October 17, 2025 • 50 mins
💫 Single Parenting from Mexican & Old World Points of View — Join Guest Jose Escarcega, Life Coach for Single Parents, Founder of Solo Parent Superpowers, and Author of “The Boy With the Blue Bike”, together with Host Tina Huggins, Divorce & “Narcissist Conflict” Specialist, on Awakening. Explore cultural perspectives on single parenting, resilience, and empowerment through real-life stories and expert insights. Streamed on NEWStreamingNetwork.com.
More About Tina: Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor.
Connect with Tina:
Email: coachtinalynn@gmail.com
Website: https://divorcecoachspecialist.com/
More About Jose: iPEC-certified life coach specializing in empowering single parents recovering from narcissistic abuse. Leveraging my background as a former businessman and current hotel owner from Mexico, I help parents navigate the challenging transition to single parenthood. My focus is on rebuilding identity, achieving goals, and practicing self-care, providing crucial support beyond traditional therapy to help parents thrive for themselves and their children.
Connect with Jose: IG: @soloparentsuperpowers @joseescarcega_ Website: www.qualitytimenotqualitytoys.com
More About Tina: Tina Huggins, CTA Life Coach certified, CDC Divorce Coach, CDC Transitions Coach, CDC Recovery Coach, TKG Restorative Family Mediator Certified, TKG Family Circle Certified. I have coached for over 30 years coming from the background of law enforcement and self-defense instructor.
Connect with Tina:
Email: coachtinalynn@gmail.com
Website: https://divorcecoachspecialist.com/
More About Jose: iPEC-certified life coach specializing in empowering single parents recovering from narcissistic abuse. Leveraging my background as a former businessman and current hotel owner from Mexico, I help parents navigate the challenging transition to single parenthood. My focus is on rebuilding identity, achieving goals, and practicing self-care, providing crucial support beyond traditional therapy to help parents thrive for themselves and their children.
Connect with Jose: IG: @soloparentsuperpowers @joseescarcega_ Website: www.qualitytimenotqualitytoys.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to WGSNDB Go and Solo Network Singles talk
radio channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
So hello and welcome to our show, The Awakening here
on WGSNDB, the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The
information and opinions expressed on this show are just that,
the opinions of the individual speaking based on their individual
personal experiences. They are not intended to diagnose and do
(00:45):
not constitute professional advice or recommendations.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
So you know the.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Difficulty, the pain, the stress, and the struggle that divorcing
men and women go through while there is a way
to find peace and keep your sanity all while assisting
your lawyer, saving you thousands of dollars in this process.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
My name is Tina Huggins.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
I'm your divorce coach specialist, divorce planning specialist, restorative family
mediator and conflictional co parenting coach and so our guest.
My guest today is Josse and we were tired about
his last name just a few minutes ago. I'm not
even going to attempt it, Like he tells me, it's
even difficult in Spanish. Right, So I'm going to tell
(01:29):
you a little bit about Josse. Josse is not just
a coach, but an IPEC certified life coach who specializes
in empowering single parents recovering from narcissistic abuse. Josse is
leveraging his background as a former businessman and current hotel
(01:49):
owner from Mexico and helps single parents navigate the challenging
transitions into single parenthood. Hosse's focus is on rebuilding the
single parents identity, achieving their goals, and most importantly, participating
and taking care of their self.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Jose does.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Jose does all of this by providing crucial support beyond
traditional therapy to help parents thrive for themselves and of
course for their children. So welcome Jose, thank you for
being here.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Thank you for having me. Tina, And the last name
is that Cartega and wonders like, the fun part is
that my son, who is in English speaking, he pronounces
our last name perfectly, and I wow, that's a surprise
for me.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Some of us can, but I don't know, maybe because
I do come from a Hispanic background, that it just
was very odd for me to not be able to
say your last name. So I was mysh, I'm not
even going to tempt and butcher that, Oh, don't worry
about it.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
So I'm going to be honest.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I know I talked to you earlier, just before we
came on the show, and I want our audience to
kind of know this. I asked Jose to send me
some questions so that we would have a direction to go,
and Spirit just kind of as I was putting the
show together, Spirit said, no, we're going to focus on
the fact that Jose comes in to this space as
(03:31):
a man. He's in this specific coaching space a single
parent coach as a man, which is very rare for
us to see. And that's very important for those of
you who don't know that are watching now. I usually
focus my work, or do focus my work, towards men
that have been involved in abusive relationships. The majority of
(03:53):
my clients are women, but men just don't have the
support that women generally have. And as and I were talking,
I wanted to make sure that I explained why this
is so important to me. So single parents, being a
single parent is very difficult, and as you're going to
hear us talk, when we come from a culture like
(04:16):
the Mexican culture from Mexico, or like I explained to Jose,
old world culture, where there's still old world thinking, especially
about parenthood, it can be very difficult, especially for the
men in that culture. And I had a really close
friend who I was raised in a Hispanic culture, and
(04:41):
she was married to a Mexican man. She was Hispanic herself,
but she was American and he was from Mexico and
they were living here and he got her involved in
some bad drug stuff. She ended up in in jail,
and that's about when I met her. That's about when
we started working together to rebuild her and she struggled
(05:03):
as a single parent, and he ended up going back
to Mexico and unbeknownst to her, took another wife. When
she went back down there to see him, of course,
that negative energy and the way he treated her while
she was down there was just terrific to her. And
(05:23):
as a single mom. She came back and I talked
to her briefly about some of her parenting issues, and
she just couldn't handle it and she took her life.
And I have her children, whom I call my god
children because I coming from that group and being very
close to their mom, I was able to work with
(05:44):
the entire family as we put her service together. And
her two youngest daughters were just heading into high school
and now they have no father and no mother, and
so now the oldest daughter, she kind of tried to
take everybody under their wing, and I did my best
to help, but I can you know, looking back, I
(06:07):
don't know how. And I'm going to honor her. Her
name was Andrea Armstrong, and I'm gonna explain how. I
don't think that she was a bad single mom at all.
You know, she had four children, three girls and one boy,
and all four of them, four out of four, were
(06:27):
turned out to be amazing, not just children, but they're
amazing adults, and they're amazing parents. Now they're raising their
own children, and they're moving on in their life, and
one of them is a single parent and struggling because
she's coming not just culturally from one side, but the
father of her children is culturally from another side. And
(06:50):
so there's some issues that she's facing as a single parent.
So I'm super excited that you're here with me. Jose
and that we get to kind of dig in to
a little bit of the differences specifically from the male
side of historically.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Old culture or old world culture. So thanks again for
here who is say.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
Thanks again for having me and thank you for sharing
this story. Is like so hard. I'm sorry for your loss,
and this is something that really hits me hard and
it's very emotional because we can see like from any perspective,
like it doesn't matter the gender, if you're male, female,
(07:33):
or LGBTQ. It's hard being a single parent and we
often face this reality that as a single parent, we
face this guilt but not feeling enough, not feeling good
enough of being a parent. Even you're doing their best
for your kids, there's always something that lingers and it
tells you like I'm not doing enough. I have to
(07:54):
be better. Because you're a single parent, you don't have
another partner to help you through the through your journey.
But he can get complicated sometimes, like in this case,
that's an extreme and Andrew, your friend went through a
very complicated state. And that's how hard it can be
(08:20):
to be a single parent. It's so much pressure on
yourself that it can lead to this output m.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
And you know, I had talked to her the night
before she did this, and I knew she was off,
and I also knew I couldn't reach her that night.
So when her phone rang the next morning, I knew.
I knew when I saw her name pop up that
that wasn't her on the other side.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
And when you and.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
I talked about this just before I turned on the recording,
you had tears in your eyes, and I was able
to talk, you know, tell you my story.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
This time.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I struggled to tell that story. I had to fight
back the tears as I was talking about that. Because
her children are amazing children, Oh my gosh. As parents,
they're thriving and.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Doing a great job.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
The one of them who is who is now a
single mom. She is going through the court aspects of
daddy wanting kids, and they're in two separate states, and
they're further apart then they originally started off, and so
it's a really difficult time. And so she's talking with me,
(09:33):
and I'm helping her like I did her mom through
some of the single parenting stuff. You know, I'm helping
her more as a mom figure. But coming in, you know,
my late husband was a lot like you, very wonderful,
caring man who was definitely the man and yet was
(09:59):
more eternal to his children than I've ever seen a
man ever be. He loved his children so much. And
so you and I talked about this the very first time.
We talked about you becoming a single parent. So and
the fact that you're working in narcissistic recovery so kind
of tell us a little bit about why you're working
(10:22):
in that arena.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
Oh, it's always hard to become a single parent, and
especially in this case of Andrea, where we can relate,
and it's totally understandable that sometimes single parents go into
all of these dark split spaces that we don't have
many resources as single parents. You know, we have therapy,
which is great, which brings you from dysfunctional to functional
(10:46):
and you can go on with your life. But still
you have all of these difficulties of being a single parent.
And that's when coaching comes up. What happens after you
are functional again? What happens with your life when you
are like, Okay, I'm a single parent, so what do
(11:06):
I do now? You have to learn how to be
a single parent. You have to learn how to deal
with everything it's a new life. I have this community
where I was talking about this becoming a new person,
and there was this member who said, you know, I
didn't choose to become a new person. I was happy
(11:29):
with my life. I was happy with my kids. But
it's not a new person per se. But you have
to adapt to a new lifestyle. You have to work
on yourself because you have more responsibility. Now. You have
to take care of yourself, which is very important because
your kids deserve to have a good parent. But sometimes
(11:51):
we forget about self care. We always put the kids first,
but we forget that self care can help you out
because I'm a better person and you're going to be
better for your kids. So when it comes to coaching
and how we talk to the parents, it's just we
(12:11):
create a new plan for your life, what your life
is going to look ahead and kind of like create
this scenario where you see yourself thriving in single parenthood
and then find that feeling where you're like, oh, this
is how I'm going to be. We graft to that
feeling and then we work towards it so you can
(12:32):
create a new plan, you set new goals and care
for your kids. Because we as single parents, we struggle
with a lot of things. We have to deal with,
work with bills, with emotions from your kids, from yourself,
from your co parent co parenting also, it's one of
the hardest struggle that we have. Like all of my clients,
(12:54):
they always bring this topic to the table because it
can make you feel status well dealing with another co
parent that is not a tune in the best interest
of the child. So you have to work on yourself,
work on the kids, and work on not engaging, not reacting,
(13:16):
and not giving yourself up to the other co parents' demands,
which sometimes are not the best.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
M And you know, I dealt with a client this morning.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
This specific client's actually in Norway, and we got to
talking about the old world culture very similar to you know,
and we'll get into this a little bit, how the
men in Mexico look at life. So her husband is
Norwegian and she's American and she lives there, and we
(13:55):
got to talking about how he wants to raise the
kids and how she wants to raise the kids. It's
two different ways, which is kind of what you're talking about.
And as a co parenting coach myself, I help that
and like what you're talking about, and what I just
spoke about with her is not called co parenting.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
We can't.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Co parenting is when both households have the same bedtime,
same routine, do the same thing. That's co parenting. That's
when we can really work with our ex at parenting
and raising our children. But when we've gone through abuse
and we see this and like in old world cultures
like Mexico and in this case, Norway, where the men
(14:46):
are generally not the diaper changer changers, and they don't
bottle feed the babies, they hand them over to their
mother to take care of them, and then they just
kind of help them. And especially if they've got boyet
be a man, and they've got to teach them to
be a man. And so we can't co parent when
(15:07):
we're opposite like that, So we call that parallel parenting.
So and I think that you're helping your clients will
be better parallel parenting parents because you're teaching them how
to take care of themselves.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
Sure, and like you mentioned, parallel parenting is the way
to do it. And sometimes it's hard just to get
in that track because to do paralleled parenting parallel parenting,
you have to create healthy boundaries because you had to
know that it's your house, your roots. You are doing
the best for your kids, and even if you're not
(15:48):
in tune with your co parent, like you mentioned, co
parenting is when you have a good relationship and both
work into the child's best interest. We have to find
a way to make it survive. You have to provide
this safe space for your kids. You have to provide
with this container with love and nurturing for them to
(16:13):
be happy. Because your kids only need one stable parent
to try true life. You are the safe space. You
are the loving place. And going back to what you
mentioned about all cultures, being a single dad, it's not
(16:38):
easy at all because you and personally me, I come
from this Mexican culture, Northern Mexican culture, which is like
very attuned to old Texas cowboy style, very manly, very manhood,
and the way they raised us is like the man
has to be the provider. The man have to be tough.
(16:58):
The men can't complain, you can't cry. You had to
be a man. So being in tune with your emotions
was often seen as a sign of weakness and learning
that it's a big step. Personally, I just learned to
(17:21):
cry in twenty twenty three after being like, I was
a businessman back when I was in Mexico, and I
was like on this work environment where I have to
be like top. I also had a cattle ranch, so
I have to be like the top guy and dealing
with all of these animals and hard work. So they
(17:42):
don't teach you to be in touch with your emotions
because it's seen as a sign of weakness. And like
you mentioned, the man doesn't change diapers. In our culture,
sometimes it seems like a sign of pride not to
change any diapers on your kid. That's the woman's role.
(18:03):
And I didn't understand until I got onto all of
this that I was like, wow, that's not good, because
your kids also deserve to have a dad that is
involved in their development. It's proven that the kid that
is that has a good relationship with their father. It
works differently. Each parent has their role, but the mother
(18:28):
is the nurturing space and the father established this connection
by you know, the rough play, and the brain of
your kid, of your children is developing in a different
way because they have the two sides. But like you mentioned,
now that I'm a single dad, and it brings me
(18:49):
joy that I've been seeing more single dads involved in
their kids development. And that's great because actually, just yesterday
I just met a single dad. We were playing tennis
and approach and we were talking, and the way I
saw how he was caring for his son and just
trying to coach him and having this relationship, it was happy.
(19:11):
I was happy to see that. And we're learning. We
were learning from what we used to know, or our
parents used to know how to parent our kids. If
we go back to the eighties and nineties, we were
happy because we were outside so much time. But the
(19:34):
truth is that we didn't have that much of a
connection with our parents because they were always busy working
or doing some of the other stuff. Then we had
fun with them, but there was not this strong bond
or connection that we are now more conscious about it
because we're learning how this bonds and connection created different
(19:58):
outcome in our kids.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Yes, and you know, as you're talking, I'm revisiting Porta Viata,
where my husband and I love to go, and you
would you see all these children that are just running
around the street. They're playing with dogs, they're playing with
other kids, and you don't see the moms and dads.
And it's basically because the moms and dads are working,
(20:23):
they're doing their thing, and so the kids are left
on their own.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
And I remember as.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
A child myself, I was like seven years old and
I ended up taking my bicycle four miles up the
road to my grandmother. My grandmother knew I was coming.
My mom didn't have a clue where I was. All
day long, she had no clue where I was. And
that's just the way that old cultures kind of are.
(20:51):
The kids just fend for themselves for most of the day.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
We were just outside surviving. You just have to be
back home before before the lights go out. Yeah, and
it's great. I think these new generations that we are
raising are going to be amazing because they we are
craving the outside time, but we're also nurturing this connection
(21:19):
with them, so we are present with them and having
fun together outside. So we're more conscious about that they
need to be outside away from the screens, but also
they need to have a parent who is in touch
with their emotions. Also, Like remember like back in the days,
when you fell down and you scrape your knee and
you were crying, they were like, oh no, no, it's okay,
(21:41):
don't cry, just man up. Nowadays we know that it hurts,
and we are just being there with them, validating their
pain and just helping them stand up again and keep
on moving forward. But they have the support from herself.
(22:01):
And you know that a lot of trauma comes from
us as kids or during their childhood with standing pain
by yourself.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Yeah, and you know, as you talk, my dad was
a cowboy, So I was raised on a farm ranch.
And you bet if you got bucked off your horse,
you just got back on your horse.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Don't cry about it. Whatever.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Now, I was lucky that my dad was in touch
with this feeling. So he would go out when the
cattle were being born and he would cry, that was
his time with God. You know, Calves would hit the
ground and he would see that as miracles. So I
had that wonderful part of my dad. But another side
of single parenting is having to cook and clean and
change the diapers or things like that.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
My dad had divorced.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
My mom and he was on in between his second
and third wife or something to that effect, and he
calls me and he says, how do I How long
do I cook an egg?
Speaker 3 (23:07):
I'm making hard boiled.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Eggs, and I said, well, you like to have your
eggs super hard, so I would do them for six
to eight minutes.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Dad. He says, six to eight minutes in the microwave. Dad,
you don't do eggs microwave. Like plain the whole thing.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
And then he calls my sister and she says, so,
how's the new warsher and dryer And he says wow,
and the dryer's not really drying very well. And she goes, well,
when was the last time you changed the lint trap?
And he goes, what's a lint trap? Things that single
parents have to.
Speaker 4 (23:42):
Do, Yeah, you have. You're juggling so many stuff around yourself.
And like mentioned I my son has a personal chef
who wakes out at six in the morning, cooks for cookies,
launch and then send me to school. And I'm proud
of it, you know. Like I remember changing diapers all
around the city, like going to New York and just
(24:05):
your kidneys to change the diapers. So I would just
make it work, get them back and the car or
just whatever. I was like the fastest diaper changer in
the city. I was like, okay, let's do it. Okay,
let's go and it was fun because this connection that
we have is great. And I was also a stay
at home that when I was waiting for my work permit,
(24:29):
so I understood a lot of the struggle that singles
mom single moms go through because being in charge of
the house, it's not easy. It sounds really easy, like, oh,
you don't you don't do anything. You just have to
clean the house, like we clean the house, could prepare
everything for the children. It's a big task. So I
(24:55):
in Mexico or Spanish it would say I take my
hat off for the single moms who had done or
had gone through it. And it was harder back in
the days because single moms were seen as different, like
it couldn't even seem like a failure sometimes like oh
you were not able to keep your family, And that
(25:17):
was a hard thing to put undone because most of them,
most of them didn't have the courage just to walk
away from an abusive relationship because they want to stay
together for the kids, because that's how they taught us,
taught us that family has to be a couple and
(25:39):
the kids. So if you were by yourself, you were
like the odd one out.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yes, you know, and you know you're you're talking about
the single mom, and earlier you had mentioned, you know,
about the dads coming into the you know, becoming a
single dad. And I can tell you coming from martial
arts instructing, I had lots of kids that were in
(26:09):
my class that came from divorced parents where they had
a single parent father and a single parent mother. And
I can tell you, and this is important for our viewers,
for you women that think that as moms, we need
to have more parenting time than dad because we're the mom,
(26:29):
you know, just like in Mexico.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
That's the basic way it is.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Dad's don't single parent down there the mom's and it's
just super important for you moms and then you dad's
really to get this too, that the kids that I
taught in taekwondo, the best kids, the ones that did
the best, that did the least amount of in trouble pushups,
(26:54):
were those kids that had dad in their life. If
dad even wasn't a great dad, as long as he
was in their life, those kids were better. I had
some rock star single moms, rock star single moms, and those.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
Kids would just be little shits every once in a while.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
For her, for me, they would end up doing more
pushups than everybody else. I'd pass out one hundred to
them every once in a while because they would just
get mad, throw stuff and throw a fit. And those again,
with dad in the picture, they were better kids. They
were more respectful, they learned faster, and more responsive. So
(27:35):
dads are very important.
Speaker 4 (27:37):
Yes, both parents are important, but also dads have a
different role. And especially if you have the emotional maturity,
your kid will be successful because they see how you
handle stuff when we are doing the parenting. Like I
(28:00):
tell my clients that we are doing the parenting, but
we are less conscious about it because your kids are
watching how you deal with life, just even the simple things.
And if somebody crosses you on the traffic, how you
react to that. They will see and they will just
(28:23):
as the world like imitate or they will like imitate. Yeah,
they're they're your behavior. How do you react to stressful situation,
how you react when you are happy, how you deal
with other people? Everything is they're watching?
Speaker 3 (28:44):
Yes, so true, so true, And they mimic things. And
I have told parents this so much.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Don't talk in front of your children, even if your
child isn't old enough to talk yet. Don't talk about
their dad or mom in front of them in a
negative way. Don't say bad things in front of them,
because they're listening, they're learning, and they're gonna mimic this.
And they may not mimic it in front of you,
(29:13):
but they come to my taekwando class and they would
mimic it. I know exactly where those little statements came from.
Speaker 4 (29:19):
Yeah, and then you put a lot of stress on them,
even though you don't they don't tell you, but there's
stress about like if you talk about bad about the
other parent, they will feel this need to take sides
because oh, my mom is talking about my dad or
my dad is talking about my mom. And we just
gotta be careful of our words because our words is
(29:41):
how we are shaping their future. We are actually shaping
their inner voice, how they talk to themselves. They will remember.
So we're forging that right now in their doing their childhood.
I still hear my inner voice from when I was
a child, and I'm like, no, no, no, you have to
(30:02):
repent yourself as well. Like now bringing this topic is
that every time you get trigger from how your kid behaves,
that is a clear indicator that you have to heal
some stuff from your childhood as well.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
M hm.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
So I want to kind of go back.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Before we started filming, you were talking about, you know,
in Mexico, how the mom, the matriarch of the family,
asses down you know, all the information to both boys
and girls in her family, her grandchildren, the nieces and nephews.
So kind of talk a little bit about that.
Speaker 4 (30:42):
Sure. Sure, And this analogy came from watching a movie
from my son. With my son, we were watching Encanto,
which is how Hispanic movie, and it's beautiful. The movie
is great, it's very happy, very colorful, and he was said,
I want to watch it again. So we watched a
couple of times, and by the third time, I think
(31:05):
I started watching this movie with different eyes. I was like, wait, like,
once you put the coaching glasses on this, he was like, Okay,
there's the matriarch, which is the great the grandmother, and
there's this family around around her, and each of the
(31:26):
member of the family has special power. There was this
girl who is the strongest, the princess, the guy who
can shift shift his like a shape shifter. Then the
main character she didn't get like the special power because
(31:48):
every time their initiation initiation was like having a door,
which was their special power. So I was like, okay,
this powers. They are childhood trauma.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
Mm hmmm mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (32:10):
The strong girl was never not strong enough. The princess
was most perfect. The chief shifter was a people pleaser Bruno.
I still can't figured out what he was. But the
main character, mirabel she was not good enough. That was
(32:32):
that's why she didn't get a door, and she was
kind of like put put to the side every time.
And then you get to the core of the story
when they show you that the grandma is kind of
angry at the world because their grandparents, that the the
(32:56):
the partner sacrificed himself in order for them to sort
of so she grew up with this anger of being
alone and having to deal with this house by herself,
like she had to run the family by herself. And
then it's totally understandable that this person have to deal
(33:17):
with so much stuff that they become kind of abrasive
with the world. So they keep on passing this trauma
to the other generations. And in this movie, there's a
scene where the grandma and Mirabelle are in the river.
So then mirabel approached the grandma, and she started acknowledging
(33:40):
her suffering and she started opening it up to what happened,
and then that's where healing started. I see Mirabelle as
a coach that she was coaching her grandma into like
getting back to life. So after all of this, healing
happens the house because it becomes a greater house and
(34:03):
everybody's happier and they change their traditions. So it changed
the whole family just by acknowledging the suffering and just
validating the grandma. But that happens in a lot of culture.
The matriarch sometimes had to deal with everything because the
father was providing and she's so inundated with problems and
(34:29):
she had to deal with everything that it comes into trauma.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
So just that story kind of, you know, talking about
the matriarch, it kind of reminds me of my dad's mother,
and she was a matriarch and dads don't take care
of children, and she would be upset with me when
I would leave to get a job, you know, go
to work and leave my children with their dad. She says, oh, no,
(34:58):
you need to bring them over here when you leave,
And I'm like, well, he's home. He can take care
of him. And my ex husband was very good changing diapers.
He come from a large family. He was a great dad.
And it's that matriarch though that teaches, you know, women
should have teaching jobs or hair do jobs. You know,
(35:19):
they should be, you know, in those two professions because
then they can always find a job wherever their husband
moves for his work. And it's like, well, you know,
and my sister, my sister says, oh, no, that's not
the way my life is going to be. My husband
is going to move with me for my job. And
that's exactly the way her life was. She ended up
(35:39):
moving throughout the US for her job. And it's that
matriarch thing that you're talking about.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
And then I want to.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Touch and because we're getting ready to have about ten
minutes left, I think the part that was most important
that you said was getting touch with themselves. So we
talked to before we turned on the camera about crying
and getting in touch with our feelings. And that's what
you talked about earlier as being so important for the
(36:12):
work that you did.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
It is really important. It is really important, and that's
when healing happens, when you sit down with your pain
and you know's what happened. It's not for everybody, Like
you have to sit down and cry a lot as well,
because you know we maybe our parents loved this, but
they didn't know better on how to raise it. So
we have to deal with a lot of things ourselves,
(36:36):
and now that we are parenting our kids in a
very more present sometimes it triggers that I wish I
would have had that, you know, I loving parent with me,
that a place with me that comes with me, Like
(36:58):
I do a lot of things with my son. Even
have a garden and we harvest our own vegetables and
I show him how what we pick up from the garden,
we will just cook it and eat it. That's great.
I wish I would have that. But when when you
(37:18):
get in touch with your feelings, you have to deal
with a lot of discomfort. And some people will avoid it,
especially in the male side, because you get so busy
that you don't get time to work on yourself. Because
when you are arresting, everything comes to you. So some
(37:38):
people might just overflow their life with work, with responsibilities
that don't have to go back to deal with this
emotion that you have going on, and that cycle repeats
until the end of your life, just passing yourself and
(37:58):
just understanding my going on inside of you. It takes
a big effort and it's not easy, but once you
do it, life becomes different.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
You become a better person. You know.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
I don't know how much we had talked the first
time about my loss of my husband back in June
of last year, but it's been a time that I've
had to get in touch with my emotions in a
different way. You know, I can go back through my
divorce and I could tell you a boy going through
(38:34):
that was horrible and this, the loss of my dream husband,
is a horrible experience to go through. But my emotional
body is in so much better place. And why because
I'm working with coaches and I'm working with therapists, and
of all the things that I could suggest anyone ever,
(38:55):
do you know in the case with single parenting, I
think we need help period. You know, it takes a
village to help, and in this case, we need somebody.
And I'm going to touch into the Mexican culture here,
the fact that you're a Mexican male that's a single
parent that changes diapers. You know, how much better can
(39:18):
that be? Opposite of the way the culture is. Your
life is just totally opposite of the culture you come from.
Speaker 4 (39:28):
Yeah, I was actually I'm sorry for your loss. I
remember what we spoke about your the loss of your husband,
and you know, grief. Grief is hard, Like you have
to make time to deal with these emotions. And like
you mentioned, being a Mexican single dad changing diapers and
(39:49):
being a tune with my emotions for my son, it
was going against everything that I learned or that they
But I'm relearning to be a single dad, I'm relearning
to be in touch with my emotions. I'm relearning to
parent myself as well, because when you're parenting, you're also
(40:14):
parenting yourself. And that's when the magic comes because you
are becoming a great parent for your son, and but
also your inner child is growing. You get to work
with all of these suppressed emotions and everything that happened
through your childhood, and you are becoming a better person
for your kid, because that's where we have to work
(40:35):
on ourselves. We love our kids, but we also must
not forget about working in ourselves. And now that we're
talking about grief, that is one of the hardest parts
of divorce or becoming a single parent, the grief of
letting go of this perfect marriage that you had on mind.
(40:57):
You miss that person, but you have to let go
of that because that's not your reality anymore.
Speaker 3 (41:07):
So so so true.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
And so as we get ready to wrap this up, Hoose,
all of your contact information is going to be below.
But you have like a class or a program that
you take people through. So can you explain that for
our viewers so that they know and then tell them
how to get in touch with you so that they
(41:32):
can get into that program.
Speaker 4 (41:34):
Sure. Yeah. I created this community for single parents. It's
called Solo Parents Superpowers. So Solo Parents Superpowers, which is
a community where single parents can join and get support
from other single parents or just there's power also in
telling your story. I remember when this idea came out.
It was during one of my workshops, and I asked
(41:57):
an open question to one of the guests, and then
one pint reply, then another backtop, and then they validated
their emotions, they shared the story, and another followed through
sharing their story a different perspective, and suddenly I was
also participating in the dynamic. So there was like pure
community empowerment. You can live another parent's mood, but also
(42:20):
seeing how other single parents are making it through life.
It's also inspiring. And just telling your story, just letting
it all out, it's empowering because getting in touch with
other single parents that knows the struggle, they can help you,
they can support you. And we also have a Q
and A every now and then with experts like you,
(42:42):
which I'm going to invite you to the community as well.
And we need this because for me being a single
dad in a different country, starting from zero, sometimes you
can feel alone. And once you start getting in touch
with other people who knows the struggle, you get lifted.
(43:02):
And that's the purpose of the community, like help other
single parents and just bring a library of valuable resources
for them to go through life. Yes, it's the name
is Single Solo Parents Superpowers and it's in school dot com.
We're going to drop the info in the link and
(43:23):
it's good to see how other parents go through life
and also getting some support from people who went through
that and make it.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
Hm so very true and so that's important and I
think that understanding that and just again so that all
of our viewers know all of Hossay's information will be
down below the show in the show notes, So please
look for that information and talk to Jose. And I
(43:56):
encourage all of our cultural people, specifically that from the
Mexican culture, to reach out to Jose because he understands
that that cultural difference, and especially if you're a father.
And I love the fact that you say, coming into
a whole nother country, I lived in another country where
(44:18):
at least you can speak English, and when I got there,
I couldn't speak German. So just getting used to those
new cultures and that was hard enough. And I was married,
so being a single lad in this new area, you know,
it's got to be very difficult. So I invite everybody
to reach out to Jose for that. So I myself
am a certified divorce coach and I specialize in high
(44:41):
conflict divorce. And I'm certified. That means I'm trained in
the complexities divorce. And I can tell you I went
through the end of my marriage was a high conflict divorce.
I ended up with a broken hand, separated ribs, and
dislocated leg. My father was almost murdered, and my late
husband went through a whole Marie ra of torture in
(45:01):
his relationship. So not only am my schooled, I also
have lived through this and understand that you can reach
me through my email at coach tain at gmail dot com,
dot co O A c h t I n A
l y n n at Gmail. My website is Divorcecoachspecialist
(45:21):
dot com and you can find me on social media
Facebook under Tina Lynn Huggins.
Speaker 3 (45:27):
That's h U G g i n s.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
On LinkedIn under Tina Huggins, on Instagram under Divorce Coach
Tina in, and on TikTok under divorce Tina. So Jose,
can you give our viewers a last bit of advice here?
Speaker 4 (45:54):
Sure? Let me give you a piece of advice, and
that you're not alone, like get in touch with friends, family,
because sometimes it's just hard to reach out and just
asking for help seems like a big task. Well, let
(46:16):
me tell you that people on the other side they
want to help you. You just have to make the question,
ask the question, and they will be able to help you. Like,
just if it's hard for you to ask for help,
just start with small things like hey, can you help
me out with my kids for twenty minutes or five minutes,
or let's go to a play date or whatever. You
(46:38):
need to do, and then you will start building the
habit because you can help also another single parent.
Speaker 3 (46:47):
Amen to that. Amen.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
And so, just like I said just before, I want you,
as a single parent, and specifically if you are a
cultural dad stepping into this new role of single parenting,
please reach out to Josse. I had him come on
here just for you, So please reach out to him.
Talk to him, get his help, I mean, guidance, anything,
(47:13):
and you can talk with him that first time and
just find out.
Speaker 3 (47:16):
What he has to offer. So please reach out to him.
So go ahead.
Speaker 4 (47:22):
Oh yeah, I was going to say thank you. And
I just want to let you know all single parents,
especially single dads from other cultures, once you start getting
in touch with your emotions and getting involved with your kids,
you will also become a kid and have fun as
a kid with your children. So enjoy this journey together
and get in touch with him. Every time I see
(47:44):
other single dads sharing this moment, we all end up
playing with our kids in the playground as we were
all kids. So that's that's a fun thing to do.
Speaker 3 (47:59):
So awesome.
Speaker 2 (48:00):
And so that all of you understand as we go
through divorce, And like I talked, about with my friend
whom I want to honor her and her children, Andrea Armstrong,
her children, Raynett, Daniel, Leslie and Maria. They are wonderful,
wonderful people with wonderful, wonderful families, and I honor them.
(48:21):
But they are here in my life because Andrea committed suicide.
If you get to that place, please reach out to
the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, simple number nine eighty eight.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
Just reach out.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
It's the same number for here as it is in Canada.
Talk to somebody, let them talk you off that ledge.
Please don't leave your children and your loved ones behind
to hurt worse than you are right now.
Speaker 3 (48:49):
So you can.
Speaker 2 (48:49):
Also call that National Prevention Hotline in the Netherlands at
one one three. I don't want you to be alone
as it when you're in a situation and you need
the police. Here in the US it's nine to one
to one, and in the Netherlands it's nine nine nine,
and in the UK it's one one two. Get the
(49:12):
police there. Press charges. This is your key out of
that relationship. Don't drop those charges, keep the charges pressed,
get restraining orders and get that divorce. Once you drop
those charges, Oftentimes the abuse on the other side is
much worse than it was before you put the charges,
so this is your key out. I also want you
(49:32):
to know that if you are dealing or know somebody
dealing with domestic violence, please call a domestic violence hotline
at eight hundred seven nine nine seven two three three.
That number again is eight hundred seven ninety nine seventy
two thirty three. Please like, comment, and share this information
so it can help others. Thank you so much for
(49:55):
being my guest here today, Jose.
Speaker 4 (49:59):
Thank you so much for having Metina and looking forward
to hear more of what you do.
Speaker 3 (50:04):
Yes, thank you and blessingstra everybody.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
You're listening to WGSNDB going Solo Network Singles Talk Radio channel,
where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach to discussions
on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting, being single, relationships, building, dating,
and yes sex. Join our listeners and begin living your
best life.
You're listening to WGSNDB Go and Solo Network Singles talk
radio channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our
listeners and begin living your best life.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
So hello and welcome to our show, The Awakening here
on WGSNDB, the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The
information and opinions expressed on this show are just that,
the opinions of the individual speaking based on their individual
personal experiences. They are not intended to diagnose and do
(00:45):
not constitute professional advice or recommendations.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
So you know the.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Difficulty, the pain, the stress, and the struggle that divorcing
men and women go through while there is a way
to find peace and keep your sanity all while assisting
your lawyer, saving you thousands of dollars in this process.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
My name is Tina Huggins.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
I'm your divorce coach specialist, divorce planning specialist, restorative family
mediator and conflictional co parenting coach and so our guest.
My guest today is Josse and we were tired about
his last name just a few minutes ago. I'm not
even going to attempt it, Like he tells me, it's
even difficult in Spanish. Right, So I'm going to tell
(01:29):
you a little bit about Josse. Josse is not just
a coach, but an IPEC certified life coach who specializes
in empowering single parents recovering from narcissistic abuse. Josse is
leveraging his background as a former businessman and current hotel
(01:49):
owner from Mexico and helps single parents navigate the challenging
transitions into single parenthood. Hosse's focus is on rebuilding the
single parents identity, achieving their goals, and most importantly, participating
and taking care of their self.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Jose does.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Jose does all of this by providing crucial support beyond
traditional therapy to help parents thrive for themselves and of
course for their children. So welcome Jose, thank you for
being here.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Thank you for having me. Tina, And the last name
is that Cartega and wonders like, the fun part is
that my son, who is in English speaking, he pronounces
our last name perfectly, and I wow, that's a surprise
for me.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Some of us can, but I don't know, maybe because
I do come from a Hispanic background, that it just
was very odd for me to not be able to
say your last name. So I was mysh, I'm not
even going to tempt and butcher that, Oh, don't worry
about it.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
So I'm going to be honest.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I know I talked to you earlier, just before we
came on the show, and I want our audience to
kind of know this. I asked Jose to send me
some questions so that we would have a direction to go,
and Spirit just kind of as I was putting the
show together, Spirit said, no, we're going to focus on
the fact that Jose comes in to this space as
(03:31):
a man. He's in this specific coaching space a single
parent coach as a man, which is very rare for
us to see. And that's very important for those of
you who don't know that are watching now. I usually
focus my work, or do focus my work, towards men
that have been involved in abusive relationships. The majority of
(03:53):
my clients are women, but men just don't have the
support that women generally have. And as and I were talking,
I wanted to make sure that I explained why this
is so important to me. So single parents, being a
single parent is very difficult, and as you're going to
hear us talk, when we come from a culture like
(04:16):
the Mexican culture from Mexico, or like I explained to Jose,
old world culture, where there's still old world thinking, especially
about parenthood, it can be very difficult, especially for the
men in that culture. And I had a really close
friend who I was raised in a Hispanic culture, and
(04:41):
she was married to a Mexican man. She was Hispanic herself,
but she was American and he was from Mexico and
they were living here and he got her involved in
some bad drug stuff. She ended up in in jail,
and that's about when I met her. That's about when
we started working together to rebuild her and she struggled
(05:03):
as a single parent, and he ended up going back
to Mexico and unbeknownst to her, took another wife. When
she went back down there to see him, of course,
that negative energy and the way he treated her while
she was down there was just terrific to her. And
(05:23):
as a single mom. She came back and I talked
to her briefly about some of her parenting issues, and
she just couldn't handle it and she took her life.
And I have her children, whom I call my god
children because I coming from that group and being very
close to their mom, I was able to work with
(05:44):
the entire family as we put her service together. And
her two youngest daughters were just heading into high school
and now they have no father and no mother, and
so now the oldest daughter, she kind of tried to
take everybody under their wing, and I did my best
to help, but I can you know, looking back, I
(06:07):
don't know how. And I'm going to honor her. Her
name was Andrea Armstrong, and I'm gonna explain how. I
don't think that she was a bad single mom at all.
You know, she had four children, three girls and one boy,
and all four of them, four out of four, were
(06:27):
turned out to be amazing, not just children, but they're
amazing adults, and they're amazing parents. Now they're raising their
own children, and they're moving on in their life, and
one of them is a single parent and struggling because
she's coming not just culturally from one side, but the
father of her children is culturally from another side. And
(06:50):
so there's some issues that she's facing as a single parent.
So I'm super excited that you're here with me. Jose
and that we get to kind of dig in to
a little bit of the differences specifically from the male
side of historically.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Old culture or old world culture. So thanks again for
here who is say.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
Thanks again for having me and thank you for sharing
this story. Is like so hard. I'm sorry for your loss,
and this is something that really hits me hard and
it's very emotional because we can see like from any perspective,
like it doesn't matter the gender, if you're male, female,
(07:33):
or LGBTQ. It's hard being a single parent and we
often face this reality that as a single parent, we
face this guilt but not feeling enough, not feeling good
enough of being a parent. Even you're doing their best
for your kids, there's always something that lingers and it
tells you like I'm not doing enough. I have to
(07:54):
be better. Because you're a single parent, you don't have
another partner to help you through the through your journey.
But he can get complicated sometimes, like in this case,
that's an extreme and Andrew, your friend went through a
very complicated state. And that's how hard it can be
(08:20):
to be a single parent. It's so much pressure on
yourself that it can lead to this output m.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
And you know, I had talked to her the night
before she did this, and I knew she was off,
and I also knew I couldn't reach her that night.
So when her phone rang the next morning, I knew.
I knew when I saw her name pop up that
that wasn't her on the other side.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
And when you and.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
I talked about this just before I turned on the recording,
you had tears in your eyes, and I was able
to talk, you know, tell you my story.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
This time.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I struggled to tell that story. I had to fight
back the tears as I was talking about that. Because
her children are amazing children, Oh my gosh. As parents,
they're thriving and.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Doing a great job.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
The one of them who is who is now a
single mom. She is going through the court aspects of
daddy wanting kids, and they're in two separate states, and
they're further apart then they originally started off, and so
it's a really difficult time. And so she's talking with me,
(09:33):
and I'm helping her like I did her mom through
some of the single parenting stuff. You know, I'm helping
her more as a mom figure. But coming in, you know,
my late husband was a lot like you, very wonderful,
caring man who was definitely the man and yet was
(09:59):
more eternal to his children than I've ever seen a
man ever be. He loved his children so much. And
so you and I talked about this the very first time.
We talked about you becoming a single parent. So and
the fact that you're working in narcissistic recovery so kind
of tell us a little bit about why you're working
(10:22):
in that arena.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
Oh, it's always hard to become a single parent, and
especially in this case of Andrea, where we can relate,
and it's totally understandable that sometimes single parents go into
all of these dark split spaces that we don't have
many resources as single parents. You know, we have therapy,
which is great, which brings you from dysfunctional to functional
(10:46):
and you can go on with your life. But still
you have all of these difficulties of being a single parent.
And that's when coaching comes up. What happens after you
are functional again? What happens with your life when you
are like, Okay, I'm a single parent, so what do
(11:06):
I do now? You have to learn how to be
a single parent. You have to learn how to deal
with everything it's a new life. I have this community
where I was talking about this becoming a new person,
and there was this member who said, you know, I
didn't choose to become a new person. I was happy
(11:29):
with my life. I was happy with my kids. But
it's not a new person per se. But you have
to adapt to a new lifestyle. You have to work
on yourself because you have more responsibility. Now. You have
to take care of yourself, which is very important because
your kids deserve to have a good parent. But sometimes
(11:51):
we forget about self care. We always put the kids first,
but we forget that self care can help you out
because I'm a better person and you're going to be
better for your kids. So when it comes to coaching
and how we talk to the parents, it's just we
(12:11):
create a new plan for your life, what your life
is going to look ahead and kind of like create
this scenario where you see yourself thriving in single parenthood
and then find that feeling where you're like, oh, this
is how I'm going to be. We graft to that
feeling and then we work towards it so you can
(12:32):
create a new plan, you set new goals and care
for your kids. Because we as single parents, we struggle
with a lot of things. We have to deal with,
work with bills, with emotions from your kids, from yourself,
from your co parent co parenting also, it's one of
the hardest struggle that we have. Like all of my clients,
(12:54):
they always bring this topic to the table because it
can make you feel status well dealing with another co
parent that is not a tune in the best interest
of the child. So you have to work on yourself,
work on the kids, and work on not engaging, not reacting,
(13:16):
and not giving yourself up to the other co parents' demands,
which sometimes are not the best.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
M And you know, I dealt with a client this morning.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
This specific client's actually in Norway, and we got to
talking about the old world culture very similar to you know,
and we'll get into this a little bit, how the
men in Mexico look at life. So her husband is
Norwegian and she's American and she lives there, and we
(13:55):
got to talking about how he wants to raise the
kids and how she wants to raise the kids. It's
two different ways, which is kind of what you're talking about.
And as a co parenting coach myself, I help that
and like what you're talking about, and what I just
spoke about with her is not called co parenting.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
We can't.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Co parenting is when both households have the same bedtime,
same routine, do the same thing. That's co parenting. That's
when we can really work with our ex at parenting
and raising our children. But when we've gone through abuse
and we see this and like in old world cultures
like Mexico and in this case, Norway, where the men
(14:46):
are generally not the diaper changer changers, and they don't
bottle feed the babies, they hand them over to their
mother to take care of them, and then they just
kind of help them. And especially if they've got boyet
be a man, and they've got to teach them to
be a man. And so we can't co parent when
(15:07):
we're opposite like that, So we call that parallel parenting.
So and I think that you're helping your clients will
be better parallel parenting parents because you're teaching them how
to take care of themselves.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
Sure, and like you mentioned, parallel parenting is the way
to do it. And sometimes it's hard just to get
in that track because to do paralleled parenting parallel parenting,
you have to create healthy boundaries because you had to
know that it's your house, your roots. You are doing
the best for your kids, and even if you're not
(15:48):
in tune with your co parent, like you mentioned, co
parenting is when you have a good relationship and both
work into the child's best interest. We have to find
a way to make it survive. You have to provide
this safe space for your kids. You have to provide
with this container with love and nurturing for them to
(16:13):
be happy. Because your kids only need one stable parent
to try true life. You are the safe space. You
are the loving place. And going back to what you
mentioned about all cultures, being a single dad, it's not
(16:38):
easy at all because you and personally me, I come
from this Mexican culture, Northern Mexican culture, which is like
very attuned to old Texas cowboy style, very manly, very manhood,
and the way they raised us is like the man
has to be the provider. The man have to be tough.
(16:58):
The men can't complain, you can't cry. You had to
be a man. So being in tune with your emotions
was often seen as a sign of weakness and learning
that it's a big step. Personally, I just learned to
(17:21):
cry in twenty twenty three after being like, I was
a businessman back when I was in Mexico, and I
was like on this work environment where I have to
be like top. I also had a cattle ranch, so
I have to be like the top guy and dealing
with all of these animals and hard work. So they
(17:42):
don't teach you to be in touch with your emotions
because it's seen as a sign of weakness. And like
you mentioned, the man doesn't change diapers. In our culture,
sometimes it seems like a sign of pride not to
change any diapers on your kid. That's the woman's role.
(18:03):
And I didn't understand until I got onto all of
this that I was like, wow, that's not good, because
your kids also deserve to have a dad that is
involved in their development. It's proven that the kid that
is that has a good relationship with their father. It
works differently. Each parent has their role, but the mother
(18:28):
is the nurturing space and the father established this connection
by you know, the rough play, and the brain of
your kid, of your children is developing in a different
way because they have the two sides. But like you mentioned,
now that I'm a single dad, and it brings me
(18:49):
joy that I've been seeing more single dads involved in
their kids development. And that's great because actually, just yesterday
I just met a single dad. We were playing tennis
and approach and we were talking, and the way I
saw how he was caring for his son and just
trying to coach him and having this relationship, it was happy.
(19:11):
I was happy to see that. And we're learning. We
were learning from what we used to know, or our
parents used to know how to parent our kids. If
we go back to the eighties and nineties, we were
happy because we were outside so much time. But the
(19:34):
truth is that we didn't have that much of a
connection with our parents because they were always busy working
or doing some of the other stuff. Then we had
fun with them, but there was not this strong bond
or connection that we are now more conscious about it
because we're learning how this bonds and connection created different
(19:58):
outcome in our kids.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Yes, and you know, as you're talking, I'm revisiting Porta Viata,
where my husband and I love to go, and you
would you see all these children that are just running
around the street. They're playing with dogs, they're playing with
other kids, and you don't see the moms and dads.
And it's basically because the moms and dads are working,
(20:23):
they're doing their thing, and so the kids are left
on their own.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
And I remember as.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
A child myself, I was like seven years old and
I ended up taking my bicycle four miles up the
road to my grandmother. My grandmother knew I was coming.
My mom didn't have a clue where I was. All
day long, she had no clue where I was. And
that's just the way that old cultures kind of are.
(20:51):
The kids just fend for themselves for most of the day.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
We were just outside surviving. You just have to be
back home before before the lights go out. Yeah, and
it's great. I think these new generations that we are
raising are going to be amazing because they we are
craving the outside time, but we're also nurturing this connection
(21:19):
with them, so we are present with them and having
fun together outside. So we're more conscious about that they
need to be outside away from the screens, but also
they need to have a parent who is in touch
with their emotions. Also, Like remember like back in the days,
when you fell down and you scrape your knee and
you were crying, they were like, oh no, no, it's okay,
(21:41):
don't cry, just man up. Nowadays we know that it hurts,
and we are just being there with them, validating their
pain and just helping them stand up again and keep
on moving forward. But they have the support from herself.
(22:01):
And you know that a lot of trauma comes from
us as kids or during their childhood with standing pain
by yourself.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Yeah, and you know, as you talk, my dad was
a cowboy, So I was raised on a farm ranch.
And you bet if you got bucked off your horse,
you just got back on your horse.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Don't cry about it. Whatever.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Now, I was lucky that my dad was in touch
with this feeling. So he would go out when the
cattle were being born and he would cry, that was
his time with God. You know, Calves would hit the
ground and he would see that as miracles. So I
had that wonderful part of my dad. But another side
of single parenting is having to cook and clean and
change the diapers or things like that.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
My dad had divorced.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
My mom and he was on in between his second
and third wife or something to that effect, and he
calls me and he says, how do I How long
do I cook an egg?
Speaker 3 (23:07):
I'm making hard boiled.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Eggs, and I said, well, you like to have your
eggs super hard, so I would do them for six
to eight minutes.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Dad. He says, six to eight minutes in the microwave. Dad,
you don't do eggs microwave. Like plain the whole thing.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
And then he calls my sister and she says, so,
how's the new warsher and dryer And he says wow,
and the dryer's not really drying very well. And she goes, well,
when was the last time you changed the lint trap?
And he goes, what's a lint trap? Things that single
parents have to.
Speaker 4 (23:42):
Do, Yeah, you have. You're juggling so many stuff around yourself.
And like mentioned I my son has a personal chef
who wakes out at six in the morning, cooks for cookies,
launch and then send me to school. And I'm proud
of it, you know. Like I remember changing diapers all
around the city, like going to New York and just
(24:05):
your kidneys to change the diapers. So I would just
make it work, get them back and the car or
just whatever. I was like the fastest diaper changer in
the city. I was like, okay, let's do it. Okay,
let's go and it was fun because this connection that
we have is great. And I was also a stay
at home that when I was waiting for my work permit,
(24:29):
so I understood a lot of the struggle that singles
mom single moms go through because being in charge of
the house, it's not easy. It sounds really easy, like, oh,
you don't you don't do anything. You just have to
clean the house, like we clean the house, could prepare
everything for the children. It's a big task. So I
(24:55):
in Mexico or Spanish it would say I take my
hat off for the single moms who had done or
had gone through it. And it was harder back in
the days because single moms were seen as different, like
it couldn't even seem like a failure sometimes like oh
you were not able to keep your family, And that
(25:17):
was a hard thing to put undone because most of them,
most of them didn't have the courage just to walk
away from an abusive relationship because they want to stay
together for the kids, because that's how they taught us,
taught us that family has to be a couple and
(25:39):
the kids. So if you were by yourself, you were
like the odd one out.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yes, you know, and you know you're you're talking about
the single mom, and earlier you had mentioned, you know,
about the dads coming into the you know, becoming a
single dad. And I can tell you coming from martial
arts instructing, I had lots of kids that were in
(26:09):
my class that came from divorced parents where they had
a single parent father and a single parent mother. And
I can tell you, and this is important for our viewers,
for you women that think that as moms, we need
to have more parenting time than dad because we're the mom,
(26:29):
you know, just like in Mexico.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
That's the basic way it is.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Dad's don't single parent down there the mom's and it's
just super important for you moms and then you dad's
really to get this too, that the kids that I
taught in taekwondo, the best kids, the ones that did
the best, that did the least amount of in trouble pushups,
(26:54):
were those kids that had dad in their life. If
dad even wasn't a great dad, as long as he
was in their life, those kids were better. I had
some rock star single moms, rock star single moms, and those.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
Kids would just be little shits every once in a while.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
For her, for me, they would end up doing more
pushups than everybody else. I'd pass out one hundred to
them every once in a while because they would just
get mad, throw stuff and throw a fit. And those again,
with dad in the picture, they were better kids. They
were more respectful, they learned faster, and more responsive. So
(27:35):
dads are very important.
Speaker 4 (27:37):
Yes, both parents are important, but also dads have a
different role. And especially if you have the emotional maturity,
your kid will be successful because they see how you
handle stuff when we are doing the parenting. Like I
(28:00):
tell my clients that we are doing the parenting, but
we are less conscious about it because your kids are
watching how you deal with life, just even the simple things.
And if somebody crosses you on the traffic, how you
react to that. They will see and they will just
(28:23):
as the world like imitate or they will like imitate. Yeah,
they're they're your behavior. How do you react to stressful situation,
how you react when you are happy, how you deal
with other people? Everything is they're watching?
Speaker 3 (28:44):
Yes, so true, so true, And they mimic things. And
I have told parents this so much.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Don't talk in front of your children, even if your
child isn't old enough to talk yet. Don't talk about
their dad or mom in front of them in a
negative way. Don't say bad things in front of them,
because they're listening, they're learning, and they're gonna mimic this.
And they may not mimic it in front of you,
(29:13):
but they come to my taekwando class and they would
mimic it. I know exactly where those little statements came from.
Speaker 4 (29:19):
Yeah, and then you put a lot of stress on them,
even though you don't they don't tell you, but there's
stress about like if you talk about bad about the
other parent, they will feel this need to take sides
because oh, my mom is talking about my dad or
my dad is talking about my mom. And we just
gotta be careful of our words because our words is
(29:41):
how we are shaping their future. We are actually shaping
their inner voice, how they talk to themselves. They will remember.
So we're forging that right now in their doing their childhood.
I still hear my inner voice from when I was
a child, and I'm like, no, no, no, you have to
(30:02):
repent yourself as well. Like now bringing this topic is
that every time you get trigger from how your kid behaves,
that is a clear indicator that you have to heal
some stuff from your childhood as well.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
M hm.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
So I want to kind of go back.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Before we started filming, you were talking about, you know,
in Mexico, how the mom, the matriarch of the family,
asses down you know, all the information to both boys
and girls in her family, her grandchildren, the nieces and nephews.
So kind of talk a little bit about that.
Speaker 4 (30:42):
Sure. Sure, And this analogy came from watching a movie
from my son. With my son, we were watching Encanto,
which is how Hispanic movie, and it's beautiful. The movie
is great, it's very happy, very colorful, and he was said,
I want to watch it again. So we watched a
couple of times, and by the third time, I think
(31:05):
I started watching this movie with different eyes. I was like, wait, like,
once you put the coaching glasses on this, he was like, Okay,
there's the matriarch, which is the great the grandmother, and
there's this family around around her, and each of the
(31:26):
member of the family has special power. There was this
girl who is the strongest, the princess, the guy who
can shift shift his like a shape shifter. Then the
main character she didn't get like the special power because
(31:48):
every time their initiation initiation was like having a door,
which was their special power. So I was like, okay,
this powers. They are childhood trauma.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
Mm hmmm mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (32:10):
The strong girl was never not strong enough. The princess
was most perfect. The chief shifter was a people pleaser Bruno.
I still can't figured out what he was. But the
main character, mirabel she was not good enough. That was
(32:32):
that's why she didn't get a door, and she was
kind of like put put to the side every time.
And then you get to the core of the story
when they show you that the grandma is kind of
angry at the world because their grandparents, that the the
(32:56):
the partner sacrificed himself in order for them to sort
of so she grew up with this anger of being
alone and having to deal with this house by herself,
like she had to run the family by herself. And
then it's totally understandable that this person have to deal
(33:17):
with so much stuff that they become kind of abrasive
with the world. So they keep on passing this trauma
to the other generations. And in this movie, there's a
scene where the grandma and Mirabelle are in the river.
So then mirabel approached the grandma, and she started acknowledging
(33:40):
her suffering and she started opening it up to what happened,
and then that's where healing started. I see Mirabelle as
a coach that she was coaching her grandma into like
getting back to life. So after all of this, healing
happens the house because it becomes a greater house and
(34:03):
everybody's happier and they change their traditions. So it changed
the whole family just by acknowledging the suffering and just
validating the grandma. But that happens in a lot of culture.
The matriarch sometimes had to deal with everything because the
father was providing and she's so inundated with problems and
(34:29):
she had to deal with everything that it comes into trauma.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
So just that story kind of, you know, talking about
the matriarch, it kind of reminds me of my dad's mother,
and she was a matriarch and dads don't take care
of children, and she would be upset with me when
I would leave to get a job, you know, go
to work and leave my children with their dad. She says, oh, no,
(34:58):
you need to bring them over here when you leave,
And I'm like, well, he's home. He can take care
of him. And my ex husband was very good changing diapers.
He come from a large family. He was a great dad.
And it's that matriarch though that teaches, you know, women
should have teaching jobs or hair do jobs. You know,
(35:19):
they should be, you know, in those two professions because
then they can always find a job wherever their husband
moves for his work. And it's like, well, you know,
and my sister, my sister says, oh, no, that's not
the way my life is going to be. My husband
is going to move with me for my job. And
that's exactly the way her life was. She ended up
(35:39):
moving throughout the US for her job. And it's that
matriarch thing that you're talking about.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
And then I want to.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Touch and because we're getting ready to have about ten
minutes left, I think the part that was most important
that you said was getting touch with themselves. So we
talked to before we turned on the camera about crying
and getting in touch with our feelings. And that's what
you talked about earlier as being so important for the
(36:12):
work that you did.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
It is really important. It is really important, and that's
when healing happens, when you sit down with your pain
and you know's what happened. It's not for everybody, Like
you have to sit down and cry a lot as well,
because you know we maybe our parents loved this, but
they didn't know better on how to raise it. So
we have to deal with a lot of things ourselves,
(36:36):
and now that we are parenting our kids in a
very more present sometimes it triggers that I wish I
would have had that, you know, I loving parent with me,
that a place with me that comes with me, Like
(36:58):
I do a lot of things with my son. Even
have a garden and we harvest our own vegetables and
I show him how what we pick up from the garden,
we will just cook it and eat it. That's great.
I wish I would have that. But when when you
(37:18):
get in touch with your feelings, you have to deal
with a lot of discomfort. And some people will avoid it,
especially in the male side, because you get so busy
that you don't get time to work on yourself. Because
when you are arresting, everything comes to you. So some
(37:38):
people might just overflow their life with work, with responsibilities
that don't have to go back to deal with this
emotion that you have going on, and that cycle repeats
until the end of your life, just passing yourself and
(37:58):
just understanding my going on inside of you. It takes
a big effort and it's not easy, but once you
do it, life becomes different.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
You become a better person. You know.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
I don't know how much we had talked the first
time about my loss of my husband back in June
of last year, but it's been a time that I've
had to get in touch with my emotions in a
different way. You know, I can go back through my
divorce and I could tell you a boy going through
(38:34):
that was horrible and this, the loss of my dream husband,
is a horrible experience to go through. But my emotional
body is in so much better place. And why because
I'm working with coaches and I'm working with therapists, and
of all the things that I could suggest anyone ever,
(38:55):
do you know in the case with single parenting, I
think we need help period. You know, it takes a
village to help, and in this case, we need somebody.
And I'm going to touch into the Mexican culture here,
the fact that you're a Mexican male that's a single
parent that changes diapers. You know, how much better can
(39:18):
that be? Opposite of the way the culture is. Your
life is just totally opposite of the culture you come from.
Speaker 4 (39:28):
Yeah, I was actually I'm sorry for your loss. I
remember what we spoke about your the loss of your husband,
and you know, grief. Grief is hard, Like you have
to make time to deal with these emotions. And like
you mentioned, being a Mexican single dad changing diapers and
(39:49):
being a tune with my emotions for my son, it
was going against everything that I learned or that they
But I'm relearning to be a single dad, I'm relearning
to be in touch with my emotions. I'm relearning to
parent myself as well, because when you're parenting, you're also
(40:14):
parenting yourself. And that's when the magic comes because you
are becoming a great parent for your son, and but
also your inner child is growing. You get to work
with all of these suppressed emotions and everything that happened
through your childhood, and you are becoming a better person
for your kid, because that's where we have to work
(40:35):
on ourselves. We love our kids, but we also must
not forget about working in ourselves. And now that we're
talking about grief, that is one of the hardest parts
of divorce or becoming a single parent, the grief of
letting go of this perfect marriage that you had on mind.
(40:57):
You miss that person, but you have to let go
of that because that's not your reality anymore.
Speaker 3 (41:07):
So so so true.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
And so as we get ready to wrap this up, Hoose,
all of your contact information is going to be below.
But you have like a class or a program that
you take people through. So can you explain that for
our viewers so that they know and then tell them
how to get in touch with you so that they
(41:32):
can get into that program.
Speaker 4 (41:34):
Sure. Yeah. I created this community for single parents. It's
called Solo Parents Superpowers. So Solo Parents Superpowers, which is
a community where single parents can join and get support
from other single parents or just there's power also in
telling your story. I remember when this idea came out.
It was during one of my workshops, and I asked
(41:57):
an open question to one of the guests, and then
one pint reply, then another backtop, and then they validated
their emotions, they shared the story, and another followed through
sharing their story a different perspective, and suddenly I was
also participating in the dynamic. So there was like pure
community empowerment. You can live another parent's mood, but also
(42:20):
seeing how other single parents are making it through life.
It's also inspiring. And just telling your story, just letting
it all out, it's empowering because getting in touch with
other single parents that knows the struggle, they can help you,
they can support you. And we also have a Q
and A every now and then with experts like you,
(42:42):
which I'm going to invite you to the community as well.
And we need this because for me being a single
dad in a different country, starting from zero, sometimes you
can feel alone. And once you start getting in touch
with other people who knows the struggle, you get lifted.
(43:02):
And that's the purpose of the community, like help other
single parents and just bring a library of valuable resources
for them to go through life. Yes, it's the name
is Single Solo Parents Superpowers and it's in school dot com.
We're going to drop the info in the link and
(43:23):
it's good to see how other parents go through life
and also getting some support from people who went through
that and make it.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
Hm so very true and so that's important and I
think that understanding that and just again so that all
of our viewers know all of Hossay's information will be
down below the show in the show notes, So please
look for that information and talk to Jose. And I
(43:56):
encourage all of our cultural people, specifically that from the
Mexican culture, to reach out to Jose because he understands
that that cultural difference, and especially if you're a father.
And I love the fact that you say, coming into
a whole nother country, I lived in another country where
(44:18):
at least you can speak English, and when I got there,
I couldn't speak German. So just getting used to those
new cultures and that was hard enough. And I was married,
so being a single lad in this new area, you know,
it's got to be very difficult. So I invite everybody
to reach out to Jose for that. So I myself
am a certified divorce coach and I specialize in high
(44:41):
conflict divorce. And I'm certified. That means I'm trained in
the complexities divorce. And I can tell you I went
through the end of my marriage was a high conflict divorce.
I ended up with a broken hand, separated ribs, and
dislocated leg. My father was almost murdered, and my late
husband went through a whole Marie ra of torture in
(45:01):
his relationship. So not only am my schooled, I also
have lived through this and understand that you can reach
me through my email at coach tain at gmail dot com,
dot co O A c h t I n A
l y n n at Gmail. My website is Divorcecoachspecialist
(45:21):
dot com and you can find me on social media
Facebook under Tina Lynn Huggins.
Speaker 3 (45:27):
That's h U G g i n s.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
On LinkedIn under Tina Huggins, on Instagram under Divorce Coach
Tina in, and on TikTok under divorce Tina. So Jose,
can you give our viewers a last bit of advice here?
Speaker 4 (45:54):
Sure? Let me give you a piece of advice, and
that you're not alone, like get in touch with friends, family,
because sometimes it's just hard to reach out and just
asking for help seems like a big task. Well, let
(46:16):
me tell you that people on the other side they
want to help you. You just have to make the question,
ask the question, and they will be able to help you. Like,
just if it's hard for you to ask for help,
just start with small things like hey, can you help
me out with my kids for twenty minutes or five minutes,
or let's go to a play date or whatever. You
(46:38):
need to do, and then you will start building the
habit because you can help also another single parent.
Speaker 3 (46:47):
Amen to that. Amen.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
And so, just like I said just before, I want you,
as a single parent, and specifically if you are a
cultural dad stepping into this new role of single parenting,
please reach out to Josse. I had him come on
here just for you, So please reach out to him.
Talk to him, get his help, I mean, guidance, anything,
(47:13):
and you can talk with him that first time and
just find out.
Speaker 3 (47:16):
What he has to offer. So please reach out to him.
So go ahead.
Speaker 4 (47:22):
Oh yeah, I was going to say thank you. And
I just want to let you know all single parents,
especially single dads from other cultures, once you start getting
in touch with your emotions and getting involved with your kids,
you will also become a kid and have fun as
a kid with your children. So enjoy this journey together
and get in touch with him. Every time I see
(47:44):
other single dads sharing this moment, we all end up
playing with our kids in the playground as we were
all kids. So that's that's a fun thing to do.
Speaker 3 (47:59):
So awesome.
Speaker 2 (48:00):
And so that all of you understand as we go
through divorce, And like I talked, about with my friend
whom I want to honor her and her children, Andrea Armstrong,
her children, Raynett, Daniel, Leslie and Maria. They are wonderful,
wonderful people with wonderful, wonderful families, and I honor them.
(48:21):
But they are here in my life because Andrea committed suicide.
If you get to that place, please reach out to
the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, simple number nine eighty eight.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
Just reach out.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
It's the same number for here as it is in Canada.
Talk to somebody, let them talk you off that ledge.
Please don't leave your children and your loved ones behind
to hurt worse than you are right now.
Speaker 3 (48:49):
So you can.
Speaker 2 (48:49):
Also call that National Prevention Hotline in the Netherlands at
one one three. I don't want you to be alone
as it when you're in a situation and you need
the police. Here in the US it's nine to one
to one, and in the Netherlands it's nine nine nine,
and in the UK it's one one two. Get the
(49:12):
police there. Press charges. This is your key out of
that relationship. Don't drop those charges, keep the charges pressed,
get restraining orders and get that divorce. Once you drop
those charges, Oftentimes the abuse on the other side is
much worse than it was before you put the charges,
so this is your key out. I also want you
(49:32):
to know that if you are dealing or know somebody
dealing with domestic violence, please call a domestic violence hotline
at eight hundred seven nine nine seven two three three.
That number again is eight hundred seven ninety nine seventy
two thirty three. Please like, comment, and share this information
so it can help others. Thank you so much for
(49:55):
being my guest here today, Jose.
Speaker 4 (49:59):
Thank you so much for having Metina and looking forward
to hear more of what you do.
Speaker 3 (50:04):
Yes, thank you and blessingstra everybody.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
You're listening to WGSNDB going Solo Network Singles Talk Radio channel,
where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach to discussions
on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting, being single, relationships, building, dating,
and yes sex. Join our listeners and begin living your
best life.
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