July 25, 2025 • 48 mins
Discover how to heal grief, stress, and anxiety the natural way on The Awakening show. Join Host Tina Huggins, Divorce & "Narcissist Conflict" Specialist, as she welcomes Destiny Runyon, Certified Emotional Health Coach. Destiny shares powerful, holistic approaches to emotional well-being and tools that support lasting inner peace. If you’re navigating emotional overwhelm or seeking a gentler way to heal, this episode offers uplifting insights and practical guidance.
Watch now on NewStreamingNetwork.com
A bit more about Tina: Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor. Tina lived in an abusive relationship ending up with a broken hand, separated ribs, and a dislocated leg from fights during the relationship. Contact Info: coachtinalynn@gmail.com https://divorcecoachspecialist.com/
More about Destiny Runyon: Certified Emotional Health Coach, is the proud Owner of Sound Mind Coaching, a coaching practice designed to support individuals on their journey to emotional health and well-being. With a deep commitment to creating a safe space for healing, Destiny looks forward to walking alongside clients as they uncover false beliefs, repair past hurts, and step confidently into their true identities.
Connect with Destiny: https://www.soundmindcoaching.com/
Watch now on NewStreamingNetwork.com
A bit more about Tina: Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor. Tina lived in an abusive relationship ending up with a broken hand, separated ribs, and a dislocated leg from fights during the relationship. Contact Info: coachtinalynn@gmail.com https://divorcecoachspecialist.com/
More about Destiny Runyon: Certified Emotional Health Coach, is the proud Owner of Sound Mind Coaching, a coaching practice designed to support individuals on their journey to emotional health and well-being. With a deep commitment to creating a safe space for healing, Destiny looks forward to walking alongside clients as they uncover false beliefs, repair past hurts, and step confidently into their true identities.
Connect with Destiny: https://www.soundmindcoaching.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to WGSNDB Go and Solo Network Singles talk
radio channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hello and welcome to my show via Awakening here on WGSNDB,
the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The information and
opinions expressed on this show are just that, the opinions
of the individual speaking based on their individual personal experience.
They are not intended to diagnose and do not constitute
professional advice or recommendations. So you know the pain and
(00:51):
the struggles that divorcing men and women go through, well
I help calm that and all while working with our attorney.
By doing all of this, we are able to save
them thousands to hundreds of thousands of dollars in their divorce. Hello.
My name is Tina Huggins. I'm your divorce Coach Specialist,
divorce planning specialist, restored, a family mediator and conflictional co
(01:14):
parenting coach, and today I'm graced with the beautiful destiny.
Run in with me today and so Destiny is a
certified emotional health coach and is the proud owner of
Sound Mind Coaching. Sound Mind Coaching is a coaching practice
designed to support individuals on their journey to emotional health
(01:36):
and well being with a deep commitment to creating a
safe space for healing. Destiny looks forward to walking alongside
clients as they uncover false beliefs, repair past hurts, and
step confidently into their true identities. So welcome Destiny, Thank
(01:57):
you for joining.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Me, Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
So as I was reading through everything, Destiny had talked
and I had talked about this. But Destiny's path that
she likes to take her clients down is a very
spiritual path. She likes to walk alongside as it kind
of comes out, and your information is to walk alongside
Jesus as they go through their healing practice. Is that
(02:23):
kind of the way you see all of that, Destiny.
Speaker 4 (02:25):
Yeah, So I focus a lot on trauma recovery and
just healing past wounds. And from my experience, you know,
I have my own personal story and my own personal
struggles that led me to where I am today, and
that's why I'm very passionate about it. Is because it's
something I too have walked out and I've seen how
it's impacted me as a person, and honestly, it's helped
(02:47):
me to become a better parent, which is one of
the reasons why I do it, is just because I
don't want the things that I've been through to affect
my children. And so for me, Jesus faith and faith
honestly is it's a huge sinner to my home, and
so everything that I do, I bring Him into all
(03:11):
of it. And I can say because of my own
personal journey that the way that I operate is out
of love and compassion for other people, because I've realized
that the validation and compassion is honestly one of the
things that helped me heal because I didn't always understand
(03:34):
what I was going through, you know, and being able
to bring compassion and validation into people's experiences and have
empathy for people while they're going through it is honestly
one of the things that I feel can impact and
heal other people because every human is looking for the
(03:56):
same thing, like we all have these we all have
these needs that were looking for and whether we get
them in unhealthy ways or healthy ways, we're all looking
to feel some type of void and that's being seen, heard, known, accepted,
a sense of belonging, and we try to get that
outside of Jesus sometimes in external ways, and it's temporary,
(04:22):
you know, it doesn't always provide lasting joy, lasting peace, abundance.
We hear so many coaches like me and you. We're
always talking about you have the ability to live in
this abundance, but so maytimes we're looking to create that
in ways that are chasing something externally when really we
(04:42):
have everything that we need on the inside.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
So, so, were you able to share some of your
story with the viewers.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Yeah, I don't mind please, And I have a long history.
I won't go into too much detail, but for me,
complex trauma CPTSD is something that I struggled with for
a long time. I didn't even know that that was
a part of me, and I honestly felt like chronic
stress and anxiety and perfectionism, performance based love, those types
(05:18):
of things. I thought that was just a personality trait
and I had just accepted it. I thought that that
was every you know, that was how I was.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Going to live.
Speaker 4 (05:26):
My life was constantly stressed out, sabotaging, I had a
lot of self doubt, and I had a lot of
overcompensating to earn my worth, and that shawed up in
ways that people did wasn't people weren't aware of. So
the funny thing is I dealt with all this stuff
on the inside, but nobody ever knew about it until
I basically self destructed. I ended up in the er.
(05:51):
You know, I had lost like a lot of weight,
I was diagnosed with several mental illnesses, and I was
having some trau with some of my my personal life,
and so I went to therapy to try to figure
out what was actually going on. And that's what sent
me into a journey of my own, which brought so
(06:14):
much self awareness and grace and compassion into what I
was experiencing, which led to the healing. Because for me,
I was just beating myself up every time that I
would show up a certain way that wasn't what I
would consider perfect. You know, I was just struggling with
(06:35):
perfectionism and people pleasing and I didn't have good boundaries.
It was unable to say no to people constantly doing
things that I didn't want to do, but I would
do them anyway. It was like I was living out
of other people's value system instead of saying in alignment
with who I was and what I wanted and what
(06:55):
I needed. And it was almost as if like my feelings,
my values, my wants, and my needs and my thoughts
didn't matter, but everybody else's did. They were right and
I was wrong. And I would constantly send myself into
these shame spirals and overcompensate by trying to strive and
earn and do better, which just was a never ending
(07:17):
rabbit you know, rabbit trail was just a never ending
race that I was never going to win. And ultimately
what led me to healing was whenever I started asking
the questions and getting to the root and understanding the
why behind things instead of blaming myself, I got to
(07:39):
target limited beliefs and false thinking patterns and things that
were a part of my nervous system that wasn't necessarily
a part of me as a person, like my identity,
but it's there for a reason. And so look, I
had to go back and ask those hard questions, revisit
(07:59):
some really hard experiences, a lot of major traumas in
my life that I had experience that I never got
to process. I never got to work through. Some happened
as a young girl, some happened as an adult. But
what I realized was that I was continuing these patterns
(08:19):
throughout my whole life and living out of the same
cycles because I never got to process, and I was
believing lies over myself, and I was adopting other people's labels,
other people's opinions of me. I was living out of
approval for man and basically like allowed the outside world
(08:45):
to control me instead of having control over my own life.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
And it started as a little girl.
Speaker 4 (08:52):
And I won't go into too much detail just for
the sake of protecting like certain individuals, and I don't
I don't plan on playing like the blame game or
pointing things or anything. But I was sexually abused as
a child, and I lost my dad at a really
young age and went through I was a child of divorce,
(09:15):
multiple divorces, and so at a young age, you know,
I just learned basically I had a belief system that
was wrapped around all these dysfunctional patterns and lack of
safety and security. And for me, I had a lot
(09:35):
of shame that was wrapped around all of that, and
I blamed myself for a lot of it, and that
continued in my relationships throughout my marriage as well.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
Had adopted a lot of.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
Fears and insecurities, even to the point of like body dysmorphia,
like picking myself apart anytime I'd look in the mirror.
And so, yeah, I just stayed. I put a lot
of expectations and pressure on myself to be something according
to other people's perceptions of what they thought I should be.
(10:08):
And this was a constant pattern in my life until
I recognized the why behind it and was able to
target the root of the problem.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah. So I want our viewers to understand that the
only way that Destiny is able to be here and
to do the work that she's doing, which is very
similar to your getting ready to hear some of my story,
is because she's doing the work. Okay, between her and I,
there's a bit of age difference, but she's already on
(10:46):
a massive healing level. She's already healed. What took me
many many years after her age to get to this
healing aspect because La, like Destiny, I also was molested
as child. And because of that molestation, starting at age
is shift around nine, it lasted until I was sixteen
(11:08):
in this level, and molestation is not just the physical
aspect of it, but once that physical aspect of it happens,
just and you've kind of heard Destiny touch on this,
there's a verbal part that goes with that, where what
she was told and what I was told, and then
ultimately even Destiny's already given light to this what we
(11:31):
tell ourselves because of what they have said to us,
and so we have all of this stuff. So after
that you talked about into your adulthood, Well, because I
didn't learn a healthy way to date, I stuck myself
in some more sexual issue problems as I went through
(11:51):
my dating process in my early twenties. Well actually it
was my teens into my twenties because I got married
when I was nineteen, and then even later I would
stick myself in situations private locked the door kind of stuff.
It's like, oh my god, how did I get here?
You know, why am I here talking with this person
(12:14):
kind of deal. And it wasn't anything like a private
bedroom or things like that, but I would be like
one point, I was at work and I was working
as a bartender, and I had to go pick up
a keg out of the cooler and I had to
roll the keg to where I was taking it, so
I picked that up, and then when I went in
(12:36):
there there was this guy that had been sexually harassing me,
and it's like he was waiting on me, and as
I walked through the door, he just kind of circled
around me like that, kissed me real hard, and then
sent me into the cooler and I stood there for
I don't know, maybe sixty seconds or so, going what
the hell just happened, you know? And that was over
(12:57):
and over for quite a while until I started my
healing process. And so I want you guys, as the viewers,
to realize it's about one seeing that there is an
issue and deciding that you are going to change things.
Because you said, Destiny that you were diagnosed with multiple
mental health issues, and do you feel that those mental
(13:20):
health issues are now pretty much a thing of your
past because you've been working on all of this.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
Yes, definitely, even anxiety, Like I honestly, I never thought
i'd sit here today and tell someone that I don't
struggle with anxiety, and it was something that I had
for the longest time. I was diagnosed with anxiety depression
ADHD and PTSD as well, and I never medicated to myself.
(13:49):
A lot of people asked me why, and for a second,
I wanted to attach spiritual pride to that, because I
tend to want to heal everything the natural way and
bring Jesus alongside of my healing, just allow him to
comfort me and guide me and direct me, and he
is love.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
That was a big thing for me.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
It is because of my environment and the places that
I surrounded myself in, or the places I put myself in,
the people I surrounded myself with. Because of that, I
never really got to know what the love of Jesus
really was.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
I knew a lot of dysfunction.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
I knew a lot of chaos and confusion and manipulation
and control, and a lot of things that I thought
were normal wasn't really normal. And if you don't, if
you've lived in an environment like that, then you don't
know what is healthy. And your body keeps the score though,
(14:48):
and it's kind of like it becomes a part of you.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
So for me, like I.
Speaker 4 (14:52):
Self sabotaged a lot because I wasn't able to feel
safe in my own body, and I still felt like
I was in a place even when I wasn't. I
still felt like I was there, And there are a
lot of times I'd be triggered and be reminded of
a certain thing and feel that very same thing even
though I wasn't actually there.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
And for a while, it took me up.
Speaker 4 (15:16):
It took me a while to understand these triggers and
how to regulate and how to remind myself that this
isn't happening right now, and how to you know, go
back and heal those places too, so that it didn't
control my whole life for the rest of my life.
And learning those healthy boundaries and bringing Jesus alongside of it,
(15:38):
because he had boundaries too, which is something I had
to learn because as a Christian, you know, I operated
out of legalism and religion for a while.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
I had a church hurt.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
Too, And because you know, we're taught to live this
selfless life and be forgiving, and we're taught a lot
of things, but we don't always bring boundaries into it.
We don't always bring self love into it. We're taught
to love others and you know, to be giving and selfless,
but not to the extent to where you lose yourself.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
And that's what happened to me.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
And so when I really got to walk alongside Jesus
and get to know who he really was, that brought
so much healing into my life. Because his love is patient,
he's kind, he's said fast, he has so much grace
and compassion for us, not shame and condemnation. And so
(16:34):
many times as people, we get that wrong. Because we're human,
we are always going to struggle with humanity. Our flesh
is always going to be there. Unfortunately, it's just the
way that it is. So we're imperfect representations of who
Jesus is, and so we're surrounded by that all the time.
(16:55):
And so for me, I allowed my inner voice to
be people, and so I allowed people to speak into me.
And I had such so much fear of man, and
all of my insecurities and self doubt was wrapped around
what people said and not what God said. And so
the more that I got to go on this journey
(17:17):
to learn, you know, grace instead of shame, and I
got to learn hope instead of doubt, and I got
to have this renewed spirit instead of a crushed spirit,
and a sound mind instead of one that was a battlefield,
and a body that was whole instead of one that
was a war zone constantly. And I honestly give all
(17:42):
the glory too to Jesus because it was because of
that relationship that I had with Him and not people.
There were so many times in my life throughout this
journey it was lonely. I used to surround myself with
people all the time. I was a people person, a
people pleaser, the yes girl, the doer. I would spread
(18:02):
myself then and honestly, God took me on a road
that was lonely, and that's when the healing started to happen.
I didn't like it at first. I blamed myself a lot.
I had a lot of negative self talk. I spiraled
even more out of control there for a while because
I was so much I was so used to my
worth and my identity being attached to the things that
(18:24):
I did for others, you know, for work related stuff, accomplishments,
common ladders, and he for the first time my life,
my identity wasn't attached to what I did, but it
was attached to who I was. And I remember one
(18:44):
of the biggest turning points in my life. I was
in my closet and I was after my divorce and
I was crying out to God and I was like,
you know, I don't have anything, and I feel like
I'm nobody, and it was a little dramatic. I remember
him whispering in my ear that you know you're worthy
(19:07):
because of who you are. You're a child of God.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
And that's not ever going to change. And so it
was that moment.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
That I realized that that was the foundation that I
had been missing, that I wasn't you know, that I
didn't belong to anyone else and nobody owned me. And
even though like my body, my mind, everything showed up
like all the things that happened to me, it was
(19:37):
that point to where it was like, Okay, I can
choose to stay stuck and live in this mind and
body and spirit that is of the past, or I
can put on my new name that he gave me,
and that the new way of living. And it wasn't
an instant thing like a lot of Christian people will
(19:58):
make you feel like it's just like this instant, overnight fix.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
It's not for me. It wasn't anyway.
Speaker 4 (20:05):
I'm sure God can do anything and all things are
possible with him, but for me, it wasn't an instant fixed.
It was rewiring my brain, renewing my mind, like reminding
myself of the lies that controlled me that wasn't true.
And there were times that I had to like put
sticky notes on my mirror and in my car, and
(20:26):
I would wake up every day and quote, God did
not give me a spirit of fear, but of love,
power and a sound mind. And there were different things
like bring all your heavy burdens into me, and I
will give you rest. And it was it was a
it was a process. It wasn't something that and it
still is a process. Like I'm still being perfected up,
(20:49):
like I'm not, you know, perfect, and we never will be.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
And I had to learn that that.
Speaker 4 (20:57):
Because of our own humanity, you know, that's why Jesus
died in the first place. And if it would have
been done in vain, if he wouldn't have.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
You know, And for our viewers to understand, you know,
some of us are Christians, some of us have a
different path that we walk on. I left the traditional
Christian church many years ago because of sexual I was
forced to have sex with one of the boys in
the church, and then his family decided that they were
(21:30):
basically going to verbally molest my family and so that
and along with some other things, I left the traditional
Christian Church, and exactly what you're talking about, destiny is
exactly what I've experienced. I've gotten my healing is all
due to my spiritual path. Doesn't matter what spiritual path
(21:55):
that you go. It's hunting for God and how we
each see God. And and many people from I work
with Father Rafael. He's one of the ones. And we're
going to get into my story in just a little bit.
But as I've gone through my healing over the last year,
I have worked alongside Father Rafael from the Catholic Church
(22:15):
and the Catholic Church, which is a church that I
probably know more about than any one church of all
the churches. And I'm not Catholic, but because the Catholic
Church was so prominent in my childhood, it's just been
a place of home for me to be able to
talk to the Father and to be able to talk
about my you know, basically the confessing, so the talking,
(22:39):
which is kind of what you as the coach, You're
the person we go to talk to about these issues.
And I just did a talk on port an addiction
for the Mormon men and so talk about a big
taboo in that church and in other religious circles. It's
(22:59):
a huge tow boo to have those types of things.
But the reality is we have to look for God
however we see God, and we have to reach out
and we have to ask for that help. Because I
really love the part where you said take all of
the burdens and take them away. You know, that's the
same that we that I did. It's the same that
(23:21):
any of us can do. We just need to reach
out and we need to ask for that help. And
so the story that you know, I've just talked about
the molestation and stuff, But what Destin and and I
just talked about just priored to coming on here, was
that between yesterday and today is a year since my
husband's death. So yesterday was my birthday, and that was
(23:46):
the day I had to put him on life support.
He was brain dead, but I needed for his body
to survive one more day. They didn't think it was
going to survive long enough for his kids to get there,
but it did. But all that was the show because
his soul had left between the twenty ninth and the
thirtieth right there and when his body crashed I had
(24:10):
to call the crash card in. I wanted them to
save him, and then I did really well with all
of that. I have medical background. They of course removed
me because anybody that's ever seen or been around it,
it's not a pleasant sight to have your love one
go through that. So after they were able to put
him on life support, I said, we're putting a DNR
(24:31):
in place. I can't do this. I can't do this again.
He was already gone. There'd be no way that we
could have saved him at all. So we put him
on the life support. And it wasn't the life support
that was keeping him alive, destiny. It was the drugs
they had him on that was helping his body be
moved by the breathing apparatus when they have that on him.
(24:55):
And of course they weren't feeding him because there was
no use to feed his body. So all they did
is just put drugs through the blood system to try
and keep his heart beating long enough and to get
his lungs to move through there to keep his heart
just alive long enough for his kids to get there.
A year ago today and somewhere around I don't know,
(25:16):
three or four o'clock. I don't even remember was when
everyone said pull the plug and we all stood around him.
So Destiny is going to kind of talk me through
some of the work that she does, and that way,
you guys get to see a little bit. You've got
to hear some of her story and you're going to
get to see a little bit about the work that
(25:37):
she actually does.
Speaker 4 (25:40):
Yeah, So first of all, I want to point out
the fact that you were talking about how you just
have to how you were talking about talking it out,
and because that's like one of the biggest steps to
healing that a lot of people don't understand. And because
these laws that are in our mind that we're believing
they became I'm a part of us because we don't
(26:01):
talk about it, and we don't create a safe place
for people to simply exist with imperfections and flaws and
giving people permission to be human.
Speaker 3 (26:12):
It's so needed.
Speaker 4 (26:14):
You know, we preach kindness, we preach all these things,
but we live in such a busy world that nobody
takes the time to create the space. And whenever you
do create the space for people, a lot of times
you get shame, you get judgment, you get unwanted advice
in a time that you really just need to be heard,
in a time that you really just needed to be supported.
(26:36):
And you know, I noticed that in my own journey.
I was affected a lot by that. And so the
way that I show up whenever I do sessions, it's
it's really client led. It's wherever the person wants to
take us, that's kind of where we go, and I
allow the Holy Spirit to work in those situations. It's
(26:57):
different for every single person. Some people want advice, some
people want self awareness, some people want a knowledge, some
people just want to be heard. Some people want to grieve.
Some people want to feel emotions that they never got
to feel before so that they can release and let
go and actually give themselves permission to be small in
(27:19):
a world that makes us feel like we have to
be big and strong all the time. And for me,
you know, I had so much pressure and on my
shoulders to put this mask on every single day and
wear a smile, and nobody knew what was actually underneath it,
that you know, underneath the surface. And for the first
(27:40):
time when I actually let people know, I lost a
lot of people. And you know, at that point, I
was taught that it wasn't safe to verbalize yeah, like
it wasn't okay or safe to let the mask down
and just be real. I was taught real quickly that
people want the perfected destiny and not the real, authentic destiny,
(28:03):
even though I crave to be authentic and I just
wanted to be me. And so for me, that's really
what I try to do in the space is to
provide just a safe place for people to unravel and
be whatever they want to be, experience whatever they want
to experience, without judgment, without shame. And if there's a
(28:26):
lie that someone's believing within their healing journey, I'm not
going to let them stay stuck there. That's something big
for me is calling people up out of the shame,
calling people up out of you know, wherever it is that.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
They are stuck.
Speaker 4 (28:44):
In that's keeping them from from peace, from identity, from freedom,
and especially if it's.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
An identity issue. Now, if it's just.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
Grieving that I've realized there's five steps to grief and
they're all so very important, and it's so important to
just let that flow. You know, when it comes to grief,
takes a long time to heal. It comes in five
different stages. It's not Lindear. Sometimes we feel like we're
on a mountaintop and then one day we'll be in
(29:15):
a valley. But the biggest thing is given ourselves permission
to be there and not be silves up for not
being somewhere that we're not, Like we try to speed
up or healing process. We try to, you know, be
somewhere that we're not. And you know, God he will
meet us where we're at, and.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
That that's a that is a true statement. I've seen
that happen so much, you know, in the work that
I've done, I always keep this open with spirit because
just like you were saying, Spirit is the one who
guides us and the client. Yeah, we're following them down
their rabbit hole back, but the questions and the inquisitive
(29:58):
mindset come from our connection with spirit. And in the
case with you talking about the five stages of grief.
I kind of got scolded here the other day by
my RTT therapist because she's like, you know that you
are a soul having a human experience, right, And I'm like, yes,
she says, but you're not having the human experience. You're
(30:20):
trying to take this down the soulful side, and I'm like,
because this feels better, you know. I like being in
the state of soul. I like being in the place
with spirit and allowing that because here for the last
two weeks prior to last Thursday, I felt like I
(30:44):
was sticking a square peg in a round hole. For
two weeks, I couldn't get it forced in there. I
felt like the old me. You know you're talking about
the PTSD aspects. I just felt like the old me
used to. And then I woke up last Thursday day
and I went, huh, I feel normal. I feel the
new normal, and I feel the spirit. The Holy Spirit
(31:07):
is here. I feel this. It's it's something that was
super warm and just pleasant, like I could breathe again
for the first time in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
Right, yeah, I mean it's that it's that peace that
surpasses all understanding, right, And like just like you like
whenever you are wrestling, you know, with the spirit with
the flesh. A lot of people don't understand how we
operate as a threefold being, Like we're mind, body, spirit,
and you know, all those need to be in alignment.
(31:41):
But there's so many times that they're not, like you know,
like we can think a thought that doesn't align with
with the truth, and before you know it, our whole
entire body is feeling an emotion that is in alignment
with that negative thought, and so it starts with the thought,
but then it doesn't end there, and then we'll spiral
(32:03):
because we don't catch it and we don't renew our mind,
and we don't catch it before it's too late, and
then we shame ourselves for allowing ourselves to be somewhere
that we don't want to be.
Speaker 3 (32:16):
But you know, we are.
Speaker 4 (32:18):
Threefold being, and we become more in alignment with the
truth and with the being spirit led over time. And
so for me, I had to learn how to how
to bring grace and compassion into those moments, to give
myself permission to feel and then ask the questions, you know,
(32:39):
what is it that I'm feeling right now? What is
it that I'm thinking right now? Why am I thinking this?
Is this happening right now? Or is this something that happened,
you know, years ago? And do have what do I
have control over? A lot of times when we are
in those moments, we try to control something we don't
have control over, and that's whenever we spiral was because
(33:03):
we're trying to control something that you know, we can't control.
And but I did have to learn that we have
control over our thoughts or our feelings and our emotions,
and we do have the ability to control those things,
but so many times they feel out of control. But
we are capable, like we're capable of controlling them. But
(33:26):
it's definitely hard, especially when it feels so real to
you in the moment. And those moments when I would
spiral whenever I didn't feel in control, those were the
times that I really had to lean in on on
the on God and allow the Holy Spirit to come
in and comfort me. And sometimes I wanted to fix
(33:48):
it in a moment that God wanted to comfort me.
And you know, God isn't just so God that just
you know, operates out of understanding. And a lot of
times we try to do everything logically and we try
to fix it with our own flesh, and you know,
we try to just get things to feel normal again.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
And well, that's I mean, because it doesn't feel good
for us to be wherever we're at right and that's
that was the thing for these last two weeks. I
couldn't find my path. I felt off and so I
would try to control this, and so I did. I
did give myself grace for extra sleep because that seemed
(34:31):
to be what made me feel the best. Is if
I would have an extra hour of sleep in the morning,
so I would leave my workout out, or in a
couple of cases, I had to leave prayer out and
bring it in towards the end of the day as
opposed to my beginning of the day, because I just
couldn't fit everything into my morning. And you're right, we
(34:53):
try so hard. I mean, through all my training and stuff.
One of the things that analytical people do when they
go through the grief and stuff is they start reading books.
They read the books how can I fix me? How
can I fix me? How can I fix me? Or
they go to therapist, fix me, fix me? Or they
take in my case, I was drinking too much alcohol,
(35:15):
Fix me, fix me. You know, we hunt for a drug,
we hunt for whatever's going to fix me because we're
we feel out of control, we feel off center. That's
the best way for me to put it. For myself,
I felt off center. So in the course when you
start with everybody destiny, do you have a series of
(35:38):
questions that you start. How do you start with your clients?
Speaker 4 (35:43):
Well, for me, honestly, I let the client, like I
let whoever I'm whoever I'm talking to. I let them
just do whatever they want to do. I know it
sounds cliche, so far, it's worked for me though. I
don't try to put it in a box. I don't
limit it, and I allow them to go wherever they
want to go. And sometimes they go five thousand different
(36:05):
places in one hour.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
Sometimes we stay.
Speaker 4 (36:08):
On one major topic for a long time, and you know,
every week you'll bring the same story back over and
over and over again, and sometimes they don't get breakthrough,
but then sometimes they do. It just depends on when
they're ready to let go. What I've noticed is we
hold ourselves in a prison. You know, we have the
(36:28):
ability to create love and peace and live in an abundance.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Of Joey like.
Speaker 4 (36:34):
We have that ability, but we're the ones that hold
ourselves in a prison. And it's because we're not ready
to let go. And there's so many things that we
hold on to, so many things that you know, we
cling to and and God can only work with us
at the ability, at the extent that we're willing to
(36:55):
work with him. That's something I've noticed a lot of
times in my own journy. And he you know, I
heard this story and I'll say it real quick, but
there's a story of like somebody drowning in the water
and you've probably heard this before, and they're hollering out
for God to save them. They're like, save me, God,
and I'm drowning. And then there's a boat that comes
(37:17):
and asks if they want to be saved, and they're
like no, it's fine, Like I'm praying to God. God's
going to save me. He's got me. And then the
boat goes by, and then another, you know, another boat
comes asking if the person needs to be saved and
they're like no, God's got me. And the whole time
he's like, why didn't you save me God? And he's like, well,
I tried, you know, I sent, I sent several.
Speaker 3 (37:39):
Boats and you didn't take the boat.
Speaker 4 (37:41):
And so for me, I feel like sometimes God's wanting
to rescue us out of certain situations that we keep
ourselves in, or God's wanting to heal us, but we're
not We're not in letting him because we don't believe
we're worthy of it, or we're holding on to unforgiveness
or bitterness or you know, things that are hindering us
(38:06):
from our peace and from our freedom. So that's really
why like the client lead it is because there's really
no there's no way for me to know like how
to lead it without just hearing their story.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
So that's what I do.
Speaker 4 (38:23):
I just create the space for them to just unravel
because they may have to come back to that same
pain point fifty thousand times. And you know that some
friends and family members don't allow that person to repeat
that same thing over and over again without telling them to.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Get over it.
Speaker 4 (38:44):
They're like, be open this by now, and that just
creates more shame, that creates it's not helpful.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
So so Destiny, do you work just one on one
as that the only way that you work with your clients.
Speaker 4 (39:02):
Right now as of now, I do one on want,
but also in the process of creating a weekend retreat,
and I would like to make this a thing.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
Like a.
Speaker 3 (39:15):
Quarterly thing or a annually thing.
Speaker 4 (39:19):
I haven't quite made up my mind yet, but I
definitely wanted to become something that I offer for not
just healing, but also for burnout I'm a nurse as well,
and I forgot to mention that, but I work in
health care and I've noticed how stress management and burnout
has really impacted the health care community. So a lot
(39:40):
of the things that I do with my trauma recovery
clients can really help those that are dealing with stress
and burnout, and that's ultimately led me to wanting to
do these healing retreats and retreats for the health care community.
I'm doing more, but as of right now, I'm just
(40:01):
doing one on one, but I do plan on doing
some group coaching and some retreats as well.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Good good, So as we start to come to the
end right now, I know that all of your information
will be in the show notes below the show, but
how can people get a hold of you and set
up an appointment of time to talk with you.
Speaker 4 (40:24):
I do have a calendar app and which will be
linked below, And I also do have a email account
it's just coach Destiny Runyon at gmail dot com. And
I have a website Soundmindcoaching dot com. I also have
sa social media pages like Facebook, TikTok, LinkedIn Instagram, all
(40:48):
of those things as well.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Awesome, awesome, good places for people to find you, so
for our viewers. So, I am a certified divorce coach.
That means that I'm trained in the complexities of divorce.
I also found myself in an abusive relationship in my
marriage and ended up with broken bones. My father was
shot at and then driven over with a duly pickup truck,
(41:12):
and my late husband was pretty much so gone through
torture during his marriage. So not only do I understand
through my textbook training, I also understand because I've been there,
done that. So you can find me or reach me
by emailing me at Coach Tina Lynn at gmail dot com,
dot co a c h t I n A l
(41:34):
y n N Gmail. My website is Divorcecoachspecialist dot com.
You can find me on social media Facebook under Tina
Lynn Huggins hu gg i n S, LinkedIn under Tina Huggins,
Instagram under Divorce Coach Tina Lynn, TikTok under Divorce Tina.
And So one of the things that's super important is
(41:57):
to give a last bit of information for our viewers,
something that can help them destiny.
Speaker 4 (42:05):
The biggest takeaway that I would say is that we
all have everything that we need inside of us.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
It's just unlocking it. And so many times.
Speaker 4 (42:17):
Like I said, those false beliefs, there's lives that we're believing,
and it's about ourselves. It's about our identity really, and
by going on this journey, it's an identity formation. It's
getting rooted in who God has always created us to be.
(42:38):
But we're believing somebody else's voice. We're believing a negative
self talk up over ourselves. It could be comparison, it
could be a wound that hasn't been healed, it could
be trauma that hasn't been processed through.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
But whatever it is that caused.
Speaker 4 (42:54):
It, it's not so much about what happened to us anymore.
But it's because it's not what happened to us. It's
what happened inside of us as a result of what
happened to us. And so many times we focus on
the event that took place instead of what happened inside
of us at the moment of the event, because the
(43:16):
event is out of our control. But what happened inside
of us is something that we actually have control over.
But we have to, you know, we have to do
the identity work so that we can believe in ourselves
enough to tackle those things have always been a part
of us because if we are still living in self
hatred or self doubt or blame or shame or pain,
(43:37):
then we're going to be in like a victim, you know,
victim mentality, and we're not going to feel like we
are strong enough, or we're going to be trapped in
fear and insecurity. We're not going to feel bold and courageous.
Then we're not going to feel like we have the
ability or that we're capable of. Well, something for me is,
you know, as humans, we tend to make excuses, will
(44:00):
rationalize or justify, we'll do all these things to keep
us from doing what we need to do and take
the steps that we need to take to break free.
But I like to not make that a shame thing,
but rather an awareness thing because there's a reason behind
that too, and instead of shaming.
Speaker 3 (44:20):
Ourselves for why we excuse or justify.
Speaker 4 (44:24):
Or rationalize, and you know, we can under bring understanding
and compassion to that so that we can you know,
we can't break free.
Speaker 3 (44:34):
So that would be what I would leave with.
Speaker 4 (44:36):
Everyone is it's not focused on so much about the
past or what happened, but rather what happened inside of us,
so that we can target that and actually become empowered.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Very good. So, and my advice is that one we
need to reach out now is for help, because like
Destiny has talked about, we have to talk about it.
It's the story, right and in the case with you know,
Destiny saying it's what happened inside of us. So in
natural health, those memories, those events can be trapped inside
(45:10):
our physical body in a muscle in atenon In's ligaments.
For instance, if you if you were in a car
accident and you were holding on to the steering hill
role tight, you'll probably hold some of that in your
shoulders because your muscles were so tight during the process.
By talking about it, you're helping to move that along
(45:32):
and then you need some physical movement through that. So
in the case with walking or you know, getting massaged
done and going through the process of talking about it
on a regular basis, get it so that it's no
longer locked inside of your body. So reaching out and
asking for help, that's the advice set that I recommend here.
(45:54):
If it's not Destiny, reach out to somebody that can
help you as you walk through this path, especially to
get away from the pain that is being held inside
the body. We've got to get away from that and
loosen it up so that it can be released. So
myself and others who have gone through divorce and difficult situations,
(46:18):
we reach a level that we think the only way
out is through suicide. Please stop, Okay, reach out to
the suicide Prevention hotline at nine eight eight, and if
you're in the Netherlands, that number is one one three.
Reach out, ask for help right then get that help
so that you are not alone at that moment. You
(46:41):
can also if you're in a situation where you need
the police there because of a domestic violent situation, call
nine one one here and in the UK it's nine
nine nine and the Netherlands it's one one to get
the police there and press charges. Once you've pressed charges,
that's your key out of that abuse. Keep those charges pressed,
(47:02):
do not drop those charges. Many times, once the charges
are dropped, the abuse that happened prior to the charges
is much worse once the charges are dropped. Don't drop
the charges. Follow suit, get out of the relationship, get
to a safe location. Okay. If you are dealing or
know somebody dealing with domestic violence. Call the Domestic Violence
(47:25):
Hotline at eight hundred seven ninety nine seven two three three.
That number again is eight hundred seven ninety nine seventy
two thirty three and please like, comment, and share so
that this can help others. Thank you so much for
joining me today, Destiny.
Speaker 3 (47:42):
Thank you so much for having me. This is so fun.
I enjoyed it and.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Well, and thanks so much, and maybe we'll have you
on the show in the future.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
You're listening to WGSNDB GO and Solo Network Singles Talk
Radio Channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
You're listening to WGSNDB Go and Solo Network Singles talk
radio channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hello and welcome to my show via Awakening here on WGSNDB,
the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The information and
opinions expressed on this show are just that, the opinions
of the individual speaking based on their individual personal experience.
They are not intended to diagnose and do not constitute
professional advice or recommendations. So you know the pain and
(00:51):
the struggles that divorcing men and women go through, well
I help calm that and all while working with our attorney.
By doing all of this, we are able to save
them thousands to hundreds of thousands of dollars in their divorce. Hello.
My name is Tina Huggins. I'm your divorce Coach Specialist,
divorce planning specialist, restored, a family mediator and conflictional co
(01:14):
parenting coach, and today I'm graced with the beautiful destiny.
Run in with me today and so Destiny is a
certified emotional health coach and is the proud owner of
Sound Mind Coaching. Sound Mind Coaching is a coaching practice
designed to support individuals on their journey to emotional health
(01:36):
and well being with a deep commitment to creating a
safe space for healing. Destiny looks forward to walking alongside
clients as they uncover false beliefs, repair past hurts, and
step confidently into their true identities. So welcome Destiny, Thank
(01:57):
you for joining.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Me, Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
So as I was reading through everything, Destiny had talked
and I had talked about this. But Destiny's path that
she likes to take her clients down is a very
spiritual path. She likes to walk alongside as it kind
of comes out, and your information is to walk alongside
Jesus as they go through their healing practice. Is that
(02:23):
kind of the way you see all of that, Destiny.
Speaker 4 (02:25):
Yeah, So I focus a lot on trauma recovery and
just healing past wounds. And from my experience, you know,
I have my own personal story and my own personal
struggles that led me to where I am today, and
that's why I'm very passionate about it. Is because it's
something I too have walked out and I've seen how
it's impacted me as a person, and honestly, it's helped
(02:47):
me to become a better parent, which is one of
the reasons why I do it, is just because I
don't want the things that I've been through to affect
my children. And so for me, Jesus faith and faith
honestly is it's a huge sinner to my home, and
so everything that I do, I bring Him into all
(03:11):
of it. And I can say because of my own
personal journey that the way that I operate is out
of love and compassion for other people, because I've realized
that the validation and compassion is honestly one of the
things that helped me heal because I didn't always understand
(03:34):
what I was going through, you know, and being able
to bring compassion and validation into people's experiences and have
empathy for people while they're going through it is honestly
one of the things that I feel can impact and
heal other people because every human is looking for the
(03:56):
same thing, like we all have these we all have
these needs that were looking for and whether we get
them in unhealthy ways or healthy ways, we're all looking
to feel some type of void and that's being seen, heard, known, accepted,
a sense of belonging, and we try to get that
outside of Jesus sometimes in external ways, and it's temporary,
(04:22):
you know, it doesn't always provide lasting joy, lasting peace, abundance.
We hear so many coaches like me and you. We're
always talking about you have the ability to live in
this abundance, but so maytimes we're looking to create that
in ways that are chasing something externally when really we
(04:42):
have everything that we need on the inside.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
So, so, were you able to share some of your
story with the viewers.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Yeah, I don't mind please, And I have a long history.
I won't go into too much detail, but for me,
complex trauma CPTSD is something that I struggled with for
a long time. I didn't even know that that was
a part of me, and I honestly felt like chronic
stress and anxiety and perfectionism, performance based love, those types
(05:18):
of things. I thought that was just a personality trait
and I had just accepted it. I thought that that
was every you know, that was how I was.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Going to live.
Speaker 4 (05:26):
My life was constantly stressed out, sabotaging, I had a
lot of self doubt, and I had a lot of
overcompensating to earn my worth, and that shawed up in
ways that people did wasn't people weren't aware of. So
the funny thing is I dealt with all this stuff
on the inside, but nobody ever knew about it until
I basically self destructed. I ended up in the er.
(05:51):
You know, I had lost like a lot of weight,
I was diagnosed with several mental illnesses, and I was
having some trau with some of my my personal life,
and so I went to therapy to try to figure
out what was actually going on. And that's what sent
me into a journey of my own, which brought so
(06:14):
much self awareness and grace and compassion into what I
was experiencing, which led to the healing. Because for me,
I was just beating myself up every time that I
would show up a certain way that wasn't what I
would consider perfect. You know, I was just struggling with
(06:35):
perfectionism and people pleasing and I didn't have good boundaries.
It was unable to say no to people constantly doing
things that I didn't want to do, but I would
do them anyway. It was like I was living out
of other people's value system instead of saying in alignment
with who I was and what I wanted and what
(06:55):
I needed. And it was almost as if like my feelings,
my values, my wants, and my needs and my thoughts
didn't matter, but everybody else's did. They were right and
I was wrong. And I would constantly send myself into
these shame spirals and overcompensate by trying to strive and
earn and do better, which just was a never ending
(07:17):
rabbit you know, rabbit trail was just a never ending
race that I was never going to win. And ultimately
what led me to healing was whenever I started asking
the questions and getting to the root and understanding the
why behind things instead of blaming myself, I got to
(07:39):
target limited beliefs and false thinking patterns and things that
were a part of my nervous system that wasn't necessarily
a part of me as a person, like my identity,
but it's there for a reason. And so look, I
had to go back and ask those hard questions, revisit
(07:59):
some really hard experiences, a lot of major traumas in
my life that I had experience that I never got
to process. I never got to work through. Some happened
as a young girl, some happened as an adult. But
what I realized was that I was continuing these patterns
(08:19):
throughout my whole life and living out of the same
cycles because I never got to process, and I was
believing lies over myself, and I was adopting other people's labels,
other people's opinions of me. I was living out of
approval for man and basically like allowed the outside world
(08:45):
to control me instead of having control over my own life.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
And it started as a little girl.
Speaker 4 (08:52):
And I won't go into too much detail just for
the sake of protecting like certain individuals, and I don't
I don't plan on playing like the blame game or
pointing things or anything. But I was sexually abused as
a child, and I lost my dad at a really
young age and went through I was a child of divorce,
(09:15):
multiple divorces, and so at a young age, you know,
I just learned basically I had a belief system that
was wrapped around all these dysfunctional patterns and lack of
safety and security. And for me, I had a lot
(09:35):
of shame that was wrapped around all of that, and
I blamed myself for a lot of it, and that
continued in my relationships throughout my marriage as well.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
Had adopted a lot of.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
Fears and insecurities, even to the point of like body dysmorphia,
like picking myself apart anytime I'd look in the mirror.
And so, yeah, I just stayed. I put a lot
of expectations and pressure on myself to be something according
to other people's perceptions of what they thought I should be.
(10:08):
And this was a constant pattern in my life until
I recognized the why behind it and was able to
target the root of the problem.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah. So I want our viewers to understand that the
only way that Destiny is able to be here and
to do the work that she's doing, which is very
similar to your getting ready to hear some of my story,
is because she's doing the work. Okay, between her and I,
there's a bit of age difference, but she's already on
(10:46):
a massive healing level. She's already healed. What took me
many many years after her age to get to this
healing aspect because La, like Destiny, I also was molested
as child. And because of that molestation, starting at age
is shift around nine, it lasted until I was sixteen
(11:08):
in this level, and molestation is not just the physical
aspect of it, but once that physical aspect of it happens,
just and you've kind of heard Destiny touch on this,
there's a verbal part that goes with that, where what
she was told and what I was told, and then
ultimately even Destiny's already given light to this what we
(11:31):
tell ourselves because of what they have said to us,
and so we have all of this stuff. So after
that you talked about into your adulthood, Well, because I
didn't learn a healthy way to date, I stuck myself
in some more sexual issue problems as I went through
(11:51):
my dating process in my early twenties. Well actually it
was my teens into my twenties because I got married
when I was nineteen, and then even later I would
stick myself in situations private locked the door kind of stuff.
It's like, oh my god, how did I get here?
You know, why am I here talking with this person
(12:14):
kind of deal. And it wasn't anything like a private
bedroom or things like that, but I would be like
one point, I was at work and I was working
as a bartender, and I had to go pick up
a keg out of the cooler and I had to
roll the keg to where I was taking it, so
I picked that up, and then when I went in
(12:36):
there there was this guy that had been sexually harassing me,
and it's like he was waiting on me, and as
I walked through the door, he just kind of circled
around me like that, kissed me real hard, and then
sent me into the cooler and I stood there for
I don't know, maybe sixty seconds or so, going what
the hell just happened, you know? And that was over
(12:57):
and over for quite a while until I started my
healing process. And so I want you guys, as the viewers,
to realize it's about one seeing that there is an
issue and deciding that you are going to change things.
Because you said, Destiny that you were diagnosed with multiple
mental health issues, and do you feel that those mental
(13:20):
health issues are now pretty much a thing of your
past because you've been working on all of this.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
Yes, definitely, even anxiety, Like I honestly, I never thought
i'd sit here today and tell someone that I don't
struggle with anxiety, and it was something that I had
for the longest time. I was diagnosed with anxiety depression
ADHD and PTSD as well, and I never medicated to myself.
(13:49):
A lot of people asked me why, and for a second,
I wanted to attach spiritual pride to that, because I
tend to want to heal everything the natural way and
bring Jesus alongside of my healing, just allow him to
comfort me and guide me and direct me, and he
is love.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
That was a big thing for me.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
It is because of my environment and the places that
I surrounded myself in, or the places I put myself in,
the people I surrounded myself with. Because of that, I
never really got to know what the love of Jesus
really was.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
I knew a lot of dysfunction.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
I knew a lot of chaos and confusion and manipulation
and control, and a lot of things that I thought
were normal wasn't really normal. And if you don't, if
you've lived in an environment like that, then you don't
know what is healthy. And your body keeps the score though,
(14:48):
and it's kind of like it becomes a part of you.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
So for me, like I.
Speaker 4 (14:52):
Self sabotaged a lot because I wasn't able to feel
safe in my own body, and I still felt like
I was in a place even when I wasn't. I
still felt like I was there, And there are a
lot of times I'd be triggered and be reminded of
a certain thing and feel that very same thing even
though I wasn't actually there.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
And for a while, it took me up.
Speaker 4 (15:16):
It took me a while to understand these triggers and
how to regulate and how to remind myself that this
isn't happening right now, and how to you know, go
back and heal those places too, so that it didn't
control my whole life for the rest of my life.
And learning those healthy boundaries and bringing Jesus alongside of it,
(15:38):
because he had boundaries too, which is something I had
to learn because as a Christian, you know, I operated
out of legalism and religion for a while.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
I had a church hurt.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
Too, And because you know, we're taught to live this
selfless life and be forgiving, and we're taught a lot
of things, but we don't always bring boundaries into it.
We don't always bring self love into it. We're taught
to love others and you know, to be giving and selfless,
but not to the extent to where you lose yourself.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
And that's what happened to me.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
And so when I really got to walk alongside Jesus
and get to know who he really was, that brought
so much healing into my life. Because his love is patient,
he's kind, he's said fast, he has so much grace
and compassion for us, not shame and condemnation. And so
(16:34):
many times as people, we get that wrong. Because we're human,
we are always going to struggle with humanity. Our flesh
is always going to be there. Unfortunately, it's just the
way that it is. So we're imperfect representations of who
Jesus is, and so we're surrounded by that all the time.
(16:55):
And so for me, I allowed my inner voice to
be people, and so I allowed people to speak into me.
And I had such so much fear of man, and
all of my insecurities and self doubt was wrapped around
what people said and not what God said. And so
the more that I got to go on this journey
(17:17):
to learn, you know, grace instead of shame, and I
got to learn hope instead of doubt, and I got
to have this renewed spirit instead of a crushed spirit,
and a sound mind instead of one that was a battlefield,
and a body that was whole instead of one that
was a war zone constantly. And I honestly give all
(17:42):
the glory too to Jesus because it was because of
that relationship that I had with Him and not people.
There were so many times in my life throughout this
journey it was lonely. I used to surround myself with
people all the time. I was a people person, a
people pleaser, the yes girl, the doer. I would spread
(18:02):
myself then and honestly, God took me on a road
that was lonely, and that's when the healing started to happen.
I didn't like it at first. I blamed myself a lot.
I had a lot of negative self talk. I spiraled
even more out of control there for a while because
I was so much I was so used to my
worth and my identity being attached to the things that
(18:24):
I did for others, you know, for work related stuff, accomplishments,
common ladders, and he for the first time my life,
my identity wasn't attached to what I did, but it
was attached to who I was. And I remember one
(18:44):
of the biggest turning points in my life. I was
in my closet and I was after my divorce and
I was crying out to God and I was like,
you know, I don't have anything, and I feel like
I'm nobody, and it was a little dramatic. I remember
him whispering in my ear that you know you're worthy
(19:07):
because of who you are. You're a child of God.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
And that's not ever going to change. And so it
was that moment.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
That I realized that that was the foundation that I
had been missing, that I wasn't you know, that I
didn't belong to anyone else and nobody owned me. And
even though like my body, my mind, everything showed up
like all the things that happened to me, it was
(19:37):
that point to where it was like, Okay, I can
choose to stay stuck and live in this mind and
body and spirit that is of the past, or I
can put on my new name that he gave me,
and that the new way of living. And it wasn't
an instant thing like a lot of Christian people will
(19:58):
make you feel like it's just like this instant, overnight fix.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
It's not for me. It wasn't anyway.
Speaker 4 (20:05):
I'm sure God can do anything and all things are
possible with him, but for me, it wasn't an instant fixed.
It was rewiring my brain, renewing my mind, like reminding
myself of the lies that controlled me that wasn't true.
And there were times that I had to like put
sticky notes on my mirror and in my car, and
(20:26):
I would wake up every day and quote, God did
not give me a spirit of fear, but of love,
power and a sound mind. And there were different things
like bring all your heavy burdens into me, and I
will give you rest. And it was it was a
it was a process. It wasn't something that and it
still is a process. Like I'm still being perfected up,
(20:49):
like I'm not, you know, perfect, and we never will be.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
And I had to learn that that.
Speaker 4 (20:57):
Because of our own humanity, you know, that's why Jesus
died in the first place. And if it would have
been done in vain, if he wouldn't have.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
You know, And for our viewers to understand, you know,
some of us are Christians, some of us have a
different path that we walk on. I left the traditional
Christian church many years ago because of sexual I was
forced to have sex with one of the boys in
the church, and then his family decided that they were
(21:30):
basically going to verbally molest my family and so that
and along with some other things, I left the traditional
Christian Church, and exactly what you're talking about, destiny is
exactly what I've experienced. I've gotten my healing is all
due to my spiritual path. Doesn't matter what spiritual path
(21:55):
that you go. It's hunting for God and how we
each see God. And and many people from I work
with Father Rafael. He's one of the ones. And we're
going to get into my story in just a little bit.
But as I've gone through my healing over the last year,
I have worked alongside Father Rafael from the Catholic Church
(22:15):
and the Catholic Church, which is a church that I
probably know more about than any one church of all
the churches. And I'm not Catholic, but because the Catholic
Church was so prominent in my childhood, it's just been
a place of home for me to be able to
talk to the Father and to be able to talk
about my you know, basically the confessing, so the talking,
(22:39):
which is kind of what you as the coach, You're
the person we go to talk to about these issues.
And I just did a talk on port an addiction
for the Mormon men and so talk about a big
taboo in that church and in other religious circles. It's
(22:59):
a huge tow boo to have those types of things.
But the reality is we have to look for God
however we see God, and we have to reach out
and we have to ask for that help. Because I
really love the part where you said take all of
the burdens and take them away. You know, that's the
same that we that I did. It's the same that
(23:21):
any of us can do. We just need to reach
out and we need to ask for that help. And
so the story that you know, I've just talked about
the molestation and stuff, But what Destin and and I
just talked about just priored to coming on here, was
that between yesterday and today is a year since my
husband's death. So yesterday was my birthday, and that was
(23:46):
the day I had to put him on life support.
He was brain dead, but I needed for his body
to survive one more day. They didn't think it was
going to survive long enough for his kids to get there,
but it did. But all that was the show because
his soul had left between the twenty ninth and the
thirtieth right there and when his body crashed I had
(24:10):
to call the crash card in. I wanted them to
save him, and then I did really well with all
of that. I have medical background. They of course removed
me because anybody that's ever seen or been around it,
it's not a pleasant sight to have your love one
go through that. So after they were able to put
him on life support, I said, we're putting a DNR
(24:31):
in place. I can't do this. I can't do this again.
He was already gone. There'd be no way that we
could have saved him at all. So we put him
on the life support. And it wasn't the life support
that was keeping him alive, destiny. It was the drugs
they had him on that was helping his body be
moved by the breathing apparatus when they have that on him.
(24:55):
And of course they weren't feeding him because there was
no use to feed his body. So all they did
is just put drugs through the blood system to try
and keep his heart beating long enough and to get
his lungs to move through there to keep his heart
just alive long enough for his kids to get there.
A year ago today and somewhere around I don't know,
(25:16):
three or four o'clock. I don't even remember was when
everyone said pull the plug and we all stood around him.
So Destiny is going to kind of talk me through
some of the work that she does, and that way,
you guys get to see a little bit. You've got
to hear some of her story and you're going to
get to see a little bit about the work that
(25:37):
she actually does.
Speaker 4 (25:40):
Yeah, So first of all, I want to point out
the fact that you were talking about how you just
have to how you were talking about talking it out,
and because that's like one of the biggest steps to
healing that a lot of people don't understand. And because
these laws that are in our mind that we're believing
they became I'm a part of us because we don't
(26:01):
talk about it, and we don't create a safe place
for people to simply exist with imperfections and flaws and
giving people permission to be human.
Speaker 3 (26:12):
It's so needed.
Speaker 4 (26:14):
You know, we preach kindness, we preach all these things,
but we live in such a busy world that nobody
takes the time to create the space. And whenever you
do create the space for people, a lot of times
you get shame, you get judgment, you get unwanted advice
in a time that you really just need to be heard,
in a time that you really just needed to be supported.
(26:36):
And you know, I noticed that in my own journey.
I was affected a lot by that. And so the
way that I show up whenever I do sessions, it's
it's really client led. It's wherever the person wants to
take us, that's kind of where we go, and I
allow the Holy Spirit to work in those situations. It's
(26:57):
different for every single person. Some people want advice, some
people want self awareness, some people want a knowledge, some
people just want to be heard. Some people want to grieve.
Some people want to feel emotions that they never got
to feel before so that they can release and let
go and actually give themselves permission to be small in
(27:19):
a world that makes us feel like we have to
be big and strong all the time. And for me,
you know, I had so much pressure and on my
shoulders to put this mask on every single day and
wear a smile, and nobody knew what was actually underneath it,
that you know, underneath the surface. And for the first
(27:40):
time when I actually let people know, I lost a
lot of people. And you know, at that point, I
was taught that it wasn't safe to verbalize yeah, like
it wasn't okay or safe to let the mask down
and just be real. I was taught real quickly that
people want the perfected destiny and not the real, authentic destiny,
(28:03):
even though I crave to be authentic and I just
wanted to be me. And so for me, that's really
what I try to do in the space is to
provide just a safe place for people to unravel and
be whatever they want to be, experience whatever they want
to experience, without judgment, without shame. And if there's a
(28:26):
lie that someone's believing within their healing journey, I'm not
going to let them stay stuck there. That's something big
for me is calling people up out of the shame,
calling people up out of you know, wherever it is that.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
They are stuck.
Speaker 4 (28:44):
In that's keeping them from from peace, from identity, from freedom,
and especially if it's.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
An identity issue. Now, if it's just.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
Grieving that I've realized there's five steps to grief and
they're all so very important, and it's so important to
just let that flow. You know, when it comes to grief,
takes a long time to heal. It comes in five
different stages. It's not Lindear. Sometimes we feel like we're
on a mountaintop and then one day we'll be in
(29:15):
a valley. But the biggest thing is given ourselves permission
to be there and not be silves up for not
being somewhere that we're not, Like we try to speed
up or healing process. We try to, you know, be
somewhere that we're not. And you know, God he will
meet us where we're at, and.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
That that's a that is a true statement. I've seen
that happen so much, you know, in the work that
I've done, I always keep this open with spirit because
just like you were saying, Spirit is the one who
guides us and the client. Yeah, we're following them down
their rabbit hole back, but the questions and the inquisitive
(29:58):
mindset come from our connection with spirit. And in the
case with you talking about the five stages of grief.
I kind of got scolded here the other day by
my RTT therapist because she's like, you know that you
are a soul having a human experience, right, And I'm like, yes,
she says, but you're not having the human experience. You're
(30:20):
trying to take this down the soulful side, and I'm like,
because this feels better, you know. I like being in
the state of soul. I like being in the place
with spirit and allowing that because here for the last
two weeks prior to last Thursday, I felt like I
(30:44):
was sticking a square peg in a round hole. For
two weeks, I couldn't get it forced in there. I
felt like the old me. You know you're talking about
the PTSD aspects. I just felt like the old me
used to. And then I woke up last Thursday day
and I went, huh, I feel normal. I feel the
new normal, and I feel the spirit. The Holy Spirit
(31:07):
is here. I feel this. It's it's something that was
super warm and just pleasant, like I could breathe again
for the first time in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
Right, yeah, I mean it's that it's that peace that
surpasses all understanding, right, And like just like you like
whenever you are wrestling, you know, with the spirit with
the flesh. A lot of people don't understand how we
operate as a threefold being, Like we're mind, body, spirit,
and you know, all those need to be in alignment.
(31:41):
But there's so many times that they're not, like you know,
like we can think a thought that doesn't align with
with the truth, and before you know it, our whole
entire body is feeling an emotion that is in alignment
with that negative thought, and so it starts with the thought,
but then it doesn't end there, and then we'll spiral
(32:03):
because we don't catch it and we don't renew our mind,
and we don't catch it before it's too late, and
then we shame ourselves for allowing ourselves to be somewhere
that we don't want to be.
Speaker 3 (32:16):
But you know, we are.
Speaker 4 (32:18):
Threefold being, and we become more in alignment with the
truth and with the being spirit led over time. And
so for me, I had to learn how to how
to bring grace and compassion into those moments, to give
myself permission to feel and then ask the questions, you know,
(32:39):
what is it that I'm feeling right now? What is
it that I'm thinking right now? Why am I thinking this?
Is this happening right now? Or is this something that happened,
you know, years ago? And do have what do I
have control over? A lot of times when we are
in those moments, we try to control something we don't
have control over, and that's whenever we spiral was because
(33:03):
we're trying to control something that you know, we can't control.
And but I did have to learn that we have
control over our thoughts or our feelings and our emotions,
and we do have the ability to control those things,
but so many times they feel out of control. But
we are capable, like we're capable of controlling them. But
(33:26):
it's definitely hard, especially when it feels so real to
you in the moment. And those moments when I would
spiral whenever I didn't feel in control, those were the
times that I really had to lean in on on
the on God and allow the Holy Spirit to come
in and comfort me. And sometimes I wanted to fix
(33:48):
it in a moment that God wanted to comfort me.
And you know, God isn't just so God that just
you know, operates out of understanding. And a lot of
times we try to do everything logically and we try
to fix it with our own flesh, and you know,
we try to just get things to feel normal again.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
And well, that's I mean, because it doesn't feel good
for us to be wherever we're at right and that's
that was the thing for these last two weeks. I
couldn't find my path. I felt off and so I
would try to control this, and so I did. I
did give myself grace for extra sleep because that seemed
(34:31):
to be what made me feel the best. Is if
I would have an extra hour of sleep in the morning,
so I would leave my workout out, or in a
couple of cases, I had to leave prayer out and
bring it in towards the end of the day as
opposed to my beginning of the day, because I just
couldn't fit everything into my morning. And you're right, we
(34:53):
try so hard. I mean, through all my training and stuff.
One of the things that analytical people do when they
go through the grief and stuff is they start reading books.
They read the books how can I fix me? How
can I fix me? How can I fix me? Or
they go to therapist, fix me, fix me? Or they
take in my case, I was drinking too much alcohol,
(35:15):
Fix me, fix me. You know, we hunt for a drug,
we hunt for whatever's going to fix me because we're
we feel out of control, we feel off center. That's
the best way for me to put it. For myself,
I felt off center. So in the course when you
start with everybody destiny, do you have a series of
(35:38):
questions that you start. How do you start with your clients?
Speaker 4 (35:43):
Well, for me, honestly, I let the client, like I
let whoever I'm whoever I'm talking to. I let them
just do whatever they want to do. I know it
sounds cliche, so far, it's worked for me though. I
don't try to put it in a box. I don't
limit it, and I allow them to go wherever they
want to go. And sometimes they go five thousand different
(36:05):
places in one hour.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
Sometimes we stay.
Speaker 4 (36:08):
On one major topic for a long time, and you know,
every week you'll bring the same story back over and
over and over again, and sometimes they don't get breakthrough,
but then sometimes they do. It just depends on when
they're ready to let go. What I've noticed is we
hold ourselves in a prison. You know, we have the
(36:28):
ability to create love and peace and live in an abundance.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Of Joey like.
Speaker 4 (36:34):
We have that ability, but we're the ones that hold
ourselves in a prison. And it's because we're not ready
to let go. And there's so many things that we
hold on to, so many things that you know, we
cling to and and God can only work with us
at the ability, at the extent that we're willing to
(36:55):
work with him. That's something I've noticed a lot of
times in my own journy. And he you know, I
heard this story and I'll say it real quick, but
there's a story of like somebody drowning in the water
and you've probably heard this before, and they're hollering out
for God to save them. They're like, save me, God,
and I'm drowning. And then there's a boat that comes
(37:17):
and asks if they want to be saved, and they're
like no, it's fine, Like I'm praying to God. God's
going to save me. He's got me. And then the
boat goes by, and then another, you know, another boat
comes asking if the person needs to be saved and
they're like no, God's got me. And the whole time
he's like, why didn't you save me God? And he's like, well,
I tried, you know, I sent, I sent several.
Speaker 3 (37:39):
Boats and you didn't take the boat.
Speaker 4 (37:41):
And so for me, I feel like sometimes God's wanting
to rescue us out of certain situations that we keep
ourselves in, or God's wanting to heal us, but we're
not We're not in letting him because we don't believe
we're worthy of it, or we're holding on to unforgiveness
or bitterness or you know, things that are hindering us
(38:06):
from our peace and from our freedom. So that's really
why like the client lead it is because there's really
no there's no way for me to know like how
to lead it without just hearing their story.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
So that's what I do.
Speaker 4 (38:23):
I just create the space for them to just unravel
because they may have to come back to that same
pain point fifty thousand times. And you know that some
friends and family members don't allow that person to repeat
that same thing over and over again without telling them to.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Get over it.
Speaker 4 (38:44):
They're like, be open this by now, and that just
creates more shame, that creates it's not helpful.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
So so Destiny, do you work just one on one
as that the only way that you work with your clients.
Speaker 4 (39:02):
Right now as of now, I do one on want,
but also in the process of creating a weekend retreat,
and I would like to make this a thing.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
Like a.
Speaker 3 (39:15):
Quarterly thing or a annually thing.
Speaker 4 (39:19):
I haven't quite made up my mind yet, but I
definitely wanted to become something that I offer for not
just healing, but also for burnout I'm a nurse as well,
and I forgot to mention that, but I work in
health care and I've noticed how stress management and burnout
has really impacted the health care community. So a lot
(39:40):
of the things that I do with my trauma recovery
clients can really help those that are dealing with stress
and burnout, and that's ultimately led me to wanting to
do these healing retreats and retreats for the health care community.
I'm doing more, but as of right now, I'm just
(40:01):
doing one on one, but I do plan on doing
some group coaching and some retreats as well.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Good good, So as we start to come to the
end right now, I know that all of your information
will be in the show notes below the show, but
how can people get a hold of you and set
up an appointment of time to talk with you.
Speaker 4 (40:24):
I do have a calendar app and which will be
linked below, And I also do have a email account
it's just coach Destiny Runyon at gmail dot com. And
I have a website Soundmindcoaching dot com. I also have
sa social media pages like Facebook, TikTok, LinkedIn Instagram, all
(40:48):
of those things as well.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Awesome, awesome, good places for people to find you, so
for our viewers. So, I am a certified divorce coach.
That means that I'm trained in the complexities of divorce.
I also found myself in an abusive relationship in my
marriage and ended up with broken bones. My father was
shot at and then driven over with a duly pickup truck,
(41:12):
and my late husband was pretty much so gone through
torture during his marriage. So not only do I understand
through my textbook training, I also understand because I've been there,
done that. So you can find me or reach me
by emailing me at Coach Tina Lynn at gmail dot com,
dot co a c h t I n A l
(41:34):
y n N Gmail. My website is Divorcecoachspecialist dot com.
You can find me on social media Facebook under Tina
Lynn Huggins hu gg i n S, LinkedIn under Tina Huggins,
Instagram under Divorce Coach Tina Lynn, TikTok under Divorce Tina.
And So one of the things that's super important is
(41:57):
to give a last bit of information for our viewers,
something that can help them destiny.
Speaker 4 (42:05):
The biggest takeaway that I would say is that we
all have everything that we need inside of us.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
It's just unlocking it. And so many times.
Speaker 4 (42:17):
Like I said, those false beliefs, there's lives that we're believing,
and it's about ourselves. It's about our identity really, and
by going on this journey, it's an identity formation. It's
getting rooted in who God has always created us to be.
(42:38):
But we're believing somebody else's voice. We're believing a negative
self talk up over ourselves. It could be comparison, it
could be a wound that hasn't been healed, it could
be trauma that hasn't been processed through.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
But whatever it is that caused.
Speaker 4 (42:54):
It, it's not so much about what happened to us anymore.
But it's because it's not what happened to us. It's
what happened inside of us as a result of what
happened to us. And so many times we focus on
the event that took place instead of what happened inside
of us at the moment of the event, because the
(43:16):
event is out of our control. But what happened inside
of us is something that we actually have control over.
But we have to, you know, we have to do
the identity work so that we can believe in ourselves
enough to tackle those things have always been a part
of us because if we are still living in self
hatred or self doubt or blame or shame or pain,
(43:37):
then we're going to be in like a victim, you know,
victim mentality, and we're not going to feel like we
are strong enough, or we're going to be trapped in
fear and insecurity. We're not going to feel bold and courageous.
Then we're not going to feel like we have the
ability or that we're capable of. Well, something for me is,
you know, as humans, we tend to make excuses, will
(44:00):
rationalize or justify, we'll do all these things to keep
us from doing what we need to do and take
the steps that we need to take to break free.
But I like to not make that a shame thing,
but rather an awareness thing because there's a reason behind
that too, and instead of shaming.
Speaker 3 (44:20):
Ourselves for why we excuse or justify.
Speaker 4 (44:24):
Or rationalize, and you know, we can under bring understanding
and compassion to that so that we can you know,
we can't break free.
Speaker 3 (44:34):
So that would be what I would leave with.
Speaker 4 (44:36):
Everyone is it's not focused on so much about the
past or what happened, but rather what happened inside of us,
so that we can target that and actually become empowered.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Very good. So, and my advice is that one we
need to reach out now is for help, because like
Destiny has talked about, we have to talk about it.
It's the story, right and in the case with you know,
Destiny saying it's what happened inside of us. So in
natural health, those memories, those events can be trapped inside
(45:10):
our physical body in a muscle in atenon In's ligaments.
For instance, if you if you were in a car
accident and you were holding on to the steering hill
role tight, you'll probably hold some of that in your
shoulders because your muscles were so tight during the process.
By talking about it, you're helping to move that along
(45:32):
and then you need some physical movement through that. So
in the case with walking or you know, getting massaged
done and going through the process of talking about it
on a regular basis, get it so that it's no
longer locked inside of your body. So reaching out and
asking for help, that's the advice set that I recommend here.
(45:54):
If it's not Destiny, reach out to somebody that can
help you as you walk through this path, especially to
get away from the pain that is being held inside
the body. We've got to get away from that and
loosen it up so that it can be released. So
myself and others who have gone through divorce and difficult situations,
(46:18):
we reach a level that we think the only way
out is through suicide. Please stop, Okay, reach out to
the suicide Prevention hotline at nine eight eight, and if
you're in the Netherlands, that number is one one three.
Reach out, ask for help right then get that help
so that you are not alone at that moment. You
(46:41):
can also if you're in a situation where you need
the police there because of a domestic violent situation, call
nine one one here and in the UK it's nine
nine nine and the Netherlands it's one one to get
the police there and press charges. Once you've pressed charges,
that's your key out of that abuse. Keep those charges pressed,
(47:02):
do not drop those charges. Many times, once the charges
are dropped, the abuse that happened prior to the charges
is much worse once the charges are dropped. Don't drop
the charges. Follow suit, get out of the relationship, get
to a safe location. Okay. If you are dealing or
know somebody dealing with domestic violence. Call the Domestic Violence
(47:25):
Hotline at eight hundred seven ninety nine seven two three three.
That number again is eight hundred seven ninety nine seventy
two thirty three and please like, comment, and share so
that this can help others. Thank you so much for
joining me today, Destiny.
Speaker 3 (47:42):
Thank you so much for having me. This is so fun.
I enjoyed it and.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Well, and thanks so much, and maybe we'll have you
on the show in the future.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
You're listening to WGSNDB GO and Solo Network Singles Talk
Radio Channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
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