Healing From Narcissistic Abuse

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse – Join host Tina Huggins, Divorce & "Narcissist Conflict" Specialist, on The Awakening show as she welcomes special guest Ingeborg Mooiweer, Business & Personal Relationship Alchemist, Integrative Relationship Healing Coach, and Emotional Intelligence Expert. Together, they explore the journey of healing after narcissistic abuse, sharing compassionate insights, practical strategies, and transformative advice. Learn how to rebuild your confidence, reclaim your voice, and create a life of peace and empowerment.

Tune in now on NewStreamingNetwork.com and take your first step toward true recovery. 

More About Tina:
Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor. 

Connect with Tina: [e-mail] https://divorcecoachspecialist.com/

More about Ingeborg:
Introducing Ingeborg (Business & Personal Relationship Alchemist) Mooiweer! 🌟 Based in Heemstede, North Holland, Netherlands, Ingeborg is a ground-breaking integrative relationship healing coach and emotional intelligence expert. ✨ With over three decades of experience, Ingeborg specializes in transforming relationships and empowering lives, guiding individuals and couples on their journey to freedom from drama and toxicity. 💖

Her expertise spans a wide range of areas, including healing from historical narcissistic personality disorders, co-dependency, attachment issues, and much more. Ingeborg's approach combines the realms of healing and coaching, offering bespoke solutions through a seemingly magical process. ✨ She believes that mastering interpersonal relationships is crucial for both personal and professional success, and her services are designed to provide clarity, connection, and peace across all aspects of life. 

Connect with Ingeborg: https://metamindbreakthrough.com/ https://calendly.com/ingeborg-mooiweer

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to WGSNDB Going Solo Network Singles talk radio channel,
where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach to discussions
on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting, being single, relationships, building, dating,
and yes sex. Join our listeners and begin living your
best life.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hello and welcome to our show The Awakening here on WGSNDB,
Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The information and opinions
expressed on the show are just that, the opinions of
the individual speaking based on their individual personal experiences. They
are not intended to diagnose and do not constitute professional

(00:46):
advice or recommendations. So you know the pain, stress and
struggle that divorcing men and women go through, while there
is a way to find peace and sanity and assist
the lawyer through the divorcing process, saving the client thousands
of dollars. My name is Tina Huggins. I'm your divorce coach, specialist,
divorce consultant, restorative family mediator and conflict co parenting coach,

(01:10):
and thank you for joining us today. So our guest
is Ingborg. She is a business personal relationship alchemist. Her
last name is Moivia and I didn't quite say that right,
so she gets to correct me in a little bit.
Ingberg is based. Ingborg is based in Hemstede and I'm

(01:32):
trying to remember how to say things in German today.
So North Netherlands, North Holland, Netherlands. Ingburg is a ground
breaking inter integrative relationship, healing coach and emotional intelligence expert
with over three decades of experience. Ingborg specializes in transforming relationships,

(01:57):
empowering lives, guiding individuals and couples on their journey to
freedom from drama and toxicity. Her expertise spans a wide
range of areas including healing from historical and that's important,
historical narcissistic personality, disorder, abuse, codependency, attachment issues, and much more.

(02:22):
Ingborg's approach combines the realms of healing and coaching, offering
be spoken solutions through a seeming magical process. Ingborg believes
that mastering interpersonnel interpersonal relationships is crucial for both personal
and professional success, and her services are designed to provide clarity,

(02:48):
connection and peace across all aspects of life.

Speaker 3 (02:53):
So welcome Ingborg, Thank you very much, Thank you very much,
and lovely to hurt. You pronounced one name and you
did a guide you thank you. It's hardening for English
speaking people so.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
Well, and I spent time in Germany, so it shouldn't
be quite that hard for me. But still, you know,
it's tweak, and I haven't been there for a long
long time. So the fact that you're working in our
conversation today is about healing from narcissism. So I assume
that you've got a story that you're going to tell.
But before we get started into that story, I want

(03:31):
to kind of explain what narcissistic abuse is as it
comes from Google. So Google says that narcissistic abuse refers
to a form of emotional and psychological manipulation inflicted by
someone with narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder. This type
of abuse often involves various tactics aimed at controlling, belittling,

(03:56):
and undermining the victim's sense of self worth and reality.
So when when when we talk here on the show
about narcissism, most of the time we're using that coin
word that's kind of been thrown around everywhere, because there's
a lot more to mental disorders than just narcissism or

(04:16):
personality disorders. So Ingburg. I know that you have a story,
so would you please tell us how you got involved
and where this is coming from in your life?

Speaker 3 (04:27):
Yeah, sure, sure, Yeah. I grew up with a narcissistic mother,
so I experienced it myself firsthand. And well, obviously it
took a bit of time for me to realize that

(04:47):
what was happening at home wasn't really what was what
should have been happening, And the trouble and the problems
I had was obviously because I couldn't escape, I couldn't leave.
So it's starting to form you, and it did something

(05:10):
to my identity. I started believing that I was wrong,
that I wasn't good enough, that I well, I think
I had quite a strong identity when I was born,
but I kind of lose it, And yeah, I had
trouble finding myself worth, my self esteem, the things I felt.

(05:34):
There wasn't room for what I felt, or it always
should have been different. And the main character in our
household was my mother, so everything sort of gathered around
her and that was the only thing that was important.
So it did a lot to me, and it took

(05:56):
me some therapy to be honest, to get her to
I'm now, yeah, so it's trouble with myself worth and
I start having trouble believing myself because of what she
was doing. So yeah, it's doing something about your self

(06:19):
belief as well. So it's not a good environment to
grow up in.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yes, And so that our viewers understand, we're most of
us probably here in the US, and now that Ingborg
is with us, will have people from the Netherlands watching
this situation. The narcissistic abuse happens all over the world.
It can be in any relationship and any type of relationship.

(06:47):
You might find it in a work relationship, from a
boss to an employee, or from an employee to as
subordinate below them or the boss above them. So these
are things that we that we will experience or have experienced,
or know somebody that's experiencing them. So this information, even
though Ingborg is not from the US, she's working with

(07:10):
anybody that can speak in her language, obviously, and then
she can work with those people who can speak English,
so here in the US. And so to kind of
touch base with what Enborg is saying, I want those
of you who are marrying and deciding to divorce somebody
who is narcissistic. These are important things for you to

(07:31):
think about for your children. We can't take those children
away from that parent, but we can teach our children
how to love be loved and how to express themselves
in a safe way. And so those are things that
we can talk about either later or in a different show.
But most definitely I want you to think about this

(07:51):
because Enborg is coming in from as being the child
from a mother who was narcissistic to her. How old
do you think you were when you started to realize
that this is not this is not normal.

Speaker 3 (08:10):
Well, I think I have a I have a very
good memory, so I know some things when I was
really little, but it started to become more obvious after
I was five. Then my parents got before so my
father moved out, so I stayed with my mother and
my brother, and that after that it started like she

(08:33):
was sort of laying in bed and we had to
take care of ourselves, get ourselves to school, start doing
some household duties which were far too big for us.
Because I was still little. I had to do the
groceries on my bicycle and in those things, it's not
you know, it's not a problem to help your mother obviously,

(08:55):
but there was always something wrong in there. There's always
something else I should have done, which I didn't know
because I was little, so I didn't understand. And then
this sort of the silent treatment came because I did
something wrong. She needed to punish me, that's what she thought.
And that made me so confused because I didn't understand.

(09:16):
I did the groceries and you know what should have
done different? And the silent treatment is very very confusing
because you start sort of wrecking your brain. I should
have done something different, and you want to make her
happy again because then you get love. And that's the
sort of circle dynamic you get into. It's very confusing

(09:40):
for a child, and you start doing more and more,
and that was sort of the debate for me, or
the foundation for that people pleasing, which I did like
sort of later on you start like looking at her, Oh,
what can I do to make her happy and not
make her angry and not get the silent treatment? So
you do anything just to get that aside a lack

(10:05):
of bread crumbing what they call it of love, And yeah,
it's what It's very confusing to be in the environment.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yes, and I'm actually going to look up there's a
book called A child called It, and in that book
he talks about how just kind of what you were explaining,
and and he goes through the part where how she's

(10:38):
abused him, I mean, severely abused him. At one point
she has him in the bathroom with two cleaning solvents
poured in together, making a gas inside the bathroom, and
she puts towels at the bottom of the door. She
was very, very abusive, and in that, I mean, anybody
would think, oh, I just want to get away from
my mom. But here they take him out of the

(11:00):
home and they place him in a safe home. And
then at some point he runs across one of his
brothers and all he wants to do is see his mom.
He just wants a little bit of love from his mom.
And so your story, right there is it kind of
tells me about that. And the author of that book
is called David Heltzer, and David went through all of this,

(11:22):
and later on there's another book that's written by his brother.
But when your mom, I mean, your story is very classic.
Your mom is being mean to you and punishing you
for things you don't even know you did wrong, and
the silent treatment you mentioned the silent treatment, and these
are things that even though you were going through this

(11:42):
you talk here about you just wanted her to love you.

Speaker 3 (11:47):
Yeah, make her happy. That was my sort of main
goal even then, to really because then I would get
some attention, or I would get some love, or you know,
maybe even get a color or something. But I could
switch like that, and that was the scary part. Always.
You never knew when things would change. So I was

(12:09):
always on the lookout. And I'm very now it's very
helpful my work, but back then, being very observant, look
at her face, hear the tone of voice, the way
she looks at me. If I did all the things
which I should have done, and then obviously I was

(12:30):
a child, came back from school or something, I forgot whatever,
and then she could switch like that, turn into this rage.
And people who have experienced that, no, like the narcissistic rade.
It's crazy. It's not like you're just angry and you
sort of you know, use your voice a bit and
maybe a bit louder, but they just go off and

(12:54):
then after that usually decided the treatment. What I said
earlier could last for three weeks. You know, It's not
even like a day, but for three weeks you didn't know.
And then it would change, usually when she needed me
to get some attention, and they use it like for
a control as well, and I would do anything. I

(13:17):
write her letters. Actually, this weekend I went to some
photos because she passed away two years ago and we
had to sort out some photos and I found a
letter I wrote to my mother when I was very little.
I didn't even know that was back back there, and
it was like to make her happy again. And it's

(13:40):
so it's so sad because you know, when I read it,
I thought, oh, yeah, I remember writing it back then,
just to make her happy, just to be sort of
the well, the special one again for a little while. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
Yeah, I don't believe my mom was a narcissist, but
there was some narcissistic traits that she definitely was this
way towards me. And so when you're talking about how
you were trying to please your mom, I so wanted
my mom's attention. I wanted her to be happy with
the things I was doing. And so like there was

(14:17):
at one point where I dated this guy because I
thought she would like him, that she would approve, and
she didn't like him so now and she didn't like him, Well,
that made me mad, So now I'm going to date
him for sure. And then I bought her a diamond
ring at one point, trying to please her and trying
to get her attention. Not once did she wear that ring.

(14:38):
Not once. It was one of those types of things.
It's like, yeah, whatever. And I had spent some hard
earned money as a young twenty something year old trying
to please my mom. So these are narcissistic traits. But
I want to kind of touch in the divorce realm
of this, just so that our viewers that are contemplating

(14:58):
divorce or in the process of that. So this is
going on as you heard to Ingborg as a child,
and I can tell you coming from my relationship with
my late husband. He would tell me all of these stories.
And at one point they were having their house reconstructed
because of a fire, and she, the mother of the children,

(15:23):
I guess, was upstairs with the children and was punishing them.
I couldn't tell you how she was punishing them, but
the worker recorded everything and called it abuse. He said
he gave that to my late husband and said, this
is going on in your house, and this is some
of the things that he didn't know because of course,

(15:44):
children like yourself when you were young, were told you
can't tell, you can tell, or you'll get punished, and
so that stuff goes on when you are probably not present.
And so if you're wondering whether you should out, these
are things to think about you as you're contemplating things,

(16:04):
because the abuse that is going on to you can
possibly not always go on with the children that are
in your household. And in David Peltzer's case, it went
on to only him, and he had other siblings after
he left. Then she chose one of the other siblings
to punish and treat horribly. So these are these are

(16:25):
the types of things. And I think in David Peltzer's
mother's case, I think she had another diagnosis other than
just narcissism. But it's the aspect of abuse that's going on.
So so Ing boarg what other types of things would
your mom do that that you would consider today as

(16:46):
abusive or improper?

Speaker 3 (16:50):
Well, make make me look like a fool in front
of other people as well, and beyond like just sort
of joe and teasing and stuff like that, and make
me doub myself when I did something, or even when
I was a bit later, a bit a bit older,

(17:14):
with my boyfriend, I was upstairs at home. He rang,
and then she said, oh no, she's not home. She's
trying to divide us. She's trying to become between us,
telling him stories about me which I've never done, so
to make me look awful. And what she did because

(17:39):
my brother was like the golden child and I was
like the black sheep. You see that like quite often
with narcissistic parents. And then she would like, you know,
give him all the intention make me feel worse. And
when I said something about it, she even said, yeah,
it's true. You know, I don't love you. I love
him things like that, which makes he even more eager

(18:04):
to get some attention from her. Yeah, oh gosh, there's
so many things like what I could say. It's like ongoing, ongoing.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
Yeah, and it's funny, you know. I just said I
didn't want to call my mom mom narcissistic. But almost
everything that you did, my mom did towards me. Now,
she loved my sister very much, and she loved my brother,
and my leaving did not make her pick another child
to pick on. She she just had a problem with me.

(18:39):
But I remember one time I was working at the
local Elks Club, which is a man's group at the time,
and I was working as a bartender and she came
in and she was already drunk, and I let her in.
We had to buzz people in, so I let her
in because she was my mother. Well, at one point
she decided that she was going to make me look

(19:01):
bad by getting on all fours like a dog and barking.
And so one of my coworkers says, isn't that embarrassing
to you, I says, I'm not the one on the
floor acting like a dog. I totally just walked away
from that. So then she got up and left, and
I mean, those are the types of things that they'll do.

(19:22):
And I remember her following me away from an event.
We were skiing or something water skiing, and she followed
me away and she verbally attacked me at my car
and I said something to her about power struggle, and
I gently shut the trunk of my car and I said,
just go ahead and hit me right here in front

(19:42):
of everybody. And again, she wasn't about to make herself
look bad in this specific case, so she moved away
and I left. But yeah, just like you, I had
some very similar events happened with my mom, and you
know the boyfriend thing. There was another one. I was
dating my first husband and I went to take a

(20:04):
shower and I had a girlfriend present, and her and
my mom were in the kitchen and neither one of
them saw me come out of the shower. And I
overheard my mom actually say this. She says, she goes,
Tina's not good enough for him. You should break them up,
and you should have him for your boyfriend. And later
on she did attempt that, and then her and I

(20:27):
went hand to hand over that type of thing. When
she got out it actually apologized for the whole thing.
But yeah, so very similar events that you went through.

Speaker 3 (20:37):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. And then the yeah, you
can't do anything about it, even you know, even if
you try, there's so so manipulative, and they try another way,
and there's always something, especially if it's like you know,
a parent and a child's situation. But even so, if

(20:58):
you have like yourse, that's what they need to do.
That's their way of surviving actually, and you can't really win.
The only way for me to win was leaving home.
I left home when I was sixteen, very early, which

(21:18):
was a bit insane, but I needed to and I
got the help from my father and he sponsored me
and I left home. I was still in high school,
you know, so it took me some time to, yeah,
get my grounding again. But even if you like with
your spouse or something, the only the thing is because

(21:42):
they don't go for therapy. It's not their fault, you know.
So if you stay in that environment, you know what
it will be like. And you start losing yourself more
and more, just what I did with my identity that
had and you start doubting yourself words, you start doubting yourself.

(22:03):
You can't even believe yourself anymore. You're just a fraction
of what you were before. And even or especially if
you have children, the only way, the only advice really
I could give is leave. Yeah, there's nothing what you
can do, no gray Rock methods or anything. You know

(22:25):
what people tell you. Surely it helps some, but for
your own sanity, the only way and for your children
is leave and start rebuilding your life and your identity
and your self word and everything what you lost when
you stay with your spouse.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
And I agree, and That's kind of what I'm kind
of hoping our viewers can take away from this. If
you are being abused, what is going on with the children,
and how can you take care of those kids? That
is very important. So some of the adult the husband
wife kind of narcissistic aspects. So I obviously was the

(23:08):
wife in my relationship, and so some of the things
that you know in I'm in the early stages of
writing a book, and so some of this stuff comes
out to where there's gaslighting. You talked about what you're
confused and you don't know what to believe. Gaslighting is
very much there, and they gaslight you. And so a
lot of people don't understand what gaslighting is. So so

(23:30):
gaslighting is a lie that they tell you, but they
take what really happened and change it to this lie.
So they will try to get you'd believe what really
happened didn't happen, And so they take your narrative and
they turn it into their narrative to try and get
you to believe that. For one instance, my late husband

(23:54):
or excuse me, my ex husband, he had he had
told me I had stuck a box of herbs a
half a mile away from my house, and then I
went four hours to go to a martial arts tournament
over the weekend, and when I come back, that same
box of herbs was in the kitchen again, as if
I had never put it. He said, no, you left it,

(24:16):
And so I had somebody with me that proved I
didn't leave it, and he says, well, I don't know
the box of herbs was here. Well, honest to God, Ingborg,
I believe for the longest time that we might and
I believe in ghosts, but I didn't believe this, but
yet he convinced me through other episodes that he was
controlling inside the house, that we had the a poltergeist.

(24:40):
So I'm telling my mom this story, and even at
one point she says, well, maybe you ought to talk
to a Catholic priest and have them come in and
cleand your home. You know, if my mom's believing in
something like that. It took me years, Ingborg to realize
that that was a gas lit situation, that he had
me gasolin into losing my mind to think I was

(25:02):
going crazy with this poulterized idea.

Speaker 3 (25:05):
Yeah, yeah, and that's that's the whole purpose, to to
gain control over you. And you start doubting your feelings, reality,
your mind. That's that's what they do with those things.
And it starts really small usually, and that's their way
of doing it. So it's it's it's it goes under
your skin, if you understand what I mean. That's that's

(25:27):
what it does. It's like with these small things, you think, oh,
you know it, sort of brush it off, and then
they keep on doing it, and it's it's yeah, it's crazy, Yeah,
you know, it's crazy.

Speaker 2 (25:40):
Yeah, there's just so much.

Speaker 3 (25:42):
You know.

Speaker 2 (25:43):
My late husband would tell me all these stories that
that his his ex would keep him up and not
let him sleep throughout the night, and then of course
she would go back to bed and all day and
then she would do it all again, so that he
was was using his mind in the fact that he
was unable to sleep, and he was a workaholic because

(26:04):
if he worked, he didn't have to be anywhere close
to her, and he would take their six kids with
him most of the time. She would keep back the
oldest son because he was the oldest and was there
before the marriage, and then she would just cause havoc
with the rest of the kids, all kinds of stuff

(26:25):
and there's still stuff. They're all adults, and there's still
different types of abuse that goes on, and so there
is so many ways. You know, you when I see
this with my clients, usually one thing that's always there
is financial abuse. And I saw that firsthand myself doing
paper investigation for my late husband's divorce and for his attorney.

(26:50):
I would find numbers of money that she was taken
and she was manipulating the money through bank account and
bank account and then destroying properties. Ended up finding a
property that she hadn't paid the mortgage on in like
five months or something in having to get the attorney
involved in order to save that property literally within the

(27:11):
last hour of that day. And so we see so
much of this kind of stuff. Animals, I mean, this
takes you out of narcissism and puts you into another
class of diagnoses. But animals can be abused or killed
or these types of things. And usually these people have
two different lives, they might even have two different marriages,

(27:34):
and you see that kind of stuff go on, And yes,
we see it in the TV shows, but it's real
that it really happens.

Speaker 3 (27:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true as well. They when they
can't like keep up the well the work, so to speak.
In one marriage, they just try to find another one.
And it's that form of power as well, because they
thrive and power. That's what they like. To give them

(28:03):
some there the ego boost because they actually there's no
identity in themselves. They have a lack of self worth
and a lack of identity. So they need a lot
of people, the admiration, the power, what they like to
even feel something, and even that's questionable, but you know,

(28:27):
they might experience some sort of feeling, but it's it's
not the way we experience feelings. They have no empathy
or things like that. It's not the power and that
they can do whatever with you. That's what they like.
And then yeah, they have multiple women and there are
you know, vice for us as well obviously to do

(28:50):
that going to keep that supply going actually because that's
what they want and you'd be discarded and then you'll
be getting back if the other one is not in
well in picture or something like that.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
Right, And so in board, we've talked about what you've
experienced and what I've experienced in other things like that
through the experience part. So how how do you work
with your clients to help them. Obviously this is on
the other end of the abuse. You're helping them heal.
So how you.

Speaker 3 (29:21):
Do that, Well, I do that through my program which
is tailor made three to six months. Usually that's what
I do. And we have to get back or go
back to the core issues because there is a tendency

(29:42):
of very empathetic people. If we talk about a spouse,
you know, they attract narcissists or they can attract narcissists.
So and a lot of times what I said earlier
about myself had that people pleasing, that's what they come into. Uh,
that's that usually the problem. And then we sort of, well,

(30:06):
we discover and we we we paint the picture together
or what's really going on because they they can describe
what the problem is in their life, but it's always
something underneath, something which happened in their childhood would make
them people pleasing, would make them attract a narcissist. So

(30:29):
we have to go back to the core issue and
we have to heal that inner child and their their
their behavior as well. So we have to heal the
wound which is there. And if you heal your wounds,
you're start feeling different, and then you start behaving different.
So it's such a process. It's a lot about like

(30:50):
emotional unmapped needs which they had from from childhood, and
we start learning and reparenting their inner child and get
the real insights, as I call them, it's not what
they think it is, which is partly true, but like
the real insights of what's going on, and educate them,

(31:14):
you know, like learning to see the flags and helping
them even with WhatsApp texts, you know, if they start
dating again, you know, so it could be anything. So
it's a whole process. And then yeah, once it's done,
once the wound is healed and they've learned you know,

(31:36):
different behavior different, Yeah, different behavior, and then some start
dating again and I can help them in that process
as well, and yeah, and regain their identity, their self worth,
the real good boundaries. It's a lot of you know,

(31:56):
time we spend on boundaries.

Speaker 2 (32:00):
Boies are probably the most important thing.

Speaker 3 (32:03):
And I.

Speaker 2 (32:06):
Have a situation in my life where boundaries have been
had to be put in place, not more so to
keep me from doing things that would that would like
I would reach out. I needed the love, you know,
and so I set the boundaries so I wouldn't reach out,

(32:27):
because you reach out and then then it's about they're
needing something. And so I've had to put boundaries there.
And so boundaries are huge and very important when we're
dealing with narcissistic people. And so the work that you're
doing so that they can go and find a new
mate that's a healthy mate is huge. I can tell

(32:47):
you that once I left my first husband, I was
in series of different types of relationships and they weren't
really abusive until like towards the end, and then I
was drawing the narcissist to me and it's like, okay,
so my youngest son, actually, don't me. Mom just stopped

(33:07):
dating for a while, and it's like, oh, yes, don't
date and work on me. So that's what I did,
and I did a lot of Tony Robbins events and
stuff about relationships and whatnot. It's at a list of
the perfect man, and that's what my late husband was.
My late husband was my perfect mate.

Speaker 3 (33:26):
He was manifested him.

Speaker 2 (33:28):
I manifested him. But I had to do the work.
I had to work with somebody like you to do
the work on me in order to get where I
needed to be. To attract that kind of person.

Speaker 3 (33:40):
Yeah, yeah, that's true, because otherwise it's like a pattern
you keep on, you keep on attracting the same kind
of person. They look different, they may do a bit,
may act a bit different in the beginning, but underneath
it's all the same. And that's what I always caused,
Like wounded person. Have you got a wounded person and

(34:02):
together they got a trauma bond? Is that what they
call it. And you can't attract a healthy, emotionally healthy
person if you wounded yourself. So you have to do
the work on yourself to be able to attract an
emotionally healthy grown up. And then you start attracting different

(34:24):
kind of people anyway, because the old, you know, version
of you is not there anymore. So the new version
is not attracted to that wounded person. And you see
the red flags and you just you know, this carden
that's not for me anymore. And those boundaries what you
talk about, A lot of times you can only if

(34:45):
you feel them. Yeah, you can set those boundaries, but
a lot of times people forget. There's like consequences as well.
If people overstep your boundaries, you have to set a
consequence otherwise they would never learn, and you don't respect yourself,
and if you don't, if you do respect yourself, you
give them a consequence and you walk away and that's it,

(35:10):
you know. So people keep on, you know, saying oh,
I don't like what you're doing, and I don't like
what you're doing, and they still stay in the same situation.
That's not healthy, you know, of very important.

Speaker 2 (35:25):
The boundary is. They are important, and so I don't
think a lot of people understand boundaries. They think a
boundary is I'm going to tell you not to do this,
and then you better not or else. That's kind of
a boundary. But the boundary is upheld by you. You
would if you tell them or else, then you have

(35:46):
to do it. My dad would tell me, don't ever
make a threat, make a promise.

Speaker 3 (35:51):
Yeah, just do it.

Speaker 2 (35:52):
Just do what you said. And if you aren't willing
to do that when you set that boundary and make
the consequence, then you need to change that consequence into
something that you'll do. But for me, like the incident
that I mentioned, is my boundary is that I would
get a mean text from this person and my response
normally would be to halt that by saying whatever mean

(36:17):
thing I had to say, don't text me again. And
that's not the boundary I needed for me. My boundary
was don't answer it. That's the gray rock, drop it
and walk away. And so because of that, that person
has been less communicative with me, which has been more
healthy for me. And when there is something that I

(36:39):
do feel needs answered, I answer it in a respectful, loving,
compassionate way and the best way that I can for me,
for them. For me, it's how I need to feel good.
So that's good for you, bound.

Speaker 3 (36:55):
Yeah, yeah. I always tell people you have to feel
what's good for you, no matter what it's you know,
for someone else. You don't have to be mean, you know,
but not it's like sort of neutral, it's good for you.
And then you tell the other person friendly, you know,
this is what I feel, this is what it's good

(37:15):
for me, and it's their part. If they don't like
it's you know, it's nothing to do with you.

Speaker 2 (37:21):
Right right, and so ingburg As we start to come
to an end of this, so can you I know
all of your show notes, everything from your bio and
everything's going to be underneath this so they can look
up how to find you. But can you tell people
how to find you and about how they could work
with you.

Speaker 3 (37:41):
Yeah, sure, well easiest maybe with my website, mettermind breakthrough
dot com. Or you can find me on LinkedIn under
my full name Ormia. Not an easy name, but it's
the only name in the whole world, so if they

(38:03):
know how to write it, they can find me. And
I'm on the other socials as well, but LinkedIn is
most easiest, I would say, and my website, and then
we can do discovery call. It's for free and you
can take it from there if they see if we're
all fit to work together.

Speaker 2 (38:25):
Yes, and just remember just because she's in the Netherlands
doesn't mean that she can't work with you here in
the US if that's where you're watching or the UK.
So very good. And then so I am a certified
divorce coach, meaning that I'm training the complexities of divorce.
I specialize in high conflict divorce, especially from toxic narcissistic partners.

(38:46):
My late husband, my dad, and myself all lived through
the narcissistic abuse in some form or another. Most of
it in my dad in mis case was physical. So
I can tell you not only do I know it knowledgeably.
I know it from the experience. So when you can
reach me by emailing me at Coach Tina Lynn at

(39:06):
gmail dot com, that co O A C H T
I N A L y n at gmail dot com.
My website is Divorcecoachspecialist dot com. You can find me
on social media Facebook under Tina Lynn Huggins that's h
U G G I N S LinkedIn, Tina Huggins, Instagram,
Divorce Coach Tina Lynn, TikTok under Divorce Tina, and so ingboorg.

(39:32):
What would be your last minute advice for our viewers today?

Speaker 3 (39:39):
Listen to your gut, very short one, but that's I
know from my own experience and from all the clients
I'll help with. There's always something in your gut, intuition,
whatever you want to call it, where you feel this
is not right, and trust that because that's always right

(40:02):
for you. And start looking for people who can help
you that you don't have to do it alone. Make
sure you're saving your kids are safe if it's in
that situation, and start, yeah, sort of rebuilding yourself once

(40:22):
you're out, but first make yeah, make sort of practical decisions.
Reach out to someone like you if you want to
go for divorce, but first, you know, get a place
where you can stay with your kids, rest, and then
take the practical steps after that. And usually what I

(40:44):
know from experience as well, people need some sort of therapy,
some sort of help to get back on track. You know,
you don't have to do it alone. It's it's very hard,
and what you suffered and what you experience it's insane
one word. So you know, and you want to be
there for your kids, and you want to get you know,

(41:06):
be a healthy parent for you for your kids, So
get some help and get yourself safe, get yourself out
out of there. That's what I would say.

Speaker 2 (41:17):
Yes, And I one hundred percent agree with what Ingborg
says that the side note to that is that you
can't do it alone. If you try to do it alone,
the process takes so long to go through and the
pain is unbearable and very difficult to heal from. So
it the injury never heals unless you get some help.

(41:39):
So reach out, get help. If you're trying to divorce, obviously,
I would recommend a divorce coach, and if you are
coming out of a marriage or even a child that
has was maybe years ago involved in narcissistic abuse of
some form. Then reach out to Enborg. She she can
help you deal with this. And if she she can't

(42:00):
help you, I'm sure she has a list of people
that can. It is about asking for that help. So
that's the first thing that I would tell you is
to ask for that help. Reach out, ask That's your
first step to healing. It's your first step out of
an abusive relationship. It's your first step to help getting
you and your kids into a safe place. And I
love that Ingborg says, and get some sleep, get some rest,

(42:22):
because that is where your brain heals. That's the only
time your brain can do it's healing. You can do
the work, talk to Ingborg, but until you go to sleep,
the brain doesn't have a chance to go through the
healing process. So make sure that you are getting the
help and getting the rest that you need. So thank

(42:43):
you very much for joining us, Ingborg. I appreciate that.
And one of the things that's super super important as
we wrap up here is that many people, including myself,
we're going through difficult times and all we can think
about is suicide, ending this pain and getting out of here.
If you are in that place and you are dealing
with suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline here

(43:06):
in the US at nine to eight eight. In the
Netherlands it's one three to three. Get the support right
now that you need help, Get some help, have somebody
talk with you and they will guide you to your
next step. If you are dealing with domestic violence, if
you are in a situation, as any situation is, call

(43:26):
nine one one. In the UK it's nine nine nine.
In the Netherlands it's one one two. Get the police
there and I ask you or implore you to press
charges on the individual. These charges are your key out
of an abusive relationship. Do not drop those charges. Oftentimes

(43:49):
when you drop the charges, the abuse that's on the
other end of the charges is much worse than it
was on the front end of the charges. So use
those charges to get yourself out of that situation. If
you or somebody you know is dealing with domestic violence,
please call a domestic violence hotline at eight hundred and
seven nine nine seven two three three. That number again

(44:10):
is eight hundred and seven ninety nine seventy two thirty three,
and we can go back into that. In the Netherlands,
call one one two, get the police involved, get the
people you need involved, and get the help. So if
this has been helpful for you, please like, comment and
share this information so that it can help others. And

(44:33):
Ingberg again, I appreciate you coming on and sharing your
vast knowledge with our viewers, and I thank you very
much and I wish everyone a blessed rest of the day.

Speaker 3 (44:47):
Thank you. And that's lovely to be on the show
and then share my experience and I hope people enjoyed
it and do something with it.

Speaker 2 (44:58):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (45:00):
You're listening to WGSNDB going Solo Network Singles Talk Radio channel,
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