October 19, 2025 • 48 mins
⚖️ High-Conflict Narcissistic Divorce — Guest Katrina Reese Newton, CDC Certified Divorce Coach, Licensed Social Worker, and Trauma Specialist, joins Host Tina Huggins, Divorce & Narcissist Conflict Specialist, on Awakening. Together, they explore strategies to navigate toxic relationships, trauma recovery, and rebuilding life after a high-conflict divorce. Streamed on NEWStreamingNetwork.com.
More About Tina: Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor.
Connect with Tina:
Email: coachtinalynn@gmail.com
Website: https://divorcecoachspecialist.com/
More about Katrina: Katrina is a CDC Certified Divorce Coach, Licensed Social Worker, and Trauma Specialist with nearly 20 years of experience helping women navigate the challenges of high-conflict divorce. With deep expertise in trauma, narcissistic abuse, and complex family dynamics, she empowers her clients to move through the legal, financial, and emotional struggles of divorce with clarity, confidence, and resilience.
Taking a holistic and integrative approach, Katrina utilizes evidence-based practices—including EMDR, parts work, and somatic techniques—to help clients regulate their nervous systems, release the impact of trauma, and reconnect with their inner strength. Drawing on both her professional career and personal journey, Katrina understands firsthand the isolation and overwhelm that come with leaving abusive or high-conflict relationships. She partners with women as a compassionate advocate and strategic guide, helping them avoid common pitfalls, find their voice in the process, and rebuild lives rooted in strength and hope.
Beyond her coaching practice, Katrina is an active member of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) and serves as an expert witness in high-conflict cases. She collaborates with attorneys, judges, GALs, and other professionals to bring awareness to coercive control, financial abuse, parental alienation, and other hidden forms of harm—ensuring survivors and children receive the support they deserve both inside and outside the courtroom. Katrina’s mission is to help women not just survive divorce, but emerge from it stronger and ready to create a life more beautiful than they ever imagined.
Connect with Katrina Reese Newton, CDC, LCSW, MSW www.empoweringdivorcecoaching.com
katrina.divorcecoach@gmail.com
Phone: 980-243-4937
More About Tina: Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor.
Connect with Tina:
Email: coachtinalynn@gmail.com
Website: https://divorcecoachspecialist.com/
More about Katrina: Katrina is a CDC Certified Divorce Coach, Licensed Social Worker, and Trauma Specialist with nearly 20 years of experience helping women navigate the challenges of high-conflict divorce. With deep expertise in trauma, narcissistic abuse, and complex family dynamics, she empowers her clients to move through the legal, financial, and emotional struggles of divorce with clarity, confidence, and resilience.
Taking a holistic and integrative approach, Katrina utilizes evidence-based practices—including EMDR, parts work, and somatic techniques—to help clients regulate their nervous systems, release the impact of trauma, and reconnect with their inner strength. Drawing on both her professional career and personal journey, Katrina understands firsthand the isolation and overwhelm that come with leaving abusive or high-conflict relationships. She partners with women as a compassionate advocate and strategic guide, helping them avoid common pitfalls, find their voice in the process, and rebuild lives rooted in strength and hope.
Beyond her coaching practice, Katrina is an active member of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) and serves as an expert witness in high-conflict cases. She collaborates with attorneys, judges, GALs, and other professionals to bring awareness to coercive control, financial abuse, parental alienation, and other hidden forms of harm—ensuring survivors and children receive the support they deserve both inside and outside the courtroom. Katrina’s mission is to help women not just survive divorce, but emerge from it stronger and ready to create a life more beautiful than they ever imagined.
Connect with Katrina Reese Newton, CDC, LCSW, MSW www.empoweringdivorcecoaching.com
katrina.divorcecoach@gmail.com
Phone: 980-243-4937
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to WGSNDB Going Solo Network Singles talk radio
channel where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach to
discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting, being single, relationships, building, dating,
and yes sex. Join our listeners and begin living your
best life.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
So hello, and welcome to our show, The Awakening here
on WGSNDB, the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The
information and opinions expressed on the show are just that,
the opinions of the individual speaking based on their individual
personal experiences. They are not intended to diagnose and do
(00:48):
not constitute professional advice or recommendations. So you know the pain,
the stress, and the struggle that divorcing men and women
go through, there is a way to find peace, keep
your sanity and assist the lawyer in the process, saving
you thousands of dollars as you move through the process.
(01:10):
My name's Tina Huggins. I'm your divorce Coach Specialist, divorce
planning specialist, restored, a family mediator and confliction co parenting coach,
and I don't often talk about my certification, but I'm
a certified CDC divorce coach and as we get ready
to talk to our wonderful guest speaker, Katrina Reese. We're
(01:31):
going to find out that she also comes with a
similar background. So Katrina Newton, Well that's what was on
the paperwork, So it's Katrina Reese. Katrina is a CDC
certified divorce coach as well, but she's also a licensed
social worker and a trauma specialist with nearly twenty years
(01:52):
of experience helping women navigate the challenges high conflict divorce
with deep ex expertise in trauma, narcissistic abuse, and complex
family dynamics. She empowers her clients to move through the legal, financial,
and emotional struggles of divorce with clarity, confidence and resilience,
(02:18):
taking a holistic approach and navigate the approach with Katrina
utilizing evidence based practices including emdr parts work and somatic
techniques to help clients regulate their nervous system, release the
impact of trauma, and reconnect with their inner strength. Katrina's
(02:43):
mission is to help women not just survive divorce, but
emerge from it stronger and ready to create a life
more beautiful than they could ever imagine. So welcome Katrina,
Thank you, thanks for having me. Yes and we talked
just briefly before we came on about you know how,
(03:06):
what my process was, and the fact that I focus
my work on men. And it's not that I don't
work with women, but I love when I get to
talk with somebody who focuses their work on women because
it makes me feel like I'm in a good, safe space.
But I want our viewers to realize that the conversation
(03:29):
that Katrina and I are having, although we may be
talking about the women because she deals with more women
than she deals with men, but men go through abuse
just in the same way we women do. And it
is mentioned that one in every three women are abused,
and now we're kind of talking about the physical aspect,
but one in every four men are abused, and men
(03:54):
report way less often, like my dad never reported his
abuse and the last time I picked him up out
of the hospital after she ran over him with a
duly pickup trick. So we go through all of this stuff,
but Katrina so in understanding and remembering our conversation from
before and everything.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
In order to get us to where we're at.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
In this type of work, we usually have our own
traumatic experience. So are you willing and able to talk
about your experience.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Sure, absolutely, absolutely, so.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
Yeah, So I have actually seen both sides of the coin,
the woman as the high conflict narcissistic part as well
as the man.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
So I really have a perspective of both.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
And I in my first marriage and recognizing later that
he was that high conflict personality narcissistic personality. I was
introduced it because his ex wife is also So they
were these two high conflict narcissists going back and forth
(05:05):
trying to co parent a child together. And then I was,
you know, the new wife eventually that came into that
dynamic dealing with all of that, and so she presented stronger,
which I think allowed.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
A lot of it to not be to be distracted by.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Some of that.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
So really understanding that, and I was in that relationship
for thirteen years, managing the craziness and emotional turmoil and
trying to control and heal and be a hero in
this situation and really not recognizing how I was contributing
(05:50):
to all that honestly as well.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
And the best act that I.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Could do was to see my way out of that dynamic.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
And so.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
Now having to deal and go through divorce with high
conflict narcissistic personality has been its own journey. And now
I'm also married, remarried to this amazing man of finding
happiness after all of that. But what's so fascinating is
one of his children's mothers high conflict, narcissistic, and so
(06:25):
we really have this amazing relationship, but really can understand
each other because we're dealing this co parenting with these
narcissistic personalities.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
And so I've been dealing with this in my personal
life for a long time.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
But I also have been such an advocate for children
and seeing how the dynamics of families are impacting children,
and so in my professional career, I've really taken instead
of focusing on the work with the children as much
is recognizing if I could work with the families that
were causing some of these dynamics, I could really help support.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
The children a lot more.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
And so I've always taken on the cases that nobody
has wanted, the therapists that have thrown up their hands
saying that this is way too high conflict. Those are
usually the cases that come to me that I really
my personality being from New York as well as you know,
(07:23):
my longitudinal, seasoned experience of working with that doesn't scare me,
court doesn't scare me, and really kind of advocate for
the children the best and also know how to deal with,
you know, supporting the women who in a lot of
my cases have been the victim dealing with this narcissistic
(07:44):
guy and how I can support but also how I
can work with that in some ways the family dynamic
of that dad, to try to see how he's affecting
the kids. So I've done this for a really long time.
My passion really is with the women as as I
work with men as well. But I think one of
my biggest passions is women not recognizing how even if
(08:09):
they're they're right, they're the victim of the situation they
I see all these women getting these.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Patterns where they are their.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
Nervous system has become so out of control, they are
so overwhelmed, and it shifts people's view of them to
look unstable or not recognizing how they're being part of
this dynamic of participating in this back and forth and
that they actually can really become just like enjoining in
(08:43):
the high conflict justice high conflict as well. And so
even though it initially has started where they were the
victim or you know, in enduring this in the relationship
that they actually don't see how they've become a really
detrimental part part of the process, and so really wanting
to work with them as I had to do my
(09:05):
own work to recognize and take accountability for the part
I played.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
In that as well.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Yeah, and it's kind of interesting your you and I
are very parallel on some of the stuff that we've
been through and why we're on the clients that we
take on. I know, I go into a lot of
divorce meetings and people are like, yeah, I want the
amicable divorce, and I'm like, well, and it comes to
me it's like I will take all the clients that
none of you want to deal with because they need
(09:33):
help too, you know.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Yeah, And it really is a special skill set, the
skill set. If you get the wrong practitioner to work
with these people, it will actually make their case so
much worse. And so you really have to find the
right match because my how I would support someone, which
again I do support people through overall, and the colvorces
as well, but the advice and the recommendations and the
(09:59):
guidance that I'm going to give them is just going
to be completely different based on the assessment of that case.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah, and those are easy cases for you and I
to take on because those are done way quicker and
there's just no conflict or less conflict, you know. But
you know, going back into talking about in your I
guess it was your first marriage where you were a
part of that conflict and didn't even realize I was that.
(10:25):
In my late husband's divorce. Early on, I was taking
part and I would get so angry, same reason he'd
get so angry, and we'd fight with the attorney, and
the attorney was not the right person. Like you mentioned
just a little bit ago, it's important to find the
right person to deal with when you're going through the
high conflict. Well, the attorney is also another one that
(10:45):
has to be the right person, otherwise you're going to
be stuck in here way longer than you should be
one hundred.
Speaker 4 (10:51):
Percent and finding an attorney, and I don't think that's
part of my passion behind the scenes of the work
that I do is really working attorneys legally the guardian items,
you know, I'm an active part of the AFCC and
actually working to do some presentations with them to educate
them on being trauma informed, because again the damage that these.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Attorneys are doing.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
And the law is doing of forcing these people like
try to mediate together or giving recommendations that honestly is
putting people back.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
In abusive situations.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
Or again is just the client feeling like with attorneys
they have to prove and so the attorney has to
like has spend a year or whatever seeing this dynamics,
be like, oh, you're right, yeah, this is different here,
and in the meantime, so much damage and their case
has been destroyed and it's it's really sad. And so
(11:50):
again wanting attorneys to unintentionally recognize there is this level
of training that they need to be aware of to
understand the difference of even high comfort that they like
to call it, versus you know, I'm working for them
to understand the cowers of control and abuse of post
operation that is actually happening here.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
This is different than just simply hot conflict.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
M Yeah. And you know, you, I'm sure have the
same kind of people that come to you and say, oh,
I'm divorcing a narcissist. I'm divorcing a narcissist, and so
I work with them when maybe two times, two weeks
in a row, and I'm by then I know we're
not dealing with a narcissist. They can be narcissistic, which
all of us can be narcissistic, But when we're dealing
(12:34):
with true high conflict, usually especially when the word narcissist
or narcissistic is involved, because we can't diagnose you, you
come closer to diagnosing people that, but they don't realize
that now, thinking they're divorcing narcissist, they are throwing fuel
(12:57):
on a fire that barely has this spark, and now
we've got a bombfire going. And so technically, now this client,
my client, has created the conflict when the other person
is responding, just like you did in your first relationship,
(13:18):
responding to that attack or the situation. When you respond,
you become a high conflict individual as well. So we
have to figure out one who is the problem child,
helping our client understand how to de escalate that.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Hundred person.
Speaker 4 (13:43):
And again, if it doesn't matter whether again if you
have it or not, you wouldn't go and say, you know,
you're depressed or you're you know, schizophrenic, right like if
we're using that label as a name calling right like,
that's unproductive if you're having a side converse and you're using.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
It as shorthand.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
But I always follow up when they try to say
that is describe what that looks like, Like what are
the behaviors that you're seeing that has this because you're
again like you're saying, you're trying to sort out because
both people are calling each other a narcissist or every
time they don't agree with you, you know, doesn't make
them a narcissist, right like they also sometimes there's some
(14:25):
really controlling people that they think if the person just
doesn't do what they want to do, we're.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Calling people a narcissists.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
So we really got to get away from that and
educating people that in the core, you're gonna lose your
case the second you start.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Using the word narcissist, the judge now.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
Has rolled against you, right, And so there's this level
of education, right like high conflict is the more appropriate term.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
But overall, we got to.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
Describe these behaviors and we've got to the biggest thing
I'm gonna work with is I got to help get
your nervous system under control.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Because you're looking is not a credible source to.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
Your attorneys, to your friends, to your to anyone in
trying to prove all of this, you're kind of, you know,
not being incredible, we'll say kindly. And so we've got
we've got to calm this down. And I think that
what the hard part is is you can't say to
somebody calm down, right. So even when I first went,
(15:27):
you know, to my attorney and I was this emotionally,
you know, terrified, you know, because you are, You're afraid,
You're you're terrified, rightfully, so and you're saying all of
these things and they're just saying you need to calm
down and relax, and that doesn't do anything, and it
feels very invalidating or you know, you're just letting your fear.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Get in the way.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
And it's like exactly like, but I wish that, you know,
I had the right support to say how do I
do that?
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Right? Like, how can I help this? And I found
that work on my own to.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Be able to calm my nervous system down so I
could go back and make good decisions with the lawyer.
But I think that that's we've got to help calm
all of that down, because we got to turn that
logic side of the brain back on. We're making life
changing situations here, and we can't do that in an
(16:27):
emotional state because we don't make good decisions. And so
there's so many decisions that need to be made really quickly,
and we do want to make safe decisions, and there's
this pressure that I see people have to get it
done right, like how do we I can't move on.
You think like you're holding your breath until it's all done.
So we have to rework a lot of people of
(16:48):
like this is a marathon in instead of a sprint.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
And the time doesn't really matter.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
You can be living your life and all of this
going on while this is still in play.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
I mean, I still have an open case for plus years.
Speaker 4 (17:03):
Later of things that are still not done, because that's
what the narcissist like, that's the goal, right, I'm going
to be as high conflict to make this. My life
hasn't been put on hold for that. It's just going
on in the background. It's very you know, it's not
controlling anything, but you can live your life with all
(17:23):
of this going on. So we got to help people
be able to come up for air a little bit.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
Regrounds reanchor the body.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah, and that's super important because, like you said before,
we're making decisions, and if we don't have our head
about ourselves and we're making decisions, these decisions you're going
to affect us, possibly for the rest of your life.
And I was there. I got divorced twenty two years ago,
and I made every wrong decision that you could possibly make.
(17:58):
I left with pretty much the clothes on my back,
a few pieces of furniture, credit card debt, my car,
and I left and he ended up with forty acres,
a few vehicles. He's got my family's heirloom type things.
We've got an heirloom saddle that I can't get back
(18:19):
because not that he'll ever write it, not that he
was even a writer, he just won't give it back
because that's his way of somewhat things in the back, right.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
I have a very similar story, And I think the
hardest part is, you know, there's like what you deserve, right,
and in the beginning you're so you know, fighting for
what's right or.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
What you feel like you deserve.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
I have a similar situation where I was, you know,
gifted money for our house for you know, given money
that when a family member was going to pass to
go towards this house, and it was always agreed upon
that if anything happened.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Like this house was mine. It was bought with money
from from my family. It was a verbal agreement and knowing,
and you know the second that it was a beautiful
house on the lake.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
And and then once I left, and the narcissists, you
know that ego bruise, you know there.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
Why why would he give up a lake house? Right,
I'm going to have this.
Speaker 4 (19:26):
I got this in a wonderful period, right, And so
you get so lost in like I want the house, right,
especially for women, the passion of like I want the
house is something we fight over so much. And you know,
I wouldn't even want the house now, right, Like it
doesn't matter, And you get so lost in even the
(19:46):
money and things like that, and it can just drive
you crazy and you have to get to this point
of again you have to come first before you can,
you know, get here.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
But like it doesn't matter, Like I'm going to rebuild
and I'm going to create a better life.
Speaker 4 (20:01):
I'm gonna make it all back and more and have happiness.
Like if if what you need to get is mine,
to be able to go on. Like again, that's the
evidence of what you're choosing to leave behind, because like
I matter more, and it's it's a hard pill to swallow,
(20:21):
I think for a lot of us, or even being
able to leave, and like your kids being confused, and
like being the bad guy, and you know, all of
those situations that women especially can be viewed in as
having to make hard things about, like not need to
explain all of that, like being able to just do
the hard things because you need peace. You need to
(20:44):
model respect for yourself. You need to model that for
your children. All the other stuff, the house, the things,
you can replace all of that and so it just
doesn't matter.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
You got to figure out what matters.
Speaker 4 (20:57):
And that's if you've got kids, you got yourself, everything
else can can come back together.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Right. I was going over some training tapes and we're
talking about, you know, mindset and how you look at things,
and so one of they were talking about the houses
that burned down in California, and they went to this
first house and this guy is just him and his
wife and they are just crying and crying. They've lost
(21:24):
everything they've ever owned. Everything is in this house and
they have nothing, and they're just they're just wasted because
they can't they can't see from underneath the rumble of
their house. And then just up the street they go
and somebody else's has actually their house has burned down.
You can't see any of their stuff. It is literally
(21:46):
all ashes. And they asked them how they were faring.
They said, you know, this is all stuff.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
It's just stuff.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
I've got the kids, I've got my spouse. We are safe.
We are a happy, safe family. You know, it is
how we view things. And I will tell the clients
right away after they get in and they spend some
time in there really wanting the house part. I say, really,
do you want the house that you guys fought in?
(22:14):
Do you want those memories of every time you walk
into that room that you can just hear him or
see him or her throwing something or yelling at you.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
And they're like, oh my gosh, I never thought of that, right, right?
How cool that you can start over. You can choose
anything that you want, you can choose a new area,
you can choose a new style, you can fresh start.
There's no you know, because there is emotion tied to
all of that, and you can drive back and you
don't control it. Your body just does something. And so
(22:44):
to have a fresh start, be able to make everything,
it's fun, like you can really look at it as
you know, how would I do it differently? How could
I start over? And it can be a really fun
process if you choose to enjoy it. It can be
very humbling to be like I have nothing like it
is a scary place to be, to be like, we
(23:04):
are starting over from ground zero. But I think this
is where the magic is. When it's all burnt down.
You get to choose how to restart. You get to
choose like your reckoning and who you want to become.
And you know, are you going to be a victim
and you're gonna be the sad, bitter person because of
all this, And you're ten years, twenty years and still
(23:26):
talking about your ex as an asshole and divorce ruined
your life. And I see a lot of women there
and all I can be is, you know, I've done
the work and recreated it. I think every day, oh
my gosh, thank God, Like I love my life.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
It is so beautiful And it's not luck.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
It's living life with intention, it's deciding what you want
who you want around you, what your energy is, and
it's one decision at a time that you get to
create and make anything you want. And that's so it's empowerating,
it's liberating. And then it's like looking back and like
giving yourself this full credit for like this bad ass
(24:08):
that's within you that you like never knew that was there,
and you have no one to give credit to but
yourself for doing all of that work. And it's it's
it's the most to me, it's the hardest thing. And
when you ask the majority of women or people, I
think you know, it's the hardest thing you ever go through.
It's harder than you ever think. And I would not
(24:29):
wait to do it again. I wish I did it sooner,
Like best decision I've ever made. And I think it's
it's it's just like having kids. It's the hardest thing
you ever do and it could be the greatest blessing
that you have to do. You can't kind of describe
it until you've gone through that journey. But it's mindset,
and it is intention is very wisely choosing intentionally how
(24:50):
you're going to do that and doing the work, because
unconsciously you'll just repeat those patterns. If you don't, you
will just find the same type of person and keep
going going down that draint. You have to work with
somebody and gain that awareness and gain that accountability of
what part you played in all of this to be
able to intentionally, even though the urge feels this, I'm
(25:14):
going to do the opposite and start making some different
choices because I see where this road already led me.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
I don't want that again. This sucks.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
I always would say to myself, this sucks so bad.
I never want to have to learn this lesson again.
I want to learn this lesson so clearly, because I
believe the universe will keep giving you the same examples
until you truly have kind of like passed the level.
And so it's like, I want to learn this so
we can move on with our next our next life
(25:42):
accomplishment that we're meant to get while we're here on
this earth.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Yeah, the next chapter of our life. There as you
were talking, I just picturing all these clients that I've had,
and one of the clients, you know, moved out of
the house and they they took the furniture and what
they did this was a female client and she took
all the furniture, and she says, I don't want have
anything to do with him and the abuse. She spray
(26:09):
painted her furniture to look like what she wanted to.
You know, that was just something that she did and
recreated a whole new look for herself in her rental apartment.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
And then, you know, like in my case, we.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Talked about this briefly, but I lost my perfect for
me husband a year ago and I've had to move.
And so when he and I got together, it was pirate.
Everything was pirate. So we created our house based on
pirate theme. That was our wedding blah blah blah. And
then when I moved over here, I wanted to go
(26:50):
back to some original parts of me, some of the
things that were just me and didn't attach to anybody
else in my life. So I went into the witchy
background where I came from as a teenage girl, and
then into my early parts in my life. And so
I've got some very moody grays that you can see here,
and I kept all the pirate stuff and I have
(27:14):
a wall that is dedicated to our wedding and the colors.
You know, I kind of tweaked my colors differently and
just put things in a different place so that it
was different, just like people looking for a new house
a new chapter in their lives can do.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
And I love that.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
I love hearing that from you and your other example
of the client like people's ability. It's not replicating what
someone else did. It's getting back in touch with yourself
and that creativity. You know, these parts like when I
talk to all these people about like how you heal,
and you know, some people have started a podcast, and
some people have traveled, and some people the creativity that
(27:57):
comes out I think about, we're just like such a.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Desperate place for healing of pain.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
We're able to get back to that true essence in
ourselves and so we get to get so creative of
what healing looks like. And so again it's not telling
anybody to listen and copy what my healing was or
what your healing was and how you healed, and one
thing isn't the same way you'll heal in another thing.
It's just getting really quiet within yourself and doing the
(28:24):
work to start listening and making movements of like what
feels what feels right for you, And it's so authentic
and it's so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
And I think, I think when we do, we need
to get back to who we are, not the person
that was so like you remember from your first divorce,
that frantic person that was adding to that conflict. We
don't want to be that person, you know. I didn't
want to be, you know, once I realized that's who
(28:55):
I was with my late husband in his early or
later stages of his marriage, his divorce, I realize, that's
just not who I wanted to be. That's not the
authentic me. And that happens to all of us when
we're in the middle of that chaos and just that
emotional hold that it has on us. So once we're there,
(29:22):
you know, now we get to look back and we
get to see, Oh, I didn't like me there. I
didn't like.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
How I acted.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
I didn't like that I added to that, I didn't
like that I was even that I even had emotions
of negativity towards his ex wife. Not that I think
she is is anything good at all, because I don't,
but it's it's a point where if we can let
go of that, they no longer have any control of us.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Yeah, And I think it's so interesting, right because again
I've been you know, the universe is like, all right,
let's see how you do this time around.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
And so the ability that I I fell in love
with this guy that also has this high conflict ax.
But what's so fascinating to me is everything that I've
done has been so different.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
I was.
Speaker 4 (30:09):
I was so wrapped up and trying to mitigate the
conflict and like, I'll say it in a nicer way
because you don't know how to say it without antagonizing her,
and I can say it really nice, and so I'll
type the messages back or I'll take over the parenting
because you can't hand you know, and trying to like
wedge myself and I have such good boundaries that like,
(30:32):
none of that is my business. And what I learned
is like if I don't like the person and I
don't respect how they're dealing with that relationship, which I
didn't there, which.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Is why I felt like I had to enter.
Speaker 4 (30:45):
You know, see that now I picked a partner that
I trust and I respect, and he wouldn't be a
good partner if I didn't a love that. So that's
none of my business, right, that's just none of She
doesn't bother me there's a block.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
I have no eyes. I'm not I don't allow any
of that in.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
And I have a partner that has also done the
work and has fantastic boundaries. Again, you're gonna have stuff happens,
but it's we have the same values about how we
choose to deal with it. And it really it's so
fascinating because you know, this new one is more kooky
and you know, dangerous honestly than even the other one.
(31:23):
But like when you create these boundaries, you don't let
them in and they can't get to you. You're not
worrying about what people are saying or what they think,
or trying to control all of these situations. Because when
you've lost complete control of everything you have to say
and you are okay, Actually, when you finally let go
(31:44):
and you just allowed whatever to happen happen for me
and for so many clients, I realized that's when things
actually started settling down.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
So I was so exhausted trying to control and manage.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
And I see women as like these these managers, and
they think it's their job, but it's actually them having
poor boundaries. Our job is to control me, And if
you don't like or that person needs to be controlled
because you don't like how they're responding. The signal there
isn't need to jump and control them. The signal is
they shouldn't be in your life. I'm only going to
(32:18):
have people in my life that are demonstrating, you know,
healthy behaviors, and if they can't act like an adult,
then I should really put up a boundary and not
allow them in.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
Right, and so like, it's this fascinating.
Speaker 4 (32:31):
Twist of like going through the same thing or what
could be worse, and so fascinating how none of that
permeates into our home anymore. And the power that you
get is when you stop actually feeding the source. And
this is again which you don't believe, is they get
bored with you. And the ability for both of our
(32:54):
exes over time, as we've done this, it has in
a lot of ways gotten so much better because we're
not feeding their fire, and so they've gone somewhere else.
They don't have any access to us. I don't control
anything with my kids that's happening over there. You're over there.
There's nothing I can do about it. I don't I
can't control a lot of it. I'm always gonna love
(33:16):
you can talk to me, but I don't micromanage anything
that happens over there. I don't pay attention to it.
I don't see it. That's your relationship with your dad.
That will always be your dad. That is between you
guys to do. My job is to handle what happens here,
and so I also see like you no, but I'm
the mom. It does matter what's happening with my kids there.
(33:38):
You can't do anything about it. The court doesn't care
if they eat spaghetti every day, three times a day.
You're not gonna change costing because of that. They're not
gonna change costoy because you'll have a booster seat at
six years old. They don't consider that. I mean the
amount of things. When you understand what the court actually
cares about and what they don't, there's no point if
(33:59):
you're gonna argue something that the court isn't gonna be
on your side and say you're right, that's abuse, which
the court doesn't. It's it's way too leaning in of
the things that they don't understand is abusive.
Speaker 3 (34:11):
There's nothing you can do, and so your.
Speaker 4 (34:14):
Only choice is to say, I'm gonna be a safe
place for my kids here.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
I'm gonna be calm.
Speaker 4 (34:21):
I'm gonna display what a healthy marriage and relationship looks like.
I'm always gonna love you. I'm gonna listen right, I'm
gonna get you support, and i'm gonna get you a
therapist and whatever tools you need to.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Help support you through all of this.
Speaker 4 (34:33):
But really like they get to have that own their
own relationship over there, and again that helps me. I
just deal with what's here. I deal with only what
I can control. If I can't control it, you know,
there's some hard things like I want my kids in
you know, there was a period my daughter wanted to
do gymnastics forever. Well I couldn't get you know, dad
(34:55):
to bring her on her weeks. Okay, well it is
what it is. Is either a I pay for it
and I own she only goes fifty percent at the time,
or she doesn't do it. And guess what, She's not
going to be destroyed because she doesn't do gymnastics. So
I have to get creative about it. She does gymnastics
on summer, you know, in the summer, on my weeks
(35:16):
versus all year we do programs at home, we do
you know, you get creative versus my kid is going
to be destroyed because they can't do this extracurricular You know,
I could allow that, I could work up a whole.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
Argument for that. Or you say, what they need.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
Is their parents not to be at conflicts, to not
be you know, undermining and condescending about their dad underneath
their breath, and.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Be like, Okay, it is what it is.
Speaker 4 (35:40):
Let's work with what we got here, and you work
on your problem solving, and you work on recognizing what
actually matters and what doesn't.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Right right, and you know, kind of taking this over
into the de traumatizing side of your work so that
you know, you're talking and we we've been talking about
everything that raises our temper and our fear and all
those emotions. We've got to slow our breathing down. We've
(36:10):
got to release what our body's holding. You know, this
gets a little woo woo at this point. But like
I had a conversation with a client this morning, I'm like, so,
let me explain to you how this works. You know,
it's like getting in a car accident. You're holding onto
the steering wheel and the car hits you. You see
it coming in. You do this trick and so then
(36:30):
your hand's hurt for a long long time because you're
thinking it's because the dash in your hands hit. No,
you just held on so tight and locked that memory
into the muscles, tenons and ligaments in your hands, and
you're going to have headaches, not because your head hit
the windshield, because you went like this and you locked
(36:53):
everything in. This is a little woo wu, but it's
locked in and if you don't release it, it's going
to cause problems with your emotional self, your regulation, your thinking,
and down the road your health possible cancer or other
ailments that can cost your life.
Speaker 4 (37:13):
One hundred percent. And I think it's like, it's not
this is where you don't talk, it's where you just
show up, right. And so when I showed up an
initially I worked with a coach and she's just like,
don't say do this breathing, do meditation at home.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
We're doing it every single time. She's just doing it.
And that's what I do with my clients. Can we
do this and.
Speaker 4 (37:32):
It's sometimes it's five or ten minutes in the session,
sometimes it's the whole session of this different work. Also
combining that with EMDR which is my passion, which gets
in the body and releases the body from the story.
And you know what the level of emotion that I
was at, That's why I'm like the biggest salesperson.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
I always believed and I saw miraculous things.
Speaker 4 (37:52):
Happen with my clients, and you know, I had done
it for other things, but I was like I knew
logically right, like I want to be I know what's
going to be detrimental to my kids.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
I want to be a good, healthy parent.
Speaker 4 (38:06):
And I have so much anger and pain and betrayal
and hatred for this person that has abused me for
so long. I don't know how to get over here
and being able to do that E M.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
D R. And like I'm the biggest like.
Speaker 4 (38:27):
You know, salesperson for it because like it's not that
you forget, it just doesn't matter, like I'm not there anymore.
And it has released it from my body where I
don't even get worked up saying about this. I don't
feel the need to talk about this. I don't talk
about it in my life, like I just don't care.
And it really it lets go of that emotion and
(38:51):
helps me deal with what I need to deal with
in front of me. And I could do that with
so much peace. That's the body work that you have
to do, and I have you can't. I don't think
you can. I don't know if you can do a
lot of it alone. I think the idea of having
someone help you through this and to not do this
really scary. I mean, emotions are scary. My clients in
(39:12):
front of me, and they're scared to do the work.
They're scared to have these really big feelings come up.
And so to have this partner with you, that one
is there for you. But there's also techniques so you
don't have to just go terrible. We can de escalate it,
we can calm the body back down.
Speaker 3 (39:28):
And so my clients are gaining.
Speaker 4 (39:30):
Trust with themselves, trust with another person, trust with the
process that these feelings aren't so scary, and when we
let them go, they're like, Okay, that is hard, but
I see like the beauty of the aftermath of like
why it's worth it right, And so it motivates you
when something comes up again to know to do this work.
And there's so many different ways to do body work.
(39:52):
I mean yoga and somatic work and you know, movement
and dance and art and amdr and biofeedback, Like there's
there's so many ways, there's not just one way to
do this body work, and it's finding.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
You know, really like what you're drawn to, what you like, and.
Speaker 4 (40:10):
I think just really not telling our clients, but like, no,
I'm gonna do this with you, Like let me start
here and you just show up and you're because we
can know to do these things even if you know
like journal or you know, take deep breasts. Yeah yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah. It's not that I don't know to do it.
I just I won't on my own for whatever reason.
Life gets too busy. But when you're paying to show
(40:32):
up every hour once a week or twice a week
or however many times that you're doing it, and you're
you're just practicing and doing the.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
Work, I can't.
Speaker 4 (40:42):
I couldn't believe how actually how fast I got my
own results, and like this had kept me hostage for
how many thirteen fifteen years, and I'm already to this point,
this quickly, and this quickly, meaning like in way less
than a year, you know, six months, I've already like
life changed a different person. And so it's the closest
(41:03):
things I tell my clients to be in a magic
wand to like I want to do this and I can't.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
I call it the invisible obstacle, right.
Speaker 4 (41:11):
Our feelings are holding us hostage that this thing that
we know we should do or we want to do,
or this behavior we can't and emdr and this body work.
When you release this old stuff, you don't have to
then think about a skill.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
You just know. You just have this new wisdom and
clarity of knowing the next thing that you need to do. Definitely, definitely.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
As we get ready to come to the close of this, Katrina,
I want our viewers to understand how to get a
hold of you, and so I know all of your
information will be on the show notes below this video.
But can you tell people how they can get a
hold of you.
Speaker 4 (41:53):
Yeah, I think the best way is to find me
on my website at Empoweringdivorcedcaching dot com is a way
that you can work with me, send me a message.
You can also find me on Instagram and Facebook LinkedIn Katrina.
Speaker 3 (42:09):
New and so new and is my new married name.
Speaker 4 (42:12):
Reese's professionally what I've used for you know, almost twenty
years now, and so kind of blending the two together.
Still so you'll find me a lot at rees that
same person right new and is my new married name,
and so you'll find me the Divorce Coach and Katrina
new and.
Speaker 3 (42:29):
On social media platforms as well. But my website's the greatest.
Speaker 4 (42:32):
Way to kind of see all these different avenues, how
I work with parenting plans, the different stages of divorce,
and you can reach out with.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
Me and get something set up to do this work
so very good.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
So just so that our viewers know, I'm a certified
divorce coach, just as Katrina is. This means that we
are trained in the complexities divorce. It's not that we've
just been through it and we think we know what
we're doing about. We've actually gone through extensive training. And
believe me, the CDC is an extend training course. So
in my case, not only have I been trained in
(43:04):
the CDC and the complexities of divorce, I've actually experienced.
I've experienced broken bones, separated ribs, dislocated leg My father
I pulled out of the hospital because he was almost
murdered in his second relationship, and I talked about my
late husband, he'd gone through torture. So I've seen experienced
and I understand the divorce. You can reach me at
(43:26):
through my email at Coach Tina Lynn at gmail dot com,
dot co A c H t I n A l
y n N at Gmail, and then my website is
Divorcecoachspecialist dot com. You can also reach me on social
media on Facebook under Tina Lynn Huggins that's h U
(43:47):
G G I n S, LinkedIn under Tina Huggins, on
Instagram under Divorce Coach Tina Lyn, and TikTok under Divorce Tina.
So can you give our viewers, Katrina a little bit
of advice?
Speaker 3 (44:03):
I think one of the biggest advices is to work
with a divorce coach.
Speaker 4 (44:07):
I think it's recognizing that and people think that they
only need an attorney as part of the process, and
that's put I think that's the biggest mistake people make.
And they don't have realistic expectations of what the attorney
is there to do. They don't have the time to
hold your hand to explain, and they don't know your
(44:27):
individual family.
Speaker 3 (44:28):
Of what's best for you. They're not going to say
what you should do. You need to do already that.
Speaker 4 (44:33):
Work with a divorce coach that can really help you
sort through it, take the time, hold your hand emotionally,
help you emotionally when you need it, get you through
the business of divorce, not telling you what you should do,
but helping you with systems and protocols that we have
to help you when you're stuck in those processes.
Speaker 3 (44:53):
So having a.
Speaker 4 (44:54):
Whole team, knowing that there's also certified divorce financial analysts
that can help you with the money portion, right, we
need these different members of the team, and some people
are afraid that it's actually going to you know, how
do I afford all this? I can't even afford attorney.
It will actually save you so much money.
Speaker 2 (45:13):
So yeah, I'm going to echo what Katrina says there
as as coming in from watching people and going through divorce.
One of my clients we because of how long his
divorce took and how much money five thousand dollars a month,
he ended up spending over three hundred thousand dollars on
his divorce and we were able to track paying me,
(45:35):
paying his new attorney, which I helped him find the
right attorney for the right situation, and dealing with another
professional that we had to have on the team. I
still saved him one hundred thousand dollars and he was
paying all of us at the same time, but instead
of just paying the attorney to do everything. No, the
(45:58):
attorney's not trained like a divorce coach is and like
CDFA is trained. So having the right people on there
so I echo what you have to say. So many people,
including myself, get to a point during our divorce where
suicidal ideation is something we think about. I don't want
you to be there. I don't want you to think
(46:18):
that that's the way out, because it's not. You're leaving
people who love you. You are are making a worse life
for the people in your life who love you. So
if you are there, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.
It is nine eight eight, Real Simple, nine eighty eight.
It's the same in Canada as it is here in
(46:39):
the US. Make sure that you talk to somebody that
can help you. And if you're in the Netherlands, that
number is one one three, Get somebody, talk to somebody,
help them, you know, let them help you off the ledge. Also,
if you are needing the police right now, if you
are being be if you're needing assistance, call nine to
(47:01):
one one. Here in the US, get the police there.
It's nine nine nine in the Netherlands and one one
two if you're in the UK. Plus press charges. Keep
those charges in place. This is your key out of
that abuse once you drop the charges. What happens after
you drop the charges is generally much worse than what
you had dealt with before you drop those charges. It's
(47:23):
your key out. Follow it. So also, if you are
somebody you know is dealing with domestic violence, please call
a domestic violence hotline at eight hundred seven nine nine
seven two three three. That number again is seven ninety
nine seventy two thirty three. So I just asked that
you please like, comment, and share so that this information
(47:45):
can help others. Thank you so much Katrina for being
here today.
Speaker 3 (47:50):
Thank you for having me. It was a great.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
Conversation, great and we will talk soon. Thanks bye.
Speaker 1 (47:57):
You're listening to WGSNDB going Solo Network Singles Talk Radio channel,
where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach to discussions
on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting, being single, relationships, building, dating,
and yes sex. Join our listeners and begin living your
best life.
You're listening to WGSNDB Going Solo Network Singles talk radio
channel where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach to
discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting, being single, relationships, building, dating,
and yes sex. Join our listeners and begin living your
best life.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
So hello, and welcome to our show, The Awakening here
on WGSNDB, the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The
information and opinions expressed on the show are just that,
the opinions of the individual speaking based on their individual
personal experiences. They are not intended to diagnose and do
(00:48):
not constitute professional advice or recommendations. So you know the pain,
the stress, and the struggle that divorcing men and women
go through, there is a way to find peace, keep
your sanity and assist the lawyer in the process, saving
you thousands of dollars as you move through the process.
(01:10):
My name's Tina Huggins. I'm your divorce Coach Specialist, divorce
planning specialist, restored, a family mediator and confliction co parenting coach,
and I don't often talk about my certification, but I'm
a certified CDC divorce coach and as we get ready
to talk to our wonderful guest speaker, Katrina Reese. We're
(01:31):
going to find out that she also comes with a
similar background. So Katrina Newton, Well that's what was on
the paperwork, So it's Katrina Reese. Katrina is a CDC
certified divorce coach as well, but she's also a licensed
social worker and a trauma specialist with nearly twenty years
(01:52):
of experience helping women navigate the challenges high conflict divorce
with deep ex expertise in trauma, narcissistic abuse, and complex
family dynamics. She empowers her clients to move through the legal, financial,
and emotional struggles of divorce with clarity, confidence and resilience,
(02:18):
taking a holistic approach and navigate the approach with Katrina
utilizing evidence based practices including emdr parts work and somatic
techniques to help clients regulate their nervous system, release the
impact of trauma, and reconnect with their inner strength. Katrina's
(02:43):
mission is to help women not just survive divorce, but
emerge from it stronger and ready to create a life
more beautiful than they could ever imagine. So welcome Katrina,
Thank you, thanks for having me. Yes and we talked
just briefly before we came on about you know how,
(03:06):
what my process was, and the fact that I focus
my work on men. And it's not that I don't
work with women, but I love when I get to
talk with somebody who focuses their work on women because
it makes me feel like I'm in a good, safe space.
But I want our viewers to realize that the conversation
(03:29):
that Katrina and I are having, although we may be
talking about the women because she deals with more women
than she deals with men, but men go through abuse
just in the same way we women do. And it
is mentioned that one in every three women are abused,
and now we're kind of talking about the physical aspect,
but one in every four men are abused, and men
(03:54):
report way less often, like my dad never reported his
abuse and the last time I picked him up out
of the hospital after she ran over him with a
duly pickup trick. So we go through all of this stuff,
but Katrina so in understanding and remembering our conversation from
before and everything.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
In order to get us to where we're at.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
In this type of work, we usually have our own
traumatic experience. So are you willing and able to talk
about your experience.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Sure, absolutely, absolutely, so.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
Yeah, So I have actually seen both sides of the coin,
the woman as the high conflict narcissistic part as well
as the man.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
So I really have a perspective of both.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
And I in my first marriage and recognizing later that
he was that high conflict personality narcissistic personality. I was
introduced it because his ex wife is also So they
were these two high conflict narcissists going back and forth
(05:05):
trying to co parent a child together. And then I was,
you know, the new wife eventually that came into that
dynamic dealing with all of that, and so she presented stronger,
which I think allowed.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
A lot of it to not be to be distracted by.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Some of that.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
So really understanding that, and I was in that relationship
for thirteen years, managing the craziness and emotional turmoil and
trying to control and heal and be a hero in
this situation and really not recognizing how I was contributing
(05:50):
to all that honestly as well.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
And the best act that I.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Could do was to see my way out of that dynamic.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
And so.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
Now having to deal and go through divorce with high
conflict narcissistic personality has been its own journey. And now
I'm also married, remarried to this amazing man of finding
happiness after all of that. But what's so fascinating is
one of his children's mothers high conflict, narcissistic, and so
(06:25):
we really have this amazing relationship, but really can understand
each other because we're dealing this co parenting with these
narcissistic personalities.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
And so I've been dealing with this in my personal
life for a long time.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
But I also have been such an advocate for children
and seeing how the dynamics of families are impacting children,
and so in my professional career, I've really taken instead
of focusing on the work with the children as much
is recognizing if I could work with the families that
were causing some of these dynamics, I could really help support.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
The children a lot more.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
And so I've always taken on the cases that nobody
has wanted, the therapists that have thrown up their hands
saying that this is way too high conflict. Those are
usually the cases that come to me that I really
my personality being from New York as well as you know,
(07:23):
my longitudinal, seasoned experience of working with that doesn't scare me,
court doesn't scare me, and really kind of advocate for
the children the best and also know how to deal with,
you know, supporting the women who in a lot of
my cases have been the victim dealing with this narcissistic
(07:44):
guy and how I can support but also how I
can work with that in some ways the family dynamic
of that dad, to try to see how he's affecting
the kids. So I've done this for a really long time.
My passion really is with the women as as I
work with men as well. But I think one of
my biggest passions is women not recognizing how even if
(08:09):
they're they're right, they're the victim of the situation they
I see all these women getting these.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Patterns where they are their.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
Nervous system has become so out of control, they are
so overwhelmed, and it shifts people's view of them to
look unstable or not recognizing how they're being part of
this dynamic of participating in this back and forth and
that they actually can really become just like enjoining in
(08:43):
the high conflict justice high conflict as well. And so
even though it initially has started where they were the
victim or you know, in enduring this in the relationship
that they actually don't see how they've become a really
detrimental part part of the process, and so really wanting
to work with them as I had to do my
(09:05):
own work to recognize and take accountability for the part
I played.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
In that as well.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Yeah, and it's kind of interesting your you and I
are very parallel on some of the stuff that we've
been through and why we're on the clients that we
take on. I know, I go into a lot of
divorce meetings and people are like, yeah, I want the
amicable divorce, and I'm like, well, and it comes to
me it's like I will take all the clients that
none of you want to deal with because they need
(09:33):
help too, you know.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Yeah, And it really is a special skill set, the
skill set. If you get the wrong practitioner to work
with these people, it will actually make their case so
much worse. And so you really have to find the
right match because my how I would support someone, which
again I do support people through overall, and the colvorces
as well, but the advice and the recommendations and the
(09:59):
guidance that I'm going to give them is just going
to be completely different based on the assessment of that case.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah, and those are easy cases for you and I
to take on because those are done way quicker and
there's just no conflict or less conflict, you know. But
you know, going back into talking about in your I
guess it was your first marriage where you were a
part of that conflict and didn't even realize I was that.
(10:25):
In my late husband's divorce. Early on, I was taking
part and I would get so angry, same reason he'd
get so angry, and we'd fight with the attorney, and
the attorney was not the right person. Like you mentioned
just a little bit ago, it's important to find the
right person to deal with when you're going through the
high conflict. Well, the attorney is also another one that
(10:45):
has to be the right person, otherwise you're going to
be stuck in here way longer than you should be
one hundred.
Speaker 4 (10:51):
Percent and finding an attorney, and I don't think that's
part of my passion behind the scenes of the work
that I do is really working attorneys legally the guardian items,
you know, I'm an active part of the AFCC and
actually working to do some presentations with them to educate
them on being trauma informed, because again the damage that these.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Attorneys are doing.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
And the law is doing of forcing these people like
try to mediate together or giving recommendations that honestly is
putting people back.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
In abusive situations.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
Or again is just the client feeling like with attorneys
they have to prove and so the attorney has to
like has spend a year or whatever seeing this dynamics,
be like, oh, you're right, yeah, this is different here,
and in the meantime, so much damage and their case
has been destroyed and it's it's really sad. And so
(11:50):
again wanting attorneys to unintentionally recognize there is this level
of training that they need to be aware of to
understand the difference of even high comfort that they like
to call it, versus you know, I'm working for them
to understand the cowers of control and abuse of post
operation that is actually happening here.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
This is different than just simply hot conflict.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
M Yeah. And you know, you, I'm sure have the
same kind of people that come to you and say, oh,
I'm divorcing a narcissist. I'm divorcing a narcissist, and so
I work with them when maybe two times, two weeks
in a row, and I'm by then I know we're
not dealing with a narcissist. They can be narcissistic, which
all of us can be narcissistic, But when we're dealing
(12:34):
with true high conflict, usually especially when the word narcissist
or narcissistic is involved, because we can't diagnose you, you
come closer to diagnosing people that, but they don't realize
that now, thinking they're divorcing narcissist, they are throwing fuel
(12:57):
on a fire that barely has this spark, and now
we've got a bombfire going. And so technically, now this client,
my client, has created the conflict when the other person
is responding, just like you did in your first relationship,
(13:18):
responding to that attack or the situation. When you respond,
you become a high conflict individual as well. So we
have to figure out one who is the problem child,
helping our client understand how to de escalate that.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Hundred person.
Speaker 4 (13:43):
And again, if it doesn't matter whether again if you
have it or not, you wouldn't go and say, you know,
you're depressed or you're you know, schizophrenic, right like if
we're using that label as a name calling right like,
that's unproductive if you're having a side converse and you're using.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
It as shorthand.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
But I always follow up when they try to say
that is describe what that looks like, Like what are
the behaviors that you're seeing that has this because you're
again like you're saying, you're trying to sort out because
both people are calling each other a narcissist or every
time they don't agree with you, you know, doesn't make
them a narcissist, right like they also sometimes there's some
(14:25):
really controlling people that they think if the person just
doesn't do what they want to do, we're.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Calling people a narcissists.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
So we really got to get away from that and
educating people that in the core, you're gonna lose your
case the second you start.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Using the word narcissist, the judge now.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
Has rolled against you, right, And so there's this level
of education, right like high conflict is the more appropriate term.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
But overall, we got to.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
Describe these behaviors and we've got to the biggest thing
I'm gonna work with is I got to help get
your nervous system under control.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Because you're looking is not a credible source to.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
Your attorneys, to your friends, to your to anyone in
trying to prove all of this, you're kind of, you know,
not being incredible, we'll say kindly. And so we've got
we've got to calm this down. And I think that
what the hard part is is you can't say to
somebody calm down, right. So even when I first went,
(15:27):
you know, to my attorney and I was this emotionally,
you know, terrified, you know, because you are, You're afraid,
You're you're terrified, rightfully, so and you're saying all of
these things and they're just saying you need to calm
down and relax, and that doesn't do anything, and it
feels very invalidating or you know, you're just letting your fear.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Get in the way.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
And it's like exactly like, but I wish that, you know,
I had the right support to say how do I
do that?
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Right? Like, how can I help this? And I found
that work on my own to.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Be able to calm my nervous system down so I
could go back and make good decisions with the lawyer.
But I think that that's we've got to help calm
all of that down, because we got to turn that
logic side of the brain back on. We're making life
changing situations here, and we can't do that in an
(16:27):
emotional state because we don't make good decisions. And so
there's so many decisions that need to be made really quickly,
and we do want to make safe decisions, and there's
this pressure that I see people have to get it
done right, like how do we I can't move on.
You think like you're holding your breath until it's all done.
So we have to rework a lot of people of
(16:48):
like this is a marathon in instead of a sprint.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
And the time doesn't really matter.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
You can be living your life and all of this
going on while this is still in play.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
I mean, I still have an open case for plus years.
Speaker 4 (17:03):
Later of things that are still not done, because that's
what the narcissist like, that's the goal, right, I'm going
to be as high conflict to make this. My life
hasn't been put on hold for that. It's just going
on in the background. It's very you know, it's not
controlling anything, but you can live your life with all
(17:23):
of this going on. So we got to help people
be able to come up for air a little bit.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
Regrounds reanchor the body.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah, and that's super important because, like you said before,
we're making decisions, and if we don't have our head
about ourselves and we're making decisions, these decisions you're going
to affect us, possibly for the rest of your life.
And I was there. I got divorced twenty two years ago,
and I made every wrong decision that you could possibly make.
(17:58):
I left with pretty much the clothes on my back,
a few pieces of furniture, credit card debt, my car,
and I left and he ended up with forty acres,
a few vehicles. He's got my family's heirloom type things.
We've got an heirloom saddle that I can't get back
(18:19):
because not that he'll ever write it, not that he
was even a writer, he just won't give it back
because that's his way of somewhat things in the back, right.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
I have a very similar story, And I think the
hardest part is, you know, there's like what you deserve, right,
and in the beginning you're so you know, fighting for
what's right or.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
What you feel like you deserve.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
I have a similar situation where I was, you know,
gifted money for our house for you know, given money
that when a family member was going to pass to
go towards this house, and it was always agreed upon
that if anything happened.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Like this house was mine. It was bought with money
from from my family. It was a verbal agreement and knowing,
and you know the second that it was a beautiful
house on the lake.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
And and then once I left, and the narcissists, you
know that ego bruise, you know there.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
Why why would he give up a lake house? Right,
I'm going to have this.
Speaker 4 (19:26):
I got this in a wonderful period, right, And so
you get so lost in like I want the house, right,
especially for women, the passion of like I want the
house is something we fight over so much. And you know,
I wouldn't even want the house now, right, Like it
doesn't matter, And you get so lost in even the
(19:46):
money and things like that, and it can just drive
you crazy and you have to get to this point
of again you have to come first before you can,
you know, get here.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
But like it doesn't matter, Like I'm going to rebuild
and I'm going to create a better life.
Speaker 4 (20:01):
I'm gonna make it all back and more and have happiness.
Like if if what you need to get is mine,
to be able to go on. Like again, that's the
evidence of what you're choosing to leave behind, because like
I matter more, and it's it's a hard pill to swallow,
(20:21):
I think for a lot of us, or even being
able to leave, and like your kids being confused, and
like being the bad guy, and you know, all of
those situations that women especially can be viewed in as
having to make hard things about, like not need to
explain all of that, like being able to just do
the hard things because you need peace. You need to
(20:44):
model respect for yourself. You need to model that for
your children. All the other stuff, the house, the things,
you can replace all of that and so it just
doesn't matter.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
You got to figure out what matters.
Speaker 4 (20:57):
And that's if you've got kids, you got yourself, everything
else can can come back together.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Right. I was going over some training tapes and we're
talking about, you know, mindset and how you look at things,
and so one of they were talking about the houses
that burned down in California, and they went to this
first house and this guy is just him and his
wife and they are just crying and crying. They've lost
(21:24):
everything they've ever owned. Everything is in this house and
they have nothing, and they're just they're just wasted because
they can't they can't see from underneath the rumble of
their house. And then just up the street they go
and somebody else's has actually their house has burned down.
You can't see any of their stuff. It is literally
(21:46):
all ashes. And they asked them how they were faring.
They said, you know, this is all stuff.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
It's just stuff.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
I've got the kids, I've got my spouse. We are safe.
We are a happy, safe family. You know, it is
how we view things. And I will tell the clients
right away after they get in and they spend some
time in there really wanting the house part. I say, really,
do you want the house that you guys fought in?
(22:14):
Do you want those memories of every time you walk
into that room that you can just hear him or
see him or her throwing something or yelling at you.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
And they're like, oh my gosh, I never thought of that, right, right?
How cool that you can start over. You can choose
anything that you want, you can choose a new area,
you can choose a new style, you can fresh start.
There's no you know, because there is emotion tied to
all of that, and you can drive back and you
don't control it. Your body just does something. And so
(22:44):
to have a fresh start, be able to make everything,
it's fun, like you can really look at it as
you know, how would I do it differently? How could
I start over? And it can be a really fun
process if you choose to enjoy it. It can be
very humbling to be like I have nothing like it
is a scary place to be, to be like, we
(23:04):
are starting over from ground zero. But I think this
is where the magic is. When it's all burnt down.
You get to choose how to restart. You get to
choose like your reckoning and who you want to become.
And you know, are you going to be a victim
and you're gonna be the sad, bitter person because of
all this, And you're ten years, twenty years and still
(23:26):
talking about your ex as an asshole and divorce ruined
your life. And I see a lot of women there
and all I can be is, you know, I've done
the work and recreated it. I think every day, oh
my gosh, thank God, Like I love my life.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
It is so beautiful And it's not luck.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
It's living life with intention, it's deciding what you want
who you want around you, what your energy is, and
it's one decision at a time that you get to
create and make anything you want. And that's so it's empowerating,
it's liberating. And then it's like looking back and like
giving yourself this full credit for like this bad ass
(24:08):
that's within you that you like never knew that was there,
and you have no one to give credit to but
yourself for doing all of that work. And it's it's
it's the most to me, it's the hardest thing. And
when you ask the majority of women or people, I
think you know, it's the hardest thing you ever go through.
It's harder than you ever think. And I would not
(24:29):
wait to do it again. I wish I did it sooner,
Like best decision I've ever made. And I think it's
it's it's just like having kids. It's the hardest thing
you ever do and it could be the greatest blessing
that you have to do. You can't kind of describe
it until you've gone through that journey. But it's mindset,
and it is intention is very wisely choosing intentionally how
(24:50):
you're going to do that and doing the work, because
unconsciously you'll just repeat those patterns. If you don't, you
will just find the same type of person and keep
going going down that draint. You have to work with
somebody and gain that awareness and gain that accountability of
what part you played in all of this to be
able to intentionally, even though the urge feels this, I'm
(25:14):
going to do the opposite and start making some different
choices because I see where this road already led me.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
I don't want that again. This sucks.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
I always would say to myself, this sucks so bad.
I never want to have to learn this lesson again.
I want to learn this lesson so clearly, because I
believe the universe will keep giving you the same examples
until you truly have kind of like passed the level.
And so it's like, I want to learn this so
we can move on with our next our next life
(25:42):
accomplishment that we're meant to get while we're here on
this earth.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Yeah, the next chapter of our life. There as you
were talking, I just picturing all these clients that I've had,
and one of the clients, you know, moved out of
the house and they they took the furniture and what
they did this was a female client and she took
all the furniture, and she says, I don't want have
anything to do with him and the abuse. She spray
(26:09):
painted her furniture to look like what she wanted to.
You know, that was just something that she did and
recreated a whole new look for herself in her rental apartment.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
And then, you know, like in my case, we.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Talked about this briefly, but I lost my perfect for
me husband a year ago and I've had to move.
And so when he and I got together, it was pirate.
Everything was pirate. So we created our house based on
pirate theme. That was our wedding blah blah blah. And
then when I moved over here, I wanted to go
(26:50):
back to some original parts of me, some of the
things that were just me and didn't attach to anybody
else in my life. So I went into the witchy
background where I came from as a teenage girl, and
then into my early parts in my life. And so
I've got some very moody grays that you can see here,
and I kept all the pirate stuff and I have
(27:14):
a wall that is dedicated to our wedding and the colors.
You know, I kind of tweaked my colors differently and
just put things in a different place so that it
was different, just like people looking for a new house
a new chapter in their lives can do.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
And I love that.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
I love hearing that from you and your other example
of the client like people's ability. It's not replicating what
someone else did. It's getting back in touch with yourself
and that creativity. You know, these parts like when I
talk to all these people about like how you heal,
and you know, some people have started a podcast, and
some people have traveled, and some people the creativity that
(27:57):
comes out I think about, we're just like such a.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Desperate place for healing of pain.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
We're able to get back to that true essence in
ourselves and so we get to get so creative of
what healing looks like. And so again it's not telling
anybody to listen and copy what my healing was or
what your healing was and how you healed, and one
thing isn't the same way you'll heal in another thing.
It's just getting really quiet within yourself and doing the
(28:24):
work to start listening and making movements of like what
feels what feels right for you, And it's so authentic
and it's so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
And I think, I think when we do, we need
to get back to who we are, not the person
that was so like you remember from your first divorce,
that frantic person that was adding to that conflict. We
don't want to be that person, you know. I didn't
want to be, you know, once I realized that's who
(28:55):
I was with my late husband in his early or
later stages of his marriage, his divorce, I realize, that's
just not who I wanted to be. That's not the
authentic me. And that happens to all of us when
we're in the middle of that chaos and just that
emotional hold that it has on us. So once we're there,
(29:22):
you know, now we get to look back and we
get to see, Oh, I didn't like me there. I
didn't like.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
How I acted.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
I didn't like that I added to that, I didn't
like that I was even that I even had emotions
of negativity towards his ex wife. Not that I think
she is is anything good at all, because I don't,
but it's it's a point where if we can let
go of that, they no longer have any control of us.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Yeah, And I think it's so interesting, right because again
I've been you know, the universe is like, all right,
let's see how you do this time around.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
And so the ability that I I fell in love
with this guy that also has this high conflict ax.
But what's so fascinating to me is everything that I've
done has been so different.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
I was.
Speaker 4 (30:09):
I was so wrapped up and trying to mitigate the
conflict and like, I'll say it in a nicer way
because you don't know how to say it without antagonizing her,
and I can say it really nice, and so I'll
type the messages back or I'll take over the parenting
because you can't hand you know, and trying to like
wedge myself and I have such good boundaries that like,
(30:32):
none of that is my business. And what I learned
is like if I don't like the person and I
don't respect how they're dealing with that relationship, which I
didn't there, which.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Is why I felt like I had to enter.
Speaker 4 (30:45):
You know, see that now I picked a partner that
I trust and I respect, and he wouldn't be a
good partner if I didn't a love that. So that's
none of my business, right, that's just none of She
doesn't bother me there's a block.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
I have no eyes. I'm not I don't allow any
of that in.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
And I have a partner that has also done the
work and has fantastic boundaries. Again, you're gonna have stuff happens,
but it's we have the same values about how we
choose to deal with it. And it really it's so
fascinating because you know, this new one is more kooky
and you know, dangerous honestly than even the other one.
(31:23):
But like when you create these boundaries, you don't let
them in and they can't get to you. You're not
worrying about what people are saying or what they think,
or trying to control all of these situations. Because when
you've lost complete control of everything you have to say
and you are okay, Actually, when you finally let go
(31:44):
and you just allowed whatever to happen happen for me
and for so many clients, I realized that's when things
actually started settling down.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
So I was so exhausted trying to control and manage.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
And I see women as like these these managers, and
they think it's their job, but it's actually them having
poor boundaries. Our job is to control me, And if
you don't like or that person needs to be controlled
because you don't like how they're responding. The signal there
isn't need to jump and control them. The signal is
they shouldn't be in your life. I'm only going to
(32:18):
have people in my life that are demonstrating, you know,
healthy behaviors, and if they can't act like an adult,
then I should really put up a boundary and not
allow them in.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
Right, and so like, it's this fascinating.
Speaker 4 (32:31):
Twist of like going through the same thing or what
could be worse, and so fascinating how none of that
permeates into our home anymore. And the power that you
get is when you stop actually feeding the source. And
this is again which you don't believe, is they get
bored with you. And the ability for both of our
(32:54):
exes over time, as we've done this, it has in
a lot of ways gotten so much better because we're
not feeding their fire, and so they've gone somewhere else.
They don't have any access to us. I don't control
anything with my kids that's happening over there. You're over there.
There's nothing I can do about it. I don't I
can't control a lot of it. I'm always gonna love
(33:16):
you can talk to me, but I don't micromanage anything
that happens over there. I don't pay attention to it.
I don't see it. That's your relationship with your dad.
That will always be your dad. That is between you
guys to do. My job is to handle what happens here,
and so I also see like you no, but I'm
the mom. It does matter what's happening with my kids there.
(33:38):
You can't do anything about it. The court doesn't care
if they eat spaghetti every day, three times a day.
You're not gonna change costing because of that. They're not
gonna change costoy because you'll have a booster seat at
six years old. They don't consider that. I mean the
amount of things. When you understand what the court actually
cares about and what they don't, there's no point if
(33:59):
you're gonna argue something that the court isn't gonna be
on your side and say you're right, that's abuse, which
the court doesn't. It's it's way too leaning in of
the things that they don't understand is abusive.
Speaker 3 (34:11):
There's nothing you can do, and so your.
Speaker 4 (34:14):
Only choice is to say, I'm gonna be a safe
place for my kids here.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
I'm gonna be calm.
Speaker 4 (34:21):
I'm gonna display what a healthy marriage and relationship looks like.
I'm always gonna love you. I'm gonna listen right, I'm
gonna get you support, and i'm gonna get you a
therapist and whatever tools you need to.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Help support you through all of this.
Speaker 4 (34:33):
But really like they get to have that own their
own relationship over there, and again that helps me. I
just deal with what's here. I deal with only what
I can control. If I can't control it, you know,
there's some hard things like I want my kids in
you know, there was a period my daughter wanted to
do gymnastics forever. Well I couldn't get you know, dad
(34:55):
to bring her on her weeks. Okay, well it is
what it is. Is either a I pay for it
and I own she only goes fifty percent at the time,
or she doesn't do it. And guess what, She's not
going to be destroyed because she doesn't do gymnastics. So
I have to get creative about it. She does gymnastics
on summer, you know, in the summer, on my weeks
(35:16):
versus all year we do programs at home, we do
you know, you get creative versus my kid is going
to be destroyed because they can't do this extracurricular You know,
I could allow that, I could work up a whole.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
Argument for that. Or you say, what they need.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
Is their parents not to be at conflicts, to not
be you know, undermining and condescending about their dad underneath
their breath, and.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Be like, Okay, it is what it is.
Speaker 4 (35:40):
Let's work with what we got here, and you work
on your problem solving, and you work on recognizing what
actually matters and what doesn't.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Right right, and you know, kind of taking this over
into the de traumatizing side of your work so that
you know, you're talking and we we've been talking about
everything that raises our temper and our fear and all
those emotions. We've got to slow our breathing down. We've
(36:10):
got to release what our body's holding. You know, this
gets a little woo woo at this point. But like
I had a conversation with a client this morning, I'm like, so,
let me explain to you how this works. You know,
it's like getting in a car accident. You're holding onto
the steering wheel and the car hits you. You see
it coming in. You do this trick and so then
(36:30):
your hand's hurt for a long long time because you're
thinking it's because the dash in your hands hit. No,
you just held on so tight and locked that memory
into the muscles, tenons and ligaments in your hands, and
you're going to have headaches, not because your head hit
the windshield, because you went like this and you locked
(36:53):
everything in. This is a little woo wu, but it's
locked in and if you don't release it, it's going
to cause problems with your emotional self, your regulation, your thinking,
and down the road your health possible cancer or other
ailments that can cost your life.
Speaker 4 (37:13):
One hundred percent. And I think it's like, it's not
this is where you don't talk, it's where you just
show up, right. And so when I showed up an
initially I worked with a coach and she's just like,
don't say do this breathing, do meditation at home.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
We're doing it every single time. She's just doing it.
And that's what I do with my clients. Can we
do this and.
Speaker 4 (37:32):
It's sometimes it's five or ten minutes in the session,
sometimes it's the whole session of this different work. Also
combining that with EMDR which is my passion, which gets
in the body and releases the body from the story.
And you know what the level of emotion that I
was at, That's why I'm like the biggest salesperson.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
I always believed and I saw miraculous things.
Speaker 4 (37:52):
Happen with my clients, and you know, I had done
it for other things, but I was like I knew
logically right, like I want to be I know what's
going to be detrimental to my kids.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
I want to be a good, healthy parent.
Speaker 4 (38:06):
And I have so much anger and pain and betrayal
and hatred for this person that has abused me for
so long. I don't know how to get over here
and being able to do that E M.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
D R. And like I'm the biggest like.
Speaker 4 (38:27):
You know, salesperson for it because like it's not that
you forget, it just doesn't matter, like I'm not there anymore.
And it has released it from my body where I
don't even get worked up saying about this. I don't
feel the need to talk about this. I don't talk
about it in my life, like I just don't care.
And it really it lets go of that emotion and
(38:51):
helps me deal with what I need to deal with
in front of me. And I could do that with
so much peace. That's the body work that you have
to do, and I have you can't. I don't think
you can. I don't know if you can do a
lot of it alone. I think the idea of having
someone help you through this and to not do this
really scary. I mean, emotions are scary. My clients in
(39:12):
front of me, and they're scared to do the work.
They're scared to have these really big feelings come up.
And so to have this partner with you, that one
is there for you. But there's also techniques so you
don't have to just go terrible. We can de escalate it,
we can calm the body back down.
Speaker 3 (39:28):
And so my clients are gaining.
Speaker 4 (39:30):
Trust with themselves, trust with another person, trust with the
process that these feelings aren't so scary, and when we
let them go, they're like, Okay, that is hard, but
I see like the beauty of the aftermath of like
why it's worth it right, And so it motivates you
when something comes up again to know to do this work.
And there's so many different ways to do body work.
(39:52):
I mean yoga and somatic work and you know, movement
and dance and art and amdr and biofeedback, Like there's
there's so many ways, there's not just one way to
do this body work, and it's finding.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
You know, really like what you're drawn to, what you like, and.
Speaker 4 (40:10):
I think just really not telling our clients, but like, no,
I'm gonna do this with you, Like let me start
here and you just show up and you're because we
can know to do these things even if you know
like journal or you know, take deep breasts. Yeah yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah. It's not that I don't know to do it.
I just I won't on my own for whatever reason.
Life gets too busy. But when you're paying to show
(40:32):
up every hour once a week or twice a week
or however many times that you're doing it, and you're
you're just practicing and doing the.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
Work, I can't.
Speaker 4 (40:42):
I couldn't believe how actually how fast I got my
own results, and like this had kept me hostage for
how many thirteen fifteen years, and I'm already to this point,
this quickly, and this quickly, meaning like in way less
than a year, you know, six months, I've already like
life changed a different person. And so it's the closest
(41:03):
things I tell my clients to be in a magic
wand to like I want to do this and I can't.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
I call it the invisible obstacle, right.
Speaker 4 (41:11):
Our feelings are holding us hostage that this thing that
we know we should do or we want to do,
or this behavior we can't and emdr and this body work.
When you release this old stuff, you don't have to
then think about a skill.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
You just know. You just have this new wisdom and
clarity of knowing the next thing that you need to do. Definitely, definitely.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
As we get ready to come to the close of this, Katrina,
I want our viewers to understand how to get a
hold of you, and so I know all of your
information will be on the show notes below this video.
But can you tell people how they can get a
hold of you.
Speaker 4 (41:53):
Yeah, I think the best way is to find me
on my website at Empoweringdivorcedcaching dot com is a way
that you can work with me, send me a message.
You can also find me on Instagram and Facebook LinkedIn Katrina.
Speaker 3 (42:09):
New and so new and is my new married name.
Speaker 4 (42:12):
Reese's professionally what I've used for you know, almost twenty
years now, and so kind of blending the two together.
Still so you'll find me a lot at rees that
same person right new and is my new married name,
and so you'll find me the Divorce Coach and Katrina
new and.
Speaker 3 (42:29):
On social media platforms as well. But my website's the greatest.
Speaker 4 (42:32):
Way to kind of see all these different avenues, how
I work with parenting plans, the different stages of divorce,
and you can reach out with.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
Me and get something set up to do this work
so very good.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
So just so that our viewers know, I'm a certified
divorce coach, just as Katrina is. This means that we
are trained in the complexities divorce. It's not that we've
just been through it and we think we know what
we're doing about. We've actually gone through extensive training. And
believe me, the CDC is an extend training course. So
in my case, not only have I been trained in
(43:04):
the CDC and the complexities of divorce, I've actually experienced.
I've experienced broken bones, separated ribs, dislocated leg My father
I pulled out of the hospital because he was almost
murdered in his second relationship, and I talked about my
late husband, he'd gone through torture. So I've seen experienced
and I understand the divorce. You can reach me at
(43:26):
through my email at Coach Tina Lynn at gmail dot com,
dot co A c H t I n A l
y n N at Gmail, and then my website is
Divorcecoachspecialist dot com. You can also reach me on social
media on Facebook under Tina Lynn Huggins that's h U
(43:47):
G G I n S, LinkedIn under Tina Huggins, on
Instagram under Divorce Coach Tina Lyn, and TikTok under Divorce Tina.
So can you give our viewers, Katrina a little bit
of advice?
Speaker 3 (44:03):
I think one of the biggest advices is to work
with a divorce coach.
Speaker 4 (44:07):
I think it's recognizing that and people think that they
only need an attorney as part of the process, and
that's put I think that's the biggest mistake people make.
And they don't have realistic expectations of what the attorney
is there to do. They don't have the time to
hold your hand to explain, and they don't know your
(44:27):
individual family.
Speaker 3 (44:28):
Of what's best for you. They're not going to say
what you should do. You need to do already that.
Speaker 4 (44:33):
Work with a divorce coach that can really help you
sort through it, take the time, hold your hand emotionally,
help you emotionally when you need it, get you through
the business of divorce, not telling you what you should do,
but helping you with systems and protocols that we have
to help you when you're stuck in those processes.
Speaker 3 (44:53):
So having a.
Speaker 4 (44:54):
Whole team, knowing that there's also certified divorce financial analysts
that can help you with the money portion, right, we
need these different members of the team, and some people
are afraid that it's actually going to you know, how
do I afford all this? I can't even afford attorney.
It will actually save you so much money.
Speaker 2 (45:13):
So yeah, I'm going to echo what Katrina says there
as as coming in from watching people and going through divorce.
One of my clients we because of how long his
divorce took and how much money five thousand dollars a month,
he ended up spending over three hundred thousand dollars on
his divorce and we were able to track paying me,
(45:35):
paying his new attorney, which I helped him find the
right attorney for the right situation, and dealing with another
professional that we had to have on the team. I
still saved him one hundred thousand dollars and he was
paying all of us at the same time, but instead
of just paying the attorney to do everything. No, the
(45:58):
attorney's not trained like a divorce coach is and like
CDFA is trained. So having the right people on there
so I echo what you have to say. So many people,
including myself, get to a point during our divorce where
suicidal ideation is something we think about. I don't want
you to be there. I don't want you to think
(46:18):
that that's the way out, because it's not. You're leaving
people who love you. You are are making a worse life
for the people in your life who love you. So
if you are there, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.
It is nine eight eight, Real Simple, nine eighty eight.
It's the same in Canada as it is here in
(46:39):
the US. Make sure that you talk to somebody that
can help you. And if you're in the Netherlands, that
number is one one three, Get somebody, talk to somebody,
help them, you know, let them help you off the ledge. Also,
if you are needing the police right now, if you
are being be if you're needing assistance, call nine to
(47:01):
one one. Here in the US, get the police there.
It's nine nine nine in the Netherlands and one one
two if you're in the UK. Plus press charges. Keep
those charges in place. This is your key out of
that abuse once you drop the charges. What happens after
you drop the charges is generally much worse than what
you had dealt with before you drop those charges. It's
(47:23):
your key out. Follow it. So also, if you are
somebody you know is dealing with domestic violence, please call
a domestic violence hotline at eight hundred seven nine nine
seven two three three. That number again is seven ninety
nine seventy two thirty three. So I just asked that
you please like, comment, and share so that this information
(47:45):
can help others. Thank you so much Katrina for being
here today.
Speaker 3 (47:50):
Thank you for having me. It was a great.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
Conversation, great and we will talk soon. Thanks bye.
Speaker 1 (47:57):
You're listening to WGSNDB going Solo Network Singles Talk Radio channel,
where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach to discussions
on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting, being single, relationships, building, dating,
and yes sex. Join our listeners and begin living your
best life.
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