Awful Service Number One Hundred and Seventy-Five - MJ Matheson - Awful Service Podcast

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Tape Deck Media.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
Is gonna be.

Speaker 3 (00:26):
Welcome back. This is another episode of the Awful Service podcast.
This is the podcast that is gonna need you to
put a credit card down if you want to get
more than one audio, start a tap. You're not paying
cash for every audio for this, No, and then they're
gonna keep coming back to the They're gonna keep coming
back to the audio, and then they're gonna pay for
it cash. And you don't have time for that.

Speaker 4 (00:47):
Do you accept? Do you accept tap? Can you do
tap to pay?

Speaker 3 (00:51):
That's fine, We're fine, Okay, we gotta start the the
tap to start the tap that it needs you to.

Speaker 4 (00:56):
Charge my phone for me because my phone's dead, so
and I can't pay you to send my phone is charged.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
I like tap to pay cool. I like that.

Speaker 5 (01:06):
Uh, it's a pay pay up front because then most
people are gonna forget that they.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
Have it and then uh, just they're just paying us,
not even listening to the episodes, which we're okay with.

Speaker 3 (01:18):
Yeah, you know what, as long as they're paying us,
it's me the original tap to pay Matt domough with
is that what you.

Speaker 4 (01:25):
Used to say?

Speaker 2 (01:25):
The girls?

Speaker 5 (01:28):
Yeah, money's on the money's on the Nightstand.

Speaker 4 (01:32):
With like it's more like he pays a tap. To
be honest, it's just looking at all three of us
in this mix. There's no way we're not paying for it.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
Our guest gets a slow clap for the fucking slide in.

Speaker 5 (01:45):
Yes, and uh it's me, uh the original back brace
himself Jokollo, because that's how I feel.

Speaker 2 (01:54):
I feel like I'm just completely taped up.

Speaker 3 (01:57):
Pretty soon, we're gonna put those leg things like Forrest
Gump on you.

Speaker 5 (02:00):
That's I need the was it Rickets?

Speaker 2 (02:05):
What was it?

Speaker 3 (02:06):
It was for Rickets? Yeah? Yeah, And then you're gonna
dance with Elvis Presley.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
It's gonna be it's gonna be delightful.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
That was my that was my make a wish And
we could talk about it just Joe and I could
just talk about make a wishing and paying at the bar.
But you know, we should probably bring in our guests
in on this. He has some pretty good, big opinions
on that. On the podcast today we have comedian. He
runs the Easy Speak at Bullstead's. He also runs the

(02:34):
Litz Pinball Bar show, so every other Wednesday, he's always
you can't find him on a Wednesday. This guy's busy
as fuck you guys, you.

Speaker 4 (02:41):
Can on a Wednesday, you can't find him anywhere else though, Yeah,
advertise as saying you can't find me, But are.

Speaker 2 (02:50):
You not John the Unfindable?

Speaker 3 (02:54):
Yeah, that's your new time.

Speaker 4 (02:55):
Thanks for having me, guys?

Speaker 2 (02:58):
Where do he go? Did he was just here?

Speaker 3 (03:01):
Right here?

Speaker 4 (03:03):
Ago? I can hear?

Speaker 3 (03:04):
I can't see him? Can you see it?

Speaker 4 (03:06):
It's not even Wednesday, dude, It's like, uh, it's like
I'm hanging out with my niece who's just a little
over one.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
We're doing like you covered your eyes? Where did you go?
Where do you go? He's unfindable?

Speaker 4 (03:18):
I've also uh, I also shiped my pants too, just now.
So we have a lot in comments with me and
one year olds a little bit take a break. Wait, Joe,
you know how to change the diaper? For real? Oh? Yeah, that.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
Diapers? Yes?

Speaker 5 (03:35):
Like, because I was thinking about it, I was like,
it's kid diapers, yes, adult diapers?

Speaker 6 (03:43):
No?

Speaker 2 (03:43):
Do you still put their legs back?

Speaker 4 (03:45):
How do you change the adult It's all about the powder, dude,
It's all about inmates.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
Why are you being in my face? Grandpa?

Speaker 3 (03:53):
Who made a poopy?

Speaker 2 (03:55):
You know I did?

Speaker 4 (03:57):
I told you an hour ago. To one.

Speaker 5 (04:01):
I was I like my old time television in the
background while I'm doing my writing, I was watching an
episode of Hawaii five Ozho the original, and on came
a Gerber life commercial.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
Not for children, It's not for just babies anymore.

Speaker 3 (04:17):
Life insurance.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
They sell life insurance.

Speaker 3 (04:19):
Oh, they've been doing that for a long time. I
had no idea long time it is.

Speaker 5 (04:23):
So they decided we're gonna get you to come in
and go in.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
Do they also?

Speaker 5 (04:27):
Why then, why don't they make a baby old people
baby food. It's like you need your carrots and then
you just have your ground up. It's in the jar.
It's the old people baby food. You got the old
baby baby food.

Speaker 3 (04:41):
It makes me concern that we were feeding kids that.
If they're also offering life insurance, there's like a little
bit of like, hey, if you eat the Gerber, you're
gonna you're gonna need some life insurance.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
It's like this, we're like an edge and our bets.

Speaker 5 (04:53):
It's the other thing is uh that I watched the
NFL draft and there was not one but to make
a wish kids making picks.

Speaker 2 (05:04):
One was for the coat. That was their fucking wish.

Speaker 5 (05:09):
Was to make Claire a pick at the NFL draft.

Speaker 4 (05:13):
Oh that's rough though, because if that.

Speaker 5 (05:16):
Wanted to come out in the chair, one looked normal
where I was like, I don't what is your wish?

Speaker 2 (05:20):
Dude? What did you have? How did you get in
on the Wish Foundation? Are you cured? That's your wish?
Then you're done. You don't get a wish, like what if.

Speaker 4 (05:30):
The guys they choose have a terrible season and those kids.

Speaker 5 (05:35):
But it's okay because they're not going to be around
long enough to see how bad.

Speaker 4 (05:39):
These By the playoffs, everyone's like, thank god the fell thing.

Speaker 3 (05:47):
My wish is to make sure this never happens.

Speaker 5 (05:51):
And then there's another kid that wishes that the kid
never wished that pick anti wishes.

Speaker 2 (05:57):
My one wish is the odd wishes.

Speaker 3 (06:00):
Jesus John Cena can't do that. That's crazy. Well, this
is the Awful Service podcast and we'll just talk about
make a wish, kids, Gerber killing people or.

Speaker 2 (06:15):
No, they get you coming and going.

Speaker 5 (06:16):
And what I don't understand is if they have the
life insurance for the old people, why are they not selling.

Speaker 2 (06:24):
People?

Speaker 3 (06:25):
But they do actually have you can get the no
with the Gerber thing that life insurance policy. They have
that for your child. That is for children.

Speaker 2 (06:33):
No, it's just for kids, for kids. That's how it started.
You know how, you can buy it for old people.
If now, if you didn't.

Speaker 3 (06:41):
Get Gerber, my parents paid for Gerber fucking life insurance.

Speaker 2 (06:45):
You have baby life insurance. I'm talking about I'm talking at.

Speaker 4 (06:50):
You now more. Matt.

Speaker 3 (06:51):
You look, you could have been the baby.

Speaker 4 (06:53):
You've got the forehead going on, you got the big eyes,
you get the soft cheeks. Whoa, whoa? Did you get
a mascot deal?

Speaker 3 (07:02):
I'm honestly, I was in the eighties and I spent
it all in blow.

Speaker 5 (07:06):
I don't know how to use campa appropriately, but I'm
gonna take seven hours and put Matt's face on a
baby Gerber baby things.

Speaker 3 (07:16):
Yeah, and if you do that, I'm gonna superimpose you
into every Muppet movie.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
Now it's now it's a.

Speaker 5 (07:23):
Super imposing ai Ward.

Speaker 3 (07:27):
Well, he's just gonna he obviously he's gonna be playing
drums for Doctor Teeth. Okay, so I'm.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
Animal in every Muppet movie.

Speaker 3 (07:35):
Well again, so we don't just talk about possible Muppet
things or Gerber Gerber.

Speaker 2 (07:40):
I can't stop talking about Gerber old people Insurance.

Speaker 3 (07:44):
This is the Awful Service podcast. Though this is the
podcast we're talking about different jobs and the stories there within.
The very first segment of the podcast is one that
we lovingly refer to as the resume.

Speaker 2 (07:56):
Soho, what's your reme?

Speaker 4 (07:58):
Why should we hide?

Speaker 3 (08:00):
Have you went?

Speaker 7 (08:00):
I had a job?

Speaker 6 (08:01):
Right?

Speaker 7 (08:01):
You up and buy?

Speaker 2 (08:02):
Tell us all about yourself and the place of bassins,
talk about my job, spilty, shady politics? Show what the resume.

Speaker 3 (08:15):
Again?

Speaker 4 (08:16):
M J.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
You don't have to do all your jobs.

Speaker 4 (08:18):
You can do the Western piece. Joe c Sorry.

Speaker 3 (08:22):
I love when we bring a joke from before we
were recording all right onto the podcast. Love it.

Speaker 5 (08:28):
And they think it's they're talking about me with that,
with that reference, not.

Speaker 2 (08:33):
The little person from kid.

Speaker 3 (08:35):
You're a different joke.

Speaker 4 (08:36):
Oh yeah, a nice correction there, We'll done.

Speaker 2 (08:38):
I am Joe Cocozello. Never went by Joe Cie.

Speaker 4 (08:41):
It's I think we're gonna start calling you that from
here on end. Really, yeah, your Joe c will be
the pussy Cats.

Speaker 3 (08:47):
Still better than funny little fucker.

Speaker 2 (08:51):
I am I'm three.

Speaker 8 (08:53):
Joe Ce's in a fucking Joe Cocozello. Yeah, I'm three
Joe season and over.

Speaker 3 (09:00):
I'll give it two and a half.

Speaker 4 (09:02):
Is the ding? Is the ding a good thing?

Speaker 3 (09:05):
It's a thing, It's just look, let's yeah, this is
his segments. Yes, yes, So whatever job you want to
start with, take it off the amen.

Speaker 4 (09:22):
I mean, I guess you already have that for the show.
You don't need me to do it too. Honestly, I
listened to the Harmstead episode, and crazily enough, Tim and
I actually have a lot of weird stuff in common.
But uh was a bad boy at a grocery store.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
Okay, all right, very.

Speaker 4 (09:41):
As well as Oh no, no that's not that's not
like a marriage thing. No, no, no, I I do
have someone i'm in love with. It's far more talented
than me, so like that. I'm like Tim, I'm just kidding.
I love them both so much. But no, I loved
him and he what's crazy is you guys mentioned Superior, Wisconsin.

(10:04):
Actually was born up in Superior, Wisconsin. Oh yeah, was
at the hotel I know that's the that's the right sound. No,
but that that hotel is for sure haunted. Uh and ok,
go to an even cooler one stay at the Android
Downtown Superior Sonny, Superior, Wisconsin. Android hotel, pretty fun, very haunted.

(10:26):
I was a bad boy. I loved it.

Speaker 2 (10:30):
I chatting also at the Owl.

Speaker 4 (10:33):
No, no, not the Owl. I'm too hip and young.

Speaker 3 (10:37):
Yeah young.

Speaker 4 (10:39):
It was a different now canceled or closed food corporation
called Centry.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
Oh, Centriy got canceled.

Speaker 4 (10:47):
I don't know, it's it's stuff.

Speaker 2 (10:50):
They fondled a bad girl. And then Century was like,
we're closing down.

Speaker 4 (10:53):
This is it. Yeah, this doesn't represent our commitment to
the brand. So they just yeah classics felt. But I
was a bad boy and I loved it.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
I loved an awkward moment in a walking freezer.

Speaker 4 (11:06):
A sixteen year old.

Speaker 2 (11:07):
And then it was like we're here, it's like Century
and that was me.

Speaker 4 (11:10):
I was the sixteen years.

Speaker 3 (11:12):
I was just gonna say Century just had a problem
with their landlord.

Speaker 2 (11:16):
Jesus.

Speaker 4 (11:16):
Wow.

Speaker 5 (11:16):
Now we're bringing things up from the prior to the show,
and now we have to describe it.

Speaker 3 (11:21):
No, no, no, no, we don't go on. So and
Superior was mistype.

Speaker 4 (11:27):
Yeah, well, I actually I grew up in Appleton, Wisconsin
after that because much like anyone in first grade, you
kind of go I think I should leave Superior, And
because if I had autonomy. Well that too superior, and
well their their grocery store had just got shut down,
so they had to leave. But I ended up in

(11:48):
working at as a bag boy first start.

Speaker 5 (11:50):
And then there's the kid that got raped by that
grocery store and they're like to move down.

Speaker 4 (11:57):
Yeah, and then yeah, and then they opened cub Foods.
You know yourself. Now it's festival. Now they're having a
party in the place where all the tragedy happened. But
uh yeah I was. And then twenty five cent raise
they gave me, and they made me a stalker with
especially important to say s t O c K E R.

Speaker 3 (12:17):
I have to.

Speaker 4 (12:17):
I'm legally allowed to say that.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
But it's just a lady.

Speaker 5 (12:22):
It's a lady with her cart walking down the aisle
and she looks behind her and you're gone, You're just
gonna find a.

Speaker 4 (12:28):
Stack of like a cans a piece and then yeah,
or she grabs a box of my mac and cheese.
My face is just behind it. You didn't help finding anything.

Speaker 5 (12:38):
How's your experience here at festival? Really you're having a blast.

Speaker 3 (12:47):
Just you know they use they said not to trust
the drinks at festival.

Speaker 4 (12:52):
Oh god, Oh I just got that. Wow, is anyone
gonna ding ding yourself for that?

Speaker 9 (12:57):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (12:57):
That's all I got them.

Speaker 4 (13:00):
And zoom zoom audio doesn't pick that up, so I'm
guessing it comes in on the mix, but I'm not
hearing it, so I'm assuming there's things happening.

Speaker 3 (13:06):
Sometimes it's it depends if we Joe's dinger is too
far away from his.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
Mic, I'll bring it closer. I didn't want it to
be like a big ding, like too big of a ding.

Speaker 4 (13:17):
Media.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
You don't want to come in with a big ding.

Speaker 4 (13:20):
Joe, so you are aware of the volume that you
put out.

Speaker 5 (13:24):
Oh yeah, that's insane.

Speaker 4 (13:28):
That's that's amazing.

Speaker 5 (13:29):
It's sometimes it's like the awareness comes and goes.

Speaker 3 (13:32):
But I am we caught him early in the day
his hit.

Speaker 4 (13:37):
He's control right now. Yeah, I love it. It's amazing.

Speaker 5 (13:42):
So I get louder as the evening goes along, which
is terrible for my neighbors, Like I feel bad for them.

Speaker 3 (13:50):
And then you're stocking. Now you're stocking them.

Speaker 4 (13:52):
I hated it. Twenty five cents extra to do all
the same work and then have to like be in
charge of palettes of like cans and stuff to put away.
But I still I still do. Like many other people
I know who have jobs that are just kind of
like meticulous and in like you know, forward facing, I
still do it. I go to like I was like,
I was going to ask you food, and I constantly
I see all the cans you wrong order, and I

(14:13):
just start facing them and training them right and making sure.
I'm like, I just can't help it.

Speaker 5 (14:17):
And oh wait, no, you actually go and work. I mean,
when you're shopping at a grocery store, you'll face the cans.

Speaker 2 (14:26):
Sometimes I will.

Speaker 3 (14:29):
Turn it off, Joe, I'm a pro.

Speaker 5 (14:32):
I'm my thing is because I also worked at a
grocery store when I was a kid, And I will
when I take one, I will bring the next one
up to the front.

Speaker 2 (14:42):
Or actually what I usually.

Speaker 5 (14:43):
Do is bring the three yes front yes, Like it's
just so that the next person doesn't have to anyway.
But like I'm not walking through the aisle like I
can't leave until they're all faced.

Speaker 2 (14:57):
I I just do it as I shop.

Speaker 4 (14:59):
Well, it's not not quite that. It's not that quite.

Speaker 3 (15:04):
Turn the label forward. You're just like wait, I'll be like.

Speaker 4 (15:07):
Well, hey, this one's this one's a dice tomato with Basil,
Oreguino and Onion, and this one's Darlic and Onion and
Basil and they're next to each other. One of you
doesn't belong in this row. You're supposed to be over
here with your brothers. You're supposed to be over here.
And then I find whoever's you know on the floor,
like Trevor, you're sucking up. He's like what, And then
I go to the checkout.

Speaker 3 (15:22):
He said, how do you know my name was Trevor?

Speaker 4 (15:24):
Well, you know, I I have a very intimate relationship
with every grocery store that is in my neighborhood.

Speaker 5 (15:31):
I also when I use people's name tag names on
a regular basis, it's love. I love name tags like
it's it's a wondering. It's funny when people forget that
they have their name tag on and then they're shopping
and then you're working at the grocery store and then

(15:52):
you use their name and then like, I did you
know my name is?

Speaker 2 (15:56):
But yeah, you can still because I know also that
you're working quick.

Speaker 4 (16:00):
Yeah, my lug is running. Bit. I mean in my
own brain is when I see somebody like, oh, yeah,
come over from like Super America and they walk in
the bar and I'm like, hey, what's up, how's it going.
Are you a big fan of Super America or do
you work there? They're like, I work there. I go, oh,
I just thought maybe you're you a bought the merch. Yeah,
it's a big fan, are you? What's ironic about that?

Speaker 3 (16:21):
Is one of my favorite things to do is I
go to thrift stores and I buy old uniforms and
just wear are my places. And it's It's gotten to
the point where I did a show in Battle Lake, Minnesota,
and I will wore a uniform for a place that
was four miles away from where I was performing. Oh,
I thought I was catering in from the restaurants. They're like, oh,

(16:43):
is the Rusty Nail catering this event? And me, I
don't even realize I'm wearing a Rusty Nail shirt. Even
I just have so many fucking uniforms, so I'm just like,
what are you talking about? Whatever? And I just keep
walking away. And then they're like, people like what that
guy from the fucking bars dick? And then I get
on stage and they're like, oh, you wore that on purpose,
and I'm like, no, I just a thing here.

Speaker 2 (17:06):
Is dude, that's hilarious. And I'll right like do they
have names on them?

Speaker 5 (17:12):
Because that's even better because the people start calling people like, hey, Trevor,
you're like that.

Speaker 3 (17:19):
I have one that is Keith. But it's about to MJ.
Back to MJ.

Speaker 2 (17:24):
Stocker girls, guys please stalking.

Speaker 4 (17:28):
Yeah, and I I know was festival stalking and you're.

Speaker 5 (17:32):
Not allowed one hundred and fifty feet near the vegetables
section because you weren't a good stalker because you got
arrested for stalking.

Speaker 4 (17:42):
Well, no, I it's more like I didn't do a
good enough job stalking. I guess I didn't care enough.
But I also what was that called I needed to
get a job someplace that like I could respect myself
walking in, I could wear the uniform with pride, and
I was just turning like seventeen or eight team. So
I got hired of TGI Fridays. Yeh, a real probably

(18:06):
the moment in my life that probably wasn't when it
was super f second generation. My mom worked for one.
This seems this is actually post idiocracy, and and they
got made fun of, not idiocracy, office space, they got
ripped apart and office space right, So TJI Friday is like,
we're not like that. And then Waiting comes out and

(18:27):
they're like that, and they're like, no, we're not like that.
We're really relaxed. And I'm like, they start taking it
and they.

Speaker 3 (18:32):
Start taking the ship off the wall subtly. All of
a sudden, they started really taking them off up.

Speaker 2 (18:37):
The jokes from the movies started. Dude, we should probably
pull that down.

Speaker 4 (18:42):
Some guy walked in when day was like, my dream
has died, but I got a job there. I always
tell people it's like I found that job before I
found so called oh self respect?

Speaker 2 (18:56):
Were you also stalking at the Fridays? You just in
a way up out of the pepper shaker? Hey, how's No?

Speaker 4 (19:03):
I was a very inattentive server, so no, and I
wasn't good.

Speaker 2 (19:08):
I was.

Speaker 4 (19:09):
It was better at bartending eventually, And this is what
you're serving at eighteen basically started serving tables at eighteen seventeen.

Speaker 3 (19:17):
You can't you can't serve.

Speaker 4 (19:19):
You can in Scanton in wiscons You cannot serve until
you're eighteen, but even then you if you don't have
a license, you have to be with someone who has
a license, which is just like driving. You know, I
don't have one, but my friend.

Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah, it's like my manager has a license. He's right there.

Speaker 4 (19:36):
It's like, so this is a Fridays in Wisconsin. Oh yeah,
classic scani Fridays. And then I got a job at
Olive Garden at the same time because I like to
double dip and yeah it was I was really you know.

Speaker 5 (19:51):
So with this like a Monday, Wednesday, Friday at the
at the Fridays and then uh no, it would be
funny if you worked at Olive gard on Friday.

Speaker 4 (20:02):
No that yeah, no, that was more like Sundays, you know,
because everything like your hiring with the tables fifteen times,
it's part of the hiring TGI.

Speaker 2 (20:13):
It's like Friday needs to stay open. Yeah, we're gonna.

Speaker 4 (20:18):
There's twelve of you, twelve twelve people on the floor,
two table sections each. You're gonna be over and around.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
Just twirl that's your section.

Speaker 4 (20:29):
There you go. Yeah. So it was just it was awful,
but I loved it.

Speaker 3 (20:33):
Yeah. So you just really liked going to places that
have endless things.

Speaker 4 (20:36):
Yeah, yeah, honestly that was the they both had.

Speaker 3 (20:41):
That was but that was before the endless appetizer thing though.

Speaker 4 (20:45):
You just you love running, you know it's insane, how
like I make fun of those places, and rightfully so,
but you know they're they're a core memory for a
lot of different Americans. But at the same time, the
jobs I do now, like the kinds of restaurants or
bars that I work at now, the least amount of
fucking work I have to do, and yet I get

(21:06):
paid well because these are nice places and with nice
people for the most part. But it's it's crazy because
I was at.

Speaker 2 (21:11):
My locally owned companies.

Speaker 4 (21:13):
Yes exactly, I work at I work at a supper club,
Wisconsin themed supper club, which is hilarious to me because
we're forty minutes away from Wisconsin. And this person was like,
what is the what's it mean? It's Wisconsin themed? To go, Oh,
you can drink as much as you want. We're never
going to say anything to you. She was like, Oh,
I'm I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. You know, it's old

(21:34):
fashions in primary But she goes, oh, and I go,
but I'll probably not say anything to you. But it's
hilariouscott it's themed.

Speaker 3 (21:43):
It's a Wisconsin themed supper club because you guys ruined
Manhattan's and old fashions.

Speaker 4 (21:49):
Old fashions, old fashions. I wouldn't didn't ruin Manhattan. Okay, okay,
you know the New Yorkers do that themselves, my right, guys. Anyway,
I have no idea. Yeah, it's the taste of the water.
It's it's the water in the dough.

Speaker 5 (22:05):
The basement will be submerged and the rats will fucking
take over.

Speaker 4 (22:10):
It's coming unless they grow gills. Wow, that got really dark.
I didn't just taking potshots from the Midwest, but I
was realizing last night at WS.

Speaker 2 (22:21):
Wisconsin themed guns are allowed at the table.

Speaker 5 (22:25):
Yes, it's Wisconsin theme. There's four John Deere parking spots
at the closest there. There's zero handicap spots are at
the back.

Speaker 3 (22:36):
There's Wisconsin theme because you're guaranteed to have at least
one serial killer in the building.

Speaker 4 (22:42):
Yes, that's kind of the Russian routte of the whole vibe.
Can it's Wisconsin the event and starts smoking.

Speaker 2 (22:49):
It's Wisconsin theme because there's a dirt track out back.

Speaker 4 (22:55):
Okay, I love this though, but these are the same
jokes you can make by Minnesota. Some of them are
really identical, and except for ruining the old Fashion. That
is definitely that is uniquely Wisconsin. I realized, you know
what you want to know why though, And that's the
thing is, you order a Wisconsin Old Fashioned and you
have to say sweet or sour because you muddle the cherry,
the orange, You fucking add sprite or you add sour mix,

(23:18):
and it makes it like a drinkable sick cocktail. Meanwhile,
a fucking old fashion, a proper old fashion, is literally
just your liquor, your bitters, and a little dash of
simple syrup. And that's fucking it on a big old
chunk of ice, if you got it. But if not,
I just think the fact is, it's it's it's evolution.
It's not that we fucked it up. It's that I
want to get just as drunk in July as I

(23:39):
do in January, and I want my normal drink, my
old fashion, but I don't want it to go away
so quick, so I'm gonna add some soda to it.

Speaker 3 (23:47):
Well, it's the it's the brandy part that I think
ruins it. Oh that's true, I forgot about the brandy. Yeah,
I'll make yeah, or they had score sweet sour.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
Dude, I'm actually kind of curious come.

Speaker 4 (24:01):
Come through to the restaurant. You boys, come in, I'm
gonna take good care of you. Guess which one is
the serial killer.

Speaker 5 (24:08):
I kinda like, I kind of want to go to
a Wisconsin theme restaurant, not in Wisconsin, like I think
that's the that's the hook.

Speaker 4 (24:17):
I don't want to actually taste Wisconsin. Yeah, what is
it called Creekside supper Club? It's actually really amazing. I
love it there. To be fair, I have to do
a plug now, but I like a salmon.

Speaker 5 (24:31):
Shape, like a giant salmon, because I feel like there's
a supper club those buildings salmon shape building. There is
a supper club shape like a fucking salmon.

Speaker 3 (24:41):
And that ship, Joe, I don't believe.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
Hold on giving Joe is looking at.

Speaker 3 (24:49):
You're working at Fridays and you're working at You're working
at Fridays and you're working at at at the o G.

Speaker 4 (24:54):
So you're learning this.

Speaker 3 (24:55):
These are so for listeners. You've never worked in corporate restaurant.
These two places are hell.

Speaker 4 (25:02):
Truly. There's only like there's one step below it, and
that's Applebee's. But he is still doing well. For some reason,
they're still around. It's the half off Apps.

Speaker 2 (25:17):
The Big Fish Supper Club and Resort.

Speaker 7 (25:20):
It is.

Speaker 2 (25:22):
East of cast Lake, Minnesota. It's a giant fish.

Speaker 4 (25:27):
It's shaped like like an aerial view, like a salmon
or Is it a driving walking into a big statue
of a fish.

Speaker 5 (25:37):
No, there's a it's like it. It looks like a
regular restaurant. And then there's an extension that is the
fish extends. It's I'm sending it, or a fish extension,
I'm sharing it.

Speaker 4 (25:48):
It's the fish tension. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (25:51):
It nothing on the photos of food looks good, by
the way, I still want.

Speaker 2 (25:58):
To eat here so bad.

Speaker 4 (25:59):
The weirdly serve no fish too, nobody.

Speaker 5 (26:06):
They just pointed the sign stake of chicken.

Speaker 4 (26:13):
Like a wedding.

Speaker 2 (26:14):
We don't funk with our fish.

Speaker 4 (26:16):
Not a drop. I will say this though. Yeah. Working
at those places, Olive Garden, teaching, all those corporate places,
they are militaristic in their training because they had to
be because they were also getting stewed by a million
people per year for whatever reason. And so I will
say a finger in my breadsticks, I'm like, yeah, it
was mine. I was just making sure it was.

Speaker 2 (26:35):
That's where it went. You gotta go to the hospital.

Speaker 4 (26:39):
Oh, it was connected to all of me too. It
wasn't the finger cut off, it was my whole finger.

Speaker 3 (26:43):
Just dip your finger in the garlic butter and then your.

Speaker 5 (26:46):
Face pops out. It's like, how's your experience at the
Olive Garden. It's like, Jesus, just a server, you're not starting.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
That's that has to be so.

Speaker 4 (26:59):
Up for that.

Speaker 3 (27:00):
That's the soup salad and bread sticks place. That's the
place where ever, I just want soup, salad and breadstick.

Speaker 4 (27:05):
Well, here's the thing about that. It's the same thing nowadays.
Like I've worked in uptown Minneapolis, very very hip scene
for a while and brunch is NonStop, endless bloodyberries and mimosas.
It's the same shit here where like I we're going
to place fifteen dollars all you can drink mimosa. Not
too bad, and the cost point is nothing on it,
so whatever. But if I spend an hour and a

(27:27):
half to three hours making fucking mimosas for this one person,
over and over and over again, and at the end
of it they tip me twenty percent, which is three
fucking dollars on the fifteen still proper twenty percent, But
it's absolute ass for what I've actually done for work,
and that is working at all of Garden.

Speaker 3 (27:46):
Yeah, oh yeah, you're just continuously bringing out.

Speaker 4 (27:48):
The last Internet connection. As I said, all that.

Speaker 3 (27:50):
No, you got it. No, we got it, we got it.

Speaker 4 (27:52):
Oh we're good. Okay, come, I'm like, you're trying to
silence me, dude.

Speaker 2 (27:56):
Garden taking you down a bag.

Speaker 3 (27:58):
No, but like that's I know. I've known. Surveys are
there too, and it's the worst because they sit there.
They have to you know, the Italian wedding super or
whatever the fuck they serve, the Ministrane the other ship
they serve there, and.

Speaker 4 (28:10):
They'll have people go through pasta pasta.

Speaker 3 (28:14):
Forgot about the all you can be pasta.

Speaker 4 (28:17):
Dude, any p never any possibles. That's uh. I still
have nightmares. That was literally twenty years ago most and
I have nightmares. Why oh my god. My favorite thing though,
is the pasta is not its spelled how it's said.
So listening to a bunch of people in my hometown

(28:37):
and say pasta, fay.

Speaker 3 (28:40):
You got it?

Speaker 2 (28:41):
Perfect Italian.

Speaker 4 (28:43):
I'll do the I'll do the mind strong.

Speaker 2 (28:47):
Totally want mind strong?

Speaker 4 (28:49):
Cow up, yeah, do.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
You want it? Do you want your mind strong? Sweeter
or sour to.

Speaker 3 (28:55):
Say you're when you're doing those endless mimosas, or you
ask them if it's a Wisconsin so irregular.

Speaker 4 (29:02):
Oh god, dude, I can't even. It's like I used to,
you know, when you're a kid and you fear people
open bottles of champagne and you're like you see it
in movies. You're like, that's cool. I want that, like
the pop in the house, and you just do it
for working brunch, dude, unless it's eleven fifty nine on
December thirty first every year. I don't want to fucking
ever hear that sound again or ever have to do it.

Speaker 5 (29:23):
That's your trigger, Like all that you hear a champagne
bottle pops, somebody's celebrating an anniversary, and that's your Vietnam.

Speaker 4 (29:29):
It's just like it's just flashback.

Speaker 2 (29:33):
I just hear.

Speaker 5 (29:36):
The You're just holding half of me, You're just holding
half of your waiter friends some to wave the flag. Yeah,
I'm just like, he's like I can feel my legs
and you're like, I can't find your legs, bro, And
you're gonna make it to the next brunch.

Speaker 4 (29:54):
But you still have to tip him out because he's
your bar back. He did bring a couple of cases
up from.

Speaker 8 (30:02):
All the way through brush, and I still got to
tip you out, asshole, like I saved your life.

Speaker 3 (30:08):
It was funny you brought up the mispronunciations thing, because
I've had it too. Uh cahoo, Yeah, I'll take the
I'll take the cahoon chicken agent, no way cahun for Yeah.

Speaker 4 (30:20):
Interesting.

Speaker 3 (30:21):
My favorite, though, my favorite of all time was this
little old lady. She goes, I'll take the burger with
cheater cheese.

Speaker 4 (30:29):
That's just adorable.

Speaker 5 (30:30):
That's either either she now had she you just watched
an old lady have a mini stroke, or.

Speaker 2 (30:40):
She has said cheater cheese since she was a child.

Speaker 4 (30:44):
I think that's how she learned it, and definitely both.
We had a burger at a place where cafeteria. Am
I jumping ahead too much of my resume?

Speaker 3 (30:53):
No, you're all around good.

Speaker 4 (30:56):
I figured this is a very structured podcast, so I
want to stick to it. But yeah, or to the
place like cafeitarizing structured?

Speaker 3 (31:04):
Well, yeah, I mean yeah, I think I just want
to go back to the garden because, like I'm sure
you had to deal with like maddening ship like I
I know, I've heard stories because you can't. You can't
box up the pasta and the never ending possible unless
it's like they started to eat it.

Speaker 2 (31:17):
But you get these guys who.

Speaker 4 (31:18):
Like, I want like I want to I want this,
I want this, and then they have like one bite,
they're like, oh, up the box, up five fucking pastas,
and they do have to be like the corporate rule
is like I'm sorry, you can't even have this many pasta.
It's you can. You could. From what I remember back
in the day, which i'm pretty sure it's still probably true,
is you can box the first one, the first order.
If they're like I'm not going to finish it, that's fine.

(31:38):
Anything after the second, third, or fourth whatever, you cannot
box it because it's never ending while you're there. Yeah,
I'm dying just even remembering this right now.

Speaker 5 (31:47):
But everybody thinks they have never ending and tomorrow leftovers.

Speaker 2 (31:53):
It's like, yeah, I'm gonna have to take that. No,
I'm gonna needed a box. No I'm gonna need to
take that. It's it's okay. Put the fork down, man.

Speaker 4 (32:02):
I think there's like, uh, this is something that I
kind of you can learn. You can learn early on
that what people are trying to do. They're just trying
to see what they.

Speaker 3 (32:10):
Get away with.

Speaker 4 (32:12):
And when you're taught to be like, oh, just give
good service, you know, just literally suck diick and be
like especially let me even more so of like you
need what Oh you want to do that? Oh that's
perfectly fine, even though it goes against all of our rules.
And then later you get written up for it. Yeah.
Watch to do that is you can just you can

(32:35):
just be honest with somebody.

Speaker 3 (32:36):
You just tell them no.

Speaker 4 (32:39):
You could just literally I don't know, this is what
I do and I still do it now and now
now I you know, I get to work at places
where I can actually be myself and yourself, you know,
correct behaviors. You can't correct a person, you can correct
a behavior. And people who are just being like, oh
I want to do this, this, this and this.

Speaker 2 (32:58):
The two jobs that you've had, the cool non corporate jobs.
How many training videos did you watch?

Speaker 4 (33:05):
Mm hmm? How many?

Speaker 2 (33:06):
How many training videos did you watch?

Speaker 4 (33:09):
Never?

Speaker 2 (33:10):
Never, once, exactly, And you're doing a great job.

Speaker 4 (33:13):
That's a sign. That's a sign to get out. There's
if they have time to make a video. I mean nowadays.
I worked at a place where they were like, yeah,
we kind of made a fun video for the pub.
It's like kind of thing, something we're gonna do for
our Instagram and our TikTok. And I was like, I
don't think this is gonna work out in general. They're like, well,
you do comedy, you should be in our videos. I go,
you should. You've never seen my comedy.

Speaker 3 (33:34):
Do one of their little sketches for the rest of that.

Speaker 4 (33:37):
Yeah. I was just like, that's on you. You do
that if you need a background actor or guy playing
bartender who stands there and doesn't have anything to add
to this, because I'm a bit in the editing booth.
You don't want me in there. This this angle is
not gonna work. This isn't this bit's not working. I
don't know why we're using the audio from a different thing.
They go, well, that's popular on TikTok. That's not popular
in my comedy. And they go, you're right, this is

(33:58):
not a good fit. Why don't you just bartend will
do the social media That sounds great exactly, that's if
I know how to do that. Well, don't you think
i'd use it for my career? You think I'd still
be here if I could, If I could do that,
I'd be on Letterman. Much like Tim.

Speaker 5 (34:16):
Someone told a coworker told you I did comedy, and
you thought this would be a good idea.

Speaker 3 (34:22):
Especially but in our industry it's the worst memj right, like,
because you get people who like they pitch they pitch
jokes to you because they find out you're you're a bartender,
so you have to sit there and listen to them.

Speaker 4 (34:33):
Yep, here's the thing. Maybe you guys have probably all
experienced this, and I think almost anyone that has eventually
become a performer, whether it's you know, actually stand up
or like theater or anything, it's when people want to
discover you. They look at you and they're like, you're
so funny, you should do stand up. And the first

(34:55):
and the most immediate way to make that person upset
is when you admit that you do already and you
just watch their face go m oh, and you're like,
what the fuck is that about? Because they want to
be the one that was like I told him to
go do it and he found out his dreams did it.

Speaker 3 (35:09):
And that was and when he gets to the war,
he's gonna he's gonna mention.

Speaker 4 (35:14):
I discovered him at a TG Fridays and it's like no,
And then the worst is the worst is I'll be
like to be like, you're so funny, you should get
on stage. I was like, oh, I'm I do actually
have a show every first and third Wednesday here, every
second Wednesday here, thank you, And they're like oh yeah no,
and then never gonna come to it, even though they
liked my material. But they're not coming to the show

(35:38):
because they want to discover you. They want to be
the one that told you that you were good at something.

Speaker 5 (35:42):
Maybe that's what you start doing is just going, oh shit,
what I am going to do this? And then when
they come back and then they're like, you're like, hey,
remember when you said I am a show next Wednesday?

Speaker 2 (35:56):
Now like this is amazing.

Speaker 3 (35:58):
I'm you pull up your Instagram. This just happened. I
just all of a sudden, I have all these followers. Yeah,
because they'll do bits.

Speaker 4 (36:05):
I wrote, yeah, yeah, I'm going to the Comedy Mothership.
It's crazy.

Speaker 2 (36:13):
Oh god, thank you guys. I wrote fifteen minutes on
buttholes because of you.

Speaker 5 (36:20):
Unless you I did like you guys were like you
should do comedy, and I was like, you know what
I'm gonna do comedy, I'm gonna talk about bottles.

Speaker 2 (36:27):
I'm not not not talk about bottles.

Speaker 4 (36:31):
What are some of the worst complaints you ever had
to deal with when you were doing corporate restaurants? Oh? Man, Well,
people just want shit for free. People want to people
want to say they didn't like their meal, people want
to say they want to take take something home. And
like I said that earlier, like what I learned at
an early age was if you just level with somebody
and look at them and go, I know what you're doing,
and I'm down, like fuck this place too, But come on, man,

(36:53):
Like is that like I'm not a drive through window.
I'm like yeah, yeah. So there was like there was
this one one time I had the interaction at TJ Fridays.
They had like pick pick pick two for twelve or
something like that, right, choose an appetizer, use an entree. Yeah,
and it was like pick two for this. It's like,
pick any one of these appetizers and take one of
these entrees. And I walked up and then pull fucking confidence.

(37:16):
This woman goes, I'm gonna take the this steak and
this salmon dinner whatever, and the shows two dinners instead
of an appetizer and a dinner. And so I looked
at her and I was like, oh, you know, well,
benefit of the doubt. Maybe she doesn't know. And I'm like,
this one here is just picked two. She said. It
says right here at the top, pick two for twelve.
I go right, and it's pick one of these and

(37:38):
one of these. She goes, that's not picking two. And
I've just stared at her, and I took a breath
and I leaned, and I go, where do you go
to eat? Where you can get a steak and a
salmon for twelve dollars? Because I'll go with you.

Speaker 2 (37:51):
I'll leave it right now.

Speaker 4 (37:52):
I will clock out and walk out with you. She
giant grin, huge grin on her face. She goes, I'll
do the green bean fries and the salmon. I go,
That's what I thought, and I walked away. So it's
people just want to get away with shit. So you
just let know, like, hey, dude, you.

Speaker 3 (38:07):
Drow a gauntlet down. Sometimes they'll back off, and.

Speaker 4 (38:11):
Then and then if they don't and they want to
talk to a manager, you're like that. Those people came
in with the problem. They didn't leave with a problem.
They walked in with one. They that's what they want
to do, dude.

Speaker 5 (38:20):
And that is part of the customer service part of
this podcast where everyone in life wears an invisible cloak
of their.

Speaker 2 (38:30):
Emotions, and it is like, don't like is don't wear
a fucking cloak of you.

Speaker 5 (38:36):
Come in with a cloak of anger or fucking irritation,
you're just gonna be an asshole.

Speaker 2 (38:41):
Come in with compassion and you get a lot more.

Speaker 4 (38:45):
Like I'm literally writing this down right now, cloak of
your own emotions.

Speaker 2 (38:49):
Due, it's.

Speaker 4 (38:52):
Because now it's gonna picture everyone. Remember I remember the
cloak of your own emotions? And Harry Potter, Yes it
was Harry.

Speaker 2 (38:59):
Yeah, he was a real bitch. He needed a different cloak.

Speaker 4 (39:03):
It was book five. Yeah, he was like, yeah, I
was having a hard time. Things are going poorly. I
just feel like, yeah, there's moments now like being more
of like a bartender and seeing people in these interactions,
it's just like listening to somebody again, just try to
get away with something, uh, and instead of being you know,
stopping them, it's like I want to award your creativity.
But at the same time, that shit's not gonna fly.

(39:23):
That's not how that goes. Like, yeah, I know, I
just try to try. Well, yeah, my favorite is, can't
taste the alcohol in this drink.

Speaker 2 (39:32):
You will at ten minutes the bathroom.

Speaker 4 (39:36):
That's something that Yeah, that's that was a constant at
TGI Fridays. But that's what drove me crazy though. This
one guy was like, there's no booze in this and
I said, sir, you ordered, you ordered a tropical berry
mohito shaker. That's the point is to He was like, yeah,
I was like, tropical, that's not booze. Berry, that's not

(39:58):
booze mohito in the drink mohido. There's rum, but there's
other stuff mint like lime, Like that's the one, and
then shaker is just the tin and the thing it
comes with it pours into the glass. I'm like, you
need if you want to taste your drinks by a shot,
it's four letters shot s h O t you taste
it right away, Get a shot a rum you'll that

(40:20):
will do the exact same amount of level to you
inebriation wise as this entire tropical berry mohito shaker drives
me insane. And you'll probably feel better too that sugar down. Yeah, right,
it's it's lean, you're lean, you're having a lean drunk.
I always think this is like, this is probably it's
gonna follow through as I'm like like doing the math

(40:40):
in my brain right now. Logically it doesn't work, But
I've always had this theory that the more like letters
in the name of the drink or the thing you're drinking,
the less you're gonna taste it. Like long islandized tea.
You don't. It's four types of booze. You don't taste it,
you know, I'm not supposed to. Yeah, fucking h Martini.

(41:01):
That's kind of a longer one, but it's short compared
to long island iced tea. Yeah, and you taste the
booze shot four letters, Yes, my death is like I'm like,
I have two examples from my constant.

Speaker 3 (41:11):
But old fashioned does have a does have a lot
of letters in it, but that one you taste the booze.

Speaker 4 (41:18):
You can't. Yeah, see this all fell apart right away.

Speaker 2 (41:20):
You're all right?

Speaker 5 (41:21):
But now, yeah, before we move on, since this fell apart,
can we just go back for a second?

Speaker 2 (41:27):
Is jk rowling Our days? Iron Ryan.

Speaker 4 (41:32):
No, is she Randa a turf the Fountainhead?

Speaker 2 (41:37):
The lady that read wrote the fountain Head?

Speaker 3 (41:39):
No?

Speaker 2 (41:39):
She did?

Speaker 3 (41:41):
She did?

Speaker 4 (41:42):
Does she does? She hate trans people? Does she actively
destroyed communities and lives? And if they were aroused that.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
Iron Rhyan's day, like they she would be anti.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
Actually I always and maybe I'm only going to say this,
and we please never bring up Ein Ran on the
podcast ever fucking again iron Ran, I actually would think
would actually be okay with transgenderism because I remember if
you Unfortunately I've read The Fountainhead because I hate myself.

(42:19):
She was about the fierce individualism. Everything was about fierce
individualism with iron Rand. So she would say, is that
the state shouldn't be messing with their individual right to
a pursuit of happiness. Whereas JK. Rowling wrote a bunch
of books about magic and now thinks that trans people
aren't women.

Speaker 4 (42:40):
Yeah, insane.

Speaker 2 (42:42):
So back to bark.

Speaker 4 (42:46):
To that. Here's my feelings on the trans rights movement.

Speaker 2 (42:54):
Here's what you need is a.

Speaker 4 (42:55):
Bunch of three white this hetero men talk about man's gender.
I made are being heard?

Speaker 2 (43:05):
I made a bad comparison. One old writer? Is it?
One old lady writer. Is it like a new old
lady writer?

Speaker 3 (43:13):
Terrible?

Speaker 4 (43:14):
Think that if if if J K. Ruling is like anybody,
She's like the fake writer in Finding Forrester that Sean
Connery played. He read the one book he disappeared. You're
the Man now Dog?

Speaker 3 (43:27):
You know that guy?

Speaker 4 (43:28):
She's like that, Yeah, I actually I love it is
I want that You're the Man now Dog.

Speaker 5 (43:36):
Fine in our fucking intro, now, like we need I
start adding lines from the episode.

Speaker 4 (43:42):
That's a classic.

Speaker 2 (43:43):
Great, that was a good Connery.

Speaker 3 (43:45):
So you where did you go through?

Speaker 4 (43:47):
I mean, I have a have a little Scottish heritage.
Nice Where did you go after Fridays?

Speaker 3 (43:52):
And uh? And uh the garden? Oh baby, I.

Speaker 4 (43:56):
Moved to the Promised Land. I moved to Minneapolis, Minnesota.
And then uh, yeah, I actually got a job at
uh it's a kind of an indie restaurant. It's closed now.
It was off of the Highway. It's called TGI Fridays.
You just moved, Yeah, I fucking moved here.

Speaker 3 (44:16):
I moved.

Speaker 4 (44:17):
I know, I didn't. I didn't transfer anything. I just
moved here. And I was like done with that. And
then it's January of twenty ten and there's nothing hiring whatsoever.
And this is so sad. This is even sadder because
a friend of mine that I worked at the Olive
Garden with, she's like, I fucking manage it an olive garden.
Come out and she's like cool. So I went there,
took a bus because I had moved here. It's no

(44:38):
car because I'm a genius, and took a bus. Couldn't
find this olive garden. But there's a TGI Friday. So
I went in there to ask for directions, and the
dude at the front door was the GM. And he
was like the loveliest, like one of those good gms.
Because to me, a GM is someone that either is
like just surviving by the fucking skin of their teeth.

(44:58):
They're putting everyone else in trouble and in hot water
to just distract from their own bullshit, or they are
for some amazing reason, these stalwart, lovely humans that you
follow into hell. And this was that guy. And he
flat out was like, oh, you're going to olive Garden.
You know, we got food here. And I was like,
I'm actually applying for a job. He's like, no way, Well,

(45:19):
we're actually hiring here too. I was like, well, actually
just worked. I worked at TJ Fridays until about four
months ago. He goes, no kidding, and he gives me
an application and boom. Yeah. So it sucked, but it
was great, like it was a good crew of people.
It was also the one of the oldest stores that
tjf Fridays had, the prettieth stores.

Speaker 3 (45:37):
It wasn't a classic a classic Friday.

Speaker 4 (45:40):
It was dude. It wasn't actual envy like I will
be though.

Speaker 3 (45:44):
They grave if we take any of this ship off
the wall, it's been glued on the closed.

Speaker 4 (45:51):
Oh no, they they did, dude. I went back like
two years ago. Uh and they they they flat out
they changed. They changed the game. But the best last
thing about going back was do you used to have
the Jack Daniels glaze? You guys remember that?

Speaker 3 (46:05):
Ye?

Speaker 4 (46:05):
TJ fredd is Jack Daniel the JD glaze, And so
you'd order for a side and for those at home,
it was just like basically this like sweet viscous brown
sugar whiskey with a little caramelized onion sauce. They put
it on everything and it was great.

Speaker 3 (46:19):
So it went there.

Speaker 4 (46:20):
You'd be like, hey, give me a set of JD. Glaze.
Then I went back here and they lost the deal
with Jack Daniels and instead they did a deal with
Jamie Fox because apparently he has a sauce and a
shit you not, it's called Jamie Fox's Fox on the Rocks,
brown sugar barbecue sauce.

Speaker 3 (46:40):
What.

Speaker 4 (46:40):
And I was just yep, that's the And I memorized
it because I kept looking laughing so hard because you
you know, as a surfer, you type in like side
of JD glaze, right, just like JDG boo. Yeah. Instead
you'd have to be like, give me a side of
the JFS apostrophe s B O B s B S

(47:02):
like brown sugar sauce s S. It's like it was.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
It was the fox on the rocks.

Speaker 3 (47:08):
I would just say call it fox sauce. It was
right there, it was right there.

Speaker 4 (47:12):
Sauce sauce, fox sauce. Yeah, you're right right there, that
fox sauce on the rocks, the rocks, brown sugar barbecue sauce.

Speaker 2 (47:27):
Dude. That's that's eighteenth century item naming.

Speaker 5 (47:32):
I really used it name items, the whole thing of
exactly what it was.

Speaker 4 (47:37):
And what was it like back then? For you, Joe,
it was easier.

Speaker 2 (47:41):
It was a lot of times simpler times.

Speaker 3 (47:43):
Yes, that Joe Cocozello is actually a time traveler.

Speaker 2 (47:47):
I'm Alander, dude. There can only be one Joe Cocozello.

Speaker 4 (47:50):
I mean, I mean I did. I did my my
Sean Connery impression just to see if I could, you know,
see the light in his eyes.

Speaker 2 (47:55):
Pretty good, dude. It reminded me of an old friend
I had back in the day we rode horses.

Speaker 4 (48:02):
I mean, it's been covered a million times already with
the fact that they made a movie called The Highlander
takes place in Scotland, and they like legally have to
cast Sean Connery, but they have him played Ramirez, the
Spaniard with no change to his accent, and they're like, well,
I'm gonna play the head Scottish guy. Well we have
this French dude. Anyway, whatever, we can nerd about that later.

Speaker 6 (48:26):
Uh.

Speaker 4 (48:27):
Here's the thing. I will say this though, At that
Fridays when I got there, they did do like flair bartending,
like full on like flips and stuff and regionals, and
they expected me to do that. But I was like, listen, guys,
I'm not a lifer. I'm taking some improv classes and
I'm doing some open mics, so I'm gonna be out
of here in like five to ten years.

Speaker 2 (48:49):
You're just all the them in saying spin Spin Spin.

Speaker 4 (48:53):
Kind of well, they had this. They made us do
competitions every It was like one of those employee things
like this is like your take a test every year
and go up against Yes Yes, and you have It's
Yes Friday's Fight Club literally and you have to choose
music to curate to it and then they score it.

(49:13):
So I knew for a fact I read all the rules.
Nowhere in there does it break down the tricks or
like how you have to do it. Uh, they just
talk about showmanship panache, if we take good care of
our guests as we do it. And so I decided
to do I mostly kind of like kind of a
middle finger, but also because I didn't want to learn

(49:34):
how to do that. Also, I come from Wisconsin. If
you ordered a drink from me and I spend five
minutes slip flipping the tins, I'm fired. Give you my
coddamn drink. So I knew there were three judges, so
I walked out. And in most people's music, they would
choose like like White Snake, like remixed into Save a Horse,
Ride a Cowboy, and they put a hat on just

(49:56):
like just just or one person did, like all E
D M, you know, and glow sticks and stuff. I
I went out to Papa Loves Mambo by Perry Como,
which is a classic, and I put a fake mustache
on over my mustache and best My favorite thing about

(50:17):
it is the thing took like seven maybe ten minutes,
the whole total of all making all three drinks. I
didn't change the song, so it just repeated four times,
so and it just starts. If you ever, if you're
if you're at home, if you want to, it's just
bub boom, and the first thing you hear that, you're like,

(50:37):
hell yeah. The third or fourth time, much like anything,
you're like, are you fucking serious?

Speaker 2 (50:42):
Are you in hell? Are you in hell?

Speaker 4 (50:44):
And that's how I felt.

Speaker 3 (50:46):
Did you did you to do any flaring I'm supposed to?
I didn't.

Speaker 4 (50:51):
I so okay, So I bribed the judges. There was
like three judges that were regulars at the restaurant, right
and so I knew they were there. So I came out.
There was two ladies and the guy and I went
battery gender biased. I walked out, I handed each of
them a rose, and then I got to the guy
and I had him the rose and he looked all ooh,
you know, because I knew he would, and so I
gave him a cigar that I had hidden, and they

(51:13):
were like okay. So then I had to make a
margarita as the first drink. So I took all the
ingredients as I'm dancing to Papola's Mambo, and I poured
them into the blender. And all that's left is a
half ounce pour of triple sec to put in there.
But I grabbed the bottle and then I grab another
bottle like I'm gonna start spinning, right, And then I
grab all two bottles in each hand and I'm like

(51:35):
holding them in a way like I'm about to do it.
But I'm like, let's hear it, guys, And I grab
a third bottle on my left hand, and everyone's like,
holy shit, he's about to juggle five bottles. And I
lift them up in the air, put them all down,
pour the triple sick, turn the blender on, and just
anti comedy, you know, and and I just stare, just
stare it off in the distance while the blenders like me,

(51:57):
and it's like kind of sprang up a little bit
and everyone's like, what the fuck is happening. So then
I poured it and then you got like docked points
if you shook a tin and the glass got stuck
in the tin. Like that's the kind of stuff they
were doing. So I knew that I would lose points.
So I have the tin, I'm shaking the next drink
and I'm like I can't get it out, and I'm like,
oh man, and this dude's like, yo, he just lost

(52:20):
five points like they were like that, and so I dude,
it was so stupid. I mean, I love those guys,
they're good people, but come on. But anyway, I took
the tin and I'll bring it under the and I'm
banging on it. No, this is dude, this is like
prime Time. They sold seven pm. It was like seven
pm on Friday. Yeah, I remember these things and these.

Speaker 2 (52:43):
Are real real? Does this happen?

Speaker 4 (52:45):
I want to go still happened? I think there's Friday's
anywhere near. Did the one by malve America survive? I
feel like it might have, but then one of the
dudes there and boo, I think his name is Brian Zacho.
He was like he's like the Jesus of uh of
of of of flare tending like he travels internationally. He
made DVD videos.

Speaker 2 (53:07):
I'm gonna go to a Fridays. I'm gonna sit at
the bar down.

Speaker 5 (53:11):
I'm gonna order steak with Jamie Fox's Foxy Roxy Marinate.

Speaker 4 (53:16):
M Fox on the rocks, brown sugar barbecue sauce.

Speaker 2 (53:20):
Thank you, thank you all.

Speaker 3 (53:22):
Probably or I could get I'll take the.

Speaker 2 (53:25):
I'm just getting off sauce. I just want it. I
want the Jamie Jim, Jamie Foxes Jesse sauce.

Speaker 5 (53:34):
That I'm just gonna sit there at the bar and
I'm gonna start whispering flare flair.

Speaker 2 (53:43):
Off, Flare off, and just what you want.

Speaker 4 (53:45):
Man, you might get what you want. I mean because
some of these guys, I'm not I'm shitting on it
because I'm an idiot and I like, I like jokes
and I like stuff. I don't take anything too serious.
But these guys took it really serious because they were
gonna go on the regionals. They were gonna go onto
state like they go to Japan, and they like they like.

Speaker 2 (54:04):
I have two things.

Speaker 5 (54:04):
I need to say about this flareoff one. When you
said that you came out with bribes, I was like,
he's got fucking JD glaze and you can't get JD glaze, Like, Yo,
check this out, JD glare back.

Speaker 4 (54:17):
In the day where the JD glaze was actually all right.

Speaker 3 (54:20):
J JD glaz sound like a porn.

Speaker 4 (54:24):
Star though, writing that down cloak emotions. JD Glaze porn start.
What's your what you're saying?

Speaker 5 (54:39):
So you were saying because I know about the like
the Bagger Championships of the go to nationals for.

Speaker 10 (54:47):
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, I didn't realize that there was
state and nationals for TGI Friday's Flareoffs.

Speaker 3 (54:58):
They also have just like regular It's just like a
regular flare competition as well, like for just.

Speaker 5 (55:02):
All these companies sends their best bartender to flare.

Speaker 4 (55:07):
I think, yeah, I want to say, it's like sponsorships
almost like you can go out there. I think Friday's
had its own for a while because they were like
they because they were like the movie Cocktail, like they
cornered the market on like we're gonna do crazy shit.
And I want to say, I remember seeing videos from
the UK they did some insane things. I think their
insurance practices were a little different because they were doing
a lot of stuff for fire. Yeah, but people were saying,

(55:28):
so we got to do this. I'm like, dude, I made.
I made seventy two dollars on Tuesday. It was four
degrees outside. I'm not going to learn how to throw
coasters in a ninja spiral.

Speaker 3 (55:39):
Like I just know.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
Fuck you, Like, did you guys go to that TGI
Fridays in New Zealand? The bartender shot the shot right
out of her. Plus this is insane. It was the
most insane shit I've ever seen.

Speaker 4 (55:51):
Yeah, maybe not that level of insurance.

Speaker 5 (55:53):
She made a drink inside herself, she took herself around
and poured it on them.

Speaker 2 (55:59):
It was the most a made I have ever seen
in my life.

Speaker 4 (56:01):
Yeah, it was a second. Those aren't called flare offs,
those are called flare ups.

Speaker 2 (56:07):
Yeah. I got a flare up from.

Speaker 4 (56:10):
The dingy God damn it. Oh it was. It was
one of those things where flare off flare of. I
I feel like it was one of the I feel
like it narrowly avoided a different life, Like if I
had really gotten into it and been like, yeah, maybe
I'll go there. I'm a showman. I can learn how

(56:31):
to do this. Ship end up in Japan and I'm
just yeah, just now, I'll still do like I can
take a bottle out of the out of the rail,
like just toss it up and like balance it on
my hand for a half second. And I work at
like an arcade bar too. Now so people just go, oh,
holy ship. I was like, yeah, I used to live
a different life back in the day, so true story. Yeah,

(56:56):
I can flare a bit off. You can flare a
bit yeah.

Speaker 3 (56:59):
So I used to work at the Space Aliens day.
As we talk about on the podcast, quite often we
had thirty foot ceilings.

Speaker 4 (57:10):
Let's see it, buddy.

Speaker 3 (57:11):
My trick, My trick was I could take I could
take the I could take the bottle, flip it over
my head and catch it behind my back. That was
my trick.

Speaker 2 (57:18):
You would throw the.

Speaker 4 (57:19):
Bottle all the way up.

Speaker 2 (57:20):
I would just.

Speaker 4 (57:22):
Okay, how can you how do you practice that without
plastic shattering?

Speaker 3 (57:26):
Plastic jug? You do a plastic jug with about this
you had. You had to know the right amount of liquid.
It would always be a bottle about this much liquid
left in the bottle. You learn and then you do
it with cheap vodka, or I would do it with
like a cheap vodka bottle and I fill it with
water so to get like the actual girth of like
the and then I eventually worked.

Speaker 4 (57:43):
My way up.

Speaker 3 (57:44):
I could I can also Yeah, I love the girth
of water, the girth of the bottle, the bottle, the bottle.
I can also do like this. I could do like this,
like the handspins where you spin the bottle in your
hand and then you pull it down and then you
pour it back up. People look and I can the
hand thing too, or you flip it up on your
hand and you catch it. Those are the things. Sure
I used to I used to be a lot better

(58:05):
at it, but then I lost my job at Space
Aliens because that place is a piece of shit. And
I work to Famous Stags as a bartender. And the
first day attended bar at Famous Days, I took a
wine bottle and did the same thing. My boss goes,
that's a nifty trick. And I'm like, yeah, you know,
I've been doing this for a while, feeling pretty good myself.
She goes, yeah, if you do it again, you're fired.

(58:27):
We don't do that shit here. And I kind of
lost a lot of that trick, and now I can
do a couple of things I can't. I can't do
the behind the back anymore. I haven't done it in years.

Speaker 4 (58:35):
Well, what's kind of cool is that even though you
might have lost that skill, you've developed, like you know, personality,
You're able to talk to people now and like you
don't have to just do things why physically to prove
yourself anymore.

Speaker 3 (58:46):
It was only because it's space, Aliens. I would bartend
during the day when it was just kids and like
you just be bored.

Speaker 4 (58:52):
Yeah, because they can't hold their liquor.

Speaker 3 (58:54):
Yeah, they really killed the cheap drugs.

Speaker 4 (58:56):
Dude, Right, That's also the place where I drank the most.

Speaker 3 (58:59):
Dump the job too.

Speaker 5 (59:01):
Be it.

Speaker 4 (59:02):
I've never been in a space, Aliens. Not missing the restaurant.
I've done the real thing, but I've never gone to.

Speaker 3 (59:08):
A it's it's it's not a good facility, seximility. It's
not doesn't work that way. Is there neither specific stories
from your from your years of tending or years of
drinking drinking, years of.

Speaker 4 (59:19):
Drinking, years and years of drinking.

Speaker 3 (59:22):
The years of parts end in the years of serving
like the ones that really any like real stories that
really still stick out in your head, like some crazy
weird ship that that's happened to you.

Speaker 4 (59:31):
M dude, I hate this because I knew this kind
of question was coming, uh and I was thinking about
it last night. And when people always ask me that
when I get at Uber, they're like, I bet you
see some crazy ship. I'm like, bro, I bet you
see some crazy ship. Oh yeah, yeah, that's way. I
send them into your car, like I get them out
of my place. But god, uh no, I think it's

(59:53):
just an amalgamation of like so many things. Like I've
seen some really hilarious, weird sort of like can't believe
that happened, But I've also seen some really fucking awful, tragic,
horrible things. So you know, keep it light, let's stick
to the other stuff. I will say this. I remember recently,
like last summer, there is this dude in with like

(01:00:15):
coup of guys and girls, like maybe five or six.
I'm just talking. Dude opens a tab, buys you know,
round of shots for everybody, and then he's sitting there
talking and this other girl walks up to him and
she's like hi. He's like, oh hey, she's like hi,
and they hug for like a while, and she kisses
him on the cheek and he gives her on the cheeks.
She's like yeah, just he's like, I didn't think you
were coming around. She's like I didn't know. And so

(01:00:37):
he's like, oh, we get a shot. You want a shot?
She's like sure. So they order two more shots and
then they all walk away together. That this girl comes
back and she goes, hey, we're gona do seven more shots,
and she gives me the name of the tab, which
is that guy. And then I see them talking together
and then more shots, more drinks, whatever. The night goes on.
But two hours later, the dude comes back to pay
his tab and I give him his bill and he's like,

(01:00:59):
holy shit, hang on, I only ordered that one round
of shots.

Speaker 3 (01:01:02):
It was like, oh, but.

Speaker 4 (01:01:05):
Your girlfriend, because she had said oh, she's like, oh
my boyfriend's tab. I was like okay, and he just
had this look all the color dreamed out of his face.
He goes, oh, that's my ex girlfriend. And I was like, oh, man,
I'm so I could have I should have maybe, you know,
inferred or asked more or whatever. And he was like no, no, no, no, No,
this is the third time she's done this. It's just like, bro,

(01:01:29):
because but you know what if this is the.

Speaker 2 (01:01:32):
First time, Yes, you gotta tell the bartender.

Speaker 4 (01:01:35):
Not only that, not only that, what the fuck did
he do? Oh? Yeah, because she wasn't She wasn't doing
it like an opportunist. This person obviously had their own money.
But she was like, oh, yeah, you have your tab
open and you're buying shots. I'm going to buy you know,
twenty one more shots on your fucking tab in the
next two hours.

Speaker 2 (01:01:53):
And I think that it was her.

Speaker 3 (01:01:55):
He probably didn't fight it as much at all.

Speaker 4 (01:01:57):
Dude. He paid it. He paid a twenty percent tip too.
He was fine. But it was that moment of like
you saw an insight like this that that's that's walking
in your cheating energy there. But but I don't know
the rest of it is just like just jokes man,
I don't know people. I'm a bigger dude. I mean,
you know, Matt, you know what I'm talking about. Joe.
One day you'll grow into it. But like I'm getting

(01:02:18):
day here. He is mean, you're huge compared to when
you were born in the fourteen hundreds, You're.

Speaker 2 (01:02:23):
Huge, you know, every every year, I grow fucking one hundred.

Speaker 4 (01:02:28):
And sixteenth of an inch at least, dude, you're gonna
be huge. But but I don't know, Matt, you get this,
But like I get people try to like fight me
or they just get aggressive because my just missed my
shape of my body. And like, if you hear me talk,
you're like, oh, that guy's a bitch, and you're right.
But if you don't hear me talk, no, they're like
they get, hey, what's going on?

Speaker 3 (01:02:47):
Yeah, you're doing They're.

Speaker 4 (01:02:48):
Like gonna they like mean mug me. Like if I ever,
if I want to make sure, I'm going to make
sure to smoke cigarettes, if I take a break or
whatever in the back of the restaurant or bar, because
if I stand out front, I get hand IDs. Do
you know what I mean? Oh yeah, yeah, Like just
I just look like the bouncer and there would be
dudes who like kind of try and talk shit or
just try to like you know, try to like be

(01:03:10):
tough with me, and so I just kind of like,
I just I'm just a whimsical bitch, you know.

Speaker 3 (01:03:14):
In the back, I'm just like, hey, how's it gone, Betty?

Speaker 2 (01:03:16):
You like your shirt?

Speaker 4 (01:03:17):
You know, but there was this one dude during COVID
times which was a nightmare. And I'm sure you've probably
got into this before and we do not have to now,
but constantly have to just tell people to like, please
put your mask on, Please put your mask, just please
stop yell. Right, there's one dude. He's just trying to holler.
He's trying to run game on these girls, just trying

(01:03:37):
to like talk to these girls, just be like, yo,
what's up? What's going on? And these girls, like, you know,
they're kind of like flirting, but they're also whatever. And
I'm like, yo, man, keep your mask on. He was like,
I can't keep my mask on and talk to ladies.
And I was like, I think that's a huge parent
I'm pretty sure you can. So one time he's talking
to this girl and he walks back in and she
puts her mask on. He's still talking to her. I
go hey, and I got like stern, I'm like, dude.

(01:04:00):
The third time and then he he kind of like
balloons up a little bit. He goes, yeah, I'm like,
can you put the mask on? He goes, I don't know,
are you asking me or are you fucking telling me?
And I leaned in and I said, I'm literally masking.

Speaker 5 (01:04:15):
You, and.

Speaker 4 (01:04:20):
And then I, you know, like me, I smile like
a little baby. I'm like, and he literally goes fuck.
I hate that more than I hate COVID. I was like,
that's a pun for you, dude, but I will actually
kick your fucking ass out if you do it one
more time. I swear to God. The righteous indignation in
all of us as service and bartenders at that time

(01:04:40):
was just like, yo, I'm like frontline working, and I'm
back at work, even though you guys are spending your
you know, fucking free money. Not fair, yeah, but still fine.

Speaker 3 (01:04:49):
Oh yeah it was. It was fucking awful.

Speaker 2 (01:04:51):
How am I supposed to eat and drink?

Speaker 3 (01:04:52):
And you gotta get up when you get up, that's
all we're at. Listen. I don't want to be the
mask police because I don't have to do with other
ship anyway I have to.

Speaker 4 (01:05:02):
It's like when you tell someone, I don't have to
tell someone not smoke weed, like you think I don't
smoke weed. Do you have any idea how rude it
is of you to be smoking weed at my job
while I can't hit it? Like that's just bad I
think that is rude. Don't make me be the guy
to tell you to stop smoking weed and take a walk.

Speaker 3 (01:05:20):
Man, good question. You mentioned this a minute ago, and Jay,
and this is just something that just you hit. You
hit on something that I think you and I uniquely
can can talk about when you were a bigger fella
and a bartender or a server. The look of sheer

(01:05:41):
disappointment on some guy's faces when you walk up to
them and you're not this hot little thing with with
with some big tits or a nice ass.

Speaker 4 (01:05:50):
Well, I mean you do well speak for yourself, buddy popping.

Speaker 3 (01:05:55):
You know what I'm talking. They're just like, you're a
weird looking ship. That was my That was one that
was actually my favorite time I ever kicked someone out
of a restaurant.

Speaker 4 (01:06:05):
Whoa yeah, this person. That was their opening salvo was
you're a weird looking chick. I want, yes, it was.

Speaker 5 (01:06:12):
It was.

Speaker 3 (01:06:13):
It's just it was no. I worked at the Holiday Home,
you're working at the Holiday inn as many years ago,
and it was this table walks up and it was
one of those days where you just had enough anyway,
you just had to deal a lot of shitty got
a lot of a lot of a lot of bad
behavior and.

Speaker 2 (01:06:32):
The cloak of irritation.

Speaker 4 (01:06:33):
I had my cloak of irritation emotion.

Speaker 3 (01:06:35):
My cloak of emotions were not we're not working well
for me that day and before I can even say, hi, folks,
how are we doing this evening? The guy goes looks
at me and goes, huh, you're a weird looking chick.
And I just looked at him and go, huh, I'm
gonna ask you to leave, and the guys he goes,
He goes, you don't need to be so fucking sensitive

(01:06:57):
about it, and I go, yeah, but in the midde
state of Minnesota, we have a right to refuse service
to anybody for any reason. And uh, I think you've
been drinking today, sir. I don't feel comfortable serving you alcohol,
so I'm gonna ask you to leave.

Speaker 4 (01:07:08):
Nice And I found when you get clinical, dude, And.

Speaker 3 (01:07:11):
Then the found out it was their twenty year wedding anniversary.
Damn ugh good though, move on. Yeah, I just I
think I sent them to a Friday's good because I
had this.

Speaker 4 (01:07:25):
Lovely couple expelebrating twenty years come in right after and
they said, those we're looking chicks, I put a wig on,
and uh, well, just like people are so shocked because like,
here's the other thing is, we all do comedy, right,
and so people are like, what the first thing everyone
says when they're in trouble is it was just just kidding.
I was just kidding, dude. You guys are taking its

(01:07:47):
way too serious. And you're like, no, no, now, I
like it. Trust me. I know bar etiquette and I
know comedy at least you know to a degree, and
that shit's not funny. That shit's lame as fuck. So
it's one of those of catching someone in that moment
and being like, is that a joke? You think?

Speaker 6 (01:08:02):
So?

Speaker 4 (01:08:03):
Like I had a guy recently do like he swore
at me. He was just like I heard a fucking
martini and I already cut him off right and I
was like, hang on, man, are you are you doing
a bit with me? And he just got really serious
and his wife is like, baby stop, and he goes,
what ago are you doing a bit right now? Like
You're like, You're like, you're kind of you're playing with me, right,
You're being like a fucking martini. You don't you don't

(01:08:25):
mean that, you didn't actually.

Speaker 2 (01:08:26):
Funny to you show to you you think this is
your joke. I'm funny. I said something funny, some sort
of clown.

Speaker 4 (01:08:33):
Yeah. I don't get the reference, guys, but I do
love the guy from home alone. No, but really it
was this moment I looked at him, like you're doing
and he goes, no, I'm serious. I go, oh yeah,
then then you're leaving. Yeah, you don't. You don't get
He was, well, like, bro, I'm at work right now.
You're swearing at me while I'm at work. He goes,
I'm at work right now. And I stared at him

(01:08:54):
and looked at his wife, and I went, I'm gonna
let that logic sink in on that last sentence. I'm
gonna take a breath and walk away. I think you
should just walk towards the door. M later, he came
back to apologize. He shook my hand four times and
nearly broke my fingers because he needed to really let
me know he was sorry. And I was like, that's okay,
but you still have to leave.

Speaker 3 (01:09:12):
You still gotta go.

Speaker 2 (01:09:14):
Hard ship, good eye context.

Speaker 4 (01:09:17):
I just one of Ham's one more in mine.

Speaker 3 (01:09:21):
I had a table. This is recent. I walk up
and he goes, oh, we don't get one of the
pretty girls, we get you, and like the rest of
the table, these are all business guys and they're all
just looking at this and he's the oldest dude at
the table.

Speaker 4 (01:09:34):
And then you could just feel the.

Speaker 3 (01:09:35):
Eye roll from all of his other like little associates
who are with him, and I go, well, and I
always go to Bill or Steve are always the names
I just give every person regardless. I'm like, well, Bill,
I can put on a tube top and a wig
if that'll make you feel better.

Speaker 2 (01:09:51):
And they just what am I not the prettiest girl?

Speaker 3 (01:09:54):
And I looked at him, and I looked at him like,
are you worried?

Speaker 4 (01:09:56):
My?

Speaker 3 (01:09:56):
And I literally said that, are you worried?

Speaker 6 (01:09:57):
My?

Speaker 3 (01:09:57):
Dick's gonna knock your bud light near your lap?

Speaker 4 (01:09:59):
But is that what's up?

Speaker 3 (01:10:01):
And then for the rest of the night his friends
as I walked away, why couldn't we get one of
the pretty girls at the breast? So I won them
over and then he had to pay. He left a
pretty shitty tip, but they all threw craps on the
table good. They were just like you gave him such
a hard.

Speaker 2 (01:10:19):
Time, And this isn't their first show. Yeah, no, ship.

Speaker 4 (01:10:22):
They also have to put up with this guy until
he fucking dies. Like it's just the idea right there,
like this sexism in that the inherent reality of like
the job you're doing should be done by a hot
young girl. Not only that, so I can literally disrespect
her and steal her fucking autonomy while she's forced to
be at this table, forced to be at this job.
Like you want that, go find a sex worker. Those
are actual people who work in those fields for you.

Speaker 2 (01:10:47):
This lady, he's going to bring your soup, salad, and bread, yes,
not do anything to you.

Speaker 5 (01:10:52):
So uh drives me crazy, Matt, I I hope uh
when you walked away from that table, you kind of
gave him a nice little sh and Shimmy's also, I'm
kind of surprised that one of the younger associates didn't
come up to you after they ordered and like, hey,
can you, uh, first off, sorry about my boss.

Speaker 2 (01:11:14):
Secondly, can you put a little shellfish.

Speaker 4 (01:11:17):
Into his mac and cheese?

Speaker 3 (01:11:20):
No, none of that I did get rid of.

Speaker 2 (01:11:23):
I did get a sorry set this company.

Speaker 3 (01:11:25):
I did get a sorry from one of the younger
guys that I'm sorry fucking Steve's an asshole or whatever
his name was. And I'm like, yeah, I know, that's
why I responded like an asshole.

Speaker 2 (01:11:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:11:35):
I think that's the thing that people don't get is uh.
I mean granted, service and industry is experiences to be
nice and being pleasant, and yeah, of course we are.
But when I'm like busy and I'm working and um bartending, like,
I'm a mirror. If you walk up to the bar,
I'm like, Hi, how's it going, I'm gonna get you,
like do you have any good beers? Like do you
even know what a good beer is? And I'm like,
I don't want to say I don't want to seem
that way, but that's what I that's what I want

(01:11:56):
to say back to you. Or if someone walks up
to like Hi, sorry, I don't know what I want you,
I'm like, that's okay.

Speaker 3 (01:12:01):
You just walked in.

Speaker 4 (01:12:01):
Take a look by you know, it's not It's just
a mirror. If you give me something, I'm gonna give
it right back to you. Have you ever heard the
movie thing where people just walk up and order a beer.
I'll take a beer.

Speaker 3 (01:12:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:12:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:12:13):
And I worked.

Speaker 4 (01:12:14):
I worked at the place I had sixty beers on tap.
I was like, bro, you got it.

Speaker 2 (01:12:18):
You've gotta be more sprow it down at all. Let's
just another word.

Speaker 3 (01:12:24):
I would watch a beer.

Speaker 4 (01:12:26):
One of my favorite things too, is the movie thing
where they they walk in and go give me a
shot of jack, and then the barking port he goes, hey,
leave the bottle, you know, and like those old noirs
and the old western type stuff, and I did I
remember doing this. I think it was like a sketch
I did in like college with my friends or whateverwhere
do that. It was just like, hey, leave the bottle.
He's like, okay, that yeah, that's like let's see it's

(01:12:49):
like six fifty a shot and there's like thirty shots left.
How much how much did that cost? And he's like, oh,
that's gonna be it's gonna ring up around like two
hundreds of dollars. And I was like, and it's pulled
out all the money I had, and I was like,
I'll do two more shots and I'll leave. He's like, okay,

(01:13:09):
actually all right.

Speaker 7 (01:13:10):
So there's a.

Speaker 2 (01:13:10):
Korean spot around the corner from uh.

Speaker 5 (01:13:16):
Over here in Uptown that is uh it sowd you
is what they sell by the bottle and oh yeah, man,
they have like a like.

Speaker 2 (01:13:24):
Wednesday, is there cheap Day or whatever? And I would
go and get a bottle of so ju and.

Speaker 5 (01:13:32):
Just a shot and they just leave the bottle and
that they actually would put it behind in the refrigerator.

Speaker 2 (01:13:37):
For me, and then whenever I needed a shot, a
couple more, bring my bottle back out. They were great. Well,
I was the only white dude, you're a It felt awesome.
It was it felt like I was living. I wanted.

Speaker 5 (01:13:50):
I wanted to get a cowboy head, but then it
would just be the weird white guy in the Korean
bar with a cowboy head.

Speaker 4 (01:13:57):
But you know, I mean, it wasn't your time spent
in age as well. I want to say that was
the twelve hundreds. Early on with the expedition, I don't
remember much of it.

Speaker 2 (01:14:05):
There was kind of an opium phase I went.

Speaker 4 (01:14:07):
Through fair fair I mean, hey, you can't be helped,
you know, from what I bet?

Speaker 2 (01:14:14):
Yeah, from what I have of the old photos that like,
it was the crazy time.

Speaker 3 (01:14:19):
That's all.

Speaker 4 (01:14:19):
I'm sketch sketch us right now.

Speaker 3 (01:14:22):
The original you take a we took a group sketch.

Speaker 4 (01:14:25):
Of us real quick.

Speaker 3 (01:14:27):
We call it a sketchy, you do a sketchy. I'm driving,
you know, honestly, Jococo is the original Magellan. But anyway,
Magellan like a felon. There is there any other stories
from your from any of your jobs that you like that?

Speaker 6 (01:14:45):
Not really?

Speaker 4 (01:14:47):
No, I'm kidding no, I feel like, uh no, That's
the thing is, they don't. They don't pop up. They
pop up as we're doing this, as we're chatting. But
it's like, I think it's like the corrective yeah, And
it's that corrective thing your brain and body does. Like
we don't remember being born because it would be like
the worst, yeah, Like the memory is supposed to fade

(01:15:08):
to make way for a more pleasant moment. And the
thing is, it's so easy for us to get into
the bullshit, like you're like memorable things and I just
told you a bunch of fucking you know this, this
piece of shit, you know this woman. But there's so
many beautiful moments I've had.

Speaker 3 (01:15:23):
Like, just what's a positive, awesome memory you remember?

Speaker 4 (01:15:28):
I mean, oh no, I can't not one. And I'm
just kidding.

Speaker 2 (01:15:33):
Terrible.

Speaker 4 (01:15:35):
I've seen people take really good care of other people,
like someone having a really hard time and someone else
coming up after and being like, hey, I'd like to
buy their tab, or or even just share a shot there,
or just people being friendly to people for no reason
beyond just that's what we're doing. And some people just

(01:15:57):
get that way when they have a drink or two.
But the cold culture of drinking is so different outside
of Wisconsin. I thought it was just here in Minnesota
that's different, but it's really like, Wisconsin's just different. Drinking
is like you just it's a part of everything, and
in a good way and a very bad way. Yes,
in a very very bad way too, is what I
mean to say. But the thing I love about it

(01:16:19):
is when I moved here, I had never ever heard
the excuse I was drunk my entire life, because that's
not an excuse. In Wisconsin. You don't just become someone
else because you got drunk. You're like, people are like,
I was drunk. You're like, that's Tuesday because they are, yeah,
and I don't. And some people, obviously, with anything substance wise,

(01:16:39):
this addiction, there's differences, but this chemical imbalances, of course,
but for the most part, you can walk into any
bar in my in Appleton, Wisconsin, it's where, you know,
where I was raised, and I loved it dearly, but
and I still do. But when I go back, you
walk down the street and you see all these bars,
and like on a cold you know, Wednesday night, there's

(01:17:00):
like seven or eight people at each bar, all spread out,
and you just walk past them. You walk right past
that same block. At one am, all those people are
in a corner. They're all together. They're all playing bar dice,
they're talking, they're playing songs in the jukebox. Those are
all friends now because they're drinking at the same place
at the same time together. And that's it. There's nothing
else you need to do in order to fit in.

(01:17:20):
You don't have to earn something or like prove something.
You're just all fucking there and what's your name? Man?
You know, And that's this beautiful energy that I like.
I'm so glad I was raised in it, because that's
how I treat the world. Like if I see people
being excluded, especially if I feel them like being actively
excluded by other people, I bring him in if I
can't if they don't want to, of course by all means.

(01:17:42):
But I always learned as a kid, like if you
want to be included, you have to be inclusive, and
that's something I you know, that just shaped my whole
fucking worldview. So I mean it's not like a specific memory,
but I just think of that. I'm like, oh, you know,
I'm glad I kind of drink that way or think
that way.

Speaker 2 (01:17:57):
You know, I you know what it's now.

Speaker 5 (01:18:01):
I didn't realize that it was a Wisconsin thing, the
communal drinking.

Speaker 4 (01:18:07):
Now I'm a little.

Speaker 3 (01:18:09):
Minnesota, but it's not as you have to get out
of the Twin Cities to find that.

Speaker 4 (01:18:13):
It's more small.

Speaker 2 (01:18:15):
Smaller bars, smaller bars.

Speaker 4 (01:18:17):
I would say that's probably more than just Wisconsin. Maybe
I was being more Bregado she's saying that, but really
it is smaller towns and more community because you're.

Speaker 3 (01:18:24):
Like, who the hell is that?

Speaker 4 (01:18:26):
Let's go find out.

Speaker 6 (01:18:27):
Why are you here?

Speaker 3 (01:18:28):
You look like you're not my cousin.

Speaker 2 (01:18:30):
I literally know everyone at this attractive.

Speaker 3 (01:18:35):
Yeah you're not as attractive. Yeah, well that was That
was a lovely way to finish the resume section.

Speaker 4 (01:18:41):
Oh thanks, buddy.

Speaker 3 (01:18:42):
So we're gonna We're gonna go into the next segment here,
but before we do, we always like to ask our
guests MM hmm. On this podcast, we yes very much
for you would be neither. I've known m J for
a while. No on this that was uncomfortable when I sit,

(01:19:03):
we exist, Yes, to battle the scourge that is known
as Karens. But before we go into our next segment,
MJ matheson, how would you define a Karen?

Speaker 7 (01:19:17):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (01:19:20):
Okay. I think I think the broad generalization is often
always depicted it's female, and I think that's wrong because
the energy we're describing. I guess again, if I was
going to give it a thesis statement, it's it's when
it's when someone who who has privilege tries to make

(01:19:41):
it personal. Like if someone is at your job and
they're like, I am important in a way, and I
like the whole I want to talk to your manager
thing is the stereotype of them being like I want
to take your manager, But really what that person is
saying is I want to speak to the person in
charge of you because I'm going to tell them you're

(01:20:04):
doing wrong and bad. And it's someone shitting on someone
else at their job. So I think it's like, yeah,
when privilege meets making it personal, uh, because like that's
the worst person, because if you if you're mad at
the person at the checkout, you're not mad at the
person to check out. You're mad at the fucking store,
but you're gonna take it out and the person who's
getting minimum wage and it's stuck here dealing with people

(01:20:26):
like you. Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 3 (01:20:31):
That's good.

Speaker 4 (01:20:31):
I'll land on that. It can be men, could be
weary academic. That's good though.

Speaker 3 (01:20:35):
I like that because a lot of times there's like
some white bitch, she's stupid haircut.

Speaker 4 (01:20:40):
You know, I've met I've met so many women like that,
and she goes, Okay, my name's Karen, but please don't
hold it against me, like, oh you don't.

Speaker 3 (01:20:46):
We all know you're wonderful.

Speaker 4 (01:20:49):
Yeah, yeah, exactly. He's just got a great bit.

Speaker 3 (01:20:51):
Yeah, well, m J. Each and every week we look
at different Google reviews, Yelp reviews, Facebook reviews, sometimes their tweets,
handwritten notes, and it's a segment we call the Karen
of the week.

Speaker 7 (01:21:04):
This is Karen, I'm your boss. Oh my god, Oh
my god, Karen, I'm your arm Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (01:21:30):
Karen. Each and every week, Hey god, I love that
was such a clean outrail, But I have to ask,
this is episode like one hundred something right, undred sixty
seventy you could tell because you you both folks at home.
You can't see this, but when they play these songs,
they really play, and they both just look down and
check their phone and kind of check out, like radio

(01:21:51):
DJ is just like I've heard the thousand fucking times.

Speaker 2 (01:21:55):
I was actually I was doing some R and D.

Speaker 5 (01:21:58):
And just I was trying to see if Jamie Fox
is Fox on the Rocks brown sugar bourbon flavored jzy
sauce still actually.

Speaker 3 (01:22:06):
Existed, does it? Does it?

Speaker 2 (01:22:08):
I get it right twenty twenty two.

Speaker 5 (01:22:12):
Like yeah, it's was the last I've seen of it,
but it's like it's well, it gets relaunched in twenty
twenty four.

Speaker 2 (01:22:21):
Our lookout that world.

Speaker 4 (01:22:22):
Here we go this week, babies, this week.

Speaker 3 (01:22:26):
Sorry, I had a one star review of a bar
called The Fat Seagull, and it's from Richard C. So
proving your point that it can't just it's not just
women A lot of times. Karen's name is then Dixie
Oh well was his last name stand? Was sea stand
for cock?

Speaker 2 (01:22:43):
Probably actually the other sea word clit?

Speaker 3 (01:22:48):
Yes, that I got it.

Speaker 4 (01:22:50):
My name is Dick Clit, Dick Clito so this is actually.

Speaker 5 (01:22:55):
Thrilled that the brown sugar bourbon uh has thirty five
percent alcohol by volume.

Speaker 4 (01:23:05):
Doesn't seem you get liquored.

Speaker 2 (01:23:07):
Up on the sauce.

Speaker 4 (01:23:09):
You get sauced, you get loust iness sous I mean.

Speaker 2 (01:23:13):
Does it get burned up in the barbecuing or God?

Speaker 4 (01:23:16):
All right, all right, you need to get back to dick.

Speaker 3 (01:23:24):
One start. This is on This is on trip Advisor.
Rubbish service, terrible place, oh terrible, terrible place, very poor service,
wait in an hour to get an afternoon pot of tea.
Staff not bothered about customers at all, very not busy.

(01:23:44):
Had a fourteen year old little girl trying to serve me,
only to find out that it was her. It was
her first day, but he spelt it here first day,
the GM said to me, it's on way well our
we'll never visit them again.

Speaker 5 (01:24:05):
So he had to wait an hour for tea made
by a fourteen year old on our first day. And
that was his one star review of this British tea shop.

Speaker 4 (01:24:13):
It's got to be British, he says.

Speaker 3 (01:24:15):
Rubbish right, British take in this country. It's more of
a I think it's really bigger in like other countries,
we're more of a Yelp and Google reviews country right
to be fair?

Speaker 4 (01:24:27):
Don't they also like pay a certain wage? Maybe in
the UK? I know in Europe as well, we're like
those servers don't make tips. It's you're just kind of
like paying and they they'll look at you and be like, yeah,
you have a four given knife. Whatever. Fuck you brought
bangers and mash m hmm.

Speaker 3 (01:24:43):
I'll be right there.

Speaker 4 (01:24:44):
When I finished this cigarette, it's like it's like I
came and I put the cigarette out, and I came
to your table. What do you want? Put the cigarette
out on your table at your table? Why you need
something else?

Speaker 2 (01:25:00):
It made Maybe he ordered the Long Long brew tea.

Speaker 3 (01:25:06):
Actually it was this guy, Richard C. Dick Clitt is
uh from the United States.

Speaker 4 (01:25:12):
What Okay? Now I hate him? Okay, so now now
now I don't like him because he just watched Doctor
Who and he's like this is rubbish and you you
don't get to have that extra energy.

Speaker 2 (01:25:24):
I okay. If he's saying this ship on trip Advisor,
what is he saying at the T shop? I think
he was a dick go.

Speaker 3 (01:25:31):
I think he was a dick all like Joe Joe,
what get excited? No, no, we have a clap back
from the owner.

Speaker 2 (01:25:43):
This is your favorite, this is my favorite.

Speaker 3 (01:25:46):
Yeah, finally these are great. So like there are this
is newer is.

Speaker 2 (01:25:50):
Starting a Yeah, it's a newer thing. It's which I'm loving.

Speaker 4 (01:25:54):
I Yeah, there's a coffee shop in uptown here that
someone like just wrote a terrible review and it was
completely unbased. And then the dude who ran it is
just lit fire under them and it went a viral
and then they got more popular, and so he's like,
anyone wants to leave a bad review, I'm gonna tear
you up, all right.

Speaker 3 (01:26:13):
So this is from me. This is a return from
the owner.

Speaker 4 (01:26:16):
Is it open with jolly good notion? You're gonna love this? Hell?

Speaker 3 (01:26:22):
Hi, Richard, May I call you Dick? Yes, well, Dick.
I have no idea how you behave in other establishments,
but having to be told to calm down after angrily
shouting and jabbing your finger at a fourteen year old
Saturday Girl. I don't know why fourteen year old Saturday
Girl was a thing, but there we go. That was

(01:26:44):
a That was the name of my improv group in college.

Speaker 4 (01:26:46):
Fourteen year old Saturday Girl a fourteen year old Saturday
girl girl an end to any service here at the
Fat Seagull nothing Fast. That's the name of the the
name of the establishment. Is it shaped like a giant
fat R and D happening, R and D happening.

Speaker 3 (01:27:05):
He must confess it was amusing watching you stop back
to your table and set like a lemon, waiting, waiting
and imagining, imagining in a tiny brain of yours that
you were actually going to get served after such a performance.
That bit cheered the tearful Saturday Girl up to no end. Folks.

(01:27:29):
The good news is the father of the said fourteen
year old Saturday Girl, a retired cage fighter formally known
as rip him up Ron, is longing to bump into you, dick.

Speaker 4 (01:27:43):
Oh up Ron, look dude.

Speaker 3 (01:27:47):
So, by the way, by the way, this is the
censored slash sanitized version of my initial response.

Speaker 2 (01:27:55):
So this was edited.

Speaker 4 (01:27:56):
Even though he calls her Saturday girl, I don't understand
figured it out.

Speaker 3 (01:28:00):
A Saturday girl just means that someone who just just
works on Saturdays. Because I think this is actually in England,
I no, oh.

Speaker 2 (01:28:09):
No, You're gonna love this. You might need to tell
me where this is. MJ. Uh man in wak Wisconsin.

Speaker 3 (01:28:18):
Oh what no, no fucking way spot, that's.

Speaker 5 (01:28:25):
No bar and grail Burgers and other comfort fairs served
in a casual bar with live entertainment and sports on TV.

Speaker 4 (01:28:34):
Well, yeah, they have pictures of Rip Them up Ron
all over the walls. There he's a UFC champ.

Speaker 3 (01:28:41):
Yes, there's also a Fat Seagull Cafe in Brighton, UK.
That's some other Fat Seagull lands and that's in a
Sutton of the Sea of UK.

Speaker 4 (01:28:51):
So that sounds like fellas if you have me on
the podcast again in the future, we all take a
little trip and we go to the fence and ordered
tea and.

Speaker 5 (01:29:01):
All right, hold on, no, we can figure this out
because we have one other fact, Rip him up Ron.

Speaker 4 (01:29:09):
Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:29:10):
Then now we're gonna figure out where he's from, which
then we can deduce yeah, because that's and rip him
up Ron was he was at.

Speaker 4 (01:29:26):
Could be he used to just punch cages, though we
don't know for sure this is true.

Speaker 2 (01:29:31):
The lightweight Championship.

Speaker 4 (01:29:37):
I think it's gotta be British.

Speaker 2 (01:29:41):
Oh I am uh not seeing, not seeing much.

Speaker 3 (01:29:46):
I'm thinking Rip him up Ron was a retired cage fighter.
But he was probably like a lower tier. He wasn't
in the He wasn't he was not he was not
a UFC fighter. I think this is a more more
uh more fight clubby sort of.

Speaker 2 (01:30:00):
Local local locally known as Rip Them up Ron.

Speaker 4 (01:30:04):
And the cage was a garage someone's house and they
called the sad a.

Speaker 2 (01:30:08):
Lot of fighting out back. Yeah, I don't see much
on Rip them up Ron here.

Speaker 4 (01:30:12):
I just feel like I don't think Manata walk like
if if you do some shit like that. Also, okay,
hold on, has it has to be UK, there's no one.
There's no way a fourteen year old to walk serves
team well, Wisconsins, you can't be fourteen working though, I
think the legal is fifteen.

Speaker 2 (01:30:31):
No, they've just changed it to thirteen. Dude.

Speaker 3 (01:30:34):
This is from a couple of years ago.

Speaker 5 (01:30:36):
Yeah, I got it, all right, Okay, all right, all right,
So indeed from America, A great, great job.

Speaker 10 (01:30:42):
On that one.

Speaker 4 (01:30:42):
No, but it was well, no, you know, we have
we have options. One is British and there she's fourteen,
fourteen years Saturday girl. Or it's Wisconsin, which is also
very possible now Sad, if it was, if it was
a Manuta walk, they would have made a documentary about this.

Speaker 2 (01:30:57):
Yes.

Speaker 4 (01:30:57):
No, if it was a man to walk, you never
would have heard anything back. They would have never clapped
back or responded. They would have gone and found him. Yeah,
it would have been like there'd be a truck outside
of his house and they'd be like, you pointed your
finger at a fourteen year old Saturday girl, m hm,
you're dead. I guess that's the other thing. Maybe you
can look up if people call people days of the

(01:31:19):
weeks and genders.

Speaker 3 (01:31:21):
And yeah, I think I just think it's it also
just it's the tea part that's sort of like, yeah,
that's a big one, you know, my brandy old fashioned.
And then I'd be like, yes, that is my works.

Speaker 4 (01:31:32):
He's a Tuesday boy. Orry Tuesday boy. But I mean
he's a Tuesday boy.

Speaker 2 (01:31:38):
He's a Monday through Friday kid.

Speaker 4 (01:31:42):
If you know what I'm saying, it's a Monday chap.

Speaker 3 (01:31:45):
That was Yeah, that's out back steakhouse talk. No much
like getting mad at a tea shop and having them
respond in kind.

Speaker 2 (01:31:57):
Sometimes, Saturday Girl.

Speaker 3 (01:31:59):
Some times we have to ask ourselves, g why did
it fail?

Speaker 2 (01:32:04):
Everything? I thought I was here to stay. Now I
have to figure out why do you why did it?

Speaker 6 (01:32:19):
Gee?

Speaker 3 (01:32:19):
Why did it fails? The segment where we look at
different menu items, different corporations. Uh, and we really now
that we're on the internet, we look at commercials that
didn't age. Well, we asks why I didn't think that
worked out? Well, it's a fun one because well while
I clear, no, we've done that one.

Speaker 4 (01:32:39):
Actually, there's no way you're an episode over one hundred
and haven't done clear PEPSI.

Speaker 3 (01:32:44):
Yeah, no, this is this is so there was a
corporate mascot who we don't do commercials for anymore. We don't.
We don't talk about the commercials from him the bandido anymore,
thank god. But yeah, they did have to transition. No,
and Fredo had in the late seventies. They're like, we

(01:33:07):
can't be doing this. No, hispanic like this is the
mel Blanc. He's even saying, this is getting a little tacky.
So they had to pivot and this is this is
where they went after the freedom Pandito.

Speaker 4 (01:33:20):
And that's all I'm going to say. And it's this
week's Gee.

Speaker 5 (01:33:26):
Okay, please tell me it's at least a little less
racists here.

Speaker 2 (01:33:34):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 (01:33:35):
Pause, what was w C fritos instead? Of w C. Fields.

Speaker 2 (01:33:41):
No, remember free to do?

Speaker 3 (01:33:45):
What the fuck?

Speaker 5 (01:33:46):
What?

Speaker 2 (01:33:46):
On God's w C?

Speaker 4 (01:33:49):
Here?

Speaker 6 (01:33:50):
I recall the time my shingle handedly dude, the Meanish
Man Alive, a brute name Fish, had the world large
with a munchie nugget free Toes brand corn chips. He
fell far Ben pal You gotta make friends, you gotta

(01:34:12):
have free Toes corn chip. What?

Speaker 4 (01:34:17):
What the fuckuck.

Speaker 2 (01:34:20):
Is at this point?

Speaker 4 (01:34:21):
This is the seventies.

Speaker 3 (01:34:22):
Yeah, this is the late seventies.

Speaker 4 (01:34:24):
W C. Fields has been dead, you know, thirty five
years yea, at least in that time, right and now,
and now they're like, okay, we're gonna bring him back.

Speaker 2 (01:34:33):
See. And now what I did was so I was
gonna get a freight with this guy, and I subdued
him with the freedoms.

Speaker 4 (01:34:40):
And now he also says he fell for it, which
means like the product isn't good, he just ate it,
and he fell for eating fritos. It's like, let's go
to the whitest person that ever lived.

Speaker 2 (01:34:52):
Instead of did they give him rosy drunk cheeks?

Speaker 3 (01:34:56):
They kind of did. They kind of gave him the
old This is w C.

Speaker 4 (01:35:01):
This is like I'm so hammered, right, now yeah, I
mean he was cut. I mean he has so many
great one letters back in the day. But remember one
was like he's never worked with children are animals, they're
always upstage. Yeah, and the Hey famously like gave booze
to a little kid he was in a movie with
because the kid was crying a bunch and then he
didn't like how the kid was stealing his you know, focus,

(01:35:21):
So you just got the kid wasted, right, Yeah, different times,
different times.

Speaker 3 (01:35:26):
This is this is where they win because they said
that the they said that the bandido was just you know,
maybe there's a little too much. He's pointing guns at
people to steal the chi.

Speaker 5 (01:35:36):
I have a racist. Let's not have a racist mascot.
Let's just have a mascot that was a racist.

Speaker 4 (01:35:41):
Yeah, exactly, that dude, let's go. That's the guy who
let's call the guy who had the idea for the
freedom Bandino. If you haven't, if you're just sell just
look up look up W. C. Fields if you know
who it is, and and and look at that person
and go I should some corn chips from him.

Speaker 3 (01:36:02):
And a guy looks like a brute from the Yellow
Submarine cartoon.

Speaker 2 (01:36:10):
Individual.

Speaker 4 (01:36:11):
I think that's rip him up, run him. Yeah, he's
also got some S and M bracelets going on there too.

Speaker 2 (01:36:19):
It's pretty wild. Yeah, it's hey, rip him up, run
maybe throttle back on the protein shakes, bro. I feel
like this is the situation chips.

Speaker 4 (01:36:31):
He's he like it looks like they just had the
rights they were like, you know who's dead is w C.

Speaker 3 (01:36:36):
Fields.

Speaker 4 (01:36:37):
He's dead, his his his state does not have any
say we're gonna put him in this commercial.

Speaker 5 (01:36:41):
All right, Hey, hey, giant knuckles. Didn't your mom say
that's what was gonna happen if you jerk off too much?

Speaker 2 (01:36:48):
Then they just stuck like this.

Speaker 4 (01:36:51):
It's also interesting it looks like.

Speaker 2 (01:36:52):
He knuckles gonna get huge.

Speaker 3 (01:36:58):
You know this is this is what it's gonna happen
to Dick click is He's gonna get smashed between the two,
the two the fifths when they find that, when they
find well, you know.

Speaker 4 (01:37:07):
Dick Clitt, I hope you brought a bag of Frido's, bro,
because you make.

Speaker 3 (01:37:11):
Friends do rip them up ron free toes for it.
It was w C.

Speaker 4 (01:37:17):
Freedom. Yeah, you know I thought about this recently, like
aside from the Internet, I could you know if you
just memorize a bunch of his jokes and then just
do them on stage, you know, with a modern sort
of flair. People were like, damn, that's pretty clever. No
one would be like, hey, he's ripping off the w
b C Fields from a hundred years ago.

Speaker 5 (01:37:34):
Some people could now, Yeah, it's not until like, yeah,
it's you get up. You post one thing on the
Internet and somebody's like, botch w C.

Speaker 2 (01:37:42):
Fields.

Speaker 4 (01:37:43):
Well, Joe, do you have a hard time writing new material?
Because I know, like in you know, the eight hundreds
into the first thousand years, you could just tell stories
around the campfire that you heard other campfires.

Speaker 5 (01:37:52):
I was, yeah, I was still in camp stories forever.
But the nice thing is all those people are dead.
That's all my material now it's mine.

Speaker 2 (01:37:58):
Yeah, I've been doing the same hour for the last
five hundred years.

Speaker 4 (01:38:03):
I bet your BC ship was killer, dude, but your
eighties stuff had to change it up.

Speaker 2 (01:38:09):
Yeah. I literally killed I literally murdered audiences.

Speaker 4 (01:38:14):
Joe actually opened for Jesus on the Mounds.

Speaker 3 (01:38:19):
He's still a juice joke. They didn't get it, dude.

Speaker 2 (01:38:24):
It was that was a tough crowd because they were hungry.

Speaker 4 (01:38:29):
Yeah, it was after dinner. Yeah, you can not book
me before dinner. You have to have me up after baby.

Speaker 5 (01:38:35):
It was like I brought a bunch of biscuits and
gravy and yeah it's and he's like stage stages my
lobes and fishes. Bit I had this great like steak
and fucking I had.

Speaker 2 (01:38:51):
I had a great.

Speaker 4 (01:38:54):
Even even the pros man, you always leave with something
on the table. You're always like, you know, you were
so good in this and Joe's like, now, I could
have been better, could have got him?

Speaker 2 (01:39:02):
Sorry about by the way, should bring that big back.

Speaker 5 (01:39:07):
J C.

Speaker 2 (01:39:07):
Yeah, he was talking mad. You should see him off stage.

Speaker 4 (01:39:15):
That was a very search from everywhere.

Speaker 2 (01:39:17):
He's talking about who his daddy is, a piece of ship.

Speaker 3 (01:39:21):
Exactly using neo baby.

Speaker 4 (01:39:23):
It was weird. I mean, yeah, you know I did.
Actually I did a corporate gig for.

Speaker 2 (01:39:28):
You know what, that halshole. We would be at the
bar and he just put drinks on my tabid never paid.

Speaker 3 (01:39:39):
Worst part is he was drinking wine, Like, motherfucker, get
a water.

Speaker 2 (01:39:46):
Why are you ordering the good stuff?

Speaker 4 (01:39:48):
He's like, you have this at home? Mhm. I got
to open or open. I did a show a corporate
gig for seeing Vincent to Paul, it's like a chain
of like Fifth Stories and whatever that are, Like it's
actually more than the fifth stores that it's like an
actual conglomerate of anyway. And like I'm not a very
religious person, but and this not to get super personal
or whatever, sad, but like when I was sixteen, my

(01:40:10):
mom and I ended up in a shelter home in Appleton, Wisconsin.
It was a domestic abuse shelter for women and children
because we kept fighting each other. I'm just kidding, that's terrible.
But anyways, my.

Speaker 2 (01:40:18):
Stepdad, he's six years old.

Speaker 4 (01:40:23):
Damn jay mad, I'm a Saturday boy. Let's go rip
them up. And exactly, no, but my mom and I
ended up in this shelter home for a bit. And
when we got out, save visit to Paul the local
chapter there. They let you take one of everything. They're like,
you can get a dining room table, a couch or whatever.
Rebuild your life right awesome, And so yeah, it's it's dope.

(01:40:45):
And like when you read about what they do and
who they are as volunteers, like these are like what
you think Christians should be, right, you know, yeah, exactly,
And so I had a chance to perform for them
at like this gathering, and I was like, you know,
six different states getting together, and I was like, I
would love to do this. I'm like, I'm not a
clean comic, but I can write clean material.

Speaker 7 (01:41:04):
I will.

Speaker 4 (01:41:05):
I would like to I would like to entertain you guys,
you know. And so I got up there and I
was just like, you know, opening up. I'm like, you know,
whenever I do a corporate show, I always have the
first like ten to fifteen minutes, easy, easy, made in
the shade, because all I do is rip on the
boss because it's either the CEO who's like again leads
you into hell and you follow, or it's the CEO

(01:41:25):
who you know, it's like six different people have had
this job and normally connects with them so you can
laugh at them. But I was like, your guys's boss
kind of hard to kind of hard to take him down,
you know. And I was like, I will say this though,
I think his dad got on the job. And I
was like, I'm like, and he does expect you to

(01:41:45):
work on Sundays, which is weird because you know, if
he's Gonato it, and I'm like, yeah, yep, yep. But
it was great because I told him that story starting out.
I was like, you, guys, just see, you know, I
was in a situation and so people much like yourselves
helped me and my mom, you know, get on our
feet and live the life with you today. So I
want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.
And they all clapped, and I was like, so, if

(01:42:05):
you like what happens in the next forty five minutes,
just know that you helped shape the person you see
in front of you. And they clapped, and I'm like, now,
if you don't like it, that's totally your fault. You
you made this.

Speaker 3 (01:42:17):
If you if you don't like it, that's the Salvation
Army's problem. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:42:21):
Oh, I'm gonna write that down.

Speaker 3 (01:42:23):
Thank you, Matt.

Speaker 4 (01:42:23):
I'm taking that for next year.

Speaker 3 (01:42:28):
I think it's this has been a great episode, Jay,
but I think it's time we eighty six the podcast.

Speaker 2 (01:42:31):
But before we go on, I love.

Speaker 5 (01:42:33):
The Salvation Army like it's an actual like they're forces,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (01:42:39):
It's Matt has not got to do a single transition today. No,
the problem is what we're gonna We're gonna have this out, Joe.
You do it.

Speaker 3 (01:42:47):
If you do it once an episode, it's fine, But
for like the last I don't know, one hundred episodes,
he does it to every single segment.

Speaker 2 (01:42:53):
But well, you transitioned too quick. You were just so
quick with these transitions they're coming out of.

Speaker 4 (01:42:59):
No, we need forty five minutes per transition, you know, honestly,
I'm not allowed to transition.

Speaker 2 (01:43:05):
I need it. I need some sort of transition l
like countdown. Is there is change the.

Speaker 4 (01:43:12):
You know who'd hate that? Jk Rowling?

Speaker 3 (01:43:14):
Oh yeah, we all know that jk Rowling does not
like transitions. All right, well, am Jen, yes, sir. One
last segment. It's called human YELP reviews. That's for you, MJ. Matheson.
You get to review the podcast. Old either review us
individually as myself and Joe, or you can review the
podcast as a whole. You can use a five star

(01:43:36):
metric or as many stars as you like, and whenever
you want to start.

Speaker 4 (01:43:41):
Okay, Rubbish is the British term for garbage, which would
not fit for describing these fine gentlemen. If you want
to listen to a podcast where one person's speaks in
all caps at all times, and one person has the panashion,

(01:44:06):
charm of a brewery, come to life as a man.
You can guess who's who, then this is the podcast
for you. I'd say five stars. I think the guests
are all beautiful, gorgeous, especially your most recent one me
and Tim Harmston, who's great. I'm I'm trailing off, but

(01:44:28):
five stars. Hard to find the bathroom at first, but
once I did, I went everywhere. Nice. Hell yeah, no really,
thank you guys for having me. This is.

Speaker 3 (01:44:40):
MJ. How do our listeners follow you?

Speaker 4 (01:44:43):
Well, much like our own JC and his buddy JC.
You can just follow my footprints in the sand, baby.
But I do have Instagram. It's mjmathieson or m dot
j dot mathieson. I have YouTube. You can so see
some of my comedy on there if you happen to
be in the Minneapolis area. Every first and third Wednesday

(01:45:05):
of the month, I do a show called Easy Speak,
which is at a speakeasy called Folson's Emporium. It's a
free show. The ticket is the reservation and that's a
showcase of amazing local comics. And then we have a
show every second Wednesday of the month at lit Pinball
Bar called the Lit Laugh Lounge and that is a
ten dollars ticket and you get to see some great

(01:45:26):
comics there too. Otherwise, Yeah, I'm just kind of bouncing
about maybe just coming to a bar on a Saturday.
I'll be your Saturday boy.

Speaker 2 (01:45:33):
She's a Saturday boy.

Speaker 4 (01:45:38):
That's that's awesome, all right? Hell yeah. Also, I'm in
a Now we have to talk shop after this because
I want both of you guys should come and do
these shows.

Speaker 2 (01:45:46):
Nice yea.

Speaker 3 (01:45:47):
And also if you don't know that, MJ is also
a great improv performer as well.

Speaker 4 (01:45:52):
Oh yes, that's right. I'm also with the Thank You're
with my own pictures and I had this written down somewhere,
but yeah, I'm at the Bearded Company. We have a
group in Minneapolis and a group in LA. We do
long form genre narrative, which just means we're going to
make up like a whole movie that's forty five minutes
long on the spot. You give us the title and
we'll do it. We also do an improvised D and
D show that's happening. I'm not sure when this album

(01:46:13):
or this album comes out, but this when you drop
this track. But we have a show coming up in May,
but you can follow us on a bearded company Minneapolis.
On Instagram you can find all of our exploits and
weird chit canery there.

Speaker 2 (01:46:27):
Heck, yes, improv fan fiction, let's do it.

Speaker 4 (01:46:30):
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 3 (01:46:31):
I've seen him do it. Eventually I saw Vergens.

Speaker 4 (01:46:35):
Oh that's right, Okay, that's right, buddy. Yeah, we're doing
that D and D show. It's that perfect blend of
nerd meets a nerd in Diagram.

Speaker 3 (01:46:44):
I was a good friend and I went and watched
his show. But then he's like, oh, I'm sorry, I
got shit going on during mine.

Speaker 2 (01:46:50):
I did.

Speaker 4 (01:46:51):
I had to go all the backstage and take you know,
you know, convergence just nothing lines, acatamine and coke, edibles
as edibles, flaming swords. Yeah, women who can't be bothered
to speak to us.

Speaker 2 (01:47:05):
It was great.

Speaker 3 (01:47:07):
Not just give me a ship, you gonna come to
the show. You're like, actually it spotted Bear and I
were just so sad.

Speaker 4 (01:47:17):
I know, because it was that evening. I had the
early ass slot, right, we were doing like days Star
Trek show idea.

Speaker 3 (01:47:24):
Yeah, that was fun though.

Speaker 4 (01:47:25):
It was Yeah, it was fun. We have Star Trek.
The next improvisation are you going to are you going
to be a convergence this summer. We did line it up. Man, Yeah,
we have that coming up, and then we have some
other random stuff and fall too. But yeah, if you
want to gay double down on the nerdiness of this.
But we do an improvised episode of Star Trek the
Next Generation. But it's not the characters from the show.

(01:47:45):
It's like the second best ship in star Fleet is
our pitch. Yes, yeah, it's we have we have. The
thing is, if you're a fan of it at all,
it's super super super nerdy.

Speaker 2 (01:47:54):
And what's your ship name. It's the uss Man.

Speaker 4 (01:47:58):
It's the US is Intrigue, the Intrigue.

Speaker 2 (01:48:00):
I love it.

Speaker 4 (01:48:02):
We have like a live musician creating like the synth
music of it. We have a live tech that's doing
all the sound effects and stuff like it's a it's
a labor of love and uh, it's one of those
shows where you do it and people love it. And
then they also have notes because they're nerds.

Speaker 5 (01:48:14):
If you ever need like a red shirt, let me
know red shirt that's in or Joe in the first
ten seconds of the show.

Speaker 2 (01:48:22):
Actually, I can't do bored, but I can do Vulcan
and I can.

Speaker 4 (01:48:24):
Do like, well, no one will buy you as that
because they know that you're an eternal being who's always
been alive. So love of a queue.

Speaker 2 (01:48:33):
Yeah, if you guys ever bring a que in.

Speaker 4 (01:48:38):
We got joke c Gazello over here.

Speaker 2 (01:48:40):
It's just art, just a different letter. Well sometimes it's.

Speaker 4 (01:48:47):
Sometimes why yeah, oh god, yeah, I think we're good man.
We have our cast kind of lined up. We're gonna yeah, Well, if.

Speaker 3 (01:48:57):
You're going to be a convergence, catch m man athieson
and then catch me as well, because I'm going to
be back there performing again some more comedy through the chaos.
Me and Shannon are going to be there with a
cavalcade of fun, fun people. So it's gonna be a
lot of it's gonna be a blasty blast. We're gonna
have a good time with that.

Speaker 2 (01:49:13):
Joe, how do people follow you on Instagram? If you go, uh,
I write the word photograph and then add I Z.

Speaker 5 (01:49:20):
I n G. It's the word photographizing because I thought
that was more congenius and I haven't been able to
change it photographizing. We've got local shows is August ninth
at Sissyphis for Midwest Animal Rescue and Services, So I'll
just be pitching that until that happens. It's get the
tickets now before they sell out. Uh, you can bring

(01:49:42):
This is a dog friendly show. Buy a ticket, get
a ticket for your dog, get you your dog in free.

Speaker 3 (01:49:47):
So dogs are like, actually there, where's your dog's ticket?

Speaker 2 (01:49:52):
Yeah? Old, I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (01:49:53):
Do you do packwork?

Speaker 4 (01:49:57):
Okay, you can have that. You can use any.

Speaker 2 (01:50:00):
Happen ding, I'll take it. Yeah, it's uh, that's about it, Matt.

Speaker 3 (01:50:08):
How do people follow you usually in the grocery store.

Speaker 2 (01:50:11):
Yeah, it's just they pop out from listening.

Speaker 3 (01:50:15):
If you can follow me, I'm Matt doum on Facebook
and Instagram, I am at that Matt Douma on Blue
Sky and on TikTok. You can find follow me there.
As for me, I gotta bring up my shows. Every
Wednesday evening in the basement of the Red Carpet Nightclub,
I host the Keller Comedy Open Mike, one of Minnesota's
longest running non comedy club open mics, over nine years

(01:50:37):
of doing jokes in a punk rock basement.

Speaker 4 (01:50:39):
You guys.

Speaker 3 (01:50:40):
The doors open at eightish, the show starts around nine ish.
We have thirty two on Spear Pictures for only six bucks.
It's a blast. Come out to that every Saturday evening
at least through the end of May and then starting
again in September. Every Saturday. Host host, I produce the
Island comedy series Damn Fine Comedy. Each week. We have

(01:51:03):
some really great people coming up. Coming up this weekend,
we have a former member of the Awful Service podcast,
Andrew Wegg Lightner is going to be headlining. You guys,
it's going to be a lot of fun, both also
with former guests Ulysses. Zachary is going to be there
as well, So that's gonna be a lot of fun.
And Mahdi Gotti is our host. It's gonna be damn

(01:51:25):
that's a lot of fun. I tried to get this
one guy. He just said he's a car.

Speaker 4 (01:51:30):
It can't come up.

Speaker 2 (01:51:32):
Like guys, it's talking about me and my car broke down.

Speaker 4 (01:51:36):
I was busy stalking people. I couldn't do it.

Speaker 6 (01:51:39):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (01:51:41):
Other than that, yeah, I got I got some stuff
coming up in uh, some shows in mostly in June,
although I will be a Quantum con on May sixteenth.
Miss Shannon and I are also doing a comedy through
the Chaos there. So if you're if you're gonna be
in Plymouth for Quantum Con. Come check that out. Oh
and how dare I fucking forget? I'm also on the

(01:52:01):
Monday Night Comedy Shows eighteen year anniversary on May twelve
at Spring Street Tavern in Northeast.

Speaker 4 (01:52:08):
How can I dare forget? Those are dear friends. We
love those guys.

Speaker 3 (01:52:11):
Eighteen Wow, now it's you can legally fuck the Monday
night comedy show.

Speaker 4 (01:52:14):
That's nice.

Speaker 3 (01:52:15):
That's good. It's old enough for Leo Digaprio to finally
start dating.

Speaker 4 (01:52:19):
All right, so we'll wait for antal Lobe.

Speaker 5 (01:52:23):
Whober goes up first at that show, is gonna make
that joke, and then watch in the back room as
twelve other comedians cross something, often like.

Speaker 6 (01:52:31):
Ah or no.

Speaker 4 (01:52:33):
They underline it to go say it fifteen.

Speaker 3 (01:52:36):
It's a callback every fucking time.

Speaker 4 (01:52:38):
Yes, yeah, well the anti joke is obviously now it's
no longer attractive. But I regret saying that. This is
a recording.

Speaker 3 (01:52:44):
I don't know why I said it.

Speaker 4 (01:52:45):
I don't like this. I don't like it.

Speaker 3 (01:52:48):
Follow the podcast at Awful Service podcast across all platforms.
Email us your stories of what a true mint, what
a true old fashion is to add Awful Service Podcast
at gmail dot com. You can find us on the
web at Awful Service Podcast dot weblie dot com. We're
gonna be doing some additions to that here fairly soon.
Working on that.

Speaker 4 (01:53:08):
You guys, MJ you have been delightful. Thank you so
much for doing gentlemen, it's been a pleasure. Thanks for
creating a show like this. It's super fun. And as always, Hey.

Speaker 5 (01:53:18):
Do you guys remember when the Salvation Army invaded Ecuador?
Was a mathacre there?

Speaker 3 (01:53:27):
I think I believe there's a Saturday girl involved with that.

Speaker 2 (01:53:29):
There was.

Speaker 4 (01:53:32):
Well, I think the bummer was like a lot of
the AMMO they had didn't actually fit the guns they had.
They had to take some time to figure out which
one went back inside of which one.

Speaker 3 (01:53:39):
It was right, pretty rough but and and have a
good night.

Speaker 9 (01:53:43):
It's time to count till, sweep the floors and mapa spills,
say good night, dispose up the trash and turn out
the light. Tell me why I try is just so damping?
And Eliza, I'll take my tips. My services have earned

(01:54:07):
me this. Maybe I will find a way off from
now on, count my tip.

Speaker 1 (01:54:19):
And like the door, this has been a tape deck
media production. Thank you for listening.

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Awful Service Number One Hundred and Seventy-Five - MJ Matheson

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Awful Service Number One Hundred and Seventy-Five - MJ Matheson