Jax Will Not Be Returning | The Valley S2 Reunion Pt. 1

Ruby, Pat and Dylan are back to break down renting, tree trunks, throwing people in the bushes, Santa Clarita and more from Bravo's The Valley.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
We learned that Michelle and Isabelle have moved in with Aaron,
and that's amazing. Not true. They lived there such a
short time. It was in between Aaron's blinks, in between
him blinking. That's how she is.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
There's another weekend update, Joe Cooreya, Hi Lo, welcome another
brands bag new episode of bad TV. I'm Dylan Haaty.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
Hey, how are you?

Speaker 2 (00:34):
And Ruby?

Speaker 3 (00:35):
Hi?

Speaker 1 (00:36):
Guys, how are you good?

Speaker 2 (00:37):
I didn't that was a weird and Trige just kind
of said your guys' names. I didn't like. Really, it's fine.
Seen Superman?

Speaker 1 (00:43):
I haven't seen it yet. I'm trying to get my
eyes on that new twenty years later.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
What do you mean by that, get your eyes on it?

Speaker 1 (00:50):
It's not on streaming yet.

Speaker 2 (00:52):
Oh that's right. Yeah, it was a foolish question from
me because you haven't been to a movie theater since
twenty seventeen eighteen.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
The last one I saw was a simple favor.

Speaker 3 (01:03):
Wow, how sad?

Speaker 2 (01:05):
What the fuck is that?

Speaker 1 (01:06):
It was? Ruby? You can help us with this, right, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:10):
It was a little blake and Anna Kendrick, it's kind
of who done it?

Speaker 2 (01:15):
You went to the movie theater to go see that.

Speaker 1 (01:17):
I used to go to the movies to see what
would usually i'd view as subpar movies, just to get
out of the house. Remember my wife and I didn't
have kids. We had a all day Saturday to kill.
You couldn't spend it all just drinking mimosas and watching Netflix.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah. Well and there's nachos there too. Oh yes, there are,
by the way, you know, wrote to the Patreon people
Patreon dot com slash another.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
Time I saw that work.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
Mm hm, And you know, we want to we want
to make a firm recommitment to our our incredible people
over at Patreon. So we're gonna be doing a meet
up soon. As I was thinking, I was driving the car,
just smoking my brains away, right, going uh fucking come
get me copper as it's la fuck you, you know what
I mean.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
It's like drinking water in the car. Now.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
Shit, it's like, get get after me coppers. You know
I'm talking about fuck you.

Speaker 1 (02:08):
There are actively people now staying at burned out buildings
in the Palisades and they cannot get them out of there. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:16):
Well it's tricky. People have broomsticks, you.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
Know, realistically, like what is the approach, right, because you
have to assume maybe it's two officers. You pull up,
you get lucky, there's six people in there. Automatically, I'm
getting back in the car and saying, it's not worth
the paperwork. This property doesn't belong to anyone anymore. That
is here, so good.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
Yeah, let's go get Let's go get a fat burger
because this is gonna be a fucking headache. So anyways,
I'm in the car, just glinked right, and I'm thinking
about this meetup and how our meetups are Usually we
kind of fly by the seat of our pants, right,
and our meetups are for the twelve dollars tire, Patreon,
dot com, slash another podcast network. We kind of just

(02:57):
get in there and you know, mix it up.

Speaker 1 (02:58):
I usually have some juice though, usually snack about some
celebrity that I interacted with.

Speaker 2 (03:03):
You're gonna love this. I was thinking of a game
and I'm confused about the logistics of this. But who
knows Patty Best? And we do a Patty trivia we
see which of the fans know Patty best.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
We caught like Paddy lore.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, working title, sure, right, working title. But one of
the questions I was thinking of you know what, I
don't want to spoil.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
Don't give it away.

Speaker 2 (03:27):
Yeah, okay, let's do that, so listen here.

Speaker 1 (03:30):
There's got to be a prize though, Yeah, fifteen.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
Dollars Apple Bee's gift card.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
That seems pretty enticing.

Speaker 2 (03:37):
Or what you want to send them something from the studio?

Speaker 1 (03:39):
Yeah, there some relic from the studio.

Speaker 2 (03:42):
Let's send them the Space Invader?

Speaker 1 (03:44):
Want to send them Space Invaders?

Speaker 2 (03:46):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (03:46):
Be expensive to mail? N all right, we'll think about it.

Speaker 3 (03:52):
Did you guys want to clarify what Space Invaders is?

Speaker 2 (03:54):
The arcade game? Pat paid what six hundred dollars mo?

Speaker 1 (03:59):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah, it probably costs six hundred dollars to ship to somebody,
So I think that'd be a good prize, or we
do a fifteen dollars gift card. Anyways, we'll figure it out.
Joins the patroon dot conversation on other podcast network five
Stars kind words. We are here to talk about reunion
part one of the Valley.

Speaker 1 (04:17):
My oh my?

Speaker 2 (04:19):
Can I get in my rotten health.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
Before we do? Ruby knows this world better than anybody,
as the audience may know or may not know. Sheena
she came out with a book this week. She's out
plugging that book, and one of the major revelations in
that book was that Brock cheated on her while she
was pregnant. She went on Juicy Scoop and I understand
that Heather's friends with her, but she gave her the

(04:43):
softball interview and Heather, you're better than that. She allowed
Sena Sheha to defend her lying about that admission by saying,
and I quote, why would my husband allow me to
lie and say that he was a cheating bastard when
he wasn't. And the answer to that, Sheena, is he
absolutely would, because you are, in fact the breadwinner. Pause.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
Were you confused by the way that Pat phrased that.

Speaker 3 (05:11):
No, because I know what he's referring to.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
But but he didn't phrase it good though, Right?

Speaker 1 (05:15):
Okay, Oh I didn't.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
No, God no.

Speaker 1 (05:17):
She wrote in the book that her husband cheated on
her while she was pregnant, that being Brock r And
Heather was like, well, a lot of people think you
are lying about that because you want to sell the book,
and she said, how could I do that? So my
husband's going to allow me to make up a story
about him being a horrible.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
Person, right right? Ok?

Speaker 1 (05:36):
And the answer is he totally would do that.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
Yeah, yeah, he would totally.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
And then when you guys get divorced in four years,
he'll come out and say you made that up about him,
because that's what a slimeball he is.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
Oh so, oh wow, So this is a real trifle
of conspiracy here.

Speaker 1 (05:53):
So the even Christian Doty saying it.

Speaker 3 (05:56):
Well because the reason also allegedly she and then said
there was a loose outline of this book. She sold
this book without specifically the brock cheating on Me chapter
being in it. There is a loose outline. What is
the what's the loose outline? Mm hmmm if it's okay?
So that so, so they had the loose outline and
then Rock was like, I don't want to know what

(06:20):
you wrote. And then the book came out and he
was like, oh my god, you fucking said it all,
didn't you make that's fucking not like, that's.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
My god, you said it all, didn't you mind?

Speaker 1 (06:29):
Oh you're making me look like a real fucking panty spaka.

Speaker 2 (06:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:33):
Wow. They hated me when I abandoned my two children.
Now what are you going to think what I do?
All right? So the other one that I actually did
do so Ruby. She wrote the book, turned it in
and the publishing company said, I don't know if there's
enough juice in here? Do you have more juice? So
that's when she said, I'll put these lesures constantly.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
They invite you down to their FatCat office in Culver
City or Manhattan and whatever they got, there's not enough
juice here. How do we get more juice in here?
That's right, baby, that's right baby, because right now we're
gonna sell two thousand copies. We need to sell forty
five hundred copies.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
So what do you got? Keith? Throw your husband unto
the bus? Also, she threw Lisa vander Pump under the bus.
Who gave you a career? And then she says the
last two seasons of vander Pump the scan of all season.
In the one before that, producers told her and they
cut her salary down to a daily wage, and she
was pretty pissed about that, but sheena, what they understand

(07:29):
is is that you have no leverage because where are
you going to go?

Speaker 2 (07:34):
Right?

Speaker 1 (07:34):
You will take that money and you will show up.

Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yeah, and I mean tonight we really peek inside the
mind of the broken vanderbird. You know, like Jack's. We
see just completely flaming out, Like Sheena is essus scance.
She's just nailed in there and doesn't really do anything.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
Just no discernible talent or anything.

Speaker 2 (08:04):
So but but she's handling it with a little bit
more grace, I would say, than Man of the show,
like Man of the Show Jacks. But we'll get into
the entire thing here. I want to get my rottenhouse because.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
When Jack's closed this week, no, no, yeah, they took
the sign.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
No, I'm pretty sure.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
Yeah. I said it was gonna last till Christmas.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
Okay, pat is he's gonna get mad at me, but
he's a little bit of an unreliable narrator sometime.

Speaker 1 (08:35):
Let's all right, let me look it up. What you
you kill? Some time, I'll look it up.

Speaker 2 (08:38):
Okay, all right, so rotten if that is true, Jacks
is on trigger warning. But like I mean, oh my god, yeah, so.

Speaker 1 (08:50):
Yeah, as bad as Jackson's Jacks End's partnership with his namesake,
Jack stepping away from the la bar to prietory prioritize
his health. Let me see here, all right, I'm still looking.
So he's no longer a partner, but his name's gonna
stay on there.

Speaker 2 (09:04):
I don't think I don't think so. No, they're going
to change that.

Speaker 1 (09:12):
Sheena's Shack.

Speaker 3 (09:13):
No, what is that?

Speaker 2 (09:14):
What's the new name for that place? What is the
new name for that? It's it's it's a fast casual.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
They should call it free beer because that's the only
way they're gonna get people in that building.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
Yeah, yeah, it wits, it wits it lounge with what's
a tavern?

Speaker 1 (09:35):
Yeah, it's got Roccos next to it though, so yeah, yeah,
I've taken it way too much time.

Speaker 3 (09:40):
It should just go back to being Roccos again, and
then we'll forget that. This whole little little blip of
the succulent will happen.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
I know exactly what's gonna happen to it. It's going
to turn into a goddamn smash burger place. It's it's
gonna be called edge and they have edges on the burger.
It's gonna be called it's at a smash burger burg.

Speaker 1 (10:02):
Kreischer just did a TikTok where he gave Jack's Classic
Burger over here as his number one burger in the country.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
Yeah, that's great, Just tongue blind fucking Okay, all.

Speaker 1 (10:13):
Right, he's still not funny. Okay, take my shirt off?

Speaker 2 (10:18):
Yeah, okay, So anyways, God, you want to talk about
a drunk I mean, I know people are really struggling
with that stuff. We shouldn't make fun of it, but
my god. So anyways, Rotten Hills as bad of a
beating as Jack took, this took this episode, which we knew,
you know, he was going to. I think the person
that came out far worse is one Rodney dangerfield Pants Jesse,

(10:43):
who we always knew was his comeback.

Speaker 1 (10:46):
But and a renter. Just see, he had been framing
that that that was his house as a real estate agent.
And I always say, if your real estate agent doesn't
own a home, be concerned out.

Speaker 3 (11:00):
No, no, don't use them. Do not use them unless
you live in a place where apartments are the norm. Pat,
I need to talk about that with you offline for
an hour and a half. At the very least. That
is so unbelievably revealing to who this person is. It's
it's dark chocolate. It's it's it's cacw, it's.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
It's it's eighty nine percent cacal. Oh, so I think
he comes out like really bad this episode seeing the
firing squad, it sounds like the last year. You know,
the first reunion we had they were in the middle
of a divorce and it was nasty. But it sounds
like in the last year he's really I mean, double

(11:43):
black Diamond Downhill, It's bad. So that was just joyous
to watch.

Speaker 1 (11:51):
Ye's it's tough to sell houses at a seven percent
interest rate. You know, no one really wants to jump
into the real estate market at seven percent.

Speaker 2 (12:00):
I would say that there are plenty of people that
are trying to buy houses in Los Angeles and you
just have to be not an idiot to get it
over the line. And there are tons of there are
tons of people that are freaking selling these things to
I mean, it.

Speaker 1 (12:14):
Was a cash buyers, don't I know.

Speaker 2 (12:16):
That's what I'm saying. There's so many cash buyers around
this city. I mean, am I crazy? It seems like
every day somebody's buying a house for two million dollars
more than they should have paid. You know what I'm
talking about? All right, hundred Potts loved it.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
Go ahead, Ruby.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
I I also thought that this is a pretty good opener.
I agree that Jesse came across Jesse came across almost
comically bad like he was. I was just like, oh,
you little lying piece that you are, You're a renter. Okay.
The fact that he represents himself but says things like
I spoke to my lawyer, It just.

Speaker 1 (12:48):
Like, oh, he looked in the mirror and talked to himself.

Speaker 2 (12:51):
He's having fun with all of it. Is so weird, right,
like that he's getting called out on all this creepy, weird,
pathological stuff and he's like smiling about it. It's like, dude,
you're being embarrassed on Heeschelt.

Speaker 1 (13:02):
Also, I hope he understands that Bravo is super cheap
and it took the vander Pump cast like seven or
eight years to finally get fucking paid. Like Jesse, this
isn't going to pull you out of that.

Speaker 2 (13:14):
Uh, that's just make it one hundred grand tops probably.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (13:19):
Yeah, this was very revealing in terms of finding out
the fact that he doesn't he's he is very much
in debt, and I don't think we any of us,
including Michelle, know how bad it is. I also thought
forgive me anger and little elf Danny. I mean, he
did really well. He got to laugh ent.

Speaker 2 (13:40):
It's not his time. His time will come.

Speaker 1 (13:43):
What are you saying in the later reunion, Yeah, possibly,
But I want to say this, the Internet appears to
favor Danny and feel like he got a bad at
it this season, or maybe I'm just watching the.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
People are so fucking out of their minds. It's like, yeah,
he's he has a fucking drinking problem. I mean, what,
what don't we all know? But we don't. That doesn't
definitely not you know what that you know what you
just did, and what the Internet is doing to little
Danny Zuko is is what those Tristate Area pieces of

(14:19):
trash were saying with that woman on below deck where
they go, haven't we all gotten like this? No, we
haven't all dragged four sea rats up a flight of stairs.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
And throwing in a pillow fight where only one was
throwing pillow.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
Right with snot everywhere. No, we haven't all got like that.
With the Democrat said, we don't need to beat the
ship out of Danny. I mean we have Jackson Jesse.

Speaker 1 (14:41):
That's right.

Speaker 3 (14:42):
Sorry, go ahead, I thought that Brittany, we could see
that she's now it has sunk in. This is going
to be a long fight. Oh yeah, she's pissed the
cheese in it, and she's at war now and I
don't think she knows how to put down those those swords.

(15:04):
Loved it, Yeah, ninety four bumps.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
Yeah, wow, I'll be brief because I've talked about the
tits tonight were wow.

Speaker 3 (15:12):
So stupid.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
Now, one of the Little Batties had said this inspired
her to go back to watch season one, which, by
the way, you can find a Patreon dot com slashon
of the podcast network. We went back in time and
actually recapped season one, so if any you guys want,
have won the Valley of Vanda Pup Rules. So I'm sorry,
I'm not finishing sentences tonight. A Little Battie went back
to vander Pumper Rules season one and she analyzed jacks

(15:38):
and what she's currently watching now, and she's found that
there has been minus zero personal growth on his part
in thirteen years.

Speaker 2 (15:47):
Yeah, it's amazing, and like we talk about at some
point in this episode, you know, Jackson going to a
lot of therapy and Andy's like, has he changed it all?
And Brittany's just.

Speaker 3 (15:57):
Like, hell now, well, so I question for you, pat
when you were okay, So he's been on the show
over thirty six years here for thirteen, so when you
were thirty three ish, how much changing was left for
you to do?

Speaker 4 (16:11):
You know?

Speaker 1 (16:11):
I agree with that sentiment. However, when I did men's
group therapy for two years, I didn't quit it. It
just broke up because there weren't enough guys to support
us paying two therapists to sit in a room. Everyone.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
See, it's a little awkward at the end. It's like
a D and D group.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
I had several breakthroughs in there because I was like
talking with other guys with a male and female therapist,
trying to understand why I was a fucking cheating idiot
in a scumbag, and why I had hurt my ex
girlfriend and what was going to be future and how
I could fix things. So it helped out a lot.

Speaker 4 (16:40):
Well.

Speaker 2 (16:40):
Also, kids really help.

Speaker 1 (16:43):
Well helped out. But I was better, you know, I was.
I've been with my wife for nine years before we
had kids. Yeah, I'd never thought of cheating on her
or anything.

Speaker 2 (16:52):
And it's important to say that word sometimes, right, But
I would like to think that if you have a kid,
you you know, that's that's a that's a life, a
life ring that gets thrown out to you, and it
does not look like Jax has vasa lead all over
his arms.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
Oh so you'd think you would think that the birth
of his son would change him a little. Yeah, it's done. Zero,
He's still a coke head scumback.

Speaker 2 (17:19):
The crazy thing to me is and the sad thing
in the very very dark thing. I would say ninety
eight percent. Cacao probably is like what does he look
like when he's fifty seven?

Speaker 1 (17:32):
Same guy, just older and not as good looking.

Speaker 3 (17:35):
I have those friends, but but pat is he homeless?

Speaker 2 (17:40):
Yeah? Like how does he make any money?

Speaker 1 (17:43):
Okay, so he needs to not get any more reality
TV gigs. So what I see him eventually doing is
going back to being a bartender.

Speaker 3 (17:51):
Oh oh no, cocaine.

Speaker 1 (17:54):
Cocaine is a a very powerful drug.

Speaker 2 (17:57):
I see him getting into some cryptocurrentzi scam, right, and
then he's going to take people for a ride. And
then ultimately he's going to get taken for a ride
because he's going to be the sixth person that gets
added to the the c suite or whatever the fuck
it is, and and then he's going to be really broke,
and then sure he'll go back to.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
Bartik here's the other thing. He finds God and then
he becomes one of those fucking religious weirdos.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
Okay, I was just going to say. I think an
alternative is he can move to a place that is
in Kentucky, but that is a southern, like cultural southern place.
For me, Texas pops into mind, and he could sell cars.
He could sell cars. He's very clean cut, he doesn't
need to he can convince people.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
But we've all we've all done things in the past.
So wait, proud of you.

Speaker 3 (18:41):
Thank you, sir, thank you. You know you think you think.

Speaker 2 (18:43):
Now, Yeah, that's where he needs to restart.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
When I think about life, though, Ruby, I used to think, like,
it's obviously you grew up in Los Angeles. There's no
chance growing up in Los Angeles that someday, when you
were fifty eight you decide to move move to Alaska
and buy a salmon salmon fishing bait shop. And that
happens with human beings. I mean, through this journey, there

(19:07):
are some crazy twists and turns that people think.

Speaker 2 (19:10):
I mean, it's a freaking game of candy Land. But
I gotta say the audience is probably pretty pissed off.

Speaker 1 (19:15):
Because we haven't talked about We've been talking about the
show though to be Yeah, yeah, yeah, we have.

Speaker 2 (19:19):
We have so pipe down. Okay, all right, so Andy.

Speaker 1 (19:24):
Zero sorry fourteen Rottenhalse.

Speaker 2 (19:26):
Andy picks up his cell phone. He goes, no, I
can't make it. I'm hosting the Valley Reunion.

Speaker 1 (19:32):
Okay, can I set us up till a little bit?
I just did well kind of. We begin at Radford's Studios. Yep, okay,
home to some of the greatest TV shows ever created.
I'll give you a couple Mary Tyler Mooreshew, that's seventies
show Siginfeld, Will and Grace and now a three part

(19:54):
reunion of the Valley.

Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yeah, I mean.

Speaker 1 (19:59):
Marry Tyler Moore must be rolling over to great.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
Ruby and I grew up four blocks four blocks away?

Speaker 1 (20:06):
Yep?

Speaker 3 (20:06):
Yeah, no is that it's now owned by a hedge fund?

Speaker 2 (20:14):
So yeah, so that's cool. All right. So we roll
back on six years ago with Jax and Brittany when
in uh dumbface and stupid to say that they are
not going to get it to force.

Speaker 1 (20:30):
Not only that, Jackson says he does he does not
want a prenup, which is it's not such a grand
gesture when you learned that the last time he filed
his taxes, Michael Jackson was alive. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's problem.

Speaker 2 (20:43):
Honey, I got a problem. I got a little bit
of a problem. We gotta put a we gotta put
one point two million dollars on the mortgage.

Speaker 1 (20:51):
Oh my god, Jacks.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
Sorry, do you guys not think you're you think you're
gonna stay together forever? Yeah, we're gonna be married forever. No,
you are not. How could you think that? That's where
we have to, you know, put it in Britney's lap
a little bit. Let's go around the day is first
up Britney aka Stupid Sits and it is actually a
pretty harsh name now that I think about it. We
get to Jack's and Andy flames him for not wearing merch,

(21:18):
which needed to be done. Okay, Michelle says that she
is great with Honeybee. Everything is going really really well
with honey.

Speaker 1 (21:29):
The other thing I wanted to touch on was I
believe Jesse. There's an accusation which we did not get to,
which I can't wait to, which is he apparently offered
to toss a client salad in exchange for a closing commission,
to which Jasmine remarks, get that sale. Ho.

Speaker 2 (21:44):
Yeah, I don't know that she said ho?

Speaker 1 (21:46):
She said?

Speaker 2 (21:46):
How did she say? Okay? Well, krist and Lucan, Danny
and are pregnant and boring, and Jasmine and Zach are
also on the show.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
One last note, just to back up for a second.
I know you already touched on where Michelle and Jesse
were at. We learned that Michelle and is A have
moved in with Aaron and that's amazing. Not true. They
lived there such a short time. It was in between
Aaron's blinks, in between him blinking. That's how she is.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
There's another weekend update Joe Korea.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
It's too good every time, Pat and all the moms
across America are laughing out loud, and all.

Speaker 2 (22:21):
The moms across America are wondering how much Janet paid
for her we govy because she looks fantastic.

Speaker 3 (22:31):
I think she was very honest about it and her
own pilates.

Speaker 1 (22:34):
Yeah, I love.

Speaker 3 (22:35):
That seventy pounds. Whoa, Yeah, that's all I just that's crazy.
I in whatever. She looks amazing.

Speaker 2 (22:44):
She didn't even look like she didn't he look like
there were seventy pounds there at all. She looked evil
and beautiful always, so Kristen was the voice of reason
this season. Crazy Christen is dead, except for one moment
that she was a little m horsful for a book
Wetful four, which is when she said that she was

(23:05):
going to physically assault Kristen in Hawaii. Yeah well, oh yeah, Jennets.

Speaker 1 (23:12):
And also an apology for a lesser assault calling her
a whore.

Speaker 2 (23:16):
Right right, right, So there's that. So Jackson Brittany's divorce,
this was a really really fun little moment here. Brittany
doesn't lie, so when she says that Jackson is trying
to prolong the divorce because he's scared of being kicked
off the valley. I mean, I cannot even imagine the

(23:38):
steamboat Willie pacing that this guy is doing talking to
production about next season, Like everything is fucking riding on
this and the cell phones have to be getting smushed
like fucking empty beer kids.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
He is clearly the most paid person. I bet he
was pulling down a a cool half a million for
a season, probably including this one. No way, yeah, I
bet yeah. He was the centerpiece.

Speaker 3 (24:09):
Maybe around three. I don't think he's I don't think
he's smart enough to negotiate for a million for half
a million, I really don't.

Speaker 2 (24:15):
I don't think.

Speaker 3 (24:15):
Here's what I will say.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yeah, go ahead, And.

Speaker 3 (24:19):
I have a word for Alex Baskin later in this episode,
in all caps and in bold, and it's not a
good word. It's a few bad okay. The way in
which Jacks can't even say like that, you're a liar.
Whatever he calculates in his head. He's like, that is
sort of true.

Speaker 4 (24:39):
Yeah, yeah, that's the therapy that he's been doing well.

Speaker 2 (24:45):
And it's also just like Gavy steps being crushed so decisively,
like you know, Jack's if you've got a reunion coming up,
maybe played a little closer to the vest, don't tell
the woman that hates you you all of these things
that she could use to absolutely used.

Speaker 1 (25:03):
To work for him though. His kind of like brutal honesty.
People used to find that very humorous because he doesn't
know how to pronounce words that way. He's kind of
like Patty. But also he'd say just dumb things and
it used to be kind of endearing, and now he
just comes off as a jackass, you know, Alex Baskin
said this week He's like, you know, I've been getting
some feedback and people thought this series was a little

(25:25):
too dark this season, to which I was thinking, you didn't.

Speaker 3 (25:30):
Yeah, yeah, I don't know what his wellness check. Okay,
that's and again I think it's like.

Speaker 2 (25:40):
The people that made the Blair Witch being confused about
what people found scary. You know, it's like, mean, there
was a witch at the end that like killed everybody
and they were like teeth all over the place. I
don't even remember that.

Speaker 1 (25:56):
I hate that movie. I hate, hate, hate, hate hate
because I wasted money going to see it in the
movie theater. Yeah, it's two hours of nothing, nothing until
you get to that final scene.

Speaker 2 (26:07):
Do you ever see the Witch? Do you see the Witch?

Speaker 1 (26:09):
No, you see Josh see the Witch. And remember you're
not supposed to look at her, right.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
But there is a witch.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
There's a witch in the forest in Virginia.

Speaker 2 (26:18):
I kind of want to watch it.

Speaker 3 (26:21):
It's fine, yeah, wait till the fall.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
Oh that's a go yeah, yeah, something about cool air.
It's nice to see. Definitely, all right. So Michelle and
Jesse we discussed who was going to win.

Speaker 1 (26:34):
You know, there was a lot of Michelle and Jesse
in this reunion, it felt like catch up because last
season they didn't have a reunion, so they feel like
they were making up four.

Speaker 2 (26:44):
Oh, do not have a reunion now, that's why Jesse. Oh,
I was feeling. I was wondering, like why Jesse didn't
get skewered last reunion. There was none.

Speaker 3 (26:54):
They just did that like wrap up interview for all
of them, but they didn't have a s It was
like Below Deck season one to four when Andy just
didn't have interviews.

Speaker 2 (27:07):
Okay, so it's important to say that Jesse looks very
stupid tonight on this day as these pants are not panting.
They they He's a ridiculous person. And we we we
talk about, you know, the two of them. You know,

(27:30):
it's a little exhausting trying to It's it's kind of
like do you want to eat Cyanide or Arsenic? Like
they're they're both so horrible to one another. But Jesse
is clearly worse than Michelle. So when we're talking about,
you know, trying to get a victory over the other one,

(27:52):
it's like you both hate each other. You both traffic
in this of all the.

Speaker 1 (27:57):
Time you've agreed to participate in a reality TV show,
for the take of paying for pre k for Isabella, well.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
Right, and that that grief counselor to teach her about
death or whatever. That made me want to pull my
hair out.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
Now, Ruby, you tell me if I'm wrong. Do we
skip over the fertility journeys of both Kristen and Okay,
we're here.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
Sonia and Danny are pregnant again, and before we get
there we talk about vaseectomies. I think, right, am I
skipping over the fertility.

Speaker 3 (28:28):
No, it's like if we start, Andy decides to start
with the babies, and he's like, Okay, Kristin, how does
it feel? He looks so beautiful pregnant. Christen's like, I
feel like I've been pregnant forever, Like it's going to
be like weird to not be pregnant. And then they,
you know, reminisce on what that's a true factor being?

Speaker 2 (28:44):
Yeah, I feel so pregnancy just takes way too long. Yeah,
and it's nuts, it's.

Speaker 1 (28:51):
And it's but it's a beautiful journey. But I don't
want to fucking hear about it on my reality TV.
So when they said let's discuss Christen's fertility journey, I said,
we could do something more pleasant, like poke our eyes
out with an ice pick.

Speaker 2 (29:03):
Yeah, well, I'd rather listen to the Fertility Journey because
quite honestly, poking her eyes out with an ice pick
sounds just abysmal. Yeah, it sounds grissly. I mean, could
you imagine being presented with that choice and picking the
ice pick?

Speaker 1 (29:22):
Did you hear the segment?

Speaker 3 (29:26):
I think it was a saw, one of the saws,
and one of the girls had to choose to do
it with she like one of a pole like wire
thing and it was her leg like femur. Oh god,
and so you have to you have to break the bone,
and like she did it, and then she gets like
right about to be through it. Fucking time runs out.
Really yeah, it's just like you should just sit there,
breathe for a little bit and know that maybe there's

(29:49):
life after death and let it kill you, don't put it?

Speaker 2 (29:50):
Did anybody? Does anybody get out of the saws?

Speaker 1 (29:54):
And of course yeah?

Speaker 2 (29:54):
Yeah, oh really.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
The second one's the best one. The first one was
with carry isles and I forget the other ap It's
like an independent film taking place in one room. That
was the second one. I thought the second one is
more interesting and then they just went sideways.

Speaker 2 (30:08):
I don't like the saws. They're too scary and gory.

Speaker 1 (30:11):
They're too gory.

Speaker 3 (30:11):
Well, Brittany saying Jackson need's one as soon as they
bring up a sectomies. Those were little angry angry, the
little spouts of anger. She can no longer hide.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, she can no longer hide. And
thank you for getting us back on track, because she
does say that, and we kind of Jackson and Brittany
have a dumb off, right, because they're very engrossed in
this conflict with one another, and they are keeping tabs

(30:43):
on one another. And listen, I know that it's it's
about perspective, and they are in it, so it matters
to them. But I can't think of anything less significant,
maybe in the whole of human history than they're divorce.
But they're they're so enmeshed in it. And that's why
she's saying things like completely out of nowhere, just I
would touch it a dirty dick. There's no fucking way
I'll touch a dirty dick.

Speaker 1 (31:04):
Now, that's where I think, Andy, Oh, Jack's what kind
of birth control he uses? Yeah, And he gets very
confused by this question because I believe his birth control
method is the pull out method, which is Russian Roulette
with jizz. And then who's accused of Britt trying to

(31:24):
sleep with oh, Julian and she yeah, that's when she
says he has a dirty dick and he had that
before before you guys got divorced.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
Yeah. Yeah, he used it to enter other people when
he was still with you multiple.

Speaker 3 (31:36):
Times, and you knew about most of them, or some
of them at least. But this entire segment made me
think about, like, it's really, honestly, it's an advertisement to
just stay married. Could you imagine being close to turning
fifty years old with a child, you're recently divorced, and
you have to have a conversation about do you have

(31:57):
a condom? I would rather? Oh, my god, ice pick?
You pick the ice pick?

Speaker 1 (32:02):
Yeah, here's my thing with that ruby. When you are
annoyed by your husband or wife because they're annoying, right
and you little things like them chewing near you, you
want to throw a throw a piece of a bagel
at their head or something. Yeah, that's not a reason

(32:23):
for divorce. Your husband's showing up at three in the
morning every night back from the bar, on cocaine. You
you can't ride that into your fifties.

Speaker 3 (32:34):
No, but someone venture to say that you should never
have ridden that in your twenties then had a child
in your thirties.

Speaker 2 (32:42):
So talking about are you talking about Amanda and Kyle?

Speaker 1 (32:48):
What do you mean? No, we were just talking about like,
because people now are getting divorced when they're sixty two,
and it's like, wow, you don't want to just ride
I mean you're going to be like three more years.

Speaker 3 (33:00):
Yeah, also at that point, like genuinely, and I understand
it because like the sixty is the new fort not really, No,
it's not.

Speaker 1 (33:06):
It.

Speaker 3 (33:07):
Don't fool yourself because you're going to turn seventy eight
really quickly, and it's not.

Speaker 2 (33:11):
And I don't want to freak anybody out right now,
because you know, there are different age groups that are listening.
But my friend the other day said, we're thirty four
years old. We've lived half of our lives, and I
was like, oh, my fucking gud.

Speaker 1 (33:27):
That's the first time you thought of that.

Speaker 2 (33:28):
Yeah, that's the first time I've ever thought of it.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
Don't worry about it, Ruby. I know people in their
late sixties that are banging away like it's sixties are
the new forties?

Speaker 3 (33:37):
No, I agree, But then I wouldn't bang when seventy
seventies is late seventies. I believe, I speculate it would
be a tough time to be alone, having recently made
the choice to end your marriage of likely twenty five
plus years, so that you could bang away for a
few So just think about it if you're in that boat.

Speaker 2 (33:58):
Yeah, I don't say this song throw the bagel.

Speaker 1 (34:01):
I don't say this often will Smith and Jada Right now,
they're doing what works for them. Why whack up the
assets and do this divorce thing.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
Just let's shut it out. Let's just interview one another
and publicly shame each other.

Speaker 1 (34:16):
And well, we'll got one side of that, all right.

Speaker 2 (34:19):
Jesse and Michelle are still struggling in that they hate
each other and they talk about weaponizing their child. And
I still don't think that we've really gotten to the
bottom of this. Jesse not letting her see sneeze, okay,
her dying grandmother. It seems like one of the most

(34:41):
disgusting things that anyone on this cast has done. Of
physically assaulting Brittany is probably the worst thing.

Speaker 3 (34:52):
We didn't see that though, but we didn't see that one.

Speaker 2 (34:55):
This is this is not that far behind it, and
I'm confused this behavioral therapist.

Speaker 1 (35:01):
Okay, hold on. There seemed like there was a lot
of layers to this fight about going to see her mom, who,
by the way, Andy Derrel looks into duty. I would
have asked, Michelle, is she dead? Oh, she's dead, she's dead.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
Oh okay, yeah, she's dead.

Speaker 1 (35:16):
Well anyway, so I guess I didn't need to be asked.

Speaker 2 (35:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (35:19):
But I'm not defending Jesse because he's a horrible human being.
But it sounds like this was typical going back and
forth of negotiating, like.

Speaker 2 (35:27):
It regardless of the negotiating, her grandma is dying, let
her go see her grandma. And I'm wondering this behavioral
therapist was just a commitment to the bit, like you
know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 3 (35:42):
Right, Jesse. This was one of those things, and I
believe if they're like the whole She wanted to go
on vacation with Aaron for a week, and she wanted
Jesse to take the girl for take the girl, sorry, Isabella,
take Isabella for a week, and then her sister to
take her. There were probably logistics involved. That being said,
the fact that the camera panned to all of the

(36:03):
women on the stage when he was like, you said
to my mom and she was like, yeah I did.
I said, she's never coming to Boston for Christmas again
if you don't let her see my dying mother. And
all of the other women were like, yeah, I would
do the same thing.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
No, yeah, me too. Yeah, pretty reason why I don't
get Faulter at all.

Speaker 3 (36:19):
Jesse. Take out your sword rested at like forty five
back up for like ten feet, run as fast as
you can light right right.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think exactly one last note before
we move on, because Mee and Danny had very few
moments here, we did get a look back at that
cosmetic sergeant that told Nia she looked disgusting. Yeah, unless
she pays him one hundred thousand dollars to get work.
Otherwise she could go as Quasimoto for Halloween.

Speaker 2 (36:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
I thought that was blow of the belt.

Speaker 2 (36:46):
No, but it's true. She is fucking hideous, So yeah, yeah,
maybe think about not being hideous. Jesse and Michelle fight
over the finances. Now, this is a really lovely, lovely moment.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
Well, I'll tell you what I was loving because Andy
steps in as a mediator in a pretty good one.
He says, Hey, losers, you're both broke. There's no solvent
assets to fight over, so sign those fucking papers.

Speaker 2 (37:10):
Yeah, we find out that Jesse spent one hundred and
fifty thousand dollars on a fifty five person wedding. Now,
as is the case with people who peacock to this degree,

(37:32):
I can't imagine that he still has very close relationships
with anyone who went to that wedding. And it just
it reeks of psychological wounds that this man would do
this despite not having the financial foundation to do so.

Speaker 1 (37:53):
And now that the curtain's been pulled back, like you
know that goddamn Wizard of Oz, you know, God damn,
Jesse is a a broke little man. Like his whole
confidence was based off this perception that he's putting out
there that he was super successful and smarter than everybody.
Turns out, he's broke, he's not successful.

Speaker 2 (38:13):
And he's bad at being cunning, like all of this stuff. Again,
it was weird. You know, sometimes people are teflon and
you're like, wow, it's just not sticking to him. Jesse's
attempting to be teflon, but he's covered in shit. Like
they're talking about how his girlfriend hates him, and he's like,
don't worry about me. It's like bad.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
I have on high authority that girlfriend is non existent.

Speaker 2 (38:42):
Well, let's talk about the girlfriend, because we talk about
if they watch Baywatch together. And I think the most
confounding thing about this season for me personally, and I
know it hasn't been talked about that much, but even
the degree to which we've talked about Baywatch at all

(39:03):
is so confusing to me. The fact that the question
do you guys watch Baywatch together? Was asked. I don't
even know how the fuck someone would watch Baywatch? What
streaming service is it on? How would you even do that?

Speaker 1 (39:18):
I'd argue it It hasn't been on cable television for
the better part of thirty years.

Speaker 2 (39:24):
I mean, what what are we doing talking about Bayball.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
Or even saying she was banging someone from Baywatch who
is currently a door guy at a bar. Why not
just say she was banging a door guy at a
bar because that's what his current occupation.

Speaker 3 (39:45):
Possible new job for Jacks could be doorman at bart got.

Speaker 2 (39:49):
Oh, yeah, he'd be fantastic at it, all right. So
he is on steroid, so he would be great at
it all right.

Speaker 3 (39:55):
So Jack's wait, Bill, It's just it's it's looming in
my head one hundred and fifty thousand dollars like what
eight ish years seven ish years ago or so? And
you now, Rent, I just want to remind you of that.
Thank you continue right right right, So that's pretty cool.

Speaker 1 (40:11):
I always give advice to my younger friends that are
getting married. Do not do a wedding over fifteen thousand
dollars unless you have a down payment for your home rubs?

Speaker 3 (40:24):
Do you want do you want me to get my
fucking fiance in here so you can say that louder
I'd love to. But no, Oh really.

Speaker 2 (40:30):
Okay, because Ruby Ruby is about to have a pretty elaborate.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
Wedding, Well, I plan on going.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
Oh is Pat invited?

Speaker 3 (40:38):
She told me I was, Yes, Dylan, Pat, Come on,
we do.

Speaker 1 (40:41):
A show together, all right, Congress, How do you think
that other knucklehead got to yours?

Speaker 2 (40:50):
We didn't get to money after party? It's I don't
think the dinner is going to be it's going to work,
but we should.

Speaker 1 (41:02):
Cut that out.

Speaker 2 (41:03):
No, no, no, it's fine, all right. So anyways, we talk
about by the way, adjusted for inflation, that's one hundred and.

Speaker 1 (41:10):
Sixty five thousand, Wow, yeah, fifteen thousand dollars.

Speaker 5 (41:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
Yes, So Jack's is it's going to be tough for
him when Cruz meets the new boyfriend. And it was
so funny to me that, like we talk about therapy
and just how it doesn't work on somebody like Jacks
who needs to be medicated, like medicated the chemical makeup
of his brain needs to change in order for him

(41:36):
to be a different human being and a better one.
But you know, we were talking about how maybe I'm
jumping ahead. He's so disgusting to Brittany. We talk about
the body shaming and he gets into Julian banging her
and how disgusting Julian was at the time, and it's

(41:56):
just like I want better for Brittany because Brittain, he
knew that Jackson was cheating. Brittany knew that Julian was
banging a bunch of different women on the show, on
the show, but she was like that's what I needed
at the time, Like that's what you needed, Like you
need more than cans of corn human beings and that's

(42:16):
all that you're settling for, you know.

Speaker 1 (42:19):
Can I say this though, is this the conversation where
she starts letting us all know that he like, the
physical violence was more than we even knew.

Speaker 5 (42:28):
No.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
At some point he threw into the bushes.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
I jumped ahead.

Speaker 3 (42:33):
This was just this was about how the Brittany is like,
he starts fight with me about every single day, Andy,
every single day. And they Zach and he and Jasmine
were like, his therapist is chudg Ebt and it's not
helping all. And that was very funny to me.

Speaker 2 (42:48):
Easter was five. Next day he came over star right
through the trash cans.

Speaker 3 (42:54):
Looking for condoms, trying to see, trying to see in
my private drawers, Andy, my private drawers.

Speaker 1 (43:03):
My shop teacher, missus O'Malley, because you'd think those condoms
would end up down in the toilet, you know, you
just flush them. Don't do that. My shop teacher, mister
O'Malley told me one time this great story where because
he worked as a plumber, so he fucking uh he
goes to a job and the drainage is in the
toilet is clogged, so he drains it and both the

(43:25):
husband and wife asked what it was, and he says
it was condoms. And the husband looks at the wife
and says, I don't use condoms, and then they got divorced. Wow,
crazy story.

Speaker 3 (43:38):
Right again, Just don't cheat and stay in your marriage
unless you're you know.

Speaker 2 (43:44):
Yeah, So the husband had to have made that inquiry
because the wife. That's right, you should have known.

Speaker 1 (43:50):
How's the wife supposed to know back then? This was
probably in nineteen sixty two. This is an old story.

Speaker 2 (43:55):
Okay, so this is when no excuse me, I just
went to the top of my note.

Speaker 1 (44:02):
Sorry.

Speaker 2 (44:02):
So Nanny and Ninna moved.

Speaker 1 (44:05):
To Santa Colora.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
Santa Clara, Rita, and Jasmine didn't sell them the house
because I don't think Jasmine has ever sold a house
in order she had the licensing required to sell.

Speaker 4 (44:15):
Well, yeah, right, that's quite literally all.

Speaker 3 (44:20):
That was the most irritating thing that happened this entire
episode Territory.

Speaker 1 (44:25):
Oh yeah, Jasmine, I I know you think that your
story next year is going to be your wedding to
beautiful Melissa. It's not going to be. And I would
be shocked if you are welcome back and just shocked,
just shocked.

Speaker 3 (44:40):
I thought that you were going to say I would
be shocked if you actually get married. And I was
going to say, hey, I'm you know same.

Speaker 2 (44:45):
Yeah, all right, let's get to Michelle being a whore.

Speaker 1 (44:48):
Oh that's right, it's just locker rooms well stuff. Yeah, well,
to be fair, it was locker room talk. And she
didn't call her horror. He said she was a reasonably
easily priced process.

Speaker 2 (45:01):
Yeah, and we should say that we're not calling her
or Those were the accusations levied at her on the
quote unquote boys Chat, which started at Tom Schwartz's wedding
and was used to send around vagina photos sent in confidence,
I would imagine.

Speaker 3 (45:19):
So, okay, I have to tell you a really quick
story that I heard on another podcast.

Speaker 5 (45:25):
This is.

Speaker 3 (45:27):
Someone should sue these men. First of all, if any
of you have fucked any of these men since Tom
Schwartz's wedding, get together on Instagram, DM each other, get
a hacker, get into their phones, and sue them. They're
not allowed to do this, especially in California. Anyways, this
was crazy. This girl found out that her husband had
been taking pictures of her secretly while she was naked,
like while she was like changing and while she was
like in the shower and whatever naked around her fucking

(45:49):
husband and his friends had been doing the same thing
to their wives and they had this like database that
they were whatever, and she it was She like wrote
in to be like what the fuck do I do?
And it's like a half comedy podcast.

Speaker 1 (46:02):
The girls were like fu jail, wow.

Speaker 3 (46:04):
A divorce and Jay no, but you actually like you
need to get your assets together and you need to
quietly Jennifer Connolly him and wow, that's.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
Crazy because I would never want anybody to ever have
any men to look at whatever girl I was dating,
Like what am I going to get off by that?

Speaker 3 (46:21):
As we because the way that this works is that
they think that their girlfriend's fake tits are hotter than
your wife's tits, and so they send it to you
being like, look at my hot girlfriend's fake tits that
are hotter than your girlfriend's fake tits, and then you
have to overcompensate and be like, nah, look at mine.
And I think it's just a validation thing and what

(46:43):
the girls should do is send more nudes and then
sue everyone.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
I think, Wow, I've never been on a guy chat
like this. I'm not putting any posts, any pictures I found,
Like before we bought the house, I was rifling through
all my ship to see what I was going to
throw up before we started living in a new dwelling,
and I found a polaroid of my ex girlfriend naked.
As a joke, because I was going to be going

(47:09):
on tour, we both took polaroids of each other naked
so that we could have while we were away from
each other. And I'd saved that, and as I moved
to the new house, I did something that needed to
be done. I cut it into a bunch of pieces
and threw it in the trash.

Speaker 2 (47:23):
Oh, I thought you were going to say that you
spanked your filthy little pud to it.

Speaker 3 (47:26):
I thought that you were to say you masterbated to it.

Speaker 1 (47:28):
Pat Wow. No, No he did, No I didn't, but
that would have been like a tribute to her.

Speaker 2 (47:33):
All right. So Danny got kicked off the boys.

Speaker 1 (47:39):
I like how he laughs about it.

Speaker 2 (47:40):
Yeah. I like how Andy understands guy code and he's like,
why did you do that? Why did you tell Luke that?
And I love the excuse, Like, listen, I completely Danny, Danny.

(48:01):
I know they start to kind of fade into the
background because you get so used to them. But just
as a kind of it's like an evolutionary biology thing.
You can feel a human being behind you with a
forty pound camera.

Speaker 3 (48:15):
Rig let alone, like six of them.

Speaker 2 (48:19):
Right, and your mic writing guid and stuff like that.
So all right, let's get to Jesse spending all of
Michelle's money. This was my favorite part of the episode
because another attempt at being teflon that doesn't work. Michelle
is paying for Danny to stay in that house. Jesse, Jesse,

(48:41):
excuse me, uh, second time he said.

Speaker 1 (48:43):
Sleep in the basement, because I got the lease. My
name's on the lease, you know, sleep in the basement.

Speaker 2 (48:47):
So it's crazy, like, you know, I know that we're
in a postmodern world and we want to stop with
the gender norms and stuff like that. But if you're
any kind of decent man and you're on the what
are the fritz with your wife? The skirts outs on
the outs? Really shut up?

Speaker 3 (49:10):
How funny would it be of this saying was on
the skirts?

Speaker 2 (49:14):
If you're on the skirts, skirt, So Jesse's on the
skirts of his wife, right, you go downstairs, That's right,
you go downstairs. Okay, there's I don't even care how
much you hate her, you go down.

Speaker 1 (49:27):
There's the theme here, and they get into it. Jack's
demanded he's stay in the house.

Speaker 2 (49:33):
Yeah, I mean douchebags. Fucking douchebags.

Speaker 3 (49:38):
After he said, and this is like similar to Dylan
loving the money thing I loved when Jack's was like, Andy,
I mean, listen, the one thing I wasn't gonna do.
I wasn't gonna and Brittany, I'll grew with.

Speaker 2 (49:51):
My son. Oh huh, you weren't gonna uproot your son.
We've been hopping around airband bathed, and I completely understand
where she's coming from, because at a certain point it
must be so enraging to see this pathological fucking sociopaths
say these things over and over and over again. But

(50:14):
we learned that Jesse and Michelle rented a house when
they split. Jesse couldn't afford the rent because he doesn't
sell houses and does rent his own, and therefore needed
to have Michelle cover half of the rent, and is
now suing for compensation for the wedding that he wanted

(50:35):
to throw for fifty five.

Speaker 1 (50:37):
People, thinking that he could probably look good in front
of future clients or business partners, and it did work.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
I'm just to break that down. Fifty five people at
one hundred and fifty thousand dollars. That's twenty seven hundred
dollars a person.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
On what that's quite? The ice sculpture on.

Speaker 3 (50:58):
What that's that is? And again again you now right
your home?

Speaker 2 (51:05):
Yeah? Crazy? All right, So let's get to the juice
of the episode. This is Jackson Brittany, and we learned that,
you know, it was framed as kind of him flipping
out and knocking some stuff over and her kind of
incidentally being hit. What we learned tonight is that not
only did he hit her with the furniture that he

(51:28):
was kind of crash bandicooting around the mansion, but he
also through chairs and broke her Stanley. Now, now to
break a Stanley as a feed of strength, Stanley's are
fairly sturdy.

Speaker 1 (51:48):
Is that a vacuum?

Speaker 2 (51:49):
No, it's a it's a canteen.

Speaker 3 (51:51):
It's sad for construction site, so you'd imagine, I mean,
it takes quite force to break down.

Speaker 2 (51:57):
Yeah, so I think he broke her phone.

Speaker 1 (51:59):
He also threw an the bushes and then called her
a tree trunk.

Speaker 2 (52:01):
And then he threw her into the bushes. Now, that's amazing,
that's just amazing. That's just amazing that a human being
could do that. I know men, you know do it
all the time. But also to refer to her with
her stret stretch marks as a tree trunk, I mean,

(52:22):
this is where And I know that you you get
uncomfortable when Ruby and I talk like this, But oh no, no, no,
there are certain people that just like, do we really
need you around in this solar system? Like, what is
the point? I want crews to have a father? But this, God,
are you disgusted? What's the funny actual point? Now?

Speaker 1 (52:41):
Now, Britt says that she has ringcam footage of this,
and Britt, if you have that, I would reach out
to page six Daily Mail TMZ and say name the price.

Speaker 3 (52:54):
It's her son's father. I do believe she would have.
What I have to say now is to Alex Baskin,
if you've fucking knew, if you've seen this footage, join
Jackson the solar system of else, because this is reprehensible behavior.
If you knew about it, I don't think it's much better.

(53:15):
The fact that you didn't immediately fire this person, the
fact that you allowed her to live with him when
you knew that he was could to throw her in.
And it's not funny in any way, shape or form.
It's just like saying it out loud.

Speaker 2 (53:28):
No, it's like it's this is like really really.

Speaker 3 (53:32):
It is the darkest Oh my, it's an edible. Nobody
wants this, exactly nobody.

Speaker 1 (53:37):
I don't even like vanilla chocolate. It makes my throat inches.

Speaker 2 (53:41):
And I hear you on that, brother, But but yeah, no,
this is ceremonial grade.

Speaker 1 (53:48):
This is interesting point, Ruby, because you would wonder what, like,
it's the oddest reality show season premiere, first couple episodes
in a any reality show I've ever watched, which is
essentially the quote unquote star of the reality TV show
is going to rehab, right, And I think we can

(54:10):
all agree, especially after hearing Jack's with the experience, Like
I didn't really think I had a problem with cocaine
or drugs, Like, it's my childhood trauma and my anger
that's at the heart of it. That's the problem. So
I don't think he ever would have gone to rehab.
I believe this was some kind of like we have
we know you're physically abusing your wife. Yeah, and we

(54:32):
don't want to close down shot. This thing's you know,
gets some kind of potential to make some money here, right,
go to rehab and if you come back, you might
be able to Oh.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
Fun little factoid. Also, we find out that he relapsed
on the show.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
We watched him drink vodka, but.

Speaker 3 (54:47):
We watched him also be on cocaine.

Speaker 2 (54:50):
Yeah, yeah, clear, No, So he relapsed on the show
a week after his his stint in Van Eyes or
wherever the fuck that was. We end the show with
him kind of taking ownership over the horrible things that
he had done and citing the reason being his departure
from vander Pump rules. Because and this is a little

(55:14):
bit like the framers of the Constitution, right, they put
the legislative branch first, and the executive and the judiciary.
But he says, the two most important things in my
life are my job and my son. Now I understand
that they're co equal, but it's interesting that one precedes

(55:37):
the other.

Speaker 1 (55:37):
Right, Yeah, he should have said cocaine first.

Speaker 3 (55:41):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (55:41):
There are three branches.

Speaker 2 (55:43):
Get in the comments, let us know what you thought
about the episode. Long one, pretty thick one. Five stars,
cond worts join us the Patreon dot comp slash on
the podcast network for APSPMZ all the Miami just inter
personal connection with Pat and Ruby and I and more

(56:04):
more important and most important, it helps us keep the
podcast going.

Speaker 1 (56:10):
Mm hmm. Also, I got a doozy of an APS.
I went with five couples to solving for the weekend,
and it was greed upon that I would just take
the bills and put them on my credit card. It
has now been four days and three out of the
five couples we went with have yet to reimburse me
for me floating their entire weekend, and now I need
to send a very uncomfortable text as a reminder that

(56:32):
they owe me eight hundred dollars.

Speaker 2 (56:34):
Okay, well, join us at patreon dot com to hear that.
I think four days. You know, we can get to
a week before we send that.

Speaker 1 (56:41):
I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (56:41):
All right, Well, you get in the comments and let
us know. Patreon dot com follow Ruby Substack. Gangs of
New York just did a great what you sat down
with zoron at series.

Speaker 3 (56:56):
Pizza I did and it was incredible.

Speaker 2 (56:59):
Dyl Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, so yeah go there and
support everybody. We love you. Goodbye, I'm Dylan saying goodbye, Pat,
say goodbye later, dudes.

Speaker 5 (57:11):
Bye bye.

Speaker 2 (57:24):
He is a

Speaker 5 (57:27):
Street sign your head