July 12, 2024 • 54 mins
Paulelica has another argument with her boss, but this time she wins by gloating how she slept with the customer. Really bad workplace culture, if you ask me. Paulelica then tries to establish boundaries with Lucian, and it goes exactly as you'd predict. Betsy and Paul try to come up with more were-creatures
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
A sexy day with Daddy. I'min read these tembo Mamma's book Busy and
listen. All right, we're ongoing to the next chapter. Okay.
So the next day we're back atwork. You glance up from your computer
(00:23):
monitor as the familiar claque of stilettosreaches your ears. Their owner appears at
your office doorway, and she looksready to hide your body in the woods
sexy where the Badger's room and theOh fuck, I forgot how much I
hate her? Like I knew Ihated her. She taking her down with
my whole motivation? Who's her for? The chief? Vivian, the boss,
(00:46):
the bitch boss. She's like amermaid or something. She's a she's
a siren, which is like amermaid. Yeah, the same thing in
this world, but she has feet. Yeah. It's one of those things
cowards where they're like, oh,they only have mermaid tales when you get
water on them, which is like, if you're gonna have them have like
vampire powers and ship, you haveto balance it out with a weakness.
(01:10):
I think the reason why Viving issuch a raging bitch is because she was
a child star on the Australian showh two O, and then her life
was ruined like most child stars becausepeople keep making fun of the way she
says the word no, nor Clairenor no. Okay, so Vivian.
Six nights do you want to vihis voice? She's dehydrated. I'm so
(01:34):
sorry for the listeners about the voice. Okay, six nights in a row,
she says to Paulaka, you wentbecause you know exactly what she's talking
about. You grind it on hislegs. Six nights in a row.
I've accompanied Lucy and on another fourdates since the Valkyrie was. She's reminding
(01:55):
herself in case she forgot, justlike wondering how I got here. If
anything, I've learned. He's aman of how Okay, stop right there.
What are the four creatures? Oh? Okay, okay, okakay.
We got a Tasmanian devil. Yeah. He I feel like he had to
go on the date with the Griffin. Okay, Peter Griffin, I mean
obvious bigfoot bigfoot creature and some sortof what's a cereal mascot? Give me
(02:19):
a ceial mascot? Tony the TigerTony first came to mind. He tried
Tony the Tiger at everyone wants tofuck Tony the Tiger except Lucian. He's
like, look at my balls,they are great. Yeah, I'm not
sponsored by but in case Kellogg's islistening to this, I'm open Tony the
Tiger's giant ball. It's like arat. Don't you compare Tony the Tiger's
(02:43):
balls to my sweet Ben Brisbee andAlgernon. Thank you do what I want,
although I've turned out new invitations togo back to his apartment, so
he just won't stop. So nowPauloica is saying, Vivian, A,
I know it looks bad. Byou told me to do what ever Lucien
wants or see, sorry, gota meeting to run to. Okay,
(03:05):
So I'm torn between number two,which is trolling her words back in her
bitch face we hate her, oror tree just the disrespect of just like
walking away from her. Yeah,what do you? I feel like trolling
her words in her face is better? Right? Yeah, let's do that.
I like throwing the words in thelet's troll in the face. That's
what Lucian would do. He wouldthrow his bread in your face. You
(03:28):
casually? Yeah, good girl?The fine like you casually shrug. What
you gonna do about it? Well, this is it? We bent over
back or no, she bent overback? Hey, sorry, Vivian says,
we bent over backwards to set Lucienup with the most successful, beautiful
women in our database. And whatdoes he do. He should have gotten
(03:52):
that griffin if you're the best ofthe best. He wants to fuck that
griffin. He doesn't want human women. Yeah, come on, should have
should have paid only the tiger moar. He spends twenty minutes with them,
if even and that ends the nightwith you. I wish he would end
the night with her. You toldher to end the night with him.
Now she's thinking, no, no, not. Pelica says, the Selki
(04:15):
came close. What Selki? That'slike a Scottish like horrifying version of of
a Mr. Okay, we're gonnalook it up for the cheap listeners.
We're looking up Selky. It's basicallylike a mermaid in like in like Scottish
stuff. Oh wow, but it'slike they're they're like evil. She looks
like the Selky the Selky. Yeah, the Selkis look creepy. They look
(04:38):
diseased. We didn't Yeah, okay, okay, yeah, they turn sorry,
they turn into a seal. Ohyou know what I was actually gonna
say. I was like, ifif a mermaid is like a human slash
regular fish, a selki looks likea human slash seal, but they and
they are a seal. Sure.Yeah, there's that one movie from Cartoon
(05:00):
Saloon that's like, well, heshould get along with they should get along
with the selkies because I've seen videosof seals raping penguins. So why why
were you watching? It? Justpops up on my TikTok? Is that
that one clip that were like Snoopdogg Nature documentaries? Look at it.
It's exactly that. That's pretty groom. Actually nature is truly cruel. Okay,
(05:23):
so a Scottish seal lady. Yeah, but he didn't go for it
for it? I mean, look, yeah, the selki came close.
Did she come? I don't know. He barely made it ten minutes last
night? You did, right?Do you know how much groveling I've had
to do, how many apologies I'vehad to make the hot Selki and Peter
(05:48):
Griffin and Tony the Tiger and Bigfoot. At this rate, we'll lose Maddy
comping all his rejects for free resubscriptions. Wait would they be they fucking
paid for a chance for a matchand it didn't work out? What's that
and them? I guess it justdoesn't make any sense. It's like it's
rude that he's leaving early. Butat the same time, it's like they
(06:10):
should also be like they're they're ampinghim up as they're like celebrity client,
So if he's a celebrity client,that should be like, okay, it
should it should make sense that he'sgonna be picky, but like the fact
that I got at least ten minuteswith him, that's not bad, you
know what. Yeah, let's makeit Vivian's problem. Why don't you try
talking to him? Yeah? Sorryfor our cheap listeners. There are options
(06:30):
are hey, A, why don'tyou try talking to him? Then B
I'll see what I can do,or see it's not my fault, so
we'll do try talking and then yeah, don't you do it? Vivian?
Yeah, well, when you trieddry humping his legs, that gets you.
Yeah, she did. She can'tdry hump things because she's so wet,
because she's on account of her beinga mermaid. As it's been made
(06:51):
clear to me, I'm not hisrep. The fault lies with you here,
Paula la Caa, No, it'snot what Why stop playing Koi with
the vampire. Make it clear tohim you're not up for candidacy. Wait
what I'm getting mixed messes from Viviannow. The only one who's being clear
(07:14):
and consistent with what he wants isLucien. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone else
is like, oh I wanted tofuck. No, I don't want her
to fuck. Yeah, you foryou told her at the beginning of this
game to fuck do whatever you needto do. But apparently, again,
like I've said, I've said thisbefore, Paulolica should go to human resources.
But this is a supernatural company,so they don't have that. What
(07:40):
do they haven't? I understand theyhave monster resources. Okay, it's just
the superhuman resources. You just walkin the office and they're just playing the
monster mash all day long. It'sa it's superhuman resources and it's all superheroes
and they're too busy fighting crime toactually do their jobs. He needs to
(08:01):
focus on his own kind, nota short lived human. Haha, you're
gonna die young, that's the joke. Do mermaids live longer than people?
I guess. I don't like howall supernatural creatures live longer than humans,
because if she is like a halfyeah you want like you want to wear
fly, it lives like three weeks. Yeah, well she's If she's like
(08:24):
someone's like a mermaid, and they'rehalf fish half human, then surely their
life expectancy would be yeah, halfof that, yeah, halfway. You
flinch at the reminder that you willdie one day, he will die.
Oh no, I don't control him, if any if anything, it's the
other way around. He controls myvagina. Vivian smiles cold. He makes
(08:45):
me sit and watch all these dates. So who do you think controls who?
Here? VIVI, I don't controlhim. He controls me. That's
why. That's why I like him. It's a it's okay. Before Betsy
reads this line, I just needto clarify. Vivian is smiling warmly.
She has a green background, whichmeans she's happy and a contented smile.
(09:05):
Yeah, so green background means happy. Down to you. You haven't slept
with him yet, have you?Yes? Like she knew it would happen
because she ordered her to. Oh, Paulica's thinking she's crossing a line there,
oh just there, Oh just now, oh, just now, she's
crossing a line. I'll I don'tknow what you means. She's been professional
(09:26):
something. Oh this is so funny. A tell her it's none of her
business for seventeen diamonds. B say, I've been banging his brains out for
twelve diamonds. Or c stay quiet, banging brains out. I want to
say, you know, let's livevicarilessly with the sex life that we wish
we had. Yeah, tell herthat you did exactly what she wanted.
Okay, uh, jokes on you, Vivian. I did asked him out
(09:50):
last night. And then paul Alicasays, my god, Vivian, have
you ever slept with the vampire?You fan your face, your expression dream
me the sex is phenomenally kinky.I'm surprised to even let me out of
bed today. What the fuck?Oh yeah, let's yeah, we're taking
her down. Oh my, ohfrowning. Suddenly, you grab a handful
(10:15):
of your own hair before sniffing it. Oh yeah he did. He would
be grab hair, not the sniff. Does my hair smell weird? To
you. Vivian rears back, herface a mask of pure horror and regret.
O forget, I asked, No, let's tell her more. Oh
(10:35):
okay, so I think we won. She turns towards the door, clearly
not making eye contact with you,and waves a hand in your direction.
He's got three sure hit dates linedup, don't interfere with them. Her
hand pauses on the doorknob, andshe looks back at you. This arrangement
will end as soon as he's hadhis fill of you. Do yourself a
(10:56):
favor and remember that on Woman's HistoryMonth, Woman's History Month. Oh do
you want to read this next line? Oh? You gonna put it on
me? You grab your boobs inboth hands aside dramatically. That's that's a
weird. Look. Wait, Iwill help you by grabbing your boobs.
I think he's ruined me for allother men. Why don't you have to
(11:18):
grab your boobs to say that that'sa weird. Well, you see that
top she's wearing like she has tokeep them in. I mean I feel
like she should have put her handon her chest, but grabbing her boobs.
Same thing. The door slams shutbehind your boss. You wait,
for the sound of Vivian's heels todisappear before you burst out laughing. Serves
her right for trying to meddle inmy personal life. Now, I just
(11:41):
confessed to my boss about having aninappropriate relationship with a client, a fireable
offense, but she ordered me totapping your pen on your desk. You
think over her words. I knowaccompanying Lucy into all of his dates is
counteracting faded matches purpose, But howcan I say no to him? Apparently
(12:03):
you can't. You just say,well, no, she does, and
then he rejects, and then hedoesn't listen. He's like, let's go
to my place anyway, and you'relike, okay, remember the last one
where she he was like wait atthe bar to have a drink. And
then she's like no, that's reallyimpolite of you, and he's like,
I'm so sorry. Here to makeup for it. Like fuck, he
(12:26):
tricked me again. I'm trapped inthis arrangement. We've lined up perfect women
for him and he'll turn them alldown, declaring them not perfect enough,
and then he comes looking for me. You squeeze your eyes shut. I
shouldn't know better, I really should, But no, man's ever showered me
(12:48):
as much attention as Lucien has.It's funny because half an hour relationship is
her sitting alone while he goes ondates with other women. Yeah, so
he's literally not showing her with attention. I mean it's like he touches our
hair. I mean by that,then I get like she ever had a
man cared about me enough to touchmy Hairfore, just get your hairt on
(13:09):
once a week, girl, Comeon, actually paul my hair right now.
It actually feels really nice. Iwas trying to be creepy. Actually
keep doing it. It is reallynice. Turning to your monitor, you
regard the two inbox messages from yourwhere Wolf admirer Christian. I feel like
he's not a Christian. I'll asend him a response or be save them
(13:33):
for later. Come on, wegotta play the field. We gotta play
the field. Send a response.Okay, I've barely had any time to
think about Christian thanks to Lucien.I'll send him a quick email. You
shoot off a response to Christian,explaining you've been busy with an important assignment.
You bite your lip, thinking andthen add another line. Best time
(13:56):
to catch me is on a lunch, we can get a cup of coffee.
You hit send and lean back inyour chair. Sign. Wait,
So is this gonna set up athing where she leaves him waiting in a
cafe while she spends the time withLucy. Oh my god, it's a
cascade effect. Yeah. And thenhe's like you nearly fuck him. And
(14:16):
then he's like, no, Ican't do this. You don't value me.
Then who's making Lucy and wait ata at a creepy bar while they're
going on dates? If this islike a domino effect, God, I
can see that. I can seethat there is. There's like this short
story I read once where it waslike it was like the Twilight thing where
(14:39):
it's like, oh, she haslike a love triangle with a vampire and
a werewolf, but then like asexy fairy boy shows up, and then
a sexy like Frankenstein boy and itis a zombie boy, and like like
she keeps accumulating like supernatural twinks thatwant to bang her, and she's like,
(15:00):
what the fuck's going on? Ihave like twenty men fighting over me
now. And then it turns outthat some like some like cosmic being had
set up all these romances and didn'trealize that she was the default person they'd
all be aimed at. So he'slike, fuck, I didn't mean for
them all to be in love withyou. I just wanted like a planet
where it has happened. And thenthen she then she's got a sweet cosmic
(15:26):
being boy. Oh god, yeah, she sucks God. At the end,
she's marry Yes, this is howthe Christian religion was founded. Okay,
okay. So she sitsenn and leansin her chair, sighing, and
she sighs again. You let thetruth sinking. She has not a drink
(15:50):
yet. It's one o'clock, soshe's sighing repeated. Jesus, I'm living
in someone else's fairy tale. Luciendoesn't belong to me by your choice.
You, Oh, Vivian's right.I need to make it clear to him.
Will never happen. We're way pastto that conversation. No, no,
you've had that conversation. It's time. It's time for me to break
(16:12):
the news to him that I don'twant to. Could have fooled me that
conversation, have you ever? Well, this has never happened to me,
Like broken up with someone and theydidn't know that you guys were breaking You
guys broke up. I understand thesituation. That's what. I don't know
(16:32):
who broke up with who? Theyboth want to fuck. She's just like,
I can't do it. But she'slike, she's like, would fucking
slip away from doing it anyway?Yeah, the small office suddenly feels stifling
looking around, you grab your emptymug and wander out. We're seeing the
faded match lobby for the cheap olisteners. Your feet take you to the
(16:53):
reception desk to your favorite person inthe whole office. Oh, it's the
pink haired one. What's she's well? Hey, Jesse is out on lunch.
Oh yeah Chloe. Yep, justtaking over the front desk for her.
Wait what what? What kind ofcreatures? Forgot? What Chloe is?
(17:15):
She's and she was able to refillShe's able to refill their wine glass.
She's some sort of witch thing magic. Whatever should be easy. No
one's due to come in for anotherhour or two. I hate that voice.
(17:36):
I'll use it in bed later.Chloe's easygoing smile fades as she takes
a good look at you. Youokay, you seem off anything I can
help with I doubt it. Gettingup, she drags a chair next to
hers and gestures at it. Yousit down, talk me through it.
(17:57):
Okay, Uh, Paul, wehave the option of telling Chloe about Lucien
or saying nothing. And if wetalk to her, it's gonna cost us
seventeen diamonds. What do we doLucien? I like him too much?
Okay, so we're gonna Paul spendingmy money for a little bit of girl
time. You have to provide forme. Now we're married history, that's
(18:22):
true, don't we all? Ohyeah, she wishes she was in that
room the other day. Oh yeah, she wants to be a boyer.
Chloe quickly sobers at the serious lookon your face. Boyer. No,
she wanted to be on his leg. She like a pixie. I can't
I feel like she's a pixie.If she did magic, she's a witch.
(18:44):
Well she goes to be a pixie. Pixie? And what was her
sister, the wicked witch to theeast? What was my sister? My
sister is a bitch. Okay,the wicked bitch of the East, the
wicked bitch of West. Yeah,Paul Eliga is saying, now, Vivian
(19:06):
wants me to sleep with Lucy andso he'll move on to women who are
in his league. Wait, no, that's not what she said. She
said she was horrified that you saidyou were fucking. I think she didn't
want the details. I think itwas like, oh, okay, this
is TMI. I'm gonna leave.You never had that. I fully recognize
that because I this might surprise you, Paul. I've had a few one
(19:27):
or two TMI conversations at work.I'm shocked. I know, I know
it's shocking, to be fair,and that was my reaction. I wanted
the fucking until it was there,and then I was like, I don't
want to Yeah, that was yourreaction. Actually, yeah, I am
on Vivian's side here, which painsme to say because Vivian is my mortal
enemy. It was like when I, like when I was new to sex
(19:49):
and I'd only had sex like atotal of three times, and I told
that one guy that I was maybelooking, you know, and to you
know, switching it up a bitbecause we're just done missionary and he like
held pin my hands down and Iwas like, oh, I kind of
like that, and then he suddenlyslaps me with his dick, and I'm
like, never mind, I regreteverything. It's like that. I wonder
(20:14):
if Lucy and will try that.I feel like he can't because, as
we have established his dick as pointy, that'd be like stabbing her. Well.
I think my theory was that ithas like retractable like fangs that point
backwards, like a grappling. Onceit's in, it's coming out. Okay,
(20:36):
Chloe says, what do you want? Paalelica? Your body flushes hot
with longing for Chloe. I likehim. I like the way he looks
at me like I'm food. Idon't mean to keep harping on your human
status, but you know what thisis. I think she's a harpy.
No, she's a harpy. Shedid magic. She's a witch. I
(20:57):
will not, I will. She'sa she's a top. She's brightly colored.
That's true. I know it can'tgo anywhere. Personally, I think
you're a way better candidate for himthan anyone we've been serving serving like a
meal. Well, he's a vampire. It's appropriate you give her a half
(21:18):
smile. Thanks, But I knowwhat I am. I just want to
quick aside for the audience. Paulhas does a half smile, and it's
adorable. You do a little halfsmile smirk, it's so cute. Okay,
I'm not supernatural, and he needssomeone as magical as he is.
What and as creepy? Yeah,because he's practically royalty. Chloe exhales and
(21:45):
her eyes soften with understanding. Iwish there was something comforting I could say,
Chloe, A, thanks for trying, or B, don't worry too
much about me. I mean it'sthe same thing, thanks for trying,
because she did not she should worryabout you. It's okay. I'm not
talking about emotions here. Yeah,because your friend could literally die if you
(22:07):
go out with this. Yeah,Paula could could die. This is all
about six and I'd be an idiotto fall under his spell. Well,
you are an idiot, so youare already an idiot. That's been established.
And now she's thinking to herself becauseI'd be one more name and a
string of many. Well, dude, don't be slutshaming him, Like if
(22:30):
dude is, how old is heagain? Eight hundred or something? Women's
history monk, you're worried about thevampire being slut shamed here? Yeah,
yeah, he's obviously gonna have anumber, Okay, not her internalized guilt
over just wanting to indulge in somefun with a hot dude. No,
that's more. She's not slutshaming herself. She's more like, I don't want
(22:51):
to get attached. It's it's different, and it's totally okay. If you're
someone who gets attached while having sex, or if you're someone who does not
get attached from sex, it's fine. Or if you're someone who gets literally
attached during sex hook yeah, that'salso well. Actually you should probably see
(23:12):
a doctor if that happens to you. This means you're a vampire, So
don't go to a doctor, oryou get experimented. Though. So now
paulicas thinking he would leave me withaddicting memories and I'd leave him with none
at all, Just one more womanlike the rest. Now, Chloe says,
maybe, but it would be hellof a way to fall like,
(23:34):
not go for you know what ruinedyour life. Every one of these stories
has a quirky, extroverted best friendwho encourages you to live your best whole
life, which we all need.Yeah, both of you are quiet for
a long moment. Imagine if Ihad someone encouraging me to live my best
whole life, imagine where I couldbe right now. Yeah, you didn't
(23:56):
have anyone to encourage you to liveyour best whole life. No, no,
no, I got no hole encouragementwhatsoever. Really said, I'm really
sad for you, trying to thinkwho encouraged my whole life? You didn't
need encouragement. I did not.You're a free spirit on your own.
I'm trying to whom I'm really said, no one. Well no, it
(24:18):
was like, yeah, I takethat dick, Betsy. Yeah, well,
I mean, okay, I'm notgonna say names, but you know,
WELLO like my bestie whom I won'twhose name I won't say. Uh,
I mean like she she didn't likeliterally say yeah, do your whole
thing. You know. It wasshe She was more of like a quiet
support from afar. Yeah, yeahshe was. She was supportive. She
(24:45):
was supported, but like in aquiet way. Anyways, Paulica is thinking
and a Pauloica says, I'm ruiningfaded matches. Chances, aren't I?
Yep? Chloe says nothing not denyingyour words. Yeah, bitch, hell
you shut your eyes tightly, willingdown the sudden dread filling your chest.
(25:07):
All right, I'll end it.It's time to give him up and let
him play his games with women fromhis own world. That night you step
into Celeste with Lucy and by yourself. Okay. They said he has tree
dates lined up and they're all surethings. Yeah, we want to predict
what the tree creatures are. Okay, okay, but they have to serious
(25:27):
predictions now, not Peter Griffin,okay, because I was gonna say an
alien because they said from his world. Okay, serious, Okay, what
do you think? What are yourtree? Another vampire? Maybe a suckubyst
Maybe there's more than one suckybist inthis. I don't think they did.
(25:48):
Okay, okay, what do youand I don't know their What do you
think? I don't think they gofrom our I agree in on our vampire.
They're gonna do like a mummy,like not a mummy, like a
you know, like a like anundead pharaoh, like a Cleopatrick. Oh
okay, then they do a fairy. What else would match with a fucking
(26:08):
we see the griffin? I thinkthey do a fairy. What about a
sexy like lady werewolf? No?Because we already have a werewolf character.
Yeah, but that's the thing,right, Maybe it's this like topsy turvy,
like the two werewolves know each othertoo, and it's like they're trying
(26:30):
to get away from me. Okay, okay, you know, okay,
See here's the thing, you know, Yeah, I know, you know,
there's kind of no point. Partof me is trying to like humor
you try not like fairy, notlet you know that you're wrong because I've
read it. But I'm gonna becoy about it. And they give you
a maybe you're right, I'm gonnasay fairy, fairy, vampire, and
(26:52):
maybe a witch. I also justwant to make the joke of I forgot
the Joko was going to make analien an alien? Okay, Okay,
I like that. Okay, Sowe're into Celeste because this fucking company only
has one there's only one restaurant inNew York City. Apparently you've tucked his
(27:15):
dates file under your arm. Awherelion whose profile Lucien barely glanced. Well,
here's the thing we forgot. Ican just make up where animals.
I have no way of predicting thatthere was apparently Noah's arc there was a
fairal human running around biting all theanimals and turned. Yeah, that's how
(27:37):
that works. Oh god, youspot the woman in question inside of the
entrance and introduced the pair, Justlike the past six nights, and just
like before, Lucien seems unimpressed byhis lovely dough ie date. First of
all, no lion eyed date.Yeah, they eat her prey. Yeah,
(28:00):
and his gay slides in your directionthirty minutes. That is so rude
in front of her too, infront of the war line. This will
be the last time I hear thosewords, Lucien. A, I'll be
there be enjoy your date, orsee maybe lucky number seven will be the
(28:22):
one. Well, don't say i'llbe there, because that's pathetic. Okay,
I'll be there and then she canenjoy your day. Enjoy Let's enjoy
the day. Let's be straightforward withoutwaiting for a response. You spin on
your heel and head towards the barand a stash still it. Okay,
here's the thing. She's like,I'm gonna have to talk with him and
tell him that we can't do thisanymore, and she's gonna go. He's
(28:42):
gonna be like, Okay, let'sdo this in my bachelor pad, and
then you're gonna go and be like, Okay, now we can have this
serious talk, and then you're gonnafuck. I feel like that's where this
is going. It's been a whilesince I played this, but I feel
like you're correct. It feels likebarely an time has passed. When Lucien
appears at the corner of the bar, I hope I'm not too late.
(29:06):
It's been five minutes, Lucien,if that's what you call it. Ten
minute. Wait, I'm not toofar off. Shall we go get another
drink? You're just like fucking aroundher job, dude, squaring yourself.
You take a deep breath and meethis eyes. Lucien A can we go
to your place? Or b weneed to talk? So fun your place
(29:29):
to have the talk. Yeah.If I end up reading a fucking monologue
about full penetration, I'm going tobe so pissed out here as well.
We'll fast forward. I'm sorry audiencewill have to click through like the sexy
part. When they do, we'llpause for penetration. We will pause penetration
only if it's illustrated. No,I'm just kidding. Just go go to
(29:52):
your place. Hopes up, becausewe know, no matter what our intentions
are, it's what's gonna happened,is not gonna be what plans, what
happen. If we say we needto talk, then he's gonna be like,
yeah, well let's go to myplace. You might as well just
stop beating her on the bush.Yeah, he's just gonna manipulate us into
it anyway, just like when she'slike, I don't want to drink.
Oh I'm sorry, let me apologize. Oh sure, get what did I
(30:15):
say? Yeah? I was thinkingwe should go to your partner. I
think the same thing, certainly,Darling. Yeah, the way you said
that with so much saliva in yourmouth. Ah, really get some lip
into it, darling. Oh,first of all, listeners, any listeners
(30:40):
that are well listening, you're sucha way with words. Don't you come
trying to steal my man. Nowthat you heard his as m R,
don't steal me. I hate hisvoice so much. I hate my normal
voice. I love your normal voice. Okay, that's your fart. His
(31:02):
eyes light up, a victorious smilewidening his lips. Oh yeah, he's
got any of us to try totricker this time. He just come Oh,
crap. Hell, could I haveknown he would get the wrong idea
from let's go back to your place? So that's what she's thinking. She's
thinking to herself, Oh crap,I gave him the wrong idea somehow.
Now, she says, Lucian,I didn't mean that we should go to
(31:23):
your place for a drink. Idon't that we need to talk. Of
course, Yeah he's playing. Surehe's not winking, but he might as
well be. Oh of course,to anyone else, Lucian would seem like
his usual confident self. But you'vespent too much time with him, I'll
(31:48):
say. And that tiny hesitation beforehis response betrays his unease. Oh no,
he's uneased, shall we I've beenuneased this whole fucking game. So
yeah, I know my fucking blueballs are on. The trip to Lucian's
penthouse is quick and painfully silent,just like you'll be later tonight. Oh
(32:10):
wait, I mean painfully silent.Lucian's one of those men who makes no
sound whatsoever. He's just just aseerie silence as he trusts. Is she
fucking Lucian or fucking uh Leonardo DiCaprioor boat is Lucian? I feel like
(32:32):
we've had a bit too much todrink, but let's keep going. What
No, Lucian's had not enough ofherd to drink. Oh that's a good
one. Actually, no, it'snot a good one. So Paul is
thinking to herself, he knows somethingis up, and he's waiting for me
to make my move. Was Iwant to wake one more joke along those
lines of drinking. No matter whatway this night goes, someone's swallowing.
(32:59):
I like that. That's a goodone. Thank you for you wordlessly.
Lucian slices his key into the lock. Yeah he does. He slices his
key into the lock and then out, and then back and lets you into
his apartment. Thank you. Ijust have to say, before any of
(33:22):
this happens, they could have justhad his conversation with the fucking bar.
It's so contrived. Okay, wouldyou like, no, Lucien, no
drinks. We have to talk.I'm listening. He's actually not. Now
(33:43):
she's thinking, it's the moment I'vebeen dreading. But I need to say,
faded match. I have two optionshere. Either I salvage our professional
working relationship or I step down athis as his rep. You swallow hard
not yet. Wait, what shouldI do? I'll do what I can
(34:05):
to save our relationship or b tellhim this is goodbye, and the save
our relationship option is seventeen diamonds.Okay. I feel like what they're building
to and they're trying to distract awayfrom it. But the thing of like
Lucy and we can't be together becausewe have a professional relationship. And then
he's like, Okay, you're fired. Now let's bag yeah, like which
is very cliched, but they're buildingto it like it's going to be clever.
(34:28):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isthat where it's going. I don't
know. I can't remember. Okay, well, let's spend that money.
Okay, spending my money, sendingyour money. It's our money. Now,
did you know we're married? Paul'sa gold digger, you know what,
monster, I'm not a bigfoot oran alien. I'm a married man.
When your fated match is me,love it, loser, Lucian,
(34:52):
this is the last time I canwait for thirty minutes. I've developed dignity.
Yeah, it took me a longtime, but too long. Well,
context the opposite. We shouldn't evenbe doing this. You need to
concentrate on your dates, and Ineed to do job my dates. He
(35:17):
stalks towards you. Oh that's rude, and you're not liking the stubbornness set
to his jaw. He's a stalker. He's stalking. You made a deal
with, faded match. I can'tbe part of the reason we fail when
you're not putting your full effort intoit. Stopping in front of you lucy
and shrugs. The women I've beenmatched up with aren't right. They're left.
(35:44):
But he's from the old times.We're being a left. He was
like seen as a curse or someshit I don't know about. I wasn't
even talking about politics. I wasmaking stupid wordplay. It's like, beaten
out of you. You better useyour right hand. Oh right, I
thought you meant politics. Okay,Oh no, no, no, you
are far more enjoyable to spend mytime with. Yeah, okay, I
(36:07):
think they're fundamental flaw all right,is that they're like matching them up with
other like equally powerful like magical creatures. What he wants is prey that yeah,
fucked like vampires sexualize their food.Yes, so he wants a human
that's like what he wants. Youknow, he's not much different than Boil
(36:27):
from Brooklyn nine nine sexualizes his food. I'm on a Brooklyn nine nine binge.
I don't want to know what youmean by sex you've seen nine.
I don't remember someone fucking a sandwich. No, but Boile like oftentimes he
gets he's like really really into food, and then when he does sexy things,
it involves food. I don't remembersex scenes involving Boil and yeah,
(36:53):
well okay, oh, I didn'tpay the seventeen diamonds for the previous of
Brooklyn nine nine. Yeah. Everything. This is like the opposite of t
M I. I feel like it'syeah, we're I remember one time Paul
and I we were hypothetically discussing usingsome food play in our sex life,
(37:15):
and we both agreed it was toosticky. I don't remember it at all.
I remember ever considered that for asecond. I think I was hypothetically
like whipped cream, and you werelike, no, too sticky, and
I immediately agreed. But I wastrying to be I was trying to be
quirky. I don't know you failed, Lucy. This is your quote.
I already read that part. Ohright, okay, So now Pelica is
(37:39):
thinking, in reply to Lucian sayingthat he that she is more enjoyable,
that's a not fair, b flatteringor c ridiculous. Okay, not fair
doesn't make sense because he just complimentedyou. Yeah, ridiculous, Like how
how could you possibly imply I ammore competitive? Sexy sexy griffin and bigfoot?
(38:00):
Yeah, it's flattering. We knowwhere this is going. Okay,
that's a nice boost to my ego. But you know this shouldn't be happening.
I'm human. Hell, we bothknow this is just a game to
entertain you, and it's not fair. We can't do this, Lucien,
It's too forbidden. Oh I likeit. So she's finally like, you're
(38:22):
just toying with me, and I'vehad enough. No, she's making the
case why she's gonna be a littlecoyly resistant even though she wants it.
Oh yeah, she says, stopflirting with me, stop coming to me.
She's setting up the premise of thedubious consents scenario. Oh yeah,
you know your literary genre. Stopkissing you. Oh he's been kissing her
(38:45):
this entire conversation. We didn't know. He moves to your side and leans
towards you, his warm breath ticklingyour cheek. Don't you tick on my
cheek with your breath. Don't youtake on my don't Paul? No,
no, oh, he took onmy cheek. No, you talk about
doobies. Consent over here, Godthat that cheek tickling was non con This
(39:13):
episode is gonna be played in thecourt of law. Okay, well,
it's been played in the court ofpublic opinion, and I am not coming
out good. Yes, stop kissingme, No, I won't. No.
Sorry. This reminds me of atime in high school at our lunch
table there was this guy and likefor the whole year he was going on
(39:35):
about how his girlfriend was horrible,and we all just kept being like,
break up with her. Due,just break up with her, and he
was like, you know what,you're finally answered, like seven months,
he's like, I will break upwith her. I'm gonna do it after
school today. And he came thenext day and we're like how to go
and he was like, I triedbreaking up with her and she just said
no, I don't agree, andso we're still together. Like he was
just like, oh, okay,I didn't know she could just turn that
(39:55):
down. But here we are,and they dated for like another year how
old as hell? I would saywe were like sixteen seventeen. That's the
kind of dumb thing you do.Then it's still not good. But he
learned. Well, I don't knowhe's a cop now, so I don't
know if okay, maybe he maybehe's got dumber then yeah. So yeah,
Lucy's like, I'm not gonna stopkissing you. And now, Paulica,
(40:17):
our options are A, you don'thave a say in this? Or
B have you heard of something calledconsent? That's what I didn't know that
the app was aware. Yeah,this consent is He's like, I thought
that was just a legend in thisafter is that oh my god, there
was literally an ad for one asabout like komba patients. Yeah, bottle
(40:40):
woman, patient, bottle woman.Yeah, so like who's who's taking advantage
of who here? Yeah? Actuallypatients very complix. So I don't know,
you don't have a say in thisis pretty direct. I liked,
I want her to confront you touse the word consent to commemorate woman's history.
(41:02):
Months. Yes, this whole applike never uses the real words,
like, for example, there's conceptof consent here. There's this one story
I was reading where it was likesold to the Lichen Kings, where it
was like this girl and it's shewas kidnapped and sold to these two brothers
(41:27):
who are both up for the throne, and the first brother like, she's
like, I'm kidnapped and he's like, I'm gonna make you my queen.
I'm gonna force you to marry me, and then I'm gonna breed you.
And she's like, no, youwon't and he's like, yeah, I
am. I'm gonna breed you.I'm gonna tie you up to my bed
and breed you. Like that's rape, that's just rape. He's just basically
publicly saying I'm gonna fucking rape you. But they can't use the word rape
(41:50):
in this app so they just saybreed God. So I want them to
igno. I want them to usethe word So I wanted are you use
the word consent? I think theproblem is that you're reading like non consent
porn and expecting him to have discussionsabout consent, whereas I not ask you
(42:13):
know, what you can do isnot read that I want my cake and
I want to eat it too.I'm not asking for I want my consent
and I want to violate. Okay, so have you heard of something called
consent? That's what we're going togo with. Okay, the forbidden word
I have on it was terrible.His hands settled on your waist without asking
(42:37):
your waists consent. But I alsounderstand your heart. I was a doctor
d years ago. I feel likeif you have some excuse me, Paul
Alka, if we want to talkabout listening for consent, I'm the only
one in this room that can actuallylisten to your heart literally, So you
(43:00):
got to back off. This mightbe like they might need to invent a
new word for a type of gaslighting where he's like no, no.
With my my vampire senses, Ican tell that you actually did want it,
which is horrifying. Why just seethat I can see it being like
like that's because that's what he's doingright now, like heat detecting vision,
where it's like, your vagina isa fucking oven right now. So that's
(43:24):
the least sexy way you could havesaid that your vagina's oven and it needs
a sausage roll. There is anindustrial furnace in progress in your pets.
My heart's telling me you're never gonnaend up with a human. The heart's
like, no, I didn't fuckingWe both know that trying to continue this
(43:44):
is crazy. No, it's socrazy and forbidden, it would never work.
We can't do it, even thoughwe want to a lot. I
disagree. We both need closure beforemoving on. I think we need open
your open your when your hair andyour I don't know a dublin silburb.
(44:07):
I it was okay. I cameto tell you this is the end.
Now that I've said my peace,we're done. You try to push past
him towards the door, but hecatches your arm in an unbreakable hold.
We just had the consent talk,or tried to. No, you didn't
(44:29):
come here for that, what dude? I mean? Yeah, but this
way what you could have told methis anyway, That's what I did say.
Uh a, you wanted me todump you in the middle of a
restaurant. That's also a good point. Actually, b No, I couldn't
(44:51):
have or see what do you mean? Let's see what do you mean?
Because it's the funny. Damn man. You gotta play some Betsy, play
some justin Bieber music you want Whatdo you mean you could have told me
over the phone or in your office. Hell, you could have told me
(45:15):
in the car, but you didn't. Okay you can. Paul's actually let
it holding my army. So wedon't forget that. That's the situation.
When we forgot that, she wasstill straddling him while like off like Paul's,
man, I don't think we shoulddo this trying to straddle me right
now? Do you want to fallow? No? No, we're going to
(45:37):
knock the table. Oh my god. M So now she's thinking, oh
god, Okay, you might havea point there, but you came here,
Paul, look because you want closureto This is actually like uncomfortably close
to the like why did you goto his apartment if you didn't want to?
(45:57):
You know, Like this is actuallymaking me comfortable that we're joking about
this. So I just want toaddress that outside of this specific scenario,
this is really fucked up. Butlike we also know that it's written that
she wants it. Really that's justin denial. Fuck this this is so
this is probably like a really harmfulscenario in reality. It's like that Good
(46:20):
Day and Hong Day was like whydid you want to go see Frozen?
Why'd you go agree to go seeFrozen if you didn't want to get fucked
in a DVD bong? Yeah,Frozen, where the handsome Prince is the
villain and the true love is thelove between systems. I just want to
say, I'm really, really,really proud of myself because I detected that
shit immediately my first watcher Frozen.Second the dude came on, I was
(46:43):
like, Oh, he's bad news. He's bad news. He's he's a
fuck face. I knew it,and I was right, called it out
good Okay, okay, But andyet you were still fooled by me.
And then and then and then anhour later, some dude was like,
let's go down a sketchy alley inHong Day And I'm like, yeah,
yeah, so maybe raid artist worksso much in real life. These past
(47:04):
six days have put you as muchon edge as I am. Oh we've
been edged, Betsy. Actually,he pulls you into his arms, your
front pressed tight against the long lengthof his body. Is he slender man?
Is he slender man? So stay? If you want this ended,
then spend the night. Ah softwhispering in my ear like that soft lips
(47:29):
brush over. Your lips are dry. You need chuck? Is that soft?
They're not soft? You need chapstick. Imagine this and every single and
every single one of your senses areoverwhelmed by his intoxicating pressent. Well,
you are intoxicated. That's a fair. Have one last adventure. Let me
(47:54):
have one last adventure with me,and I promise to be the perfect Just
are the listeners out there? Ido love my husband. I just I
hate the cliche romance stuff I see. I'm channeling Lucian, which is a
very different persona. Paul won mewith his with with Paul won my heart
(48:15):
when he approached me and was like, I want to throw a length into
you. And I was like,yeah, you got the words right,
but the delivery is really wanting.Yeah, you actually didn't say that.
I don't want people to think ofthat. Imagine a vampire hoofing it into
you. Eh, deep down,hungry eyes fill your vision, threatening to
(48:36):
drown you. That's what drowning eyesstay PAULA, Oh, we're gonna get
an option to stay. Relieve Youwill your arms to shove him away,
to open your mouth, to tellhim no, to deny everything he's been
saying, your arms loop themselves aroundhis neck and drag his face towards yours.
(48:59):
No what I think it's implied thatthey've and that's the end of the
chapter. We did it. Wedid two whole chapters, two whole chapters
in under three hours. Hey,look, we got the forbidden cock.
I mean I didn't want it inthe end, we finally we saw it,
(49:23):
we felt it through the fabric,and I'm like, fuck this,
I regret ever wanting this. Idon't know what I expected. Honestly,
somehow I was surprised that they weredescribing the sex and graphic detail, even
though that is clearly the point ofthis hell app for degenerates and God bless
(49:43):
you all. Like, yeah,any takeaways have you learned anything? Everything
he did I tried and none ofit worked, So don't do that.
I've learned that I'm a great actor, because even I who have I've managed
to woo you and make you loveme for seven years and trick you into
(50:04):
marrying me. I love you thesecond I acted as Lucy and you were
repulsed, the very opposite of whatyour normal reaction to me is, which
tells me that I can totally changemy body language, like some sort of
chameleon aware chameleon if you will,aware, Yeah, where chameleon they can
(50:25):
change. There's so much change goingon in their body much. Yeah,
they have these strange new feelings.They're just so confused. They need somebody
reliable to I feel like the audienceis going to listen through this and be
like, is Betsy in a safeplace? Betty's in a hostage marriage.
It's you know, there's like thosestories you hear about where people like sometimes
(50:51):
abusive partners. It's like as soonas they feel like they they've got a
person, that mask slips off.And sometimes it's like, oh I got
her pregnant, Now I can bea dick, or oh she married me,
Now I can be a dick.And Paul's version of that is,
oh she married me, so nowI can, you know, reenact my
(51:12):
Edward Colin vibes and try to bea spooky, creepy vampire. I walked
into the bedroom today, listeners,and this is this is true. There
were seven candelabras just in the inthe daytime. Okay, first of all,
you're done with the fucking podcast aboutthis stuff, right, so clearly
I'm doing it for you. Okay, I did it all, you know.
(51:34):
It's like the hang with the fuckingthe crack pipe is like, son,
where did you get this? It'slike where, how'd you learn how
to use this? From you?Dad? I learned from watching you.
I learned about the fucking edward fromyou. There was like dirt circling our
bed. There are no candelabras inour house. He literally took me on
(51:55):
a beach walk today and held myhand and told me how much he loved
me, and also that I watchher at night in case an asteroid hits
the house, because I'm quick andI would get her out in time.
And then he turned into a batand flew away when a dog that looked
suspiciously Native American approached. Now here'sthe thing. You might think from that,
(52:20):
I'm a vampire, but actually I'maware. Bat, wait until to
wait till we're married to tell meyou're aware of that. Okay. So
look, Paullica got some Okay,I feel like narratively that is, unless
they're going to open up the nextchapter on like graphic sexual detail. That
(52:40):
is, Paulelica got down. Yeah, I can't remember. I know that.
I know she she definitely did getsome. I'm not sure if we're
going to go into detail next chapter, if next chapter just opens up into
like, oh, the morning afterwhatever, but yeah, ah tell me
what you learned. Then we alreadyjust do this. Did we I forgot?
(53:02):
Oh? We did? That's right. I've had a few this,
I've I've had mystery the Japanese beverage. Betsy, it is Monday night.
Mm hmm. You need to slowthe fuck down. No, all right,
any pluggables you want to plug?Huhuggles, Where are you going to
(53:24):
be gigging at this week? Ihaven't come up with a fucking joke he's
gonna be gig Okay, I'm giggingnowhere. So you know, I'm gonna
plug the joy of being a homebody. You know, just stay in your
own space that's cater to you,and just be cozy, because you know,
we're all we're all running around likeheadless chickens sometimes and we just need
(53:49):
a little time. You need totake a little time for you. So
that's what I'm gonna plug today.This podcast is sponsored by you Time,
especially you ad An take some timefor you and an emer deserves the most
time. Everyone else, you gethalf of what they get, which is
whatever you wanted to be, halfof whatever you wanted to be, so
(54:10):
just wanted double. Half of infinityis infinity, okay, and that's the
end. Thanks guys,
A sexy day with Daddy. I'min read these tembo Mamma's book Busy and
listen. All right, we're ongoing to the next chapter. Okay.
So the next day we're back atwork. You glance up from your computer
(00:23):
monitor as the familiar claque of stilettosreaches your ears. Their owner appears at
your office doorway, and she looksready to hide your body in the woods
sexy where the Badger's room and theOh fuck, I forgot how much I
hate her? Like I knew Ihated her. She taking her down with
my whole motivation? Who's her for? The chief? Vivian, the boss,
(00:46):
the bitch boss. She's like amermaid or something. She's a she's
a siren, which is like amermaid. Yeah, the same thing in
this world, but she has feet. Yeah. It's one of those things
cowards where they're like, oh,they only have mermaid tales when you get
water on them, which is like, if you're gonna have them have like
vampire powers and ship, you haveto balance it out with a weakness.
(01:10):
I think the reason why Viving issuch a raging bitch is because she was
a child star on the Australian showh two O, and then her life
was ruined like most child stars becausepeople keep making fun of the way she
says the word no, nor Clairenor no. Okay, so Vivian.
Six nights do you want to vihis voice? She's dehydrated. I'm so
(01:34):
sorry for the listeners about the voice. Okay, six nights in a row,
she says to Paulaka, you wentbecause you know exactly what she's talking
about. You grind it on hislegs. Six nights in a row.
I've accompanied Lucy and on another fourdates since the Valkyrie was. She's reminding
(01:55):
herself in case she forgot, justlike wondering how I got here. If
anything, I've learned. He's aman of how Okay, stop right there.
What are the four creatures? Oh? Okay, okay, okakay.
We got a Tasmanian devil. Yeah. He I feel like he had to
go on the date with the Griffin. Okay, Peter Griffin, I mean
obvious bigfoot bigfoot creature and some sortof what's a cereal mascot? Give me
(02:19):
a ceial mascot? Tony the TigerTony first came to mind. He tried
Tony the Tiger at everyone wants tofuck Tony the Tiger except Lucian. He's
like, look at my balls,they are great. Yeah, I'm not
sponsored by but in case Kellogg's islistening to this, I'm open Tony the
Tiger's giant ball. It's like arat. Don't you compare Tony the Tiger's
(02:43):
balls to my sweet Ben Brisbee andAlgernon. Thank you do what I want,
although I've turned out new invitations togo back to his apartment, so
he just won't stop. So nowPauloica is saying, Vivian, A,
I know it looks bad. Byou told me to do what ever Lucien
wants or see, sorry, gota meeting to run to. Okay,
(03:05):
So I'm torn between number two,which is trolling her words back in her
bitch face we hate her, oror tree just the disrespect of just like
walking away from her. Yeah,what do you? I feel like trolling
her words in her face is better? Right? Yeah, let's do that.
I like throwing the words in thelet's troll in the face. That's
what Lucian would do. He wouldthrow his bread in your face. You
(03:28):
casually? Yeah, good girl?The fine like you casually shrug. What
you gonna do about it? Well, this is it? We bent over
back or no, she bent overback? Hey, sorry, Vivian says,
we bent over backwards to set Lucienup with the most successful, beautiful
women in our database. And whatdoes he do. He should have gotten
(03:52):
that griffin if you're the best ofthe best. He wants to fuck that
griffin. He doesn't want human women. Yeah, come on, should have
should have paid only the tiger moar. He spends twenty minutes with them,
if even and that ends the nightwith you. I wish he would end
the night with her. You toldher to end the night with him.
Now she's thinking, no, no, not. Pelica says, the Selki
(04:15):
came close. What Selki? That'slike a Scottish like horrifying version of of
a Mr. Okay, we're gonnalook it up for the cheap listeners.
We're looking up Selky. It's basicallylike a mermaid in like in like Scottish
stuff. Oh wow, but it'slike they're they're like evil. She looks
like the Selky the Selky. Yeah, the Selkis look creepy. They look
(04:38):
diseased. We didn't Yeah, okay, okay, yeah, they turn sorry,
they turn into a seal. Ohyou know what I was actually gonna
say. I was like, ifif a mermaid is like a human slash
regular fish, a selki looks likea human slash seal, but they and
they are a seal. Sure.Yeah, there's that one movie from Cartoon
(05:00):
Saloon that's like, well, heshould get along with they should get along
with the selkies because I've seen videosof seals raping penguins. So why why
were you watching? It? Justpops up on my TikTok? Is that
that one clip that were like Snoopdogg Nature documentaries? Look at it.
It's exactly that. That's pretty groom. Actually nature is truly cruel. Okay,
(05:23):
so a Scottish seal lady. Yeah, but he didn't go for it
for it? I mean, look, yeah, the selki came close.
Did she come? I don't know. He barely made it ten minutes last
night? You did, right?Do you know how much groveling I've had
to do, how many apologies I'vehad to make the hot Selki and Peter
(05:48):
Griffin and Tony the Tiger and Bigfoot. At this rate, we'll lose Maddy
comping all his rejects for free resubscriptions. Wait would they be they fucking
paid for a chance for a matchand it didn't work out? What's that
and them? I guess it justdoesn't make any sense. It's like it's
rude that he's leaving early. Butat the same time, it's like they
(06:10):
should also be like they're they're ampinghim up as they're like celebrity client,
So if he's a celebrity client,that should be like, okay, it
should it should make sense that he'sgonna be picky, but like the fact
that I got at least ten minuteswith him, that's not bad, you
know what. Yeah, let's makeit Vivian's problem. Why don't you try
talking to him? Yeah? Sorryfor our cheap listeners. There are options
(06:30):
are hey, A, why don'tyou try talking to him? Then B
I'll see what I can do,or see it's not my fault, so
we'll do try talking and then yeah, don't you do it? Vivian?
Yeah, well, when you trieddry humping his legs, that gets you.
Yeah, she did. She can'tdry hump things because she's so wet,
because she's on account of her beinga mermaid. As it's been made
(06:51):
clear to me, I'm not hisrep. The fault lies with you here,
Paula la Caa, No, it'snot what Why stop playing Koi with
the vampire. Make it clear tohim you're not up for candidacy. Wait
what I'm getting mixed messes from Viviannow. The only one who's being clear
(07:14):
and consistent with what he wants isLucien. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone else
is like, oh I wanted tofuck. No, I don't want her
to fuck. Yeah, you foryou told her at the beginning of this
game to fuck do whatever you needto do. But apparently, again,
like I've said, I've said thisbefore, Paulolica should go to human resources.
But this is a supernatural company,so they don't have that. What
(07:40):
do they haven't? I understand theyhave monster resources. Okay, it's just
the superhuman resources. You just walkin the office and they're just playing the
monster mash all day long. It'sa it's superhuman resources and it's all superheroes
and they're too busy fighting crime toactually do their jobs. He needs to
(08:01):
focus on his own kind, nota short lived human. Haha, you're
gonna die young, that's the joke. Do mermaids live longer than people?
I guess. I don't like howall supernatural creatures live longer than humans,
because if she is like a halfyeah you want like you want to wear
fly, it lives like three weeks. Yeah, well she's If she's like
(08:24):
someone's like a mermaid, and they'rehalf fish half human, then surely their
life expectancy would be yeah, halfof that, yeah, halfway. You
flinch at the reminder that you willdie one day, he will die.
Oh no, I don't control him, if any if anything, it's the
other way around. He controls myvagina. Vivian smiles cold. He makes
(08:45):
me sit and watch all these dates. So who do you think controls who?
Here? VIVI, I don't controlhim. He controls me. That's
why. That's why I like him. It's a it's okay. Before Betsy
reads this line, I just needto clarify. Vivian is smiling warmly.
She has a green background, whichmeans she's happy and a contented smile.
(09:05):
Yeah, so green background means happy. Down to you. You haven't slept
with him yet, have you?Yes? Like she knew it would happen
because she ordered her to. Oh, Paulica's thinking she's crossing a line there,
oh just there, Oh just now, oh, just now, she's
crossing a line. I'll I don'tknow what you means. She's been professional
(09:26):
something. Oh this is so funny. A tell her it's none of her
business for seventeen diamonds. B say, I've been banging his brains out for
twelve diamonds. Or c stay quiet, banging brains out. I want to
say, you know, let's livevicarilessly with the sex life that we wish
we had. Yeah, tell herthat you did exactly what she wanted.
Okay, uh, jokes on you, Vivian. I did asked him out
(09:50):
last night. And then paul Alicasays, my god, Vivian, have
you ever slept with the vampire?You fan your face, your expression dream
me the sex is phenomenally kinky.I'm surprised to even let me out of
bed today. What the fuck?Oh yeah, let's yeah, we're taking
her down. Oh my, ohfrowning. Suddenly, you grab a handful
(10:15):
of your own hair before sniffing it. Oh yeah he did. He would
be grab hair, not the sniff. Does my hair smell weird? To
you. Vivian rears back, herface a mask of pure horror and regret.
O forget, I asked, No, let's tell her more. Oh
(10:35):
okay, so I think we won. She turns towards the door, clearly
not making eye contact with you,and waves a hand in your direction.
He's got three sure hit dates linedup, don't interfere with them. Her
hand pauses on the doorknob, andshe looks back at you. This arrangement
will end as soon as he's hadhis fill of you. Do yourself a
(10:56):
favor and remember that on Woman's HistoryMonth, Woman's History Month. Oh do
you want to read this next line? Oh? You gonna put it on
me? You grab your boobs inboth hands aside dramatically. That's that's a
weird. Look. Wait, Iwill help you by grabbing your boobs.
I think he's ruined me for allother men. Why don't you have to
(11:18):
grab your boobs to say that that'sa weird. Well, you see that
top she's wearing like she has tokeep them in. I mean I feel
like she should have put her handon her chest, but grabbing her boobs.
Same thing. The door slams shutbehind your boss. You wait,
for the sound of Vivian's heels todisappear before you burst out laughing. Serves
her right for trying to meddle inmy personal life. Now, I just
(11:41):
confessed to my boss about having aninappropriate relationship with a client, a fireable
offense, but she ordered me totapping your pen on your desk. You
think over her words. I knowaccompanying Lucy into all of his dates is
counteracting faded matches purpose, But howcan I say no to him? Apparently
(12:03):
you can't. You just say,well, no, she does, and
then he rejects, and then hedoesn't listen. He's like, let's go
to my place anyway, and you'relike, okay, remember the last one
where she he was like wait atthe bar to have a drink. And
then she's like no, that's reallyimpolite of you, and he's like,
I'm so sorry. Here to makeup for it. Like fuck, he
(12:26):
tricked me again. I'm trapped inthis arrangement. We've lined up perfect women
for him and he'll turn them alldown, declaring them not perfect enough,
and then he comes looking for me. You squeeze your eyes shut. I
shouldn't know better, I really should, But no, man's ever showered me
(12:48):
as much attention as Lucien has.It's funny because half an hour relationship is
her sitting alone while he goes ondates with other women. Yeah, so
he's literally not showing her with attention. I mean it's like he touches our
hair. I mean by that,then I get like she ever had a
man cared about me enough to touchmy Hairfore, just get your hairt on
(13:09):
once a week, girl, Comeon, actually paul my hair right now.
It actually feels really nice. Iwas trying to be creepy. Actually
keep doing it. It is reallynice. Turning to your monitor, you
regard the two inbox messages from yourwhere Wolf admirer Christian. I feel like
he's not a Christian. I'll asend him a response or be save them
(13:33):
for later. Come on, wegotta play the field. We gotta play
the field. Send a response.Okay, I've barely had any time to
think about Christian thanks to Lucien.I'll send him a quick email. You
shoot off a response to Christian,explaining you've been busy with an important assignment.
You bite your lip, thinking andthen add another line. Best time
(13:56):
to catch me is on a lunch, we can get a cup of coffee.
You hit send and lean back inyour chair. Sign. Wait,
So is this gonna set up athing where she leaves him waiting in a
cafe while she spends the time withLucy. Oh my god, it's a
cascade effect. Yeah. And thenhe's like you nearly fuck him. And
(14:16):
then he's like, no, Ican't do this. You don't value me.
Then who's making Lucy and wait ata at a creepy bar while they're
going on dates? If this islike a domino effect, God, I
can see that. I can seethat there is. There's like this short
story I read once where it waslike it was like the Twilight thing where
(14:39):
it's like, oh, she haslike a love triangle with a vampire and
a werewolf, but then like asexy fairy boy shows up, and then
a sexy like Frankenstein boy and itis a zombie boy, and like like
she keeps accumulating like supernatural twinks thatwant to bang her, and she's like,
(15:00):
what the fuck's going on? Ihave like twenty men fighting over me
now. And then it turns outthat some like some like cosmic being had
set up all these romances and didn'trealize that she was the default person they'd
all be aimed at. So he'slike, fuck, I didn't mean for
them all to be in love withyou. I just wanted like a planet
where it has happened. And thenthen she then she's got a sweet cosmic
(15:26):
being boy. Oh god, yeah, she sucks God. At the end,
she's marry Yes, this is howthe Christian religion was founded. Okay,
okay. So she sitsenn and leansin her chair, sighing, and
she sighs again. You let thetruth sinking. She has not a drink
(15:50):
yet. It's one o'clock, soshe's sighing repeated. Jesus, I'm living
in someone else's fairy tale. Luciendoesn't belong to me by your choice.
You, Oh, Vivian's right.I need to make it clear to him.
Will never happen. We're way pastto that conversation. No, no,
you've had that conversation. It's time. It's time for me to break
(16:12):
the news to him that I don'twant to. Could have fooled me that
conversation, have you ever? Well, this has never happened to me,
Like broken up with someone and theydidn't know that you guys were breaking You
guys broke up. I understand thesituation. That's what. I don't know
(16:32):
who broke up with who? Theyboth want to fuck. She's just like,
I can't do it. But she'slike, she's like, would fucking
slip away from doing it anyway?Yeah, the small office suddenly feels stifling
looking around, you grab your emptymug and wander out. We're seeing the
faded match lobby for the cheap olisteners. Your feet take you to the
(16:53):
reception desk to your favorite person inthe whole office. Oh, it's the
pink haired one. What's she's well? Hey, Jesse is out on lunch.
Oh yeah Chloe. Yep, justtaking over the front desk for her.
Wait what what? What kind ofcreatures? Forgot? What Chloe is?
(17:15):
She's and she was able to refillShe's able to refill their wine glass.
She's some sort of witch thing magic. Whatever should be easy. No
one's due to come in for anotherhour or two. I hate that voice.
(17:36):
I'll use it in bed later.Chloe's easygoing smile fades as she takes
a good look at you. Youokay, you seem off anything I can
help with I doubt it. Gettingup, she drags a chair next to
hers and gestures at it. Yousit down, talk me through it.
(17:57):
Okay, Uh, Paul, wehave the option of telling Chloe about Lucien
or saying nothing. And if wetalk to her, it's gonna cost us
seventeen diamonds. What do we doLucien? I like him too much?
Okay, so we're gonna Paul spendingmy money for a little bit of girl
time. You have to provide forme. Now we're married history, that's
(18:22):
true, don't we all? Ohyeah, she wishes she was in that
room the other day. Oh yeah, she wants to be a boyer.
Chloe quickly sobers at the serious lookon your face. Boyer. No,
she wanted to be on his leg. She like a pixie. I can't
I feel like she's a pixie.If she did magic, she's a witch.
(18:44):
Well she goes to be a pixie. Pixie? And what was her
sister, the wicked witch to theeast? What was my sister? My
sister is a bitch. Okay,the wicked bitch of the East, the
wicked bitch of West. Yeah,Paul Eliga is saying, now, Vivian
(19:06):
wants me to sleep with Lucy andso he'll move on to women who are
in his league. Wait, no, that's not what she said. She
said she was horrified that you saidyou were fucking. I think she didn't
want the details. I think itwas like, oh, okay, this
is TMI. I'm gonna leave.You never had that. I fully recognize
that because I this might surprise you, Paul. I've had a few one
(19:27):
or two TMI conversations at work.I'm shocked. I know, I know
it's shocking, to be fair,and that was my reaction. I wanted
the fucking until it was there,and then I was like, I don't
want to Yeah, that was yourreaction. Actually, yeah, I am
on Vivian's side here, which painsme to say because Vivian is my mortal
enemy. It was like when I, like when I was new to sex
(19:49):
and I'd only had sex like atotal of three times, and I told
that one guy that I was maybelooking, you know, and to you
know, switching it up a bitbecause we're just done missionary and he like
held pin my hands down and Iwas like, oh, I kind of
like that, and then he suddenlyslaps me with his dick, and I'm
like, never mind, I regreteverything. It's like that. I wonder
(20:14):
if Lucy and will try that.I feel like he can't because, as
we have established his dick as pointy, that'd be like stabbing her. Well.
I think my theory was that ithas like retractable like fangs that point
backwards, like a grappling. Onceit's in, it's coming out. Okay,
(20:36):
Chloe says, what do you want? Paalelica? Your body flushes hot
with longing for Chloe. I likehim. I like the way he looks
at me like I'm food. Idon't mean to keep harping on your human
status, but you know what thisis. I think she's a harpy.
No, she's a harpy. Shedid magic. She's a witch. I
(20:57):
will not, I will. She'sa she's a top. She's brightly colored.
That's true. I know it can'tgo anywhere. Personally, I think
you're a way better candidate for himthan anyone we've been serving serving like a
meal. Well, he's a vampire. It's appropriate you give her a half
(21:18):
smile. Thanks, But I knowwhat I am. I just want to
quick aside for the audience. Paulhas does a half smile, and it's
adorable. You do a little halfsmile smirk, it's so cute. Okay,
I'm not supernatural, and he needssomeone as magical as he is.
What and as creepy? Yeah,because he's practically royalty. Chloe exhales and
(21:45):
her eyes soften with understanding. Iwish there was something comforting I could say,
Chloe, A, thanks for trying, or B, don't worry too
much about me. I mean it'sthe same thing, thanks for trying,
because she did not she should worryabout you. It's okay. I'm not
talking about emotions here. Yeah,because your friend could literally die if you
(22:07):
go out with this. Yeah,Paula could could die. This is all
about six and I'd be an idiotto fall under his spell. Well,
you are an idiot, so youare already an idiot. That's been established.
And now she's thinking to herself becauseI'd be one more name and a
string of many. Well, dude, don't be slutshaming him, Like if
(22:30):
dude is, how old is heagain? Eight hundred or something? Women's
history monk, you're worried about thevampire being slut shamed here? Yeah,
yeah, he's obviously gonna have anumber, Okay, not her internalized guilt
over just wanting to indulge in somefun with a hot dude. No,
that's more. She's not slutshaming herself. She's more like, I don't want
(22:51):
to get attached. It's it's different, and it's totally okay. If you're
someone who gets attached while having sex, or if you're someone who does not
get attached from sex, it's fine. Or if you're someone who gets literally
attached during sex hook yeah, that'salso well. Actually you should probably see
(23:12):
a doctor if that happens to you. This means you're a vampire, So
don't go to a doctor, oryou get experimented. Though. So now
paulicas thinking he would leave me withaddicting memories and I'd leave him with none
at all, Just one more womanlike the rest. Now, Chloe says,
maybe, but it would be hellof a way to fall like,
(23:34):
not go for you know what ruinedyour life. Every one of these stories
has a quirky, extroverted best friendwho encourages you to live your best whole
life, which we all need.Yeah, both of you are quiet for
a long moment. Imagine if Ihad someone encouraging me to live my best
whole life, imagine where I couldbe right now. Yeah, you didn't
(23:56):
have anyone to encourage you to liveyour best whole life. No, no,
no, I got no hole encouragementwhatsoever. Really said, I'm really
sad for you, trying to thinkwho encouraged my whole life? You didn't
need encouragement. I did not.You're a free spirit on your own.
I'm trying to whom I'm really said, no one. Well no, it
(24:18):
was like, yeah, I takethat dick, Betsy. Yeah, well,
I mean, okay, I'm notgonna say names, but you know,
WELLO like my bestie whom I won'twhose name I won't say. Uh,
I mean like she she didn't likeliterally say yeah, do your whole
thing. You know. It wasshe She was more of like a quiet
support from afar. Yeah, yeahshe was. She was supportive. She
(24:45):
was supported, but like in aquiet way. Anyways, Paulica is thinking
and a Pauloica says, I'm ruiningfaded matches. Chances, aren't I?
Yep? Chloe says nothing not denyingyour words. Yeah, bitch, hell
you shut your eyes tightly, willingdown the sudden dread filling your chest.
(25:07):
All right, I'll end it.It's time to give him up and let
him play his games with women fromhis own world. That night you step
into Celeste with Lucy and by yourself. Okay. They said he has tree
dates lined up and they're all surethings. Yeah, we want to predict
what the tree creatures are. Okay, okay, but they have to serious
(25:27):
predictions now, not Peter Griffin,okay, because I was gonna say an
alien because they said from his world. Okay, serious, Okay, what
do you think? What are yourtree? Another vampire? Maybe a suckubyst
Maybe there's more than one suckybist inthis. I don't think they did.
(25:48):
Okay, okay, what do youand I don't know their What do you
think? I don't think they gofrom our I agree in on our vampire.
They're gonna do like a mummy,like not a mummy, like a
you know, like a like anundead pharaoh, like a Cleopatrick. Oh
okay, then they do a fairy. What else would match with a fucking
(26:08):
we see the griffin? I thinkthey do a fairy. What about a
sexy like lady werewolf? No?Because we already have a werewolf character.
Yeah, but that's the thing,right, Maybe it's this like topsy turvy,
like the two werewolves know each othertoo, and it's like they're trying
(26:30):
to get away from me. Okay, okay, you know, okay,
See here's the thing, you know, Yeah, I know, you know,
there's kind of no point. Partof me is trying to like humor
you try not like fairy, notlet you know that you're wrong because I've
read it. But I'm gonna becoy about it. And they give you
a maybe you're right, I'm gonnasay fairy, fairy, vampire, and
(26:52):
maybe a witch. I also justwant to make the joke of I forgot
the Joko was going to make analien an alien? Okay, Okay,
I like that. Okay, Sowe're into Celeste because this fucking company only
has one there's only one restaurant inNew York City. Apparently you've tucked his
(27:15):
dates file under your arm. Awherelion whose profile Lucien barely glanced. Well,
here's the thing we forgot. Ican just make up where animals.
I have no way of predicting thatthere was apparently Noah's arc there was a
fairal human running around biting all theanimals and turned. Yeah, that's how
(27:37):
that works. Oh god, youspot the woman in question inside of the
entrance and introduced the pair, Justlike the past six nights, and just
like before, Lucien seems unimpressed byhis lovely dough ie date. First of
all, no lion eyed date.Yeah, they eat her prey. Yeah,
(28:00):
and his gay slides in your directionthirty minutes. That is so rude
in front of her too, infront of the war line. This will
be the last time I hear thosewords, Lucien. A, I'll be
there be enjoy your date, orsee maybe lucky number seven will be the
(28:22):
one. Well, don't say i'llbe there, because that's pathetic. Okay,
I'll be there and then she canenjoy your day. Enjoy Let's enjoy
the day. Let's be straightforward withoutwaiting for a response. You spin on
your heel and head towards the barand a stash still it. Okay,
here's the thing. She's like,I'm gonna have to talk with him and
tell him that we can't do thisanymore, and she's gonna go. He's
(28:42):
gonna be like, Okay, let'sdo this in my bachelor pad, and
then you're gonna go and be like, Okay, now we can have this
serious talk, and then you're gonnafuck. I feel like that's where this
is going. It's been a whilesince I played this, but I feel
like you're correct. It feels likebarely an time has passed. When Lucien
appears at the corner of the bar, I hope I'm not too late.
(29:06):
It's been five minutes, Lucien,if that's what you call it. Ten
minute. Wait, I'm not toofar off. Shall we go get another
drink? You're just like fucking aroundher job, dude, squaring yourself.
You take a deep breath and meethis eyes. Lucien A can we go
to your place? Or b weneed to talk? So fun your place
(29:29):
to have the talk. Yeah.If I end up reading a fucking monologue
about full penetration, I'm going tobe so pissed out here as well.
We'll fast forward. I'm sorry audiencewill have to click through like the sexy
part. When they do, we'llpause for penetration. We will pause penetration
only if it's illustrated. No,I'm just kidding. Just go go to
(29:52):
your place. Hopes up, becausewe know, no matter what our intentions
are, it's what's gonna happened,is not gonna be what plans, what
happen. If we say we needto talk, then he's gonna be like,
yeah, well let's go to myplace. You might as well just
stop beating her on the bush.Yeah, he's just gonna manipulate us into
it anyway, just like when she'slike, I don't want to drink.
Oh I'm sorry, let me apologize. Oh sure, get what did I
(30:15):
say? Yeah? I was thinkingwe should go to your partner. I
think the same thing, certainly,Darling. Yeah, the way you said
that with so much saliva in yourmouth. Ah, really get some lip
into it, darling. Oh,first of all, listeners, any listeners
(30:40):
that are well listening, you're sucha way with words. Don't you come
trying to steal my man. Nowthat you heard his as m R,
don't steal me. I hate hisvoice so much. I hate my normal
voice. I love your normal voice. Okay, that's your fart. His
(31:02):
eyes light up, a victorious smilewidening his lips. Oh yeah, he's
got any of us to try totricker this time. He just come Oh,
crap. Hell, could I haveknown he would get the wrong idea
from let's go back to your place? So that's what she's thinking. She's
thinking to herself, Oh crap,I gave him the wrong idea somehow.
Now, she says, Lucian,I didn't mean that we should go to
(31:23):
your place for a drink. Idon't that we need to talk. Of
course, Yeah he's playing. Surehe's not winking, but he might as
well be. Oh of course,to anyone else, Lucian would seem like
his usual confident self. But you'vespent too much time with him, I'll
(31:48):
say. And that tiny hesitation beforehis response betrays his unease. Oh no,
he's uneased, shall we I've beenuneased this whole fucking game. So
yeah, I know my fucking blueballs are on. The trip to Lucian's
penthouse is quick and painfully silent,just like you'll be later tonight. Oh
(32:10):
wait, I mean painfully silent.Lucian's one of those men who makes no
sound whatsoever. He's just just aseerie silence as he trusts. Is she
fucking Lucian or fucking uh Leonardo DiCaprioor boat is Lucian? I feel like
(32:32):
we've had a bit too much todrink, but let's keep going. What
No, Lucian's had not enough ofherd to drink. Oh that's a good
one. Actually, no, it'snot a good one. So Paul is
thinking to herself, he knows somethingis up, and he's waiting for me
to make my move. Was Iwant to wake one more joke along those
lines of drinking. No matter whatway this night goes, someone's swallowing.
(32:59):
I like that. That's a goodone. Thank you for you wordlessly.
Lucian slices his key into the lock. Yeah he does. He slices his
key into the lock and then out, and then back and lets you into
his apartment. Thank you. Ijust have to say, before any of
(33:22):
this happens, they could have justhad his conversation with the fucking bar.
It's so contrived. Okay, wouldyou like, no, Lucien, no
drinks. We have to talk.I'm listening. He's actually not. Now
(33:43):
she's thinking, it's the moment I'vebeen dreading. But I need to say,
faded match. I have two optionshere. Either I salvage our professional
working relationship or I step down athis as his rep. You swallow hard
not yet. Wait, what shouldI do? I'll do what I can
(34:05):
to save our relationship or b tellhim this is goodbye, and the save
our relationship option is seventeen diamonds.Okay. I feel like what they're building
to and they're trying to distract awayfrom it. But the thing of like
Lucy and we can't be together becausewe have a professional relationship. And then
he's like, Okay, you're fired. Now let's bag yeah, like which
is very cliched, but they're buildingto it like it's going to be clever.
(34:28):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isthat where it's going. I don't
know. I can't remember. Okay, well, let's spend that money.
Okay, spending my money, sendingyour money. It's our money. Now,
did you know we're married? Paul'sa gold digger, you know what,
monster, I'm not a bigfoot oran alien. I'm a married man.
When your fated match is me,love it, loser, Lucian,
(34:52):
this is the last time I canwait for thirty minutes. I've developed dignity.
Yeah, it took me a longtime, but too long. Well,
context the opposite. We shouldn't evenbe doing this. You need to
concentrate on your dates, and Ineed to do job my dates. He
(35:17):
stalks towards you. Oh that's rude, and you're not liking the stubbornness set
to his jaw. He's a stalker. He's stalking. You made a deal
with, faded match. I can'tbe part of the reason we fail when
you're not putting your full effort intoit. Stopping in front of you lucy
and shrugs. The women I've beenmatched up with aren't right. They're left.
(35:44):
But he's from the old times.We're being a left. He was
like seen as a curse or someshit I don't know about. I wasn't
even talking about politics. I wasmaking stupid wordplay. It's like, beaten
out of you. You better useyour right hand. Oh right, I
thought you meant politics. Okay,Oh no, no, no, you
are far more enjoyable to spend mytime with. Yeah, okay, I
(36:07):
think they're fundamental flaw all right,is that they're like matching them up with
other like equally powerful like magical creatures. What he wants is prey that yeah,
fucked like vampires sexualize their food.Yes, so he wants a human
that's like what he wants. Youknow, he's not much different than Boil
(36:27):
from Brooklyn nine nine sexualizes his food. I'm on a Brooklyn nine nine binge.
I don't want to know what youmean by sex you've seen nine.
I don't remember someone fucking a sandwich. No, but Boile like oftentimes he
gets he's like really really into food, and then when he does sexy things,
it involves food. I don't remembersex scenes involving Boil and yeah,
(36:53):
well okay, oh, I didn'tpay the seventeen diamonds for the previous of
Brooklyn nine nine. Yeah. Everything. This is like the opposite of t
M I. I feel like it'syeah, we're I remember one time Paul
and I we were hypothetically discussing usingsome food play in our sex life,
(37:15):
and we both agreed it was toosticky. I don't remember it at all.
I remember ever considered that for asecond. I think I was hypothetically
like whipped cream, and you werelike, no, too sticky, and
I immediately agreed. But I wastrying to be I was trying to be
quirky. I don't know you failed, Lucy. This is your quote.
I already read that part. Ohright, okay, So now Pelica is
(37:39):
thinking, in reply to Lucian sayingthat he that she is more enjoyable,
that's a not fair, b flatteringor c ridiculous. Okay, not fair
doesn't make sense because he just complimentedyou. Yeah, ridiculous, Like how
how could you possibly imply I ammore competitive? Sexy sexy griffin and bigfoot?
(38:00):
Yeah, it's flattering. We knowwhere this is going. Okay,
that's a nice boost to my ego. But you know this shouldn't be happening.
I'm human. Hell, we bothknow this is just a game to
entertain you, and it's not fair. We can't do this, Lucien,
It's too forbidden. Oh I likeit. So she's finally like, you're
(38:22):
just toying with me, and I'vehad enough. No, she's making the
case why she's gonna be a littlecoyly resistant even though she wants it.
Oh yeah, she says, stopflirting with me, stop coming to me.
She's setting up the premise of thedubious consents scenario. Oh yeah,
you know your literary genre. Stopkissing you. Oh he's been kissing her
(38:45):
this entire conversation. We didn't know. He moves to your side and leans
towards you, his warm breath ticklingyour cheek. Don't you tick on my
cheek with your breath. Don't youtake on my don't Paul? No,
no, oh, he took onmy cheek. No, you talk about
doobies. Consent over here, Godthat that cheek tickling was non con This
(39:13):
episode is gonna be played in thecourt of law. Okay, well,
it's been played in the court ofpublic opinion, and I am not coming
out good. Yes, stop kissingme, No, I won't. No.
Sorry. This reminds me of atime in high school at our lunch
table there was this guy and likefor the whole year he was going on
(39:35):
about how his girlfriend was horrible,and we all just kept being like,
break up with her. Due,just break up with her, and he
was like, you know what,you're finally answered, like seven months,
he's like, I will break upwith her. I'm gonna do it after
school today. And he came thenext day and we're like how to go
and he was like, I triedbreaking up with her and she just said
no, I don't agree, andso we're still together. Like he was
just like, oh, okay,I didn't know she could just turn that
(39:55):
down. But here we are,and they dated for like another year how
old as hell? I would saywe were like sixteen seventeen. That's the
kind of dumb thing you do.Then it's still not good. But he
learned. Well, I don't knowhe's a cop now, so I don't
know if okay, maybe he maybehe's got dumber then yeah. So yeah,
Lucy's like, I'm not gonna stopkissing you. And now, Paulica,
(40:17):
our options are A, you don'thave a say in this? Or
B have you heard of something calledconsent? That's what I didn't know that
the app was aware. Yeah,this consent is He's like, I thought
that was just a legend in thisafter is that oh my god, there
was literally an ad for one asabout like komba patients. Yeah, bottle
(40:40):
woman, patient, bottle woman.Yeah, so like who's who's taking advantage
of who here? Yeah? Actuallypatients very complix. So I don't know,
you don't have a say in thisis pretty direct. I liked,
I want her to confront you touse the word consent to commemorate woman's history.
(41:02):
Months. Yes, this whole applike never uses the real words,
like, for example, there's conceptof consent here. There's this one story
I was reading where it was likesold to the Lichen Kings, where it
was like this girl and it's shewas kidnapped and sold to these two brothers
(41:27):
who are both up for the throne, and the first brother like, she's
like, I'm kidnapped and he's like, I'm gonna make you my queen.
I'm gonna force you to marry me, and then I'm gonna breed you.
And she's like, no, youwon't and he's like, yeah, I
am. I'm gonna breed you.I'm gonna tie you up to my bed
and breed you. Like that's rape, that's just rape. He's just basically
publicly saying I'm gonna fucking rape you. But they can't use the word rape
(41:50):
in this app so they just saybreed God. So I want them to
igno. I want them to usethe word So I wanted are you use
the word consent? I think theproblem is that you're reading like non consent
porn and expecting him to have discussionsabout consent, whereas I not ask you
(42:13):
know, what you can do isnot read that I want my cake and
I want to eat it too.I'm not asking for I want my consent
and I want to violate. Okay, so have you heard of something called
consent? That's what we're going togo with. Okay, the forbidden word
I have on it was terrible.His hands settled on your waist without asking
(42:37):
your waists consent. But I alsounderstand your heart. I was a doctor
d years ago. I feel likeif you have some excuse me, Paul
Alka, if we want to talkabout listening for consent, I'm the only
one in this room that can actuallylisten to your heart literally, So you
(43:00):
got to back off. This mightbe like they might need to invent a
new word for a type of gaslighting where he's like no, no.
With my my vampire senses, Ican tell that you actually did want it,
which is horrifying. Why just seethat I can see it being like
like that's because that's what he's doingright now, like heat detecting vision,
where it's like, your vagina isa fucking oven right now. So that's
(43:24):
the least sexy way you could havesaid that your vagina's oven and it needs
a sausage roll. There is anindustrial furnace in progress in your pets.
My heart's telling me you're never gonnaend up with a human. The heart's
like, no, I didn't fuckingWe both know that trying to continue this
(43:44):
is crazy. No, it's socrazy and forbidden, it would never work.
We can't do it, even thoughwe want to a lot. I
disagree. We both need closure beforemoving on. I think we need open
your open your when your hair andyour I don't know a dublin silburb.
(44:07):
I it was okay. I cameto tell you this is the end.
Now that I've said my peace,we're done. You try to push past
him towards the door, but hecatches your arm in an unbreakable hold.
We just had the consent talk,or tried to. No, you didn't
(44:29):
come here for that, what dude? I mean? Yeah, but this
way what you could have told methis anyway, That's what I did say.
Uh a, you wanted me todump you in the middle of a
restaurant. That's also a good point. Actually, b No, I couldn't
(44:51):
have or see what do you mean? Let's see what do you mean?
Because it's the funny. Damn man. You gotta play some Betsy, play
some justin Bieber music you want Whatdo you mean you could have told me
over the phone or in your office. Hell, you could have told me
(45:15):
in the car, but you didn't. Okay you can. Paul's actually let
it holding my army. So wedon't forget that. That's the situation.
When we forgot that, she wasstill straddling him while like off like Paul's,
man, I don't think we shoulddo this trying to straddle me right
now? Do you want to fallow? No? No, we're going to
(45:37):
knock the table. Oh my god. M So now she's thinking, oh
god, Okay, you might havea point there, but you came here,
Paul, look because you want closureto This is actually like uncomfortably close
to the like why did you goto his apartment if you didn't want to?
(45:57):
You know, Like this is actuallymaking me comfortable that we're joking about
this. So I just want toaddress that outside of this specific scenario,
this is really fucked up. Butlike we also know that it's written that
she wants it. Really that's justin denial. Fuck this this is so
this is probably like a really harmfulscenario in reality. It's like that Good
(46:20):
Day and Hong Day was like whydid you want to go see Frozen?
Why'd you go agree to go seeFrozen if you didn't want to get fucked
in a DVD bong? Yeah,Frozen, where the handsome Prince is the
villain and the true love is thelove between systems. I just want to
say, I'm really, really,really proud of myself because I detected that
shit immediately my first watcher Frozen.Second the dude came on, I was
(46:43):
like, Oh, he's bad news. He's bad news. He's he's a
fuck face. I knew it,and I was right, called it out
good Okay, okay, But andyet you were still fooled by me.
And then and then and then anhour later, some dude was like,
let's go down a sketchy alley inHong Day And I'm like, yeah,
yeah, so maybe raid artist worksso much in real life. These past
(47:04):
six days have put you as muchon edge as I am. Oh we've
been edged, Betsy. Actually,he pulls you into his arms, your
front pressed tight against the long lengthof his body. Is he slender man?
Is he slender man? So stay? If you want this ended,
then spend the night. Ah softwhispering in my ear like that soft lips
(47:29):
brush over. Your lips are dry. You need chuck? Is that soft?
They're not soft? You need chapstick. Imagine this and every single and
every single one of your senses areoverwhelmed by his intoxicating pressent. Well,
you are intoxicated. That's a fair. Have one last adventure. Let me
(47:54):
have one last adventure with me,and I promise to be the perfect Just
are the listeners out there? Ido love my husband. I just I
hate the cliche romance stuff I see. I'm channeling Lucian, which is a
very different persona. Paul won mewith his with with Paul won my heart
(48:15):
when he approached me and was like, I want to throw a length into
you. And I was like,yeah, you got the words right,
but the delivery is really wanting.Yeah, you actually didn't say that.
I don't want people to think ofthat. Imagine a vampire hoofing it into
you. Eh, deep down,hungry eyes fill your vision, threatening to
(48:36):
drown you. That's what drowning eyesstay PAULA, Oh, we're gonna get
an option to stay. Relieve Youwill your arms to shove him away,
to open your mouth, to tellhim no, to deny everything he's been
saying, your arms loop themselves aroundhis neck and drag his face towards yours.
(48:59):
No what I think it's implied thatthey've and that's the end of the
chapter. We did it. Wedid two whole chapters, two whole chapters
in under three hours. Hey,look, we got the forbidden cock.
I mean I didn't want it inthe end, we finally we saw it,
(49:23):
we felt it through the fabric,and I'm like, fuck this,
I regret ever wanting this. Idon't know what I expected. Honestly,
somehow I was surprised that they weredescribing the sex and graphic detail, even
though that is clearly the point ofthis hell app for degenerates and God bless
(49:43):
you all. Like, yeah,any takeaways have you learned anything? Everything
he did I tried and none ofit worked, So don't do that.
I've learned that I'm a great actor, because even I who have I've managed
to woo you and make you loveme for seven years and trick you into
(50:04):
marrying me. I love you thesecond I acted as Lucy and you were
repulsed, the very opposite of whatyour normal reaction to me is, which
tells me that I can totally changemy body language, like some sort of
chameleon aware chameleon if you will,aware, Yeah, where chameleon they can
(50:25):
change. There's so much change goingon in their body much. Yeah,
they have these strange new feelings.They're just so confused. They need somebody
reliable to I feel like the audienceis going to listen through this and be
like, is Betsy in a safeplace? Betty's in a hostage marriage.
It's you know, there's like thosestories you hear about where people like sometimes
(50:51):
abusive partners. It's like as soonas they feel like they they've got a
person, that mask slips off.And sometimes it's like, oh I got
her pregnant, Now I can bea dick, or oh she married me,
Now I can be a dick.And Paul's version of that is,
oh she married me, so nowI can, you know, reenact my
(51:12):
Edward Colin vibes and try to bea spooky, creepy vampire. I walked
into the bedroom today, listeners,and this is this is true. There
were seven candelabras just in the inthe daytime. Okay, first of all,
you're done with the fucking podcast aboutthis stuff, right, so clearly
I'm doing it for you. Okay, I did it all, you know.
(51:34):
It's like the hang with the fuckingthe crack pipe is like, son,
where did you get this? It'slike where, how'd you learn how
to use this? From you?Dad? I learned from watching you.
I learned about the fucking edward fromyou. There was like dirt circling our
bed. There are no candelabras inour house. He literally took me on
(51:55):
a beach walk today and held myhand and told me how much he loved
me, and also that I watchher at night in case an asteroid hits
the house, because I'm quick andI would get her out in time.
And then he turned into a batand flew away when a dog that looked
suspiciously Native American approached. Now here'sthe thing. You might think from that,
(52:20):
I'm a vampire, but actually I'maware. Bat, wait until to
wait till we're married to tell meyou're aware of that. Okay. So
look, Paullica got some Okay,I feel like narratively that is, unless
they're going to open up the nextchapter on like graphic sexual detail. That
(52:40):
is, Paulelica got down. Yeah, I can't remember. I know that.
I know she she definitely did getsome. I'm not sure if we're
going to go into detail next chapter, if next chapter just opens up into
like, oh, the morning afterwhatever, but yeah, ah tell me
what you learned. Then we alreadyjust do this. Did we I forgot?
(53:02):
Oh? We did? That's right. I've had a few this,
I've I've had mystery the Japanese beverage. Betsy, it is Monday night.
Mm hmm. You need to slowthe fuck down. No, all right,
any pluggables you want to plug?Huhuggles, Where are you going to
(53:24):
be gigging at this week? Ihaven't come up with a fucking joke he's
gonna be gig Okay, I'm giggingnowhere. So you know, I'm gonna
plug the joy of being a homebody. You know, just stay in your
own space that's cater to you,and just be cozy, because you know,
we're all we're all running around likeheadless chickens sometimes and we just need
(53:49):
a little time. You need totake a little time for you. So
that's what I'm gonna plug today.This podcast is sponsored by you Time,
especially you ad An take some timefor you and an emer deserves the most
time. Everyone else, you gethalf of what they get, which is
whatever you wanted to be, halfof whatever you wanted to be, so
(54:10):
just wanted double. Half of infinityis infinity, okay, and that's the
end. Thanks guys,
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