Ballot with Patrick Gutfield - Where Politics Meets Pop Culture
In the spirit of The Daily Show, Last Week Tonight, and yes, even those Pod Save America guys, we’re cutting through the chaos of Trump’s second term and the Democrats’ sudden hot streak. From Zohran Mamdani shocking New York to Gavin Newsom redrawing democracy with a kombucha in hand, we’ll break down the biggest stories with sharp humor, a little parody, and zero political homework required. Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.
Episodes
December 19, 2025 • 6 mins
Sydney Sweeney shuts down plastic surgery rumors with a lie detector, hackers claim to expose Pornhub viewing habits, and President Trump installs scathing bronze plaques attacking Biden, Obama and Hillary — turning the White House into a permanent monument to his grudges.
Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.
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Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.
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December 18, 2025 • 5 mins
President Trump races through a rambling prime-time address as his approval sinks to thirty-nine percent, unveils a last-minute “Warrior Dividend” with no clear funding, shrugs off war talk, and faces fresh scrutiny after a New York Times investigation reveals his long-denied closeness to Jeffrey Epstein.
Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.
Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with...
Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.
Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with...
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December 17, 2025 • 11 mins
President Trump promises “the best is yet to come” ahead of a prime-time address, even as his chief of staff torches the administration in a stunning Vanity Fair interview and Democrats cringe at Kamala Harris hinting she may run again.
Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.
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Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.
Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle fr...
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December 16, 2025 • 7 mins
fter a shocking double murder, President Trump went straight to Truth Social to attack the dead man, diagnosing Rob Reiner with “Trump Derangement Syndrome” instead of offering condolences. Even Trump allies recoiled, calling the post indecent. Then, as if that wasn’t enough for one day, Trump filed a ten billion dollar lawsuit against the BBC over a January sixth documentary that never aired in the U.S., insisting his words that d...
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December 12, 2025 • 7 mins
Vice President JD Vance says President Trump once stopped an “important” Oval Office meeting to announce a more pressing topic — “Shoes” — before telling top officials they had “shitty shoes” and whipping out a shoe catalogue he apparently keeps at the Resolute Desk. Trump then asked for everyone’s sizes, used the moment to make a not-so-subtle anatomy joke about a size-seven colleague, and left Vance joking about his own measureme...
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December 11, 2025 • 7 mins
President Trump lit up Truth Social with a late-night tirade boasting he’s taken more cognitive decline tests than any president ever — “aced” them, too — while blasting reporters as “treasonous” for questioning his health and demanding *The New York Times* shut down. The president challenged AOC to a cognition showdown, forgot details of his own exams, and brushed off a mysterious MRI as questions swirl about his mental fitness. M...
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President Trump roared back onto the rally stage in Mount Pocono, torching critics as “stupid people,” bungling Susie Wiles’ name, and reviving chants of “Send her back” while pitching his “no tax on tips” plan. The president blasted Minnesota leaders, mocked immigration from global “hellholes,” and even mixed up the Eagles’ season while trying to win over Pennsylvania. Meanwhile, meteorologists warn a brutal polar vortex “mega-dum...
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December 9, 2025 • 5 mins
Patrick Gutfield digs into the National Park Service’s explosive new holiday calendar scrapping MLK Day and Juneteenth — while elevating Donald Trump’s birthday to fee-free status. Add in a $100 “patriotic premium” for foreign visitors and you’ve got bureaucratic chaos with a nationalist twist. Then: Trump “accidentally” tries to rename the Kennedy Center after himself (again), the Institute of Peace gets the full Trump makeover, a...
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December 8, 2025 • 9 mins
President Trump is fuming after coverage comparing him to “Sleepy Joe.” Patrick Gutfield breaks down Trump nodding off in Cabinet meetings, the mysterious bruises, the angry denials, and the full irony of a president who once branded Biden as tired now drifting off during his own workday. Plus: Trump’s chaotic Kennedy Center takeover, a MAGA-fied Honors gala, and a wild food-fight protest at the Tower of London involving apple crum...
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December 5, 2025 • 5 mins
From Washington DC where it’s not only the weather that’s frightful, this is Ballot. Melania’s Christmas décor goes full Tim Burton with mugshot LEGOs, butterfly swarms, and candelabras fit for a haunted mansion. Portland lights “the tree” — carefully avoiding the word Christmas — amid chants, land acknowledgments, and performance-art politics. And in New York, the city’s Christmas tree titans wage a turf war straight out of The So...
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December 4, 2025 • 4 mins
Trump’s latest economic sermon turns into verbal Twister as “affordability” becomes both his favorite word and his sworn enemy. JD Vance gets roasted to his face while trying not to blink. And in a sharp detour, we head to America’s emergency rooms, where marijuana users are learning the word “scromiting.” It’s economic whiplash, political humiliation, and medical horror — all in one festive package.
Come for the sass, stay for the ...
Come for the sass, stay for the ...
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December 3, 2025 • 4 mins
President Trump’s marathon Cabinet session devolves into doodles, typos, third-person motivational speeches, and a boom-mic Q&A nobody asked for. Russell Vought is drawing Bob Ross landscapes, Pete Hegseth arrives as the “ssecretary of war,” and Trump tries to prove he’s “sharp” by saying “Trump is sharp.” The meeting ends with table-slapping, shoulder-thumping, and enough chaos to qualify as an office Christmas party gone horr...
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December 2, 2025 • 4 mins
President Trump unleashes a late-night, one-hundred-sixty-post Truth Social rampage featuring conspiracy theories, political enemies, and his Home Alone 2 cameo… because why not. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth turns Franklin the Turtle into a festive war criminal. And Washington loses its mind because Usha Vance wasn’t wearing her wedding ring at a volunteer event. From DC where you should wear your wedding ring — seriously, wear i...
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December 2, 2025 • 7 mins
A bombshell report says Trump has gutted his schedule by nearly forty percent, is rolling into “official duties” after lunchtime, and keeps dozing through appearances — all while insisting he’s in peak shape after a mysterious MRI he can’t quite explain. The White House calls it transparency. Critics call it a presidential siesta.
Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.
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Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.
Unlock an ad-f...
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November 26, 2025 • 4 mins
President Trump pardons Gobble and Waddle while taking a swing at Biden’s “invalid” autopen turkey pardon. Melania sets a record with the shortest Christmas tree ceremony in White House history, delivering a drive-by “beautiful.” Plus: Trump teases a Ukraine peace deal and personally revives Rush Hour 4 like he’s running a Hollywood agency with nuclear codes. A very twenty-twenty-five Thanksgiving.
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We’re going to try to take the hol...
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November 25, 2025 • 6 mins
Trump wants a Rush Hour reboot and is pitching Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker like it’s nineteen ninety-eight again. Meanwhile, Usha Vance sparks online chaos by simply not wearing her wedding ring to Camp Lejeune. And the DOT launches a new crusade to stop America’s worst airplane gremlins as holiday travel hits record levels. Patrick digs into Hollywood dreams, ring conspiracies, and why flying now requires both patience and combat...
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Marjorie Taylor Greene is cashing out and tapping out — quitting Congress after a spectacular breakup with President Trump while quietly watching her net worth explode from seven hundred thousand to twenty-five million. Patrick breaks down the political soap opera, Trump’s midnight tariff rants, his five-a.m. meltdown over the New York Giants, and the Thanksgiving-deadline Ukraine plan that blindsided Europe and sent Zelensky scram...
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November 21, 2025 • 6 mins
From Washington DC, Patrick Gutfield breaks down a truly chaotic Friday: viral outrage over “Arabic numerals,” Trump’s tense meeting with New York mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani, the President’s explosive reaction to lawmakers warning troops against illegal orders, and the White House defending Trump calling a reporter “Piggy.” Plus, Trump renews his crusade to get Jimmy Kimmel fired — again.
Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and b...
Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and b...
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November 20, 2025 • 5 mins
A man named James Donald Vance Jr. was arrested for threatening to kill President Trump and Vice President JD Vance, leading to the most confusing Secret Service paperwork in American history. We dig into Trump printing out his own social media posts like a one-man scrapbook, Keith Urban performing an LGBTQ+ anthem at Mar-a-Lago, and the latest MAGA-versus-MAGA meltdown as Marjorie Taylor Greene calls Trump a “traitor” while standi...
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November 19, 2025 • 8 mins
President Trump shrugged off the murder of Jamal Khashoggi with a casual “things happen,” snapped at reporters asking about the newly released Epstein emails, and even called one “Piggy.” We break down the jaw-dropping accusations in the Epstein files, Trump’s increasingly frantic denials, the White House’s very creative explanation for letting an American flag hit the ground, and the House’s lopsided 427-to-1 vote to release the d...
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