November 4, 2025 • 49 mins
💖 Rabbi Talks Love — Join Guest Ari Ehrlich, a/k/a Rabbi Flow, Life & Relationship Coach, Intuitive Guide, and Mentor based in Israel, together with Host Tina Huggins, CDC Divorce Coach, on The Awakening. Discover a heartfelt discussion on love, faith, healing, and the power of spiritual connection in relationships. Streamed on NEWStreamingNetwork.com.
More About Tina: Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor.
Connect with Tina: Email: coachtinalynn@gmail.com Website: https://divorcecoachspecialist.com/
More about Rabbi Flow: Ari Ehrlich, also known as Rabbi Flow is a life and relationship coach, intuitive guide, and mentor based in Israel. His work blends modern coaching and somatic tools with timeless wisdom from Judaism, helping men and women navigate love, intimacy, and the art of conscious relationships.
Connect with Rabbi Flow: (917) 497-6094 linkedin.com/in/ariehrlich rabbiflow.com
More About Tina: Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor.
Connect with Tina: Email: coachtinalynn@gmail.com Website: https://divorcecoachspecialist.com/
More about Rabbi Flow: Ari Ehrlich, also known as Rabbi Flow is a life and relationship coach, intuitive guide, and mentor based in Israel. His work blends modern coaching and somatic tools with timeless wisdom from Judaism, helping men and women navigate love, intimacy, and the art of conscious relationships.
Connect with Rabbi Flow: (917) 497-6094 linkedin.com/in/ariehrlich rabbiflow.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to WGSNDB Going Solo Network Singles talk radio channel,
where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach to discussions
on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting, being single, relationships, building, dating,
and yes sex. Join our listeners and begin living your
best life.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hello, and welcome to our show, The Awakening here on WGSNDB,
the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The information and
opinions expressed on this show are just that the opinions
of the individual speaking based on their individual personal experience.
They do not intend to diagnose and do not constitute
(00:49):
professional advice or recommendations. So you know that pain, the stress,
the struggle that divorcing men and women go through, well,
there is a way to find peace and keep your sanity,
all while assisting your attorney as you go through the process,
saving you thousands of dollars as you move through the process.
(01:13):
My name's Tina Huggins. I'm your divorce Coach Specialist, divorce
planning specialist, restored, a family mediator and conflictional co parenting
coach and joining me here today and we're going to
see if I can say his name right is aried
Rich and I kind of butchered it right there at
the end. But Ari is also known, as you can
(01:35):
see in his logo here, as Rabbi Flow. Rabbi Flow
is a life and relationship coach, intuitive guide, and mentor
based in Israel. I find that really wonderful, and just
so that you all know, he's here in the middle
of his night to join us, so we have to
make sure that we welcome him. So Rabbi Flow's work
(01:59):
blends modern coaching and somatic tools with timeless wisdom from
Jerusalem or from Judaea, from Judaism. Say this all right,
So Rabbi Flow loves helping men and navigate love, intimacy,
and the art of conscious relationships. So welcome Rabbi Flow.
(02:24):
I am so glad that you're joining me here today.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Happy to be here, singer.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Thank you. And we talked briefly just beforehand, and I said, well, yeah,
it's in the middle of the night, and he says
he also has a cold, so he's doing this to
be here with you guys and to give this information
to you. So thank you so much again for being
in the middle of your night and not feeling well
and still coming. So I find the fact that one
(02:55):
that you're based in Jerusalem to be such a wonderful
especially where you are a rabbi. And then the fact
that as you help people with their love and intimacy
and I love conversations around intimacy, a lot of people
don't understand that. And I've had a couple of relationship
(03:17):
professionals talk about intimacy even different on two different sides
of the relationship thing. So what made you decide to
come and do this stuff?
Speaker 3 (03:34):
The coaching in general was a calling. I really hadn't
found a career path that was satisfying to me until
I went into really helping people. And when I did that,
I discovered that I had more capacity for reading people
intuitively guiding them than I had thought. And so one
(03:54):
of those discoveries over the years, especially within the past year,
has been relationship coaching two people at the same time
and how to relate to each other, which is an
entirely different skill set and requires the holding of a
presence that's large enough to hold two people that are
often in conflict one with another, which is much different
(04:16):
than holding presence for one person who you have no
conflict with at all, or a person who's really in
conflict with themselves. So that was really it just kind
of flowed out of work with individuals who were talking
about struggles they had in their relationships and they're one
(04:36):
of them asked if I could see him and his
wife or she yes, if I could see her and
her husband together, and we tried it out and lo
and behold, I discovered that I could do that too.
So it just started working out really well, started talking
about it, more people came and it also worked well.
(04:58):
So it just it's somewhat snowballed from there into like
a huge focus of what I do now.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Awesome. So because you actually use Jujaism in your bio,
because you're going in that, do you find that you
are working with more people that are Jewish or is
it just a mix?
Speaker 3 (05:22):
No? No, the wisdom really applies universally, you know. I
often have heard stories even from other cultures and face
that I use because wisdom is wisdom and truth is
truth and you take it where you can get it.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Amen. So I myself, I'm not a relationship coach by far,
and my work sometimes crosses in because I do mediation work,
not to separate families. I actually do mediation to keep
a family, more so parents and children together, because we
have young children that have gotten in trouble with the law, CPS,
(06:00):
or something to that effect. And so I just recently
had a situation with a husband and wife where, you know,
as you were talking, I was picturing everything that we
went through. And I'm not coaching them. I am giving
them a couple of tools in the communication because we've
got to get a child back in the house. And
(06:21):
I find what you just said there that the wisdom
It doesn't matter where they come from. And in this
specific situation, we have two ethnic groups, two totally opposite
ethnic groups that are raised you know, in opposite culture looks.
You know, one is very strict and the other one
is not strict at all. And that point where Spirit
(06:47):
comes in and gives you guidance, I think I feel that. Yes,
I like the word calling, but I feel very privileged
to be in that seat where Spirit has asked me
to hold space for these people.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Yeah, yeah, and I think that. I mean, in the end,
that's really what holds people together is a deeper spiritual
connection and a value system that says that we the
unity of us is more important than anything else that
can tries to get in the way. When people start
to discover that experience, that taste and feel that become
(07:29):
a reality, then the other issues tend to dissolve.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
I agree with that. And I had this conversation with
one person from a family member or from the family whole,
and when I was talking with them, they came in
and they were talking real fast, real loud, trying to
get their point across. And as I was talking with them,
(07:55):
you know, the holding the space is so important. And
I work through things to where I just ask questions.
That's my job is to try and figure out what's
going on. Not so much me figure it out, but
the client I'm working with to figure it out. And
I pointed out to them after we had spent almost
two hours together, I'm like, have you noticed that you're
(08:19):
not raising your voice, You're not talking fast? And they're like,
oh my gosh, I hadn't even noticed.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Yeah, that's kind of I think connected to what I
allude to earlier, which is when you hold the space
for the two of them, you know, you find a
way to help people regulate their nervous systems with each other.
And I think a lot of what really helps people
(08:50):
make lasting changes is helping them become aware of when
these things are happening within them. Like when you said, well,
do you realize that you're calm now? And they're like, oh, wow,
I am. Because if a person notices when they're calm,
then they also start notice, say, when they're stressed. And
if they notice when they're stressed, they start to pause
and think, wait a second, maybe my mind is telling
me is not true. And that pause saves situations from
(09:15):
getting worse and really saves relationships entirely when you develop
that pause of awareness of realizing, hold on, this is
not going where it should go, and then you get
the reins and the control back.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Yeah. Yeah, I as you were talking, there's an incident
where I was working with a couple a few months
ago and I get to the end of my work
and I always like to say, need their takeaway. But
then because of the organization that I work with have
(09:53):
we have other mediators or coaches that are in the
background that's helping support the family, right, and in their
communication with their coach, the first thing that they said
when they were asked, so what did you take away?
So now it's a day or so after right, they said,
well I took away that I need to take my
(10:14):
wife out on more dates. I thought that was kind
of interesting because that didn't come out right. We were talking,
so how often do you see or let me re
ask that question, what kind of changes do you see
usually first in the coaching process when you're working with
a couple.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Well, you never really know, Like people are very different
in how they change. And the example you gave was
like a really good example in the sense that you
didn't talk about something, but something about what you talked
about clicked, probably because this is something that this person
heard before. There's something that they were thinking of doing,
but this weren't pulling the trigger on it, and they realized, Oh,
that little voice in my head that's said to spend
(11:02):
more time with my wife, Oh, now I know that
I should listen to that, because something in the conversation
revealed to him that by not listening to it, things
were going to go in the wrong direction, you know.
So I think that when you're doing when a session
(11:25):
is going well, when a session is going well, dialogues
are forming. They're forming between the people and the session,
between me and the clients, between the two people sitting
in front of me and each other, and there's also
dialogue forming within themselves. So the fact that this person
thought of an idea that you didn't even speak about
means that his internal dialogue was opened and he's changing,
(11:49):
which means that he'll show up differently, which means that
his wife will respond differently now to him, because he's
coming in a different energy in a different way. So
it's hard to describe exactly what it is because it
can be so different depending on the needs of the
people and the problems they're presenting. But the overarching theme
(12:14):
in any conversation, any therapeutic conversation, good coaching conversation that's
going well is that things that we're stuck are opening up,
and things that we're hidden are becoming revealed, and things
that used to feel too unsafe to get near are
open out and exposed, and were we actually feel okay
(12:37):
doing it. We're not flooded and overwhelmed by it, which
is something that a person a person and a practitioner
both need to be very cautious of, which is in
the effort to try to fix something, not try to
pry open things that aren't ready to be opened. And
make it worse. So it's a delicate process.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Yeah, that actually happened to me. I was going through
training years and years ago, and in my life there
had been some less station that took place, and it
came something that was in the therapy that we were
doing that day that we were practicing. This came out
(13:21):
and I wasn't ready for it, and the practitioner thought
it would be just good kind of training to demonstrate
what can happen through going through this therapy, what you
can bring out. And because I wasn't prepared for that,
it took me probably two years or longer to actually
(13:43):
come to a place that I could grasp what I
had learned on that day and take and put all
the pieces to my puzzle. So I really like that
you say that. You know, sometimes we as a practitioner,
whatever we are serving our clients as that we need
(14:05):
to make sure and this, to me, this is where
this connection comes in. If we try not to be
overly human and just think our way through it and
let our heart work our way through it. I think
that we tend to process things best. And in my case,
I don't know how you work. I don't open those
(14:26):
boxes for my clients, I dig into the box and
let them open it from the inside out.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Yeah, So I think it's a really important topic, especially
I think today there's a lot of people doing things
that are designed to bring up a lot all at once,
and it's important to know that there are no shortcuts.
So like when you take the risk of doing something
(15:00):
that's designed to do a lot very quickly, you know,
let's say by taking, for example, a psychedelic which is like,
I'm not against it, but when you do something like that,
or as a practitioner, you try you try a technique,
like there's certain techniques that are going to really bring
(15:20):
things up for people, if not a techniques or different
techniques designed to simulate, you know, unconscious patterns that are
usually hidden. When you do that, you run number one,
the risk that's going to go very not well, and
you know, you dug the person into a bigger hole
(15:40):
because the person's come expecting something therapeutic and has now
just been re traumatized. So there's not just trauma from
their life, there's trauma from healing the things in their life.
So now they're doubly stuck. And then within the within,
within the realm, of working with a couple. Now there's
not just trauma in the relationship, but the trauma even
(16:01):
when it comes to trying to fix the relationship. So
now they're even doubly stuck. But on top of that,
even if it goes well and very well, now you
have to deal with integration, which means the really good
feeling that you feel from this process is going to
fade and you're going to come back into real life,
and now you're going to have to work backwards to
(16:22):
get to where you did in that moment of that
session or that experience, and you're going to have to
deal with the disappointment that no, it's not going to
be easy and it's going to be hard, and now
that you've tasted what it could be, you're going to
be in some points, maybe even less satisfied with the
small steps that you're making because they're not quite to
(16:43):
that experience that you have that you want to get
back to. So you have to be very very careful.
You know, I think that people don't value enough the
impact of gentle progress in the right place. Nothing fancy,
nothing too crazy, nothing to talk about, nothing to write
(17:06):
home about, but just simply we had a conversation and
we were able to discuss something and we figured it out.
And you figure one thing out, you figure another thing out.
You work one thing out, you work something else out.
When you can do that consistently over time, you build
a trust with your spouse, you build a trust within yourself,
(17:27):
and then you end up really accomplishing much more than
you realize that you're accomplishing because you're just doing it
in babysits as opposed to in desperation of trying to
like release it like a huge chunk, like I used
to approach therapy for myself that like, oh, I just
want to get rid of this stuff. I just want
to feel better. I just want to do something that's
(17:48):
going to make it better. It doesn't work that way.
We go through what we go through for a reason.
It's part of who we are and we need to
learn from it and realize it was part of our experience.
And so it's not something to reject, this saw something
to throw out or trash. It's actually something to have
deep thinking about, really integrate, learn from, and be able
(18:12):
to actually thank God, the universe, whatever you believe in
for the experiences that you have because they've shaped who
you are. It's really embracing a whole self which has
done very well in a much more typically done well
in a much more gradual process, although sometimes there are
(18:33):
situations where you could use a boost. So not negating
all the other techniques and stuff out there. It's there
for a reason, but it's important to know what the
risks and the pros and cons of different approaches aren't
to really give it a good gut feel or a
gut check or really good thought in terms of what
you think is best for you in the season that
you're in.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
And you know, I like the fact that you say
gut check. I believe in our into very much, so
I believe that that's where God talks to each of us,
is to our intuition through the gut. However, people want
to look at that through the heart, and I think
that's super important. And that was one of the reasons
why I really wanted you to come on after we
(19:15):
had talked that first time. Your connection with spirit to
me was just was great. And everybody has a different look.
You know. I had a gentleman on the show here
a few weeks back. His name is Josse, and jose
came from Mexico and we were talking about the deviations
(19:36):
of single fatherhood in Mexico. So he's an American, but
he works in the co parenting aspect and it's rare
to have a man come into that field and then
we have I think I've actually talked to more male
coaches that are that are working in the relationship coaching
(19:58):
field than females, and I find that to be extremely
interesting and wonderful because I think that most men, and
I know, I deal with men in my work all
the time. That's who I focus on, and the men
that come to me, they struggle with their communication skills
(20:20):
about specific topics. They might be able to talk about
their work and their certain things very well, but when
it comes to talking about, say, intimacy, when they may
not have all the dots connected even to even get
to where they need to, and I think being able
to come to the table with a male coach is
(20:44):
super great for them. So do you find that in
the work that you're doing.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
Yeah, I definitely think that when you're coaching men as
a man, you can talk to a man as a man,
and when you're coaching women as a woman, you can
talk to you know, a woman as a woman, you know,
and so there's definitely advantages wherever you are in terms
of how you communicate in terms of like as a
man working with women, I think one of the advantages
(21:13):
of that is you can tell a woman what it's
like for a man that in a way that a
woman couldn't. So you try to do the best you can,
you know, based on who you are and who you're
working with. But I in terms of what you said
about men, very often I've noticed an individual and couple's
work that men who are very very intelligent and very
(21:33):
good communicators and very well thought out people are lacking
a certain emotional literacy that once you start making just
a few connections for them, they can pick it up
really quickly. I worked with a couple where I was
I was like really not sure if it was going
(21:54):
to work because the guy was like such a guy
kind of a guy. He was still not into this
kind of stuff in this work, and I was like
afraid I'd be even be able to communicate or get
through to him. And to my surprise, like every single
concept I tried to teach him, once I explained it
to him in a logical way, he got it, and
he applied it so quickly to the point where like,
(22:16):
this is a marriage that's been going on for decades,
the sons going to college, almost considering divorce, and within
three four months they were so happy that they just
didn't need to work anymore. You know. It was like
really really astounding to see. So it's yeah, some men
have They have their lives together, they have their work together,
they have their friendships together, but intimate conversations they don't.
(22:41):
They just never really got the language and were given
just the very subtle touch points that they needed to
figure it out. And once they're given to them, they
just they get it and they do really well. One
of the stories I can give that would best describe
this is from a book called Kids Beyond Limits by
not Neil, which is I think the book that's most
(23:02):
influenced my life in terms of who I am and
how I work. It's a book about her a Knots
experiences dealing with kids with many different challenges autism, cerebral palsy,
and other things. But it's really it's really a book
about understanding how the human brain works. And one of
the stories in that book that she tells us about
(23:23):
a child that had a certain procedure done when he
was born or she was born. I don't remember if
it was a boy or a girl. We'll just say
for the sake of this one. She was born and
her body was in the lower body trunk and legs
were in a cast for the first six months of life.
And so when the cast was removed, you know, everything
(23:45):
was normal about this baby, other than that it wouldn't
move its lower body, like its legs stayed fused together,
as if they were actually fused together, but like anatomically,
physically they weren't. But they know Otpt or whoever else
they took this kid to was able to get the
kid to move its legs independently. And she was already
like two years old and like stiff as a board.
(24:09):
So Annat, you know, approaches her and studies her and
realizes this girl's brain has not yet even mapped out
that there are two legs. Like you see it. You
see a girl with two legs, You think, how could
she not realize she has two legs? But the truth
(24:30):
is is that, like we don't really see or understand
things about ourselves unless we get to feel them, unless
we experience them. Otherwise we don't see it. And so
what she did was the very clever idea is she
asked this girl, what's your favorite animal? And she said
a dog, and she drew a dog on her right knee.
And she said, what's your next favorite animal, and she
(24:50):
said a cat, and she drew a cat on her
left knee. Then she said, look, dog on this knee,
cat on that knee, and the child immediately went into
a trance, not realize that this girl's brains for the
first time is mapping that she has two legs. And
then after they tried so many times to force this
girl's legs to move independently of each other and not
(25:10):
started to gently touch her legs and move them separately,
one from the other, and eventually she learned how to
do everything she needs to do and is walking probably today.
So and I've seen this in my work countless times,
where people can be incredibly stuck, like they're emotionally stuck,
(25:31):
like this baby was physically stuck. Because it's not because
of some deep issue with their mother or their father
or some deep trauma you have to un cup. Sometimes
it's really simple. This person just hasn't made a connection,
an emotional and mental emotional connection with how they experience
(25:52):
their feelings. Just like this baby didn't make a connection
between how she was experiencing her legs and her body.
Is you show that to someone and you just help
them become aware of it their brains like, oh, I
got it, and now it's fine, and now it just
runs with it and it's like it understands it immediately,
(26:13):
you know. So I don't even know how that started,
but I hope I answer your question.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Oh, I love that. One of the things that I've
had to help parents understand when they're taking care of
little kids. A lot of times, I'll have grandparents that
have ended up with a child due to the family situations,
and they're like, I don't understand this kid, And I
explained to them, well, that child hasn't developed the EQ
(26:43):
the emotional knowledge that they need to know. They don't
know what sad is versus mad, So you have to
help them understand. So does this feel like you're mad
that you're angry and make the face or does this
feel like you're sad the face? Then the child actually goes, oh,
this feels sad, and then they're able to label that emotion.
(27:08):
So when you were talking about the legs, that was
the visual that I was getting. I'm like, oh my gosh,
this is so you know, making the neural connections just
like you said in this child didn't know that it
could move its legs, didn't know it even had legs,
And it's just because those neural connectors hadn't learned to
fire back and forth yet.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Exactly. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Yeah, And I think that's important even us as adults.
And there's so many adults, and I don't want to
blanket this over the men, but men were raised and
hopefully we're starting to see some of this shift a
little bit other what I call old world cultures like
they're in Jerusalem. Even it's that the man does a
(27:53):
man's work, the woman does a woman's work. She's the mom,
and he brings home the food whatever to the family rate.
So we have these these fathers that have never been
taught as little boys that they have emotions, and they're
taught not to cry. You know, you fall down and
hit your knee, Well, don't cry, You've got to be
(28:14):
a big boy. Well, now they're an adult and they
lose a family member, will they don't cry? Because crying
means that you're a whimp, and that is not the
way to handle your emotions. Locking them inside your body
hurts your physical body down the road.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Yeah, I mean this opens up a whole nother discussion,
which is like, what really is masculinity and femininity? What
is the role of a man versus the rule of woman?
You know? And I think that don't I don't think
that people had it wrong in previous generations, but as
you think that current generations don't interpret correctly what was
(28:57):
really going on in healthy I mean, there's always been
healthy marriages and unhealthy marriages. That's why there's always been
marriage and divorce, you know. But very often, like you see,
you see a way that a culture has of doing things,
and you don't really understand the reasoning behind it, even
(29:18):
the people doing it don't understand the reasoning behind it
or the depth behind it. And you have this with
like many spiritual traditions. You know, I've met people in
you know, in my faith and other faiths who you know,
have radically different understandings of their own text and their
own tradition, and you know, both have experiences of seeing people,
you know, people that are more spiritually aware and conscious
(29:41):
all know that most of what's being done in their
respective religion is a misinterpretation of the truth, you know,
and that's rampant in every single community and everywhere, because
you know, the the truth really is a higher level
of self awareness, which is hard to come by. It
(30:04):
just that's really you know that that's it's growing and
people are learning more, but it is hard to come by.
And so that's just the reality of what it is.
But you know, a healthy man wants to wants to
be there, wants to show up, and enjoys that he's
(30:25):
taking care of the people around him. There's a lot
of satisfaction in that, a lot of satisfaction in being
someone that people can rely on no matter when and
no matter what, which means at times that his feelings
are not necessary for the conversation or the moment right now.
(30:46):
It doesn't mean that they're not going to be felt.
It doesn't mean that they're not going to be discussed.
It just means that he's big enough to know what's
the appropriate time to talk about them, and how to
talk about them, and who to talk about them with,
and what's the goal of the conversation That he's having,
because he has to be sure that in any conversation
(31:06):
that he leaves or is a part of that, those
he's talking to, whether it's his kids or his wife,
will feel safe and provided for in an emotional way
as well as a physical one. And so, and that's
a very very difficult to nuanced think to do. If
(31:30):
a man is not vulnerable with his wife and open
about his emotions, she will feel that she doesn't have him.
She will feel that he is distant from her, and
he will feel distant from her, and it will cause
a rift between them. But if he's open and vulnerable
in a way which feels unsafe to her, that also
(31:53):
won't work. So it's it takes a lot of you
know it, it's and so I think that the emotional
development of a man is a very very complicated process
(32:15):
because you're you're you. You are always juggling your role
as a protector with the reality that you're a very
vulnerable and fragile human being. And so I think that
a lot of men today are either moving to the
protector side and negating their feelings or moving to their
(32:38):
feeling side, but they're forgetting their role as a provider
and a protector, and they're just you know, if I
feel this way and this is what I'm feeling, I
just need to say it and act according to it.
But that basically means no one can rely on you
or depend on you, you know, because you're you're you're
all over the place flowing with your feelings. Whereas a
(33:02):
woman's role is different. She should be honest and open
with her feelings and he's supposed to be there to
hold the space for her, so you know, and that's
the beauty of the relationship. Are those different roles. So yeah,
so that's that's a whole other thing.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
I loved how you explained all that. That was to
me a beautiful way to explain that, especially where we're
saying we're looking at things that are misinterpreted, interpretated. When
we don't understand how things are interpreted, then we we'll
(33:39):
make the wrong assumption and then we're doing the wrong thing.
We're going too much, like you say, to one side,
or too much to the other side.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
You know.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
I was lucky. I was raised by a father who cried.
My dad would go out and watch the baby calves
be born, and he would say, this is God's miracle,
and he would just have tears in his eyes every
season when we would watch them. And then later in life,
you know, Kleenex commercials come on and he's crying from
Kleenex commercials. And then I have two boys, my oldest
(34:13):
who can't cry. That pain is too much for him
to tolerate. So he tends to take things in the
comical side. And I can't tell you, but maybe twice
in his life, and they were more so from anger.
When I've seen him cry. He is connected to those feelings.
(34:35):
He knows what they are, and he loves his wife,
gives her that space, holds her when she cries. He
understands all of that. He's a wonderful man. And then
we go to my other son, who can cry just
like my dad. Just Kleenex commercial and he cries. And
I find both of them to be very accepting of
(34:58):
those emotions. Even though, oh, my oldest won't cry, he
does have an EQ. He understands that he just doesn't
like to go there.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
Yeah, I mean, people are very different, but there's many
ways to get the job done.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Yeah, And so one thing, we're getting ready to come
towards the end. But one thing I want to point
out is that I have heard so many stories and
my late husband is one who would talk about all
of his therapy, his marriage counseling, and nothing against any
(35:37):
marriage counselor, because some of those counselors and therapists are amazing, amazing,
And my late husband talked about going to I don't
know how many counselors he actually went through or his
wife went through. She didn't like him because they wouldn't
point the finger at him as being the wrong. They
didn't point it at her either, but they just Dug
(36:00):
and Doug and Doug, and he went through seventeen years
of counseling. And I truly feel in dealing with all
of you guys that do relationship coaching, that a relationship coach.
In fact, that's where I for the most part send
all my clients that are not sure they want a
divorce and they can't work their side out with me.
I send them as a couple to a relationship coach,
(36:24):
because I truly believe, just like you said, in just
a few months that couple who was thinking of divorce,
they totally were on the other side of that coin.
I think as a relationship coach you, guys, build is
opposed to dig. Do you fill that?
Speaker 3 (36:48):
Yeah, I mean that's a general issue with therapy. I
would say that there there's pitfalls on the therapy side
and the coaches the coaching side of things, whether it's
relationship coaching or any coaching or relationship therapy or any therapy.
I think that what you really want to be cautious
about in therapy is does this have a direction? Like?
(37:12):
Does this have a direction?
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Like?
Speaker 3 (37:14):
Because digging has no direction, building does. So, Like I
don't dig with people. I try to build with them.
But if as I'm building, they keep on avoiding building.
So then I'm like, Okay, look there's an issue here,
Like I confront them gently, but confront them like, we
keep on talking about this, you're not doing it. This
(37:37):
keeps on coming up. We got to dig at least
to figure out what's in the way of what we're
trying to get through over here. So I think that
with therapy you have to be very careful that you
are moving in a direction. Whenever clients initially talk to
me before we decide to work together, so I give
a free consult, I always tell them that you know,
(38:02):
you take it month by month. If you feel better
at the end of the month, worth what you paid,
so do another month. If you don't, then don't like,
don't don't, don't. Don't let anyone s drink you along.
Telling you that you know it doesn't mean that you're
gonna expect things, you know, twenty years of a bad
relationship to get better in two months. It just means
(38:24):
that are you making meaningful progress or not? You know,
are the habits that you're learning to do, things that
you feel or the emotional environment in the home. Are
those improvements worth what you're paying? Are they worth the
time that you're putting in they're getting you what you want?
So with therapy you have to really make sure it
has a direction, you know. And with coaching. The issue
(38:47):
with coaching is sometimes when you just try to direct
people on a path and build, you don't really deal
with the real issues that are holding back. A lot
of coaches all being like, oh, if you follow my program,
you follow my system, it'll work, and they give it
to you and you follow it. Why don't you follow
it because because there's stuff blocking you from doing it.
You forget, you don't make time for it. Something's in
(39:09):
the wayfears come up and it's like, you need someone
who's going to really hold your hand and support you.
When I interview a coach who I want to work with,
I ask them like, how do you handle it when
people don't do the things you're giving them to do
or find it difficult? You know? And some will be like, well, look,
it's not my job to hold your hand. You know,
you got to man up and do what I'm giving
(39:29):
you to do. And some of them are more nuanced,
and I'll be like, well, we got to figure that out.
Why aren't you doing it? Those are the coaches that
I like to work with who are really going to
do that. There are coaches who have a therapeutic flavor
to them and the therapist. I would want to work with.
The therapist who has a coach flavor to him or her,
who has a direction, is going to be focused on
getting you there as opposed to just digging. So is
(39:53):
that an answer to did I answer your question?
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Yes? Definitely, definitely you did a great job of answering that.
In fact, I' just one of those things that we
you know, the therapist, you know, in the coach direction, it's
what's going to work for the individual. And it's funny
you talk about coaches because the coach that you just
gave to my coach that when I interview, they've got
to be able to do both. You you know, got
(40:17):
to do it. You got to do it, but you
can't do it. Let's figure out why, or we're not
going to be able to get over the obstacle. So
I completely understand, and I help my clients build questionneers
when they get ready to go for the attorney, which
is obviously what you're talking about for your own personal
self self. So so I would love I know all
(40:40):
of your contact information is going to be below the show,
but can you tell people how they can actually get
a hold of you.
Speaker 3 (40:49):
Yeah, So my website is you see it on the
screen Rabbiflow dot com. Just r A B B I
f l ow dot com. You go there, you'll see
website will blur about what I do and some testimonials
video testimonials from my clients, and all my contact information
is there. If you want to text my phone numbers there,
if you want to email my emails there, and if
(41:11):
you want to set up a free call to get
to know each other and discuss what's going on, get
a feel for what the work is like. Then there's
a book. There's a book linked there, a book of
free consultation. And if you say that you heard about
it from this podcast that Tina sent you, you can put
that in the notes when you book the call, and
(41:31):
if you do sign up, you'll get the first month
half off.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
That is a great offer, and I encourage everybody, especially
if you're on the fence about divorce. I don't recommend divorce.
Divorce is like the worst thing that could ever happen
to you. It's like just standing outside of your house
and watching your whole house burned down with your family
inside of it. Okay, it's going to destroy your whole
(41:55):
life that way, So before you go that direction, I
wreck amendi giving Rabbi Flow an opportunity to communicate to
you about how he may be able to help you.
So for those of you who don't know, I'm a
certified divorce coach. That means that I have been taught
through the complexities of divorce. Not only have I've learned
(42:16):
those through textbook, excuse me, I've also experienced those I've
experienced abuse. I have witnessed abuse with my father almost
being murdered in one of his relationships. I witnessed the
abuse that my late husband went through. So I've seen
been through the broken bones. I understand and I've learned.
(42:39):
I understand divorce. That is what I'm here to help
you with. You can reach me through my email at
Coach Tina Lynn at gmail dot com. That co A
c H T I n A L y n N
at gmail dot com. You can also reach me on
social media, well, well back up. My actual website is
(43:03):
Divorce Coach Specialist dot com. And then on social media,
I'm under on Facebook under Tina Lynn Huggins. That's h
U G G I N S. LinkedIn I'm under Tina Huggins.
And then Instagram I'm under Divorce Coach Tina Lynn. And
then on TikTok, I'm under divorce Tina. So Ari, can
(43:24):
you give our viewer viewers a last little bit of
the last little bit of advice?
Speaker 3 (43:33):
Yeah, I would say that, you know, if you're a
couple who feels like this isn't working out, one of
the things that you know, it's like the good and
bad thing about marriage is that it can get really
bad or really good, really quickly. It can sometimes have
a bipolar nature to it because it's such a delicate
(43:54):
and sensitive thing. You know, it goes well, life is
so good, and when it doesn't, life really sucks. But
like you know, very often, very complicated disputes that appear
on the outside like there is absolutely no way out
of them, there's no way to reconcile them are more
(44:16):
often than not, I think other issues deeper. They're actually
simple to fix. It's not like they're easy to fix,
but they're simple, Like they're just simple court issues, just
things that balances the dynamic and things that you just
need to know and just enough literacy in terms of
(44:38):
how the dynamic of a relationship works between a man
and a woman that you just have to learn and understand.
And when sometimes just knowing that and realizing and getting
that literacy, it really changes. It can change things very
very quickly. It is a very complicated thing to know.
You know, when is this just you know, when is
it time? And when is it you know time just
(45:00):
that is you know, it also is a gut thing
something you have to follow your heart. But for someone
who is like you know, looking at their relationship and
doesn't know, like I would say, if a person really
feels deep in their heart that it's just not going
to work, and they know that, then I'm not here
to convince them otherwise. But if it's if the reason
(45:20):
why you think it's not going to work is because
in your mind you don't see a solution, then I
would say your heart wants it to work, but your
mind just doesn't see a path. Then you know there
are things I can show you that I've seen that's
repeatedly many times that when I show them to people,
it really opens things up.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
And and I basically kind of gave our audience my
advice earlier when I said, you know, I don't I
don't want you to get divorced. I would rather you
go to Rabbi Flow and fix things before you decide
that divorce is your final option. I hear people all
this time. They're just like I just I've only been
(46:03):
married for whatever time and this is their third marriage
or whatever. I'm just not going to put up with it.
It's like, did you love them? Because if you love them,
that love is still there. The love doesn't die, it
just goes in way, and we've got to rekindle that.
So I do encourage you please go to Rabbiflow dot
com and make that appointment talk with him, because that's
(46:27):
the better direction. It's the cheaper direction to go as well.
And oh my gosh, it feels so much better to
have that love in your life than to have the
conflict that I have to help people go through. So
I want to let the people know that those of
you who don't know, when people get into a place
that they see no way out, suicidal ideation usually comes
(46:52):
to play. And I myself got into that place six
months after I left my husband. I attempted suicide. It
is not a place you can be alone. When you
get to that place, you need to make a phone call.
Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline Simple three numbers nine
eight eight. It's the same number in Canada, nine to
(47:14):
eight eight. Talk to that person, talk until they talk
you off of a ledge. It is not a place
to be on your own. You can also reach the
Suicide Prevention Hotline in the Netherlands at one one three.
So if you are in a situation where you need
the police there right now, call nine to one to one.
(47:36):
I encourage you to press charges against the other person.
This is your key out of an abusive relationship. Press charges,
get a restraining order, and keep those charges pressed. Follow
them through. This is your time to work on the
divorce and get out of this abuse. If you drop
those charges, many times the abuse that comes after the
(47:57):
charges are dropped is much worse than if you that
was there before. So placing those charges, keep those charges,
and work towards the divorce. You can call for the
police officers here in the United States at nine one one.
In the Netherlands it's nine nine nine. In the UK
it's one one two. The Domestic Violence hotline number is
(48:19):
eight hundred seven ninety nine seven two three three. That
number again is eight hundred seven ninety nine seventy two
thirty three. I ask that you please like, comment and
share so this can help other people. Thank you Rabbi
Flow for joining us today.
Speaker 3 (48:38):
Thank you so much, Sena for having me. It was
really a pleasure.
Speaker 2 (48:40):
Thank you great, Thank you. I wish everybody well.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
You're listening to WGSNDB going Solo Network Singles Talk radio channel,
where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach to discussions
on the journey of relationship laws, divorce, parenting, being single,
relationship ships, building dating, and yes sex. Join our listeners
and begin living your best life.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
M
You're listening to WGSNDB Going Solo Network Singles talk radio channel,
where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach to discussions
on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting, being single, relationships, building, dating,
and yes sex. Join our listeners and begin living your
best life.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hello, and welcome to our show, The Awakening here on WGSNDB,
the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The information and
opinions expressed on this show are just that the opinions
of the individual speaking based on their individual personal experience.
They do not intend to diagnose and do not constitute
(00:49):
professional advice or recommendations. So you know that pain, the stress,
the struggle that divorcing men and women go through, well,
there is a way to find peace and keep your sanity,
all while assisting your attorney as you go through the process,
saving you thousands of dollars as you move through the process.
(01:13):
My name's Tina Huggins. I'm your divorce Coach Specialist, divorce
planning specialist, restored, a family mediator and conflictional co parenting
coach and joining me here today and we're going to
see if I can say his name right is aried
Rich and I kind of butchered it right there at
the end. But Ari is also known, as you can
(01:35):
see in his logo here, as Rabbi Flow. Rabbi Flow
is a life and relationship coach, intuitive guide, and mentor
based in Israel. I find that really wonderful, and just
so that you all know, he's here in the middle
of his night to join us, so we have to
make sure that we welcome him. So Rabbi Flow's work
(01:59):
blends modern coaching and somatic tools with timeless wisdom from
Jerusalem or from Judaea, from Judaism. Say this all right,
So Rabbi Flow loves helping men and navigate love, intimacy,
and the art of conscious relationships. So welcome Rabbi Flow.
(02:24):
I am so glad that you're joining me here today.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Happy to be here, singer.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Thank you. And we talked briefly just beforehand, and I said, well, yeah,
it's in the middle of the night, and he says
he also has a cold, so he's doing this to
be here with you guys and to give this information
to you. So thank you so much again for being
in the middle of your night and not feeling well
and still coming. So I find the fact that one
(02:55):
that you're based in Jerusalem to be such a wonderful
especially where you are a rabbi. And then the fact
that as you help people with their love and intimacy
and I love conversations around intimacy, a lot of people
don't understand that. And I've had a couple of relationship
(03:17):
professionals talk about intimacy even different on two different sides
of the relationship thing. So what made you decide to
come and do this stuff?
Speaker 3 (03:34):
The coaching in general was a calling. I really hadn't
found a career path that was satisfying to me until
I went into really helping people. And when I did that,
I discovered that I had more capacity for reading people
intuitively guiding them than I had thought. And so one
(03:54):
of those discoveries over the years, especially within the past year,
has been relationship coaching two people at the same time
and how to relate to each other, which is an
entirely different skill set and requires the holding of a
presence that's large enough to hold two people that are
often in conflict one with another, which is much different
(04:16):
than holding presence for one person who you have no
conflict with at all, or a person who's really in
conflict with themselves. So that was really it just kind
of flowed out of work with individuals who were talking
about struggles they had in their relationships and they're one
(04:36):
of them asked if I could see him and his
wife or she yes, if I could see her and
her husband together, and we tried it out and lo
and behold, I discovered that I could do that too.
So it just started working out really well, started talking
about it, more people came and it also worked well.
(04:58):
So it just it's somewhat snowballed from there into like
a huge focus of what I do now.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Awesome. So because you actually use Jujaism in your bio,
because you're going in that, do you find that you
are working with more people that are Jewish or is
it just a mix?
Speaker 3 (05:22):
No? No, the wisdom really applies universally, you know. I
often have heard stories even from other cultures and face
that I use because wisdom is wisdom and truth is
truth and you take it where you can get it.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Amen. So I myself, I'm not a relationship coach by far,
and my work sometimes crosses in because I do mediation work,
not to separate families. I actually do mediation to keep
a family, more so parents and children together, because we
have young children that have gotten in trouble with the law, CPS,
(06:00):
or something to that effect. And so I just recently
had a situation with a husband and wife where, you know,
as you were talking, I was picturing everything that we
went through. And I'm not coaching them. I am giving
them a couple of tools in the communication because we've
got to get a child back in the house. And
(06:21):
I find what you just said there that the wisdom
It doesn't matter where they come from. And in this
specific situation, we have two ethnic groups, two totally opposite
ethnic groups that are raised you know, in opposite culture looks.
You know, one is very strict and the other one
is not strict at all. And that point where Spirit
(06:47):
comes in and gives you guidance, I think I feel that. Yes,
I like the word calling, but I feel very privileged
to be in that seat where Spirit has asked me
to hold space for these people.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Yeah, yeah, and I think that. I mean, in the end,
that's really what holds people together is a deeper spiritual
connection and a value system that says that we the
unity of us is more important than anything else that
can tries to get in the way. When people start
to discover that experience, that taste and feel that become
(07:29):
a reality, then the other issues tend to dissolve.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
I agree with that. And I had this conversation with
one person from a family member or from the family whole,
and when I was talking with them, they came in
and they were talking real fast, real loud, trying to
get their point across. And as I was talking with them,
(07:55):
you know, the holding the space is so important. And
I work through things to where I just ask questions.
That's my job is to try and figure out what's
going on. Not so much me figure it out, but
the client I'm working with to figure it out. And
I pointed out to them after we had spent almost
two hours together, I'm like, have you noticed that you're
(08:19):
not raising your voice, You're not talking fast? And they're like,
oh my gosh, I hadn't even noticed.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Yeah, that's kind of I think connected to what I
allude to earlier, which is when you hold the space
for the two of them, you know, you find a
way to help people regulate their nervous systems with each other.
And I think a lot of what really helps people
(08:50):
make lasting changes is helping them become aware of when
these things are happening within them. Like when you said, well,
do you realize that you're calm now? And they're like, oh, wow,
I am. Because if a person notices when they're calm,
then they also start notice, say, when they're stressed. And
if they notice when they're stressed, they start to pause
and think, wait a second, maybe my mind is telling
me is not true. And that pause saves situations from
(09:15):
getting worse and really saves relationships entirely when you develop
that pause of awareness of realizing, hold on, this is
not going where it should go, and then you get
the reins and the control back.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Yeah. Yeah, I as you were talking, there's an incident
where I was working with a couple a few months
ago and I get to the end of my work
and I always like to say, need their takeaway. But
then because of the organization that I work with have
(09:53):
we have other mediators or coaches that are in the
background that's helping support the family, right, and in their
communication with their coach, the first thing that they said
when they were asked, so what did you take away?
So now it's a day or so after right, they said,
well I took away that I need to take my
(10:14):
wife out on more dates. I thought that was kind
of interesting because that didn't come out right. We were talking,
so how often do you see or let me re
ask that question, what kind of changes do you see
usually first in the coaching process when you're working with
a couple.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Well, you never really know, Like people are very different
in how they change. And the example you gave was
like a really good example in the sense that you
didn't talk about something, but something about what you talked
about clicked, probably because this is something that this person
heard before. There's something that they were thinking of doing,
but this weren't pulling the trigger on it, and they realized, Oh,
that little voice in my head that's said to spend
(11:02):
more time with my wife, Oh, now I know that
I should listen to that, because something in the conversation
revealed to him that by not listening to it, things
were going to go in the wrong direction, you know.
So I think that when you're doing when a session
(11:25):
is going well, when a session is going well, dialogues
are forming. They're forming between the people and the session,
between me and the clients, between the two people sitting
in front of me and each other, and there's also
dialogue forming within themselves. So the fact that this person
thought of an idea that you didn't even speak about
means that his internal dialogue was opened and he's changing,
(11:49):
which means that he'll show up differently, which means that
his wife will respond differently now to him, because he's
coming in a different energy in a different way. So
it's hard to describe exactly what it is because it
can be so different depending on the needs of the
people and the problems they're presenting. But the overarching theme
(12:14):
in any conversation, any therapeutic conversation, good coaching conversation that's
going well is that things that we're stuck are opening up,
and things that we're hidden are becoming revealed, and things
that used to feel too unsafe to get near are
open out and exposed, and were we actually feel okay
(12:37):
doing it. We're not flooded and overwhelmed by it, which
is something that a person a person and a practitioner
both need to be very cautious of, which is in
the effort to try to fix something, not try to
pry open things that aren't ready to be opened. And
make it worse. So it's a delicate process.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Yeah, that actually happened to me. I was going through
training years and years ago, and in my life there
had been some less station that took place, and it
came something that was in the therapy that we were
doing that day that we were practicing. This came out
(13:21):
and I wasn't ready for it, and the practitioner thought
it would be just good kind of training to demonstrate
what can happen through going through this therapy, what you
can bring out. And because I wasn't prepared for that,
it took me probably two years or longer to actually
(13:43):
come to a place that I could grasp what I
had learned on that day and take and put all
the pieces to my puzzle. So I really like that
you say that. You know, sometimes we as a practitioner,
whatever we are serving our clients as that we need
(14:05):
to make sure and this, to me, this is where
this connection comes in. If we try not to be
overly human and just think our way through it and
let our heart work our way through it. I think
that we tend to process things best. And in my case,
I don't know how you work. I don't open those
(14:26):
boxes for my clients, I dig into the box and
let them open it from the inside out.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Yeah, So I think it's a really important topic, especially
I think today there's a lot of people doing things
that are designed to bring up a lot all at once,
and it's important to know that there are no shortcuts.
So like when you take the risk of doing something
(15:00):
that's designed to do a lot very quickly, you know,
let's say by taking, for example, a psychedelic which is like,
I'm not against it, but when you do something like that,
or as a practitioner, you try you try a technique,
like there's certain techniques that are going to really bring
(15:20):
things up for people, if not a techniques or different
techniques designed to simulate, you know, unconscious patterns that are
usually hidden. When you do that, you run number one,
the risk that's going to go very not well, and
you know, you dug the person into a bigger hole
(15:40):
because the person's come expecting something therapeutic and has now
just been re traumatized. So there's not just trauma from
their life, there's trauma from healing the things in their life.
So now they're doubly stuck. And then within the within,
within the realm, of working with a couple. Now there's
not just trauma in the relationship, but the trauma even
(16:01):
when it comes to trying to fix the relationship. So
now they're even doubly stuck. But on top of that,
even if it goes well and very well, now you
have to deal with integration, which means the really good
feeling that you feel from this process is going to
fade and you're going to come back into real life,
and now you're going to have to work backwards to
(16:22):
get to where you did in that moment of that
session or that experience, and you're going to have to
deal with the disappointment that no, it's not going to
be easy and it's going to be hard, and now
that you've tasted what it could be, you're going to
be in some points, maybe even less satisfied with the
small steps that you're making because they're not quite to
(16:43):
that experience that you have that you want to get
back to. So you have to be very very careful.
You know, I think that people don't value enough the
impact of gentle progress in the right place. Nothing fancy,
nothing too crazy, nothing to talk about, nothing to write
(17:06):
home about, but just simply we had a conversation and
we were able to discuss something and we figured it out.
And you figure one thing out, you figure another thing out.
You work one thing out, you work something else out.
When you can do that consistently over time, you build
a trust with your spouse, you build a trust within yourself,
(17:27):
and then you end up really accomplishing much more than
you realize that you're accomplishing because you're just doing it
in babysits as opposed to in desperation of trying to
like release it like a huge chunk, like I used
to approach therapy for myself that like, oh, I just
want to get rid of this stuff. I just want
to feel better. I just want to do something that's
(17:48):
going to make it better. It doesn't work that way.
We go through what we go through for a reason.
It's part of who we are and we need to
learn from it and realize it was part of our experience.
And so it's not something to reject, this saw something
to throw out or trash. It's actually something to have
deep thinking about, really integrate, learn from, and be able
(18:12):
to actually thank God, the universe, whatever you believe in
for the experiences that you have because they've shaped who
you are. It's really embracing a whole self which has
done very well in a much more typically done well
in a much more gradual process, although sometimes there are
(18:33):
situations where you could use a boost. So not negating
all the other techniques and stuff out there. It's there
for a reason, but it's important to know what the
risks and the pros and cons of different approaches aren't
to really give it a good gut feel or a
gut check or really good thought in terms of what
you think is best for you in the season that
you're in.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
And you know, I like the fact that you say
gut check. I believe in our into very much, so
I believe that that's where God talks to each of us,
is to our intuition through the gut. However, people want
to look at that through the heart, and I think
that's super important. And that was one of the reasons
why I really wanted you to come on after we
(19:15):
had talked that first time. Your connection with spirit to
me was just was great. And everybody has a different look.
You know. I had a gentleman on the show here
a few weeks back. His name is Josse, and jose
came from Mexico and we were talking about the deviations
(19:36):
of single fatherhood in Mexico. So he's an American, but
he works in the co parenting aspect and it's rare
to have a man come into that field and then
we have I think I've actually talked to more male
coaches that are that are working in the relationship coaching
(19:58):
field than females, and I find that to be extremely
interesting and wonderful because I think that most men, and
I know, I deal with men in my work all
the time. That's who I focus on, and the men
that come to me, they struggle with their communication skills
(20:20):
about specific topics. They might be able to talk about
their work and their certain things very well, but when
it comes to talking about, say, intimacy, when they may
not have all the dots connected even to even get
to where they need to, and I think being able
to come to the table with a male coach is
(20:44):
super great for them. So do you find that in
the work that you're doing.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
Yeah, I definitely think that when you're coaching men as
a man, you can talk to a man as a man,
and when you're coaching women as a woman, you can
talk to you know, a woman as a woman, you know,
and so there's definitely advantages wherever you are in terms
of how you communicate in terms of like as a
man working with women, I think one of the advantages
(21:13):
of that is you can tell a woman what it's
like for a man that in a way that a
woman couldn't. So you try to do the best you can,
you know, based on who you are and who you're
working with. But I in terms of what you said
about men, very often I've noticed an individual and couple's
work that men who are very very intelligent and very
(21:33):
good communicators and very well thought out people are lacking
a certain emotional literacy that once you start making just
a few connections for them, they can pick it up
really quickly. I worked with a couple where I was
I was like really not sure if it was going
(21:54):
to work because the guy was like such a guy
kind of a guy. He was still not into this
kind of stuff in this work, and I was like
afraid I'd be even be able to communicate or get
through to him. And to my surprise, like every single
concept I tried to teach him, once I explained it
to him in a logical way, he got it, and
he applied it so quickly to the point where like,
(22:16):
this is a marriage that's been going on for decades,
the sons going to college, almost considering divorce, and within
three four months they were so happy that they just
didn't need to work anymore. You know. It was like
really really astounding to see. So it's yeah, some men
have They have their lives together, they have their work together,
they have their friendships together, but intimate conversations they don't.
(22:41):
They just never really got the language and were given
just the very subtle touch points that they needed to
figure it out. And once they're given to them, they
just they get it and they do really well. One
of the stories I can give that would best describe
this is from a book called Kids Beyond Limits by
not Neil, which is I think the book that's most
(23:02):
influenced my life in terms of who I am and
how I work. It's a book about her a Knots
experiences dealing with kids with many different challenges autism, cerebral palsy,
and other things. But it's really it's really a book
about understanding how the human brain works. And one of
the stories in that book that she tells us about
(23:23):
a child that had a certain procedure done when he
was born or she was born. I don't remember if
it was a boy or a girl. We'll just say
for the sake of this one. She was born and
her body was in the lower body trunk and legs
were in a cast for the first six months of life.
And so when the cast was removed, you know, everything
(23:45):
was normal about this baby, other than that it wouldn't
move its lower body, like its legs stayed fused together,
as if they were actually fused together, but like anatomically,
physically they weren't. But they know Otpt or whoever else
they took this kid to was able to get the
kid to move its legs independently. And she was already
like two years old and like stiff as a board.
(24:09):
So Annat, you know, approaches her and studies her and
realizes this girl's brain has not yet even mapped out
that there are two legs. Like you see it. You
see a girl with two legs, You think, how could
she not realize she has two legs? But the truth
(24:30):
is is that, like we don't really see or understand
things about ourselves unless we get to feel them, unless
we experience them. Otherwise we don't see it. And so
what she did was the very clever idea is she
asked this girl, what's your favorite animal? And she said
a dog, and she drew a dog on her right knee.
And she said, what's your next favorite animal, and she
(24:50):
said a cat, and she drew a cat on her
left knee. Then she said, look, dog on this knee,
cat on that knee, and the child immediately went into
a trance, not realize that this girl's brains for the
first time is mapping that she has two legs. And
then after they tried so many times to force this
girl's legs to move independently of each other and not
(25:10):
started to gently touch her legs and move them separately,
one from the other, and eventually she learned how to
do everything she needs to do and is walking probably today.
So and I've seen this in my work countless times,
where people can be incredibly stuck, like they're emotionally stuck,
(25:31):
like this baby was physically stuck. Because it's not because
of some deep issue with their mother or their father
or some deep trauma you have to un cup. Sometimes
it's really simple. This person just hasn't made a connection,
an emotional and mental emotional connection with how they experience
(25:52):
their feelings. Just like this baby didn't make a connection
between how she was experiencing her legs and her body.
Is you show that to someone and you just help
them become aware of it their brains like, oh, I
got it, and now it's fine, and now it just
runs with it and it's like it understands it immediately,
(26:13):
you know. So I don't even know how that started,
but I hope I answer your question.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Oh, I love that. One of the things that I've
had to help parents understand when they're taking care of
little kids. A lot of times, I'll have grandparents that
have ended up with a child due to the family situations,
and they're like, I don't understand this kid, And I
explained to them, well, that child hasn't developed the EQ
(26:43):
the emotional knowledge that they need to know. They don't
know what sad is versus mad, So you have to
help them understand. So does this feel like you're mad
that you're angry and make the face or does this
feel like you're sad the face? Then the child actually goes, oh,
this feels sad, and then they're able to label that emotion.
(27:08):
So when you were talking about the legs, that was
the visual that I was getting. I'm like, oh my gosh,
this is so you know, making the neural connections just
like you said in this child didn't know that it
could move its legs, didn't know it even had legs,
And it's just because those neural connectors hadn't learned to
fire back and forth yet.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Exactly. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Yeah, And I think that's important even us as adults.
And there's so many adults, and I don't want to
blanket this over the men, but men were raised and
hopefully we're starting to see some of this shift a
little bit other what I call old world cultures like
they're in Jerusalem. Even it's that the man does a
(27:53):
man's work, the woman does a woman's work. She's the mom,
and he brings home the food whatever to the family rate.
So we have these these fathers that have never been
taught as little boys that they have emotions, and they're
taught not to cry. You know, you fall down and
hit your knee, Well, don't cry, You've got to be
(28:14):
a big boy. Well, now they're an adult and they
lose a family member, will they don't cry? Because crying
means that you're a whimp, and that is not the
way to handle your emotions. Locking them inside your body
hurts your physical body down the road.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Yeah, I mean this opens up a whole nother discussion,
which is like, what really is masculinity and femininity? What
is the role of a man versus the rule of woman?
You know? And I think that don't I don't think
that people had it wrong in previous generations, but as
you think that current generations don't interpret correctly what was
(28:57):
really going on in healthy I mean, there's always been
healthy marriages and unhealthy marriages. That's why there's always been
marriage and divorce, you know. But very often, like you see,
you see a way that a culture has of doing things,
and you don't really understand the reasoning behind it, even
(29:18):
the people doing it don't understand the reasoning behind it
or the depth behind it. And you have this with
like many spiritual traditions. You know, I've met people in
you know, in my faith and other faiths who you know,
have radically different understandings of their own text and their
own tradition, and you know, both have experiences of seeing people,
you know, people that are more spiritually aware and conscious
(29:41):
all know that most of what's being done in their
respective religion is a misinterpretation of the truth, you know,
and that's rampant in every single community and everywhere, because
you know, the the truth really is a higher level
of self awareness, which is hard to come by. It
(30:04):
just that's really you know that that's it's growing and
people are learning more, but it is hard to come by.
And so that's just the reality of what it is.
But you know, a healthy man wants to wants to
be there, wants to show up, and enjoys that he's
(30:25):
taking care of the people around him. There's a lot
of satisfaction in that, a lot of satisfaction in being
someone that people can rely on no matter when and
no matter what, which means at times that his feelings
are not necessary for the conversation or the moment right now.
(30:46):
It doesn't mean that they're not going to be felt.
It doesn't mean that they're not going to be discussed.
It just means that he's big enough to know what's
the appropriate time to talk about them, and how to
talk about them, and who to talk about them with,
and what's the goal of the conversation That he's having,
because he has to be sure that in any conversation
(31:06):
that he leaves or is a part of that, those
he's talking to, whether it's his kids or his wife,
will feel safe and provided for in an emotional way
as well as a physical one. And so, and that's
a very very difficult to nuanced think to do. If
(31:30):
a man is not vulnerable with his wife and open
about his emotions, she will feel that she doesn't have him.
She will feel that he is distant from her, and
he will feel distant from her, and it will cause
a rift between them. But if he's open and vulnerable
in a way which feels unsafe to her, that also
(31:53):
won't work. So it's it takes a lot of you
know it, it's and so I think that the emotional
development of a man is a very very complicated process
(32:15):
because you're you're you. You are always juggling your role
as a protector with the reality that you're a very
vulnerable and fragile human being. And so I think that
a lot of men today are either moving to the
protector side and negating their feelings or moving to their
(32:38):
feeling side, but they're forgetting their role as a provider
and a protector, and they're just you know, if I
feel this way and this is what I'm feeling, I
just need to say it and act according to it.
But that basically means no one can rely on you
or depend on you, you know, because you're you're you're
all over the place flowing with your feelings. Whereas a
(33:02):
woman's role is different. She should be honest and open
with her feelings and he's supposed to be there to
hold the space for her, so you know, and that's
the beauty of the relationship. Are those different roles. So yeah,
so that's that's a whole other thing.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
I loved how you explained all that. That was to
me a beautiful way to explain that, especially where we're
saying we're looking at things that are misinterpreted, interpretated. When
we don't understand how things are interpreted, then we we'll
(33:39):
make the wrong assumption and then we're doing the wrong thing.
We're going too much, like you say, to one side,
or too much to the other side.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
You know.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
I was lucky. I was raised by a father who cried.
My dad would go out and watch the baby calves
be born, and he would say, this is God's miracle,
and he would just have tears in his eyes every
season when we would watch them. And then later in life,
you know, Kleenex commercials come on and he's crying from
Kleenex commercials. And then I have two boys, my oldest
(34:13):
who can't cry. That pain is too much for him
to tolerate. So he tends to take things in the
comical side. And I can't tell you, but maybe twice
in his life, and they were more so from anger.
When I've seen him cry. He is connected to those feelings.
(34:35):
He knows what they are, and he loves his wife,
gives her that space, holds her when she cries. He
understands all of that. He's a wonderful man. And then
we go to my other son, who can cry just
like my dad. Just Kleenex commercial and he cries. And
I find both of them to be very accepting of
(34:58):
those emotions. Even though, oh, my oldest won't cry, he
does have an EQ. He understands that he just doesn't
like to go there.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
Yeah, I mean, people are very different, but there's many
ways to get the job done.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Yeah, And so one thing, we're getting ready to come
towards the end. But one thing I want to point
out is that I have heard so many stories and
my late husband is one who would talk about all
of his therapy, his marriage counseling, and nothing against any
(35:37):
marriage counselor, because some of those counselors and therapists are amazing, amazing,
And my late husband talked about going to I don't
know how many counselors he actually went through or his
wife went through. She didn't like him because they wouldn't
point the finger at him as being the wrong. They
didn't point it at her either, but they just Dug
(36:00):
and Doug and Doug, and he went through seventeen years
of counseling. And I truly feel in dealing with all
of you guys that do relationship coaching, that a relationship coach.
In fact, that's where I for the most part send
all my clients that are not sure they want a
divorce and they can't work their side out with me.
I send them as a couple to a relationship coach,
(36:24):
because I truly believe, just like you said, in just
a few months that couple who was thinking of divorce,
they totally were on the other side of that coin.
I think as a relationship coach you, guys, build is
opposed to dig. Do you fill that?
Speaker 3 (36:48):
Yeah, I mean that's a general issue with therapy. I
would say that there there's pitfalls on the therapy side
and the coaches the coaching side of things, whether it's
relationship coaching or any coaching or relationship therapy or any therapy.
I think that what you really want to be cautious
about in therapy is does this have a direction? Like?
(37:12):
Does this have a direction?
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Like?
Speaker 3 (37:14):
Because digging has no direction, building does. So, Like I
don't dig with people. I try to build with them.
But if as I'm building, they keep on avoiding building.
So then I'm like, Okay, look there's an issue here,
Like I confront them gently, but confront them like, we
keep on talking about this, you're not doing it. This
(37:37):
keeps on coming up. We got to dig at least
to figure out what's in the way of what we're
trying to get through over here. So I think that
with therapy you have to be very careful that you
are moving in a direction. Whenever clients initially talk to
me before we decide to work together, so I give
a free consult, I always tell them that you know,
(38:02):
you take it month by month. If you feel better
at the end of the month, worth what you paid,
so do another month. If you don't, then don't like,
don't don't, don't. Don't let anyone s drink you along.
Telling you that you know it doesn't mean that you're
gonna expect things, you know, twenty years of a bad
relationship to get better in two months. It just means
(38:24):
that are you making meaningful progress or not? You know,
are the habits that you're learning to do, things that
you feel or the emotional environment in the home. Are
those improvements worth what you're paying? Are they worth the
time that you're putting in they're getting you what you want?
So with therapy you have to really make sure it
has a direction, you know. And with coaching. The issue
(38:47):
with coaching is sometimes when you just try to direct
people on a path and build, you don't really deal
with the real issues that are holding back. A lot
of coaches all being like, oh, if you follow my program,
you follow my system, it'll work, and they give it
to you and you follow it. Why don't you follow
it because because there's stuff blocking you from doing it.
You forget, you don't make time for it. Something's in
(39:09):
the wayfears come up and it's like, you need someone
who's going to really hold your hand and support you.
When I interview a coach who I want to work with,
I ask them like, how do you handle it when
people don't do the things you're giving them to do
or find it difficult? You know? And some will be like, well, look,
it's not my job to hold your hand. You know,
you got to man up and do what I'm giving
(39:29):
you to do. And some of them are more nuanced,
and I'll be like, well, we got to figure that out.
Why aren't you doing it? Those are the coaches that
I like to work with who are really going to
do that. There are coaches who have a therapeutic flavor
to them and the therapist. I would want to work with.
The therapist who has a coach flavor to him or her,
who has a direction, is going to be focused on
getting you there as opposed to just digging. So is
(39:53):
that an answer to did I answer your question?
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Yes? Definitely, definitely you did a great job of answering that.
In fact, I' just one of those things that we
you know, the therapist, you know, in the coach direction, it's
what's going to work for the individual. And it's funny
you talk about coaches because the coach that you just
gave to my coach that when I interview, they've got
to be able to do both. You you know, got
(40:17):
to do it. You got to do it, but you
can't do it. Let's figure out why, or we're not
going to be able to get over the obstacle. So
I completely understand, and I help my clients build questionneers
when they get ready to go for the attorney, which
is obviously what you're talking about for your own personal
self self. So so I would love I know all
(40:40):
of your contact information is going to be below the show,
but can you tell people how they can actually get
a hold of you.
Speaker 3 (40:49):
Yeah, So my website is you see it on the
screen Rabbiflow dot com. Just r A B B I
f l ow dot com. You go there, you'll see
website will blur about what I do and some testimonials
video testimonials from my clients, and all my contact information
is there. If you want to text my phone numbers there,
if you want to email my emails there, and if
(41:11):
you want to set up a free call to get
to know each other and discuss what's going on, get
a feel for what the work is like. Then there's
a book. There's a book linked there, a book of
free consultation. And if you say that you heard about
it from this podcast that Tina sent you, you can put
that in the notes when you book the call, and
(41:31):
if you do sign up, you'll get the first month
half off.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
That is a great offer, and I encourage everybody, especially
if you're on the fence about divorce. I don't recommend divorce.
Divorce is like the worst thing that could ever happen
to you. It's like just standing outside of your house
and watching your whole house burned down with your family
inside of it. Okay, it's going to destroy your whole
(41:55):
life that way, So before you go that direction, I
wreck amendi giving Rabbi Flow an opportunity to communicate to
you about how he may be able to help you.
So for those of you who don't know, I'm a
certified divorce coach. That means that I have been taught
through the complexities of divorce. Not only have I've learned
(42:16):
those through textbook, excuse me, I've also experienced those I've
experienced abuse. I have witnessed abuse with my father almost
being murdered in one of his relationships. I witnessed the
abuse that my late husband went through. So I've seen
been through the broken bones. I understand and I've learned.
(42:39):
I understand divorce. That is what I'm here to help
you with. You can reach me through my email at
Coach Tina Lynn at gmail dot com. That co A
c H T I n A L y n N
at gmail dot com. You can also reach me on
social media, well, well back up. My actual website is
(43:03):
Divorce Coach Specialist dot com. And then on social media,
I'm under on Facebook under Tina Lynn Huggins. That's h
U G G I N S. LinkedIn I'm under Tina Huggins.
And then Instagram I'm under Divorce Coach Tina Lynn. And
then on TikTok, I'm under divorce Tina. So Ari, can
(43:24):
you give our viewer viewers a last little bit of
the last little bit of advice?
Speaker 3 (43:33):
Yeah, I would say that, you know, if you're a
couple who feels like this isn't working out, one of
the things that you know, it's like the good and
bad thing about marriage is that it can get really
bad or really good, really quickly. It can sometimes have
a bipolar nature to it because it's such a delicate
(43:54):
and sensitive thing. You know, it goes well, life is
so good, and when it doesn't, life really sucks. But
like you know, very often, very complicated disputes that appear
on the outside like there is absolutely no way out
of them, there's no way to reconcile them are more
(44:16):
often than not, I think other issues deeper. They're actually
simple to fix. It's not like they're easy to fix,
but they're simple, Like they're just simple court issues, just
things that balances the dynamic and things that you just
need to know and just enough literacy in terms of
(44:38):
how the dynamic of a relationship works between a man
and a woman that you just have to learn and understand.
And when sometimes just knowing that and realizing and getting
that literacy, it really changes. It can change things very
very quickly. It is a very complicated thing to know.
You know, when is this just you know, when is
it time? And when is it you know time just
(45:00):
that is you know, it also is a gut thing
something you have to follow your heart. But for someone
who is like you know, looking at their relationship and
doesn't know, like I would say, if a person really
feels deep in their heart that it's just not going
to work, and they know that, then I'm not here
to convince them otherwise. But if it's if the reason
(45:20):
why you think it's not going to work is because
in your mind you don't see a solution, then I
would say your heart wants it to work, but your
mind just doesn't see a path. Then you know there
are things I can show you that I've seen that's
repeatedly many times that when I show them to people,
it really opens things up.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
And and I basically kind of gave our audience my
advice earlier when I said, you know, I don't I
don't want you to get divorced. I would rather you
go to Rabbi Flow and fix things before you decide
that divorce is your final option. I hear people all
this time. They're just like I just I've only been
(46:03):
married for whatever time and this is their third marriage
or whatever. I'm just not going to put up with it.
It's like, did you love them? Because if you love them,
that love is still there. The love doesn't die, it
just goes in way, and we've got to rekindle that.
So I do encourage you please go to Rabbiflow dot
com and make that appointment talk with him, because that's
(46:27):
the better direction. It's the cheaper direction to go as well.
And oh my gosh, it feels so much better to
have that love in your life than to have the
conflict that I have to help people go through. So
I want to let the people know that those of
you who don't know, when people get into a place
that they see no way out, suicidal ideation usually comes
(46:52):
to play. And I myself got into that place six
months after I left my husband. I attempted suicide. It
is not a place you can be alone. When you
get to that place, you need to make a phone call.
Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline Simple three numbers nine
eight eight. It's the same number in Canada, nine to
(47:14):
eight eight. Talk to that person, talk until they talk
you off of a ledge. It is not a place
to be on your own. You can also reach the
Suicide Prevention Hotline in the Netherlands at one one three.
So if you are in a situation where you need
the police there right now, call nine to one to one.
(47:36):
I encourage you to press charges against the other person.
This is your key out of an abusive relationship. Press charges,
get a restraining order, and keep those charges pressed. Follow
them through. This is your time to work on the
divorce and get out of this abuse. If you drop
those charges, many times the abuse that comes after the
(47:57):
charges are dropped is much worse than if you that
was there before. So placing those charges, keep those charges,
and work towards the divorce. You can call for the
police officers here in the United States at nine one one.
In the Netherlands it's nine nine nine. In the UK
it's one one two. The Domestic Violence hotline number is
(48:19):
eight hundred seven ninety nine seven two three three. That
number again is eight hundred seven ninety nine seventy two
thirty three. I ask that you please like, comment and
share so this can help other people. Thank you Rabbi
Flow for joining us today.
Speaker 3 (48:38):
Thank you so much, Sena for having me. It was
really a pleasure.
Speaker 2 (48:40):
Thank you great, Thank you. I wish everybody well.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
You're listening to WGSNDB going Solo Network Singles Talk radio channel,
where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach to discussions
on the journey of relationship laws, divorce, parenting, being single,
relationship ships, building dating, and yes sex. Join our listeners
and begin living your best life.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
M
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