I saw my Bestfriend get "taken out" right in front of me/being asian in a hispanic gang/getting addicted to dr*gs at 13/ and MUCH MORE!

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, everyone, what's up? Evan here? Welcome back to
another episode of Before the Cut. I got a special
guest here reporting to you live from Reverend Tattoo. We
have Mark Mark Torosa, yes, sir, and my right hand man,
I know, Chewy on jew bait. Shout out to our

(00:20):
guy Lucas he's at home catching catching some zz or something.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
Down a soldier right now. But it's all good.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
Alrighty, So all guys, this is this is gonna be
a super cool episode. I've got the pleasure, uh to
get to know Mark over the last couple of years.

Speaker 3 (00:36):
Now, thank you for having me, guys.

Speaker 4 (00:38):
Of course, I haven't had the pleasure of getting tattooed
by you, bro. I can't wait.

Speaker 5 (00:42):
Yeah, but like I'm ill, tell is that right now?

Speaker 4 (00:46):
At number one, I look like everybody's lawyer, Like I'm
here to defend everybody.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
But no, you're your your your pants are about as
tight as my mother's.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
Dude, bye with tattoos.

Speaker 4 (01:00):
I wait like a year, brocause like, b I don't
like pain, bro, but like I'll go big, right, It's
like four hours and then I'm good and then every
time I'm like, bro, fuck, that's this tattoos or I'm done,
it's enough. But then I just love it, bro, And
then I was just telling him to like the guy
I go to here that question, Well, he doesn't do
it out of a shop, right, So it's like I
haven't been to a shop to like go get tattooed

(01:22):
in Broke like six seven years.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
And it's like you just walk.

Speaker 4 (01:24):
In here, bro, it's beautiful, and it's just like I
remember what it's like, you know, like it's it's a
different vibe when you come in here.

Speaker 3 (01:29):
Yeah, that's why I was lighting the polo santo. We
try to do that. We do our best to do
that every morning, set the vibe and stuff like that.
I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, tattoos fucking sucks. Six
years is a long time.

Speaker 4 (01:39):
Yeah yeah yeah, no, no, no, like it's been six years
since I've been into a shop every year.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:45):
I try to get tattooed so often just to remember
what I do to my clients. Sorry, yeah, you know
what I mean. I try tattooed the way I like
to get tattooed.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Yo, Yo, do you do you have a tattoo count?

Speaker 5 (01:59):
No?

Speaker 1 (02:00):
You lost count. I lost kind of everything in life
did you did you at one point where you actually.

Speaker 3 (02:05):
Counting, No, I was counting like my own tattoos. Yeah,
oh yeah, I was for sure. We're saying, yeah, I
had this little monkey right here, a Mayan monkey. I
had it for like, it was this one and my
mom's name got it. But I always had my wind
in my hand. Okay, window so people can see the tat.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
Okay, I oh there you go, there you go, go
to any picture. For a while, it was just like that, yeah, oh.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
Yeah, yeah, I see ship.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
And then it was my leg. And then when I
got sick and taking pictures of the of the RM,
I'm like, yo, were he's doing podcasts like this now?

Speaker 3 (02:39):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (02:40):
Yeah, check it out. Actually, what was your first tattoo?

Speaker 3 (02:44):
My mom's name?

Speaker 2 (02:45):
Your mom?

Speaker 1 (02:45):
Say?

Speaker 3 (02:45):
Yeah, yeah, out of the Inglewood friend of mine rest
in peace, Sich. He told me, hey, I gotta I
got a homie that that that's tattoo that said, I
really want one, He said, come to Inglewood. Inglood is
like fifteen minutes from where I'm from. When I was
growing up, the only people in high school that had
cars were the rich kids. So I asked two of
my Jewish homies to pull up. I said, take me.

(03:08):
So we go to Ingwood. I get there, my homie
Sykes he's there. He's like, hey, before I can go
in the house, he's at the gate. I'll be back
and move get some weed. He leaves. Now I'm in
his house with these trollos that I've never met in
my life, and and one the one of them looks
at me and says, hey, come here. I'm like okay.
So he takes me to his kitchen where he's gonna
tattoo me. And all I remember all I could think

(03:30):
about as I'm getting tattooed is damn it, my two
Jewish friends are sitting in the couch with two trolos
that they've never seen. They're probably scared or terrified. Yeah,
probably going to be there by the time I'm done. Yeah,
and they're not gonna be my friend no more. I
finished getting tatted, and uh.

Speaker 5 (03:47):
They came out with fake tattoos.

Speaker 3 (03:49):
Yeah, oh no, it was funny, like they finished getting
tatted and they were smoking weed with the trollos playing
Mario Kart and then at the end they were exchanging
each other's numbers. That ship was tired.

Speaker 1 (03:59):
Yeah, yeah, and how old were you when you got
that tattoo? Fifteen fifteen?

Speaker 2 (04:04):
Okay, Englewood is California. Yeah, got chakay so border raised over.

Speaker 3 (04:08):
There, no one in the Philippines. I came here when
I was one, gotcha.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
I was.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
I'm about twelve years younger than my brothers, ten to
twelve years brother. I came on an accident, for sure.
My mom became a citizen. I was still a minor,
so that automatically rolled over on me. So I became
a citizen. So both my brothers went to prison and
got deported. When I went to prison, I was blessed
enough to not get.

Speaker 5 (04:35):
Deported because of the city, the citizenship my mom.

Speaker 3 (04:39):
Yeah, because I was still a minor. So that worked
out for me. That was that was great, you know
because at this time I had my first kid locked up.
Yeah yeah, this prision in California, California. Yeah. Yeah, Well
I was in the county jail. I was talking to
this girl Ruby, she was we were just talking, you

(04:59):
know at the time. I guess her boyfriend did her dirty, so,
you know, I was just around and then I went
to jail, and then I remember trying to wrap. I
would call her friend collect and I would wrap her friend,
you know, and it's shitty, but we were together. And
then the last time I called, she said, hey, Ruby

(05:22):
just had a baby, looks just like you.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
Oh yeah, how long were we doing that time?

Speaker 3 (05:29):
That time was a short time. It was just a violation.
So I got out maybe like a month, went back in.
That's when I did my That's when I did my bid.
But before that, I remember Ruby came be my mom.
I didn't even know they had contact. I think my

(05:51):
mom reached out to her about the baby, and they
came to visit me in jail, both of the bay
with the baby.

Speaker 1 (05:58):
And and real quick, how how old were you then?

Speaker 3 (06:01):
Nineteen? Okay, nineteen twenty right around there. Yeah. I definitely
had my baby at nineteen, so yeah, yeah, just maybe
a little over me turning nineteen. I spent my twenty
first birthday in that bitch too. That should suck. Anyway,
they came to visit me. My it was you know,

(06:22):
my uh my mom was super stoked crying seeing the baby.
As soon as I saw her, I was like, oh
that's my child. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
Yeah, you could just you could just tell the minute
that you laid on my girl.

Speaker 3 (06:31):
But you know Ruby, you know my girl at the time,
she's Mexican. I dated mostly Latina girls. I looked at
the baby, that baby, and I was like, man, that's
an Asian ass baby.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:45):
There's not a lot of like dudes in the head. Yeah,
like you know, so I was like, it's either mine
or like my cousins or something.

Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yeah, somebody's around.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
Yeah, it's only like, you know, there's very few of us.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
Got you so? So so first kid, while you're in
nineteen and then where were you in there? You said
you spent your twenty first in there? So were you
there from nineteen to nineteen to twenty two?

Speaker 3 (07:06):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (07:07):
Gotcha?

Speaker 3 (07:07):
I isis was? I got off February third, which is yesterday.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (07:13):
Yeah, yesterday celebrates fifteen years without going to jail. Wow okay, okay,
yeah yeah yeah. So I went and I told they
came to visit me, and they never came back because
Ruby told me, she said, I'm not I'm not coming
back anymore. I said why, She said, because you look

(07:36):
like this is okay, Like this isn't a problem, like
you're happy for some reason. I'm talking to her through
the glass and she was ashamed. Yeah, you know of me, and.

Speaker 5 (07:51):
I got it.

Speaker 3 (07:51):
I totally got it. So about a month before I
got out of out of prison, I borrowed one of
the cell phones from the one you know, I have
to pay to use somebody's cell phone. I got ahold
of her and I heard this little girl. I had
a full conversation with this little girl that I've never
talked to in my life.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
And so she wasn't talking when you saw.

Speaker 3 (08:15):
Because she was she was turning three. So her birthday
is February as well. So when I came home, her
birthday was coming up, she was going to be three,
and she had a full conversation with me the month
before I came home, and I was like, fuck, man,
I fucked up. Yeah, you know. I came home, you know,

(08:37):
in that very day I told Ruby, I said, hey,
can we try to make this work? We've never been
together a couple. I said, can we try? I want
to be a father. Yeah. That year that when I
came home, that time, I threw her three birthday parties
for every year that I missed.

Speaker 1 (08:55):
That's awesome, that's awesome. You're like, let me let me
make up for some time.

Speaker 3 (09:00):
Yeah, I try. I try. She's a little mad at
me right now, but I love you.

Speaker 1 (09:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (09:05):
So she's got she's got to be in almost twenty
then now she's eighteen eighteen okay, ye, yeah, okay, what's.

Speaker 2 (09:12):
That relationship looking now? You don't mind me asking.

Speaker 3 (09:14):
She's got her first apartment. Very proud of her, but
now she feels like she kicked me out. Dad, you
can't be here. Go and I'm just, oh shit, you
know what I mean? Yeah, But she's cool, she's she
always she would you know, I know she feels a
little bit of power, which is great.

Speaker 1 (09:30):
And is uh is she out here in Vegas or
hear you?

Speaker 3 (09:33):
She?

Speaker 2 (09:33):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (09:34):
She's an artist. I want her to tattoo, but she's
just not interested. Yeah, she's a natural born artist. She
she did this, she drew this in my head.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (09:43):
I actually once posted a drawing of her as a
little trolla girl. Yeah. Five minutes later, some guy hit
me up. He said, hey, I want to get that tattooed.

Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yeah that's sick. Yeah, that's sick. Were you like, yo,
you gotta pay my daughter for that?

Speaker 3 (09:56):
Or what I gave her money for that? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (09:58):
Yeah? The world?

Speaker 1 (09:59):
Yeah, Yeah, that's awesome.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
Mom and Dad in the patrol.

Speaker 3 (10:03):
My mom my dad died when when I was two
years old.

Speaker 2 (10:08):
Yeah, wotcha.

Speaker 3 (10:09):
Yeah, Well, see the thing was, I think, so my
uncle's you know, recipes, my uh he throws cell and
behind their they're amazing people, you know, they grew up,
you know, the same way in the Philippines. But they
caught a beef. They caught a beef so bad that
my whole my family kind of had to come to America.
My dad never made it. He actually flew here. He

(10:31):
was the last one to come. He flew here and
got caught when he landed, got caught with weapons and
they put him on the first flight back. They banned
him from coming. So my mom said that he passed
away from liver cirrhosis because he started drinking. Okay, yeah,
you know, I guess he his family was gone.

Speaker 5 (10:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (10:56):
Yeah. So now with that being said, that that that
gang affiliation that my uncles were, and my brothers and
my cousins kind of went that same direction. The problem
was drugs were involved a lot of drugs, and some

(11:16):
of my most of my family members were able to
overcome that after, you know, because you're serving and you're
making money. But you're also trying it. But some of
us held on and I should never went away. You know,
my brothers pewee res in pes me, you know we
you know it, my whole family, both sides of my family.

(11:38):
You know, drugs were a huge factor in our lives.
Alcohol and drugs for sure. So elementary school, high school
were cool. I knew I had hustles since elementary school though,
because yeah, because I remember finding my brother's newdy magazine
and I would cut the little would cut the little
scenes individually and I'll serve it like like it's like

(12:00):
breaking down a pound and serving ounces so they can
serve it themselves. So I would sell it. I would
sell pages and they would kind of cut it off,
and I got hold on.

Speaker 1 (12:11):
My guy was my guy was selling a yo, yo,
what what do you need to see today? And do
you need black? You need white?

Speaker 3 (12:21):
You need Asian?

Speaker 1 (12:22):
What size tips?

Speaker 3 (12:23):
Do you want hair?

Speaker 5 (12:24):
Hair?

Speaker 3 (12:25):
No hair?

Speaker 1 (12:25):
Do you want a big old ass or do you
want a little ass? Like what do you want?

Speaker 3 (12:28):
You know?

Speaker 5 (12:28):
No hair?

Speaker 2 (12:28):
Back then, was probably going for more because all these.

Speaker 1 (12:32):
Yeah, bushes went crazy.

Speaker 3 (12:34):
I think bushes back and style.

Speaker 1 (12:37):
From what I heard, I don't know about that Hey
to eat his own right, Yea.

Speaker 4 (12:45):
I have a question though about you mentioned like the
gang affiliation with family and stuff.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
So in Chicago, where you don't really.

Speaker 4 (12:51):
See a lot of like like Asian gangs that are
like prominent and being and stuff.

Speaker 2 (12:55):
Right, I'm in California, it's a lot different. So I
guess what's that like.

Speaker 3 (12:58):
Well, the Philippine my brother, my uncles, and my family,
they were from a Filipino gang. I was born so
late past their prime that when I grew up, I
was in West Los Angeles and in that area, I
either be a trollo or a crip, you know that
that was the only options I had. There was no

(13:18):
Asian gangs or anything like that, so I chose. So
I went brown because those those are the people I
grew up with, you know, and I love them and
I still love my crips around the area. Hey, guys,
be good today. So yeah, so I be I'm a Southerner.
What that means in the prison system, I run with

(13:38):
the Southern Hispanics, And uh that was a little hard
for me and a little weird for me because I'm Filipino.
So either I got tested or they would just put
my name in the hat and be like, fuck it,
go do some dirt. You're probably you're you're into this
for all the wrong reasons anyway. Yeah, you're not even Mexican,
you know what I mean? Probably probably like you're just crazy.

(13:59):
Just go fuck it. Yes, you know, crash out huh.

Speaker 2 (14:02):
Like kind of like treating it like a crash.

Speaker 5 (14:04):
Out or what do you mean?

Speaker 3 (14:05):
No, I mean not they didn't say that specifically, but
I'm thinking maybe some of them had that idea in
their head, you know, And I did it because I
thought that's what you're supposed to do, and I would
do those things. And one time I did, something happened
and it wasn't the right person. And after that I said, no,
we're not doing this. I'm not doing this no more.
And I'm gonna ask questions like this is not it

(14:27):
was a pedophile? Was he a rapist? You know what
I mean? Well, what you know, if it if it
ain't any of that, I don't I don't want no
part of it, you know, because the wrong person got
hurt and that's not cool, you know.

Speaker 4 (14:39):
Was there ever like situations where there was there if
you were Asian at that time, going to jail like
is it A or B. Like if let's just say
you don't go to the two options that you said,
Like if somebody went to a different option, and you
guys are both Asian, right, maybe you guys are from
the same game. Back what happens in.

Speaker 3 (14:55):
That same Actually that can be a conflict. For sure,
something's happening. What somebody is getting hurt one of the
the other. It all depends on the politics at the time.
But or someone has to convert sides. But in order
to convert sides, you're gonna get beat up real quick.
That's how that goes it. Actually, there was a weird
time when when you know, the cops would throw me

(15:17):
in the wrong cell, not knowing who I'm running with,
and I'm just like, I'm just like, damn, I'm about
to get my ass whopped, you know. Scary, And thankfully
I didn't though I actually earned a lot of respect,
you know. I actually when I was when I first
started going to job, would see people walk by a
bald head, face tatted, chest high, and people would say

(15:38):
what's up. Every single person in their cell as he's
walking down the tier would say hi to him and
say what's up? And Hey, I have a good day,
you know, And I thought, I thought to myself, I
want to be that guy.

Speaker 2 (15:49):
You know.

Speaker 3 (15:49):
I became that guy and that ship, that shit got
me nowhere. I'm steady.

Speaker 2 (15:54):
You know.

Speaker 3 (15:54):
It's crazy because I realized all the there's a lot
of people in prison and yell are hard as fucking toughest.
Fuck only in there because when they're on the streets,
they're daphins, and and and and and and in the
streets they're high. They but they're so institutionalized that when
they're in there, they snap out of it and all
of a sudden, the big dogs because they know how

(16:15):
to run the inside. It's how they live, you know.
But when they're on the streets or daphins, and it's
sad to see that, you know, because I used to
look up to these people, you know, and then I realized, Fuck,
I think I'm one of those people. Yeah, you know,
I I'm cool, I'm tough, and ship I put I
put in work. I think I put my me and
my homies at a high at a high standard and

(16:36):
a high pedestal. But I never could have don't. The
thing is, I never got off the drugs. It just
stayed that's part of state, you know.

Speaker 4 (16:46):
Was that something that you started before or while you
were in inside drugs?

Speaker 2 (16:50):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (16:51):
No, no, that was before. I remember doing my first
line with my homie themes rest in Peace though the
Past story last year, and I remember when when no
one was looking, I was so nervous I blew out
half of it.

Speaker 1 (17:07):
Yeah yeah, yeah, I know that. I didn't know I
was gonna yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

Speaker 3 (17:15):
And I knew if through my family's history they have
addiction problem, so I was already like thinking about that.
I actually had that in the back of my mind,
like I'm probably gonna be an attict after this line. Yep,
sure enough, you know, yep, And that's what happened. I
fucking I was stuck since then, but it was. But
back then things were a little cleaner.

Speaker 1 (17:33):
And how old were you then, sixteen?

Speaker 3 (17:35):
Probably sixteen fifteen, maybe right right around the time I
got this tattoo, so obviously I wanted to make some
look cool and make some kind of uh imaginary name
for myself.

Speaker 5 (17:46):
Sure, you know, was.

Speaker 4 (17:47):
The introduction of it, because people around you maybe selling her.
I guess what's your first introduction at fifteen?

Speaker 3 (17:52):
To that, my brothers seeing them high and seeing the
door getting kicked in swat team them not going to sleep.
I remember sleeping and my brother and my oldest brother
he's smashing, just clapping cheeks and looking mark and I
had to turn around and read my comic book. Yeah,

(18:13):
he's clapping cheeks in the same room, you know, because
he's high as a kite. He's clapping for hours. I'm
just like, God, damn that crazy. Yeah. And then I'm
just like, you know, trying to block it out.

Speaker 2 (18:25):
He's how many years older than you?

Speaker 3 (18:28):
My brother? That's he's still alive, And you know, I
feel bad because I haven't been in contact with him.
But he is fifty I would say, fifty four. Now
I'm thirty seven. What does that make that.

Speaker 2 (18:42):
You guess as good as mine?

Speaker 1 (18:43):
But yeah, yeah, yeah, seventeen years older. Yeah check that.

Speaker 6 (18:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
Yeah, the white guy.

Speaker 4 (18:54):
I asked that, bro, because I have a brother, I
mean similar, bro. It's like he's eight years older than me.
And then I'm twenty nine, and he did like fifteen
years were in prison in Chicago, right, and like just
I remember vaguely because he was I mean the same
kind of saying. I mean, he was doing drugs and
not that magnitude. But he's you know, maybe right, but
you know, he was just never really home, so like

(19:15):
I didn't have a relationship with him, and I just
remember seeing it. Like I would walk outside and like
our deck and I'd see apples with two holes and
I'm like, what the fuck is you know what I mean,
I'm just like that's yeah, yeah, and then I but
I'm you know, I've never seen that before. And then
the smell like I would grab it to this and
I was like it was just like ashy, you know,
and I just throw it away because I'm you know,
I kind of like subconsciously covered for him from my parents.

(19:38):
I was like why, you know, but I just like
never never put the tune two together to get older,
and I guess the reason why. I was like, yeah,
now fast forward, you know, he's thirty something same.

Speaker 2 (19:49):
I don't really have cone to him, but I battle
with that. I can kind of I tell you too
a little bit.

Speaker 5 (19:54):
Yeah, and that's that's.

Speaker 2 (19:57):
You know, You're not alone with that one.

Speaker 3 (19:58):
Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
So, so one question I have, obviously, Ah, as far
as you know, younger years, teenage years, were your brothers
pretty much raising you through this whole period. So your
your dad, your dad obviously didn't make it. Your your
mother passed when you were my mother.

Speaker 3 (20:20):
My mother's still alive.

Speaker 1 (20:20):
Oh oh okay, got you, old ship right now, okay,
got you okay. So so, uh, your mother did raise
you in California.

Speaker 3 (20:31):
She did, she but you know, my mom worked all day,
like I wouldn't even see her only till the nighttime.
And uh, at this time, growing up, since I was
since I could remember, there was this woman that I
thought was my aunt. My mom would say that's my aunt.
But I you know, as I got older, I'm like,

(20:51):
this is her fucking partner. Yeah yeah, yeah, so she,
Yeah it was. She was.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
Let's be honest. Yeah, be honest at that.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
Time, which is you know you don't hear that.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
Yeah, yeah, especially years ago, man.

Speaker 3 (21:06):
Years ago. So all I remember is living with my
mom and my aunt until one time they thought I
was asleep. Yeah yeah, but she don't know. I know,
actually I think she. I talked to my mom very openly. Now, yeah,
I tell I told her. I remember I was in
the casino a couple of years ago. Like, Mom, remember
when you lied and told me my aunt was my aunt.

Speaker 1 (21:31):
And she was actually your sister.

Speaker 2 (21:35):
We're talking about his mom.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
Okay, that's okay. I'm trying to find I'm trying to
find my mom.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
Everyone sall.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
We got to break dice, you know, that's okay, mom, Mom,
I got you.

Speaker 2 (21:44):
Trying to find mom.

Speaker 1 (21:45):
Dude, yeah or girl, I don't want to Mom, got you?

Speaker 2 (21:49):
I love you?

Speaker 3 (21:52):
So yeah. So I I uh my brothers pee Wee
did his best to try to raise me. Actually, when
he got picked up for attempted murder when I was
in the third or fourth grade. I remember it was
so bad and I was so scared. I was in
class and I fucking sharded, you know, like I was

(22:13):
and fucking I was like, damn, what a terrible day.

Speaker 2 (22:15):
You know. Yeah, we're talking.

Speaker 3 (22:23):
My my mom. So I I Peewee did his best,
but he was too busy with his whatever he was
going through, and I had to find an outlet, you know,
a male I found a male source, which is a
group of these these homies of mine. It just so
happens that my homies are still my homies since the second, third,

(22:45):
second grade, third grade, four. I have so many people
I still call my brothers, and I'm blessed a lot. Now.
People say they have no friends, people say, you know,
there's there's no loyalty or this and that and the other.
And I'm lucky to have solid like fifteen of them.

Speaker 1 (23:02):
Still, I was gonna say that we're all from.

Speaker 3 (23:03):
The same gang, you know what I mean, And and
and it just what we weren't before. But we love
each other so much. We kind of just followed each other,
you know, we just stayed within. And you know, we're
all old now and you're all going through our different
chapters in life, but we still were still tight. You know,
we call you know, I have a homie, Adam. This
motherfucker's been to like fifty countries already, but he for

(23:26):
some reason, he comes back to La and all of
a sudden he's a thug again, because it's good to
be like that in La. You know, there's nothing you
could do. But he's the most he's one of the smartest,
just and I know, I'm pretty damn sure every fucking
person from my neighborhood looks up to this guy. Yeah,
so anyway, he's he's we have that. We have that

(23:47):
handful of people, and that's who I found. I found
the homies, and we we were like because a lot
of them, a lot of us were like we we
all lot of us had a similar situation, and we'd
find comfort in the streets together, you know, whether we're
throwing fucking rocks at cars that are driving by, or

(24:09):
finding because my neighborhood consisted of a bunch of apowerment buildings,
are finding a random launch room to stay warm at night. Yeah,
you know those times that my homies didn't have nowhere
to stay, so I'd stay on the streets with them,
you know, stay asleep on the street because they had
nowhere to go. My grandma would have easily let me in,
but I didn't want to leave them alone. Wow.

Speaker 1 (24:30):
Yeah, that's brotherhood right there.

Speaker 5 (24:32):
Man.

Speaker 3 (24:32):
Yeah, Yeah, I just.

Speaker 4 (24:34):
You know, Yeah, it's like you found a group of
people were like, we're all just going to figure out together.
But like whatever happens, it sounds like the understanding was
like all of us are, you know, but we're ganging.
We're just gonna get it, you know, we're gonna we're
gonna make it out together. Whichever avenue would go, we're
traveling there and we'll get there together.

Speaker 3 (24:51):
I think we weren't even gangbanging. We were just tagging,
but then the problem was gang members around the area
would try to bully us. Yeah, and we realized we
could fight too. Yeah, you know, you know that's a
lot of actually a lot of tagging crews are gang
members now because of that reason.

Speaker 5 (25:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (25:12):
You know. Actually before even the tagging, I was a skateboarder.
I thought I was gonna go pro. I thought that
was my life, and then we would get bullied. I
even I even started the skateboarding. I got all the
skateboarders together and kind of like a motorcycle club. I
would stand and talk to them and as like a leader,
like we're gonna let these motherfucking thugs beat us up anymore.
We have a weapon, it's in our fucking feet. Pick

(25:33):
it up and hit them with it, you know. Like
one of the guys in my group in that in
that crew, that's how it all started, that mentality. One
of the guys, Walter Thurman, the third, he's my brother man. Yeah,
he was part of that that little crew we started.
He's actually a super Bowl champ now yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Years went by after his super Bowl ring, he popped

(25:54):
up in La at my shop.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
No ship.

Speaker 3 (25:57):
They just popped up, and I'm just like, yeah, yeah,
he's doing great. He's an awesome man. You know, that's crazy. Yeah,
So I guess that impacted him too. You know.

Speaker 1 (26:07):
So as far as getting into like, you know, obviously
growing up a lot on the streets, uh, transitioning into
you know, gang affiliation into a gang, et cetera. Talk
to us about how that led up, Like, was this
something like you said you were doing a lot of
tagging and it was just like you I was like,
you almost already had a group formed. Was this more

(26:28):
just like tactical where it was like, you know, hey,
like we're safer to join these guys or how how
did that happen?

Speaker 2 (26:36):
It doesn't even how like it was joining you guys
just kind of created He created it.

Speaker 3 (26:39):
Yeah, well, actually themes rest in peace my boy. He's
my brother that passed away last year. That's a sad story.
But he started this crew with just a few people
because he has a huge family, so a lot of
them were his brothers and cousins. We were only friends
with one of them. So since he got in, we

(27:02):
just followed him. And then that graffiti who just got
bigger and bigger and bigger, and eventually we're like not
no longer doing graffiti. Yeah, you know. Now we have
guns and we're driving stolen cars. And I learned how
to drive my first car in a stolen car. I
didn't want to walk home and get shot. So the
homies said, take the car. I had to figure it out.

Speaker 1 (27:21):
Yeah, you know, yeah, what what.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
Was the car?

Speaker 3 (27:25):
Toyota Celica. It was all the homies rotated that stolen car.
Like somebody went like, my boy even wanted to go
smash like in Amanti, which was a good thirty minute drive,
and he, you know, like, oh, take the car.

Speaker 5 (27:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (27:44):
My other homeie used to wash it, used to give
it car washes. I was like, are you really giving
your stolen car car wash? He thought it was. He's
actually in Mexico. He got deported. He's been getting deported
so much. He just he just gave up. Let me
just stay.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
Yeah, it's yeah, get back.

Speaker 1 (28:07):
Yeah, yeah, believe me, not even try anymore. Yeah, yeah,
that's funny.

Speaker 4 (28:11):
So how does a young crew like you guys right
like established dominant in the neighborhood where you guys getting bullied.

Speaker 3 (28:18):
There wasn't many, Okay, so where I lived all around it. Well,
so where I grew up, they call it the four Corners.
And at that time, it was only four gangs. It
was Santa Monica, Cover City, Venice Hotel and through time
and that's and it was the way it was. It's
there was, it was four neighborhoods. It looked made a
square on the map, and they called it the four Corners.

(28:39):
But through time, in between, little gangs started popping up.

Speaker 2 (28:43):
Got it.

Speaker 3 (28:45):
And where where I was at, those gangs all around us,
but that neighborhood normally nobody actually had that except for
these crips around the area. They've been for they've been
around for a while. But they started off tagging too.
You know. They used to be used to be black family,
or or or or bomb first and then now they're

(29:07):
blasting full gangster crips. You know, that's just the evolution. Yeah,
it's weird, right, It's weird how that happened. And so
I guess we were just trying to keep up with
the times, you know. Yeah, and that was it I
wanted to. I felt like my beginning was to impress

(29:28):
my brothers, you know, and then I was like I
actually like this shit. Yeah, you know, I didn't have to.
My mom was a great mom. You know, she had
three boys. We all went to prison. That's fucked up.

Speaker 4 (29:38):
Yeah, well you impressing me, Like, were you like just
trying to get like a validation through them?

Speaker 1 (29:43):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (29:44):
Yeah, yeah, get a validation because I know that they're brother.
Well it's mainly pee wee, because my other brother went
to prison when I was already and when I was
like in the third grade, So pewee. People respected them,
People loved him. He snapped his fingers, people did what
they what he said. I was like, he's cool. But
yet he was also honest, and he was very fucking funny,

(30:05):
and he thought he could sing, so he loved karaoke.
Yeah yeah, but people just wanted to be around him,
you know. And I was like, fuck and now, yeah,
I want that. And I would look and he would
just keep me around, you know, and I would see
all of it. But he had no idea I was

(30:26):
sponging it all up. And that's what's happening with the
generation after me now, like my nephew. That's a big
part of last year too. That just broke my heart.
I would do things in front of him and had
no idea that he was sponging everything up. You know,
fast forward to now he's just got picked up. A
few months ago, he stabbed somebody fourteen times in their sleep.

Speaker 1 (30:48):
The one that the one that I met, that was
that was out here at the shop.

Speaker 3 (30:51):
Is an amazing you know, I hadn't know.

Speaker 6 (30:53):
Yeah, this is this eight I I think of it
as what like like a dog and their owner goes
to work and as soon as they come back, they're
just so happy that their owner came back.

Speaker 3 (31:05):
That's how it looks at me. I feel like, yeah,
you know, and he's you know, partially, I feel I
blamed him a lot for my for my homie's death
last year, and that's where my depression started. I blamed
him a lot.

Speaker 2 (31:18):
I uh wait, that had what he did was to
your friend.

Speaker 3 (31:22):
No, so he he so behind my back. He got
into the gang, same one from yeah yeah, yeah, same one.
But the only problem is my homie's older than me.
I would hear my I would hear you know, my
cousin's mom call me and say hey, with sixteen fifteen

(31:42):
thirty eight. He died at forty. You know, I'm like,
for real, you know, because that's my big homie. Yeah,
and you know, and and and so and so was
just so we are we don't where we have a
very small younger generation after us. You know, my generation

(32:06):
was the strongest, and and after that it kind of
started slowly trickling off. People started growing up and just
kind of dying down. My nephew brought it back. Yeah,
and I was like whoa, you know. And then there
would even be times when he would tell me, like you,
I would say something to him and he was like, oh,
tell me nothing. He was like, I'm the only one
putting in work. I was like, you little motherfucker.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
Yeah, you know.

Speaker 3 (32:28):
But but before that, but mind you, he is like
my son. He even lived here in Las Vegas. I
put him in put him in a high school, Green
Valley High School, to change his life. Joe he was
here at the shop so much. Without me saying anything,
Joey asked him to be an apprentice. He said he
was gonna give him a free apprenticeship, you know, and

(32:49):
was super stoked and super happy about it. But his life,
his goals and intentions were for the streets. He found
a way to get himself kicked out of high school here,
so his mom would take him back to LA and
started sucking around. So he got into the gang. Nobody
even told me, you know what I mean, They kind
of hit it from me.

Speaker 2 (33:07):
He doesn't know, you wouldn't approve.

Speaker 3 (33:09):
Right, right, right right? He got he did some ship
out there that came back. He did some ship out
there and to a group. And this other group ran
into my boy, themes and his brother, my my my,
you know, the people I look up to the right
into him, ran into them, and we paid the ultimate

(33:32):
price for it, you know.

Speaker 2 (33:35):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (33:35):
Yeah, he got got shot in the head on the train,
and the big and and and pretty much they said
this is because you know, they called my nephew. They
call him Mash. This is from Mash Bob damn right yeah,
and you know, like and just.

Speaker 5 (33:51):
It was.

Speaker 3 (33:52):
I felt responsible. That's my nephew. Yeah, you know, so
I did my best to pay a lot, you know,
I did through uh. I did a fundraiser, a raffle,
I mean tattoo raffle. I made a lot of money,
gave it all to them, you know, did my best
to accommodate the family as best as I can. But
I was also battling pain. I was getting high. I started.

(34:15):
I started. I went off because like I could through time,
I was taking three steps forward, one step back with
the with the drug use. This time, I was like,
fuck it, I ain't nobody gonna stop me. I when
I during the funeral week, I relived my whole la
a street life in seven days at this age. Yeah,
that ship was depressing, you know. I uh I you know,

(34:40):
I thought, I thought, I said, I'm doing good. I
gave him money.

Speaker 5 (34:43):
You know.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
Uh, I would go on, I would, I would. I
was on a mission by myself. I remember having to
hide my gun and a random bush in Panorama City
and random bush because of some ship that happened. And
then I came back a couple days later and I
was still there. I was like, don't mind if I do,
put it back in my pocket, you know. Fuck. It

(35:06):
was so intense that we had the reception on the
block at his house, and that was like that's like headquarters.
Everybody goes there. You know, his brothers all lived there,
and they're from the hood too, so there's like fifty
of us homies, you know, and and and family members
and kids and and that's the worst block to be on.

(35:27):
If you don't like us, And bro, tell me why
these motherfuckers we were standing. We had guards outside and
I was one of them, you know from time and
and and we had people making sure this kids are safe. Well,
but tell me why older enemies came out of nowhere
just to get into the scoreboard when there was this
wasn't even a problem with theirs at the moment that

(35:48):
it was like, it was like a movie dog like
and then and then I remember I got into it
with my baby mama. I got into it. So I
came with my friend with my kids, and I left
back to Vegas alone. That's where it all started when
I started getting really dark. I remember I started falling asleep.
On the way to Vegas. I stopped some worth and

(36:09):
when I stopped it, took a line, looked up, saw
a strip club. Oh Poppin, Go spend whatever money I
had there. And then I as I got out the
strip club, I dropped driving. I stopped to get gas.
I see this guy in the middle of the desert
at this gas station. And this dude was like, he's like, hey,

(36:31):
you got extragar. I'm like yeah, He's like, I just
got a prison. He said I'm waiting for It was
a truck stop. So he's like, I'm waiting for one
of these truckers in the morning to wake up and
and ask him for a ride. I said, well, I'm
going to Vegas, and he's like, oh, I have my
kids in Vegas. That's cool. And then so while I'm
sitting out, sitting in my car, is I just see
him chilling and he's a good looking dude, looks he

(36:52):
looks just like twenty one savage tattoo and all. He
just got out to joint looking healthy and shit. And
it's been like an hour. I see him still just chilling,
and I'm in the car trying to get some sleep,
you know. And and we get to smoking weed, start spitting,

(37:13):
spitting flows and ship like that. Yeah. He uh. He
tells me, Hey, I have an idea. Let me drive
you to Vegas. This is a stranger, yeah, you know.
And I'm like at first, I'm like fuck, no, you
know yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
And then some random guide driving like like like my
vehicle just got out of prison. Obviously I've known him
for two hours, yeah, two hours whatever.

Speaker 3 (37:40):
And then I kind of we're just sitting I'm getting tired,
I'm like, I gotta make I gotta work tomorrow today.
It's it's middle of the morning, you know, I gotta
work today, and so I'm like, fuck it, drive me.
So I remember sitting passenger seat in my own car
with my gun in my hoodie like this, pointed at
him just but then I put my guard down because

(38:02):
I fell asleep, and then I woke up. I woke
up at the Flamingo parking lot and he's gutting, grabbing
his ship from the back of my trunk and he's like,
big dog, we're here. And I was like wow. You know,
I was like, damn, what a trip, what a blessing?
Like I found a stranger to take me to make

(38:23):
sure I made it to work, make sure I made
it safely. And then I let my guard down. I
fell asleep.

Speaker 2 (38:29):
I woke up.

Speaker 3 (38:32):
To him saying thank you. Wow, I've ever seen him again.

Speaker 1 (38:35):
That's why did you guys exchange numbers or anything?

Speaker 3 (38:38):
Him on Instagram and stuff like that. From time to time. Yeah,
you know, I I have these weird interactions with strangers.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Well I wasn't religious.
I actually started reading the Bible, but then two weeks
later my best friend got smoked, you know. And uh,

(39:02):
through that time, I lost my lost sister in law.
She's like my sister. I knew her for a long time.
She's she was an attic tod We would get hide together.
So I've seen her at her lowest and she's seen
me at my lowest. I missed her very much, and uh,
she uh, she just had she has bad days, you know,

(39:24):
so she just called me. She yeah, she didn't. She
took her you know, she took her own life. You know,
she's very very Uh wors me the most is I
wasn't able to go to the funeral because during this
time too, I separated from from the wife. I told her,
I I don't want to do this no more. I
left and never came back. Yeah, you know, And for

(39:48):
some reason in my mind, I thought this is gonna
be easy. I'm gonna have my kids halftime, and she's
gonna be you know, she's gonna just move on. But
she didn't. And so because of what happened, and so
what happened, I themes died a couple of months later, died,
and we're going through the split, and she didn't let
me go to the funeral, and that was rough. I

(40:12):
remember being at a bar here by myself, drinking, getting high,
and on the funeral, and I would look at everybody's instagram,
her family, because her family was my family. You know
the problem is when I broke up with her, I
broke up with them, so you know, and I don't.
I used to get mad and be defensive on the

(40:32):
messages they would send, but then I realized they're supposed
to do that. That's that's her daughter, that's you know
what I mean. So I remember drinking. I'm probably up
a day or two now watching different people's instagrams just
so I can feel like I was at the funeral,
you know.

Speaker 5 (40:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (40:54):
Yeah. And then two weeks later and then what really
hit the really hit the fant. Two weeks later, my
nephew caught that he did that thing. So he he
he poked his he poked his sister's boyfriend fourteen times
while he was sleeping, and then his.

Speaker 1 (41:08):
Uh it was his sister's boyfriend.

Speaker 2 (41:11):
Yeah, and then he burned the house.

Speaker 3 (41:13):
And then he burned the house down, so my cut
my So his sister woke up to his little to
her little brother just whack, whack, whack, whack, whack. You
know what I mean, just like, what the fuck was
that guy? And I assume the other guy, No, no,
the other guy.

Speaker 1 (41:27):
I assumed that there was some reason was was he
was doing so he.

Speaker 3 (41:30):
Got in a fight. They were all addicts first and foremost,
you know at the so when when my net when
my homie passed, I was very angry at my nephew.

Speaker 4 (41:40):
I was just gonna ask people for like kind of
circling back to that part, did you ever have a
conversation with him where it's like, because at some point
I feel like I see why you're you feel like
you know you're you would you would feel you're some
sense of responsibility for that was there?

Speaker 2 (41:56):
I guess was there a conversation.

Speaker 4 (41:58):
Because it also stuff is just happening back bad and
like right, it's almost like there's no time to you're
grieving all these different things to where like you're not
getting closure of like everything because it's just piling on.
Did you ever have that conversation with him whre it's
just like bro, like myhamie just got Yeah.

Speaker 3 (42:12):
I tried, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a great question. There's
so much more. My nephew was already getting high on
the streets. But he would like, I said, his mom
will call and say he's with you know, my big hommy.
So a week before my homie passed, I was in
La for a kids for my little nephew's birthday party.

(42:36):
I seen there my nephew and I'm like, I'm like, damn,
this food looks on one but he hit it. So
he was high on fatanyl. He smokes fetnah hat to
foil seventeen sixteens, you know. And U So I had
just hate for my homie for not hate but like anger. Yeah,
of course, but I was wrong. Yeah, my nephew was

(42:56):
doing bad all by himself.

Speaker 2 (42:57):
Yea.

Speaker 3 (42:59):
So fast to that to that week. You know, my
homies were on the train. There was about ten little
young kids. He got killed, my forty year old at home.
He got killed by a sixteen year old boy. Wow,
sixteen year old. My homie had four kids, yep. And
I remember I was sparring at Coppa theo boxing yet

(43:21):
my first time sparring. Chris was there. Actually he was
sparring too. I had a great day. I went to
the lake with my boy Tim and then as I
was sparring, I guess it was happening because I had
to get in the car. I look at my phone.
My shit's going crazy, and uh, my first thing. So
I started getting calls, calls from prison, calls from everywhere.

(43:45):
Everybody's like, okay, this is on. You figure it out.
And then I get another call from from from my
homie Sicko. He's like, all right, what's the plan? Like fuck?
In my mind, I was like, I'm in Las Vegas.

Speaker 2 (44:00):
Yeah, wait, why why are they going to you?

Speaker 3 (44:03):
Because that because you know, number one, I was very
involved and my rank went up. You know number two,
it's my nephew number three. Even though I'm not active,
I act like it or I talk like it sometimes
because I can't. Sometimes I can't shake it. I don't
want it, but sometimes I do. You know, it's confusing.

(44:25):
I'm torn.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
You know.

Speaker 3 (44:27):
I love my homies. I think that's what it is.
That's keep that keeps me hard, that keeps me holding
honest my boys as well as long as one of
them is still out there bagging. I can't fully say I'm.

Speaker 1 (44:37):
Not yeah, because I love it, you know, is that connection?

Speaker 3 (44:41):
That connection right? So you know, balls in your court
is pretty much what Siico told me. I said, okay,
so this, He said, just what you do. First thing,
grab and that's what he did. He picked up eight.
I gave him the address. I gave him address to
my family's house. He fucking literally physically picked him up

(45:03):
and took him out. I said, he needs to withdraw.
And then I got a couple of questions to ask him.
I said, put him in a room. If you have
to time up, fuck it, and put pictures of the
homie all over the wall so he knows what happened,
so he can understand that somebody just disappeared, that he
did that. One of our people paid the ultimate price for
his bullshit, you know. And he was withdrawing. And then

(45:31):
when he when he was sober, got call.

Speaker 2 (45:33):
Me withdrawing from drugs. I thought from the squad, from the.

Speaker 3 (45:36):
No, no, no, he was withdrawing. He was about an
hour away. I'm an arch started and he was in
the room with drawing. I told Siko, send me pictures,
you know, updates and stuff. Then he a few days
later he's good now. So I asked him, I asked you, you
got two options. You moved out. When you moved back
to Las Vegas, and I'll help you change your life,

(45:58):
or you go back to the hood, even the scoreboard,
and I will never question you about your fetanal addiction ever. Again,
this is your life. Now. He chose none of it.
He went back to the hood and got high. Now
that ship fucked me up. So I'm at the funeral.

(46:19):
If he was in the very front row, some nerve, Huh.
I go there, I see him, I get him a
kiss on his forehead. I said, you gotta go. I
see the tear come down. He left. Never seen him since.
Now that's what fucked me up. I think maybe the
hardest is, uh, I turned my back on him. I
forgot that I'm the reason why he's like that, you know,

(46:40):
like he's like I could see his face, Yeah, I could.
I could see his face right now wondering what the
funck happened?

Speaker 5 (46:48):
You know, No, man, it's uh you know, it's it's
it's uh hm.

Speaker 2 (46:59):
How do I explain what I'm trying?

Speaker 4 (47:00):
Thing I see and I hear you why, maybe you
feel like you're the reason that perhaps he went down whatever? Yeah,
I think you do need to find peace in the
fact that you know, when people are younger, they're you know,
I mean put yourself back in those shoes right where
it's like you're almost looking for some sort of validation.

(47:21):
I don't know what it's life, you know, I don't
know what that situation is, but I think it's it's
a lot to hold for you to take the weight
of not to take responsibility for one hundred percent of
his actions, even though I hear you and I see it,
but like I'm putting myself in your feet, I get it.

(47:42):
But there's also so many other factors that outweigh just
your influence because I can't think of a different word
to him. Does that make sense?

Speaker 3 (47:50):
Yeah, it does, it does, And I and I and
I and I understand that now I do. It's just
uh me about me? Is that I turned my back
on him. But instead of like you have two options,
I'm just I have this force and I have this
power in the hood because I've done this and I've

(48:10):
done that, and then you will you have to choose
between one or the other, or like who I should
have been? Like are you okay? How do you feel
he lost somebody too? Not just me?

Speaker 5 (48:23):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (48:24):
You know, yeah, I think the key word you said
in there was like it's choose, choose. I think turning
your back to him was would be not giving him
that option. Were you going to him and saying, I mean,
there's a or B. I can help you over here.
I can't help you over there, and refusing both options

(48:44):
of help, you know, is unfortunately ultimately a decision made
by him.

Speaker 2 (48:50):
Yeah, that's true, you know what I mean, turning your
back literally to him.

Speaker 4 (48:55):
I wouldn't even say what you did when you know,
when you give him a kiss and he told him
he's got to go, I wouldn't even say that's turning
your back. I think turning your back would have been
at his lowest point, when after what happened to your friend,
you know, god soul would be not even telling like
pushing him to the side and be like, fuck, I
don't want to talk to you.

Speaker 2 (49:11):
And it's a lot easier to do that.

Speaker 4 (49:12):
Than to make calls to pick him up, make him withdraw,
make him realize what he did. I think that's a
form of you trying to help him. Whether you look
at it like that or not, from this side, I'm
sure you feel the same way.

Speaker 2 (49:24):
I do think that that's.

Speaker 4 (49:27):
You've done what you had to do, and of course
it still hurts, but I wouldn't look at it like
you turn your back based from where I'm sitting at.

Speaker 3 (49:35):
Yeah, thank you. Yeah I heard that before, but you
very you you you put you put it into words
that actually I was able to hold on to. Or
maybe it's just because I'm not high anymore and I
hear it differently. Yeah, that's just it.

Speaker 2 (49:50):
You know.

Speaker 3 (49:52):
Well, when so when that happened, I was doing it
was going through the separation and I met this woman,
amazing woman. I was, you know, I started something with
her and we were living together and I was in
a living and crying and I said, well, my name,
my nephew fucked up. After the after, So this is

(50:15):
this is fast forward a few months after after actually
after Crystal died, like two weeks later. I asked, I asked,
I asked her. I said hey, and I didn't ask her.
I said, hey, I was I haven't talked to him
since the funeral, and I know he's on the run.
He didn't get caught. So my biggest goal was to

(50:40):
have my own selfishness kick in and and and take
him and hold on to him until the door gets
kicked down, until they take him because an attempted murder
is a life sentence. Hopefully he doesn't get that far.

Speaker 1 (50:52):
But I was gonna say what so so, although he
did stab him handfuls of times, the guy did survive.

Speaker 3 (50:59):
He did survive, thankfully he did. For this guy, he's
not a bad guy. He's not a great guy. He
just didn't deserve that though. Yeah, you know.

Speaker 1 (51:10):
Because going back to what you said it was, it
was it was some argument over some high shit.

Speaker 3 (51:15):
Right, yeah, just some regular la trauma like anger shit.
And I hadn't had none to do with gangs or
anything like that. It's just ego, Yeah, straight up ego.
You know, my kid, my nephew was seventeen. This guy
was forty thirty, so, you know, thirty five. Like he
was dating his sister, my other cousin, and she's thirty,

(51:37):
so you know, he was a grown man. Yeah yeah,
but he had he had no job, and he was
just there all the time getting high, and so my
nephew would see him, so they would collide probably, you know,
I wouldn't be there to hear it because I stopped
fucking with him. I blocked my nephew, I blocked his mom,
I blocked everybody because I was so angry, you know,
So when I found out that happened, I wanted to

(52:02):
be selfish and take him just to see if I
can make up or give him all the love, and
so I can, so I can satisfy my own selfish soul.
And it's been like I did this for him because
I left him, you know.

Speaker 2 (52:20):
Yeah, real quick, I don't.

Speaker 4 (52:22):
I don't even think it's there's anything selfish about that, bro.
I think maybe with you, I'm not trying to be therapy.

Speaker 3 (52:27):
No no, no, no, no no no, no. I need this.

Speaker 2 (52:29):
I think.

Speaker 4 (52:31):
The love that you want to give him isn't because
of what you want. It's because you know what he's
always needed.

Speaker 5 (52:37):
He does.

Speaker 3 (52:38):
He did need it. You know, he's never had a
birthday party in his life ever since he was a kid.
He while he grew up in toxic City, you know,
and I was going, I was living with his mom,
like I wasn't even living. I would just barge in
to his mom's house with her new husband, and I
just barge in just to sleep because I haven't slept,

(52:59):
or just a shower or and then I'll have all
my homies there straight and being disrespectful without trying to be,
you know, and I apologize to her for that. I
and he saw all that, you know. So when he
did this, I told my girl, I was like, hey,
I'm bringing my nephew here. He's gonna run and he's
gonna hide here. And she said, okay, she's so kind,

(53:21):
you know. She said okay, But then she said, is
it okay if I locked the door when I go
to sleep? I said, whoo damn that shi it was.
I was like, well he can't stay here? Then, yeah,
you know, and I was that should sucked me up
even more. It's just it just didn't get any better,

(53:44):
you know. And in my mind, you know, and I drank.
I drank it. I drank it all, I snorted it all,
I gambled it all, I fucked it all, you know.
I did all that, you know. And uh, at first
I thought no one noticed, and then I saw people noticed.

(54:05):
But then I thought I figured I assumed that I
thought people thought I had it under control and everything
was okay with it because I remember being at the
strip plow with Jared and then Joe, you know, send
them sell them some money, marked get marks, having a
heart through a lot buying a few lap dances. So
I thought, you know, maybe I'm okay, Like I'm okay,

(54:25):
people see it, but it's not too bad. But then
it was point of those times when I would call
my clients in advance and text somebody like, hey, can
you sell me the rest of your money and pay
your money in advance because I ran out of money
and I needed more money to gamble. Yeah, it got
to a point where my client for the next day,

(54:48):
I say, hey, can you just send me the money
to night I got to pay a bill or something.
I go gamble and I'm doing lines. I don't sleep,
and I never make it to their appointment. I make
them pay the night before in advance and don't show up. Yeah,
to the appointment a few hours later. Piece of ship move.
I allowed it to just take.

Speaker 1 (55:08):
Me and just just to understand time frames here, Mark,
was this because obviously I'm like, you've obviously tattooed, you know,
So I'm I'm thinking about, you know, our times with tattoos. Yeah,
I'm thinking about the time. So was this is this
like the last six months or so?

Speaker 3 (55:25):
Yeah? Yeah? Yeah, yeah. Actually from from so from themes
death my nephew and that's all it started in uh
in May.

Speaker 2 (55:36):
Wow, I'm thinking this is a few years ago.

Speaker 5 (55:38):
I'm not thinking how this God, yeah, that's.

Speaker 3 (55:41):
How wicked it got.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
Yeah, because I remember, just like just like i've you're
obviously going into detail now, but I remember seeing your
Instagram story, and you know you always know me.

Speaker 3 (55:50):
Man.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
I always tapped in with you every like I like,
you know, like even if we didn't, you know, chat
every couple of weeks, I'd always like once a month,
like I'd always hit you up. And I remember, like, bro,
you couldn't catch a fucking break. Bro, Like it was
like every couple of weeks, you were posting something. This
person passed, This happened, you know, this happened like man,

(56:11):
it was like one thing after a fucking another.

Speaker 3 (56:13):
Yeah, it really was. And I didn't know how to
control it or control myself because I was using Yeah,
I got carried away, like my kids took like my
the mother of my kids took the kids to l A.

(56:35):
I celebrated Thanksgiving alone. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday normally
if Thanksgiving is done at my house, you know, because
I'm because I'm a father for real, right, But then
I forgot that's year. I kind of just forgot ye
that I'm a father for real, you know, literally beautiful home,

(56:56):
everybody has room, every accessory, every gadget that you could
think of my house, big ass trampoline in the backyard,
swings for the kids, barbecue, a fucking gym in the garage.
Like it was dope. My life was fine, you know,
and then I forgot yep, it just turned off, you know.

(57:19):
And uh, and I'm very.

Speaker 2 (57:24):
So.

Speaker 3 (57:25):
I remember I spent all my money. Is when I
hit rock band, I spent all my money gambling and
between time my girl left me. My kids are in LA.
You know, my ax won't let me see the kids.
She won't even respond to my calls. I'm gambling, I'm using.

Speaker 5 (57:49):
I remember.

Speaker 3 (57:52):
I spent all my money and then and so through
my life, I always have this thing. I was watching
a podcast. I was listening to a podcast with John
burnhal On Childa a buff and child Buff mentioned this
thing called wiggle room, and wiggle room is where I
do enough. I do enough fuckery, but find my wiggle
room to get back on top. You know, like like

(58:14):
if I spend all the money, I'll I'll post something
for a tattoo, and then I'll get a thousand dollars
worth of deposits, and that's my wiggle room to get
back up. And you know that's just part of my
wiggle room. You know. I I that shit stuck with me.
So the last money I spent, I spent all my
money savings, every last drop, by last hundred that I

(58:39):
put in a machine. I look over and my phone's gone.
So and then I try I ask somebody that me borrow,
borrow the phone disappears off off the radar. Somebody took it,
so now I have nobody to call. So there was
no more wiggle room for me. I was like a
chicken with a head cut off, looking all over the casino,

(59:01):
high as a kite for my phone for like two hours,
no money, no nothing, picked up a straggler along the way,
woke up in front of a random Dotties and fucking
seven ams, some random some randos like good morning, and
I'm just.

Speaker 1 (59:15):
Like fuck men, You're like, what happened?

Speaker 3 (59:20):
Yeah? Yeah, And she's like you want to have breakfast?
Like sure, you know, I get to drive it, and
then I'm looking for my phone and I'm like, I
ain't got no goddamn money.

Speaker 7 (59:31):
You know, I phone, no money on phone, no money,
no girl, no kids, no girl, no kids, no just
all shitty, you know, you know, no wiggle, just down
all add was my car.

Speaker 3 (59:45):
They needed an oil change that was backed up on payment,
that was that had a crack on the window and
need a new tire and I said, fuck Vegas, going
to l A. Yeah, And that's where I crashed and
burn woke up in the middle of almanty a random
hotel in Almanty I.

Speaker 2 (01:00:08):
I was.

Speaker 3 (01:00:09):
I had a panic attack and I've never had one like.
I was crying for like three hours, just intense crying.
It was so bad. I couldn't talk owner and manager, everything,
everybody at personnel from the hotel. I all came out
was a big thing. And I'm walking and I'm like,
I have one foot on my arm and random stairway
and he's tripping like trying to get me out and

(01:00:32):
I'm trying to talk. I'm trying to get it out.
Nothing's coming out, and some fucking I guess one of
one of the rando that I that I had met
earlier that morning grabbed me and she told the personnel, hey,
he's I got him. She put me in her room,
and I I'm going in and out of this ship,

(01:00:53):
and I get all I hear here is you're gonna
be okay? Or try to breathe? Or is there anyone
I can call? That's all. That's It's like echoing all
through my head. And I remember. All I remember is
having my phone and it says Sarah as my daughter,
and I just gave her my phone. I showed her
my phone. I couldn't say shit. Next team, you know,

(01:01:15):
I woke up in a room full with all my
kids and and and the wife. You know. I I
don't remember what happened after that, but I was in
a I was not in La. I was in fucking
San Gabriel Valley, which is part of LA. But I
was not anywhere near where I was supposed to where
I was destined to drive to. My kids did not

(01:01:39):
live there. I was in a random place. Somehow, some way.
The lady that helped me figured it out. Wife and
wife caught wind, picked me up, put my car somewhere,
dropped me off, got me a nicer hole, brought me
to this really really nice hotel, laid me down, picked

(01:02:01):
up the kids, brought all the kids woke up Christmas
morning with my family there, and I don't know how
she did that.

Speaker 1 (01:02:12):
And and how many days prior before Christmas was this?

Speaker 5 (01:02:14):
Do you remember?

Speaker 3 (01:02:16):
It was about three or four. I was high as
a kite. I was Isaac kite. I was treating my
a new girl like shit, No, I don't, I didn't.
I don't talk to her or anything.

Speaker 2 (01:02:30):
It was.

Speaker 3 (01:02:31):
It was more like I wasn't like yelling or anything
like that. I just completely ignored her, ghosted her. You know,
we lived together, and that's you know, like we were
living together. It's like ghosted her, you know, just like
how I used to do my wife, ghost her whenever
whenever I thought it was whenever I'm a runner, whenever

(01:02:52):
there's a situation I can't I don't want to talk,
argue about her handle or face, I run and uh,
I disappear. I get high. But it wasn't as bad
like throughout the years, I'll have a run, you know
once every like six months. Cool, fine, you know, part

(01:03:12):
of me would say, fuck it, you deserve it, have
a little fun, right, yeah, But this was all the
time now, all last year for the last you know,
and uh yeah, that was my That was my bottom there.
I had nothing. I woke up. Wow, my kids there,
and I was like, I do have something. Yep, you
know I don't have I don't not have any I

(01:03:33):
have a lot. And right there running around diapers, fucking uh.
My daughter needed a hair brush. Her hair was fucked up.

Speaker 4 (01:03:45):
Man, Just you know, this time we've been here, brother,
it's just like you know, the you know, God's put
some angels by you.

Speaker 3 (01:03:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:03:52):
Yeah, man, Like you're like you're you're truly meant to
be here for a recent mark, like and I think
like you need to. It's like, you know, you've been
through so much over the years, and I think it's
like it sounds cliche, but it's like at this point
in your life, it's like you got to control the controllable.

(01:04:14):
And it's as hard as it is, like you're never
gonna forget your past, but you have to find a
way to forgive your past. And I think forgive you know,
the person that you became at at certain points in time.
And I think, you know, it sounds like obviously we'll

(01:04:36):
get to that, but you know, your relationship with your kids,
your relationship with you know, the girlfriend for a second,
the relationship with your wife. You know, I think, like,
you know, these people, as as much shit as they've
been through, you've put them through, they're obviously still here.

Speaker 3 (01:04:57):
They are amazing, each and every one of them amazing.

Speaker 5 (01:05:00):
You know.

Speaker 4 (01:05:01):
Yeah, it's it's almost sounds like like I didn't catch
it till you said, like things are going good and
like that thing in your head where it's just like
you know, go ahead, have a weekend.

Speaker 5 (01:05:11):
It's it's a form of.

Speaker 2 (01:05:12):
Like self sabotage. Have you heard of that before, where
it's like.

Speaker 4 (01:05:15):
You are almost almost internally uncomfortable with things being okay
and there's no chaos. You know, it's like you know,
everythings like that's I mean, in a nutshell, that's kind
of what that is. So it's it's almost working backwards
and like un learning that. Like you said, you can't
change your pass like that. There's no unfortunately, right, there's there's.

Speaker 2 (01:05:37):
Nothing you can do.

Speaker 4 (01:05:38):
It is accepting it and and accepting it and saying
things are okay or two different things stuff that happened
like that. You know that you just you know, you
have to be okay to like to give yourself peace,
but giving yourself that piece is separated from making it
okay from whatever happened that you're still holding on to.

(01:05:59):
It's just making it okay for you. And I think
doing that is gonna, you know, maybe soften that voice
of of you know, go have a weekend.

Speaker 3 (01:06:09):
You know, by saying it's okay, I was enabling myself.

Speaker 2 (01:06:12):
Yep, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, which is you know.

Speaker 3 (01:06:16):
I never even thought, yeah, that's awesome, thank you. Yeah,
I'm sober. I'm not using. I'm sober from fucking drugs
and drugs and gambling. Man, that's awesome, thank you, thank you.
I was sober from drugs, gambling and lust. You know,
don't need it, don't want it. I hit so hard, bro,

(01:06:38):
I hit so hard that I always tell people I
have nothing. Nothing scares me. Yeah, I am terrified that
this ever happened again.

Speaker 1 (01:06:49):
No, I mean, it's another thing. It's it's cliche as well,
but it's like, you know, a lot of people, man
like they don't they don't make a true change and
pivot in life until you know, they hit rock bottom
and a lot of it. It's it's crazy. And you know,
Chew he actually knows some of this. I think I've
shared it with you a little bit is I. I

(01:07:13):
grew up in a house where my father was an addict.
My grandfather was an addict. My my grandpa, for example,
how he died. He he's like on his birthday, he
drank whiskey until he burnt three holes in his esophagus.
He burnt so he drank so much whiskey over so
many years, he literally just internally bled to death. My

(01:07:35):
dad walks in, My dad walks in. He's laying there
in a puddle of blood.

Speaker 5 (01:07:39):
Damn.

Speaker 1 (01:07:40):
And even my dad seeing his dad die like that.
My dad almost died like three times, like and it
probably wasn't until his last scare where he was he was,
he was on meth, he did, he did a ton
of myth and it wasn't until his very last time

(01:08:02):
where they were like listen, dude, like you're a cat.
I don't know what the hell is going on. You
got fucking nine lives. I'm not really sure what's going
on here. But every single time you're getting closer and closer,
like we don't even know how you're still here. Like
the one time they brought it. Yeah, he still is beautiful,
and you know they they brought him in. He had

(01:08:25):
fucking no pulsepro fucking no heartbeat. They literally his his
blood alcohol. The meth took over his fucking It was
like the amount of meth amphetamine in his system was
like he's just it's it's fucking nuts. But it was like,
I guess what I'm getting at is as much as
it sucks you, you got to that point and that

(01:08:46):
absolute fucking rock bottom. I'm telling you, like this, this
closes a massive chapter in your life that you probably
truly needed. And and I think it's like, you know,
just as we talked about doing this podcast episode, is
not not only having stuff like that happen open your eyes,

(01:09:06):
but another part of healing and moving forward is because
after you have shit like that happened, you obviously still
hold stuff internally, Like we're humans, Like what do we
do all day? Especially like you're your tattoo artist. If
you don't have a conversation with your client, what do
you do? You you're thinking, you're tattooing.

Speaker 2 (01:09:25):
And what do you do?

Speaker 1 (01:09:25):
You you think and you're replaying things in your head,
and yeah, you might be vibing to some music, but
us as humans, like I always tell people, your mind's
your biggest enemy. You know a lot of people think
a person or you know, it's it's you verse you,
me verse me and your your truly mind is is
your is that fucking enemy?

Speaker 5 (01:09:46):
Man?

Speaker 1 (01:09:48):
And I think until you know, I feel Phase one
for you was like having something crazy like this really happened,
where like you came to like reality and you're like, damn,
like all these people were out of my life now
in front of me, and it's like Christmas morning, Like
what a fucking gift, right, you know, like Christmas will
never like you'll never probably look at Christmas the same

(01:10:08):
because your best gift was given to you last year.

Speaker 3 (01:10:11):
It was given it was given to me, Yeah, for sure,
And you guys are part of that gift.

Speaker 5 (01:10:16):
You know.

Speaker 3 (01:10:17):
For sure, you guys are definitely a part of that
gift for me being able to do this, So thank you, yeah,
of course, of course. And yeah, just so many people,
so many people around me, their gifts, even the randos
were that I don't even know their names, somehow they
contributed to my wellness. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:10:35):
I was gonna say, like it's kind of if you know,
just over this period we've been chatting, like, you know,
you had the guy that like drove you to Vegas.
You know that that got you there when you absolutely
needed sleep, You needed to get back to work. You
obviously were in no condition to drive, like you're having anxiety,
panic attacks, whatever the hell you were, you know, withdrawals
or high as a fucking kite, whatever, and then some

(01:10:57):
random in a hotel room.

Speaker 3 (01:10:59):
So so so before the panic attack, I was falling asleep.
It's another falling asleep story because I'm high, but I'm
going to last time the opposite direction. And uh now
now it's this is the beginning of my rock, you know,
like this is where I hit the bottom. So this
is the same day from when I was in that

(01:11:19):
other hotel having a panic attack earlier, like maybe like
an hour or two hours before that. I ended up
in San Berardino, and I drive like I drive pretty wild,
And I went into this isolated parking lot and I
went in and there was a car right next to
me and a dude standing outside talking to his girl.

(01:11:40):
And as soon as he pulled up, I pulled up. He's,
you know, had these shaved head tatted. He was gang
bagging for sure. As soon as and it was some
shitty motel that he was in and as soon as
I pulled in, I jump out the car. I see him.
What you don't know who I am? Yeah, I get it.
So I'm like, hey, I'm good, and he was like,
what are you doing. I'm literally trying to find somebody

(01:12:02):
to buy a fucking bag from because I can't make
it home without try, almost falling asleep. So I'm talking
to him and he's like, what do you do? What
are you doing here? I said, I told you, dog,
I've almost fell asleep and I just stopped up the
next exit and this is where I'm at. He's probably

(01:12:24):
thinking I'm from another gang or something. He said, what
do you do? And uh? I said, as a matter
of fact, I was all excited to show my attattoo artist,
you know, show my phone. I'm looking. He's like, and
he looks at it. He looks at my fucking phone
and he's like what the fuck? He throws he slapped

(01:12:45):
my phone back to my chair. Boom. He said, what
the fuck are you doing here? To get the fuck
off the streets. Nobody talks to me like that, you know,
like like that's how that's my ego and that's where
my shoulders went down. I was like, what you know,
so consciously, I guess, but I'm still high. Consciously, I guess,
I'm like, well, I'm not thinking to myself what am

(01:13:06):
I doing here? Yeah, it's like the man never seen
talent in his life. And and if he had, if
he caught that break, that one break, he would fly
his way out of the hood. But I had that, Yeah,
and he was genuinely angry at me yea for being there.

Speaker 1 (01:13:25):
Yeah, and once once again that just that that's another
like third party person that you have no idea that
it was, like, Bro, you got some fucking angels. Fine,
but he will help.

Speaker 3 (01:13:36):
Me, and he more than he fucking knows, you know,
like I don't know who this man is like for real,
you know, I keep in contact with him, but I
just want him to know that he was able to
do something nice. And so if I for someone, even

(01:13:56):
if he didn't try something that Joey told me. Oh
and it's funny because I'm driving and Joey says, Merry Christmas,
be kind to Mark today. Don't forget to be kind
to Mark. And I said, whoa, And that ship held
me held on too. So I just want that dude
to know. I know he goes through his thing. Don't forget,

(01:14:19):
don't forget to be kind to yourself. You helped me
be happy about that. That's that's something that's something positive.
Rather than thinking about what's happening in your environment right now,
you know, you help somebody. And this just changed. It's
just just changed my whole ship. It changed my whole
game and changed my whole perspective. It helped me hit
the ground fast and I needed that. The way he

(01:14:41):
told me pretty much shoved me on the floor, yep,
you know, and it just held me there.

Speaker 1 (01:14:48):
And it was the most like simple thing, like like
what the fuck are you doing here? Yeah, it was
like it was almost genuine confused. It was like it
was like it was almost like he was like it
was like a slap in the face, like you I
have a talent and here you are out here acting
and doing this, Like what the fuck's wrong with you?

Speaker 5 (01:15:05):
Bro?

Speaker 1 (01:15:06):
Get the fuck out of here, dude.

Speaker 3 (01:15:07):
It was like it was like his intentions may not
have been that. It's kind of like the Kendrick not
like us. He didn't go that hard, but it affected
so the effect was so big. Yeah, you know, and
he I I hope this I hope the best for
this man, you know, and thank you to this man.

(01:15:29):
There was everybody along the way too.

Speaker 1 (01:15:31):
Yeah, And I think, you know, obviously you're on a
entire new chapter. I feel, a journey of your life
from here forward. I would like to talk a little
bit about, you know, from the point of Christmas until
obviously now, so it's been a couple of months. But
the one thing I just want to say, I know,
when we talked about this podcast, we were referencing the

(01:15:51):
Shyla buff episode, and one thing he said at the
beginning of that podcast that really stuck out to me.
And I think this is something that you know, you
can really relate to, and I think this is part
of something that you should think about going forward. Is
he says, I want to give guys who fuck up hope.

Speaker 3 (01:16:09):
M I do remember that.

Speaker 1 (01:16:12):
And that was one of the first things he said
at the beginning of the podcast. Because you know, I
watched the full thing, it was like almost two hours.
It's honestly very similar length to what this is going
to probably be. But he he really just you know,
talks about the the ups and downs of you know,
his you know, career and you know, relationships and just
the person that he became and not became and all

(01:16:33):
these kind of different things. But I think it is
man like whether and I think social media has created
this this kind of perspective that like everyone's life is
just great. Every you know, you know everybody, you know,
everybody looks good, has dope photos, you know, does you know,

(01:16:54):
does cool things, goes on vacations, uh, you know, shops
at you know, nice stores, and you know pop spottles,
and and fucking goes to strip clubs, you know, and
has a gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, and and
cash you know. But I there there's this, there's this
whole other side, man is there's there's people out there

(01:17:16):
that need to hear ship you know, like this, and
they need to hear that you know, hey, you're not
the only one, you know, struggling. And I always tell
people it's like, you know, we all have our demons.
Whether or not we show those demons, that's up to
us as a person. But all of us have internal
battles that we deal with.

Speaker 7 (01:17:33):
So yeah, but.

Speaker 4 (01:17:35):
What would you say to somebody that's, you know, is
maybe at the rock bottom, but they don't maybe want
to accept it or really realize that they're there. Like,
if someone's standing reight in front of them that came.

Speaker 3 (01:17:45):
I would tell them to fail as fast as you can,
fail as as fast as you can. Once you fail,
you either stay there you go up. But if you're
still stagnant, that means you got wiggle room. Yeap, that
means you have did that. I'll buy more time to
fuck up. And the thing is, you're going down this escalator,
going downhill, and you're pulling people in with you, right,

(01:18:07):
and this escalator escalator of hell, and you're pulling people
in with you and ship and what you're what you're
doing is what you may not know that you're doing,
is you're bringing permanent damage to these people that don't
deserve it.

Speaker 1 (01:18:18):
An escalator is such an interesting way because if you
think about it, like let's say you're going down an escalator,
you're trying to run up, like you can only run
up so far until eventually you're just gonna keep going
down and down and down and down.

Speaker 3 (01:18:30):
So yeah, that's moving fast too, going fast?

Speaker 5 (01:18:33):
Yeah, yeah, Smark.

Speaker 2 (01:18:35):
Bro, It's been an absolute pleasure to meet you.

Speaker 5 (01:18:36):
Bro.

Speaker 2 (01:18:37):
I'm I'm excited to see you. Know everything moving forward, Bro,
number one.

Speaker 4 (01:18:41):
I'm excited to get a tattooed bout you, but to
just seeing the progression of you and how.

Speaker 2 (01:18:46):
Do you said you're your thirty seven?

Speaker 4 (01:18:47):
Well you have so much life love, thank you, thank you,
thank you, and uh just keeping that like you know,
just the accountability to your goals, bro, Like I mean,
the talent that you have was is just taking you
so because remove the town talent from.

Speaker 2 (01:19:00):
What you have and go through your whole life. Bro,
I don't think you would be sitting here, you know damn.

Speaker 4 (01:19:06):
So it's like that that right there just speaks volume
how much further they can take you, bro. And you
know that's another angel that God gave you.

Speaker 5 (01:19:13):
Bro.

Speaker 2 (01:19:14):
You know I'm gonna let you. I'm gonna give you
the the art trait.

Speaker 3 (01:19:19):
Yeah you know, yeah, damn thank you. I needed to
hear that. Take the talent away and live the rest
of your life. That's that's that's yeah, that's that's ye.
That holds that holds on type for sure.

Speaker 2 (01:19:32):
Yeah. We appreciate you, brother, Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (01:19:34):
I appreciate you guys.

Speaker 2 (01:19:35):
Guys on the next one, see you the next one.
Fa

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