August 23, 2025 • 47 mins
Pat and Dylan are back to break down gators, therapists, bloggers, oysters and more from Bravo's RHOC.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Doing things that are insane.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
There's a difference between uh, consoling and placating, okay, and
Shane does not understand that difference. He just goes, fucking
Jesus Christ, what are you acting like this? For? Which
you know? Well, I think we agree with him.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
The storyline too. You think even Shane thinks this storyline.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Suns Yeah, he said, honey, this is a bad story.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
And hey, you're demure? Is that the right word?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
I don't know what that word means.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Somebody goes, is that demure?
Speaker 1 (00:44):
I don't think so. I think I don't think about
the physical appearance.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Demure means like like an assassin? No, like you? You're
violent and sexy?
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Oh okay, yeah, well fine, yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Just get in the comments and let us know that word.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
I mean, we could look it up.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
No, I'm pretty sure I got a handle on it.
I gotta tell you, I'm Dylan, and I gotta tell
you that's pat.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Hey, my life just got a whole lot better. We're
talking off my head.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Oh, I'm so happy for you.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Okay, So any parents out there, we'll understand this. I
have never had any time to myself for the last
five and a half years. Even more than that before
Ellie was.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
And that's hyperbolic, but no it's not. I take your point.
No it's not hyperbolic, but I take your point.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Okay. Both kids are now in school. Elliott starts kindergarten
on Monday. Yeah, they're busy now from nine to three
point thirty every day. They're no longer my problem. And
then Lupita peta, yeah, comes in at three, works to seven,
little pe bread. No more parenting, thank god.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Yeah, so you're done.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I'm done. I raised him.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
And how old is Quinton just for the audience.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Uh, two years old in one month?
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Okay, so there are lessons that there are going to
be lessons bestowed to them and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
You know, I thought about doing this question mark because
I love Lupida so much. I will say this into
a microphone. My wife and I for a minute, because
both our parents.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Are sucked off, well checked out.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
They'll be dead soon. So we contemplated putting Lupita on
our insurance policies and not telling her.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Oh that's a crime.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
So if we both died in a helicopter crash, the
kids would be raised by Lupida and she would know
the financial windfall that would be bestowed upon her upon
our death, because in fear that perhaps she has some
family members that would say, hey, why don't we just
rub those two people out, you.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Know, Oh, oh awful. Oh so you're you're you're going
to be okay, I got it, you got it, I
got it. I actually quite quite enjoyed that plan. I
think that's a very demure plan. Uh huh, yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Sorry, I took us on that ride.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
No, no, no, it's fun.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Listen, I am celebrating with a strawberry margarina.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Yeah. And I feel really horrible because Patty came in here.
We both had nightmare mornings. I've had to pick up
my car because it was hit by a food truck.
I've had exterminators coming to the house because we have
an infestations. I have my child just hitting me in
the face, my cat scratching me in the face. It's
(03:31):
just been a day. You've had fish.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
My wife convinces me because one of my various entities.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
And we're going to get into the real Housewives, and
we'll also talk about the mysterious disappearance of when Ruby
Z brenn her middle Oh.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Yeah, we gotta get to her. My wife one of
my businesses. Actually we don't do aquariums anymore, but we
do water features and uh. But for like ten years
I did the aquarium stuff like Deuce Bigelow. Anyway, my
wife says, there's a dirty tank in Elliott's kindergarten class,
and we got a volunteer. We got to show these
people that we're in and we're involved in this school.
(04:03):
So go set up a brand new aquarium for them
and put a bunch of fish in it so that
it looks beautiful for the start of the first day
of kindergarten. So I do that. That was two days ago,
and you were here, Dyll. I get a call from
the teachers and said, all the fish are fucking dead. Yeah,
so I went back there today.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
You don't know what you're doing, do you.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
I know exactly what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
You keep killing all these fucking fish.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Today I'm on tour with eighty parents through the school.
I walk by the room with the fish tank in it.
All the fish are dying again.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yeah, that was my morning.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
I looked like a loser.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Why are you killing all these fish? What are you
doing to these fish?
Speaker 1 (04:41):
I don't know what people are doing when I'm not
there is the real issue.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Oh I get it, sure Ca and dive, sure Ca
and dive. Well, yeah, I know. Pat had to go
in and do a quick op. Or he pulled the
dead fish out of the tank and a kid spotted him.
What are you have in your hand?
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Nothing? No, I saw it. Shut up, shot. Do you
know what what are you doing in here? Up? God damn,
I'm the old kid. I go, hey, you wonder why
you're in here with me and no other kids are around.
It's because you're a loser. Get out of here.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yeah, you gotta you gotta be tough on these kids. Yeah. Yeah,
So listen, I feel bad just generally. I'm on a
new Mike and Ike diet or I don't need anything
but Mike and Ikes, and I'm crashing out pretty hard.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
My wife went on a yogurt diet and she actually
lost weight.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Oh yeah, Yogurt's lot of good stuff and yogurt. But
you walked in here buzzing right, just the joyous, joyous
little boy in a ruggedly handsome males shell. But you go,
I got a buzzball for you. I said, no, I
don't want a fucking buzzball because I'm a rational agent.
(05:55):
You are a lunatic walking around drinking buzzballs and even
dared to do so, just voluntarily drinking buzz balls. So
I refuse the gift. Then you go, hey, I gotta
tickets to the Highwood Bowl tomorrow night. I want you
to be my dad. I refuse the invitation. I just
feel like a jerk. It's this mic and I diet.
(06:16):
I'm telling you, it's fine, It's fine, all right, let's
get explain where Ruby is. Oh, that's right, So get
this vacation wedding Lisbon? What WHOA? Now? I want to
(06:37):
get your opinion on this. I'll do a I'll do
a destination vacation in Lisbon. I don't know that I
would do one in Monterey. You know what I mean, Like,
if we're gonna do it, let's do it.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Let's do it.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
But I don't want to do this. It's five hours
away and we gotta are we gonna fly? It's quick
turn around. You know, you can't justify spending a week
five hours away from your house.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Not in Monterey, but you could.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
On the yeah of Chevy Chase's family adventures. I am.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I always like when some friends of mine say that
it's going to be a destination wedding.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Well, was that you love that one line from Family
Vacation where he says Christy Brinkley is ugly?
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I forget what his name is in
the what is his name in that movie?
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Oh yeah, it's like Wally. They're going to Wally's word World.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Yeah, but she says, why were you with that girl
in the swimming pool? Yeah, he's like her, she's ugly. Yeah,
Chevy Chase. Okay, So, in Ruby's absence, I feel that
we should read a review that really okay, you know,
(07:57):
takes issue with her.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Okay, she listens, does she? Yeah? Oh?
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Actually this one says five stars. I'm happily married, man,
but Ruby seems good with her. Man, I have no
idea what she looks like. Please, yes you do.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Isn't it crazy that Ruby and me are brother and
sister because she's so beautiful and I look like a goddamn.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
You're a good looking guy. Well not in my.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Current form, my god, can I glow up? But not
in my current form? I look like a rabbi right now?
Speaker 1 (08:24):
No, you don't. Oh deal, we got a one star?
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Oh my god, Oh, we don't need this cry.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
We don't need to bore the audience with the one.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Now now charging question mark question mark. This is from
a former fan. I think I recognize this name. Mock slang.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Okay, why do we need to entertain the musings of lunatics?
We don't need to, you know, I'm vetoing this. I
don't want to hear from this nutbag. I want to
hear this review as badly as I want to go
around the corner and talk to those filthy bums out
there about how hot they are. I don't want to
do either. Can I please? Will you respect the Vita place?
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Yes? I will.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
All right, let's get into the real and there are
a lot of bums out there.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
I mean there, there's more bumps. They're coming back.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
You know. I have an infestation in my home right now,
and it's because there's a lack of cocking in all
of these different areas. Right, How do you calk a city?
Speaker 1 (09:20):
You know?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
How do you prevent I feel bad for them because
it's one hundred degrees outside. They must be very hot,
but they refuse water. They don't want it.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
They want drugs, they want they want drunk yill. I'll
tell you what we do. We put flamethrowers in just
ten hands of regular citizens, and we allow them to
walk around the city and they just every once in
a while spout off like I don't know, shoots like
twenty feet.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
I don't want them to hit the homeless encampments. I
just want it to be very close.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Well, we have a problem. So I'm not sure if
that is actually a great idea, but a perge evening
might be good. Might be good. Can't start fires, We're
just kidding. They well I'm not axes can't start fires.
I'm not kidding about that.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
But all those people out on the streets still are
just people that lost their job last week. Okay, all right, yeah, all.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Right, so listen. You know they really bend at the hip,
and they bended the hip forward. When they start bending backwards,
I'm gonna be like, all right, are we paying attention?
Are we paying attention?
Speaker 1 (10:23):
That's right?
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Okay, so Real Housewives of Orange.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Yeah, I let me go first. Of course, some people
came in late in the game and suggested some new
rating systems, and I'd like to think got it than tits.
Oh yeah, really, I haven't. And when I said I
wish Ruby was here, Yeah, we're going to start using it.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Well, I'll see because tits is pretty undefeated. Let me
and I think it's if you have the name of
the person that recommended these great ratings.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
I don't, but I can look at it the rating system.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
You're an art thief if that's what you are.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Is how many fatty photos?
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Oh? I love that, you were really, really good?
Speaker 1 (11:05):
How many fatty photos do you? Wow? Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Yeah, it's an alliteration, a little bit of a forced
one and pH but that's great.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
The young sung hero that took the time to think
of that and post it in our Patreon. Oh yeah,
reveal yourself once again.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Oh definitely.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I'll give you a shout out next episode.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Think about how many young sung heroes we've had.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Someone came up with shoulder taps.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Somebody invented the freaking goddamn telephone, and then you know,
you know, these fat cats come around, they steal it.
You know, I still unsung hero.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Till do you ever think in the world like you
can't understand certain like technology, like how does things go
up into space? Like I'm talking my voice? He goes
up to a satellite and it gets sent somewhere else.
And we can do that, but we can't cure answer.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Oh no, we can't, Patrick, we can't. And we never
went to space.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Patrick, come on, yeah, but we're talking on cell phones still.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Oh no, listen, Bluetooth. Bluetooth is pure fucking magic. It
just is. How is this Krongbin song playing from my
computer in the other room. It's literally sorcery, sorcery.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Till I have a cell phone that I put in
my Tesla on the just like in this little placeholder. Yeah,
it charges it magically and you're able to plug it in.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Well, that's Elon demon work. I told you not to
get that car because they were gonna shot on your wheel.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Well here's what I want to I want to live forever,
and I want my brain put in a good looking
person's head that.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
You're not going to have the capital before you're dead.
That'll be reserved for the Alesion class. But who knows
Ellie or Ellie's kids. It'll be like a god, It'll.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Be like twenty Yeah you want a new head, Yeah,
I want a new head.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Yeah, of course, I want to get ahead. Group On
will still be around you. Get group odds for it.
Long lasting company been around for one hundred and fifty years.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
All right back to let Please Fatty Photos. I loved
this episode.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Did you realize?
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Yes? Because of the little twist at the end, tam
Rats all like wrapped up in like my friends. First off,
tam Rats, you don't have friends.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Hey, I people want to show without your demon mouth.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
You have people that you work with on a show
that despise you and understand your game.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Now let me say you. Let me say say something
real quick. Good friends. Well this is more for guys,
but I think it applies to women too. They'll talk
shit about you to your face and gas you up
behind your back. Tamra does the exact opposite. That's those
are not friends, they are enemies. Okay, they're workers, Yeah, yeah,
(13:58):
they're co workers.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Okay. Tam Rat is an awful person, but Katie is
a sketchy bitch. I've been saying the tail end of this.
I hope everybody's watching this like I do. Katie will lie.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
To just put his fingertips on his heart. So here
the earnesty in this.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Yeah, Katie says, did you give that rumor? To Kiki
the blogger no, you know, I wouldn't do that. Then,
at the tail end of the episode with her in
that uh pussbag of a husband, her well slave and
Gretchen told us that she drugged her and then she
(14:43):
then Katie stares at the camera and says, she told
me that. So what's that mean, Katie? Then you were
obliged to call Kiki the influencer. Katie is a horrible person,
and she is not good at this.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
No, no, she's not. She's a tornado.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
But she's great TV.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
She's a tornado of stress and deceit.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
It's just, you know, not good at covering your tracks. Anyway,
She's the best part of this show. Matt, watch out
for yourself, run because she will have you killed for
insurance money. She'll wait till the show's over. I'm gonna
give it. I'm gonna give it thirty eight. What's our rating.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
System, it's no fatty photos.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Fatty photos.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yeah that's a pretty high score.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Yeah it was a great episode.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Yeah, really good episode. So listen, I was I'm always
very confused. I feel as though the Housewives of Orange
County have the most convoluted storylines, even this one. You know,
it's just like Gretchen's lying, Katie's lying. Tamera always lies,
but she's telling the truth. It's like a a game
(16:00):
of clue that I don't care about winning or playing.
Right with that being said Shannabadoorad Shannabadour, I mean just
always looks like she got into a bar fight. Always.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Some of the kids say she's tore up from the floor.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
They don't they a mess.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
The fact that she can't get out of bed before
noon to make a call time, she's a fucking mess.
She should be ashamed of herself and her daughters are drinking.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Now well, her daughters are having fun, you.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Copple doesn't fall far from the drunken true. Okay, all right,
she's gonna make a bunch of little drunks.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Yeah, this tree is made for cider, right, Okay? I
thought it was a horrible episode.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Two pots, no how many fatty photos sixty fatty fo okay?
Also sorry, honorable mention to meet Paul, Meet Paul, you
are finding your own You picked up the baton this episode.
You track down Kiki. I mean I would have called her,
that would have been my first step and said, who
gave you the information? Meatball?
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Did it?
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yeah, meet Pols having an okay season. Meatball brought back
Gator gifts for Gator gift shop gifts. That's what you
bring back to your family, Meetball. That is such a
Meatball move. You know what I would do, same thing
I did with that Buzzball. I would go, you know what,
it's not for me, you differ, I would defer, Well, no,
I would refuse. I would outright refuse. So I looked
(17:33):
up OC. I punched in OC and the Peacocks. You know,
there was a show called tamras Oc Wedding.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Yeah, marrying Eddie.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Well they're not married anymore, her.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
And Eddie, Yeah they are.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
I thought they were on the Fritz.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I thought, well the Fritz, Well, you know they're not
disclosing that. But no, I mean there was a time
where we'd pay to see bachelor people in their wedding.
Oh yeah, there was a spinoff of O See where
the I think it was the second season for Moci.
Their children had their own reality TV.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Well we've got it now, next Gen U or whatever
the fuck it's called. It's like Hard Knocks but for
little bitches. Okay, So I want I want ahead a
nice skip the recap because Lol, tamar quit the show.
You gotta be fucking kidding time. Who cares?
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Okay, I want credit to me because Tamrat has done
this before, and I even figured it out. I was
like it was in Bali. She ran past the swimming pool,
she announced she was done, and she ran away from
cameras and said, don't.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Film me in iconic moment. Iconic moment.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Okay, And I recalled that before Emily and Shannon Badoor
discussed on this episode.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Yeah, well, Tamra is back on the show quicker than
she ever ever was. The sun rises as it always
does and left unless it's kind of like snuffed out
by a super volcano, in which case everything would be
gray and choked out. But the sunrise is today on
these batshit women. Jennifer is speaking to her voodoo doll
and she gives Ryan a ring. He's wearing a hair hamlet.
(19:10):
You know I was gonna give him shit, but I'm
balding now in a very serious way.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
You're not.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
Oh no, I am.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
The problem with Ryan isn't balding. It's that jet black hair.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah, it's too dark. It's too dark.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
I want to say this. The voodoo doll thing. I
think Jen has this wrong. The idea is not to
name a voodoo doll after yourself. It's to name a
voodoo doll of one of your enemies. And then pokat.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
That's a really, really astute observation. Yeah, it's almost like
Jen is a kind of an airhead and missed the
entire purpose of the whole thing. So we get to well,
I would just say to Ryan, you know, maybe cool
it on the jet black hair, but in terms of
hanging on to it, do whatever you can, you little criminal.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Okay, yeah, look like Jermaine Jackson, Like like you spray
painted your head, you lose her. Yeah, I want the audience.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
You don't. You shouldn't use flex seal Ryan.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
No, that's your head. That's the glue things. Yeah, together
in seal things. Oh yeah, drink every time, you hear
Ryan tell Jen he can't wait to bang her cause
yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, drink every time.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
And do you think they're banging? No, I think they're
probably banging. Gretchen also hops on the phone to talk
to her husband, who is bearing an uncanny resemblance to
Nick Offerman. Gretchen goes through the whole thing and even
Slade is like, give me a fucking break, Tammers, cut
the quit in the show, get get the fuck out
(20:44):
of here. What are we even talking about this for?
We're gonna be heading out and we're going to be
seeing gaiters.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
We are, but before we do, we do stop at
one last Place's Shannon, but ours, that's right, tore up
from the floor up. When everyone that's you could say
that you've pretty much polished off every nip in the
mini bar at the hotel, that's when you got to
start looking in the mirror.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
And not only the mini bar, but there's checks mix everywhere.
And it also kind of looks like, I mean, doesn't
it look like she got into a viral fight at Ikea.
Every time we see her.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
She looks like she was fighting for a parking spot,
Yeah Ikea and out Yeah Yeah. Well, her and Emily
chat and she says that she needs to begin to
manifest things that she desires, and she manifests a loving
husband in her future, but she should probably be manifesting
a new liver because that one's going to shoot out
(21:47):
on her.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Well livers, Her fragile livers are fragile, so Badoor, like
we said, is struggling, and we find out that Tamra
told Badoor her best friend to come up to the
room without cameras and to Badoor's credit, said fuck off,
go fucking sleep that xanax off, you pig guys. Listen
(22:10):
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Speaker 1 (22:38):
Let me step in here. I don't like being super high.
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Okay, Old Patty used to push away from like, uh,
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Due me too, dude. I sleep a great nights and
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(23:48):
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Speaker 1 (23:58):
Well, and by that you mean I'm I'm extremely efficient
and I'm optimizing my experience.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Not only are you efficient and optimized. You're comfortable in
your own skin, You're you're, You're just really blossoming. I
should say, Phoenix, I should say Phoenix.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
I feel like I'm the best version of myself. Oh yeah, ever, yeah,
and I owe it all to Rula.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Yeah. I've known you for a while and this is
the best version of Patty I've ever seen. Telehealth has
made mental healthcare more convenient and accessible for millions of people. However,
critical challenges like finding a suitable therapist scheduling appointments in
the expensive out of podkat cost still keep many away
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don't worry about it, don't worry about Okay, you can
find the right therapist for you. It'll be in network
(24:41):
covered care for most major insurance plans. You can pay
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RULEA is committed to supporting you and staying with you
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(25:01):
Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their
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to rule it dot com slash bad tv to get
started today. After you sign up, they'll ask you where
you heard about them. Please support our show and tell
them that our show sent you. Go to r u
la dot com slash bad tv and take the first
step towards better mental health today. You deserve quality care
(25:23):
from someone who cares.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Thank you, Rula, Thank you La.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
And I gotta tell you I know exactly what Tama
was trying to do. That was a strategy meeting. That
was That was a fucking That was a strategy meeting
that she wanted to have. That was, I don't want
the cameras on. This is what we're gonna do. I
need you to do this. I'm gonna do this for you.
You know.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
She didn't want to use that time to rummage around
the room to pick up any last liquid.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
At the bottom of no No, I'm said, well, uh,
Shannabador definitely was. But Tamra was going to attempt to
do a little stratigo.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Okay, forgive me, yeah, forgive me. So the two groups of.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Later imagine walks in there and there's that like fucking
Game of Thrones like board of war out until Taram
is like, I need you to pay attention that, kay
I am?
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Okay, So the two groups of ladies had out. Meatball
is wearing a Mister T inspired uh jewelry set or
blowing around her.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
I think her stylist is either blind or dead.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Yeah yeah, yeap, mister T is dead.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
No, he's still alive. No, mister T still alive.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
What's he up to?
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Uh? Selling uh general's insurance?
Speaker 2 (26:35):
I think the last time. Oh okay, I thought you
were gonna say sCOD dues. So anyways, we head over
to the alligators and in the car we talk Keikey
minogue and again we're we're going to see gators. So
this is actually very super dangerous. You know, all of
these women have a lot of animosity towards one another,
and uh, you could cheve somebody in. They could get
a death spiraled, you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Oh yeah, I do want to say. On the way,
there is this one Meatball. Now, a crusader of truth
announces that she talked to the journalists. Yeah, and the
journalists said the katious is sketchy bitch, and tam Rat
was right all along, correct, was that an oversight on
your part? I just want to make sure I'm not
(27:17):
stepping her your toes.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
No, it wasn't an oversight. I think we were going
to get to it. But it is important that this
is the most important thing that happens in this car ride,
is that Meatball says, I've been doing a little detective.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Thank you, Meatball. Someone's doing their work on the show.
And then meanwhile we have Shannabadour and we get a
chyron that says incoherent crying, you know, when we have
a real drunk on our hands. SB couldn't get it
together for that call time. Sorry, already did that joke.
Even Judy Garland was awake at noon, bitch, and she
was a fucking drug addict.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Well, Shannavadoor calls Gina, and Gene answers the phone, and
Shannavador says, hey, it's Shannavador and you don't need to
do that because of you know how phones work nowadays,
what with the iOS, Monterreys and savannahs and you know,
al pack, I don't know what they're on now. But
(28:10):
she starts to weep on the phone, and uh, she's
in the throes of a panic attack.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Yeah, also called being hungover. Okay, So I.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Want to talk about this really quickly, and you know,
I don't want to sound like a boomer or anything
like that. But why fuck have we gotten soft?
Speaker 1 (28:28):
What?
Speaker 2 (28:28):
So you got a duy and almost you know, plowed
your dog through the front windshield. So what people have
gone through worse than that? Johnny Jans ensued you for
a little bit of money? All right, we're having panic attacks.
I mean, my god, Shannavadoor.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
She's hungover. She's so people that have panic attacks, not everybody.
But if you were drinking all last night till three
am and you were finding yourself falling asleep on the
rug and you wake up when you're having anxiety, it's
because you're hungover.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
I mean, by the way, I have to stop drinking
before I'm like fifty five, because I don't want to
look like this. This is so pathetic.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Well you may not esthetically, just like your life is
in ruin. Yeah, her coming over, dropping the makeup in
the car. Sorry, it's a tough look. Man.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
You spend your whole life trying to be a good
human being and not look like a fuck up. Yeah,
and then you end up on this show.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
You know any Cohen takes souls. You know the you
know the July fourth hot targeting contest Nathan saw Tuggeting. Yeah,
Joey Chestnut wins.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Joey Chestnut.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Yeah. Imagine what the floor looks like after that contest.
That is the most accurate metaphor I can use to
describe Shannon's life. Wet buns, remnants of tubed meat on
top of concrete, hot, hot concrete all over the place.
That is what Shannabadour's life looks like right now. And again,
(30:02):
I don't understand why the storm is beyond us. The
sun is shining. Let's not have panic attacking.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
If kids are adults, they're healthy, they're engaging with the world.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Things are going great. You're macing with you know, a
couple of different guys, you know, from Hotel Love or whatever.
The fuck. It was all right, So we get to
see the gators. They're in the bio in this fan
boat tour place, really striking fear into the customers. Now,
what they've done here is a dirty little sales tactic. Okay,
(30:31):
we pump the blood up by taking a cast of
the biggest alligator we've ever seen in these parts. Then
you get on the tour. There are these little piece
of shit fucking alligators. Nobody's scared of these fucking things.
I'll kick one of those in the fucking face. Get
out of here, no baby gator.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
In fact, there's the alligators are so small. The cast
takes to making jokes. Katie points out size matter, right,
good one, Katie, And then the tour guide points out
that mail at alligators breed and then they take off.
Yeah sounds like someone else, we know, Katie, just sketchy bitch,
(31:16):
big time.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Yeah, you know this is how scared I am of crocodiles.
And then listen, the big ones are scary, right. But
if I did kick we little one, even though it
was trying to accost me, I'd feel horrible.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Oh yeah, I don't kick in, I'd feel horrible.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Well, you gotta kick sometimes, Yeah, Rhino, my neighbor's Yorkshire terrier.
I'll kick that fucking thing. I'll kick that thing over
my fence. I genuinely I don't care. We have never
had more animosity towards an animal in my life at
little Yorkshire.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Terrier, especially when they bite you.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
High brow, fucking high strung piece of shit. Fuck you Rhino.
All right, So Heather doesn't like it. Heather doesn't like wind.
Heather doesn't like moving too fast. She wants to be
drinking champagne. And I think they cleared on that house
under what she had hoped. Oh really, yeah, I think
she wanted twenty and I think they came in at
(32:10):
sixteen eight.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Let us know in the comments that means they broke
even or lost money.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
I think they either. I would want to make money
on that right, because it's a what is it a
bear market? Bull market? I don't know what the fuck
kind of market it is, but the home prices are up,
and if you sink all that time and energy in
at least come up out in the blacks so that
you're compensated for the time and the energy that you
put into it. Well you want to just break even.
(32:36):
That's quite literally just a waste of time.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
When you say put work into it, You and I work,
We drive to places and we do things. Heather to
bro reads an email, shows up at the property that
they're renovating for five minutes, points at some things, yeah,
and says do this if you can, yeah, yeah, and
then leaves and goes and does whatever. Yeah, I wouldn't
(32:59):
call that work. Yeah, forgive me.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
What's Heather doing in their downtime? Just chronically fucking jerking off?
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Okay, So I've been in a lot of rich people's
houses during the day, like during the week, they don't
do a lot. Uh, they watch a lot of TV.
Oh yeah, and then they like look at tasks like
they're like a lot of work, but they're not like, oh, oh,
I got to read some emails over I got it
playing yea, Yeah, I gotta go over some bids. Yeah yeah,
(33:27):
and that they'll spend like three hours going over bids.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Oh. Sure, bids are tough. You gotta you gotta really
get through the fine details. But listen, let's get to
Luke and his r hid.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Do we have to I don't think this is a storyline.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
No, and we're gonna get there later. So let's get
to the bourbon house. Actually, Leo pitches the ladies on
some oysters. Great guy, he says, Uh, they came out
of the water two days ago. Leo, I don't know
that you want to buffer in forty eight hours between
the don't do that. Yeah, And people have the misconception
like a lot of sushi is not fresh, it's frozen
(34:03):
and cured and stuff like that. But when you're trying
to pitch, you can smell these ladies from a mile away.
These are pocket protector O C rich sketchy bitches. You know.
Don't just say that we just got them out of
the water, just you know, just lie. Gina almost dies
on one while Emily and Heather are fighting about snapping
(34:24):
and the appropriateness of snapping. So we bring up the
crazy Kiki Monique story, and Gina, as we mentioned, did
a little detective work called Kiki herself. And Katie lands
herself in another one of these pincer moves where she
is being accosted on all fronts the way Hitler was.
(34:46):
And I'm not saying Katie is as bad as Hitler, no,
but she does remind me of of Hitler in World
War Two a lot in this situation, and all Hitler
had to do was call the blogger and clear this
whole thing up. But can't do that if you're caught
(35:07):
red handed.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Right, Oh, you mean Katie calling the block. Katie calling
the block because she's a sketchy bitch.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, she did it.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
I can't believe her.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
She I know, it's pretty crazy, because does the audio.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Do you think the audience understands how sketchy she is?
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Yeah, yeah, I think so. But but because this is
such a passive viewing experience, her craziness is by default
kind of passive. She's doing so much. It's a little
bit like Traders, which recovering patroon dot com Slash another
podcast network. You get to the first round table and
(35:48):
you're telling everybody how to vote. You're getting on a soapbox.
It's like, you don't need to do that. Chill out.
There's plenty of time here.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
So dyll just to get back to this moment. This
is when when even Jen passive, Jen is like urging
Katie call Kiki ki ki ki ki.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
And then we start to get these murmurs of a
dinner that Jen with Gretchen and slated at Mastros And
evidently that is where Gretchen told the girls that she
went to the hospital the next morning and that there
were drugs in her system via a toxicology report. Okay,
now a lot of this doesn't add up. No, okay,
(36:27):
you're not gonna get a toxicology report on I don't
know a body that's still working who is slightly hungover,
like that's.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Just they will take a because most some workplaces require this.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
You're going to take a blood test.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Well, when I own the tour company, they'd have our
drivers just randomly have to take urine tests. It would
take like three days get the results back.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
You can test for roofies.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
You can test for like cocaine or pills or whatever.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
Oh yeah, weed, we'd really sticks around, trust me, you know.
I was interviewing for a waiter position at a l
Capierro country club. I had it in right. Mom called
a friend and said, this kid needs a job nineteen
(37:16):
seventeen eighteen. He said, we need to piss test you.
I said, I don't know if that's gonna work. Head
the dining room goes, listen, it's not a problem. I'm
going to talk to the secretary. She's going to tell
you a solution to get go to the headshop, get it.
You'll pass the test, all right, no problem. I talked
(37:36):
to my soner friend. He goes, don't fucking do that.
You're gonna fail it. You gotta get a bag of
fake piss. I think I've told the story before you
go into the stall.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
And this guy they're not there with you.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
He is there with me. He's standing right in front
of me looking at my penis, my little tiny penis
for a waiter position at a goddamn country club. I mean,
what am I interviewing for the fucking CIA?
Speaker 1 (38:00):
Get out of here. The drug tester is not associated,
They're a third party. Still in sure's accuracy on your
piss test?
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Well still okay, it should say on the top of
the thing, you know, just waiting.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
I'm going to say something crazy that I did in
the tour days. His name was I'm going to change
his name because I assaulted him. He took a drug
test and I got the test back three days later.
I let him drive the tour bus that day and
they said inconclusive based on it's not urine. And I
asked him, I said, what do you think it is?
(38:34):
And they said, the person that took test thinks it
was gatorade. When I saw this motherfucker, not only did
I fire him, he was on his ten speed bicycle
and I kicked him while he was on it.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
That's fine, I.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
Said, you you could kill children. That He went and
worked for the tour company down the street. I went
over there and got in the tour company owner's face.
I'm like, get rid of this fucking guy.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
He ruined us. All Paul, all right, let's get back
to what everybody has come here for our hard hitting
comedic recap of Bravo's Real Housewives of Orange County. All right,
so we wrap up this dinner, okay, and we get
(39:20):
back from New Orleans. Meatball brought back the Gator gift.
Like I said, bad gift, Meatball. Let's you know, let's
pick it up. And then we get to therapy with
this fucking nutbag. Okay. Tamra went to Big Bear to isolate,
but needed to go to therapy to process these emotions. Okay,
and I was thinking about just imagine this therapist. And
I know we've talked about this before, but imagine this therapist.
(39:42):
Tamer sits down and says, Jen was yelling at me,
Meatball was yelling at me, and I don't know what
to think. And this therapist just sits there with her
clipboard and Tamar's file and just talks it through with her.
The pay of this woman is really unbelievable. Now we
(40:02):
hear from Tamra that, and we cut back to Tamar
calling Teddy, and Teddy's incredibly rude voicemail sets Tamra off
and she takes the xanax and then starts to get
black outstront Okay, can we talk about Teddy's voicemail for
a second. Hi, you've reached Teddy's phone. Don't leave a voicemail.
(40:23):
I understand that you're sick, but I mean, what kind
of lunatically that's the outgoing message. We don't leave a voicemail. Well,
my god, just don't set it up.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Here's the other thing. Those two have never stopped doing
their podcast. She sees Teddy every week.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Yeah. Well, Tamar has two stories of this episode. She
was driven to the pills because she was so upset
by Teddy and her voicemail. And two the other tale
is that she knew it was going to be a
stressful din her because she was bringing this thing up
to Gretchen. Now, Tamar always traffics and half truths. That's
why she's tough to pin down. Both can be true,
(41:03):
but she does tell two different versions of this story.
She is a.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
She is a fox taking it to the grave.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
Hoky. All right, So her biggest fear is rejection. And
I want you know how we were all cheering for
Dick Cheney's cardiologist to just nick a fucking valve. Yeah,
most were. Yeah, I understand that I want this therapist
to call her a narcissist on national television.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
She won't because it's a conflict of what people want.
She wants to keep getting a paycheck. Yeah, Like Howard
Stern has had a therapist for thirty years. Yeah, and
he's now going to that therapist three times a week.
Somehow Howard keeps getting worse.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Yeah, it sounds like Howard just wants somebody to talk to.
That's paying for friends. That's what that is. That's not therapy.
All right, let's get to Hannah and what No Emily
and the picky Eater. This is a little tricky because
Shane acts like a little rat pitch to Emily, but
he's also one hundred percent right, So he is very
cold and stand offish with Emily, who is just really
(42:10):
scared about this. And all you need to do as
a husband is recognize that your partner in life needs you.
They need you to console them.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
What if they're saying and doing things that are insane.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
There's a difference between consoling and playcating, okay, and Shane
does not understand that difference. He just goes, fucking Jesus Christ,
what are you acting like this? For? Which you know? Well,
I think we agree with him.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
He the storyline too. You think even Shane thinks this
storyline sucks.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Yeah, he said, honey, this is a bad storyline. This
is a really bad storyline. But the thing that Emily
said that drove me a little bit nuts. She's like,
this is all on me, this is everything to do
with this is just on being Emily. You just went
to New Orleans for four days. Like, what are we
talking about? Okay, my goodness, gracious, this storyline is it is?
It is bad.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
So Hanther, HD and tam Rat for lunch timeam reading
of the minds Oh. Tam Rat shares how Gretchen told
her in the vans Uh she did go to the hospital. Wait, no, Tamrat,
is this correct or not?
Speaker 2 (43:16):
Umm? She tells Heather that Gretchen told her that she
did not go to.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
The hospital naked wasted.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
And then Tamra says that she knew the dinner was
going to be stressful. That's why she took his annex,
and Heather attempts to tell her that she feels insulted
that Tamra ignored all of her text messages and then
went into a podcast before getting back to her. And
of course this is criticism or vulnerability levied at Tamra.
(43:46):
So she will flip out and uh come close to
calling Heather a stupid bitch, before Heather just backs off
because Tamar goes to the water well, oh Teddy, h Teddy,
and then.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
HD of course being meet, Yeah, trained has to go.
You know, sometimes I don't agree with tam but uh,
you know she's going through some.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
Stuff, little Tamp Tam. When Tamtam brings up Teddy, I
know that there's no more of this conversation we can have.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
That's right, that's how TV works. All right, let's get
to die bar night. Yeah, biggest mistake of the night.
How's your kids? Emily?
Speaker 2 (44:21):
Oh wow?
Speaker 1 (44:22):
She spends like five minutes talking about it, and I
think all of us are like, wowow, who gives a fuck?
Speaker 2 (44:32):
Well, I thought it was very very interesting. You know,
Jen is trash, right, so she'll suck down Malibu and
coke or die coke everywhere she goes, but the second
she steps inside of an establishment wherein you would order
a trash pig drink like them, she gets instead a
super dirty martini.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
Yeah, what is going on?
Speaker 2 (44:55):
That's so confusing to me. Obviously, you don't order a
martini at a place that looks you order a bud light.
You order if there are pool tables. You don't get
Kraft cocktails or traditional cocktails.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
You get a bud light. Bud light and you wipe
the top of the can off.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
So we get to Katie and Matt. Katie's also drinking
it super dirty martini, and this is where Katie and
Matt collectively gaslight the audience.
Speaker 1 (45:22):
Okay, they're great TV because I hate both of them.
Speaker 2 (45:24):
Yeah, the two of them together. So this is what
they do. Katie went to Kiki Monique and she told
them about what Gretchen said. Right, But Katie implies the
reason she did that is because Gretchen told her. So
she moves the goalpost from her making it up and
telling Kiki Monique to her not making it up and
(45:45):
telling Kiki.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
Don't forget that first step. She did not tell Kiki
Monique anything, right, The goal post started there.
Speaker 2 (45:50):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
That's true, die or a sketchy betch.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
But also there's this little kernel that I don't think
has popped quite yet wherein Slade told her to toe
the party line. So again, this is a game of
clue that is just too cumbersome. I mean, everybody, somehow
someone stuck to put stuff like three hammer cards in
(46:13):
the envelope and nobody knows what's going on. Right.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
As much as I can't stand tam Rat, I feel
like she's already been punished a little bit this season.
I want to get her come up and yeah, Katie,
when are you going to be like?
Speaker 2 (46:28):
You know what? I accept defeat. She's like a cock,
a roach, and a nuclear winter. Get in the comments,
let us know what you thought about the episode. Five stars,
kind words showing us to Patreon dot com, Slash another
podcast network, go to Ruby Sepstack, and we wish you
all a merry Mary weekend. I'm doing saying good bye
pat say goodbye my guys,
Doing things that are insane.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
There's a difference between uh, consoling and placating, okay, and
Shane does not understand that difference. He just goes, fucking
Jesus Christ, what are you acting like this? For? Which
you know? Well, I think we agree with him.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
The storyline too. You think even Shane thinks this storyline.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Suns Yeah, he said, honey, this is a bad story.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
And hey, you're demure? Is that the right word?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
I don't know what that word means.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Somebody goes, is that demure?
Speaker 1 (00:44):
I don't think so. I think I don't think about
the physical appearance.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Demure means like like an assassin? No, like you? You're
violent and sexy?
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Oh okay, yeah, well fine, yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Just get in the comments and let us know that word.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
I mean, we could look it up.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
No, I'm pretty sure I got a handle on it.
I gotta tell you, I'm Dylan, and I gotta tell
you that's pat.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Hey, my life just got a whole lot better. We're
talking off my head.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Oh, I'm so happy for you.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Okay, So any parents out there, we'll understand this. I
have never had any time to myself for the last
five and a half years. Even more than that before
Ellie was.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
And that's hyperbolic, but no it's not. I take your point.
No it's not hyperbolic, but I take your point.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Okay. Both kids are now in school. Elliott starts kindergarten
on Monday. Yeah, they're busy now from nine to three
point thirty every day. They're no longer my problem. And
then Lupita peta, yeah, comes in at three, works to seven,
little pe bread. No more parenting, thank god.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Yeah, so you're done.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I'm done. I raised him.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
And how old is Quinton just for the audience.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Uh, two years old in one month?
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Okay, so there are lessons that there are going to
be lessons bestowed to them and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
You know, I thought about doing this question mark because
I love Lupida so much. I will say this into
a microphone. My wife and I for a minute, because
both our parents.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Are sucked off, well checked out.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
They'll be dead soon. So we contemplated putting Lupita on
our insurance policies and not telling her.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Oh that's a crime.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
So if we both died in a helicopter crash, the
kids would be raised by Lupida and she would know
the financial windfall that would be bestowed upon her upon
our death, because in fear that perhaps she has some
family members that would say, hey, why don't we just
rub those two people out, you.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Know, Oh, oh awful. Oh so you're you're you're going
to be okay, I got it, you got it, I
got it. I actually quite quite enjoyed that plan. I
think that's a very demure plan. Uh huh, yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Sorry, I took us on that ride.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
No, no, no, it's fun.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Listen, I am celebrating with a strawberry margarina.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Yeah. And I feel really horrible because Patty came in here.
We both had nightmare mornings. I've had to pick up
my car because it was hit by a food truck.
I've had exterminators coming to the house because we have
an infestations. I have my child just hitting me in
the face, my cat scratching me in the face. It's
(03:31):
just been a day. You've had fish.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
My wife convinces me because one of my various entities.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
And we're going to get into the real Housewives, and
we'll also talk about the mysterious disappearance of when Ruby
Z brenn her middle Oh.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Yeah, we gotta get to her. My wife one of
my businesses. Actually we don't do aquariums anymore, but we
do water features and uh. But for like ten years
I did the aquarium stuff like Deuce Bigelow. Anyway, my
wife says, there's a dirty tank in Elliott's kindergarten class,
and we got a volunteer. We got to show these
people that we're in and we're involved in this school.
(04:03):
So go set up a brand new aquarium for them
and put a bunch of fish in it so that
it looks beautiful for the start of the first day
of kindergarten. So I do that. That was two days ago,
and you were here, Dyll. I get a call from
the teachers and said, all the fish are fucking dead. Yeah,
so I went back there today.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
You don't know what you're doing, do you.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
I know exactly what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
You keep killing all these fucking fish.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Today I'm on tour with eighty parents through the school.
I walk by the room with the fish tank in it.
All the fish are dying again.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yeah, that was my morning.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
I looked like a loser.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Why are you killing all these fish? What are you
doing to these fish?
Speaker 1 (04:41):
I don't know what people are doing when I'm not
there is the real issue.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Oh I get it, sure Ca and dive, sure Ca
and dive. Well, yeah, I know. Pat had to go
in and do a quick op. Or he pulled the
dead fish out of the tank and a kid spotted him.
What are you have in your hand?
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Nothing? No, I saw it. Shut up, shot. Do you
know what what are you doing in here? Up? God damn,
I'm the old kid. I go, hey, you wonder why
you're in here with me and no other kids are around.
It's because you're a loser. Get out of here.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yeah, you gotta you gotta be tough on these kids. Yeah. Yeah,
So listen, I feel bad just generally. I'm on a
new Mike and Ike diet or I don't need anything
but Mike and Ikes, and I'm crashing out pretty hard.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
My wife went on a yogurt diet and she actually
lost weight.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Oh yeah, Yogurt's lot of good stuff and yogurt. But
you walked in here buzzing right, just the joyous, joyous
little boy in a ruggedly handsome males shell. But you go,
I got a buzzball for you. I said, no, I
don't want a fucking buzzball because I'm a rational agent.
(05:55):
You are a lunatic walking around drinking buzzballs and even
dared to do so, just voluntarily drinking buzz balls. So
I refuse the gift. Then you go, hey, I gotta
tickets to the Highwood Bowl tomorrow night. I want you
to be my dad. I refuse the invitation. I just
feel like a jerk. It's this mic and I diet.
(06:16):
I'm telling you, it's fine, It's fine, all right, let's
get explain where Ruby is. Oh, that's right, So get
this vacation wedding Lisbon? What WHOA? Now? I want to
(06:37):
get your opinion on this. I'll do a I'll do
a destination vacation in Lisbon. I don't know that I
would do one in Monterey. You know what I mean, Like,
if we're gonna do it, let's do it.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Let's do it.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
But I don't want to do this. It's five hours
away and we gotta are we gonna fly? It's quick
turn around. You know, you can't justify spending a week
five hours away from your house.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Not in Monterey, but you could.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
On the yeah of Chevy Chase's family adventures. I am.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I always like when some friends of mine say that
it's going to be a destination wedding.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Well, was that you love that one line from Family
Vacation where he says Christy Brinkley is ugly?
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I forget what his name is in
the what is his name in that movie?
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Oh yeah, it's like Wally. They're going to Wally's word World.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Yeah, but she says, why were you with that girl
in the swimming pool? Yeah, he's like her, she's ugly. Yeah,
Chevy Chase. Okay, So, in Ruby's absence, I feel that
we should read a review that really okay, you know,
(07:57):
takes issue with her.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Okay, she listens, does she? Yeah? Oh?
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Actually this one says five stars. I'm happily married, man,
but Ruby seems good with her. Man, I have no
idea what she looks like. Please, yes you do.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Isn't it crazy that Ruby and me are brother and
sister because she's so beautiful and I look like a goddamn.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
You're a good looking guy. Well not in my.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Current form, my god, can I glow up? But not
in my current form? I look like a rabbi right now?
Speaker 1 (08:24):
No, you don't. Oh deal, we got a one star?
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Oh my god, Oh, we don't need this cry.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
We don't need to bore the audience with the one.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Now now charging question mark question mark. This is from
a former fan. I think I recognize this name. Mock slang.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Okay, why do we need to entertain the musings of lunatics?
We don't need to, you know, I'm vetoing this. I
don't want to hear from this nutbag. I want to
hear this review as badly as I want to go
around the corner and talk to those filthy bums out
there about how hot they are. I don't want to
do either. Can I please? Will you respect the Vita place?
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Yes? I will.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
All right, let's get into the real and there are
a lot of bums out there.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
I mean there, there's more bumps. They're coming back.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
You know. I have an infestation in my home right now,
and it's because there's a lack of cocking in all
of these different areas. Right, How do you calk a city?
Speaker 1 (09:20):
You know?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
How do you prevent I feel bad for them because
it's one hundred degrees outside. They must be very hot,
but they refuse water. They don't want it.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
They want drugs, they want they want drunk yill. I'll
tell you what we do. We put flamethrowers in just
ten hands of regular citizens, and we allow them to
walk around the city and they just every once in
a while spout off like I don't know, shoots like
twenty feet.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
I don't want them to hit the homeless encampments. I
just want it to be very close.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Well, we have a problem. So I'm not sure if
that is actually a great idea, but a perge evening
might be good. Might be good. Can't start fires, We're
just kidding. They well I'm not axes can't start fires.
I'm not kidding about that.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
But all those people out on the streets still are
just people that lost their job last week. Okay, all right, yeah, all.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Right, so listen. You know they really bend at the hip,
and they bended the hip forward. When they start bending backwards,
I'm gonna be like, all right, are we paying attention?
Are we paying attention?
Speaker 1 (10:23):
That's right?
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Okay, so Real Housewives of Orange.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Yeah, I let me go first. Of course, some people
came in late in the game and suggested some new
rating systems, and I'd like to think got it than tits.
Oh yeah, really, I haven't. And when I said I
wish Ruby was here, Yeah, we're going to start using it.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Well, I'll see because tits is pretty undefeated. Let me
and I think it's if you have the name of
the person that recommended these great ratings.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
I don't, but I can look at it the rating system.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
You're an art thief if that's what you are.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Is how many fatty photos?
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Oh? I love that, you were really, really good?
Speaker 1 (11:05):
How many fatty photos do you? Wow? Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Yeah, it's an alliteration, a little bit of a forced
one and pH but that's great.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
The young sung hero that took the time to think
of that and post it in our Patreon. Oh yeah,
reveal yourself once again.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Oh definitely.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I'll give you a shout out next episode.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Think about how many young sung heroes we've had.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Someone came up with shoulder taps.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Somebody invented the freaking goddamn telephone, and then you know,
you know, these fat cats come around, they steal it.
You know, I still unsung hero.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Till do you ever think in the world like you
can't understand certain like technology, like how does things go
up into space? Like I'm talking my voice? He goes
up to a satellite and it gets sent somewhere else.
And we can do that, but we can't cure answer.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Oh no, we can't, Patrick, we can't. And we never
went to space.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Patrick, come on, yeah, but we're talking on cell phones still.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Oh no, listen, Bluetooth. Bluetooth is pure fucking magic. It
just is. How is this Krongbin song playing from my
computer in the other room. It's literally sorcery, sorcery.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Till I have a cell phone that I put in
my Tesla on the just like in this little placeholder. Yeah,
it charges it magically and you're able to plug it in.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Well, that's Elon demon work. I told you not to
get that car because they were gonna shot on your wheel.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Well here's what I want to I want to live forever,
and I want my brain put in a good looking
person's head that.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
You're not going to have the capital before you're dead.
That'll be reserved for the Alesion class. But who knows
Ellie or Ellie's kids. It'll be like a god, It'll.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Be like twenty Yeah you want a new head, Yeah,
I want a new head.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Yeah, of course, I want to get ahead. Group On
will still be around you. Get group odds for it.
Long lasting company been around for one hundred and fifty years.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
All right back to let Please Fatty Photos. I loved
this episode.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Did you realize?
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Yes? Because of the little twist at the end, tam
Rats all like wrapped up in like my friends. First off,
tam Rats, you don't have friends.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Hey, I people want to show without your demon mouth.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
You have people that you work with on a show
that despise you and understand your game.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Now let me say you. Let me say say something
real quick. Good friends. Well this is more for guys,
but I think it applies to women too. They'll talk
shit about you to your face and gas you up
behind your back. Tamra does the exact opposite. That's those
are not friends, they are enemies. Okay, they're workers, Yeah, yeah,
(13:58):
they're co workers.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Okay. Tam Rat is an awful person, but Katie is
a sketchy bitch. I've been saying the tail end of this.
I hope everybody's watching this like I do. Katie will lie.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
To just put his fingertips on his heart. So here
the earnesty in this.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Yeah, Katie says, did you give that rumor? To Kiki
the blogger no, you know, I wouldn't do that. Then,
at the tail end of the episode with her in
that uh pussbag of a husband, her well slave and
Gretchen told us that she drugged her and then she
(14:43):
then Katie stares at the camera and says, she told
me that. So what's that mean, Katie? Then you were
obliged to call Kiki the influencer. Katie is a horrible person,
and she is not good at this.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
No, no, she's not. She's a tornado.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
But she's great TV.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
She's a tornado of stress and deceit.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
It's just, you know, not good at covering your tracks. Anyway,
She's the best part of this show. Matt, watch out
for yourself, run because she will have you killed for
insurance money. She'll wait till the show's over. I'm gonna
give it. I'm gonna give it thirty eight. What's our rating.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
System, it's no fatty photos.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Fatty photos.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yeah that's a pretty high score.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Yeah it was a great episode.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Yeah, really good episode. So listen, I was I'm always
very confused. I feel as though the Housewives of Orange
County have the most convoluted storylines, even this one. You know,
it's just like Gretchen's lying, Katie's lying. Tamera always lies,
but she's telling the truth. It's like a a game
(16:00):
of clue that I don't care about winning or playing.
Right with that being said Shannabadoorad Shannabadour, I mean just
always looks like she got into a bar fight. Always.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Some of the kids say she's tore up from the floor.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
They don't they a mess.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
The fact that she can't get out of bed before
noon to make a call time, she's a fucking mess.
She should be ashamed of herself and her daughters are drinking.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Now well, her daughters are having fun, you.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Copple doesn't fall far from the drunken true. Okay, all right,
she's gonna make a bunch of little drunks.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Yeah, this tree is made for cider, right, Okay? I
thought it was a horrible episode.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Two pots, no how many fatty photos sixty fatty fo okay?
Also sorry, honorable mention to meet Paul, Meet Paul, you
are finding your own You picked up the baton this episode.
You track down Kiki. I mean I would have called her,
that would have been my first step and said, who
gave you the information? Meatball?
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Did it?
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yeah, meet Pols having an okay season. Meatball brought back
Gator gifts for Gator gift shop gifts. That's what you
bring back to your family, Meetball. That is such a
Meatball move. You know what I would do, same thing
I did with that Buzzball. I would go, you know what,
it's not for me, you differ, I would defer, Well, no,
I would refuse. I would outright refuse. So I looked
(17:33):
up OC. I punched in OC and the Peacocks. You know,
there was a show called tamras Oc Wedding.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Yeah, marrying Eddie.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Well they're not married anymore, her.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
And Eddie, Yeah they are.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
I thought they were on the Fritz.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I thought, well the Fritz, Well, you know they're not
disclosing that. But no, I mean there was a time
where we'd pay to see bachelor people in their wedding.
Oh yeah, there was a spinoff of O See where
the I think it was the second season for Moci.
Their children had their own reality TV.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Well we've got it now, next Gen U or whatever
the fuck it's called. It's like Hard Knocks but for
little bitches. Okay, So I want I want ahead a
nice skip the recap because Lol, tamar quit the show.
You gotta be fucking kidding time. Who cares?
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Okay, I want credit to me because Tamrat has done
this before, and I even figured it out. I was
like it was in Bali. She ran past the swimming pool,
she announced she was done, and she ran away from
cameras and said, don't.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Film me in iconic moment. Iconic moment.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Okay, And I recalled that before Emily and Shannon Badoor
discussed on this episode.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Yeah, well, Tamra is back on the show quicker than
she ever ever was. The sun rises as it always
does and left unless it's kind of like snuffed out
by a super volcano, in which case everything would be
gray and choked out. But the sunrise is today on
these batshit women. Jennifer is speaking to her voodoo doll
and she gives Ryan a ring. He's wearing a hair hamlet.
(19:10):
You know I was gonna give him shit, but I'm
balding now in a very serious way.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
You're not.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
Oh no, I am.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
The problem with Ryan isn't balding. It's that jet black hair.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah, it's too dark. It's too dark.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
I want to say this. The voodoo doll thing. I
think Jen has this wrong. The idea is not to
name a voodoo doll after yourself. It's to name a
voodoo doll of one of your enemies. And then pokat.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
That's a really, really astute observation. Yeah, it's almost like
Jen is a kind of an airhead and missed the
entire purpose of the whole thing. So we get to well,
I would just say to Ryan, you know, maybe cool
it on the jet black hair, but in terms of
hanging on to it, do whatever you can, you little criminal.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Okay, yeah, look like Jermaine Jackson, Like like you spray
painted your head, you lose her. Yeah, I want the audience.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
You don't. You shouldn't use flex seal Ryan.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
No, that's your head. That's the glue things. Yeah, together
in seal things. Oh yeah, drink every time, you hear
Ryan tell Jen he can't wait to bang her cause
yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, drink every time.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
And do you think they're banging? No, I think they're
probably banging. Gretchen also hops on the phone to talk
to her husband, who is bearing an uncanny resemblance to
Nick Offerman. Gretchen goes through the whole thing and even
Slade is like, give me a fucking break, Tammers, cut
the quit in the show, get get the fuck out
(20:44):
of here. What are we even talking about this for?
We're gonna be heading out and we're going to be
seeing gaiters.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
We are, but before we do, we do stop at
one last Place's Shannon, but ours, that's right, tore up
from the floor up. When everyone that's you could say
that you've pretty much polished off every nip in the
mini bar at the hotel, that's when you got to
start looking in the mirror.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
And not only the mini bar, but there's checks mix everywhere.
And it also kind of looks like, I mean, doesn't
it look like she got into a viral fight at Ikea.
Every time we see her.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
She looks like she was fighting for a parking spot,
Yeah Ikea and out Yeah Yeah. Well, her and Emily
chat and she says that she needs to begin to
manifest things that she desires, and she manifests a loving
husband in her future, but she should probably be manifesting
a new liver because that one's going to shoot out
(21:47):
on her.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Well livers, Her fragile livers are fragile, so Badoor, like
we said, is struggling, and we find out that Tamra
told Badoor her best friend to come up to the
room without cameras and to Badoor's credit, said fuck off,
go fucking sleep that xanax off, you pig guys. Listen
(22:10):
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Speaker 1 (22:38):
Let me step in here. I don't like being super high.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Oh and I'm not saying antebellum like slavery the audience.
I think.
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Okay, Old Patty used to push away from like, uh,
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Speaker 2 (22:57):
And now with my little one, I gotta tell you
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Due me too, dude. I sleep a great nights and
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(23:48):
made this company. And I got to say to whomever
you is, thank you. Because Rula, we love. Rula has
turned Patrick into I would say, a tiger shark of
a human being.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Well, and by that you mean I'm I'm extremely efficient
and I'm optimizing my experience.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Not only are you efficient and optimized. You're comfortable in
your own skin, You're you're, You're just really blossoming. I
should say, Phoenix, I should say Phoenix.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
I feel like I'm the best version of myself. Oh yeah, ever, yeah,
and I owe it all to Rula.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
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(25:23):
from someone who cares.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Thank you, Rula, Thank you La.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
And I gotta tell you I know exactly what Tama
was trying to do. That was a strategy meeting. That
was That was a fucking That was a strategy meeting
that she wanted to have. That was, I don't want
the cameras on. This is what we're gonna do. I
need you to do this. I'm gonna do this for you.
You know.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
She didn't want to use that time to rummage around
the room to pick up any last liquid.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
At the bottom of no No, I'm said, well, uh,
Shannabador definitely was. But Tamra was going to attempt to
do a little stratigo.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Okay, forgive me, yeah, forgive me. So the two groups of.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Later imagine walks in there and there's that like fucking
Game of Thrones like board of war out until Taram
is like, I need you to pay attention that, kay
I am?
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Okay, So the two groups of ladies had out. Meatball
is wearing a Mister T inspired uh jewelry set or
blowing around her.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
I think her stylist is either blind or dead.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Yeah yeah, yeap, mister T is dead.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
No, he's still alive. No, mister T still alive.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
What's he up to?
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Uh? Selling uh general's insurance?
Speaker 2 (26:35):
I think the last time. Oh okay, I thought you
were gonna say sCOD dues. So anyways, we head over
to the alligators and in the car we talk Keikey
minogue and again we're we're going to see gators. So
this is actually very super dangerous. You know, all of
these women have a lot of animosity towards one another,
and uh, you could cheve somebody in. They could get
a death spiraled, you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Oh yeah, I do want to say. On the way,
there is this one Meatball. Now, a crusader of truth
announces that she talked to the journalists. Yeah, and the
journalists said the katious is sketchy bitch, and tam Rat
was right all along, correct, was that an oversight on
your part? I just want to make sure I'm not
(27:17):
stepping her your toes.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
No, it wasn't an oversight. I think we were going
to get to it. But it is important that this
is the most important thing that happens in this car ride,
is that Meatball says, I've been doing a little detective.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Thank you, Meatball. Someone's doing their work on the show.
And then meanwhile we have Shannabadour and we get a
chyron that says incoherent crying, you know, when we have
a real drunk on our hands. SB couldn't get it
together for that call time. Sorry, already did that joke.
Even Judy Garland was awake at noon, bitch, and she
was a fucking drug addict.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Well, Shannavadoor calls Gina, and Gene answers the phone, and
Shannavador says, hey, it's Shannavador and you don't need to
do that because of you know how phones work nowadays,
what with the iOS, Monterreys and savannahs and you know,
al pack, I don't know what they're on now. But
(28:10):
she starts to weep on the phone, and uh, she's
in the throes of a panic attack.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Yeah, also called being hungover. Okay, So I.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Want to talk about this really quickly, and you know,
I don't want to sound like a boomer or anything
like that. But why fuck have we gotten soft?
Speaker 1 (28:28):
What?
Speaker 2 (28:28):
So you got a duy and almost you know, plowed
your dog through the front windshield. So what people have
gone through worse than that? Johnny Jans ensued you for
a little bit of money? All right, we're having panic attacks.
I mean, my god, Shannavadoor.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
She's hungover. She's so people that have panic attacks, not everybody.
But if you were drinking all last night till three
am and you were finding yourself falling asleep on the
rug and you wake up when you're having anxiety, it's
because you're hungover.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
I mean, by the way, I have to stop drinking
before I'm like fifty five, because I don't want to
look like this. This is so pathetic.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Well you may not esthetically, just like your life is
in ruin. Yeah, her coming over, dropping the makeup in
the car. Sorry, it's a tough look. Man.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
You spend your whole life trying to be a good
human being and not look like a fuck up. Yeah,
and then you end up on this show.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
You know any Cohen takes souls. You know the you
know the July fourth hot targeting contest Nathan saw Tuggeting. Yeah,
Joey Chestnut wins.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Joey Chestnut.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Yeah. Imagine what the floor looks like after that contest.
That is the most accurate metaphor I can use to
describe Shannon's life. Wet buns, remnants of tubed meat on
top of concrete, hot, hot concrete all over the place.
That is what Shannabadour's life looks like right now. And again,
(30:02):
I don't understand why the storm is beyond us. The
sun is shining. Let's not have panic attacking.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
If kids are adults, they're healthy, they're engaging with the world.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Things are going great. You're macing with you know, a
couple of different guys, you know, from Hotel Love or whatever.
The fuck. It was all right, So we get to
see the gators. They're in the bio in this fan
boat tour place, really striking fear into the customers. Now,
what they've done here is a dirty little sales tactic. Okay,
(30:31):
we pump the blood up by taking a cast of
the biggest alligator we've ever seen in these parts. Then
you get on the tour. There are these little piece
of shit fucking alligators. Nobody's scared of these fucking things.
I'll kick one of those in the fucking face. Get
out of here, no baby gator.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
In fact, there's the alligators are so small. The cast
takes to making jokes. Katie points out size matter, right,
good one, Katie, And then the tour guide points out
that mail at alligators breed and then they take off.
Yeah sounds like someone else, we know, Katie, just sketchy bitch,
(31:16):
big time.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Yeah, you know this is how scared I am of crocodiles.
And then listen, the big ones are scary, right. But
if I did kick we little one, even though it
was trying to accost me, I'd feel horrible.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Oh yeah, I don't kick in, I'd feel horrible.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Well, you gotta kick sometimes, Yeah, Rhino, my neighbor's Yorkshire terrier.
I'll kick that fucking thing. I'll kick that thing over
my fence. I genuinely I don't care. We have never
had more animosity towards an animal in my life at
little Yorkshire.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Terrier, especially when they bite you.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
High brow, fucking high strung piece of shit. Fuck you Rhino.
All right, So Heather doesn't like it. Heather doesn't like wind.
Heather doesn't like moving too fast. She wants to be
drinking champagne. And I think they cleared on that house
under what she had hoped. Oh really, yeah, I think
she wanted twenty and I think they came in at
(32:10):
sixteen eight.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Let us know in the comments that means they broke
even or lost money.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
I think they either. I would want to make money
on that right, because it's a what is it a
bear market? Bull market? I don't know what the fuck
kind of market it is, but the home prices are up,
and if you sink all that time and energy in
at least come up out in the blacks so that
you're compensated for the time and the energy that you
put into it. Well you want to just break even.
(32:36):
That's quite literally just a waste of time.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
When you say put work into it, You and I work,
We drive to places and we do things. Heather to
bro reads an email, shows up at the property that
they're renovating for five minutes, points at some things, yeah,
and says do this if you can, yeah, yeah, and
then leaves and goes and does whatever. Yeah, I wouldn't
(32:59):
call that work. Yeah, forgive me.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
What's Heather doing in their downtime? Just chronically fucking jerking off?
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Okay, So I've been in a lot of rich people's
houses during the day, like during the week, they don't
do a lot. Uh, they watch a lot of TV.
Oh yeah, and then they like look at tasks like
they're like a lot of work, but they're not like, oh, oh,
I got to read some emails over I got it
playing yea, Yeah, I gotta go over some bids. Yeah yeah,
(33:27):
and that they'll spend like three hours going over bids.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Oh. Sure, bids are tough. You gotta you gotta really
get through the fine details. But listen, let's get to
Luke and his r hid.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Do we have to I don't think this is a storyline.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
No, and we're gonna get there later. So let's get
to the bourbon house. Actually, Leo pitches the ladies on
some oysters. Great guy, he says, Uh, they came out
of the water two days ago. Leo, I don't know
that you want to buffer in forty eight hours between
the don't do that. Yeah, And people have the misconception
like a lot of sushi is not fresh, it's frozen
(34:03):
and cured and stuff like that. But when you're trying
to pitch, you can smell these ladies from a mile away.
These are pocket protector O C rich sketchy bitches. You know.
Don't just say that we just got them out of
the water, just you know, just lie. Gina almost dies
on one while Emily and Heather are fighting about snapping
(34:24):
and the appropriateness of snapping. So we bring up the
crazy Kiki Monique story, and Gina, as we mentioned, did
a little detective work called Kiki herself. And Katie lands
herself in another one of these pincer moves where she
is being accosted on all fronts the way Hitler was.
(34:46):
And I'm not saying Katie is as bad as Hitler, no,
but she does remind me of of Hitler in World
War Two a lot in this situation, and all Hitler
had to do was call the blogger and clear this
whole thing up. But can't do that if you're caught
(35:07):
red handed.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Right, Oh, you mean Katie calling the block. Katie calling
the block because she's a sketchy bitch.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, she did it.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
I can't believe her.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
She I know, it's pretty crazy, because does the audio.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Do you think the audience understands how sketchy she is?
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Yeah, yeah, I think so. But but because this is
such a passive viewing experience, her craziness is by default
kind of passive. She's doing so much. It's a little
bit like Traders, which recovering patroon dot com Slash another
podcast network. You get to the first round table and
(35:48):
you're telling everybody how to vote. You're getting on a soapbox.
It's like, you don't need to do that. Chill out.
There's plenty of time here.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
So dyll just to get back to this moment. This
is when when even Jen passive, Jen is like urging
Katie call Kiki ki ki ki ki.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
And then we start to get these murmurs of a
dinner that Jen with Gretchen and slated at Mastros And
evidently that is where Gretchen told the girls that she
went to the hospital the next morning and that there
were drugs in her system via a toxicology report. Okay,
now a lot of this doesn't add up. No, okay,
(36:27):
you're not gonna get a toxicology report on I don't
know a body that's still working who is slightly hungover,
like that's.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Just they will take a because most some workplaces require this.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
You're going to take a blood test.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Well, when I own the tour company, they'd have our
drivers just randomly have to take urine tests. It would
take like three days get the results back.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
You can test for roofies.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
You can test for like cocaine or pills or whatever.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
Oh yeah, weed, we'd really sticks around, trust me, you know.
I was interviewing for a waiter position at a l
Capierro country club. I had it in right. Mom called
a friend and said, this kid needs a job nineteen
(37:16):
seventeen eighteen. He said, we need to piss test you.
I said, I don't know if that's gonna work. Head
the dining room goes, listen, it's not a problem. I'm
going to talk to the secretary. She's going to tell
you a solution to get go to the headshop, get it.
You'll pass the test, all right, no problem. I talked
(37:36):
to my soner friend. He goes, don't fucking do that.
You're gonna fail it. You gotta get a bag of
fake piss. I think I've told the story before you
go into the stall.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
And this guy they're not there with you.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
He is there with me. He's standing right in front
of me looking at my penis, my little tiny penis
for a waiter position at a goddamn country club. I mean,
what am I interviewing for the fucking CIA?
Speaker 1 (38:00):
Get out of here. The drug tester is not associated,
They're a third party. Still in sure's accuracy on your
piss test?
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Well still okay, it should say on the top of
the thing, you know, just waiting.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
I'm going to say something crazy that I did in
the tour days. His name was I'm going to change
his name because I assaulted him. He took a drug
test and I got the test back three days later.
I let him drive the tour bus that day and
they said inconclusive based on it's not urine. And I
asked him, I said, what do you think it is?
(38:34):
And they said, the person that took test thinks it
was gatorade. When I saw this motherfucker, not only did
I fire him, he was on his ten speed bicycle
and I kicked him while he was on it.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
That's fine, I.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
Said, you you could kill children. That He went and
worked for the tour company down the street. I went
over there and got in the tour company owner's face.
I'm like, get rid of this fucking guy.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
He ruined us. All Paul, all right, let's get back
to what everybody has come here for our hard hitting
comedic recap of Bravo's Real Housewives of Orange County. All right,
so we wrap up this dinner, okay, and we get
(39:20):
back from New Orleans. Meatball brought back the Gator gift.
Like I said, bad gift, Meatball. Let's you know, let's
pick it up. And then we get to therapy with
this fucking nutbag. Okay. Tamra went to Big Bear to isolate,
but needed to go to therapy to process these emotions. Okay,
and I was thinking about just imagine this therapist. And
I know we've talked about this before, but imagine this therapist.
(39:42):
Tamer sits down and says, Jen was yelling at me,
Meatball was yelling at me, and I don't know what
to think. And this therapist just sits there with her
clipboard and Tamar's file and just talks it through with her.
The pay of this woman is really unbelievable. Now we
(40:02):
hear from Tamra that, and we cut back to Tamar
calling Teddy, and Teddy's incredibly rude voicemail sets Tamra off
and she takes the xanax and then starts to get
black outstront Okay, can we talk about Teddy's voicemail for
a second. Hi, you've reached Teddy's phone. Don't leave a voicemail.
(40:23):
I understand that you're sick, but I mean, what kind
of lunatically that's the outgoing message. We don't leave a voicemail. Well,
my god, just don't set it up.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Here's the other thing. Those two have never stopped doing
their podcast. She sees Teddy every week.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Yeah. Well, Tamar has two stories of this episode. She
was driven to the pills because she was so upset
by Teddy and her voicemail. And two the other tale
is that she knew it was going to be a
stressful din her because she was bringing this thing up
to Gretchen. Now, Tamar always traffics and half truths. That's
why she's tough to pin down. Both can be true,
(41:03):
but she does tell two different versions of this story.
She is a.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
She is a fox taking it to the grave.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
Hoky. All right, So her biggest fear is rejection. And
I want you know how we were all cheering for
Dick Cheney's cardiologist to just nick a fucking valve. Yeah,
most were. Yeah, I understand that I want this therapist
to call her a narcissist on national television.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
She won't because it's a conflict of what people want.
She wants to keep getting a paycheck. Yeah, Like Howard
Stern has had a therapist for thirty years. Yeah, and
he's now going to that therapist three times a week.
Somehow Howard keeps getting worse.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Yeah, it sounds like Howard just wants somebody to talk to.
That's paying for friends. That's what that is. That's not therapy.
All right, let's get to Hannah and what No Emily
and the picky Eater. This is a little tricky because
Shane acts like a little rat pitch to Emily, but
he's also one hundred percent right, So he is very
cold and stand offish with Emily, who is just really
(42:10):
scared about this. And all you need to do as
a husband is recognize that your partner in life needs you.
They need you to console them.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
What if they're saying and doing things that are insane.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
There's a difference between consoling and playcating, okay, and Shane
does not understand that difference. He just goes, fucking Jesus Christ,
what are you acting like this? For? Which you know? Well,
I think we agree with him.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
He the storyline too. You think even Shane thinks this
storyline sucks.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Yeah, he said, honey, this is a bad storyline. This
is a really bad storyline. But the thing that Emily
said that drove me a little bit nuts. She's like,
this is all on me, this is everything to do
with this is just on being Emily. You just went
to New Orleans for four days. Like, what are we
talking about? Okay, my goodness, gracious, this storyline is it is?
It is bad.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
So Hanther, HD and tam Rat for lunch timeam reading
of the minds Oh. Tam Rat shares how Gretchen told
her in the vans Uh she did go to the hospital. Wait, no, Tamrat,
is this correct or not?
Speaker 2 (43:16):
Umm? She tells Heather that Gretchen told her that she
did not go to.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
The hospital naked wasted.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
And then Tamra says that she knew the dinner was
going to be stressful. That's why she took his annex,
and Heather attempts to tell her that she feels insulted
that Tamra ignored all of her text messages and then
went into a podcast before getting back to her. And
of course this is criticism or vulnerability levied at Tamra.
(43:46):
So she will flip out and uh come close to
calling Heather a stupid bitch, before Heather just backs off
because Tamar goes to the water well, oh Teddy, h Teddy,
and then.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
HD of course being meet, Yeah, trained has to go.
You know, sometimes I don't agree with tam but uh,
you know she's going through some.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
Stuff, little Tamp Tam. When Tamtam brings up Teddy, I
know that there's no more of this conversation we can have.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
That's right, that's how TV works. All right, let's get
to die bar night. Yeah, biggest mistake of the night.
How's your kids? Emily?
Speaker 2 (44:21):
Oh wow?
Speaker 1 (44:22):
She spends like five minutes talking about it, and I
think all of us are like, wowow, who gives a fuck?
Speaker 2 (44:32):
Well, I thought it was very very interesting. You know,
Jen is trash, right, so she'll suck down Malibu and
coke or die coke everywhere she goes, but the second
she steps inside of an establishment wherein you would order
a trash pig drink like them, she gets instead a
super dirty martini.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
Yeah, what is going on?
Speaker 2 (44:55):
That's so confusing to me. Obviously, you don't order a
martini at a place that looks you order a bud light.
You order if there are pool tables. You don't get
Kraft cocktails or traditional cocktails.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
You get a bud light. Bud light and you wipe
the top of the can off.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
So we get to Katie and Matt. Katie's also drinking
it super dirty martini, and this is where Katie and
Matt collectively gaslight the audience.
Speaker 1 (45:22):
Okay, they're great TV because I hate both of them.
Speaker 2 (45:24):
Yeah, the two of them together. So this is what
they do. Katie went to Kiki Monique and she told
them about what Gretchen said. Right, But Katie implies the
reason she did that is because Gretchen told her. So
she moves the goalpost from her making it up and
telling Kiki Monique to her not making it up and
(45:45):
telling Kiki.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
Don't forget that first step. She did not tell Kiki
Monique anything, right, The goal post started there.
Speaker 2 (45:50):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
That's true, die or a sketchy betch.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
But also there's this little kernel that I don't think
has popped quite yet wherein Slade told her to toe
the party line. So again, this is a game of
clue that is just too cumbersome. I mean, everybody, somehow
someone stuck to put stuff like three hammer cards in
(46:13):
the envelope and nobody knows what's going on. Right.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
As much as I can't stand tam Rat, I feel
like she's already been punished a little bit this season.
I want to get her come up and yeah, Katie,
when are you going to be like?
Speaker 2 (46:28):
You know what? I accept defeat. She's like a cock,
a roach, and a nuclear winter. Get in the comments,
let us know what you thought about the episode. Five stars,
kind words showing us to Patreon dot com, Slash another
podcast network, go to Ruby Sepstack, and we wish you
all a merry Mary weekend. I'm doing saying good bye
pat say goodbye my guys,
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