Dead Dads w/ Harland Williams

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You two are bad friends? Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Aside?

Speaker 1 (00:06):
You too are disgusting? You or something? Friends.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
I'm gonna get botoks.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Don't please, don't get it.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
I'm getting boatox. I have to why because I look
old Now it's catching up.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
And time out. I know exactly where this started. Do
you guys know where they started? Mccone's with me.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
Yeah, I know where it started. That photo you posted.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
I posted a photo on my story.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
That angle never again.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
Dude, brother, it looks like you do.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
I look like a shrinking frog. You are, It doesn't.
It was not good. I thought the bags, the liver spots.
I gotta get boatox.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
You don't have liver spots.

Speaker 2 (00:42):
I do. Look at it. On the side.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
Those are freckles, dude.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
Oh They're gigantic freckles. Freckles. That's what I happen on
my face?

Speaker 1 (00:48):
Yeah, some a freckle.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Yeah, yeah, listen, that's what I'm gonna look like.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
Yeah, the oil oil London, right.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
Yeah, I mean I don't think people would notice if
I got botox.

Speaker 1 (00:56):
I think they would. You should, Okay, do AI Bobby
with bobbyly with botox? Can we see that?

Speaker 2 (01:01):
But if I get botox. New rule. You can't make
fun of me. You can't make fun of me.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
Old rule. Yes I can, okay, old rule, but no,
of course I won't make fun of you if if you,
first of all, you're not gonna get botox, I am no,
you're not. Where would you get it?

Speaker 2 (01:18):
Korea?

Speaker 1 (01:19):
No, I'm saying where on your face?

Speaker 2 (01:21):
Oh my god, my eyes like the puppy that's on
the sides here, the lips a little bit.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
Don't you just want to age gracefully? Don't you just
want to age gracefully? Because you're doing a great job.
Everybody thinks you're forty. No one knows you're about to
turn fifty four years old. Nobody knows that except for
everybody that's listening to the show right now.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
I know. But you know what happens to Asians? Right?
What the old rule?

Speaker 1 (01:43):
What's the old rule?

Speaker 2 (01:44):
One night? One night long logo? Wrong? Ago? I went
to sheep.

Speaker 1 (01:51):
What happened?

Speaker 2 (01:52):
I woke up as Yoda?

Speaker 1 (01:54):
Oh you think you're gonna turn it.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
I'm gonna turn the Yoda one day.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
Okay, Then if you get it, we're all getting it.
That's it. So here's the thing, Okay, Because Richie needs
it to look at his face.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah, but he those twenty two, twenty three.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
Twenty four. Yeah, yeah, right, that's right, we asked. Yeah,
but think about it and give it some good perspective.
Yoda was so wise. Everybody went to him for advice.

Speaker 2 (02:13):
But I don't know, shit, I don't know anything. Yes,
you gi me something, ask me, Uh you know.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
How many floors is the Empire State Building?

Speaker 2 (02:20):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
We'll need to do why.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
All right, you're fine with this? To give me a
capital or a city in the state, and I think
I'm want to give you the state.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
Easy, okay, oh country, or you want.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
His city in the state. And I'll tell you what
the state is?

Speaker 1 (02:32):
Okay, what is? What is the capital?

Speaker 2 (02:34):
You know that the capital? Just give me a city.

Speaker 1 (02:36):
Wouldn't give you any city?

Speaker 2 (02:38):
Albany, Albany, New Mexico.

Speaker 1 (02:42):
Yeah, it's New New York, all the New York.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
That was a tough one. Really, yeah, yeah, give me
another one. Give me another one.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
Uh, Springfield, Ohio. Well there is there is one there
for sure. There's one in every state.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
Okay, Well that's a trick one.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
Okay, how about this, Uh, Sacramento, California, come on, okay,
Luveck Texas very good? Uh?

Speaker 2 (03:10):
Is its x London, England?

Speaker 1 (03:14):
No, that's here is what's it? It's it's x x
y x X.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
It's Oh, that's a good one.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
You've seen it. It's in the desert.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
I saw it in the desert. Ones zis but that's
a road, not a city.

Speaker 1 (03:24):
I think it's a city.

Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yeah, it's a city.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
Zizy's formally Soda Springs is an unincorporated town in San
Berdino County. By the way, I heard it was a
developmental town for like a rehab clinic and it never
took off.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
Fun Tang.

Speaker 1 (03:36):
Uh, that's gotta be China.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah, I made it up.

Speaker 1 (03:40):
Fun Tank.

Speaker 2 (03:40):
Yeah, it could be anyone.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
Sounds like a Chinese name. Welcome to fun Tang. That's
your that was your nickname of high school.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
Fun Tank. All right, well, I know it's you know
a lot of things. All right, give me a random
thing that maybe you might not think that I know.

Speaker 1 (03:53):
How about how about, like, uh, give me the name
of the of the first album?

Speaker 2 (03:59):
Really, oh my god, panic already you know music so well? Yeah,
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (04:05):
Give me the first album released by.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
I'm trying to think something easy?

Speaker 1 (04:11):
What talking heads?

Speaker 2 (04:13):
Talking heads in nineteen seventy seven?

Speaker 1 (04:14):
Perfect? See, you know a lot of stuff. I mean,
you have to lead me to it.

Speaker 2 (04:20):
How about how about what Metallica's first album? Oh? That's good.

Speaker 1 (04:23):
I don't I don't know what it is?

Speaker 2 (04:24):
It kill Them All?

Speaker 1 (04:25):
I think was that the first album?

Speaker 2 (04:26):
Kill Them All?

Speaker 1 (04:28):
Ron McGovney eighty two garage demo, kill Them All full album?

Speaker 2 (04:31):
Yeah, thank you got it? Thank the Lord.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
Yeah, you know a lot of stuff.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
Dude, did you know anything, Richie? Did you know any
of those? No?

Speaker 3 (04:38):
I didn't know anything.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
I know what you'll know. What was ari EM's first album?
Look at your face? Come on a you know that
Losing Your Religion?

Speaker 1 (04:48):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (04:48):
Yeah, that's the one. That's the one. Yeah, that's not
the first album, that's the first. Yeah, yeah, Richie?

Speaker 1 (04:53):
Are you wearing a sweater? I am. There's like a
ninety four outside.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
But doesn't he look like a college rock band bassist.

Speaker 1 (04:58):
He looks like a who's tinkering away with micro chips
in a basement. And we don't know if he's on
our team or against us yet.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
I think it looked like Mike Mills from the Ram.

Speaker 1 (05:07):
By the way, Richie looks like every guy from a
band in the nineties. Yeah, every band. Oh yeah, you
kind of do look like him.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
Dude, you're that type of white Do you think I
could rock those shades?

Speaker 1 (05:17):
No?

Speaker 2 (05:17):
No, no, yeah, yeah no, you.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
Can't even rock the glasses you're wearing right now.

Speaker 3 (05:21):
I'm actually allergic to them.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
To glasses, to these glasses. What do you mean you're
allergic to them?

Speaker 3 (05:26):
I just found out.

Speaker 4 (05:26):
So I'm allergic to metal now. So it's like, and
these were my backup, so I broke my plastic pair
and now when I put these on, now like my ears?

Speaker 2 (05:33):
All?

Speaker 1 (05:34):
Can we cut a commercial right now? Wait a minute,
you're allergic to metal. I've never heard of that in
my life.

Speaker 3 (05:39):
Yeah, so I just found out this myself.

Speaker 2 (05:41):
But contacts use contacts.

Speaker 3 (05:43):
I don't have any contacts.

Speaker 2 (05:44):
Oh, you can't afford them.

Speaker 4 (05:45):
No, I just I didn't like how I put them
in my eye.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
It hurt.

Speaker 1 (05:48):
Oh oh okay, So people, metal allergies are a type
of allergic contact dermatitis called delayed hypersensitivity reaction. Wow, so
what happens? What's gonna happened to you with these on?
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (06:01):
I just got a bumpy ear, and I gotta figure
that out.

Speaker 1 (06:03):
Oh, but you're a hypochondria. Yeah, the bump on your
ear has nothing to do with the glasses on your face.

Speaker 3 (06:08):
What's it from?

Speaker 1 (06:09):
Should you tell them or no?

Speaker 2 (06:11):
I don't even listening.

Speaker 1 (06:13):
It's from fun tang A little bit too much fun tang.
You'ren end up with bumps on your face.

Speaker 3 (06:19):
But I like a little fun tang.

Speaker 1 (06:20):
Careful, richie, Richie, Okay, you're not, We're not.

Speaker 2 (06:22):
What's the last time you had fun tang? Richie?

Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, when's the last time you got some fun tang?

Speaker 3 (06:25):
I like the fun tang?

Speaker 2 (06:26):
No, when's the last time we had fun?

Speaker 1 (06:28):
When was the last time you had some fun tang?

Speaker 3 (06:29):
Fun tang? Like two or so weeks ago you did?

Speaker 5 (06:33):
Was it?

Speaker 2 (06:33):
What's the definition of fun tang? Richie?

Speaker 3 (06:35):
Fun tang? It's a food.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
It's okay, well it is a noodle. Let me re
reord it word it? Let me can I reward? Yeah?
What's the last time you got some actual actual?

Speaker 1 (06:45):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (06:45):
When's the last time you got laid rich Like?

Speaker 4 (06:47):
Probably this month, but like earlier in the month, like
end of or beginning of July.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
Roughly, oh, the beginning of July one time.

Speaker 3 (06:54):
Yeah, I just yeah, we do our best I.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
Have like, who's we.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
Him and his penis?

Speaker 2 (07:01):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (07:02):
Wait a minute, so what was this a one time?

Speaker 2 (07:04):
Was this?

Speaker 1 (07:05):
Do you do one night stands? Or you only I do?

Speaker 3 (07:07):
But la is weird.

Speaker 4 (07:09):
It's like, I don't like the one night stands, and
I feel like people lean more towards that, but I'm
more against it. I'm in the search of relationship, but
people don't want to.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
We're going to find you love.

Speaker 2 (07:20):
I'm going to find you love.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yeah. I do think you deserve a really good, a
good relationship.

Speaker 3 (07:24):
Oh, thank you.

Speaker 1 (07:25):
You know who loves one night stands. Carlos is the
king of one night You can teach you a lot,
are you not? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (07:31):
Unfortunately?

Speaker 1 (07:32):
Why is that unfortunate? You do you want a relationship now?

Speaker 2 (07:35):
Yeah, it's just been years and years. Are you gond
kiss her? Carlos? I think I'm good.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
Yeah, I gotta be honest with you. Yeah, great kisser,
He's a great kisser. Kiss Yeah, you got.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
You and that. Yeah. But we've not open mouth yeah
a little bit.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you guys have kissed.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
What I do is I don't go tongue first. Well,
what I don't do Bondzi style. Yeah, I don't do
Pearl Harbor. I don't do sneak atap, you know. No,
I make the noise and then I go back, I
go I back off, right, I don't actually hit Pearl Harbor.

Speaker 1 (08:12):
Right, you pull up, pull up, pull I pull up.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
I'm that coward. Remembering Godzilla minus one, the guy who
couldn't I'm that guy.

Speaker 1 (08:19):
He just couldn't do it.

Speaker 2 (08:20):
No, he didn't do it, he bailed.

Speaker 1 (08:21):
I would have been that guy to me too. By
the way, you're in a plane. You can't catch me.
I'm gone, I know, but you still where are you?

Speaker 2 (08:28):
I know? But in Godzilla minus one he had to
land at an airfield. Yeah, and he's like, oh my,
my planes broke. And he was like, you they're not broke. Yeah,
a perfect condition. It's a perfect condition. But I think
I would go pretty close and then pull up.

Speaker 1 (08:45):
When you would just say it it's a mechanical air
I couldn't do it, Jack, But right, but then you're
out over the ocean.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
No, then you swim to Hawaiian and go, oh right,
why can't they say they're Hawaii They kind of look Hawaiian.

Speaker 1 (08:58):
Well, there's certainly a ton of there were Japanese people
in Hawaii. Yeah, yeah, so you'd fit in. I guess
that makes perfect sense. You think that's the story of
a guy. That's a movie we need to write for Bobby,
the one Kamakazi who didn't do it. Yeah, and he
ended up living in Hawaii. Like becoming the king of
one of the small little islands. There's no and then
what what? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (09:16):
Sure, no kings back then.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
It's made up. You become a king of a little
tiny island. And then some someone an x an ex
military after years later, thirty years down the road me, Yeah,
I'm suspicious. I come to this little island, I marry
a Hawaiian and I'm like, who is this guy?

Speaker 2 (09:35):
Mami?

Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah, who are you?

Speaker 2 (09:37):
Gilbert?

Speaker 1 (09:38):
You're King Gilbert?

Speaker 2 (09:39):
Huh, King Gilbert of ninth. There's generation generation of.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
Well, there's a rumor that you bailed as a Kamakazi pilot.
That's kind of being spread around hands. Oh you can't fly,
that makes perfect all right, Well, God bless you, King Gilbert.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
And then cut to an hour later, I'm runking off
and then you catch me.

Speaker 1 (09:57):
Did you use this hat? Yeah, dude, this is good,
and then you need my help and I need your help.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
Yeah, Like in Titanic, for instance, I think I would
have gotten off that boat pretty quickly.

Speaker 1 (10:09):
You'd be so dead.

Speaker 2 (10:10):
Well, I'd probably be bottom though. You and I your
upper deck.

Speaker 1 (10:14):
The Irish, no, dude, we were in the basement, bottom deck.
The I think the Irish were were like the Irish
were held in the basement, right, yeah, we were down low.

Speaker 2 (10:23):
I would climb. I would climb over people.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
You know what's so funny think about that, like when
they say like there's no there's no order in chaos,
Like I would have killed so many people to survive.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
What were the Asians doing down there though? What were
their jobs?

Speaker 1 (10:35):
You think probably scooping coal into the fire to like
make the make the boat engine.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
Right, they can't. We got a free trip.

Speaker 1 (10:42):
Where where to?

Speaker 2 (10:43):
I don't know where we're going into author but you
know what all we have to do is put the
cold in the in the team and all of a
sudden you're drowning.

Speaker 1 (10:50):
You're gone.

Speaker 3 (10:51):
They don't tell you the race, They just tell you
it's common fault.

Speaker 1 (10:54):
Yeah, because they don't want admit the truth that they
want you to still go to the museum. That's why.
That's how they still want you to watch the movie.
Once you learned of the actual atrocities that took place,
then then it loses the lore. It loses some of
like the the the the sparkliness. They're like, well, it
was a bunch of minorities in the basement. They're like,
do don't worry about that. Don't worry about it.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
I want to go.

Speaker 1 (11:14):
Isn't there Isn't there like a huge Titanic museum somewhere
and you can go visit like a perfect replica.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
No, no, I've gone to the real one.

Speaker 1 (11:21):
You went down there.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
I went down Yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:24):
That sound still haunts me when those people went down
the richie you are laughing. You are like fancy, he's sick,
like fancy. Yeah, where is that? Let's go to that Branson, Missouri, dude,
Ye will be near Branson, Missouri. We have to go
there to go to that.

Speaker 2 (11:42):
And Noah's Ark they rebuilt that.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you believe that they got one
of every animal.

Speaker 2 (11:49):
I'm not a Kentucky Yeah yeah, cram it in there though.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
I don't know. You know, it's so funny though, when
you listen to the song two alligators and long neck
gee some humpy back campbell. Still wait, there's a song
chimpanzees captain, rats and elephants and birds galore. Oh yeah,
you don't know that song. Yeah no, I'm not making
it up. Look give me the lyrics.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
There's actual two.

Speaker 1 (12:12):
Alligators and long neck geese, some humpty back camels, and
some chimpanzees, some cats and rats and elephants and birds galore.
But you won't see no dinosa or that is the
real song type in some of those lyrics. And you'll
see do do cats and rats and elephants and birds galore.

Speaker 2 (12:27):
But dinosaurs really didn't exist. You know what it was?

Speaker 1 (12:31):
What the devil you think? So see he's buying into it.
This is Korean Church coming back into play. Here. AI
will find out Noah's ark the unicorn. Oh you won't
find no unicorn? Is that what it is? There were
green go up there is There were green alligators and
long neckies, some humpty back camels, and some chimpanzees, some

(12:51):
cats and rats and elephants. Sin sure as you're born.
The loveliest of all was the unit corn. See good
old Noah's there to answer the call. Finished making the
arc just ast to rainfall?

Speaker 2 (13:01):
But where are the wombats in the song? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (13:03):
Where are though?

Speaker 2 (13:03):
I want to know all the all the animals wombats?

Speaker 1 (13:06):
Where's all these animals?

Speaker 2 (13:07):
Yeah, Philippines. Red Panda is the red panda in there?

Speaker 1 (13:10):
That's my dog? Yeah, Red. You don't believe the dinosaurs existed?

Speaker 2 (13:15):
I really do believe that. Of course it didn't.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
Silly he thinks maybe they got us?

Speaker 2 (13:20):
Maybe? But why the devil do it?

Speaker 1 (13:23):
He can't have good without evil.

Speaker 2 (13:25):
But sadness is the real thing too.

Speaker 1 (13:27):
You're not sad, though you've been happier than you've ever been.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
I've noticed the last two weeks has been the worst
two weeks of my life.

Speaker 1 (13:31):
Okay, well, let's this is what Bobby does. And it
pissed me up last night at the comedy store. I
even said this in the recording today. The kid absolutely
smashed it.

Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yeah, but I was sad up there.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
Well, then be more sad because you're killing I hope
for your taping. You're sad because you crushed I.

Speaker 2 (13:44):
Think I left immediately. You seem to notice that.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
Ten out of ten, though you hit ten home runs,
it was crazy. Every joke you spit out. I was like, man,
that's a hit. That one's a hit. That one's a hit.
That one's a hit. You didn't miss, amen, And then
we gave Dak's flame a joke. Dax read one of
our jokes.

Speaker 2 (13:58):
Did you really do it? He did it? What was
the joke?

Speaker 1 (14:00):
You text me? And it did really well?

Speaker 2 (14:01):
I help?

Speaker 1 (14:02):
Yeah, he said. The joke was we're going back to
this again. We were actually all talking about this last night.
It was California in nineteen forty eight. Outlawed the Chair. Yeah,
and uh, Bobby wrote the punchline, which was, that's crazy
because I went to Ikea and Burbank and they had.

Speaker 2 (14:19):
A ton of chairs.

Speaker 1 (14:22):
It crushed it. Did it killed? It absolutely killed? Yeah,
it was a great joke.

Speaker 2 (14:26):
Did it do the tag that I made up? He
said that I sat on one and I didn't die.

Speaker 1 (14:30):
No, he didn't. Oh damn, I think you forgot the tag.
But it was still good and it killed. And then
he gave you credit.

Speaker 2 (14:36):
Wow, he said, Bob and Andrew, he said.

Speaker 1 (14:38):
Bobby Lee wrote that joke for me. Oh, I didn't
write the punchline.

Speaker 2 (14:42):
Yeah, but you can put the setup.

Speaker 1 (14:43):
So what punchline? A setup is a lot punchline is
all that anybody cares about. Yeah, who do we have?

Speaker 2 (14:48):
Who do we have?

Speaker 1 (14:49):
Who?

Speaker 2 (14:50):
Just show? Oh my god, if it isn't, you have
a sun burst here?

Speaker 1 (14:54):
If it isn't, the corn banded himself, Ladies and gentlemen.
Harlan William, Harlan will Hello. You don't have to clac dude.

Speaker 5 (15:04):
Well, I shouldn't have, because now I've delayed putting these on.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
Get it on there. You don't have to if you
don't want to, you can hear. It's just finest. Oh,
this will be a good bit. Hang on, you got it?

Speaker 2 (15:24):
Stupid, it's stupid.

Speaker 1 (15:27):
It's where'd you get these things? Damn it? Well I
didn't make the thing you did? Assholes?

Speaker 5 (15:41):
Why why are you acting some dumb dumb there's a
podcast Rubik's Cube.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
All right, don't break up, take code, help them, take
your time with somebody, please, Jesus Christ. Not easy, guy,
when a hippie can't do it exactly?

Speaker 2 (16:07):
Okay, my body. You know that guy? Right? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (16:10):
I love that guy? You do.

Speaker 5 (16:12):
Yeah, yes, my buddy, he helped mentor me.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
I didn't really he helped.

Speaker 5 (16:17):
It was thanks to you. But I will save it
for later.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
We'll save it for later. Yeah yeah, let me let
me ask you a minute.

Speaker 1 (16:23):
Let him get settled. Is it good to go? I
want to go. Get out of here.

Speaker 2 (16:33):
Get out here, then, assholes, Let's get out here, dude. Anyway,
Harlem went Eric, I fucking told you it wouldn't work out.

Speaker 1 (16:43):
I know you're right.

Speaker 2 (16:44):
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Speaker 1 (17:10):
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Speaker 2 (17:15):
I think you're number three for sure, number.

Speaker 1 (17:16):
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Speaker 2 (19:32):
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Speaker 1 (19:33):
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Speaker 2 (19:39):
Yeah, hippie, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
I like that. We should start calling him the hip hippie.
Good job, hippie, Thank you, hip dirty hip hippie. Dirty smelly.
He's smelly, smelly. You know why he's smell. He's he
doesn't have an apartment. He doesn't have anywhere to live. Well,
they live in the back of a Volkswagen van with
flowers on the side of dirty.

Speaker 2 (20:00):
I'm from a guy that goes as a burning man
every year.

Speaker 5 (20:02):
Yeah, not this year though, why not? Why I need
a break? Daddy needs a break?

Speaker 1 (20:08):
What do you do at burning man? What's your what?

Speaker 2 (20:10):
What do you like?

Speaker 5 (20:10):
What's your what don't you do? It's everyone in the
world should go really oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (20:16):
But you don't take any drugs or anything like that.

Speaker 5 (20:18):
Burning Man gives you that window of exception. Not that
I've ever taken any.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
Yeah, if I were to, that would be the exception.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (20:29):
Yeah, you don't do them, right, I don't do burning Man.
Have you ever done hardcore drugs?

Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yeah? In my lifetime? Okay, of course, of course, yeah, yeah,
what what's your favorite?

Speaker 1 (20:39):
I haven't, but if I did, I would do it there.

Speaker 2 (20:42):
Yeah. If I drive out there, do I need a
van or a bus?

Speaker 5 (20:46):
You should rent a an RV.

Speaker 2 (20:49):
You're out there with an RV. Yeah. They don't accept
money out there.

Speaker 5 (20:52):
No, there's you can't buy anything.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
Right, So it's your trading.

Speaker 5 (20:57):
Yeah, that's what they say. But it's it's it's it's
it's not like like a bartering system. It's just if
you need something like if you need a sandwich, you
knock on a trailer, could you have a sandwich?

Speaker 1 (21:07):
We'll give you a sandwich.

Speaker 2 (21:08):
Wow?

Speaker 1 (21:09):
You give them in return.

Speaker 5 (21:10):
Whatever they asked for, drink another sandwich. You could do
sandwich O sandwich. Like I could knock on a door
and say, hey, could I get a tuna salad sandwich?

Speaker 2 (21:19):
Yeah, and they.

Speaker 1 (21:20):
Would say sure, But I need an I would like
an egg salad sandwich, and then you do like a
sandwich trade but you don't see a lot anymore, says
a good sandwich in the desert.

Speaker 2 (21:30):
Yeah, like tuna, eggs. Nothing in that heat heat.

Speaker 1 (21:35):
Oh, it's grilled perfect.

Speaker 2 (21:37):
Yeah. Are there ladies out there?

Speaker 1 (21:39):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (21:39):
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Yeah, all the victorious secret models go
out there. They like to dress up.

Speaker 2 (21:46):
Right.

Speaker 5 (21:47):
Are dancings, there's dancings, there's it's mystical, it's magical.

Speaker 1 (21:52):
Have there any documentation of you at burning Man Dancing? Yeah.

Speaker 5 (21:56):
I actually made a documentary called Burning Men, which I've
never released. I actually shot me and Michael Rosenbaum went
one year. I made a documentary of that burning Men,
Burning Men.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
I called it. Wow.

Speaker 5 (22:10):
I should release it one day. It's all done, edited, everything.

Speaker 1 (22:13):
But what's holding you back? I don't know.

Speaker 5 (22:16):
I just I do a lot of that. I'll make
things and then never put them out in the world.
I think we all do that as artists.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
Now we put it all out.

Speaker 2 (22:24):
We put it out, all of it.

Speaker 1 (22:25):
We've never not put anything out. Wow, Okay, I've put
a lot of have them put out?

Speaker 2 (22:30):
Well?

Speaker 1 (22:30):
Okay, you should start putting more out. Yeah, because you're
so valuable. Everybody wants you say again, now you're on
the rise, like yeast. Yeah, and if you let it
sit exactly, get yourself some bread.

Speaker 2 (22:44):
Do you feel that though, Do you feel like you're
on the rise?

Speaker 1 (22:47):
No?

Speaker 2 (22:47):
Oh, okay, well you're winking, don't.

Speaker 1 (22:50):
You're tricking them. I didn't wing I did one of these.

Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yeah. Have you ever brought Harland Williams on stage?

Speaker 1 (22:56):
Yeah, he's brought me on stage too. We've done it.
We've done it. But ways we go both ways. Do
you know how athletic he is. It's unbelievable.

Speaker 2 (23:04):
I know I've touched his legs before.

Speaker 1 (23:05):
They're so strong, unbelievable. This guy he touched my leg. Yeah,
we've all touched your leg Yeah. Yeah, he asked if
I brought you on stage?

Speaker 2 (23:11):
Your legs are so very strong. Yeah, you know that.

Speaker 5 (23:15):
I just literally came from the racquetball court. Uh about
an hour ago. I was playing racketball.

Speaker 1 (23:20):
Who do you play with?

Speaker 5 (23:21):
Just the guys on the on the list, But.

Speaker 1 (23:23):
I thought you said that there's another comic that you.

Speaker 5 (23:25):
Dane plays with me sometimes, Dane Cook, Vinnie vast Line.

Speaker 2 (23:31):
Wait wa wait, let me ask you about Dane.

Speaker 1 (23:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:32):
Is he aggressive? Uh yeah, Yeah, he's.

Speaker 1 (23:35):
Got got a temper. He's fired up. But that's what
you want with sports.

Speaker 2 (23:39):
Have you played war Zone with him?

Speaker 1 (23:40):
No?

Speaker 2 (23:40):
It's insane?

Speaker 1 (23:41):
Was that?

Speaker 2 (23:43):
Yeah? Like he he takes charge. Dude?

Speaker 1 (23:46):
Can you beat Dane and pattiball or racketball easily? He's
he's new. I've been playing for like nine years. He's
just he's gonna love this that clip, Yeah easily. Oh,
hes gonna fuel his fire.

Speaker 2 (23:58):
Harlan, how come you haven't had one of your pool parties?
You know? I love your pool parties.

Speaker 5 (24:03):
I know you got to come up for one. I
still have to have one this summer.

Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yeah, this summer, you haven't had one.

Speaker 1 (24:08):
I haven't. I've been busy. Yeah, what are you doing?

Speaker 2 (24:12):
Uh? I was.

Speaker 5 (24:15):
Down in Florida fishing and scalloping and uh, you know,
just taking it easy. I've been taking a class at
the Vrye.

Speaker 1 (24:25):
What are you taking well?

Speaker 5 (24:27):
People always say that I I have trouble communicating a lot.
And sometimes people say I always like make up stories
and they have trouble like communicating and getting like a
real story out of me. This type of nonsense.

Speaker 1 (24:47):
What does that have to do with the vrye.

Speaker 5 (24:49):
So I took a class. I took a night class
in communication. I'm taking. It's immersive. It's called h oe
Gie therapy.

Speaker 2 (24:59):
Whoa you heard of Luigigi but that combo I haven't.

Speaker 1 (25:04):
They combine it.

Speaker 5 (25:05):
So what they do is they train you to because
your face is so expressive. So when I can't get
the words out, uh, they sort of assign areas of
your expressive face, almost like the keypad on your computer
or typewriter. Everything's a letter. Yeah, And since I have trouble,
like sometimes getting answers or stories out, I've sort of

(25:29):
been trained by them to assign letters to my face. Well,
what you do is you ask me a question.

Speaker 1 (25:36):
Ok.

Speaker 5 (25:36):
I do because I can't get it out. But if
I if I practice my Wigi communication, it sort of helped.

Speaker 2 (25:44):
Yeah, let me ask you a question then, Okay, what
is your favorite nocturnal animal? Okay?

Speaker 1 (26:05):
The answers? What is it? You? Dude, I'm trying to grow.
He's in class. Don't make fun of him. Dude, he
brought a thing because he's taking a divine I know
that he.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
Was improvising, but this is kind of real. Okay, I
apologize I thought it was a joke that you that
you were doing improv or whatever. So this is real.
I didn't get what you were saying there, but could
asking Wombat?

Speaker 1 (26:34):
What is my wife wombat? Your favorite night?

Speaker 2 (26:36):
What were you saying with the week?

Speaker 1 (26:37):
I have to ask again?

Speaker 2 (26:39):
All right? What is your favorite nocturnal animal?

Speaker 1 (26:44):
Jesus M. Funck Off? Oh not this is that? Was it?

Speaker 2 (26:54):
Not me? It's a spiritual that there are spirits involved.

Speaker 1 (26:59):
It's weed.

Speaker 2 (27:00):
Wow, it's reads. I didn't know you ask a question, Andrew.

Speaker 1 (27:04):
I feel like I know the answer. Can I see it?

Speaker 2 (27:08):
Yeah? Sure? Yeahs it good toss? Yeah? Yeah? All right?

Speaker 1 (27:12):
Asking me a question, Harlan.

Speaker 5 (27:14):
Uh, okay, let me think of something deep and meaningful.
Uh what is the meaning of life? Well that's too broad.
Let me ask you a personal question. What makes you sad.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
That this makes me really sad?

Speaker 2 (27:33):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (27:33):
This bit makes you sad?

Speaker 2 (27:36):
It makes me sad.

Speaker 1 (27:37):
It makes me sad.

Speaker 5 (27:39):
Well, maybe you should din't roll with I'm not.

Speaker 1 (27:41):
Kinda Well, I'm glad you're enrolled with Divide. I mean
that does working very well.

Speaker 2 (27:45):
Ye do you read? Yeah, it's a lot. Recommend me
a book.

Speaker 1 (27:50):
Have you been to his office?

Speaker 2 (27:52):
You have.

Speaker 1 (27:52):
It's amazing.

Speaker 2 (27:53):
It's amazing.

Speaker 1 (27:53):
He's got books and he's got so much ship all
over the place.

Speaker 2 (27:57):
It's beauty of the best view of the city.

Speaker 1 (27:59):
I mean, shrank show.

Speaker 5 (28:02):
I would say, uh man, I would recommend The fountain
Head by Ann Rand.

Speaker 2 (28:10):
I've heard of it. I heard it's good.

Speaker 1 (28:12):
You're reading a lot of Ann Rand lately.

Speaker 5 (28:14):
Have you read The Fountain Had?

Speaker 2 (28:15):
Oh dude, is it good? Oh? Yeah, because they did
a movie.

Speaker 5 (28:18):
No, I don't know if they ever made a movie
The Fountain Had.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
I think they attempt They did, they attempted it, but
I don't think it was that good.

Speaker 1 (28:24):
It's too big in scope. Okay, it's a very very
uh Gary Cooper.

Speaker 2 (28:30):
Okay, yeah, The fountain Head the book. Yeah, read it.
I'm going to read it. Yeah, you're being real. I
feel like you're being real, right, Yeah, I am. Yeah,
I am going to read that tonight.

Speaker 5 (28:41):
Well it's really big, so you won't read it in tonight.

Speaker 2 (28:44):
No, but I'm going to start tonight. I'm going to
audiobook it is that Okay, that's up to you.

Speaker 5 (28:48):
But it's one of those books that draws you in
and it's one of those savory books where it becomes
part of your life for the time that you're reading it.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
Oh wow.

Speaker 5 (28:57):
And also Stephen King's The Stand is like that because
it's a big thickie.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
Kujo's like that with me too, Kujo. Yeah, you Gary Dogs,
you love I love it? Wow?

Speaker 5 (29:08):
Yeah yeah, but ran the fountain at what are you reading?

Speaker 1 (29:15):
The Insightful Man by who? I don't remember the guy's name,
Look up the name. What's his name? The Insightful Man book?
In Sight of a Man Inside of a Man by
Leon mo Pepe Uh. And at first it got me.
The mopepee got me like I was laughing when I
bought it. I bought it because of the mo Peepee. Yeah,
I'm not gonna lie. I bought it because I saw

(29:36):
a mo pepe and I thought it was funny. It's
actually giving me a lot of knowledge and insight.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
Yeah, it actually is.

Speaker 5 (29:42):
Well, i'd invite you to read my latest book.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
What is it? It's called Uncle Milton? WHOA yeah?

Speaker 2 (29:50):
And and what is it? Is it? A?

Speaker 5 (29:51):
It's a collection of short stories.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
Are you being real?

Speaker 1 (29:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (29:55):
Wow? Uncle Milton by Harlan Willens. Wow. Yeah, it's short stories.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
Three short stories that you wrote. Wow, let's see the reviews, look.

Speaker 2 (30:06):
On the look on the review.

Speaker 1 (30:07):
It just came out, So I don't know. Harlem Wiams
is good at anything he decides to do. His short
story collections are no exception in the realm of suspension
supernatural the story is a unique good read. I've read
a lot of Stephen King's short stories and this gives
me similar feels. In this collection, there are three separate
stories touching on different aspects of relationships three three is
a magic number, the heart, and the mind, and the body.
Harlan focused on each of these in turn. Overall very good.

(30:28):
Hoping to read more books from Harlan in the future.

Speaker 5 (30:30):
Wow, I didn't even know those were there.

Speaker 1 (30:33):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (30:34):
I Got here Yourself by prem Rawat oh Ahashi The Maharashi.
Oh wow, yeah. Do you know why? Why? Because I'm
going crazy? I need to dilute the mind, calm the
mind down.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
What's going on?

Speaker 2 (30:50):
Like nothing? I don't know what it is, but I'm
trying to a lot of anxiety. So I'm trying to
calm the meditating at night, being mindful about my breath,
doing breath work.

Speaker 5 (31:01):
What's cause of the anxiety.

Speaker 2 (31:03):
I don't know. I don't know the root of it.

Speaker 5 (31:05):
You must have an inkling this special.

Speaker 2 (31:08):
We've talked about this. Yeah, there's a lot of pressure
on the special.

Speaker 1 (31:10):
He's about to shoot a special.

Speaker 2 (31:12):
Yeah when in January?

Speaker 1 (31:14):
What is going to be December? But anxiety thrust that
into the new year.

Speaker 2 (31:18):
Maybe February. Yeah, depends on the anxiety.

Speaker 5 (31:21):
But I don't think you need the anxiety because you're
a confident, funny human being.

Speaker 2 (31:27):
Wow, are you my messiah, happiness, my spiritual teacher?

Speaker 1 (31:32):
Happy to hell?

Speaker 2 (31:33):
You know, I would follow you if you had a philosophy.

Speaker 1 (31:36):
What is your philosophy of life? Chocolate? It is really dark?

Speaker 2 (31:41):
Yeah, I would follow chocolate Swiss.

Speaker 1 (31:44):
I like Swiss chocolate.

Speaker 2 (31:46):
Me and you. We climbed the temple. We get to
the temple. Right there, we see him. He's in a robe.
We sit, you know, cross legged? Yeah right, We light
some candles, We do a little bong, right, Yeah, our
master's about to speak. What do you say? Mmmm? Hock
lit and we go chop lit? Master, Master? Yes, I

(32:11):
have a question.

Speaker 5 (32:12):
Yes, stupid, sorry because I'm so sar.

Speaker 2 (32:19):
But Master, I'm going through a divorce and my my
wife cheated on me. What do I do?

Speaker 5 (32:26):
Humphrey Bogart said once that women are like street cars.
One goes and another one is coming right along.

Speaker 1 (32:36):
Oh, very good, Master, Master. My children have died in
a horrible fire accident, a smelting accident. I owned a
smelting factory and my child died.

Speaker 2 (32:46):
I worked there. I saw them die.

Speaker 1 (32:48):
He may have been the person that killed my child.
We don't know.

Speaker 2 (32:51):
We don't know yet, Master.

Speaker 1 (32:52):
What do I do now? Uh?

Speaker 5 (32:57):
Make some new kids and uh forget the oldies.

Speaker 2 (33:03):
Yeah, and chocolate.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
Probably chocolate. And I got a hole in the desert.
You can put the dead kids too.

Speaker 2 (33:11):
Oh.

Speaker 5 (33:16):
I would love to help you, my guy. I don't
like it when you're you're like, you know, when my
guy is feeling anxiety.

Speaker 2 (33:24):
Are you talking to me as Master.

Speaker 1 (33:26):
Or Garland slash Master?

Speaker 2 (33:29):
Yeah? Yeah, Master, you want to help me now?

Speaker 1 (33:32):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (33:32):
Okay, you're a you're a funny, funny beloved. Uh, guy,
don't don't don't feel anxiety?

Speaker 1 (33:40):
Yeah, I told him.

Speaker 2 (33:41):
I know people tell me, Yeah, I just I just
feel the anxiety.

Speaker 1 (33:46):
I don't know what's your fix I have?

Speaker 2 (33:48):
You know what I you know what I have? Master,
imposter syndrome? What's that? I don't feel like you know,
people go, oh, you're doing well or this and that,
and I always gone, you know what I mean. I
always downplay it, Okay, I like, you know, I like
just going to a Starbucks and getting my hor my
hor chatta beverage, you know what I mean, and get normal,

(34:09):
you know what I mean. But then people go, oh,
can we get a photo on this and that? I
just have a conflict about it. What's my What do
I do? Master?

Speaker 5 (34:18):
I would say, ride the anxiety like like a snake, like.

Speaker 1 (34:22):
A dragon, like ride it like.

Speaker 5 (34:25):
You know this, Sometimes when you perform, your mood can
feed your performance. Sometimes you feel down, sometimes you feel up.
Sometimes you feel anxiety ridden. But whatever it is, just
take it onto the stage. Yeah, and let it be
part of the journey.

Speaker 2 (34:42):
I know it'll pass.

Speaker 1 (34:44):
It might not pass it. You might.

Speaker 2 (34:47):
Just say it's gonna pass. I think it's gonna pass.

Speaker 5 (34:49):
Use it as fuel on the night of the special.

Speaker 2 (34:52):
Yeah yeah I will. Oh, let me say something about
this about myself. I know this. When I get a ball,
hit it, you do yeah? Yeah, yeah, so I will hit.

Speaker 1 (35:02):
The ball, you will.

Speaker 5 (35:04):
I think the anxiety is just giving you, you know,
Without the anxiety, your experience might be mundane. And so
the anxiety is giving you a little bit. It's life saying, hey,
feel the energy. Feel the electricity. That's the anxiety versus
you've been doing this a long time. You know the terrain.

(35:25):
And so think of the anxiety as a little electrical charge,
a little air under your feet, and it's gonna make
it more interesting and provocative and and and infused with life.
The Master has spoken it stuck a chocolate bar.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
That's our messiah. That's a milky way. You're a little
you are a little chocolate boy.

Speaker 5 (35:49):
You love Whenever I go to the house, I sleep
with a with a can of Pringles like in my arm,
like I snuggle it.

Speaker 1 (35:57):
Yeah, is it a big one? That's a big can.

Speaker 5 (35:59):
It's just a can, but I can't how do you
close your arm? But it's a sour cream and onion
and I just oh, is.

Speaker 1 (36:05):
That your favorite chip? I love it.

Speaker 5 (36:08):
Yeah, I'll just snuggle with it at night. I used
to have a Teddy Bear Tuddy ruck spin you know
the ones.

Speaker 2 (36:12):
That talk oh yeah, oh yeah.

Speaker 5 (36:14):
Had one might have got possessed in spoken tongues and
I had to flush it in the toilet liter in
the middle of the night I'm stuffing its head in
the toilet flushed flush.

Speaker 2 (36:23):
What was it saying?

Speaker 1 (36:25):
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, devil talk.

Speaker 2 (36:27):
Yeah, I know yeah, you know that again?

Speaker 1 (36:32):
No, no, no, don't summon it if you do.

Speaker 2 (36:34):
That one time. This is a true story. I had
this roommate. His name was Aaron redheaded kid. Yeah, Christian,
what are you looking at me? I don't know. I
just drifted. Yeah. Factor.

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Speaker 2 (39:21):
And he has come to my church and I sat
down and that I guess it was in a big church,
and the sermon where the preacher eyed me, and then
everyone started speaking tongues and they all touched my head
and as they touched my eyes stood up and I
literally walked out of the church. Wow. Yeah, I was

(39:42):
so scary. Whoa Yeah, do you think it's real speaking
in tongues when they can church? Yes? Yeah, Oh you
think it's real.

Speaker 1 (39:47):
There's videos people speaking in tongues. They connected a higher power.

Speaker 2 (39:52):
What are you talking about they do? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (39:53):
Yeah, God speaks through you.

Speaker 2 (39:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (39:55):
The best time to do it. The best time to
do it is when you're performing kind of lingos because
it's like.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
Girls love it.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
It's like for play, Satan's foreplay. See they were speaking
in tongues here they can show you that a cracker. Okay,
all right, you guys are just lot Vian. I don't

(40:27):
think that. That's what I felt like, pretty sure that
was just another language. Yeah, I think you're right. How
many languages you speak? You speak a few, don't.

Speaker 5 (40:34):
You speak a little French and a little the German?

Speaker 2 (40:38):
That is good?

Speaker 5 (40:39):
Yeah, that's is good and that's it. That's I did
speak a little when I lived there, but I speak
a little French because I'm French Canadian.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
But that's it. Say Bobby, it's so good to see
you today and I can't wait to go out to
eat with you later.

Speaker 5 (40:58):
Bobby said Bo Mosu Papillo of the Montreal Fireworks Festival.

Speaker 2 (41:09):
Wow, yeah, well that's really good. Yeah, lants pantalon, lauela
els or last.

Speaker 1 (41:19):
I'll wear my pants to school on Los Sienaga.

Speaker 2 (41:21):
Something like that. Yeah, I said the school. I said
school in there too.

Speaker 1 (41:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (41:26):
How come you guys aren't fighting? Usually when I watched
the show, you're like just going at each other.

Speaker 1 (41:31):
We were fighting a little bit. No, we were good
before we ever fought. Today we didn't fight, I know,
But why you want us to fight? I was sort
of looking forward to a good fight. Brew.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
All right, we'll give us a topic, and we'll fight out.

Speaker 1 (41:41):
We'll fight about anything. Your show. You should have, what
you should have the topic? You were just going to
brew a fight.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (41:51):
Usually you're yelling at each other. Okay, he said that
he liked your shirt. I hate that shirt. A minute.

Speaker 2 (41:56):
I was lying.

Speaker 1 (41:56):
The shirt has a lot of awful.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
It's awful.

Speaker 1 (41:59):
It's bullshit.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
It's bullshit shirt.

Speaker 1 (42:00):
This shirt doesn't what do you mean?

Speaker 2 (42:02):
What do you be? What do you become? You like them?

Speaker 5 (42:04):
This shirt has a lot of sentimental meaning before you
rip into it.

Speaker 2 (42:08):
I don't let me guess your uncle, your uncle Harvey
was on a golden temple mountain with a panda and
they pooped out an egg. It broke up, and there's
a shirt because you tell stories like that all the
time and they're not real.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
Dude.

Speaker 5 (42:24):
My father died today, nine years ago, and he died
when we were watching the movie The Whole Family, or
at his house, we were watching Children of the Corn.
This is a corn shirt.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
I'm sorry. I didn't know so.

Speaker 5 (42:45):
Children of the Corn is full of jump scares. I
don't know if you've seen that.

Speaker 1 (42:49):
Malki Malachi, the Niblet children are popping out of the
rose like just crazy. So we're at my old man's house.
This guy you said, I like sports. It's the old
man like fish. He loved fishing.

Speaker 5 (43:03):
He died today ago, nine years ago today. Every year
we put on the corn shirt. And he had a
nine foot marlin hanging over the wall behind the couch. Right,
we're all sitting on the couch. He's got a knife.
He loves this. He has fish tanks all over. He
had a fish tank full of piranhas. Have you ever
heard of these things from the Amazon?

Speaker 1 (43:23):
Yeah, piranhas like piranhas has piranha.

Speaker 5 (43:29):
He has piranya piranha. However you want to swiss it up?

Speaker 2 (43:32):
Why would you lie?

Speaker 1 (43:32):
I don't know.

Speaker 5 (43:34):
Well, there's two pronunciations. The botanists call it, or students
of ethology call it piranya, but the lay person like yourself,
calls it piranha. So the old man's got a piranha
tank over here. He's got a nine foot marlin up
on the wall with the snout. Here we are huddled

(43:56):
in the den. We got pottery barn candles on the table.
We're all huddled together, nine of us, and we're watching
Children of the Corn like we do every year was
his favorite horror movie. This thing's packed full of jump scares. Yeah,
we're sitting there. Malachi pops out with some of the
nibblet children out of the corn. We all jump. The

(44:17):
old man goes back, hits the wall. The marlin cuts
loose from it. It's hanging on the wall. This thing
comes down. The snout of the marlin goes into the
old man's spine. The old man flails across the room right,
he hits the wall, He hits the light switch. The

(44:38):
fucking ceiling fan starts going on. Now this thing's got
a wire on the back of the marlin. Now the
wire's up in the ceiling fan. But when the old
man went back, he put his hand into the Piranha tank.
These things took off two of his fingers. Here goes
the ceiling fan. It starts constricting around his neck. He's

(45:00):
got a marlin in his spine. He goes to turn
off the ceiling fan switch. He ain't got the fingers
that you flick the switch with. Oh my god, this
is my old man. It's like a final destination though.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
Sorry man, Yeah, so I like the shirt.

Speaker 5 (45:23):
It's just it's a memory. So before you rip into it.
This is like in memorandum of my old man.

Speaker 1 (45:29):
And let me tell you something. I do like the shirt, okay,
because it's you would never wear it never. It's fucking hideous,
the hideous piece of shit shirt. It's insane.

Speaker 2 (45:39):
It's I don't even know where to buy a shirt.

Speaker 1 (45:41):
Where did you buy that shirt?

Speaker 5 (45:43):
Look up before st Lawn they've got you know, everything's
a theme.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
You can't even find that kind of corn shirt online.
Look at it.

Speaker 1 (45:56):
You can't, Yes, you can. That's right there, corn cop
background shirt.

Speaker 2 (45:59):
No, that's not it. Now, that's not what that is.

Speaker 1 (46:01):
That's a one of one.

Speaker 5 (46:02):
Yeah, I think, well, I mean this is it's not
about the shirt. It's about my father.

Speaker 2 (46:07):
That's right, you're right, you're right, the lord.

Speaker 1 (46:10):
Yeah, it's passed away, guys.

Speaker 5 (46:11):
Okay, so Malachi, we can reiterate Malachi popped out through
the rows of corn with the Niblet children. And the
Niblet children were, well, I feel like you're making fun
of my dad.

Speaker 1 (46:27):
No we're not. I just we see where you got
it for your father. Okay. It's for any occasion, street leisure,
the party.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
Or.

Speaker 1 (46:36):
It's a commemorator is death. Look I think when your dad,
I mean, Bobby, your dad died pretty magically. Yeah, oh no,
tell him how your dad died. My dad wearing the
shirt as well.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
Yeah, yeah, my dad died in a hospice.

Speaker 1 (46:49):
Oh no, yeah, and he was like like that for
a week and he loved Mentallity, love Metallica. That's why
he's wearing the shirts. A hospice.

Speaker 5 (46:58):
What is a hospital, oh, puppets, what is a hospice?

Speaker 2 (47:05):
Oh? Where people go to but to die, Harland, I'm
sure your fingerless dad died as well.

Speaker 5 (47:12):
No, he died from this on the ceiling.

Speaker 1 (47:14):
Instantly, he died, right, he choked out, took him down. Oh.
I don't want to talk about that.

Speaker 5 (47:19):
But cleaning, Yeah, the next day, or we would.

Speaker 1 (47:25):
We had to go out and eat. But she came
in the next day and yeah, cleaned it up.

Speaker 2 (47:29):
I know, socks, Harland, that's a little weird.

Speaker 1 (47:32):
Uh.

Speaker 5 (47:32):
Oh, I didn't know you were looking at down there.

Speaker 2 (47:35):
Yeah, that's one of my pet peeves when people don't
wear socks. How about you?

Speaker 1 (47:40):
You know, do you have stinky feet? No, let me
smell your shoe. Well, no, take one off, prove it,
because otherwise I'm gonna find out if you've got sticky
feet or not. Yeah, your nay, I can't do it.

Speaker 2 (48:01):
I'll vomit. I almost threw it.

Speaker 1 (48:03):
Is it bad? Got me like?

Speaker 2 (48:06):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (48:07):
What's it smell like?

Speaker 2 (48:08):
Yeah, it's bad. It's pretty bad.

Speaker 1 (48:10):
Tell me let me big one big with, I hate
big with.

Speaker 2 (48:14):
I do a big wif I can't.

Speaker 1 (48:19):
What's it smell like? Corn?

Speaker 2 (48:22):
Chocolate? All of it? Your dead dad everything? Yeah it's bad. Yeah, yeah,
wear socks, Carland, Jesus, do you ever wear no socks?

Speaker 1 (48:34):
You gotta do a shoe now, pour your you're drinking
to your shoe and drink it. That's that's that's what
Australians do. It is that's what they do. They don't
do that, Yes, they do shoeies. You never have a
shoey bring up a shoey in Australia. That's literally what
they do. So what do you do? You pour drinking
it and you chug it.

Speaker 2 (48:49):
Don't do it, Harlan Harland, don't do it?

Speaker 1 (48:51):
Why not?

Speaker 2 (48:52):
It's gross?

Speaker 1 (48:52):
Well no, it's a look it's a celebration, all right.
What do I do? You look at you pour it
in and you chug it a real Oh my god, yes,
all these love you.

Speaker 3 (49:06):
Might well, no, I would have.

Speaker 1 (49:11):
I think I got a tang nail. Oh I got
a toenail. Oh wow, wow, Harland. Are you in love
right now? Because you seem like you're in love?

Speaker 2 (49:22):
I do. I know that you are?

Speaker 1 (49:25):
Really what do you mean?

Speaker 2 (49:26):
He is? I know that you are. I know you personally.

Speaker 1 (49:29):
I know that you are in love with what though
a female human define?

Speaker 2 (49:37):
Uh, a woman with appropriate genitals? What's in?

Speaker 1 (49:45):
You're in love with a person?

Speaker 2 (49:46):
Yeah, you're yeah, human being? Because you've mentioned it a
couple of times, you don't. You don't probably notice it
because you never go I have a girlfriend, but you've said, like, yeah,
the girl that I'm seeing and we're doing this and that,
and it's it's fun, it's I can see a joy off.

Speaker 1 (50:01):
Of your you do well? Thank you? Yeah, I do
have a joy.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (50:05):
I don't talk about my personal life like you do.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
I don't.

Speaker 1 (50:09):
We're opposites.

Speaker 2 (50:10):
There are things about me that no one knows you.

Speaker 5 (50:12):
Oh, you're an open book. You're an open like collection
of dictionaries or encyclopedias. Okay, Like what don't we know
about you?

Speaker 2 (50:21):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (50:21):
Now?

Speaker 4 (50:21):
What?

Speaker 1 (50:22):
There are some things that he Yeah.

Speaker 2 (50:23):
There are things I hide. Okay, there are personal things
like my recovery or like you know, well you just
let it out. No, but like personal things I do
with but okay, but there's just some things that I
do hide. I'm not going to say it. No, it's
a trick now.

Speaker 1 (50:36):
I understand your tricks you did. He's good at tricks.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
Yeah, but there are things that about you that you
do hide a lot.

Speaker 5 (50:44):
I don't hide. It's not like I'm hiding him. It's
just I choose not to divulge. Everything about me keeps
me close.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
Like but what what what does it hurt? If we
ask you?

Speaker 1 (50:56):
You can ask, Oh, you.

Speaker 2 (50:58):
Are seeing somebody and we don't want to know specifics,
but we see a joy radiating for you.

Speaker 5 (51:05):
I love I love that you feel that and sense
that that's I love that.

Speaker 1 (51:09):
Yeah, he wants more, No, I love you. You gave me
a ride home that night. We talked deep in your
in his car. I gotta tell you about this guy's car.
You think your old car was a mess, yeah this guy.

Speaker 2 (51:24):
Yeah, the same time, it's unbelievable.

Speaker 1 (51:26):
What was in my car? Everything? I don't know what
what wasn't in your car?

Speaker 2 (51:30):
Wid guy?

Speaker 1 (51:32):
It was insane. Yeah there was. There was like a
half built crib, like a baby crib doesn't have a baby.
Yeah there was. You remember pegs on on BMX bikes.
Sure had had four or five sets of pegs in
the back seat. This is all real. This is all real.
Hyper like needles hip what hypodermic needles?

Speaker 2 (51:53):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (51:53):
Do you have any of those? You?

Speaker 5 (51:54):
Yeah, I don't know what you saw. I might have some.
It's just what you saw he had.

Speaker 1 (51:58):
I'm not kidding. He had a paint like a fucking
one of those like a few gallon bucket of Elmer's glue.

Speaker 2 (52:04):
Why have that?

Speaker 1 (52:06):
Oh you do have one of No?

Speaker 2 (52:07):
I have hundreds of bottles Elmer's glue.

Speaker 1 (52:09):
Do you know why he has glue?

Speaker 2 (52:11):
Uh?

Speaker 5 (52:12):
Well, I know he doesn't like horses, and glue is
primarily made up of ground up horse hoofs. That's true,
And so I don't.

Speaker 2 (52:21):
Like the hooves. I like the horses.

Speaker 1 (52:23):
Oh you don't like horses hoofs?

Speaker 2 (52:25):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (52:26):
Yeah, okay, so that's why he has all the glue.
Get rid of the of the hoofs.

Speaker 2 (52:30):
No, But why why would I have Elmer's glue at home?

Speaker 1 (52:36):
The way that they seized Diddy's housing out all that
baby oil. They sees your house and have.

Speaker 2 (52:41):
What was he doing with all that hundreds of bottles?

Speaker 1 (52:44):
And who's Elmer?

Speaker 2 (52:45):
By the way, I don't know, but I do want
to meet him.

Speaker 1 (52:48):
I mean it sounds like a short story you would write. Ye,
tell us who Elmer is? That's a good idea. Who
is Elmer behind Elmore's glue? Who is that guy? Because
he's got to be someone significant. We've all used his glue.
Elmer was a No Elmer's glue is Elmer the bullet character?
Who is a husband of Elsie the cow? Oh?

Speaker 5 (53:06):
See hoofs. That's almost a slap in the face to
our hoofed friends. Yeah, why would you make your logo
of the thing you're killing to make the product?

Speaker 2 (53:16):
Yeah? Wow?

Speaker 1 (53:17):
Is it to ketchup? Always has a tomato on it? Okay?

Speaker 2 (53:20):
Well yeah, gets goin.

Speaker 1 (53:23):
Good point, you great point, Like one of the best.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
What I do with Elmer's glue is I dry them
onto my hand and I peel them.

Speaker 5 (53:30):
Oh so it looks like you have that aging disease.

Speaker 2 (53:32):
No, but I do know I do like forty layers
with a with a blow dryer. Oh wow, and then
I put a complete glove.

Speaker 1 (53:41):
Oh that's so cool.

Speaker 2 (53:42):
You know that, right, and that stuff? That's so cool.
I stuff cotton in them and they draw on them.

Speaker 1 (53:48):
Oh that is so cool.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
Yeah yeah, yeah, so it's like an art thing.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
I get it. I correlate.

Speaker 5 (53:52):
What I do is I sit in the bath for
about two hours. Yeah, I get my fingers prune wrinkled,
and then when I get out of the tub, I
touch myself with the wrinkled fingers and pretend I'm getting
molested by an eighty seven year old priest. Oh so

(54:13):
I can have my thing.

Speaker 2 (54:15):
I just yeah, yeah, that's good.

Speaker 1 (54:18):
Whoa, whoa?

Speaker 2 (54:19):
Dude? Do you love the movie Spotlight? What is it? Okay?
Do you ever see it? Yeah? It's a great that
it's a great movie.

Speaker 1 (54:27):
What's it's about? Some of the some of the Boston
to the church all right right with Michael Keaton?

Speaker 2 (54:33):
Yes, whoa, it's a good movie Spotlight.

Speaker 1 (54:36):
What is the quote that people yell at you the
most in public? The quote? Yeah, like something that you
said in movies and stuff? What is that?

Speaker 2 (54:41):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (54:42):
I thought on the life or on the pod? You no, No,
in real life? Do people ever say a line to you?
In public.

Speaker 5 (54:48):
Well in real life they say, hey, no chin. I
get that a lot because I have no chin.

Speaker 1 (54:52):
Yeah you do not really turn oh yell yeah one piece.

Speaker 5 (54:57):
Like I get hey, no chin a lot.

Speaker 2 (54:59):
M uh.

Speaker 1 (55:00):
The good news is because it's connected like that, it's
you know, you don't ever it's always protected.

Speaker 2 (55:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (55:06):
Yeah, You're not gonna get knocked out easy.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (55:08):
I'm like almost an instant shadow like punch.

Speaker 2 (55:12):
Yeah. In fact, could I ask you, I don't want
to be critical.

Speaker 5 (55:20):
I can take any of you could be a critical
I can take. I have one thing my father's death
taught me is life goes by fast and anything can
bounce off you, so you can be megacritical.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
All right, Well, your face it's like a gigantic canvas.
I only drew a little face on the bottom half
of the cam.

Speaker 5 (55:37):
Oh so like like one of those cartoon guys that
like a caricature.

Speaker 2 (55:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (55:42):
So my face is big and my body small or my.

Speaker 2 (55:45):
It's just the longer, but it's I like it dimensional.

Speaker 1 (55:47):
My face is long.

Speaker 2 (55:49):
Yeah, well go mine.

Speaker 1 (55:50):
Well let's stick with this.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
No I want to I don't want to get to
the bottom of there's no hatred.

Speaker 1 (55:57):
I know you said you hated my face?

Speaker 2 (55:58):
Did I say hate? Did I say? He now you
snow observation?

Speaker 1 (56:02):
I said, what is it again? Saying what do you think?

Speaker 2 (56:05):
I said, Okay, long face, and it's like, you know
what I mean. This half of the face is where
all the things. It's like Antarctica, like if you looked
at the Earth, like Earth ant Tyler are nothing going on?

Speaker 1 (56:17):
Okay, he's saying, you know how you look at it,
keep going like when you look at a map. Yeah,
of like of like cities and there and and way
down below there's all the city. Hold on and everything
else is hold on?

Speaker 2 (56:34):
Got it?

Speaker 1 (56:35):
Walk off?

Speaker 2 (56:38):
I was kidding, dude, you're I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 5 (56:40):
You know, no, I got no problem with your face.
But I don't mind criticism. I I like it.

Speaker 2 (56:46):
It's the only criticize me, hmmm, like physically or or
just even terms of my attitude.

Speaker 1 (56:54):
Sometimes you're a little bit elusive, distant ninja. I know,
but it's I have bing its behaviors. Okay, if that's
the answer, I accept that as a friend. Yeah, I
think you're deflecting if I'm being honest, But if you
want to play the.

Speaker 2 (57:14):
Game, I know what you're saying, this is what you're
talking to me. Guy, Guy, I'm here and I'm listening.

Speaker 5 (57:20):
Well, I said talk to me, don't listen talk talk.

Speaker 2 (57:22):
To all right? Right now? Are you getting a little aggressive?
I sure I am, by guy? Okay, all right? So
what I want to say, I know what it is
what you're saying. Talk. I did your podcast and then
you know, and then like six months later, you want
me to do it again and I don't return your
phone call. Is that what it is? No? Oh? Fuck?

Speaker 5 (57:41):
I just think sometimes when Buddy, hey, Bud, Buddy, yeah,
tries to get close to Buddy, Buddy doesn't always let
Buddy all the way in, and maybe Buddy's a little
guilty of it too.

Speaker 1 (57:55):
What do I do?

Speaker 2 (57:56):
What did I do?

Speaker 5 (57:56):
I know sometimes I feel like there's little barriers with
you too, between us or no with me, Like Buddy
tries to get in and you guys will open the
doors so far, but then Buddy, you kind of put
a foot in the door and Buddy can't get all
the way in and be buddy, Buddy.

Speaker 2 (58:13):
I'm sorry, Buddy. Can I say this every time I
see you on the lineup? What do I do? You're
sitting there in the booth in the back. I always
walk up beside you, and I always say hello.

Speaker 5 (58:24):
But a hello is fleeting. I always try to engage.
I try to get a conversation going with Buddy, and
Buddy sort of flirts with it, entertains it, but never
fully engages with Buddy. And so Buddy ends up feeling
alone and sad when he walks away and turns his
back on Buddy.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
I see, well, maybe if Buddy didn't wear corn shirts,
we'd have a better conversation. My father was killed.

Speaker 2 (58:51):
Yeah. Yeah, and let me tell you I am marlin. Oh,
so can I just say said something Buddy?

Speaker 1 (58:57):
Yes, Bud?

Speaker 2 (58:57):
If you call me be, I'm so emotional I can't
even speak, do it? Yeah, let me calm down.

Speaker 1 (59:03):
So I think we're getting somewhere.

Speaker 5 (59:04):
Oh stay, stay, stay, Amn damn, that's where the real
stuff comes down, all right, when you see me in public?

Speaker 1 (59:10):
Right?

Speaker 2 (59:11):
Why don't you call me by my name? You don't?
Do you call me Sarah Silverman?

Speaker 1 (59:14):
Yeah, it's a term of endearment. Do I call him
Sarah Silverman?

Speaker 2 (59:19):
No? What do you call him?

Speaker 1 (59:21):
That's special for you?

Speaker 2 (59:22):
What do you call him?

Speaker 1 (59:23):
Tells me? Earthquake, the big black comedian. He calls me earthquake,
That's what I'm saying. Well, yeah, that's why, buddy, we
can't get.

Speaker 2 (59:30):
In with you. Buddy.

Speaker 5 (59:30):
Yeah, but why let a title get in the way
of our intimacy?

Speaker 2 (59:36):
Because when you scream it across a room, Hey there's
Sarah Silverman, the whole room turns around and it's me,
it's a little awkward.

Speaker 5 (59:45):
Well can't you get arounded and engage with me and
be intimate and have a real conversation for once in
your life?

Speaker 2 (59:54):
Well, how can I have a real conversation with me
when you don't call me by my name?

Speaker 1 (59:58):
Well, get over you yourself, Sarah.

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
And then I call you Johnny meatlove fine, I love it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:07):
Slap me with the gravy. I'm in all right.

Speaker 5 (01:00:10):
It's just a title. But beyond the title, and again,
you're deflecting all over the place.

Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
He can see it. I'm not looking at him, you're
not looking at me.

Speaker 5 (01:00:18):
When does the real buddy conversation happen between us? Three
were trying to sit around all day and eat styrofoam peanuts. Great,
I can party, you know, but when does the talk happen?

Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
Let's go to Joshua tree. Okay, air and b Airbnb
a house, get a fire going.

Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
I love schmores, you know the jewishores. You schmores. Yeah,
schmores are unbelievable, unbelie sure do.

Speaker 2 (01:00:46):
Yeah. Yeah, I'll get the marshmallow.

Speaker 1 (01:00:50):
And I'll and I'll get thick of filter fish and
we'll have ourselves.

Speaker 5 (01:00:53):
Isn't it interesting? Isn't it interesting that you want to
drive three hours into the desert to open up up
to your buddy, And I want to open up right
here and now while we're right in proximity. I want
to live in the moment, and you want to create
some fantasy getaway in the desert where maybe we can talk.

(01:01:13):
But you know, when there's a crackling fire, it's hypnotic
and you can't talk to anyone because you're hypnotized by
the crackling flames. And this is all part of your
deflection so that you don't have to look buddy in
the eyes and talk and get to know the real
me and I get to know the real Sarah that
get to know you.

Speaker 2 (01:01:34):
Yeah, okay, all right, let's get real here we go.

Speaker 5 (01:01:39):
Finally, I love you, Okay. How there's a lot of
layers of love.

Speaker 2 (01:01:47):
Yeah, but as a comedian, you're one of the ones
that I feel safe with and trust love. I feel
like you're an ally. I love the Yeah. I've always
had a fun, playful relationship with you, like we're two
kids in a school yard jumping with glee. Don't you
feel that there's a there's a childlike banter that you

(01:02:08):
and I both have.

Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
But in that school yard.

Speaker 5 (01:02:12):
And thank you for opening up. Yeah, the janitor built.

Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
A wall, right, and I need you to get over
that wall.

Speaker 2 (01:02:20):
Okay, come to me. Okay, I'll bring.

Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
You your friend a little red over here too. I'm
the janitor. I'm building the wall. Someone's got to clean
up this mess.

Speaker 2 (01:02:29):
And no, no, now, since I was on the hot seat,
you talked to Harland about how you feel.

Speaker 1 (01:02:37):
Harlan and I I don't get you.

Speaker 2 (01:02:40):
Don't make a job.

Speaker 1 (01:02:41):
All right, it's a comedy show, but.

Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
Get real for a second. He made it real. Thank you?
All right? Yet you're welcome, buddy, Harlan.

Speaker 1 (01:02:48):
You're one of the most elusive comedians I've ever known.
Talk to me. Is that hurtful? Is that? Is that?
Is that hurtful to you?

Speaker 2 (01:02:59):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:02:59):
Yeah, yeah, yeah it is. Can't pin you down. Don't
know you. I just don't know you the real you
have tried.

Speaker 5 (01:03:05):
Tell me how you've tried, and let me help you
get there.

Speaker 2 (01:03:08):
You hide how well can I?

Speaker 1 (01:03:10):
I want to help you get there? Guy?

Speaker 2 (01:03:12):
Real quick?

Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
Please?

Speaker 2 (01:03:13):
Like the story about your dad. Yeah, I don't think
that's real.

Speaker 1 (01:03:17):
I don't think that's real.

Speaker 5 (01:03:18):
Would I show up in a corn shirt?

Speaker 1 (01:03:22):
That's if it wasn't real. That's what we're worried about it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:25):
Can I say another thing?

Speaker 1 (01:03:26):
Please?

Speaker 2 (01:03:26):
If you needed a pod A couple of years ago
with my brother.

Speaker 1 (01:03:29):
Steve, Steve, Oh, Stevie Weeby.

Speaker 2 (01:03:32):
Stevie Weeby, that's my little brother, Steve, right, your little
brother right, And you had a little cap in your jacket, sure,
from my dad, a memento. Yeah, and the cap was
what a mushroom cap? A mushroom cap from a man's penis.

Speaker 5 (01:03:45):
Well, my dad was in the circumcision gate.

Speaker 1 (01:03:48):
That's what I'm saying, is that his profession.

Speaker 5 (01:03:52):
I don't know don's circumcisions down on Melrose seven eighty two,
right over the doors, as we love it when you
leave a tip.

Speaker 1 (01:04:01):
I was right over the door.

Speaker 2 (01:04:02):
I know, I remember. I guess I have had it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:04:07):
Yeah, I've been there there.

Speaker 2 (01:04:08):
Yeah. So that's your dad, don Don Yeah, and he
tragically died the way you described him dying.

Speaker 5 (01:04:15):
Yeah, okay, Children of the Corn nine years ago today,
what's wrong?

Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
Why?

Speaker 2 (01:04:22):
Okay? All right? You are being real sometimes you have
to because it seems seems not fantastical.

Speaker 1 (01:04:29):
It seems fantasy.

Speaker 2 (01:04:29):
Yeah. And if it seems like it's not grounded in.

Speaker 5 (01:04:32):
Reality, hey guy, everyone has their journey. Sorry if I'm
not in your playbook, sorry if I don't.

Speaker 1 (01:04:38):
Uh, I'm not a cookie cutter. I'm just living my life. Sorry.

Speaker 5 (01:04:42):
My dad got a sailfish through his spine.

Speaker 1 (01:04:46):
Uh yeah, sue me.

Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
Okay, all got our stories.

Speaker 1 (01:04:50):
Okay, we'd like you to be on sue.

Speaker 2 (01:04:52):
Yeah, he would.

Speaker 1 (01:04:53):
I don't want you to get sued.

Speaker 2 (01:04:54):
Well, now, now, Harlan, talk to Andrew about how you
can be a better friend.

Speaker 5 (01:04:58):
How can I be a better a friend to the
and man like?

Speaker 1 (01:05:02):
I want to get in. I want to be I
want to let you in. How do I do it?

Speaker 2 (01:05:06):
My guy?

Speaker 1 (01:05:08):
I just don't think you can keep wearing those corn
shirts either, and any foods it's only one day a year.

Speaker 2 (01:05:14):
Yeah, no more food. I've seen you with barbecue with
actual barbecue on your shirts.

Speaker 1 (01:05:19):
Well that was real, but like stains, yes, yeah, wash
it okay, yeah, yeah, but you know, outside of that,
I think the only way to really get to know
you is to spend time with you without clothes, without restriction.
In a spa talking naked, you said, strip away the fire,
strip away all the distraction.

Speaker 2 (01:05:40):
I agree.

Speaker 1 (01:05:41):
I think we should go to the Korean spot with you,
get naked, set around like real manager. Would you want
to see this naked? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:05:53):
But yes, I mean is that a challenge what.

Speaker 5 (01:05:57):
I have under this fabric? Do you want to see it?

Speaker 2 (01:06:01):
Seeing is not the right word? Witness?

Speaker 1 (01:06:03):
Is the word witness?

Speaker 2 (01:06:04):
I'd like to witness it, you would? Yeah?

Speaker 5 (01:06:06):
What is it about what's under this fabric that there's
provocative for you?

Speaker 1 (01:06:12):
This is just a shroud. Whatever you've got on this,
this this the clothes are as as as false shield.
It's a shield.

Speaker 2 (01:06:19):
What field to your heart?

Speaker 1 (01:06:20):
What part of my now, I guess your penis that's
the part of my anatomy.

Speaker 2 (01:06:26):
I've never seen it.

Speaker 5 (01:06:27):
Okay, have you visualized it in your head?

Speaker 1 (01:06:30):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:06:30):
Oh yeah?

Speaker 5 (01:06:31):
Would you like to describe it to your audience?

Speaker 2 (01:06:33):
Yeah? Corn dog, but a Korean one. So there's like
stuff on top of the breading.

Speaker 1 (01:06:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:06:39):
Yeah, so it's got like corn nuts and like you know,
little snacks, little bacon bits.

Speaker 1 (01:06:44):
You know.

Speaker 2 (01:06:45):
I don't feel like it's a cell. I feel like
there's other flavors involved.

Speaker 1 (01:06:48):
Well, let me say this. Go ahead, We're going to
go to the spot of connect and I think that
will bond us together. We'll get through, we'll get rid
of all this other care.

Speaker 2 (01:06:56):
They have shorts there that you can wear if you're like.

Speaker 1 (01:06:58):
I'll go pink.

Speaker 5 (01:07:00):
I when I'm nude, I look like a shrimp, by
the way, a cocktail shrimp too. And if I curl
my body sort of like this, yeah, I look like
a cocktail shrimp, like you know they hang them on
the glass. Oh yeah, oh yeah, I'm pink like that.

Speaker 2 (01:07:13):
Yeah that's fine.

Speaker 1 (01:07:15):
I'm me like that me too.

Speaker 2 (01:07:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:07:17):
So what just so I can put this into context,
the three of us sitting naked.

Speaker 1 (01:07:24):
In a spa. Is it a steam room? Like?

Speaker 2 (01:07:27):
Can we rise on a steam room? The whole bit?

Speaker 5 (01:07:30):
So is it like I'm watching almost like a ship
emerging through the fog your pasty white bodies, or is
it a clean steam room where the air is clean
and I can have a crystal clear.

Speaker 2 (01:07:42):
There is there is steam.

Speaker 1 (01:07:44):
There is steam. Yeah, so it's ghostly.

Speaker 2 (01:07:46):
Sometimes you can't even watch me walk in. I'm just there.
Wow youah like a ghost just so yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:07:52):
I know that's swirling like John Carpenter's.

Speaker 2 (01:07:55):
Exactly the fog, Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:07:57):
You wait in there long enough, yeah, and the karate
goes to Wow, I'm in guys, this recap Okay, we
learned a lot about you.

Speaker 2 (01:08:06):
Yeah, uh huh.

Speaker 1 (01:08:08):
Oh you thought you were recapping. No, I.

Speaker 5 (01:08:13):
My dad used to do a lot of recapping down
at Don's circumstances.

Speaker 2 (01:08:18):
Oh you could reattach yeah, oh he did that procedure
as well.

Speaker 5 (01:08:22):
Yeah wow, yeah, every now and then there was a
slip up.

Speaker 2 (01:08:26):
Right, But I want a thicker cap? Can I get
mine replaced?

Speaker 1 (01:08:31):
How thick are we talking?

Speaker 2 (01:08:32):
O'Neal? Whoa yeah, really big black hubcap?

Speaker 1 (01:08:37):
Wow, Harlan. We we hope we get closer.

Speaker 2 (01:08:41):
Yeah, yeah, I think I like that. I don't know
that it's gonna happen, but I feel farther away actually,
to be honest, Yeah, yeah, don't you feel farther away?

Speaker 5 (01:08:49):
Maybe the mystery? Yeah, maybe the distance makes us more
interesting to people now than we ever. Maybe this was
an exercise and distancing ourselves from each other.

Speaker 1 (01:09:00):
Good good, good, God good, and your.

Speaker 5 (01:09:02):
Crowd now sort of sees us as a Nancy Drew
Hardy Boys mystery type of setup where maybe we.

Speaker 1 (01:09:09):
Don't want to give the ending away. Wow, let's not
do it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:13):
Let's not do it.

Speaker 1 (01:09:14):
I'm in.

Speaker 2 (01:09:15):
I'm in too, but you in, I'm in.

Speaker 5 (01:09:19):
I didn't see Drew the Mystery of the Swirling steam Room.

Speaker 2 (01:09:23):
Yeah. Yeah. Are you good at puzzles? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:09:30):
God hit me.

Speaker 2 (01:09:32):
If you want a riddle? Sure, can I give him
a riddle? Yes? The grandfather, his son and his son's
son legal fishing. You caught up yet?

Speaker 1 (01:09:45):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:09:46):
Okay. On the way home from fishing, they get a
car accident. The grandfather's son and his son's son die. No, No,
that's not it. That's not what it said. Let me
start for the top. Let me let me start with up.

Speaker 1 (01:10:00):
You just riddled yourself, you know that grandfather his son.
Well that's why the phrases riddled me.

Speaker 2 (01:10:05):
This. Yeah, yeah, grandfather, his son his son to go fishing.
Right on the way back, the grandfather of grandfather and
his son died. The grandson lives. He's in the operating
table at the hospital, and the surgeon walks in and says,
I can't operate in this boy. He's my son. What happened?

Speaker 1 (01:10:21):
It's his mother?

Speaker 2 (01:10:24):
Very good, you're good. Good.

Speaker 1 (01:10:25):
The puzzles the surgeon was his mother. Yes, that was
way too easy.

Speaker 2 (01:10:33):
Do you have a riddle for him? That?

Speaker 1 (01:10:35):
That was really easy?

Speaker 2 (01:10:38):
I don't know if I know any other. Oh, yeah,
I got one.

Speaker 5 (01:10:41):
I know where you got that riddle? By the way,
what you're gonna love this guy?

Speaker 2 (01:10:49):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (01:10:49):
That riddle.

Speaker 5 (01:10:51):
Came from an episode of All in the Family where
Archie and Meat had little girl and Edith toiled over
that one because back in the seventies it was always
presumed that a surgeon would be a male. So back

(01:11:12):
in the seventies that was actually a very difficult riddle
to figure out because people weren't accustomed to picturing women
as surgeons, and so many people didn't get that riddle.
And this ain't the seventies anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:11:28):
So all right, guy, I got another one for you.

Speaker 1 (01:11:31):
And if you want to look that one up on YouTube,
the riddle with the one you don't believe me?

Speaker 2 (01:11:38):
I got another one for you.

Speaker 5 (01:11:39):
Everything Arlon says is fake and whacky, like his dad
didn't die by a salefish. Look it up on YouTube one.
We all in the family. The doctor riddle, surgeon riddle.

Speaker 2 (01:11:51):
Wow, that's actually in the show.

Speaker 1 (01:11:53):
I told you that's where it's from.

Speaker 2 (01:11:55):
Wow. Okay, well I was.

Speaker 5 (01:11:56):
There, it is, and I'm the guy that make shit up.

Speaker 2 (01:12:00):
Okay, how dare you, sir? Here's another riddle?

Speaker 5 (01:12:04):
How dare you with your nutty little koala fingers and
your chocolate fudge cluster eyes and your coconut cream pie pubis,
How dare you?

Speaker 2 (01:12:15):
I apologize? Riddle before that? We yes?

Speaker 1 (01:12:18):
Please?

Speaker 2 (01:12:20):
There's one hundred cows, twenty eight chickens. How many didn't?

Speaker 1 (01:12:24):
How many didn't because it was their mother?

Speaker 2 (01:12:31):
Eight chickens?

Speaker 1 (01:12:31):
How many didn't?

Speaker 2 (01:12:33):
None, No, priest, No eighty? Why twenty eight chickens, twenty
eight chickens? How many didn't? Twenty eight them? Eighty didn't?

Speaker 1 (01:12:55):
Parlan, thank you for me, thank you for being a
bad friend. I was surprised. I'm not done. Woof, woof

(01:13:16):
sap woof. Yeah,

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