February 27, 2025 • 46 mins
A violent fight breaks out between Connor's friend, Jez, and another pirate, which brings an incredible amount of shock to the entire Diablo crew despite them being pirates and fighting being the main thing they do. Christina and Vittorio share stories about how funerals go down in Irish and South African cultures. Sidorio, the bad guy from the last book, hovers around the coast like a homeless alligator
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/bad-book-bash--5889791/support.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/bad-book-bash--5889791/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
A Sexy Day with Daddy issue.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
I'm and read these Team Mamma's book Club.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Buy Listen. Hey guys, hi hi Episode two of The
Vampirates with Victorio Leonardi and Christina Hamilton. That's me and
we are at the part we just kind of did
a little bit of a back story and some rambling
(00:33):
and talking about books, but we're gonna try to get
get with the plot.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
This episode, Connor was learning how to stab people and
Grace was being a massive.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
That's exactly That's exactly where we left off. And so
now we're at the part where the Diablo, or as
we call it, like the woke pirate ship said the
woke vote there, but finally want to do some pirate
ship you guys. They're eating another ship, a container ship,
and Connor is like getting an education on the Diablo
(01:08):
about how to be a pirate, right, He's learning how
to take captives and how to sword fight, and it's
mentioned in like a real casual way. It's mentioned like
in the same kind of style as to like how
someone would like go to business school, like I'm just
learning how to you know, I'm learning about capitalism and
how to do accounting and Connor is like, I'm just
learning how to, you know, intimidate people as I murder them,
(01:32):
and what a good loot to steal is.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
In areas you learn very valuable skills like how to
meet new and interesting people and steal from them.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yeah, that's exactly it. Actually, that's exactly it. So the
other ship that they attacked, they go, they go onto
this ship, they rate it, and everything is like really easy.
At first, it's like too easy, and then it turns
out that it was a setup.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Well the governor still hasn't let that go, has he?
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Yeah, because in the last book they he's the only
person they steal from. Yeah, the governor in the last book,
well he was like the governor of whatever fucking I
don't know country that they're part of. And they sole
from the governor. And then the other the other pirates
were like, oh, we don't steal from him because he's
like corrupt and does ship for us.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
No, But this this ship that they rated from was
actually a pirate ship undercover. It was a pirate ship
disguised as a container ship, and it was meant to
be a setup to like trap the Diablo and its crew.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
The upside down. They never figured that out.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
So the other, the other pirate captain, his name is
Narcissos Draculis.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Oh, self important vampire I really know.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yeah, it's an empire name.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
We'll just call him drac Coulis.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
So drag Coulis is like, hey, guys, I set you up.
And his like, his crew has the Diabolo crew surrounded,
like what they're so words and they've teld them why
to drop their swords. Androclis is like, listen, I didn't
want to do this, but I have to because you
guys don't obey the pirate code.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
You don't play by the rules.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, all pirates play by the rules except for you.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
IM to understand you're not going to play by the code.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
The goat, the Brendon goat.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Yeah, because it's like being a pirate is all of us. Yeah,
because there's a thing called like sea lanes that the
pirates are bide.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
By, these freaking piracy lanes, the trade lanes essentially.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Yeah, it's like you're you're a captain and you're assigned
a sea lane, and so you're only allowed to steal
from ships within your lane, and if you steal from
ships in another lane.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Cities are like the buskers in Dublin. You're not allowed
to busk on another street.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah. It's so interesting to me because when you learn
about pirates when you're a child, it's so exciting, cool
and like rule breaking. And then as you get older
and read things like this, you realize piracy is actually
quite rule oriented and it has but how shipping lanes
and economic like stuff going on, and you know, political
(04:06):
very very trojan horses.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
The English had no issue with using pirates like more
them privateers, and as soon as the war ended they
became pirates again and were hunted by the crown. Yes, yeah,
I know the English are remarkably good at treating their
sailors like shit.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
I didn't know that the British were hypocrites.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
I know, it's just very rare talking with that thought.
We crossed to India.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
In France, they did the same thing with the privateers,
where there was it was a big problem where they
wanted the British to be or I p ed essentially,
so they they hired a lot of pirates to to
work underneath for France. But they at the end of
it they were like, you can still work for us,
but we're going to start taxing you now or something,
and so the pirates were like, absolutely fuck you. And
(04:53):
actually a really fun fact that And one of the
reasons that me and my partner are together is because
we had to really like pirates a lot, and we
have we come from pirate town. So he's from sam
Malow in Brittany and I'm from Mayo and we have
the pirate quink Grannie Whale, and so we were just
talking about that and it turned out that sam Malow,
I believe, was kind of like sequestered by by pirates
(05:17):
or ex privateers at one point, and they created essentially
what was French tortuga where they set up their own
like kind of situation of laws and it was actually
quite like lawless at the time. And they existed for
a very short time obviously, but I guess very not
a good time that a long time. But it was
just really interesting to learn about that at the time.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Yeah, so you have so much pirate knowledge.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I came preverb I can't see that. I'm here to
be a good guest. I did my research. What the
fuck is wrong with you?
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Victoria?
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Oh? Okay, riddled with knowledge? He was talking about black
Beard something riddled with something.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
And only got six months left to.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Read it will be this. Well, I don't think.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
I don't think Justin Somper is using real life examples
of Brittany or Somalia for his for Draculis or Captain
Wrath or all these folks.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Oh, I did look it is. It is a kind
of a funky name. It was a Narsis is a
narcis drugs.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Like narcissos or narciss.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Narcissos, some sort of research. So I mean, like the
captain is like there, this is the idea where the
captain is like this very very frightening figure right in
the same way the black beards. So black Beard was
like obviously one of the most famous pirates. What he
used to do was he would tie essentially like gunpowder
stuff to his beard, so with smoke and so that
(06:46):
he would like have this really like demonic, like scary
like smoke fuel like energy to him. And he was
one of those fears how to make an entrance.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Yes, edwould teach that was That's why it's called black Beard,
because we teach is.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Not as cool. That's his real name.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
El singer for a folk band he's a history teacher. Yeah,
I am Edward teach, and today we will be doing
the history of piracy.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Okay, yeah, I mean you're not gonna get somewhere far
if your name is Jazz the Pirated, which is relevant
to the next scene. So your coolest tells Rath. Yeah,
you know you've been fucking about. Now you're about to
find out. And the only way you're gonna get out
of this situation without me murdering your entire crew is
(07:36):
if we do a battle to the death with one
of your crew members and one of my crew members
and then and then that'll be your warning. So don't
fuck into other people's ceilings.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
What a lot of work for such a stupid thing.
Like you actually, like genuinely have people against the wall
and they're like, let me just risk it all on
a little battle.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Yeah, against I would have gotten away with a two
if it went for you pisky kids and your dog.
I mean, these aren't high level criminals we're dealing with, but.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
It's just like you have them, like you don't have
to do a death match.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
You can just death just kill like one of them, maybe.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Like a gunner's mate, going and Captain Dracula, you we
have cannon's.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah, we've probably gotten by the balls.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
You know they've got by the balls, right.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
The cannon balls, So let's shoot them.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
We don't have to do like, oh, if you win,
I'm assuming if it's if you win, I let you go,
and if we win, we kill every wises.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Actually needs to do.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Then this is what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
Priorities to the Governor's two sons that were in the
giant pot plants, I don't know never it's it's just
Tweedled dumb and Tweedled dumber, the Tweedled expendable.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Tweedles and Eric and donald Ton Junior.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Yeah, freaking all the two Red Shirts. They're never mentioned again.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Disposable kind of like Loretta Busby.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
I mean, it's I mean, it must be fun. It's like, I'm, well, say,
what do you mean, I'm done with this book? All right,
we bring you back for the sequel. Munch what's your
name today? Food?
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Yeah, that's true. They got to buy the balls, and
he's like, I could teach you a lesson. I'm gonna
steal your ship because a battle to the death doesn't
make sense because it's like Dracolis has a fifty per
chance of losing one of his yeah crew members as well.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
And that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
He's just like, we're doing Battle of to Death.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
It's the why would you do that?
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Conna is going to do the fight.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
No Jezz, So Jess is gonna die. Yeah so, and
that's what happens. Jess Jeszz goes against one of Dracoulis's
guys and loses the.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Fight and not Jazz, my favorite character.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
The funny thing about this is so full of depths.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Yes, it's so Connor can my rage quit and just
freaking Gunna.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
It is gota like Connor's. It makes Connor more loyal
to the Diablo.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Because then, so Captain Ross did this purpose I need
to keep the boy interested. Jazz take one for the team.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Yeah, sacrificial Jazz, because it's like Connor is looking at
this situation and he's like, Wow, Drew Coolest is evil.
He's so evil for doing this to us, and it's like,
dude's a pirate and he's actually going like, again, I'm
pretty easy on you. He's not like like y'all fucking
like I don't know how things work on the streets.
I know This might surprise some of you guys, but
(10:25):
I don't have a lot of street cred. Yeah, not really.
And but it's like from what I've seen from the Sopranos,
if you like get in someone else's turf, that's enough,
people will like murder you, or you have to pay
some sort of price and draw coolest is yeah, being
like it's just you could have Victoria study.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
You could just take all their money to see all
the things that like asked you are valuable to you.
This random sign character who nobody cares about, and you
need to want to battle with him when.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
The ship is full of the stuff I stole from
the government.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Oh yeah, ship is full of yeah, because it's only
been three months and so so yeah, lots of stuff.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Priorities here anyway.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
So but Julos is evil because he's being a like
a pretty lenient pirate, so evil for being counter is
like really oddly surprised. He gets like really surprised when
like regular pirate shit goes down.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
He's such a pillaged already as well.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
He's a pillaging right now. He was originally on that ship.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
To pillage and no Sanders here, I mean, oh it's okay,
when I do it, but if I see everybody else
do it, that's bad.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Yeah, who's the real narsist nursing?
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Anyways, Jess gets murdered and Draculas is like, right, y'all
can fuck right back off to your ship. Remember, don't
go into anyone else's sea.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Lane and Connor at least have a decent death scene.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Yeah, Like, he gets like stabbed right in the heart
and they have a nice little pirate funeral for him,
and they put his body in a coffin and dump
it in the ocean.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
You know. Littering, I guess is something they're not very
woke on.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
A lot of woke on a lot of things, but
not the environment.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Just happen to have a coffin lying around or stop
stop trying to bring logic into it. They have a
coffin factory on the ship, so and get with it.
Get with it twice. It's made out of cardboards, the
water and sink.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
They're oddly surprised at someone dying, and I'm like, y'all
are pirates, and you've even like mentioned that it's rare
for a pirate to like live past their thirties. But
then they're sitting there being like, wow, Jesu's death is
so unique and rare, We've never seen this?
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Is it that Connor knows he's in a kid's book,
and so therefore was surprised that somebody actually died.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Maybe I think yeah, I think so. And it also
you think he'd be used to death, considering his parents
are dead, Like you're an.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Orchard, get with this. There's a plot ornaments. Yes, so
i'd father sang as a song, But what else did
he do? It's right, yeah, I mean he gave us
this horizontal flashlight for a building.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
I mean yeah, he's just so blind. He keeps and
he keeps thinking to himself, like Captain Wrath is such
a good man, he's like a father. To mean, it's
like Captain Wrath does the same shit, if not more
than these other pirates.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
And also like riddled them with like finance issues, I mean,
to sell the.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Truck, to sell their ha, to sell their lighthouse, their
only home.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
This just the focusing on such mundane things and then
also like just these massive plot holes all and call
for what were you thinking?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
These contract said you got to say something nice?
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Also, so when when they have this confrontation with Draculis.
Dracrulis also kind of hints to them like, yeah, you know,
I've been talking to the Federation and they don't like
what you've been up to, wrath with just you disobey
the pirate code.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
You're a loose cannon.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Loose cannon which we don't.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Like in pirates, which could pirate ship.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
You don't like loose cannon's on pirate ships. And also,
you know that cheng Le who was like the educ educated,
the bougie captain personality, the blue blooded pirates she has
like the Harvard pirate. He was like, he was like, yeah,
(14:02):
you know, Chung Lee was basically like a spy for
the Federation when she was on your ship.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Yeah, nobody saw this coming.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
No one saw that the fucking well she's she's an
elitist and she's like and she's a pirate. Who would
have figured that they'd do some backstabbing.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
I'm sorry, it was a part of me was kind
of hoping that O'Connor would hook up with Chang Lee
and like one sobers the other one out.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
She's an adult, you weirdo?
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Yes, and it's ten and who have you listened? To
some of your podcasts, he's what because she's not a
supernatural being, she can't bang him what he should at.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Least, wait, I don't see in some of the most
inappropriate ones, it's like age of consent is sixteen, which
is still dubious.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
But yeah, that's all I have to say.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Anyways, Well let her tell you that.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Sorry to speak a lot on that, but Captain Rath
gives a little lecture to Draw Coolest, and here's a quote.
I never cared for you, Draw Coolest. Oh he's so
I never cared for you.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Oh my god, how could he say that? Rule these
potty mouths on these pirates right in the fucking heart.
This guy has you had like gunpoint killed you anything.
I never cared about you.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Your Pokemon is stupid.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
I never liked you anyway.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
You're not a very nice person.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Wow, Ryan the fucking jugular, he went right for it.
Oh my god, your Pirates suit is d.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
It's just so ridiculous. I never cared for you, Draw Coolest,
but you used to have.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Morals any pirates.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Okay, I don't know where you've been rotting away all
this time.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Paulus for a second, you hold on morals. You're the
one who no, no, you are the one who didn't
follow the code, like that's morally wrong.
Speaker 5 (16:08):
Like and also your pirates, who none of you have
morals exactly, but he's just not aware of anybody like
this guy is enforcing the rules, and there's like morally
like trying to like follow the code, whereas you were just.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Like it's like you said, if you ever met somebody
where the rules, if they do something, it's fine. But yeah,
everybody else's question was exactly that there's a blind spot
on that campus on a moral compass. They're like, it
doesn't reflect on you. Yeah, yeah, it's just we're doing
bad things. No, yeah, we uh we we're eccentric.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I never liked you, But people who describe themselves as
m paths, I feel are those type people are like
I'm an EmPATH.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I don't know, like I just hate anyway. Right, you
didn't have a moral code.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
I don't know where you've been rotting away all this time,
but your years in the wilderness have made a putrid
villain of you. Your actions today cannot have been enforced
by the Pirate Federation. Still, I still think Dracolist is
being sound for a pirate.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
I'm really warming to the name as well. Draculis cools.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
It sounds like a very nice chocolate.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
It's not for me.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
It's a cocktail, ye, Draculis room room in the best way.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
A nice fresh glass of Draculis in the warm summer.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Yes, let me slide, Let slide down your throat.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
But then we're so like, while this is going on,
and like Jess is getting murdered, right murdered, Grace is
back on the ship sleeping, like waiting for the raid
to be over, just like, oh, the boys are at
work as they do. And while she's taken a little nap,
Darcy makes an appearance in the day. Yeah, on a
(17:57):
from a different ship. She fucking like has she like
spiritually operates?
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Interesting, Okay, she just kind of.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Appears as like a sea through ghost and she's like
what up, Grace, and Grace is like, the fuck are okay?
What Like you're a piece of wood that can turn
into a person and now you can also spiritually operate? Yeah,
not really fully explained. She's just there and Darcy is
there just to be like, by the way, Grace, everything
(18:28):
on the Vampire ship has gone to shit since you left. Yeah,
I know you miss us and you really want to help,
So I'm here to tell you everything's gone to shit,
but don't come back.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
And then she just fucks off. That's a great way
to stop people from coming back.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
That's how they make reservations. The figureheads have got psychic.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
That makes so much sense.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
She's so random.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Oh hey, everybody you care for is like in deep peril.
But please leave us alone.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Yeah, exactly, don't come back because like furiously at things.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Yeah, but like seriously, I know you. I know you've
been like Stockholm syndrome really hard by us.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
And yeah, but let's face that, your brother's a moron,
So I mean, you don't have anything to live for.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
I don't know if you guys have ever gotten a
call from like a family member. I'll give you a
specific example.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
My my grandma.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I shouldn't be laughing at this, but she she called
me the other day. She's been kind of lonely recently,
and she's like gone through. Yeah, it's really.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Sad, and my grandma's sweetest. I love her she is.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Yeah, and uh, for the listeners, both Victorio and Christina
met my my grandma. She walked me down the aisle
at my wedding. This she lives in Oklahoma, so like
I can't visit her, but I do call her like
multiple times a week because she and I are tight.
And she called me this one day and she was like, oh, Betsy,
I'm not.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I'm not calling about anything.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
I'm just just you know, don't don't rush and call
me back. I've I've just been a little lonely with
the TV as my only company. But like, don't don't rush.
I know you're like pregnant, and I'm just like, obviously
I'm gonna I call her back all the time. But
I'm just like, she didn't have to be.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
So little. Yeah she but no, I don't think so
so much. Well yes, and no, like I don't think
that she meant it to be. And like your grandma's
a very like blunt person. She was just really just
describing how she felt, unless trying to like guilt tribute
to a goal.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Oh yeah, she she can be a little. She can
overuse the I'm just a little bitty old lady card,
oh bit, And I will call her out on that.
I'm like, stop using the little little bitty old lady card.
Where like, so not to get sidetracked again, but like
like for my high school graduation, and I was a
vegetarian in high school, right, and I graduated as how
(20:47):
many people know? Second in my class. There's my e
sclutatorian medal on the wall. I didn't peak in high school.
It's fine, I'm normal number two out of four hundred
and sixty students. But I digress. So from my graduation dinner,
you know, it was my graduation and I was really
I wanted to go to like Olive Garden or some
shit like that, and my grandma was like, let's go
(21:08):
to this steakhouse. And I'm like, but Grandma, I'm a
vegetarian and I it's my my graduation dinner. And she
looked at me and she was like, but Betsy, that
steakhouse is your grandma's favorite restaurant, like really trying to
fucking and I'm like, no, no, I'm sorry. And but
then it worked that her little car worked on everyone else.
(21:28):
So we did end up going to a fucking steakhouse
for my graduation dinner. And the only thing I could
eat was a very small French onion soup, like very
very tiny. So anyway, so you'll see why some I
love my grandma, but sometimes she can be a little
little manipulative. Anyways, So you know, right before they leave,
(21:50):
Dr Coolest at ship, Dr Coolest says to Wrath, remember
Jazz gave his life to remind you that piracy is
not merely a sport. So in case we're all worry about.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
That lifestyle, yeah, it's a lifestyle. It's more of an activity.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
It's a lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
It's something you gotta get your head in. You gotta
live it every day. It's just how you live and brief,
isn't it.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
It's a fantastic impression.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
I wouldn't know.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
I don't know who that was. I was actually channeling someone.
It was Jazz. Actually, the spirit of Jazz came to
my body.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Just still postinges. I just feel like we're so or
just like one intonation away from just saying, Jez.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
What the lowest star I heard that name was in
Grand theft Ordo, Vice City, where there's a rock band
called Love First and each member of the band is
a joke, a dick joke. So you've got Percy Willie
and the lead singer is called Jazz Torrent.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Just okay, just Torrent.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Yes, I mean that with songs like four Boys against
your Face first till Morning. Take it on the chin
zinc deficiency, dangerous man, dead fan.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Believe is there a lot of zinc?
Speaker 3 (23:01):
And I have no idea Google that.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
I'm not googling if there's sinking. Con thank you so much,
Google Search Christians, Google search history. You cannot handle that.
Thank you so much. Okay, fine, I'm gonna I'm gonna
put that down. Is there zinc? Take a book and.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Sperm, say sperm.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
To be they can't be?
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Yeah, there's Yeah, there's zinc. Okay, zinc, magnesium and calcium.
So there we go. We all learned something today.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
It's all fren for you. Good to have magnesium.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
So oh god, I just hope some dude bro isn't
gonna listen to this and be like, see, babe, this
is why you should swallow.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Get your anybody he needs to go down on your
bed chair.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Daily air or something.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
Pay lip service, not just lip service.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Absolutely Amen, snaps for that.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Back on the Diablo, after Jesus murdered, Connor immediately makes
a beeline to Grace and he hugs her and he's crying,
you know, he's he's all distraught after losing his po
How did Grace.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
I thought Grace was told to stay away?
Speaker 1 (24:14):
No, no, no, no, Grace is on the diabolo Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
And Connor and Grace are both on the diabolo.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Yeah, they're together, they're on.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
The same I thought Connor was, Oh, they're all on
the okay, sorry, okay, I'm back.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
So because he came back from trying to raid the
ship and you got him, so he's a lot of
ship's going on. So Connor is like listen, Grace, like please, like,
never leave me. I'm so distraught. Promise me you'll never
leave and we'll just always be together. And while Grace
is like, I promise, I promise you, Connor in the
back she's thinking about the vampires in the back of
(24:48):
her mind. She's like lying to her brother and then
being like, how am I going to get back on this.
Speaker 3 (24:54):
Would?
Speaker 1 (24:58):
So then Grace she goes back to her room. She
finds the clatter ring that Lorcan gave her, and it
warms up when she holds it, and it sends her
a vision of him shut up. So Lorcan is sitting
in his room blind as a bat, which kind of
explains the cover. Why his on the cover his he
has like these that is yeah, the cover.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Because they put a blindfold on him. Is he aware
that there's a blindfold?
Speaker 1 (25:24):
So what happened was is his in the last book
when he saved Grace from the rebellious Vampirates, he stayed
out in the sun for too long and it like
scorched his eyes. So he's got these like nasty burn
marks on his eyes, which is why he's got his
blindfold over because he looks nasty and grody.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Sorry, actually incredibly bad that he didn't put an eye
patch on like a normal pirate.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
Two.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Seriously, I didn't think about the vision, did you know?
Speaker 3 (25:53):
I'm pain I'm paying So he's got two peg legs.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
So she sees this vision and she's like, I really need,
absolutely need to go back. I know, I just promised
my distraught, grieving brother like five minutes ago that I
would never leave him. But fuck that.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
This fan rather irish stereotype vampire needs me.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
So is she gonna like click the rings together and
go there's no place like vampirates.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
The ring thing really annoys me because it's acts like
a thing in like Irish culture that is like taking
a little bit more seriously than that. But it's like
it's almost been like denounced to like, oh it's a
mood changed. It's like one of those mood change.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
You really, what is what's the thing with? Actually I
don't know anything about clatter rings.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
I wouldn't be very risk on the the history of verus.
I know it's it's something that people ask to do
take away to.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
Your promise rings.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Yeah, because I didn't know the origins of it or anything.
It's not something I don't do rings really because I work.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
I think it's like if you if you have a
clatter ring, if you put it on like your right hand,
with the like tip of the heart pointing towards you,
that means you are in a relationship. Yeah, but and
then tip of the heart pointing out away from you
is like your single. And then if it's on your ring,
if it's on your left hand and the tip is
(27:10):
pointed towards you, you're married, And then away from you
it means you're engaged.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
I could be wrong. Yeah, I think those are the
rules that are accepted now, But like you really have
to think how much of that is absolutely just marketing true,
you know, like do you really think that Irish people
who like, you know, where does this come from in
terms of this ring? Like people didn't really have a
lot of money back then, so like where did this
really kind of come conceptually come from? And then to
think that people would like pay so much attention to
(27:36):
like how your ring is placed instead of just talking
to each other. I'm so willing and happy to be wrong.
And I really don't know. I'm coming from a space
of ignorance, I guess, but I'm just like I'm a
little bit you know, there's so many things I guess
in these days that like are just targeted towards taurists
and yeah, true people trying to engage in the Irish culture.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Like where is s Irish person? Yeah? A silver ring?
Yeah that's that's still silver is cheaper than gold, but
it's still expensive.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Yeah, yeah, brilliant. So I just something to google in
the break, Okay, I'll come back to in the next
episode with some information. Stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
But yeah, So, like this clattering thing is weird because
it's like sometimes Grace holds onto it and when she
holds onto it, it warms up and then it will
like transport her or give her a vision, and then
sometimes it doesn't and then it just becomes null. So
again there's like no rules for this magic and no explanation.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
It's the really crappy second cousin of the one in
Lord of the Rings.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
Yeah, exactly, sometimes abit from time to time jacked.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
Yeah, so this is like it's like it's literally triggering
cut scenes in a game. Yeah, if you haven't done
the right thing, it's not going to do anything.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
It's again like the lack of systems, you know what
I mean, Like, give me rules, give me logic, give
me like something to like actually like hold on to
not just random flash forwards, flashbacks, visions, whatever, it's just random.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
They end up having Jess's funeral right on the ship,
and Grace is late because she's too busy, like fucking
around with this ring, and so they at the funeral.
The Captain Wrath is like, yeah, Jess died in the
field of battle, and Grace is like, he's making it
sound noble, but it isn't. Like, dude, died because of
your fuck up. Then they recite a pirate burial poem
(29:23):
which I will read to you guys.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
Oh hold on, Let me settle in.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Okay, Mother, Ocean, father Sky, send this pirate to his rest.
He was one amongst the best. Set his spirit free
to fly. Brother son and sister moon bathe him in
your balmy light. Now, no longer need he fight the
one you called back far too soon, Lightning, thunder wind
(29:49):
and rain, worth wind and fire.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Sorry, sing the bath.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
Okay, Let his cutless, blunt and rust, as his body
turns to dust, free from every mortal pain, springtide, neep tied. Oh,
I gotta buy detergent later.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
That reminds me.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Morning night, all you things that frame our days. Carve
him out a resting place wherever will his cares be
light Greek and harbor, gulf and reef waters, hollow waters deep.
Grant him now eternal sleep and anchor us who reel
(30:35):
with grief. Then they dump his body in the ocean,
and then they head to the pub.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Yeah pub, well, I said, I.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Just like the thing that was, and I was not
used to that. Here I after a funeral, we went
to the pub.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Irish like, let's get into it. Irish burial like traditions
is something that I actually very whole, very deep. I'd
be really interested to learn about South African traditions as well,
but just to kind of fair, Yeah, well here as
something that actually creeps a lot of people out is
that we actually, like the body is something that you
see and you engage with a lot before the actual burial.
(31:09):
So we have things called wakes, which people are probably
quite aware of where the body is present in either
a funeral home or like usually the home of the
of the person. If it's if it's in a state
of presentation and you touch it, you pray with it,
you stay in the room with it, like something that
is important for kids as well to do. Like it's
something that really creeps people out, just like you letting
(31:31):
your child touch a dead body. It's like, yeah, because
you want them to understand what death is and that
kind of that kind of space, I guess, And yeah,
like kind of it's important to kind of come to
terms with that kind of reality, you know, And and
you learn so much about spirituality and you get a
really nice goodbye in that way, and then and then
(31:53):
you spend a lot of money on drinking. I remember,
I'm so mad at my Nana's at one point because
I'm not going to call out and caused like my
parochial breakdown. But there was one lady and I was like,
in like this kind of state of like I'm just
gonna start doing service things to to stop myself, Like
I'm kind of just I'm gonna make myself very like
(32:14):
helpful so that I'm not thinking about what's actually happening. Right,
So I was. I was organizing the songs that we're
gonna be saying at her funeral, and I was pouring
drinks for people, and I remember one woman she was like, oh,
you're very generous to that, and I was like, my
grandmother just died and I poured you a generous glass
of wine. Fuck off?
Speaker 1 (32:37):
Was so mad?
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Was a relative or I don't want to say because
I generally don't want to like and maybe it was
trying to be funny or something, but.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
No, I just remember rude.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
It's yeah, I was really annoyed with it. I mean,
but anyway, so not to just talk about people in
my hometown, but yeah, it wakes are really interesting. How
do you like? Is that something you with the.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Catholic faith, there was more case of gather at the church.
Everybody looks like a scene out of the Godfather. One
thing that is like genetically predisposed things for Italians is
we look good in suits and dioss for funerals and
for marriages, we just do.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
Do you have seen that in the Sopranos a lot?
Speaker 3 (33:17):
Yeah, I mean it was like it is, And so
with my parents' funerals. Was the case. If you gather
at the church, the service is done there, then they
blowed up the casket into the hearse. It goes offered
for either burial or cremation. We chose cremation. If it's
an actual beryl, you go to the grave site where
(33:37):
it's lowered into the ground and all of that. Then
afterwards you go have some something to drink, somebody eat.
It's usually not alcoholic in nature, so it's tea, coffee, juice, whatever.
And I remember the weirdest funeral I went to. I
had the dubious honor of going to two funerals in
one day, my own and a friend of mine. People
(33:58):
was buried in the Catholic tradition, which was what I
just described. Then we go to it's what I would
and so evergo called happy clappy churches. You know there's
big scale evangelical church. Yes, those ones where you'd be
happy to do a comedy gig in it because the
sound grid in there is that eighteen ninety.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Thousand people are very enthusiastic.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
It is, yes, But that was the thing though. I
found that the Catholic funeral service was a lot so
respectful because the other one turned into a recruitment drive. Oh,
if you feel yourself moved by the Holy Spirit, yeah,
the Lord is moving my left hand to punch your
freaking head off your shoulders there pot oh so. And
but I will say this, the megachurch one was better catered, okay,
(34:38):
because that like got more much of cake. I was
in there going I did not know that the Lord
wanted me to have a slice of cake that was
all my daily calories, goodness, a ghetto chunk that you
could used to.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Stop cake factory, literally one sliced cheese cake from a cheeseyact.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
And so it's you know, it really depends and African
African funerals depending on which group of African people and
which try in Africa. In South Africa, you want to
deal with. What generally happens is that there will be
a funeral where it's quite a quite a big thing
and there will be food served and the rest of it,
(35:13):
and what you'll have is I've done a joke about
this on stage before, and the comics have vetted this
in South Africa. They said, yeah, this is pretty accurate.
There were two lions for the food. One is a
group of people that actually knew the deceased. The others
people that happened to be walking by saw that there
was something going on. The food was being served and
because it's going to pay your respects to the dead.
(35:36):
And it's the weirdest thing. When my mates, one of
my mates, his father passed on and is one of
the comics, and I was the only comic he asked
to attend. I mean I'd never met his father, but
he wanted support, and I was like, yeah, sure, I'll go.
I was the only white dude within at least thirty kilometers.
And it was the bit this thing being there with
(35:58):
them as I don't know how else to help him.
I'm sitting next to sitting next to him, and I
was like, I just thought telling him jokes because the
thing with this if anybody would like to say something
about the deceased, and turned into open mic, like there
were guys random people just coming up doing like five
ten minutes talking about telling stories. Eventually, like the syndrome,
the story goings like, oh that fucking been up there.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
That was not a tight five.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
Feeling.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
And this dude didn't.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Prepare for this gig.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
He was just so funerals can be like very big things.
I remember. One of the comedians died was his name
Brian Alexander. His character was called the Wandering Hobo and
he died in his eighties. He would dress up as
a homeless dude, like the image you see in your
head of what an old homeless man would look like.
The outfit he wore hidden wash for thirty years. He
(36:47):
stanked to high heaven in this outfit he was. He
was booked for corporates, all sorts of a very very
popular comic. When he died. The Anglican church that he
that was where we held the SERPs quas packed with
people to rafter. I'm sitting next to Mel Miller. Mel
Miller's a godfather of assay stand up comedy. Is old,
angry Jewish guy, and Mel apparent he doesn't enjoy funerals.
(37:09):
He doesn't know how to deal with it. So his
response is to start telling jokes. I'm sitting next to him,
biting my hand because I'm trying not to laugh in
this stret and he starts it off with looks around
this is can know that's just typical full house and
he doesn't get to perform.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
The best audience. He's gone, well, damn.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
I think the way that the Irish deal with it
is very healthy.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Yeah, it's very community focused as well, like even when
the person is dying, the community will start kind of
coming out and seeing how they can help. And like,
something that really moved me was the community. And that's
something that I love about my hometown is that as
nosey as people can be sometimes and sometimes people are
(37:54):
in it for like different reasons, the reality is people
really do come together in your hour of need, which
is so beautiful. Like my father would have dug like
graves for his like friends and for people in the community,
Like you know, that's not a I think in other
places now people are paid to do that, whereas they
would do that as just as members of the community.
And then I remember Tommy Casey, one of our neighbors
(38:15):
who passed away a long time ago, but he was phenomenal.
He was just this. He was an amazing Can I
take a moment to talk about sorry that I was an
amazing person. He was a boxer and he was the
most quiet, kind gentle man I've ever met in my
entire life. He was the kind of softness that he
just didn't think could ever be any ways close to
(38:38):
this like kind of incredible kind of violence that he
would have experienced. And he toured around. He was very
successful in Scotland and in the UK, and then his
parents got sick and he decided that he wanted to
stay home and take care of his parents. And he
never married, and he stayed like just a really quiet life.
He had this gorgeous garden that he tended to and
(38:59):
he was very well known for turning up to your house.
I mean like I've got you some real barber, here's
some carrots and this beautiful thing, or some flowers, some beautiful,
beautiful things. And he stayed like that. But it was
just so interesting, and he was so well known and
a funerals that he was just this quiet, gentle energy
that would just turn up. He wouldn't even talk to you,
he would just know what you'd need and it would
(39:21):
be he would just put on this high vis vest
and he would go and start organizing car parking. We're
directing people where they needed to go. It was just
this incredible, incredible person, and I think your community is
all lesser off for not having him anymore, but it was.
It just shows like this, this intuitive community aspect of
like country Irish, like a kind of things that I
(39:44):
have really treasure. I really I feel like it's dying
out a little.
Speaker 3 (39:48):
This is I mean, it's the whole thing that we
are living closer together, but we are miles apart from
the shure.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
It's absolutely true.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
Back to vampirates, No, I appreciate you guys given your input,
and I definitely say I've noticed that with Irish people
as well. Like I think when I've experienced a loss,
I've definitely feel like a lot, even if it's like
someone who's not Irish or something. But like my friends
know that I've experienced a loss from a relative or whatever,
(40:21):
that they my Irish friends really rally around me, even
kind of closer than some of my American relatives might.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
But uh, yeah, it's just cultural. It's not it's it's
usually less about the person more just how do you.
It's such a horrible thing. Loss is so mammoth, like,
you know, how do you broach that, you know, and
tech because we're also far away texting hey, thinking about you.
You know, it feels sometimes plastic plastic. Yeah, it's so
(40:46):
sancha ver. Yeah. Yeah. You want to be able to
fix and you can't fix and that's hard.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Is a story that there's more fun at the Glasgow
funeral that there is it an Edinburgh wedding. Okay, I
get the feeling that with an Irish the same sort of.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
I remember when my dad went shopping for my nana's
funeral and I was old enough to understand like alcohol
prices and stuff, and I remember seeing that receipt and
I was like, with this week, what do you.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
Think if this would work as a joke for an
Irish audience? Is what's the difference between no Irish funeral
and an Irish wading The bouquet, the bouquets and like
the flowers.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Yeah, true, true, yeah, the scramble, the scrabble, the pot
it's it's good, it's it's healing. It's very yeah, you know,
you got it. And the stories, love the stories and
the joviality from my nas were because she was so incredible.
She was an amazing, amazing woman and a pillar of
my community as well, and like just to hear the
different ways in which she impacted people's lives and stuff, like,
(41:52):
she was so funny. She would like just take people
off the street like and feed them, like, because it
was we lived beside the lake. There will be a
lot of fishermen go again and she would just be
like and they would stop in and she was just
literally the pinnacle of like quaint old Irish woman. I
would just like give you her left foot if it
was helpful, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
Have you read Finnigan's Wake?
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Have I read Finnegan's Wake? Probably a long time ago.
My memory is like a.
Speaker 3 (42:17):
Sieve because I mean, the book Finnigan's Wake is a
nice execty if you want to know what goes on.
It's a very stylized version of it, but the whole
premise is that Finegan I think, falls off her letter
and he dies, and the whole book is the stuff
that happens at the wake, and so yeah, it's it's
very funny and it's very slice of life from a
specific part of Irish history. It's worth it and it's
sure as health each.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Oh yeah, Ulysses. Don't get me started on Ulysses.
Speaker 3 (42:43):
Cool, we'll talk you afterwards in the text.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
Well text about Ulysses.
Speaker 3 (42:47):
That fucking guy. Okay, So there's a funeral and nobody
gets it.
Speaker 2 (42:51):
Yeah, they say it's an awful poem.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Come on, this awful And Jess is only dead for
like a day.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
Come on, no party note, Come on.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
Jess is dead for like a day. He's brought back
as a vampire.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Shuff up there. I literally, if you give me like
two or seconds, that would have been a spit takes.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
You made is really stages of great chess corga. No,
he's dead for like not even a day. What happens
is is his coffin happens to wash up on the
same shorn that that Sidario is like chilling, lurking, you know,
doing his homeless thing. And Sidario Sidario Sidorio, I can't
(43:40):
what is it?
Speaker 2 (43:41):
Choose one, just choose one.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
You're right either way scenario it's with an oh, okay,
I spell it with a Sidario like again, he's never
performed a vampirate ritual before. And he barely remembers his
own like how it went for him because I was
so long ago. But he's like, I just had It's
just in my bones. So he performs the ritual and
(44:04):
walla Jazz is now a vampire.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
So frank instinion, isn't it? Yeah? But how talk to
me about He's a m not anchromis I know? How
talk to us about this ritual? How did chance?
Speaker 1 (44:15):
I wish I could? Oh, this is really vague. He's
just like, oh, the ancient words came to him. He
didn't know he had this in his Hey.
Speaker 2 (44:30):
We're floating here. It's like weird.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
Jazz wakes up and he knows that he's been killed,
and he's like really unfazed by everything. He's like, oh,
I guess I was dead and I'm not anymore cool.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
Thanks man. Yeah, He's like I'm not even try I'm
not going there.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
Like as soon as he wakes up, he's like, oh
this is great, and he's like looking on his body,
He's like, oh, I guess that's where Look, this is
where I was stabbed.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
Then I have to learn how to dodge that one.
Speaker 1 (44:56):
Then all right, I'm gonna have.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
To he's a vampire to the heart I'm assuming still
works unless we've bullshitted that out of the story.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
I feel like it's been bullshitted.
Speaker 3 (45:05):
Out on the thing surrounded by wood fire.
Speaker 1 (45:09):
Is what kills the vampirates for for real ease. So yeah,
Sdario's like, guess what you're vampire now? And Jazz is
like Nido, ditto man and uh and then scenario Sdario
is like, also, by the way, you're you're my lieutenant.
(45:29):
They don't have a fucking ship. He's like, he's he's
like trying to make his own little vampirate crew, and
it's like, dude doesn't even have a ship.
Speaker 3 (45:36):
He's going to be waiting for a long time for
corpses to watch up. Then like a thousand years later,
going I finally got everyone Onnate.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
This is just I feel like, are they all just
hanging out in like a really tiny lake somewhere, because
the fact that everything is just all happening in the
same area.
Speaker 3 (45:51):
This is going to turn out to be like Monkey
Island where it's a theme park.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
Oh, it's ridiculous. And also like the fact that he
has to do a ritual, isn't the whole thing about
vampires that can turn people.
Speaker 3 (46:01):
Yeah, you have to turn someone. You can't raise a corpse.
That's not.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
That's how work.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
Vampires can kiss my yard on. I just no, I mean,
now you're just crossing a line. You really, Yeah, you're
a if you can.
Speaker 2 (46:20):
Do Yeah, we have to suspend our disbelief suspended.
Speaker 3 (46:26):
So long it's.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
Suspended.
Speaker 1 (46:28):
I think that's the end of episode two and we
will take a break and then start episode episode three.
You guys excited, so excited.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
I'm excited to have this absolute like pillar of like
literature and culture just be absolutely defaced with rules forget them. Yeah,
A Sexy Day with Daddy issue.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
I'm and read these Team Mamma's book Club.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Buy Listen. Hey guys, hi hi Episode two of The
Vampirates with Victorio Leonardi and Christina Hamilton. That's me and
we are at the part we just kind of did
a little bit of a back story and some rambling
(00:33):
and talking about books, but we're gonna try to get
get with the plot.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
This episode, Connor was learning how to stab people and
Grace was being a massive.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
That's exactly That's exactly where we left off. And so
now we're at the part where the Diablo, or as
we call it, like the woke pirate ship said the
woke vote there, but finally want to do some pirate
ship you guys. They're eating another ship, a container ship,
and Connor is like getting an education on the Diablo
(01:08):
about how to be a pirate, right, He's learning how
to take captives and how to sword fight, and it's
mentioned in like a real casual way. It's mentioned like
in the same kind of style as to like how
someone would like go to business school, like I'm just
learning how to you know, I'm learning about capitalism and
how to do accounting and Connor is like, I'm just
learning how to, you know, intimidate people as I murder them,
(01:32):
and what a good loot to steal is.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
In areas you learn very valuable skills like how to
meet new and interesting people and steal from them.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yeah, that's exactly it. Actually, that's exactly it. So the
other ship that they attacked, they go, they go onto
this ship, they rate it, and everything is like really easy.
At first, it's like too easy, and then it turns
out that it was a setup.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Well the governor still hasn't let that go, has he?
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Yeah, because in the last book they he's the only
person they steal from. Yeah, the governor in the last book,
well he was like the governor of whatever fucking I
don't know country that they're part of. And they sole
from the governor. And then the other the other pirates
were like, oh, we don't steal from him because he's
like corrupt and does ship for us.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
No, But this this ship that they rated from was
actually a pirate ship undercover. It was a pirate ship
disguised as a container ship, and it was meant to
be a setup to like trap the Diablo and its crew.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
The upside down. They never figured that out.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
So the other, the other pirate captain, his name is
Narcissos Draculis.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Oh, self important vampire I really know.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yeah, it's an empire name.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
We'll just call him drac Coulis.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
So drag Coulis is like, hey, guys, I set you up.
And his like, his crew has the Diabolo crew surrounded,
like what they're so words and they've teld them why
to drop their swords. Androclis is like, listen, I didn't
want to do this, but I have to because you
guys don't obey the pirate code.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
You don't play by the rules.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, all pirates play by the rules except for you.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
IM to understand you're not going to play by the code.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
The goat, the Brendon goat.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Yeah, because it's like being a pirate is all of us. Yeah,
because there's a thing called like sea lanes that the
pirates are bide.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
By, these freaking piracy lanes, the trade lanes essentially.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Yeah, it's like you're you're a captain and you're assigned
a sea lane, and so you're only allowed to steal
from ships within your lane, and if you steal from
ships in another lane.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Cities are like the buskers in Dublin. You're not allowed
to busk on another street.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah. It's so interesting to me because when you learn
about pirates when you're a child, it's so exciting, cool
and like rule breaking. And then as you get older
and read things like this, you realize piracy is actually
quite rule oriented and it has but how shipping lanes
and economic like stuff going on, and you know, political
(04:06):
very very trojan horses.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
The English had no issue with using pirates like more
them privateers, and as soon as the war ended they
became pirates again and were hunted by the crown. Yes, yeah,
I know the English are remarkably good at treating their
sailors like shit.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
I didn't know that the British were hypocrites.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
I know, it's just very rare talking with that thought.
We crossed to India.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
In France, they did the same thing with the privateers,
where there was it was a big problem where they
wanted the British to be or I p ed essentially,
so they they hired a lot of pirates to to
work underneath for France. But they at the end of
it they were like, you can still work for us,
but we're going to start taxing you now or something,
and so the pirates were like, absolutely fuck you. And
(04:53):
actually a really fun fact that And one of the
reasons that me and my partner are together is because
we had to really like pirates a lot, and we
have we come from pirate town. So he's from sam
Malow in Brittany and I'm from Mayo and we have
the pirate quink Grannie Whale, and so we were just
talking about that and it turned out that sam Malow,
I believe, was kind of like sequestered by by pirates
(05:17):
or ex privateers at one point, and they created essentially
what was French tortuga where they set up their own
like kind of situation of laws and it was actually
quite like lawless at the time. And they existed for
a very short time obviously, but I guess very not
a good time that a long time. But it was
just really interesting to learn about that at the time.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Yeah, so you have so much pirate knowledge.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I came preverb I can't see that. I'm here to
be a good guest. I did my research. What the
fuck is wrong with you?
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Victoria?
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Oh? Okay, riddled with knowledge? He was talking about black
Beard something riddled with something.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
And only got six months left to.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Read it will be this. Well, I don't think.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
I don't think Justin Somper is using real life examples
of Brittany or Somalia for his for Draculis or Captain
Wrath or all these folks.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Oh, I did look it is. It is a kind
of a funky name. It was a Narsis is a
narcis drugs.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Like narcissos or narciss.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Narcissos, some sort of research. So I mean, like the
captain is like there, this is the idea where the
captain is like this very very frightening figure right in
the same way the black beards. So black Beard was
like obviously one of the most famous pirates. What he
used to do was he would tie essentially like gunpowder
stuff to his beard, so with smoke and so that
(06:46):
he would like have this really like demonic, like scary
like smoke fuel like energy to him. And he was
one of those fears how to make an entrance.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Yes, edwould teach that was That's why it's called black Beard,
because we teach is.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Not as cool. That's his real name.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
El singer for a folk band he's a history teacher. Yeah,
I am Edward teach, and today we will be doing
the history of piracy.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Okay, yeah, I mean you're not gonna get somewhere far
if your name is Jazz the Pirated, which is relevant
to the next scene. So your coolest tells Rath. Yeah,
you know you've been fucking about. Now you're about to
find out. And the only way you're gonna get out
of this situation without me murdering your entire crew is
(07:36):
if we do a battle to the death with one
of your crew members and one of my crew members
and then and then that'll be your warning. So don't
fuck into other people's ceilings.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
What a lot of work for such a stupid thing.
Like you actually, like genuinely have people against the wall
and they're like, let me just risk it all on
a little battle.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Yeah, against I would have gotten away with a two
if it went for you pisky kids and your dog.
I mean, these aren't high level criminals we're dealing with, but.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
It's just like you have them, like you don't have
to do a death match.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
You can just death just kill like one of them, maybe.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Like a gunner's mate, going and Captain Dracula, you we
have cannon's.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah, we've probably gotten by the balls.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
You know they've got by the balls, right.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
The cannon balls, So let's shoot them.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
We don't have to do like, oh, if you win,
I'm assuming if it's if you win, I let you go,
and if we win, we kill every wises.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Actually needs to do.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Then this is what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
Priorities to the Governor's two sons that were in the
giant pot plants, I don't know never it's it's just
Tweedled dumb and Tweedled dumber, the Tweedled expendable.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Tweedles and Eric and donald Ton Junior.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Yeah, freaking all the two Red Shirts. They're never mentioned again.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Disposable kind of like Loretta Busby.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
I mean, it's I mean, it must be fun. It's like, I'm, well, say,
what do you mean, I'm done with this book? All right,
we bring you back for the sequel. Munch what's your
name today? Food?
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Yeah, that's true. They got to buy the balls, and
he's like, I could teach you a lesson. I'm gonna
steal your ship because a battle to the death doesn't
make sense because it's like Dracolis has a fifty per
chance of losing one of his yeah crew members as well.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
And that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
He's just like, we're doing Battle of to Death.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
It's the why would you do that?
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Conna is going to do the fight.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
No Jezz, So Jess is gonna die. Yeah so, and
that's what happens. Jess Jeszz goes against one of Dracoulis's
guys and loses the.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Fight and not Jazz, my favorite character.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
The funny thing about this is so full of depths.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Yes, it's so Connor can my rage quit and just
freaking Gunna.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
It is gota like Connor's. It makes Connor more loyal
to the Diablo.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Because then, so Captain Ross did this purpose I need
to keep the boy interested. Jazz take one for the team.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Yeah, sacrificial Jazz, because it's like Connor is looking at
this situation and he's like, Wow, Drew Coolest is evil.
He's so evil for doing this to us, and it's like,
dude's a pirate and he's actually going like, again, I'm
pretty easy on you. He's not like like y'all fucking
like I don't know how things work on the streets.
I know This might surprise some of you guys, but
(10:25):
I don't have a lot of street cred. Yeah, not really.
And but it's like from what I've seen from the Sopranos,
if you like get in someone else's turf, that's enough,
people will like murder you, or you have to pay
some sort of price and draw coolest is yeah, being
like it's just you could have Victoria study.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
You could just take all their money to see all
the things that like asked you are valuable to you.
This random sign character who nobody cares about, and you
need to want to battle with him when.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
The ship is full of the stuff I stole from
the government.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Oh yeah, ship is full of yeah, because it's only
been three months and so so yeah, lots of stuff.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Priorities here anyway.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
So but Julos is evil because he's being a like
a pretty lenient pirate, so evil for being counter is
like really oddly surprised. He gets like really surprised when
like regular pirate shit goes down.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
He's such a pillaged already as well.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
He's a pillaging right now. He was originally on that ship.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
To pillage and no Sanders here, I mean, oh it's okay,
when I do it, but if I see everybody else
do it, that's bad.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Yeah, who's the real narsist nursing?
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Anyways, Jess gets murdered and Draculas is like, right, y'all
can fuck right back off to your ship. Remember, don't
go into anyone else's sea.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Lane and Connor at least have a decent death scene.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Yeah, Like, he gets like stabbed right in the heart
and they have a nice little pirate funeral for him,
and they put his body in a coffin and dump
it in the ocean.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
You know. Littering, I guess is something they're not very
woke on.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
A lot of woke on a lot of things, but
not the environment.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Just happen to have a coffin lying around or stop
stop trying to bring logic into it. They have a
coffin factory on the ship, so and get with it.
Get with it twice. It's made out of cardboards, the
water and sink.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
They're oddly surprised at someone dying, and I'm like, y'all
are pirates, and you've even like mentioned that it's rare
for a pirate to like live past their thirties. But
then they're sitting there being like, wow, Jesu's death is
so unique and rare, We've never seen this?
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Is it that Connor knows he's in a kid's book,
and so therefore was surprised that somebody actually died.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Maybe I think yeah, I think so. And it also
you think he'd be used to death, considering his parents
are dead, Like you're an.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Orchard, get with this. There's a plot ornaments. Yes, so
i'd father sang as a song, But what else did
he do? It's right, yeah, I mean he gave us
this horizontal flashlight for a building.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
I mean yeah, he's just so blind. He keeps and
he keeps thinking to himself, like Captain Wrath is such
a good man, he's like a father. To mean, it's
like Captain Wrath does the same shit, if not more
than these other pirates.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
And also like riddled them with like finance issues, I mean,
to sell the.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Truck, to sell their ha, to sell their lighthouse, their
only home.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
This just the focusing on such mundane things and then
also like just these massive plot holes all and call
for what were you thinking?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
These contract said you got to say something nice?
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Also, so when when they have this confrontation with Draculis.
Dracrulis also kind of hints to them like, yeah, you know,
I've been talking to the Federation and they don't like
what you've been up to, wrath with just you disobey
the pirate code.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
You're a loose cannon.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Loose cannon which we don't.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Like in pirates, which could pirate ship.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
You don't like loose cannon's on pirate ships. And also,
you know that cheng Le who was like the educ educated,
the bougie captain personality, the blue blooded pirates she has
like the Harvard pirate. He was like, he was like, yeah,
(14:02):
you know, Chung Lee was basically like a spy for
the Federation when she was on your ship.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Yeah, nobody saw this coming.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
No one saw that the fucking well she's she's an
elitist and she's like and she's a pirate. Who would
have figured that they'd do some backstabbing.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
I'm sorry, it was a part of me was kind
of hoping that O'Connor would hook up with Chang Lee
and like one sobers the other one out.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
She's an adult, you weirdo?
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Yes, and it's ten and who have you listened? To
some of your podcasts, he's what because she's not a
supernatural being, she can't bang him what he should at.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Least, wait, I don't see in some of the most
inappropriate ones, it's like age of consent is sixteen, which
is still dubious.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
But yeah, that's all I have to say.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Anyways, Well let her tell you that.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Sorry to speak a lot on that, but Captain Rath
gives a little lecture to Draw Coolest, and here's a quote.
I never cared for you, Draw Coolest. Oh he's so
I never cared for you.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Oh my god, how could he say that? Rule these
potty mouths on these pirates right in the fucking heart.
This guy has you had like gunpoint killed you anything.
I never cared about you.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Your Pokemon is stupid.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
I never liked you anyway.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
You're not a very nice person.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Wow, Ryan the fucking jugular, he went right for it.
Oh my god, your Pirates suit is d.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
It's just so ridiculous. I never cared for you, Draw Coolest,
but you used to have.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Morals any pirates.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Okay, I don't know where you've been rotting away all
this time.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Paulus for a second, you hold on morals. You're the
one who no, no, you are the one who didn't
follow the code, like that's morally wrong.
Speaker 5 (16:08):
Like and also your pirates, who none of you have
morals exactly, but he's just not aware of anybody like
this guy is enforcing the rules, and there's like morally
like trying to like follow the code, whereas you were just.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Like it's like you said, if you ever met somebody
where the rules, if they do something, it's fine. But yeah,
everybody else's question was exactly that there's a blind spot
on that campus on a moral compass. They're like, it
doesn't reflect on you. Yeah, yeah, it's just we're doing
bad things. No, yeah, we uh we we're eccentric.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I never liked you, But people who describe themselves as
m paths, I feel are those type people are like
I'm an EmPATH.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I don't know, like I just hate anyway. Right, you
didn't have a moral code.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
I don't know where you've been rotting away all this time,
but your years in the wilderness have made a putrid
villain of you. Your actions today cannot have been enforced
by the Pirate Federation. Still, I still think Dracolist is
being sound for a pirate.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
I'm really warming to the name as well. Draculis cools.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
It sounds like a very nice chocolate.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
It's not for me.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
It's a cocktail, ye, Draculis room room in the best way.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
A nice fresh glass of Draculis in the warm summer.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Yes, let me slide, Let slide down your throat.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
But then we're so like, while this is going on,
and like Jess is getting murdered, right murdered, Grace is
back on the ship sleeping, like waiting for the raid
to be over, just like, oh, the boys are at
work as they do. And while she's taken a little nap,
Darcy makes an appearance in the day. Yeah, on a
(17:57):
from a different ship. She fucking like has she like
spiritually operates?
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Interesting, Okay, she just kind of.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Appears as like a sea through ghost and she's like
what up, Grace, and Grace is like, the fuck are okay?
What Like you're a piece of wood that can turn
into a person and now you can also spiritually operate? Yeah,
not really fully explained. She's just there and Darcy is
there just to be like, by the way, Grace, everything
(18:28):
on the Vampire ship has gone to shit since you left. Yeah,
I know you miss us and you really want to help,
So I'm here to tell you everything's gone to shit,
but don't come back.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
And then she just fucks off. That's a great way
to stop people from coming back.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
That's how they make reservations. The figureheads have got psychic.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
That makes so much sense.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
She's so random.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Oh hey, everybody you care for is like in deep peril.
But please leave us alone.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Yeah, exactly, don't come back because like furiously at things.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Yeah, but like seriously, I know you. I know you've
been like Stockholm syndrome really hard by us.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
And yeah, but let's face that, your brother's a moron,
So I mean, you don't have anything to live for.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
I don't know if you guys have ever gotten a
call from like a family member. I'll give you a
specific example.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
My my grandma.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I shouldn't be laughing at this, but she she called
me the other day. She's been kind of lonely recently,
and she's like gone through. Yeah, it's really.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Sad, and my grandma's sweetest. I love her she is.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Yeah, and uh, for the listeners, both Victorio and Christina
met my my grandma. She walked me down the aisle
at my wedding. This she lives in Oklahoma, so like
I can't visit her, but I do call her like
multiple times a week because she and I are tight.
And she called me this one day and she was like, oh, Betsy,
I'm not.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I'm not calling about anything.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
I'm just just you know, don't don't rush and call
me back. I've I've just been a little lonely with
the TV as my only company. But like, don't don't rush.
I know you're like pregnant, and I'm just like, obviously
I'm gonna I call her back all the time. But
I'm just like, she didn't have to be.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
So little. Yeah she but no, I don't think so
so much. Well yes, and no, like I don't think
that she meant it to be. And like your grandma's
a very like blunt person. She was just really just
describing how she felt, unless trying to like guilt tribute
to a goal.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Oh yeah, she she can be a little. She can
overuse the I'm just a little bitty old lady card,
oh bit, And I will call her out on that.
I'm like, stop using the little little bitty old lady card.
Where like, so not to get sidetracked again, but like
like for my high school graduation, and I was a
vegetarian in high school, right, and I graduated as how
(20:47):
many people know? Second in my class. There's my e
sclutatorian medal on the wall. I didn't peak in high school.
It's fine, I'm normal number two out of four hundred
and sixty students. But I digress. So from my graduation dinner,
you know, it was my graduation and I was really
I wanted to go to like Olive Garden or some
shit like that, and my grandma was like, let's go
(21:08):
to this steakhouse. And I'm like, but Grandma, I'm a
vegetarian and I it's my my graduation dinner. And she
looked at me and she was like, but Betsy, that
steakhouse is your grandma's favorite restaurant, like really trying to
fucking and I'm like, no, no, I'm sorry. And but
then it worked that her little car worked on everyone else.
(21:28):
So we did end up going to a fucking steakhouse
for my graduation dinner. And the only thing I could
eat was a very small French onion soup, like very
very tiny. So anyway, so you'll see why some I
love my grandma, but sometimes she can be a little
little manipulative. Anyways, So you know, right before they leave,
(21:50):
Dr Coolest at ship, Dr Coolest says to Wrath, remember
Jazz gave his life to remind you that piracy is
not merely a sport. So in case we're all worry about.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
That lifestyle, yeah, it's a lifestyle. It's more of an activity.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
It's a lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
It's something you gotta get your head in. You gotta
live it every day. It's just how you live and brief,
isn't it.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
It's a fantastic impression.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
I wouldn't know.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
I don't know who that was. I was actually channeling someone.
It was Jazz. Actually, the spirit of Jazz came to
my body.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Just still postinges. I just feel like we're so or
just like one intonation away from just saying, Jez.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
What the lowest star I heard that name was in
Grand theft Ordo, Vice City, where there's a rock band
called Love First and each member of the band is
a joke, a dick joke. So you've got Percy Willie
and the lead singer is called Jazz Torrent.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Just okay, just Torrent.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Yes, I mean that with songs like four Boys against
your Face first till Morning. Take it on the chin
zinc deficiency, dangerous man, dead fan.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Believe is there a lot of zinc?
Speaker 3 (23:01):
And I have no idea Google that.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
I'm not googling if there's sinking. Con thank you so much,
Google Search Christians, Google search history. You cannot handle that.
Thank you so much. Okay, fine, I'm gonna I'm gonna
put that down. Is there zinc? Take a book and.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Sperm, say sperm.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
To be they can't be?
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Yeah, there's Yeah, there's zinc. Okay, zinc, magnesium and calcium.
So there we go. We all learned something today.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
It's all fren for you. Good to have magnesium.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
So oh god, I just hope some dude bro isn't
gonna listen to this and be like, see, babe, this
is why you should swallow.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Get your anybody he needs to go down on your
bed chair.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Daily air or something.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
Pay lip service, not just lip service.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Absolutely Amen, snaps for that.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Back on the Diablo, after Jesus murdered, Connor immediately makes
a beeline to Grace and he hugs her and he's crying,
you know, he's he's all distraught after losing his po
How did Grace.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
I thought Grace was told to stay away?
Speaker 1 (24:14):
No, no, no, no, Grace is on the diabolo Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
And Connor and Grace are both on the diabolo.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Yeah, they're together, they're on.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
The same I thought Connor was, Oh, they're all on
the okay, sorry, okay, I'm back.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
So because he came back from trying to raid the
ship and you got him, so he's a lot of
ship's going on. So Connor is like listen, Grace, like please, like,
never leave me. I'm so distraught. Promise me you'll never
leave and we'll just always be together. And while Grace
is like, I promise, I promise you, Connor in the
back she's thinking about the vampires in the back of
(24:48):
her mind. She's like lying to her brother and then
being like, how am I going to get back on this.
Speaker 3 (24:54):
Would?
Speaker 1 (24:58):
So then Grace she goes back to her room. She
finds the clatter ring that Lorcan gave her, and it
warms up when she holds it, and it sends her
a vision of him shut up. So Lorcan is sitting
in his room blind as a bat, which kind of
explains the cover. Why his on the cover his he
has like these that is yeah, the cover.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Because they put a blindfold on him. Is he aware
that there's a blindfold?
Speaker 1 (25:24):
So what happened was is his in the last book
when he saved Grace from the rebellious Vampirates, he stayed
out in the sun for too long and it like
scorched his eyes. So he's got these like nasty burn
marks on his eyes, which is why he's got his
blindfold over because he looks nasty and grody.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Sorry, actually incredibly bad that he didn't put an eye
patch on like a normal pirate.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
Two.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Seriously, I didn't think about the vision, did you know?
Speaker 3 (25:53):
I'm pain I'm paying So he's got two peg legs.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
So she sees this vision and she's like, I really need,
absolutely need to go back. I know, I just promised
my distraught, grieving brother like five minutes ago that I
would never leave him. But fuck that.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
This fan rather irish stereotype vampire needs me.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
So is she gonna like click the rings together and
go there's no place like vampirates.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
The ring thing really annoys me because it's acts like
a thing in like Irish culture that is like taking
a little bit more seriously than that. But it's like
it's almost been like denounced to like, oh it's a
mood changed. It's like one of those mood change.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
You really, what is what's the thing with? Actually I
don't know anything about clatter rings.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
I wouldn't be very risk on the the history of verus.
I know it's it's something that people ask to do
take away to.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
Your promise rings.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Yeah, because I didn't know the origins of it or anything.
It's not something I don't do rings really because I work.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
I think it's like if you if you have a
clatter ring, if you put it on like your right hand,
with the like tip of the heart pointing towards you,
that means you are in a relationship. Yeah, but and
then tip of the heart pointing out away from you
is like your single. And then if it's on your ring,
if it's on your left hand and the tip is
(27:10):
pointed towards you, you're married, And then away from you
it means you're engaged.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
I could be wrong. Yeah, I think those are the
rules that are accepted now, But like you really have
to think how much of that is absolutely just marketing true,
you know, like do you really think that Irish people
who like, you know, where does this come from in
terms of this ring? Like people didn't really have a
lot of money back then, so like where did this
really kind of come conceptually come from? And then to
think that people would like pay so much attention to
(27:36):
like how your ring is placed instead of just talking
to each other. I'm so willing and happy to be wrong.
And I really don't know. I'm coming from a space
of ignorance, I guess, but I'm just like I'm a
little bit you know, there's so many things I guess
in these days that like are just targeted towards taurists
and yeah, true people trying to engage in the Irish culture.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Like where is s Irish person? Yeah? A silver ring?
Yeah that's that's still silver is cheaper than gold, but
it's still expensive.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Yeah, yeah, brilliant. So I just something to google in
the break, Okay, I'll come back to in the next
episode with some information. Stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
But yeah, So, like this clattering thing is weird because
it's like sometimes Grace holds onto it and when she
holds onto it, it warms up and then it will
like transport her or give her a vision, and then
sometimes it doesn't and then it just becomes null. So
again there's like no rules for this magic and no explanation.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
It's the really crappy second cousin of the one in
Lord of the Rings.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
Yeah, exactly, sometimes abit from time to time jacked.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
Yeah, so this is like it's like it's literally triggering
cut scenes in a game. Yeah, if you haven't done
the right thing, it's not going to do anything.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
It's again like the lack of systems, you know what
I mean, Like, give me rules, give me logic, give
me like something to like actually like hold on to
not just random flash forwards, flashbacks, visions, whatever, it's just random.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
They end up having Jess's funeral right on the ship,
and Grace is late because she's too busy, like fucking
around with this ring, and so they at the funeral.
The Captain Wrath is like, yeah, Jess died in the
field of battle, and Grace is like, he's making it
sound noble, but it isn't. Like, dude, died because of
your fuck up. Then they recite a pirate burial poem
(29:23):
which I will read to you guys.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
Oh hold on, Let me settle in.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Okay, Mother, Ocean, father Sky, send this pirate to his rest.
He was one amongst the best. Set his spirit free
to fly. Brother son and sister moon bathe him in
your balmy light. Now, no longer need he fight the
one you called back far too soon, Lightning, thunder wind
(29:49):
and rain, worth wind and fire.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Sorry, sing the bath.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
Okay, Let his cutless, blunt and rust, as his body
turns to dust, free from every mortal pain, springtide, neep tied. Oh,
I gotta buy detergent later.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
That reminds me.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Morning night, all you things that frame our days. Carve
him out a resting place wherever will his cares be
light Greek and harbor, gulf and reef waters, hollow waters deep.
Grant him now eternal sleep and anchor us who reel
(30:35):
with grief. Then they dump his body in the ocean,
and then they head to the pub.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Yeah pub, well, I said, I.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Just like the thing that was, and I was not
used to that. Here I after a funeral, we went
to the pub.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Irish like, let's get into it. Irish burial like traditions
is something that I actually very whole, very deep. I'd
be really interested to learn about South African traditions as well,
but just to kind of fair, Yeah, well here as
something that actually creeps a lot of people out is
that we actually, like the body is something that you
see and you engage with a lot before the actual burial.
(31:09):
So we have things called wakes, which people are probably
quite aware of where the body is present in either
a funeral home or like usually the home of the
of the person. If it's if it's in a state
of presentation and you touch it, you pray with it,
you stay in the room with it, like something that
is important for kids as well to do. Like it's
something that really creeps people out, just like you letting
(31:31):
your child touch a dead body. It's like, yeah, because
you want them to understand what death is and that
kind of that kind of space, I guess, And yeah,
like kind of it's important to kind of come to
terms with that kind of reality, you know, And and
you learn so much about spirituality and you get a
really nice goodbye in that way, and then and then
(31:53):
you spend a lot of money on drinking. I remember,
I'm so mad at my Nana's at one point because
I'm not going to call out and caused like my
parochial breakdown. But there was one lady and I was like,
in like this kind of state of like I'm just
gonna start doing service things to to stop myself, Like
I'm kind of just I'm gonna make myself very like
(32:14):
helpful so that I'm not thinking about what's actually happening. Right,
So I was. I was organizing the songs that we're
gonna be saying at her funeral, and I was pouring
drinks for people, and I remember one woman she was like, oh,
you're very generous to that, and I was like, my
grandmother just died and I poured you a generous glass
of wine. Fuck off?
Speaker 1 (32:37):
Was so mad?
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Was a relative or I don't want to say because
I generally don't want to like and maybe it was
trying to be funny or something, but.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
No, I just remember rude.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
It's yeah, I was really annoyed with it. I mean,
but anyway, so not to just talk about people in
my hometown, but yeah, it wakes are really interesting. How
do you like? Is that something you with the.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Catholic faith, there was more case of gather at the church.
Everybody looks like a scene out of the Godfather. One
thing that is like genetically predisposed things for Italians is
we look good in suits and dioss for funerals and
for marriages, we just do.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
Do you have seen that in the Sopranos a lot?
Speaker 3 (33:17):
Yeah, I mean it was like it is, And so
with my parents' funerals. Was the case. If you gather
at the church, the service is done there, then they
blowed up the casket into the hearse. It goes offered
for either burial or cremation. We chose cremation. If it's
an actual beryl, you go to the grave site where
(33:37):
it's lowered into the ground and all of that. Then
afterwards you go have some something to drink, somebody eat.
It's usually not alcoholic in nature, so it's tea, coffee, juice, whatever.
And I remember the weirdest funeral I went to. I
had the dubious honor of going to two funerals in
one day, my own and a friend of mine. People
(33:58):
was buried in the Catholic tradition, which was what I
just described. Then we go to it's what I would
and so evergo called happy clappy churches. You know there's
big scale evangelical church. Yes, those ones where you'd be
happy to do a comedy gig in it because the
sound grid in there is that eighteen ninety.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Thousand people are very enthusiastic.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
It is, yes, But that was the thing though. I
found that the Catholic funeral service was a lot so
respectful because the other one turned into a recruitment drive. Oh,
if you feel yourself moved by the Holy Spirit, yeah,
the Lord is moving my left hand to punch your
freaking head off your shoulders there pot oh so. And
but I will say this, the megachurch one was better catered, okay,
(34:38):
because that like got more much of cake. I was
in there going I did not know that the Lord
wanted me to have a slice of cake that was
all my daily calories, goodness, a ghetto chunk that you
could used to.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Stop cake factory, literally one sliced cheese cake from a cheeseyact.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
And so it's you know, it really depends and African
African funerals depending on which group of African people and
which try in Africa. In South Africa, you want to
deal with. What generally happens is that there will be
a funeral where it's quite a quite a big thing
and there will be food served and the rest of it,
(35:13):
and what you'll have is I've done a joke about
this on stage before, and the comics have vetted this
in South Africa. They said, yeah, this is pretty accurate.
There were two lions for the food. One is a
group of people that actually knew the deceased. The others
people that happened to be walking by saw that there
was something going on. The food was being served and
because it's going to pay your respects to the dead.
(35:36):
And it's the weirdest thing. When my mates, one of
my mates, his father passed on and is one of
the comics, and I was the only comic he asked
to attend. I mean I'd never met his father, but
he wanted support, and I was like, yeah, sure, I'll go.
I was the only white dude within at least thirty kilometers.
And it was the bit this thing being there with
(35:58):
them as I don't know how else to help him.
I'm sitting next to sitting next to him, and I
was like, I just thought telling him jokes because the
thing with this if anybody would like to say something
about the deceased, and turned into open mic, like there
were guys random people just coming up doing like five
ten minutes talking about telling stories. Eventually, like the syndrome,
the story goings like, oh that fucking been up there.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
That was not a tight five.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
Feeling.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
And this dude didn't.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Prepare for this gig.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
He was just so funerals can be like very big things.
I remember. One of the comedians died was his name
Brian Alexander. His character was called the Wandering Hobo and
he died in his eighties. He would dress up as
a homeless dude, like the image you see in your
head of what an old homeless man would look like.
The outfit he wore hidden wash for thirty years. He
(36:47):
stanked to high heaven in this outfit he was. He
was booked for corporates, all sorts of a very very
popular comic. When he died. The Anglican church that he
that was where we held the SERPs quas packed with
people to rafter. I'm sitting next to Mel Miller. Mel
Miller's a godfather of assay stand up comedy. Is old,
angry Jewish guy, and Mel apparent he doesn't enjoy funerals.
(37:09):
He doesn't know how to deal with it. So his
response is to start telling jokes. I'm sitting next to him,
biting my hand because I'm trying not to laugh in
this stret and he starts it off with looks around
this is can know that's just typical full house and
he doesn't get to perform.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
The best audience. He's gone, well, damn.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
I think the way that the Irish deal with it
is very healthy.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Yeah, it's very community focused as well, like even when
the person is dying, the community will start kind of
coming out and seeing how they can help. And like,
something that really moved me was the community. And that's
something that I love about my hometown is that as
nosey as people can be sometimes and sometimes people are
(37:54):
in it for like different reasons, the reality is people
really do come together in your hour of need, which
is so beautiful. Like my father would have dug like
graves for his like friends and for people in the community,
Like you know, that's not a I think in other
places now people are paid to do that, whereas they
would do that as just as members of the community.
And then I remember Tommy Casey, one of our neighbors
(38:15):
who passed away a long time ago, but he was phenomenal.
He was just this. He was an amazing Can I
take a moment to talk about sorry that I was an
amazing person. He was a boxer and he was the
most quiet, kind gentle man I've ever met in my
entire life. He was the kind of softness that he
just didn't think could ever be any ways close to
(38:38):
this like kind of incredible kind of violence that he
would have experienced. And he toured around. He was very
successful in Scotland and in the UK, and then his
parents got sick and he decided that he wanted to
stay home and take care of his parents. And he
never married, and he stayed like just a really quiet life.
He had this gorgeous garden that he tended to and
(38:59):
he was very well known for turning up to your house.
I mean like I've got you some real barber, here's
some carrots and this beautiful thing, or some flowers, some beautiful,
beautiful things. And he stayed like that. But it was
just so interesting, and he was so well known and
a funerals that he was just this quiet, gentle energy
that would just turn up. He wouldn't even talk to you,
he would just know what you'd need and it would
(39:21):
be he would just put on this high vis vest
and he would go and start organizing car parking. We're
directing people where they needed to go. It was just
this incredible, incredible person, and I think your community is
all lesser off for not having him anymore, but it was.
It just shows like this, this intuitive community aspect of
like country Irish, like a kind of things that I
(39:44):
have really treasure. I really I feel like it's dying
out a little.
Speaker 3 (39:48):
This is I mean, it's the whole thing that we
are living closer together, but we are miles apart from
the shure.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
It's absolutely true.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
Back to vampirates, No, I appreciate you guys given your input,
and I definitely say I've noticed that with Irish people
as well. Like I think when I've experienced a loss,
I've definitely feel like a lot, even if it's like
someone who's not Irish or something. But like my friends
know that I've experienced a loss from a relative or whatever,
(40:21):
that they my Irish friends really rally around me, even
kind of closer than some of my American relatives might.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
But uh, yeah, it's just cultural. It's not it's it's
usually less about the person more just how do you.
It's such a horrible thing. Loss is so mammoth, like,
you know, how do you broach that, you know, and
tech because we're also far away texting hey, thinking about you.
You know, it feels sometimes plastic plastic. Yeah, it's so
(40:46):
sancha ver. Yeah. Yeah. You want to be able to
fix and you can't fix and that's hard.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Is a story that there's more fun at the Glasgow
funeral that there is it an Edinburgh wedding. Okay, I
get the feeling that with an Irish the same sort of.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
I remember when my dad went shopping for my nana's
funeral and I was old enough to understand like alcohol
prices and stuff, and I remember seeing that receipt and
I was like, with this week, what do you.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
Think if this would work as a joke for an
Irish audience? Is what's the difference between no Irish funeral
and an Irish wading The bouquet, the bouquets and like
the flowers.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Yeah, true, true, yeah, the scramble, the scrabble, the pot
it's it's good, it's it's healing. It's very yeah, you know,
you got it. And the stories, love the stories and
the joviality from my nas were because she was so incredible.
She was an amazing, amazing woman and a pillar of
my community as well, and like just to hear the
different ways in which she impacted people's lives and stuff, like,
(41:52):
she was so funny. She would like just take people
off the street like and feed them, like, because it
was we lived beside the lake. There will be a
lot of fishermen go again and she would just be
like and they would stop in and she was just
literally the pinnacle of like quaint old Irish woman. I
would just like give you her left foot if it
was helpful, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
Have you read Finnigan's Wake?
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Have I read Finnegan's Wake? Probably a long time ago.
My memory is like a.
Speaker 3 (42:17):
Sieve because I mean, the book Finnigan's Wake is a
nice execty if you want to know what goes on.
It's a very stylized version of it, but the whole
premise is that Finegan I think, falls off her letter
and he dies, and the whole book is the stuff
that happens at the wake, and so yeah, it's it's
very funny and it's very slice of life from a
specific part of Irish history. It's worth it and it's
sure as health each.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Oh yeah, Ulysses. Don't get me started on Ulysses.
Speaker 3 (42:43):
Cool, we'll talk you afterwards in the text.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
Well text about Ulysses.
Speaker 3 (42:47):
That fucking guy. Okay, So there's a funeral and nobody
gets it.
Speaker 2 (42:51):
Yeah, they say it's an awful poem.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Come on, this awful And Jess is only dead for
like a day.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
Come on, no party note, Come on.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
Jess is dead for like a day. He's brought back
as a vampire.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Shuff up there. I literally, if you give me like
two or seconds, that would have been a spit takes.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
You made is really stages of great chess corga. No,
he's dead for like not even a day. What happens
is is his coffin happens to wash up on the
same shorn that that Sidario is like chilling, lurking, you know,
doing his homeless thing. And Sidario Sidario Sidorio, I can't
(43:40):
what is it?
Speaker 2 (43:41):
Choose one, just choose one.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
You're right either way scenario it's with an oh, okay,
I spell it with a Sidario like again, he's never
performed a vampirate ritual before. And he barely remembers his
own like how it went for him because I was
so long ago. But he's like, I just had It's
just in my bones. So he performs the ritual and
(44:04):
walla Jazz is now a vampire.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
So frank instinion, isn't it? Yeah? But how talk to
me about He's a m not anchromis I know? How
talk to us about this ritual? How did chance?
Speaker 1 (44:15):
I wish I could? Oh, this is really vague. He's
just like, oh, the ancient words came to him. He
didn't know he had this in his Hey.
Speaker 2 (44:30):
We're floating here. It's like weird.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
Jazz wakes up and he knows that he's been killed,
and he's like really unfazed by everything. He's like, oh,
I guess I was dead and I'm not anymore cool.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
Thanks man. Yeah, He's like I'm not even try I'm
not going there.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
Like as soon as he wakes up, he's like, oh
this is great, and he's like looking on his body,
He's like, oh, I guess that's where Look, this is
where I was stabbed.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
Then I have to learn how to dodge that one.
Speaker 1 (44:56):
Then all right, I'm gonna have.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
To he's a vampire to the heart I'm assuming still
works unless we've bullshitted that out of the story.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
I feel like it's been bullshitted.
Speaker 3 (45:05):
Out on the thing surrounded by wood fire.
Speaker 1 (45:09):
Is what kills the vampirates for for real ease. So yeah,
Sdario's like, guess what you're vampire now? And Jazz is
like Nido, ditto man and uh and then scenario Sdario
is like, also, by the way, you're you're my lieutenant.
(45:29):
They don't have a fucking ship. He's like, he's he's
like trying to make his own little vampirate crew, and
it's like, dude doesn't even have a ship.
Speaker 3 (45:36):
He's going to be waiting for a long time for
corpses to watch up. Then like a thousand years later,
going I finally got everyone Onnate.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
This is just I feel like, are they all just
hanging out in like a really tiny lake somewhere, because
the fact that everything is just all happening in the
same area.
Speaker 3 (45:51):
This is going to turn out to be like Monkey
Island where it's a theme park.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
Oh, it's ridiculous. And also like the fact that he
has to do a ritual, isn't the whole thing about
vampires that can turn people.
Speaker 3 (46:01):
Yeah, you have to turn someone. You can't raise a corpse.
That's not.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
That's how work.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
Vampires can kiss my yard on. I just no, I mean,
now you're just crossing a line. You really, Yeah, you're
a if you can.
Speaker 2 (46:20):
Do Yeah, we have to suspend our disbelief suspended.
Speaker 3 (46:26):
So long it's.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
Suspended.
Speaker 1 (46:28):
I think that's the end of episode two and we
will take a break and then start episode episode three.
You guys excited, so excited.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
I'm excited to have this absolute like pillar of like
literature and culture just be absolutely defaced with rules forget them. Yeah,
Popular Podcasts
NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal
Gregg Rosenthal and a rotating crew of elite NFL Media co-hosts, including Patrick Claybon, Colleen Wolfe, Steve Wyche, Nick Shook and Jourdan Rodrigue of The Athletic get you caught up daily on all the NFL news and analysis you need to be smarter and funnier than your friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com