August 25, 2025 • 47 mins
💖 ROMANCE BY CHOICE — On this episode of The Awakening, host Tina Huggins, Divorce & “Narcissist Conflict” Specialist, sits down with Bill Scalzitti, The Coach for Romance, to explore how we can consciously create the love and relationships we truly desire. From understanding self-worth to making empowered romantic choices, this conversation is all about transforming how you approach love. Tune in and awaken to the possibility of choosing romance with intention!
Only on NEWStreamingNetwork.com 🌟
More About Tina: Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor.
Connect with Tina: Email: coachtinalynn@gmail.com Website: https://divorcecoachspecialist
More about Bill: Bill invested more than 25 years of research, interviewing, and facilitating singles’ groups, and has developed a system to help singles transform their thoughts about dating, love, and romance. His method focuses on self-analysis and self-discovery, using various tools such as Feng Shui, Positive Mental Attitude, Conscious Language, and the Science of Deliberate Creation..
In his role as “The Coach for Romance,” he helps singles find the romance they dream of, through his Coaching program, and audio book (Romance by Choice)
a step-by-step guide to break old relationship patterns and create new ones. As a musician, he also makes effective use of music throughout the course , and he created six Musical albums which are part of his audio-book. “Romance by Choice” will help you sift through the drama, confusion, and misinformation in the singles world by changing your attitudes and behaviors as well as by, helping you discover the essential differences between men and women, helping you find a relationship that works at last! Bill is not a Match maker he is a DREAM WEAVER that helps you make your relationship dreams come true.
Bill Scalzitti The Coach for Romance https://www.romancebychoice.com/ 201-981-3629 Romancebychoice@optonline.net
Only on NEWStreamingNetwork.com 🌟
More About Tina: Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor.
Connect with Tina: Email: coachtinalynn@gmail.com Website: https://divorcecoachspecialist
More about Bill: Bill invested more than 25 years of research, interviewing, and facilitating singles’ groups, and has developed a system to help singles transform their thoughts about dating, love, and romance. His method focuses on self-analysis and self-discovery, using various tools such as Feng Shui, Positive Mental Attitude, Conscious Language, and the Science of Deliberate Creation..
In his role as “The Coach for Romance,” he helps singles find the romance they dream of, through his Coaching program, and audio book (Romance by Choice)
a step-by-step guide to break old relationship patterns and create new ones. As a musician, he also makes effective use of music throughout the course , and he created six Musical albums which are part of his audio-book. “Romance by Choice” will help you sift through the drama, confusion, and misinformation in the singles world by changing your attitudes and behaviors as well as by, helping you discover the essential differences between men and women, helping you find a relationship that works at last! Bill is not a Match maker he is a DREAM WEAVER that helps you make your relationship dreams come true.
Bill Scalzitti The Coach for Romance https://www.romancebychoice.com/ 201-981-3629 Romancebychoice@optonline.net
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to WGSNDB Go and Solo Network Singles talk
radio channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hello and welcome to my show The Awakening here on
wgsn dB, the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The
information and opinions expressed on the show are just that,
the opinions of the individual speaking based on their individual
personal experiences. They are not intended to diagnose and do
(00:48):
not constitute professional advice or recommendations. So you know the pain,
the stress, and the struggle that divorcing men and women
go through while there is a way to find peace
and your sanity and assist the lawyer in the legal
process saving you thousands of dollars. My name is Tina Huggins.
(01:11):
I'm your divorce Coach, specialist, divorce planning specialist, restorative family
mediator and conflictal co parenting coach, and I'm Grace today
with our guest speaker, Bill Scalzetti. And Bill has invested
more than twenty five years of research interviewing and facilitating
(01:34):
singles groups, and has developed a system to help singles
transform their thoughts.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
About dating, love, and romance.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
His method focuses on self analysis and self discovery using
various tools such as functue, positive mental attitude, consciousling, WHIGE,
and the science of deliberate creation. In Bill's role as
(02:07):
the coach for Romance, he helps singles find the romance
they dream of through his coaching program and audiobook Romance
by Choice, a step by step guide to break old
relationship patterns so you can create new wonderful patterns. Welcome Bill,
(02:29):
I'm so glad that you can join me today.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
Well, thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
So as I was putting this together and we kind
of talked about this just prior to coming on. You know,
I understand the consciousness, I understand how to you know,
change your thoughts.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
And all of that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
But functue, now, I personally know a little bit about functue.
I've used it to go through my house to help
bring in, you know, the financial abundance, the abundance in
the home, the love, and I know that you know,
the woman sleeps on the left side of the bed
and the man sleeps on the right side of the bed,
make sure that you have space in your closet, blah
(03:12):
blah lab But how do you use fun shwe as
a tool in your work?
Speaker 4 (03:20):
Well, you see, in every corner of every room, there
is a relationship corner, a romance corner, you can call it.
And that corner in most people's homes is usually full
of clutter or full of things that shouldn't be there.
(03:41):
And since the basis of my program is all about
the mental attitude you bring to the dating world, fung
shwei is a very interesting part of it. Is when
you learn to funk shwey your home, your bedroom, the
things you do office, you're inviting into your life a
(04:04):
loving relationship. So that's where fung shui comes in.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
And and I know the corner.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
I can't remember which one it is off top of
my head, but I know, as you said, clutter, I'm
doing my best. You know, I'm in a brand new
home and stuff and I have decluttered. I swear that
I have taken out two kitchens worth of stuff and
donated it because I just had way too much stuff.
And that stuff becomes clutter. As I look at the
(04:36):
top of my desk with the several books and papers.
But let's talk for just a minute about that physical clutter.
I mean, I have a concept of how clutter can
keep from bringing things in, but can you explain it
to our viewers.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Well, you see, it's like I'll tell people to put
a p picture of a man and a woman in
their relationship corner, but not to put a picture of
three people in their relationship corner. The colors to use
in the room, the things to put in an area
(05:19):
to help create the feelings they bring the energy into
your life. The way to decorate your bedrooms, the colors
to painted, the types of betting to have, you know,
to change your betting after you have had a breakup,
you know you have a divorce. Get rid of your bedding,
(05:39):
get rid of your mattress, get rid of the whole thing.
Bring new life into the room. To hang purple ribbons
on your doorknob, to invite relationships into your room. You know,
these are things that you know, they sound a little funny,
they sound hokey, and they may be to a lot
of people. I simply tell my clients, what do you
(06:02):
got to lose? Try it?
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Okay, So, as you were telling the story, churs, I
have a whole lot.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
You said a whole lot there.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Marie Diamond talks in the book The Secret about that
picture aspect where this guy comes to her.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
He's a some kind of an actor or whatever.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
He says, I just want to have relationship after relationship
after a relationship, and she says, great, paint it. Because
he was a painter and he had always painted a
man here and a woman looking away from him, and
she said, that's that's not the way that you do that.
So she says, paint this relationship. So he did, and
(06:45):
then two years later she run into him again. He says, oh,
my love life has been great, but I'm ready to
settle down. She says, great, paint it just you and
one woman. So that was kind of cool.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
And then.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
My bedroom, I am most certain, is painted all the
wrong colors because after my husband died, I wanted moody
colors or witchy colors. So I've got a real light
gray through my house, and my office, as you can
see here, is got a medium gray. And then my
(07:22):
bedroom is a dark gray with a charcoal gray wall,
and that charcoal gray wall has got glitter silver glitter
in it, and.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Then I've got a black.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Drape that comes down over the top of my headboard,
and up inside that black drape is a moon so
and it's a moon light, and I have a bunch
of candles that are across the top of my bed.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
Okay, interesting, very much so.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
So in the course with with you, with you working
with your clients, you know, one of the things that
I love most about you working in this field of
relationships is that you're not young. That means that you
have experience, and to me, that experience is some of
(08:19):
the most important things because I've been working in this
space long enough to know that when I have people
come knocking on my door to try and help me
with my marketing and they're in their twenties, they're not
going to know anything about how to get my business
off the ground. And I feel it's the same way
in the relationship world. When you understand the world and
(08:41):
all the work that you've done with the singles.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Groups and the interviews. So can you kind of go
go into some of that for our viewers.
Speaker 4 (08:51):
Sure? Well. See, I got married at a very young age,
and when the marriage failed, I said to myself, how
does something that starts out so joyously, crash and burn
in the rubble of heartbreaking disaster. I was living in
New York City at the time. I had access to
lots of single people, and it started really as a hobby.
(09:14):
I just started talking to single people about their dating life.
And the more and more people I spoke to, it
started to become clear that single people had no clue
what they're doing out there. And the reason is because
we were never taught anything about relationships growing up. Everything
(09:34):
that's in our head has been put there by friends, family, relatives, television, magazines, movies,
the street everything. As we grow up, we were taught
men do this, women do this, Men are this, women
are this, you know, and all this stuff. And you
hear all the news stories about you know, athletes and
politicians and actors and actresses and all having affairs and
(09:57):
cheating on their spouses and getting divorces and all stuff,
and we all believe, Okay, well, that's just the way
it is. So we become teenagers and we go out
into the dating world and we start doing what we
think we're supposed to do, and that is all the
education we've ever gotten. So we're doing all these things
(10:20):
and we're wondering why nothing is working, why everything blows up,
why we're having arguments, why we always have fights with
the people we date, why we don't get along. So
when I started to realize this, I started to say, okay,
we got to give people to start to think for
themselves about what's going to make them happy. Sometimes people
(10:44):
will say to me if I say, what do you
look for in a spouse or a partner? I want somebody, warm,
nice and friendly. I said, if that's all you're looking
forget a dog because they're warm, nice and friendly. Or
you hear the typical. I want something who's I want
a man who's witch, makes a lot of money, has
a big job, educated, blah blah blah. I want a beautiful,
(11:07):
sexy wife. You know, a woman beautiful? I say, all right,
How many people find that and I wind up divorced.
They're not happy? Why? Because they're living some other reality
other than their own. The real question is what's going
to make you happy? Now that sounds like a simple question. However,
(11:33):
before you can answer that question, you have to know
who you are. Most people don't, so therefore, every time
they go on a date, there's somebody else. Then more
important than that, you have to love and respect yourself.
(11:55):
And again most people don't. Why don't they? A lot
has to do with and it's even getting worse by
the day with all this body shaming, with all this
stuff about. You know, if you don't look like the
Hollywood image, there's something wrong with you. And people look
at themselves and they say, oh, I'm not this, I'm
(12:17):
not that, I'm this, I'm that ayah, and they settle
for anybody who'll pay attention to them because they don't
think they're worthy of love. Every single person, no matter
who you are, is worthy of love. But first you
got to love yourself. That is one of the things
(12:39):
we work on so much with all the clients I
work with. Yeah, and you and loving yourself. And then
the next thing.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
I'm sorry, go ahead, but.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
The next thing is how do you choose to live
the rest of your life? Nobody else is yours and
no matter whether you're twenty or sixty, how do you
choose it? Most people don't. They just go day to
day and life just drags them along wherever they go,
(13:11):
or they meet someone who drags them to another state
or different things, and or they themselves live in point X,
and they really want to live in point Why. And
I said, well, why are you staying in X if
you want to live and why move to? Why before
(13:34):
you look for a relationship. Because if you find your
relationship and X and they don't want to move to Why,
guess what you got problem. Either you deny yourself where
you want to go and live, or you break up
and you hurt everybody. So knowing how you choose to
(13:56):
live the rest of your life is very important. Then,
once you know who you are and you love yourself
and you start thinking about what's going to make you happy,
you're not trying to please your mother, your father, your friends,
your relatives, because so many people do that, especially young people,
and they're pushed into a lot of relationships by their parents,
(14:18):
by their family. I said, no, you have to know you.
I don't care if you want somebody who's three foot
six or nine feet tall. Whatever turns you on and
what you will and will not accept from not only
the person you're with, but from their whole world. You
(14:41):
might meet someone and really like them, and they might
be a really nice person, but they may have a wild,
crazy family that you can't tolerate being around. You can't
stand going there, but they want to keep seeing their family.
This is going to cause a strain, So why do
you want to subject yourself to that? Or you know,
(15:07):
you're maybe you're not a young person anymore. Maybe you're
in middle aged and you've got children, and you meet
someone who has children. Well, you got two kids and
they got three kids. Do you want the responsibility for
five kids? Or you have a three year old and
a five year old and they have a twelve year
old and a fifteen year old. Do you think that's
(15:29):
a healthy family relationship. Maybe not, because they don't want
to think I have to babysit those little kids. Or
their exes maybe one of them has one of you
has a crazy ex who's going to be real annoyance
and great pressure. Do you want that in your relationship?
(15:54):
So there's lots of things you have to give thought
to as to what you will accept, and it doesn't
have to be what your friends will accept.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yeah, so, I you know, going back to the beginning
of this, when I was halfway interrupting my apologies, I
just wrote a post for tomorrow and we're talking.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
About self love.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Because unless we do this work and we learn to
love ourselves, we will attract the wrong people. And I
know I came from a relationship. I got married really young,
just like you did, and I got married for probably
the wrong reasons.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
I did have love for him.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
I don't think I was ever in love with him,
but I had love and still have.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Love for him.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
But it became abusive, and the longer the relationship, the
worse it got. I ended up with a broken hand,
separated ribs, dislocated leg, and then so I left them
and didn't do my work and ended up the next
relationship wasn't a bad relationship, but it definitely didn't work.
We were two different spectrums. He was older, liked older music,
(17:13):
didn't like to dance those types of things. But to me,
at that point, he was safe because he was in
AA and I had just come out of a situation
with a man who was drinking more and more and more,
and so it was a safe thing.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
But I learned and made you know, mental notes.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
But I still ended up in several more toxic relationships,
and I needed to do the work. And finally, when
I did the work and I made my list. You know,
you were just talking about all the things you know
you don't want this, you don't want that. Well, I
made this list and some of the most important things
at the top of this list was that he would
(17:55):
support me in my work, not financially, but support what
I did, and be happy with who I was in
my work, and be excited for me when my work
was exciting, and let me support him in his work
and let me be excited with him in his work.
(18:19):
And that part, the second part was way more important
to me actually than the first part, because I love
to help people and lo and behold. I finally found
my mister perfect for me and we did live to
happily ever after. So for those of you who don't know,
I lost my husband about a year ago and that
(18:40):
happily ever after. We had date nights every Friday night
and we lived and worked together in the same house
twenty four to seven. But yet we made ourselves go
on date night every Friday night.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
Yeah, very important.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
So it's it is doable, and I truly think, you know,
I didn't have a relationship coach that helped me, but
I did have a coach that I worked with on healing,
you know, making sure I learned.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
To love myself.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
And although I didn't know I was using fung shuei
to help me with my relationship, I did.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
Because you're right.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
I remember fixing that corner of my bedroom before I
met my husband.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
And then after we got together.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
That part of the bedroom was just so important to
have certain things, and I had kanji in that corner
that said love and kindness, and of course I had
you know, the pillows. And then of course, now we
know that my husband has passed. But I often tell
my clients the same type of thing that you did,
(20:00):
get rid of the mattress type of thing. I say,
just get rid of everything that was related to that.
In fact, maybe finding another house, and I talk about
smudging the negative energy out of the house you're currently
in and tell you can get into a different space.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Because it's so important. I agree with you on that, yep.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
So what is one of the first things that you
work with your clients.
Speaker 4 (20:25):
On, As I just said, loving yourself and respecting yourself
and knowing who you are. That's where we start because
everything else doesn't matter until that, until they get conscious
of that.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
And so how do you go about that?
Speaker 4 (20:46):
Well, I use different techniques, but a lot has to
do with people looking themselves in the mirror and realizing
who they are, loving themselves, looking at themselves every single
day and saying I love you, You're wonderful, you're great,
You're terrific. It's all about building positive mental attitude. You know.
(21:11):
That's why I use conscious language, science of deliver creation,
these other tools, because what you put out in the
universe is what you get back. And you know, I
ask my clients to create their day every morning when
they wake up, before you get out of bed, create
the beautiful, wonderful day with all the wonderful things that
(21:32):
are going to happen during the day. You're going to
have a great day at work. You're gonna have it. Okay,
all of this stuff. They have to work on maintaining
positive attitude. That's where the music also comes in. I
having a complete album of all songs that are all
about pumping you up, and I ask them to please
(21:56):
listen to it every day, multiple times during the day.
Learn the words to all the songs so that you
should sing them. Whether you can sing or not doesn't matter,
I said, but when think about this, if you I
even give them homework. One of the homework assignments that
(22:19):
I give them is to go to the local mall.
Put your phone in your pocket. I want you dressed nicely,
put your phone in your pocket, and walk through the
mall smiling, and watch what happens. Watch how people look
(22:39):
at you, because if you're a matter of fact, there
is a song called Everybody Loves a Lover. Now it's
an old song from probably the fifties. But if you
listen to that song, and I think it was by
Patty Page or somebody like that, the beat to that
(23:01):
song and if you can sing that with the beat
in your head, you're just walking around like this, you're
bopping down isaaca Al. I said, when you do that,
people are going to look at you, because if you
watch people in the mall, they don't look at anybody
when they walk. Most times they're glued to their phone
(23:23):
or they're just walking. I said, but when you walk
like that, people want to know why are you so happy?
Because most people aren't happy. And I said, it sets
you apart from the crowd. So I send my people
out to have I'll tell them to go have lunch
(23:45):
by themselves in the diner or a restaurant on a
Saturday or Sunday, just to see if anybody approaches you
because you're sitting at a table by yourself, you're looking happy,
and you're looking good. I tell them self. Image is
(24:05):
so important. You have to leave your house looking the
best you can look. You never go out of the
house unless you're properly coffed, whatever that is for you,
because mister or miss right could be in that grocery
store while you're running in they get a quart of milk,
(24:27):
or you're crossing the street and there's mister or miss
right right there. But you know you have to you
have to be able to attract people to you. And
when you're doing that and you're not happy, it's amazing.
You're putting out in the universe exactly what you're looking for.
(24:47):
You will find it now. It may not happen today.
That's why we have the music to keep you pumped
up till you succeed. But you have to believe what
the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve.
I learned that many many years ago. I was very
(25:09):
young when I learned that. And lots of those types
of sayings and stuff are all like blessings given to
us mm hmm. But people a lot of people don't
want to believe that stuff. They think it's who are
you think? Oh yeah, you're crazy, Hey try it. What
(25:30):
do you got to lose?
Speaker 2 (25:33):
So one of the things that I have read not
too long ago was look, you're gonna live, hopefully another
three hundred and sixty five days, So you can just
let those days happen, or you can focus the days
on what you want to happen and create what you
want during that day. And that really gives you an
(25:54):
understanding of oh wow, yeah, they can just happen because
you're gonna wake up and you're gonna go.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
To sleep, or you can get up. And like you're.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Talking about music, I almost always listen to music, and
when I'm sitting here, I even have music in my ears,
and it's one of the things that I dance around
in my chair. And so the people that I get
to talk with they notice it. When I go to
the store, I'm told that I smile with my eyes,
(26:23):
and everyone says they notice my eyes when I go anywhere.
If somebody says I think that you're pretty or whatever
to me, I always ask, so what makes you feel
that way? And they'll say, my eyes, and so when
we feel good, we do smile.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
Through our eyes. Our shoulders are back, our heads up.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
Yeah, exactly. Now, if I could just say something I
mentioned conscious language, you said something just a moment ago
about something you want. You use the word want twice
and dissent sentences.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Hmmm, So you catch that.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
Now, want is desire without having. Choose is the word
to use in this place. If I choose to go out,
if I choose to meet someone, if I choose I
choose to have the love of my life, not that
I want the love of my life. I choose to have.
If you choose it, it can be yours. Want is
(27:25):
desire without having.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
So now I get to ask where was the words want?
Speaker 4 (27:34):
I can't remember the sentence. You were just talking, that's
what you were just talking about.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Well, now I'll get to go back and listen because
I am working with a coach that has been very
particular about the words that I'm choosing. So now I'm
going to have to go back and see where I
said those words.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
Patch it. It's like if can an impossible should be
erased from your vocabulary.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
I agree with that unless we want it to not
be there.
Speaker 4 (28:05):
So we choose it to be there not be there.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
So that is the the whole thing with the conscious.
You know, what what you think about you bring about.
And when people think that that's whui and wu wu
kind of stuff. I always say, stop, look at your
life right now. Point some of the negative things that
(28:29):
are in there. What were you thinking about when you
chose that? What were you thinking about when you ended
up with this? And like, I have a girlfriend who
who she just had three cars in one week get wrecked.
She wasn't driving any of them. One was her car,
one was her boyfriend's car, and one was her son's car.
(28:50):
And so I told her, I said, in mind, body
medicine or in spiritual work, wrecked car is literally stop stop.
You can't go forward anymore. You have to stop right here.
What is going on in your life that needs to
stop going on? She was able to point out all
(29:12):
kinds of things right good, Hey, yeah, we get to
can come to two points where everything you know, we
move too fast. That's that's one of the things I
notice in my days is I get to move into fast.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
This day has been very very fast for me.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
I've had meeting and then another meeting, and those are
great days for me. But during that fast pace, I'm
not making my connection whispirit. I'm not listening to the
guides like I should be. And so that's where we
tell people, so stop, take a breath, Fill the breath,
(29:51):
come in, and then fill it, go out. Be silent
for just a minute.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
What do you hear?
Speaker 2 (29:58):
And so many people go, oh my gosh. They might
say I hear the birds. They might say hear the wind,
or I hear cars. Some people say I hear loving sounds,
loving voices telling.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Me they love me.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
They're good m hm.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
So in your work, Bell, what is your favorite part?
Speaker 4 (30:29):
I mean, I love all of it, but I love
the part when people realize that love is possible for them,
that they can have the love they've always desired. It's there.
All they have to do is continually believe and do
(30:50):
the work and not settle. You know, we sometimes are
just settling machines. We get tired, we want to we
just want to set let's get it over with, let's
do it right now, over done function and then they're unhappy.
Don't think I'll do it all over again. It's a journey,
(31:16):
but it's a journey that you have to do with
loving yourself and knowing it's your journey that you're on
and that you will have the success that you choose.
And you know, it's I've been doing this for over
(31:36):
eighteen years, and you know, I've heard all kinds of stories.
I've seen all kinds of things happen. It's can spend
hours just telling about the stories that I've experienced. I mean,
I've had people where I've turned them down. I won't
work with them because they need real, super heavy duty
(31:59):
professional help. They're either so anxious so in such a hurry.
I always tell people stop being an accident looking for
a place to happen. You know, it's you know, sometimes
(32:19):
with some women I get in their late thirties, their
biological clock is ticking and that's making them crazy, and
I tell them to please slow down. It isn't going
to help you to rush into something and be miserable
just because you want to have a baby. You can
(32:41):
freeze your eggs, you can do things. You know, there
are ways of helping women these days, more so than
ever before. M you know, so that these are things
and then you know there also I run into things
now which is the world is changing. The singles world
is changing a lot. You know, it isn't like it
(33:04):
was thirty forty years ago. Today women are so empowered,
they're so wonderful, they're they're they're achieving so much. But
they're emasculating men and they don't necessarily realize it. But
a lot of women that you know in the singles
world are making more money than the men they date.
(33:28):
And that's tough for men because if we know anything
about men, we all have a hero complex and but
we don't feel that hero complex with the women we'rewith.
It creates a lot of problems. That's one of the
(33:49):
reasons I believe where you have so much abuse, well
in there, you know, it's that you know. Unfortunately, you know,
if you go back in time, I always say this,
we men are still cavemen. We have not really changed
(34:12):
much since the caveman days. Our roles that the caveman
was to protect and provide, and that's what men did
for most of the existence. But now women don't need
men to protect them and they don't need men to
provide for them. Men are looking for a role.
Speaker 3 (34:37):
Mm you I think you know you you hit that.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
I hear lots of men, even young men, that say,
you know, I held the door open for a gal
the other day, and they got mad because I held
the door open. And I don't personally know women that
get upset for those kinds of things, because I hold
doors open for women with children and older people or
(35:02):
people on crutches and stuff, just because it's a respectful thing, right.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
And to me, I.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Worked my whole life. I've been in the man's world.
I was born on a ranch, and then you know,
I was a firefighter. Of course, I was an EMT.
I worked in law enforcement, and so I always had
these male areas, and I even would teach martial arts,
and I would tell the people, you want to be
(35:34):
the females. You want to be that strong female that
you can take care of yourself, but you also want
to be the woman that can accept the help and
the woman that can be kind and gentle because that
and I'm living proof of this, that does more self
(35:55):
defense good than knowing how to kick somebody's button. They
would send me back into the jail because I was
the only female officer, and I would calm down the
inmates because my energy was more gentle and I wasn't
(36:15):
a threat to them.
Speaker 4 (36:17):
Right, Yeah, we'll see, that's the whole thing. But it's
getting people to getting women to understand that they still
are women. Doesn't matter. You could be chief CEO of
the biggest corporation in the world. That's your day job.
(36:39):
But in a relationship, there's a man and a woman.
Men have to be masculine, women have to be feminine.
They have to love each other, they have to appreciate
each other, they have to respect each other because romance
is one of the four pillars of a successful relationship,
along with truth, trust, and communication. Without those four things,
(37:03):
and romance is the big pillar, and most relationships, romance dies.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
And the longer the relationship, the more dead it becomes.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
Well sometimes and sometimes not. Sometimes not the direction it
goes well because we do things we're both guilty. The
man and the woman are guilty. We let ourselves go.
We don't dress nicely for our partner any longer. You know,
(37:40):
we get up and we're in our pajamas all day,
and we're just slepping around the house, and you know,
we don't even take the time to say, you know,
let's go have a romantic dinner. You don't have to
even go out of the house. You could set a
nice little table with a candle and have a romantic dinner,
put a little music on, you know what, but put
(38:00):
your phones away. Stop all this. You've got to turn
the world off so you can turn each other.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
On, right right.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
I because I'm I'm a romance person and I've I've
done body work and so I've learned the what's what
we call.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
A free flow hand motion.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
And so one of the things is you're talking about,
you know, candlelight dinner. I think that dessert can be
on the bed with glasses of champagne and strawberries and
you feed them to each other. So I've always thought,
you know, romance is important, and a lot of times
the guy struggles with that. They love it once it's there,
(38:45):
but they struggle understanding it. So I always felt that
that I wanted that from my man, so I created it.
If if they struggled with it, we just worked through it.
Speaker 4 (38:56):
Yeah, but these are the things that you know, a
lot of relationships start out really nice and then they
peter out, and they peter out because.
Speaker 3 (39:10):
We lose romance m or finally.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
All fun romance. Yeah, going out date night is so
important to go out just the two people together. Get
a babysitter, get your in laws, get somebody to watch
the kids, go out, have a have a nice dinner.
Dress up, though, See, you just can't walk out the
door looking whatever. You get dressed up the way you
looked before you were married, before you you were dating,
(39:35):
you always looked wonderful. Then you get, you know, work,
it's in the way. Kids get in the way, Bills
get in the way, problems get in the way. You know,
in some relationships, even health becomes an issue. Shouldn't you know?
But I think always the stories about one person gets
sick and the other one leaves, you know, they I
(40:00):
don't want their problems. If you really love someone, you
love them through.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Everything, everything, everything.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
And so Bill, we're starting to come to the end,
and so I want you to talk just briefly about
your book so that people our viewers know about it well.
Speaker 4 (40:18):
Romance by Choice is an audiobook. It's available through my
website Romance by Choice dot com. And it's an audiobook
that has six musical albums that go along with it
and a workbook, and it's a complete program that takes
(40:38):
from start to finish on how to work on yourself first,
and then how to work on relationships, how to find them.
I teach people how to use online dating, because online
dating can be a wonderful tool if you know how
to use it. But too many people don't know how
to use it. That's why you hear all the horror stories.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (41:01):
I teach people how to date. I teach them the
differences between men and women so they can communicate more effectively.
That is a big thing. We are two different creatures,
our brains are different and they function differently. We need
to understand each other so we can have a better relationship.
(41:25):
So that's what's in the book called Romance by Choice.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
Awesome. Awesome.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
So you told us how to get the book, so
tell people how to get.
Speaker 4 (41:35):
A hold of you again. Go to Romance by Choice
dot com. All my information is in there. All the
contact information that you'll need is there to find me.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
So good.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
So I am a certified divorce coach. That means that
I've been trained in the complexities of divorce. I've also
been through a difficult cult marriage and my father was
almost murdered in his relationship, and then my late husband
went through torture in his So not only do I
(42:12):
know textbook what divorce is, I know from experience what
abuse and going through the divorce processes. You can reach
me on my email at coach tinaly In at gmail
dot com. That's Coach coo A H. Tina t I
l y n n at gmail dot com. You can
(42:33):
find me on social media at on Facebook at Tina
Lynn Huggins That's hugg i n s, on LinkedIn under
Tina Huggins, Instagram under divorce Coach Tina In, and TikTok
under divorce Tina. So one of the things that I
think is important is right here, Bill, if you can
(42:54):
give some words of advice to our viewers.
Speaker 4 (42:58):
Well, one of the best quotes I think has served
me and my clients for many years is today is
the first day of the rest of your life, and
you have the right to choose how that day is
going to be.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
And that's I think that's great advice because what we
think about we bring about. We said that earlier, and
so the one thing I can tell our viewers, especially
when it comes to romance by Choice, is that the
last two words by choice is what Bill has been
(43:40):
talking about here, and I can tell you that what
Bill has to offer you and what you will learn
by working with him, is going to get you where
you want to go. And that is if you do
the work. I know this because I did the work
and I had the most one full husband on the
(44:01):
face of the planet for me.
Speaker 3 (44:03):
We were perfect for each other.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
Not only did we finish each other's sentences, we loved
the same food, we liked to eat at the same times.
We both came from a farm ranch background. We were
just perfect for each other, and we loved to work out,
so we did. I mean we were together twenty four
to seven and still did date night every Friday night.
(44:26):
So reach out to Bill and step into making the
choice for yourself for the romance. But make the choice
for yourself because loving yourself is the best gift you
can ever give yourself. And so as we close, I
want to remind people that as we go through divorce,
(44:48):
we a lot of times get in a bad headspace
and we end up with suicidal ideation or thoughts and
maybe we even plan out this. I know I did.
I made that up attempt. So when you are in
that space, please please reach out to somebody and you
can reach the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at nine eight eight.
(45:11):
It's the same number in Canada and in the Netherlands
you can call one one three.
Speaker 3 (45:17):
This way you can spend.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
That moment the moments with somebody on the phone just
helping you talk through this. And then if you are
in a situation that you need the police, if there's
violence going on right now here in the US, call
nine one one, and in the Netherlands it's nine nine
nine and in the UK it's one one two. Once
(45:41):
you get the police there, please press charges. This is
your key out of that relationship. It's a point where
you get to stand your ground and make the choice
for your freedom so that you can move forward to
make a choice for yourself in the romance ahead, press
the charges. Don't drop the charges. Oftentimes we drop the
(46:02):
charges and the abuse that happened before the charges were
placed is way worse after you drop the charges.
Speaker 3 (46:10):
This is your key out. Take it.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
If you or somebody you know is dealing with domestic violence,
please call the Domestic Violence Hotline at eight hundred seven
nine nine seven two three three. That number again is
eight one hundred seven ninety nine seventy two thirty three.
I also ask that you please like, comment, and share
(46:33):
this information so it can help others. Thank you so much,
Bill for being a guest with me today.
Speaker 4 (46:40):
You're welcome, Tita, thank you so much for having me, and.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
We ask all of you viewers to stay safe. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
You're listening to WGSNDB GO and Solo Network Singles Talk
Radio Channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
You're listening to WGSNDB Go and Solo Network Singles talk
radio channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hello and welcome to my show The Awakening here on
wgsn dB, the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The
information and opinions expressed on the show are just that,
the opinions of the individual speaking based on their individual
personal experiences. They are not intended to diagnose and do
(00:48):
not constitute professional advice or recommendations. So you know the pain,
the stress, and the struggle that divorcing men and women
go through while there is a way to find peace
and your sanity and assist the lawyer in the legal
process saving you thousands of dollars. My name is Tina Huggins.
(01:11):
I'm your divorce Coach, specialist, divorce planning specialist, restorative family
mediator and conflictal co parenting coach, and I'm Grace today
with our guest speaker, Bill Scalzetti. And Bill has invested
more than twenty five years of research interviewing and facilitating
(01:34):
singles groups, and has developed a system to help singles
transform their thoughts.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
About dating, love, and romance.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
His method focuses on self analysis and self discovery using
various tools such as functue, positive mental attitude, consciousling, WHIGE,
and the science of deliberate creation. In Bill's role as
(02:07):
the coach for Romance, he helps singles find the romance
they dream of through his coaching program and audiobook Romance
by Choice, a step by step guide to break old
relationship patterns so you can create new wonderful patterns. Welcome Bill,
(02:29):
I'm so glad that you can join me today.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
Well, thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
So as I was putting this together and we kind
of talked about this just prior to coming on. You know,
I understand the consciousness, I understand how to you know,
change your thoughts.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
And all of that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
But functue, now, I personally know a little bit about functue.
I've used it to go through my house to help
bring in, you know, the financial abundance, the abundance in
the home, the love, and I know that you know,
the woman sleeps on the left side of the bed
and the man sleeps on the right side of the bed,
make sure that you have space in your closet, blah
(03:12):
blah lab But how do you use fun shwe as
a tool in your work?
Speaker 4 (03:20):
Well, you see, in every corner of every room, there
is a relationship corner, a romance corner, you can call it.
And that corner in most people's homes is usually full
of clutter or full of things that shouldn't be there.
(03:41):
And since the basis of my program is all about
the mental attitude you bring to the dating world, fung
shwei is a very interesting part of it. Is when
you learn to funk shwey your home, your bedroom, the
things you do office, you're inviting into your life a
(04:04):
loving relationship. So that's where fung shui comes in.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
And and I know the corner.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
I can't remember which one it is off top of
my head, but I know, as you said, clutter, I'm
doing my best. You know, I'm in a brand new
home and stuff and I have decluttered. I swear that
I have taken out two kitchens worth of stuff and
donated it because I just had way too much stuff.
And that stuff becomes clutter. As I look at the
(04:36):
top of my desk with the several books and papers.
But let's talk for just a minute about that physical clutter.
I mean, I have a concept of how clutter can
keep from bringing things in, but can you explain it
to our viewers.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Well, you see, it's like I'll tell people to put
a p picture of a man and a woman in
their relationship corner, but not to put a picture of
three people in their relationship corner. The colors to use
in the room, the things to put in an area
(05:19):
to help create the feelings they bring the energy into
your life. The way to decorate your bedrooms, the colors
to painted, the types of betting to have, you know,
to change your betting after you have had a breakup,
you know you have a divorce. Get rid of your bedding,
(05:39):
get rid of your mattress, get rid of the whole thing.
Bring new life into the room. To hang purple ribbons
on your doorknob, to invite relationships into your room. You know,
these are things that you know, they sound a little funny,
they sound hokey, and they may be to a lot
of people. I simply tell my clients, what do you
(06:02):
got to lose? Try it?
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Okay, So, as you were telling the story, churs, I
have a whole lot.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
You said a whole lot there.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Marie Diamond talks in the book The Secret about that
picture aspect where this guy comes to her.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
He's a some kind of an actor or whatever.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
He says, I just want to have relationship after relationship
after a relationship, and she says, great, paint it. Because
he was a painter and he had always painted a
man here and a woman looking away from him, and
she said, that's that's not the way that you do that.
So she says, paint this relationship. So he did, and
(06:45):
then two years later she run into him again. He says, oh,
my love life has been great, but I'm ready to
settle down. She says, great, paint it just you and
one woman. So that was kind of cool.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
And then.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
My bedroom, I am most certain, is painted all the
wrong colors because after my husband died, I wanted moody
colors or witchy colors. So I've got a real light
gray through my house, and my office, as you can
see here, is got a medium gray. And then my
(07:22):
bedroom is a dark gray with a charcoal gray wall,
and that charcoal gray wall has got glitter silver glitter
in it, and.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Then I've got a black.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Drape that comes down over the top of my headboard,
and up inside that black drape is a moon so
and it's a moon light, and I have a bunch
of candles that are across the top of my bed.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
Okay, interesting, very much so.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
So in the course with with you, with you working
with your clients, you know, one of the things that
I love most about you working in this field of
relationships is that you're not young. That means that you
have experience, and to me, that experience is some of
(08:19):
the most important things because I've been working in this
space long enough to know that when I have people
come knocking on my door to try and help me
with my marketing and they're in their twenties, they're not
going to know anything about how to get my business
off the ground. And I feel it's the same way
in the relationship world. When you understand the world and
(08:41):
all the work that you've done with the singles.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Groups and the interviews. So can you kind of go
go into some of that for our viewers.
Speaker 4 (08:51):
Sure? Well. See, I got married at a very young age,
and when the marriage failed, I said to myself, how
does something that starts out so joyously, crash and burn
in the rubble of heartbreaking disaster. I was living in
New York City at the time. I had access to
lots of single people, and it started really as a hobby.
(09:14):
I just started talking to single people about their dating life.
And the more and more people I spoke to, it
started to become clear that single people had no clue
what they're doing out there. And the reason is because
we were never taught anything about relationships growing up. Everything
(09:34):
that's in our head has been put there by friends, family, relatives, television, magazines, movies,
the street everything. As we grow up, we were taught
men do this, women do this, Men are this, women
are this, you know, and all this stuff. And you
hear all the news stories about you know, athletes and
politicians and actors and actresses and all having affairs and
(09:57):
cheating on their spouses and getting divorces and all stuff,
and we all believe, Okay, well, that's just the way
it is. So we become teenagers and we go out
into the dating world and we start doing what we
think we're supposed to do, and that is all the
education we've ever gotten. So we're doing all these things
(10:20):
and we're wondering why nothing is working, why everything blows up,
why we're having arguments, why we always have fights with
the people we date, why we don't get along. So
when I started to realize this, I started to say, okay,
we got to give people to start to think for
themselves about what's going to make them happy. Sometimes people
(10:44):
will say to me if I say, what do you
look for in a spouse or a partner? I want somebody, warm,
nice and friendly. I said, if that's all you're looking
forget a dog because they're warm, nice and friendly. Or
you hear the typical. I want something who's I want
a man who's witch, makes a lot of money, has
a big job, educated, blah blah blah. I want a beautiful,
(11:07):
sexy wife. You know, a woman beautiful? I say, all right,
How many people find that and I wind up divorced.
They're not happy? Why? Because they're living some other reality
other than their own. The real question is what's going
to make you happy? Now that sounds like a simple question. However,
(11:33):
before you can answer that question, you have to know
who you are. Most people don't, so therefore, every time
they go on a date, there's somebody else. Then more
important than that, you have to love and respect yourself.
(11:55):
And again most people don't. Why don't they? A lot
has to do with and it's even getting worse by
the day with all this body shaming, with all this
stuff about. You know, if you don't look like the
Hollywood image, there's something wrong with you. And people look
at themselves and they say, oh, I'm not this, I'm
(12:17):
not that, I'm this, I'm that ayah, and they settle
for anybody who'll pay attention to them because they don't
think they're worthy of love. Every single person, no matter
who you are, is worthy of love. But first you
got to love yourself. That is one of the things
(12:39):
we work on so much with all the clients I
work with. Yeah, and you and loving yourself. And then
the next thing.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
I'm sorry, go ahead, but.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
The next thing is how do you choose to live
the rest of your life? Nobody else is yours and
no matter whether you're twenty or sixty, how do you
choose it? Most people don't. They just go day to
day and life just drags them along wherever they go,
(13:11):
or they meet someone who drags them to another state
or different things, and or they themselves live in point X,
and they really want to live in point Why. And
I said, well, why are you staying in X if
you want to live and why move to? Why before
(13:34):
you look for a relationship. Because if you find your
relationship and X and they don't want to move to Why,
guess what you got problem. Either you deny yourself where
you want to go and live, or you break up
and you hurt everybody. So knowing how you choose to
(13:56):
live the rest of your life is very important. Then,
once you know who you are and you love yourself
and you start thinking about what's going to make you happy,
you're not trying to please your mother, your father, your friends,
your relatives, because so many people do that, especially young people,
and they're pushed into a lot of relationships by their parents,
(14:18):
by their family. I said, no, you have to know you.
I don't care if you want somebody who's three foot
six or nine feet tall. Whatever turns you on and
what you will and will not accept from not only
the person you're with, but from their whole world. You
(14:41):
might meet someone and really like them, and they might
be a really nice person, but they may have a wild,
crazy family that you can't tolerate being around. You can't
stand going there, but they want to keep seeing their family.
This is going to cause a strain, So why do
you want to subject yourself to that? Or you know,
(15:07):
you're maybe you're not a young person anymore. Maybe you're
in middle aged and you've got children, and you meet
someone who has children. Well, you got two kids and
they got three kids. Do you want the responsibility for
five kids? Or you have a three year old and
a five year old and they have a twelve year
old and a fifteen year old. Do you think that's
(15:29):
a healthy family relationship. Maybe not, because they don't want
to think I have to babysit those little kids. Or
their exes maybe one of them has one of you
has a crazy ex who's going to be real annoyance
and great pressure. Do you want that in your relationship?
(15:54):
So there's lots of things you have to give thought
to as to what you will accept, and it doesn't
have to be what your friends will accept.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yeah, so, I you know, going back to the beginning
of this, when I was halfway interrupting my apologies, I
just wrote a post for tomorrow and we're talking.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
About self love.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Because unless we do this work and we learn to
love ourselves, we will attract the wrong people. And I
know I came from a relationship. I got married really young,
just like you did, and I got married for probably
the wrong reasons.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
I did have love for him.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
I don't think I was ever in love with him,
but I had love and still have.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Love for him.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
But it became abusive, and the longer the relationship, the
worse it got. I ended up with a broken hand,
separated ribs, dislocated leg, and then so I left them
and didn't do my work and ended up the next
relationship wasn't a bad relationship, but it definitely didn't work.
We were two different spectrums. He was older, liked older music,
(17:13):
didn't like to dance those types of things. But to me,
at that point, he was safe because he was in
AA and I had just come out of a situation
with a man who was drinking more and more and more,
and so it was a safe thing.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
But I learned and made you know, mental notes.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
But I still ended up in several more toxic relationships,
and I needed to do the work. And finally, when
I did the work and I made my list. You know,
you were just talking about all the things you know
you don't want this, you don't want that. Well, I
made this list and some of the most important things
at the top of this list was that he would
(17:55):
support me in my work, not financially, but support what
I did, and be happy with who I was in
my work, and be excited for me when my work
was exciting, and let me support him in his work
and let me be excited with him in his work.
(18:19):
And that part, the second part was way more important
to me actually than the first part, because I love
to help people and lo and behold. I finally found
my mister perfect for me and we did live to
happily ever after. So for those of you who don't know,
I lost my husband about a year ago and that
(18:40):
happily ever after. We had date nights every Friday night
and we lived and worked together in the same house
twenty four to seven. But yet we made ourselves go
on date night every Friday night.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
Yeah, very important.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
So it's it is doable, and I truly think, you know,
I didn't have a relationship coach that helped me, but
I did have a coach that I worked with on healing,
you know, making sure I learned.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
To love myself.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
And although I didn't know I was using fung shuei
to help me with my relationship, I did.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
Because you're right.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
I remember fixing that corner of my bedroom before I
met my husband.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
And then after we got together.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
That part of the bedroom was just so important to
have certain things, and I had kanji in that corner
that said love and kindness, and of course I had
you know, the pillows. And then of course, now we
know that my husband has passed. But I often tell
my clients the same type of thing that you did,
(20:00):
get rid of the mattress type of thing. I say,
just get rid of everything that was related to that.
In fact, maybe finding another house, and I talk about
smudging the negative energy out of the house you're currently
in and tell you can get into a different space.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Because it's so important. I agree with you on that, yep.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
So what is one of the first things that you
work with your clients.
Speaker 4 (20:25):
On, As I just said, loving yourself and respecting yourself
and knowing who you are. That's where we start because
everything else doesn't matter until that, until they get conscious
of that.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
And so how do you go about that?
Speaker 4 (20:46):
Well, I use different techniques, but a lot has to
do with people looking themselves in the mirror and realizing
who they are, loving themselves, looking at themselves every single
day and saying I love you, You're wonderful, you're great,
You're terrific. It's all about building positive mental attitude. You know.
(21:11):
That's why I use conscious language, science of deliver creation,
these other tools, because what you put out in the
universe is what you get back. And you know, I
ask my clients to create their day every morning when
they wake up, before you get out of bed, create
the beautiful, wonderful day with all the wonderful things that
(21:32):
are going to happen during the day. You're going to
have a great day at work. You're gonna have it. Okay,
all of this stuff. They have to work on maintaining
positive attitude. That's where the music also comes in. I
having a complete album of all songs that are all
about pumping you up, and I ask them to please
(21:56):
listen to it every day, multiple times during the day.
Learn the words to all the songs so that you
should sing them. Whether you can sing or not doesn't matter,
I said, but when think about this, if you I
even give them homework. One of the homework assignments that
(22:19):
I give them is to go to the local mall.
Put your phone in your pocket. I want you dressed nicely,
put your phone in your pocket, and walk through the
mall smiling, and watch what happens. Watch how people look
(22:39):
at you, because if you're a matter of fact, there
is a song called Everybody Loves a Lover. Now it's
an old song from probably the fifties. But if you
listen to that song, and I think it was by
Patty Page or somebody like that, the beat to that
(23:01):
song and if you can sing that with the beat
in your head, you're just walking around like this, you're
bopping down isaaca Al. I said, when you do that,
people are going to look at you, because if you
watch people in the mall, they don't look at anybody
when they walk. Most times they're glued to their phone
(23:23):
or they're just walking. I said, but when you walk
like that, people want to know why are you so happy?
Because most people aren't happy. And I said, it sets
you apart from the crowd. So I send my people
out to have I'll tell them to go have lunch
(23:45):
by themselves in the diner or a restaurant on a
Saturday or Sunday, just to see if anybody approaches you
because you're sitting at a table by yourself, you're looking happy,
and you're looking good. I tell them self. Image is
(24:05):
so important. You have to leave your house looking the
best you can look. You never go out of the
house unless you're properly coffed, whatever that is for you,
because mister or miss right could be in that grocery
store while you're running in they get a quart of milk,
(24:27):
or you're crossing the street and there's mister or miss
right right there. But you know you have to you
have to be able to attract people to you. And
when you're doing that and you're not happy, it's amazing.
You're putting out in the universe exactly what you're looking for.
(24:47):
You will find it now. It may not happen today.
That's why we have the music to keep you pumped
up till you succeed. But you have to believe what
the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve.
I learned that many many years ago. I was very
(25:09):
young when I learned that. And lots of those types
of sayings and stuff are all like blessings given to
us mm hmm. But people a lot of people don't
want to believe that stuff. They think it's who are
you think? Oh yeah, you're crazy, Hey try it. What
(25:30):
do you got to lose?
Speaker 2 (25:33):
So one of the things that I have read not
too long ago was look, you're gonna live, hopefully another
three hundred and sixty five days, So you can just
let those days happen, or you can focus the days
on what you want to happen and create what you
want during that day. And that really gives you an
(25:54):
understanding of oh wow, yeah, they can just happen because
you're gonna wake up and you're gonna go.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
To sleep, or you can get up. And like you're.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Talking about music, I almost always listen to music, and
when I'm sitting here, I even have music in my ears,
and it's one of the things that I dance around
in my chair. And so the people that I get
to talk with they notice it. When I go to
the store, I'm told that I smile with my eyes,
(26:23):
and everyone says they notice my eyes when I go anywhere.
If somebody says I think that you're pretty or whatever
to me, I always ask, so what makes you feel
that way? And they'll say, my eyes, and so when
we feel good, we do smile.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
Through our eyes. Our shoulders are back, our heads up.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
Yeah, exactly. Now, if I could just say something I
mentioned conscious language, you said something just a moment ago
about something you want. You use the word want twice
and dissent sentences.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Hmmm, So you catch that.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
Now, want is desire without having. Choose is the word
to use in this place. If I choose to go out,
if I choose to meet someone, if I choose I
choose to have the love of my life, not that
I want the love of my life. I choose to have.
If you choose it, it can be yours. Want is
(27:25):
desire without having.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
So now I get to ask where was the words want?
Speaker 4 (27:34):
I can't remember the sentence. You were just talking, that's
what you were just talking about.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Well, now I'll get to go back and listen because
I am working with a coach that has been very
particular about the words that I'm choosing. So now I'm
going to have to go back and see where I
said those words.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
Patch it. It's like if can an impossible should be
erased from your vocabulary.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
I agree with that unless we want it to not
be there.
Speaker 4 (28:05):
So we choose it to be there not be there.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
So that is the the whole thing with the conscious.
You know, what what you think about you bring about.
And when people think that that's whui and wu wu
kind of stuff. I always say, stop, look at your
life right now. Point some of the negative things that
(28:29):
are in there. What were you thinking about when you
chose that? What were you thinking about when you ended
up with this? And like, I have a girlfriend who
who she just had three cars in one week get wrecked.
She wasn't driving any of them. One was her car,
one was her boyfriend's car, and one was her son's car.
(28:50):
And so I told her, I said, in mind, body
medicine or in spiritual work, wrecked car is literally stop stop.
You can't go forward anymore. You have to stop right here.
What is going on in your life that needs to
stop going on? She was able to point out all
(29:12):
kinds of things right good, Hey, yeah, we get to
can come to two points where everything you know, we
move too fast. That's that's one of the things I
notice in my days is I get to move into fast.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
This day has been very very fast for me.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
I've had meeting and then another meeting, and those are
great days for me. But during that fast pace, I'm
not making my connection whispirit. I'm not listening to the
guides like I should be. And so that's where we
tell people, so stop, take a breath, Fill the breath,
(29:51):
come in, and then fill it, go out. Be silent
for just a minute.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
What do you hear?
Speaker 2 (29:58):
And so many people go, oh my gosh. They might
say I hear the birds. They might say hear the wind,
or I hear cars. Some people say I hear loving sounds,
loving voices telling.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Me they love me.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
They're good m hm.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
So in your work, Bell, what is your favorite part?
Speaker 4 (30:29):
I mean, I love all of it, but I love
the part when people realize that love is possible for them,
that they can have the love they've always desired. It's there.
All they have to do is continually believe and do
(30:50):
the work and not settle. You know, we sometimes are
just settling machines. We get tired, we want to we
just want to set let's get it over with, let's
do it right now, over done function and then they're unhappy.
Don't think I'll do it all over again. It's a journey,
(31:16):
but it's a journey that you have to do with
loving yourself and knowing it's your journey that you're on
and that you will have the success that you choose.
And you know, it's I've been doing this for over
(31:36):
eighteen years, and you know, I've heard all kinds of stories.
I've seen all kinds of things happen. It's can spend
hours just telling about the stories that I've experienced. I mean,
I've had people where I've turned them down. I won't
work with them because they need real, super heavy duty
(31:59):
professional help. They're either so anxious so in such a hurry.
I always tell people stop being an accident looking for
a place to happen. You know, it's you know, sometimes
(32:19):
with some women I get in their late thirties, their
biological clock is ticking and that's making them crazy, and
I tell them to please slow down. It isn't going
to help you to rush into something and be miserable
just because you want to have a baby. You can
(32:41):
freeze your eggs, you can do things. You know, there
are ways of helping women these days, more so than
ever before. M you know, so that these are things
and then you know there also I run into things
now which is the world is changing. The singles world
is changing a lot. You know, it isn't like it
(33:04):
was thirty forty years ago. Today women are so empowered,
they're so wonderful, they're they're they're achieving so much. But
they're emasculating men and they don't necessarily realize it. But
a lot of women that you know in the singles
world are making more money than the men they date.
(33:28):
And that's tough for men because if we know anything
about men, we all have a hero complex and but
we don't feel that hero complex with the women we'rewith.
It creates a lot of problems. That's one of the
(33:49):
reasons I believe where you have so much abuse, well
in there, you know, it's that you know. Unfortunately, you know,
if you go back in time, I always say this,
we men are still cavemen. We have not really changed
(34:12):
much since the caveman days. Our roles that the caveman
was to protect and provide, and that's what men did
for most of the existence. But now women don't need
men to protect them and they don't need men to
provide for them. Men are looking for a role.
Speaker 3 (34:37):
Mm you I think you know you you hit that.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
I hear lots of men, even young men, that say,
you know, I held the door open for a gal
the other day, and they got mad because I held
the door open. And I don't personally know women that
get upset for those kinds of things, because I hold
doors open for women with children and older people or
(35:02):
people on crutches and stuff, just because it's a respectful thing, right.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
And to me, I.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Worked my whole life. I've been in the man's world.
I was born on a ranch, and then you know,
I was a firefighter. Of course, I was an EMT.
I worked in law enforcement, and so I always had
these male areas, and I even would teach martial arts,
and I would tell the people, you want to be
(35:34):
the females. You want to be that strong female that
you can take care of yourself, but you also want
to be the woman that can accept the help and
the woman that can be kind and gentle because that
and I'm living proof of this, that does more self
(35:55):
defense good than knowing how to kick somebody's button. They
would send me back into the jail because I was
the only female officer, and I would calm down the
inmates because my energy was more gentle and I wasn't
(36:15):
a threat to them.
Speaker 4 (36:17):
Right, Yeah, we'll see, that's the whole thing. But it's
getting people to getting women to understand that they still
are women. Doesn't matter. You could be chief CEO of
the biggest corporation in the world. That's your day job.
(36:39):
But in a relationship, there's a man and a woman.
Men have to be masculine, women have to be feminine.
They have to love each other, they have to appreciate
each other, they have to respect each other because romance
is one of the four pillars of a successful relationship,
along with truth, trust, and communication. Without those four things,
(37:03):
and romance is the big pillar, and most relationships, romance dies.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
And the longer the relationship, the more dead it becomes.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
Well sometimes and sometimes not. Sometimes not the direction it
goes well because we do things we're both guilty. The
man and the woman are guilty. We let ourselves go.
We don't dress nicely for our partner any longer. You know,
(37:40):
we get up and we're in our pajamas all day,
and we're just slepping around the house, and you know,
we don't even take the time to say, you know,
let's go have a romantic dinner. You don't have to
even go out of the house. You could set a
nice little table with a candle and have a romantic dinner,
put a little music on, you know what, but put
(38:00):
your phones away. Stop all this. You've got to turn
the world off so you can turn each other.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
On, right right.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
I because I'm I'm a romance person and I've I've
done body work and so I've learned the what's what
we call.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
A free flow hand motion.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
And so one of the things is you're talking about,
you know, candlelight dinner. I think that dessert can be
on the bed with glasses of champagne and strawberries and
you feed them to each other. So I've always thought,
you know, romance is important, and a lot of times
the guy struggles with that. They love it once it's there,
(38:45):
but they struggle understanding it. So I always felt that
that I wanted that from my man, so I created it.
If if they struggled with it, we just worked through it.
Speaker 4 (38:56):
Yeah, but these are the things that you know, a
lot of relationships start out really nice and then they
peter out, and they peter out because.
Speaker 3 (39:10):
We lose romance m or finally.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
All fun romance. Yeah, going out date night is so
important to go out just the two people together. Get
a babysitter, get your in laws, get somebody to watch
the kids, go out, have a have a nice dinner.
Dress up, though, See, you just can't walk out the
door looking whatever. You get dressed up the way you
looked before you were married, before you you were dating,
(39:35):
you always looked wonderful. Then you get, you know, work,
it's in the way. Kids get in the way, Bills
get in the way, problems get in the way. You know,
in some relationships, even health becomes an issue. Shouldn't you know?
But I think always the stories about one person gets
sick and the other one leaves, you know, they I
(40:00):
don't want their problems. If you really love someone, you
love them through.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Everything, everything, everything.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
And so Bill, we're starting to come to the end,
and so I want you to talk just briefly about
your book so that people our viewers know about it well.
Speaker 4 (40:18):
Romance by Choice is an audiobook. It's available through my
website Romance by Choice dot com. And it's an audiobook
that has six musical albums that go along with it
and a workbook, and it's a complete program that takes
(40:38):
from start to finish on how to work on yourself first,
and then how to work on relationships, how to find them.
I teach people how to use online dating, because online
dating can be a wonderful tool if you know how
to use it. But too many people don't know how
to use it. That's why you hear all the horror stories.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (41:01):
I teach people how to date. I teach them the
differences between men and women so they can communicate more effectively.
That is a big thing. We are two different creatures,
our brains are different and they function differently. We need
to understand each other so we can have a better relationship.
(41:25):
So that's what's in the book called Romance by Choice.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
Awesome. Awesome.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
So you told us how to get the book, so
tell people how to get.
Speaker 4 (41:35):
A hold of you again. Go to Romance by Choice
dot com. All my information is in there. All the
contact information that you'll need is there to find me.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
So good.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
So I am a certified divorce coach. That means that
I've been trained in the complexities of divorce. I've also
been through a difficult cult marriage and my father was
almost murdered in his relationship, and then my late husband
went through torture in his So not only do I
(42:12):
know textbook what divorce is, I know from experience what
abuse and going through the divorce processes. You can reach
me on my email at coach tinaly In at gmail
dot com. That's Coach coo A H. Tina t I
l y n n at gmail dot com. You can
(42:33):
find me on social media at on Facebook at Tina
Lynn Huggins That's hugg i n s, on LinkedIn under
Tina Huggins, Instagram under divorce Coach Tina In, and TikTok
under divorce Tina. So one of the things that I
think is important is right here, Bill, if you can
(42:54):
give some words of advice to our viewers.
Speaker 4 (42:58):
Well, one of the best quotes I think has served
me and my clients for many years is today is
the first day of the rest of your life, and
you have the right to choose how that day is
going to be.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
And that's I think that's great advice because what we
think about we bring about. We said that earlier, and
so the one thing I can tell our viewers, especially
when it comes to romance by Choice, is that the
last two words by choice is what Bill has been
(43:40):
talking about here, and I can tell you that what
Bill has to offer you and what you will learn
by working with him, is going to get you where
you want to go. And that is if you do
the work. I know this because I did the work
and I had the most one full husband on the
(44:01):
face of the planet for me.
Speaker 3 (44:03):
We were perfect for each other.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
Not only did we finish each other's sentences, we loved
the same food, we liked to eat at the same times.
We both came from a farm ranch background. We were
just perfect for each other, and we loved to work out,
so we did. I mean we were together twenty four
to seven and still did date night every Friday night.
(44:26):
So reach out to Bill and step into making the
choice for yourself for the romance. But make the choice
for yourself because loving yourself is the best gift you
can ever give yourself. And so as we close, I
want to remind people that as we go through divorce,
(44:48):
we a lot of times get in a bad headspace
and we end up with suicidal ideation or thoughts and
maybe we even plan out this. I know I did.
I made that up attempt. So when you are in
that space, please please reach out to somebody and you
can reach the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at nine eight eight.
(45:11):
It's the same number in Canada and in the Netherlands
you can call one one three.
Speaker 3 (45:17):
This way you can spend.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
That moment the moments with somebody on the phone just
helping you talk through this. And then if you are
in a situation that you need the police, if there's
violence going on right now here in the US, call
nine one one, and in the Netherlands it's nine nine
nine and in the UK it's one one two. Once
(45:41):
you get the police there, please press charges. This is
your key out of that relationship. It's a point where
you get to stand your ground and make the choice
for your freedom so that you can move forward to
make a choice for yourself in the romance ahead, press
the charges. Don't drop the charges. Oftentimes we drop the
(46:02):
charges and the abuse that happened before the charges were
placed is way worse after you drop the charges.
Speaker 3 (46:10):
This is your key out. Take it.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
If you or somebody you know is dealing with domestic violence,
please call the Domestic Violence Hotline at eight hundred seven
nine nine seven two three three. That number again is
eight one hundred seven ninety nine seventy two thirty three.
I also ask that you please like, comment, and share
(46:33):
this information so it can help others. Thank you so much,
Bill for being a guest with me today.
Speaker 4 (46:40):
You're welcome, Tita, thank you so much for having me, and.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
We ask all of you viewers to stay safe. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
You're listening to WGSNDB GO and Solo Network Singles Talk
Radio Channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our
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