January 10, 2024 • 36 mins
From battling the chains of addiction to pioneering Sober Caddy Creative Agency, Jay Staples' journey is nothing short of inspiring. Join me as we uncover the raw and transformative story behind Jay's rise to authenticity and the profound role that sobriety has played in his personal and professional evolution. This episode is a candid exploration of what it means to be authentic and live and create with genuine purpose.
Do you know the true value of aligning your goals with your authentic self? We talk about the shift from rigid expectations to embracing what genuinely resonates with our lifestyles. We'll also tackle the high-stakes world of entrepreneurship, unearthing the critical importance of conducting an authenticity audit in our careers and the lessons learned from the leap of faith into the realm of business ownership.
As we draw the curtains on this compelling episode, We discuss the emotional tide of navigating layoffs and the unexpected growth that emerges from facing fear with an open heart. It's a testament to the strength found in vulnerability and the deeper connections forged in the face of adversity. Jay Staples' story serves as a beacon, urging us all to embrace our inner dreamer and step boldly toward an extraordinary life. Stay tuned for our next journey into the lives of those who dare to live authentically.
These are our friends. These are your friends. AND they are living the extraordinary.
For a transcript of this episode, go to www.behindthedreamers.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jennifer (00:24):
Welcome to another episode of Behind the Dreamers.
I'm your host, JenniferLoehding, and we are talking to
the achievers, the creators, themagic makers and the dreamers.
These are our friends, theseare your friends, and they are
living the extraordinary Well.
As I always say, I'm excitedabout my guests today.
I'm always excited about myguests today because I get to
talk to amazing people.
Anyways, a little bit ofinformation about him.
(00:44):
He has led campaigns forFortune 500 companies and
provided individual guidance toathletes, executives and various
individuals.
What sets him apart is hisopenness about his journey
through addiction and recovery,a unique quality he willingly
shares with anyone who listens.
He firmly believes thattransparency about transparency
about personal struggles breaksdown barriers that often hinder
(01:07):
people from seeking help.
Devoting his life to sobriety,he's committed to assisting
individuals and companies inreaching their authentic goals,
so I'm excited to chat with himtoday.
I think you guys are going tobe in for a real treat.
But before I officially welcomehim, I do need to make a few
quick announcements.
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Jennifer (03:07):
What's the talk about?
Yeah, all right, so we're goingto talk to Jay today.
I'm so excited.
Jay Staples is the owner andCEO of Sober Caddy Creative
Agency.
With a prosperous careerspanning advertising and mental
health substance abuseindustries, jay has consistently
carved out a niche byharnessing creativity wherever
he goes.
Notably, he's the mastermindbehind the authentically sober
(03:30):
coaching platform, employingcreativity and humor to guide
individuals in discovering theirauthentic principles.
So welcome to the show, jay.
I'm excited to chat with you.
So tell us a little bit aboutwhat you got going on right now.
I love what you're doing, butour audience is going to want to
know what this is.
Jay (03:47):
I just I started a firm called Sober Caddy Creative
Agency about eight or nine yearsago.
I think I'm getting all kinds ofcrud that we need to establish
when we actually open our doorsfor business.
But in the last four or fiveyears we've kind of really taken
off working directly withathletes in the collegiate space
(04:08):
and in the professional spaceand also executives.
I have a creative backgroundand advertising background.
My dad had a small ad agencygrowing up and then I've always
kind of bounced around from, youknow, passion to purpose to all
kinds of stuff, playing golf,wanting to do golf
professionally, to advertisingto you know I sold things door
(04:32):
to door.
But just in the last four orfive years Sober Cady Creative
Agency has kind of gotten on themap and I'm grateful and
humbled by that.
But I think it's we still staytrue to our one-on-one.
We work directly with that,with individuals and companies,
and I really want them to.
I never want us to feel kind ofa big time agency feel.
(04:52):
I always want, I always want tohave a small time agency feel
and I think we still are, I meanin the grand scheme of things,
kind of a small agency and Ilove that and love the staff,
love everything.
They get all the credit.
I'm kind of the out in theforefront doing presentations
and kind of.
You know got to be known forjust listening and kind of
(05:16):
asking questions and people.
Thankfully the phone keepsringing, so I'm going to keep
listening and learning moreabout people because I get
fascinated.
In the last two years I'd saythree years just became overly
fascinated by how, you know,people make thoughts and their
thought.
You know how to change thoughtsand habits.
And you know I'd look back onsome of my life and see, like
(05:39):
why I made certain decisions,sometimes really, really bad I
was.
You know I started, you know,abusing drugs and alcohol at
when I was 17, 18 years old.
That lasted until like 31.
And so in the heart ofaddiction, you know I still I
kind of wanted to dissectcertain just you know thought
processes, certain habits,certain why did I do what I did?
(06:01):
And you know what did drugs andalcohol and the other things
kind of give my life that I wasso in need of or desperate for.
And then you take drugs andalcohol out of my life and you
know I kind of had this climb,like my professional, personal,
every, every department of lifehas gone way up since getting
sober and that normally isreally good for people.
(06:24):
But I just, for some reason, Ijust wanted to say like, because
people kept saying, like I havefamilies, like how did you get
sober, how did you do what youdo and how did you get to be
where you're at?
And I was on a stage orpresentation and you know, some
college age woman asked like youknow how, how did you get to
(06:45):
the spot you're on?
And I was kind of Taking backthat I didn't know how to answer
that question and so I decidedI walked off that stage and I
called up my assistant, anyonethat wanted to listen and I said
I really want to get a grasp onwhat got me here in my thoughts
and my habits and everything.
So, and lo and behold, it's.
(07:06):
It's become what people kind ofknow us for.
So taking look into, tappinginto your authentic self, your
habits and your thought changesis really what our core
principles are.
Coaching firm kind of, is basedon.
Jennifer (07:19):
I love that well, and I think that's a lot of what I
kind of do.
I think you know I just touchon so many things here.
You're talking about yourjourney and I think you know we
talk about people's journeyslike this.
When you have these journeyswhere you've overcome something
and then you get on the otherside and somebody says to you
like how did you do that?
Like it's, it's really like itcould be a business you're
building or what if they look atthat, the end result, right,
and they say, okay, so how didyou get there?
(07:40):
Right, and then we have tobackpedal and go, okay, what
were the steps that I took toget from here to here, to here
to here?
So thank you for touching up onthat, because I think that's
important and I the episode thatI did a recorded before this.
We kind of touched upon thatsame thing of recognizing the
journey that we went through toget to where we are.
But I also like that you'retalking about this whole
authenticity thing and I thinkthat that's because I think
(08:03):
that's a great thing and I thinkwhen you go through something
hard, you have the ability to Beraw and authentic about your
journey and I think people kindof appreciate that you know what
I mean when they see that it'slike the real thing.
If you're going to be authenticabout this and up forward, then
they are Going to somehowtranslate that into hopefully
that's what you're going to dowith me in business.
You're going to be authenticand real in business.
Jay (08:25):
Yeah, well, I think it goes back to kind of authentic
communication and authenticleadership, and you can kind of
put it that authentic into youknow in front of a lot of things
and that's what I love to doand you know.
So when, when I really wantedto learn how to communicate
better to you know internalstaff, to clients, to
presentation, to whatever it maybe stop saying I'm in like so
(08:48):
much which I still fail-Sometimes, and I kick myself
every time.
but you know, I found acommunication.
I knew you can't reallycommunicate authentically if
you're not, if you're going towithhold something from from
within that communication.
And yeah, I think, yeah, I'veheard a lot of times people are,
you know, thank me, and I was,you know, appreciate how open I
(09:12):
am, and you know some peoplewill sit down with me and you
know one of our other cliniciansor coaches here and, yeah, I
want them to know, like, this isnot us looking down on, you
know, and it's more, let'scommunicate authentically, let's
find out who you, authentically, are meant to be.
And I've made mistakes andYou're going to make mistakes,
(09:33):
and so I want to have that kindof authentic communication where
it's the in the sense that like, hey, let's get vulnerable
enough, like here, I've notsucceeded in every aspect of my
life.
I'm, you know, whatever it maybe, and so you know that that's
to me is is is really big withyou know, just kind of.
I think too many people set outfor a goal and they, they try
(10:00):
to, they commit to working outevery day or whatever that goal
is, and then they think thatthat goal is going to lead them
to being a certain person theykind of envision their mind.
What I always what I do is Iflip that around, like I start
out with who you authenticallywant to be like.
Who do you want to be like?
Let's, let's, let's, substitute.
Let's not what your mom and dadwant you to be, or or what your
(10:23):
coach wants you to be, or whatthe fans want you to be,
whatever it may be.
Let's find out what to youauthentically are.
Let's find out those habitsthat are aligned with your
authentic person that you wantto come be, and outcomes in the
goals, and all these things willtake care of itself.
So I think it's.
I think habits and thoughtprocess, and you know what I
(10:44):
call kind of systems, and Jamesqueer, who, who I love talking
about habits, talks about thesystems like the, the under
underwater portion of theiceberg.
Jennifer (10:54):
Everyone just sees kind of the goals or so, but no,
I think this is good and I likethat.
You're talking aboutauthenticity and putting it all
out there and you know I'mworking with your people and
leadership, I think is soimportant.
I think you and I are kind ofsimilar in how we're looking a
little bit on how we're lookingat working with people because,
funny enough, the episode I didbefore this we talked about
Exercise was one of the thingsthat we talked about, because
(11:15):
people they get so hung up onthis goal, right, like like you
were saying, they have a goaland then they put metrics around
the goal, right.
So let's take exercise, forexample.
They say I'm going to exerciseand I'll keep in mind that
exercise for me is a no brainer.
I've done it for years.
I do it every day.
If I don't, I told this person Ihave to make a conscious
decision to say I'm not going toexercise today, that I want to
rest because I just do it.
(11:36):
But let's say somebody doesn'twrite and they go and they set
this goal and then they decidewhat do they do?
They're like I'm going toexercise every day, I'm going to
go to gym every day, I'm goingto go three times this week and
I'm going to two hours they putthese unrealistic metrics On
these goals, rather than sayingI would like this to be a
lifestyle change that I wouldlike to do.
Maybe they do that.
But to observe, to really takethat in and say I'd like that to
(11:58):
be part of who I am as anindividual, so help me create
that.
And that I even went so far tosay sometimes you have to change
the metrics.
So if you absolutely despisegoing to the gym, don't go to
the gym.
Go, do something else you liketo do.
Go walk the dog, join akickball team, I don't know.
Go bowling, do something thathas physical activity, so that
(12:19):
you can change the way you'relooking at the exercise and now
maybe in grain this into yourlife where you're not fighting
it so much.
Thank you so much, right.
Jay (12:27):
Yeah yeah.
That person that doesn't likethe gym or working out, just
call him Jay.
I mean, that's me in theheartbeat.
I mean because I always joke.
Like you know, gyms make mebreak out in a sweat.
I mean, I don't like it.
So but I love what you said,that.
I love what you had to saybecause, like, I went through
this whole thing and so Icommitted to, I found out what
(12:48):
I'm, you know, really trulywilling to do, and one of it was
I started off as a five minutewalk.
I was going to go outside myoffice or outside my house or
something, take a five minutewalk and that's kind of involved
to a 45 minute walk, which Itruly look forward to each and
every day, because there's a lotof things that I do.
I've learned through habits andthoughts that you know I can do
(13:12):
in that 45 minute walk where Idon't even bring my phone
anymore and I cut off and startthinking about, you know, days
and kind of refresh, you know,through the mind.
But you know that to me is theclosest thing that I will do to
exercise on a day basis andyou're talking to a guy that's
probably went through 12different personal trainers in
(13:32):
his life is probably I may stillhave a gym membership that I'm
just refusing to.
You know who knows?
But you know, because I get,you know, I say, as long as I
have the gym membership, thenthat I can always.
You know I'm a gym guy, so Ialways delayed canceling it and,
you know, one night I found areal nice one where they had a
(13:52):
juice bar and kind of smoothiein a basketball court, which I
really loved.
Jennifer (13:56):
So I'm there.
Jay (13:57):
So and I kept that on as kind of a club.
I looked at it as like a socialclub instead of you know, but
when I, you know, that's kind ofjust touching with you know
what we talked about.
Often you know, authenticallyis.
You know, I found out who Ireally wanted to be, what I was
willing to do authentically, anddidn't make these observant.
You know goals that I need tolift, like 225 or dead lift or
(14:20):
whatever they say, or I'm notgoing to work out, I'm not going
to do stair.
Look, you know, I've looked atPelotons and all this online,
this mirror thing that talks badto you or something that I've
looked at all those and tried,but I just I'm going to stick to
my 45 minute walk each andevery day and that's what I'm
willing to do.
And I think the most importantthing that people need to
realize is find out what youreally truly willing to do and
(14:45):
cause.
Like anytime you, anytime youcreate a habit, anytime you
reach for an outcome or a goal.
Like you know, I spent most ofmy life throwing out these high
goals or outcomes.
Or I want to be here.
I want to be.
You know I wasn't willing to dothe work or anything close to
like it's.
I want to climb Mount Everest.
(15:05):
I'm going to do it that weekendwith no preparation, and so
that's kind of how I lived mylife, and I think a lot more
people are doing when I'mlooking at how we go through
life is everybody wants to do,everyone wants to be, everyone
wants to think, whatever it maybe, but what are you willing to
do to get to that goal?
And so sometimes we get kind ofhell bent on a certain goal, or
(15:29):
we got to do this, or you lookat the I want a certain business
card to say this, or I want theyacht or the car, or you know,
in these goals kind of just a,they dilute your kind of journey
and you're also pretty much,you know, almost guaranteed to
be missing a lot along thatjourney because you're only
looking at one particular thing.
You could have moreopportunities and more kind of
(15:53):
gains just because you'refocused on that.
You're missing out on so much.
So I do, I appreciate thejourney and you know, I always
say like embrace and expand eachmoment, like build each moment
with as much as you possibly can, doing whatever you can and
staying in that moment and notworrying about the past or the
future and just kind of jampacking each moment that we have
(16:15):
.
So I really want to enjoy thejourney and I could have these
goals or the vision board and Ido all that as well, but I'm
also, I also tell myself theseare things right now, in this
moment that I that I may wantthat that could change in that
moment.
So let's not go all in on thesethings on the vision board.
(16:36):
Let's be open.
And so that's why I just kind ofyou know what I was saying like
if you put in the work, if you,if you change your thoughts, if
you change your habits andyou're doing the things that
most people don't see on a dayto day basis, they just see you
success or what you're doing orwhat you're driving or what
you're saying or whatever.
But if you put a great systemsin with habits and thoughts and
(16:59):
you know meditating and gettingin touch with yourself and just
living you and not playingcharacters, you're going to
reach a lot of these outcomesand goals without even trying,
because you know you look atanyone like you can, I can, I
can take a look at someone andget to know how they, you know
what their daily schedule is andwhat their daily habits are,
and I can pretty much almostguaranteed kind of knock out who
(17:24):
the.
You know who they are, whatthey do and how successful they
are because just by looking attheir day to day schedule and
their daily habits.
Jennifer (17:31):
Yeah, it's funny that you say that, because I always
say you know how you do.
One thing is how you do allthings.
And so if you look at people'spersonal habits, like you're
saying, it doesn't necessarilymean that everything's bad.
But I always say what you'redoing, whatever you're doing in
your personal, you're probablypulling some of that into your
work as well.
And if you listen to people andyou kind of hit the nail on the
(17:53):
head by looking at people'shabits and saying I can kind of
figure out who's successful ornot and I hate to say that I do
that too I look at people'shabits and I say, well, if
they're having a lot of areasover here where they're
struggling with discipline, theyprobably got a lot of
discipline struggles over hereas well.
And so the good news aboutdiscipline is we can all learn
it right.
You don't have to be born withit.
You can learn to be disciplined.
(18:13):
I mean, we could.
That's that's through ourhabits and the work that we do.
And so you touched upon a lotof really good things, but I
think the overarching messagehere is really about the
authenticity right, defining whoyou are as an authentic person
and tailoring these goals andyour activities and habits
really around what you want tobe as a human being.
That's what I'm hearing fromyou.
If I were to sum that all upyeah.
Jay (18:34):
I mean it's it's, it's our cornerstone, it's everything.
You know our consultations arefirst kind of questionnaires.
They're everything is basedaround kind of an authenticity
audit, what we call um, where wekind of just audit you know
what's led you to this point,what you want to be, and you
know we there's so manydifferent answers, like so many
people, like you know you havepeople like my mom and dad.
(18:56):
Always, you know, from a youngage I remember telling them that
I'm going to be a doctor.
Or you know I'm talking withwith athletes and you know they
they struggle with, you know,the finding their authentic self
, like off the field.
Or you know, like they have tobe a certain brand because of
the endorsement deals or thefans, or you know, whatever it
may be.
(19:16):
And so you know some of these,the mean green, you know, like
toughest linebackers that I seeon Sunday morning, like uh, I'll
sit down with and they're thebiggest, sweetest person and
they're almost like don't tellanyone.
Like you know, because theykind of have this uh playing of
a character, like they're thismean, tough, the face black, and
you know, and so I get it.
(19:36):
There's your job and I thinkthat you know everyone says like
I don't want to start talkingabout my thoughts because that's
going to make me soft or changethe athlete that I am.
And I'm just like hey, likethat's not, not even close.
You do a job, everyone has ajob, and that's what they're
really good at.
And I want to say you'reauthentically meant to be an
athlete, you know, let's justtalk about your personal life,
(19:58):
like, oh, that's not.
You know they're going into thethird marriage or they're
struggling with anything likethat, and so like, if we can
find balance, because it's somany things, everyone, everyone
it doesn't have to be an athlete.
That you know, we all playeddifferent characters and
sometimes it was ingrained by us.
I'm not saying mom and dad waswrong by any means, but you know
(20:19):
like you're going to be thisand you're going to be that, and
I mean, and we're just youngkids, and so you know, I've
always had, I don't think, mymom and dad.
They think they purposely kindof pushed me and my two brothers
into like find, whoever you are, like that.
I think they did a really goodjob.
But I delusionally made up thatmy dad said I needed to get
into advertising or I needed todo this, or my mom wants me to,
(20:42):
you know, be a minister orwhatever it may be.
They've never said it, I justdelusionally.
And so you know, through thisauthenticity audit that we do,
like we find out what thosedelusion things, what we said to
ourselves along the way, whatwe're continually delusionally
telling ourselves, what'slegitimate about it, and we kind
of have this process where wefind out what you truly
(21:04):
authentically are.
And so you know, it'sinteresting to have some grown
people kind of realize, like Idon't know how I became so
successful, like I don't evenenjoy doing what I'm doing for
one minute of the day, like assoon as I'm able to clock out.
But they're just saying, like Igot a family, I'm successful,
I'm used to this certainlifestyle, and you're like Jay,
(21:26):
I'm unwilling to change.
And I was like, well, everyonethinks that what we're doing is
going to try to changeeverything.
All I really want to do ischange your habits and change
your thought process on how yousee things.
And there's some reallyauthentic principles and values
that you can take to yourcurrent job, even if you enjoy
it, to try to turn that kind ofthought process.
(21:48):
And you know, if you're, ifyou're dreading, going to work
each and every day.
I think you have two options.
You can.
You can change how you viewthings and what you're telling
yourself subconsciously tochange that.
Or you need to kind of find anew job or something.
But don't, don't.
I mean, I think too many peoplewant to make these rash
decisions and then like what,what do I do now?
(22:10):
And it's like, well, a gooddecision would have been stay
where you're at and then havethese conversations and then get
changed.
Ad (22:17):
But you know I get.
Jay (22:18):
I get the people that have just quit my job after 25 years
like I'm trying to find out whoI am and it's like okay, yeah,
yeah.
Jennifer (22:28):
Yeah.
Jay (22:28):
So it's, I think, people.
You know, that's all I reallywant.
I think the social media,everything, every aspect of our
life is the kind of pushing usinto playing characters or
pushing us into similar beliefs.
So that's why I'm so passionateabout being authentic.
And you know, we were born inoriginal.
My mom always would say and Iheard it through you know, like
(22:50):
you're born in original, godmade you original, like you know
.
You know, don't die.
No-transcript A copy or don'tdon't die.
Jennifer (23:00):
Yeah exactly, exactly.
No, this is good, j, and I cansense that and see that and I
think that you know we I hopethat most of us try to be
authentic right about we do.
I feel like I try to beauthentic about the way I
Operate my show and the peoplethat I bring on and kind of the
messaging that I'm sending.
And it's funny because most ofmy I get you know coaches come
in here and I always vet thembecause I want to know where
(23:22):
they're coming from, because Idon't think we all Think the
same way and I get it that we'renot all gonna be like every you
know things gonna be in sync,but I look for Authentic people
and people that are justconscientious, that are, that
pay attention about what they'redoing, the messages that they
spread out and how they'reaffecting people around them,
because I think that's huge,especially in position where we
are.
We're actually working withpeople and hopefully influencing
(23:42):
, having some impact, influenceover them.
You know this is good.
I would love to know because Iknow, you know, biggest
challenge for you was obviously,you know, getting into sobriety
.
That's your trip, personaljourney, and a lot of us have
these crazy journeys andthankfully you're on the other
side of that Can tell peopleabout that, but I would love to
know, for our audience justmaybe, one of the struggles that
you had in really trying to getthis you know business up
(24:06):
informed, like was theresomething that sticks out in
your mind that you had toovercome.
Jay (24:09):
Oh, I mean fear and it's purest form when, he you know,
like I, still, like you know, Ijoke with people like I miss
having the paycheck at each andevery you know two weeks.
Like I, I miss the insurance, Imiss the.
You know, whatever it may be,and when you're the, you're the
(24:29):
man and people, everything'scoming like it's.
You know, there was a long,long time.
Don't make, I mean there's.
I made probably every mistakethat kind of a young businessman
you know made like we, you knowwe were struggling and then we,
you know, got a lot of successand then that came with like,
well, we need a bigger officeand we need more more space.
(24:52):
Yes, yeah, and then I'm walkinginto an office and like people
are like, are you Jay?
And I'm like, yeah, like whoare you?
I mean, I started last Mondayand I'm just like you know, and
I walked around like, why are wehiring people?
Like and, and then we hit awall and you know, I had to get
vulnerable enough and callEveryone that I could think of.
Like my dad has always been myfirst call and you know, we kind
(25:15):
of talked through kind of youknow, just shifts and he's been
there with you know, never askedquestions.
He's kind of just let me talk.
You know, gives me his adviceand you know, and it's I learned
everything.
And so some of the challengesthat I have is just, you know,
with Dealing with fear basicallyand how I get creative.
You know, because fearabsolutely paralyzes me.
(25:36):
When I, when I truly want to beauthentic with anyone, like I'm
not like fear Paralyzed me, Ijust kind of tense up and I just
, yeah, and you see it withsometimes with me, just send in
my day-to-day life, like, andsometimes I'm just open, or it's
like, oh god, I just hadDelusional fear and I just kind
of stopped.
So when I got creative enoughand I'm open enough and you know
(26:00):
, I got a tremendous staff andwe had to do a massive kind of
layoff, like 20 people orWhatever it may be, and and that
was the worst day of my life,and because I just took it all
personal and it was all my faultand if we could have brought
more business in, and you know.
But I'll tell you one thingthat you know so many people
said like well, just havesomeone else you know kind of
(26:23):
you know lay them off or fire onwhatever you want to say.
But you know, like I, I got alot of good advice and and and
if we're talking about beingauthentic, when we're talking
about being vulnerable, like itwould have been really kind of
Off-character for me to be like,well, just do it Friday, I'm
not gonna come in and just, youknow, fire everybody.
And so I just I broughteveryone in together and like
(26:46):
the whole staff, and broughtpeople from out of town off the
road Sometimes, and we sat down,we had an open dialogue and and
I was as authentic as Ipossibly could.
I, you know, this was adecision that I tried every
which way, and I tried cuttingmy own Salary, I tried cutting
other people's salaries and Ijust I can't do it and we're
(27:07):
gonna be overhead.
And so Everyone was in the room.
I looked at and I let peopleknow, like you know, there's,
there's, everyone has anenvelope.
You can either open it now infront of others, or you can do
it while in private.
But I just I couldn't think ofany other way to do it other
than then.
Like I just want to let peopleknow like we got too big and
(27:29):
that was my mistake and and justgot really vulnerable and
authentic.
And you know, some people openup in their envelope, you know,
and it had kind of a, you knowit just basically said like
either a thank-you letter forall your service or you know,
like thank you for, you know,trusting us and and so the
(27:50):
letters everyone looked the same.
But you know like it was thetoughest cuz I knew and I cried
and it was the toughestconversation I've ever had in my
entire life and sobriety hasbeen great and that's been tough
too.
But you know there's there'sthere's rarely a night that I
can't, that I can think of, likein my active addiction when it
(28:11):
got really, really bad.
But the night before knowinggoing into the office when
everyone was coming in for thatI didn't sleep.
I just I mean, I literallycould not sit still like I.
That was the toughest time.
So you know, when you talkabout the most challenging, it's
you know the decisions that youmake and then being constantly
reminded like every decision Imake, like let's hope it doesn't
(28:35):
come back to that like I, mymind instantly goes back to that
.
Like being in front of thewhole staff and and knowing half
of them are being being let go,so yeah, that's hard.
Jennifer (28:46):
That's hard.
I could see that.
Yeah, well, and thank you forsharing that, because I think
that's what's great about whatwe talk on here.
So we like to keep it real andyou know that, hey, even though
you're successful in area, thereare things we have to overcome
within the business.
And it's really good, because Italked to somebody that there a
day on a different show.
We were talking about what youknow what, whether you decide to
move somebody to anotherposition or you let them go and
(29:07):
he mentioned the part where theyshould it shouldn't be a
surprise, like it shouldn't beyou just walk in and you, you
know, and they get a call or youknow, like a text message.
They should already kind ofknow, and I think you kind of
talked about that, just reallyhaving an authentic Conversation
like, hey, this is where we areand, being honest, you know, I
think it's good.
I want to ask you I got twomore questions.
I want to ask you real quickand I know we're pressing on
(29:28):
time, but I want to get theseand I'd love to know what you've
learned about yourself in thisjourney.
Jay (29:34):
Oh, you know what you, you're, you're good.
These are good questions, Imean, I mean I just I think I,
through this whole journey andeven just our conversations
today, I mean this is what makeslife so valuable and why I'm so
humbled and grateful for it.
I mean I think that I wouldlove to tell people like that I
fully understand who I am andwhere I've been and what makes
(29:57):
me amazing and what myweaknesses are, and I continue
to do that.
But I keep, you know, learningmore and more about myself, each
and every communication, eachand time we sit down, learning
how other people deal with it,going through the mistakes,
talking about the mistakes I'vemade.
So you know, I just know thatI'm grateful and humbled.
(30:18):
Or the two leading things youknow, god and I, you know, as
kind of a living amends to allthe stuff that I put my mom and
dad through, like I'm reallyhappy to be active in their
lives and checking in with themon a regular basis and kind of
living the way that that makesthem the most proud and and
(30:39):
authentically, like I'm notgoing to find what they want me
to be or what want me to say isyou know, uncle Fun with I got
four nephews and a niece and andthe fact that they FaceTiming
nonstop and you know they'd lookforward to it, probably because
I spoil them way over the top.
But you know it's.
It's those things that I don't.
(31:00):
I don't take when I go walkinto my office or when I have
all this, like it's really easyfor people to be like, oh my God
, this office is beautiful andhow many people do you have
working for you?
And like I sometimes have tothink about that because I've
made a commitment to concentrateon being a great uncle, being a
great, you know, friend,brother, son, employer and just
(31:26):
someone that's basically in thefellowship and and active and
always going to be open withwith my struggles and open with
my, you know, successes.
So I can tell you that there'sa good chance that the most
people spend 10 minutes with me.
You'll probably get a good ideaof who I am as a person and
probably quickly realize thatI'm not perfect and I make a lot
(31:47):
of mistakes.
But I think if, if we can getcreative which I love I think
we're all creative in our ownaspect to it and you know we
mentioned humor in yourintroduction.
I think this, I think life beatsus down.
You know too much and I thinkwe need to take some times to
kind of laugh.
And I'm a high, I love stand upcomedy and I love everything.
(32:08):
But you know a timely joke oryou know all my staff meetings
and you know I rarely I knowwhen to be serious.
But I also really appreciate thetimes when we can kind of
lighten the mood with a joke andsome of my clients said, like
not the time, jay, for your joke, and you know, but more often
than not I'm dead on.
I nailed the timing of the joke, but you know it's, you know,
(32:30):
in active addiction.
I work with a lot of peoplethat go into addiction and you
know that's the first thing thatthey, when they laugh for the
very first time, they'll just,they'll kind of be shocked, like
they, like they learned how tolaugh again and they're like man
, I haven't laughed in years andthat's always stuck with me
because I was much the same way.
So I think we all need to laughmore and I think we all need to
(32:54):
create more and worry less.
Jennifer (32:58):
Love it, I love it.
Well, you said a lot of goodthings.
The last part would be anyfinal parting words that you
want to leave for somebody,advice for anybody, maybe, kind
of as an entrepreneur, they'rebudding out there and just going
to start something new Do theopposite of what I've done.
Jay (33:12):
I mean I'll just no, in all seriousness.
I mean I think that you know,just realize that everything
where you are today you're meantto be and there's no mistakes.
And you know you deserveeverything in your life.
And if you're going through atough time, know that the tough
time is not going to last reallong.
But you know you're, you'regoing through the tough time
(33:34):
because you have the strength tocome out of the hole.
And you know, if you truly, youknow can, can, can, embrace who
you truly are and be comfortablewith yourself in a crowded room
, that's what the secret of lifeis.
It's not the social media, it'snot the following, there's not
the business card, it's notanything the car, the friends or
(33:55):
or anything other than like.
If you can be content and atpeace and happy with you in a
crowded room with your two, youknow, feet on the ground, that's
all there is to life.
I mean just you know we allhave assets and we all have
creativity and we have, you know, just laugh and enjoy life and
and know that everything that'sbrought you to this point
(34:18):
happened for a reason.
And if it's going through atough time, you have the
strength to overcome it, becauseotherwise you wouldn't be in
that position.
Jennifer (34:26):
Sure, Good stuff, Good stuff, Jay.
So if audience wants to get intouch with you, maybe they want
to catch up with you.
See what you got going on.
Where would you like us to sendthem?
Jay (34:35):
Social media it's always SilverCatty.
I know pretty much every socialmedia got on TikTok because my
niece got me on there, so I'meven on TikTok.
ButSilverCattyCreativeAgencycom you
can send.
You can send.
There's a request and you knowI still check the request on the
online forums because I don'tever want to.
(34:57):
I got to a point when we talkedabout my challenging times when
I wasn't even checking myemails.
I had someone know, you knowlike, and I made a commitment
that I was always going to stillcheck, still wanted to.
Anytime you email the firm,anytime you email me, just know
that it's going directly to me.
There's not someone in between.
So reach out, I would love andif I can be of service, free or
(35:24):
I mean anything I can do like, Ijust want to keep reaching my
hand back and helping people outof a dark spot.
Jennifer (35:31):
Awesome, very cool.
Thank you, jay.
Thank you for your authenticity, thanks for sharing your story,
telling us about what you'redoing.
We'll be sure, when this goesout, too, We'll get your links
on there so that everybody knowshow to get in touch with you if
they choose to do so.
So how do you want to say toour audience If you enjoy our
show, please be sure you head onover to Apple, give us a review
over there, hit that subscribebutton on YouTube so you can
follow us and we can continuetelling all these great stories
(35:53):
and inspiring and all that goodstuff.
And, as I always say, in orderto live the extraordinary, you
must start.
Every start begins with adecision.
You guys, take care, be safe,be kind to one another.
We will see you next time.
Welcome to another episode of Behind the Dreamers.
I'm your host, JenniferLoehding, and we are talking to
the achievers, the creators, themagic makers and the dreamers.
These are our friends, theseare your friends, and they are
living the extraordinary Well.
As I always say, I'm excitedabout my guests today.
I'm always excited about myguests today because I get to
talk to amazing people.
Anyways, a little bit ofinformation about him.
(00:44):
He has led campaigns forFortune 500 companies and
provided individual guidance toathletes, executives and various
individuals.
What sets him apart is hisopenness about his journey
through addiction and recovery,a unique quality he willingly
shares with anyone who listens.
He firmly believes thattransparency about transparency
about personal struggles breaksdown barriers that often hinder
(01:07):
people from seeking help.
Devoting his life to sobriety,he's committed to assisting
individuals and companies inreaching their authentic goals,
so I'm excited to chat with himtoday.
I think you guys are going tobe in for a real treat.
But before I officially welcomehim, I do need to make a few
quick announcements.
So this episode is brought toyou by Walt Mills Productions.
Need to add excitement to yourYouTube videos or some expert
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Jennifer (03:07):
What's the talk about?
Yeah, all right, so we're goingto talk to Jay today.
I'm so excited.
Jay Staples is the owner andCEO of Sober Caddy Creative
Agency.
With a prosperous careerspanning advertising and mental
health substance abuseindustries, jay has consistently
carved out a niche byharnessing creativity wherever
he goes.
Notably, he's the mastermindbehind the authentically sober
(03:30):
coaching platform, employingcreativity and humor to guide
individuals in discovering theirauthentic principles.
So welcome to the show, jay.
I'm excited to chat with you.
So tell us a little bit aboutwhat you got going on right now.
I love what you're doing, butour audience is going to want to
know what this is.
Jay (03:47):
I just I started a firm called Sober Caddy Creative
Agency about eight or nine yearsago.
I think I'm getting all kinds ofcrud that we need to establish
when we actually open our doorsfor business.
But in the last four or fiveyears we've kind of really taken
off working directly withathletes in the collegiate space
(04:08):
and in the professional spaceand also executives.
I have a creative backgroundand advertising background.
My dad had a small ad agencygrowing up and then I've always
kind of bounced around from, youknow, passion to purpose to all
kinds of stuff, playing golf,wanting to do golf
professionally, to advertisingto you know I sold things door
(04:32):
to door.
But just in the last four orfive years Sober Cady Creative
Agency has kind of gotten on themap and I'm grateful and
humbled by that.
But I think it's we still staytrue to our one-on-one.
We work directly with that,with individuals and companies,
and I really want them to.
I never want us to feel kind ofa big time agency feel.
(04:52):
I always want, I always want tohave a small time agency feel
and I think we still are, I meanin the grand scheme of things,
kind of a small agency and Ilove that and love the staff,
love everything.
They get all the credit.
I'm kind of the out in theforefront doing presentations
and kind of.
You know got to be known forjust listening and kind of
(05:16):
asking questions and people.
Thankfully the phone keepsringing, so I'm going to keep
listening and learning moreabout people because I get
fascinated.
In the last two years I'd saythree years just became overly
fascinated by how, you know,people make thoughts and their
thought.
You know how to change thoughtsand habits.
And you know I'd look back onsome of my life and see, like
(05:39):
why I made certain decisions,sometimes really, really bad I
was.
You know I started, you know,abusing drugs and alcohol at
when I was 17, 18 years old.
That lasted until like 31.
And so in the heart ofaddiction, you know I still I
kind of wanted to dissectcertain just you know thought
processes, certain habits,certain why did I do what I did?
(06:01):
And you know what did drugs andalcohol and the other things
kind of give my life that I wasso in need of or desperate for.
And then you take drugs andalcohol out of my life and you
know I kind of had this climb,like my professional, personal,
every, every department of lifehas gone way up since getting
sober and that normally isreally good for people.
(06:24):
But I just, for some reason, Ijust wanted to say like, because
people kept saying, like I havefamilies, like how did you get
sober, how did you do what youdo and how did you get to be
where you're at?
And I was on a stage orpresentation and you know, some
college age woman asked like youknow how, how did you get to
(06:45):
the spot you're on?
And I was kind of Taking backthat I didn't know how to answer
that question and so I decidedI walked off that stage and I
called up my assistant, anyonethat wanted to listen and I said
I really want to get a grasp onwhat got me here in my thoughts
and my habits and everything.
So, and lo and behold, it's.
(07:06):
It's become what people kind ofknow us for.
So taking look into, tappinginto your authentic self, your
habits and your thought changesis really what our core
principles are.
Coaching firm kind of, is basedon.
Jennifer (07:19):
I love that well, and I think that's a lot of what I
kind of do.
I think you know I just touchon so many things here.
You're talking about yourjourney and I think you know we
talk about people's journeyslike this.
When you have these journeyswhere you've overcome something
and then you get on the otherside and somebody says to you
like how did you do that?
Like it's, it's really like itcould be a business you're
building or what if they look atthat, the end result, right,
and they say, okay, so how didyou get there?
(07:40):
Right, and then we have tobackpedal and go, okay, what
were the steps that I took toget from here to here, to here
to here?
So thank you for touching up onthat, because I think that's
important and I the episode thatI did a recorded before this.
We kind of touched upon thatsame thing of recognizing the
journey that we went through toget to where we are.
But I also like that you'retalking about this whole
authenticity thing and I thinkthat that's because I think
(08:03):
that's a great thing and I thinkwhen you go through something
hard, you have the ability to Beraw and authentic about your
journey and I think people kindof appreciate that you know what
I mean when they see that it'slike the real thing.
If you're going to be authenticabout this and up forward, then
they are Going to somehowtranslate that into hopefully
that's what you're going to dowith me in business.
You're going to be authenticand real in business.
Jay (08:25):
Yeah, well, I think it goes back to kind of authentic
communication and authenticleadership, and you can kind of
put it that authentic into youknow in front of a lot of things
and that's what I love to doand you know.
So when, when I really wantedto learn how to communicate
better to you know internalstaff, to clients, to
presentation, to whatever it maybe stop saying I'm in like so
(08:48):
much which I still fail-Sometimes, and I kick myself
every time.
but you know, I found acommunication.
I knew you can't reallycommunicate authentically if
you're not, if you're going towithhold something from from
within that communication.
And yeah, I think, yeah, I'veheard a lot of times people are,
you know, thank me, and I was,you know, appreciate how open I
(09:12):
am, and you know some peoplewill sit down with me and you
know one of our other cliniciansor coaches here and, yeah, I
want them to know, like, this isnot us looking down on, you
know, and it's more, let'scommunicate authentically, let's
find out who you, authentically, are meant to be.
And I've made mistakes andYou're going to make mistakes,
(09:33):
and so I want to have that kindof authentic communication where
it's the in the sense that like, hey, let's get vulnerable
enough, like here, I've notsucceeded in every aspect of my
life.
I'm, you know, whatever it maybe, and so you know that that's
to me is is is really big withyou know, just kind of.
I think too many people set outfor a goal and they, they try
(10:00):
to, they commit to working outevery day or whatever that goal
is, and then they think thatthat goal is going to lead them
to being a certain person theykind of envision their mind.
What I always what I do is Iflip that around, like I start
out with who you authenticallywant to be like.
Who do you want to be like?
Let's, let's, let's, substitute.
Let's not what your mom and dadwant you to be, or or what your
(10:23):
coach wants you to be, or whatthe fans want you to be,
whatever it may be.
Let's find out what to youauthentically are.
Let's find out those habitsthat are aligned with your
authentic person that you wantto come be, and outcomes in the
goals, and all these things willtake care of itself.
So I think it's.
I think habits and thoughtprocess, and you know what I
(10:44):
call kind of systems, and Jamesqueer, who, who I love talking
about habits, talks about thesystems like the, the under
underwater portion of theiceberg.
Jennifer (10:54):
Everyone just sees kind of the goals or so, but no,
I think this is good and I likethat.
You're talking aboutauthenticity and putting it all
out there and you know I'mworking with your people and
leadership, I think is soimportant.
I think you and I are kind ofsimilar in how we're looking a
little bit on how we're lookingat working with people because,
funny enough, the episode I didbefore this we talked about
Exercise was one of the thingsthat we talked about, because
(11:15):
people they get so hung up onthis goal, right, like like you
were saying, they have a goaland then they put metrics around
the goal, right.
So let's take exercise, forexample.
They say I'm going to exerciseand I'll keep in mind that
exercise for me is a no brainer.
I've done it for years.
I do it every day.
If I don't, I told this person Ihave to make a conscious
decision to say I'm not going toexercise today, that I want to
rest because I just do it.
(11:36):
But let's say somebody doesn'twrite and they go and they set
this goal and then they decidewhat do they do?
They're like I'm going toexercise every day, I'm going to
go to gym every day, I'm goingto go three times this week and
I'm going to two hours they putthese unrealistic metrics On
these goals, rather than sayingI would like this to be a
lifestyle change that I wouldlike to do.
Maybe they do that.
But to observe, to really takethat in and say I'd like that to
(11:58):
be part of who I am as anindividual, so help me create
that.
And that I even went so far tosay sometimes you have to change
the metrics.
So if you absolutely despisegoing to the gym, don't go to
the gym.
Go, do something else you liketo do.
Go walk the dog, join akickball team, I don't know.
Go bowling, do something thathas physical activity, so that
(12:19):
you can change the way you'relooking at the exercise and now
maybe in grain this into yourlife where you're not fighting
it so much.
Thank you so much, right.
Jay (12:27):
Yeah yeah.
That person that doesn't likethe gym or working out, just
call him Jay.
I mean, that's me in theheartbeat.
I mean because I always joke.
Like you know, gyms make mebreak out in a sweat.
I mean, I don't like it.
So but I love what you said,that.
I love what you had to saybecause, like, I went through
this whole thing and so Icommitted to, I found out what
(12:48):
I'm, you know, really trulywilling to do, and one of it was
I started off as a five minutewalk.
I was going to go outside myoffice or outside my house or
something, take a five minutewalk and that's kind of involved
to a 45 minute walk, which Itruly look forward to each and
every day, because there's a lotof things that I do.
I've learned through habits andthoughts that you know I can do
(13:12):
in that 45 minute walk where Idon't even bring my phone
anymore and I cut off and startthinking about, you know, days
and kind of refresh, you know,through the mind.
But you know that to me is theclosest thing that I will do to
exercise on a day basis andyou're talking to a guy that's
probably went through 12different personal trainers in
(13:32):
his life is probably I may stillhave a gym membership that I'm
just refusing to.
You know who knows?
But you know, because I get,you know, I say, as long as I
have the gym membership, thenthat I can always.
You know I'm a gym guy, so Ialways delayed canceling it and,
you know, one night I found areal nice one where they had a
(13:52):
juice bar and kind of smoothiein a basketball court, which I
really loved.
Jennifer (13:56):
So I'm there.
Jay (13:57):
So and I kept that on as kind of a club.
I looked at it as like a socialclub instead of you know, but
when I, you know, that's kind ofjust touching with you know
what we talked about.
Often you know, authenticallyis.
You know, I found out who Ireally wanted to be, what I was
willing to do authentically, anddidn't make these observant.
You know goals that I need tolift, like 225 or dead lift or
(14:20):
whatever they say, or I'm notgoing to work out, I'm not going
to do stair.
Look, you know, I've looked atPelotons and all this online,
this mirror thing that talks badto you or something that I've
looked at all those and tried,but I just I'm going to stick to
my 45 minute walk each andevery day and that's what I'm
willing to do.
And I think the most importantthing that people need to
realize is find out what youreally truly willing to do and
(14:45):
cause.
Like anytime you, anytime youcreate a habit, anytime you
reach for an outcome or a goal.
Like you know, I spent most ofmy life throwing out these high
goals or outcomes.
Or I want to be here.
I want to be.
You know I wasn't willing to dothe work or anything close to
like it's.
I want to climb Mount Everest.
(15:05):
I'm going to do it that weekendwith no preparation, and so
that's kind of how I lived mylife, and I think a lot more
people are doing when I'mlooking at how we go through
life is everybody wants to do,everyone wants to be, everyone
wants to think, whatever it maybe, but what are you willing to
do to get to that goal?
And so sometimes we get kind ofhell bent on a certain goal, or
(15:29):
we got to do this, or you lookat the I want a certain business
card to say this, or I want theyacht or the car, or you know,
in these goals kind of just a,they dilute your kind of journey
and you're also pretty much,you know, almost guaranteed to
be missing a lot along thatjourney because you're only
looking at one particular thing.
You could have moreopportunities and more kind of
(15:53):
gains just because you'refocused on that.
You're missing out on so much.
So I do, I appreciate thejourney and you know, I always
say like embrace and expand eachmoment, like build each moment
with as much as you possibly can, doing whatever you can and
staying in that moment and notworrying about the past or the
future and just kind of jampacking each moment that we have
(16:15):
.
So I really want to enjoy thejourney and I could have these
goals or the vision board and Ido all that as well, but I'm
also, I also tell myself theseare things right now, in this
moment that I that I may wantthat that could change in that
moment.
So let's not go all in on thesethings on the vision board.
(16:36):
Let's be open.
And so that's why I just kind ofyou know what I was saying like
if you put in the work, if you,if you change your thoughts, if
you change your habits andyou're doing the things that
most people don't see on a dayto day basis, they just see you
success or what you're doing orwhat you're driving or what
you're saying or whatever.
But if you put a great systemsin with habits and thoughts and
(16:59):
you know meditating and gettingin touch with yourself and just
living you and not playingcharacters, you're going to
reach a lot of these outcomesand goals without even trying,
because you know you look atanyone like you can, I can, I
can take a look at someone andget to know how they, you know
what their daily schedule is andwhat their daily habits are,
and I can pretty much almostguaranteed kind of knock out who
(17:24):
the.
You know who they are, whatthey do and how successful they
are because just by looking attheir day to day schedule and
their daily habits.
Jennifer (17:31):
Yeah, it's funny that you say that, because I always
say you know how you do.
One thing is how you do allthings.
And so if you look at people'spersonal habits, like you're
saying, it doesn't necessarilymean that everything's bad.
But I always say what you'redoing, whatever you're doing in
your personal, you're probablypulling some of that into your
work as well.
And if you listen to people andyou kind of hit the nail on the
(17:53):
head by looking at people'shabits and saying I can kind of
figure out who's successful ornot and I hate to say that I do
that too I look at people'shabits and I say, well, if
they're having a lot of areasover here where they're
struggling with discipline, theyprobably got a lot of
discipline struggles over hereas well.
And so the good news aboutdiscipline is we can all learn
it right.
You don't have to be born withit.
You can learn to be disciplined.
(18:13):
I mean, we could.
That's that's through ourhabits and the work that we do.
And so you touched upon a lotof really good things, but I
think the overarching messagehere is really about the
authenticity right, defining whoyou are as an authentic person
and tailoring these goals andyour activities and habits
really around what you want tobe as a human being.
That's what I'm hearing fromyou.
If I were to sum that all upyeah.
Jay (18:34):
I mean it's it's, it's our cornerstone, it's everything.
You know our consultations arefirst kind of questionnaires.
They're everything is basedaround kind of an authenticity
audit, what we call um, where wekind of just audit you know
what's led you to this point,what you want to be, and you
know we there's so manydifferent answers, like so many
people, like you know you havepeople like my mom and dad.
(18:56):
Always, you know, from a youngage I remember telling them that
I'm going to be a doctor.
Or you know I'm talking withwith athletes and you know they
they struggle with, you know,the finding their authentic self
, like off the field.
Or you know, like they have tobe a certain brand because of
the endorsement deals or thefans, or you know, whatever it
may be.
(19:16):
And so you know some of these,the mean green, you know, like
toughest linebackers that I seeon Sunday morning, like uh, I'll
sit down with and they're thebiggest, sweetest person and
they're almost like don't tellanyone.
Like you know, because theykind of have this uh playing of
a character, like they're thismean, tough, the face black, and
you know, and so I get it.
(19:36):
There's your job and I thinkthat you know everyone says like
I don't want to start talkingabout my thoughts because that's
going to make me soft or changethe athlete that I am.
And I'm just like hey, likethat's not, not even close.
You do a job, everyone has ajob, and that's what they're
really good at.
And I want to say you'reauthentically meant to be an
athlete, you know, let's justtalk about your personal life,
(19:58):
like, oh, that's not.
You know they're going into thethird marriage or they're
struggling with anything likethat, and so like, if we can
find balance, because it's somany things, everyone, everyone
it doesn't have to be an athlete.
That you know, we all playeddifferent characters and
sometimes it was ingrained by us.
I'm not saying mom and dad waswrong by any means, but you know
(20:19):
like you're going to be thisand you're going to be that, and
I mean, and we're just youngkids, and so you know, I've
always had, I don't think, mymom and dad.
They think they purposely kindof pushed me and my two brothers
into like find, whoever you are, like that.
I think they did a really goodjob.
But I delusionally made up thatmy dad said I needed to get
into advertising or I needed todo this, or my mom wants me to,
(20:42):
you know, be a minister orwhatever it may be.
They've never said it, I justdelusionally.
And so you know, through thisauthenticity audit that we do,
like we find out what thosedelusion things, what we said to
ourselves along the way, whatwe're continually delusionally
telling ourselves, what'slegitimate about it, and we kind
of have this process where wefind out what you truly
(21:04):
authentically are.
And so you know, it'sinteresting to have some grown
people kind of realize, like Idon't know how I became so
successful, like I don't evenenjoy doing what I'm doing for
one minute of the day, like assoon as I'm able to clock out.
But they're just saying, like Igot a family, I'm successful,
I'm used to this certainlifestyle, and you're like Jay,
(21:26):
I'm unwilling to change.
And I was like, well, everyonethinks that what we're doing is
going to try to changeeverything.
All I really want to do ischange your habits and change
your thought process on how yousee things.
And there's some reallyauthentic principles and values
that you can take to yourcurrent job, even if you enjoy
it, to try to turn that kind ofthought process.
(21:48):
And you know, if you're, ifyou're dreading, going to work
each and every day.
I think you have two options.
You can.
You can change how you viewthings and what you're telling
yourself subconsciously tochange that.
Or you need to kind of find anew job or something.
But don't, don't.
I mean, I think too many peoplewant to make these rash
decisions and then like what,what do I do now?
(22:10):
And it's like, well, a gooddecision would have been stay
where you're at and then havethese conversations and then get
changed.
Ad (22:17):
But you know I get.
Jay (22:18):
I get the people that have just quit my job after 25 years
like I'm trying to find out whoI am and it's like okay, yeah,
yeah.
Jennifer (22:28):
Yeah.
Jay (22:28):
So it's, I think, people.
You know, that's all I reallywant.
I think the social media,everything, every aspect of our
life is the kind of pushing usinto playing characters or
pushing us into similar beliefs.
So that's why I'm so passionateabout being authentic.
And you know, we were born inoriginal.
My mom always would say and Iheard it through you know, like
(22:50):
you're born in original, godmade you original, like you know
.
You know, don't die.
No-transcript A copy or don'tdon't die.
Jennifer (23:00):
Yeah exactly, exactly.
No, this is good, j, and I cansense that and see that and I
think that you know we I hopethat most of us try to be
authentic right about we do.
I feel like I try to beauthentic about the way I
Operate my show and the peoplethat I bring on and kind of the
messaging that I'm sending.
And it's funny because most ofmy I get you know coaches come
in here and I always vet thembecause I want to know where
(23:22):
they're coming from, because Idon't think we all Think the
same way and I get it that we'renot all gonna be like every you
know things gonna be in sync,but I look for Authentic people
and people that are justconscientious, that are, that
pay attention about what they'redoing, the messages that they
spread out and how they'reaffecting people around them,
because I think that's huge,especially in position where we
are.
We're actually working withpeople and hopefully influencing
(23:42):
, having some impact, influenceover them.
You know this is good.
I would love to know because Iknow, you know, biggest
challenge for you was obviously,you know, getting into sobriety
.
That's your trip, personaljourney, and a lot of us have
these crazy journeys andthankfully you're on the other
side of that Can tell peopleabout that, but I would love to
know, for our audience justmaybe, one of the struggles that
you had in really trying to getthis you know business up
(24:06):
informed, like was theresomething that sticks out in
your mind that you had toovercome.
Jay (24:09):
Oh, I mean fear and it's purest form when, he you know,
like I, still, like you know, Ijoke with people like I miss
having the paycheck at each andevery you know two weeks.
Like I, I miss the insurance, Imiss the.
You know, whatever it may be,and when you're the, you're the
(24:29):
man and people, everything'scoming like it's.
You know, there was a long,long time.
Don't make, I mean there's.
I made probably every mistakethat kind of a young businessman
you know made like we, you knowwe were struggling and then we,
you know, got a lot of successand then that came with like,
well, we need a bigger officeand we need more more space.
(24:52):
Yes, yeah, and then I'm walkinginto an office and like people
are like, are you Jay?
And I'm like, yeah, like whoare you?
I mean, I started last Mondayand I'm just like you know, and
I walked around like, why are wehiring people?
Like and, and then we hit awall and you know, I had to get
vulnerable enough and callEveryone that I could think of.
Like my dad has always been myfirst call and you know, we kind
(25:15):
of talked through kind of youknow, just shifts and he's been
there with you know, never askedquestions.
He's kind of just let me talk.
You know, gives me his adviceand you know, and it's I learned
everything.
And so some of the challengesthat I have is just, you know,
with Dealing with fear basicallyand how I get creative.
You know, because fearabsolutely paralyzes me.
(25:36):
When I, when I truly want to beauthentic with anyone, like I'm
not like fear Paralyzed me, Ijust kind of tense up and I just
, yeah, and you see it withsometimes with me, just send in
my day-to-day life, like, andsometimes I'm just open, or it's
like, oh god, I just hadDelusional fear and I just kind
of stopped.
So when I got creative enoughand I'm open enough and you know
(26:00):
, I got a tremendous staff andwe had to do a massive kind of
layoff, like 20 people orWhatever it may be, and and that
was the worst day of my life,and because I just took it all
personal and it was all my faultand if we could have brought
more business in, and you know.
But I'll tell you one thingthat you know so many people
said like well, just havesomeone else you know kind of
(26:23):
you know lay them off or fire onwhatever you want to say.
But you know, like I, I got alot of good advice and and and
if we're talking about beingauthentic, when we're talking
about being vulnerable, like itwould have been really kind of
Off-character for me to be like,well, just do it Friday, I'm
not gonna come in and just, youknow, fire everybody.
And so I just I broughteveryone in together and like
(26:46):
the whole staff, and broughtpeople from out of town off the
road Sometimes, and we sat down,we had an open dialogue and and
I was as authentic as Ipossibly could.
I, you know, this was adecision that I tried every
which way, and I tried cuttingmy own Salary, I tried cutting
other people's salaries and Ijust I can't do it and we're
(27:07):
gonna be overhead.
And so Everyone was in the room.
I looked at and I let peopleknow, like you know, there's,
there's, everyone has anenvelope.
You can either open it now infront of others, or you can do
it while in private.
But I just I couldn't think ofany other way to do it other
than then.
Like I just want to let peopleknow like we got too big and
(27:29):
that was my mistake and and justgot really vulnerable and
authentic.
And you know, some people openup in their envelope, you know,
and it had kind of a, you knowit just basically said like
either a thank-you letter forall your service or you know,
like thank you for, you know,trusting us and and so the
(27:50):
letters everyone looked the same.
But you know like it was thetoughest cuz I knew and I cried
and it was the toughestconversation I've ever had in my
entire life and sobriety hasbeen great and that's been tough
too.
But you know there's there'sthere's rarely a night that I
can't, that I can think of, likein my active addiction when it
(28:11):
got really, really bad.
But the night before knowinggoing into the office when
everyone was coming in for thatI didn't sleep.
I just I mean, I literallycould not sit still like I.
That was the toughest time.
So you know, when you talkabout the most challenging, it's
you know the decisions that youmake and then being constantly
reminded like every decision Imake, like let's hope it doesn't
(28:35):
come back to that like I, mymind instantly goes back to that
.
Like being in front of thewhole staff and and knowing half
of them are being being let go,so yeah, that's hard.
Jennifer (28:46):
That's hard.
I could see that.
Yeah, well, and thank you forsharing that, because I think
that's what's great about whatwe talk on here.
So we like to keep it real andyou know that, hey, even though
you're successful in area, thereare things we have to overcome
within the business.
And it's really good, because Italked to somebody that there a
day on a different show.
We were talking about what youknow what, whether you decide to
move somebody to anotherposition or you let them go and
(29:07):
he mentioned the part where theyshould it shouldn't be a
surprise, like it shouldn't beyou just walk in and you, you
know, and they get a call or youknow, like a text message.
They should already kind ofknow, and I think you kind of
talked about that, just reallyhaving an authentic Conversation
like, hey, this is where we areand, being honest, you know, I
think it's good.
I want to ask you I got twomore questions.
I want to ask you real quickand I know we're pressing on
(29:28):
time, but I want to get theseand I'd love to know what you've
learned about yourself in thisjourney.
Jay (29:34):
Oh, you know what you, you're, you're good.
These are good questions, Imean, I mean I just I think I,
through this whole journey andeven just our conversations
today, I mean this is what makeslife so valuable and why I'm so
humbled and grateful for it.
I mean I think that I wouldlove to tell people like that I
fully understand who I am andwhere I've been and what makes
(29:57):
me amazing and what myweaknesses are, and I continue
to do that.
But I keep, you know, learningmore and more about myself, each
and every communication, eachand time we sit down, learning
how other people deal with it,going through the mistakes,
talking about the mistakes I'vemade.
So you know, I just know thatI'm grateful and humbled.
(30:18):
Or the two leading things youknow, god and I, you know, as
kind of a living amends to allthe stuff that I put my mom and
dad through, like I'm reallyhappy to be active in their
lives and checking in with themon a regular basis and kind of
living the way that that makesthem the most proud and and
(30:39):
authentically, like I'm notgoing to find what they want me
to be or what want me to say isyou know, uncle Fun with I got
four nephews and a niece and andthe fact that they FaceTiming
nonstop and you know they'd lookforward to it, probably because
I spoil them way over the top.
But you know it's.
It's those things that I don't.
(31:00):
I don't take when I go walkinto my office or when I have
all this, like it's really easyfor people to be like, oh my God
, this office is beautiful andhow many people do you have
working for you?
And like I sometimes have tothink about that because I've
made a commitment to concentrateon being a great uncle, being a
great, you know, friend,brother, son, employer and just
(31:26):
someone that's basically in thefellowship and and active and
always going to be open withwith my struggles and open with
my, you know, successes.
So I can tell you that there'sa good chance that the most
people spend 10 minutes with me.
You'll probably get a good ideaof who I am as a person and
probably quickly realize thatI'm not perfect and I make a lot
(31:47):
of mistakes.
But I think if, if we can getcreative which I love I think
we're all creative in our ownaspect to it and you know we
mentioned humor in yourintroduction.
I think this, I think life beatsus down.
You know too much and I thinkwe need to take some times to
kind of laugh.
And I'm a high, I love stand upcomedy and I love everything.
(32:08):
But you know a timely joke oryou know all my staff meetings
and you know I rarely I knowwhen to be serious.
But I also really appreciate thetimes when we can kind of
lighten the mood with a joke andsome of my clients said, like
not the time, jay, for your joke, and you know, but more often
than not I'm dead on.
I nailed the timing of the joke, but you know it's, you know,
(32:30):
in active addiction.
I work with a lot of peoplethat go into addiction and you
know that's the first thing thatthey, when they laugh for the
very first time, they'll just,they'll kind of be shocked, like
they, like they learned how tolaugh again and they're like man
, I haven't laughed in years andthat's always stuck with me
because I was much the same way.
So I think we all need to laughmore and I think we all need to
(32:54):
create more and worry less.
Jennifer (32:58):
Love it, I love it.
Well, you said a lot of goodthings.
The last part would be anyfinal parting words that you
want to leave for somebody,advice for anybody, maybe, kind
of as an entrepreneur, they'rebudding out there and just going
to start something new Do theopposite of what I've done.
Jay (33:12):
I mean I'll just no, in all seriousness.
I mean I think that you know,just realize that everything
where you are today you're meantto be and there's no mistakes.
And you know you deserveeverything in your life.
And if you're going through atough time, know that the tough
time is not going to last reallong.
But you know you're, you'regoing through the tough time
(33:34):
because you have the strength tocome out of the hole.
And you know, if you truly, youknow can, can, can, embrace who
you truly are and be comfortablewith yourself in a crowded room
, that's what the secret of lifeis.
It's not the social media, it'snot the following, there's not
the business card, it's notanything the car, the friends or
(33:55):
or anything other than like.
If you can be content and atpeace and happy with you in a
crowded room with your two, youknow, feet on the ground, that's
all there is to life.
I mean just you know we allhave assets and we all have
creativity and we have, you know, just laugh and enjoy life and
and know that everything that'sbrought you to this point
(34:18):
happened for a reason.
And if it's going through atough time, you have the
strength to overcome it, becauseotherwise you wouldn't be in
that position.
Jennifer (34:26):
Sure, Good stuff, Good stuff, Jay.
So if audience wants to get intouch with you, maybe they want
to catch up with you.
See what you got going on.
Where would you like us to sendthem?
Jay (34:35):
Social media it's always SilverCatty.
I know pretty much every socialmedia got on TikTok because my
niece got me on there, so I'meven on TikTok.
ButSilverCattyCreativeAgencycom you
can send.
You can send.
There's a request and you knowI still check the request on the
online forums because I don'tever want to.
(34:57):
I got to a point when we talkedabout my challenging times when
I wasn't even checking myemails.
I had someone know, you knowlike, and I made a commitment
that I was always going to stillcheck, still wanted to.
Anytime you email the firm,anytime you email me, just know
that it's going directly to me.
There's not someone in between.
So reach out, I would love andif I can be of service, free or
(35:24):
I mean anything I can do like, Ijust want to keep reaching my
hand back and helping people outof a dark spot.
Jennifer (35:31):
Awesome, very cool.
Thank you, jay.
Thank you for your authenticity, thanks for sharing your story,
telling us about what you'redoing.
We'll be sure, when this goesout, too, We'll get your links
on there so that everybody knowshow to get in touch with you if
they choose to do so.
So how do you want to say toour audience If you enjoy our
show, please be sure you head onover to Apple, give us a review
over there, hit that subscribebutton on YouTube so you can
follow us and we can continuetelling all these great stories
(35:53):
and inspiring and all that goodstuff.
And, as I always say, in orderto live the extraordinary, you
must start.
Every start begins with adecision.
You guys, take care, be safe,be kind to one another.
We will see you next time.
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