Chapters Gameplay: Love at Stake Episode 6

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
I hope that was loud enough.I fucked up. I think the click
was loud too. Okay, okay, dear listeners, we are back after
a little hiatus, and uh,I hate to inform you guys, but
Paul and I are no longer boyfriendgirlfriend, tragic, we're now husband wife.

(00:23):
Well, if I'm going to bea stereotypical man, this is a
tragedy. H No, I no, it's a tragedy because okay, you
can't be sad, because this ismy month. This is Women's History month,
which means men have what is marriagebut modern day enslavement of women.
So yeah, yeah, no,you've got me that. That is a

(00:49):
logically air tight statement here. That'swhy this is a tragedy. But on
the bright side, now I canI can make a go at being like
a sitcom dad in the seventies,like the wife. I wish, I
wish we were still allowed to hitthem. He was shaking his fist when
he said that too, A littlebit too close to my face. Now

(01:10):
a different direction. It was likea centimeter off, like a hypothetical invisible
wife was in the wall. Isthis and and all the times that you
need to Okay, now you canadd that non to keep that you don't
want to keep that? What asexy man? What a manly man?
A human man? I need toclarify that. Yeah, why did you

(01:34):
need to cut? What's what's theinhuman about me? Okay, there's a
fucking not because we're this is apodcast about the inhumane sexy men. So
some people might think I'm a fangbanger. Oh, I had never heard
the term fang banger, but itmakes perfect sense. You need to watch.
Actually this actually is that a termin the show or just that the
fans came up with. Isn't theshow banger? That's so stupid? So

(01:57):
yeah, actually this this runs intosomething I wanted to bring up. Right,
all of the supernatural creatures just looklike normal people. That's what I've
noticed. So the vampires sometimes theydo the thing with like they're so pale
they don't even look human, orthey got like pointy ears, none of
that normal guy. Okay, andthen werewolf they're normal most of the time.
Yeah, maybe a little bit ofhairy chest hair. We didn't meet

(02:20):
the wear Badger, but I assumein human form you look like what would
a wear what would like a humantrait of a wear badger. Be like,
I actually don't know what a badgerit looks like. I actually I
do. I'm going to move righton from that, but like I imagine
it is like a like a beaverlooking thing. No what you actually don't

(02:42):
know what a genuinely don't know whata badger looks like? Wait? Which
browser doing? No? No,I have a browser built into this so
that we can do this and thecamera can catch it. Okay for the
cheap o listeners at home? Ohoh sorry, because now I gotta I
got a shout out to my Patreonsubscribers, all two of you, Ann

(03:02):
and Deemer. You're the real MVPs. I just want to I want to
say that y'all are the real MVPs. I also want to give a shout
out to uh Meg who listens.I saw that you recently got engaged,
and you know, the modern dayenslavement of women is great. You know,

(03:22):
Paul sometimes beats me at night.He says he's he says he's sleep
fighting, and I believe him.Don't joke about that Women's History Month.
It's Women's History mode. How dareOkay, Now we're looking at badgeries.
Just quit badgering me. Shut up. Okay, congrats, congrats Meg.
This is a badger. Okay,it's like the size of a like a

(03:45):
fox, or like a little biggeryou never you never seen this? No,
no, thank god. It lookslike a skunk. Well they're well,
they're vicious fuckers. To be fair, they're like tiny bears. Would
you rather? Would you rather havesex with the wear badger or wear scum?
I feel like the were skun couldbe able to control it's it's scent
and make good ones. But you'vekind of derailed my point, which is

(04:11):
that all of the all of thesupernatural creatures just look like people. So
like the werewolf, the the andthen the succubus. I was expecting to
be like a voluptuous, like redskinned lady. That's normally how they do,
like succubi, right, Yeah,they're devils, sexy devils, just

(04:31):
another lady. So we've had somementions of the Griffin. There's a gryffin,
right, and they mentioned how hotthe griffin was. If the Griffin
is a person, I am Iam quitting this podcast. Yeah, that's
the thing. I feel like,it's it's like there's other fucking chapters stories
on this app where it's like,oh he's a dragon, Oh he's a

(04:54):
and then there's just like human dudesand they can just turn into a dragon.
So there's a specific reason because itmakes sense, right, it's porn
for humans. They don't want theydon't want a horse to be the heart.
Maybe it's porn for animals who arenot in the humans. But okay,
but obviously not right. But butyou know, there's like that that

(05:17):
there's like a popular meme of likea man says hear me out and the
picture is like a thirty five yearold supermodel, but if a woman says
hear me out, it's like thatoctopus captain from Pirates of the Caribbean.
Okay, okay, I do findthat actor way, but they're saying like,

(05:39):
hear me out, and it ishim with an octopus face, you
know what I mean? Who uhwho is a celebrity that you think is
hot that other people would be likeno, no, no, you're completely
misunderstanding my point. My point isloads of women want to fuck Lord of
the Rings orcs and stuff, andyet they can't even make the suckupis like
have red scaled and horns and this, and and and in Women's History Month

(06:03):
as well, I want I wantan anatomically correct griffin in a sexy tongue
by the end of this. Well, remember what I'm looking for? You
were? You showed me wyvern pornthat one time? No idea that sounds
really bad. No, I showedyou a funny YouTube video in which the
YouTuber forced on me and you blurredimages of wyvern porn, which was improperly

(06:28):
labeled as dragon porn, but itwas not because, as we all know,
wyverns is when they have two wingsand two legs. Meg, this
is what you're getting yourself into with. Again, congrats on your I feel
I feel so creepy. There aresome some people that that they they follow
and interact with the podcast a lotthat I and I see like that they
end up liking a lot of myposts, so I just follow them back.

(06:50):
And so Meg is someone who Ifollowed back and she got engaged recently.
So I'm sorry if our parent Ifeel like I'm maybe being a little
cre be with this parasocial friendship.Okay, I'm sorry, Let's move on.
Don't very edward calling of you.Just keeping track on Meg's feed in
case, in case an asteroid hitsher house. It popped up on my

(07:14):
on my feed. It just itwas on my page. It propped on
my Instagram page. Yeah, okay, thank you. So do we want
to play the game. We wantto continue to be anxious and more.
I'm always anxious in public. That'smy whole stand up. Sometimes you're not
in public. I want to giveanother shout out to to Anne, who's
again one of the one of thePatreon subscribers, and who we are giving

(07:36):
our firstborn child to. I didn'tagree to that. It's done. That's
part of the page. I alreadymade a deal with somebody else. I
agreed they paid me money to notgive our firstborn child to Anne. It
was specifically in the contract that Idid last year. Were you to me
that you told me the Bible storyyesterday? I only learned this yesterday.
There's a Bible story about splitting ababy in half. Surely we can do

(07:57):
that. How would you you onlyheard about that yesterday? You told me
that story yesterday. I didn't tellyou that story yesterday. Who told I
told you the salmon of knowledge yesterday? And O Kayley told me that story
yesterday, Oh one of my bride'sbitches. Yeah, we can just do
that with the baby. We cangive half the baby to Anne and the
other half to the person that yousaid. I don't know, but what

(08:20):
I'm trying to say is is Annemade very very lovely fan art of the
podcast, and I appreciate you.I appreciate you for that, which Betsy
has edited on screen right now.No, I haven't. I'm not going
to share it until unless Anne saysit's okay, and uh yeah, but
it was lovely and thoughtful. Okay, Okay, let's start with it.

(08:43):
Let's start back where we were.Do we remember where we were, Paul,
It's been like two months. Theyhave Blue Bald for like nine episodes
now, and us have Bluebald ourlisteners for more than half a year.
Okay, Okay, Oh my god. Ok Our boss ordered us to do

(09:05):
anything to keep the client lucy andhappy. We have literally gone along to
watch him have a date with anotherwoman, gotten this shift in the middle
of a fucking traffic intersection, gotdrunk with him, got a little neck

(09:26):
nibble action, and then went homealone. Yeah, and again, the
weird premise of this is Paul Elica, who Paul named because that's that's his
daughter. No, that's not whyI named her dad. I don't even
remember what I was thinking. Thisis a terrible idea. So Paul Elica

(09:50):
is working for a faded match,a dating company, and her boss,
who is super super logical, islike, we hate her. Our whole
motivation is to take that bitch downby fucking the clients. Yeah, I
know. Here's the thing. Theboss is like, listen, we need
you, Paul Elica, to keepLucian Redgrave, the vampire, the rich

(10:15):
vampire. We need him to stayon as a client. And so to
ensure that he finds true love,which is our purpose as a company,
you need to fuck him, butlike not fall in love with him.
But you see doesn't. But doesn'tthat fuck everything up because they don't get
any money if he finds some ofthe fuck outside of the dating company and

(10:39):
we're not going through to system.No. No, the thing is if
if he finds someone, then hewould then he would agree to signing on
his daughter, right, and thenalso it would be good publicity for them
because it'd be like, see,Lucian Redgrave endorses us because he's all booed
up because of us. It wouldbe a great marketing thing, okay,

(11:01):
and so in order to get so, the end goal is for him to
get booed up and to get himto fall in love with someone. For
a customer, the employees need tohave casual sex with him. Yep,
okay, that's how. That's howI get customers at my day job,
which I won't say where I work. You didn't tell me about this before

(11:24):
we got married. It's too latenow, I'm sure I'll hear about it
tonight. Paul Alica wakes up alonein her double bed to say, another
night, Another date with Lucian.Remember I'm doing the voices. I just
I want to highlight that she couldhave She could have gotten down like three

(11:45):
different times, and she's like,oh no, what if he eats me
out? What if I get firedif I don't, and then she just
doesn't. I just cracked my neck. I don't know if on against the
microphone too. Okay, let's goahead. Well okay, yeah, so
here we are. Another night,Another date with Lucien. The voice consistent

(12:07):
when we go like two months inbetween, records just stuck in my head.
I know the voice of my futuredaughter. Er, I mean,
Lucien has a date which I'll behanging around for. No. Why why
you want the humiliation? You stupidgirl. Ah, maybe I should dress
up just in case I end upsomewhere else. What does that mean?

(12:31):
When you get the chance, you'lljust say no at the last possible second.
You So I'll wear okay? Soyeah, this is they're assuming that
I just okay this app. Theywill make us spend money to change your
outfit because they're like the people whoenjoy this app are silly, stupid women
hashtag women's history months. Okay,here's why we saw their money on fake

(12:56):
clothes. Here's my guess. Okay, twenty diamonds, elegant cocktail dress.
Okay, fifteen diamonds, fashionable,avant garde outfit. Yes, free option,
raccoon mascot suit. Okay, that'shilarious. I think the more realistic
thing would be like sweatpants, orlike a T shirt dress, a T

(13:20):
shirt dress. Okay, let's let'sso okay. For the cheap o listeners
out there at home, choice one, which is seventeen diamonds, something glamorous.
Paul, would you like to describethis because it's Women's History Month.
It's colored gold, and it's kindof short, and it only has one
shoulder. That's kind of all Ican say about. It has a little

(13:41):
frilly thing on the side. Yeah, it's like gold pattern, like floral,
like I don't know what. Okay, okay, no, no,
no, no, no, no, you the wrong way. There isn't
another. You gotta let me doit for you this thing. Yeah,
wait, go back, let medo it, Let me do it.
Okay, choice too. Uh,it's a red dress. Well, it

(14:03):
looks like a coord You know whata co word is, Paul, Is
that where they have the top andthe and the shorts and their boat kind
of tight fitting under the exact samecolor. You are really acing Women's History
months. I am really proud ofyou. You told me this like a
year ago. Yeah. No,I would say this is more like a

(14:24):
frilly, flowery red dress. Butit's showing a midriff. But the midriff
is like off center, so it'slike you don't see her belly button.
You're seeing like one half of hermidriff. I think it's a uh,
it's a co word. Yeah,sorry, just random sign note. Yeah,
this is weird because the back there'sa back arrow. Yeah, the

(14:45):
sail button is over the utter arrowpoking out there. That's why we can't
we can't click on the next rawbecause the sale button is a sorry okay,
okay, so well, Option threesomething sophisticated. Oh wait wait,
sorry we should say Option two wastwelve diamonds. The first one was seventeen
in case the viewers want to bidethese dresses themselves, and choice three is

(15:09):
also twelve diamonds. Something sophisticated.Bars green, which is from our color,
you basic bitch. That is ajade green. That is a jade
green, and on Women's History months, it's shades of green like a woman
thing. No, just knowing.Do you think I preferred shades of gray?

(15:31):
Ah, that's actually pretty good.Do you think coral and salmon are
the same color, you ignorant swine? Coral and salmon are animals for now,
one of them, not so notmuch longer. You know you're an
animal, okay. And then wegot the cheap o option something covering my

(15:54):
neck. It's actually not as badas I thought. It would be so
funny if it was like a collarand a noting else it's just well,
I'm actually she's not wearing sweatpants,so I'm so this it's like a it's
an a line navy dress with ahigh neck. Okay, you know what,
he hasn't been responding to the veryvery low cut office where so let's

(16:18):
go for the most conservative possible dresshere. Maybe the reverse psychology you'll get
him. So you want to gowith the cheap o dress, well,
just scroll through them all one moretime, Okay, Okay, keep going,
keep going. Yeah, I feellike the black dress is the it's
navy. Oh my god, it'snavy. Navy is the vision of a

(16:41):
military. Okay, you fool,it's not a color. I can do
this all day. Oh god,you want to go with the I'm going
to go with that just because well, thinking in character. If showing maximal
cleavage didn't do it, then let'sjust let's just really deny him any any
of you whatsoever, except for shoulder, which, because he's hundreds of years

(17:04):
old, maybe he likes it,or ankles, but also I know it's
not going to make a difference.So all right, we'll confirm great choice.
You say that anyway, So shesays he's still a vampire after all.
But you want that neck action,girl, I shouldn't give him mixed
signals. What the fuck have youbeen doing this whole time? God?

(17:26):
She gets this from you, youknow what. I am afraid that you'll
eat me if you get too close. Yeah, you look outside your window
and watch the last rays of thesun disappear from the sky. Let's get
going. Wait. Actually, yeah, does he have to wait until nighttime

(17:48):
to like leave his house? Yeah? Can he not do daytime dates?
No, he can't do daytime dates. I never even thought of that because
he shows no signs of being avampire except his terrible fashion sense. Also,
he's creepy. He's creepy. Yeah, but like mortal man can do
that. You should know on women'shistory months that could be creepy without any
sort of supernatural thing. Trying tothink who. Two hours later, you

(18:11):
fidget in the bar, steel thatcelestes and check your watch again. They
gotta switch up the restaurants. Ifeel like they kind of afford a second
jpeg for backgrounds. I just theycan't for a second jpeg. That's actually
great, it's been ten minutes.I've got another twenty to go. Oh
right, she's at the bar waitingfor him to finish his date. I

(18:34):
can we make her get really drunkagain? Because that's honestly, if I
was in this situation and too cowardlyto back out, that would be my
only remaining joy. We can getdrunk. Paul and I are drinking uh
prosecco, which was a wedding gift. It was a wedding gift from Emily
Ashmore, who is a very popularIrish comedian. Oh my god, look

(18:55):
at me name dropping like that?Way? Does the podcast have a sponsor
Emily ash I wish used code Betsyat her store for discounts. No,
but Emily, you guys should followEmily because she is an amazing uh comedian.
And no, we only give outlinks. If if she sponsored,
she got to pay up for that. She gave it. She did.

(19:17):
She gave us wine to drink onthe podcast. Yeah, but a free
product to review doesn't mean we're sponsored, you know, that's just that's just
a gift. This isn't This isn'tlike she's not like Kylie Minogue, famous
wine entrepreneur Kylie Minogue. This isn'tthe Emily Ashmore. Know for your yankree
for one day. I think theyneed to know. Okay, this was

(19:40):
a this was a scandal in ourhouse when this came out like a year
and a half ago, that Betsyknows Kylie Minogue, the virtually world famous
apart from North America pop star fromthe two thousands as oh she makes that
wine. Yeah, I I someonegiveted me Kylie Minogue won and I never
heard of her until I got thisone. And I'm like, Kylie Minogue,

(20:04):
this must be some sort of wineinfluencer. Like it's not like I
like pop stars, right, butlike you need to understand that she was
like as big as Britney Spears inevery other part of the world, but
she but no American has ever heardof her, which is like insane to
me. I don't understand. Okay, like who bridged the gap between Britney

(20:25):
Spears and then like Rihanna, whowas who was the queen of pop in
that time? Well you never hearda big bang and I forgave you for
that. The the K pop bandokay is Lucy Oh so wait okay,
sorry, so Paulolica's at the bar, Lucien is not has not arrived yet.
Oh he will, But she's waiting. Okay, I just I got

(20:45):
confused something. But yeah, she'swaiting for him. So she's saying,
is Lucy going to show up again? Like last night? Earlier this evening?
He met you in your office forthe debriefing, barely glancing at his
next dates file. Afterward, Iintroduced him to his valkyrie date and I
tailed it out of there. Avalkyrie if she does not have fucking wings,

(21:07):
I am going to break something inhis room? What is a valkyrie?
Is that like an like a warwar angel? It's like a war
ael? Yeah, like a Norselike woman in armor with like eagle wings?
So how how are they different thanlike regular I don't know winged beings?
Like do all valkyries are winged?I just told you they have wings?

(21:32):
There are warriors, right, solike do they do you have to
be a warrior to be a valkyrie? Do they allow painters? I just
want to know is she a fighteror a lover? What if I'm Norse
and have wings? But I justwant to draw. I mean, you
know, they had a whole kidon the x Men that was like that.
Maybe wait, was there a characterand X Men called Valkyrie No,

(21:55):
there was a kid on if thisis from the movies, but he had
angel wings and was he called angel? I forgot his name. I was
going to show you a picture ofa look up a valkyrie just because is
this so I'm assuming that I cannotbelieve I have to do. Do they
actually live in Do they live inthe same damns that badgers live in?

(22:18):
Okay, well there was a Marvelcharacter called Valkyrie as well. But it's
like, I don't know if they'reeven I don't know if they even start
out as people. It's just likea mythology thing. It's like, oh,
yeah, women would wings, youknow, So are they in this
game? I wonder if they're holy, because it seems to be a religious
thing. No, it's like apagan thing. Yeah, like a religious
pagan is a religion. Well,they're religious, like vampires are religion.

(22:41):
Okay, folk stuff fucking blasphemous overhere and on Women's International you're playing vampire
smut. Okay, so they don'tcall me blasphemous. You know women,
A lot of pagans are women,so therefore, ergo you insult women?
You Okay? When we meet thesecond see Griffin, I'll do some blasphemy.
Up until then, I'm holding myselfin reserve. Okay, Okay,

(23:04):
so she okay, she introduced himto the Valkyrie date and high tailed it
out of there. She's a gorgeouswarrior woman. How can he not fall
for her? Okay? So itis a requirement to go to military school
if you're a valkyrie. I wantto go to Earth school. Okay.
So now paul Elica has the optionsshe wants. Okay, A, she

(23:30):
wants Lucien's date to go well,B wants Lucien's date to fall through,
or see doesn't know what she wants? Well if we want to factually see,
because like she fucking doesn't right,Yeah, she keeps fucking changing.
So yeah, you know what,I am so over the situation. Now
I'm here for the Griffin. Idon't know what I want her. I
want to see the Valkyrie. Youknow what I want? You know it

(23:52):
would be just especially because it's awomen's history. I want paul Elika to
steal Lucien's date. You want her? Oh? Okay? Oh like that
time, Like that time I wasat a club in Korea and I was
with my guy friends and I wasdancing with some no, I tell you
this story. I'm gonna tell thestory. And I was dancing with these

(24:15):
Korean girls and because they were myguy friends were like, go chat to
those girls for us, and myselfand my friend Elise were chatting to the
girls. And then the girls weren'tinterested in the guys at all, and
then they asked Elise and I ifwe were if we were into women or
men, and they were into women, and then they ended up and then
at least took them to a hotelroom. And so we want to do
that. We want to be likeElise and steal the steal the woman.

(24:37):
Well, I think in that situationyou're just a bad wingman. But you
know who wouldn't be a bad wingman of Val Kyrie. But yeah,
I think that there's like a romcom right where like someone is obligated to
go on a date with somebody andthey're not too interested, but there's like
a friend who's always around. Theyfall in love with a friend. Yeah,
I feel like there's like the bodyguardmaybe and you and me, I've

(25:00):
never seen friend Steve. Steve,I know, I actually do you know
that's so I don't know what Iwant that's okay. We don't know what
we want, but I but I, Paul want Paula to steal the Valkyrie
and fly off in her arms.Yeah, there is. This app is
very heteronormative, so yeah, whatif it's suddenly turned into like a lesbian

(25:23):
romance hathway, truth, I wouldlove that. Actually I should correct that.
There are I have seen a fewLGBT storylines on some of these,
but it's that way from the start. They never keep you guessing. It's
not very they're not the most common, they're not the most complex stories,
right, so they're not gonna Yeah, okay, if he finds his match,
sorry, that's your line. Don'tbe If he finds his mate,

(25:47):
he'll save faded match. Remember Itold you this, Paul, We told
you this. Yeah, but Idon't care. I'm taking this down from
the inside. But I can't helpbut want a few more moments of feeling
special. Really he may really,he doesn't treat you. Well, that's
how you feel special. Is avampire fucking giving you the cold shoulder?
And he's already naturally cold blooded,so that's like the frozen shoulder. Yeah,

(26:11):
she should have worn a dress thatcovered her shoulder. Yeah, she's
even wearing she herself doesn't have sleevescheap o'd listeners. Ah, Okay,
of knowing that he chose me overa sex goddess, succubist, or a
mighty valkyrie. Dude, I wouldn'twant my my partner's ex to be a
valkyrie. That sounds scary. You'rewishing for trouble. Oh, nothing but

(26:33):
the sex goddess. Okay, interesting? Interesting, Yeah, because I'm the
sex goddess. You check your watchagain, Only a few more minutes have
passed. Oh maybe I should akeep waiting or be leave early, leave
early, have some fucking dignity.It's women's history headache. Yeah, fucking
jerked around for no reason. Thisis gonna come out and like what wrong?

(26:55):
Like why is she accomplishing by?Like he's just like, you know,
I just want to know what thesomewhere at there having a shit night.
Yeah, it makes me have abetter time knowing that she's lonely there
somewhere. Okay, who am Ikidding? Lucian's probably having the time of
his life right now. Just cutshim like balls deep in a valkyeh,

(27:18):
gritting your teeth, you grab yourpurse and sling it over your shoulder,
leaving so soon and he arrives blue. God, I just hate his face?
What is he? He reminds meof someone I hate. He's not
pale enough to be a vampire.But who does he remind me of?
That's like that I hate? Whois it? Dennis from Always Sunny in

(27:40):
Philadelphia? A little bit? Alittle bit? Yeah? Okay, Struggling
to hide your guilt, you twistaround to see Lucian's smiling face. What
guilt, you idiot? I wasjust going to use the restroom to escape.
His warm finger runs up the backof your neck. What and you
tap them the shiver of leisure company? Okay? Do that? I want

(28:03):
to pretend like you're being sexy.Oh, hey, I'm gonna go to
the bathroom. Oh I was justabout to make a piss. What are
you doing? Those wings running rightthrough me, flying out of me.
Sorry, I've had five whiskey andI'm gonna go ship my. I like
that, of course, helping youget the shivers before you to shake all

(28:30):
the piano. Oh you're so gross, Paul, I can't believe you said
that. Don't get the shivers andmake it hard for you to hold your
urine? Oh what happened to yourdate? Not the one? If we
don't see the Valkyri, I'm gonnalose my ship. You can't possibly know

(28:52):
that. So soon he caresses theback of your neck, gently tugging and
playing with your hair. Don't tugon people's hair, please, Okay,
First, that is inappropriate business behavior, sir. There's no there's no business
going on. That's actually most ofmy problem with this is that they never
get down to business. But yeah, don't tug on hair. Right,

(29:15):
there's there's not pulling on hair,or there's pulling on hair in a very
specific context tugging Like, yeah,there's playing and then there's tugging. There's
a difference. Wait, let's dothat. Okay. So I'm gonna talk
to you and I'm gonna be like, do the thing with that he's doing.
Oh hey, so she wasn't theone. Why are you yanking my
hair out? Why are you pullingat my I'm being sexy? Oh my

(29:41):
god, there's a I bet allthat urine and you making it I had.
I just want you to know,this feels exactly like when I had
a rat in my hair. Thatthat's that may be the most skating thing
you've ever said. I had apet rat. I had a few.
There was Ben Brisbee and Aldrenon.Oh, we're doing the whole lore.

(30:03):
And they would hang out on myshoulders. Occasion, I told your hair
to try to get you horny.Apparently, yeah, they would. I
would let and sometimes they'd forget thatit was me and they would be like,
I'm gonna make a nest up here, and they'd start yanking on my
hair. And that that what youdid just now triggered that memory. And
now I'm sad because they died,Paul, They did you even think about

(30:26):
that? My dead rats, suckingasshole anyway you want to smash, you
want to smash? Okay, youlike a rat? Trust me? No
way, I should just say hislines more creepy, Lucien. Now our
options are a what's next? Bwell, have a good night, or

(30:48):
see you're being ridiculous, good night, good night, have a good night.
Off ya, have a good night. We're leaving. Date's done.
You don't need me here anymore.Yeah. Oh okay, wait, so
sorry, so she was having adate. She better get paid overtime for
this. Yeah, and I getget paid. If we don't see the
Valkyrie, I'm not paid. Ihave a theory. Actually, I think
all of these character things are fromsome like like fucking standardized like library they

(31:15):
have, and that's why they alllook like people, because there's no supernatural
creatures in the fucking character templates thatthey have to make these fucking dates.
They can't recycle them. I meaneven Disney recycles this animation. I think
we've all seen that clip of likeI think it was uh oh, the
it was Winnie the Pooh, itwas Christopher Robin with Winnie the Pooh and

(31:38):
the Jungle Book. And you guys, if you guys know what I'm talking
about, pull this up side byside, just go on YouTube. Winnie
the Pooh and the Jungle Book,same animation, and it's very obvious that
they use the exact same animation.And anyways, that's what they do with
this app. Okay, we gotto keep this moving. I know,
I'm sorry. Okay, dates done. You don't need me here anymore.

(31:59):
You shift forward on your stool stooland glance up at Lucy and meaningfully urging
him to move. Instead, Lucyleans down until his face is inches from
yours, his eyes intense and hooded. Who the fuck does he think he
is my dad? I don't,as you know, my dad wasn't a

(32:22):
joke, doesn't apply. What didthat mean? I don't know what you
were talking about. Very alarmed.Okay, keep you quick, I gotta
drink. Okay, we're taking shift, clicking and drinking. I still have
need of your presence. I'm notbeing paid to be here. Fucker as
your heart stutters, which is likea medical Lucian trails his fingers over the

(32:45):
curb. Don't. Okay, youwon't even try that. My rats licked
my ear once and that was cute. I'll be honest, but don't do
it. No, No, myears are for ben Brisbane, Algrenont.
Only there is a place I wantto show you. Okay, have you

(33:12):
heard of this thing science recently discoveredknown as the I've just heard of this.
No one knows south of the Taint. Will you come? Probably not
Lucy and honestly, going on whatwe've seen before, No nobody there asking
her to go to a secret location. Will you come? Now you're getting

(33:32):
what? Okay? Should I come? Should I come? Well? This
is Women's History Month. If anyoneshould be coming, yea, and yet
based on what we've seen before,no one will come, even that poor
valkyrie or the succubists who needs toto survive. Yeah, think of theis,

(33:52):
think of the poor fuubis. Shewas deprived of a meal if you
think about it, like they promisedthese people a meal. She was thirsty.
She was a thirsty Yeah, shewas. Okay, Lucien wants me
to leave with him. Should Igo A yes, I want to see
what he has planned for me,or b No. We need to keep
our relationship professional. And the yesoption is seventeen diamonds. Wait wait,

(34:14):
wait, I'm gonna make a prediction, and I've said this before. If
we say no, we're still gonnaend up going with him. Yeah.
She has no capacity to fucking sayno to any situation she's put in.
But if you want to burn mymoney, which is now our money legally,
bitch, go ahead, yeah,go go ahead and burn it.
Go Okay? Oh okay, reallythat it's so mean? Okay, Sure,

(34:39):
we need to brief about the valakyrie. Yeah, that's what I want.
I wanted to go over the fuckingdossier. Satan Paul Elica's voice Satan
Paulica's voice. If you want tobe Paullica so badly, I'll leave it
to you. No, dude,no dude, no, genuinely, come
on, I'm encouraging you. Ican't do voices. Okay, sure,

(35:01):
we still need to debrief about theValkyrie. Now. This may surprise the
listeners, but that was actually me. Well done. Fall whatever you wish,
Okay, I wish you'd yeah,just stand on this red X.
I wish you and I will goover the we'll go over the date.

(35:22):
Yeah. Lucien's hand warms the smallof your back as he guides you out
of the restaurant. You didn't knowthe way out of the restaurant, Okay,
Okay, I just want to sayI was hanging out with the guy
once who was like it was justa friend, and we were sitting next
to each other at this restaurant,and I noticed that his hand was like

(35:46):
hovering over my lower back the time. He wasn't touching me, but I
wasn't sure. I was like,I don't know what to make of that.
I don't know did I wasn't like, is he trying to be respectful
of our friendship or is he hopingI casually lean back. I don't know

(36:08):
what that was. I'm going tokeep my hand two inches in front of
your breast to show that I'm respectfullynot touching. Well, no one ever
touches my boobs anyways, because they'renot existent. So I do. Yeah,
you do? Yeah, Okay,you know what that means. It
means he wants to touch your back, but he's too cowardly to go for

(36:29):
it. It's like the worst ofboat works. I think this dude.
He also had the exact same nameas my brother, who well he's my
Brethersbend on the podcast Trevor Trevor,and that's not it wasn't a really common
name, and so it just reallypicked me out. I was like,
eh, because every time, yeah, my car is waiting. You couldn't

(36:52):
have known this date would last either, Yeah he could. He just fucking
spiked it. I knew, Yeah, he's fucking he's clearly not trying.
You couldn't have known you would losethis boxing match. Yeah, it's called
throwing the fight, so you winlots of money betting against yourself. How
does she not see that he's clearlysabotaging his dates on purpose? She's stupid.

(37:15):
That's pretty suspicious. Be impressive orsee lame. Well, it's also
lame, but it's mainly suspicious.I'm just okay. I get yeah,
it is suspicious, but a matchshe hasn't srusted out thus far. Okay,
you narrow your eyes at Lucian evenas he holds the car door open
for you, just getting the carpoolthat look, it's fine. I don't

(37:37):
know if I should feel flattered orannoyed at his scheming or a humming,
as some would say. After Lucyenjoins you in the back seat, the
driver takes off without a word.Where are we going? I just want

(38:00):
the driver, the chauffeur to belike the zombie remains of like a person
he ate, yeah, you know, instead of it's just a guy.
A surprise, No more blaring musicand clashing colors, because that's definitely not
a red flag. Ladies, ifa guy invites you in his car and
doesn't tell you where you're going,We're going out to my cabin in the

(38:21):
woods. All the money in theworld to make you disappear. But I
like those places. But I likethose places, witnesses, That's what I
like. Yeah, public places wherepeople can see what's happening to me.
The place I'm taking you has oneof the best views in the city.
Okay, you'll enjoy it. Idon't know, Lucien. A I seem

(38:46):
to be on your mind a lot. Be you're so sure of me?
Or see what if I don't?These are all very strange things to say.
Yeah, what's You're so sure ofme? Even me? I don't.
Oh, I think I think it'slike, Oh, you really think
I'm gonna be impressed? Like youreally? You really think you know me

(39:06):
that well? I feel like that'sthe vibe. What if I don't?
See? What if I don't isjust being like bratty. He's gonna like
that I don't. It's gonna makehim want to kill her faster. Is
there an option to just like openthe car door and it's moving? No,
I would love that. You gottahack the game for that. Can

(39:28):
we hack the game? I wishwe got you gotta pick one, Paul,
Uh, what if I don't?What if I don't? What if
I don't? Lucien, you can'tstop the gasp of surprise as Lucien reaches
out to brush a thumb over yourlips. Ah, and we know the
dude doesn't wash his hands. No, oh, oh god, okay,

(39:49):
can you imagine someone just like fuckingtouches your lips like that? I hope
you got a good feel of thegreasy vaseline I put on my mouth.
You're weirdo. Yes, I likedit very much. So I just had
a thought, which was he says, Oh, where I'm taking you?
It's the best view in the city. He's about the flasher. He's about
to take his car. Oh wherewe're going, best view of the city.

(40:14):
But you've never seen a penis thispointy? Have you? Okay?
Okay? So he brushes a thumbover her lips. Then I'll see what
I can do to change your mind. You're working backwards right now, buddy,
that's not before long. The carstops in front of a gorgeous building

(40:35):
on the Upper east Side. Whereare we you'll see? Oh no,
that's a threat. Yeah, Lucyand guides you passed the lobby dormant and
into a stately elevator. In amoment, you step out into a hallway.
It's his fuck apartment. We're goingto fucking h mister Gray's dungeon.

(40:59):
Yeah, this is where he playsXbox. You're the Xbox. No,
okay, xx Xbox, you cando better? No I can't. You're
it's your box he's playing with Okay. Why does this seem to be more
more of like an apartment complex thana rooftop bar this way? Oh?

(41:25):
You know what this reminds me of. This is like that time I was
in Korea again. He brought herto a love hotel. Yeah, I
know that happened to me in Korea. Guys. I went on a date
with this dude and we saw Frozen. Okay, it was four d Nothing
gets a girl in the mood likeFrozen. Yeah, we saw Frozen.

(41:45):
This was when it was all therage. And then afterwards he was like,
let's go get some chi mech,which is chicken and beer. And
I was like, yeah, there'sa great chi mech place across the street,
and he was like, no,I know a really great place in
hung Day, which was really farfrom where we were. And I was
like, why are we going onall that all that way just to get
some g mech? You know theyhave che mec everywhere in this city.
And he's like, I know areally good place and I'm like, well,
you're the local. I'll fall I'llfollow you. So we go and

(42:07):
we go to Hong Day, whichis like the clubbing district. Paul's been
there and it's uh. And hetook me down this like real sketchy alley,
okay, and we go into thisreal sketchy building and he says it's
a restaurant and then they ask tosee my ID at the door, and
I'm like, no fucking restaurant hasever asked to see my ID in this

(42:27):
country or any country. And Iasked the dude, I'm like, what
the hell? And then I lookaround. I realized, Oh, we
were in a in a DVD bomb, which is like a DVD room,
which is basically a motel. It'sthis it's a sex motel. Yeah,
Koreans use it as a sex motel. Yeah, Vagina officially angers. And
I was like, dude, thisis a DVD room and he was like
yeah, but they also have likechicken and beer here. And I stormed

(42:50):
out, but dude was trying toI don't know what He's gonna chicken and
beer your body? Yeah, yeah, I still carry it. Thank god.
I had pepper spray with me.Even know it was illegal here,
and I'm just gonna stop myself.Yeah, okay, well you already said
too much. It's no, it'sfine. Yeah. So Lucien is offering
her some chicken and beer. Yeah, he pulls out a set of keys

(43:14):
from his pocket. Oh god,so options are for Paullica. A there
better be a bar behind that door. No, there's some chicken and beer,
we promise, b Where the hellare we? And see? I
love surprises. Yeah, so thisis assertive, neutral and really fucking stupid.

(43:34):
Yeah, I love surprises. Yeah, let's go with lot of surprises.
Fuck it. If we look,if we're going to a fucking dungeon,
we might as well like lean allthe way into it. You know.
I love surprises, Lucy and grinsthat you before opening the door.
Yeah, because he that's a predator. Is great, he's a spider.
That's the grin the skunk from LooneyTunes makes before he gets the cat.

(43:58):
That's it's a bad grin. Butwhere we're in it now, we're taking
that grin all the way. Why, I'm just saying, like, but
you know, i'bout vampires love doingit up the butt because it's the loophole
God can't see, and they're liketerrified of God, terrified of that guy.
They're way cooler than God. Wellthat is where they can't touch across

(44:20):
or as they burn says you,they want They just don't want to touch
a cross. Okay, we'll havethis argument later. Okay, we look
in Lucien's apartment, but we gottatell the cheap old listeners at home what
the apartment looks like. It's anapartment with the greatest view in the city,
which is not Lucien's penis as Iwas expecting, but actually like a

(44:45):
penthouse suite with a commanding view ofthe city, which I believe is that
Monster City is called, right,yeah, Monster, Monster City, Monster
also known as New York. He'sgot some He's got got some uh yeah,
like all glass walls. The thingabout this is so the apartment is

(45:07):
very has very modern decor, verymodern furniture. So dude clearly knows how
to stay in touch with the times. When we met him, he was
he was basically crawling out of likea fluffy pair of hot topic ripped genes.
Rich people do not decorate their ownapartments. Okay, he bought it

(45:31):
and it was already furnished like this, but he doesn't see the kind of
person. He probably bought it specificallyfor this date. Yeah, he did.
He's got he's got what he believesto be a great fortune, but
actually it's all in investments that havedisappeared one hundred years in the Ottoman Empire.
Yeah, it's like I have,I have, I hold quite a
lot of sway with the Ottoman sultan. Don't mean ever heard of the Romanov

(45:55):
dynasty. They owe me a fewfavors. Excuse me, communist, communist?
Oh no, laughter bubbles out ofyou, and you hurry into the
elegant penthouse with its breath taking room. You hurt. Laughter, Oh,
laughter bubbles. Okay, So beforeshe's like, I love surprises walks.

(46:16):
That's her. Yeah, she's gonnashe's gonna get, she's gonna get,
she's gonna get what what's she gonnaget? I thought a pun would come
to me and I got nothing.She's what's the fucking what's the fucking character
for fifty Shades of Gray Anesthesia AnastasiaSteele. Yeah, that's not gonna work.

(46:37):
She's gonna get Bella Swan so hard. There we go that's what.
That's what. I couldn't remember thename, and then the name was too
long. You know, it needsto hit my boob to tell me that
joke that was That's what Lucian woulddo. He did a little bit tap
on my boob. Oh again,my neck hairs are for my rats only,
that's right. Boundaries. So paulElica says, there's not a single

(46:59):
hint of color anywhere. He hatescolor. I don't know what to make
of that. The vampires hate color. Is that maybe it reminds them of
life. I don't know, butthey like life day like eating it makes
them maybe makes them hungry. Sodifferent from my own home. So she
says, very dumbly, this isn'ta bar. She's finally realized, like

(47:22):
this hotel room isn't a bar.This this chi mech restaurant isn't a chi
mech restaurant. Actually, okay,so this isn't a bar. No bigger,
Like he's like confused, Like,no, I keep an apartment in
the city from when my position bringsme here, oh position, which I

(47:45):
just want to say, it's reallydumb that he picked a penthouse where all
the walls are windows because I guesshe has curtains and stuff. But the
day he's gonna die, yeah,yeah, you fall asleep on the sofa,
you wake up on fire. It'smore convenient than long drive back to
my mansion, which is of coursein upstate New York billionaires. This is

(48:06):
supposed to be New York, right, This is New York billionaires. They
commute just like us, and youhave drinks. It's such a trek that
ten minute helicopter ride home. Youdrift toward a towering wine cabinet and scan
through Lucien's collection. I just keepthinking, it's all blood. It's just
blood and wine bottles. This isnot Forever Night, an amazing Canadian detective

(48:30):
vampire show. Here suddenly he's behindand reaching over you, his hard body,
a hair is breadth from pinning youagainst the cabinet. Oh, let
me just get this wine bottle uphere. He's basically a hair's breadth away
is touching you. He's touching you. Let's touch I would consider the breadth

(48:53):
of the hair. Okay, ifi'm this is a hair of breadth,
This is a hair breadth away foryeah, that's touching. It means hair
like the animal. No, it'sspelled hair. He a, I R
trick the cheap o listeners, butyou can't trick and an emer our favorite
people, my best friend. Maybethey can't read. That's why they need

(49:15):
us to read this game today.Okay, okay, he plucks a bottle
off a shelf out of your reach. Is it good? I mean okay,
His lips tease your ear and youresist the urge to shiver in his
arm? How do you tease anear with your lips? Is he just

(49:36):
mouthing ear? How do you?I don't know what it was? A
breathing Is it just? Is itmouth movement? Tried to resuscitate my ear?
That was bad. I don't knowwhat teasing the ear means. We'll
just leave. We'll just leave thatas it is, because it horrifies me.

(50:00):
When my rats did it, theywould just lick thin sides in my
ear. But I don't know that. Did you four play with your rats
this hair and licking your ears?They groomed me. It was love.
Okay, they groomed you. Nowthat's even worse. As so these rats
were child groomers, is what you'resaying. They were like two years old,
So I think I groomed them?Did you groom them? Yeah?

(50:22):
I did pet them and brush them. You know what, I'm not I'm
not committing to this joke. It'sexquisite, he says, well, teasing
your ears. Your head spins andyou're not exactly sure which it Lucien's talking
about. You might be talking aboutyour ears. It's exquisite, exquisite ears.
Well, there is like that jokein uh, I forgot, there's

(50:44):
like the zombie Netflix show with DrewBarrymore. I forgot what it's called,
but like there's zombies and they maketheir they say, oh, yeah,
the ear is the most delicious partof the body because it's like nice and
crunchy. I guess, so maybethat's what Lucian means. Your head spins
and you're not exactly sure which.Oh yeah, you already said that.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Downgirl, What fuck? You jump out

(51:07):
that window? You want to?Sounds good to me. Picking up a
nearby glass, you grab the bottlefrom Lucian's grasp and brush past him.
A rich chuckle follows you. Isyou perch yourself next to one of the
giant windows? Okay, dude,chuckling to himself when you're alone in his

(51:30):
apartment and no one knows where youare. That's like the I'm gonna murder
you soon chuckle. That's the everythingis falling to plan. Chuckle. What
maybe he jiggles his belly like abowl full of jelly. Santa yea,
Lucien Santa. It's Christmas for Luciantoday. Okay, Okay, you were
right. I love the view theTV show. No, I'm joking you

(51:53):
turn toward Lucian. You put ina lot of work to get me up
here. No, I don't thinkhe's just like, hey, come here,
come with me, and you're likeokay. And she even had to
tell herself down girl because she knowsshe's like a fucking dog. And I'll
just yeah, Women's history month fall. How could you say that I've just

(52:15):
listened to you. You're right,I should I a man, should have
stopped you from speaking. Should Ibe feeling abducted? Yes? Yeah,
But her face, you know,in editing, I'd like you to like
zoom in on her face because itlooks like she's happy about I Have I
been abduct Well, that is thejoke with like readers of this genre of

(52:39):
like the of like the smutty fantasybook. It's like, oh, this
is why we would suck as like, why no would ever kidnap us because
it's like someone breaks in your house. They hold they're choking you, and
you just say harder, daddy,and then it creeps them out and they
leave. Oh no, he's takingmy hands behind his back. There's some
condoms in my back pocket. IfI truly abducted you, Paulelica, you

(53:06):
wouldn't still be vertical. He's talkingabout it. He's like, if I
abducted you, I'd be raping youright now. That's what he's saying.
Yeah, oh my god. Ordead he might just mean murdered. I
don't know what's worse. I don'tknow what's worse. Quite bad, we
can agree on. Yeah, they'reboth bad. We're not gonna sit here
and disbate what's worse. Your mouthgoes dry at the top of being dead,

(53:29):
and you look away from Lucian's heatedgaze. Wait, maybe can we
try to read this as like Poelica'ssuicide. Maybe she's hoping killer, like
oh God, down girl, notyou're not about to be killed just yet.
It's like I've been. She doesn'thave she doesn't have the courage to
do it herself. So she's likeputting a dangerous situation. Notice is too

(53:52):
dark. It's too dark. I'mgonna like, yeah on women's history,
pussy. Okay, then what amI doing here? What do you want
to do here? She says,she wants to go over your fucking case.
Dude, you're fucking dating profile.She wants to go over his case

(54:15):
alright, but not the one youmean. So she was thinking to herself,
business Paula, like, how we'rehere on business, so get down
to business. She did. Sohe said what do you want to do
here? And she just straight upsays, not you liar. Absolutely,
His full throated laugh surrounds you oncemore. Yeah, you fucking lied.

(54:38):
What's a full throated laugh? Whatis it that's evil? Sure, he's
a vampire. He should do shiplike that. He should be full of
like trying to like conquer the world. And you, I mean, I
don't know if he's a real vampirebecause he's not even like a detective.
So for those that was that wasforever. No, we can't go down

(55:04):
this rabbit hole of describing every vampiremedia Okay, Okay, I'm just gonna
make a quick That was a referenceto Forever Night, a great Canadian vampire
detective TV show. Okay from thenineties. Okay, his proximity is too
close, too intense. Don't youretreat away from Lucien and his windows?
Okay? Like the windows are sexyand they're tempting her to that. Okay,

(55:28):
got windows stroking her. I justwant to say, listeners, the
way Paul's talking right now, hisface is all up in my business and
he's pawn at me. Can wejust get a divorce? Is it?
Is it too soon to ask?Is there like a sure? Oh?
I mean you? I love you? I love you like my pawing.

(55:49):
No, I don't like your pawingstop by. Okay, No, he's
given me a puppy eye, puppydog. Look. Look, I read
about whirlves, but I don't wantto fuck them. So this dog facer
making isn't gonna work. Okay.I thought we could speak without interruption.
Here. You choose a couch andsink into it. What Oh like she's

(56:15):
sitting there. I thought she waslike, I'm going to sleep. She's
very drunk. He's already r.The roof is kicking fast, no interruptions.
Huh. Option A we say,sure, the privacy is nice here.
B that's a pretty lie or seeone of its many benefits. Okay,

(56:35):
I need to be I need tobe clear where my mind is at
here. If there was a Fordoption to get on the sofa on all
fours and like wag yours in theair, I would pick that. Okay,
we're gonna lean into the sex now. Okay, privacy is nice here.
Oh it's so private? Waggles ass. Okay, no matter what.

(56:57):
But I'm pretty sure the main drawof this place is the walking distance to
your bed. It's a good bed. Oh that's the best you could do.
Good bed. Okay, Well let'splay that if I want to be
like, hey, Paul, Like, okay, when when Paul and I
first started dating, he was livingin this little studio apartment, right,
so I went. Now, waslike, ooh, I like your studio,
but I like even more is howclose the bed is to your front

(57:22):
door? Oh you say ship,I got nothing at all? Wow?
Well, yeah, I'm full ofcriticism. But I couldn't do any better
either. You couldn't even say it'sa good bed. It's better than a
vampire's. I would agree with that. I'd actually be like, yeah,
so she says, I'm sure itis my clothes though, are staying on

(57:44):
picks? That the conservative dress youwant, I'm regretting it now. I
want us to. I want usto slut it up a bit. It's
still a dress. It's an easyaccess trying to be sex positive. Also
her face, what's with his face? At his face? You know what?
The face reminds me of Donkey fromShrek. Oh my god, she's
making like a donkey. Yeah,I'll do that, you're right, Yeah,

(58:10):
Like I'm going to fuck that dragonat the end of this movie.
Well, it's like she's like laughingwith her eyes. It's like she's laughing
with her mouth and her eyes.It's like it's like when you're doing a
fake away or this is also thesame face I would make if like some
creep on the bus is trying totalk to me, and I'm also like
trying to be friendly, but likenot not too friendly and like just just

(58:36):
two more stops, bets, that'sthe face she wants to creep. His
hot gaze runs over you. Sorry, that is hot gaze runs over here.
What's gotten into you? Oh mygoodness, it is. He's so
creepy. Now, I really wantto like, I really want to like

(58:57):
you know what I mean that thatstill leaves a whole host of possibilities,
Darling. I don't need you totake your clothes off. I just want
to say, I do. Ido kind of get like turned on by
the use of the word darling nowand the a Kotar girlies and guy guys
guy's. I suppose are gonna getthis because in a Kotar cord thorns and

(59:22):
roses. Oh, it says favoriteDarling, and there's this great voice actor
who does it in a real sexyway, like hello, favorite Darling.
So if Darling now is like asexy thing, okay because of that stupid
book, Yes, yes, okay, I just want to redo this line
where he says that still leaves awhole host of possibilities darling. And my

(59:44):
response to that is, okay,luis c k Why because he got his
jolly's without the woman having to takeher clothes off? Oh right, because
he just started self caring while theywere just in the room and they just
had to deal with that. It'sa good jot was pretty off. It's
a good joke, bad event,but good joke. You take a nervous

(01:00:07):
sip of your drink. Go ahead, Yeah, me too. Oh no,
maybe we will do sexy things withoutmy clothes coming off. You were
going to tell me about your date? No, I wasn't. You just

(01:00:27):
needed an excuse. Oh now he'sbeing honest. I mean yeah, but
like, come on, like it'skind of it's almost humiliating to like try
to lie about it at this stage, you know, like, look,
we both know why you're here.Come on, and he's got a little
he's got a gleeful look on hisface. Yeah, Like, well,
I don't need your clothes to comeoff. I an elegant vampire, are

(01:00:49):
gonna get like a dry handy onthe fucking so I'm just why is it
dry? It's just unfortunately that's somemen. To let me tack from that
line. Oh no, I hatemyself. I love you. Lucian settles
himself beside you with a grin,and she gets angry. You're arrogant.

(01:01:12):
Okay, Paul, come on,you don't don't embarrass yourself. This isn't
true. Come on, come on, Lucy. Always I've had centuries of
getting my way. Yeah. Yeah, this is a very common trend where
the dudes are like hyper masculine andthey're like, I'm not used to not

(01:01:34):
getting my way. And then Iback to the Habsburg's coming to power and
never stopped paying off? What whatis that? What is what? References
that to? What? Country?Historical kind of all of Europe basically,
but like they are not not inpower anymore? What I just kind of

(01:01:58):
words out of my memory. That'sI'm impressed though, And then Paulica says,
and you a think you'll get me? B need a reality check or
see should learn new tricks old man, like the one is least close to
a lie is I think you'll getme? But like like like what are

(01:02:21):
you doing here? Ye a secondyou bring it to yourself to like one
within one millimeter of the cock thatyou want, and then you're like,
I will never and it's like you'remaking you're making yourself miserable with this,
Like what the fuck is the whyhim up here? If it wasn't the
you know what I mean, ifyou weren't case files. Yeah you want

(01:02:46):
to you want to go all over? Yes, I wanted to come all
over. I mean go oliver hiscase. Yes, I care about my
job. Okay, what are wegonna do? I think it has to
be think you'll get me, justbecause it's the least embarrassing but still embarrassing.

(01:03:07):
I mean, you'll think you'll getme that I like to be kind
of like Koy, like, oh, mister big van hire man, Yeah
we might still, we might stillget something out of this. It's a
vampire lord in your city. Iam so like I've lost all hope with
this, honestly, Yes, hejust says. Yes. She's like,
you'll think you get me. It'sthe meme, right, the like chad

(01:03:30):
face, like, oh you thinkyou'll get me? Yes, yes,
like masculine beard man. Maybe I'llbe the woman to finally put you in
your place. You came to myfuck path that I maintain in the city
specifically for this reason. You knewit was we were going to my fuck.
You're in my place. Still actdumb, don't act like nineteen year

(01:03:52):
old Betsy in Korea? And wherewould that be? Day? Yeah?
He leans closer in his eyes,glinting wickedly. Oh God, under you.
Okay, that was the first actualgood Lucian line. Ever, he's

(01:04:14):
got the Stephen Colbert eyebrow raise aswell. It's truth that, you know,
the searing fantasies that fill your mindare enough to take your breath away.
Even the narrators on Lucian's side here, Yeah, in your bed,
No, in your own bed alone. So you're asking me she wants him

(01:04:35):
to Luisey k her, Yeah,she kind of. Are you saying you
want to watch me by myself?Because that's not a lot of fun.
Honestly, such a pity. I'mfar more fun to play with you.
He doesn't see. He doesn't seemplayful at all. What he learned how
to fuck in the fifteen hundreds,and everyone knows that's when humanity was at

(01:04:59):
its sex a peak. I don'tknow. They didn't believe women had a
clitoris so and they didn't wash theirhands before they touched. He is deep
early Renaissance wisdom. Eh, whatwould that be? What would how would
that be different? In the bedroom? You know that if you can adjust
the balance of humors by applying leechesto her. But sex is better,

(01:05:26):
you know what. I've been playinga lot of Sims Medieval recently, and
there's a lot of a lot ofwhat you're saying goes on in the Sims
Medieval. So fucking leeches or bothboth? Yeah, okay, good so
because people did probably a lot.Fun little fact in the Sims and like
the Sims three and four, youcan choose to have sex or woohoo,

(01:05:51):
like just to have like sex forfun or sex with the intent of a
baby. So anytime you have sexand you don't want to baby, you
could just choose to have sectional baby. But then in the Sims Medieval,
that's not an option, it's aroll the dice, which is accurate what
they had. The pull up matter. Yeah. Remember I had a friend

(01:06:13):
won't say his name. Uh yeah, super, he was very on board
with the with the pullout matter,and I believe now he's women. Yeah.
What I said at the time waswhen he has a kid, they
should name the kid quintile because youhave a one in five chance. Yeah,
with the pull up matter, andhe is now a double dad.

(01:06:35):
Well no, the first the firstwomen he knocked up, she got an
abortion. Cool, women's history months, women's history months, yep, okay,
But the second one he is adad. He is a dad now
yeah cool? Okay, So now, Paul Elica says, which is exactly
the problem. Yeah, I mightenjoy myself, can't have that. Yeah,

(01:06:57):
this is a game to you,but it's my life, my job.
Trying to screw up. He istrying to screw up you. Yeah,
come on, and you want himto you want There's no reason for
you to be in this building otherwise, come on, you give me some
hole. You were even saying earlierthat you you both you want him and
don't want him to fail on hisdates, so even you kind of we

(01:07:18):
made her say that though also Ican't believe I said give me some whole
on women's history months. I'm abad man. He reaches out, running
a long finger from your elbow toyour wrist. Oh why is his finger
long? It's fucking slender Man andthat's what a normal finger. Okay,

(01:07:43):
okay, okay, I'm constructing alonger finger with this pen casing. Okay,
I hate that. Oh my god. Ah, it's like it's it's
like when you it's like you thinkwhen you're at the bus stop and you
think that a tree branch is grazingyou, and then you turn around and
it's some dude. How often hasthat happened to you, I mean,

(01:08:08):
how happened to me once at theGeorge anyways, So why lo like?
Oh yeah, that long fingers,he can reach all the crevices. Faded
match, such a strange place tofind him, mortal like you, like

(01:08:30):
me. Not many of your kindexists in my world. Oh oh oh,
you could say she's not like othergirls, Lucien. I'm not like
outter mortals. I'm not like OhGod, tell me how you stumbled upon
the agency, how it became soimportant to you? Oh shit, is
there a backstory? Oh yeah,I think we get the back Oh okay,

(01:08:55):
Lucian wants to know more about me. I'll a open up to him
for seventeen dimonds or be refuse forfree. So okay, hang on,
hang on. This apple is offeringus the chance for money yep to interrupt
this four play talk session for afucking flashback or for free we can get

(01:09:16):
we can continue with the well it'stree play more. We're not at the
stage of four play yet three play. Ah yeah, what do you want
to do? I want to refuse. I don't want to flash back.
I don't I don't care why shelikes this fucking agency, but open up
to him and then open up herlegs. You see, it's like emotional

(01:09:38):
vulnerability leads. You know that's notwhat it's going to do. Though,
We're gonna have a chapter of We'regonna have sex with them no matter what
I will. I promise you thatI've played this game before and my boss
is so blue. But when dowe have it's a really really big balls.
My rad prisbe the person who hasever owned a pet rats Like they

(01:10:02):
have the biggest balls you've ever seen, bigger than their heads. Oh my
god. And he'd always pee onme when he walked across my hand,
like intentionally. It was so mean. I no longer have boss. Okay,
I want to refute. I doactually want to cry because you're your
backstory, because it's gonna be,oh, your shitty boss and your fucking
bestie that you get drunk and twoPM one. Okay, he says,

(01:10:29):
no thanks, He takes your hand, turning it over in his. I
know your mother was bitten by apast that one they treated so seriously,
what are you doing. I'm justtaking a photo. I'm taking a photo,
and I'm just gonna put this onInstagram later follow me on bad book
bash all one word on Instagram.Okay, I know your I can't do

(01:10:54):
I actually can't believe it. Okay, okay, I just need serious.
I know you're fuck off. Stopmaking faces. Okay, I know your
mother was bitten by a Okay,okay, okay, okay, take four
get okay. I know your motherwas bitten by a wear badger and turn

(01:11:15):
so she's aware badger? Right?No, no, no, don't you
remember the backstory she died? No, no, no, her mom was
bitten when Paulica was like a teenageror something, So her mother is aware
badger now yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, gad
yeah, but I'd like to hearthe rest from you. He's gonna make
us do it anyway. You raiseyour eyebrows. Taken aback by Lucien Lucien's

(01:11:39):
curiosity, we said notes in aflashback. I am so fucking short story.
I dropped out of college to helpwith my mom. The humans in
our town and our small town gotsuspicious of us, so we moved to
the city. Wait, what wouldmake you if someone was aware badger?
I saw her burrow it in myback guard. I saw her trying to

(01:12:03):
make a damn over there. Thathere water, that's beaver in my brain.
I think it's because of Narnia,because the beaver and the badger would
hang out. That's why I'm confused. Okay, Faded Match needed a receptionist,
and I needed a job. Imoved up. Since then, his

(01:12:27):
tongue traces tingling circles. Okay,my hand is a fist. That's just
I don't like that. We needyou, the resident woman, to experience
the creepiness. Okay, his tonguetraces circles over your past my hand?

(01:12:47):
How does it feel? I wishI was Jesus and someone would stick a
knife through my hand. That's howI feel right now. Okay, how
remarkable, so determined and strong?What I needed a job, So I
got a job. It was sohard for so determined. I left the
small town where people judged me andmoved to a city like New York,

(01:13:09):
where there's nothing but opportunity and excitement. It's so hard. He's like,
wow, it took such a determinationto perform goods and services in exchange for
money. It's really amazing. Sostrong, and she just says, yes,
that's it again. You pull yourhand free of his About time and

(01:13:33):
still not sleeping with you? Oh, I prefer if you stay awake.
Oh okay, this is so optionsare listeners? Uh, Paula says,
I am done talking. I needa refill, or see I should ask
him what's next on the agenda.I mean none of none of the me

(01:13:54):
and what we want. I feellike you, but you want to find
john talking like okay, as fuck? I need a reef. I'll refill.
But she's gonna get more drunk.You want her to get wasted,
you want her to Oh right,that means actually wasn't thinking of what the
intended meaning was. I was justthinking of it. Never mind anyway.
Or I should ask him what's nextin the agenda? Okay? I mean

(01:14:14):
all of them are setting him upfor a fucking line. Right Yeah,
I'm done talking. I think Iam done talking. We want to lean
into the sex at this point,like we do. You move to stand,
but Lucien is faster. That's athreat. He catches you around the
waist, tugging you back and intohis arms. What okay, if she

(01:14:35):
fell, she just fall back onthe couch and get back up like that's
okay. Startled, you fall againsthim awkwardly and end up straddling his legs.
Oh no. He lifts the glassfrom your fingers before you can drop
it, placing it on the endtable to his side. We don't want
stains. Let me go. Youtry to wiggle free, but he doesn't

(01:14:59):
budge truly, unless his lips area breath away from yours. But then
that's just some breath. That's justunless you've like recently brushed. The breath

(01:15:20):
is gonna smell like No, it'sgonna smell like what they were drinking,
like blood. No, they're drinkingwine. That's gonna smell like wine.
It's not exactly like. It's notan unpleasant smell, but it's not pleasant.
But if it's hot, then it'sThe sensation is just bad smells like
temptation. Think of this as research. You can learn about the species you

(01:15:44):
spend so much time trying to avoid. She spends all day working with you
fuckerspres literally, she spends their dayswith the poor monsters Frankenstein's. And well
that's that's really SPEC's just in classesto you. I already know about you.
I make vampire profiles all the time. Really, your hands squeeze his

(01:16:13):
shoulders tight as he drops a lightkiss against your neck. Oh no,
I love you, but you didn'tsuch a creepy word, dazzle me.
I hate him some much. Thisis like playing with fire, because fire
is gonna give you an STI butdamn, it feels pretty good to get

(01:16:36):
burned, the burning in your crotch. You live off blood, but can
consume some human food if you haveto. Why would she say that?
Maybe because she's gonna make food.I guess what, Because she's she's just
human food. He rewards you bypressing another kiss higher up your neck and

(01:17:00):
you shiver. Oh right right,because he's like telling she's telling him about
facts about vampires that she knows.I didn't mean. It's like, oh,
give me ten fun facts. Didyou know they have shark teat and
a shark penis? What else?Well, okay, he knows this.
He is a He's like, tellme things about my country. Well,

(01:17:25):
you ran out of potatoes once ortwice? Yeah, this is like someone
was like Betsy, if you werelike, what you're asking American? What
do you know about Ireland? Andlike a potato? Which again I don't
I know. That's like a supersuper lame. I'm just doing a bit.
Okay. So she wants to say, okay, options A, B
and C. No sunlight, nogarlic, and no crosses. Okay,

(01:17:47):
which one which is the sexiest answerof these two trees? Stupid fun?
No sunlight because then you have tobe in the in the dark all the
time. You're dark, brooding soulO. You know what crosses? Because
I feel like crosses probably aren't gonnaactually a play here. That's a bad
boy. Yeah, Jesus, theydon't like in Twilight. No one ever

(01:18:09):
like uses a cross on a vampirelike it's not part of them. You
can use it butt wrong, buttry again. Okay. So I was
right, No sunlight or silver garlicis fine? Better? Okay. Anticipating
at this time, you tilt yourhead back and sigh as he brushes a

(01:18:31):
kiss against your pulse. A stickthrough the heart kills you, and he's
gonna say, is it does everyone? Yeah, as it does most things.
His next kiss brushes against the cornerof your mouth. Okay, Now
for the everyone at home, Ihave Emma on the corners of my mouths.

(01:18:55):
You taste the flaky disease skin exactgaggerating a bit. That's exactly I
put. That's why I have alot of vasoline in my mouth. It's
for the exima. You taste thesilky taste of vasoline. Vasilene kills vampires
like me. But that is allvery standard information. What is it?

(01:19:19):
What am I missing? His handsslide over your thighs, Lucien's voice growing
husky and intoxic. She said like, oh, I'm not going to sleep
with you. But now she's likesighing. Yeah, she's grinding. She's
like leaning into it and sighing.It's far more important to learn how a

(01:19:43):
vampire kisses. Oh, speaking ofvampire kisses, I'm doing a recording of
that this weekend, and that's probablygonna be released before this actually, so
listen to that. Is that thename of a book? Ye, vampire
kisses? Yeah, that's a stupidname for it. Yeah. How he
likes to touch his lovers and hisfood. How his bite can make you

(01:20:04):
explode with a single touch. Thatsounds dangerous, that's literal. Ye just
means you're gonna cream your geens whenI eat you. Oh yeah, she's
wearing a dress. You take ina shuddering breath, as the hard evidence
of his desire for you presses itselfbetween your legs. Be what the how

(01:20:25):
explicit is this? I know Iwanted this, but like, I don't
know, I wanted to fucking visualizebeing in Polica's place. In what they
do is they They'll never explicitly saypenis or dick. They'll say, like,
the evidence of his desire prest isagainst your fucking laby. Yeah,

(01:20:49):
b I think they're being kind ofexpen his manhood. Yeah, okay,
maybe they meant his nice car andthe hours he spends in the gym my
manner? Do you mean by PhDthat I'm very proud of and spent a
lot of time to get. Iwas thinking of your cock, actually,

(01:21:10):
my rooster I did my pH dand animal husbandry actually, so that's interesting.
Shut up. Okay, So paulElica's thinking to herself, this is
my one chance to know, andGod, I want to take it.
You want to take the chance oryou want to take something else. He
leans forward, his gaze scalding yoursoul. That sounds painful, well,

(01:21:32):
Paul Elka, Oh, we're gonnahave the option to bang him now?
Oh, here we go. IfLucian's offering, I'll a learn how a
vampire kisses crash crash course style orb hesitate. I want to I want
to fuck? Of course, wewant to fuck him. That's been our
whole since episode one. We've beentrying to fuck this guy. Okay,

(01:21:54):
come on, so we're gonna spendseventeen diamonds to crash course style? Does
that make him a process? We'repaying him diamonds to fuck him? No,
it makes him. Yeah. Iactually know you're right because we're not
paying him directly. We're paying theapp who I'm assuming pays Lucien the Okay,
it seems like I have some gapsin my education. Fill my gaps,

(01:22:16):
Lucien. Oh no, I hatethat I said that. Never fear.
I've always been an excellent teacher,really, because it really seems like
you don't know how to listen toyour students. Stupid. He cups your
face between his palms and leans in, just halting an inch from yours.
That's how they kiss without actually touching. This to hold the face. I'm

(01:22:39):
holding Paul's face and I'm just inchesand inches with you don't know what inches.
His nearness is maddening and Lucien's pleasurein teasing you is obvious, and
now she's thinking to herself. Enough. Your fingers dive into his hair and

(01:23:00):
you press your mouth to his.Paulaka, are you yawning right now?
Yawn? Yeah, we're finally gettingthe cock we've been after her and you
yawned. No, that was justopening my mouth big enough to receive a
vampire dick in case there was onein the presemity proximity. For a brief

(01:23:24):
moment, Lucien stills underneath your touchin surprise, but he shakes it off.
His lips slant over yours in tenderin a tender caress, holding back
the passion you instinctively know he's capableof. Instead, he kisses you as
if you were precious. Now,she thinks, I don't think I'll ever

(01:23:46):
be able to forget this. Beingin his arms feels like coming home.
You tangle your fingers in his newlyshortened hair. Oh right, because you
gotta cut recently and deepen the kiss, opening your lips to his. Lucien
groans out your name as he tastesyour mouth. Name, here were doing?
Okay, we're gonna kiss You're him? Were kissing more more more.

(01:24:19):
That's a hard name to say.The best time. His fingertips skim up
the sides of your legs, followingyour dress, hem as it rides higher.
She's thinking to herself, we areunequal in so many ways. Woman's
history. Yeah, his race,his strength, his speed. Why she

(01:24:43):
has to say race? Come on, dude, that is so it doesn't
I don't put it. Don't usethat. There's so many words you could
use. Okay, I just wantto say I know that she's obviously referring
to the fact that he's a vampire. Yeah, and she's a human.
Really really doesn't help that he isa very pale white man and she's like
a brown skinned woman. Okay,Yeah, this is not great. I

(01:25:12):
was gonna take a photo of this. I'm gonna take sorry that Yeah,
that out of context. That quoteis is a big yikes. Yeah,
okay, could could have done species. But yeah, but I can definitely
match his passion. His harsh breathingfills your ears, but his fingers are

(01:25:39):
still slow in their quest to driveyou insane. You that's the dorkiest,
Are you yawning again? Yeah,because he's a dork. He just said
this is the dorkiest thing you cansay. You are lovely beyond belief.
There's the line that ruins it.From his mouth as hot as he draws,

(01:26:01):
a trail of open mouths, kissesdown your neck. Oh, he's
drooling on her, kissing her neck. Don't do it, don't don't like
my neck, but you have tobe the audience surrogate. No ah no,
and then a sharp fang brushes againstyour pole. Oh no, so

(01:26:21):
she's thinking, A I should saysomething or be say nothing nothing. Give
him your give him your aids.You stay silent, but Lucien reads the
sudden tension in your body. Hedidn't want me to kill you. His
lips curl against your skin. Iwon't without your permission, so that I

(01:26:44):
won't kill you without your permission.I'm gonna fuck you without your permission.
But ah, you actually bit me. See what she was afraid of?
Listeners? No, not in ain a and no, that would be
Lucian's voice. But God knows,I want to to kill you, to
be clear, kill you. Paulthinking he's holding himself back face, He's

(01:27:09):
like, I could murder you,and I want to, but I won't.
Wow, he's so sweet he didthat for me? Oh God,
that thought inflames your body, andsuddenly you have the urge to rip his
shirt from his body, to kisshis naked chest and trace the contours of
his muscles with your tongue, tosee him lose control as badly as you've
lost control of your sex. Ifeel like there's a butt coming, which

(01:27:30):
I don't and not in the waywe want. You don't come out of
your butt, Paul, shut thef I feel like the next sentence is
going to start with the word butyeah, and then we have to pay
money. We have to pay money. That's the way the way this app
goes with the sex scenes is thatwe have to constantly we have to pay
more and more and more to liketo continue. They just try to like

(01:27:54):
tease as much money out of usas we can. It's like this app
is like a stripper grinding on ourbrain. Dick brain penis okay, So
we want to see him lose controlas badly as we've lost control of our
senses. So as apoulicaus thinking,I want to a see that happen for
seventeen diamonds or b stop him forfree. This is actually the most blatant

(01:28:16):
one. Right. You know,I've made the joke before of like two
good options and one is like somethingreally stupid. Right, yeah, like
you know, talk about your medicalconditions like the battle. But this is
literally like seventeen diamonds, continue orstop having sex. This is like because
they're trying to blue ball us theplayer. Oh no, these these balls

(01:28:41):
will not be blued this time.Yeah. No, we're gonna We're gonna
pay the money and pay to seethat happen. I guess to have to
have our blood sucked. Kissing himagain, you capture his hard erection between
your bodies and rock slowly. Okay, well yeah, okay, now,

(01:29:03):
Paul, this next line you gottasay it with all the horniness you can
muster. Look at his face.Look at his fucking face. Describe the
face for the cheap o listeners.I don't even know how he's like.
Oh no, he's like he's likehe's like a mild surprise. He's like,
but like unhappy, so he's nothappy about the surprise whatever it is.

(01:29:25):
He's like, that's his horny faceis mild unhappy surprise. Good god,
Pa, His groan of pleasure fillsyour ears as you ride him.
The ache between oh, come onthis ship, you signed up for getting

(01:29:46):
paid, the ache between your legswinding tighter and tighter. Do we have
any more wine downstairs? Or yeah, we're gonna need something stronger. I
think out it might be something else. Then I can see it's another bottle.
All right, I'm gonna go check. I'm gonna go check. I'm
gonna go downstairs. Well, we'lljust leave it recording. Okay, Paul

(01:30:09):
and I had to refill our drinks. We were drinking wine. Couldn't find
any wine. But we have thisbottle of mystery alcohol. We think it's
sake. It seems to be Japanese. Right, Yeah, my buddy Juki
who came over for our wedding.He flew all the way from Korea.
He flew the farthest Yeah, Juky, Well, I'm not saying I'm not

(01:30:32):
saying his last name. Okay,maybe it's a distinctive name. No,
it's not a distinctive name. We'llbut no, I won't know. First
name is fine. I'm gonna ifI ever had it, I will bleep
in everything you say. Anyways,Huky got us an amazing bottle of some
sort, of Japanese alcohol. Ican read Korean, so it's it's definitely

(01:30:54):
not Korean because the bottles in Japanese. We don't think it's saki. Yeah,
because and here's how I know.Someone described to me before it sake
tastes sweet and this does not tastesweet. And the story of it was
somebody said, oh, I heardan urban legend that sake tastes like come

(01:31:15):
this guy that one of our friendswho was with us on this boss at
the time, really quickly went,no, it doesn't. How did you
know, because tastes like sweet water, So unless deman tastes like sweet water.
But then it turned out he waslike very gay for him. Anyway,
back to the sex scene. Backto the sex scene. So this

(01:31:36):
is this is you want to readthis ball. His groan of pleasure fills
your ears as you ride him,the ache between your legs winding tighter and
tighter, winding tighter. Is thatthat normal kind of between your legs.

(01:31:56):
I'm not actually asking, by theway, I'm just never seen that turn
of phrase before. Anyway, Luciensay it again. I like my name
on your lea. This is turninginto a porno podcast. What do you
mean turning into this is what thisis? You comply and then moan as

(01:32:18):
his fingers hook onto the edges ofyour panty. You have played this before,
you know what happens. I haven'tplayed on the on the podcast.
Is the first time I'm playing onthe podcast. Okay, we're in the
full Okay, to be honest,I don't get I don't get turned on
from this. I get turned onfrom other freaky ship, but not this.
I'm just like click click click aclick and click through these scenes.

(01:32:39):
Well, look, I got whatI'm I'm the dog who caught the car.
Okay, I got the car andI don't know how to drive it.
I'm not enjoying the sex scene nowat all. Now I want to
take down that bitch boss of ours. That's what That's my only motivation.
Now. We gotta continue. Wegot it. We can'tlue ball our audience.

(01:33:01):
The emptiness between your legs becomes nearlyunbearable. If you can make me
feel like this, the sex willprobably destroy me. Destroy me, Lucian,
destroy me. That taught sends icewater crashing over you, so she
stops being horny. That's what?Yes, what am I doing now?
Now she Now, she says,stop because the app wants to blue ball

(01:33:25):
us a bit longer so they canget more money from it. No,
my balls are too blue. Please. Lucian's eyes meet yours, dark and
hungry. Never, Well, that'srape, Okay. Isn't that kind of
part of this? Yeah, it'sa it's skirting the edge is of consent
a bit. He takes your face, pulling it down back to me.

(01:33:51):
Why Paul tries to mimic what Luciandoes. I'm just gonna straight up punch
you in this. Yeah, likethat time I flew up to the scene
face Now that was here. Thatwas sexy. Okay, that was sexy.
Don't the time you ate a babylike an ice cream coat? But
no, we promised our firstborn babyto and don't tell them that we have

(01:34:14):
No. I signed a contract thatI wouldn't sell it to add you can
have it. That's that's what?Is it? Because Emer has an Irish
name? Well? And is Idon't know the origins of Anne exactly,
but is it because is more Irishsounding? Is that it? No,
it's because I made the joke earlierthat I can't set We can't sell it
to you didn't mention I mentioned before. Rude. Now, Paulica says,

(01:34:40):
no, we can't. Why thefu you rear back fighting a battle on
two fronts Lucien's seduction in your rebellingbody, it's one front front because your
fronts are pressed together. On thecontrary, I'm more than happy to prove
we can why That's what Lucy woulddo. Now, she's thinking to herself,

(01:35:03):
would it be really so bad tospend one night making the best mistake
of my life? I don't wantto read this out loud, but you
should make the best mistake of yourlife. Just do it. Come on,
We're not hurting anybody else, shethinks to herself. We're gonna have
to. We're gonna have to.Like so upset, I drink then you
spilled the mystery Japanese alcohol. Look, you're very lucky that this this podcast

(01:35:28):
is not Huky's style at all,So you're very lucky. I'm lucky.
I'm lucky, yes, But thenthe smiling faces of your coworkers fill your
fine. Oh no, my coworkerswill be happy for me. Fuck yeah,
but they'd never be smiling because theyhate their unless it's like Tuesday too
when they're drinking. I assume thatshe means they're smiling and like making fun

(01:35:50):
of her. But my mental images, they're all like approved, like wholesome,
approving smiles, and she's like,no, I must disappoint. I
think it's like a generic just kindof like, oh, by the faces
of my coworkers and they're smiling becausethey like me. But why does this
matter to them? I don't know. Everyone is counting on me to see

(01:36:12):
this project through. Oh, therewe go. That's why you see him.
True, and your boss told youto fuck him. You're doing your
job. If I buckle now,Lucy will move on and forget me,
He'll stop using faded match. Getbuckled, for folks sake. Wait,
I don't understand if you have sex, he's gonna forget you and then stop

(01:36:34):
using faded mat. I don't understand. It's large. Okay, you're right,
I'm sorry. I'll move on.That's a good point. You make,
you grit your teeth. I needto hold him off, keep him
interested in faded match. Oh,she's gonna try to like fucking promote his

(01:36:56):
package while writing his package. It'sgonna happen, you know, be really
hot Lucian. I've heard of thisnews tante called no November. Nah,
well, my clothes stay very muchon now. She says, I can't
sleep with you, Lucien pocket orother jobs. For Fox's sake, trust
me, Darling, I have nointention of sleeping. Okay, that one

(01:37:19):
is a little sly generic. Butyeah, no, No, that's really
uncreative. And don't I hate that. But if I ever say something that
uncreative, I want you to slapme. No, you're gonna slap me
by the end of this podcast.No, I can tell your hands lie
flat on his sculpted chests and youpush yourself away from I'm gonna slap you

(01:37:44):
for the way you just groped mynon existent boobies. No, you were
Lucien's sculpted chest. Oh you,So you're saying because I have no boobs,
I have the chest of a Lucian. No, but I was reading
that light, so I was mimingup the light. You didn't touch my
chest. Married doesn't mean he doesn'tmean you can touch my boobs yet.

(01:38:05):
Okay, I'm waiting until our divorcefor you to touch my boobs. Thank
you, And Pauloka says, youknow what I mean. The man looking
back at you is a fire cryfrom the sophisticated man from earlier. His
hair is messy, his clothes mustmust and his and his eyes are shockingly

(01:38:33):
wild. It's finally I do it, Elon must I was actually thinking,
Paulack is thinking. He's more vampiricthan I've ever seen. When you wanted,
you wanted to fuck the vampire,when at least the beast you want
me you can hide from that.No, he's batman his vampire form,

(01:38:58):
he's literally a batman. He canthere into a bat maybe. So now
she's thinking. Now her options areI'll agree with him, or I don't,
I don't, or I'll wave itoff. Yeah. Agree, I'll
agree with him. Yeah, she'sshe's still gonna pull out, though she
says yes, but it was amistake. You're still a vampire racist.

(01:39:19):
Yeah, you're the racist. Wantto hear, Paulica, I'm going to
prove to you, darling, howvery little that matters to you before our
time is like your dark vampire isshowing every man has a blue ball form.
Oh god, you swallow hard.Yeah, well that was that was

(01:39:42):
the plan. That was a plan. You skipped a few steps. Not
tonight, you aren't. His intensegaze studies your face before he inclines his
head soon. Wait, can Ido it again? Yes? Oh no?

(01:40:03):
Why was she hang out with himagain? Nope? Is she still
like straddling his leg? Yeah,she's still straddling, like nope, she's
like she's still on top of him, and like, yeah, there we
go, because now here we know? Because yeah, to answer your question,
climbing off of him, nope,I don't want to fuck you still
with your vagina pressed against his hisleg is her dress is like hiked all

(01:40:27):
the way up, like her pantiesare showing her dresses higher than her panties.
You straighten out your dress while Lucianstands up with easy grace. You're
going to run away again, aren'tyou? Well? Either a yes or
no? Yes, it's funny,it's it's well yes, well yes,

(01:40:49):
he nods, unsurprised by your decision. Before you can sneake by him,
he tugs you back into his arms. Dude, Women's history month. Okay,
falls, just put me into ahug. Listen to me. Well,
I don't like how closely you're speakingto my ear. Ah. His
lips brush against me. No,no, like ears belonged to my rats.

(01:41:13):
No threatening to drown you again indrugging pleasure. I feel bad for
the listeners. I'm not enjoying thisear. Sooner or later we will end
up in bed hours. Yeah,and when we do, I promise you'll
leave with no complaints. For somereason, it switched to yellow and you

(01:41:36):
got this smile, and I waslike, oh, he's sunny. It's
like the sudden Like anyway, havea good name, write your customer satisfaction.
I'll send you a QR code later. How would you rate your stay
here from one to ten? LucienA we'll see about that or B.
That's not gonna happen. By wasskipping this flashback. Is there some reason

(01:42:00):
that she's so fucking religiously dedicated toher job? I think it was,
like, what do I remember fromthis? It was hard for her to
get a job. Oh no,no, no, okay, she dropped
out of college and like the onething she has under her belt is being
a human who knows about the supernaturalworld, Like that's her niche knowledge base.

(01:42:24):
Oh, she took supernatural studies asa as a major in college.
No, no, it was thebadger of course. How silly of me,
I forgot about the wear badgeries.Silly, the wear badgers are no

(01:42:44):
needsd from the wear badgery. Ineed to see because like they do the
thing where they like they take thingsfrom like popular folklore and then they start
dipping into like paganism with like valkyriesand ship I need to be like,
Oh, Lucian's day tonight is aI'm a gotcha, you know, gotta
catch them all. Yeah, it'slike just a fucking sexy Pokemon. His

(01:43:08):
poke balls are his blue balls.What's the fucking Pokemon that everyone wants?
The fuck? There's one Pokemon.Oh, mister mime, maybe you No,
no, there's one Pokemon that's likeit's just like a plant. But
whatever way they drew it in thein the first game, it came out
and people kind of read it asbeing drawn kind of feminine, when it

(01:43:29):
actually wasn't right, and they starteddrawing like sexy fan out of this like
plant guard of wir. That's whatit is. Is that the one that
looks like a flesh like a fleshlamp. No, no, okay,
a flesh light. Let me letme switch to the bro o, we're
selling the Valkyrie. Yeah, Guardof War. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, okay, so yeah,yeah, she's sexy. But okay,

(01:43:54):
I think this is what it wasin the original right, And it's
like this was supposed to be likean knight's helmet, but then people started
drawing fan art and it got kindof weird. What is it? Okay,
you know, giving it cleavages forthe cheaper listeners at home, we're
looking up Guard of War. It'son Google Images. Yeah, and it's

(01:44:15):
man, people need to, peopleneed it's it's a plant pokemon and yeah,
she people wanted to. She haslike it's a nerd. She's a
maid. It's a made guard ofShe has like a white dress and she's
like humanoid, but her arms areclearly like plant arms, and she has

(01:44:36):
like thick green hair. Yeah.I think it'supposed to be like a vegetable,
and it's supposed to be like ayou know, like a leak or
something. It looks like it lookslike like a Brussels sprout. So anyway,
Lucian's next day, this is gonnabe one of these things. Yeah,
your pokemon. Yeah, and thenit's just like a pale woman it's

(01:44:57):
considered a hate crime in this worldto mix up the Tamagata. She using
the Pokemon. You can't tell thedifference. I got seen put one's made
of pixels. Okay, yeahmus Sowhat we're gonna We're gonna tell Lucian that
we'll see about about that, becausewe will see and he will be right.
Yeah, he's gonna fuck us.We're like one, maybe two fucking
cook sessions away from the next chapter. They actually suck, yeah, because

(01:45:20):
it's like they get closer every time. And in the meantime, he makes
her sit at a bar and likevisualize the days he's having with a hotter
woman. Yeah, he's superpowers.He's like fucking getting her worked up.
That's why I drunk, because she'swaiting at a bar. He's low key,
like maybe trying to negger it alittle bit, like look at how
desirable that's not. That's literally likecuckolding, you know what I mean.

(01:45:43):
That's why I use that word.It's like he's literally making her jealous.
It's a mean girl's thing. Hissmile is knowing as he lets you go,
you waste no time snatching up yourpurse. Yeah, because he might
try to hold you back again.Lucian walks her to the door, are
looking unbothered and illegally sexy with hisdisheveled hair. Excuse me, sir,

(01:46:04):
sexy police open up. We detectiveillegal levels of sex inist with somebody nibbling
ears. He was doing some illegalsexual activity. It's called rape. That's
what you was. Wow, Women'sHistory Month, Paula, what I didn't

(01:46:24):
do it. You were mocking him, You were modeling his behavior. I
just tugged on your hair a bit, and you praised, you stroked me
in weird ways. Let's say,please don't talk about our wedding the podcast
until tomorrow, Paula. His gazefeels hot on your back as you head

(01:46:49):
towards the elevator. Picture of theelevator music and you know, like you're
you're like completely like sexually frustrated,and then the elevator. Just my balls
are so blue for you. Iwanted my one forbidden taste, and I

(01:47:09):
got him. I don't know aboutone. You didn't you got a kiss.
You didn't have the dick or theor the things your skin burns.
And remember you're right about the STIs. He's got shift from the medieval
period on his dick oh literal fecesfrom the medieval. But now I want
us to do it again, sadface. Oh, we finished the chapter.

(01:47:30):
Look at all the Canadian dollars Igot. We've got so much Canadian
dollars. Let's claim it.

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