resources available. So Tina, you talk during one of
the workshops designed for people contemplating and going through divorce.
That workshop is monthly, It's the first Saturday of every month,
available in zoom and in person. It is designed to
(16:55):
give people form to ask questions, to learn what resources
are out there, and you know what to know what
you don't know because for you and me, we go
through divorce every day through our clients. For many of
my clients it's their first time going through this and
it's scary. And there are a lot of unknowns, and
to have a community of people like yourself to kind
(17:18):
of open the doors and say, hey, you're not alone,
I'll walk through this with you can be very powerful.
And it's something that I feel very strongly on in
that it should be available to the community. And there
are lots of great resources out there too. This is
one of them.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Well, and I think you know all the video type
training classes and especially when you can go to like
your event and be able to ask questions because just
like you said, a lot of people are going through
a divorce for the first time, and even some of
them going through the second time.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
They got in.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
A mess the first time and can't figure out how
to not go through that mess here the second time.
And being able to ask your specific questions because not
every divorce is the same and it's not and being
able to ask those questions to you and to the
other professionals just a lot of help.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
I agree, No, and I'm very thankful for people like
yourself who are willing to talk because, as we discussed,
I know the finances really well. I got you, friend.
I know lawyers tend to be experts on the law.
They got you too, but you specifically handle the mental help.
And that's that's huge because I feel like emotions really
become this cloud and they stop you from thinking straight
(18:40):
and you need to be able to like look through that.
So the work you do is very important.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
You know, I talked about you here a couple of
weeks ago, probably even on this podcast, actually because I
had come through a divorce that I was suggested by
another CDFA, and then the clients as they went through
(19:07):
the thing, they through the CDFA, the poor CDFA under
the bus because and for our viewers, CDFA stands for
Certified Divorce Financial Analysts. But they threw her under the
bus because they couldn't they couldn't take their own blame,
so they had to have somebody to blame for the problem.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
And so she went through a torturous and so.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
In talking with other cdfas you know, I can totally
say that working with you and the way that you
work and your demeanor is more calming and easier to
go through. And I know how well you explain the
finances to people, especially when they don't understand them. I
(19:56):
find that to be an amazing, wonderful thing.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
Thank you. Yeah, No, it's really important to me for
people to have that clarity, the full understanding, and for it.
I'd like I feel like the phrase judgment free zone
is overused, but it's true. I mean, I can't tell
you how many clients I work with where they they
(20:22):
raised so many children, they took care of the household.
They it feels like they did everything, and it's reasonable
in a relationship to delegate certain tasks to different people.
So because they didn't have the financial aspect of the house,
it's reasonable to say, oh my god, I'm learning all
(20:43):
this for the first time, all at once, and I
just don't know what I don't know. I think it
is very important to have a calm presence that is
willing to be like, I got your friend, I'll answer
your questions and it's okay. I was working with a
client like that the other day day where again several decades,
(21:05):
multiple children, multiple houses, her ex was military, and like,
for real, I'm looking at this woman's background where she
doesn't have an official resume. But I got to tell you.
Speaker 5 (21:17):
This woman knows what she's doing, and she's like, you know,
here are the numbers that are being thrown in front
of me, and I just don't know that they're fair,
and I don't know what I don't know, and I'm scared.
And it makes me very happy to sit down with
my client and walk through these numbers. And for example,
my client was one of many people that don't like
(21:37):
to see numbers on a spreadsheet, so we're able to
demonstrate that in other ways and just share like, Okay,
so here's what these numbers mean on paper. But for you,
what's important is having a household, helping our kids with
their marriages. They're getting a few of them are getting
close to getting married, going to visit your kids because
(21:58):
some of them are scattered around the country. That's what's important.
So let's translate this to what matters to you and
what matters to your future. And by the end of
our engagement together, because it wasn't just a one time deal,
it was over several times, she walked out of my
office just feeling so calm and confident and she was
(22:21):
good with it, Like, yes, her divorce sucks, let's be real,
it does, but she felt confident walking into the next
chapter of life where she knew that she was going
to be able to visit her kids help them with
what mattered to her and them and to have a long,
happy life. And that makes me really happy to help people,
(22:42):
you know, get to that point where they can see
how to achieve what they want to achieve.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Yeah, You've mentioned this a couple of times, so I
want to back up on the topic where you say
they don't know what they don't know. But this current
that you're talking about, she knew she didn't know something
and so she reached out for help. So this is
where so many of us, and this is where I
was twenty two years ago, is I didn't know what
(23:10):
I didn't know, and I didn't know I didn't know it,
so I didn't know to reach out. And so that's
what I'm telling our viewers is that reach out and
ask for help. The majority of us out here, Brianna myself,
we will do our initial consultation with you at little
(23:30):
to no cost, and you'll be able to ask questions
and become familiar with how we work and with us,
and you'll know when you step away from that meeting
if this is what you need to do or where
you need to go, and if this isn't where it is.
We definitely guide you in at least a direction that
(23:51):
might be positive for you.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
Yeah. No, I've I actually was talking to someone that
I sent to you. The other I'll say it was
a couple months ago at this point, and when they
came to me, they were scared and they were like,
oh my god, I don't know what to do and
I don't know, and it's like, well, here's the questions.
I can answer. What you're asking. Tells me maybe you
(24:13):
should talk to somebody else, and it gave the person
your name and they texted me, I want to say
a couple of weeks ago we're personal friends, and mentioned
that she did connect with you and she was so
thankful that you were there and that you're on her team.
So I do agree it is worth it to have
those conversations to ask for help because I know I'll
(24:34):
be transparent when I don't have the answers, and you'll
be transparent too.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
And again, when when we're at least explaining the process,
you are explaining numbers, which is definitely not my wheelhouse.
And when we can explain what we understand, you know,
they bring in all these numbers and throw the sheet
of paper at you.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
And you look at them and.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
You see things where those of us, like in myself,
I'm literally numbers dyslexic.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
I can throw that sheet at you and when I.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Look at it, it's it's just a pile of lines.
And then when you communicate back to me, you tell
me where everything's at and how it looks and how
it can be divided, which is huge when it comes
to the split in a divorce.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
Yeah. No, I find that helping people understand how things
can be divided tax ramifications for those divisions, because taxes
tragically happen, it makes a difference.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
M Yeah, And I would bet I've mentioned this to
you because I talk about it a lot. Is one
of the things that I learned when I went through
the VESTA little trainings that they did is that when
we go to split up our money and you have
two pots of retirement and you talk about the tax ramification,
(25:59):
but there they both got five hundred thousand dollars in them,
and one person takes this pot and the other person
takes this pot. Well one of them gets taxed where
the other one didn't, So one person didn't get the
full amount. And so I learned that that was super
super important, so I always get my people to go
(26:20):
and talk to a CDFA.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
Yeah, it's important because you're right, like having looking at
the values just in general and looking at the after
tax values, it makes a difference.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
So a mistake that I have seen happen, and I
saw this firsthand.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
I saw it.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
I actually was in the meeting one of them, and
then I saw it on the stand in the courtroom
later on, is that instead of going to a CDFA.
And that d is so important because dividing things up
in divorce is not necessarily the same as dividing things
(27:02):
for tax purposes for later taxes to come out. But
they paid to go with an accountant at four hundred
dollars an hour. I was at one of those meetings
that lasted four hours long and there was nothing, nothing,
(27:22):
that came out of that meeting that was usable.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
And then that.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Accountant got up on the stand and wanted to show
off their talent to the judge and the judge wasn't
going to have any of it and literally said that
did not find her credible.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
That's tough.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
I'm sorry, well, and it's sad that people go through
that kind of stuff and that That is why I
want our viewers to understand that that that designation of
divorce the CDFA is so important.
Speaker 4 (28:04):
Yeah, no, I mean I see it with other professions too,
because really so I've had a number of divorces under
my belt in terms of helping my clients, but having
that specialized training to understand, you know, what the laws mean,
where you are locally and federally and how those interact
(28:27):
it makes a huge difference. And then also having the
experience to be like, Okay, here's the documents you need,
here's how you go through it to divide these accounts,
and here are the pitfalls that you need to watch
out for. That's very, very meaningful. And getting back on
(28:48):
your feet after divorce and understanding what's involved because you know,
I know, you know, and a lot of divorce professionals
talk about it, but the situation is so cash hungry
both during and after divorce. You really have to think
about where are you getting those that source of cash
like that that that means so much, you.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Know, Yeah, and you know just what you're saying, just
going through that and trying to get back on track,
and it is cash hungry, and when you look at
the numbers and the separation on those numbers.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
A lot of people, it's just like going into the hospital.
I'm not going to go into the hospital because it's
just going to cost me so much.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
I don't care if I have cancer because I can't
afford the doctor bills. Anyways, It's it is definitely worth
investing some of your time and money to find out
those answers before you go forward, because you know as
a mediator, you know I work. I'm listed in Colorado
(29:55):
as a mediator in fact, and when when I talk
to clients, I try to gauge them or send them
in the direction of mediation.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
And that's where your work comes in.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
They get to sit that out and they get to
say is this is what I would like? And mediation
is like the only time where you get to have
an opportunity to attempt or try to work with your
ex to make sure that things can be done in
a fifty to fifty way that fits for you. You
(30:30):
get to have some say so here, and you get
to have ideas of way to separate things out and
ideas that sometimes you can't come up on your own.
And that's why having Brianna on your team helps you
to she can give you ideas of how you can
do this. For instance, recently, the word alimony came up
(30:52):
in a high net worth case in another state, and
that high net worth aspect, he refused to give her
what she technically deserved and he hated the word alimony.
So I went back into with her and I said, okay,
(31:13):
so now you get to work with your financial person
and you get to come up with a way that
you can take some of that alimony from a different
pot and not call it alimony so that he is
not triggered by the term. Well, that's exactly what they did,
and being able to have a CDFA in that specific
(31:34):
situation helped them to be able to pull that money
because the CDFA was able to say, oh, well you
can pull it out of here and that'll work.
Speaker 4 (31:45):
Yeah, No, that's a great way to do it. I
actually had a case a couple of weeks ago where
there is a health involved and one party did not
trust the other party to pay we called spousal maintenance
or it's the same thing as alimony. But they were like, okay,
(32:07):
so this is where I am going to take it
out of these pots of money and when they shared
what they're planning to do, they were about trigger forty
thousand dollars in taxes that they had no idea about.
Can you imagine going through the hell of a divorce
and then next April getting a bill from the IRS saying, hey,
(32:28):
by the way, you owe as forty grand.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
And it's all because we ask for help.
Speaker 4 (32:36):
Yeah, it's kind of scary. So it is helpful, as
you said, creative problem solving, but also highlighting watch out.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
You know, well, if they in court, then yes, your
documents are going to be seen by that judge. But
that judge is going to be the one that decides
how things are going to be split. And and basically
(33:07):
judges try to do that in a fifty to fifty split.
But when the judge separates it out, it doesn't mean
that you're getting the fifty percent again, it's that that
retirement to retirement accounts one's taxt and one's not. And
so but a judge, a judge doesn't care. All he's
looking at is the initial numbers. He doesn't care about
the taxes, He don't care about you. So he's going
(33:29):
to just or she is going to separate it out
in fifty to fifty and one of you is not
going to have as much as the other, and neither
one of you will be happy.
Speaker 4 (33:41):
Yeah. No, I mean, i'd say the judges I run across,
it's not that they don't care, it's they they're overworked,
and they're not experts in that. They're really good at
the law. They're experts in the law, but they're not
experts in taxes, they're not experts in finances, they're not
experts and emotions. They don't know what the last period
(34:04):
of time for your relationship was. They're just going through
what's in front of them. And depending on where you
are in the country, there's usually a clock on it.
Like I know in Colorado, it's about a two hour event.
If you end up in front of a judge, it's
very unfortunate when you have thirty forty years of life
that is being decided in two hours. How you're splitting
(34:28):
that up. It sucks.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
I went through a two eight hour divorce in two
days of eight hours in one divorce. And when I
say that the judge doesn't care, I'm actually I'm actually
taking that judge's words.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
I don't care. It's all that bolts to me, I
don't care.
Speaker 4 (34:52):
Horrible, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
Yeah, it was. It was not a good event for
that couple.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
And the abuse that was happening wasn't just from the
one spouse to the other, it was also from the lawyers.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
They saw dollar signs.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
And in this case, we had a judge that just
literally decides that he's going to go off on a
tangent and just talk for forty five minutes about his
car and the flat tire he had, and they had
to pay for that forty five minutes of two of
their attorneys. So it's just best if we can can
(35:37):
work it out. If we can't work it out, we
can find a better way than just directly going and
fighting in front of the court. And that's where and
you know, my part comes as I helped keep the
conflict down so that we don't have so many months
or years in this case of divorce, and in your case,
(35:57):
having all of the documents down to the penny of
knowing where if things are at and how they can
be separated out helps save time in the divorce process.
Speaker 4 (36:11):
Very true.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
So as we start to come to the end, Rihanna,
I know that you're in Colorado, but you can work
outside of the state of Colorado. Is that correct?
Speaker 4 (36:24):
That is correct?
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Yes, Okay, so kind.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Of tell us how people can find you and how
they can work with you or how you work.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
Actually, sure, So the way people typically find me, so
you can find me on LinkedIn Brianna Beski. I have
a website Raymond James dot com backslash Briannabesci. You can
call me at work seven one nine two zero eight
three seven sixty seven. The way I tend to work
(36:56):
with my clients is again that that conversation that front.
You say it's a consultation. I say, it's a quick conversation,
and I ask very directly what you're looking for to
see if I can offer what you want. Typically, when
people are going through a divorce, I offer a flat
fee service where I actually share here the deliverables, here's
(37:18):
the cost, and we talk about that. But the way
it would goes it starts with a conversation. When you
decide to work with me, we would actually start putting
together a strategy to put together everything you want. And
then the most important part I highlight is ongoing conversation.
It's not a one and done thing. It's over the
(37:39):
course of your entire divorce. And that's something that is
very important to many of my clients is that I'll
be there the whole time.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
M hm.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
I think that you know and telling you know people
about how they can find you. All of your contyped
information will be here below the video so that you
can look that up and just remembering her name, like
like she suggested, you can go and get a hold
of her on LinkedIn, which is a real simple, easy
way to find somebody, especially in her case. And being
(38:17):
able to find find you and have that consultation, the conversation,
the short conversation, they're at least going to find out
how to work with you and how I mean, your
demeanor definitely comes across today in this podcast because this
is who you are and this is what you do.
You truly care and so I think that's super important.
(38:43):
And so for me, you know, I am a certified
divorce coach, meaning that I'm trained in the complexities of divorce.
I've actually been through an abusive relationship where I ended
up with broken bones and separated ribs, and just my
dad was almost murdered in his relationship and my late
(39:04):
husband went through a very very abusive time in his marriage.
Speaker 3 (39:09):
And so not only do I know textbook, I've.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
Experienced that and so being able to reach me, you
can call. You can email me at Coach Tina Lynn
at gmail dot com, that co O A C H
T I N A L y n N at gmail
dot com. My website is Divorce Coach Specialist dot com.
You can find me on social media Facebook under Tina
(39:36):
Lynn Huggins, LinkedIn under Tina Huggins, on Instagram under Divorce
Coach Tina Lynn, and TikTok under Divorce Tina. And so
this is a part Brianna, I would like for you
to give our viewers a last bit of advice here.
Speaker 4 (39:56):
I would say, it's okay to ask questions, and you
are doing good by asking questions. It's okay to not
know everything.
Speaker 3 (40:07):
Ask and I think that as my.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
You've heard me talk about it here a couple of
times today, and then I've talked about it several times
recently over My post is that, you know, Brianna says,
to ask, but you've got to reach out, and she
said it today that you don't know what you don't know,
let's find out because what you don't know can hurt you.
(40:39):
And you're already going through a difficult time. Even if
your marriage wasn't abusive and it just came to an
end and you're going to be able to somewhat work together,
there's still conflict, there's still emotion there, and being able
to handle that emotion is huge. And when it comes
(40:59):
to the numbers, when it comes to being able to
have somebody help you with the numbers, as Brianna has demonstrated,
she is kind. She's going to walk you through this
nice and gently, just like she's done today in this conversation.
So being able to reach out to her and ask
her for financial information, at least talk to her and
(41:22):
ask the questions, because if she can't help you, she
can at least send you in a direction that you
can find that help. And when I say ask for help,
I'm talking you've got to get that emotional support, whether
that is me, a different divorce coach, or a therapist.
You need to have that emotional support because this is
(41:43):
one of the most difficult times that you can possibly
go through. Just having gone through the death of my husband,
I can say that my divorce was way more difficult.
In a different way, and I almost died through that
because of the suicide attempt. So please reach out and
ask for help. So as I've just talked about divorce
(42:09):
or excuse me, divorce can cause suicidal ideation. And if
you are there, whether it's divorce or any other reason,
please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at
nine eight eight and nine eight eight is also the
same number in Canada and then the Netherlands, you can
reach out to them at one one three. Get that
(42:30):
support right now. Talk to somebody right here and right
now when you're in that bad place, so that you
don't stay in that place. And then if you are
in a situation that you need the police there call
nine one one here in the States and in the
UK it's nine nine nine. The Netherlands it's one one two.
Get the police there. Press charges. The charges are your
(42:53):
key out of your relationship. It is a safe key
because the other person can't come close to you or
come into the house. And if you drop those charges
a lot of times what the abuse that happened before
the charges is much worse once.
Speaker 3 (43:09):
The charges are dropped. This is your key out.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
And if you need or know somebody who means the
domestic violence hotline. That hotline is eight hundred seven nine
nine seven two three three. That number again is eight
hundred seven ninety nine seventy two thirty three. And I
asked that you please like, come in and share so
this information can help others. Thank you so much for
(43:35):
joining me here.
Speaker 4 (43:36):
Rihanna, thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
Thanks.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
You're listening to WGSNDB GO and Solo Network Singles Talk
Radio Channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yees sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
M
You're listening to WGSNDB Go and Solo Network Singles talk
radio channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Hello, and welcome to the show The Awakening here on WGSNDB,
the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The information and
opinions expressed on this show are just that, the opinions
of the individual speaking based on their individual knowledge and
personal experience. They are not intended to diagnose and do
(00:48):
not constitute professional advice or recommendations. Along with this information today,
we also want you to know that there will be
no let me. Along with this, we will not be
giving any financial or legal advice, and the views expressed
here by Brianna Beskie do not constitute or do not
(01:14):
represent Raymond James's views. So you know the pain, the stress,
and the struggle that the divorcing men and women go through,
while there is a way to find peace and sanity
all why assisting your attorney and saving thousands of dollars
in the process. My name is Tina Huggins. I'm your
(01:35):
divorce coach specialist, your divorce planning specialist, restorative family mediator,
and conflicttional co parenting coach and joining me here today.
I'm super excited about this. We have Brianna Beski, just
as I stated earlier, She's one of my favorite people
to work with, so being able to have her here
and have a conversation with her here is pretty special.
(01:57):
So Brianna knows what it feels like to have your
entire identity wrapped up in success, only to have it
all come crashing down. Brianna was an Olympic hopeful. She
trained relentlessly, dedicating her life and mastering multiple sports and
(02:18):
pushing herself beyond her limits.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
But when an injury shattered her.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Dreams, she was felt she left questioning everything, Who am I?
Speaker 3 (02:31):
I'm?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Who am I if I'm not succeeding? Who am I
if I disappoint the people around me? At the same time,
she was living in a household defined by constant conflict.
Her parents stayed in a toxic marriage for years, using
the children as emotional leverage rather than finding a healthier
(02:54):
path forward. It all came to a head on the
day of Brianna's wedding, her mother announced her own divorce.
That was the moment Brianna realized just how deeply failed
relationships can affect not just the two people involved, but
(03:14):
entire families, the financial, confidence, and self worth. She decided
to change the way people experience divorce. Thank you for
joining me here today, Brianna.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Awesome.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
So we've had, you know, conversations, and I did a
workshop with you and not once, not once, and all
of that, did I know that you were an Olympic hopeful?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
So we need to start that off with that little
bit of story.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Sure, So I was the Olympic hopeful for modern pent
top one that's shooting, fencing, swimming at the time, horseback writing.
They've changed it now to ninja and running. So that
was what I was hopeful for. I got thrown from
a horse, I hurt my back and I didn't make it.
(04:10):
But I share that story really because a lot of
my clients, I feel like they've worked so hard for
this relationship and to make it work, and then stuff happens,
whether or not it's in their control. Quite frankly, for
many my clients. They feel like it's not in their control.
They tried everything, and here we are, and I want
(04:33):
my clients to know that I feel you, friend. I
may not know exactly what you're going through, but holy cow,
it sucks. And I can be empathetic too, because I've
been through a life shattering event where everything feels upside
down and you have no control.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yeah, and then going through and I find and I'm
not going to label your mom, but I you know,
just before we came on, we were talking about my
late husband's ex wife and the torture and torment that
he went through and that I got to witness during
(05:12):
our lifetime together. And I just I'm thinking back of
one of his daughter's weddings where he was going to
walk her down the aisle and literally at the last minute,
the mom got in their face, made her cry and
said she had to walk down with both of them. So,
(05:35):
as I was reading that, you know, and putting this together,
here you are on your very special day and you're
super excited, a little nervous, and your mom announces she's
getting divorced. It's like, here, let's take all the spotlight
off you and put it on her. It's about me
now and not my beautiful daughter.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
It's frustrating when that happens, and it's not fun, and
everyone around sees it's not right, and everyone around sees
that stuff publicly. It's not fun, not at all.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
And so you got to grow up in this household.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
And I find that to be an interesting thing because
I got to meet my late husband's children and they
all turned out really wonderful. And it's crazy how you
can spend so much time in a relationship with parents
that are toxic or one that is extremely toxic, and
(06:31):
the others trying to make up for it. And that
was the way kind of my late husband did. And
yet you turn out to be this wonderful, kind, empathetic,
gentle person.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
Thank you. I appreciate the compliment. I mean, I don't
have the same expertise you have, so I don't label
either one. But I'd say my household was a situation
where everyone had the fault, if that makes sense. Some
people are willing to ask for help, some people aren't,
and you move forward with those realities, which it sucks
(07:06):
at times, and you move forward. There's a reason why
we get to make friends. And I like to refer
people to you as well.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Yeah, and I am.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I went through some training, some high conflict training for mediation.
So we had to read Bill Eddie's book on high
conflict Mediation, and so inside the book he talks a
lot about you know, high conflict and a lot of
times that it's one person and like you're saying in
your household that everybody was kind of to blame.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
He does talk in that book. So we had to
go through some training.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
About how when you have two high conflict people in
a family. And I just can't even imagine Brianna, especially
your personality and your demeanor, living in a household with
a whole toxic family.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
Yeah. No, I ended up moving out about at age sixteen.
It was one of those things where I would say
probably that was motivation for the sports, which is interesting
in retrospect because I will be transparent. I love competing.
I really did enjoy what I was doing, But waking
(08:19):
up at four and five am to do things so
you get to be a higher level and qualified to
live somewhere else, that was something that really I guess
motivated me at the time. So thankfully to get out
earlier than what you would expect. So I got out
at sixteen, and it took me a while to recognize
(08:43):
the value of asking for help and getting said help.
And I'd say decades later, that is how you find
me now.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
And that I did a post about this this last
week where I went through my divorce twenty two years ago,
and I didn't ask for any help. I didn't talk
to an attorney, I didn't talk to anybody, and the
mediator the day of mediation, I had no clue what
mediation was. I was going into this blind. We owned
(09:16):
forty acres, a house, a few vehicles, some beautiful furniture,
and I had a tea in China set that I collected,
and I collected specific Barbie dolls at that time of
my life.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
And so I had all of this stuff.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
That was invested in this relationship, right and because I
didn't understand, and because the abuse that I was receiving,
which was mostly psychologically yelling and screaming at me, which
is probably the worst thing you can do to me,
I can walk away from that fairly easy, but that
aspect of walking away became physically dangerous for me. And
(10:02):
so going through that, I didn't have a good experience
in my divorce, and I ended up with my van
the clothes on my back. Later I got to take
the rest of most of the clothes and my china teapots,
a set of wine glasses, and three or four pieces
(10:22):
of furniture, and.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
That was it.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
He got all of the rest.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
I didn't get any financial support, and because of the
way that we left, I didn't get any child support
for the kids. So having somebody like you would have
made a huge difference for.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
Me, for sure. Yeah. I think you elaborated on some
of that experience in a blog for Not Quite Done
with Divorce in the workshop which you did reached up
speaking for So yeah, No, I like working with people
in terms of helping them understand what is allowed by
(10:58):
the law, what is something they need to understand, and
what their decisions mean for now later through retirement, through
life expectancy, because as you highlight, where you walk into
a situation just blind and you don't know what to expect,
and you know, you know this one thing is really important,
(11:20):
but you're not really thinking past the emotions because the
emotions are real. It's unfortunate and I am very thankful
that I'm able to help my clients kind of visualize,
you know, here decisions and here's what it means for you,
and hear different ways that you can look at this
and kind of slice that pie up. Because you're right,
(11:41):
it can be very meaningful when it's not just you.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
And not asking for help or not asking for help
soon enough, because back then I didn't ask for help.
And I've shared this with our audience before, but six
months after I left, I attempt at suicide because I
didn't have that support, thank you. I didn't have that
support because I didn't reach out. And yes, the cost
(12:09):
of support back then was probably something I couldn't do
because I didn't ask for financial assistance from him. But
if I had at least reached out to somebody, I
probably could have found a way to afford either the
coach aspect or working with somebody like you, finding somebody
(12:31):
that could guide me through what I needed to do,
or therapist.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
Yeah, no, I think that is very important, is asking
for help. Like I can tell you that just by
the virtue of asking questions, even into Google, so you're
finding this podcast or show, you're doing a service to
(12:56):
yourself because you are asking a question. You are going
to find more information because Tina, I'm sure you'd agree
with me that, Like, nobody cares about your situation as
much as you do, and it really matters to you.
You know, there is value in getting that help. And
even if you think cost is a question or a concern,
(13:18):
it is worth asking questions. Wouldn't you agree?
Speaker 3 (13:23):
I totally agree.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
I mean there's you know, people like you that, yes,
you can't do your work for free, but when you
do the consultation, you can definitely give guidance to that
person so that they can find some of the answers
that they may not be able to afford with you.
But if they don't reach out to you, they won't
know that you have that kind of information, and then
(13:45):
they might find that it's going to be more affordable
for them to work with you and I together as
opposed to just going with an attorney and letting an
attorney take them into court where a judge has all
of the same.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
So you're you're right, I agree with you. No, I
one hundred percent agree. Like I know your your website
has a lot of great resources mind us too, and
I do enjoy being able to offer resources to people
when when the situation arises. I was actually checking somebody yesterday.
(14:22):
It's like, well, here's this free replay of how to
understand and organize your assets ahead of divorce, because these
are questions people got asked. You can either watch it
or you can read it, but they're available for you.
Please please use that information. I agree with you.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Yeah, and yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
I worked with Vesta Divorce for a little while, which
was a really wonderful organization where they did all these
free podcasts or free where you could attend them in
person and you could write out your questions in the
Q and A form and they would answer them right there.
And they always had like a financial person like yourself,
(15:05):
and they had two attorneys, one that was litigative and
one that was usually traditional family law. And then there
was the divorce coach, usually a parenting coach, and in
some cases they had realtors and mortgage professionals on there
as well. And I can tell you that I learn
(15:27):
from those things how to better help my clients.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
Yeah, that sounds like an awesome resource.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Well, and then coming and speaking with you it was
all virtual and stuff, but being able to talk with
you on you're not quite done with divorce yet that
is another great resource that's out there. Why don't you
kind of explain to our viewers.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
What that is so similar to what you mentioned, I
very much believe that the legaltional and financial sites of
divorce lead to a lot of questions, and as you
and I mentioned, help sometimes you don't even know what
questions to ask. And what I like about not Quite
(16:13):
Done with Divorce is it does help people go from
contemplating or going through and feeling stuck. There's a monthly
workshop for that, and then the nonprofit also has workshops
focused on people going through and post a divorce decree
(16:33):
to go help answer questions or start that conversation or
highlight resources available. So Tina, you talk during one of
the workshops designed for people contemplating and going through divorce.
That workshop is monthly, It's the first Saturday of every month,
available in zoom and in person. It is designed to
(16:55):
give people form to ask questions, to learn what resources
are out there, and you know what to know what
you don't know because for you and me, we go
through divorce every day through our clients. For many of
my clients it's their first time going through this and
it's scary. And there are a lot of unknowns, and
to have a community of people like yourself to kind
(17:18):
of open the doors and say, hey, you're not alone,
I'll walk through this with you can be very powerful.
And it's something that I feel very strongly on in
that it should be available to the community. And there
are lots of great resources out there too. This is
one of them.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Well, and I think you know all the video type
training classes and especially when you can go to like
your event and be able to ask questions because just
like you said, a lot of people are going through
a divorce for the first time, and even some of
them going through the second time.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
They got in.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
A mess the first time and can't figure out how
to not go through that mess here the second time.
And being able to ask your specific questions because not
every divorce is the same and it's not and being
able to ask those questions to you and to the
other professionals just a lot of help.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
I agree, No, and I'm very thankful for people like
yourself who are willing to talk because, as we discussed,
I know the finances really well. I got you, friend.
I know lawyers tend to be experts on the law.
They got you too, but you specifically handle the mental help.
And that's that's huge because I feel like emotions really
become this cloud and they stop you from thinking straight
(18:40):
and you need to be able to like look through that.
So the work you do is very important.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
You know, I talked about you here a couple of
weeks ago, probably even on this podcast, actually because I
had come through a divorce that I was suggested by
another CDFA, and then the clients as they went through
(19:07):
the thing, they through the CDFA, the poor CDFA under
the bus because and for our viewers, CDFA stands for
Certified Divorce Financial Analysts. But they threw her under the
bus because they couldn't they couldn't take their own blame,
so they had to have somebody to blame for the problem.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
And so she went through a torturous and so.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
In talking with other cdfas you know, I can totally
say that working with you and the way that you
work and your demeanor is more calming and easier to
go through. And I know how well you explain the
finances to people, especially when they don't understand them. I
(19:56):
find that to be an amazing, wonderful thing.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
Thank you. Yeah, No, it's really important to me for
people to have that clarity, the full understanding, and for it.
I'd like I feel like the phrase judgment free zone
is overused, but it's true. I mean, I can't tell
you how many clients I work with where they they
(20:22):
raised so many children, they took care of the household.
They it feels like they did everything, and it's reasonable
in a relationship to delegate certain tasks to different people.
So because they didn't have the financial aspect of the house,
it's reasonable to say, oh my god, I'm learning all
(20:43):
this for the first time, all at once, and I
just don't know what I don't know. I think it
is very important to have a calm presence that is
willing to be like, I got your friend, I'll answer
your questions and it's okay. I was working with a
client like that the other day day where again several decades,
(21:05):
multiple children, multiple houses, her ex was military, and like,
for real, I'm looking at this woman's background where she
doesn't have an official resume. But I got to tell you.
Speaker 5 (21:17):
This woman knows what she's doing, and she's like, you know,
here are the numbers that are being thrown in front
of me, and I just don't know that they're fair,
and I don't know what I don't know, and I'm scared.
And it makes me very happy to sit down with
my client and walk through these numbers. And for example,
my client was one of many people that don't like
(21:37):
to see numbers on a spreadsheet, so we're able to
demonstrate that in other ways and just share like, Okay,
so here's what these numbers mean on paper. But for you,
what's important is having a household, helping our kids with
their marriages. They're getting a few of them are getting
close to getting married, going to visit your kids because
(21:58):
some of them are scattered around the country. That's what's important.
So let's translate this to what matters to you and
what matters to your future. And by the end of
our engagement together, because it wasn't just a one time deal,
it was over several times, she walked out of my
office just feeling so calm and confident and she was
(22:21):
good with it, Like, yes, her divorce sucks, let's be real,
it does, but she felt confident walking into the next
chapter of life where she knew that she was going
to be able to visit her kids help them with
what mattered to her and them and to have a long,
happy life. And that makes me really happy to help people,
(22:42):
you know, get to that point where they can see
how to achieve what they want to achieve.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Yeah, You've mentioned this a couple of times, so I
want to back up on the topic where you say
they don't know what they don't know. But this current
that you're talking about, she knew she didn't know something
and so she reached out for help. So this is
where so many of us, and this is where I
was twenty two years ago, is I didn't know what
(23:10):
I didn't know, and I didn't know I didn't know it,
so I didn't know to reach out. And so that's
what I'm telling our viewers is that reach out and
ask for help. The majority of us out here, Brianna myself,
we will do our initial consultation with you at little
(23:30):
to no cost, and you'll be able to ask questions
and become familiar with how we work and with us,
and you'll know when you step away from that meeting
if this is what you need to do or where
you need to go, and if this isn't where it is.
We definitely guide you in at least a direction that
(23:51):
might be positive for you.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
Yeah. No, I've I actually was talking to someone that
I sent to you. The other I'll say it was
a couple months ago at this point, and when they
came to me, they were scared and they were like,
oh my god, I don't know what to do and
I don't know, and it's like, well, here's the questions.
I can answer. What you're asking. Tells me maybe you
(24:13):
should talk to somebody else, and it gave the person
your name and they texted me, I want to say
a couple of weeks ago we're personal friends, and mentioned
that she did connect with you and she was so
thankful that you were there and that you're on her team.
So I do agree it is worth it to have
those conversations to ask for help because I know I'll
(24:34):
be transparent when I don't have the answers, and you'll
be transparent too.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
And again, when when we're at least explaining the process,
you are explaining numbers, which is definitely not my wheelhouse.
And when we can explain what we understand, you know,
they bring in all these numbers and throw the sheet
of paper at you.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
And you look at them and.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
You see things where those of us, like in myself,
I'm literally numbers dyslexic.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
I can throw that sheet at you and when I.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Look at it, it's it's just a pile of lines.
And then when you communicate back to me, you tell
me where everything's at and how it looks and how
it can be divided, which is huge when it comes
to the split in a divorce.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
Yeah. No, I find that helping people understand how things
can be divided tax ramifications for those divisions, because taxes
tragically happen, it makes a difference.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
M Yeah, And I would bet I've mentioned this to
you because I talk about it a lot. Is one
of the things that I learned when I went through
the VESTA little trainings that they did is that when
we go to split up our money and you have
two pots of retirement and you talk about the tax ramification,
(25:59):
but there they both got five hundred thousand dollars in them,
and one person takes this pot and the other person
takes this pot. Well one of them gets taxed where
the other one didn't, So one person didn't get the
full amount. And so I learned that that was super
super important, so I always get my people to go
(26:20):
and talk to a CDFA.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
Yeah, it's important because you're right, like having looking at
the values just in general and looking at the after
tax values, it makes a difference.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
So a mistake that I have seen happen, and I
saw this firsthand.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
I saw it.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
I actually was in the meeting one of them, and
then I saw it on the stand in the courtroom
later on, is that instead of going to a CDFA.
And that d is so important because dividing things up
in divorce is not necessarily the same as dividing things
(27:02):
for tax purposes for later taxes to come out. But
they paid to go with an accountant at four hundred
dollars an hour. I was at one of those meetings
that lasted four hours long and there was nothing, nothing,
(27:22):
that came out of that meeting that was usable.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
And then that.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Accountant got up on the stand and wanted to show
off their talent to the judge and the judge wasn't
going to have any of it and literally said that
did not find her credible.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
That's tough.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
I'm sorry, well, and it's sad that people go through
that kind of stuff and that That is why I
want our viewers to understand that that that designation of
divorce the CDFA is so important.
Speaker 4 (28:04):
Yeah, no, I mean I see it with other professions too,
because really so I've had a number of divorces under
my belt in terms of helping my clients, but having
that specialized training to understand, you know, what the laws mean,
where you are locally and federally and how those interact
(28:27):
it makes a huge difference. And then also having the
experience to be like, Okay, here's the documents you need,
here's how you go through it to divide these accounts,
and here are the pitfalls that you need to watch
out for. That's very, very meaningful. And getting back on
(28:48):
your feet after divorce and understanding what's involved because you know,
I know, you know, and a lot of divorce professionals
talk about it, but the situation is so cash hungry
both during and after divorce. You really have to think
about where are you getting those that source of cash
like that that that means so much, you.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Know, Yeah, and you know just what you're saying, just
going through that and trying to get back on track,
and it is cash hungry, and when you look at
the numbers and the separation on those numbers.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
A lot of people, it's just like going into the hospital.
I'm not going to go into the hospital because it's
just going to cost me so much.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
I don't care if I have cancer because I can't
afford the doctor bills. Anyways, It's it is definitely worth
investing some of your time and money to find out
those answers before you go forward, because you know as
a mediator, you know I work. I'm listed in Colorado
(29:55):
as a mediator in fact, and when when I talk
to clients, I try to gauge them or send them
in the direction of mediation.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
And that's where your work comes in.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
They get to sit that out and they get to
say is this is what I would like? And mediation
is like the only time where you get to have
an opportunity to attempt or try to work with your
ex to make sure that things can be done in
a fifty to fifty way that fits for you. You
(30:30):
get to have some say so here, and you get
to have ideas of way to separate things out and
ideas that sometimes you can't come up on your own.
And that's why having Brianna on your team helps you
to she can give you ideas of how you can
do this. For instance, recently, the word alimony came up
(30:52):
in a high net worth case in another state, and
that high net worth aspect, he refused to give her
what she technically deserved and he hated the word alimony.
So I went back into with her and I said, okay,
(31:13):
so now you get to work with your financial person
and you get to come up with a way that
you can take some of that alimony from a different
pot and not call it alimony so that he is
not triggered by the term. Well, that's exactly what they did,
and being able to have a CDFA in that specific
(31:34):
situation helped them to be able to pull that money
because the CDFA was able to say, oh, well you
can pull it out of here and that'll work.
Speaker 4 (31:45):
Yeah, No, that's a great way to do it. I
actually had a case a couple of weeks ago where
there is a health involved and one party did not
trust the other party to pay we called spousal maintenance
or it's the same thing as alimony. But they were like, okay,
(32:07):
so this is where I am going to take it
out of these pots of money and when they shared
what they're planning to do, they were about trigger forty
thousand dollars in taxes that they had no idea about.
Can you imagine going through the hell of a divorce
and then next April getting a bill from the IRS saying, hey,
(32:28):
by the way, you owe as forty grand.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
And it's all because we ask for help.
Speaker 4 (32:36):
Yeah, it's kind of scary. So it is helpful, as
you said, creative problem solving, but also highlighting watch out.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
You know, well, if they in court, then yes, your
documents are going to be seen by that judge. But
that judge is going to be the one that decides
how things are going to be split. And and basically
(33:07):
judges try to do that in a fifty to fifty split.
But when the judge separates it out, it doesn't mean
that you're getting the fifty percent again, it's that that
retirement to retirement accounts one's taxt and one's not. And
so but a judge, a judge doesn't care. All he's
looking at is the initial numbers. He doesn't care about
the taxes, He don't care about you. So he's going
(33:29):
to just or she is going to separate it out
in fifty to fifty and one of you is not
going to have as much as the other, and neither
one of you will be happy.
Speaker 4 (33:41):
Yeah. No, I mean, i'd say the judges I run across,
it's not that they don't care, it's they they're overworked,
and they're not experts in that. They're really good at
the law. They're experts in the law, but they're not
experts in taxes, they're not experts in finances, they're not
experts and emotions. They don't know what the last period
(34:04):
of time for your relationship was. They're just going through
what's in front of them. And depending on where you
are in the country, there's usually a clock on it.
Like I know in Colorado, it's about a two hour event.
If you end up in front of a judge, it's
very unfortunate when you have thirty forty years of life
that is being decided in two hours. How you're splitting
(34:28):
that up. It sucks.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
I went through a two eight hour divorce in two
days of eight hours in one divorce. And when I
say that the judge doesn't care, I'm actually I'm actually
taking that judge's words.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
I don't care. It's all that bolts to me, I
don't care.
Speaker 4 (34:52):
Horrible, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
Yeah, it was. It was not a good event for
that couple.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
And the abuse that was happening wasn't just from the
one spouse to the other, it was also from the lawyers.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
They saw dollar signs.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
And in this case, we had a judge that just
literally decides that he's going to go off on a
tangent and just talk for forty five minutes about his
car and the flat tire he had, and they had
to pay for that forty five minutes of two of
their attorneys. So it's just best if we can can
(35:37):
work it out. If we can't work it out, we
can find a better way than just directly going and
fighting in front of the court. And that's where and
you know, my part comes as I helped keep the
conflict down so that we don't have so many months
or years in this case of divorce, and in your case,
(35:57):
having all of the documents down to the penny of
knowing where if things are at and how they can
be separated out helps save time in the divorce process.
Speaker 4 (36:11):
Very true.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
So as we start to come to the end, Rihanna,
I know that you're in Colorado, but you can work
outside of the state of Colorado. Is that correct?
Speaker 4 (36:24):
That is correct?
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Yes, Okay, so kind.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Of tell us how people can find you and how
they can work with you or how you work.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
Actually, sure, So the way people typically find me, so
you can find me on LinkedIn Brianna Beski. I have
a website Raymond James dot com backslash Briannabesci. You can
call me at work seven one nine two zero eight
three seven sixty seven. The way I tend to work
(36:56):
with my clients is again that that conversation that front.
You say it's a consultation. I say, it's a quick conversation,
and I ask very directly what you're looking for to
see if I can offer what you want. Typically, when
people are going through a divorce, I offer a flat
fee service where I actually share here the deliverables, here's
(37:18):
the cost, and we talk about that. But the way
it would goes it starts with a conversation. When you
decide to work with me, we would actually start putting
together a strategy to put together everything you want. And
then the most important part I highlight is ongoing conversation.
It's not a one and done thing. It's over the
(37:39):
course of your entire divorce. And that's something that is
very important to many of my clients is that I'll
be there the whole time.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
M hm.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
I think that you know and telling you know people
about how they can find you. All of your contyped
information will be here below the video so that you
can look that up and just remembering her name, like
like she suggested, you can go and get a hold
of her on LinkedIn, which is a real simple, easy
way to find somebody, especially in her case. And being
(38:17):
able to find find you and have that consultation, the conversation,
the short conversation, they're at least going to find out
how to work with you and how I mean, your
demeanor definitely comes across today in this podcast because this
is who you are and this is what you do.
You truly care and so I think that's super important.
(38:43):
And so for me, you know, I am a certified
divorce coach, meaning that I'm trained in the complexities of divorce.
I've actually been through an abusive relationship where I ended
up with broken bones and separated ribs, and just my
dad was almost murdered in his relationship and my late
(39:04):
husband went through a very very abusive time in his marriage.
Speaker 3 (39:09):
And so not only do I know textbook, I've.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
Experienced that and so being able to reach me, you
can call. You can email me at Coach Tina Lynn
at gmail dot com, that co O A C H
T I N A L y n N at gmail
dot com. My website is Divorce Coach Specialist dot com.
You can find me on social media Facebook under Tina
(39:36):
Lynn Huggins, LinkedIn under Tina Huggins, on Instagram under Divorce
Coach Tina Lynn, and TikTok under Divorce Tina. And so
this is a part Brianna, I would like for you
to give our viewers a last bit of advice here.
Speaker 4 (39:56):
I would say, it's okay to ask questions, and you
are doing good by asking questions. It's okay to not
know everything.
Speaker 3 (40:07):
Ask and I think that as my.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
You've heard me talk about it here a couple of
times today, and then I've talked about it several times
recently over My post is that, you know, Brianna says,
to ask, but you've got to reach out, and she
said it today that you don't know what you don't know,
let's find out because what you don't know can hurt you.
(40:39):
And you're already going through a difficult time. Even if
your marriage wasn't abusive and it just came to an
end and you're going to be able to somewhat work together,
there's still conflict, there's still emotion there, and being able
to handle that emotion is huge. And when it comes
(40:59):
to the numbers, when it comes to being able to
have somebody help you with the numbers, as Brianna has demonstrated,
she is kind. She's going to walk you through this
nice and gently, just like she's done today in this conversation.
So being able to reach out to her and ask
her for financial information, at least talk to her and
(41:22):
ask the questions, because if she can't help you, she
can at least send you in a direction that you
can find that help. And when I say ask for help,
I'm talking you've got to get that emotional support, whether
that is me, a different divorce coach, or a therapist.
You need to have that emotional support because this is
(41:43):
one of the most difficult times that you can possibly
go through. Just having gone through the death of my husband,
I can say that my divorce was way more difficult.
In a different way, and I almost died through that
because of the suicide attempt. So please reach out and
ask for help. So as I've just talked about divorce
(42:09):
or excuse me, divorce can cause suicidal ideation. And if
you are there, whether it's divorce or any other reason,
please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at
nine eight eight and nine eight eight is also the
same number in Canada and then the Netherlands, you can
reach out to them at one one three. Get that
(42:30):
support right now. Talk to somebody right here and right
now when you're in that bad place, so that you
don't stay in that place. And then if you are
in a situation that you need the police there call
nine one one here in the States and in the
UK it's nine nine nine. The Netherlands it's one one two.
Get the police there. Press charges. The charges are your
(42:53):
key out of your relationship. It is a safe key
because the other person can't come close to you or
come into the house. And if you drop those charges
a lot of times what the abuse that happened before
the charges is much worse once.
Speaker 3 (43:09):
The charges are dropped. This is your key out.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
And if you need or know somebody who means the
domestic violence hotline. That hotline is eight hundred seven nine
nine seven two three three. That number again is eight
hundred seven ninety nine seventy two thirty three. And I
asked that you please like, come in and share so
this information can help others. Thank you so much for
(43:35):
joining me here.
Speaker 4 (43:36):
Rihanna, thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
Thanks.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
You're listening to WGSNDB GO and Solo Network Singles Talk
Radio Channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yees sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
M
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