June 13, 2024 • 24 mins
Elena continues on her quest to woo the ever-elusive Stefan Salvatore, by... checks notes ...spreading false rumors that he's an undercover cop, telling everyone that she has a fake foreign boyfriend, trying to get her very-recent-ex to help her spend alone time with him, and making out with the guy who bullied Stefan on his first day of school. Classic meet-cute amiright??
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
A sexy day with Daddy is school. I'm in Weady's teamble Mamma's book clubs.
Buzzy listen next section chapter six througheight. So Elena, she's writing
in her diary at the beginning ofchapter six about how she's so relieved because
(00:24):
her social position is now secure becauseshe successfully spread the fake rumor about Jean
Claude. And she's like, everyonebelieves me, and I'm even cooler than
ever now. It's just like suchan American high school thing that again,
make your imaginary boyfriend, an imaginaryFrench boyfriend would be so cool like that.
(00:46):
I don't know, maybe in sixthus here, maybe when you're in
primary school. That's what he remindsme of the time when I was about
seven and I was getting bullied atthe bus stop going to school, and
I made up a lie and Itold my bully that I had an identical
twin sister, and I just Idon't know why. One day just came
(01:06):
to me. I was like,yeah, sure do and it distracted him,
so he was and he and becauseyou could see the little wheels in
his head, which one of myand he was like, finally, one
day, days into it and likehe had stopped harassing me with the distractions,
and he was like, how comeI haven't how come I never see
you two together at the same time, And I said, because she goes
(01:30):
to a school for the gifted.I was desperate to get this kid off
my back. I mean, hewas again, you're giving me no,
no, no, se I gotthe sympathy vote. He felt sorry for
(01:53):
me because he was like, Ihave a smart older brother too, and
like, and then he left methe fun alone and that's when I went
lying works but we were I wasseven, yeah, and he was like
ten or eleven, and this chickis seventeen making up an entire imaginary boyfriend
that she's continent different, that she'shad all the French sex with, and
(02:15):
you know, like under an illegalillegal sex with yeah, legal probably would
have been legal, you know whatI mean? Like, I think it's
probably you know what, let's seeage. I feel like age of consent
probably low in France, probably fifteenor something. Let's see fifteen years.
It's gonna getting married and smoke acigarette and have a gray and all of
(02:37):
that when you're fifteen in France.I don't know about you guys. But
even like, I remember when Iwas like, I would be thirteen fourteen,
and I had friends who are myage and they were dating like seniors
in high school and they thought theywere all. But even at that age,
I was like, your boyfriend mustbe weird. Yes, yeah,
(02:58):
even I was young, but Iwas like, your friends must be fucking
a weird. Yes. And thensure enough, I remember being seventeen eighteen
and I knew some guys in myyear who were dating middle years, and
I'm like, you're a fucking creep. Yeah, absolutely, there's a reason
why you're dating younger. It's becauseeveryone around your nose. You're a fucking
yeahah. Do you guys remember deany friends like that when you were God?
Yeah, yeah for sure, yeahyeah. Oh. I was just
(03:20):
I was just telling my partner theother day about a girl that I knew.
We were in middle school. Iwas twelve and she was eleven,
and she like rang me on thephone to tell me about how she had
lost her virginity to her fifteen yearold boyfriend, and I screamed down the
phone at her. I was like, if I'll tell you how I am.
I was furious. I told herI was like, what the hell
is wrong with you? I wastwelve, and I was like, it's
just I think some people just instinctuallyknow. I think some people just instinctually
(03:45):
know and others are a little bitmore naive. I don't know, but
there there are predators everywhere, andthey come in different and sometimes I think
they don't even maybe realize that they'reon the wrong side of history, do
you know what I mean? Someof these lads, because they think,
oh, I'm only fifteen, it'sfine that she's you know, twelve,
It was like no, or theythink I'm pretty different. They think I'm
seventeen, so it's cool, I'mdating a freshman. It's like, is
that though, is it? Iremember being fourteen, a fifteen, a
(04:09):
freshman, and a lad a seniorthat was graduating and really liked me,
and he was disappointed to find outI was, you know, he knew
as a freshman. He was kindof like, yeah, but he thought
of himself. We went like ontwo dates to house the Pies and he
want to kiss me because he knewhe had turned eighteen. Yeah, and
he was just like, it's justwrong. It's when eighteen what an eighteen
year old lad is looking for isnot a fifteen year old girl. Yeah.
(04:32):
He was all about you know,and he but he respected me enough
that he stayed away from me.He wasn't a complete creepy as of shit.
Yeah, well that's yeah. Hehad a massive crush on me,
and we went to school together.So when you're together and at the start
of the year, I'm fourteen,he's seventeen. Yeah, those lines are
blurred. Everyone thought I was older. He didn't really know me. He
was in the art department. Iwas in theater. And then it was
(04:54):
a mutual friend that he was like, oh my god, you know,
I so like her, And itwas like sixteen or seventeen, I'm a
freshman, I'm a baby. That'syeah. I mean at least he like
had said it's told to be like, yeah, I know, I could
understand. It's like if he liketalks to you and he's like, okay,
I think she looks my age andshe acts like a girl my age,
but I know that she's not thatshe's not, then that's yeah.
(05:15):
So sense I had like fucking haloand wings and stuff. Dude, I
remember I was seventeen freshly seventeen andI walked into this like school supply shop,
right, and this this guy,the salesman he was he saw me
immediately made a beadline for me.And I was quite oblivious to boys attentions
at that age, but I knewright away. I'm like this guy,
(05:38):
I'm picking up a vibe. Yeah. And I told he's like, what
do you hear from? Like,I'm starting my senior year such and such
high school. And he was like, oh, I went there, So
he knew right off the bat thatI was still in high school. Kid.
Yeah, and so he's like,help me pick out school supplies.
I remember my older sister came inand so this dude was like twenty five.
Yeah, my older sister was twentytwo at this time. And my
(06:00):
older sister she has she's always beenvery pretty. She's always been very stunning
actually, and people would call herkind of like like the pretty one.
But it's okay, the smart onewhatever. I'm fine. You're not that
smartian medal on the wall over there, but you're hot salutatorian. I was
second in my year, but you'rehot. Four hundred and sixty students you
(06:28):
I got a seven hundred in mathon my sat dude, that's so yeah.
I am smart. Thanks you stI'm smart. That's so good.
What was what was your English score? What was your verbal? Remember?
Six forty? Yeah, so youbeat me by about one hundred points.
Yeah, okay, fair enough,but my verbal was huge. My verbal
was seven hundred and my math waslike negative three. I went to studied.
(06:51):
I went to the engineering school later, so it was you know,
that's that. But anyway, youare the pretty sister too. I'm not
me and we're like, okay,well, listeners can't see me right now.
My skin is having a moment,but I am genuinely stunning. It
was like the best skin of anyone. I know. Everybody has breakouts,
everybody from the time we're thirteen.Just give up on perfect skin because it
(07:12):
only exists in vampire books. It'sokay, I'm I'm genuinely like secure about
my appearance. It's just I justwant to emphasize my sister is very pretty.
Okay, So, and she wasmore age appropriate. Well there you
go, yees. So she comesbecause she was at the shop next door
for whatever. So she comes into see me, like, you know,
get in school supplies. And sheeven like she she's very aggressive.
(07:38):
We'll just say okay. So shecomes in and she immediately starts eyeing this
guy, like the fuck because shesens the weird vibe. So I go
to the counter. She left.I go to the counter, and he
was even on the way there.He was like, I don't think your
sister likes me, And he's liketalking to me like we're friends, and
I'm like, what the fuck,it's a weird thing to say thing to
say to a customer. And thenwe go and then he's like, oh,
so you want to like hang outsometime, you know. Like I
(08:00):
was like, how old are you? When he says I'm twenty five and
I'm like, I'm seventeen. Idon't think my mom would be cool with
that straight and he was so pissy. He was so pissy. And then
as soon as we left, mysister was immediately like, was that guy
weird to you? And I saidyeah, I told her and she was
like, but you know, likefor him to get pissy when he knew
rightly that you were in high schooland it's inappropriate. Yeah, Oh my
(08:24):
god. Well, oh we couldbe here all day with stories about that.
Women who have had oh yeah,Jean, imaginary John is an imaginary
pervert. Yeah. So Elena evengot her friends Meredith and Bonnie, through
their blood oath, to send herfake letters and flowers from Jean Claude.
Oh my god, now you knowit's a fake boyfriend who sends flowers and
(08:46):
letters Jesus. And then, ohmy god, she spreads a fake rumor
about Stephan through the school, sayingthat he's a narc so that none of
the other girls will date him.Which, what's it? Sorry, what's
an It's yeah, like he's asecret undercover to high school try to sell
you drugs to bust you, right, yeah, okay, another American high
(09:11):
school movie trope. Yes, yeah, that's what I was like, I've
heard of this. Yeah, likethey really have the resources to be sending
officers into high schools for weed andthat like they worried that the officers are
going to end up in more troublethan putting them in fifteen year olds.
Yeah exactly. And so the girlsgo off and then so they're all into
(09:33):
drugs. That is what we're sayinghere, is like, yeah, pretty
much. And so Matt is reallyhurt by the Jean Claude rumors. Obviously,
obviously because it implies that she cheatedon him. You know, at
the beginning, she was like,oh, I like, Matt is like
a sister to me. But I'mgonna make my sister feel like I cheated
on her, I don't know.So to spare his feelings, Matt,
(09:58):
she tells Matt the te and shewas like, look, I don't mean
to hurt your feelings. It wasjust I just made up the fake rumor
so I could try to win overthe other boy that I actually dumped you
for. Right, So now youfeel better. Yeah, now we're good.
Now we're good. Now we're backto being sisters again, right,
Matt. And he's like, youfucking lied to me about Stefan as well,
(10:20):
but whatever. And then she asksMatt as well. She's like,
hey, by the way, sincewe're like buddies, now, will you
convince Stephan to go to the homecomingdance? And he surprisingly agrees with this,
Like what? And he Matt evensays to her, here's a quote.
You only want everybody and everything torevolve around Elena Gilbert. You only
(10:41):
want everything you don't have. Wow, he's got He's yeah, exactly.
Yeah. At the homecoming dance.They're there, Tyler is super drunk and
he's all over Elena despite Elena.Yeah, he's yeah, right, he's
(11:03):
just he's a fucking I think actually, I think I forgot. I don't
know if I wrote this down.I think Elena is with Matt at the
homecoming as. I think she wentwith Matt and then got Matt to convince
Stephan to go, and she's like, my plan is I'm gonna ditch you
for stuff in and he's like cool, I mean her feelings, but yeah,
okay, but hey, we're sisters. We're sisters, Jesus Christ,
(11:26):
sister. This is like a likea fucking porno from like Sister Wives or
some ship. I don't know.So it's so fucked up. So yeah,
they're at their own little table andthere's literally a queue of people waiting
to talk to Matt and Elena attheir table, like and I quote,
(11:50):
as if we were real royalty.Oh, like people waiting to approach the
queen and the king, right what. So Elena ditches Matt finally and approaches
Stephan and she's like, okay,he's really he's obviously happy to see me,
but like also looks like he's inpain, so like like Twilight again
(12:13):
again, and then pretty much shecompletely copied this. So Elena immediately gets
the vibe. She's like, there'ssomething off about Stephan, there's something dark
there, but I'm going to ignoremy gut feeling and just go with this
because I myself am a psychopath.Right. So, just before Elena has
a chance to ask Stefan for adate, Caroline shows up and it turns
(12:35):
out Caroline is Stephan's date. Shehell, I mean, well, yeah,
I think it was. It waslike she just kind of hung around
Stephan so much, and he justdidn't really like brush her off. He
just kind of like tolerated her presence. And then she was like, we're
going to the dance, and he'slike, okay, sounds like my fiance.
(12:58):
It justs my president. We're goingto dance, okay. Yeah,
like Paul as well, your husband'san yeah, your partner's an introvert a
little bit, he's a little bitquiet yeaheah, yeah, Paul, see
you can wear them down. Seeyeah, yeah's wear them down. Maybe
they're vampires. I mean you've seenPaul. He looks like, oh my
(13:22):
god. And then this is sothen Elena gets upset, so she goes
to the bathroom with Bombie and Meredithand they just spend all this time slut
shaming Caroline's outfit again. They werefriends with her, They were friends with
her, and the misogyny is rampant. Do we have a description of the
eefit? I'm like, what arethey doing? There was a description,
(13:43):
but I didn't I didn't write itdown, but it was kind of like
a low cut. But even forher, it was, you know,
just but like she looks like asettles, like, what if you can
get the man? Get the misogynyis coming from inside the house. Yeah,
absolutely, So then the girl Itry to be optimistic. They're like,
look, Elena, maybe this isa good thing that Caroline is with
(14:03):
Stephan because now you can stop obsessingover him. No one mentions that the
blood oath was weird, but whichI would say, I think is the
weirdest part, the weirdest thing.And then she was like, you know
what, fuck you guys, I'mgonna get new friends instead. Y'all are
crazy, not me. WHOA,So she leaves. She is a psycho.
(14:26):
She's so psycho. She leaves thebathroom and she's like, I'm fuck
this shit. You know, I'mgonna go fucking crazy. I'm gonna get
all the attention I deserve. Shegoes on the dance floor and she dances
and flirts with every single boy shesees, and Matt is there like,
who's this hell bag? Who's thishell bag? My sister, bloody sister,
(14:48):
Oh my god, geez. Andso she's especially giving Tyler a lot
of attention because she was like,oh, I remember that Tyler tried harassing
Stephan on the first day, andmaybe he had a point. So like
she treats she doesn't treat Stephan likea person. She's like, you know,
the fact that she spread a falserumor about him around the school,
(15:09):
and she's like, I'm gonna befriends with the guy who bullied you because
you had the audacity of coming tothe dunce with someone with someone else,
even though you and I don't haveanything. God, so we're here two
days this psycho world behavior, yeah, for sure, for sure and Tyler.
(15:30):
Tyler is there with a date,and this date is crying and very
upset because Tyler has like you know, Elena is flirting with Tyler, and
it's kind of like Elena is likethe fucking Ariana Grande of school. She's
I'm just gonna steal this, man, I don't care, And I just
want to say, I know,I know you're shockingly upset as well.
(15:50):
I'm so upset. I'm seizing thatyou're slus shaming Arianna. Well, you
guys know the whole Ariana Grande stuff, right, But he was one of
those No, yeah, well,like I understand, I understand that,
Like you know, it's more ofthe men's fault for cheating on their partners
because this isn't the first time she'staken a taken man. It's definitely more
(16:11):
their fault because they were the oneswho are in relationships. But I'm just
saying, if you have a starpower like that, you gotta use it
for good. Yeah, breaking yeah, I'm very very secure with my relationship
and if like the hottest girl inthe world were to approach Paul, I
wouldn't be worried. But if itwas like if it was Ariana Grande and
(16:37):
like you're hot and you also havethis fame and money and stuff behind,
I'd be a little worried that Iwould be They could be swept up their
feet by then, yet the worldthat they can bring them into. Yes,
yeah, I'm just saying it's definitelymore their fault. But she's also
completely Yeah. So Elena Gilbert islike the Ariana Grande of fucking nineteen nineties
(17:00):
Virginia. So yeah, Tyler's dateis crying. Elena doesn't care and just
keeps rubbing into her face. Mattlooks sad. Tyler starts being super handsy
with Elena in front of everyone,and she's like, I'm cool with it.
And yet there's slot shaming Caroline forthere's dressed. Yeah, slow shaming
(17:22):
Caroline for wearing a low cut dress. But then she's going off and and
again I don't think you should slutshameanyone, but like be consistent. Yeah,
exactly. So then Tyler takes Elenaand his group of future frat Boys
of America to the cemetery to continuethe party, because there's a lot of
partying in cemeteries in the show andin the book. Yeah, there's only
(17:45):
like two places in town, Like, why don't you go to the fucking
mall like a normal group of teenagers? Yeah? Why? Why the dead
Park as my my son once calledit, when we were driving past,
he was like, oh, thedead park. And I was like,
I can't argue with that, butthe dead park, I was like,
(18:08):
the dead bark. I love Plastic, He's always cracking me up. But
I like, but it's another it'sanother American high school trope. Yeah,
we just get drunk and party incemeteries. We just did close. We
close our graveyards in the evening andyeah, yeah there's that. Don't keep
(18:32):
them in and keep the kids andkids. It's a respect thing. They
just go to a normal park,not just a dead party. Normal normal
people feel Yes. Yeah, Ithink Paul was saying that he would get
drunken fields very irish thing to do. Like I came over and did that
over here. Yeah yeah you didthat. Yeah, I mean no one
invited me to do. I wastoo busy preparing to be saluatory in my
(18:57):
high school exactly number two out offour hundred and sixty students, by the
way, just in case beauty,yeah maybe maybe. Oh yeah, okay,
then this is and it gets bad. They're at the cemetery. The
moon is very large and red,like a blood moon. Obviously, Tyler
(19:22):
sees this giant red blood moon,and he's like, that's stupid and starts
throwing rocks at the What. Ohmy god, this guy is an idiot.
All going along with him, like, yeah, it's Tyler. Yeah
you rocks to the moon. Howfar away? Oh my god, these
guys suture boys of America, Boysof America. Tyler is already like reminding
(19:48):
me of one particular high school jockthat I went with. Why I went
to high school with? But sothen, yeah, the Tyler takes Elena
to a different part of the cemeteryand he tries to rape her. Yeah
what Yeah, he tries to rapeElena. So in the series, he
tried to rape Vicky in the Inthe book, he tries to rape Elena
(20:12):
herself. It gets graphic. Iwon't go into detail. Whoa, but
yeah, he almost almost does it. And then but it's a full moon,
and that's his excuse. That's excusetrying to excuse this. I don't
know his I don't know if likeTylers were wolf stuff. I can't remember
(20:32):
if it happens in the books.It doesn't happen in this book. Okay,
there's no mention Wolve's in this book. Yeah, I don't know if
it does. Actually, I thinkthey might have brought that in for the
TV show. Yeah, I can'tremember. Yeah, because it should have
been the The Vampire Empire, theWear Wear Fire. Yeah, the were
wolf Wolf. So it's Elena's diarythat we're reading the book, start right,
(20:59):
she has not a vampire. Yeah, that's good point. It's like
the Human Human Diaries. Let's callit the Human HUMANO the Bitch Diaries,
I think the Vampire or the PrincessDiaries, because she thinks she's royalty.
Oh my god, you can't justbecause you're just because you can afford to
(21:22):
shop at Hollister doesn't make you aprincess's princess. Sorry. I was more
of an air apostol, so Elizabeth, I don't care. I would have
called it aero. I know Iwas, because you guys you had Hollister
(21:42):
and arrow postal it's called at airpost. And I was like an Urban
Outfitters kid, and we just thoughtwe were the cools, urbane to two
and three years, just like Istill shop at Urban Outfitter An adult at
all is there on the temple bar. The McDonald's used to drum, but
(22:10):
it's gone. I knew about theone. You know, it's in Temple
bar is the main one. Yeah, it's real nice. I'm in trouble.
I got some nice dresses there.I still can't afford it. That's
that's so expensive. But so Stephanarrives to stop Tyler and he throws Tyler
against the tombstone and beats him upagain. This kind of reminds me again
(22:33):
Twilight. Remember the Wolf, thewhole the whole thing, and yeah,
well no, not just not justthat, but like where Elena almost no
no, no, Bella almost getsassaults by those guys in the motorcycles and
then Stephan shows about of nowhere andsaves her. Edward Edward, No,
no, exactly. We are thesame people. The names are even dissimilar.
(23:00):
Yeah stuff, And like the actorsplaying them like they are. They
look Elena, yeah, your manis the image of Robert Pattinson is like
the best prettier version you the guy. Yeah, yeah, ye aren't.
They're very similar. I would loveit if you're saying that those those crews
(23:21):
a Vampire Diaries and the Twilight crewhangout. I would love it if Paul
and Robert Pattinson like got together andthey were like fuck, this, like,
what the what, what the fuckare we doing? What are we
doing? We know Robert Pattinson hated. He's a good sense of humor.
But I hope like Paul got tolike trauma, don't be trauma bond bond
(23:42):
over their vampire. Like especially RobertPattinson sitting on his millions. He's fine.
Yeah, yeah, I don't.They're happy. It's so good.
And he was Batman, so that'strue. Yeah, I know, he's
he's we like Robert Patts. He'sgood. You like him. He was
mining the maybe last weekend at Coachella. Oh good, like you do you
(24:03):
take your baby to Coachella? Yeah? All these home? Thanks for listening
to Bad Book Bash. Vampire Diariesis written by L. J. Smith.
Our comedian guest stars have been Irishcomedian Luis O'Toole and American comedian Elizabeth
Redman. Followed Bad Book Bash onInstagram, Facebook, and Patreon for more updates
A sexy day with Daddy is school. I'm in Weady's teamble Mamma's book clubs.
Buzzy listen next section chapter six througheight. So Elena, she's writing
in her diary at the beginning ofchapter six about how she's so relieved because
(00:24):
her social position is now secure becauseshe successfully spread the fake rumor about Jean
Claude. And she's like, everyonebelieves me, and I'm even cooler than
ever now. It's just like suchan American high school thing that again,
make your imaginary boyfriend, an imaginaryFrench boyfriend would be so cool like that.
(00:46):
I don't know, maybe in sixthus here, maybe when you're in
primary school. That's what he remindsme of the time when I was about
seven and I was getting bullied atthe bus stop going to school, and
I made up a lie and Itold my bully that I had an identical
twin sister, and I just Idon't know why. One day just came
(01:06):
to me. I was like,yeah, sure do and it distracted him,
so he was and he and becauseyou could see the little wheels in
his head, which one of myand he was like, finally, one
day, days into it and likehe had stopped harassing me with the distractions,
and he was like, how comeI haven't how come I never see
you two together at the same time, And I said, because she goes
(01:30):
to a school for the gifted.I was desperate to get this kid off
my back. I mean, hewas again, you're giving me no,
no, no, se I gotthe sympathy vote. He felt sorry for
(01:53):
me because he was like, Ihave a smart older brother too, and
like, and then he left methe fun alone and that's when I went
lying works but we were I wasseven, yeah, and he was like
ten or eleven, and this chickis seventeen making up an entire imaginary boyfriend
that she's continent different, that she'shad all the French sex with, and
(02:15):
you know, like under an illegalillegal sex with yeah, legal probably would
have been legal, you know whatI mean? Like, I think it's
probably you know what, let's seeage. I feel like age of consent
probably low in France, probably fifteenor something. Let's see fifteen years.
It's gonna getting married and smoke acigarette and have a gray and all of
(02:37):
that when you're fifteen in France.I don't know about you guys. But
even like, I remember when Iwas like, I would be thirteen fourteen,
and I had friends who are myage and they were dating like seniors
in high school and they thought theywere all. But even at that age,
I was like, your boyfriend mustbe weird. Yes, yeah,
(02:58):
even I was young, but Iwas like, your friends must be fucking
a weird. Yes. And thensure enough, I remember being seventeen eighteen
and I knew some guys in myyear who were dating middle years, and
I'm like, you're a fucking creep. Yeah, absolutely, there's a reason
why you're dating younger. It's becauseeveryone around your nose. You're a fucking
yeahah. Do you guys remember deany friends like that when you were God?
Yeah, yeah for sure, yeahyeah. Oh. I was just
(03:20):
I was just telling my partner theother day about a girl that I knew.
We were in middle school. Iwas twelve and she was eleven,
and she like rang me on thephone to tell me about how she had
lost her virginity to her fifteen yearold boyfriend, and I screamed down the
phone at her. I was like, if I'll tell you how I am.
I was furious. I told herI was like, what the hell
is wrong with you? I wastwelve, and I was like, it's
just I think some people just instinctuallyknow. I think some people just instinctually
(03:45):
know and others are a little bitmore naive. I don't know, but
there there are predators everywhere, andthey come in different and sometimes I think
they don't even maybe realize that they'reon the wrong side of history, do
you know what I mean? Someof these lads, because they think,
oh, I'm only fifteen, it'sfine that she's you know, twelve,
It was like no, or theythink I'm pretty different. They think I'm
seventeen, so it's cool, I'mdating a freshman. It's like, is
that though, is it? Iremember being fourteen, a fifteen, a
(04:09):
freshman, and a lad a seniorthat was graduating and really liked me,
and he was disappointed to find outI was, you know, he knew
as a freshman. He was kindof like, yeah, but he thought
of himself. We went like ontwo dates to house the Pies and he
want to kiss me because he knewhe had turned eighteen. Yeah, and
he was just like, it's justwrong. It's when eighteen what an eighteen
year old lad is looking for isnot a fifteen year old girl. Yeah.
(04:32):
He was all about you know,and he but he respected me enough
that he stayed away from me.He wasn't a complete creepy as of shit.
Yeah, well that's yeah. Hehad a massive crush on me,
and we went to school together.So when you're together and at the start
of the year, I'm fourteen,he's seventeen. Yeah, those lines are
blurred. Everyone thought I was older. He didn't really know me. He
was in the art department. Iwas in theater. And then it was
(04:54):
a mutual friend that he was like, oh my god, you know,
I so like her, And itwas like sixteen or seventeen, I'm a
freshman, I'm a baby. That'syeah. I mean at least he like
had said it's told to be like, yeah, I know, I could
understand. It's like if he liketalks to you and he's like, okay,
I think she looks my age andshe acts like a girl my age,
but I know that she's not thatshe's not, then that's yeah.
(05:15):
So sense I had like fucking haloand wings and stuff. Dude, I
remember I was seventeen freshly seventeen andI walked into this like school supply shop,
right, and this this guy,the salesman he was he saw me
immediately made a beadline for me.And I was quite oblivious to boys attentions
at that age, but I knewright away. I'm like this guy,
(05:38):
I'm picking up a vibe. Yeah. And I told he's like, what
do you hear from? Like,I'm starting my senior year such and such
high school. And he was like, oh, I went there, So
he knew right off the bat thatI was still in high school. Kid.
Yeah, and so he's like,help me pick out school supplies.
I remember my older sister came inand so this dude was like twenty five.
Yeah, my older sister was twentytwo at this time. And my
(06:00):
older sister she has she's always beenvery pretty. She's always been very stunning
actually, and people would call herkind of like like the pretty one.
But it's okay, the smart onewhatever. I'm fine. You're not that
smartian medal on the wall over there, but you're hot salutatorian. I was
second in my year, but you'rehot. Four hundred and sixty students you
(06:28):
I got a seven hundred in mathon my sat dude, that's so yeah.
I am smart. Thanks you stI'm smart. That's so good.
What was what was your English score? What was your verbal? Remember?
Six forty? Yeah, so youbeat me by about one hundred points.
Yeah, okay, fair enough,but my verbal was huge. My verbal
was seven hundred and my math waslike negative three. I went to studied.
(06:51):
I went to the engineering school later, so it was you know,
that's that. But anyway, youare the pretty sister too. I'm not
me and we're like, okay,well, listeners can't see me right now.
My skin is having a moment,but I am genuinely stunning. It
was like the best skin of anyone. I know. Everybody has breakouts,
everybody from the time we're thirteen.Just give up on perfect skin because it
(07:12):
only exists in vampire books. It'sokay, I'm I'm genuinely like secure about
my appearance. It's just I justwant to emphasize my sister is very pretty.
Okay, So, and she wasmore age appropriate. Well there you
go, yees. So she comesbecause she was at the shop next door
for whatever. So she comes into see me, like, you know,
get in school supplies. And sheeven like she she's very aggressive.
(07:38):
We'll just say okay. So shecomes in and she immediately starts eyeing this
guy, like the fuck because shesens the weird vibe. So I go
to the counter. She left.I go to the counter, and he
was even on the way there.He was like, I don't think your
sister likes me, And he's liketalking to me like we're friends, and
I'm like, what the fuck,it's a weird thing to say thing to
say to a customer. And thenwe go and then he's like, oh,
so you want to like hang outsometime, you know. Like I
(08:00):
was like, how old are you? When he says I'm twenty five and
I'm like, I'm seventeen. Idon't think my mom would be cool with
that straight and he was so pissy. He was so pissy. And then
as soon as we left, mysister was immediately like, was that guy
weird to you? And I saidyeah, I told her and she was
like, but you know, likefor him to get pissy when he knew
rightly that you were in high schooland it's inappropriate. Yeah, Oh my
(08:24):
god. Well, oh we couldbe here all day with stories about that.
Women who have had oh yeah,Jean, imaginary John is an imaginary
pervert. Yeah. So Elena evengot her friends Meredith and Bonnie, through
their blood oath, to send herfake letters and flowers from Jean Claude.
Oh my god, now you knowit's a fake boyfriend who sends flowers and
(08:46):
letters Jesus. And then, ohmy god, she spreads a fake rumor
about Stephan through the school, sayingthat he's a narc so that none of
the other girls will date him.Which, what's it? Sorry, what's
an It's yeah, like he's asecret undercover to high school try to sell
you drugs to bust you, right, yeah, okay, another American high
(09:11):
school movie trope. Yes, yeah, that's what I was like, I've
heard of this. Yeah, likethey really have the resources to be sending
officers into high schools for weed andthat like they worried that the officers are
going to end up in more troublethan putting them in fifteen year olds.
Yeah exactly. And so the girlsgo off and then so they're all into
(09:33):
drugs. That is what we're sayinghere, is like, yeah, pretty
much. And so Matt is reallyhurt by the Jean Claude rumors. Obviously,
obviously because it implies that she cheatedon him. You know, at
the beginning, she was like,oh, I like, Matt is like
a sister to me. But I'mgonna make my sister feel like I cheated
on her, I don't know.So to spare his feelings, Matt,
(09:58):
she tells Matt the te and shewas like, look, I don't mean
to hurt your feelings. It wasjust I just made up the fake rumor
so I could try to win overthe other boy that I actually dumped you
for. Right, So now youfeel better. Yeah, now we're good.
Now we're good. Now we're backto being sisters again, right,
Matt. And he's like, youfucking lied to me about Stefan as well,
(10:20):
but whatever. And then she asksMatt as well. She's like,
hey, by the way, sincewe're like buddies, now, will you
convince Stephan to go to the homecomingdance? And he surprisingly agrees with this,
Like what? And he Matt evensays to her, here's a quote.
You only want everybody and everything torevolve around Elena Gilbert. You only
(10:41):
want everything you don't have. Wow, he's got He's yeah, exactly.
Yeah. At the homecoming dance.They're there, Tyler is super drunk and
he's all over Elena despite Elena.Yeah, he's yeah, right, he's
(11:03):
just he's a fucking I think actually, I think I forgot. I don't
know if I wrote this down.I think Elena is with Matt at the
homecoming as. I think she wentwith Matt and then got Matt to convince
Stephan to go, and she's like, my plan is I'm gonna ditch you
for stuff in and he's like cool, I mean her feelings, but yeah,
okay, but hey, we're sisters. We're sisters, Jesus Christ,
(11:26):
sister. This is like a likea fucking porno from like Sister Wives or
some ship. I don't know.So it's so fucked up. So yeah,
they're at their own little table andthere's literally a queue of people waiting
to talk to Matt and Elena attheir table, like and I quote,
(11:50):
as if we were real royalty.Oh, like people waiting to approach the
queen and the king, right what. So Elena ditches Matt finally and approaches
Stephan and she's like, okay,he's really he's obviously happy to see me,
but like also looks like he's inpain, so like like Twilight again
(12:13):
again, and then pretty much shecompletely copied this. So Elena immediately gets
the vibe. She's like, there'ssomething off about Stephan, there's something dark
there, but I'm going to ignoremy gut feeling and just go with this
because I myself am a psychopath.Right. So, just before Elena has
a chance to ask Stefan for adate, Caroline shows up and it turns
(12:35):
out Caroline is Stephan's date. Shehell, I mean, well, yeah,
I think it was. It waslike she just kind of hung around
Stephan so much, and he justdidn't really like brush her off. He
just kind of like tolerated her presence. And then she was like, we're
going to the dance, and he'slike, okay, sounds like my fiance.
(12:58):
It justs my president. We're goingto dance, okay. Yeah,
like Paul as well, your husband'san yeah, your partner's an introvert a
little bit, he's a little bitquiet yeaheah, yeah, Paul, see
you can wear them down. Seeyeah, yeah's wear them down. Maybe
they're vampires. I mean you've seenPaul. He looks like, oh my
(13:22):
god. And then this is sothen Elena gets upset, so she goes
to the bathroom with Bombie and Meredithand they just spend all this time slut
shaming Caroline's outfit again. They werefriends with her, They were friends with
her, and the misogyny is rampant. Do we have a description of the
eefit? I'm like, what arethey doing? There was a description,
(13:43):
but I didn't I didn't write itdown, but it was kind of like
a low cut. But even forher, it was, you know,
just but like she looks like asettles, like, what if you can
get the man? Get the misogynyis coming from inside the house. Yeah,
absolutely, So then the girl Itry to be optimistic. They're like,
look, Elena, maybe this isa good thing that Caroline is with
(14:03):
Stephan because now you can stop obsessingover him. No one mentions that the
blood oath was weird, but whichI would say, I think is the
weirdest part, the weirdest thing.And then she was like, you know
what, fuck you guys, I'mgonna get new friends instead. Y'all are
crazy, not me. WHOA,So she leaves. She is a psycho.
(14:26):
She's so psycho. She leaves thebathroom and she's like, I'm fuck
this shit. You know, I'mgonna go fucking crazy. I'm gonna get
all the attention I deserve. Shegoes on the dance floor and she dances
and flirts with every single boy shesees, and Matt is there like,
who's this hell bag? Who's thishell bag? My sister, bloody sister,
(14:48):
Oh my god, geez. Andso she's especially giving Tyler a lot
of attention because she was like,oh, I remember that Tyler tried harassing
Stephan on the first day, andmaybe he had a point. So like
she treats she doesn't treat Stephan likea person. She's like, you know,
the fact that she spread a falserumor about him around the school,
(15:09):
and she's like, I'm gonna befriends with the guy who bullied you because
you had the audacity of coming tothe dunce with someone with someone else,
even though you and I don't haveanything. God, so we're here two
days this psycho world behavior, yeah, for sure, for sure and Tyler.
(15:30):
Tyler is there with a date,and this date is crying and very
upset because Tyler has like you know, Elena is flirting with Tyler, and
it's kind of like Elena is likethe fucking Ariana Grande of school. She's
I'm just gonna steal this, man, I don't care, And I just
want to say, I know,I know you're shockingly upset as well.
(15:50):
I'm so upset. I'm seizing thatyou're slus shaming Arianna. Well, you
guys know the whole Ariana Grande stuff, right, But he was one of
those No, yeah, well,like I understand, I understand that,
Like you know, it's more ofthe men's fault for cheating on their partners
because this isn't the first time she'staken a taken man. It's definitely more
(16:11):
their fault because they were the oneswho are in relationships. But I'm just
saying, if you have a starpower like that, you gotta use it
for good. Yeah, breaking yeah, I'm very very secure with my relationship
and if like the hottest girl inthe world were to approach Paul, I
wouldn't be worried. But if itwas like if it was Ariana Grande and
(16:37):
like you're hot and you also havethis fame and money and stuff behind,
I'd be a little worried that Iwould be They could be swept up their
feet by then, yet the worldthat they can bring them into. Yes,
yeah, I'm just saying it's definitelymore their fault. But she's also
completely Yeah. So Elena Gilbert islike the Ariana Grande of fucking nineteen nineties
(17:00):
Virginia. So yeah, Tyler's dateis crying. Elena doesn't care and just
keeps rubbing into her face. Mattlooks sad. Tyler starts being super handsy
with Elena in front of everyone,and she's like, I'm cool with it.
And yet there's slot shaming Caroline forthere's dressed. Yeah, slow shaming
(17:22):
Caroline for wearing a low cut dress. But then she's going off and and
again I don't think you should slutshameanyone, but like be consistent. Yeah,
exactly. So then Tyler takes Elenaand his group of future frat Boys
of America to the cemetery to continuethe party, because there's a lot of
partying in cemeteries in the show andin the book. Yeah, there's only
(17:45):
like two places in town, Like, why don't you go to the fucking
mall like a normal group of teenagers? Yeah? Why? Why the dead
Park as my my son once calledit, when we were driving past,
he was like, oh, thedead park. And I was like,
I can't argue with that, butthe dead park, I was like,
(18:08):
the dead bark. I love Plastic, He's always cracking me up. But
I like, but it's another it'sanother American high school trope. Yeah,
we just get drunk and party incemeteries. We just did close. We
close our graveyards in the evening andyeah, yeah there's that. Don't keep
(18:32):
them in and keep the kids andkids. It's a respect thing. They
just go to a normal park,not just a dead party. Normal normal
people feel Yes. Yeah, Ithink Paul was saying that he would get
drunken fields very irish thing to do. Like I came over and did that
over here. Yeah yeah you didthat. Yeah, I mean no one
invited me to do. I wastoo busy preparing to be saluatory in my
(18:57):
high school exactly number two out offour hundred and sixty students, by the
way, just in case beauty,yeah maybe maybe. Oh yeah, okay,
then this is and it gets bad. They're at the cemetery. The
moon is very large and red,like a blood moon. Obviously, Tyler
(19:22):
sees this giant red blood moon,and he's like, that's stupid and starts
throwing rocks at the What. Ohmy god, this guy is an idiot.
All going along with him, like, yeah, it's Tyler. Yeah
you rocks to the moon. Howfar away? Oh my god, these
guys suture boys of America, Boysof America. Tyler is already like reminding
(19:48):
me of one particular high school jockthat I went with. Why I went
to high school with? But sothen, yeah, the Tyler takes Elena
to a different part of the cemeteryand he tries to rape her. Yeah
what Yeah, he tries to rapeElena. So in the series, he
tried to rape Vicky in the Inthe book, he tries to rape Elena
(20:12):
herself. It gets graphic. Iwon't go into detail. Whoa, but
yeah, he almost almost does it. And then but it's a full moon,
and that's his excuse. That's excusetrying to excuse this. I don't
know his I don't know if likeTylers were wolf stuff. I can't remember
(20:32):
if it happens in the books.It doesn't happen in this book. Okay,
there's no mention Wolve's in this book. Yeah, I don't know if
it does. Actually, I thinkthey might have brought that in for the
TV show. Yeah, I can'tremember. Yeah, because it should have
been the The Vampire Empire, theWear Wear Fire. Yeah, the were
wolf Wolf. So it's Elena's diarythat we're reading the book, start right,
(20:59):
she has not a vampire. Yeah, that's good point. It's like
the Human Human Diaries. Let's callit the Human HUMANO the Bitch Diaries,
I think the Vampire or the PrincessDiaries, because she thinks she's royalty.
Oh my god, you can't justbecause you're just because you can afford to
(21:22):
shop at Hollister doesn't make you aprincess's princess. Sorry. I was more
of an air apostol, so Elizabeth, I don't care. I would have
called it aero. I know Iwas, because you guys you had Hollister
(21:42):
and arrow postal it's called at airpost. And I was like an Urban
Outfitters kid, and we just thoughtwe were the cools, urbane to two
and three years, just like Istill shop at Urban Outfitter An adult at
all is there on the temple bar. The McDonald's used to drum, but
(22:10):
it's gone. I knew about theone. You know, it's in Temple
bar is the main one. Yeah, it's real nice. I'm in trouble.
I got some nice dresses there.I still can't afford it. That's
that's so expensive. But so Stephanarrives to stop Tyler and he throws Tyler
against the tombstone and beats him upagain. This kind of reminds me again
(22:33):
Twilight. Remember the Wolf, thewhole the whole thing, and yeah,
well no, not just not justthat, but like where Elena almost no
no, no, Bella almost getsassaults by those guys in the motorcycles and
then Stephan shows about of nowhere andsaves her. Edward Edward, No,
no, exactly. We are thesame people. The names are even dissimilar.
(23:00):
Yeah stuff, And like the actorsplaying them like they are. They
look Elena, yeah, your manis the image of Robert Pattinson is like
the best prettier version you the guy. Yeah, yeah, ye aren't.
They're very similar. I would loveit if you're saying that those those crews
(23:21):
a Vampire Diaries and the Twilight crewhangout. I would love it if Paul
and Robert Pattinson like got together andthey were like fuck, this, like,
what the what, what the fuckare we doing? What are we
doing? We know Robert Pattinson hated. He's a good sense of humor.
But I hope like Paul got tolike trauma, don't be trauma bond bond
(23:42):
over their vampire. Like especially RobertPattinson sitting on his millions. He's fine.
Yeah, yeah, I don't.They're happy. It's so good.
And he was Batman, so that'strue. Yeah, I know, he's
he's we like Robert Patts. He'sgood. You like him. He was
mining the maybe last weekend at Coachella. Oh good, like you do you
(24:03):
take your baby to Coachella? Yeah? All these home? Thanks for listening
to Bad Book Bash. Vampire Diariesis written by L. J. Smith.
Our comedian guest stars have been Irishcomedian Luis O'Toole and American comedian Elizabeth
Redman. Followed Bad Book Bash onInstagram, Facebook, and Patreon for more updates
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