Awful Service Number One Hundred and Seventy-One- Ulysses Zackery

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Tape Deck Media.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
Welcome back. It's another episode of the Awful Service podcast.
It's the podcast that says, if you went out on
Valentine's Day and you were a dick to your waiter,
we hope the condom broke. Yeah, it's that kind of podcast.

Speaker 3 (00:38):
You want to make sure that there's another a little
shitty tipping baby out there.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
You know what, they're not gonna be. They're gonna they're
not gonna be able to afford to go out to
you you have you priced diapers, or.

Speaker 3 (00:49):
When the kid grows up, maybe it's you're gonna be
the opposite of your mom.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
That that's gonna be. That's gonna be rebelling. They're gonna rebel,
you know how, like you know, like they're.

Speaker 3 (00:57):
Gonna come back after they go to eat with the
mom and they're gonna walk her to the car and
then oh, I forgot my glove.

Speaker 4 (01:03):
I'm gonna go leave another. Yeah, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
I'm so sorry. She's terriers. Here's thirty bucks. It's just please,
it's me the main man baby, your host, Matt Doima.

Speaker 3 (01:15):
And the man that tips twenty percent. If you're a
shitty waiter, that's my start that is a base. That's
a base, it's flag. It's I'll fucking I'll pull out
the fucking the money gun. You give me good service,
money gun, dude, that would be a great way to
tip somebody. You're like, you bring out one of those

(01:36):
boxes and you're like, all right, as much as you
can fucking squeeze into your fucking apron.

Speaker 5 (01:41):
You know.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
I love the idea, it's the practicality of it. It's just, Uh,
do you have a place for me to put my
cash machine?

Speaker 5 (01:48):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:48):
How about of that? Need you to put this in
the cod check until.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
I'm assuming you have parking from my cash tornado?

Speaker 3 (01:57):
Oh you have an all right, I've never done one,
but it's on my bucket list, all right. I got
to ask our guests, So introduce our guests so I
can ask him.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
Well, first of all, the old money gun Joe cocause
he didn't even say his name, Joe, the old money guns,
the old money guns. And speaking of our our our
guest today, we call him, we call him the old
the old cash grab of And that's that's a terrible introduction.
He's actually I don't know. I'm trying to find a

(02:25):
way to.

Speaker 5 (02:27):
I mean like you could be considered a sugar daddy
at this point. I mean, I'm at sugar daddy age.
You know what I'm saying. I'm at sugar daddy.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
You're your sugar daddy age, but you're kind of more
of a like a you're like a Stevia daddy.

Speaker 5 (02:43):
I'm a Zaddy Daddy. I'm a Zaddy because because the
young chicks still dig me like I'm still I'm still there,
but I'm but I'm at sugar daddy age.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
And and that's that's Zaddy speaking on your on your
podcast here today. That is comedian. You listen, Zachary, everybody welcome,
he listens to the podcast.

Speaker 5 (03:04):
Thank you very much.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
What is your opinion on the cash grab machine? What
do you what do you like? Do you like the
money Tornado?

Speaker 5 (03:11):
You know what, Here's what I found out, man. I
found out one thing about just in general, like like
let's just say we're talking about the strip club. I
found that I my money does not like to go
to other people. So literally, if I throw money out,
it comes right back. I don't know how to. Don't
you got a boomerang literally boomerangs right back to me.

(03:34):
I am the worst person to ever take to a
strip club. Ever. My little brother had to try to
show me. He tried to show me how to throw money,
and he throws it. It comes out right, and I
throw the money and it comes right back to me.
It literally, my money says, my money. My money says,
you know what your fall away k needs? This, that's

(03:55):
what That's what my money says. Shit like that.

Speaker 3 (03:57):
Right, I'm giggling because in my head, you're the titty
bar and you fucking you put a dollar in her
song and then she like dances away and it just.

Speaker 4 (04:10):
Like you fish it back to yourself like, oh I do.

Speaker 5 (04:16):
I do not part ways with my money very easily. Man.
So the whole, that whole concept, this doesn't work for me,
like the whole the whole machine.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
Yeah, people make it rain, You make it missed.

Speaker 5 (04:27):
I do, I know. I make it miss period, like
it never hits the stage. I throw it. It looks
like it's going there. It comes right back to me.
And if you don't believe me, trust me, we can
go to DTC tonight. I promise you. I can see
five hundred ones in my hand. Throw that ship out
there and one it's gonna come right back to me

(04:48):
like I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (04:50):
Maid man making it rain, Nicchols, that's that's that called
making it hal.

Speaker 4 (04:56):
That's making it ou.

Speaker 5 (05:00):
I'd be a bad weather man, is what it is.
They're like, it's about to be rained, and then they're
like it's dry as fu over here. What just happened?
This just god?

Speaker 2 (05:14):
No, No, it's totally this is how we we derail ourselves.
Don't worry about it.

Speaker 5 (05:18):
It's true. It's true.

Speaker 2 (05:20):
No, No, it's totally fine. No, Like I I was
talking about, I wasn't talking. I was actually talking about
your your opinion on those things. You know, those booths
fore you walk in and then like all of a sudden,
there's just a bunch of money that comes up. You
have to try to grab as much of it things.

Speaker 5 (05:33):
What's my almost take on that?

Speaker 4 (05:37):
Not on my bucket list?

Speaker 5 (05:39):
No, I would love to do that. I mean like
right now, look, I mean after look, after after doing
shows where there's chickens in the yard and the guy
tips me in eggs, which is actually a good thing.

Speaker 2 (05:51):
Right now, that's that's some value. That's a valuable money.

Speaker 5 (05:56):
Yeah, dude, Yeah, dude, gave me two He gave me
two cartons of eggs and a bottle of bourbon along
with my fief for tonight. But I mean, at this point, yeah,
I would definitely do that. I'd be in that cast
rapt Yeah. Oh yeah, Okay.

Speaker 4 (06:09):
First off, I love I love that.

Speaker 5 (06:11):
I would love to.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
Say we've both done that show. I never got eggs.

Speaker 4 (06:14):
I got the bourbon. I didn't get eggs. I asked
for eggs. Next time, I'm gonna make sure.

Speaker 5 (06:19):
You got some.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
I heard about I heard about.

Speaker 4 (06:23):
Are those Maryland cockers? What kind of chicken?

Speaker 2 (06:28):
I believe there's a carton involved as well.

Speaker 4 (06:32):
Look, you got the Pennsylvania scramblers. Those are real nice
Pennsylvania scramblers.

Speaker 5 (06:36):
You got that? Yeah, they didn't. I went out there
and the first shoke I told I got done, the
crowd laughed, and that's it. And that's what the crowd
got done, laughing.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
Oh yeah, yep.

Speaker 5 (06:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
And you did it in the winter. So when I've
done that show twice in the summer, and they leave
the windows open to keep it nice and fresh in there,
so you can literally like you hear that, not just
like it was one of the funniest things ever. I'm
like I've never gotten Yes.

Speaker 5 (07:10):
There's no glamor. There's no glamor. And like, like everybody
sees comics and they all think that that this is it.
They see the Dave Chappelle and they see the the
you know, the the Kevin Hard and Bill Burn all
that with with with with with two thousand people in
the audience, Uh, but they don't know about the grind
where it started at. And I guarantee you that no

(07:33):
one has ever gotten tipped eggs except me.

Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yeah, that's true. I've never gotten tipped in eggs.

Speaker 5 (07:41):
That was that was my little like like literally, yeah,
that's as close as I've gotten the.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
I've gotten chicken. So it's a question of the chicken
or the egg.

Speaker 5 (07:51):
He is a question of the chicken or the egg. Uh.
And it could be the fact that he want to
give his chicken to the black man, but he knew
that the black man could do something with the chicken eggs.
So I'm okay, Like it's a stereotype.

Speaker 4 (08:03):
You're gonna plant them and grow some more chickens.

Speaker 5 (08:07):
I'm a flat Yeah, I'm a plant to look, if
you put flour in the when you plant them, it'll
come out fried.

Speaker 4 (08:14):
Watch I watched that TikTok.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
I like, I just want to make misinformation now videos
like if you plant eggs, everybody go plant eggs. It's
like just watch people like I grow chickens. That's what
I do, just making AI videos. You know, the chickens
come out of the ground, little chicken plant.

Speaker 2 (08:32):
So back to the money tornado thing, like where you
have to try to grab it and all. Like my
take on it is that's as much as it's cool,
it's gross because I think about how dirty money is
and now it's flapping around, hitting you in the face,
sitting y'all over your body.

Speaker 3 (08:47):
W I saw you a video where it's it's a
DIY money tornado, like make the money Tornado at home
like four easy steps or some shit. I kind of
like fuck that. I'm putting one in my fucking women room.
It's gonna be tis fuck. You come over to my
house for parties and everybody throws in on the money
fucking tornado, and then it's like, oh, we do like

(09:09):
poker nights where like the winner gets in on the
money tornado. You just get in on the fucking tornado.

Speaker 4 (09:14):
Dude, Like, is.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
This monopoly money?

Speaker 5 (09:16):
What the fuck? I'm all. I mean, I'm all for it.
The money, I'm all for it, I'm all for My
thing is is that I wish you would have did
that when my reaction was better. Like my reaction time
is not as good anymore. And typically when when people
ask you to do some shit like that, it's it's
probably when you're tipsy, so you're really not grabbing. You
got sixty seconds to grab money, and you're sitting here

(09:38):
frustrated as fuck because you're fifty years old and you
can't move like you used to. So now you're sitting here.
Look you look even more elderly as.

Speaker 2 (09:46):
You and miss miss I mean like I didn't think
about it that way.

Speaker 5 (09:53):
It's really a bad thing. Like twenty years ago. This
is a perfect opportunity for me to just just recap.
I will walk out a lot of money. I missed
my window. I actually think I did. I mean, I
just told you that I had to stretch to be
on this podcast. Are you kidding me?

Speaker 3 (10:10):
Well, listen, plew your back out on a podcast.

Speaker 5 (10:16):
I did. I pulled a handy trying to do this
this podcast.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
Man, we don't just exist on this podcast about money.
Tornadoes making it hail or Chicken shows.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
By the way, did you guys know money guns are
only fifteen dollars on Amazon.

Speaker 4 (10:32):
Yeah, I'm getting too. I'm just go around.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
I almost thought there'd have been a TMU purchase or
maybe she.

Speaker 3 (10:37):
And I feel like I could safely money gun at
home where then I can cut you know, then you
can pick it all up more and then you can
like a stripper.

Speaker 4 (10:45):
You just collecting your money guns.

Speaker 5 (10:49):
I'm telling you, man, even if with a money gun,
I'm telling you guys, if I shoot a money gun,
all the money's gonna fly right back. My money is.
It is magnetic. It literally comes back to me.

Speaker 4 (11:03):
Every time your money gun shoots pennies.

Speaker 5 (11:06):
Money, my money gun is boome rights. Still, it's still money.
But I'm never gonna throw coins at you. That's not
that I mean. You know, we don't. I don't want
to stone you. I don't want to That's what they
do in Canada. Yeah, I don't want to stone the chick.

(11:27):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (11:28):
In Canada there they have dollar, the dollar and two
dollar coins. It's actually called there's a there's a strip
move in a Canadian strip clubs. It's called the Tony slide.

Speaker 5 (11:37):
By the way, the midja strippers are coming back to
Wisconsin next week.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
But anyways, the little people strippers but I've.

Speaker 5 (11:46):
Never seen, but look, money was flying at these then
midges strippers. I'm just I'm just saying, there's a entry
is half off, right, man, it's I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to do a hard pivot on this, but
the line to see midget strippers and Wisconsin was absolutely insane.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
Oh yeah, sure, I'm talking.

Speaker 5 (12:12):
And it was four blocks down this little spot to
see midget strippers. There was little part was there was one.
There was one. I mean, you know, you're not her built.
They got the I'm sorry, uh, small people strippers whatever
they got. I mean like her thighs were too big
for the pole, so she tried to go up the
pole but she couldn't get up. So it was literally

(12:33):
like like watching somebody go, come.

Speaker 4 (12:36):
On, yeh dude, it's fucking beautiful.

Speaker 5 (12:39):
And it was. It was, it was.

Speaker 3 (12:43):
And I'm sorry, I love little people, but they're fucking
not graceful at all dancing. You cannot move that body gracefully.
It's it's it's tough. So it's semi yeah, all right, well, yeah.

Speaker 5 (12:56):
I will say this honestly about my mud and we
said that I told you it was about the tornado
and all that. I literally was able to throw a
dollar ad and it didn't come back to me.

Speaker 2 (13:08):
Oh and in reference to about the last five minutes.

Speaker 4 (13:13):
We're gonna edit that out.

Speaker 2 (13:15):
All right, all right, this is the Awful Service podcast.
This is the podcast we talk about jobs and the
stories there within. The very first segment on the podcast,
You Lissenes, is one that we lovingly refer to as
the resume The okay show, what's your resume?

Speaker 4 (13:34):
Why should we hired? Have you ever had a job?

Speaker 5 (13:37):
Right?

Speaker 4 (13:38):
You up and buy? You tell us all about yourself
and a place of.

Speaker 3 (13:41):
Business, talk about my job, spilty shady politics?

Speaker 4 (13:46):
Show? What's your resume?

Speaker 5 (13:53):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (13:53):
The resume section ulysses again pretty self explanatory. He gets
to talk about some of the jobs, the stories the
co workers there are in the bosses, all that and
wherever you want to start?

Speaker 5 (14:05):
All right, So I'll say this, I've only done a
few things in life. I'm I'm an actor. I have
a screen actors skilled cloud. I've I've been an actor
for forty five years of my life, and outside of that,
the only other thing in a voiceover voiceover person in

(14:25):
the comic. And then lastly, the real world job that
I had. I worked for a major airline for twenty
five years in many different in many different areas. So
we will not necessarily disclose this major airline, but I
did a lot of things at that major airline. They're

(14:52):
still around. Okay, they're still around, and most people do
love flying them. They keep climbing. Yeah, so all right,
so what did what did you do for him? So
so so? So?

Speaker 6 (15:08):
Yeah, I started off. I started off as a as
a as a as a baggage handler. So I started
off as a baggage handler, part time baggage handler.

Speaker 5 (15:19):
Uh, and working that job. And the first thing, so
I'm twenty I'm twenty two years old, and I just
start working there, and I started realizing certain things that
I that I'd never seen before, Like I like, for me,
I've never seen people that cursed that much in my life.
It was a blue collar job, so I started to

(15:40):
realize a lot about blue collar people. And swearing was
definitely part of the resume. I mean, I watched a guy,
you know, his wife calls him in the break room
and and he's like, what the fuck. Why the fuck
are you calling me? I told you I get the
fucking eggs when you get off the fucking work you're
still calling me the fucking job about the fucking eggs. Man,
fuck you. I'm gonna I had some fucking drinks with

(16:01):
my friend's Cookie, and after I get there drinking Cookie,
I'll see you at home, all right, fucking die and
it gloomy. I'm twenty two. I didn't grow up like that,
and and and but he was. He was so flowing
with it. It just made it sound cold to me.
I was like, there's some ship like this Curson thing
is good. This job.

Speaker 2 (16:21):
Honestly, I'm more of just impressed. He has a friend
named Cookie.

Speaker 5 (16:25):
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah Cookie. Cookie. Cookie was seven ft tall.
He used to play for the Gophers like he was
a big He's the biggest dude I've ever seen. Who
uh who? Who? The dude is huge. I'm talking about
just a huge person. And I'll never forget. He asked
me for a ride from from the bus stop to

(16:46):
the to the to the airport because he missed the
bus and I was getting off work and he and
this big ass fit in my in my in behind
the civic he had against the window. Yeah, yeah, seats
all the way back. I'm supposed to get the window
of my car trying to drive this big dude.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
He didn't have to pull your front passenger seat out
and sit in the back like high tower from police academy.

Speaker 5 (17:10):
Man. I would say this the most unique part about
the job is I found out that that that HR
is definitely lot like if HR bugged the brake rooms
in a blue collar environment, everybody would get fired, right,

(17:31):
I mean, my my very first day, my very first
day on the job. True story, very first day on
the job. There's this dude and we're loading in aircraft
and at the time we can see who all is
booked on a flight, right, well, Christine Brinkley is on

(17:52):
the flight. Oh and one of the employees at the time,
he got fired real real quick. You'll hear why. But
he he went in, found Christine Brinkley's luggage, went in,
found her panties, yes, and started sniffing them. Yes. They

(18:12):
proceeded to take all the panties out, more affairs and
panties and wanted to sell Christine Brinkley's panties At the
job that's what he did.

Speaker 2 (18:23):
That that seems like something more for Craig's List.

Speaker 5 (18:29):
Honestly, remember, this is a long time ago. I'm old, okay, Okay,
the news sit talking like this is the nineties. There's
no Craiglist in the nineties. I mean, hell, they barely
knew what a computer was in the nineties.

Speaker 2 (18:39):
This is okay, okay, I feel you, But like he's
just in the breakroo, on the job.

Speaker 5 (18:45):
On the job, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll also say that
this the other things I've learned about about being in
that environment.

Speaker 4 (18:53):
Can I side note that, Like, like.

Speaker 3 (18:58):
I was thinking here the whole time, I got real quiet,
and I'm like, would I be a better man?

Speaker 5 (19:06):
Could I?

Speaker 4 (19:07):
Would I be a better man? Could I?

Speaker 5 (19:09):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (19:09):
Would I succumb to the temptation to sniff just a little?
I wouldn't take I wouldn't take all their panties and
like and try to sell them in the fucking break room.

Speaker 2 (19:20):
That's a little.

Speaker 5 (19:23):
I mean he did keep a pair of them. He
kept a pair and to this day.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
They're framed in that man's house like they're just I.

Speaker 5 (19:31):
Would probably say so. I would probably say so.

Speaker 2 (19:35):
What happened to my panties. They've been on the wall
for thirty years.

Speaker 5 (19:39):
I mean, could you imagine they're landing and going okay,
could you imagine getting like like to me. I could
see her getting off the planet and going, fuck, they
did it again. I got no pants.

Speaker 3 (19:53):
I have better locks for my fucking BAGSY mean like
like this would.

Speaker 5 (20:00):
Do her so much because we can see who's on
the manifest that gonna Christy.

Speaker 3 (20:06):
I would have packed my panties in my carry on,
put some her fat, sweaty assistance decoy panties. Okay, I
would all right, I'm thinking about this. I would one
steal one pair of Christy Brinkley's panties. I like, and
I like, how how how do you make scratch and sniff?

Speaker 5 (20:30):
Like?

Speaker 4 (20:30):
I want to be able to like you call that company?

Speaker 5 (20:33):
This is what.

Speaker 4 (20:34):
Yeah, I'm gonna send you something. You can you make
me a flavor?

Speaker 5 (20:43):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (20:43):
Yeah, yeah, why don't you go over there scratch and
sniff that frame? Oh I put a little I'd put
it in my fucking man cave.

Speaker 4 (20:53):
Yeah, that's Kristy.

Speaker 3 (20:55):
Remember before he remember before I got fired from those
four other jobs. I got fired from Delta stealing Christy
Brinkley's panties.

Speaker 4 (21:01):
Yeah, that's the one right there.

Speaker 5 (21:04):
We didn't call it Delta because it wasn't Delta, not
not not not not not a big deal because it's
it wasn't Delta. Uh, it was an airline. Since we're
still not disclaiming thing. It was an airline that Delta purchased.

Speaker 2 (21:20):
There you go in Minnesota, PanAm.

Speaker 5 (21:24):
It was northeast with attitudes airlines.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
No, honestly, we meant to send you the Christie Brinkley.
We accidentally set you the Kathy Bates.

Speaker 4 (21:37):
Yeah, I'll tell you smell like Burger King.

Speaker 5 (21:45):
I'll I'll tell you. Another thing that was interesting about
being uh in the blue collar environment was and again
I tell you you know, hr even knew about the
nicknames that they gave people. They were like, they're brutal.
Anybody who's working the blue collar and knows that the
nicknames are absolutely brutal. Right.

Speaker 6 (22:07):
They had a guy that worked on the job who
had uh, he had he had he had one foot
that you know, like a regular leg, but then the
other one kind of drug to the side, and and
and so you know, we were in Minnesota, so there's
a lot of snow and every time he walked in
the snow to go to a flight.

Speaker 5 (22:28):
It it literally when it looked like, uh, what do
you call it? Morris cold as he's walking like, it's
like so we'd be like they called him that dash.
I mean these people are clever, you know they I
mean that that they clever, asked nicknames that they gave it.

(22:49):
But but if you go to and and it's and
they'll come up to you like, hey man, you've seen
that dash. Like they learned to accept these nicknames and
loved them and embraced them, which is crazy because nowadays
you could never get away with that there. The company
level is too high gen z uh Alpha Jin the

(23:10):
alpha generation even they could never handle this.

Speaker 4 (23:14):
You can't say I like your haircut, hr getting yelled at.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
I just thought it was amazing that dot Das somehow
managed to get Morris code put on that runway and
the pallets like s O S A.

Speaker 5 (23:27):
The gosh.

Speaker 4 (23:29):
Now it turns out he was a Russian spy. He
was giving away.

Speaker 5 (23:36):
Seeing this the one time, the one time true story
about DODDA so he had to so he was he
was in charge of the pets, right and a and
a dog got loose, like he opened the bit of
an aircraft. The dog got loose. He's supposed to be
transported the dog, and a dog is running around in
circles and and DoD Dad is chasing the around in circles.
It looked like a fucking sprinkled donut. I'm telling you.

(23:59):
The ship was insane. It looked like like this is
this is the worst.

Speaker 2 (24:04):
No one's helping him. They're just like no, just let
it play out.

Speaker 5 (24:06):
Let it play out, like, just let them go right
like cell phones. It looked like a sprinkled donut. It was.
It was so crazy.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
It is crazy.

Speaker 5 (24:19):
That's crazy.

Speaker 2 (24:20):
What's the craziest thing that you ever found in luggage? Like,
I'm sure like sometimes you had to open it for
security purposes or for whatever.

Speaker 6 (24:28):
Okay, Okay, there's two parts of this because obviously I
could tell you about every time that I found some
type of a device.

Speaker 5 (24:35):
That because because eventually I moved into management. So if
the if a bag is buzzing or there's something going
on with it, I need to go and check it, right.
So I went from from a baggage handler to a trainer,
from a trainer to a manager, and all that kind
of stuff and I could talk about different but as
a manager, I had to go and look at bags

(24:57):
and find you know. Uh, so yes I found, I
found enough toys. Uh, but I don't. But that's not
the most interesting thing, like in terms of.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
That is what you're saying, lots of marital aids.

Speaker 5 (25:11):
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. The most interesting thing that's
ever happened to me at this job In terms of
something that was interesting that happened, I worked in the
international area. And uh and at that point in time
when I was working in international, I was I was.
I was a supervised. I wasn't I wasn't the manager.

(25:32):
I was a supervisor in the area. And and so
as a soup, you know, if something happens, my whole
job is is if I find something strange or weird,
you called the manager to come up to deal with it. So, uh,
I'm an international The the bat comes down to conveyor

(25:53):
and it hits the ground, and when it hits the ground,
there is this glowing oohs coming out of somebody's bag
like it is green and gone. You try off the
light and that it's a pungent smell. You can't tell
what's going on and and I'm like, damn, I don't
know what the fuck this is.

Speaker 2 (26:14):
Do you need a has Man suit? What the fuck exactly?

Speaker 5 (26:17):
Who you? I evacuate that and I'm thinking about evacuating
the room. And then you know, and and so the
other this me and another soup in the area goes.
He said, Hey, let's call the manager Frank over here.
He says, I'm gonna bet you one hundred dollars that
this motherfucking gonna come up here and put his finger
right by the way to do. It's from New York.

(26:39):
So he had that whole New York italion shit going.
I'm gonna try to do my best impersonation of what
he did. He went like he was like he was like,
he's like, Ao, Zach, let me tell you this right here.
I bet you fucking one hundred dollars. This fucking guy's
gonna come in. He's gonna put his fingers right in
that ship and put it right up to his fucking nose.
And I hope he fucking dies. I don't like, there's

(27:05):
no way he's gonna put his finger in that and
put it right up to his nose. We call the
dude down and here comes Frank, and Frank walks right
up to that joint. He puts his fingers right in here,
and it puts it right up to his nose. I said,
suck of a bitch. He's like, so, what was the
Green ship? I have no idea they compensated that bag.

(27:27):
I still do this day. Don't know what happened to
that ship. I don't think Frank is still alive, and
if he is, because Frank was all the ship back then.
But but Frank wasn't gone. He wasn't around there much longer,
so he might have like he went from l a

(27:49):
to not there no more.

Speaker 4 (27:50):
I wonder why now Frank lives in the New York
sewers as Splinter.

Speaker 5 (27:54):
Yeah, I'm gonna say that.

Speaker 2 (27:54):
He just morph into a rat and the ooze got
thrown down there and four turtles became.

Speaker 3 (27:59):
His That's how Shredder was born. He was he had
to work at fucking baggage claim.

Speaker 5 (28:05):
Yeah, exactly. He was in bagage Claim and he went
down into the sores of the airport and that's how
the teenage mutant ninja turtles were developing.

Speaker 3 (28:16):
Kang was always my favorite, the big brain with the
fucking tentacles that had to sit in the chest of
the big dumb.

Speaker 5 (28:24):
Mac.

Speaker 2 (28:25):
Yeah, that's good ship.

Speaker 5 (28:26):
I love that. Love that you.

Speaker 3 (28:28):
Uh so you're managing you're managing it in airlines. You're
getting into some sticky situations. Uh now, now this is
pre you getting into acting, right.

Speaker 5 (28:42):
Oh no, no, no, no, I've always been an actor,
so okay. I mean one of the most difficult things
that I had to kind of navigate. When I got
into management, it was a little easier because when you're
a managed you kind of can tell, you know, hey, man,
I gotta you know, you tell, I can tell the
GM or the whoever, Hey, I gotta run and do
a Timberwolves commercial real quick or whatever for the day.

(29:05):
As an employee on the ramp, I didn't have that much.
I didn't have as much of a leeway. So either
you get somebody to work for you that day or
then you or you gotta, you know, come up with
whatever the you know, lie or whatever to my auditions
or whatever. I gotta go. Yeah, you know, are you

(29:27):
just frantic with him? You know, like what that was?
That was my move? You just did frantic? It's like,
what's going on?

Speaker 4 (29:34):
I gotta go I gotta go.

Speaker 5 (29:36):
This is I got gotta go.

Speaker 4 (29:41):
I just keep saying that as you walk to the door.

Speaker 5 (29:44):
It's like, what's gonna I'll tell you about it when
I get back. This ship this ship is this is
wow and you just kind of run out the door.
But yeah, but no, I've always been acting. Uh I'm sorry,
what was the question. Go ahead, I've been drinking. I'm serious.
It's Sunday, fun day. It's one cheap days.

Speaker 3 (30:09):
I just like it's so having the being an actor
and working at the airline, it gives you a different
mentality of work when you're working like day job, knowing
that there's this dope thing that you do all the time,
like this secret world that you live in, like you're

(30:29):
living a dual life.

Speaker 5 (30:31):
It is. And I think the weirdest sh it is
like whenever they would see a commercial that I did,
or they would hear my voice and they gnaw it
with me, you know, stuff like that, that that that
would send those guys they're like, oh my gosh, so
you're just too good for it. I had a pager, right,
this is so this this is how long ago I
worked there. I had I had a pager. So my

(30:52):
agent could page me, and I remember how you know
those dudes are like they immediately they immediately thought that
I was the drug dealer at the airport, like they did.
I mean, it's like nobody needs and then and then
on behold, I was the first guy to have a
cell phone in that joint, you know that, Like I

(31:14):
really was always considered the drug dealer there, you know,
which is interesting because I didn't sell drugs until I left.
Damn it, I mean, I'm sorry, let's do that again.
I didn't sell drugs I left the airlines.

Speaker 2 (31:37):
Dude, that's so funny, man, when you left PanAm, When
I left PanAm where everything's paanted because they get a
dead company can't sue, right.

Speaker 5 (31:46):
When I left. I didn't sell drugs until after I
left Panams. Let's just let's be clear about that.

Speaker 3 (31:53):
And what what was that beautiful moment the last day
were you able to like when you put your two
weeks in, did you did you give everybody like was
it the big fuck us?

Speaker 5 (32:01):
Did you actually actually actually for me? It really like
the pandemic kind of really set everything off for me.
It was it was one of those deals. And uh,
I was at a point in life where I was
tired of people talking like when I got because when
you get into management with these places, man, it's like

(32:23):
you want me to manage the area, but you don't
want me to manage it. So you get these people
micro managing the ship out of you. And so you
know when when when things occur and you get these disputes,
and I was like, you know what kind of sick
of that? And I told everybody this and I and
I kind of at that point, I said, you know,
I am going to just do Uh. I never want

(32:48):
to work for anybody else again. I want to work
for me because if anybody's going to tell me what
to do is going to be me. Now I have
I have found out that me telling me what do
sometimes it is not always a great motivational speech.

Speaker 4 (33:04):
Uh you know what we should do today? Drinks?

Speaker 5 (33:09):
Like you know what it's like? Ore you go? You know,
are you sitting there like you're like you know, you know,
you know, you got like three auditions today and you
gotta show you should be working on for comedy and
what are you gonna do today? I'm gonna binge watch
Younger on Netflix. I mean, you just gotta you know,

(33:33):
you just you know, you literally but you do you
put yourself on the line and you have to go
out and do you know, do the things that you do,
you know, I mean my other you know. Another interesting
thing about the airline industry though for me, uh, I
mean there were the clowns. I mean there was all

(33:55):
always clowns at this job.

Speaker 4 (33:57):
Man, I like literal clouds. So that's what that's.

Speaker 5 (34:04):
Literally cloud, I mean it was, it was and has
it right? And that's so I mean, I'm like, get
off a plan fifty clowns. I mean, there's certain things
you just cannot make up about these people, I'm telling you.

Speaker 2 (34:22):
Uh.

Speaker 5 (34:22):
So, there was a there was an area. There was
an area that I worked in, and this is when
we used to cater the food for the flights. This
particular airline catered the food like Panama they catered food.
The Northwest airlines they're they're gone, they catered the food
for the flights, right. And so I was one of

(34:45):
the caterers. My very first day working in this catering
area where we put the food on and take the
food on the planes. I'm working with a guy who's
his who who is a huge Green Bay packer fan
and he and he is pissed because the packers just
lost that day. I've never driven these big you know,

(35:09):
these big food trucks, these these like these moving trucks,
you know, like it's about the side of a moving
truck with an elevated head. Anyhow, this guy gets he
gets onto the truck where loading all the food and
the beverage is on and he immediately goes to the
liquor kit, grabs five minis of vodka, a container of

(35:34):
orange juice, and makes himself and a screwdriver right in
front of me. Again, I'm twenty two years old. I've
never seen no shit like this before. On his joy
was like you're supposed to be a job. And he's
throwing he throws like four or five of these things
into one of these orange juice jugs. He shakes it
up and he looks at me and he says, fucking
packers lost. Gonna get it in, Gonna get it working, funny,

(35:57):
gotta get it in, Gotta get it working for me.
I'm like horrified. We get into the truck and he goes, oh,
by the way, you're driving. I was like, no ship.

Speaker 2 (36:11):
I was waiting for him to go. Now, I'm I'm good, so.

Speaker 5 (36:15):
So why so why he's sitting there turning, turning this
orange juice container into a sippy cup of of of screwdrivers.
He proceeds, and I'm driving down. I'm driving down the
tarmac and all I hear is I looked over and
the dude is snorting cocaine.

Speaker 4 (36:38):
I was like, what the That's what he meant by
he had to get it in him.

Speaker 5 (36:45):
Joe, Joe, you know his line already. He looks at me,
he goes, gotta get it in you, gotta get you
working for you. And I was like, I'm cool.

Speaker 3 (36:58):
Sometimes you can't get American feel Sometimes you gotta put something.

Speaker 4 (37:01):
In you to get it working for you.

Speaker 5 (37:06):
All I know is that the worst thing that ever
happened to me in a way was becoming a manager,
because I knew, because I knew too much about these
people that I was going to manage. I worked on
the ramp but him for eight years. I seen you.
I seen you sniffing coke in the in the in
the in the fucking foolad truck. Buddy. You know I

(37:30):
did right. I saw you sniffing. I saw you sniff
Christine Rickley's pannies.

Speaker 2 (37:37):
I saw you make that tumblr screwdriver.

Speaker 5 (37:39):
You know. I saw you make this screwdriver. I've seen
you still liquor from the red I've seen you do
so much stuff that I had to do one thing.
I said, I said, whatever you do. I had a boss.
The boss actually told me the coolest shit, the coolest
thing that my boss told me when I got hired
to come back, because I was in headquarters training and

(38:00):
when I came back as a manager, he looked at
me and it wasn't the greatest boat of confidence in
the world. He said to me. He said, I was
never intending on hiring another person that came from the
ramp to come back as a manager.

Speaker 2 (38:16):
If you just know too much.

Speaker 5 (38:17):
I was like wow, And he said, but I will
tell you this. You have to remember that whatever you
you know, coming back, everybody gets a clean slate. Like
you can't just instinctively think that you already know what's
happened before it happens. Everybody has a clean slate. And

(38:39):
that was the best advice the guy ever gave me.
That was actually really good advice. But even though I knew,
I was like that, dude is a fuck up.

Speaker 4 (38:50):
You were the kid.

Speaker 3 (38:50):
You were the best of them though, like you weren't
doing coke for making screwdrivers.

Speaker 5 (38:56):
Or like I took a job WEPA was the only
one that got drug tested every two months. You know.

Speaker 2 (39:03):
The pager didn't help.

Speaker 5 (39:05):
Yeah, the patriot didn't get do you know how many
people that When I'm when we're on the employee bus,
was like, so you got something, you know, not just
hitting you up?

Speaker 1 (39:17):
No, you got it?

Speaker 5 (39:19):
You know. I mean, look I couldn't, but you.

Speaker 4 (39:22):
Go to sell me drugs ulysses.

Speaker 5 (39:24):
Come on, come on?

Speaker 2 (39:26):
Yeah remember the tarmac we were right there. You know,
I'm cool. I'm not a comp you know, want me
to do it?

Speaker 5 (39:31):
You saw me do it.

Speaker 4 (39:32):
You know, I gotta get something. I gotta get it in, get.

Speaker 2 (39:37):
It in training day thing like oh I didn't know
you like to get wet.

Speaker 5 (39:43):
Right right, man, Dan?

Speaker 2 (39:46):
I want to drive in the little stair truck around.

Speaker 5 (39:50):
To my toughest My toughest day as a manager was this.
My toughest day as a manager was a guy went
to training class with and uh we were really cool.
And so the dude actually used to pick me up
from work. He used to pick me up and take
me to work. So, I mean, first got married, we
only had one car. He picked me up and take

(40:10):
me to work. But every morning that this guy took
me to work, he smoked a joint and drink uh,
and drink a red Dog, which is the shittiest beer
of all. Fine by the way, but he drinked a
red Dog every day.

Speaker 2 (40:26):
The joint part, I understand the red dog though.

Speaker 5 (40:28):
That's yeah, it's red dog. It is five o'clock in
the morning and he's drinking a red Dog.

Speaker 2 (40:41):
I needed something to balance out all the coke from
last night.

Speaker 4 (40:44):
Pretty sunrise choice.

Speaker 5 (40:48):
So uh, I fast forward to this and he and
and I mean great dude. I helped him pass. I
helped him. I helped him pass the test to get
to get him to get down the ramp and everything
like that. And so one day he gets into an
accident on the on the ramp and at that point,
you know, you got to start the drug test people,

(41:11):
the people involved in the accident. So now, mind you,
when you become a manager, a lot of those people
that were your friends no longer wanted to be your
friends no more. You're not. And stratnizing is not really
a good thing when you're in management. So we kind
of all just you know, kind of chilled out. But
but I was like, this was my guy, Like, this

(41:31):
is my day one, this is my dude, right. And
so he gets into the accident and uh and we
hadn't hung around in a couple of years, and I
was like, so I was like, yo, Jay, I gotta
I gotta take you to get a drug test. And
Jay's like, oh okay. And I was like, okay, well,
maybe maybe he doesn't drink red dogs to smoke with

(41:53):
he anymore. Right, And so we're in the truck together
and he looks at me, so, uh, what does that mean?
I said, memes, we got a test to see if
you got any marijuana or alcohol in your system or
anything like that. He goes, oh okay. I was like, Okay,
well that's cool. Maybe maybe he's cool clean turn a

(42:15):
new leave. I mean, it's been a lot calmer lately.
He used to be a really angry dude, and I
he's been real calm over the last you know, a
couple of years. So then I'm you know, we drive
and we get to we get to the to the
to the test and stations uh uh uh, what are
the test for? I said, let me pull you aside. Jay,
I know you're real good. Let's have a conversation. I said, Hey, man,

(42:39):
I remember riding with you to work and everything like that.
You still smoke weed? Uh? Not really? Okay? All right, cool,
so you're good you uh? I think? So okay? Cool?
And and and and and the conversation goes away. So
now he's in line waiting to go take the PITS test,
and he goes, well, I mean, just just how specific

(43:04):
I mean? I said, look, man, if you said that
you only smoke weed every once in a while and
you ain't have weed in a long time, you're not
gonna pack. You're not gonna fail this test. Trust me,
believe me, I know right. He goes, Okay, I'm thinking
everything in school right. So five minutes later, right before

(43:25):
they come, he said, can I talk to you for
a second, I said, I said, Jay, when's the last
time you smoked weed? He said, well, I mean I
don't really smoke that much no more, but he said,
he said, but I was on vacation last week and
we got paid yesterday, so I mean I was.

Speaker 2 (43:51):
Right now, man, you're still smoking weed?

Speaker 6 (43:55):
Man?

Speaker 2 (43:56):
Well, this last morning.

Speaker 5 (44:00):
It was the worst thing because it was a friend
and like I never like I never thought it would
come down to a person that was a friend where
I gotta literally go, this sucks. I handed it over
to somebody else. I was like, you know what, y'all
can take care of this. This is like, I'm not
about to walk my friend out.

Speaker 4 (44:17):
And you tried, You tried, you tried. You know what
you could have done. You could have just given him
a little piss and a Gatorade bottle, like put this
on your arm.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
You think he's like you think he was p and clean.

Speaker 5 (44:31):
I was on my way to county. Do you think
my pisson numbers?

Speaker 2 (44:35):
He smoked with him that day, Like I got some
bad news. By the way, I gotta get it.

Speaker 5 (44:39):
Hey, man, it's not gonna work out that well. No, yeah, no,
I never that was. That was a tough one for me.
But yeah, that was. That's that's the interesting part to
being in that position. Uh but yeah, I'm sorry. I digress.

Speaker 4 (44:56):
No, no, no, we love digressing.

Speaker 2 (44:59):
Show are you did you ever? So you were on
the you weren't on the customer side of things, like
you didn't have to deal with the irate like you changed.

Speaker 5 (45:08):
No, No, I never know. No, I was strictly I
was strictly with the with with the grunts downstairs.

Speaker 2 (45:15):
Honestly, even with the weirdos that you have to deal
with there, you're probably still on the better end of
that deal.

Speaker 4 (45:20):
Way more fun.

Speaker 5 (45:20):
Yeah, definitely. Now I did have to do I did
some training, uh, as a as a trainer. I did
training for both departments, but that was more on the uh,
what's the word I'm looking for, But it was high

(45:41):
it was it was high level. So it was more
high level training. You know where you're you're agents. No,
I had gay agents in the class. There's a lot
of soft skills training, you know, the fluffy stuff, the
stuff that millennials are made of. Like, I did a
lot of training. You know, they really like they literally
put me in charge of a lot of that kind
of stuff. I did a whole class on on the

(46:03):
different age, like the difference between a baby boomer and
a gen X and A and A and a like,
so so all of you can understand each other one
and better one another better. I did a lot of
that stuff, A lot of a lot of touchy feely,
feel good training stuff.

Speaker 2 (46:19):
That's fine, that's good. So you did. You're doing the
baggage handling, you're on the thing. What's like without like,
do you ever see like an you know you're talking
about that they're driving these carts, you're driving these the
stair the stair truck that all that, Like, did you
ever see an accident happen? Like that's like I've always
wondered because I've seen I've seen them derail.

Speaker 5 (46:41):
Are you talking about a plane? Are you talking about
just like just like.

Speaker 2 (46:44):
The cars, the staircards, the story about j T.

Speaker 5 (46:48):
That's what happened. Yeah, yeah, like literally j T in
another employee where and you watch it on camera, one
guy doing one way to the other guy's going the
other way up stag. I mean, these vehicles are made
to steal and everything else is made out of steel.
You know that's out there that I mean, that whole
environment is really unforgiving. If you hit something, you know,

(47:11):
something's gonna happen, something's gonna get hurt. But in most instances,
when you're driving and you come in contact with one
another and those carts and those tugs and the tugs,
chances are you're not gonna get the chances of injury
are kind of slam. I mean, everybody's got their seatbelts
on and uh and and those vehicles can take a
lot of it and they're not going that fast. They're governed,
so you can't, like you're literally your your max is

(47:34):
about fifteen miles an hour.

Speaker 2 (47:35):
Okay, So you said they hit each other though, when
you're talking about it, I'm like, well they got high
inside of that. Hey, you want to play a game
of chicken.

Speaker 5 (47:43):
Dude, dude, there's a lot of.

Speaker 2 (47:49):
Yeah, I think we just triggered some memories.

Speaker 5 (47:51):
Believe me, these ah, these things have happened, These things
go down, there's a lot of Look there, we blocked
off the entire airport one time just to have a
foot race between two dudes.

Speaker 2 (48:03):
Man, you won that one, too bad.

Speaker 6 (48:07):
Look the guy that was sniffing the cocaine one again,
I'm just saying I'm correlation.

Speaker 5 (48:18):
Oh gosh, yeah, there was there was never. There was
never a dull moment in these places, man, just because
of it, like you know, you know what this is
how bad it got, It got so bad. At one
point there was an entire investigation of this. When I
said we were doing the whole food, the catering things.

(48:39):
They investigated the entire catering area because it was a
huge shit going on, like a whole drug ring going
on in that joint. And of course I'm sitting there
with his page, and they think that I'm a drug dealer.
So at the time the union, the union gave these
idiots an entire warning. They walked into the break room
and the union goes, hey, man, their investigation and everything

(49:00):
going on down here, So quit stelling liquor, quit selling drugs,
quit using drugs out here, because everybody's under surveillance. Look
outside there, you see those people standing on top of
the building. They are surveillancing you. I've been told by management.
They're telling you this right, and and everybody's like fuck that.

(49:21):
This is where white privilege just kicks in, right, Like, well,
I guess I ain't gonna get no herenessy this week
out these damn conturners. But the white dudes are sitting
there like packers, lost, lost, lost, gonna get it in me.
I'm gonna get it working for me, and I swear

(49:43):
to you. They walked off about seventeen people that day.
Two weeks like like two weeks later, they literally walked
like seventeen people off and the only people who called
wind of it, like like if you was on an
earlier shit, yeah, you definitely got caught up. And as
you walked in, they walked you right back out the door.

(50:03):
You know, So I got the phone call to knock.
No kidding, uh again, No, no, seriously, no, there was dudes. Man,
we ain't see the gasses for like, they called in
sick for like a week, just to make sure that
everything kind of blew over because it was bad. It
was really bad. This is the reason why there's so

(50:24):
many baby boomers that haven't retired yet. The eighties fucked
up your entire retirement. Cocaine as a motherfucker. I'm telling
you all them dudes. There's dudes that are limping around
that ramp right now, bad hip, bad back's, bad knees,
and they can't fucking retire because they sniffed up all
their moneys in the eighties. In the nineties working at

(50:44):
the goddamn airport.

Speaker 4 (50:47):
Oh my god, that's the friendly skies man.

Speaker 5 (50:51):
Why yes, I am not kidd man, I am not kid.
I was like, that's your problem, man, you just you
know you didn't. You didn't know when to question.

Speaker 3 (51:00):
No wonder all the bags were getting lost and fucking
sent to Hawaii and Alaska and ship.

Speaker 4 (51:06):
Everybody's all cut out racing each other.

Speaker 5 (51:10):
Do you know what? There's only two types of lugies.

Speaker 2 (51:12):
You know what?

Speaker 5 (51:13):
You know what? That is carry on and lost. Those
are the only two, carry on and lost.

Speaker 3 (51:21):
I never check a bag, dude, I'm I I will
fucking I was. I'm watching them TikTok videos where.

Speaker 4 (51:27):
The people put fucking.

Speaker 3 (51:28):
All their shirts on. They like wear all their shirts
at once so they don't have to check a bag.

Speaker 2 (51:35):
Do you know the craziest one I saw somebody did
They they did the thing where they they have like
the vacuum sealer, so they put all their clothes in
and they vacuum sealed that so it would fit into
a carry on bag.

Speaker 5 (51:47):
Nice.

Speaker 2 (51:48):
That's actually pretty smart. But then I'm like, how do
you get home?

Speaker 5 (51:51):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (51:51):
That's the part. I was like, like, wait, so what
about like something like quick, let's let's let's jump over
to some of the acting stuff. Okay, so you've done
like voice acting, you've done commercial acting, and I'm sure
you've done some other some some some independent film things
like that.

Speaker 5 (52:11):
I've done major films, major films. Oh yeah, major progress.
I was I was in, I was in, I was
in I was in Laurel Avenue. That was an HBO
mini series that premiered in the early nineties. I played.
I played the role of a character named Fletcher. The
interesting thing about getting ready for that role was this

(52:32):
is that so when I read for the lead the
lead role, uh for that. And then when I got
done reading the lead role, the the director that was
there said, hey, man, let me ask you a question.
I got this other role. Can you play basketball? And
I got to ask with you, I really, I'm really

(52:53):
not a hooper like that. I mean, I know, like
the color would suggest that I could hoop, but I'm
really not a hoo you know.

Speaker 2 (53:02):
So people are making a lot of assumptions about you, lissies.
First they're like, like, you know, your one job, they
think you sell drugs. The next one they think you
could play basketball.

Speaker 5 (53:12):
This is true, which is the reason why acting is
the perfect lane for me, because I pretended to not
be everything, pretending to be both. But I told him
I said I could Yeah, I could play he said,
he says, can you stutter, and I was like, I mean,
give me the script. I can work on it. And
the interesting thing about that is my my best friend

(53:33):
at the time, his dad was a district attorney for
you know, in Minneapolis, and he spoke with a stutter.
But it's but he had the coolest stutter of all time.
To me, it was cool because he only did it
when he got excited, and it was only on the
first part of what he was saying. So it was like,

(53:55):
so you want me to think that you're your your
good grades at school And I'm thinking, how could this
guy argue law with this? Right? So I took it.
So I took the script and I started reading it
and instead of doing the stutters where they had it

(54:15):
written in the script, I just did my impersonation of
my best friend's dad and stuttered for the role. And
the guy just starts falling out laughing, and I'm, I mean,
I'm being dead serious in this role, like I'm because
I didn't view this as a comic relief, right, I

(54:36):
just took the role seriously and I'm sitting there and
he goes, dad is fucking hilarious.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
So so.

Speaker 5 (54:50):
So a couple of weeks come by and they come
back and they have me read with the two actresses,
and at that point I knew I had the job.
But when they brought the whole cast together to do
like a table reading once again, I'm sitting here and
I'm locked in. I want to like I'm saying every
line seriously, and every time I get done with this

(55:13):
whole stuttering ship, everybody just fucking they laught cut you.

Speaker 2 (55:21):
This isn't a comedy, changed, It's a drama.

Speaker 5 (55:25):
It's a fucking drama. But yeah, so that was like
my my my largest role as an actor too, was
in that.

Speaker 2 (55:34):
What is the worst role that you ever read?

Speaker 4 (55:37):
That's so hard?

Speaker 5 (55:39):
The worst role I ever read for are the worst
role I ever got?

Speaker 2 (55:42):
How about worst role you ever auditioned for?

Speaker 5 (55:46):
Oh my gosh, I you know what. Let me preface
this by saying, lately, all of the roles that I've
been auditioning for have been the worst roles that ever got.
Because now, as we talked about getting type casted from
being uh, you know, a basketball player or a drug dealer,

(56:07):
I'm I'm in my fifties now, so every role I
get now is like colon uh that I auditioned for
I auditioned a lot for high blood pressure, uh, cardiac
or rhythm has been one functioning. I knew that.

Speaker 2 (56:22):
I knew that.

Speaker 5 (56:23):
I mean, like, there's a whole lot. The only thing
as a black man that I have not been typecasted
into right now is sickle cell. Like they have not
given me sickle cell yet. But there's been a lot
of like you're to get the next one. I forgot
about sleep Avenue. I've had sleep at me like four
or five times. Then the voiceover for that, I've actually

(56:48):
the Kolonowski be commercial I did. They actually wanted me
to be happy going to get a colon in this
particular jot, like that was the whole thing.

Speaker 6 (56:56):
It's like, yeah, a little bit more, they're gonna will
you down there. And as they're willing you down there,
on the on the guardy here you should you're gonna
give this guy the thumbs up because he just got
his colonoscopy done.

Speaker 5 (57:08):
It's cool.

Speaker 4 (57:13):
You're going to get massages.

Speaker 5 (57:14):
Had a copy of that joint.

Speaker 2 (57:17):
They you know, ironically enough, they asked you to stutter
in that one too.

Speaker 5 (57:21):
They did.

Speaker 4 (57:25):
I can't wait to get my buttlef finger too far?

Speaker 5 (57:30):
Oh my god. So yeah, that's the thing. Like right now,
it's been a lot of Uh, the most recent one
that I went up for is gambling addiction. Oh really, yeah,
I get so and I get so into these roles, man,
and I start getting like I've been playing pool tad
for the last week, just trying to make sure I
can get ready to script. I'm a method as definitely, definitely.

(57:53):
I bet I've been at Mystic Lake every fucking day
getting ready for this script. Man, I don't have.

Speaker 4 (58:00):
Tabs, please, they're like, damn so broke right now.

Speaker 2 (58:03):
See now I understand why the money is floating back
to you, Like, do you know like too much money
have to spend just to get ready for this? You know, yeah,
you start trying to write off your gambling losses business.

Speaker 5 (58:18):
Absolutely will trust me. You write everything off as a
I buy socks. I gotta buy socks as for a role,
you know what I mean? Like everything is everything is
literally for a role right now?

Speaker 2 (58:30):
Nice?

Speaker 5 (58:31):
What was the role?

Speaker 6 (58:32):
Uh?

Speaker 4 (58:35):
It was for cotton, it.

Speaker 5 (58:40):
Was it was it was a pedicure ad where you're
just sliding your socks when you.

Speaker 2 (58:47):
Oh that's what you spend five dollars at the Asian
pedicure place.

Speaker 4 (58:50):
Yeah, that's why gotton that fabric of our lives.

Speaker 2 (58:55):
Do you ever have to deal with anything?

Speaker 5 (59:00):
No, If the Iris wants to talk to me about
going to get a pedicure, I just be like, look, man,
I mean, brothers need new feet. I'm just letting you know.
And besides, we need to do better with that, like
like self care. You know, there's a there's a lot
of women out here right now that would love to
hear us have a podcast about men who get their
feet done.

Speaker 2 (59:19):
Yeah I I need Yeah, I just I just let
my talents grow. Velociraptor.

Speaker 5 (59:28):
There's a there's a reason why there's black men on
on porn hub that just wear timberlands. They're never gonna say.

Speaker 2 (59:35):
They're fully they took the clothes off, but that they
still put the boots back on exactly exactly.

Speaker 4 (59:43):
Man, clip the toenails, you know, just walking around the house.

Speaker 2 (59:48):
At night, I'm like an old dog that hasn't been
to the groomer for a while.

Speaker 5 (59:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (59:55):
So it's like, do you ever do any any slimy
agents or any like the old school, like the like
the people trying to get you into something that you're
like this is terrible for you sort of shit.

Speaker 5 (01:00:06):
No, I never really came across the line of that
that's good, that's good. I haven't. I Look, I did leave.
I went to La for for about a year and
a half. I will say LA, like, LA is such
a different animal and and you gotta be committed to it, Doug, Like,

(01:00:32):
I mean at the time when I went out to LA,
I mean I was just twenty one years old, twenty
I was twenty turning twenty one, and it was different.
I mean I was here in the Midwest. You know,
LA was weird. It's the first time that, you know,
for me, just getting acclimated to the environment. And then

(01:00:52):
I was, you know, nobody told me anything. So I'm
getting out there, like I'll give you, I'll give you
some groundwork to me, Like, no one told me anything
about La. So when I went and got me a
place in La, right, I went and I was like, well,
you know, I'm looking for a place. It seems a
little bit affordable. I see I see Englewood, California, right,

(01:01:15):
and I'm like, this should be cool. The Lakers play there.
And then but I'm getting there. I get there, I
am surrounded by gang members it is, you know what
I mean? Like I thought that I'm over here, like
Louis Parkin said there was a truce. There was supposed
to be a truce. Man, I'm walking down the street.

(01:01:36):
I'll never forget this. I'm walking down the street and
as I'm walking down the street in La, there's a
group of a group of bloods sitting on a porch.
And I just so happened to be wearing all of
my Minnesota Twins gear. I'm wearing my Minnesota Twins gear

(01:01:56):
walking around ye. And I'm on my way and if
anybody's from La doesn't believe it, I'm walking on. I'm going.
I'm going to the Luckiest grocery store because they're the
home home of the double Q pot. I'm going over
there to go buy me some food to put in
my new townhouse that I then I just moved into.
And uh and and as I'm walking there, these dudes

(01:02:18):
and then and the dude looks at me and he goes, hey, yo, blood,
And I.

Speaker 6 (01:02:21):
Was like, oh fuck, this is not gonna end well
for me. Uh he goes your blood and I keep walking.
He says, man, you hear me talking to you?

Speaker 5 (01:02:31):
So I stopped, and the dude says, I wouldn't turn
around if I was you, and I was like, God
damn it. I turned around. So I turn around, and
when I turn around, this is where I start to
realize how uh, how like most people think gang life
is one way these dudes became. He became an intellectual
thug on me real quick. He was like, hey, yo,

(01:02:52):
what set you claiming? And this is when I became
real Minnesotan on his ass. I was like, said, what
do you mean by set?

Speaker 4 (01:03:01):
I'm just going on lucky He's for something.

Speaker 5 (01:03:05):
He's like. He's like hey yo. He's like hey yo,
hey yo, Blood, where you from and trims drop Minnesota
and he turns around and goes, well, that would explain
this ensemble. Hey, listen, blood, you might want to go
back to your apartment, change your clothes before you go

(01:03:28):
down to the Luckies and get your ass shot. I
was in that apartment for this ensemble. He said that
plays this ensemble. It was the most It was.

Speaker 2 (01:03:40):
Kind of refreshing and a bit threatening at the same time.

Speaker 5 (01:03:45):
Yeah, when he said the word on he's beending Minnesota.
This motherfucker knows he's motherfucking knows. Yeah, man, No, l
A l A was LA was fun. I'm I mean,
it was a lot of fun and definitely let me
learn a lot about what was going on to grind
and everything like that. The thing is, I think that

(01:04:06):
I was a little more oestruck at twenty years old
than I should have been, Like, you know, like now,
I probably now I would know walking into a room
and seeing all the other actors that were in the
same age group as I was in at the time,
I probably wouldn't have any concerns about being in a
room when them let your talent speak for itself. But
I literally felt intimidated. Like you walk into the room

(01:04:27):
and you're like, damn, that's the dude on a Different World,
and that's the dude from the Cosby Show, and that's
the dude that was in Poetic Justice, and that's the
dude that was it, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (01:04:37):
Yeah, so.

Speaker 5 (01:04:41):
Yeah, yeah, Dwayne Wayne, like you' watching like Dwayne Wayne's
in the room and cockroaching and all these you know,
you know, you're like literally you're watching guys like that
dude is all Martin right now, you know, and they're
all in the room reading for the same role and
you're and You're like, I'm just this dude from Minnesota,
you know what I mean, Like.

Speaker 6 (01:05:00):
I I'm wearing around colors like at twenty.

Speaker 5 (01:05:03):
Yes, I sold myself short at twenty, you know what
I mean? But yeah, I see him Doudes now I'd
be like, yeah, bitch, I.

Speaker 2 (01:05:13):
Look is a different world now, isn't it.

Speaker 5 (01:05:16):
It's a different world. We ain't seen you in a
minute either. I see you don't gain a little bit
of way too.

Speaker 4 (01:05:21):
Yeah, you've been working at a trader Joe's bro where you've.

Speaker 6 (01:05:23):
Been Oh man, the dude, the dude that was on
a cogy he does yeah he got he definitely he's.

Speaker 5 (01:05:30):
Uber and his ship too, but but you know what,
he's still getting rolls.

Speaker 3 (01:05:34):
I I would love to get a door dash delivery
driver that i'd seen on a Netflix show.

Speaker 5 (01:05:42):
There's rappers. I forget which one. I think the one is, like, uh,
I don't know if he's the one that did the
shoulder lan There was a lot of lean backs and
shoulder leans and lean with it rock with I think
the guy who did lean with it rock with It guy,
I think he's a I think he's an Uber driver now. Too.

Speaker 4 (01:05:56):
Yeah, yo, yo, it's a little dash.

Speaker 5 (01:05:58):
Yeah yeah, I mean yeah. So you know, I've learned that.
Now I'm learning to live out all all of the
all of us stereotypes of actually lived out to I
still can't play basketball, but uh but but but but
but but you can in the movies with the power

(01:06:22):
of pictures. Now I coach basketball. See, I went through
a phase of that. I went through a phase here
here's you know what you asked the question, I'm going
to answer it. I think the most the most interesting
thing that I went through as an actor was realizing
how much they didn't how how little they thought of
black dads. Because you know how many times that I

(01:06:49):
went up for a role in the commercial and I
was uncle. Oh oh, I wasn't.

Speaker 4 (01:06:57):
Dadd the phone.

Speaker 5 (01:07:00):
That no dad was not like I did it. I
did a commercial for a Father's Day and a Father's
Day ad and it didn't call me the father in
the script. Now granted on TV, you're gonna see me
and a and a person and I actually got my
My nephew actually ended up doing it, was doing the
role with me because he was young enough at the

(01:07:21):
time it was it was kind of cool to do
a role with my nephew or a commercial and I'm
teaching the kid and I'm teaching the kid how to sand,
you know, like like saying like saying something and then
painted right. But in the script it said uncle. It
didn't say dad.

Speaker 4 (01:07:38):
It didn't read like because everybody saw it on TV
and we're.

Speaker 6 (01:07:41):
Like, TV saw dad. But the script said fucking The
script said uncle, father's dad. That that that I mean,
could you no?

Speaker 5 (01:07:57):
You know what.

Speaker 2 (01:08:00):
Talking to the director of the commercial, what's the motivation? Well,
your brother walked out on his family for a pack
of smokes.

Speaker 4 (01:08:06):
Your brother's got two more years on his bend, Like Bill, yes,
dare you.

Speaker 5 (01:08:13):
Be the black people? Like you don't know this? You
don't know about the hood?

Speaker 4 (01:08:18):
In the hood, I would.

Speaker 5 (01:08:23):
Uncle in this mug man, welcome.

Speaker 2 (01:08:29):
You just walk up to the director like that explains this.

Speaker 5 (01:08:31):
Ensemble, explains this ensemble, the hood I'm.

Speaker 2 (01:08:37):
Going to use so much in my my regular life.
And I'm like that explains this.

Speaker 5 (01:08:40):
So so yeah, yeah, no, no, that that was weird
to be man.

Speaker 2 (01:08:45):
I was like, Uncle, I mean, how do they how
did they know you were going to get your nephew
to be in the commercial That scene. That's the other part.

Speaker 5 (01:08:54):
Exactly if my son would have been younger, would have
been my son, I would I would have put my
son in it.

Speaker 3 (01:09:00):
I wrote the commercial was watching way too much of
like the Steve Wilco Show.

Speaker 5 (01:09:07):
You know what, he could be his uncle, but he
could be uncle daddy at the same.

Speaker 2 (01:09:12):
On this may.

Speaker 4 (01:09:14):
The father's in for a gun charge.

Speaker 3 (01:09:16):
He's got that two strikes, so like uncle's there does
all the fucking teaching the boy?

Speaker 4 (01:09:23):
What does this have to do with to all the
black uncles stepping in his father's Like damn.

Speaker 5 (01:09:32):
I mean, I mean, I want maybe in the hood.
It says, you know, uh, you know, maybe I didn't
see the extended clip of the commercial where it said,
you know, happy Father's Day and to all the black
uncles that's playing daddy right now. And by the way,

(01:09:53):
and by the way, that implies a lot because some
people that grew up like you had an awful lot
of uncles, didn't you make Yeah my uncle? So yeah, really,
how many of your uncles was sleeping with your mama?

Speaker 4 (01:10:04):
I just want to know, Yeah, my uncle's just keep
popping by. They leave by morning.

Speaker 2 (01:10:09):
To be fair, most of these commercial writers their only
experience with the black community is the fresh Prince of
bel Air. That's it. That's all they know.

Speaker 5 (01:10:19):
Explain got the first Grammy as a rapper.

Speaker 2 (01:10:24):
But yeah, all right, So, Ulysses, we don't just exist
on this podcast to talk about Uncle Daddy's, to talk
about ensembles, about cocaine races or making a screwdriver. No,
on this pod. So we don't just exist to battle
those things. No, we also exist to battle the scourge
that is known as Karen's. But before we go into

(01:10:46):
our next segment, we always ask our guests, Ulysses, Zachary,
how would you define a Karen?

Speaker 5 (01:10:53):
I would define a Karen as a white bist that
gets a lot of motherfucker's piss so she stops and
I don't.

Speaker 4 (01:11:04):
No.

Speaker 5 (01:11:05):
A parent to me is uh yeah, she she really
believes it, like she believes that she's doing the right thing.
But she's absolutely the most racist thing that you could
possibly come across. I mean, how dare a person believe
in their hearts of hearts that they're doing the right
things by being manipulative, talking and exaggerating the truth type person?

(01:11:33):
And uh and and identifies with white privilege more than
anything else.

Speaker 2 (01:11:39):
In the world.

Speaker 5 (01:11:42):
I don't know if that's is that too political for you?
We want to let you know that the Brothers that
the Brothers here on Black History Month is not having it,
and we ain't liking that that Karen Shiit, We ain't
with them this podcast. So I'll tell you what.

Speaker 2 (01:12:00):
We're on the right side history.

Speaker 5 (01:12:01):
You know what I'm saying. I mean, but I just
want to let you know that you know what I'm.

Speaker 4 (01:12:04):
Saying, because you're gonna segment.

Speaker 5 (01:12:07):
Yeah, every Karen needs dick in the mouth.

Speaker 2 (01:12:10):
The mouth I got you because every week list is
you know what we do. We look up different Google reviews,
Yelp reviews, Facebook reviews. Sometimes their tweets are handwritten notes
and is the segment we call the Karen of.

Speaker 3 (01:12:23):
The week is Karen, I'm your boss.

Speaker 4 (01:12:26):
Oh my god, my god, Karen, I'm your.

Speaker 2 (01:12:49):
Oh my god. Karen's a one star review from Deborah
about Lucy's Burgers. Waitress kept interrupting while we were in
deep conversation talk to the manager. Blew me off. Felt
there could be more of a teaching moment.

Speaker 4 (01:13:10):
Nope, one star could be more of a There could
be more of a teaching moment. Iowa, I'm a teacher.
I this was a good teaching moment. I was going
to put him over my knee.

Speaker 2 (01:13:29):
What you did you did you just break out your
your medium voice again?

Speaker 4 (01:13:34):
Yeah, it's uh Sylvia Brown, Sylvia Brown.

Speaker 3 (01:13:39):
That's why Sylvia Brown impression from Montel You remember the
psychic from Montell. She had like the big she had
like the big nails now, but she would sit there,
she would just like a little pudgy lady. She looked
like job of the Hut. And she would always like
talk to the audience from Montell's audience.

Speaker 4 (01:13:59):
And like, oh is that do you feel like someone's
brushing your hair? Well, that's your father brushing you and
like it's and she just talked to the audience and
do psychic shit and it was hilarious.

Speaker 2 (01:14:13):
And I and a lot of times when Joe does
like a like a like a lady, he doesn't like
this is that points?

Speaker 4 (01:14:19):
Yeah, I go right into the Silvie Brown. I love
Sylvia Brown.

Speaker 5 (01:14:22):
Though she was body was talking about. I really thought
that Joe was doing an impersonation of the of a
New York lady that smokes a whole lot of cigarette.

Speaker 2 (01:14:30):
I mean, that's kind of the same thing. It's kind
of the same thing.

Speaker 4 (01:14:33):
That's what I channel when I do my Sylvia Brown.

Speaker 2 (01:14:36):
Well, the Sylvia Brown back to this this Karen though,
like to leave a one star review for a waitress
doing her job, like having to be like, hey, do
you need anything else? Can I get you some food?
Like do we need a refill?

Speaker 5 (01:14:48):
Like you have to?

Speaker 4 (01:14:49):
So the one star review is the teaching moment? What
was the teaching moment here?

Speaker 2 (01:14:55):
Because she talked to the manager and she felt that
like they could pull the the waitress aside and then
shot her in front of the table as a teaching moment.

Speaker 4 (01:15:05):
Teachable yes, show her lash slashes.

Speaker 2 (01:15:10):
It's like it's like to see people who ask you
like you're gonna fire this person? Like for like you know, no,
we still got to shift, like what the fuck are
you talking about?

Speaker 3 (01:15:19):
Barely keep these employees as it is, Yeah, we fire
someone because you're mad lady who has never come here
before and I will probably never see again.

Speaker 2 (01:15:29):
She even gave so she even gave the food four stars,
like four stars, but the service and atmosphere one star.

Speaker 5 (01:15:36):
And that was her and that and that primarily came
from the fact that she didn't get exactly what she
was supposed to get. You know what, see a woman
like that person right there, you know what, it'd be
interesting if somebody did that to her, Yeah, in in
bed in one star and it gave you one star

(01:15:58):
and then proceeded to say this should be a teachable
moment and proceeds to put porn hub on and say, baby,
you should have been doing.

Speaker 4 (01:16:07):
That pussy Delicious.

Speaker 5 (01:16:10):
Like to me, like like like you see there, you
see how she didn't use her teeth. You see that
you you scraper.

Speaker 4 (01:16:18):
Pussy Tasted Delicious four stars.

Speaker 5 (01:16:21):
I mean like like you could you could do better.
You did not have to do what you did right there?
You know what I mean? This is one of those
to me, like maybe you deserve a teachable a teachable moment.
I mean that that is one of those things where
even if the can you guys ser me still so
I think that I think that the important thing is

(01:16:42):
like the thing about the Karen and and and the
Karen wants the person to be to to to to
uh to serve this uh disgraceful moment in front of someone.
They always want they always they want to see somebody
get fired. They want to see him putting their handcuffs.

(01:17:02):
They want to like, they want to see that moment
and their gratification is is seeing a person being shunned
and humiliated at the expense of what you said as
yours because your words have that much power. And and
it's sad because I would think that, but this speaks volumes.

(01:17:23):
It speaks volumes because I believe if Vagina has something
to do with it, she's got bad pussy.

Speaker 6 (01:17:31):
There's the only reason why why you would try to
validate anything else is that like Karens can't have good
there's no way that there's good Vagina in that.

Speaker 3 (01:17:40):
Maybe maybe this is we should talk to like the
Magic wand Company and be like donating magic wands to Karen's.

Speaker 2 (01:17:48):
Oh, it should be like a like the like an
old timey doctor that used to have to deal with them,
you know what I'm talking about, Like, let's started what
do they call it mania or something like you have
the mania? You need to go back into the doctor office.

Speaker 5 (01:18:02):
I think that I think I think to your point though,
I think that that you know, any of those devices,
there should be a ranking meter to let somebody know
if your pussy's kind of care just you know you
kind of but there's a there's a vibrant that lets
you know that the vagina is definitely caring as if
because it's gonna question you afterwards. It's gonna question you

(01:18:25):
afterwards and tell you that you could do a better job,
like give you like we should be able to give
a meter right back and believe me. I think should
hit the one.

Speaker 7 (01:18:34):
Side or just we just need we just need, we
just need vaginal yelp, I love, I was looking up
the mania.

Speaker 4 (01:18:47):
That's some pretty crazy ship. We should bring back the mania.

Speaker 5 (01:18:51):
The mania that.

Speaker 3 (01:18:53):
Expand on what the mania back in the day was,
also known as Manning syndrome, is a psychetric behavioral syndrome
defined as a state of abnormally elevated arousal effect and
energy level. During a manic episode, an individual will experience
rapidly changing emotions and moods, highly influenced by surrounding stimuli.

(01:19:14):
Although mania is often conceived of as a mirror image
to depressing, the heightened mood can be dysphoric as well
as euphoric. As the media intensifies, irritability can be more
pronounced at a result in anxiety or end or anger.

Speaker 4 (01:19:30):
So it's so you get a touch of the mania.

Speaker 3 (01:19:32):
Yeah, well, you know it's a you know, it's watching
the Vikings miss the playoffs that it gives people the
touch of the mania.

Speaker 2 (01:19:39):
This is true. Don't start.

Speaker 4 (01:19:43):
I'm a Jets fan.

Speaker 2 (01:19:43):
Don't start.

Speaker 4 (01:19:44):
So it's a thing that we do together every year.

Speaker 5 (01:19:48):
No no, no, no, no, no no no no.

Speaker 2 (01:19:50):
So we're gonna we're gonna put this on pause because
this is not a sports podcast. God damn, I'm not
having this.

Speaker 4 (01:19:56):
In their sports podcast. Fourth and long, Joe.

Speaker 2 (01:20:00):
And Joe and zach you guys, you guys can get
that shit together, Cocozellow and Zachary together at last.

Speaker 5 (01:20:06):
No.

Speaker 2 (01:20:08):
You know what is a teachable moment when the owner
does a clapback? It do you know what a clapback is?
For the these owner clapbacks, it's a new thing on
on these Google reviews, especially where the owner can clap
back at people being shitty on them instead.

Speaker 4 (01:20:23):
Of yah yeah, yes, yes, yes favorite.

Speaker 2 (01:20:27):
So this is the owner of Lucy's Burger and this
is this is the clapback of the week. Deborah, thank
you for taking time to provide us with your feedback
about your recent visit. I would like to apologize for
our waitress repeated attempts to do her job. I can

(01:20:48):
only imagine how scary that must have been for you,
And while we know that nothing can erase the memories
of attentive service, if you could please email ail us
at one Star Customer at Lucysburger dot com, we'd like
to offer you a gift card from our friends at Applebee's.

(01:21:10):
We're sure they can take good care of you. Thank
you again for providing us with this teachable moment. We
certainly learned a lot about you.

Speaker 5 (01:21:22):
Now.

Speaker 4 (01:21:22):
I just mind, man, it sounded like you wrote that
that is perfect from the owners.

Speaker 5 (01:21:29):
No, no, no, I get that. But but but but
I perform with you before. This sounds like you like
it literally sounds like something you would say.

Speaker 2 (01:21:37):
Probably, but it was not me.

Speaker 3 (01:21:39):
It was Is this I did some r research and
development on the podcast. Is Lucy's Burger's here in Minnesota?

Speaker 5 (01:21:47):
Is this a vocal? Sure?

Speaker 2 (01:21:48):
I just got the screen grab.

Speaker 4 (01:21:50):
Because I I looked up at Lucy's Burgers and it
was in like Blaine, Oh.

Speaker 5 (01:21:56):
That sounds because the way that he wrote that is
the most menace a nice passive aggressive ship I've ever
heard of in my life. That is that it gives
you the whole thing.

Speaker 2 (01:22:07):
I love it, especially the apple. Will gladly buy you
an apple.

Speaker 5 (01:22:11):
These give absolutely, absolutely the whole thing, like like it
literally is like I'm gonna affirm that you said something
to us. I'm gonna let you know that they were
just doing their job. And then at the end of
the day, at the end of the day, I'm even
gonna reward you what I guess you to me to

(01:22:32):
go somewhere else that is.

Speaker 4 (01:22:34):
Fucking ju yourself that it has never come here.

Speaker 5 (01:22:37):
And I the most that that is Minnesota whiteness at
its finest.

Speaker 3 (01:22:43):
I can actually opt the Minnesota whiteness because I'm on
Lucky's Burger.

Speaker 4 (01:22:46):
Lucy's Burger is a bead page. And uh, they've got
a meat raffle on.

Speaker 5 (01:22:58):
Oh god, speaking of go ahead off the beaten past
it because he said the word meat raffle. I've been drinking,
so this happens. We've all done the show in saying
Paul Park right, yeah, Well.

Speaker 2 (01:23:14):
I don't know if actually, Joe, have you done yet?

Speaker 5 (01:23:16):
No, Andrew singing up, yeah, yeah, Andrew singing shout out
to Andrew. Look look man, interesting ship. That microphone set
up sounds like I'm doing the meat raffle. I had
to tell that ship.

Speaker 2 (01:23:29):
Oh yeah, to be fair, it is at an American legion.

Speaker 5 (01:23:33):
It is. It is that.

Speaker 2 (01:23:37):
God how many times where it's like, oh my god,
they blew the speakers out in like nineteen eighty five,
but they still haven't replaced him.

Speaker 5 (01:23:45):
I immediately feel like I'm doing a meat raffle or
or or I'm doing like I'm doing like uh bingo,
like I'm doing like I'm the bingo. I'm the Bingo person.
Get you.

Speaker 2 (01:24:00):
All right? That's what we're saying, speaking of a speaking
of teachable moments and and Deborah. Sometimes we have to
ask ourselves, gee, why did it fail?

Speaker 5 (01:24:15):
Everything?

Speaker 4 (01:24:19):
I thought I was here to stay. I thought, now
I have to figure out why you did it?

Speaker 2 (01:24:28):
All right? To answer your question, you listenes g winded.
It fails a segment we do every week where we
look at different menu items, businesses. A lot of times
it's commercials or training videos and uh, Joe, I'm sorry,
you already know where this is going. Yes, no, no, no, okay,

(01:24:54):
all right, no other the other one, the other the new,
our new, our new version of the kool Aid kids.
We like to look at commercials that didn't age well. Ulysses.

Speaker 5 (01:25:04):
Oh no, please please tell me you did not find them?

Speaker 2 (01:25:09):
No, no, no, no, no, we found we found this
was we We went back. We went back a little
further than that. We go on the way back.

Speaker 4 (01:25:16):
Let me get my mustache.

Speaker 5 (01:25:18):
I appreciate. I appreciate you guys not not letting people
knowing that I'm that old. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 (01:25:23):
No, no, you're not this old.

Speaker 4 (01:25:24):
I where are we doing? Freedom?

Speaker 5 (01:25:27):
Freedom?

Speaker 2 (01:25:28):
Are you familiar with the Free Too Bandito? The Ulysses?

Speaker 5 (01:25:33):
The Free Uh? Are you about to play it?

Speaker 2 (01:25:36):
I'm going to, But are you familiar with it? Are
you familiar with?

Speaker 5 (01:25:39):
Might be? Remember them? Old? It happens? So what happened?

Speaker 2 (01:25:43):
So this is the we switched over to the this
commercial that we're going to watch here it is uh
is a Free Too's commercial. This one goes back to
sixty eight. But this is where the Freedo Bandido meets
Batman's chief O'Hara, whoa crossover commercial crossover in a commercial

(01:26:04):
and Sarah.

Speaker 3 (01:26:05):
Wasn't doing very much. He like read for a lot,
but he never got any commercials. He was like, hey, dear,
make sure you wait some shiittios like it's like, shut up, dude,
just shut the fuck up.

Speaker 4 (01:26:17):
Next.

Speaker 2 (01:26:18):
So it's this week's uh gee, why did it fail?

Speaker 5 (01:26:22):
Charge? Sarge? I caught him.

Speaker 4 (01:26:25):
I caught the quintopn Dido stealing Frido's cornships again, her
little fellow sergeant.

Speaker 5 (01:26:32):
I don't steal cornchy Friedo's corn cheaps. I believe it.
He's better to give in to receive.

Speaker 4 (01:26:38):
Oh you believe it, Okay, then give.

Speaker 3 (01:26:43):
There may be a Fredo Bandido in your house, so
buy to and hide one bag for you.

Speaker 4 (01:26:51):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:26:51):
I want that lady on the back of a sweat
charge Sarge just Sorge salage.

Speaker 2 (01:26:58):
So many offensive accents in that one one.

Speaker 5 (01:27:05):
Uh so, And I love that.

Speaker 4 (01:27:08):
He's got a real donkey.

Speaker 5 (01:27:10):
Yes, I love that.

Speaker 4 (01:27:11):
They like it's a real donkey cartoon guy.

Speaker 5 (01:27:15):
So the.

Speaker 4 (01:27:16):
The donkey had, the donkey gets a sad card.

Speaker 2 (01:27:20):
Yeah, the donkey has a sad card. But the but
mel Blanc doesn't because he's.

Speaker 4 (01:27:27):
Just he's his voice ever damn the feat But it's
like you, you just don't get to do.

Speaker 3 (01:27:36):
Any ethnicity and a commercial it's whatever.

Speaker 4 (01:27:40):
The commercial is, it's for the culture that you're trying
to sell it to.

Speaker 5 (01:27:44):
Now.

Speaker 2 (01:27:44):
It's yeah, so it's this commercial specifically with by the way,
the the chick at the end of it, it's a grant.
It's an old lady stealing there. And then when she
grows the mustache, which we don't know if that had
to do with the Fredos or if it was just
you know that just that was just her time old edge.

Speaker 3 (01:28:05):
Yeah, they just start growing that little granny stash. I've
never seen one with that. She's had to twist up
like like wax it up.

Speaker 2 (01:28:13):
Like that, you know, you know what, you know, maybe
for just all the grease from the FreeDOS.

Speaker 4 (01:28:18):
They don't let they don't let people leave Fridos anymore.

Speaker 3 (01:28:20):
The doctor takes the Friedos away early so they don't
get the Freedo Bandino mustaches.

Speaker 2 (01:28:25):
So it is it's crazy.

Speaker 5 (01:28:27):
I don't know, I don't know. I don't know if
Cheetos in the Andy Griffin Show all kind of murk
at the same time that that that's that looks like,
ain't be what the what the I can't I can't
unsee that right, like like like it's it's racist. Ain't
be like that's that dude, it's commercials, don't I.

Speaker 2 (01:28:50):
Mean, wasn't anti racist anyway.

Speaker 5 (01:28:55):
A little bit.

Speaker 4 (01:28:56):
I don't remember any black people and the Andy Gribbin.

Speaker 2 (01:28:58):
Show they kept them. There were a sundown town, you know, that.

Speaker 5 (01:29:01):
Did not exist when the Andy Griffins Show came on.
It was definitely, yeah, you don't if you saw black
people on in Mayberry at the time, it wouldn't have
It wouldn't have looked good for television. It definitely would
have looked like somebody got hung up stronger.

Speaker 4 (01:29:24):
Piles like you better be just passing through.

Speaker 6 (01:29:27):
Whatever his name was, you better be just passing through.
Barney Fife, Yeah, Barney. Barney is the dude that just shoots.
He would shoot. He definitely would have busted his gun
for no reason. The brother could have just been like,
hey man, got a flat tire right here, you just

(01:29:51):
He'd be the worst. Barney would be the worst cop.
He'd be the worst cop to have in the city
these days, and especially be in the innercites because he was.

Speaker 5 (01:30:01):
He definitely would have been on tea.

Speaker 3 (01:30:05):
I do okay, so uh they did take the Freedo
Bandido's pistols because he.

Speaker 2 (01:30:10):
Is the bullets.

Speaker 4 (01:30:12):
They did leave his bullets. They left his his bandoliers.
Is that what you call it?

Speaker 3 (01:30:16):
What the uh? The bullets across the chest? They did
take his guns. That was actually, you know what, took
his pistol, Sagian.

Speaker 2 (01:30:26):
I took his pistol. Sergeant, I can't do a good Irish,
but it is crazy, like you, Yeah, I mean that
is a weird, but I actually kind of appreciate the
attention to detail about that a little bit.

Speaker 4 (01:30:37):
Yeah, like, we can't be walking around the freedo Bandido can't.

Speaker 2 (01:30:41):
Be walking around the police station and just and then
he takes to some he's wearing a sombrero. By the way, ladies,
why isn't he cuffed.

Speaker 4 (01:30:47):
He's not cuffed. He's just freely walking around.

Speaker 2 (01:30:50):
And then he just and then he's like he's give up.
He's being arrested for stealing Fredo's. And then in the
process of being arrested for stealing Fredo's, he then tries
to steal more freedom.

Speaker 3 (01:31:01):
No, he wasn't stealing Frido's. If you actually listen to
what he said. He said I was Sergeant was like,
were you stealing Fredo's? And the freedo Bandino was like,
I was not stealing fridos because it is better to
give friedos than to then to steal Britos.

Speaker 4 (01:31:16):
And he goes, you have he loophole it. He tricked
the sergeant into forcing his hand.

Speaker 5 (01:31:24):
Nice the characteristics that have built Trump like Trump. I
think Trump has watched a lot of these videos and yeah,
and he's looking at Freedo Bandido's like, you know what,
if we built this wall and had him paid for it,
then we would never have to see Fredo Bandido again.
Like he must have been haunted by the character I

(01:31:47):
feel like that Trump, And right now, right now, if
he watches that, it might trigger the real thought behind things,
and he probably would say something like, you know, they're
hiating the Fredos, they're eating the Lais, they're eating the
old Dutch, they're eating, they're eating all the eating.

Speaker 2 (01:32:07):
All of.

Speaker 6 (01:32:09):
The all of the snacks, they're eating, the snack chips
they're eating they're eating the snack chips.

Speaker 4 (01:32:16):
Every freedom must go.

Speaker 5 (01:32:20):
And must go. I'm gonna send definitely.

Speaker 4 (01:32:24):
We're gonna get all the bandidos.

Speaker 2 (01:32:29):
We're gonna get a big, beautiful wall against the bandidos.

Speaker 4 (01:32:34):
The wall is gonna be so.

Speaker 3 (01:32:35):
Big, it's gonna be so bigs won't be able to
anyone's everyone American freedoms.

Speaker 2 (01:32:43):
We actually stumble onto something like this was just was
baked into a young Donald psyche at like he's like.

Speaker 3 (01:32:52):
President and I'm gonna build a wall that keeps out
all the freedo bandidos from not stealing my chips.

Speaker 5 (01:33:00):
It's still my chips. I mean, it's it's it's it
sounds like something that I think. I think if he
actually sat with a Karen therapist, it probably would help
him out. It's just like he would need to know this.
This is where his cit is deep rooted from.

Speaker 1 (01:33:12):
Man.

Speaker 5 (01:33:12):
I mean, you you literally have this going on with
you and Jimmy Walker didn't do any better for you
with all that died a mighty I'm.

Speaker 3 (01:33:19):
Just saying touchdowns, America's Fredo's will be safe from the
Van Detos and.

Speaker 5 (01:33:29):
Falk and for Jimmy Walker. But I'm just saying like that, dude, this, Yes,
I think this is a triggering moment for for Donald
Trump growing up. And it could have been from the
from the fact that his parents seen a little guy,
because you know, we learned from who we're around, and
your parents were like, we're not you're not doing the

(01:33:51):
Fredo ban Dido here, buddy. We could get but not
in this house. Not in this house. I mean, you
can't get this good red comp and eats.

Speaker 4 (01:34:02):
I'm a Fredo Bandino. It's like, no, you stop putting
my makeup, my eyeliner on.

Speaker 5 (01:34:08):
You know. So Yeah, Freno band Bandido is a trigger
for him. I think, I think, I think we're on to.

Speaker 4 (01:34:14):
Something for a lot of us, Ulysses. It's it's very
much a trigger for me. Every week it's a new
racist Freedo Bandido doing something racist.

Speaker 2 (01:34:25):
Or or or I just find something else to haunt Joe's.

Speaker 4 (01:34:28):
Yes, these these old racist commercials are terrible.

Speaker 3 (01:34:30):
I love old television and I love some old commercials,
but there's some that are just okay.

Speaker 5 (01:34:39):
Wow, Can I say something real quick? I will say this,
there are some okay again, And I've had conversations with
people about this before about there is certain ways to
address things in life, and I think, I mean, I
love all you guys talk about the racial stereotype about
some certain things, but I do appreciate when people know

(01:35:04):
how to articulate things in a fashion that exploits racism
versus creates it, right, you're probably you're probably not put
this on there. But what I'm saying is, like I
can appreciate. I can definitely appreciate Archie Bunker. I can appreciate.

(01:35:27):
I can appreciate because because of the way they wrote
it that and.

Speaker 2 (01:35:30):
Also like it was meant to be a parody. People
weren't supposed to go, oh, that guy has some good ideas.

Speaker 4 (01:35:37):
A lot of people did.

Speaker 2 (01:35:39):
But like, but the people, the people who wrote the show,
and I forget the name of the act actual actor,
his real name, Joe.

Speaker 5 (01:35:47):
Who's talk about Rob Ryner who played Archie Bunker. Oh
uh uh kind of uh carry carry O'Connell.

Speaker 2 (01:35:54):
Yeah, carry if he was on record going, yeah I
was Carol, I don't care. Yeah, I was on he's
on record, like, yeah, I was playing at Carroll, Like,
you're you're not supposed to want to be this guy.
You're supposed to He's supposed to be the foil, he's
supposed to be the bad guy. He's not supposed to
be the protagonist. Like and that's the problem. Too many

(01:36:15):
people made him the protagonist. They made him the hero.

Speaker 5 (01:36:21):
So but interesting enough, if you go back and you
watch that show. Right. Remember I told you earlier that
I took that role as the stuttering guy, not as
comic relief. It was it was playing straight. Yeah, and
he played Archie Bunkers straight. Even if even if it

(01:36:42):
was meant to be funny, he still played that straight.
He like like his expressions and his emotions, what he
said on it. This is the reason why he won
a lot of awards for what he did, because he
played it straight. If he tried to make it funny,
they wouldn't. It's been funny, No, it was.

Speaker 2 (01:37:01):
It's meant to be. It was meant to be serious.
But like the juxtaposition of the seriousness with the ridiculousness
of it is what made it funny exactly.

Speaker 5 (01:37:09):
And the people around them in a way. It's greatly
written stuff. But back to my point of it, I
just want to say, look, there's some times where you
can do that and get away with it. That's my
Black History Month moment, presented by Ulysses Zachary.

Speaker 2 (01:37:28):
The more you know, ah, God, this has been fun.

Speaker 4 (01:37:36):
This is fun.

Speaker 2 (01:37:37):
I think it's time we eighty six the podcast. But
before we go, Ulysses, we do have one last segment.
No no theme music for this one. So it's called
human Yelp Reviews. That's for you, Ulysses Zachary. You get
to review the podcast. You can either review the podcast
as a whole or myself and Joe individually. You can
use as many stars as you like. We prefer a

(01:37:57):
five star metric, but go nuts whatever you'd like and
whenever you'd like to start.

Speaker 5 (01:38:03):
All right, so sis, we're doing a five star metric here.

Speaker 6 (01:38:07):
Uh.

Speaker 5 (01:38:08):
I'd like to say, first of all, I've enjoyed my
time on the show. I'm going to give that a five.
I want to care in the host because he hasn't
invited me up to Saint Cloud yet.

Speaker 4 (01:38:24):
Oh yeah, this is a teachable moment.

Speaker 5 (01:38:30):
Teachable moment, I mean, like he's said, I'm being there
yet or is it maybe.

Speaker 2 (01:38:40):
There's a lot of fucking comics in Minnesota.

Speaker 4 (01:38:47):
On the kid.

Speaker 3 (01:38:50):
Yeah that list, that list, it looks like a fucking
like a don't like a kidney donor list, just crossed
slowly crossing people of it for long list.

Speaker 5 (01:39:03):
To me anyway? No, no, no, actually, actually you guys
are great man. It's all fires for me. I've had
a great time. Uh and not your mention, I mean look,
I have cocktails. You guys were doing all the leg work,
and it's just giving me an opportunity to kind of

(01:39:24):
spitball my day. Uh. I probably see Joe, who's gonna
get a fire for the day as well. I'm probably
seeming about an hour or maybe less at Fresh Purans.
But I'm going to be ubering tonight because I've had
a good time today and y'all caught me on Sunday
fun Day. If you catch if you catch me on
another Sunday during football season after the football game, I

(01:39:49):
probably can't answer the rest of your questions.

Speaker 2 (01:39:53):
It depends on if the Packers lost that day or not.

Speaker 5 (01:39:56):
Yes, well, if the Packers lost, I will be extat
now that guy that day.

Speaker 4 (01:40:02):
Yeah, you gotta get it in.

Speaker 2 (01:40:03):
You to get it in, you get working for me.

Speaker 5 (01:40:08):
If the Vikings win that day, I'm trolling.

Speaker 2 (01:40:11):
I'm I've been friends with you on social media. I
know you put out Oh and by.

Speaker 5 (01:40:15):
The way, this is not and this is not a
sports theme. I just want to say one thing, Uh
I do it. I look, I enjoy Uh, I enjoy
that part of my life where for me it's family.
So my family comes together when I'm with my family,
So all the videos that people see with me, this
is more about eating food and having fun with family.

(01:40:36):
But but but overall, for this show, I had a
great time. You guys are dope, and I hope to
come back and uh and yeah and and do some
other things because I want to hear about Karen of
the Week again that that is we.

Speaker 2 (01:40:53):
Do in every episode, So like, yeah, yeah, so our
problem is we're what we're what Joe, this is like
one hundred and seventieth like actual live guest we've had
on the show, And uh, I think we still have
finding Karen's of the Week one hundred and seventy fucking episode.

Speaker 4 (01:41:11):
It's starting to.

Speaker 5 (01:41:11):
Get as you will, as you will, and I would
love we like to.

Speaker 3 (01:41:15):
Fucking we're trying to eradicate the Karen in America kind
of like what we did this morning, right, We didn't.

Speaker 4 (01:41:24):
We didn't have anything to do with the murder.

Speaker 5 (01:41:26):
You need somebody to read that and then read it
in the reverse black voice, and what they read, did
you hear what this motherfucker said? She talked. It's a
motherfucker teacher. Get the fuck up out of here, Karen.

Speaker 2 (01:41:41):
Listen, how do how do our listeners follow you.

Speaker 5 (01:41:44):
Uh, they can follow me on Instagram at you Zachary
underscored three that Uh, that's one way or just Ulysses. Well,
first of all, I gotta spell my name right for everybody,
because a lot of people against the name U z
a A c k e r y underscore three at

(01:42:09):
on on Instagram. And my name is U l Y
s s E s z A c k e r
y on Instagram. You listen, Zachary, Uh, I really get
frustrated because people fuck up my name a lot, especially
people who look like me. They add a lot of
essens to it. And so my name is Ulysses, is

(01:42:31):
not you listen to.

Speaker 4 (01:42:34):
Everybody's spelling your name with a stutter.

Speaker 5 (01:42:37):
They do. They spell my name with a stutter like
the first character I've ever played in my life.

Speaker 4 (01:42:41):
It's like this spelling Mississippi.

Speaker 5 (01:42:45):
Yeah, U s I S S s I p P.

Speaker 4 (01:42:48):
I like damn it.

Speaker 5 (01:42:49):
Dir, I'd be like, look, yeah, yeah, I get it.

Speaker 6 (01:42:52):
If you spell you listenes, it's like U L Y
cric letter, crinkle letter, E cricker letter.

Speaker 5 (01:42:58):
But there's not that many crickets in it. Uh, but yeah,
so yeah, you listen, Zachary. Also, if you want to
follow my company that I run when I produce shows,
it's now that's funny, and that's on that's on uh
on Facebook as well. So those are places you can
find me. So yeah you Zachary Underscore three on Instagram.

Speaker 6 (01:43:21):
You listen Zachary on Facebook and uh, now that's funny
on Facebook if you want to find out where I'm
doing the shows.

Speaker 5 (01:43:30):
Thank you guys so much. Man, I appreciate you guys.

Speaker 2 (01:43:33):
Joe, how do people follow you Instagram?

Speaker 4 (01:43:35):
The word photographizing, that's the word photograph I z I
n g.

Speaker 5 (01:43:40):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (01:43:41):
Let's see, got a bunch of shows coming up, so
look out, check out your fucking.

Speaker 4 (01:43:46):
Small town newspaper. I'm coming to you, bitches.

Speaker 3 (01:43:50):
It's and uh yeah, we're gonna have some fucking fun
this spring, dude. Lots of lots of fun stuff coming
up on the on the docket.

Speaker 2 (01:43:57):
Oh yeah, I got lots of fun on the docket
for me as well. You can follow me on Matt
Douim on Facebook and Instagram. I am at that Matt
Douima on Blue Sky and on TikTok. Not on Twitter, nope, nope,
just yeah, actually nothing, I just had to get I
was getting off of it anyway, Like I'm like, why
do I have this app? That just makes me angry?

(01:44:19):
So I was just done.

Speaker 4 (01:44:21):
Yeah, x Elon's fourteenth baby.

Speaker 2 (01:44:24):
Yes, uh, we talked about that later. Anyway, ask for
me for my shows. Every Wednesday evening in the basement
of the Red Carpet Nightclub, I host the Keller Comedy
open Mic, one of Minnesota's longest running about to hit
nine years. WHOA, which is insane if you think about
for a non comedy club.

Speaker 4 (01:44:42):
What is that in the third grade?

Speaker 5 (01:44:44):
Now?

Speaker 2 (01:44:44):
Yeah, yeah, it's a it's it's starting to discover its
body a little bit, but it's still awkward, you know.
It's a it's a it's it's wondering about.

Speaker 4 (01:44:52):
Girls, Oh babies made you like show?

Speaker 2 (01:44:55):
It's that kind of podcast or it's that kind of
open mic anyway. That's based on the Red Carperonna Club.
Every Wednesday evening. Every Saturday evening, I host the aforementioned
I don't know sorry, I produced the aforementioned Beaver Island
Comedy series. Doors open at seven thirty, show starts at eight.
We got some great people coming through, so we've got

(01:45:15):
some really great headliners. Coming through that we're very excited about. Anyway,
you can follow the podcast at hufful Service pod on
a platforms. This has been Oh yeah, follow us on
our website www dot h Awful Service Podcast dot weeblee

(01:45:40):
dot com and make sure you email us your awful
stories at awful Service Podcast at gmail dot com. You lisses,
this has been a blast. Thank you so much for
doing the podcast.

Speaker 5 (01:45:53):
No doubt. Hey, thanks, We're done now right.

Speaker 2 (01:45:56):
We have one last thing here, okay.

Speaker 3 (01:46:00):
And as as always, Hey dude, I'm going to the
bank and I'm gonna get thirty dollars worth of nickels
because I'm making it hail, I.

Speaker 2 (01:46:10):
Was gonna says. As always, when you're at Bill's gunshop,
you should make sure you're done shadow boxing in an instant,
otherwise you might end up on Laurel Avenue.

Speaker 4 (01:46:21):
Laurel Avenue. Wow, I had to make a reference and
have a good night. It's time to.

Speaker 8 (01:46:27):
Count the till, sweep the floors and mop the bills,
say good night, dispose of the trash, and turn out
the light. Tell me why I try it?

Speaker 5 (01:46:43):
So?

Speaker 4 (01:46:43):
Damping is a lie. So I'll take my tips.

Speaker 8 (01:46:48):
My services have earned me this May I I will
find a way out of For now, I count.

Speaker 5 (01:46:58):
Light tip lock the.

Speaker 1 (01:47:18):
This has been a tape Deck media production. Thank you
for listening.

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