June 18, 2024 • 24 mins
Stefan saves Elena from getting attacked in the forest, and she gets mad at him for it..? We learn more about the thirsty thruple that was Catherine, Stefan, and Damon; turns out manipulative women have always been the boys' types. Elena finds out that Stefan is just as much of a stalker as she is, and nothing makes her happier. She also completely screws over her two best friends, very intentionally, and immediately tells them to not expect and apology and they're like 'okay bet'. Elena also carries her diary around with her everywhere, filled with her sociopathic thoughts, and is surprised when she loses it
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
A sexy day with Daddy she Imand weave these team Mamma's book Listen.
Stephan escorts Elena away from the graveyardand he takes he takes her to uh
(00:22):
his place to freshen up. Sowhile she's in the bathroom, she's just
getting like more angry at Stefan,even though again he just saved her.
But she's like, how dare hebe so fucking polite and gallant? Who
does he think he is? Wow? Yeah, we love her, she's
character mentally stable. We're so really, we all really, we all see
(00:44):
ourselves in her. Yes, she'sa brat, She's a brad. So
Elena leaves a bathroom and she straightup asks Stefan, Yo, why do
you hate me? Because you're obviouslyavoiding me? And it's like, isn't
it obvious everyone hates you. You'rea bitch. Yeah, And so then
he tells her like, look,I don't hate you. You just remind
me of someone I once knew,and it's kind of painful to look at
(01:06):
you because of that. And thenshe tries to comfort him and then he
explodes at her. He gets realangry, and then it goes from that
and I him like yelling at her. They start kissing. Oh wow,
this is a real sexy first kiss. Not this is healthy. Yeah.
(01:26):
So then meanwhile Bonnie, Meredith,and Matt they go back to the cemetery
to look for Elena and one ofthe girls in the group actually it was
Vicky was So Vicky is in thisbook, but she's kind of a different
character. They just kept some ofthe same names. But yeah, okay,
So Vicky emerges from the cemetery.Her dress is torn, she's delirious,
she's really confused, and she waslike an animal attacked me and my
(01:51):
date, the other future frat boyof America that we came here with.
And then Stephan drops Elena back homeand there are some cops who are there
waiting for her. Okay, andthat's the end of this section, and
we're going to start chapters nine throughtwelve and the next Yeah, all right,
guys, we're gonna fast forward throughchapters nine through sixteen the end of
(02:15):
the section, just because we gotwe're on a time crunch. Okay,
okay, all right, so themOkay, So, basically, Stephan has
a flashback to him and Damon andKatherine. Basically we find out that.
Yeah, Catherine back in the dayhad a thing for both Stephan and Damon
and she was toying with both ofthem and she was like, listen,
(02:36):
boys, I like both of you, and I turned both of you into
vampires, and I just want usto live in a happy little threesome for
the rest of eternity. Love itthe original Throuble. I mean, they're
clearly cool with incests in this bookbecause Elena sees Matt as a sister and
they obviously fun. So Catherine's like, why can't we do that? And
no, girl, you know,go Catherine, Yeah, just trying to
(02:58):
do a girl just get I meanit's a lot of work too. There's
a lot of double double fists init, you know. But Stephan and
Damon are like, no, fuckthat, And essentially they had a fight
to the duel. They had aduel and they it's a duel over Catherine,
and Catherine got so upset that shewent and killed herself and she left
(03:21):
a note being like, I'm sorry, I was selfish to try to keep
both of y'all, but maybe mydeath can reunite you too, And they
were like, no, that's notit, and so they went and they
had another duel and they each stabbedeach other through the heart. And when
they each stabbed each other through theheart, that kind of like cemented their
vampurism because they had the vampire bloodand their systems. Yeah, and so
(03:45):
killing them made them they each killedeach other, making them permanent vampires.
And that was like eighteen hundred's Italy. And from then on, you know,
they each fled town. Damon keptroaming the world and he had no
problem killing people, and killing peoplemakes you stronger as a vampire. And
Stefan was always like, I'm justgonna eat small animals, and so he
(04:06):
was always weaker, that's right.Yeah, And it is like that,
yeah, interesting because obviously in thebook or in the series, you get
like that's kind of the story.We still not having the first at the
beginning with them. We realized laterthat he was a ripper, right,
Yeah, there's other stuff cool.Yeah. Yeah. So the next day,
Meredith and Bonnie they go over toElena's house. Elena doesn't know that
(04:28):
Stephan's like a vampire yet, butthey're kind of together because they kissed,
right, and Elena is like,I'm so happy I'm with Stephan. And
I'm I'm also I know you guysare pissed at me for how I acted
last night, but I'm not gonnaapologize for that because don't kill my buzz.
Yeah, just don't kill my buzz. Don't do it legitimate. She
could also be like, also Tylertried to rape well there, yeah,
(04:50):
there's mention maybe that, yeah,because they were like, hey, you
were, you were hooking up withhim, you were kind of getting handsy
with him in front of everybody,in front of Matt and then you went
off to the graveyard, disappeared onus and you don't turn out you were
he tried to rape you, andthen Stefan helped you and then you got
together. If you said that,they'd probably be like, yeah, yeah,
(05:11):
yeah, okay, we get it. But not is she ignore that
and just go, hey, Idon't ruin my books. It is such
a good time right now. Fucky'all for trying to hold me accountable.
And they're like, okay, that'sfair. So then they go to Stephan's
house, all three of them,and Elena immediately kisses Stephan and she's like,
hey, by the way, Ilove you. Oh, okay,
(05:34):
I love you. We've been togetherfor a day. I love you,
and he doesn't answer back, Obo, and she's like, what the fuck
is wrong with you? Don't youknow who I am? I'm royalty?
Oh my god, No, isthat a direct quote? Is that a
direct quote? I was thinking it. I got so excited. I was
(05:55):
like, oh my god. Andthen Elena she snoop. She snoops around
Stephan's house. She finds the ribbonthat she lost the first day of school
that he kept hidden away, andshe's like fucking thrilled. She's like,
oh, he's a creeper like me. Same. She takes her knickers off
and leaves them under her pillow.You know, I mean, she is
(06:15):
a trip. We find out thatTyler gets suspended and kicked off the football
team, and that's the only consequenceshe faces trying to rape. Okay,
but she did report it then actuallyno, She's like, I don't want
to press charges. She did likereport it, but then she's like,
I'm just not gonna do anything aboutit, so I just want to I
don't want Yes, yeah, hegets kicked off the football team. Right
(06:40):
at least we got that, Yeah, I mean, like, to be
fair, it is an ordeal forpeople to go and report things. And
that's true. I have to gothrough that. So okay, we'll give
her the benefit even though so wedo hate her. So later Elena,
Bonnie and Meredith, they're chilling.Elena is expressing relationship worries because she's like
Stephan seen distance sometimes. So Bonnieis like, there's this old druid magic
(07:02):
trick. Of course there is,of course there is. I believe they
teach this in every Celtica For yourfirst totally comedian you can tell who you're
gonna marry by you. You youset the table like you're having dinner,
and then you put a candle inthe middle. You stand behind the headchair
with your hands on it, andat the stroke of midnight you say,
(07:25):
come in and you should see theghost of your future husband. Sit down.
The ghost of your future husband.He's already dead. Yeah, yeah,
why is where the fuck is he? So? Does that mean like
he just spiritually operates and he's like, what the fuck am I doing in
this teenage girl's house? And alsolike he may look very different if they
live to a good age. You'relike, well, he's like, yeah,
(07:49):
I kind of connect that back towho he's gonna go now, I
like in the tree. That doesfeel like a Taylor Swift movie video.
Candle in the middle of the tableand the chair and at midnight alone in
a house to the candle lit.I'm not asking anybody to come in because
(08:09):
I don't know my ass. I'dscrew that up and get some demons or
something. Board. Yeah, youdon't go messing with that ship. I
don't mess with I don't mess withthat. I don't know if I believe
in ghosts, but I also don'twant to. I don't out. That's
right, that's right. You juststay on. Also, like the person
you are going to marry isn't necessarilygoing to be doesn't mean it's a good
(08:31):
yeah, which marriage for a storymultiple doesn't mean you're gonna end up with
them, doesn't mean they're gonna bea good person, good people absolute doesn't
mean they're gonna be your life.You end up marrying someone who's not.
Why is that? Why are theyobsessed with that? Like the person you're
gonna end up with because as awoman, that's our only value. Well
that's the only value, especially seventeen. So Elena does this The candle goes
(08:56):
out, of course, and thenDamon walks. He's been stalking her.
He's a spoiler alert, he's beenstalking Stephan this whole time. This is
coulda be revealed. Was a kindof fast forwarding. He walks in.
But I thought I thought in thebooks they weren't. They weren't. Okay,
keep going, no, yeah,but no, they're not a thing.
But he walks. It's not aspirit. He just walks in.
Ah, right, he's stalking Elena. Yeah, and he tries to kiss
(09:20):
Elena. She almost falls for hishypnosis, but then she's like, wait,
no, get the fuck out,and so he's so mad that he
ends up like because they're at Bonnie'shouse, right, So he's so mad
that he kills Bonnie's dog. Andthen he also sees Elena's diary that she
carries with her everywhere. Right,just don't she carries That's that's a dangerous
(09:41):
game. That away, especially withthoughts like Elena Gilberts, shouldn't mean risking
that good getting public. So there'slike this Halloween festival at the high school
and yeah, yeah, this show, this happened in the show. Yeah,
one of the teachers is pretending tobe a human sacrifice. This was
(10:03):
like mister Tanner or something. Hewas like a dickhead in the and there's
a coach or something. Yeah,he was like a football coach and a
history teacher and he was a bigdick And he pretends to be a human
sacrifice and he's supposed to jump outat like kids nearby, but he isn't
moving, and it turns out thathe actually died. He was attacked by
a vampire spoiler alert it was Damon. And anyways, Tyler appears even though
(10:26):
he's like suspended, but he's he'sthere at the festival because he's hiding behind
a werewolf mask. Obviously cute.Yeah, and he tells everyone, hey,
lock the doors. Whoever murdered ourteacher is still here. I think
it's Stephan because he clearly has ahistory with violence. I mean, look
at him. He beat the shitout of me and I just wasn't doing
it. I was just being youknow, chill, beating me up for
(10:50):
no reason. It's clearly Stephan whokilled our teacher, clearly, and then
he manages to convince the whole schoolto turn into a man hunting mob against
Stephan. Matt finds Stephan and helpshim escape. Okay, always a good
sense. That's a good guy.Yeah, So then Stefan goes to his
house. Elena arrives at his houseshortly later. She goes to the roof
(11:11):
and she finds him crouched over likean animal with blood on his face,
drinking from a dove. So shefinds out. She finds out he's a
vampire, and they have like awhole Twilight esk scene where she says,
you're strong and quick. Oh mygod, yes, bella strong putting it
(11:33):
together, yeah, just the reverse, and then he's like, I'm faster
than you, I'm more resilient,I'm a hunter. Again. It's such
such a Twilight It is like likeTwilight copied this scene from the books and
put it in the woods like ayou get if you go out run me,
Bela, that's right, And it'salways this. I just can't believe
(11:54):
the cheek is Stephanie Meyer too havestolen this completely completely. It's so completely
like everything, I mean everything,even like the whole You're incredibly fast and
strong and she just says like you'reyou're you're strong and fast like so anyways,
stephan kind of tells Elena everything aboutbeing a vampire, about his past
with Catherine, all that stuff,and Elena's and Stephan hasn't clocked that Damon's
(12:18):
in town yet. But Elena's like, I think your brother's in town because
there there was another by the way, I didn't tell you this. I
should have told you this, butthere was some creepy dude that like snuck
into Bonnie's house and killed her dog. I don't know why I didn't tell
you this. But and then Stefan'slike, yeah, that sounds like Damon.
That sounds like my brother. Anyways, then they end up like drinking
each other's blood as like a bondingthing. Yeah. The next day,
(12:41):
Stefan goes to the woods to findDamon, immediately finds him. He's just
like, Damon, where are you? And then Damon pops up and he's
like, oh, I've been stalkingyou for a few weeks, just waiting
for you to say hi, brother. And then Damon is like, listen,
Stepan, I want Elena. I'mgonna kill you if you get in
the way. And then he likefull on and like like kind of neck
rapes Stephan. He drinks Stephan's bloodand it's described like very rapey. It's
(13:07):
like really disturbing because they the waythey described like the blood drinking is always
like so sexual it is, andit's in the show well, the noise
as they make everything. I'm justlike, so, yeah, so for
Damon to do that to Stephan,it's a really it feels like a brother
rape scene. I A, butthat's how it's described. And anyways,
(13:30):
the next day at school, Elenacan't find Stephan. Everyone's like he's disappeared
because he's clearly guilty of murdering ourteacher, no evidence, and yeah,
Elena dramatically leaves in the middle ofclass. She's like, I know,
he's he's probably confronting his brother inthe woods in the cemetery, because that's
the only other place in town hecould be. She goes to the woods,
(13:50):
she shouts Daemon's name, and that'sthe end. And that's the end
of the first book. And that'show we had the first book. Okay,
we're done, we're done in thetime, Okay, thoughts, thoughts,
opinions. I'm just flabbergasted by howbad it is. Yeah, I
know, and it's so so bad. It's so much and I know the
show was a bit like this toofor the first few episodes. But it's
(14:11):
so just a high school drama andthere just happens to be vampire vampire in
thee. That's how all these booksare. Yeah, like it's not and
it's so like the drama is soup and down and the characters are so
inconsistent, like when you guys aresaying, yeah, she's still Stephanie Meyer
stold up. But to be fair, yeah, and I like, it's
a long time since I read Twilight, Okay, yeah, but I'm like
(14:33):
she did make the character a littlebit more consistent slash related, but she
was still really annoying. Yeah,I don't think she was as much of
a bit. Oh. I couldn'tget through Twilight. I put it down.
I watched a couple of the firstmovie, and I tried reading the
book, and I there were somany like fifty Shades great. You start
and there's like so many grammatical andso many and you're going, this is
(14:54):
terrible. You should talk to JessicaCollins about fifty Shades A great. I've
never read that. Hate it.Yeah, she has a whole rant about
it. It's so funny. Oh, I should talk to her. But
I did read them. I gotthrough them. They're okay, like they're
not. I got through fifty shadesbecause I was pregnant on Nolly the time
I was bored and this baby toye, it definitely was like a period.
I was on a holiday something.Yeah, but like for making it,
(15:20):
for making it through, she's like, you know a little bit more,
and she's nerdy and like not she'snot the popular girl in school who
hates everybody and there's a bitch everyone, you know what I mean. There's
just they're like, Okay, Icome buy into she's not a psychopath.
Yeah, she's not as they're notpsychopaths saying is that like are we done
recording? Oh no, we're stillgood. Okay. I was like,
(15:41):
my mic, do I move it? I don't know what to do?
No, no, no no.I The thing about Elena, I'm so
disappointed because at least in the showshe's quite likable, I think, and
yeah, there's like a story andan actual plot and this is just a
congratulatory I'm the pretty and it justhappened to have the huts for Vampire and
(16:03):
loyalty and you know, there's noit's very vapid. There's no there's no
you know, you can read abook and not like it necessarily. That's
that didn't work. That wasn't great. But this is just actual trash.
This is just and I know thename of your podcast is book bash.
I don't think it was gonna be. It's really bad. I forgot it.
(16:25):
But when you then, I thinkif you go back and watch the
series a little bit with the lensof this, I know, it's like
it is definitely different. There's similarities. Yeah, and as I get through
the series, Elena is really fuckingannoying. Yeah. Just Nina Dobra happens
to be very party and quite likable, probably as a person, so that's
probably why she was cast in it. It's like, I can, I
(16:47):
can still get on board with you. You know, you're being literally annoying.
She was being very like She's like, it's my way or that highway.
We're doing highway. You don't knowanything. You have gotten yourself almost
killed millions of times. Your planalso getting involved with and you usually don't
even have a plan. No,you don't have any exence. You're seventeen
(17:07):
years old, and dude is likea couple of hundred years. Yeah,
I think that your experience outweighs his. I would actually defer to the older
vampire. I would Yeah, yeah, I think you've seen some shit.
You probably played this a few times. Yeah, so she is annoying in
this series, but she's definitely she'sdon't where horrible person's royalty preasence, Like
I just wow. But then I'mlike trying to put myself back into being
(17:30):
that age and thinking, was thata fantasy you had though a little bit
of like being cooler than being themost way even if it didn't exist,
right, even if there wasn't thatthing. I think we're saying that's not
it's never that explicit that the popularkids with that. Obviously the popular kids,
(17:51):
it's in their own heads. Yeah, but did you have a fantasy
where you everyone would see you likethat and that you would be the most
popular kid, and that you wouldjust say, I'm going to have that
hot new guy and then you wouldbe able to make up some story about
your French boyfriend, make freake Frenchboyfriend, and he would and it would
all work out. Like I guessit's fifty and they're probably younger kids reading
(18:14):
this right, you're not reading aseventeen year old character when you're seventy and
you're reading that when you're twelve thirteen. When I read a little I'm like
trying to put myself in, goingmaybe that is a little bit. So
I'm almost like it's youth it's it'syouth centric in the sense that it's aimed
at maybe tweens and teen preteens,but the cast is the older kids that
(18:37):
they would look up to. Yeah, yeah, that's maybe like we had,
you know, seventeen and eighteen yearolds watching Sex and the City or
Melrose Place, and they're looking atpeople in their twenties. We're kind of
always maybe you're all a little bit, you're always looking at it. So
maybe until you get to forty andyou're like, I guess the nineties I
would like to return, please,And I'm like, I want to watch
(19:00):
said film. Then had The WayAgain with Harry forty year old. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, I don't goback to the nineties. They sound
mean like they're all on the waythe good in a way, but they
were they were bad in a way. The body shaming, they were terrible.
The body shaming was like Heroin chicwas the heroin chic. You know
(19:23):
what was good in the nineties wasthe films some fantastic. Yeah, they
have good films, that's about it. But the world heroine heroin chic was
pretty prevalent. Was everywhere hero Andthen also, I don't know if it's
gone away, but like the youknow, it's not shaming just because you
have bigger boobs happening with Sidney Sweeney. I'm like, they're like, oh,
(19:45):
she's wearing these look at things.I'm like, no, that's how
it is. If you have abigger chest. That's literally she has a
banging body, and like you cansee the like it's going that. I
think it's good that there's someone backin popular culture that has boobs because I'm
like, for a long time theywere very out of fashion. Yeah,
they are out of fashion. Yeah, And I'm but it was that thing
of yeah, but you can't thatit's like, oh, she's sunny,
(20:06):
because like, how can she helpsthat she can't help? Well, she
did, but you still like,but it's just if you're anything over a
sea cup, there's stuff you can'twear. Yeah, but why is that
that you're you're she is asking forit, Well, you're logistically they fall
(20:26):
out, Yeah, why why youmight have one pop out, but it's
not the end of the world.She look, you know, wear it
either, but if somebody does.But if they want to wear something super
low cut, then what's the problem. Yeah, yeah, I don't know
why, but I see it likehappening again now that it's like hating on
somewhere just because you have a bangand body, Right, it's not like
(20:49):
that's not the reason to think thenshe's promiscuous or whatever, like that's it's
associated. Well, but it goescyclical because I don't remember, you know,
fifteen years ago, ten years ago, I don't it seemed like there
was a lot more like women werereally lifting each other up maybe and we're
like, oh, she's beautiful,like Angelina Jolie. Everyone was on board
(21:10):
with her until she went and robbedher husband. Oh yeah, everybody was
like, oh she's doing then,and she's gorgeous and she's talented and yeah,
absolutely trying to remember. I didhear. I was listening to a
podcast about it recently. Actually,her popularity despite that, right, her
popularity didn't really take that much becauseshe already was seen as kind of the
(21:32):
weird. Yeah, people already beenout there. Actually, and I think
literally the number of headlines of theman and money she was making them,
how popular she was didn't decrease asa result of that, even though she
was shainloads and there was like,there was loads of bad headlines in the
media. Actually, her popularity shewent off. She was already being kind
of trashed off. Yeah, shemanaged to consistently hold her which is like,
(21:56):
great for her, isn't that sostrange? But again, it goes
back to the whole slut shaming andhow women are treated in the media and
in real life, And she wasalready being trashed so maybe, yeah,
a reputation and take that much ofa hit, Yeah, that's that's amazing,
But it's because people already were hatingpeople because she has huge tits and
you're going, but she is talented, and she did a fake Oh potentially
(22:19):
I'm having an affair with my coaststar because we did a video with a
tiny bit of chemistry in order topromote the movie produced and that actually did
freaking amazing at the box office asa results. I'm like, because she's
smart, people are shitting on herbecause she's hot and smart and using things
that tools that are like they've beenused for decades exactly, I've been used
(22:41):
since like black and white films backin the day of the coasters are having
an affair. Everyone wants to gosee the movie that it works. It
doesn't. Why was it okay whenthe men were parading the starlets out and
making it all about their tits andass And when a woman does it,
oh and it's her own body,she's writing out other women. She's you
know, yeah, how dare youprobably dare you pray your own tits around?
(23:02):
You? Kept? Only a man? You have to have a sport
your boobies. Studio can do thatfor you, man, to escort your
boobies. But anyways, guys,I know we're crunching on time. Thanks
so much for having me Man PluckablesElizabeth Redmond Comedy on Instagram. El pasod
and Dog Comedy on Instagram. We'llgo into a discussion about that name at
(23:25):
another time. But yeah, pleaselike follow all the all the socials find
me on them. Please, thankyou. Elizabeth wants you to stalk her
like Lena stopped Stefan. Please andif you could be like dressed as a
crow. That would be superol.Oh, louise no crows please. I'm
louise An O'Toole on Instagram and Iactually don't know my TikTok. I need
(23:47):
to find that out for the nexttime. I don't have much on there,
so louise anatol get me on Instagram. That's my main I need to
do this. Yeah, all right, folks, and I'm Betsy Spear and
this has been Bad book Bash.Thank you very much, thanks for listening
to Bad Book Bash Vampire Diaries,as written by L. J. Smith.
Our comedian guest stars have been Irishcomedian Louis O'Toole and American comedian Elizabeth
(24:07):
Redman. Followed Bad Book Bash onInstagram, Facebook, and Patreon for more updates.
A sexy day with Daddy she Imand weave these team Mamma's book Listen.
Stephan escorts Elena away from the graveyardand he takes he takes her to uh
(00:22):
his place to freshen up. Sowhile she's in the bathroom, she's just
getting like more angry at Stefan,even though again he just saved her.
But she's like, how dare hebe so fucking polite and gallant? Who
does he think he is? Wow? Yeah, we love her, she's
character mentally stable. We're so really, we all really, we all see
(00:44):
ourselves in her. Yes, she'sa brat, She's a brad. So
Elena leaves a bathroom and she straightup asks Stefan, Yo, why do
you hate me? Because you're obviouslyavoiding me? And it's like, isn't
it obvious everyone hates you. You'rea bitch. Yeah, And so then
he tells her like, look,I don't hate you. You just remind
me of someone I once knew,and it's kind of painful to look at
(01:06):
you because of that. And thenshe tries to comfort him and then he
explodes at her. He gets realangry, and then it goes from that
and I him like yelling at her. They start kissing. Oh wow,
this is a real sexy first kiss. Not this is healthy. Yeah.
(01:26):
So then meanwhile Bonnie, Meredith,and Matt they go back to the cemetery
to look for Elena and one ofthe girls in the group actually it was
Vicky was So Vicky is in thisbook, but she's kind of a different
character. They just kept some ofthe same names. But yeah, okay,
So Vicky emerges from the cemetery.Her dress is torn, she's delirious,
she's really confused, and she waslike an animal attacked me and my
(01:51):
date, the other future frat boyof America that we came here with.
And then Stephan drops Elena back homeand there are some cops who are there
waiting for her. Okay, andthat's the end of this section, and
we're going to start chapters nine throughtwelve and the next Yeah, all right,
guys, we're gonna fast forward throughchapters nine through sixteen the end of
(02:15):
the section, just because we gotwe're on a time crunch. Okay,
okay, all right, so themOkay, So, basically, Stephan has
a flashback to him and Damon andKatherine. Basically we find out that.
Yeah, Catherine back in the dayhad a thing for both Stephan and Damon
and she was toying with both ofthem and she was like, listen,
(02:36):
boys, I like both of you, and I turned both of you into
vampires, and I just want usto live in a happy little threesome for
the rest of eternity. Love itthe original Throuble. I mean, they're
clearly cool with incests in this bookbecause Elena sees Matt as a sister and
they obviously fun. So Catherine's like, why can't we do that? And
no, girl, you know,go Catherine, Yeah, just trying to
(02:58):
do a girl just get I meanit's a lot of work too. There's
a lot of double double fists init, you know. But Stephan and
Damon are like, no, fuckthat, And essentially they had a fight
to the duel. They had aduel and they it's a duel over Catherine,
and Catherine got so upset that shewent and killed herself and she left
(03:21):
a note being like, I'm sorry, I was selfish to try to keep
both of y'all, but maybe mydeath can reunite you too, And they
were like, no, that's notit, and so they went and they
had another duel and they each stabbedeach other through the heart. And when
they each stabbed each other through theheart, that kind of like cemented their
vampurism because they had the vampire bloodand their systems. Yeah, and so
(03:45):
killing them made them they each killedeach other, making them permanent vampires.
And that was like eighteen hundred's Italy. And from then on, you know,
they each fled town. Damon keptroaming the world and he had no
problem killing people, and killing peoplemakes you stronger as a vampire. And
Stefan was always like, I'm justgonna eat small animals, and so he
(04:06):
was always weaker, that's right.Yeah, And it is like that,
yeah, interesting because obviously in thebook or in the series, you get
like that's kind of the story.We still not having the first at the
beginning with them. We realized laterthat he was a ripper, right,
Yeah, there's other stuff cool.Yeah. Yeah. So the next day,
Meredith and Bonnie they go over toElena's house. Elena doesn't know that
(04:28):
Stephan's like a vampire yet, butthey're kind of together because they kissed,
right, and Elena is like,I'm so happy I'm with Stephan. And
I'm I'm also I know you guysare pissed at me for how I acted
last night, but I'm not gonnaapologize for that because don't kill my buzz.
Yeah, just don't kill my buzz. Don't do it legitimate. She
could also be like, also Tylertried to rape well there, yeah,
(04:50):
there's mention maybe that, yeah,because they were like, hey, you
were, you were hooking up withhim, you were kind of getting handsy
with him in front of everybody,in front of Matt and then you went
off to the graveyard, disappeared onus and you don't turn out you were
he tried to rape you, andthen Stefan helped you and then you got
together. If you said that,they'd probably be like, yeah, yeah,
(05:11):
yeah, okay, we get it. But not is she ignore that
and just go, hey, Idon't ruin my books. It is such
a good time right now. Fucky'all for trying to hold me accountable.
And they're like, okay, that'sfair. So then they go to Stephan's
house, all three of them,and Elena immediately kisses Stephan and she's like,
hey, by the way, Ilove you. Oh, okay,
(05:34):
I love you. We've been togetherfor a day. I love you,
and he doesn't answer back, Obo, and she's like, what the fuck
is wrong with you? Don't youknow who I am? I'm royalty?
Oh my god, No, isthat a direct quote? Is that a
direct quote? I was thinking it. I got so excited. I was
(05:55):
like, oh my god. Andthen Elena she snoop. She snoops around
Stephan's house. She finds the ribbonthat she lost the first day of school
that he kept hidden away, andshe's like fucking thrilled. She's like,
oh, he's a creeper like me. Same. She takes her knickers off
and leaves them under her pillow.You know, I mean, she is
(06:15):
a trip. We find out thatTyler gets suspended and kicked off the football
team, and that's the only consequenceshe faces trying to rape. Okay,
but she did report it then actuallyno, She's like, I don't want
to press charges. She did likereport it, but then she's like,
I'm just not gonna do anything aboutit, so I just want to I
don't want Yes, yeah, hegets kicked off the football team. Right
(06:40):
at least we got that, Yeah, I mean, like, to be
fair, it is an ordeal forpeople to go and report things. And
that's true. I have to gothrough that. So okay, we'll give
her the benefit even though so wedo hate her. So later Elena,
Bonnie and Meredith, they're chilling.Elena is expressing relationship worries because she's like
Stephan seen distance sometimes. So Bonnieis like, there's this old druid magic
(07:02):
trick. Of course there is,of course there is. I believe they
teach this in every Celtica For yourfirst totally comedian you can tell who you're
gonna marry by you. You youset the table like you're having dinner,
and then you put a candle inthe middle. You stand behind the headchair
with your hands on it, andat the stroke of midnight you say,
(07:25):
come in and you should see theghost of your future husband. Sit down.
The ghost of your future husband.He's already dead. Yeah, yeah,
why is where the fuck is he? So? Does that mean like
he just spiritually operates and he's like, what the fuck am I doing in
this teenage girl's house? And alsolike he may look very different if they
live to a good age. You'relike, well, he's like, yeah,
(07:49):
I kind of connect that back towho he's gonna go now, I
like in the tree. That doesfeel like a Taylor Swift movie video.
Candle in the middle of the tableand the chair and at midnight alone in
a house to the candle lit.I'm not asking anybody to come in because
(08:09):
I don't know my ass. I'dscrew that up and get some demons or
something. Board. Yeah, youdon't go messing with that ship. I
don't mess with I don't mess withthat. I don't know if I believe
in ghosts, but I also don'twant to. I don't out. That's
right, that's right. You juststay on. Also, like the person
you are going to marry isn't necessarilygoing to be doesn't mean it's a good
(08:31):
yeah, which marriage for a storymultiple doesn't mean you're gonna end up with
them, doesn't mean they're gonna bea good person, good people absolute doesn't
mean they're gonna be your life.You end up marrying someone who's not.
Why is that? Why are theyobsessed with that? Like the person you're
gonna end up with because as awoman, that's our only value. Well
that's the only value, especially seventeen. So Elena does this The candle goes
(08:56):
out, of course, and thenDamon walks. He's been stalking her.
He's a spoiler alert, he's beenstalking Stephan this whole time. This is
coulda be revealed. Was a kindof fast forwarding. He walks in.
But I thought I thought in thebooks they weren't. They weren't. Okay,
keep going, no, yeah,but no, they're not a thing.
But he walks. It's not aspirit. He just walks in.
Ah, right, he's stalking Elena. Yeah, and he tries to kiss
(09:20):
Elena. She almost falls for hishypnosis, but then she's like, wait,
no, get the fuck out,and so he's so mad that he
ends up like because they're at Bonnie'shouse, right, So he's so mad
that he kills Bonnie's dog. Andthen he also sees Elena's diary that she
carries with her everywhere. Right,just don't she carries That's that's a dangerous
(09:41):
game. That away, especially withthoughts like Elena Gilberts, shouldn't mean risking
that good getting public. So there'slike this Halloween festival at the high school
and yeah, yeah, this show, this happened in the show. Yeah,
one of the teachers is pretending tobe a human sacrifice. This was
(10:03):
like mister Tanner or something. Hewas like a dickhead in the and there's
a coach or something. Yeah,he was like a football coach and a
history teacher and he was a bigdick And he pretends to be a human
sacrifice and he's supposed to jump outat like kids nearby, but he isn't
moving, and it turns out thathe actually died. He was attacked by
a vampire spoiler alert it was Damon. And anyways, Tyler appears even though
(10:26):
he's like suspended, but he's he'sthere at the festival because he's hiding behind
a werewolf mask. Obviously cute.Yeah, and he tells everyone, hey,
lock the doors. Whoever murdered ourteacher is still here. I think
it's Stephan because he clearly has ahistory with violence. I mean, look
at him. He beat the shitout of me and I just wasn't doing
it. I was just being youknow, chill, beating me up for
(10:50):
no reason. It's clearly Stephan whokilled our teacher, clearly, and then
he manages to convince the whole schoolto turn into a man hunting mob against
Stephan. Matt finds Stephan and helpshim escape. Okay, always a good
sense. That's a good guy.Yeah, So then Stefan goes to his
house. Elena arrives at his houseshortly later. She goes to the roof
(11:11):
and she finds him crouched over likean animal with blood on his face,
drinking from a dove. So shefinds out. She finds out he's a
vampire, and they have like awhole Twilight esk scene where she says,
you're strong and quick. Oh mygod, yes, bella strong putting it
(11:33):
together, yeah, just the reverse, and then he's like, I'm faster
than you, I'm more resilient,I'm a hunter. Again. It's such
such a Twilight It is like likeTwilight copied this scene from the books and
put it in the woods like ayou get if you go out run me,
Bela, that's right, And it'salways this. I just can't believe
(11:54):
the cheek is Stephanie Meyer too havestolen this completely completely. It's so completely
like everything, I mean everything,even like the whole You're incredibly fast and
strong and she just says like you'reyou're you're strong and fast like so anyways,
stephan kind of tells Elena everything aboutbeing a vampire, about his past
with Catherine, all that stuff,and Elena's and Stephan hasn't clocked that Damon's
(12:18):
in town yet. But Elena's like, I think your brother's in town because
there there was another by the way, I didn't tell you this. I
should have told you this, butthere was some creepy dude that like snuck
into Bonnie's house and killed her dog. I don't know why I didn't tell
you this. But and then Stefan'slike, yeah, that sounds like Damon.
That sounds like my brother. Anyways, then they end up like drinking
each other's blood as like a bondingthing. Yeah. The next day,
(12:41):
Stefan goes to the woods to findDamon, immediately finds him. He's just
like, Damon, where are you? And then Damon pops up and he's
like, oh, I've been stalkingyou for a few weeks, just waiting
for you to say hi, brother. And then Damon is like, listen,
Stepan, I want Elena. I'mgonna kill you if you get in
the way. And then he likefull on and like like kind of neck
rapes Stephan. He drinks Stephan's bloodand it's described like very rapey. It's
(13:07):
like really disturbing because they the waythey described like the blood drinking is always
like so sexual it is, andit's in the show well, the noise
as they make everything. I'm justlike, so, yeah, so for
Damon to do that to Stephan,it's a really it feels like a brother
rape scene. I A, butthat's how it's described. And anyways,
(13:30):
the next day at school, Elenacan't find Stephan. Everyone's like he's disappeared
because he's clearly guilty of murdering ourteacher, no evidence, and yeah,
Elena dramatically leaves in the middle ofclass. She's like, I know,
he's he's probably confronting his brother inthe woods in the cemetery, because that's
the only other place in town hecould be. She goes to the woods,
(13:50):
she shouts Daemon's name, and that'sthe end. And that's the end
of the first book. And that'show we had the first book. Okay,
we're done, we're done in thetime, Okay, thoughts, thoughts,
opinions. I'm just flabbergasted by howbad it is. Yeah, I
know, and it's so so bad. It's so much and I know the
show was a bit like this toofor the first few episodes. But it's
(14:11):
so just a high school drama andthere just happens to be vampire vampire in
thee. That's how all these booksare. Yeah, like it's not and
it's so like the drama is soup and down and the characters are so
inconsistent, like when you guys aresaying, yeah, she's still Stephanie Meyer
stold up. But to be fair, yeah, and I like, it's
a long time since I read Twilight, Okay, yeah, but I'm like
(14:33):
she did make the character a littlebit more consistent slash related, but she
was still really annoying. Yeah,I don't think she was as much of
a bit. Oh. I couldn'tget through Twilight. I put it down.
I watched a couple of the firstmovie, and I tried reading the
book, and I there were somany like fifty Shades great. You start
and there's like so many grammatical andso many and you're going, this is
(14:54):
terrible. You should talk to JessicaCollins about fifty Shades A great. I've
never read that. Hate it.Yeah, she has a whole rant about
it. It's so funny. Oh, I should talk to her. But
I did read them. I gotthrough them. They're okay, like they're
not. I got through fifty shadesbecause I was pregnant on Nolly the time
I was bored and this baby toye, it definitely was like a period.
I was on a holiday something.Yeah, but like for making it,
(15:20):
for making it through, she's like, you know a little bit more,
and she's nerdy and like not she'snot the popular girl in school who
hates everybody and there's a bitch everyone, you know what I mean. There's
just they're like, Okay, Icome buy into she's not a psychopath.
Yeah, she's not as they're notpsychopaths saying is that like are we done
recording? Oh no, we're stillgood. Okay. I was like,
(15:41):
my mic, do I move it? I don't know what to do?
No, no, no no.I The thing about Elena, I'm so
disappointed because at least in the showshe's quite likable, I think, and
yeah, there's like a story andan actual plot and this is just a
congratulatory I'm the pretty and it justhappened to have the huts for Vampire and
(16:03):
loyalty and you know, there's noit's very vapid. There's no there's no
you know, you can read abook and not like it necessarily. That's
that didn't work. That wasn't great. But this is just actual trash.
This is just and I know thename of your podcast is book bash.
I don't think it was gonna be. It's really bad. I forgot it.
(16:25):
But when you then, I thinkif you go back and watch the
series a little bit with the lensof this, I know, it's like
it is definitely different. There's similarities. Yeah, and as I get through
the series, Elena is really fuckingannoying. Yeah. Just Nina Dobra happens
to be very party and quite likable, probably as a person, so that's
probably why she was cast in it. It's like, I can, I
(16:47):
can still get on board with you. You know, you're being literally annoying.
She was being very like She's like, it's my way or that highway.
We're doing highway. You don't knowanything. You have gotten yourself almost
killed millions of times. Your planalso getting involved with and you usually don't
even have a plan. No,you don't have any exence. You're seventeen
(17:07):
years old, and dude is likea couple of hundred years. Yeah,
I think that your experience outweighs his. I would actually defer to the older
vampire. I would Yeah, yeah, I think you've seen some shit.
You probably played this a few times. Yeah, so she is annoying in
this series, but she's definitely she'sdon't where horrible person's royalty preasence, Like
I just wow. But then I'mlike trying to put myself back into being
(17:30):
that age and thinking, was thata fantasy you had though a little bit
of like being cooler than being themost way even if it didn't exist,
right, even if there wasn't thatthing. I think we're saying that's not
it's never that explicit that the popularkids with that. Obviously the popular kids,
(17:51):
it's in their own heads. Yeah, but did you have a fantasy
where you everyone would see you likethat and that you would be the most
popular kid, and that you wouldjust say, I'm going to have that
hot new guy and then you wouldbe able to make up some story about
your French boyfriend, make freake Frenchboyfriend, and he would and it would
all work out. Like I guessit's fifty and they're probably younger kids reading
(18:14):
this right, you're not reading aseventeen year old character when you're seventy and
you're reading that when you're twelve thirteen. When I read a little I'm like
trying to put myself in, goingmaybe that is a little bit. So
I'm almost like it's youth it's it'syouth centric in the sense that it's aimed
at maybe tweens and teen preteens,but the cast is the older kids that
(18:37):
they would look up to. Yeah, yeah, that's maybe like we had,
you know, seventeen and eighteen yearolds watching Sex and the City or
Melrose Place, and they're looking atpeople in their twenties. We're kind of
always maybe you're all a little bit, you're always looking at it. So
maybe until you get to forty andyou're like, I guess the nineties I
would like to return, please,And I'm like, I want to watch
(19:00):
said film. Then had The WayAgain with Harry forty year old. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, I don't goback to the nineties. They sound
mean like they're all on the waythe good in a way, but they
were they were bad in a way. The body shaming, they were terrible.
The body shaming was like Heroin chicwas the heroin chic. You know
(19:23):
what was good in the nineties wasthe films some fantastic. Yeah, they
have good films, that's about it. But the world heroine heroin chic was
pretty prevalent. Was everywhere hero Andthen also, I don't know if it's
gone away, but like the youknow, it's not shaming just because you
have bigger boobs happening with Sidney Sweeney. I'm like, they're like, oh,
(19:45):
she's wearing these look at things.I'm like, no, that's how
it is. If you have abigger chest. That's literally she has a
banging body, and like you cansee the like it's going that. I
think it's good that there's someone backin popular culture that has boobs because I'm
like, for a long time theywere very out of fashion. Yeah,
they are out of fashion. Yeah, And I'm but it was that thing
of yeah, but you can't thatit's like, oh, she's sunny,
(20:06):
because like, how can she helpsthat she can't help? Well, she
did, but you still like,but it's just if you're anything over a
sea cup, there's stuff you can'twear. Yeah, but why is that
that you're you're she is asking forit, Well, you're logistically they fall
(20:26):
out, Yeah, why why youmight have one pop out, but it's
not the end of the world.She look, you know, wear it
either, but if somebody does.But if they want to wear something super
low cut, then what's the problem. Yeah, yeah, I don't know
why, but I see it likehappening again now that it's like hating on
somewhere just because you have a bangand body, Right, it's not like
(20:49):
that's not the reason to think thenshe's promiscuous or whatever, like that's it's
associated. Well, but it goescyclical because I don't remember, you know,
fifteen years ago, ten years ago, I don't it seemed like there
was a lot more like women werereally lifting each other up maybe and we're
like, oh, she's beautiful,like Angelina Jolie. Everyone was on board
(21:10):
with her until she went and robbedher husband. Oh yeah, everybody was
like, oh she's doing then,and she's gorgeous and she's talented and yeah,
absolutely trying to remember. I didhear. I was listening to a
podcast about it recently. Actually,her popularity despite that, right, her
popularity didn't really take that much becauseshe already was seen as kind of the
(21:32):
weird. Yeah, people already beenout there. Actually, and I think
literally the number of headlines of theman and money she was making them,
how popular she was didn't decrease asa result of that, even though she
was shainloads and there was like,there was loads of bad headlines in the
media. Actually, her popularity shewent off. She was already being kind
of trashed off. Yeah, shemanaged to consistently hold her which is like,
(21:56):
great for her, isn't that sostrange? But again, it goes
back to the whole slut shaming andhow women are treated in the media and
in real life, And she wasalready being trashed so maybe, yeah,
a reputation and take that much ofa hit, Yeah, that's that's amazing,
But it's because people already were hatingpeople because she has huge tits and
you're going, but she is talented, and she did a fake Oh potentially
(22:19):
I'm having an affair with my coaststar because we did a video with a
tiny bit of chemistry in order topromote the movie produced and that actually did
freaking amazing at the box office asa results. I'm like, because she's
smart, people are shitting on herbecause she's hot and smart and using things
that tools that are like they've beenused for decades exactly, I've been used
(22:41):
since like black and white films backin the day of the coasters are having
an affair. Everyone wants to gosee the movie that it works. It
doesn't. Why was it okay whenthe men were parading the starlets out and
making it all about their tits andass And when a woman does it,
oh and it's her own body,she's writing out other women. She's you
know, yeah, how dare youprobably dare you pray your own tits around?
(23:02):
You? Kept? Only a man? You have to have a sport
your boobies. Studio can do thatfor you, man, to escort your
boobies. But anyways, guys,I know we're crunching on time. Thanks
so much for having me Man PluckablesElizabeth Redmond Comedy on Instagram. El pasod
and Dog Comedy on Instagram. We'llgo into a discussion about that name at
(23:25):
another time. But yeah, pleaselike follow all the all the socials find
me on them. Please, thankyou. Elizabeth wants you to stalk her
like Lena stopped Stefan. Please andif you could be like dressed as a
crow. That would be superol.Oh, louise no crows please. I'm
louise An O'Toole on Instagram and Iactually don't know my TikTok. I need
(23:47):
to find that out for the nexttime. I don't have much on there,
so louise anatol get me on Instagram. That's my main I need to
do this. Yeah, all right, folks, and I'm Betsy Spear and
this has been Bad book Bash.Thank you very much, thanks for listening
to Bad Book Bash Vampire Diaries,as written by L. J. Smith.
Our comedian guest stars have been Irishcomedian Louis O'Toole and American comedian Elizabeth
(24:07):
Redman. Followed Bad Book Bash onInstagram, Facebook, and Patreon for more updates.
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