May 16, 2025 • 51 mins
"Did you call your mom today?" On this awful Conversation we talk about exaggerated Pizza delivery stories, inappropriate questions to ask your server, and Mr D. Enjoy.
Awful Service is a customer service based comedy podcast. Hosted by Minnesota based comics and Co-hosts Matt Dooyema and Joe Cocozzello . Featuring Rebecca Wilson. "Awful Theme Song" by Jeff Kantos and "Karen Theme Remix","Show Us Your Resume", "Gee Why Did It Fail", "Awful Conversation Intro", and "Awful Outro" by Mr Rogers and The Make Believe Friends
Message us your stories ; Awfulservicepodcast@gmail.com.
Follow us on Twitter @podservice.
Facebook @AwfulServicepod.
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Awful Service is a TapeDeck Media Podcast
Awful Service is a customer service based comedy podcast. Hosted by Minnesota based comics and Co-hosts Matt Dooyema and Joe Cocozzello . Featuring Rebecca Wilson. "Awful Theme Song" by Jeff Kantos and "Karen Theme Remix","Show Us Your Resume", "Gee Why Did It Fail", "Awful Conversation Intro", and "Awful Outro" by Mr Rogers and The Make Believe Friends
Message us your stories ; Awfulservicepodcast@gmail.com.
Follow us on Twitter @podservice.
Facebook @AwfulServicepod.
Instagram @awfulservicepod.
Awful Service is a TapeDeck Media Podcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Tape Deck Media.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
This podcast is.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Presentation.
Speaker 4 (00:23):
That's all right, welcome back. It's another episode of the
Office Service podcast. This is the podcast that has problem
with Exfinity, no Ah calling out, calling out Internet companies
left and right. Spectrum, you're on our ship. Listen next,
(00:46):
Hey Cox, we're looking at you Cox. Yeah, that Optimum,
I don't know Verizon, t Mobile and I'm losing it
after that point, I don't. I can't list. It's me
the guy who can't list that many internet companies, Matt
(01:07):
join because there's not many left. Man, that's true.
Speaker 5 (01:12):
It's me, the original New York Metropolitan himself, Joe Cocozello.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
The Metropolitan. That's so.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
That's so what the Mets are called, the New York Metropolitans.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
The New York Metropolitans gets because it's very identifiable. In
the year twenty twenty five when they when they came
up with that name, Joe, when they came up with
the Metropolitan, it was hip yeah, and now it's like
now where the well they oh, well, the Metropolitans.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
Like, oh boy, you're a little fancy here for this
Applebee's you're getting.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
It's like the Mets are being sponsored by silium husk.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
We have a reservation, yeah, tej E read it doesn't
do reservations. Here's a pager. Well, i'll let you know
when we're ready.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
Oh this is I don't know what this disc that
you gave me. I'm gonna go get a very very mohito.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Got I need like a table for eight dandies.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
You know, you know, honestly, as the Metropolitan became a
little less and less of a thing, the handkerchief market
just went straight down.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
Its just I feel like I'm the only one of
my age group that rocks handkerchiefs.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
Yes, because they're cross No, they're not gross. They're gross.
Speaker 5 (02:25):
Okay, hey, all right, if you replace it on a
regular basis, I have a a drawer where there's a
section full of handkerchiefs.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
You have a you have a handkerchief drawer. One dedication,
ale drawer, not dedicated.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
It's part of a drawer.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
Okay, okay, that would be that would be a little on.
It's just a full dresser drawer. Just don't dresser. That
would be nuts. It's a little coordinated. I've got the green,
but those are my favorite because it kind of already
masks it yellow.
Speaker 5 (02:53):
There used to be patterns. They're not patterns anymore. First dollars,
it's just you got your white and you got your blue.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Well, I think the blue at least covers some of it.
That's the thing. White as a fucking move for a
handkerchief to move waving.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
It's a good for waving.
Speaker 5 (03:10):
You give it to a lady for when she's are
you saying goodbye to the people on shore or on
a cruise ship.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
You hand it to the lady next to you.
Speaker 4 (03:17):
She So it's good for the eighteen sixties South and
for France. But beyond that, what is a white handkerchief?
Speaker 5 (03:25):
A clean handkerchief which, if you rotate them on a
pro appropriate basis, which I.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
Do, so you don't want to reuse, you throw them
in the wash after every hanky blow.
Speaker 5 (03:35):
Yes, not well, I mean it goes back in the
pocket until you get home, and then then it goes
in the wash.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
Well okay, yes, that would be unhinged if you had
a mini hamper that you could throw the handkerchief you
carried on your belt. Actually, it's like, what's that, Oh,
that's my handkerchief hamper. It's a hanky hamper that looks
like a Crown Royal bag. Well it is, it used
to be. It was for one second.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Close the loop.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
You say that, Hold on, I gotta I gotta show this. This
is great as an use.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Your Crown Royal bag. Close the loop. Yeah, dude, everybody
uses the Crown.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
Royal No, no, no, this is this is this is the
best part of it. There's a Crown Royal bag that
is filled another all Crown Royal bags because I keep
them for my job and I use them for everything.
They're so good. Yeah, they're great bags. If I if
I golf, I would put these on top of my
(04:31):
my my clubs, just like the covers is Crownroyals. What's
the Crown black. Oh, that's my driver.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
That's the big one. It's the big guy.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
Crown Peach, that's Crown Apple. It's my wedge.
Speaker 5 (04:49):
I I you know, I'm insisting that I think that
you should, as you age, go buy mister D.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Yeah. Joe, Joe's talking about this. I'm obsessed with this.
He wants me to go buy D as in dignity,
D as in Racks, which we covered one hundred.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
It would be hilarious for like inside joke to you
old Madima, and then and then like like you just
have kids refer to you as mister.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Hey, mister is that a quarteraba?
Speaker 6 (05:17):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (05:17):
Thacts, mister D.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
I don't know why they sound like what's her name from?
Speaker 6 (05:22):
All?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Yeah, that's well, first, there's a there's a lot of
questions I have with your your future idea of what
I'm going to be like. But one two you make
it sound like I'm the guy in the neighborhood. Is like,
I've got some saltwater taffy for you, mister d. Oh,
who who want? I got some icy's it's a hot day.
You kids need to like. No, it's okay, mister D.
You could trust mister D though, at least in your
(05:44):
at least in your scenario. I'm not creepy, mister D.
I'm the beloved neighborhood. Mister D.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I don't know why all my children sound like.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Edith Bunker. Yeah, about to say middle the middle aged
women all Jones. Yeah, they're all uh, they're all married
to Archie.
Speaker 7 (06:04):
Thanks to the isis miss.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
Today my husband is a racist. Well it's okay.
Speaker 5 (06:13):
So we've proven over time that as everyone as the
human body.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Ages, it slowly becomes racist. It's a scientific fact, right,
Like that's the.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
Thing I'm I don't, I don't know, Okay, I'm not
a I'm not a race scientist, Joe, that like.
Speaker 5 (06:31):
Eighty percent of old people just turn into racists. It's
like there's twenty percent that stay cool. And I'm hoping
that we stay on that twenty percent there. Oh, I
I feel like we're gonna be our age is gonna
have a lot more progressive old Yeah.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
It's so like there's this whole the concept, right, what
is that the to go to more of a not
so much racist level. But they do say the older
you get, the more conservative you get. That's something that
I've heard. I've heard that one like, oh, if you're
a it is, if you're a Republican in your twenties,
you're heartless, and if you're uh, and if you're a
(07:06):
Democrat in your forties, your brainless or some shit like
that was like the the old saying. And it's like,
I got fuck it. I guess I just don't have
a brain. I'm a lib who own me. I don't
fucking care whatever. Do you do what you want. I'm
not I'm not like one of those like, oh, you
you uh, you didn't. You didn't say the right word
sort of liberal. But I'm like, hey, maybe uh maybe
(07:28):
let the gays do whatever the fuck they want.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I don't know, I feel like i'm a Sandersist.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
Well, it's because you sound like Bernie Sanders. You just you,
you automatically gravitate towards your people. You're like that. That
that's my accent. Those are my You're chicken in every
part the one.
Speaker 7 (07:47):
It's I know percentages. You guys don't need to know math.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
I'm good at stone or Bernie Sanders would be the
best fucking character ever. This PhD level is ninety nine
percent thh so much? Do you see? The one percent
of CBD does not balance the string. This is not
(08:12):
for kids, Thank you, mister. I've got some icys in
the freezer. Start a quarter behind you. Yeah, that's that
is that's the real mister d is mister Sanders. I
want him to just to be able to retire from
politics and just hang out with.
Speaker 7 (08:32):
And just do yeah, just do fun stuff like, hey, kids,
a complay on my lawn, silver on.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
I've got a crocodile mile on my luck. I want
to see Bernie Sanders before he dies to do the
crocodile Mile, that's no.
Speaker 5 (08:49):
I just want him to sit there in a launch
chair with a little fucking umbrella on it that says
like with Bernie like that that Bernie fucking umbrella.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
And picturing zinc side on his nose that a little strip.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Of course he does. He's playing a lifeguard on the
clock and I'm Mile, don't want to urn, don't.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Run the one percent of people who hurt themselves on this.
Speaker 5 (09:14):
But he's gonna be old, and he's just gonna be
saying out of context ship and he's just gonna have
like a bunch of sun Street and he's like, have
you all did you play on your song screen?
Speaker 4 (09:22):
Come over here? Gets sprayed by Uncle Bernie. Okay, that
that out of out of context.
Speaker 5 (09:29):
Out of context old Bert like really old Bernie Sanders
when he's like allowed to say, I mean could.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
Look although you want you. The one thing I will
say about about Bernie is that for a man of
his age, for a man of his age, he's still cooking.
He is still there. Yeah, yeah, compared to our last
two presidents, I'll say two, I'll go with both.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I'll go there and who.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
Are younger than him. He is still fine airing on
all cylinders. Yep. And that's that's the thing that that's crazy.
But you know, speaking to Bernie Sanders, he would believe
that all pizza delivery people deserve a good tip. Wouldn't
you agree when you say that's a good time. Yeah.
I believe that Domino's drivers should be able to get
(10:19):
a living wait while serving pepperoni. I think that's to
be able to have a family, to have a family
to serve the breadsticks. I found that article that we
should discuss today. We are what happened? Who did what?
It's not this is it's it's just an interesting Was
(10:39):
there a purpose? Was there a reason? Was that their cause? Well,
how about we just show you. Okay, on me, delivery
drivers describe bizarre deliveries they've made. Oh yeah, there's going
to be a few of these ranker so and I
can I can speak to this as I have been
a pizza delivery person in my day. I haven't in
(11:03):
the summer. I only did it for one summer, okay,
three and a half months of delivering pizzas. I had
things like I had a woman come to the door naked, yep. Yep,
we've heard that one. I love that it's a but
it was it was it was okay naked, isn't It
(11:26):
was like the it was the open it was the open.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Open blouse, the open uh fucking night glichet sort of thing, nightgown,
neglige sort of deal.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
Uh, you know, like she just oh, I just got
out of the shower and like she's like yeah, and
she didn't try to do anything. And I don't have
any way to pay for the pizza, Like no, like
she paid for the pizza. She had cash and all.
But I think she was just doing it, like wow,
this is how I get my kicks. And I'm a
little eighteen year old boy like titties, you know. So
I was alright with it. I did get moved. I
got everybody wins. You know, in the early two thousand nineties,
(12:00):
mooning was real. Big. People don't moon anymore. I don't
know why. I'm like, you know, it's it's some of
it's all right. Some of it's funny because I'm kind
of glad I don't need to see a fruit basket.
You remember that that's what a couple. That's when a
couple of pairs slip out of the basket, you know
what I'm saying, and then a banana. Yep, I don't
need that. Pressed ham was pretty funny though.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Pressed ham oh against the window, but it was always
like it was never like. It never done on my car,
and I've never done it to anybody else's car.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
But now you have a.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Butt butt print, you have to clean your car window.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
I a roommate friends as print. Yeah. I had a
roommate in college who when he he was one of
those guys that when he took his shirt and stuff off,
You're like, oh, are you still gonna wear that sweater outside?
He was one of those guys and that also went
to his backside as well. He had a Robin Williams
level cover of hair and during the summer he played
(13:03):
soccer and would go running and ship well. I would
pull in from my job and then he would come
and just jump on my shitty nineteen ninety oldsmobile UH
eighty eight and he would just off like a dog. No,
he just squat press ham on my fucking windshield and
(13:25):
then there would just be a hairy and you could
see the hair marks from the sweat too. It was
you know, honestly, it was always kind of pretty. But no,
but we're gonna, we're gonna we're getting a little off
topic here. So I'm talking talking about pizza delivery stories. Okay,
I I had as.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I can't even imagine the wolf man, oh jumping.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Yeah, he's a it's he. I just put it this way,
like he he would have to wax a lot like
forty year old virgin. It's like it's more hairy than that.
So the next level, when you know, we've it's been.
I'm been on the podcast that I used to have
to deliver pizzas to an insane asylum that I used
(14:05):
to uh uh and I you know, and there'd be
some other weird stuff gotten lost because it was it
was in the days before cell phone, so I had
to like go borrow a couple of quarters to call
people and ship things like that. But I never had
anything too bizarre, never got like held up.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Did you did you did you go up to did
you to get those quarters?
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Did you go up to a kid and be like
behind no, young like an eighteen year old mister d
Is that what you're saying? Like that's what I was doing.
Speaker 5 (14:32):
Now, Like no, I need to keep these quarters. Actually
need the other one from buying your other air Okay, cool, I.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Need now I can make a phone. So this is
an article that I found delivery drivers describe bizarre deliveries
they've made. Okay, so we're going to go through some
of these stories. And the first one is going to
bake you uncomfortable, but it is and it is fucking insane.
(14:57):
Man orders pizza and commits suicide.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Jesus.
Speaker 4 (15:01):
Then that's the one right out the gate. Wait, did
it take too long? We're gonna deliver it in thirty
minutes or less or else you can find a b.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Yeah, and he was like, it's like it fucking two
and a half hours later, he was like, I can't
take this. I can't even live.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
This is actually kind of this is just wild. I
worked at a pizza hunt in high school. Our delivery
guy went out and was gone for the next three hours.
Now mind you, this was before cell phones and we
didn't know what happened, so I had to take over deliveries.
He showed back up and we all asked him where
he has been because we are all behind schedules. Someone
(15:40):
had ordered a pizza to one of the dormitories at
the air Force base and left the door cracked open. Naturally,
he pushed the door open to give what he expected
to be a drunk airman as pizza. Instead, the airmen
had hung himself. Jesus. Our driver took so long because
he had to report to police. The police. That is
(16:03):
first and foremost. This is this one's not that. That
was a That was a wow because also, could you
imagine if your last meal was pizza hut?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, well it wasn't guess whatever they served on like
at the dorm.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
Yeah, the ship on a shingle isn't good.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Yeah, it's like you couldn't. I wonder if they have
an S O S pizza that like at at pizza
huts close to air bases.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
Okay, the next one is a little bit better.
Speaker 5 (16:37):
Did the person ordering the pizzas was alive when they
when they deli roote?
Speaker 4 (16:42):
Yeah? But driver made violently ill by customer scent? Okay,
you know what I was violently ill. But there was
some smelly fucking people because you got to realize, Yeah,
and they're the people who usually a lot of people
who smell really bad. They just they it gets because
they don't leave their house or their apartment.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Right, and well, you know what, now mando exists that
like spray on the odorant for your whole body, and.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
Yet they're not even doing that. The fact they'd axe.
Back then, I would have even preferred acts. It's max body.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Spray a musty axe person.
Speaker 4 (17:17):
Or oh what was that? Show me?
Speaker 5 (17:18):
Okay, so how violently? How violently was he made? And
was he allowed to go home?
Speaker 4 (17:25):
The worst delivery I have ever had was about two
years ago. I got to the apartment, knocked on the
door and heard a voice from inside tell me that
it's okay to come in. Okay, no big deal, probably
has her handful with kids or something. So I opened
the door and made the biggest mistake. I took a breath.
(17:45):
The smell was unforgettable. It smelled like rancid, decomposing flesh
had been sitting in the sun for days while simultaneously
pan kept hydrated. This guy's whoever wrote this, has a
really good way with words. I continue to walk with
only a small falter in my step. Took the pizza
(18:05):
and popped the lady in the chair. The closer I
walked to her, the worst the smell got after what
seemed like years, she finally handed me the money, gave
her back her change, which is more than more than
I should have, and walked out of the apartment. As
soon as the door was closed behind me. I puked
until I was dry heaving, but still puking. Ro Eventually
(18:32):
I made it back to my car, but I could
still smell it. It was on my clothes. I did
the only logical thing I could think of. I stripped hoodie, shirt, pants, socks,
and shoes, all tossed in my drunk. I drove back
to the pizza place, got out of my car, grabbed
my clothes, walked in like a boss, the other drivers
(18:53):
just staring at me in my boxers. Went back to
the store and did laundry that never happened. The second
part I think didn't happen. I could the first part
I can see, though. I think.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
I like it smelled really bad and probably writing. They
probably took a fucking Yeah, it probably wretched. I don't
think they threw up until they dry heaves.
Speaker 4 (19:16):
No, but they probably did. They did probably get a
little puky.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
I don't think that they drove walked in in their
boxers like a boss.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
No, I think they they might have they might have
had other clothes in their car. I would imagine maybe,
Oh yeah, I had a kind of extra shirt and
I threw on some sweats that I'm.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Gonna call I'm gonna call a little bullshit on that
one that.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
The person didn't smell. Are you telling me that rancor
dot com doesn't vet their stories? Yeah? Sorry, ranker. All right, well, okay,
this one's a little more fun. Woman gets pizza guy's number,
text nudes than ghosts and well, you know, honestly, was
it a ghosting or did you just get a gift?
(19:59):
All right, squeeze this one off, dude. I delivered pizza
or delivered for a pizza place, and got an order
for a house further than our usual delivery radius. I
pull up, knock on the door and wait, wait, wait,
and then knock again. Nothing, So I call. When a
woman answers the phone, sounding groggy as hell. Okay, sorry,
(20:19):
I'll be there. She opens the door, robe completely open,
with a slender naked body underneath. All I can muster
is you look nice. That was enough for thanks, cutie.
She paid me and sent me on my way. Minutes later,
I get a text, what's your name, So we begin
to chat a little bit. After a little chatter, she
ends up sending me three or four nudes. Not that
(20:41):
I didn't open a lot of the So a lot
of these places like they give the delivery driver or
like the drivers have the number in case like you
knock or ring the bell and no one answers, like
that I had I technically I had that, but then
I'd have to go find a payphone and steal two
quarters from a kid.
Speaker 5 (21:01):
Dude out of a kid's ear, Like all right, I'm
starting to think that this is this Rancor list is
more delivery driver fan fiction.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
Dear dear Pizza Hut, I never thought it would happen
to me.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Dear pizza Hut house.
Speaker 5 (21:22):
All right, can I just send you the video that
I have that I've been itching to send you, because this.
Speaker 4 (21:26):
Is a minute and this one's funny, this delivery driver.
This one feels like this one, This one definitely feels
like it. Can this one be a real one? This one?
I mean to be fair, I think they made a
movie about this back in nineteen ninety three. Yeah, but did.
Speaker 5 (21:39):
This pizza driver or did they just watch this movie
and go all right, this is going to be a
warm room.
Speaker 4 (21:44):
I delivered pizzas for a bunch of different places. You
get regulars, like any any restaurant, people who order all
the time usually order the same thing. There was one
delivery where I would make I would always make to
the house, and a little girl, maybe ten, would always
answer the door and pay for the pizza. That wasn't
too weird. Kids like to pay for pizza a lot,
which is true. I had a lot of kids who
(22:05):
would hand me the money and take the pizza. True story.
The orders were sometimes early in the evening, sometimes late.
One evening, I delivered pizza to her and she didn't
have enough money. I suggested she go to her parents,
and she said her mom wasn't there and her daddy
wasn't alive anymore. I asked where her mom when her
(22:26):
mommy might be back, thinking she ran out somewhere, and
the little girl said Thursday. It was a Monday.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Cool cool, cool All right.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
Again, Again, this one is sad as it is. I'm
I'm not doubting. Unfortunately, I'm not doubting this.
Speaker 5 (22:43):
I think this is true, but I also kind of
have no problem with it because ghost Dad was babysitting.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
As you get ghosted.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
I've seen this movie Ghost Dad.
Speaker 4 (22:56):
Basically that. The rest of the story is, they said ghost,
they had to call the they called the cops, took care,
he helped out, called the cops. So at least the
pizza delivery driver did the right thing.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Did she get the pizza?
Speaker 4 (23:07):
Did? Of course she got that. I bet she got
the pizza. I'm not gonna it's a lot of dead, yeah,
a lot of dead, a lot a lot of yeah.
So we'll be done with that one. Let's just all right,
So you know we're gonna do though. I have one
and it's going to feature a pitch Man that we
we've got. He's more, he's become a cult classic movie
(23:28):
act super commercial. Whoa, and it's featuring Bruce fucking Campbell. Whoa, dude,
So Bruce Campbell and his wife were hawking. This is okay,
So this came out if you look at the super
it's definitely it was maybe in the eighties or nineties
when this one thing. So he'd already done the Evil
(23:50):
Dead movies and Army of Darkness. But he's doing a
local it looks like a local subar commercial. Okay, all right,
So it's actually get in this accident or is this
an acting? I don't know. Okay the testimonial.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Hi, I'm Bruce Cannibell and I'm I and this is
our brand new Subaru Forester. It didn't always look like this,
but right after we bought it, we were in a
terrible accident that left us upside down in a ditch.
Speaker 4 (24:16):
To be fair, that's pretty fucked up. It's a fucking
up super That is.
Speaker 5 (24:19):
A really that's like, that's not just upside down in
a ditch. You like hit a tree on the way
into the ditch and then another car hit the top
of you. It's it is a wrecked ass outback or forrester.
Speaker 4 (24:34):
I will say this though, even how wrecked it is,
it's still like A they're they're perfectly fine. Yeah, And
b it's still structurally fairly intact. Yeah it looks drivable. Yeah,
I say yeah, like I kind of want a super bow.
We kind of drove away from it, all right.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
And this is the window we called out of.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Our forester was totaled, but we walked away with a scratch.
Speaker 4 (25:00):
We bought the.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Forester because it ranks number one in crash tests. I
never dreamed it would save our lives.
Speaker 6 (25:06):
Concerned about safety. Test drive the all wheel drive forester
today at Southern Oregon super Evolvo.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
It's a bee. I am Bruce, and they did it.
They had done a second commercial too, that's right. So
it's two commercials back to back.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Andy, you need a super U like to drive on
these crazy Oregon roads. Come down to Medford. We're down
on what seventh seventh Bettle Road?
Speaker 4 (25:30):
Us. They're really good at running over dead heights.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Wait, okay, so now they have a second one, and
this this, this one seems fully intent.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
Yes, was this a pre commercial? Was this they bought?
This is I think this is I'm saying like, we
liked the one that saved our lives so much we
went and bought a second one.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Okay, all right, this is like all right, we're back. Yeah,
and we haven't wrecked a second car.
Speaker 4 (25:53):
Yes, because they haven't read the Book of the Book
of the dead. Is now it's okay, it's being sick.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
It hasn't been chasing them for a while.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
Yeah, they've been. They've been, they've been. Okay, they're in
peacetime right now.
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Holy shit, How is Subaru not come back? And done
like this outruns the Book of the Dead.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Routes the Deadites. Yeah, that's what they were called, the
bad guys in the Evil Dead slash Army of Darkness,
just running.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Over skeleton zombies.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
Yeah, yeah, that closes the.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Book and like he like fucking fights his own bad cell.
Speaker 4 (26:24):
Like actually Sam Raimi didn't give them the rights for that,
so they just had to call him zombies, the bad gays,
bad gays. It would have been even funnier if some
if they just like one of the scenes, just one
of the scenes, they just swamped it out and he
has the chainsaw handy they don't they don't address it,
do not address it at all. Or he's driving, but
(26:45):
one of the hands is the chainsaw.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Yeah, he's just got the chance saw like ten and two,
ten and.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
Two, both hands on the wheel.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
This is our second brand new Subaro.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
For us second so it is that they did buy
a new one.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Okay, they got the same exact Forester, it seems sure.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
See the first one did so well when we drove
it upside down, and this is our brand new Subaru Forester,
then we just had to get another one.
Speaker 4 (27:09):
It's even the same color.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
We gave our first Forester, our own personal crash test.
We're gonna test this one for high nile.
Speaker 6 (27:16):
Age concern about safety. Forester rank number one in the
crash test. Take a test drive today at Southern Oregon
Superu Volvo Mitzubi.
Speaker 4 (27:25):
She see, I think that's like the.
Speaker 5 (27:27):
Purpose the Oregon Subaru Volvo Mitzu. That's quite the trifecta
of there down on Biddle Road.
Speaker 4 (27:34):
Yeah, for the airport in Bedford. Yeah. Would be even
funnier though, is like in this ship with just.
Speaker 5 (27:41):
Drive clattered towards the airport and we're near the airport,
so we're by the airport.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Yeah, of course there's no money.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
There's not a lot of Superroo dealerships by the airport.
We're the only Supero dealership.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Look if you go and you're driving and then you
ask for directions and you're like, I'm trying to get
to the super dealership.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
It's on Biddle Road. It's on Biddle Road.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
I have a which one on Biddle Roads.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
It's near thet it's near the airport, by the airport. Okay,
I know exactly where you're going. I think they missed
an opportunity. If you want to talk about opportunity. You
missed opportunity because this is also like the Dead. I
could like, like all of a sudden he turns into
a zombie and then Bruce has to kill him.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
Right, It's like this guy's halfway there.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
Yeah, he kind of does. Look he's got a little
bit of like he could be like there's an evil
in there. But he's also he's also sells he sells cars,
so I mean there is definitely a little bit of evil.
Speaker 5 (28:31):
That's that's like the dealership owners that used to do
these commercials like the GMS.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
What's crazy is this superhu is still on the road
to this day?
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Like probably they probably still have that Super.
Speaker 4 (28:42):
We should ask Bruce Campbell. Listens, Bruce, we know you
listen to the pod.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
I might I have that red Super still. She's like, yeah,
that's three hundred and seventy miles.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
I just like that they bought it. They bought a
car that matches her hair.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Yeah, maybe she changed hair colors and they got there
to get her a new Forester.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
She went blonde, the butter yellow one. That's yellow. It's
a gold one. Now crash test one for high mileage.
We're gonna go for high mileage, which to me says
they're gonna be fucking in the back of that super Rum.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Super u forester bang. That's how they got in trouble
the first time.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
And the second they rolled it they did it.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
They were doing it a little too hard on one on.
Speaker 4 (29:23):
Port side.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
The ports they tumbled down a ravine.
Speaker 5 (29:29):
Right, that's what happens when you fuck out the side
of a Oregattian road.
Speaker 4 (29:34):
Right, This is true. This is true. So yesterday was
Mother's Day, Joe, Yes, yes, that's for those of you
who don't. We've talked about this on the podcast a
little bit. But it's Mother's Day and Valentine's Day and
(29:56):
I was, to a lesser extent New Year's Eve. Are
the the three worst days to work as a server? Yeah,
I guess Easter Sunday. If you do have to work
on Easter at like a brunch place, there'd be a
number four. Because these are the days that people who
do not go out to eat go out to eat.
(30:17):
These are the days when people who don't understand the
general like flow of a restaurant. They don't get that
you should like.
Speaker 5 (30:26):
Make like a kid's menu for them, like like a
mat and with like crayons, and it's like, this is how.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
You order properly. This is how you properly get a
server's attention. Yeah, find find the server.
Speaker 4 (30:41):
And like politely ask them for what you want.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
And then like at the end, it's like, oh, you
politely ask the server.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
Yeah, it's it's it is, honest to goodness. Mother's Day, though,
is one that I always laugh about because it's your mom.
You're celebrating your mom, this woman who does so much
for you, okay, And the only thing you can think
(31:09):
of is like, well, maybe we should just take her
out to eat so she doesn't have to cook today. So, uh,
why don't we? And it said, you know, you could,
you know, cooking, you doing the cooking. Yeah, she would
love that if you made a homemade meal for her.
But you know what you're gonna do. We're gonna go
to outback steakhouse and get some goddamn onion blossoms and
(31:33):
well done steaks. By the way, the most I look
this up, it's I don't know if it's true or not,
but the most well done steaks are also on those days. Wow.
On Mother's Day and Valentine's Day, majority of restaurants that
sell steaks. They say that's where they get the most
(31:53):
well done steaks are on those days.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
Mothers don't like blood.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
Yeah, it's not even the moms. It's easy. It's the
yeah com done. Oh you know it's it's funny because
you know, we've to talked about the movie Waiting. You
remember the scene where it's like, ah, hell, it's our anniversary.
She can have a pepsi. We had a situation like
that happened yesterday where guy's like, well, can I get
some egg rolls? We have like these they're they're called
(32:18):
Texas egg rolls. So it's like pulled, poor fresh pulled
pork and then served with like a like a vinegary
mustard sauce. It's really good. It's it's it's it's nice.
It's not really a it's kind of an East meat
South sort of thing, like it's good, it's really nice.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
She's okay, now get to those. Now get to the
spousal abuse.
Speaker 4 (32:34):
We get to the can we get some egg rolls?
And he sits there, Oh, we're just gonna be spending
money all the time, and then she looks real sad,
and then he looks back at her and he goes ah, hell,
it's your day. Get her the fucking egg rolls. Oh
my god, best part they're fucking half off because it
was in the barn. We had all day happy hour
(32:56):
and he was still over that.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
Come on, bro, it's her day. I uh, well, it
is wallets and tight now.
Speaker 4 (33:11):
People were doing that during the best part of the economy,
So don't like I've been waiting tables during good end
at times. They always find a reason about it. I
don't know s I ever left an inch of so
or out without soh so what? I have a cup,
So I'm gonna staff them. I people are silly gooses.
Oh they are. Oh oh oh, I got I got
(33:31):
another one for you. Don't and I posted this, but
don't ask strangers about their moms on Mother's Day. Just
don't if you don't know the person. Yep, don't be like, hey,
did you talk to your mom today? Did you call?
Don't forget to call your mom.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
And it's like, oh.
Speaker 4 (33:51):
God, I got so. I had a couple of those yesterday,
and as it's documented, my mom passed in twenty twenty two.
Gonna happen. Bro, Oh, I know, but it's idiots. Oh
I know. And I respond back in kind. So yesterday,
here's a couple of the responses I got. Did call
your mom today? I go, yeah, but the reception on
(34:12):
the Ouiji board wasn't very good. Well that's funny. That's funny.
And they just looked and they're like and you can
just see like the look of like, oh I said,
I'm I'm somebody. Somebody fucking kicked them under the table. Yeah,
they're like another one, are you gonna go visit your
mom today? And I go, know her gravesites about four
(34:35):
hours away?
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Yeah, it's like, uh, hey, bro, just fucking it's like, don't.
Speaker 4 (34:42):
Don't. Another one was that people don't Are you gonna
do something for your mom today? Yeah, I'm gonna put Yeah,
I'm gonna go find that stairway that led Zeppelin was
talking about. And we can't know, uh, we can't do anymore.
We're gonna get suit. We're gonna get suited. It's like
in Wayne's world, like stairway denied. Yeah, so yeah, stairway.
(35:15):
Did you What did you do for your mom yesterday?
Speaker 6 (35:17):
Joe?
Speaker 4 (35:17):
What did you guys do?
Speaker 5 (35:19):
We went, uh we do uh we do the church
on Sundays, right, like so that was a fun day
and uh uh so it's just usually like me and
my parents and then we'll go get bagels, but the
bagel place was closed and we were gonna do some
like a luncheon a brunching at at mom's at parents' house.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
And uh I, so I texted all my little brothers
because it's usually just me at church, and I was like,
all right, who wants the surprise mom at church? And
my little brother Danny uh showed up. He was like, yeah,
I'm gonna come. And so he showed up at church.
Mom came in said hi to everybody. Dan sat down
(35:57):
next to my parents like one seat away. He didn't
like say anything. He was waiting for Mom to acknowledge
and like she didn't.
Speaker 4 (36:05):
Your mom is just like in church mode. Just like
in church.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Mode, was never expecting Dan of all people, of course,
because Dan's not a church kid.
Speaker 5 (36:14):
So uh so yeah, so he like and then one
of the younger like youth leader, like the one of
the board members, the younger board members, was like, hey, hey,
you're new, Like, hey, do you want to play? Uh
ultimate Frisbee's been trying to get people wh play offs
my frisbee or it's I'm like, dude, I'm golf I'll
(36:35):
go play pickleball like I'm not.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
Ultimately, I'm not.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
Frisbeeing and running.
Speaker 4 (36:40):
That doesn't sound fun of me, that that sounds awful.
It just doesn't sound fun to me. Like it's this
is one of those I would go, I'll put you
in the middle, We'll go fra all thing, I'll fralp.
Speaker 5 (36:50):
I don't enjoy it because it's on a golf course,
and I'm like, I should be golfing right now.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
This is it means to be fair for all thing
is really just an excuse to smoke weed and drink
in public, agreed.
Speaker 5 (36:59):
But this is church people, So it's like, you gotta like,
I lost my froll in the woods, gotta go right back.
Speaker 4 (37:06):
I'm gonna go. Yeah, I was crying because I couldn't
find Yeah, I lost another fraul fralling disc. Yeah, very sad.
Speaker 5 (37:16):
So all of a sudden, my mom realizes like like
so Dan answers like, yeah, no, I don't.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
Just I don't ultimate frisbee, but maybe one of my
brothers does. And then she looked over like who is
this person with brothers.
Speaker 4 (37:28):
Here at the church, And she still like okay.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Then she saw it was Dan and then was just
like I Like, I was like, oh did she do
one of the So that was a fun little surprise
for mom. She was she was talking about that all day,
which was Oh, my son. He came over and he
(37:54):
came to church like church for me. He doesn't believe
in Jesus, but he was.
Speaker 4 (37:59):
And it's a on church.
Speaker 5 (38:00):
It's like a non denomed you know, like whatever, anybody
it is cool, like so it's fun.
Speaker 4 (38:06):
Oh you mean you mean it's a It actually follows
the whole comments you are ship that that Jesus talked
about weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know. No, no,
you gotta be wearing a suit. Sorry, there's a dress
code for this church. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It's it's good to be spiritual.
Speaker 5 (38:20):
It's it's good to be in touch with fucking spiritualness
and like the beauty that is fucking because spirits like
nature is spiritual. It's like whatever, it's I'm digressing. So
and then we went and had a sloppy Joe's sloppy
(38:40):
use Yeah that's sloppy bees and I stayed sober.
Speaker 4 (38:44):
Oh, like I do that now? For mom, for Ma Ma,
it was fun. We just we need to we need
to hear on this podcast that would be I want
stories of young Joe Cocozello. I see, I don't know
if I want that.
Speaker 5 (39:05):
I don't even when he went through his pantsless phase
where you would just run around Winny.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
No, No, I mean everybody's kid did that.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
It was it was the day. It was you fucking
Donald ducked all over the place. It's just running around
like just there's a little thing just flapping around.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
And from time to time. It wasn't the forties when I.
Speaker 4 (39:25):
Mean, granted, granted he was, granted Joe was twenty three,
but still Donald dug for life. What my top was cold,
but my bottom was hot.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Yes, when you when your bottom's hot, you got a
Donald dug in a little bit girls.
Speaker 4 (39:42):
Some other things we got, you know. So they call it,
I think that's offensive to other cartoon characters that also
did the same thing.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Yeah, porky pig in it.
Speaker 4 (39:48):
There's also porky pigging. It is when you were only
wear a vest with no that's the that's the covey
at the porky pig. I like Winnie the Pooh today.
I'm a big I'm a big fan of calling it
Winnie the poo. No, no, no, no, let me because
I can't tell you how many times in my life
I have been wearing only a shirt and my head's
been caught in a pot of honey.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
That is true, Okay, I had to come over with
a hammer.
Speaker 4 (40:17):
This has happened a few times. I'll get it again.
It's like lethal weapon and like, it's not a sticky
situation here.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
It's like, uh, you're on the the bomb toilet. It's
kind of the same thing. It's brings partners to it
brings podcast partners together.
Speaker 4 (40:37):
We have we have way too many of those secrets.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
Joe, Well, stop digging your whole fucking head in a
honey jar, dude, Like.
Speaker 4 (40:45):
Quit making honey jars. Mask.
Speaker 5 (40:48):
I know, I need to get you smaller, smaller open
openings in honey jars. Jars with smaller openings, or or
a spoon. You need a honeyspoon that yeah.
Speaker 4 (41:00):
Actually McDonald's used to make those, but then they had.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
To people started doing way too much coke with them.
Speaker 4 (41:04):
Like we talked about that in that previous episode. But
that one still blows my mind that those are illegal.
That's crazy. I think I know what we need to do.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
It's and by the way, from last episode, I did
look up the Salvation Army has started many.
Speaker 4 (41:24):
A war and not won one of them. For real,
who have they gone to war.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
With poverty homelessness? Yep, they tried to invade Ecuador, like
I said last last episode, as handed to.
Speaker 4 (41:41):
Them by Ecuador. Listen, you can't siege a mountain nation.
It just doesn't work. Did it work for Handibal, No?
Did it work for the Russians in Afghanistan?
Speaker 7 (41:51):
No?
Speaker 4 (41:52):
Did it work for the Salvation Army in Ecuador? Also? No,
they don't lost.
Speaker 2 (41:58):
The Salvation Army took so big losses on that On
that one.
Speaker 4 (42:02):
The Salvation Army. Actually they also took big losses because
they bet on Lakers to win the championships. Yes, I'm
like they should go Ron and Luca. That should have
been a fucking slam dunk? Uh? Did we before we go?
Speaker 2 (42:15):
I have to talk about like as we age.
Speaker 5 (42:19):
The like the quarter behind the ear thing, like oh hey,
what step on you you little kid?
Speaker 2 (42:25):
Oh so is it a quarter on your Uh? I
go by yourself?
Speaker 4 (42:29):
Something nice? What's it?
Speaker 2 (42:31):
Gonna fuck it?
Speaker 4 (42:31):
The kid's gonna be like.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Oh, thanks to the quarter, mister day. Can I have
another eleven and seventy five cents so I can actually
boy something.
Speaker 4 (42:43):
Oh, I'm sorry, Edith Bunker. I'm not made of quarters,
little Edith Bunker.
Speaker 5 (42:47):
Boy, I'm sorry, little mister Jean Stapleton, Little tiny Jean Stapleton's.
Speaker 4 (42:56):
Little mister Jean Stapleton.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Little tiny gene stable.
Speaker 4 (43:02):
That I told you I met her when I was eighteen, right, No,
what is this story? So I was, I was, I
was a fusspin and my teen years she did a lot.
She did a lot, she did she I got, so
I got to watch her. Uh, the gu three back
in the late nineties early two thousands used to have
a black box theater not far where from where Acne
(43:23):
Comedy Company is now it's and that was in that
same warehouse district area. So these do like this league
was a black box, so you would be one of
those theaters where there was seating all the way around
and it was really small. So we watched. I watched
her to I forget the play because this is fucking
half a lifetime ago for me. But she's and afterward
(43:43):
there was a Q and a where all these actor
kids got to ask her questions. And she gave me
the best advice because I asked her, I go, what
do you have to do to make it? And she goes,
learn to type. And we're like, learn to type, and
she goes, yeah, because there's gonna be a lot of
times you're not working as an actor and you need
to make money, so you have to have a skill
(44:06):
that's good. And I learned and then she but she's
and this was this is a pretty close to the
end of her life. This is in two thousand and one,
I want to say. And she was lovely and she
sat and it was late at night. This is getting
you know, because this is you know, we're getting late.
We're staying at a hotel and that wasn't far from there,
(44:29):
and she sat and answered every kid's question. That's so cool.
But she's like, you know, you got it. You gotta
learn to type, and then you pick forget typing, and
then you gotta take quarters from kids. He is out, No,
she didn't say that part gonna sound like you. I'm
gonna sound like me. You sound like all the kids
are gonna sound like me. Watch and she actually she
(44:52):
talked about she talked about him, she talked about the show.
She talked about THEATA a lot, which is very cool too,
So I was I still remember that though that was
so many years ago. Now, that was twenty three years ago,
and I still remember like all of the shit that
she's had, like a lot of that. That was so cool.
She sat in the same chair she sat in during
(45:13):
the show, which is even funnier to me for some reason,
because you know, she's an old lady. She's not gonna
be standing answering questions. This is this is the same
thing where I got to meet the chick who played
who was in Saving Silverman too, so oh what Yeah,
not a Manda Pete, not the one who had a
career after that movie. The blonde chick that Jason Biggs
(45:36):
ends up with. She was pretty cool too, but she
was just like, yeah, I got to be on a
movie with Jack Black, Steve's On and Jason Biggs. I'm
pretty awesome. And that was pretty much her vibe. She
didn't like she didn't have any words about typing, all right, yeah,
well what movie was she in? Saving Silverman? And nothing
about typing? Nothing about typing, which is weird. Although she
(46:00):
was typecasted for that movie.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
She didn't go to the Jean Stapleton School.
Speaker 4 (46:03):
Of No, she did not. She she's like she was
doing a play at the Guthrie after she had done
a bunch of Hollywood movies. So, yeah, Joe, how do
people follow you?
Speaker 5 (46:17):
They go to uh their mirror, say my name three times,
and I just show the buck up and tame to palty.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
No, you can go on Instagram. Yeah, you follow me
at the word photographizing. That's the word photograph is I
n G. Got a bunch of shows coming up. Yeah, dude,
it's just we're just gonna have so much fun this summer.
Speaker 4 (46:42):
We're gonna have a blast down the pipeline. Yes, it's
gonna be a fun, fun summer.
Speaker 2 (46:48):
It's We're gonna have a blast, and I'm looking forward
to having fun with you.
Speaker 4 (46:52):
Guys, our fans. How do people follow you?
Speaker 7 (46:56):
Man?
Speaker 4 (46:57):
They also say my name three times in a mirror,
and then I show up and pull a quarter from
behind their ear. Thank you, mister day. No, I can
follow me. I'm Matt Doo. I'm on Facebook and Instagram.
I am met Matt Douima on Blue Sky and on
TikTok for me. Every Wednesday evening in the basement of
the Red Carpet Nightclub, I host the Keller Comedy Open
(47:18):
Mike Saint Cloud and one of Minnesota's longest running comedy
open mics. The doors open at eight ish, the show
starts around nine ish. We got thirty two on Speer
Pictures for only six bucks. Come on out. It's a
whole lot of fun in a basement. To the end
of May, every Saturday, we do have the Beaver Island
Comedy Series. Produce that here over in Saint Cloud, Minnesota
(47:40):
as well at bever Island Brewing Company. We still have
Carly mcmanhamon, Wayne Burfine and Randall Reid as our headliners.
Coming up for the rest of May, and then for
the summer, we're switching it up. We're going to go
to once a month just to keep it fun, but
also because we also know people do shit during the summer.
Uh so we're gonna have it. We're gonna have it
out in the last set Saturday of the month for June, July,
(48:04):
and August. And I can also announce that Beaver Island
Brewing Company and Sisyphis Brewing Company in the Twin Cities
are going to be working with Punchline Punch Out, and
we are going to be doing a Saint Cloud versus
Twin Cities competition June third. I believe it's the first
Tuesday in June. Some Saint Cloud comedians are going to
(48:25):
be going head to head with some Minneapolis Saint Paul
based comedians and then round to make a tournament style
with a home and away game. On June seventeenth, which
is two weeks later, we're going to be at Beaver
Island Brewing Company with the same competitors, different words, and
we're going to see who's going to win. It's going
(48:48):
to be a lot of fun. We're doing it myself.
Trevor Anderson, Lahidro, Samara sing are all getting together for this.
We've got some good shit. That stuff will be coming
out by the time I released we released this episode,
the h information should be out. So really excited about that.
Those are gonna be free shows, by the way, So
if you're pitching the pennies but you still want to
(49:08):
see some live comedy in both the Twin Cities or
Saint Cloud, come on out to those shows. Support that.
Speaking of support, follow the podcast and Awful Service Podcast
across all platforms. Email us your bizarre pizza delivery stories
where people don't die at Awful Service Podcast at gmail
dot com. Go to our website www dot awful Service
(49:32):
Podcast dot weeble dot com. Check us out have some
fun there. We love you, Joe. This has been a
fun one. As always, the conversations are always are always different.
We will be back with some more hard wonderful guests.
We have some great app We have some great I
can't reveal those, but I have some. I have some
good shit coming through. I know Jodahs too. Same and
(49:54):
as always, dude.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
It's we're gonna have to learn how to pull twenty
dollars bills out a kid's ears.
Speaker 4 (50:03):
I don't know how I can affoord that. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (50:05):
It's like, you know what, we just got to get
kids into quarters again and have a good night.
Speaker 4 (50:11):
It's time to count.
Speaker 3 (50:13):
But till sweep the floors and mop the spills, say
good night, dispose up the trash and turn out the
light and tell me why I try and it's so damping.
It's Eliza. I'll take my tips, my services offering me this.
(50:36):
Maybe I will find a way up.
Speaker 2 (50:41):
For now, I count light tip.
Speaker 4 (50:47):
And like the do this has been a tape Deck
media production. Thank you for listening.
Tape Deck Media.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
This podcast is.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Presentation.
Speaker 4 (00:23):
That's all right, welcome back. It's another episode of the
Office Service podcast. This is the podcast that has problem
with Exfinity, no Ah calling out, calling out Internet companies
left and right. Spectrum, you're on our ship. Listen next,
(00:46):
Hey Cox, we're looking at you Cox. Yeah, that Optimum,
I don't know Verizon, t Mobile and I'm losing it
after that point, I don't. I can't list. It's me
the guy who can't list that many internet companies, Matt
(01:07):
join because there's not many left. Man, that's true.
Speaker 5 (01:12):
It's me, the original New York Metropolitan himself, Joe Cocozello.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
The Metropolitan. That's so.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
That's so what the Mets are called, the New York Metropolitans.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
The New York Metropolitans gets because it's very identifiable. In
the year twenty twenty five when they when they came
up with that name, Joe, when they came up with
the Metropolitan, it was hip yeah, and now it's like
now where the well they oh, well, the Metropolitans.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
Like, oh boy, you're a little fancy here for this
Applebee's you're getting.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
It's like the Mets are being sponsored by silium husk.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
We have a reservation, yeah, tej E read it doesn't
do reservations. Here's a pager. Well, i'll let you know
when we're ready.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
Oh this is I don't know what this disc that
you gave me. I'm gonna go get a very very mohito.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Got I need like a table for eight dandies.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
You know, you know, honestly, as the Metropolitan became a
little less and less of a thing, the handkerchief market
just went straight down.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
Its just I feel like I'm the only one of
my age group that rocks handkerchiefs.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
Yes, because they're cross No, they're not gross. They're gross.
Speaker 5 (02:25):
Okay, hey, all right, if you replace it on a
regular basis, I have a a drawer where there's a
section full of handkerchiefs.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
You have a you have a handkerchief drawer. One dedication,
ale drawer, not dedicated.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
It's part of a drawer.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
Okay, okay, that would be that would be a little on.
It's just a full dresser drawer. Just don't dresser. That
would be nuts. It's a little coordinated. I've got the green,
but those are my favorite because it kind of already
masks it yellow.
Speaker 5 (02:53):
There used to be patterns. They're not patterns anymore. First dollars,
it's just you got your white and you got your blue.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Well, I think the blue at least covers some of it.
That's the thing. White as a fucking move for a
handkerchief to move waving.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
It's a good for waving.
Speaker 5 (03:10):
You give it to a lady for when she's are
you saying goodbye to the people on shore or on
a cruise ship.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
You hand it to the lady next to you.
Speaker 4 (03:17):
She So it's good for the eighteen sixties South and
for France. But beyond that, what is a white handkerchief?
Speaker 5 (03:25):
A clean handkerchief which, if you rotate them on a
pro appropriate basis, which I.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
Do, so you don't want to reuse, you throw them
in the wash after every hanky blow.
Speaker 5 (03:35):
Yes, not well, I mean it goes back in the
pocket until you get home, and then then it goes
in the wash.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
Well okay, yes, that would be unhinged if you had
a mini hamper that you could throw the handkerchief you
carried on your belt. Actually, it's like, what's that, Oh,
that's my handkerchief hamper. It's a hanky hamper that looks
like a Crown Royal bag. Well it is, it used
to be. It was for one second.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Close the loop.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
You say that, Hold on, I gotta I gotta show this. This
is great as an use.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Your Crown Royal bag. Close the loop. Yeah, dude, everybody
uses the Crown.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
Royal No, no, no, this is this is this is the
best part of it. There's a Crown Royal bag that
is filled another all Crown Royal bags because I keep
them for my job and I use them for everything.
They're so good. Yeah, they're great bags. If I if
I golf, I would put these on top of my
(04:31):
my my clubs, just like the covers is Crownroyals. What's
the Crown black. Oh, that's my driver.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
That's the big one. It's the big guy.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
Crown Peach, that's Crown Apple. It's my wedge.
Speaker 5 (04:49):
I I you know, I'm insisting that I think that
you should, as you age, go buy mister D.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Yeah. Joe, Joe's talking about this. I'm obsessed with this.
He wants me to go buy D as in dignity,
D as in Racks, which we covered one hundred.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
It would be hilarious for like inside joke to you
old Madima, and then and then like like you just
have kids refer to you as mister.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Hey, mister is that a quarteraba?
Speaker 6 (05:17):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (05:17):
Thacts, mister D.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
I don't know why they sound like what's her name from?
Speaker 6 (05:22):
All?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Yeah, that's well, first, there's a there's a lot of
questions I have with your your future idea of what
I'm going to be like. But one two you make
it sound like I'm the guy in the neighborhood. Is like,
I've got some saltwater taffy for you, mister d. Oh,
who who want? I got some icy's it's a hot day.
You kids need to like. No, it's okay, mister D.
You could trust mister D though, at least in your
(05:44):
at least in your scenario. I'm not creepy, mister D.
I'm the beloved neighborhood. Mister D.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I don't know why all my children sound like.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Edith Bunker. Yeah, about to say middle the middle aged
women all Jones. Yeah, they're all uh, they're all married
to Archie.
Speaker 7 (06:04):
Thanks to the isis miss.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
Today my husband is a racist. Well it's okay.
Speaker 5 (06:13):
So we've proven over time that as everyone as the
human body.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Ages, it slowly becomes racist. It's a scientific fact, right,
Like that's the.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
Thing I'm I don't, I don't know, Okay, I'm not
a I'm not a race scientist, Joe, that like.
Speaker 5 (06:31):
Eighty percent of old people just turn into racists. It's
like there's twenty percent that stay cool. And I'm hoping
that we stay on that twenty percent there. Oh, I
I feel like we're gonna be our age is gonna
have a lot more progressive old Yeah.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
It's so like there's this whole the concept, right, what
is that the to go to more of a not
so much racist level. But they do say the older
you get, the more conservative you get. That's something that
I've heard. I've heard that one like, oh, if you're
a it is, if you're a Republican in your twenties,
you're heartless, and if you're uh, and if you're a
(07:06):
Democrat in your forties, your brainless or some shit like
that was like the the old saying. And it's like,
I got fuck it. I guess I just don't have
a brain. I'm a lib who own me. I don't
fucking care whatever. Do you do what you want. I'm
not I'm not like one of those like, oh, you
you uh, you didn't. You didn't say the right word
sort of liberal. But I'm like, hey, maybe uh maybe
(07:28):
let the gays do whatever the fuck they want.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I don't know, I feel like i'm a Sandersist.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
Well, it's because you sound like Bernie Sanders. You just you,
you automatically gravitate towards your people. You're like that. That
that's my accent. Those are my You're chicken in every
part the one.
Speaker 7 (07:47):
It's I know percentages. You guys don't need to know math.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
I'm good at stone or Bernie Sanders would be the
best fucking character ever. This PhD level is ninety nine
percent thh so much? Do you see? The one percent
of CBD does not balance the string. This is not
(08:12):
for kids, Thank you, mister. I've got some icys in
the freezer. Start a quarter behind you. Yeah, that's that
is that's the real mister d is mister Sanders. I
want him to just to be able to retire from
politics and just hang out with.
Speaker 7 (08:32):
And just do yeah, just do fun stuff like, hey, kids,
a complay on my lawn, silver on.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
I've got a crocodile mile on my luck. I want
to see Bernie Sanders before he dies to do the
crocodile Mile, that's no.
Speaker 5 (08:49):
I just want him to sit there in a launch
chair with a little fucking umbrella on it that says
like with Bernie like that that Bernie fucking umbrella.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
And picturing zinc side on his nose that a little strip.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Of course he does. He's playing a lifeguard on the
clock and I'm Mile, don't want to urn, don't.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Run the one percent of people who hurt themselves on this.
Speaker 5 (09:14):
But he's gonna be old, and he's just gonna be
saying out of context ship and he's just gonna have
like a bunch of sun Street and he's like, have
you all did you play on your song screen?
Speaker 4 (09:22):
Come over here? Gets sprayed by Uncle Bernie. Okay, that
that out of out of context.
Speaker 5 (09:29):
Out of context old Bert like really old Bernie Sanders
when he's like allowed to say, I mean could.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
Look although you want you. The one thing I will
say about about Bernie is that for a man of
his age, for a man of his age, he's still cooking.
He is still there. Yeah, yeah, compared to our last
two presidents, I'll say two, I'll go with both.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I'll go there and who.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
Are younger than him. He is still fine airing on
all cylinders. Yep. And that's that's the thing that that's crazy.
But you know, speaking to Bernie Sanders, he would believe
that all pizza delivery people deserve a good tip. Wouldn't
you agree when you say that's a good time. Yeah.
I believe that Domino's drivers should be able to get
(10:19):
a living wait while serving pepperoni. I think that's to
be able to have a family, to have a family
to serve the breadsticks. I found that article that we
should discuss today. We are what happened? Who did what?
It's not this is it's it's just an interesting Was
(10:39):
there a purpose? Was there a reason? Was that their cause? Well,
how about we just show you. Okay, on me, delivery
drivers describe bizarre deliveries they've made. Oh yeah, there's going
to be a few of these ranker so and I
can I can speak to this as I have been
a pizza delivery person in my day. I haven't in
(11:03):
the summer. I only did it for one summer, okay,
three and a half months of delivering pizzas. I had
things like I had a woman come to the door naked, yep. Yep,
we've heard that one. I love that it's a but
it was it was it was okay naked, isn't It
(11:26):
was like the it was the open it was the open.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Open blouse, the open uh fucking night glichet sort of thing, nightgown,
neglige sort of deal.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
Uh, you know, like she just oh, I just got
out of the shower and like she's like yeah, and
she didn't try to do anything. And I don't have
any way to pay for the pizza, Like no, like
she paid for the pizza. She had cash and all.
But I think she was just doing it, like wow,
this is how I get my kicks. And I'm a
little eighteen year old boy like titties, you know. So
I was alright with it. I did get moved. I
got everybody wins. You know, in the early two thousand nineties,
(12:00):
mooning was real. Big. People don't moon anymore. I don't
know why. I'm like, you know, it's it's some of
it's all right. Some of it's funny because I'm kind
of glad I don't need to see a fruit basket.
You remember that that's what a couple. That's when a
couple of pairs slip out of the basket, you know
what I'm saying, and then a banana. Yep, I don't
need that. Pressed ham was pretty funny though.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Pressed ham oh against the window, but it was always
like it was never like. It never done on my car,
and I've never done it to anybody else's car.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
But now you have a.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Butt butt print, you have to clean your car window.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
I a roommate friends as print. Yeah. I had a
roommate in college who when he he was one of
those guys that when he took his shirt and stuff off,
You're like, oh, are you still gonna wear that sweater outside?
He was one of those guys and that also went
to his backside as well. He had a Robin Williams
level cover of hair and during the summer he played
(13:03):
soccer and would go running and ship well. I would
pull in from my job and then he would come
and just jump on my shitty nineteen ninety oldsmobile UH
eighty eight and he would just off like a dog. No,
he just squat press ham on my fucking windshield and
(13:25):
then there would just be a hairy and you could
see the hair marks from the sweat too. It was
you know, honestly, it was always kind of pretty. But no,
but we're gonna, we're gonna we're getting a little off
topic here. So I'm talking talking about pizza delivery stories. Okay,
I I had as.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I can't even imagine the wolf man, oh jumping.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Yeah, he's a it's he. I just put it this way,
like he he would have to wax a lot like
forty year old virgin. It's like it's more hairy than that.
So the next level, when you know, we've it's been.
I'm been on the podcast that I used to have
to deliver pizzas to an insane asylum that I used
(14:05):
to uh uh and I you know, and there'd be
some other weird stuff gotten lost because it was it
was in the days before cell phone, so I had
to like go borrow a couple of quarters to call
people and ship things like that. But I never had
anything too bizarre, never got like held up.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Did you did you did you go up to did
you to get those quarters?
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Did you go up to a kid and be like
behind no, young like an eighteen year old mister d
Is that what you're saying? Like that's what I was doing.
Speaker 5 (14:32):
Now, Like no, I need to keep these quarters. Actually
need the other one from buying your other air Okay, cool, I.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Need now I can make a phone. So this is
an article that I found delivery drivers describe bizarre deliveries
they've made. Okay, so we're going to go through some
of these stories. And the first one is going to
bake you uncomfortable, but it is and it is fucking insane.
(14:57):
Man orders pizza and commits suicide.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Jesus.
Speaker 4 (15:01):
Then that's the one right out the gate. Wait, did
it take too long? We're gonna deliver it in thirty
minutes or less or else you can find a b.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Yeah, and he was like, it's like it fucking two
and a half hours later, he was like, I can't
take this. I can't even live.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
This is actually kind of this is just wild. I
worked at a pizza hunt in high school. Our delivery
guy went out and was gone for the next three hours.
Now mind you, this was before cell phones and we
didn't know what happened, so I had to take over deliveries.
He showed back up and we all asked him where
he has been because we are all behind schedules. Someone
(15:40):
had ordered a pizza to one of the dormitories at
the air Force base and left the door cracked open. Naturally,
he pushed the door open to give what he expected
to be a drunk airman as pizza. Instead, the airmen
had hung himself. Jesus. Our driver took so long because
he had to report to police. The police. That is
(16:03):
first and foremost. This is this one's not that. That
was a That was a wow because also, could you
imagine if your last meal was pizza hut?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, well it wasn't guess whatever they served on like
at the dorm.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
Yeah, the ship on a shingle isn't good.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Yeah, it's like you couldn't. I wonder if they have
an S O S pizza that like at at pizza
huts close to air bases.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
Okay, the next one is a little bit better.
Speaker 5 (16:37):
Did the person ordering the pizzas was alive when they
when they deli roote?
Speaker 4 (16:42):
Yeah? But driver made violently ill by customer scent? Okay,
you know what I was violently ill. But there was
some smelly fucking people because you got to realize, Yeah,
and they're the people who usually a lot of people
who smell really bad. They just they it gets because
they don't leave their house or their apartment.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Right, and well, you know what, now mando exists that
like spray on the odorant for your whole body, and.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
Yet they're not even doing that. The fact they'd axe.
Back then, I would have even preferred acts. It's max body.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Spray a musty axe person.
Speaker 4 (17:17):
Or oh what was that? Show me?
Speaker 5 (17:18):
Okay, so how violently? How violently was he made? And
was he allowed to go home?
Speaker 4 (17:25):
The worst delivery I have ever had was about two
years ago. I got to the apartment, knocked on the
door and heard a voice from inside tell me that
it's okay to come in. Okay, no big deal, probably
has her handful with kids or something. So I opened
the door and made the biggest mistake. I took a breath.
(17:45):
The smell was unforgettable. It smelled like rancid, decomposing flesh
had been sitting in the sun for days while simultaneously
pan kept hydrated. This guy's whoever wrote this, has a
really good way with words. I continue to walk with
only a small falter in my step. Took the pizza
(18:05):
and popped the lady in the chair. The closer I
walked to her, the worst the smell got after what
seemed like years, she finally handed me the money, gave
her back her change, which is more than more than
I should have, and walked out of the apartment. As
soon as the door was closed behind me. I puked
until I was dry heaving, but still puking. Ro Eventually
(18:32):
I made it back to my car, but I could
still smell it. It was on my clothes. I did
the only logical thing I could think of. I stripped hoodie, shirt, pants, socks,
and shoes, all tossed in my drunk. I drove back
to the pizza place, got out of my car, grabbed
my clothes, walked in like a boss, the other drivers
(18:53):
just staring at me in my boxers. Went back to
the store and did laundry that never happened. The second
part I think didn't happen. I could the first part
I can see, though. I think.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
I like it smelled really bad and probably writing. They
probably took a fucking Yeah, it probably wretched. I don't
think they threw up until they dry heaves.
Speaker 4 (19:16):
No, but they probably did. They did probably get a
little puky.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
I don't think that they drove walked in in their
boxers like a boss.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
No, I think they they might have they might have
had other clothes in their car. I would imagine maybe,
Oh yeah, I had a kind of extra shirt and
I threw on some sweats that I'm.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Gonna call I'm gonna call a little bullshit on that
one that.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
The person didn't smell. Are you telling me that rancor
dot com doesn't vet their stories? Yeah? Sorry, ranker. All right, well, okay,
this one's a little more fun. Woman gets pizza guy's number,
text nudes than ghosts and well, you know, honestly, was
it a ghosting or did you just get a gift?
(19:59):
All right, squeeze this one off, dude. I delivered pizza
or delivered for a pizza place, and got an order
for a house further than our usual delivery radius. I
pull up, knock on the door and wait, wait, wait,
and then knock again. Nothing, So I call. When a
woman answers the phone, sounding groggy as hell. Okay, sorry,
(20:19):
I'll be there. She opens the door, robe completely open,
with a slender naked body underneath. All I can muster
is you look nice. That was enough for thanks, cutie.
She paid me and sent me on my way. Minutes later,
I get a text, what's your name, So we begin
to chat a little bit. After a little chatter, she
ends up sending me three or four nudes. Not that
(20:41):
I didn't open a lot of the So a lot
of these places like they give the delivery driver or
like the drivers have the number in case like you
knock or ring the bell and no one answers, like
that I had I technically I had that, but then
I'd have to go find a payphone and steal two
quarters from a kid.
Speaker 5 (21:01):
Dude out of a kid's ear, Like all right, I'm
starting to think that this is this Rancor list is
more delivery driver fan fiction.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
Dear dear Pizza Hut, I never thought it would happen
to me.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Dear pizza Hut house.
Speaker 5 (21:22):
All right, can I just send you the video that
I have that I've been itching to send you, because this.
Speaker 4 (21:26):
Is a minute and this one's funny, this delivery driver.
This one feels like this one, This one definitely feels
like it. Can this one be a real one? This one?
I mean to be fair, I think they made a
movie about this back in nineteen ninety three. Yeah, but did.
Speaker 5 (21:39):
This pizza driver or did they just watch this movie
and go all right, this is going to be a
warm room.
Speaker 4 (21:44):
I delivered pizzas for a bunch of different places. You
get regulars, like any any restaurant, people who order all
the time usually order the same thing. There was one
delivery where I would make I would always make to
the house, and a little girl, maybe ten, would always
answer the door and pay for the pizza. That wasn't
too weird. Kids like to pay for pizza a lot,
which is true. I had a lot of kids who
(22:05):
would hand me the money and take the pizza. True story.
The orders were sometimes early in the evening, sometimes late.
One evening, I delivered pizza to her and she didn't
have enough money. I suggested she go to her parents,
and she said her mom wasn't there and her daddy
wasn't alive anymore. I asked where her mom when her
(22:26):
mommy might be back, thinking she ran out somewhere, and
the little girl said Thursday. It was a Monday.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Cool cool, cool All right.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
Again, Again, this one is sad as it is. I'm
I'm not doubting. Unfortunately, I'm not doubting this.
Speaker 5 (22:43):
I think this is true, but I also kind of
have no problem with it because ghost Dad was babysitting.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
As you get ghosted.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
I've seen this movie Ghost Dad.
Speaker 4 (22:56):
Basically that. The rest of the story is, they said ghost,
they had to call the they called the cops, took care,
he helped out, called the cops. So at least the
pizza delivery driver did the right thing.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Did she get the pizza?
Speaker 4 (23:07):
Did? Of course she got that. I bet she got
the pizza. I'm not gonna it's a lot of dead, yeah,
a lot of dead, a lot a lot of yeah.
So we'll be done with that one. Let's just all right,
So you know we're gonna do though. I have one
and it's going to feature a pitch Man that we
we've got. He's more, he's become a cult classic movie
(23:28):
act super commercial. Whoa, and it's featuring Bruce fucking Campbell. Whoa, dude,
So Bruce Campbell and his wife were hawking. This is okay,
So this came out if you look at the super
it's definitely it was maybe in the eighties or nineties
when this one thing. So he'd already done the Evil
(23:50):
Dead movies and Army of Darkness. But he's doing a
local it looks like a local subar commercial. Okay, all right,
So it's actually get in this accident or is this
an acting? I don't know. Okay the testimonial.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Hi, I'm Bruce Cannibell and I'm I and this is
our brand new Subaru Forester. It didn't always look like this,
but right after we bought it, we were in a
terrible accident that left us upside down in a ditch.
Speaker 4 (24:16):
To be fair, that's pretty fucked up. It's a fucking
up super That is.
Speaker 5 (24:19):
A really that's like, that's not just upside down in
a ditch. You like hit a tree on the way
into the ditch and then another car hit the top
of you. It's it is a wrecked ass outback or forrester.
Speaker 4 (24:34):
I will say this though, even how wrecked it is,
it's still like A they're they're perfectly fine. Yeah, And
b it's still structurally fairly intact. Yeah it looks drivable. Yeah,
I say yeah, like I kind of want a super bow.
We kind of drove away from it, all right.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
And this is the window we called out of.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Our forester was totaled, but we walked away with a scratch.
Speaker 4 (25:00):
We bought the.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Forester because it ranks number one in crash tests. I
never dreamed it would save our lives.
Speaker 6 (25:06):
Concerned about safety. Test drive the all wheel drive forester
today at Southern Oregon super Evolvo.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
It's a bee. I am Bruce, and they did it.
They had done a second commercial too, that's right. So
it's two commercials back to back.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Andy, you need a super U like to drive on
these crazy Oregon roads. Come down to Medford. We're down
on what seventh seventh Bettle Road?
Speaker 4 (25:30):
Us. They're really good at running over dead heights.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Wait, okay, so now they have a second one, and
this this, this one seems fully intent.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
Yes, was this a pre commercial? Was this they bought?
This is I think this is I'm saying like, we
liked the one that saved our lives so much we
went and bought a second one.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Okay, all right, this is like all right, we're back. Yeah,
and we haven't wrecked a second car.
Speaker 4 (25:53):
Yes, because they haven't read the Book of the Book
of the dead. Is now it's okay, it's being sick.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
It hasn't been chasing them for a while.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
Yeah, they've been. They've been, they've been. Okay, they're in
peacetime right now.
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Holy shit, How is Subaru not come back? And done
like this outruns the Book of the Dead.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Routes the Deadites. Yeah, that's what they were called, the
bad guys in the Evil Dead slash Army of Darkness,
just running.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Over skeleton zombies.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
Yeah, yeah, that closes the.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Book and like he like fucking fights his own bad cell.
Speaker 4 (26:24):
Like actually Sam Raimi didn't give them the rights for that,
so they just had to call him zombies, the bad gays,
bad gays. It would have been even funnier if some
if they just like one of the scenes, just one
of the scenes, they just swamped it out and he
has the chainsaw handy they don't they don't address it,
do not address it at all. Or he's driving, but
(26:45):
one of the hands is the chainsaw.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Yeah, he's just got the chance saw like ten and two,
ten and.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
Two, both hands on the wheel.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
This is our second brand new Subaro.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
For us second so it is that they did buy
a new one.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Okay, they got the same exact Forester, it seems sure.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
See the first one did so well when we drove
it upside down, and this is our brand new Subaru Forester,
then we just had to get another one.
Speaker 4 (27:09):
It's even the same color.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
We gave our first Forester, our own personal crash test.
We're gonna test this one for high nile.
Speaker 6 (27:16):
Age concern about safety. Forester rank number one in the
crash test. Take a test drive today at Southern Oregon
Superu Volvo Mitzubi.
Speaker 4 (27:25):
She see, I think that's like the.
Speaker 5 (27:27):
Purpose the Oregon Subaru Volvo Mitzu. That's quite the trifecta
of there down on Biddle Road.
Speaker 4 (27:34):
Yeah, for the airport in Bedford. Yeah. Would be even
funnier though, is like in this ship with just.
Speaker 5 (27:41):
Drive clattered towards the airport and we're near the airport,
so we're by the airport.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Yeah, of course there's no money.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
There's not a lot of Superroo dealerships by the airport.
We're the only Supero dealership.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Look if you go and you're driving and then you
ask for directions and you're like, I'm trying to get
to the super dealership.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
It's on Biddle Road. It's on Biddle Road.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
I have a which one on Biddle Roads.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
It's near thet it's near the airport, by the airport. Okay,
I know exactly where you're going. I think they missed
an opportunity. If you want to talk about opportunity. You
missed opportunity because this is also like the Dead. I
could like, like all of a sudden he turns into
a zombie and then Bruce has to kill him.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
Right, It's like this guy's halfway there.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
Yeah, he kind of does. Look he's got a little
bit of like he could be like there's an evil
in there. But he's also he's also sells he sells cars,
so I mean there is definitely a little bit of evil.
Speaker 5 (28:31):
That's that's like the dealership owners that used to do
these commercials like the GMS.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
What's crazy is this superhu is still on the road
to this day?
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Like probably they probably still have that Super.
Speaker 4 (28:42):
We should ask Bruce Campbell. Listens, Bruce, we know you
listen to the pod.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
I might I have that red Super still. She's like, yeah,
that's three hundred and seventy miles.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
I just like that they bought it. They bought a
car that matches her hair.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Yeah, maybe she changed hair colors and they got there
to get her a new Forester.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
She went blonde, the butter yellow one. That's yellow. It's
a gold one. Now crash test one for high mileage.
We're gonna go for high mileage, which to me says
they're gonna be fucking in the back of that super Rum.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Super u forester bang. That's how they got in trouble
the first time.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
And the second they rolled it they did it.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
They were doing it a little too hard on one on.
Speaker 4 (29:23):
Port side.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
The ports they tumbled down a ravine.
Speaker 5 (29:29):
Right, that's what happens when you fuck out the side
of a Oregattian road.
Speaker 4 (29:34):
Right, This is true. This is true. So yesterday was
Mother's Day, Joe, Yes, yes, that's for those of you
who don't. We've talked about this on the podcast a
little bit. But it's Mother's Day and Valentine's Day and
(29:56):
I was, to a lesser extent New Year's Eve. Are
the the three worst days to work as a server? Yeah,
I guess Easter Sunday. If you do have to work
on Easter at like a brunch place, there'd be a
number four. Because these are the days that people who
do not go out to eat go out to eat.
(30:17):
These are the days when people who don't understand the
general like flow of a restaurant. They don't get that
you should like.
Speaker 5 (30:26):
Make like a kid's menu for them, like like a
mat and with like crayons, and it's like, this is how.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
You order properly. This is how you properly get a
server's attention. Yeah, find find the server.
Speaker 4 (30:41):
And like politely ask them for what you want.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
And then like at the end, it's like, oh, you
politely ask the server.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
Yeah, it's it's it is, honest to goodness. Mother's Day, though,
is one that I always laugh about because it's your mom.
You're celebrating your mom, this woman who does so much
for you, okay, And the only thing you can think
(31:09):
of is like, well, maybe we should just take her
out to eat so she doesn't have to cook today. So, uh,
why don't we? And it said, you know, you could,
you know, cooking, you doing the cooking. Yeah, she would
love that if you made a homemade meal for her.
But you know what you're gonna do. We're gonna go
to outback steakhouse and get some goddamn onion blossoms and
(31:33):
well done steaks. By the way, the most I look
this up, it's I don't know if it's true or not,
but the most well done steaks are also on those days. Wow.
On Mother's Day and Valentine's Day, majority of restaurants that
sell steaks. They say that's where they get the most
(31:53):
well done steaks are on those days.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
Mothers don't like blood.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
Yeah, it's not even the moms. It's easy. It's the
yeah com done. Oh you know it's it's funny because
you know, we've to talked about the movie Waiting. You
remember the scene where it's like, ah, hell, it's our anniversary.
She can have a pepsi. We had a situation like
that happened yesterday where guy's like, well, can I get
some egg rolls? We have like these they're they're called
(32:18):
Texas egg rolls. So it's like pulled, poor fresh pulled
pork and then served with like a like a vinegary
mustard sauce. It's really good. It's it's it's it's nice.
It's not really a it's kind of an East meat
South sort of thing, like it's good, it's really nice.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
She's okay, now get to those. Now get to the
spousal abuse.
Speaker 4 (32:34):
We get to the can we get some egg rolls?
And he sits there, Oh, we're just gonna be spending
money all the time, and then she looks real sad,
and then he looks back at her and he goes ah, hell,
it's your day. Get her the fucking egg rolls. Oh
my god, best part they're fucking half off because it
was in the barn. We had all day happy hour
(32:56):
and he was still over that.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
Come on, bro, it's her day. I uh, well, it
is wallets and tight now.
Speaker 4 (33:11):
People were doing that during the best part of the economy,
So don't like I've been waiting tables during good end
at times. They always find a reason about it. I
don't know s I ever left an inch of so
or out without soh so what? I have a cup,
So I'm gonna staff them. I people are silly gooses.
Oh they are. Oh oh oh, I got I got
(33:31):
another one for you. Don't and I posted this, but
don't ask strangers about their moms on Mother's Day. Just
don't if you don't know the person. Yep, don't be like, hey,
did you talk to your mom today? Did you call?
Don't forget to call your mom.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
And it's like, oh.
Speaker 4 (33:51):
God, I got so. I had a couple of those yesterday,
and as it's documented, my mom passed in twenty twenty two.
Gonna happen. Bro, Oh, I know, but it's idiots. Oh
I know. And I respond back in kind. So yesterday,
here's a couple of the responses I got. Did call
your mom today? I go, yeah, but the reception on
(34:12):
the Ouiji board wasn't very good. Well that's funny. That's funny.
And they just looked and they're like and you can
just see like the look of like, oh I said,
I'm I'm somebody. Somebody fucking kicked them under the table. Yeah,
they're like another one, are you gonna go visit your
mom today? And I go, know her gravesites about four
(34:35):
hours away?
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Yeah, it's like, uh, hey, bro, just fucking it's like, don't.
Speaker 4 (34:42):
Don't. Another one was that people don't Are you gonna
do something for your mom today? Yeah, I'm gonna put Yeah,
I'm gonna go find that stairway that led Zeppelin was
talking about. And we can't know, uh, we can't do anymore.
We're gonna get suit. We're gonna get suited. It's like
in Wayne's world, like stairway denied. Yeah, so yeah, stairway.
(35:15):
Did you What did you do for your mom yesterday?
Speaker 6 (35:17):
Joe?
Speaker 4 (35:17):
What did you guys do?
Speaker 5 (35:19):
We went, uh we do uh we do the church
on Sundays, right, like so that was a fun day
and uh uh so it's just usually like me and
my parents and then we'll go get bagels, but the
bagel place was closed and we were gonna do some
like a luncheon a brunching at at mom's at parents' house.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
And uh I, so I texted all my little brothers
because it's usually just me at church, and I was like,
all right, who wants the surprise mom at church? And
my little brother Danny uh showed up. He was like, yeah,
I'm gonna come. And so he showed up at church.
Mom came in said hi to everybody. Dan sat down
(35:57):
next to my parents like one seat away. He didn't
like say anything. He was waiting for Mom to acknowledge
and like she didn't.
Speaker 4 (36:05):
Your mom is just like in church mode. Just like
in church.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Mode, was never expecting Dan of all people, of course,
because Dan's not a church kid.
Speaker 5 (36:14):
So uh so yeah, so he like and then one
of the younger like youth leader, like the one of
the board members, the younger board members, was like, hey, hey,
you're new, Like, hey, do you want to play? Uh
ultimate Frisbee's been trying to get people wh play offs
my frisbee or it's I'm like, dude, I'm golf I'll
(36:35):
go play pickleball like I'm not.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
Ultimately, I'm not.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
Frisbeeing and running.
Speaker 4 (36:40):
That doesn't sound fun of me, that that sounds awful.
It just doesn't sound fun to me. Like it's this
is one of those I would go, I'll put you
in the middle, We'll go fra all thing, I'll fralp.
Speaker 5 (36:50):
I don't enjoy it because it's on a golf course,
and I'm like, I should be golfing right now.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
This is it means to be fair for all thing
is really just an excuse to smoke weed and drink
in public, agreed.
Speaker 5 (36:59):
But this is church people, So it's like, you gotta like,
I lost my froll in the woods, gotta go right back.
Speaker 4 (37:06):
I'm gonna go. Yeah, I was crying because I couldn't
find Yeah, I lost another fraul fralling disc. Yeah, very sad.
Speaker 5 (37:16):
So all of a sudden, my mom realizes like like
so Dan answers like, yeah, no, I don't.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
Just I don't ultimate frisbee, but maybe one of my
brothers does. And then she looked over like who is
this person with brothers.
Speaker 4 (37:28):
Here at the church, And she still like okay.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Then she saw it was Dan and then was just
like I Like, I was like, oh did she do
one of the So that was a fun little surprise
for mom. She was she was talking about that all day,
which was Oh, my son. He came over and he
(37:54):
came to church like church for me. He doesn't believe
in Jesus, but he was.
Speaker 4 (37:59):
And it's a on church.
Speaker 5 (38:00):
It's like a non denomed you know, like whatever, anybody
it is cool, like so it's fun.
Speaker 4 (38:06):
Oh you mean you mean it's a It actually follows
the whole comments you are ship that that Jesus talked
about weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know. No, no,
you gotta be wearing a suit. Sorry, there's a dress
code for this church. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It's it's good to be spiritual.
Speaker 5 (38:20):
It's it's good to be in touch with fucking spiritualness
and like the beauty that is fucking because spirits like
nature is spiritual. It's like whatever, it's I'm digressing. So
and then we went and had a sloppy Joe's sloppy
(38:40):
use Yeah that's sloppy bees and I stayed sober.
Speaker 4 (38:44):
Oh, like I do that now? For mom, for Ma Ma,
it was fun. We just we need to we need
to hear on this podcast that would be I want
stories of young Joe Cocozello. I see, I don't know
if I want that.
Speaker 5 (39:05):
I don't even when he went through his pantsless phase
where you would just run around Winny.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
No, No, I mean everybody's kid did that.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
It was it was the day. It was you fucking
Donald ducked all over the place. It's just running around
like just there's a little thing just flapping around.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
And from time to time. It wasn't the forties when I.
Speaker 4 (39:25):
Mean, granted, granted he was, granted Joe was twenty three,
but still Donald dug for life. What my top was cold,
but my bottom was hot.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Yes, when you when your bottom's hot, you got a
Donald dug in a little bit girls.
Speaker 4 (39:42):
Some other things we got, you know. So they call it,
I think that's offensive to other cartoon characters that also
did the same thing.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Yeah, porky pig in it.
Speaker 4 (39:48):
There's also porky pigging. It is when you were only
wear a vest with no that's the that's the covey
at the porky pig. I like Winnie the Pooh today.
I'm a big I'm a big fan of calling it
Winnie the poo. No, no, no, no, let me because
I can't tell you how many times in my life
I have been wearing only a shirt and my head's
been caught in a pot of honey.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
That is true, Okay, I had to come over with
a hammer.
Speaker 4 (40:17):
This has happened a few times. I'll get it again.
It's like lethal weapon and like, it's not a sticky
situation here.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
It's like, uh, you're on the the bomb toilet. It's
kind of the same thing. It's brings partners to it
brings podcast partners together.
Speaker 4 (40:37):
We have we have way too many of those secrets.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
Joe, Well, stop digging your whole fucking head in a
honey jar, dude, Like.
Speaker 4 (40:45):
Quit making honey jars. Mask.
Speaker 5 (40:48):
I know, I need to get you smaller, smaller open
openings in honey jars. Jars with smaller openings, or or
a spoon. You need a honeyspoon that yeah.
Speaker 4 (41:00):
Actually McDonald's used to make those, but then they had.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
To people started doing way too much coke with them.
Speaker 4 (41:04):
Like we talked about that in that previous episode. But
that one still blows my mind that those are illegal.
That's crazy. I think I know what we need to do.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
It's and by the way, from last episode, I did
look up the Salvation Army has started many.
Speaker 4 (41:24):
A war and not won one of them. For real,
who have they gone to war.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
With poverty homelessness? Yep, they tried to invade Ecuador, like
I said last last episode, as handed to.
Speaker 4 (41:41):
Them by Ecuador. Listen, you can't siege a mountain nation.
It just doesn't work. Did it work for Handibal, No?
Did it work for the Russians in Afghanistan?
Speaker 7 (41:51):
No?
Speaker 4 (41:52):
Did it work for the Salvation Army in Ecuador? Also? No,
they don't lost.
Speaker 2 (41:58):
The Salvation Army took so big losses on that On
that one.
Speaker 4 (42:02):
The Salvation Army. Actually they also took big losses because
they bet on Lakers to win the championships. Yes, I'm
like they should go Ron and Luca. That should have
been a fucking slam dunk? Uh? Did we before we go?
Speaker 2 (42:15):
I have to talk about like as we age.
Speaker 5 (42:19):
The like the quarter behind the ear thing, like oh hey,
what step on you you little kid?
Speaker 2 (42:25):
Oh so is it a quarter on your Uh? I
go by yourself?
Speaker 4 (42:29):
Something nice? What's it?
Speaker 2 (42:31):
Gonna fuck it?
Speaker 4 (42:31):
The kid's gonna be like.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Oh, thanks to the quarter, mister day. Can I have
another eleven and seventy five cents so I can actually
boy something.
Speaker 4 (42:43):
Oh, I'm sorry, Edith Bunker. I'm not made of quarters,
little Edith Bunker.
Speaker 5 (42:47):
Boy, I'm sorry, little mister Jean Stapleton, Little tiny Jean Stapleton's.
Speaker 4 (42:56):
Little mister Jean Stapleton.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Little tiny gene stable.
Speaker 4 (43:02):
That I told you I met her when I was eighteen, right, No,
what is this story? So I was, I was, I
was a fusspin and my teen years she did a lot.
She did a lot, she did she I got, so
I got to watch her. Uh, the gu three back
in the late nineties early two thousands used to have
a black box theater not far where from where Acne
(43:23):
Comedy Company is now it's and that was in that
same warehouse district area. So these do like this league
was a black box, so you would be one of
those theaters where there was seating all the way around
and it was really small. So we watched. I watched
her to I forget the play because this is fucking
half a lifetime ago for me. But she's and afterward
(43:43):
there was a Q and a where all these actor
kids got to ask her questions. And she gave me
the best advice because I asked her, I go, what
do you have to do to make it? And she goes,
learn to type. And we're like, learn to type, and
she goes, yeah, because there's gonna be a lot of
times you're not working as an actor and you need
to make money, so you have to have a skill
(44:06):
that's good. And I learned and then she but she's
and this was this is a pretty close to the
end of her life. This is in two thousand and one,
I want to say. And she was lovely and she
sat and it was late at night. This is getting
you know, because this is you know, we're getting late.
We're staying at a hotel and that wasn't far from there,
(44:29):
and she sat and answered every kid's question. That's so cool.
But she's like, you know, you got it. You gotta
learn to type, and then you pick forget typing, and
then you gotta take quarters from kids. He is out, No,
she didn't say that part gonna sound like you. I'm
gonna sound like me. You sound like all the kids
are gonna sound like me. Watch and she actually she
(44:52):
talked about she talked about him, she talked about the show.
She talked about THEATA a lot, which is very cool too,
So I was I still remember that though that was
so many years ago. Now, that was twenty three years ago,
and I still remember like all of the shit that
she's had, like a lot of that. That was so cool.
She sat in the same chair she sat in during
(45:13):
the show, which is even funnier to me for some reason,
because you know, she's an old lady. She's not gonna
be standing answering questions. This is this is the same
thing where I got to meet the chick who played
who was in Saving Silverman too, so oh what Yeah,
not a Manda Pete, not the one who had a
career after that movie. The blonde chick that Jason Biggs
(45:36):
ends up with. She was pretty cool too, but she
was just like, yeah, I got to be on a
movie with Jack Black, Steve's On and Jason Biggs. I'm
pretty awesome. And that was pretty much her vibe. She
didn't like she didn't have any words about typing, all right, yeah,
well what movie was she in? Saving Silverman? And nothing
about typing? Nothing about typing, which is weird. Although she
(46:00):
was typecasted for that movie.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
She didn't go to the Jean Stapleton School.
Speaker 4 (46:03):
Of No, she did not. She she's like she was
doing a play at the Guthrie after she had done
a bunch of Hollywood movies. So, yeah, Joe, how do
people follow you?
Speaker 5 (46:17):
They go to uh their mirror, say my name three times,
and I just show the buck up and tame to palty.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
No, you can go on Instagram. Yeah, you follow me
at the word photographizing. That's the word photograph is I
n G. Got a bunch of shows coming up. Yeah, dude,
it's just we're just gonna have so much fun this summer.
Speaker 4 (46:42):
We're gonna have a blast down the pipeline. Yes, it's
gonna be a fun, fun summer.
Speaker 2 (46:48):
It's We're gonna have a blast, and I'm looking forward
to having fun with you.
Speaker 4 (46:52):
Guys, our fans. How do people follow you?
Speaker 7 (46:56):
Man?
Speaker 4 (46:57):
They also say my name three times in a mirror,
and then I show up and pull a quarter from
behind their ear. Thank you, mister day. No, I can
follow me. I'm Matt Doo. I'm on Facebook and Instagram.
I am met Matt Douima on Blue Sky and on
TikTok for me. Every Wednesday evening in the basement of
the Red Carpet Nightclub, I host the Keller Comedy Open
(47:18):
Mike Saint Cloud and one of Minnesota's longest running comedy
open mics. The doors open at eight ish, the show
starts around nine ish. We got thirty two on Speer
Pictures for only six bucks. Come on out. It's a
whole lot of fun in a basement. To the end
of May, every Saturday, we do have the Beaver Island
Comedy Series. Produce that here over in Saint Cloud, Minnesota
(47:40):
as well at bever Island Brewing Company. We still have
Carly mcmanhamon, Wayne Burfine and Randall Reid as our headliners.
Coming up for the rest of May, and then for
the summer, we're switching it up. We're going to go
to once a month just to keep it fun, but
also because we also know people do shit during the summer.
Uh so we're gonna have it. We're gonna have it
out in the last set Saturday of the month for June, July,
(48:04):
and August. And I can also announce that Beaver Island
Brewing Company and Sisyphis Brewing Company in the Twin Cities
are going to be working with Punchline Punch Out, and
we are going to be doing a Saint Cloud versus
Twin Cities competition June third. I believe it's the first
Tuesday in June. Some Saint Cloud comedians are going to
(48:25):
be going head to head with some Minneapolis Saint Paul
based comedians and then round to make a tournament style
with a home and away game. On June seventeenth, which
is two weeks later, we're going to be at Beaver
Island Brewing Company with the same competitors, different words, and
we're going to see who's going to win. It's going
(48:48):
to be a lot of fun. We're doing it myself.
Trevor Anderson, Lahidro, Samara sing are all getting together for this.
We've got some good shit. That stuff will be coming
out by the time I released we released this episode,
the h information should be out. So really excited about that.
Those are gonna be free shows, by the way, So
if you're pitching the pennies but you still want to
(49:08):
see some live comedy in both the Twin Cities or
Saint Cloud, come on out to those shows. Support that.
Speaking of support, follow the podcast and Awful Service Podcast
across all platforms. Email us your bizarre pizza delivery stories
where people don't die at Awful Service Podcast at gmail
dot com. Go to our website www dot awful Service
(49:32):
Podcast dot weeble dot com. Check us out have some
fun there. We love you, Joe. This has been a
fun one. As always, the conversations are always are always different.
We will be back with some more hard wonderful guests.
We have some great app We have some great I
can't reveal those, but I have some. I have some
good shit coming through. I know Jodahs too. Same and
(49:54):
as always, dude.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
It's we're gonna have to learn how to pull twenty
dollars bills out a kid's ears.
Speaker 4 (50:03):
I don't know how I can affoord that. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (50:05):
It's like, you know what, we just got to get
kids into quarters again and have a good night.
Speaker 4 (50:11):
It's time to count.
Speaker 3 (50:13):
But till sweep the floors and mop the spills, say
good night, dispose up the trash and turn out the
light and tell me why I try and it's so damping.
It's Eliza. I'll take my tips, my services offering me this.
(50:36):
Maybe I will find a way up.
Speaker 2 (50:41):
For now, I count light tip.
Speaker 4 (50:47):
And like the do this has been a tape Deck
media production. Thank you for listening.
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