Elves

📼”Elves” (1989, Dir. Jeffrey Mandel, Starring Dan Haggerty, Julie Austin)
📼BSVR:
📼Hosts: Jenny Wenger & Jeremy Briggs
📼Editor: Genevieve Marie
📼Written & Produced by: Jeremy Briggs, Jenny Wenger, & Genevieve Marie
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• 0:00 - Cover Art Cold Open
• 0:58 - INTRO Music/Credits
• 1:23 - Welcome 
• 3:23 - “Not-So-Current Events” 
• 9:53 - Review "Elves”
• 26:32 - On Set Speculation 
• 1:02:26 - Movie MVPs 
• 1:03:42 - Remake Reboot Reimagining, Remaster or Sequel? 
• 1:09:39 - Nostalgia of the Week 
• 1:10:45 - OUTRO

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Saturday, December twenty third, nineteen eighty nine. The holidays are
in full cheer. Children giggle and frolic through the aisles
of KB toys. Adults saunter merrily down the snowy sidewalks,
drunk on holiday grog. But you you've gotta bug up your butt.

(00:28):
You've watched this year's holiday smash hit Christmas Vacation, but
your Yule Tide cravings are yet to be satiated. You
head into B side Video and spy of film you
missed two months ago. Upon its release, A present sits
underneath a Christmas tree with a goblin arm poking out,
unwrapping itself. They're not working for Santa anymore. Who's not?

(00:56):
Oh welcome to be side video Reynolds. I'm Jeremy Briggs and.

Speaker 2 (01:30):
I'm Jenny Wanger. Ain't Jenny Merry Christmas?

Speaker 1 (01:33):
Happy Holidays? Happy miss.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
I still say it.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
Good for you, standing up for you.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
My mom's gonna love this. That's not all things you'll
ever love that I've done so far.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
She said it, She said it on the You can
say that again, amen, honey.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
She didn't hear one thing I said. She hurt.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
That is today. Oh, I'm ready. I loved him for
this read oh for Christmas. Good God. Yes, I've got.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
My kids, so it's like still a kid for you.

Speaker 1 (02:19):
I've got my mug, my merried Christmas smug. I wish
it had it's got beer in it. I'm cheating right now.

Speaker 2 (02:26):
I don't think that it was supposed to.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
It was supposed to have a mulled wine, but I
couldn't get out to the store and buy eight ingredients.
I'm hoping you stay on brand and have you put
nutmeg in your throat coat.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
Yeah for me, like I live in Florida now, so
it doesn't look like Christmas.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
Well Los Angeles, so yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:51):
This Elf Coast, it was just too hot, but I'm
committed to this bad weather.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
Too hot. I just turned on air conditioning just to
make me feel like it.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
And that's what your children are screaming about.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
Why is it forty eight degrees Any daddy needs.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
To wear his playtime sweater?

Speaker 1 (03:11):
That's Christmas, that's Christmas. Get over it. Oh boy, are
you ready to do some news, Jenny?

Speaker 2 (03:20):
I'm so ready.

Speaker 3 (03:23):
Saturday December twenty thirds vy, so you're not so current events?

Speaker 2 (03:35):
The judge in John M. Poindexter's Iran contract case delayed
the trial and ordered former President Reagan to provide excerpts
of White House diaries to determine whether they contained relevant evidence.
Reagan has been reticent about handing over these diaries because
he's afraid people will discover that he dots his eyes

(03:56):
with cute little hearts.

Speaker 1 (03:57):
They're so cute his handwriting.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
He's a Gentleman's a gentleman. A Christmas gift idea from
Sears a rocket and launching pad to blow, build and
blow up, simulating a countdown going or Rye was pulled
off the market after complaints that it resembled the nineteen
eighty six Challenger shuttle disaster, signaling disaster for Hasbro's plans

(04:21):
to release the Deady Car Crash orphanage. I don't know
who thought that would be a bad idea.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
I don't like it. It's fun for the whole family.
You can build it and blow it up, Can't's gotta
learn how many people were here on your shuttle that
we exploded. Little Timmy, he.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
Just killed a man with a family, a woman who
had just been sober.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
It was just a chimpanzee.

Speaker 2 (04:47):
Yeah, but you know what it helped strengthen their imagination.
You're right, I think this was a mistake.

Speaker 1 (04:54):
The Consumer Product Safety Commission said today that a velveteen
rabbit stuffed animals sold in a ra Christmas stocking at
Target might present a hidden danger of suffocation to small children.
The rabbit is often accompanied by Bobby, the camouflaged baby strangler.
That's dangerous, that's dangerous.

Speaker 2 (05:13):
Everybody needs a strangle a baby joke.

Speaker 1 (05:17):
If you don't have one in your set list, figure
it out. The Energy Department says it is given the
Savannah River Nuclear Weapons Plant three point nine million dollars
in a contract bonuses despite serious safety lap lapses, including
workers found sleeping on duty duty who sleeps on poop

(05:41):
a duty?

Speaker 2 (05:45):
Forecasters are warning of even more bitter weather as cold
waves continue to break records in the nation's mid section,
begging the question why is the nation wearing crop tops
in December? Cover that midsack track?

Speaker 1 (05:59):
Come on, girl, where should that navel away? Ye?

Speaker 2 (06:05):
NINTENDA will release the joy card, sansue. I don't know
how to say that, sans Douai. I'm just like, I'm
guessing it's fine, it's fine, and I'm wearing these glasses,
that's the excuse. A new device that transmits audio through
headphones instead of the TV, giving people another tool for
becoming successful absentee parents.

Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, I can't hear what they're listening to, so it's fine.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
It's fine. They'll be fine, They'll be fine.

Speaker 1 (06:30):
Police have been searching for a bicycle riding thief on
the Upper East Side of New York who prays on
elderly women, snatching their purses and throwing them to the ground.
Capturing the bike riding thief will lessen both crime and
broken hips in what police would call a Shwin shwin situation.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
You thought it was a Shwin.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
Production of The Nutcracker at the Merry Mountain Manhattan Theater
features punk rock servants, piggish twerps, and break dancing. And
to stay on theme even further, your dominatrix usher will
crack your nuts upon entry.

Speaker 2 (07:09):
That sounds pretty cool.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
I'm in Sign me up. Of course.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
You are a large bird out producer is seeking land
to grow grapes and build a winery on Long Island.
But something tells me the Long Island iced wine isn't
going to catch off.

Speaker 1 (07:28):
I love including just the worst thoughts I'm not writing
another one. I'm sticking to it.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
Another Day at Paradise my bill cons has overtaken Billy
Joels We Didn't Start the Fire as the number one
song on the Billboard's Hot one hundred. My attempt to
combine the success of these two songs another Day Starting
Fires in Paradise has once again failed to reach the chart.

Speaker 1 (07:55):
I can't believe that it's such a good hit.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
I always think this is sometimes it's gonna find its audio.

Speaker 1 (08:02):
I'm only gonna break through. Researchers say doctors fail to
recognize severe depression in half the patients who suffer from it.
The other half enjoy it.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
The other half are women. Huh.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
A New York state judge said today that statewide anti
smoking laws scheduled for January first will not be shelved
during a new court challenge. Although most New Yorkers think
that bitch ass Fazoul is just blowing smoke, I mean,
after one of those New York prostitutes who wouldn't want
to flick an ashy butt in the street? Am I right? Jenny,

(08:41):
you should really read these before.

Speaker 2 (08:45):
I just can't hear anyone say ashy, but click that
ashy butt.

Speaker 1 (08:51):
Click that ashy butt.

Speaker 2 (08:54):
Scientists have discovered a gene they believe is crucial in
developing immune defenses that generate a wide array of protective antibodies.
They discovered the antibodies while injecting themselves with bodies.

Speaker 1 (09:07):
How else do you discover antibodies? I think this is
I think this week is as a real winner on
my part for these jokes.

Speaker 2 (09:18):
Hey, you know what, I'm wearing these glasses so you
can't see my disappointment.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
That's what it's for. The lagging Christmas shopping season has
picked up life in its final week, as retailers claim
that the bitter cold has plagued sales. The bitter cold,
of course, is a reference to my mother in law
got her?

Speaker 2 (09:37):
You always get her.

Speaker 1 (09:40):
Or a woman, and that you're not so current events?

Speaker 2 (09:52):
What do you get for Christmas? Humiliated?

Speaker 1 (09:54):
Humiliated?

Speaker 2 (09:56):
And I'm sure she's just like a nice lady.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
Yeah, we'll keep that between you and me. Yeah, So, Jenny,
what did we watch?

Speaker 2 (10:08):
Well, we watched Elves, the nineteen eighty nine classic.

Speaker 1 (10:11):
Right is it a classic? Are we allowed to call
it a classic? Like?

Speaker 2 (10:18):
It started with girls walking through the woods? So that
I was on.

Speaker 1 (10:21):
Board, you were on board with that, like, oh, we're
going for.

Speaker 2 (10:24):
Like some kind of witchcraft. Yeah, and then it was very,
very different.

Speaker 1 (10:29):
I love that they walk in like that opening, They
just walk in and there they sit down in apparently
the woods that they're not supposed to be in. Yeah,
and she and our main character, I'm just getting right
into it. You talk the woods. They sit down with
a book, right, his book with all these evil pictures

(10:54):
or whatever.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
And the Sisters of Anti Christmas or something.

Speaker 1 (10:58):
The Sisters of the Anti Christmas read out of a
book that to summon the Virgin of Anti Christmas because
it's a capitalist holiday. Are they wrong?

Speaker 2 (11:11):
They're not wrong. I'm on board here. But you know,
after they get done with this whole ritual and they
go in.

Speaker 1 (11:17):
Immediately we start off with just some really delightful dialogue. Yeah,
there's one part that I just kept laughing at it.
It is not a part you're supposed to laugh at it.
It's they're just bickering and they're like, get real, Keirston,
get over it.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
Amy, you just wanting to say everybody's name. We're letting
you know who everybody is. She said, it was like
almost Jean Waters, like it had.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
Some really like some of it is insane and some
of it is really like quotable.

Speaker 2 (11:44):
So I loved. Immediately when she gets hung Grandpa just
slaps the shit out of her.

Speaker 1 (11:50):
Slap. But before they do that, when they're talking, like
she's like, oh, yeah, I'm not supposed to have this book. Yeah,
and Amy says, oh, royal bust if he finds out.

Speaker 2 (12:00):
Oh, you're right, it's a royal bus.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
And then he just slaps the ship out. And not
only does he slap the ship out of her, he's
like in a wheelchair, like coming at her.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
Yeah, it's like, bitch, you couldn't move.

Speaker 1 (12:15):
Just like, go behind the coffee table. He's not gonna
get you. But he was like, oh man. So then
immediately after he slaps her, we we meet her mom,
and her mom's a bitch. Immediately it's just like oh
my god. She's like, you need to be punished, and

(12:38):
she's like, yeah, Grandpa just slapped the ship out of me.
And she's like that's not good enough. I'm taking away
your savings account.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
Wait Whyah, everything she's worked for, like it's her money
and she's gonna take it away. And we find out.

Speaker 1 (12:53):
Oh we missed something extremely important. Oh what So there
the book right in the woods and she cuts a
Kirsten cuts herself and bleeds her own blood on sacred
ground hand and there's a hand that pops out. So
we missed out. We were just we We were so
anxious to talk about Grandpa.

Speaker 2 (13:14):
Grandpa slapped her in a wheelchair. You think your family
Christmas is bad? Wheelchair? Grandpa just smacked the shit out
of her.

Speaker 1 (13:24):
And then immediately her mom's like, he that's not enough.
You need a worse punishment. I'm taking away your saving
his account and she's like she works as a waitress,
Like how much she's been saving for college? That just
seems like the punishment doesn't fit the crime. It's like
getting your balls cut off or stealing a fun dip
lick a stick. No, not that I love those.

Speaker 2 (13:43):
I love those. But after Grandpa's laughs her, he offers
to clean her, help her clean her wound.

Speaker 1 (13:49):
Oh what a nice guy, so I thought.

Speaker 2 (13:52):
Classic abusive asshole. Oh oh what happened? Let me help you?
It would be nice after I beat.

Speaker 1 (14:02):
You've been injured by something other than me.

Speaker 2 (14:05):
When the little brother in a Ninja turtle shirt, which
I was like, yeah, to his wardrobe, no, to his attitude.

Speaker 1 (14:13):
Well, first of all, she Kirsten's like, I gotta I
gotta get I gotta clean myself from this negative energy
in this house. I have to shower. And so she's
in the shower almost some action, but then somebody's spying
her peep and Tom, her brother, and if you would

(14:36):
like to say this dialogue.

Speaker 2 (14:37):
I'm gonna tell everybody you have huge tits or something.

Speaker 1 (14:42):
Was like, what are you doing? You pervert? And his
name is Willie. He's like, I'm not a pervert. I
like seeing naked girls. I'm your fucking sister. Yeah, but
You've got big fucking tits and I'm gonna tell everybody
I saw them.

Speaker 2 (14:55):
And Mom's gonna get me your money too. Fuck you, yeah,
that's what he says. Fuck you.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
Yeah, he little potting mouth. Which also just to like
bring up immediately this movie is PG. Thirteen and what shocks.
It's wild wild, like there's six f bombs, which what
is the NPA doing? When did that two F bomb
rule come in?

Speaker 2 (15:21):
Because there's six I think I scaped there and they go,
we're not watching that.

Speaker 1 (15:28):
That's fine, and we'll be bringing up many parts where
you go like, oh my god, how did that get past?

Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (15:37):
And this this little scene with her in the shower,
we do we don't really get a boob shot. We
get a little tiny bit of Ariola the Little Mermaid.
That's her name, right, yeah?

Speaker 2 (15:49):
The hold on, that's whose name?

Speaker 1 (15:51):
Ariola?

Speaker 2 (15:52):
Is what you just said?

Speaker 1 (15:53):
It's like, did I love him getting almost getting them
by you?

Speaker 2 (15:57):
Ariola the Little Mermaid?

Speaker 4 (15:59):
I just it.

Speaker 1 (16:01):
So then we have a girl dad definitely don't come
from a Disney household. And then we have one of
the most which turns out to be one of the
most bizarre scenes to me, is which it's feels very
normal in the moment. We see the mom who is

(16:22):
lamenting the fact that she has no friends, her kids
hate her. She's like sitting with her cat, petting the cat,
going like, you're all I have the only one who
understands me. I don't mind that you've got knocked up.
You're my only friend, which will soon blow your.

Speaker 2 (16:39):
Mind, ow your mind.

Speaker 1 (16:41):
I was like, warning, warning, this is trauma. The one
thing you have to like warn an audience of a
horror community. It's like, hold on, here's a warning that
animal abuse.

Speaker 2 (16:54):
To me, like, there are a lot of things in
Gumo that were like, oh god, but that part of
Gummo was the part that I was like, this is
that's horrifying.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
Really, that's pretty universal. Do you not mess with animals?

Speaker 2 (17:08):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (17:08):
Then in the middle of the night, the brother, wait,
there's this the let's just call this thing what it is.
It's supposed to be an elf.

Speaker 2 (17:18):
Supposed to be but it is a goblin troll.

Speaker 1 (17:21):
It's a troll, It's a goblin whatever it is. But
this thing comes in, tries to the brother, tries to
kill the brother. The cat comes in, saves the day.
The kid throws another F bomb in there, but he
says it was a fucking ninja troll. I don't know
why he says it's a ninja troll, but that's what
he says.

Speaker 2 (17:39):
Yeah, he's just obsessed with ninja because of his shirt.
Is it just say what first comes to your mind? Nanja?

Speaker 1 (17:46):
So we have kind of three things that happened back
and forth, and I think we should that are like
inner cut. I think we should take them one at
a time. First thing, let's talk about Dan Haggerty. We
don't really know what this is. When he first walks in.
We're like, he's a homeless guy.

Speaker 2 (18:06):
He seems very burly.

Speaker 1 (18:07):
Yeah, so he goes to the mall and he talks
to the owner of the mall as.

Speaker 2 (18:13):
The manager guy.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
Yeah, he's like and he's like, I'm straight, you could
trust me. And first of all, why does he just
assume people think he's gay? It's just a big old bear. Also,
why are you implying that gay people aren't trustworthy? That's offensive?
Or did he just.

Speaker 2 (18:30):
Mean that he's not Like yeah, I mean you're the
one who thought it meant yay, but you know, we
all got our own problems.

Speaker 1 (18:39):
He's a big old bear. Oh he's not not what
I'm confused.

Speaker 2 (18:45):
Yeah, but the thing is is anybody who tells you, oh,
I'm straight, I'm not on drug, definitely not. You are not.
You are as quick as they come by.

Speaker 1 (18:54):
Kirsten and her friends Amy and Brooke.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
They want to meet Santa.

Speaker 1 (18:57):
Yeah, they're working. They have a bit of banter, just like,
let's go goof on Santa. I've been waiting for this
all day, which is like you're like, oh, what are
they gonna do to Santa? Like this is gonna be
some silly prank like it was gonna be a big
deal and their prank on Santa.

Speaker 2 (19:16):
Is on his lap and he's a purpose on his.

Speaker 1 (19:18):
Lap and yeah, now we find out to give him,
But like, what's creepy about that? Is like, first of all,
he starts rubbing up on her, sleazy Santa gropes her
and he asks her for oral. Yeah, gross on the job.
It's just like, you know what Santa wants oral? Santa

(19:39):
wants oral for Christmas.

Speaker 2 (19:41):
God, calm your fucking self.

Speaker 1 (19:45):
Yeah, And then so she flips out gets him fired,
which you.

Speaker 2 (19:50):
Know, not fair. God, that was his first infraction.

Speaker 1 (19:54):
Yeah, you should at least have fifteen infractions like that
before it becomes is you yeah or not?

Speaker 2 (20:02):
And then after he gets fired, we cut back to Mom,
who thinks that the cat is who hurt the boy
because she doesn't believe it was a ninja troll.

Speaker 1 (20:10):
Oh is that what she thought?

Speaker 2 (20:12):
Well, she said that, I just thought she.

Speaker 1 (20:14):
Oh, okay, I didn't.

Speaker 2 (20:16):
Get that fucking cat or whatever. She was mad. She
thought the cats it can't be a ninja troll, that God,
and it has to be the cat's fault. So she
she takes the cat and drowns it in a toilet.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
The toilet, yeah, low case and dreams and like the
whole time, you're just like I just could not understand.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
She's not going to do this.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
I could not understand this exactly. Why did she have
that scene? This is what we're going to do, that psychotic.

Speaker 2 (20:48):
Yeah, I think it was on purpose to make us
like the most freaked out.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
But like the first scene of saying of like having
that moment with the cat and then going one eighty.

Speaker 2 (21:03):
It's just like looking happy to kill it, right, I'm
kidding my favorite cat, you know, Like why?

Speaker 1 (21:15):
Also, what I did want to say about that the
Santa Claus, the sleazy claws that they sat on earlier,
that that beard that he had, yeah, was like sagged
down on like.

Speaker 2 (21:29):
Like it all did back then.

Speaker 1 (21:32):
I just had to point it out. I just had
to point it out because later that beard comes back
and I want, I want, I don't want to forget
about that beard.

Speaker 2 (21:41):
You know, now these molsandas like they're in these pictures
online and people roast them. Back then, it's like, I
don't care receive so they cut back to them in
the mall though, and she gets threatened to get fired
right after she got sexually harassed because she was.

Speaker 1 (21:57):
In uniform while getting sexually around.

Speaker 2 (22:00):
Yeah, we can't have that.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
To be fair to the manager, they had no business
being in line with the children in the uniform.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
I can see why you would want to take his stance.

Speaker 1 (22:12):
As someone who has to manage people, I have to
say that was unprofessional.

Speaker 2 (22:17):
As someone who fights hard to get canceled canceled.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
We all make choices, Jenny's.

Speaker 2 (22:24):
Yeah, we do most of them bad as in this
step bitch is berrying a cat.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
Oh, then an elf stab Santa's dick. It's a step
bitch Berry's cat, elf stab Santa's dick.

Speaker 1 (22:37):
Well, that's because Santa, the guy who just got fired.
He decides that I got to go to the back
room and do some.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
Blood level off after this.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
Actually, you know what, I got to calm down and
do some coke.

Speaker 2 (22:49):
The eighties were weird, man.

Speaker 1 (22:51):
And then this little elf goblin with these tiny little
puppet feet, they're just like poop. There's so rubbery, comes
and he stabs him and dingus because this helf is
taking waters gimming because he's shivering for a living.

Speaker 2 (23:06):
I'm sorry, Jenny, Fine, you can do anything you want.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
I could do anything I want.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
The detective says, sign of the times, what I love.

Speaker 1 (23:16):
Like when they're with the mall owner or managers talking
to the detectives, he's like, this mall hasn't experienced anything
like this in fifty years. Huh fifty years.

Speaker 2 (23:30):
So are you gonna tell us that story?

Speaker 1 (23:32):
Nope, they're not gonna tell the story, not yet. Move on.
He just but he stands there.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
He's like, they haven't done.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
It in fifty years. Okay, if there was a window,
I'd be looking at it.

Speaker 2 (23:44):
We don't care, call us if anything else happens.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
And Kirsten gets home and.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
Mom lies about the cat like an.

Speaker 1 (23:51):
Asshole, Santa got got killed. Yeah, And she's like, I
don't think it's very funny.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
It's not funny.

Speaker 1 (23:58):
What you're very consistent he's killing cat?

Speaker 2 (24:03):
Yeah, you love killing the cat.

Speaker 1 (24:06):
You need to figure your character out, mom.

Speaker 2 (24:08):
Maybe she should have told her he got stabbed in
the dick while doing blow Yeah. Oh I get it now.

Speaker 1 (24:14):
Oh no, he got dagged in his wingdoodle. It's fine.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
Oh that is fun that is funny. Actually, So Kristen
looks at her boo.

Speaker 1 (24:23):
Boo, boo boo, and then we find out that uh
Dan Haggerty, the guy who's our uh homeless guy whatever
you want to call him, houseless, unhoused man, he gets
it evicted from his own trailer. So now he's now
he is unhappy his own trailer's got a lock on it.

Speaker 5 (24:44):
He got some of the Times said, oh, so yeah, Kirsten,
she's very sad about her cat sitting on a bed,
just you know, staring at her blankets like we used
to do, because that's what we did before spark phones, right,
we just sat around staring at blankets and walls and

(25:05):
dirty shad carpets, forced to sit in our own thoughts
about how that girl with braces was flirting with us
in math class, and then after she yelled at us
for not like that.

Speaker 1 (25:13):
She didn't like you like that, but she did it
in front of your friends, and now you think that
it's just been like you're thinking about a comeback for
like weeks and weeks, but you didn't have a zinger,
and then you're stressed about it until you finally come
up with one, but it's six weeks too late.

Speaker 2 (25:26):
We finally got to talk about that those are.

Speaker 1 (25:28):
Better times than healthier.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
Yeah, I'm glad you got that off your chest, and
I'm sorry about that.

Speaker 1 (25:36):
It's just like, no, I'm saying that's good, it's good.
It's a better time that we could just sit and
stare at the blanket in our own thoughts.

Speaker 2 (25:47):
And so she gets scared by the troll and she
tries to tell her and rooms like shot out, bitch,
I don't believe you.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
Basically, well, the troll digs up the cat, which whose
name is Agamemnon.

Speaker 2 (25:57):
Which is cool but fullamonameenon where you eat?

Speaker 1 (26:05):
Were you taking? Meg? Mom?

Speaker 2 (26:07):
I can't even say it?

Speaker 1 (26:10):
And so she like she sees the thing and she
steals her brother's line out of this. She steals his line,
but she changes it and calls it a ninja gremlin. Yeah,
there's there's not a thing about these elves gremlin trolls
that that say ninja. They're not wearing ninja outfits, no size,
no katanas, no throwing stars. So this is where I

(26:31):
want my one speculation. Now, this is not necessarily an
on set thing, but it's definitely a rider thing.

Speaker 2 (26:42):
Yeah, like somebody was really thinking about ninjas.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
There are three writers in this film, and one of
them is the director and I swear one of them,
like they all had their crazy idea that they came
in with. Those crazy ideas will come in later, yes,
but this was this one rider's crazy idea that the
other two just put the kaibash on. They were like, no,

(27:06):
he's just like No, guys, imagine like, like what if
he's just like sneaking around with like ornament shaped smoke
bombs and Pepperidge Farm sausage nunchucks. The guys are like, no, no, dude,
that's bridge too far.

Speaker 2 (27:19):
They're gonna be doing a live action Ninja Turtles, and
I want to be on line.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
Yeah, I want to be one step ahead of them.

Speaker 2 (27:27):
Okay, I want you know, who needs to do this?

Speaker 1 (27:30):
That guy And then they just like they didn't remove
all that ninja stuff because they shot the special effects afterwards,
and they just told that guy yea, yeah, yeah, yeah,
we'll do that. We'll do the line, We'll do the lines.

Speaker 2 (27:42):
Okay, make sure and say that thing about the ninjas.

Speaker 1 (27:44):
They didn't say the ninja line. Can we just do then.

Speaker 2 (27:48):
He's gonna pay off?

Speaker 1 (27:52):
No, I just feel bad for that guy.

Speaker 2 (27:57):
Can we get him to wear Ninja Turtle's pajamas? Like
for shadowing.

Speaker 1 (28:01):
Yeah, we've got I've got this whole outline. You guys
have your things, You have your things. This is my thing,
this is my thing. It's gonna it's gonna really bring
home the point it's gonna drive home.

Speaker 2 (28:13):
I brought the craft service.

Speaker 6 (28:15):
Yeah, yeah, I brought the papers back then and now yeah,
you're right, guys, I brought the doritos.

Speaker 2 (28:28):
Okay, just say that an einja thing.

Speaker 1 (28:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
I drove you to work today. Okay, I'm gonna pick
you up tomorrow.

Speaker 1 (28:35):
Just say that I rented the van. I drove four
people here and equipment. We had four lighting things and
who brought them? Who brought the four lighting Just say
the thing.

Speaker 2 (28:52):
Trust me, it's gonna be great.

Speaker 1 (28:54):
Anyways. Grandpappy says it's a monster.

Speaker 2 (28:58):
Yeah, he's definitely up to shore.

Speaker 1 (28:59):
He's yeah, He's like, I know what this is? Something
jumping you did? What did you do in the woods.
You didn't go to that part of the woods, did you?

Speaker 2 (29:07):
No, Grandpa, you don't want me to go there.

Speaker 1 (29:11):
And this is the mom at this point tells Grandpappy,
grand she killed the cat. Killed the cat. She admitted
to it. She's like, I did, Why did you she's
like the goblins did and he's like she's proud of it.
She's like, bitch, I did that. I did that. I
was like too, I was playing bobbing for cat heads. Jesus,

(29:32):
that's terrible. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (29:34):
Yeah, And like, up until now, I was like, she's
so disrespectful to this man, like that's why he's taken
all this aggression out. But later, like I find out, no, she.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
Has reasonings to be damaged to hate him.

Speaker 2 (29:48):
She does not have the right to kill the cat.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
No, I admit. Later we learn some things that are
awful but don't kill cats.

Speaker 2 (30:01):
But the good news is is it was really badly done,
like you could tell nothing was in that.

Speaker 1 (30:12):
And also also that toilet was like so full. Yeah,
we're gonna put extra, like add more water.

Speaker 2 (30:18):
And so that's the good news is it was very fake.

Speaker 1 (30:22):
Right, So then morning comes around, Kirsten goes to work.
She's out there and this this uh Dan haggerty guy
without a job was sitting sitting there and he's like
getting coffee from her, and where's this sparkle? You usually have,
first of all, wonderful thing to say to a woman.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
Right, we love that you've noticed my sparkle and now
you've noticed it's gone. I love both parts of that.

Speaker 1 (30:52):
Also, like this guy feels like he just came to town.
Does like this feels like the first time they've met.
But he apparently knows that she has a sparkle and
is missing it, and she says, oh, my cat died
last night, and he goes, oh, I understand. I had
a dog named Pea Shooter, which I wanted to I

(31:12):
want him to name like six animal names, Like I
had a turtle name hog Paddle, a porcupine named dank Sock,
a pigeon name sprinkled Donut, and a sheep. She had
a sheep named Donkey, and a bad named Farcus. They
all died, So I get it.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
It's so weird. Pea Shooter pea Shooter, he shot it.
People couches like, okay, you thought, Oh, that's why I should.

Speaker 1 (31:39):
Name him Shooter. He pays, everything launches out of as
wiener hole.

Speaker 2 (31:47):
But he's in the right place at the right time.
He is Coke. Sanna is gone, so he gets to
be Santa.

Speaker 1 (31:54):
He gets to be Santa. And what I love is
he already has a white beard, a large white beard.
He gets to be Santa, and they stick this fake
Santa beard that still doesn't even fit on him over
his beard.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
It's like, this was a no brainer, guys. No, he
doesn't know it was Santa ready. He was Yeah, they
lumber Santa was ready.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
He was like, oh, you guys want me to play Santa. Yeah,
it's in three it's in it's in a month, in
two months, Okay, I got it. I got it. I'll
be Sanna. He grew out this beautiful white beard and
they don't they don't use it properly. Yeah, and then
I immediately it is a urine beard. Cut to him

(32:39):
getting immediately pissed on by a child as Santa.

Speaker 2 (32:44):
Yeah. And I don't know if this has been said
yet or not, but he says he's not a detective anymore.
He's Santa.

Speaker 1 (32:52):
That's this scene right here. So he goes after he
gets peed on, he's cleaning the peeoff by just like
patting it.

Speaker 2 (32:59):
With yeahaper towel.

Speaker 1 (33:02):
Okay, this is clean enough. There's this chalk ridiculous chalk
outline of the old Santa that's still on the ground,
and there's a burned symbol on the ground and he
looks at it, And now I was so confused. I
thought this guy's name. All of my notes say Ace.

(33:22):
I thought his name was Ace, because at this moment
I heard him say, no, Ace, I'm not a detective anymore,
not even a store detective anymore. None of this concerns me.
I'm saying, all I have to do is take care
of my reindeer. He's really going methods. This dude went
out and he bought reindeer.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
No, I have twelve reindeer to feed.

Speaker 1 (33:46):
Were you gonna put him? You go lock out of
your trailer.

Speaker 2 (33:49):
Maybe you aren't straight. Maybe you're very far from being straight.

Speaker 1 (33:54):
You have fallen off that wagon. Immediately, my friend, these
Germans come yeah, like we're back, Yeah, we're back, and
you're from Your granddaughter will grow, Kristin will.

Speaker 2 (34:05):
Grow the new Order, Yes, with or without him. And
then we cut back to the girls having a great time.
It says three girls. One shows her red bra.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
So these girls, we find out, we are not given
this information for a while. They're kind of they're staying
overnight at the mall. Boys. They've invited a couple boys
to come party with them, and they're gonna wear some
clothes from the lingerie or something. You're gonna do a

(34:41):
tents and yeah good.

Speaker 2 (34:42):
It's like, yeah, first of all, like this is the deal.
I never got this eighties experience, Like they didn't give
the teenagers the keys to the whole mall.

Speaker 1 (34:55):
Well, apparently you haven't seen Chopping Mall because this is
exactly the plot of Chopping Mall. Are you kidding me?

Speaker 2 (35:05):
I haven't, no, because we're not in the eighties. The
malls had those things that you locked up and you
couldn't get in certain stores. So like if you worked
at the coffee shop, you're not going to have access
to everything.

Speaker 1 (35:20):
The eighties were difven Ton. Man, You wouldn't know because
we didn't have jobs back then.

Speaker 2 (35:26):
I mean I guess, yeah, I was a kid, so
how would I know. I guess maybe they gave the
teenager the keys to the fucking kingdom.

Speaker 1 (35:34):
Hell yeah, I'm sure they did. They didn't care as
long as they didn't have to deal with it. Hell yeah.
So they're doing their thing. Are New Santa Because we
never really get this guy's name because in the future,
Kirsten only calls him Santa Santa. Everybody just no, he is.

(35:57):
From this point in the script, known as Santa, so
he is Santa.

Speaker 2 (36:04):
And he takes his hand off it and crupples it
up and just throws it on the ground. The worst
fold I've ever seen that. My autism was going nuts
as it does. Though, I'm just like, first of all,
you took the time to wind it and then threw
it on the ground.

Speaker 1 (36:18):
We kind of have a back and forth between the
girls in the shopping mall, and we have Santa going
off to go look at the library, go through some
books to see if he can figure out what that
symbol is, because that that inner detective in him just
let it go.

Speaker 2 (36:37):
Yeah, but he puts that piece of tape, yes to
keep the door.

Speaker 1 (36:41):
Does that? Kirsen tries to do the same thing.

Speaker 2 (36:44):
Oh, it's already been done because.

Speaker 1 (36:45):
She goes off to do something. I don't even know
why she went. Yeah, she goes out and comes back.
This whole plot device of the tape was stupid, so unnecessary.

Speaker 2 (36:56):
Yeah, it's very stupid. It's like nobody cares. Yeah, everybody's
in and out of this place.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
And so we the girls have like they're getting ready.
They have a bit more of the Virgins of Anti
Christmas talk and they're.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
Like they're trying on their launch.

Speaker 1 (37:14):
Yeah, they have this like this weird line where they're like,
we'll be masters without slaves, because earlier they're like, we could,
we could be masters, we could. We're women are the
master race, which we should have mentioned at the very beginning.
They're like, yes, we could do. We can control all
these men because women are the master race. That should
that is mentioned right up top right, And so again

(37:35):
they're like, we could be masters without slaves, and the
other two girls look at her and like, what the
what the hell are you talking about? And she's like,
come on, guys, don't you get it.

Speaker 2 (37:43):
Don't you get it?

Speaker 1 (37:44):
Masters without slaves? And then they're like oh yeah, And
us as an audience are like, what I'm gonna have
to think about that one, because I don't know what
you're trying to say.

Speaker 2 (37:58):
It's it's like, girls, don't try to make fetch happen.
Fetch isn't happening.

Speaker 1 (38:03):
Guys get it. And the other two are like.

Speaker 2 (38:05):
That's not our group name.

Speaker 1 (38:06):
Yeah, sure, we totally understand.

Speaker 2 (38:09):
Sure, yeah, you could stop saying it now. Meanwhile, Sant's
getting cozy with a book and a sig.

Speaker 1 (38:16):
He's in a back room somewhere. He set out a
whole blanket set up for him.

Speaker 2 (38:22):
He made a little hobo corner, Yes.

Speaker 1 (38:24):
A hobo corner. Perfect canceled. And so then we go
back again to the girls and Amy's having a conversation
with Kirsten. Kirsten said something about with these boys coming over,
and she's like, yeah, but I'm not going to hook
up with any of them, like, not these boys, these
boys are not good enough.

Speaker 2 (38:42):
No, I'm not getting them my virginity.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
Amy's like, well, how do you stop them? Yeah, and
she goes, will you just say no? And Amy's response
is insane.

Speaker 2 (38:52):
I'd rather just get it over with.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
I'd rather just go through it than get into a confrontation.
It's easier.

Speaker 2 (38:59):
Yeah, just rape me. I don't want this, but just
let it happen.

Speaker 1 (39:05):
Like good God. And that's the writer.

Speaker 2 (39:07):
That's the mentality of the eighties.

Speaker 1 (39:09):
Though, but it's also the that's the that's the this
is the writer thinking like, look, guys, I can write
a strong female character. Kirsten is a strong female character
because she knows how to say no. She's a firecracker
but a real person at that same time, but also
sexy like that's what the writer is like.

Speaker 2 (39:28):
Yeah, oh yeah, I'm creating the perfect check.

Speaker 1 (39:32):
But he has to like contrast. It's like, see this
one's strong. This is the normal mentality yis.

Speaker 2 (39:39):
You know, I've had a lot of situations with friends
where it is just like, oh god, I'm telling you,
Like that's happened to more women.

Speaker 1 (39:50):
No, I I am not.

Speaker 2 (39:51):
Anyone would know I'm not.

Speaker 1 (39:54):
But I'm doubting. But it's saying it out of just
like yeah, it's he's like, whoa.

Speaker 2 (40:01):
So he knows you don't want it, and it still happens.
I think there's a name for that. So Grandpa learns
Kristen is a way.

Speaker 1 (40:10):
Yes, he's very.

Speaker 2 (40:11):
Upset about all of this.

Speaker 1 (40:14):
So Santa actually has a big altercation with these girls.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
Yeah, he finds. He's like, what are you doing here? Well,
what are you?

Speaker 1 (40:20):
Guys don't belong Yeah, it's kind of a back and forth.
Nobody belongs here, so you keep your mouth shut.

Speaker 2 (40:26):
They're like, okay, I'm not telling you, don't tell.

Speaker 1 (40:28):
Yeah, and then when the boy goes back at them
because they're they don't treat him with respect. What happened
to the beautiful youth?

Speaker 2 (40:36):
Yeah, homeless guy, you should judge people.

Speaker 1 (40:41):
Yeah, this is what I love.

Speaker 2 (40:43):
The boys get there and they're arguing about who's going
to get to have what. Girl Kristin is saving her
pee for someone special. The others say she'd rather give
in the goons, and Grandpa said, off the alarm and
they get Amy.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
The goons come in, guns going off. They grab Amy. Yeah,
oh all hell breaks solution. That's little shopping may Amy.
And you know that these are the Germans coming in
because they all got those German lugers.

Speaker 2 (41:10):
Yeah. And then Christen sees the elf.

Speaker 1 (41:12):
The elf is there, yes, and she's like, I don't
know why. She's like, she tells Santa, oh he knows
you're helping me, Like, what what are you talking about?
But anyways, Brooke runs away. She sees Amy, who is
now dead in an elevator. These Germans killed Amy runs away.

(41:33):
We go into a mannequin scene.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
Do you know what I thought was interesting? The troll
seems freaked out by the pig decorations.

Speaker 1 (41:40):
I didn't I didn't clock that.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
And it's like, oh, I wonder if we're gonna learn
that like pigs or something. Nope, Nope, that's it. He's
just scared of a pig.

Speaker 1 (41:49):
She's like, what the hell is that? Piggs didn't exist
in my day?

Speaker 2 (41:53):
What the hell is that? The n the elf then
cuts up Brooke, but then pets her face.

Speaker 1 (41:59):
Before before they get Brooke, I just want to say, like,
she's in this mannequin thing. It doesn't lasts long enough,
but a teddy bear drops from the ceiling and she
grabs it, and instead of looking up to see why
what did that? Yea, she hugs the teddy bear. She's
just like, I needed a cuddle. I was so scared

(42:23):
that teddy bear is exactly what Roblin comes down.

Speaker 2 (42:28):
Cuts up her face, pets her face, then kills her.

Speaker 1 (42:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (42:33):
Then we're back to the shootout.

Speaker 1 (42:34):
Back to the shootout cops.

Speaker 2 (42:37):
They hear sirens, they run away. Then Santa and Christen
c Brooks body.

Speaker 1 (42:42):
Yeah, they find out all of that stuff. The detective,
like the police show up, We find.

Speaker 2 (42:48):
Finally find it and the symbols in her blood.

Speaker 1 (42:51):
Yes, and we do find out that our Santa still
has connections, still has connections there he's talking to them.
He's retired and he became a mall cop. So that's
the context that we're looking at for him, but he
was drunk. So the manager there is all he fires

(43:12):
them both for being there, and Kirsten has a wonderful line,
I'm sorry, my friend's blood is all over your fucking store.
You want me to stay here and clean it up? Yeah,
even with her two best friends dead girls got sex, He's.

Speaker 2 (43:27):
Still ready to tell you like it. And then the
elf was sucking on Amy's fingers.

Speaker 1 (43:34):
Well, he doesn't suck on her fingers, he bites her
fingers off. He had a little finger food.

Speaker 2 (43:45):
I was like disturb because I.

Speaker 1 (43:46):
Was he because you could see it look like he
sucks because he's a puppet, and he's a terrible puppet
who has no like facial movement.

Speaker 2 (43:56):
It's just like he's done that.

Speaker 1 (44:00):
That's gonna be girl. You gonna be all over the
internet with that one again. The manager, he says, before
we leave them all. The manager goes like something like
this hasn't happened here in fifty years. He says, somebody.

Speaker 2 (44:17):
Wants you to tell this story. Nobody wants you to
tell it.

Speaker 1 (44:20):
Everybody just walks away. And then he's like, nobody looks
at me when I when I'm standing here pensively, am
I a ghost. God, this is I'll just look into camera.

Speaker 2 (44:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (44:35):
So Sanna decides to drive Kirston home. They go together
and Mom is just pissed. She's like, it is pedophile.

Speaker 2 (44:42):
Doing and Grandpa's they're like, describe the creature that guess saw.

Speaker 1 (44:47):
And she's like, my friends are dead and she's like,
I don't think that's funny, lying hard, like whoa mom
chilling out? My friends are dead? No they're not.

Speaker 2 (44:56):
Yeah, you're a liar, and Grandpa says that he'll protect
his and daughter.

Speaker 1 (45:03):
Mom tells her that you're a stupid old man with
stupid myths and runs off, and Grandpa's like, Kirsten, go back,
we're leaving.

Speaker 2 (45:12):
Yeah, And Santa's checking out the book and Grandpa tells
Kristen about her destiny.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
Santa decides to go to this professor of some type
and he goes to a library to find this guy
who I love this guy.

Speaker 2 (45:27):
And he runs into a bitch and on the way
in for no reason, they're like, that's one of the
producer's wives and she just wants a part.

Speaker 1 (45:35):
Can I be in there?

Speaker 2 (45:37):
Yeah? Okay, just slam into her. You guys look at
each other weird, and then you go meet the professor.

Speaker 1 (45:43):
Can I do something in this movie? I mean, this
is my money too.

Speaker 2 (45:47):
Yeah, like I invested, and I was too old to
play one of the teenagers, so can I Just like
I'm a college girl.

Speaker 1 (45:54):
So he meets this eccentric professor or whatever he is tell.

Speaker 2 (45:58):
The story of Noah.

Speaker 1 (46:00):
He's got all this info and he's super chatty and knowledgeable,
and he's a huge character. And I loved him.

Speaker 2 (46:07):
Yeah, I loved him too. I hold on, So now
we're going to piss so many people off. The Book
of Noah was actually about elves. How in the world
are you connecting?

Speaker 1 (46:20):
This is why I'm frustrated for that guy who had
the ninja thing. He's like, really, you've got all this
other stuff, and they start connecting the Nazis, and then
he starts talking about, oh, here's this story from fifty
years ago. Fifty years ago.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
What what?

Speaker 1 (46:44):
Apparently this mall had a real Nazi problem fifty years ago.
Nazi he's overrun the place.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
So Santa is now being followed.

Speaker 1 (46:55):
He is being followed because he's he knows too much
about this symbol.

Speaker 2 (46:59):
Yes, and Grandpa does a ceremony.

Speaker 1 (47:02):
It's weird. Ceremony that doesn't make any sense. There's this
big red ruby jewel thing and he's got a necklace
and he dangles it and that's about it. I was like,
what's happening. And then we have a real interesting scene
with Kirsten and her mother.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
Here we go, Mom confront's daughter like the bitch she is,
and gross granddad is granddad, but also your.

Speaker 1 (47:33):
Dad dad, the man in this your father is in
the study. Grandpa's in the study. The man in the
study is your grandfather and your father.

Speaker 2 (47:45):
Yuck. So it's like, now you know, like your mom
had an ancest rape like you.

Speaker 1 (47:51):
But before that even altercation. I wish I had I
said this before the altercation. When she reveals that terrible
information about the incest baby stuff, she goes, she enters
the room. I talked to the police. Seems like you're
telling the truth. Your friends are dead. Yeah, you're right.
I'm sorry your friends are dead. To pretend, Okay, now

(48:15):
your grandfather's your father. And I love the reveal because
it is they have a very dramatic soap opera Bump
Bump bum musical, stingy it wrote.

Speaker 2 (48:26):
With all the drama.

Speaker 1 (48:28):
It was such a musical sting. It's like camera zooms it, yes, and.

Speaker 2 (48:34):
Then and then randomly we're with Santa man who just
storms in on somebody's Christmas dinner.

Speaker 1 (48:41):
I have to tell you, I would say about three
or maybe four or five months ago, I was just
scrolling through like Pluto TV or something, and this scene
came on. So when it came on, when I was watching,
I was like, I've seen this like three minutes and
I didn't. And as crazy Ann saying as this little
scene is, I didn't stay on it.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
Wow, Because he's in a doctor O'Connor's house, grizzly Santa
crash his dinners, eat dinner a stranger's house to talk
about Nazis and elves.

Speaker 1 (49:14):
Well, there are two, there are two trains of thoughts
on this. But but as we all know, it's do
not exist. But the Nazis with.

Speaker 2 (49:23):
The children said like this, who's.

Speaker 1 (49:27):
This strange man that busts into our home?

Speaker 2 (49:31):
Our presence?

Speaker 1 (49:32):
Yeah, we were about to carve the turkey. No, she says,
roast beast, roast beast, and he's like, no, it's turkey,
don't kid.

Speaker 2 (49:45):
The kids then start fake eating. Oh, we don't know
what to do now, so.

Speaker 1 (49:53):
I wish I clocked that.

Speaker 2 (49:56):
They begin to fake eat, very interested, but this is
so Yeah. So he learns she's gonna get fucked by
an elf.

Speaker 1 (50:05):
Yeah yeah, they elf has to breed with her and
through her they will create the master race, which brings
into reference earlier when the girls were saying that women
are the master rates. So all connected. We're talking Nazis here.
They've been giving us hints from the beginning. Great screenwriting,

(50:25):
great screenwriting. And then we go to Kirsten confronting her
grandpa about what about the.

Speaker 2 (50:36):
Information what he did?

Speaker 1 (50:39):
But it's he's ashamed, but not totally justifying every single thing.
He says, right, I would do nothing to hurt my
little girl. She wasn't hurt at all. She was drugged
and unconscious.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
What oh so much better?

Speaker 1 (50:56):
She goes, why to produce you?

Speaker 2 (51:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (51:00):
It's like he just constantly is like trying to to
justify this thing, and she's like, you think she's gonna
be like, oh fine, Grandpa, But she finally is like
oh and runs away. He calls out after her, but
kiss in a in his ridiculous, silly German accent. But
Kis is so beautiful.

Speaker 2 (51:22):
I love you, I love you. And then meanwhile the
mom is putting on her makeup in a horrific.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
Way, horrific just like girl.

Speaker 2 (51:34):
I finally lost it, which I loved.

Speaker 1 (51:40):
Love it, because she's preparing herself for a bath, just
what it looks like. It's sure, that's not how I
took it, took it, but I noticed that both you
and g did take it that way. So shows that
I can read and I know.

Speaker 2 (51:55):
What women want. I just wanted to look nice for
her path.

Speaker 1 (52:00):
And then, uh, Santa, he notices he's does he notice
he's being followed? He does find a bomb in his
car and he jumps out of the car. At the
very last second, he dive bombs out of the car.
It explodes, and then like the guy that's following him
stops gets out and like as you do, check your work,

(52:21):
and he's like, okay, that car did explode. Santa jumps
out from behind him, starts beating the crap out of him.
What are you some kind of Nazi or something?

Speaker 2 (52:31):
And the guy's foemen at the mouth. He dies as
he killed him. The weird symbol is on him. Yeah,
And by this time Christen and her has checked in
on her ship brother who they now have a bond.

Speaker 1 (52:42):
They do. Well, once you see somebody naked, you have
a bond with them.

Speaker 2 (52:47):
Yeah, and as wek of that, then Mom gets naked.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
She does and boy does she show it off and
well and she like she grabs a washclow and she's
doing so essentilly on her face with this wash cloth
which I'm sorry, you know it's a butt wash cloth.
This is this has washed many a butt before. You're
just like, this feels good.

Speaker 2 (53:14):
She's like, where's things have happened to me?

Speaker 1 (53:18):
And then of course the Nazi elf pushes the radio
into the bathtub. She's shaking like crazy. She's really giving
giving this electrocution death her. All those naked mom boobs
were shocking.

Speaker 2 (53:39):
Yeah, they were good.

Speaker 1 (53:40):
No, they were shocking.

Speaker 7 (53:43):
Because electricity Jenny, because they.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
And they were bouncing around.

Speaker 2 (53:53):
Oh yeah, she was really featuring them.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
They were featuring That was actually you know at the end,
the last credit and feature in Mama's Boobies is what.

Speaker 2 (54:02):
It Yeah, they got a special shout out.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
They did it in the credits. Santa arrives, he's calling
out to her and then she's just like Santa as
he walks in room.

Speaker 2 (54:18):
I don't know your name.

Speaker 1 (54:19):
You're just Santa, even though we've been through some things.
You're still Sanda to me.

Speaker 2 (54:24):
And Grandpa's yelling for her, but.

Speaker 1 (54:27):
Santa like starts leading them out and they come across Mom,
who is charred. Yeah, she's got like charred skin. That's
the room is smoking. You still hear the electricity buzzing
her body like has these little spasms.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
Yep, she has the cult symbol on the tub. And
she's gonna be fine.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
She's like, we gotta go. What about Mom. She's gonna
be fine.

Speaker 2 (54:51):
She's gonna be great. She's relaxing, like.

Speaker 1 (54:56):
The whole room is smoking. The kid just does question
and he's like, well, Santa say yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:01):
And then Grandpa's yelling, and then Santa and Nazi Grandpa
getting an altercation.

Speaker 1 (55:07):
They want to leave. Santa. Grandpa's like, we gotta stay here.

Speaker 2 (55:11):
You should hear me out.

Speaker 1 (55:12):
Hear me out, and he totally. Santa's like he's got
maybe we should listen to it. He's got a point. Yeah,
like hold on, he did all these things.

Speaker 2 (55:21):
He knows more about what's happening than us, And I
love that.

Speaker 1 (55:26):
Is this where she says the line yeah, she gets like,
they start going. Santa follows Grandpa and Willie turns to
Kirston is like, are.

Speaker 2 (55:36):
We gonna be all round all right? No, Willie, Grandma's
is a Nazi.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
No, we are not going to be okay. I have
been given some information that confirms we're not okay.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
Yeah, and then Sender refers to the perfect genetic line.
So weird for him to use that phrasing.

Speaker 1 (55:58):
Yeah, because it's incest and there Christ is.

Speaker 2 (56:03):
Not a perfect victim because she calls the elf the
elf the f slur while defending herself.

Speaker 1 (56:10):
Yeah, canceled, but so so Grandpa. He's like, he says,
he's like the offspring of a human in an elf
is neither an elf nor a human, which immediately I
was like, Oh, I hope they give like a real bad,
terrible name, like a hum elve or a Homo Alphian
or Homo safety l or some terrible name. But they don't.

(56:32):
They go with the anti Christ. It's a genetic line
of anti Christ. Get it, Yeah, Jenny, do you get it?
The anti Christmas girls? Anti Christ. It's been there from
the beginning.

Speaker 2 (56:43):
It was right there right there.

Speaker 1 (56:46):
That's next shadowing. That is writing writing.

Speaker 2 (56:50):
So many things got paid off and the half of
the things got paid off.

Speaker 1 (56:55):
Guys, trust me, this there is layers. This is a
this script is an onion.

Speaker 2 (57:01):
It's Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
Was that thunder? Yes, Holy hell.

Speaker 2 (57:06):
You make them mad. We angered the call, literally scared
the show. Whoa old tiny cannons?

Speaker 1 (57:20):
What the hell? And so so. Santa at this point
is finally like, I don't believe that. That's ridiculous, and
and Grandma's is like, oh, prove it, Go get me
my book. And they get the book and he's like,
where did this picture come from? And Kirsten's like, I
drew it from a dream. It was one of my dreams.
And it's this fabulous drawing of a naked woman.

Speaker 2 (57:40):
Yeah, and he just draws the symbol on the boob.

Speaker 1 (57:43):
It's like, and it turns out that the symbol on
these boobs is a swatched to God.

Speaker 2 (57:50):
Yes, of course. And then it gives her the special
stone that will.

Speaker 1 (57:56):
Kill, Yes, the Elf Stone. They really went fullwoard naming
it the Elfstone. Then another then some the door opens
and Santa runs away. Yeah, and a guy with a
video camera. Why he has a video camera, I do
not know. He starts He comes in and starts videotaping

(58:18):
everybody and asking questions, and then Santa starts them.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
One of the men grabs Kristen and her brother and
gets shot by Graham's.

Speaker 1 (58:28):
Yeah, Graham says his gun, and there's a guy that
comes attacking him. He shoots him two times. He shoots
this guy, but the guy keeps coming. He grabs the
gun and throws it. And what is Grandpa's immediate reaction.
He puts up his fists like he's in his wheel,
puts his fists like he's ready to brawl an irishman
in eighteen ninety six. It's just he's like, doesn't that work?

(58:50):
So Grandpa gets shot.

Speaker 2 (58:52):
Grandpa gets killed. Santa tells her to run, so she does.

Speaker 1 (58:58):
And where do they end up? The forbidden campgrounds.

Speaker 2 (59:03):
But the last Nazi defeats Santa and he goes after
Kristen and her brow towards the ground.

Speaker 1 (59:09):
And also there's an elf running around.

Speaker 2 (59:11):
And remember they have until midnight. There is a countdown
goes there.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
Was a countdown happening.

Speaker 2 (59:17):
The Nazi man crashes, he climbs out and goes on foot.
Christen reaches her ritual site. The Nazi guy finds her,
the elf shoots him. He's like, don't touch my bitch.
That elf wants to fuck her. Man.

Speaker 1 (59:34):
Ye I love that the elf knew how to use
a gun. He was just like boom. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (59:39):
And then the sister tells the brother go get the stone.
Why didn't you bring it?

Speaker 1 (59:44):
Because he were in distress.

Speaker 2 (59:46):
That's the only thing that you can kill this thing
with and you left it.

Speaker 1 (59:51):
So she's there. The elf is doing this weird like
he's just like really slow, and he's just like he's like, hey,
do you want to eat a bug? And he tries
to feed her a bug or something.

Speaker 2 (01:00:05):
Yeah, oh here, this is really good.

Speaker 1 (01:00:07):
I'll share. You're gonna it's.

Speaker 2 (01:00:09):
An I want to make this pleasant for you.

Speaker 1 (01:00:12):
Yeah, this is the best way I know how. And
also this this elf creature, it is a rubber puppet
that has no capability of moving its face. It's so
it's just like, uh, mouth wide open.

Speaker 2 (01:00:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
They had like three of these things made up with
this one emotion.

Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
Yeah, it's really it's really rough.

Speaker 1 (01:00:38):
It's rough.

Speaker 2 (01:00:39):
So Sanna back at the place, Sanna gives the brother
the stone. Yes, bro runs so hard, so hard for
play is still going down. Will then I'm here. Willy
gives her the stone.

Speaker 1 (01:00:52):
Yeah, crawling on the ground. He's like, I he's Grandpa
said I would know what to do. And so what
does she do? She crawls on the ground and stabs
it into the ground. Yeah, stabs it right in the door.

Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
How did you know how to do that?

Speaker 1 (01:01:08):
And then there's this really the picture, a hard dissolve
sequence that just keeps happening for a long time. Then
they like, wake up.

Speaker 2 (01:01:17):
She crawls around till she.

Speaker 1 (01:01:18):
Gets dissolves into nothingness.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
And then she opens her eyes and it's snowing. It's snowing,
and then we see.

Speaker 1 (01:01:30):
Go black and we see a last.

Speaker 2 (01:01:33):
Shot of a fetus elf.

Speaker 1 (01:01:36):
Glowing, a glowing fetus. She hooked up with the Ninja Goblin.

Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
It's like, we don't know what sex is to him.
Now you're pregnant. Yeah, you're pregnant. I don't have a penis.
That's how it works for my kind.

Speaker 1 (01:01:55):
Yeah. Yeah, and that is Elves.

Speaker 2 (01:02:04):
Yeah. G wrote said that. Good wardrobe, good music, after
school special dialogue, excellent story, interesting but not great, very messy, acting,
weird in a good way, fighting, bad camera, decent effects,
bad troll's.

Speaker 1 (01:02:24):
Very very very unattractive, very unattractive. Now do we have
a movie MVP? Okay, I'll give you mine.

Speaker 2 (01:02:36):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:02:37):
I am going the screenplay more specifically the dialogue, because
there was a lot of really fun dialogue. It's weird
to just say, like, oh, the dialogue specifically is the MVP,
because story wise it is. There's a lot of ideas
fighting for attention. Yes, some are excellent, some are odd.

(01:02:59):
I wish he gave me a little more ninja.

Speaker 2 (01:03:02):
Yeah, I wish the ninja paid off. I was gonna say,
I think it is the little brother for me, okay,
because it's just like, I really enjoyed the way he cussed.
You know, you get a lot of child actors who
don't know how to say fuck you.

Speaker 1 (01:03:15):
They like he went he was because they're intimidating to
say because I'm not supposed to say it. This kid
has been saying not since he was too yeah, or
or he's just been waving his whole life. He's like,
as soon as I am giving the green light, I've
been practicing in the middle of the night silently so

(01:03:39):
that my parents don't hear.

Speaker 2 (01:03:41):
Yeah, this was my time to shine. So I dug
him a lot.

Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
I thought he was great. That brings us to remake, reboot, reimagine,
remaster or sequel.

Speaker 3 (01:03:58):
All right, what do you.

Speaker 2 (01:04:01):
I really want to hear yours first?

Speaker 1 (01:04:03):
Okay, okay, I'm going with reimagining, with plans for hopefully
a franchise, because this is my take, is a supernatural
Diehard in a mall with evil elves as the terrorists
and Santa's are John McClain right, And the original tagline
was they're not working for Santa anymore. But there is

(01:04:24):
no these aren't there. There's no elves here. These are goblins.
The use of elves was fake. It felt fake to me.
I want to keep it Christmas. Let's get more Christmas focus.
Let's keep ninety five percent of it in the mall.
I don't think I think we get rid of all
the Nazi stuff, as much as I enjoyed it for

(01:04:46):
this film. I want a Christmas elf. I want a
lot of them. I think that we need to figure
the the origin of these elves a little more than
just their Nazi things. I want Kurt Russell to play
Santa Claus. I know, yeah, I know that he's played Santa.

(01:05:06):
I know that he's played Santa in the Santa Chronicles movies.
But I want to see the alcoholic ex detective Mal
Santa Kurt Russell and put him in like one of
those cheap Mall Santa fat suits, but like or full
figured finery for the PC term, but as the character,

(01:05:26):
so like his character has to put this on to
be the fat Mal Santa, So you have to, like,
he has to deal with this thing. So it's like
built into his job. It's not that we're you know,
so it's the ridiculousness of him having to fight this
stupid suit and by page forty five to fifty you
get rid of it. I think he needs to, like

(01:05:48):
this needs to be a herd of elves, not just
like one because we had one wasn't enough. Maybe these
elves are I don't know, possessed by Crampis instead of
or maybe they're Santa did something and they're looking for
Santa and they're just hunting down Mall Santa's because they
need to find Santa. I don't know. I keep it

(01:06:10):
in the mall. That's where I'm at.

Speaker 2 (01:06:13):
Yeah, I mean I wanted I wanted the prequel for sure.
I wanted the fifty years ago. I wanted to see
how did we get here? These elves may have been
elves before and this has been fifty years of living underground.

Speaker 1 (01:06:30):
Oh do we need to adjust our category to include
prequels because that is not even on our list here.

Speaker 2 (01:06:37):
I know, and I want a prequel. So I don't
know one of these that would fall under No.

Speaker 1 (01:06:43):
You, I think you adjusted our list here in real time, Jenny,
in real time.

Speaker 2 (01:06:51):
Merry Christmas, every.

Speaker 1 (01:06:56):
Don't tell me I never gave you naution.

Speaker 2 (01:06:58):
Okay, guys, okay, all right, So that'll bring us to
Nostalgia of the Week, and boy, do we have a

(01:07:19):
treat for you.

Speaker 1 (01:07:20):
Guys.

Speaker 2 (01:07:21):
It definitely is the holiday season because we have the
toy Maker as our guest for Nostalgia of the Week.

Speaker 8 (01:07:28):
As I am the toy maker, and my nostalgia is
for the simpler toys of the Christmas past, as these
days children can't live without their ferbies and the iPads
and the pos fifteens and the Teddy Ruck spins, making

(01:07:49):
the life of a toy maker nearly impossible for generations.
My family's number one seller was a fat stick with
nails popping through it, and we haven't sold one in decades.

Speaker 1 (01:08:06):
And the little girls.

Speaker 4 (01:08:07):
They used to love wearing real Cinderella glass slippers until
eight of them slipped on subway grates, shattering the glass
and leaving their feet mangled portraits of a bloody jigsaw.
Now you know, kids used to risk their physical well
being just for the thrill of it. But now the

(01:08:28):
only one things that helped them sit in their room
and grow their social anxieties destroys their mental health and
cause them to develop an unhealthy heroin addiction. It's not
like the healthy heroin addictions of the days of your
They want to play video games with online predators and

(01:08:49):
go to the expensive concerts and only watch it through
the little phone screens. Then, just to make their friends jealous,
what about the classics? The balls in the car, put
the balls.

Speaker 2 (01:09:00):
In the cup?

Speaker 1 (01:09:01):
Yaha, so daddy car crashed?

Speaker 9 (01:09:04):
Orphanages, you know, things that engage the child's imagination and creativity.
We must simplifie their toys for the sake of the children,
for the sake of the toy makers. Remember, your most
creative friends are the ones who play hacky sack.

Speaker 7 (01:09:26):
So go out there, watch them hacky as the sack,
watch them hacky their sack and listen. We could all
learn something from those dirty hippies. Now back to your
your creativeless hacks.

Speaker 2 (01:09:56):
Are that special?

Speaker 1 (01:09:57):
There were special good crier Christmas fun. Oh good Christmas fun.
I had a pleasure.

Speaker 2 (01:10:05):
Well, I enjoyed this. What a lovely way to brighten
up my spirits.

Speaker 1 (01:10:09):
Yeah, agreed.

Speaker 2 (01:10:13):
Any final thoughts, Jeremy.

Speaker 1 (01:10:16):
No, I don't have any other than I'll see you
next year.

Speaker 2 (01:10:21):
Oh my goodness, that's one of the most pleasant things
that I've been saying for so long.

Speaker 1 (01:10:26):
Happy New Year, not yet.

Speaker 2 (01:10:29):
Christmas New Years. I hope everybody gets all things they want.

Speaker 1 (01:10:35):
Yeah, we'll see you in the new one with an
excellent Well, we'll see if it's excellent.

Speaker 2 (01:10:39):
Yeah, we'll see.

Speaker 1 (01:10:40):
We know you don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:10:42):
You don't know. I'm Jenny Wigger.

Speaker 10 (01:10:46):
I'm Jeremy Briggs, intact musical people working const