Awful Service Number One Hundred and Seventy - Kimberly Ashlynne - Awful Service Podcast

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Tape Deck Media.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome back. It's another episode of the Awful Surface podcast
is the podcast that asks you if coke is okay?

Speaker 3 (00:32):
Is coc okay?

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Is coke gonna be okay?

Speaker 3 (00:34):
Who? I?

Speaker 2 (00:35):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (00:36):
I know that if you put it in uh you like,
put a penny in there, it cleans it right out.
So uh, I would love to do one of your guts.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
I do love to do that, considering like, oh, you know, no,
PEPSI wouldn't do that to you.

Speaker 3 (00:52):
You know what, maybe that is a it's a coke
conspiracy by Pepsi. Dad. They're like, oh, look at this
chest you put because you've never seen you've never seen
the penny cleaning with with Pepsi.

Speaker 2 (01:04):
This is true. It's me your original Royal Crown Cola,
Matt Doimo with.

Speaker 3 (01:10):
And with uh with his homemade Scientists adapted Joe Go
Gazello Science Science.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
You're the guy from that Uh, you're the guy from
that song she binding with science is the science just that?

Speaker 3 (01:23):
Yeah, I've just been doing experiments in my basement. You know,
you try not to blow up the neighborhood.

Speaker 2 (01:30):
You know what, I think we should bring in our
guest on this. How would you feel if they did
a Mister Wizard reboot. Our guest today is Kimberley Ashland.
She is the producer of Yellow Brick Comedy. She's a
very funny comedian from Twin Cities. But I know that
you know professional she was. She was waiting until she
heard her name called because.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
I was trying even not to laugh at certain things, prefer.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
The last I don't want to.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
I am.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
That's okay. Uh. I think I think Joe Joe would
be Mister Wizard if we tried to do a reboot
of that, I'd at least try out. You're like, listen,
So we got we got a graduated cylinder.

Speaker 3 (02:09):
I have my acting agent try to get me in.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
We got some Pepsi and some pennies. Let's see what happens.

Speaker 3 (02:17):
It would be hilarious if it didn't work with Pepsi
and do you know what I mean? Like it's like
and then Pepsi should be saying that like we don't
rock your ship like it definitely not.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
We'd not work with Royal Crown. That stuff has no carbonation.

Speaker 2 (02:34):
All that would do is just make the pennies very sticky.

Speaker 3 (02:37):
Yes, pennies. It's like, ah, gross.

Speaker 2 (02:41):
You gross, No, but Royal Crown too, Like I was
just thinking about that, Like I was trying to think
of the last time I even had a Royal Crown Cola.

Speaker 3 (02:50):
My buddy, my buddy loved Arsicla and he he had
it up until they canceled that shit, right, didn't they
They still make it, but I didn't.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
My father loved it.

Speaker 3 (03:03):
I thought they canceled it and it made a comeback,
but people were like so angry.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
I think it did stop for a while because they're
just like, what's the point. And then like the five
people who really like RC Cola got up on arms
and they're like, okay, and it's gonna be that and
do you want diet right back? And they're like, no,
we don't want any of that ship. Just give us
r C and then maybe something.

Speaker 3 (03:23):
Did you know that RC Cola is owned by uh,
you know, it's a fellow doctor Dr Pepper.

Speaker 2 (03:30):
Oh for real? Yeah, I did not know that it's
doctor Pepper RC ARCI Cola, Like, yeah, doctor Pepper. RC
definitely sound that sounds like it would have been in
like a nineties sitcom.

Speaker 3 (03:42):
It's RC the British company. I didn't know that these
two were combined Cadbury Schweppies Cadburry Sweps.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
I did no idea that that is like a company
that that that's a one company. Cadbury didn't I who
bought who? Why? I don't understand these kinds. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
That's that's a weird acquisition. I don't I don't get that.
I are you doing? You want some ginger ale with
your cream eggs?

Speaker 3 (04:10):
Cola Tops is a top seller in the Philippines.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
Actually, no, I figured it out. I figured out why.
I figured out why when you eat too many Calgary
creamegs you get an upset stomach. And then what's the
best thing when you have an upset stomach, ginger rail
And yes, and outside of Vernon's out of Michigan, there
is only that, which is the superior ginger rail. But
Schwep's more internationally available, so that that makes sense. Okay,

(04:36):
we figured another mystery salved on the podcast. We They
don't give us enough credit for being a mystery solving
podcast Jail. They don't talk about that. They're like, No,
we do solve a lot. We have we have million
dollar ideas, we have fantastic guests. We talk about the
conspiracies about Pepsi not bringing pennies together.

Speaker 3 (04:53):
What I've got some uh Arci color is particularly popular
in the Philippines due to a combination of fact there's,
including its aggressive and often humorous marketing campaigns, particularly the
quote basta campaign what does bosta mean uh, which resonated
with the younger generation, It's competitive pricing strategy, and the

(05:15):
fact that it often positions itself as more accessible as
the as a more accessible alternative to Coca Cola and
Pepsi in the market, especially when facing price pressures from
sugar taxes.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
Oh my, it's more accessible.

Speaker 3 (05:32):
What is uh? Now, I'm gonna have to figure out
what bosta means in Filipino.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
I believe, Well, isn't that like, isn't that Spanish speaking
the Philippines? I don't know anyway, I wonder if that's
available out of Kenny Rogers Roasters.

Speaker 3 (05:47):
Bosta means it just is okay, so kind of like
the opposite of the Nike just do it campaign.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
It just is just it.

Speaker 3 (05:57):
We're here.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
Shoulder shrug of pop.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
I'm considering the lack of carbonation. This makes sense.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
It just is yea, And why is that humorous?

Speaker 4 (06:10):
You know.

Speaker 2 (06:10):
It's like trying to figure out why the French laugh
at what they laugh at.

Speaker 3 (06:14):
Yeah, we can't. International comedy doesn't resonate, sometimes doesn't.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
Quite, doesn't always translate.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
Doesn't translate backwards in start us.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
Yeah, basta they they know, and then someone's gonna buy
you an RC Cola lost the boys.

Speaker 3 (06:30):
We're back.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
I can sell it to the people who it's not
so accessible to.

Speaker 2 (06:33):
Oh cash, there you go, you're flipping our seas, baby,
let's go. We're not here to talk about international comedy,
bastaing or the Cola wars. No, this is the awful
service podcast. Can really This is the podcast where we
talk about different jobs and the stories there within. The
very first segment on the podcast is one that we

(06:55):
lovingly refer to as the resume.

Speaker 4 (06:58):
Oh God, show us your rhythme, why should we hire?
Have you if I had a job, right you open fire,
tell us all about yourself and your place of business.
Talk about my job's puilty, shady potests. Show what's your resume?

Speaker 2 (07:22):
Yes, as the song says Kimberly, you can talk about
the different jobs, the different stories, the shitty bosses, the
creepy customers, the weird shit you've had to deal with
over your over your lifetime of jobs, and you don't
have to tell all of them, but you know the
ones that you really feel like you have the good
stories for and whenever you want to start.

Speaker 3 (07:40):
With right on.

Speaker 1 (07:42):
Yeah, and I'm not young, so the list is very,
very long. But my first job was actually at the
building that's right around the corner from Bolstads for those
of you that go to Bollstands. It's I believe it's
the three to one one building of the four to
one one building on Lake Street. It's about four stories
high and it's right next to the owl alley you
go down, yeah, third floor. I sold Triple A cold calling.

(08:04):
And this was hardcore cold.

Speaker 3 (08:06):
Calling, a like the like the car.

Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yeah yeah, Triple A yeah yeah, the get your toes
five toes yeah yeah. And they just they just had
two long card tables and a bunch of landline phones.
And this was but when everything was six one two.
There wasn't nine five two or seven sixty three or
what anything beyond that. So you would have a list
that said five five five dash zero zero zero zero

(08:32):
five five five dash zero zero zero one, and you
had to call everything didn't matter if you if you
got the police station didn't matter if you got you
had to start going into the speech and they would
and they would could listen it to you to make
sure you were doing that.

Speaker 2 (08:48):
You're calling the police station, like, well you have cars?

Speaker 3 (08:51):
Hello, Domino's Pizza? Hi, would you like Triple A good
after note?

Speaker 1 (08:57):
Hello, I'm so glad to retake you today, you know,
and I have a pretty good phone place. But and
but one thing nice about Triple A is they had
such a good reputation, especially in Minnesota. So sometimes people
would be like, why are you calling, I'm like selling
Triple A, Like, oh, can I read.

Speaker 2 (09:13):
With cold calling?

Speaker 3 (09:13):
That's rare, But it was Triple A, and it was
back in the day when Triple A was like the
gold standard of everybody. If you if you had any
if you had a car, you pretty much had Triple A.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
Like I still do to this day. I will not
let it go. It's and I can still talk about.

Speaker 2 (09:35):
You sold yourself on it.

Speaker 3 (09:37):
I think that I loved about Triple A was when
and my grandpa would do this all the time. You
had Triple A and my parents have Triple A. But
back in the day, my Grandpa would go on trips
and he'd always take me to the triple A spot
and we'd go in and they'd give him a trip tick,
which was the map where and they literally highlight the
route that they that you would go and and every

(09:58):
and you just flip through this map book and you'd
slowly like go through your trip. I love that they
don't do that anymore.

Speaker 1 (10:04):
I don't want to do that again. We had to
go on family trips when I was a child and
across the country, you know, because we had to drive
because you might miss something. And what that really means
is my father was cheap, so we couldn't fly, and
I would make the mistake of constantly going how much longer.
He's like, we'll get the map out. If an inch
was one hundred miles, I don't want to know. Now

(10:26):
I don't want to know, And he's like, now you
have to do the math. So I'm very against maps.

Speaker 3 (10:33):
I like, I want to start using maps as a
like to test my like friends like intelligence, like where
it's like, all right, no phones, we're doing it.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
Maps.

Speaker 3 (10:46):
Get the map.

Speaker 1 (10:46):
Out, don't invite me. It's not going to go now.

Speaker 3 (10:48):
Fold it.

Speaker 2 (10:50):
Now that I know, No, that's not even we're not
even going to use the maps. I'm just gonna take this, man,
I'm going to unfurl it and then you have to
put it back together, so it'll go in my glove box.

Speaker 3 (11:00):
And now that I know, Kimberly of your map trauma
like it's you got like it's.

Speaker 1 (11:05):
You, I have some, I have some EMT Yeah, yeah,
you've got some.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
Again we love abbreviation.

Speaker 3 (11:12):
So continuing, Yeah, it's triggered by actually like empt is
actually what took out the eighties. Yeah, that was deadly.

Speaker 2 (11:24):
It was in every cutlass.

Speaker 3 (11:26):
So uh. I so working for Triple A cold calling
you're a kid.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
Yeah, I was like sixteen fifteen.

Speaker 3 (11:32):
Oh, it's just a bunch of kids.

Speaker 2 (11:35):
Even though it was even though it was like you
were getting positive like you probably also were getting cursed out.

Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah for sure. And what was cool is back then
we could smoke in there and no one cared that
I was underage smoking, So I could sit there on
my landline smoking us you know, smoking the entire time
all of us were smoking, smoking and probably drinking in
r C. And yeah, just h and if we got

(12:01):
like a certain amount of sales, we got like five
cents more an hour, but only for that day, not
even for your your your week paycheck, just for your shift.
If you hit would hit a certain level, you would
get maybe a five or ten cent increase.

Speaker 2 (12:16):
If you're lucky, you might make an extra fifty sixty
cents that day.

Speaker 1 (12:20):
Maybe market if you worked hard and did every call sometimes.
But I got good at like calling friends, and we
had little codes like I would say triple a ship
to them so and they'd be like, yeah, we'll pick
you up at seven. And I'd be like, no, you
don't get that many toes like seven thirty yes, correct,

(12:40):
five toes in a year. You know. We had all
kinds of codes so I could just like, you know,
because there were cell phones at that time, right, there
was no way to like text under the table, the car,
the card table.

Speaker 3 (12:50):
That's that is hilarious. I'm just I this is what
I love about our country. You can like, we just
have young kids running the fucking country like it's doing
all of these like hardcore jobs. Hey what do you
want fifteen? Yeah, come on in.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
Do you even hired by Emon? For sure?

Speaker 2 (13:11):
Oh yeah? Now now those kids are cutting the social security,
the whole.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
Social security cut. I mean, it's it's awful, it's horrible,
but I kind of laugh because I always I was
always told growing up that we weren't going to get
it anyway. I was always told that's why you have
to contribute to a war one pace, because you're not
gonna get it anyway. So I'm like, right, I'm really
sorry for y'all. I'm sorry for medicaid and people on that.

(13:38):
But I didn't assume I was getting anything.

Speaker 3 (13:42):
I know, I never thought I was gonna get one either.
I thought it was gonna be uh yeah, uh huh,
we'll get you one, uh huh uh huh. And then
when you ask for it, it's like, oh, we're all out,
Like oh, like the guy before you took the last one.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
Yeah, yeah, I mean I thought it was a coming
coming anyway. So I'm I feel empathy for others before myself.
Was there really a loss here? It was?

Speaker 3 (14:07):
Yes, it's I mean, yes there was, and I feel
bad for those poor people, but.

Speaker 1 (14:11):
Oh horrible, horrible.

Speaker 3 (14:12):
Yeah, for myself, it's like, eh, we never thought we'd
get it never, So what where else did we work?

Speaker 1 (14:19):
Where else do we work? And if we're leaning towards
customer service. Again. I've had so many jobs.

Speaker 3 (14:24):
You can dance everywhere.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
Yeah, we yeah, we want to hit sop shoe. We
can slam dance, we can break dance.

Speaker 1 (14:32):
I'll throw a bunch out to you and we'll see
what what hits for you. Nanny, convenient store manager, Bruger's manager.

Speaker 2 (14:42):
You were, you worked at that. That's that triggers Joe,
So don't I know?

Speaker 3 (14:45):
Well, yeah, that's that's that's my trigger.

Speaker 2 (14:47):
Is those bagels stink like you were just it's all
Midwest bagels.

Speaker 3 (14:52):
So you were just bossing around sixteen year old girls.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
Yeah, and and a couple of seventeen year old boys.
You're we're hitting on me?

Speaker 3 (15:00):
Sure, yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. I gotta say.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
I know it's not on your bagel, but my my
sesame bagel was on point. It was. It was pretty amazing.
I can get the perfect ratio of you know, just
just chrispinofting tandem just enough on top of not too much.
Me and a Sesame Babel bagel are tight the rest
of them whatever.

Speaker 3 (15:22):
Wow, Okay, I love that. That's that's see. That's what
we need more of in the bagel field. People that
can actually care about hey, we got just enough crispy,
We got just enough like goeye on the inside, but
not too it's I did care.

Speaker 1 (15:38):
And they had a big poster that had every different
type of way you could do your bagel to screw
it up, and like if you did this, you had
the kettle too long, You did this, you did had
it it wasn't the kettle long enough and it would
show like the hole would get bigger or smaller, they'd
be a little too raised or something. But then we
would also have guys called I had a few calls
of guys calling you and going, how big are the

(15:58):
holes in your bagel?

Speaker 2 (16:00):
Just for reasons? Does you do sell it with butter?

Speaker 1 (16:04):
That's I mean, that's basically what they're asking yourself some
plain cream cheese and knock yourself out? Would you like sesame.

Speaker 3 (16:13):
Ones out there?

Speaker 2 (16:15):
You don't want to do the sesame bagel?

Speaker 1 (16:18):
I thought they might be able to, you know, if
they were getting little little kinky about it, they might.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
Little is that where you want to be sesame?

Speaker 2 (16:28):
And m you know what I mean? Like, so, wait
did you.

Speaker 3 (16:33):
Go from did you go from Breuger's Bagels manager to
did I hear correctly? Before matt uh hit the button
was uh. The next job was Deja Vu waitress waitress.

Speaker 1 (16:48):
Actually did that at the same time that I was
a convenience store manager.

Speaker 2 (16:52):
Oh so you didn't go from you didn't go from
Brugers to Buttholes. Okay, that's that's the I went for
to Gas to Buttholes Fair.

Speaker 1 (17:02):
I mean, I feel like that's a natural segment.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
So what did uh? So as a Deja Blue waitress,
I know there's some stories there.

Speaker 2 (17:10):
We got to say.

Speaker 3 (17:10):
You got to unpack this one to start. So you're
working at you started at the convenience store. You're managing
this convenience store, and you're like, how did you get
that I could do? You know what I can do
better than this? I like, I'm going to I actually.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
Didn't want to do it at all. At the community store,
I was actually the assistant manager. My best friend was
the manager, and she was great at talking me into
things I didn't actually want to do. And her sister
was a dancer slash driver at deja and so she
said waitresses make great money, and she goes, I want
to go apply there, but I don't want to go alone,

(17:45):
so just come with me. I said, I am not
going to be a Deja Vu waitress. She goes, just
come with me. I'm like, fine, I'll come with you.
We get there and the guy goes fill up the application.
I go, I don't want to do this. He goes,
just fill it out. And as I said at the
top of the podcast, I'm a rule follower. You know,
I waited to come in when I was told. So
I just start filling out the application and he looks

(18:06):
at it and he goes, do you have any experience?
And I go no, none, And he looks me up
and down. He goes, you can start tomorrow. Go get
a white tuxedo shirt. And then I just like, all right,
and I showed up for my shift.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
Wait and your friend did not get the job.

Speaker 1 (18:22):
Oh she got She got hired too. But I want
to know she was not a great waitress. I was
top waitress the entire time I was there.

Speaker 2 (18:30):
Her up cells are great. You guys, you don't understand,
like she's that's hilarious, gin would you like in your
your tonic there?

Speaker 1 (18:38):
Well, at deja it's all because they go fully nude.

Speaker 2 (18:42):
It is a non alcoholic deserving sodas just sodas.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
And you know and my you know, you know, do
you want to cherry in it? Wink any wink wink wink.

Speaker 2 (18:51):
You know.

Speaker 3 (18:53):
You gotta you gotta, like hi, like, just give them
the old you did.

Speaker 1 (18:59):
And I had some regulars that really liked me because
I would talk to them, you know, you know, only
went on stage like twice for the Wagers dance, but
it was you know, it was uneventful.

Speaker 2 (19:10):
About the say do you get like guys like so
how much to get you in the back room?

Speaker 1 (19:14):
Oh? Constantly?

Speaker 2 (19:17):
You can't afford that?

Speaker 3 (19:19):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (19:19):
Literally? So I pretty much the reason I was top
Wagers is I was just heads down working. The other
ones were working it and working the people and working
whatever other hustles they had going on. I was the
only one really slinging the drinks.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
They were the ones asking if coke was okay.

Speaker 3 (19:37):
It's like, oh, where are here?

Speaker 2 (19:41):
So we've actually had people who've worked at strip clubs
before on the on the podcast as well. Have you
ever witnessed a stripper fight?

Speaker 1 (19:49):
Oh yeah, quit of you in the in the locker
and on stage on stage? Who yeah, yeah, one came
out and and they hair all slicked up, like I
don't know it was oil or water, but it was.
It was a wet situation. I don't quite understand what
was happening. I was busy working, mean top waitress. I
wasn't noticing what was going on on stage and get.

Speaker 2 (20:10):
Some seven ups to table seven stats.

Speaker 1 (20:14):
Extra cherries. One chick was blind around the pole and
suddenly this other one just comes flying from the locker
room back room and just grabs her hair, and you know,
and of course the place went wild.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
Yeah they're like, oh, yeah, this is this is part
of the act.

Speaker 3 (20:31):
Right, he's part of the act. Right who guts shut
up and shut up?

Speaker 1 (20:34):
Maybe it was I mean I wasn't privy to the
back romantics.

Speaker 3 (20:40):
Rather I stayed away boom like it's like oh yeah that.

Speaker 1 (20:47):
And it was called the real hair because I mean
this was back jeez, but you're with This had been
early early nineties, so you know, we weren't We didn't
have all the extensions and wigs and such.

Speaker 3 (20:59):
Yeah you know what, Like it's like that is a
I might have to go down that rabbit that YouTube
rabbit hole after work after the show. Like titty bar fights,
stripper fights and titty bars, like it's.

Speaker 1 (21:15):
What's really fun is. I liked working the lunch hours.
They had a hot.

Speaker 3 (21:18):
Dog, Yes, of course they did.

Speaker 2 (21:24):
I mean, I guess I'm trying to figure out what
other food they would serve, like what it's actually and
every guy's.

Speaker 3 (21:30):
Like, hey, how much?

Speaker 2 (21:32):
How much to put up your buns?

Speaker 1 (21:38):
Like you could not pay for my infection?

Speaker 2 (21:44):
SE's like like we we'd heard that. There was When
we had Nick Piontic on the podcast he stored for
Sex World, he told us that people used to like
strippers used to fight over songs. No that's my song,
and like he's like watching them fight with stiletto heels.

Speaker 1 (21:57):
Dang, they're not Like what happened to karaoke?

Speaker 2 (22:03):
People fight overhead for karaoke.

Speaker 1 (22:05):
I used to be a karaoke m See, let's let's
throw that on the job.

Speaker 3 (22:08):
Oh heck yeah I did that too, so the peg miller?
Uh so, okay? At a bar? Where are do you
bop around?

Speaker 1 (22:20):
I had, I had a few different places I would
go to and I was hired, so it was it
was their equipment and and I was I mean, I
was kind of a bitch about it, especially for the drunks,
Like if they came up and they're you know, banging
on the microphone, messing with my ship. You're not gonna
sound that good. And if you're not nice to me, wow,
you're just not gonna sound that good. And I'll make it.

(22:41):
It'll make it sound great for me. I'm like, I'm
not sure what's going on. Maybe a lemon water at
your throat a little.

Speaker 2 (22:49):
You need to seven up with extra cherries you from somewhere.

Speaker 3 (22:58):
So, uh, this was back in the day when you
had to, like when you had to go pick up
the whole big giant rolling box of rolling well they
would have it set up for me.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
But this was, yeah, the big box where you would
have to pull down an actual you know, record or
disc of some sort and put it in and nine
times out of ten it would be scratched, And like,
could you pick another song? As I'm begging people to
do songs, telling them I'm going to do my full
Berry Manelow montage for the rest of the night unless
you say yeah, and I like Berry Manlis, I'll do it.

Speaker 3 (23:32):
So I'm just.

Speaker 2 (23:34):
Gonna play Mandy seven times, Okay, I would.

Speaker 1 (23:37):
Do that Soccer down the Road copa Comana. I really
do love him, so I did do that.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
Oh man, you came and you gave without takeing, but I.

Speaker 1 (23:49):
Sent you away.

Speaker 2 (23:51):
Oh man, I'm seeing it. But then it's just like
it's at a bar that's trying to get pumped up
and they're just getting real sadly, Why didn't she told
me again?

Speaker 3 (24:01):
Man, it's my trigger song.

Speaker 2 (24:04):
Just someone crying in the corner.

Speaker 1 (24:05):
The first time I got ghosted, my man.

Speaker 2 (24:09):
Sure they didn't know what.

Speaker 1 (24:12):
He did not exist back then. That this was back
when if you wanted to get a date, that like
the early dating naps were in. Was it city pages
or there was some type of paper that came out
and you would put your description of yourself and then
it would have like an address you could send it to.
And and I just one guy. Oh, I felt so
bad for me. He sent me this picture of him

(24:33):
with his friends from Daytona Beach and it was his
only picture with his friends. He's like, and if you
don't like me, send back my picture. It was because
you know, nothing was saved. He didn't get a duplicate,
so you never got a share to back. I feel
bad about that. I feel like I've had bad karma
for a while from not sending that picture back know
what I did. You might appreciate this. Well, let's clean

(24:56):
up my purse. You probably don't clean up your purse.
And I knew there was a bunch of crumbs, and
she because I'm just that kind of bitch that has
a bunch of crumbs and ship in the bottom. And
so I shake it up the garbage, and I saw
my earbuds fly out. I grabbed those, but then through
it in my main dumpster. I live in a condos.
It is gone, gone, gone. I realized my sativa bait
fell into it. No, yeah, here I am now, I'm

(25:19):
just hybrid.

Speaker 3 (25:20):
Yeah that sucks.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
It does I'm very I'm mad at myself, and there's
nothing I can do but just sit around and be
mad at myself.

Speaker 3 (25:31):
The guy that do you remember, the guy that he
accidentally threw away I believe four million dollars worth of
crypto on a thumb drive. He has been for the
last seven years. He's been sifting through this dump. He

(25:52):
went to the dump dump and he's been sifting through
the So this guy, uh, he's actually trying to buy
the dump now, like for like and then spend the
rest of his life garbage.

Speaker 1 (26:07):
Yes, losing my bathe then I'm actually thank you that
comforted me. I know I no longer have as much
shame and upset.

Speaker 3 (26:16):
That if you get if that feeling pops up, just
google the guy in the garbage. I would actually I
would love to live stream that and just like.

Speaker 2 (26:26):
And I digging for the the USB I want.

Speaker 3 (26:30):
Yeah, I wonder how he's doing. Let's check in check
the live stream.

Speaker 2 (26:33):
It's like, you know what the ultimate irony would be,
right though, Joe, by the time he finds it and
it's still intact and you can plug it into a computer.
Get that, that's when that currency just completely take and
it's just worth But.

Speaker 1 (26:48):
He couldn't hire anybody to help him because if they
try and pocket it, like, how do you know they're not?
You know, he has to actually have as part of
the agreement, you get this much of the cut. And
but if we find out you took it, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (27:00):
Yeah, you have to come into the dump with pants
that have no pockets.

Speaker 3 (27:05):
Yeah, it's like fucking like a white suit.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
It's like an it's like an eighteen hundred's mill where
they make sure that they're not stealing corn meal.

Speaker 3 (27:14):
Clean. You gotta go in clean room suits.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
Oh no, he's they're gonna be naked. You can't, you can't.

Speaker 3 (27:19):
Yeah, yeah, this is gonna be like a crack crack warehouse.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
They're gonna send before your ship's done.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
Hourly cavity searches. Let's go.

Speaker 3 (27:33):
So where else have we?

Speaker 2 (27:34):
Yeah? Where's the the menagerie going next?

Speaker 3 (27:36):
Yeah, well let's see.

Speaker 1 (27:38):
Okay, so we've gone to be gone. Oh I was
a nanny. I was a nanny out in San Francisco. Oh,
and the way I applied for that again, God, this
is all all of these show my age. I saw
and I was nineteen. I saw it and the paper
and it said do you want to go to California?

Speaker 3 (27:55):
That was it.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
Do you want to go to California?

Speaker 2 (27:59):
That was the whole.

Speaker 1 (28:00):
And I said, yeah, I look, I'm go to California.
I hate Minnesota. So I called the number and it
was a nanty agency and I'm like, you know, fuck,
I have babysad. I could be around kids and they
would fly you out there or you know, I had
to interview with this family, but they were gonna fly
me out there one way ticket and if I completed
a year, then I got the ticket back. If I
didn't complete a year, I'm stuck. Oh and I and

(28:24):
I had babysat kids and ages, and I'm like, you know,
I like kids. I'm fine with kids. My friends are
getting pregnant now I'm around babies.

Speaker 3 (28:31):
I got.

Speaker 1 (28:32):
Yeah, I had friends give me fake referrals and they
were like, we're going to miss Kimberly so so much.
She's so good with my two girls. I mean they
were completely fake, right, absolutely, but they flew me out there,
and it was I was at the when I got
onto the plane. The lady next to me at one

(28:53):
point starts crying and I go, what are you crying about?
And I've been crying because there was a whole thing
at the airport, but so I was and I was
scared too, like where are you crying? And she goes,
I'm going out there to meet my boyfriend, but I
don't actually know if he's going to be there, and
she was super scared that he wasn't going to be
there at the airport. What was going to happen? And

(29:13):
I said, I'm going out there to meet this random
family to live with and be a nanny. And you know,
if I don't complete a year, I didn't even have
a way back because I mean I didn't have credit cards.
I had nothing. And so we get to the airport
and we go down this escalator and he's there with
roses for and I was like, oh, good for you.
It didn't work out so well for me, but good.

Speaker 2 (29:34):
For her, you know. You know. It was a family
where it was a father who had a show that
was a morning talk show. There was an uncle who
was an Elvis impersonator. There was another uncle who was
a stand up comedian who had a beaver puppet. And
they had three daughter, four daughters, you know, and three daughters.
It was a very The house was very it was

(29:54):
very it was a very tight house. It was a
it was a very complete house, if you will.

Speaker 3 (30:00):
Yeah, it was it was like the house was fun.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
Like I was a foolish and you got replaced by
an aunt. Becky. That's weird, you know, not the.

Speaker 3 (30:09):
First time you did you not pake it? Did you
not make it past the pilot? What happened? How long
did you?

Speaker 1 (30:16):
I made it six months? I got there and I'm
a very high extrovert. And again, no cell phones, no internet, No,
there's no I have no interaction with anybody. And so
I called the nanny agency and I said, give me
every name and number of every nanny in the area.
And I just started calling people up and said, Hi,
I don't know anybody. I want a friend. You know
who are you? And I got all the nannies together,

(30:39):
got him into downtown San Francisco for Fleet Week and
we stayed out dancing with the sailors until two.

Speaker 3 (30:44):
My god, and I got in.

Speaker 1 (30:46):
Trouble with the nanny agency, my family, all the families.
But I was loved by the nannies.

Speaker 3 (30:52):
Oh my god, that's hilarious. Just a just a fucking
flock of nannies just coming down on a just cruisi.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
Fucking you know. Their solo album was really good, second one.
You know it got a little experimental dude.

Speaker 3 (31:09):
It's like, all right, while they're in the studio or
who's watching those kids.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
Yeah, we've got in trouble because you guys, like what
people like were missing, like their shifts to cover to
watch the kids or what.

Speaker 1 (31:22):
No, it wasn't. They just they just wanted their Okay,
I should go back. The name of the agency I
was with was called the Prairie Home Companion Nanny Agency,
So The whole point was, you're not getting some weirdo
you know, au pair from Europe or from you know,
l A. You're getting the corn fed milk drink in Minnesota.

Speaker 3 (31:45):
Girl holy ship.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
So that was the whole premise of why people were loved.

Speaker 2 (31:50):
And so our nannies are picked by they're killed the
Garrison Keeler like eighty.

Speaker 1 (31:58):
Eight eighty nine. My hair was blood red. I dieded
that color. It was down to my waist and astronomically huge,
rat it out. I come off the plane and heels
in a mini skirt and my hair rat it out,
and I'm and you could tell them it's like, this
is not the very home companion nanny we were expecting
to see, because anybody that interviewed me through the agency

(32:19):
was all over the phone. No one saw me.

Speaker 2 (32:21):
Oh my god, is that the accent tracks? But then
you can show up and you look like you're in
a white snake video.

Speaker 3 (32:28):
Yeah. You go to San Francisco, you had you were like,
you were dressed upro what you thought San Francisco is.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
Gonna be like it was and it was amazing. I
used to go to Omni. I saw some fantastic shows
and In fact, one of the promoters that the Omni
were now friends on Facebook. Hey Jimmy.

Speaker 3 (32:46):
Podcast, he will now so now, uh wait, so how
did you end up? You made it six months, you're
halfway there.

Speaker 2 (32:58):
Well we should have explained the camel's back.

Speaker 1 (33:02):
I was previously evangelical Christian. I'm now agnostic atheist. My
father was a Baptist pastor. So when I had gotten
out there, I'd tried to find a church I could
get into, even though I hated church and hated Christians,
and I found what I call the heavy metal church.
It was called the Refuge, and literally everybody was in
heavy metal Christian bands, or they looked like they were

(33:24):
in the heavy metal Christian Church.

Speaker 2 (33:28):
Is it spelt like a Metallica or like would they
use like the Metallica letters or like the Iron Maiden letters?

Speaker 1 (33:33):
Oh oh yeah. It had a really funky ass spot
with like a snake or something.

Speaker 2 (33:38):
Is that a guitar? As we heard like a lightning bolt?

Speaker 1 (33:42):
Yeah, so that's who I was actually going to the
Omni and such and we go to see we'd go
there to see bands, and the pastor and his wife said, hey,
we know you're hating being a nanny, you can come
live with us. And so I quit the nanty job.
So I have no job. I go to live with them.
I'm sleeping on their couch and I'm immediately I get
a job within like a matter of two days. Some

(34:05):
people in the church gave me their car is an
absolute piece of ship for speed. But andarned, and I
learned to parallel park in San Francisco on one of
those hills. So I compare a parallel park with the motherfuckers.

Speaker 2 (34:16):
We parallel park anywhere anywhere.

Speaker 1 (34:19):
We can go to mountain. Yeah, we can go to
a mountain, it doesn't matter where it is. I can
parallel park in the moon. I can do it. But
if I found a job immediately, and I'm with this family,
and I said, I would of course pay rent and such.
And two weeks in they say they're moving and I'm
like okay, and they go and we don't have space
for you. You can't sleep on the couch in the
living room anymore. And I was trying to keep myself

(34:41):
very small and make sure everybody liked me. They said,
you can sleep in the garage. It was not a
redone garage. It was the garage, and their family.

Speaker 3 (34:53):
How long was I there?

Speaker 1 (34:56):
Oh no, the cars weren't in there, but there was
the laundry where they other kids dirty diapers out, and
there one of their parents got me a cot, like
just one of those straight up cots for camping, left
on a cot in the garage. And yet I was
an executive assistant at a band conversion company and having
to dress up. And this was back in the day

(35:17):
you were you were nylons, you know, you couldn't even
have a bare leg, and you wear dresses. But I'm
sleeping in a garage and I lived out of my
suitcases and I bought a crappy filing cabinet from Target
that I used as a dresser.

Speaker 3 (35:32):
Jesus and going to see Christian Christian.

Speaker 1 (35:36):
To help me at all us ship.

Speaker 3 (35:39):
All right, I'm just going to sleep on this cot.
But tonight I'm going to the Omni to see fucking
uh Solder, going to see Nuns and Moses.

Speaker 1 (35:53):
That's good.

Speaker 2 (35:58):
That was a ding worthy. That was a ding worthy.
That's right.

Speaker 3 (36:01):
Oh so yeah, it was.

Speaker 1 (36:05):
It was.

Speaker 3 (36:05):
It was a hard situation. Wow, all right. So now, uh,
let's so you made it back. So this was the
nanny and was in your uh, in your resume that's
up here. Now you're back at doing the convenience store.
You came back to Minnesota, or were you?

Speaker 1 (36:29):
I was sexually grasped at my at my work, and
I had two friends that were getting married, their father
was dying. They were very good friends, and I was
just hating everything, and so I decided, you know, and
my mother was in a bad situation. I decided I
need to come back and take care of everybody.

Speaker 3 (36:44):
I'm sorry I did to make sure I caught this correctly.
You were being sexually harassed at your van conversion job.
Didn't see that coming. Yeah, sorry, guys that convert vans
into like in the fucking creepy.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
The office guys that were the problem. It wasn't the guys.
It wasn't the guys out working on the vands. It
was the office guys. And I went to the controller
because being nineteen and dub as a box of rocks,
I thought, oh, he's married, he'll help me, he'll be
my friend. And so I asked him for a happy
hour so I can talk to him about this, and
he goes, oh, I'm so glad we're finally alone. And

(37:23):
I'm like, oh, oh, like there's nobody that's gonna help me.

Speaker 3 (37:27):
No, you're not saying after for me.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
And I don't know what to do, and so I
went back. I quit the next day, had different guys
come to me and say, you know, was it because
of me? And I just said nope, you know I
and I wish the president of the company. This was
back in the letter of reference days. And I said,
could you write me a letter of reference? And he said, sure,
I'll write it out if you can just type it
out and I'll sign it. And he wrote, Kimberly will

(37:53):
always have a position here, preferably the horizontal one.

Speaker 3 (37:56):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (37:57):
He was a millionaire and I had that on company
her head and I didn't understand. I mean this, this
was way before fucking me too. So I just right
there and I just and I just walked away. Wow. So,
but it's for me to get back to Minnesota. I
had friends in LA and I decided I was going
to fly back from l A. And so no Google,

(38:21):
no maps, none of these things. I literally got in
my car and I looked up and I saw the
sun coming up in the east. I was like Magellan, like, okay,
there's east there's west. I need to go south. Thankfully
the four oh five goes straight south.

Speaker 3 (38:35):
That's hilarious that you're so that you're You're like, I
refuse to fucking look at a map.

Speaker 2 (38:42):
It's dedication.

Speaker 3 (38:44):
Yeah right, I was.

Speaker 1 (38:46):
I had the empty from my childhood. Yes, what could
what else could I do? But yeah, So I made
it to l A amazingly, I'm not quite sure how,
and gave my car to a friend there because I
felt like it was I was still super Christian. I
felt like it was given to me. I can't sell it,
I can't make anything off, but I have to give
it to somebody else. I have to pay it forward.

Speaker 3 (39:08):
And then I'm going to start making friends with evangelical Christians.
Have some free cars.

Speaker 2 (39:12):
I don't think that's how that works.

Speaker 1 (39:14):
Yeah, but you're gonna be their project. It's not gonna
work out well for you.

Speaker 2 (39:18):
I know.

Speaker 3 (39:18):
Yeah, they're going to try to convert me the whole time.

Speaker 2 (39:20):
It's like, yeah, yeah, I don't think we're going to
be doing that.

Speaker 3 (39:23):
Yeah all right, all right, when when is the free
car part?

Speaker 1 (39:26):
Yes, you have to you have to act like you're converting.

Speaker 3 (39:29):
This is like I feel like it's it's going to
be like like getting a free set of golf clubs
when you go to a fucking timeshare.

Speaker 1 (39:38):
Right right afterwards, you're like, this was not worth it?

Speaker 2 (39:42):
Ah, God, this is really taking all Is that going
to be really worth it for a nineteen ninety four tourists? Joe, Yeah, that's.

Speaker 3 (39:50):
All right. How many miles is on the car?

Speaker 1 (39:55):
All in hand was a gas gage and a pedometer.
That's it. Love it, yeah, skish bonometer, four speed.

Speaker 3 (40:02):
Good luck see that one. I missed those cars. They
were so simple. They could not they could not fuck up.
They were just these perfect little no computers. It was
an engine and a transmission and a seat.

Speaker 1 (40:16):
My friends and I would play bumper cars with them
because we all had a piece of ship cars. So
we'd splam each other on the highway or like or
we'd come up to a stop sign and slam each
other up each other on the side, and people would
be like, oh my god, there was a call nine
one one, and we're like, it's fine, we're friends. We're friends.
We all had crafty cars. It doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 (40:35):
That's so funny about the resale value of this Ford Ltd.

Speaker 1 (40:41):
I mean I bought I bought it for three hundred bucks.

Speaker 3 (40:44):
I mean, you know what I missed those days. Those
days are gone. You can't buy a three hundred dollars
car anymore.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
We can't.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
And my father used to. He was the pastor. He
bought used cars on the side and would flip them
for money. You know, he'd just clean them up a bit.
So when I before I got my license, every I
was in August birthday, so I was younger than everybody.
Everybody's getting their licenses and they don't have any money.
They're working at Burger King and so any car I
could get them to buy. My father for two hundred,

(41:11):
three hundred bucks, I would get fifty bucks from which
was who killer money? I'll do that today. I would
flip cars for fifty bucks. I'm always about beside hus.
I got ten shuns.

Speaker 3 (41:24):
Go on.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
Honestly, you go to enough open mics you could probably
start doing it for some of those. So many of
them I don't own a car. Oh, we can take
care of that.

Speaker 3 (41:33):
Yeah, we're gonna help. What can we do to get
you out of this four hundred dollars car today?

Speaker 2 (41:37):
What can we get you into a nineteen eighty seven
Volts where you can rabbit.

Speaker 3 (41:41):
You can make six payments on this.

Speaker 1 (41:43):
I had a rabbit.

Speaker 3 (41:44):
It's yours, Fiesta, and I love. I would actually have
bought a car from like the priest car dealership, the pastor.

Speaker 1 (41:57):
So you know he's gonna be honest about it. Man,
and my and my father was. My father was truth
at all costs, no matter who got hurt.

Speaker 3 (42:04):
That's so funny.

Speaker 2 (42:06):
Well, he who was without sending left past the other.
Goddamn it. I had it. And yeah, and on the.

Speaker 1 (42:14):
Third days we converse all day long.

Speaker 3 (42:17):
And on the third day to make bad savings for you.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
We have savings this, we have savings this big.

Speaker 3 (42:27):
Yeah, he died so you could save on a car
like it's.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
I'll be on the side.

Speaker 2 (42:36):
Yeah, just to talk about another job, let's go to
let's let's let's skip ahead a bit.

Speaker 1 (42:43):
Oh, let's see from oh from there that this is fun.
It also adds in piece of ship cars. I was
a receptionist at a lot. Okay, when I got back
to Minnesota, I got I was able to get that job.
But again, this was back in the afterward panty hose
Nylon's days. My car was a Dodge on me and
it was cool look and it was black with purple stripes,

(43:03):
so it looked cool as hell. But it leaked oil
from the steering wheel. I could never figure it out
from the steering coming from the oil shouldn't actually be
going down. The oil ever went down, but yet it
was making oil from the steering wheel onto my legs,
so I would have to drive with bare legs and
wipe it off. I kept paper towels, we didn't have

(43:24):
a wet bike. Wipespecond paper towels and wipe off my
legs before I went in anywhere. So I'm about to
you know, I can't have oil dripping on my pantyhose
driving into the law firm, so I had to drive
with beer legs. And then the law firm had those
windows where they were all blacked out so you couldn't see.
I couldn't see if someone was watching me. So I'm
in the passenger seat, wipe the oil off my legs

(43:47):
and then put on my pantyhose in the car while
looking into the law firm, hoping nobody's watching me, but
maybe they were got the job.

Speaker 3 (43:56):
That is the craziest. It's you couldn't even enjoy your
cool car because it's just you're constantly getting dripped on.

Speaker 1 (44:04):
That's what I'm saying. I was looking great, but yet
you know, awful on the on the inside, it's horrible.

Speaker 2 (44:10):
Honestly, the motor oil it hurt is really good for
your skins. So that's that's a good thing, right.

Speaker 1 (44:15):
Like that's they were nice and shiny all the time.
They already had shiny legs.

Speaker 3 (44:21):
You know, it's really easy to get those nylons on.
They slip it right home.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
Her legs are covered for another three thousand miles.

Speaker 3 (44:29):
Okay, yes, dad, it's holy cravin.

Speaker 1 (44:33):
And all the oil that came out I probably still covered.

Speaker 3 (44:36):
It's been double ding. So any funny lost stories, did you? R?

Speaker 1 (44:45):
Calais has been funny at all. But if you know who,
I believe he's either a senator or representative.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
Tom emm Oh fuck that guy, Yeah, fuck that guy.

Speaker 3 (44:55):
He was.

Speaker 1 (44:56):
He he had just started practicing law. There. It was
it was about you know, seventy pounds less than years now.
But you know he'd come in and he'd say hi.
That was the base that my entire interaction with him.

Speaker 2 (45:13):
True story. I've been I've been removed from several Tom
Emmer events purely for asking where the one hundred thousand
dollars a year serving jobs are because when he ran
for governor of Minnesota, he was claiming that servers were
making over one hundred grands. Yeah, as waiters. So every
time i've because he and of course, of course he's
the representative who took over Michelle Bachman's district, which I

(45:35):
still live in. I live in Hell, And so he
comes up to Saint Cloud every once in a while
and he'll come out to the restaurants and I've actually
had to serve him. And then they asked for another server,
because I asked, I go, is this one this one?
I go, I only make about forty grand at this one?
Can I find can you? Can you tell me where
that I can make that extra sixty?

Speaker 3 (45:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (45:56):
And then at events, I've like, I held a sign
at one of his events saying I'm looking for one
of those hundred thousand dollars a year serving jobs. That's
all I said. I wasn't being a dick. I just
held this and They're like, sir, we're gonna need you
to leave, and I'm.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
Like, you pull yourself up by.

Speaker 2 (46:13):
Yeah, yeah, I want that hunt I want to make
that kind of money.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
So you're still in Michelle Blackman's district? Is she still?
Is she still a thing? Apparently my father used to
be for her gay husband, who has not come out
of the closet yet. My father worked at his Christian
counseling agency after my parents divorced, and so you can't
be a pastor anymore. So my my father worked there
and I'm sure fucked up many.

Speaker 3 (46:38):
People fundsies and Michelle Blackman. Is she still alive?

Speaker 2 (46:44):
No, she is. She's just like a consultant or some
shit she does. Like she'll occasionally be on Fox News
and being like, ah, you know that she does a
weird like I talked to God sometimes and then that's
about it. I don't know. She she did fade the
Republicans like we can't even deal with your crazy ass.
We will take MTG in Bobert, but when you're not well. Honestly,
she just aged out of being like the hot crazy

(47:06):
and said she just became crazy, and they're like, okay,
we can't we go go go, Well, she's especially.

Speaker 1 (47:12):
With your gay husband.

Speaker 2 (47:16):
A friend of mine actually, while she was at Saint
Claud's State threw a whopper at her so allegedly allegedly
are they married.

Speaker 3 (47:28):
And her husband provided foster care to twenty three other children,
all of whom were teenage girls. Oh and then the
Bachman's provided short term care for girls with eating disorders.

Speaker 1 (47:44):
I was not going to help with that.

Speaker 3 (47:46):
Their home was legally defined as a treatment home with
a daily reimbursement rate per child from the state.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
There it is this one, this, this, this episode took
a turn.

Speaker 3 (47:58):
Wow, she's dark, she's like working, she's getting paid to
and the food costs at the house or nothing.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
Right, you think about an eating disorder.

Speaker 2 (48:16):
Now, yeah, So when you got done, you're really gonna
have You're really gonna have another chip fatty.

Speaker 1 (48:25):
And I left my receptionist job at the Law of Room,
which was actually quite nice money for the time. Because
my friends in La the ones i'd blown back from
when I'd come back from San Francisco, they had called
me up about two three in the morning one night
they go, you're just La. You need to be in

(48:45):
l A. And I go, you know what, I do,
need to be in La. So I got a second job,
I paid off all my credit cards, I sold everything
I own, and I got on a plane with two
suitcases and flew to LA.

Speaker 2 (48:58):
We're gonna go a second time in Californa.

Speaker 1 (49:01):
And it was it was much worse. Yeah, I got
at a law non law froom. This was a realty
company in Beverly Hills. But I was living in a shitty,
shitty part of LA, like you know, guns going off.
I had the bedroom, my roommate had the living room,
and we'd hear gunshots all the time and I'd come
out all my stomach. I'm like, are those gunshots? He's like, yeah,

(49:23):
stay low. But I worked in Beverly Hills. So the
dichotomy of the two, I mean, I was living in
literally the farthest apart worlds. I couldn't afford to eat
because everything in Beverly Hills was just, you know, a
salad with like fifteen dollars. And again this is back
in like the early nineties. I can't afford fifteen, I
can't afford five. And there was there wasn't any fast

(49:45):
food around. So there was a place called the Muffin
Up and had two dollars blueberry muffins, and I lived
on those. I know, no car people heads are exploding
right now. I have a big ass blueberry oak muffin
in the morning and for lunch. Oh my apartment didn't.
We didn't have a refrigerator, so oh yeah, it was

(50:06):
eating was hard planning.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
Okay, so I have a requirement.

Speaker 1 (50:13):
Is illegal about this apartment. It was a slowboard that
that had. You know, there was two downstairs and two upstairs.
And the guy that lived across from us, who I Actually,
that's how I found my roommate. We'd met him at
some weird ass raves thing and he's like, I know
a guy that needs a roommate. So that's how I
found my roommate. You know, I was all about safety.

(50:35):
And this guy's name was Las Lazare. I don't know
I can say his name, he never made it Las Lazarro.
And he was very He was gorgeous. He was absolutely gorgeous.
And he would he would talk to me and say
that to me all the time, how great looking he was.
He just left his wife because he wanted to preserve
pursuing an actor. He had no training, he just felt

(50:55):
like that was his calling in life. But and he
would tell me all the time, but how he was
so much better looking than I was, and how I
was overweight and all the wonderful. But he wanted me
to go out with the clubs and I haven't met
her yet. At then I could have lost the me.
But we we wenthed one of those clubs where you

(51:17):
had to stand outside the bouncers decide to get in
gets in by how good looking you are, and he said, well,
you know you can get in with me, you know,
but you know, like you're not you know, you're never
getting in. But I'm so great looking, I'm going to
get in. And I go, yeah, you know. It's like, yeah,
you are. You are very good looking. I'm not a model.
I got it. And we get in line. The bouncer
picks me and I'm like oh, and he's like, do

(51:40):
you want me to go in there with you? I go,
oh no, because you're totally getting picked I go, but
are you? I go, I got picked over you. I don't.

Speaker 3 (51:50):
I don't need you.

Speaker 1 (51:51):
At all, because if I got picked over you, I
must be like the best looking person on the on
the fucking planet. And I would and I would come
out every morning after that to to the should I
jump on the couch and I be like, look at
me right now, you're looking like hot ship, no makeup,
harol over I got picked over you. You remember that.

Speaker 2 (52:11):
Sounds like a Zoolander sort of can really ridiculously good looking.

Speaker 1 (52:16):
Oh he was, he was, absolutely, but.

Speaker 2 (52:19):
He had probably had the he probably had the personality
of insulation.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
It wasn't that good.

Speaker 2 (52:27):
Got it nothing.

Speaker 1 (52:28):
Don't give him that much.

Speaker 2 (52:29):
So you're working, you're working, You're working in l A.
You're eating muffins because that's the only thing you can afford.
Jesus Christ, that's still that. That's why that's gonna take
a long time for me to unpack. But you're working
and you're the juxtaposition is you're those muffins Beverly Hills.

Speaker 3 (52:50):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
And so we would frequently see like all traffic get stuff.
Because the presidential motor cab was coming through. I walked behind,
I walked by Arnold behind, Arnold Schwartzenegger behind. Oh what's
his damn it? Oh gun, he's here's Tom Cruise. You
would see people, people that are supposed to be interesting
all the time. In fact, we go to Canters a lot.

(53:11):
Canter's Deli is very well known in LA. It's it's
I believe it's open twenty four hours or it's opened
a lot and that's where people go to, you know,
after after bar, early morning, or you know, all day long.
And frequently the waitress would like stop talking to us
because someone special came in and just like walk like
in the middle of taking our order and be like, oh,

(53:31):
BLOB's here.

Speaker 3 (53:35):
Look who's here. It's so and so, And you're like, God, damn.

Speaker 2 (53:38):
It, Jason Priestley just walked in.

Speaker 3 (53:41):
Okay, God, Jason priest how many fridges do you have?

Speaker 1 (53:45):
Four?

Speaker 3 (53:45):
Goddamn it, that's four more fridges.

Speaker 1 (53:47):
Than I have?

Speaker 2 (53:47):
Could you? Could you spare one?

Speaker 3 (53:49):
Yeah? Right?

Speaker 1 (53:51):
I had a yogurt and in six months.

Speaker 2 (53:57):
Listen you might know that, but I know last Lazarus
or whatever the fac.

Speaker 1 (54:03):
What was with working at the real estate company. They
gave me a parking spot and I had this piece
of ship beetlebug slug bug, and it wasn't a minted
out one, it was primer red.

Speaker 3 (54:16):
And so.

Speaker 1 (54:17):
But they gave me this spot in a in a
in a lot, you know of a double decker parking
ramp in in Beverly Hills. So my assigned spot was
between like a ferrari and a portion between two very
very very high end cars. And I and I got

(54:41):
out of the car one day and there's this lady
in whatever her amazing car was literally quite literally clutching
her pearls, staring at me, clutching her pearls and walking
backward and looking at my car, like, how can this
car even be in this lot? And I just turned
to her because I was annoyed. I was just read everything,
and I said, listen, I'm more scared of you than

(55:04):
you are me. Okay, don't worry. I'm not touching your car.
I don't have any money. You have all the money.
If you hit my car, you're still fine. I go,
I know I can't hit your car. I'm terrified. Okay,
just like I'm not touching anything. Everybody just be nice
to me. And I walked away, and that's actually when
I saw her sports agger. We jumped down the stairs
and there was he was at the little cafe. He's

(55:26):
very short. What short, babe?

Speaker 2 (55:32):
Oh he's just did you just don't notice it because
he's it's just just the muscles in the you know.
And I always thought he was everybody.

Speaker 1 (55:45):
Yeah, and here's my short ass walking behind him like
you're short?

Speaker 3 (55:52):
So la is your town, so you just you needed
to be there.

Speaker 1 (55:55):
I hate I hated l A. I love being able
to go to I'm definitely a metal head. I loved
being able to go to you know, the Sunset Strips
where I got my first tattoo, going to the Whiskey,
going to the Troubador, going to the Roxy, I mean
the rain.

Speaker 2 (56:12):
You party with Nicky six, didn't you like? That's the dream?

Speaker 1 (56:17):
Oh? My god, Nikki, that's the.

Speaker 2 (56:19):
Dream called it? Oh?

Speaker 1 (56:23):
I have a total ni Yeah, Nikky over the entire band,
not Tommy Lee, not Ben Nikki all the way.

Speaker 3 (56:28):
I just you're seeing the Christian metal band, the Twelve Apostles.

Speaker 1 (56:35):
They used they used the word white a lot. There
was like white heart, white, something white. The white was
used an evangelical Christian. Whod about that?

Speaker 3 (56:48):
Gosh? The Book of John the best one ever? The
Old Testament?

Speaker 2 (57:01):
Oh yeah, would you like to hear my favorite?

Speaker 1 (57:05):
I think I think you'll actually love my favorite Bible
verse I have I have a private group where we
it's it's the name of of the group. It's Ezekiel
twenty three twenty. This is the verse she lusted after
lovers with genitals as large as a donkey's and emissions
like those of a horse.

Speaker 2 (57:23):
Hold on, no that one.

Speaker 3 (57:24):
Let's let's break this one down real quick.

Speaker 2 (57:26):
You didn't know that, You don't know that word of God.

Speaker 1 (57:28):
Praise Jesus.

Speaker 3 (57:31):
There's I'll do it for you again.

Speaker 1 (57:33):
Exequiel twenty three twenty Look it up. Any version she
lusted after lovers with genitals as large as a donkey's,
and emissions like those of a horse.

Speaker 3 (57:43):
Emissions miss emissions or missions no missions emissions.

Speaker 2 (57:49):
So like horse, she fucks guys with donkey dicks who
can come big loads. That's what it's. That's the that's
the Urban Dictionary translation. Yes it's from the Bible. But
if you told me that that was a line from
a porn hubskit, I would totally be all. I'm like, yeah,
that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (58:10):
Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (58:10):
There's that there's a Bible versus.

Speaker 1 (58:12):
Show Bible verse or porn or something said on a
porn because the Bible has a lot of shitty both.

Speaker 3 (58:18):
There's uh. Proverbs Proverbs thirty one, twenty six is she
opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness
is on her tongue. And it's like, all right, that's
like I get smarter when you blow me.

Speaker 2 (58:35):
Yeah, that's that's what.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
That's kind of kindness. I think most guys want it
harder than that.

Speaker 2 (58:40):
That's that's that's for the soft boys. You know, that's
just uh the Bible boys. No, what's that?

Speaker 3 (58:50):
Uh yeah, no, that's it's just edging Jesus.

Speaker 1 (58:57):
Tongue of kindness.

Speaker 3 (58:58):
Yeah, that's a guy. This a little more tongue of kindness.

Speaker 1 (59:04):
Please talking tik talk stands for.

Speaker 2 (59:10):
So uh, let's fast forward. Let's go. Let's talk about
a little bit more adult adult Kimberly.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
Adult Kimberly.

Speaker 2 (59:18):
I not that kind of adult Kimberly after what we
were just talking.

Speaker 3 (59:21):
Yeah, you're only fans.

Speaker 1 (59:23):
I'm looking for a way I'll do an only fans.
I just need to figure out what's really going to
make me some bank. I'm not against it, like I said,
I've always got side hustles at all times.

Speaker 3 (59:34):
Just get into some like foot and hand stuff.

Speaker 2 (59:36):
They don't know that those ships have sailed really?

Speaker 3 (59:40):
Oh is that market flooded now?

Speaker 2 (59:41):
Yes? With foot people post. No, if if you wanted
to get in on that, you had to get in
there in about twenty February of twenty twenty.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
Well, I tried to get it because I'm a yoga
teacher on the side again twenty thousand jobs and so
for I was teaching hot yoga. So I was trying
to get in on the all your underwear. But I
was like, okay, I'll be like the milk yoga teacher
with you know, sweaty underwear that I taught three classes
in and sweat in, and so I figured that, you know,

(01:00:10):
and I knew there was a market for that, but
all the cam girls had already taken. So I was
going to try and sell my sweaty yoga underwear to
finance my son's college.

Speaker 3 (01:00:19):
You know what, I bet you there's a Japanese vending
machine company that would buy those.

Speaker 1 (01:00:24):
You think I could ship them because some of them
want you to like to like immediately immediately take them off,
seal it.

Speaker 3 (01:00:29):
Yeah, you'd like them.

Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
Actually that that ship is sailed to the tariffs. That
extra twenty five percent killed the market.

Speaker 3 (01:00:36):
It killed the vending the American panty market in Japan.

Speaker 1 (01:00:40):
I would have worn it for days if they said
we want you to wear it for four days and
all those classes. I don't care how nasty was, I'd
have done it.

Speaker 3 (01:00:48):
That's I you know, it's.

Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
Money.

Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
Like, I don't think that people are going to be
able to keep up with the demand. I think that
there's gonna be there's always going to be a market
for dirty shit. It's just it's just the way, it's
just the way the world works. Yeah, people are gross.

Speaker 1 (01:01:08):
People are gross.

Speaker 2 (01:01:09):
This is very true.

Speaker 3 (01:01:11):
No one will admit it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:12):
No, we just did.

Speaker 3 (01:01:14):
Like no one well, like no one will admit it
about themselves. Oh no, Like I'm a gross monster sometimes
and I do gross sponsorship when no one's looking well.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
Anyway. So let's talk about another job. Kimberly's Yeah, that's
another Let's there another one out there.

Speaker 1 (01:01:32):
Well, you said, let's go, Well, we can go into
adult kimberlying, what I actually do right now. Basically, around
the time my son was born, so he's twenty six,
I sort of just started to fall into office jobs.
And I was working at as a legal assistant for
a it was called Premier Salons. It basically they managed

(01:01:53):
hair salons and department stores. So if you went to
the Macy's hair salon, they managed it. And and so
when I got the job, my boss was the general
counsel and senior vice president and they're interviewing me, and
I'm pretty trying to talk her out of it. I'm like,
I have been no legal experience. None. I worked at
a law froom as a receptionist. All I did was

(01:02:15):
get pop and coffee for depositions and answer the phone.
That's it. And I but she decided to hire me.
And I was told she was a raging bitch, and
she was, but she loved me, so that was fine.
But like three days into it, she had me read
some contract. It was like, you know who pays for these?
A light bulb went out this once salon? Who pays

(01:02:36):
for it? Does Macy's pay for it? Or does or
does Premiere Salons. She goes read the contract and tell
me you know what it is. And I'm like, I
told you, assistant, and I'm having this whole meltdown, and
she goes, just go read it. She and I went
and read it, and I came back and I go,
this sentence says this, so I believe it means this,
and she goes, congratulations, you're a lawyer. All of this
is a reading test. And that's actually been you know,

(01:03:00):
not being funny at all. But that's actually been my
best advice of my entire life. Is it's only a
reading test. You get comment on Facebook and articles something
you've read, read it. Most of us aren't reading, and
so it's been best advice.

Speaker 3 (01:03:15):
On most of us aren't reading. It drives me nuts,
like you won't't read like we've it's something. I think
it's books on tape ruined reading. Yeah, or Netflix like
I'm just waiting for the movie to come out.

Speaker 2 (01:03:33):
Yes, I was.

Speaker 1 (01:03:35):
Gonna say I love reading, but I I don't. I
love buying books. I love buying books, and I love
telling people about the books and recommending it to them.
I've been recommending The Body Keeps the Score by Vessel
vander Kolk, and I've been reciting him while teaching yoga
while I've only read one chapter for a good seven years.

Speaker 2 (01:03:54):
Hey, it's the best paper weight in my house.

Speaker 3 (01:03:58):
It's fire. I uh, I get that. It's like like
life gets really busy and you just don't get time
to read, to sit and read and.

Speaker 1 (01:04:12):
Feeling like and I'll admit most of my books are
self help books. And there's this feeling of bear I
got in the mail on something and you feels like
and I'm good. I got it. I read. I read
the description.

Speaker 2 (01:04:26):
Yeah, I read the forward.

Speaker 1 (01:04:30):
Show the complete sentence. I got it.

Speaker 2 (01:04:33):
We need to find a way to make like a
TikTok for reading.

Speaker 3 (01:04:37):
No, thank you for ruining reading even more like fans.
Oh yeah, maybe that's your only fans. You just read
the people.

Speaker 1 (01:04:53):
Reading people.

Speaker 3 (01:04:55):
Yeah, read slower? Yeah, could you?

Speaker 2 (01:04:59):
I want you to read cat sure in the rye
read faster, faster, slower, slower, slower slow to start.

Speaker 1 (01:05:08):
This episode, but letting you know, I've worn these underwear
for three days.

Speaker 3 (01:05:12):
Yeah you want to buy, and I have.

Speaker 1 (01:05:15):
Not taken them off once.

Speaker 2 (01:05:18):
Now we're going to be reading. We're gonna be reading
the thin red Line today. Yeah, the Scarlet Letter.

Speaker 1 (01:05:27):
I thought, maybe do some Bible versus little Bible memory association.

Speaker 3 (01:05:30):
I could be the reader for the Scarlet Letter.

Speaker 2 (01:05:32):
It's not that time of the month, dude, that's a
that's a very that's it. That's it. That's extra. They're
gonna pay extra for that one. I get it. Well,
just for the interest of time, because god damn it,
we're gonna have to like you were one of the
very few people that we would like probably be able
to do a Part two episode with because of the
amount of jobs that you have had, it's like we're

(01:05:54):
most of the time we get these like twenty somethings
like I worked at a subway in Bizmarck, Like cool, cool.
And then there's a trucker his name was Billy. Bob
came through a couple of times.

Speaker 3 (01:06:04):
It wasn't some great stories from that episode, but like you,
we're just great to have.

Speaker 2 (01:06:08):
We feel like you haven't even scratched the surface off
of the iceberg.

Speaker 1 (01:06:12):
Like yeah, you're you're right on it. But I mean
the short version is I went I went on from
from those jobs to become an executive assistant and I've
done that for a good twenty years at various companies.
I've worked at all the biggies in and in healthcare.
Just coincidentally, I just I fell into it United Health
Group Corporate.

Speaker 2 (01:06:33):
So you know, when the guy was don't take it
out on Kimberley, you guys, don't.

Speaker 3 (01:06:37):
Yeah, let's just say this.

Speaker 2 (01:06:39):
I was like, she's just a big fan of the
Mario brothers, you guys, that's all. She just really liked
being player too, that's all it was.

Speaker 1 (01:06:51):
Yeah, I will say, like United Health Group corporate. This
is back when they were having all kinds of lawsuits
for the sec and stuff, and they had, I mean
the money there. They had these major art sculptures that
were like two stories high, I mean just huge, and
this you know, amazing break room that had you know,
their lunch room had everything you could ever want to

(01:07:12):
you know, salad bar to a potato barrio. Do you
want a burger? Or would you like work tonight? They
were having some Chinese or some tie and you could
use your badge to scan, like, oh, I have some food.
Then they had this little store where you could do
your dry cleaning and they had cards and balloons because
you forgot for your coworker, and soft serve ice cream
for the app, what stamps and baked potatoes and what

(01:07:37):
would I do?

Speaker 3 (01:07:39):
Jesus? Oh oh, So they're they're getting your comment and going.
So they're like you could just badge anything and like
they'll just take it out of check.

Speaker 1 (01:07:48):
Stamped dry cleaning, little gifts in their little store, I
mean everything, you know.

Speaker 3 (01:07:54):
How did you get down from your office with like
a big twirly slide.

Speaker 1 (01:08:02):
They did have one kick ass conference room though, that
I've never seen since, where it was a half circle,
and then in other locations they would also be a
half circle. So once everybody got body got on screen,
it looked like you were in a circle at the
same table, and then whoever was talking, so it would
switch up as to who was at the circle next

(01:08:23):
to you. But if you look to your right and
your left the way they had the screen, it really
looked like everybody was sitting in a circle. It was amazing.
I've never seen anything since.

Speaker 3 (01:08:32):
That's kind of cool.

Speaker 2 (01:08:34):
It's very cool things. Joe and I will never see, you.

Speaker 1 (01:08:40):
Know what, I'd be okay with, never seen never seen
it again. I work in corporate America and I and
I have to do the Kimberly. I have to tone
my friends all the time.

Speaker 3 (01:08:50):
Time.

Speaker 1 (01:08:51):
Just take the Kimberly down a not she got to
tone the Kimberly. My new boss, I just started a
new job about three months ago, and she said to me,
and she's the cheap be careful, she's a C suite officer.
She goes, I love your casual style, but you know
it's like, maybe you know you're kind of loud.

Speaker 3 (01:09:14):
Maybe we only do the casual style. Oh, it's not
casual style. Fridays.

Speaker 1 (01:09:19):
Right, it's I'm like, I'm like a Kimberly down understood.

Speaker 2 (01:09:26):
You were wearing a tuxedo T shirt that you were
bought because a guy in nineteen ninety told you needed
to buy it.

Speaker 1 (01:09:32):
Yes, you like one on Flash Dance. Yeah, and I
took my broth underneath it and then and then started
eating stuck it on lobster remember that dance? Well did myself?

Speaker 2 (01:09:46):
You sucking down hot dogs, sucking chili dows outside you
can eat hot dogs bar So again, for the interest
of time, We're definitely gonna have to have you back on,
just because like there's so much more, but you know,
we need to make this like it like, we can't
make this a five hour episode because I feel.

Speaker 1 (01:10:02):
Like I'm just and we're not talking like the side hustles,
because I'm sure that those are even more astounding.

Speaker 2 (01:10:11):
So, yes, we will have you back on. We don't
usually have guests back on, unless maybe that's for funesy
awful conversation. He sort of said, we might do a
part two with you, just because this is insane in
a good way, in a very good way. Like again,
we usually don't get like we have to. Yes, we
it's this episode is going to be big in the Philippines. Honestly,

(01:10:37):
again again like we don't there, don't put your pennies
in this episode. Uh No, But like again usually we
don't because we have to stretch time sometimes for guests
on this podcast. You know you are, you're hitting a lot,
so we we will have you back on, but for
the sake of timing, we do have to go into
our next segment. So Kimberly Ashland, we do like to

(01:10:59):
ask our guests, how would you define a Karen?

Speaker 1 (01:11:06):
My definition, and I feel other people's definitions are different
ones because because of my age and because I'm white,
it gets thrown at me quite frequently, and I'm like,
do you know anything about me? I'm so far from this.
I consider a here in someone who's just like very
milk toasts, very very white, normally middle aged, super entitled racist,

(01:11:29):
but they have one black friend, so they're not actually
you know, they're they everything's about everything's about them. They
they you know, they go to the manager, which would
us the in fact that I even have a bit
where I kind of talk about I'm not a Karences.
First of all, the first part is care and I
don't fucking care. But you know these I would never
go to a manager like you saw how I'm a

(01:11:51):
rule follower. That's conflict. Even though I'm a big mouth bitch,
I actually hate conflict. And so if someone even said, oh,
I'm gonna have to get my manager for this return,
I'm like, no, I'll just keep it or you keep it. No, like, no,
no manager plays no management.

Speaker 2 (01:12:08):
That's fair, that's fair.

Speaker 3 (01:12:11):
Well, I can't believe you've been called the Karen.

Speaker 2 (01:12:13):
Yeah, you know, I think.

Speaker 1 (01:12:15):
It's mainly it's I got I got called a boomer
at an open mic on Friday. Well, she goes, she
turns me, She goes, well, you're not a boomer. I go,
are are you talking to me? Like, why are you
even saying that to me?

Speaker 2 (01:12:29):
And yeah, I'm firmly an ex bitch. Come on now.

Speaker 1 (01:12:33):
Yeah, it's it's like, you know, they just see my
age and it's the go to thing to yell at people.
I mean, because I'm certainly I'm I'm super left, I'm
Black Lives Matter, I'm very very loud about about my politics.

Speaker 2 (01:12:45):
So that she has three friends, Well, Kimberly, we exist
on this podcast to battle the scourge that is known
as the Karens to each and every week we look
at different Google reviews, Facebook reviews. Sometimes their tweets are
handwritten notes, and it's a segment we call the Karen

(01:13:09):
of the week. This is Karen, I'm your boss.

Speaker 3 (01:13:13):
Oh my god, Oh my god, Karen, I'm your Oh

(01:13:36):
my god, Karen.

Speaker 2 (01:13:40):
This is a one star review from z.

Speaker 3 (01:13:49):
Z e E E.

Speaker 2 (01:13:58):
Four ease Bory. Now we will have a recording of this.
I'm really getting in to her. She's been going through.
That's that's ellipses. You're right. Worst restaurant on Key West.
My five year old grandson felt sick and vomited after

(01:14:19):
having his meal. The staff did not bother to help
clean it up. Instead, one staff lady came by and
smarked and said, in the most condescending tone, you're gonna
clean that up. This is not the first time my
grandson is vomiting in a restaurant, but this is the
first time we were told to clean it up. Worst

(01:14:40):
service and disgusting food. Do not come here.

Speaker 3 (01:14:44):
What the fuck? I okay, So all right. My big
problem is because I was gonna be like, oh, okay, kids, kids,
they vomit something happens.

Speaker 2 (01:14:56):
They do the dardest things.

Speaker 3 (01:14:57):
Yeah, you clean up after your kid. You just do that.
You should even if the fucking the waiter or waitresses like,
oh I'll I got this. No no no, no, no no
no no NOWLWLS.

Speaker 1 (01:15:12):
You abso do. My son puked all over a table
when he when he was two years old, and it
was like seconds into the meal. They and they were
trying to help us and like, there is no way
you are touching this. I apologize, I am taking care
of everything, and you're right now.

Speaker 2 (01:15:32):
This is how we know you're not a Karen.

Speaker 3 (01:15:34):
Yes, exactly so. And little kid puke isn't like a
ton of puke. It's not that much puke.

Speaker 1 (01:15:41):
So it's a quick it's not it's not like adult puke.
I mean, it's it's puke. But I'm just gonna say it. It
does not have that adult eaten some beef smell.

Speaker 2 (01:15:52):
It doesn't have that safe sidy that like I've been
drinking Jagermeister all day.

Speaker 1 (01:15:57):
There is a certain smell Like I remember when my
son was young, very huge. I could see he was
about to puke and he just had strawberry yogurt. But
I had just cleaned the carpet. So I went running
over and I was grab it. I stuck the landing
and I was able to grab all the puke in
my hands while still like holding myself in like this squat.
And my husband at the time it is like, that's

(01:16:17):
the grossest fucking thing I've ever seen, Like we just
played the carpets. Well, it's just strawberry yogurt. It's just
kid puke. It's just not that bad.

Speaker 2 (01:16:24):
It's imagined that slow motion just.

Speaker 3 (01:16:28):
It was literally like that's a mom move. Yes, catching
in your hand, it's a it's an instinctual mom move.
I've seen moms do it. I've seen moms do it before.

Speaker 2 (01:16:40):
It's like it's.

Speaker 1 (01:16:44):
It's part of our ovaries. Yeah, it's yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:16:48):
And now this thing, this is my problem with this
whole with this Karen, is it's happened multiple times. This
is not the first time that this kid is puked
in a restaurant.

Speaker 2 (01:16:58):
Cut is fucking hot. Let's the face, that's probably what
it is.

Speaker 3 (01:17:03):
Maybe you bring a little bag for him.

Speaker 2 (01:17:07):
What if there's a name for it? Hold on and
how do he say? Hell, the kid was again four
or five, five, he.

Speaker 1 (01:17:14):
Doesn't need me in a restaurant. You can take in
McDonald's and get some chicken nuggets and you can puke
all over Grimaceland or whether the play Lands or something.
He doesn't need to go to a restaurant. Keep him home.
I don't want him there. Live there.

Speaker 3 (01:17:28):
If I lived in this town, yes, I would be like,
get the carry.

Speaker 1 (01:17:32):
Can you live in the US? I don't want your
stupid five year old grandson puking on a table. I
don't want him at my restaurant.

Speaker 3 (01:17:40):
How am I supposed to eat sitting at the booth
next to you and your little puky grandson.

Speaker 1 (01:17:45):
And also know he's gonna do it, He's done it before.

Speaker 2 (01:17:48):
Yeah, it's like carry seeing him carry some Emesis bags.
Carry some Emesis bags, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (01:17:53):
And missus bags.

Speaker 2 (01:17:54):
That's a name for it. That's one of the names
for it. Now, who's R and D?

Speaker 3 (01:17:59):
What's what's I don't even, I don't even I've never
even heard of that word.

Speaker 2 (01:18:03):
That's like A. It's like a. It's a. It's a
really nice name for it. It's like it's like instead
of saying puke bag or it's like so like those
little bags you get on the airline that the tech
one of the legal technical terms for it as an
emesis bag.

Speaker 1 (01:18:16):
I stupidly when I was young on a plane, and
by young, it was probably my trip to San Francisco.
Stuck my back my hand in one and there was
some spit in it, and I'm like, we didn't have sanitizer.
Then we didn't have handwipes. I'm probably still sick from it.

Speaker 2 (01:18:33):
Yeah, see, that's why you never got COVID. No. But
like for me as a server at a bartender, who's
who's had a deal with I've had to deal with
that and and ninety nine percent of the time it
is it is immediately the parents are like no, like
can you please get us some stuff like But like
even restaurants, we most restaurants do have to follow like

(01:18:54):
a there's like a certain protocol for like bodily fluids,
like we have like bleach. Yeah. Yeah, But at the
same time, like we're not the ones who have to
clean up the initial like you're you're you're doing like
the major work and then we have to go in
and do like the detailed ship later like that, yes.

Speaker 1 (01:19:10):
The sanitizing final white it's cleaned up, but just sanitized.

Speaker 3 (01:19:13):
We're not no way down.

Speaker 2 (01:19:19):
So no, but like that, we don't even need a
clap back of the week because that server had the
right moving. You're cleaning that up like like what, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:19:26):
I've seen you come in before. I've seen that fucking
kid before. I'm not I I offered to help the
first time, but this is the sixth time, Karen.

Speaker 2 (01:19:35):
Can you throw them? Can you throw a bib on
mud puddles over here? We really need to figure this out.

Speaker 3 (01:19:40):
Plus, you're a shitty tipper. I'm not gonna help you.

Speaker 1 (01:19:43):
It's you know, you know it.

Speaker 2 (01:19:47):
They always are these nuts a these nuts z?

Speaker 3 (01:19:53):
Isn't the French version nuts?

Speaker 2 (01:19:58):
Well? Much like expecting the staff to clean up your
child's pukes. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves, gee, why
did it fail?

Speaker 5 (01:20:10):
Everything was squared away, everything I thought I was here
to stay.

Speaker 3 (01:20:17):
I'm here to say now I.

Speaker 2 (01:20:18):
Have to figure out why do you?

Speaker 3 (01:20:21):
Why did it.

Speaker 2 (01:20:25):
G why did it fail? As a segment we do
every week Kimberly where we look at different restaurants, we
look at different menu items, we look at different advertising,
especially some that just don't age well, and we ask ourselves,
why do you think that didn't probably work out or
why it didn't age well, that's what we really should
probably change the name of this segment two show is like, gee,

(01:20:46):
that didn't age well because we we we we do
find it and I stumbled upon last week and then
I think I'm gonna keep going with us. Oh no,
olders had a thing are They kind of liked abusing
women back in the sixties about their coffee making abilities.

Speaker 3 (01:21:05):
Yes, this was a big thing. I didn't realize that
this was wrecking marriages.

Speaker 2 (01:21:12):
It was a shitty coffee.

Speaker 3 (01:21:14):
Yeah, right, and then Folgers steps in and saves the
day with their instant cough. Oh it's like I made
it myself.

Speaker 2 (01:21:25):
Yes, because they did. They're only the perfect yes, yes,
happy husband with a happy cup of coffee, Folgers.

Speaker 3 (01:21:31):
Because you can't stop burning the coffee. You dumb it
pretty much.

Speaker 2 (01:21:41):
Yeah, I mean they probably.

Speaker 3 (01:21:43):
Still Yeah, Like on the back of the Folgers, it's like, look,
no teeth, here's a marital tip less teeth.

Speaker 2 (01:21:50):
No, no, no, Joe, it would be what was that
what was that Bible verse that you pulled up earlier.

Speaker 3 (01:21:54):
Oh yeah, it was put the wisdom of your tongue
to use the kindness.

Speaker 2 (01:22:04):
That was actually that was original, the original slogan from Folgers,
but they thought that it was doing a little two
on the nose.

Speaker 3 (01:22:11):
Well, one of the original Folger slogans was full just instant. Look,
we can't help you with your blowtime skills, although.

Speaker 1 (01:22:22):
Maybe if you had more caffeine and we're more away.

Speaker 2 (01:22:26):
Well, this is another one where there's a husband's very
angry at the woman for not being able to drink
a good cup of coffee. And again it does this.

Speaker 3 (01:22:32):
Week make it yourself, asshole, Like it's.

Speaker 2 (01:22:34):
Right, it's like again this week's g Why did it fail?

Speaker 3 (01:22:38):
Oh, papa, he solves a Crimefey, you killed the petunia? Wait,
hold on, first off, is it coffee good for plants
because of the nitrogen and ship like it's like not
for Joe, oh the petunias? Like, first off, he he

(01:23:01):
just he totally dumps. He takes one little sip of
of her coffee and and throws it into the into
the garden. It's criminal, and you admit it.

Speaker 2 (01:23:12):
Your coffee really is murdered.

Speaker 3 (01:23:14):
He called her coffee murder, murder and he and he
was putting his finger in her face.

Speaker 1 (01:23:19):
Wow, but they had a nice garden. He probably has
a couple of bucks. She's probably staying home, so she's
she's got to work her ship out. She's gonna keep
living that way, right, Papa Eddie, my coffee it's a murder.
It's either too bitter or too weak.

Speaker 2 (01:23:35):
Tryphoolias, never bitter, never weak, always nice and rich because
is mountain growing.

Speaker 3 (01:23:44):
Plas pluses syon Papa Eddie, it's like love. This guy's
looking an accent like it's the little grocer with the
fucking papa.

Speaker 1 (01:23:57):
He's like, oh, thank you, daddy.

Speaker 3 (01:23:59):
It's like grocer.

Speaker 2 (01:24:01):
It's I love the bow tie.

Speaker 3 (01:24:04):
Yes, I do. Miss when the grocer has had the
smock and the bow tie.

Speaker 1 (01:24:09):
He looks sharp. I mean there's no stains. You know,
he's got the white shirt, the white apron look.

Speaker 3 (01:24:15):
I have a sign that'says notting grown for Richard Firs,
tight looking.

Speaker 2 (01:24:20):
Listen to my wife. She makes it the she makes
the good coffee. And then I don't beat her by the.

Speaker 3 (01:24:25):
Way, can I since we found now before that she
got she I used to beat the ship out of
My wife used to shorn knobs all of the time.
She's falling downstairs. We only have a rambler. We don't
even have any stairs. I like how Folgers gets like
eighty percent of this aisle. Look at like like, look

(01:24:48):
at the the coffee aisle behind him. It's all once
it pans out a little bit or like goes to me.
It's like four levels of Folgers. Yeah, and then everybody else. Yeah, yeah,
the Fu Columbia. Yeah, it's the Sciences Mountain grown for
Oh my god, he's doing I like that. Yeah, he's

(01:25:10):
doing the hand Mountain. You know, it's a crime not
to have delicious coffee like this all the time. We God,
what a jerk off the mountains? Oh yeah, uh like
she could like what hey, you know, it's it's all

(01:25:33):
about my mountains.

Speaker 1 (01:25:38):
A yellow layer cake with cake with chocolate icing. That
was like really the jam Back then, all.

Speaker 3 (01:25:43):
Of these wives in these all of these commercials have
handmade a cake.

Speaker 2 (01:25:49):
Hand grat bakery.

Speaker 3 (01:25:51):
Yes, awesome, they are looking they're doing some really good work.
And these jackass husbands it's all about the coffee. This
one at least he wasn't like, he.

Speaker 2 (01:26:03):
Wasn't talkol cheating.

Speaker 3 (01:26:05):
Yes, he was like the first one. The last one.
They were alluding to that the girls the office makes
better coffee than you.

Speaker 2 (01:26:16):
Don't make that.

Speaker 3 (01:26:17):
He gets his coffee from the secretary.

Speaker 2 (01:26:19):
You know what, Folgers was just doing a seven deadly
sins thing. Okay, so the last one was adultery and
this one's murder. He's like, if you don't make the coffee,
I'm gonna kill you. And the petunias.

Speaker 3 (01:26:31):
He should have done a colombo and one more thing.

Speaker 2 (01:26:34):
Yeah, I just and I love the mountain groun.

Speaker 3 (01:26:39):
Everybody's doing the pyramid.

Speaker 2 (01:26:42):
It's this is some Illuminati ship.

Speaker 3 (01:26:44):
It's they're all doing the A from Y M C A.

Speaker 2 (01:26:49):
What is funny? He does funny about this mountain grown
for all coffee is grown at elevation.

Speaker 3 (01:26:55):
All coffee rules of coffee, right.

Speaker 2 (01:26:57):
Yeah, it has to be grown on in the equatory,
in the around the equator, and it has to be
uh in places where like at a higher elevation is
where it grows best and even better if it has
volcanic volcanic activity that happened there so that it can
enrich the soil.

Speaker 3 (01:27:13):
Wonderful I learned.

Speaker 2 (01:27:17):
You.

Speaker 1 (01:27:18):
You need to make sure my coffee is on point.
Now I want volcanic activity in my coffee.

Speaker 2 (01:27:23):
Yeah, no, that's actually what happens after you drink.

Speaker 3 (01:27:26):
After you drink the coffee and have a cigarette, and
all of a sudden, some volcanic activity happens. Ah, well
it just.

Speaker 2 (01:27:32):
Just you go back to this scene though, like, you
better a good cup of coffee, bitch, like it's in
her face.

Speaker 3 (01:27:39):
God, I I really imagine if you were the neighbors, like, honey, Patricia,
you okay, they're.

Speaker 1 (01:27:44):
Kiddo, then people mind, no one, no one's going to ask.
He's telling his woman the way it needs to go.

Speaker 2 (01:27:52):
And she's like, you know, you should make a better
cup of coffee.

Speaker 3 (01:27:56):
Yeah, you got to step up there, Patricia, Like it's maybe.

Speaker 1 (01:28:00):
Should go help her man. She missed out, you know, teacher,
how to be a good woman?

Speaker 3 (01:28:06):
That would be? Is that? The commercial is that? The
next commercial is like it's like the the next door
neighbor comes over and it's like, hey, I heard what
happened last night. The walls are pretty thin, and she
comes over.

Speaker 1 (01:28:18):
With a layer cake lay girls, show you how to
make some coffee, and let's have some coffee and cake.

Speaker 3 (01:28:25):
The girls. She's crying, she's got a bathrobe.

Speaker 2 (01:28:29):
Her neighbor. Her neighbor comes over with a Georgia O'Keeffe
book pack of Virginia slims, just like just look, just
think of the flowers when he's doing his thing when
you make the coffee.

Speaker 3 (01:28:39):
Okay, and some folgers instant.

Speaker 1 (01:28:44):
Virginia slims menthol that was a treat.

Speaker 3 (01:28:47):
Hey, you gotta show them your mountains. Hey, full if
you show them your tits, he won't care about the
coffee pretty much.

Speaker 1 (01:29:01):
Wait we went would have told her that in the end.
That was if you keep burning the coffee, here's what
you need to do.

Speaker 3 (01:29:08):
That was the other. That was the That was the
wan Valdez coffee was hey, Wanda, showing me mountains.

Speaker 2 (01:29:14):
Show mountains well, to be fair, I mean if you
think of the bronze from back then, they did kind
of have a more mountainous to them.

Speaker 3 (01:29:21):
I want those bras back the torpedo, like express yourself here.
We don't got to go full point.

Speaker 2 (01:29:31):
You don't have to go.

Speaker 3 (01:29:33):
It's obvious witch titties. I'm more like the torpedo bras
from like the kind of.

Speaker 1 (01:29:39):
A Margaret kind of looked the skinny pants with a
tight sweater. It was still a turtle neck, but it
was a tight turtle neck.

Speaker 3 (01:29:46):
Where is that on a hinge?

Speaker 2 (01:29:48):
Oh, that's actually more in bumble.

Speaker 3 (01:29:53):
I'm waiting for that bumble to come through. I've been
swiping left a lot.

Speaker 2 (01:29:57):
Well again, this has been it, honestly one of the
most insane. Yes, like we're like, we're like again, we
don't offer people to come back very often.

Speaker 1 (01:30:14):
I've got more, I promise you that we know.

Speaker 2 (01:30:17):
But Jesus, but before we go on this episode, we
do have one last segment Kimberly, before we eighty six
the podcast. It is called Human Yelp Reviews. That's for you,
Kimberly Ashland. You get to review the podcast. You can
either review the podcast individually. You can either review the
podcast as itself or Joe and myself individually. You can

(01:30:40):
use a five star metric or as many stars as
you'd like, and whenever you'd like to start.

Speaker 1 (01:30:46):
I will give this five stars. Absolutely. This is the
most fun I've had sitting up in quite a while.
And I love the map with the radio voice, while
Joe's you know, got the token voice. I love I
love the It's a it's a great blend, as is
a great coffee blend bolders Folds blended.

Speaker 3 (01:31:13):
Suspense of podcasting.

Speaker 1 (01:31:16):
But this has been this has been. It's a fantastic podcast.
I'm on the top of the mountain right now.

Speaker 2 (01:31:23):
That's because you've been hitting the vape the whole time.

Speaker 1 (01:31:25):
You guys know, not the one I lost, but the one.

Speaker 2 (01:31:30):
I have the other usb with that. Kimberly, how do
how do our fans? How do hoerr our listeners? How
do they follow you?

Speaker 1 (01:31:39):
Please follow me on Kimberly Ashland a s H L
y n n E Comedy on Instagram, or go ahead
and friend me on Facebook. I was advised my Facebook
is public. I do accept all friend requests. But if
you fuck with me, you're gonna be fought with because
that will actually help my algorithm. The more you fight
with me means more engagement and Facebook lights that. So

(01:32:00):
come on fight with me a ton. I will keep
you on. But if you start dming me about my
shows and saying weird ship, and then you might get
blocked buying tickets, and then I'll be like, oh for
all my shows. If that come to my next show,
I'm producing it. It's called Get Lucky at Loose Line
Brewing this coming Friday, March fourteen, although we might not

(01:32:23):
even have habit done by then, but yeah, follow me
on Kimberley Ashland Comedy. I always have every month shows
on a on a poster and yeah or else fight
with me to help my algorithm. I'm down with either.
I don't care if you like me, and.

Speaker 2 (01:32:37):
Also follow follow Yellow Brick Comedy as well.

Speaker 1 (01:32:41):
Please follow Yellbrick Comedy. I'm I'm there. I'm probably their
only producer right now. Yeah, follow us. We we do
a fantastic show. Matt, Matt's been on the show.

Speaker 3 (01:32:54):
Yeah, shout out to Barbara Champion, although.

Speaker 1 (01:32:58):
She's Barbie in my phone her and we've been we've
been flying to Mexico and sucking down Margarita's like it's
our last breath.

Speaker 3 (01:33:06):
So yeah, all right, are we doing? Are we doing
a show in Mexico? Is this what we're getting?

Speaker 4 (01:33:12):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (01:33:12):
Por Morales like, yeah, she's actually starting a travel agency,
so yes, let's y'all come to Port Morales. I'm I'm
gold level on Delta, but I've got some companion passes.
We can figure our ship.

Speaker 2 (01:33:27):
Unless unless you go by Ouiji, then you can just
fuck the funk off and rob zombie looking ass bitch.

Speaker 3 (01:33:33):
Yeah and last yeah, no, I.

Speaker 1 (01:33:39):
Could not find him, but.

Speaker 3 (01:33:40):
No answer, so I don't know that that his career
is going very well. I wanted to see how pretty
he looks. Now, how did time due to you? Last?
What did time due to you?

Speaker 2 (01:33:51):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (01:33:51):
So? Uh? I love This has been a first for
the show. We've never had a guest before that. It has. Hey,
come following me on face book? Fight with me?

Speaker 2 (01:34:02):
That's a that's some awful history.

Speaker 3 (01:34:04):
Okay, fight you want to fight that whole let's let's go.

Speaker 1 (01:34:08):
Pushed the meme that said something like, you know, come
fight with me, and I said, do it? I like it.

Speaker 3 (01:34:16):
I love that You're like the fighting is good for
the The algorithm likes the fighting.

Speaker 2 (01:34:20):
It's the engagements way up.

Speaker 1 (01:34:22):
It's engagement. Mayberry's promo for Comics Class shout out to
Wendy Mayberry. And any engagement is good engagement. It's just
like you know, any any publicity is good. All publicity's
good publicity. Say that.

Speaker 2 (01:34:38):
Yeah, go go fight Kimberly online online. Don't fight her
in real life.

Speaker 1 (01:34:43):
I can't with the wagers.

Speaker 3 (01:34:47):
I can't fight.

Speaker 2 (01:34:47):
I some fucking moves too.

Speaker 3 (01:34:49):
She'll pull your hair and fucking hit you with a stiletto, your.

Speaker 1 (01:34:53):
Face into the hot dog.

Speaker 2 (01:34:55):
But say yeah, I forgot that part of the Bible.

Speaker 1 (01:35:00):
Show.

Speaker 2 (01:35:00):
How do people follow you on Instagram?

Speaker 3 (01:35:04):
The word photographizing, that's the word photograph I z I
n G. Got a bunch of shows coming up where
we've got one coming up. We're gonna be in like
where but Midge or some Bbigie adjacent Bubmigie adjacent me,
You and Billy Seafelt.

Speaker 2 (01:35:20):
Silly b Feld and to March yeah, and March twenty ninth.

Speaker 3 (01:35:26):
March twenty ninth. That's that's that's the day that we're going.

Speaker 2 (01:35:28):
That's the good of the we're gonna have. We're gonna
have a lot of fun, and then we're gonna go
to beaver Cuts.

Speaker 3 (01:35:32):
It's yeah, it's gonna be a blast.

Speaker 2 (01:35:34):
It's gonna be.

Speaker 1 (01:35:34):
Have so much fun weaver Cuts with Billy h.

Speaker 2 (01:35:38):
We're gonna get Billy a haircut.

Speaker 1 (01:35:41):
No, I like his little short Jesus fine.

Speaker 2 (01:35:48):
As for me, you can follow me. I'm Matt doum
on Facebook and Instagram. I am at that Matt Douima
on Blue Sky and TikTok not on Twitter. I don't
care about the engagement there, don't need to fight with
Russian bots. I'm good with that I've done too much
of that in my day for my little stuff. I mean,

(01:36:10):
you can follow I have all my dates are on
my socials, so just just follow me there. I've got
I've got a bunch of stuff coming up here March
April May, got some good stuff, got a four twenty show.
I'm excited about all that. But what if you want
to point shout out? Every week in the basement of
the Red Carpet Nightclub, I do host the Keller Comedy
Open Mike, one of Minnesota's longest running non comedy club

(01:36:31):
open mics. We're about to celebrate nine years this April.
That's so much fun. We have thirty two ons beer
pitchers for only six bucks. If you've ever want to
deal jokes in a punk rock bar, there you go.
It's a great place to be. And then every Saturday
night I produce the Beaver Island Comedy Series Damn Fine Comedy.
It's at Beaver Island Brewing Company. We have different lineups

(01:36:54):
every single week. So much fun there. You can see
Joe Cocozello there. He's not headlining. He's actually going to
be doing a support act, but he's supporting one of
the best and only Karens that we love on this podcast.
Karen Pickering will be headlining that weekend that is gonna
be the sixth of April. You're gonna want to get
your tickets for that one because that one is going
to be a hoot and a half and a half.

(01:37:15):
It's actually be a hoot in three fourths there'll be more.

Speaker 3 (01:37:19):
I think if you get two and a half hoots
with that one April.

Speaker 2 (01:37:21):
Sixth, especially if you buy your tickets early. Kimberly, you
have been again like we're like. It takes a lot
to dumbfound Joe and I about stuff. So that's great.
Thank you so much for funtu, Thanks you so much
for doing the podcast. Fantastic and as always, oster baby

(01:37:43):
Boston and have a good night.

Speaker 5 (01:37:45):
It's time to count the till, sweep the floors and
mop the spills, Say God night, dispose of the trash
and turn out the light.

Speaker 3 (01:37:58):
Tell me y I try it so damping.

Speaker 1 (01:38:03):
It's Eliza. I'll take my tips.

Speaker 5 (01:38:07):
My services have earned me this may. I will find
a way off for now.

Speaker 1 (01:38:16):
Account my tip.

Speaker 3 (01:38:21):
And lock the door. This has been a tape Deck
Media production. Thank you for listening.

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Awful Service Number One Hundred and Seventy - Kimberly Ashlynne

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Awful Service Number One Hundred and Seventy - Kimberly Ashlynne