Moving On After Narcissistic Abuse

💫 Moving On After Narcissistic Abuse — Join Guest Harmony Woodington, C.Ht., Relationship Strategist, Certified Hypnotherapist, Neuroscience Coach, Healer, and International Best-Selling Author, together with Host Tina Huggins, CDC Divorce Coach, on Awakening. Discover how to heal from toxic relationships, rebuild confidence, and step into your power after narcissistic abuse. Streamed on NEWStreamingNetwork.com.

More About Tina: Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor. 

Connect with Tina:
Email: [e-mail]
Website: https://divorcecoachspecialist.com/

More about Harmony: Harmony Woodington is a Relationship Strategist, Certified Hypnotherapist, Neuroscience Coach, healer, and international best-selling author with over 15 years of experience guiding people out of toxic love loops and into emotionally intelligent, soul-expanding relationships. Known as a walking pattern interrupt in the world of love and dating, Harmony cuts through the noise of therapy clichés and surface-level coaching with a neuroscience-backed approach that rewires the subconscious—the real matchmaker in our lives. 

Contact Harmony:
[e-mail]
https://www.coachingwithharmony.com/
https://linktr.ee/HarmonyAnneW

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to WGSNDB Going Solo Network Singles talk radio
channel where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach to
discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting, being single, relationships, building, dating,
and yes sex. Join our listeners and begin living your
best life.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
So hello, and welcome to our show here on WGSNDB,
the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. So the information
and opinions expressed on this show are just that, the
opinions of the individual speaking based on their individual personal experience.
They are not intended to diagnose and do not constitute

(00:48):
professional advice or recommendations.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
So you know the pain, the.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
Stress, and the struggle that divorcing men and women go through, well,
there is a way to find and sanity all while
assisting your lawyer, saving you thousands of dollars. My name's
Tina Huggins. I'm your divorce coach, specialist, divorce planning specialist,
restorative family mediator, and conflicttional co parenting coach. And they

(01:14):
kind of giggled on the word pain. So we're dealing
with a little bit of stuff. So our guest today
is Harmony Woodington and I hope I said that right,
because I didn't check that first. So Harmony is a
relationship strategist, certified hypnotist, neuroscience coach, healer, and international best

(01:38):
selling author with over fifteen years of experience guiding people
out of toxic love loops and into emotionally intelligent, soul
expanding relationships known as the walking pattern interrupt in the
world of love and dating, Harmony cuts through the noise

(02:00):
of therapy cliches and surface level coaching with a neuroscience
backed approach that rewires the subconscious, the real matchmaker in
our lives.

Speaker 3 (02:14):
So welcome Harmony.

Speaker 4 (02:17):
Thank you. I am so excited to be here.

Speaker 3 (02:20):
Yes, it's been.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
It's been like since I was on last it's just
been this hoopla of a week for me. So yay
for me to be here. Calm down, calm down, get
my breath. I'll pull it together. So neuroscience, So kind
of tell us about that, because you know some people,
some viewers are going to say, neuroscience, isn't that what

(02:43):
doctor Joe does?

Speaker 3 (02:45):
So kind of explain that to us.

Speaker 4 (02:48):
Yeah, so it's really interesting, I would say more than
I guess it would be. Almost fifteen years ago. Now,
I toopped into the awareness of the power of the
mind just from this really weird multi level marketing company
that was created by these two gym dudes. And it
was really funny because they had this whole personal development

(03:11):
company that they had created that helped you to tap
into the power of your mind. And I remember laying
on my bed listening to this thing, and it woke
me up to the fact that there was power. There
were things going on in my mind that I wasn't
tapping into, and it created this big question mark for me,

(03:33):
and I wanted to learn more about it. And the
only way for me to do that was to not
be a student to these old dudes, was to actually
go and become a hypnotherapist. That was really what it
was for me. It was like, I need to go
become the thing because I'm just I'm really ambitious and
I love learning, and so I don't look to, you know,

(03:55):
people to lead me around and tell me what to do.
I want the education, and so I became hypnotherapist. And
I I like, obviously when you list it off all
the stuff that I do, it's very apparent I love
learning and getting certifications and getting education. So it started there,
and in working with my clients, I discovered that every

(04:17):
mind is a unique maze that I get to explore,
and every time it's new, and every time it's different,
and it makes it so incredibly exciting. And yet every
single client I have worked with for over a decade
now has not ever been able to when they first

(04:38):
started working with me, be able to communicate with their
own mind and listen to their own internal dialogue. They've
had to learn how to do it as they've been
working with me. And because I've been practicing tapping into
minds for as long as I have, I might be
a little telepathic, but I promise I use it ethically
and I help my clients actually develop that confidence and

(05:00):
tapping into their own internal dialogue. And in doing this work,
what I've always done is teach people how to develop
that confidence in being able to not only listen to
the internal dialogue, which most people are running away from
because they're terrified of what's going on in there it's
not pleasant, but to be able to effectively actually update

(05:21):
it so that they actually have created their own internal
garden of Eden and they enjoy dancing in it and
playing with it because they know how to create and
curate the mindset and programming that they want. Now, this
was really rooted in hypnotherapy to begin with, but when

(05:42):
we transfer it into neuroscience, this is when it becomes
really exciting. And I think it was you know, in
a decade of doing this work, I started to become
bored and wanted to know more. I wanted to know
the science behind it, and that was when I started
to dive into educating myself in the neuroscience how neural
plasticity works.

Speaker 3 (06:03):
And this really.

Speaker 4 (06:04):
Happened when I worked with a client that was in
her seventies and she had been married for almost fifty
years and she lost her husband, she became a widow.
She bought an RV, she sold her house in Montana,
and she started traveling the road in the US, and
then COVID locked her down and all of a sudden,
she was isolated in this RV and not around her community.

(06:29):
And what was really amazing was from that extreme pain
she came to me. And because she had created what
I call a massive pattern interrupt in selling her house
and buying the RV and changing her whole life, it
actually blasted open her neural pathways, and it created a

(06:49):
space for new neural pathways to develop. And I was
able to support this woman in her seventies developing neural
plasticity after fifty years of living the same life basically,
and she has completely redefined her whole life now living
in Kentucky, running a successful business as a romance writer,

(07:10):
teaching other people how to write romance books and stuff
like that. It's the most incredible thing, and I think
that was what created the curiosity understanding that somebody that
is that age can actually develop neuroplasticity. That means that
anybody of any age can create a massive pattern, interrupt

(07:32):
open up their world, create new neural pathways. And what
I specialize in is helping people to understand how to
open the mind to create those new neural pathways and
hardwire them so that you can create new autonomic behaviors
based on what you consciously know you want but don't

(07:52):
know how to actually make happen. Because we create our
reality with our subconscious programs, with our mental operating system,
and when we learn how to create that harmonious relationship
with the mind, everything flows with much greater ease.

Speaker 2 (08:10):
So we're going to try and bring this down just
because there's a lot of people that won't understand all
of the words that you just use. So when Harmony
is talking about neural pathways, so there's like these little
spider like things that send they're in our brain and
they send these a little electro communications from one side

(08:32):
to the other side and they kind of talk back
and forth.

Speaker 3 (08:35):
Well, there is an.

Speaker 2 (08:36):
ABCD pattern for these that normally go that way, and
so neuralplasticity is talking about the neural communication and the
fact that it is changeable so you can make it
go a C E as opposed to ABCD. You just

(08:58):
have to interrupt the pattern, which is what she's talking about.
And there's just so many different kinds of ways that
I've heard people do that interrupt these patterns. I just
come back from Attorney Robbin's event and there was a
lot of interrupted patterns through what we did through that weekend.
But what she's doing is reprogramming the way that you think,

(09:20):
the way you're subconscious and then conscious respond And that's
kind of what Harmony's talking about, is getting your conscious
mind the part that's over here.

Speaker 3 (09:28):
Telling you you got to do laundry.

Speaker 2 (09:30):
Ya da da da da to communicate with the subconscious
that goes, oh no, that's scary, don't do that. So
that's just a little bit of Layman's terms there.

Speaker 4 (09:40):
I'll you have to think of it like a think
of it like a forest trail. You've got a forest
trail that's been walked for twenty years and it is
deeply entrenched. That is basically the programs that you've been
running your whole life around. Pick a topic, right, and
because it's so deeply entrenched, even if we're not thinking

(10:02):
about it, we generally tend to fall into that trail.
Our feet will just end up on that trail. And
what I specialize in is actually helping you to take
the bushwhacker and create a whole new trail for yourself
and make that trail go exactly where you want it to,
and then make that trail over time the automatic trail

(10:25):
that you go. And then over time that trail that
you've been walking for twenty years, mother nature covers it up.
Mother nature will do what she does, and that trail
won't exist anymore. So this is really what it's about.
It's creating new trails in new directions for your exploration.

Speaker 2 (10:50):
Yeah, and so when I referred to doctor Joe, doctor
Joe Dispensa.

Speaker 3 (10:56):
It is who I was referring to.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
A lot of people out there know him and know
some of his work, and they're I mean, where you're
trained at with the fact that you do hypnosis. So
he's got a lot of that background that you've got
that he goes through.

Speaker 3 (11:12):
And this is science based.

Speaker 2 (11:15):
I mean, I've watched doctor Joe, along with Heart Math,
put the neuros on and check the heart. So they've
got you're all hooked up to electrodes and they monitor
all of this and what they're trying to do at
that point is get the head and the heart kind
of humming at the same same speed basically, And so

(11:37):
they're working towards that with Heart Math, and then of
course in the neuroscience part of it, we're changing. We're
changing our old records. You know, we're going to put
a scratch right through them and we're going to rewrite
the whole album, so to speak. So when I was
reading your bio and it talks about that loop, so

(12:00):
I have a visual because I work with all these
people that have been abused by their spouse and so
they have this loop and they'll end up going and
dating the same person again and again and again until
this gets taken care of.

Speaker 3 (12:17):
So kind of tell us a little bit about that loop.

Speaker 4 (12:20):
I call it pain patterns and trauma cycles. So there
is a beautiful visual for this, and I actually had
my sister in law draw an actual person on a
penny farthing. If you don't know what those look like, guys,
it's the bikes from like one hundred years ago that
has the big, massive wheel, one little seat, and then
a tiny wheel in the back. It's like the circus

(12:42):
bike bicycle basically. So imagine that you are. You're in
a in like you've got these programs, okay, and then
you go out into the world and the programs are
what is creating your reality. And you think consciously you're
in control, you're using strategy, I'm going to do it
differently because of ABC one, two, three, And you think

(13:04):
you're in control, and everything looks different upfront from what
you've experienced before. Give it a few months, however, and
you find yourself experiencing the same thing that you were
experiencing before. And when you find yourself in that experience,
you go see, I can't trust anybody and then you
prove your patterns and it makes it even more deeply entrenched,

(13:26):
and so you end up in this cycle where it's
just you experience proof pain experience, and you just keep
doing it over and over and over, which is why
I call it pain patterns and trauma cycles. Now, what's
really important to understand is that conscious awareness alone does

(13:47):
not change anything, because there is only so much will
power that is going to get us anywhere. And the
reason for that is is because the conscious mind is
five percent. That is basically what is what we're using
to have the conversation right now. Ninety five percent of

(14:07):
your mind is your subconscious mind. And the challenge is
is that I think in general most people don't grasp
the power that the subconscious mind actually has. And when
I'm explaining this to clients, really the best way to
get it through is to understand that while you and
I are sitting and having a conversation, we have seventy

(14:30):
two trillion cells in our body, and the molecular structure
and the dying and the birth and the changing of
these cells are changing and dying and being born and
being created into organs and sell and tissue and the
food and water we're drinking. The molecular structure is being
changed to nourish our body. Our lungs are breathing, our
heart is beating. All of this stuff is happening, and

(14:53):
are we having to think about any of it? Thank goodness,
we're not, because if we give all of that power
to the conscious mind, we'll be like what and we're dead.
That's it. We couldn't even begin to contemplate what our
subconscious mind is doing to keep our body functional and
alive and to change molecular structure and to do all

(15:13):
of these it's beyond I'm so glad I don't have
to go there. So if we can understand the power
that it houses, and that that is where everything is
created and happens, and use our conscious awareness to learn
to raise our state, and then use communication between the

(15:35):
conscious and the subconscious mind to change the systems and
the processes through repetition, then we are able to change
our reality. So it's not like I want to do
better now, I'm going to force it. That's not how
it works. We need loving cheerleaders, we need a tribe,

(15:56):
we need support, and we need systems and processes that
allow for us to step into something new and then
through a petition mindfully create new patterns that then become autonomic.

Speaker 3 (16:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:12):
And you know, as you're talking, I happen to be
dealing with a client that has definitely had some trauma, massive,
massive trauma. They were put into a sex ring and

(16:32):
now they're coming out of that and they's still they're
trauma bonded to the man that took them out of home.
So there's this trauma bond and when they're trauma bonded,
it's that loop. Is like you were saying, so deep,
so deep, so deep, and a trauma bond I talk
about this quite frequently, actually is trauma bonds. I refer

(16:57):
to them as when you start to re whire that
start to get over that part.

Speaker 3 (17:02):
You probably need the equivalent to an.

Speaker 2 (17:04):
AA sponsor, because as soon as you think about that person,
everything wants to rewire back to where it was. And
so that is one of the most difficult things that
we have to work with and getting people out of
abuse is that trauma bond. No matter how bad that
person wants out of that relationship, they can't do it.

(17:27):
And that's where the work that you have, I mean,
she just come to mind is like, we've been working
with her for over a year now and we're just
we're just now getting her to where she's starting to
respond properly. And I could think, you know, if she
was working with you, it would probably happen much faster.

Speaker 4 (17:45):
What's really beautiful is that when you truly understand what
a massive pattern interrupt is and how to utilize it
to open up the neural pathways to create change, it
makes a big difference, especially if one you're facilitating somebody
creating change or you're trying to facilitate it for yourself.
When you're in a really abusive situation like that, or

(18:05):
you're in deep addiction or something, you literally need the
kind of massive pattern interrupted that somebody is going to
provide for you. In other words, you are relocated so
you do not have access to those things, and then
you are able to rewire in a new reality, a
new existence, because there needs to be like a separation,
a decompression time, because the mind is creating dopamine and

(18:30):
serotonin in ways that you really shouldn't be getting it
because of the trauma bond. And when you separate from
that and you have the time from it, and the distance.
Then it allows for you to decompress and then for
loggin to come in and for you to go that
was so why was I doing that? I do anything else?

(18:52):
And then you can lean on your tribe, your guide,
your coaches, your facilitators, whoever it is to create a
new reality for yourself. And I saw that with my
sister who was in an abusive marriage for nine years
and finally, after two years of thinking about leaving him,
she called me at five o'clock one morning and was like,
I'm coming over and I was like, sweet, I'm in bed,

(19:14):
and she came and snuggled up next to me and
cried and we fell asleep together. And then she moved
to the next province over. So I'm in British Columbia
and she's in Alberta. She went way up north to
oil country and lived there for six months, and it
was the best thing she could have done for herself
because it created the massive pattern interrupt It separated her

(19:35):
from everything in her world, and it gave her that
decompression time that allowed for her to circle back to
her and then after the six months, she came back
home and was able to create a new reality and
invest in herself and change her whole life. And now
she's been married to ten years to an amazing man
that she loves. So if you are thinking of creating

(19:58):
a change for yourself, for the those of you who
are listening, one of the most powerful things that you
can do for yourself is go and travel to a
country where you can't speak the language, you can't read
the signs, you can't recognize the buildings. It is going
to throw you into fight or flights so hard because
you're not even gonna know where to go pin You're

(20:19):
not even going to know where to find food. You're
going to be driving around and going I don't even recognize.
It's going to freak you out, and it will blast
your brain open because you're gonna have to innovate and
create new neural pathways just to eat and go peek,
just to survive and do the basic human things. It
will alter you. So if you're trying to shake things

(20:40):
up right now, I'm telling you book a ticket to
a foreign country.

Speaker 2 (20:45):
Yeah, so I've been there, done that, and yes, yes,
harmony is very right.

Speaker 3 (20:50):
You have to get neural new neural pathways.

Speaker 2 (20:53):
I had to learn to speak and understand another language,
and I had to figure out where the toilet was,
and I had to figure out how to order the
food that I like to order. Yeah, and then of
course you can't shop on Sunday at all over there,
and then on Saturday it closes down at noon. So
it's like you don't get your stuff during the week,
then you don't get your stuff right. But these are

(21:14):
things that do they interrupt your pathways. And you know,
as you're talking about that.

Speaker 3 (21:19):
You know, my son.

Speaker 2 (21:21):
Was involved in drugs and stuff along time back and
in order for him to get out of that, and
this is what he tells all of his buddies that
I need help, He says, you.

Speaker 3 (21:33):
Got to move away from your friends.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
You got to get completely away where you know absolutely nobody,
and then you have to start over. Yep.

Speaker 4 (21:41):
One percent and absolutely if you're in an abusive situation
or you're in an addiction scenario, go and put yourself
in a situation that is completely outside of your world
so none of those triggers are there that are going
to pull you back. But also lean on support, you know,
get yourself a coach, go to AA, do whatever it

(22:03):
is that you need to do. But absolutely the best
thing that you can do is completely get yourself outside
of that situation altogether, because I don't know how many
people I've worked with that have come out of divorce situations.
And what's funny is a lot of the time, when
a person is in a relationship with a narcissist, the
narcissist is actually the one that engages the divorce. They're

(22:25):
the ones who actually start it. It's a play, right,
But then the person that ends up on the receiving
end of it. At first they're like, I don't want
this to be a thing. I don't want to get
divorced down. And then they get help and they start
working with me, and very quickly they do a one
eighty and go, oh my god, I'm so glad they
started that. I am so much better off. And then

(22:48):
they embrace it and they continue, and then the narcissist
is sitting there going, well, that's not they were supposed
to come running back. This is not what was supposed
to happen, because it was it was a game, you
know what I mean. So it's really funny the way
that it actually plays out. Like the best thing that
you can do if you know you need a life
change is invest in yourself by getting somebody who sees

(23:12):
you so much greater than you see yourself, that understands
your capacity and shows up with unconditional love for you
and sure leads you and holds you accountable and kicks
your heini and gives you the love and the support
that you need until you have the love and the
belief in yourself to invest in yourself.

Speaker 2 (23:34):
Right right right when I was referring to the to
the gal earlier that's been going through this, you know,
there's a team of us that are working with her.
I was recently brought into the team because because I
understood the AA sponsor aspect and they hadn't ever worked
with that. I'm like, when I'm working with my people
that are going through trauma, bonding, that's how we break

(23:57):
that is we have to you know me and I
talk you off the ledge. And it's the same way
with NAA or na sponsor, narcotics anonymous, or even food anonymous.
There is that coach that's there or that sponsor that's
there that you call that you talk to. He talks
you off that ledge and with having harmony there to

(24:20):
break that pattern and help you reprogram that pattern. It'd
make it so much easier. Like having this girl that
I'm assisting with that would have sped this whole process up,
we would be about fifty percent farther along had had
we had this in place way back when this started.

(24:41):
You know, like I said, I just come into this,
but you know, going back, you know, with my son
and seeing all the things that he has helped other
drug addicts get involved, you know, coming out of the drugs,
He's like, you have to get away from So he's
had people move out with him and stay with him

(25:02):
for a period of time until they get on their
feet or able to move to the.

Speaker 3 (25:05):
Next which is kind of what he did.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
He moved out here, so from Colorado to South Carolina
because his older brother was living out here, lived with.

Speaker 3 (25:13):
His oldest brother.

Speaker 2 (25:15):
He developed a life out here, got married, and then
his oldest brother moved back to Colorado. So they that help,
which what you're saying, get the help, the support that
you need. And I can tell you that having support
from just family is not enough. You need to have
somebody that's trained in what harmony does and what I do.

(25:37):
You need to have somebody that's trained in what you're dealing.

Speaker 4 (25:41):
With right, And to follow up what you said, let's
explore why that doesn't work. Why is it that they
need to lean on somebody?

Speaker 3 (25:53):
Now?

Speaker 4 (25:53):
If I'm in an abusive situation and I've let myself
be in that situation, where's my self worth? If I've
been in an addict for such a long time, where's
my self worth? I'm beating myself up for the choices
that I've been making, and in my mind, I'm a pos.
I'm not going to translate that for you guys, because
I'd be swearing. But self worth is on the floor. Okay?

(26:15):
So am I going to invest in myself when my
self worth is that low? And my relationship of integrity
with myself, my relationship of trust with myself is non existent?
So what need? And your family you've been disappointing or
arguing with and all the rest of that for your
whole life. You cannot create the relationship that you need

(26:38):
in familial relationships that'll help you get out of it.
You can't. They are not meant to be your healer.
The reason that it works when you get a mentor
outside of your world is because when you bring on
a coach or an expert. They are an authority. You
don't want to let down. You don't want to disappoint.

(27:00):
It's going to hurt you to disappoint and let them down.
You don't ever want them to look at you and go,
I'm disappointed. I can't believe you. Those are words you
are terrified of hearing. So the motivation to not let
your coach down, your sponsor down, is what drives you

(27:21):
to stay sober, to stay out of the relationship because
you seek the praise and you fear the disappointment. You're
actually looking to them to hold you accountable until one
day you look in the mirror and you love yourself again,
and then you don't want to let yourself down. But

(27:42):
that happens over time.

Speaker 3 (27:44):
This is why it.

Speaker 4 (27:45):
Is so important to look outside of your world of friends,
of family, of the people that you know, to somebody
that you look at as an authority that you can
turn to and go, this is a person I don't
want to let down or disappoint. I am going to
strive to make them happy, right And.

Speaker 2 (28:07):
You know, in my case with my clients, I tend
to be a very I hate to use the term
in your face, but I'm very realistic about what my
clients going through divorce are going to deal with, especially
when they're coming out of a narcissistic type relationship, you know,
being with a toxic person for so long. These people

(28:28):
do the same thing, like I can almost tell you, oh,
well they did that, so they're going to do this next,
and they're going to do this down there, and and
so that's you know, I have clients sort of like, oh,
I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that,
and it's like, no, we're going to prepare by documenting this,
and and then I just kind of throw the mud

(28:48):
in their face. I let them see that this is
what we're going to deal with and we've got a
long haul to this. And so when my clients get
through that mud, they're like, Wow, you were not kidding
when you said that, And I'm like, yes, but they
were able to go through that, just like the clients
that work with you. They're able to go through that

(29:09):
because they have the support of a professional who's trained
and understands what they're doing.

Speaker 4 (29:15):
With the client one hundred percent. Absolutely, I've been through
the process so many times over the last decade, and
having somebody you can turn to because a divorce. It's
so hard to say, but it's a war with many battles,
it really is, especially when you're dealing with somebody that's abusive,
a toxic and so if you can really have somebody

(29:38):
that's in your back pocket so that when another attack comes,
you can feel the trigger, you can feel the emotion.
Because if you're if you've been entrenched in a relationship
with somebody for more than a decade and you're trying
to come out of it, guess what, they know how
to push every single one of your buttons, every single
one of them, and they're on the war path, so
that's what they're going for. It leaves you powerless because

(30:02):
it makes you reactive, and they're counting and relying on
that to manipulate you. So when you have somebody that
understands how this process works and how to diffuse these
things and how to hold space for you to vent
your emotions in a safe space and then respond strategically
in a high vibration way. When you're back to logic,

(30:23):
then you are overcoming all of these battles and responding
in the best way for you to get the ultimate
outcome that you seek, and I've done this so many
times with people like you have, and when they come
out the other end, they're like, if I had been
left to my own, I would have done so many things.

(30:45):
And I am so glad that I was able to
come to you and I was able to curse and
swear and lose my and then circle back and do
what you guided me to do, because every single time
you guided me to respond with love, I'm telling you,
if i'd been I just wouldn't have done that. And
I'm so glad you helped me do that, because look

(31:05):
at what we've created. Like, I did all the right things,
and I dealt with the judges, and I dealt with
I did, and it all okay. Now I can start again,
and I feel good about myself because I navigated that
in the most high vibration way possible. And I think
that's something that's really beautiful to be able to hold
space for a person to do, to be able to
look back at a multi year war with many battles,

(31:29):
and to be able to stand with their head held
high because they know they navigated it in the most
beautiful way possible.

Speaker 2 (31:36):
Yeah, and it just gives them strength and you know
this is I swear all of my clients will say this,
and I'm sure that you've heard it a million times
as well. They're like, oh my god, why did I
get myself into this? And they kicked their own butt?

Speaker 3 (31:50):
Right. Yes, yes, their vibration.

Speaker 2 (31:53):
As you put it a minute ago, their vibration did
pull that in. But because they need to work on
that part. But you can't beat yourself up because and
then we go into the spiritual realm where we can say,
you created this before you came to this body. This
is the sole aspect of what you needed to go

(32:13):
through this fire. This specific fire is for your benefit,
not for your detriment. Once you get through this, just
like you're saying, they go through this and they're like wow,
and they're so strong. They get through that other side
and they're a whole different person. And that's what I
do with my people. I hope that the majority of

(32:36):
my clients come to me before they make the decision
to get a divorce, if not immediately after that, right
so that we can start not just working on the
divorce on my end, but working on they're healing. As
they're starting to step forward in the to do lists
of the divorce. They don't even realize that these things
are happening now. With you, they're coming for that change.

(32:57):
With me, it's just going to naturally start to happen.
And it's like I had a phone message the other
day from one of my really close friends. She goes,
I don't know how I'm going to get over this.
She says, I don't want to feel angry at him anymore.
And it's like, it's okay to feel angry. And I said,
you're going to need to talk to a therapist or somebody,

(33:18):
because it's not like you can just drop it and
walk away and it's gone.

Speaker 3 (33:22):
You can't just do that.

Speaker 2 (33:24):
Just like what you do, you're reprogramming those neuros so
that they have a different response in the end, and
it's not an overnight thing. I love that you.

Speaker 4 (33:36):
Just brought that up because it brings a particular story
to mine with a client, and I think it's one
of the most powerful examples because I think when you
hear this, you're gonna think she's justified in being pissed,
and yet I shifted her perspective. So one of my
clients came to me going through a divorce with a
narcissistic husband. Instead of calling them an ex, I call

(33:56):
them a husband. You guys, let's get more positive about
the terms that we're using. It helps. So she called me,
and he decided that he was going to move two
thousand miles away to go be with his parents. Now
he would be leaving two small children behind and abandoning them. Now,
I know all of you guys are like, well, he's

(34:17):
a big jerk. He's leaving his kids behind. How could
he abandon his children? She has every right to be mad,
I hear you, And she has a right to her emotions.

Speaker 3 (34:25):
Now.

Speaker 4 (34:25):
She called me angry and crying and seething and just
trauma out the wazoo, like the psychic trauma was real.
She was feeling all of it, and most of it
was because she was feeling protective of her children. She
was angry for her children because daddy was abandoning them.
And I stopped and said, hold on a second, who's

(34:48):
looking after him? You just moved back to your parents' place,
and you've got love, and you've got your siblings, and
you are surrounded with a love arena where you're getting
to heal and recollect yourself. Does he have because he's
broken too. He's hurting too, and she was like nobody,
and where's he going back to his parents? Oh? So

(35:12):
he's going back to his parents to get what love?
Oh so you're going to get mad at him because
he's broken after a fourteen year marriage and he's going
back to get love from his mum and dad to
collect himself. Can you explain to me why that's justified.
He deserves love too, He deserves to lick his wounds,

(35:33):
he deserves to heal as well. So how about we
circle back and think about this for a second, and
when we're talking to the children, we say, Daddy's going
to go get hugs and love from his mommy and
daddy because his heart is hurting too and he needs
love and snuggles. And when he's ready and he's feeling better,
he'll come back and be a better daddy because he'll

(35:55):
have gotten the Loven snuggles that I give you guys,
and that you guys want me. Anytime you guys fall
out in the yard, you can come and I can
kiss your booboos and give you hugs. Well, he's going
to get his booboos kissed, and we need to support that,
and she was like, I never thought about his pain.
I never thought about what he was going through and

(36:17):
what he needed, and I just immediately took all the
anger away. We always need to think about what is
going on from the perspective of the other person. Yeah,
it's easy to villainize them when you look at the actions.
Now let's step back and look at the motivator, because
the motivator always takes you back to love every single time.

(36:40):
Narcissists are not villains. They are deeply wounded human beings
that have created protection mechanisms. They are deeply wounded, and
we need to stop attacking them because they're not villains.
They're hurting too. Sometimes we can work with them and
they can heal with the right practitioner support. Some times

(37:00):
it's so deeply entrenched that we have to let them
go and wish them love and healing. But villainizing them
is not the answer at all. Ever, Love always is
the answer, and it starts with letting go of the
behavior and stepping back and looking at the motivator. You
will always find love when you can do that.

Speaker 2 (37:21):
Yeah, and so so often, you know, especially early on
when I'm working with my clients. We don't start changing
that right away, but we definitely have to get just
we have to get that changed so that they don't
go into court or hopefully they don't go to court
at all.

Speaker 3 (37:39):
Hopefully the change will create change.

Speaker 2 (37:42):
Enough that they can mediate, but usually my clients can't
mediate with their abuser. But the reality is is once
you feel better in your heart and you don't have
that hate, and again it takes time to get over that,
but once you you are able to let go of that,
oh my god, your world changes. The world of your children,

(38:05):
change the world of the people you help and work with,
and da da da da da, the whole world changes
just because you are able to let.

Speaker 3 (38:15):
Go of that hate.

Speaker 2 (38:17):
And there's so many people and in fact, there's clients
that I have turned down after working with them for
a little while because they refuse to let go of
the hate or in one client's case, the hurt of
a lost child from seventeen years ago. Her marriage crumbled
because she sat on the couch for seventeen years hurting.

Speaker 4 (38:43):
Unfortunately, a lot of people get so attached to their
pain body that you know, they trust and rely on
their ability to receive attention and love as a result
of being in that and and they don't understand that
actually letting it go and expanding and being love can

(39:06):
get them attention, and nobody explains this to them, and
so they don't even know that that's what they're utilizing
to get attention because these programs start when they're children.
The only way that they get attention from mommy and
daddy is making a mess or causing a problem or
getting into trouble. But when they're being good, they get
neglected and ignored, and so it creates what I call

(39:29):
a trauma drama program where you create drama to get
attention and until you learn that that is a thing
that you do. And with every client that I work with,
whenever they surface something, we always ask if they have
trauma drama programs so they can check in with themselves
and release and resolve that, because it's not just like
you have one I'm sorry, guys, we have many, and

(39:51):
we need to check ourselves and resolve that many times over. Okay,
But when you can understand that and learn how to
reconcile this stuff and how to step into love as
your way of getting attention, and you don't need to
seek attention. If you are love, you'll just naturally attract it.

(40:13):
It completely changes the circle that you have around you,
the people that you have around you, because instead of
people being repelled by your trauma drama, they're actually attracted
to you because people want to spend time around love, right.
People do not want to spend time around a person
who has hound dog on a nail syndrome and is

(40:34):
bitching and whiny and complaining all day. I'm just saying,
you have a shelf life if you're acting that way,
and it starts withholding ourselves accountable, understanding if you are
wine powered, you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Because I'm just saying, people don't want to listen to
people whining all day. They just don't. I've got a

(40:54):
dog that I'm puppy sitting right down. I'm telling you,
he's wine powered and he's driving me nuts. He's adorable,
but it's irritating.

Speaker 2 (41:02):
So that's why people going through divorce don't have the
support of their friends after a period of time, because
they get tired, right.

Speaker 4 (41:08):
Because it's like, how many times do I need to
hear about the drama? And I just don't want to
be around it, right, So hire somebody that you're paying
to listen to your drama and help you reconcile it
so that at the end of the day, you're not
going on dates talking about all of your exes and
carrying that baggage along with you into future relationships because

(41:29):
nobody wants to hear it ever at all.

Speaker 3 (41:32):
Amen, So we were actually coming to the end.

Speaker 2 (41:36):
This has been such a fun conversation that I haven't
paid attention to our time. But all of your content
information will be below. But so tell us how people
can get a hold of you.

Speaker 4 (41:49):
So there's a couple of different things that you can
do to engage with me. One, you can just book
a free call. It's free to book a thirty minute
call with me if you want to share your story
and we can have a discussion as to what's best
for you. You have the option of being able to work
with me one on one if you're the kind of
a person that's like, absolutely, this amazing woman is a powerhouse.
I wanted to kick my ass and let's do this. Absolutely,

(42:12):
I'm here to give you the one on one attention
that you need. I also have a beautiful membership that
is for people that are not necessarily in a space
where they've got a lot to spend on the one
on one coaching where you can come in and you
can actually go through course content and watch interviews and
get the support that you need in a much more
affordable way. And that's the Awakened Relationship Society. So you

(42:34):
can come in and book a free call with me,
and I can direct you to either or because it
costs zero dollars for us to have a conversation. So
I would say your first step, just book a call
with me and let's hang out and have a conversation
and I will hold space with love for whatever you
have going on, and then direct you in whichever direction

(42:55):
that you need to go that's going to suit your
highest good based on where.

Speaker 3 (42:59):
You're at on your any amen amen.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
And So for those of you who don't know, I'm
a certified divorce coach, and that means that I'm trained
in the complexities divorce. I have also experienced abuse in
a relationship, psychological as well as physical. My father has
dealt with both psychological and physical. Picking him up from

(43:24):
the hospital the last time after he was run over
with a duly pickup truck and my late husband went
through a torturous marriage and a torturous divorce seven years,
three hundred thousand dollars. So not only am I trained
in divorce, I understand it firsthand. So that alone helps

(43:46):
you to move from where you're at to moving forward.
You can contact me by email at Coach Tina Lynn
at gmail dot com.

Speaker 3 (43:55):
That CoA C H t I n A L. Y
En at Gmail.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
My website is Divorcecoachspecialist dot com and you can find
me on social media Facebook under Tina Lynn Huggins that's
hu ggis under LinkedIn under Tina Huggins.

Speaker 3 (44:14):
Instagram is Divorce.

Speaker 2 (44:16):
Coach Tina Lynn and TikTok under Divorce Tina So harmony,
what would be a great piece of advice that you
can offer our listeners right now?

Speaker 4 (44:29):
Become what you want to attract. The everything that you
create is created by this beautiful, powerful mind that nobody
can even begin to understand. Neuroscientists are still trying to
map out the brilliance of our own minds. If you
want to change your reality, start by going on a

(44:52):
journey to create a relationship with your mind. And if
you don't know what that looks like, then work with
somebody that has spent over a decade mastering now so
that you can start to walk that path, because that
is where it starts. You create a beautiful relationship with yourself,
and everything in your reality changes and flows with ease

(45:12):
and grace. I can promise you that, I can promise
you that invest in you and just watch everything flow
with ease.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
So and my advice is that, just like Harmony said,
it's free to have that consult with her, Please book
that consult find out what.

Speaker 3 (45:34):
She has to offer.

Speaker 2 (45:35):
But I would suggest if you can invest in the
one on one with her, that would be the very
best and the very quickest way for you to get
out of this mess in your head that's been going
on for how long that drew you to this toxic
partner and maybe the next and the next and so on.
So working with Harmony can create a whole different reality

(46:01):
for you in the very near future.

Speaker 3 (46:03):
So that's my advice for you.

Speaker 4 (46:06):
I think if they played with both of us, they
would have a dynamic duo that would set them up
for success. I'm just going to suggest that.

Speaker 3 (46:14):
Go through the divorce and then work on the other
end of that but.

Speaker 4 (46:17):
One hundred percent seriously, I mean the specialties in the
background and the experience that both of us have is
diverse and yet synergistic, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (46:28):
The synergy is definitely an important part when you have
two people working together or two or more.

Speaker 3 (46:35):
So very good.

Speaker 2 (46:37):
So many people, including myself, which I didn't talk about
on this show. We get through that divorce, we get
through places where we have suicidal ideation, and I can
tell you that is not a safe place for you
to be.

Speaker 3 (46:51):
It is not a good place. I know.

Speaker 2 (46:52):
I've been there. So when you get to that part,
please call somebody. You can call the National Suicide Prevention
hot Line at nine eight eight. That's the same number
in Canada and in the US nine to eight eight.
Get somebody on the line, talk to them, let them
talk you off that ledge.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
You do not want to do that. This is all
based on your current pain at this moment. There is also.

Speaker 2 (47:18):
In the Netherlands you can also reach that prevention hotline
at one one three. Get that support, get help, help,
let them talk you off the ledge. If you are
in a place where you need to have the police
there right now here. In the US, it's nine to
one one. It is nine nine nine in the Netherlands
and one one two in the UK. Call press charges

(47:42):
on the other person. Those charges are your key out
of the relationship. Don't drop those charges. The abuse that
happens generally after you drop the charges is worse than
that before. Use those charges as your key out of
that relationship. The Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached at
eight hundred seven nine nine seven two three three. That

(48:02):
number again is eight hundred and seven ninety nine seventy
two thirty three. I also ask that you like, comment
and share this information so that it can help other people.

Speaker 3 (48:13):
So thank you so much, Harmony for being here.

Speaker 4 (48:17):
Thank you so much for having me. It's such a
blessing to have a conversation with you and to be
able to reach out to your beautiful audience.

Speaker 2 (48:26):
Well, I'm so glad that your beautiful face got to
reach out to our audience.

Speaker 3 (48:30):
So thank you very much.

Speaker 4 (48:32):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (48:33):
Until next time.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
You're listening to WGSNDB going Solo Network Singles Talk Radio channel,
where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach to discussions
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and yes Sex. Join our listeners and begin living your
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