October 13, 2025 • 20 mins
My Husband Took His Life After Catching Me Cheating – True Story
🖤 “He found out about the affair… then he was gone.”
This isn’t just a story about cheating. It’s about tragedy, regret, and the weight of what we can’t undo.
🎧 New episode now streaming.
#TrueStory #Infidelity #MentalHealthMatters #CheatingConfession #TragicLove #SuicideAwareness
Some mistakes have unimaginable consequences. In this harrowing and brutally honest episode, a woman shares the true story of how her husband's discovery of her infidelity led to a devastating tragedy: his suicide.
This raw and emotional confession explores:
The lead-up to the affair
The moment he found out
His final words and actions
The lifelong weight of guilt, grief, and unanswered questions
And how she's attempted to find peace and purpose in the aftermath
This is not a story of justification — it's a story of heartbreak, consequence, and the silent struggles people face behind closed doors.
Content Warning: This episode discusses suicide, mental health struggles, infidelity, and grief. Please listen with care. If you or someone you know is struggling, please seek help from a mental health professional or reach out to a crisis line in your area.
🔑 Keywords
infidelity, true confession, cheating consequences, suicide after betrayal, relationship tragedy, guilt and grief, mental health awareness, emotional true story, heartbreaking podcast, true relationship story
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The cost of my infidelity. At the suggestion of my
therapist, I've decided to writeout and share what has
transpired in my life over the last year.
To get this to make any coherentsense took lots of edits and
couple of rewrites. I used to be a fairly talented
writer, but I fell out of practice years ago.
This forum was recommended to meby a friend as a method of
confession, penance and a warning to share with others.
(00:21):
I did something truly horrible for which the consequences were
beyond even the worst thing I could have ever imagined.
I am sharing this with a full knowledge.
Many will despise me for what I I did and the events that took
place because of my betrayal. Reading my own words is
revolting because I know in a very real sense what I did is
unforgivable. I understand far too well how
needlessly tragic the events that transpired truly were.
(00:42):
My hope is simply that my story can be shared with anyone in any
relationship and perhaps some future betrayal won't happen.
More specifically, I hope someone who is currently
cheating on their significant other or even thinking about it
might read this and it makes them pause.
Many might think my example of what can go wrong being
unfaithful is an extreme rarity that seldom occurs.
I've been told by people far more knowledgeable than I am
(01:05):
that my situation is sadly far from unique, but I'm willing to
take the hate I will receive by sharing this if it keeps even
one person from breaking the heart of someone they love.
I am a 28 year old female. When I was married to a
wonderful man I will call William, 8 months ago my husband
confronted me with proof I have been both emotionally and
physically unfaithful. A few days after he confronted
(01:25):
me about my infidelity, my husband committed suicide.
I realized just typing those words out has caused people,
people I don't even know, to hate me.
I couldn't believe I had the capability to do something that
evil to harm someone I'd loved since we were children.
But I did it. If you'd asked either me or
William if either of us would ever be unfaithful, we both
would have laughed. But to my own shock and
(01:45):
surprise, I allowed myself to lose focus and straight.
I knew it would destroy him if he ever found out, but I took
the heart of the man I loved andcrushed it so cruelly he
couldn't endure the pain of his life anymore.
Those of you thinking right now that I don't deserve to be
breathing, I agree with you. I agree with you so much.
I've attempted on 2 occasions tomake that a reality.
I'm assured there is a reason I'm still here.
(02:05):
For the moment, I've convinced myself that the longer I live,
the more I suffer. And I don't deserve the mercy of
a suicide. If we're being honest.
William and I grew up together. I can remember my very early
youth and have no time in my memory.
Did I not know William? We were in the same Sunday
school classes, public school classes, and our families had
been friends long before he and I ever came along.
(02:26):
He could always make me laugh. Kids can be mean, but William
never was. I realized I thought he was cute
in 6th grade. It wasn't an official crush
until high school. William and I have been our one
and only loves from early high school all the way through
college. Together we were best friends
and cherished each other so much.
After graduation, we took a yearto get good, stable jobs near
our families and decided to get married.
(02:47):
We took vacations together. We made love at any moment we
got the chance. We were ravenous for each other.
The only time tax was at the table was during that time of
the month. But we'd Make Love for hours.
Beautiful moments of passion, and I threw it all away for
something tawdry, cheap, and worthless.
We were planning to have children.
We knew their names. We were both virgins.
He was my first everything and Iwas his first everything.
(03:10):
Part of me wishes I could say I had a drunken one night I might
stand trying to keep that for myhusband, but he found out.
No, I got emotionally and physically involved with a man
who was inferior to my husband in every way, shape and form.
I didn't even consider the possibility that a friendship
with another man could lead to an attachment for me.
My husband and I had a strong marriage.
As foolish as that sounds to saynow, we really did.
(03:33):
My husband was the epitome of strength.
I was the one who was weak, though before this, I considered
myself a strong one. It's just that no one ever told
me that while our relationship was so very strong, no
relationship is bulletproof. There is not a day that goes by
that I don't wish someone had walked up and shot me the minute
before anything I did became secretive.
It is an indisputable fact. The world would be far a far
(03:55):
better place with my husband here and alive instead of me.
There is no rationalizing away truth like that.
I had so many chances to stop itbefore anything happened and I
had absolutely no reason to allow anything to happen.
After a brief and heated conversation, he walked out and
I never spoke to him again. I tried to contact him in any in
every way I could think of. My God, I tried to reach out so
(04:15):
many times just to let him know that I am truly sorry.
Just to know I hate what I did. My texts to him never showed
anything but an unread status tome, so I doubt he read any
emails or heard any voicemails either.
But everyone said I needed to give him space and time to
think. Two nights after William
confronted me at 3:17 AM, there was a loud knock at the front
door. I turned on the lights.
(04:37):
I thought at first it might be someone in a drunken stupor
wanting to curse me out or worse.
Then there was another loud knock and I threw on a hoodie
before heading to the door. When I opened the door to see
two policemen, I knew they couldhave been there for many things,
but I knew in an instant why they were there.
There were telling me that my husband's body had been found
due to an apparent suicide. Destroyed me.
I dropped to my knees and waileda shriek of agony.
(04:59):
I tore at my skin and hair as the police tried to calm me
down. By the time the EMT's got there,
I was sitting on the steps, rocking back and forth,
repeating that I was so, so sorry.
Yeah, there was no way I was making it to the funeral, even
if William's family had allowed any of my family to attend.
I was kept sedated for days. The first thing I wanted to do
when I got out was visit William's grave, but nobody knew
(05:20):
where his parents had him buried.
They had every right. But that cut deeply, and I tried
to cut deeply that night when I tried to take my life for the
first time. I've now been hospitalized now
twice for attempted suicide. Not asking for pity, In fact, I
don't want it. Nothing can take this heartache
away, and nothing can even numb it.
Part of me wishes I had somehow forced him to see me, just for a
mere moment, to tell him how sorry I am and that I knew our
(05:42):
marriage was over. But I didn't get that.
No, I didn't deserve it. And I have to face the fact that
what I did was in fact so vile that making my husband see me
might have forced him to take his life even sooner.
Many people have said to me my actions were what led him to
take his life. I don't think there is any
doubt. Until that horrible day, he'd
been so unbelievably happy. We both had been.
He left no suicide note to verify I was his cause of death,
(06:06):
but we had been so happy. We love spending nearly every
moment together. To go from that kind of bliss to
that kind of grief in such a short span of time ended him.
I ended him. My words, actions, and thoughts
betrayed us both. Regret doesn't kill you.
If it did, I would have died before my husband ever
confronted me. When COVID hit, William and I
quarantined together. I was fortunate enough to teach
(06:26):
for an exclusive private school.The benefactors assured us our
salary was paid as long as the need for isolation persisted.
William worked from home and made a lot of progress on a
project he was placed in charge of.
The entire world was worried andafraid, but we had each other
and we so enjoyed making the most of it.
Watching movies in bed, feeding each other food, playing like 2
little kids. I am utterly, truly, completely
(06:49):
sorry to those that lost a lovedone due to that horrible
disease. What the world went through was
a literal plague upon humanity that caused so much needless
death. But my husband and I got closer
in those weeks than we ever had before and our bond had been
strong. We joked about how so many
people were hating having to spend time with family or God
forbid their wife or husband. We simply couldn't get enough of
(07:09):
each other. After the first month we had to
agree to limit tax to once a dayfor about a week.
Our only argument the entire quarantine was about having to
do laundry just to put clean sheets on the bed yet again.
And I cheated on that man which drove him to exit this life due
to my evil actions. A man I had such a close bond
with. I was an idiot in so many ways,
but for me to think because of that bond, no temptation was
(07:31):
enough to get me to stray with idiocy.
I hate myself in so many ways for so many reasons, but knowing
I had it all is the most difficult pill to swallow.
My affair was atypical of most in many ways.
Some aspects of the relationshipand betrayal were slightly less
vile, some were colder and even more evil.
The man I had an affair with I will call Paul.
I first encountered him in Groupzoom meetings during the
(07:52):
pandemic. I found him brash and smug with
no valid reason to act that way.He it was the school's lacrosse
coach, and I remember in those Zoom meetings being glad that as
an English teacher I would have to interact with him very
little. The first time we met face to
face, we shook hands and had some small talk.
There was 0 attraction, at leastfor me, toward him, but I didn't
sense any lustful attention emulating from him toward me.
(08:13):
During that introduction I learned he was engaged and I
told him I was happily married to a man I adored.
No actual tension, nothing even hinting that would ever be a
possibility. The school began allowing half
the staff in all areas and half the students to attend school
for a week while the other half used Zoom.
The next week the other half would attend on site and vice
versa. That was supposed to assist with
social distancing and the students feelings of isolation
(08:36):
while eating lunch. One day before my next class
began, I got an e-mail from Paul.
He had written out some toasts and jokes for his upcoming
wedding and wanted me to edit what he'd written.
I was used to being sent writingto edit, so that was nothing I
felt important enough to tell William.
Coupled with the fact that all pertained to Paul's wedding and
I saw no reason to give my husband a boring detail about
that day. The e-mail obtained a toast to
(08:57):
his parents as well as to the parents of the bride.
I took what he'd said and added a few phrases to pull at the
heartstrings of all who attended.
The jokes directed at his brother, the best man, were
absolutely hilarious, but a little vulgar for my liking at a
wedding. I said as much when I sent back
his edited speeches. He laughed and said I just don't
know his family and that ball busting was a family tradition.
That e-mail exchange began several months of corresponding
(09:19):
back and forth. But as difficult as it may
believe, not until the very end did anything become
inappropriate. Not once did anything become
flirtatious or estrual. Well, we did talk about tax, but
from a purely scientific and psychological point of view, our
tax talks at that point would have made the biggest
nymphomania in history drier than the Sahara.
There was nothing emotional or physically stimulating to those
(09:41):
conversations and I enjoyed our corresponding due to the fact I
was certain there was no temptation on either end.
We discussed race, politics, religion, science, sports, all
the things people are hesitant to discuss due to differing
opinions. Some of the discussions even got
heated. I was called approved more than
once due to my opinions about tax.
Yes, I proved him wrong, but I wish to God he'd been right for
(10:04):
the longest time. All of this took place during
work hours. My husband and I had a landline
for emergencies, but as soon as we enter the door at home, our
smartphones were turned off. Paul didn't even have my number
to text until I emailed him witha zinger at the end.
Late in the day. He demanded my number to refute
what I'd sent. Dozens of other Co workers had
my e-mail and I thought nothing of that.
I seriously don't think Paul hadany interest in pursuing me
(10:26):
either, as at the time he was smitten with his fiance.
But about a month before their big day, Paul found out his
girlfriend had been carrying on an affair with her high school
boyfriend for over a year. He was in shock and deeply hurt
by the whole situation. I unwittingly became his person
to vent to. I don't know where in our string
of conversations that things crossed a line, but I began to
feel truly sorry for Paul. I truly despised his fiance for
(10:49):
what she'd done, and I saw nothing wrong with that.
But after a particularly rough night for him, he came to school
looking frazzled and I could tell he'd been crying.
I gave him a hug and talked to him a bit.
He asked if I could stay after school to talk since I had a
couple hours after work each daybefore William got home.
I agreed. In hindsight, I realized now
what drew me into my conversations with Paul was a
(11:10):
different opinion. William and I had discussed most
any topic two people could discuss.
I knew before his reply what William would say when I asked
him a question the vast majorityof the time.
I guess I wanted a surprise whenI talked or verbal conflict.
It was stupid, pathetic and weak, but that is what led to
the affair. Things with William were ideal
and we spent every available moment together.
(11:30):
I had mentioned a Co worker named Paul in passing to William
but as there was truly nothing going on I didn't expound upon
anything and he saw no reason tocry.
When Paul started seeing a new woman, I felt no jealousy and
honestly only happiness for him.But William had to go out of
town to a construction site in Tulsa for three weeks while he
was away. We face timed every day and I
(11:51):
missed him morning, noon and night.
But with sudden spare time, I found myself also texting with
Paul just to pass the time instead of an occasional hour or
two. After school, Paul and I often
had time to grab a bite to eat and a drink or two before
heading to our separate homes. Oddly enough, the thing that led
us to become physical was me being a klutz and the school
nurse not working that week. I sprained my ankle one day
(12:12):
walking up some steps to go get at lunch.
Since the nurse was not on site.I went to Paul, assuming he is a
coach, had numbing spray or an ace bandage.
He was working on my ankle when I happened to notice he had an
apparent erection. I was a bit taken aback he was
getting aroused in some way until I realized from his
position he could see slightly up my skirt.
I have to admit for a moment I found the fact I was turning him
(12:33):
on was stimulating in some way. I adjusted myself to see if a
slightly better view would get him more worked up.
He called me out on it. I laughed and told him he could
work out his frustrations with his new girlfriend.
Suddenly he kissed me and I pushed him away.
He kissed me again and I didn't.We made out for a few minutes
before I realized what I was doing.
I hurriedly got out of his classroom and made it down the
halls to my classroom. I said in disbelief of what had
(12:56):
just occurred. I didn't plan for it to happen
and I was certain Paul didn't either.
I didn't know if I should call William and tell him that moment
will wait until he got home thatnight.
But when I talked to Paul after classes, he apologized, urged me
not to bring any conflict into my marriage and remain just
friends. I didn't want to give William
more distress about as he was out of town and focused on his
job assignment. After talking with William that
(13:17):
night about how things were going in Tulsa, I decided to
wait and tell him when he got home his company was having some
issues with the client having the manpower to keep the project
running smoothly. There were things William could
not get done due to the delays, which many had to spend two
extra weeks in Tulsa. Paul was there for me to discuss
what had happened between us. I couldn't tell any of my women
friends. I couldn't rely on any family
(13:38):
members as they all rightfully loved William to pieces.
I guess random strangers on a site like this would have been
the best option had I known about it, but the person I was
venting to was the very last person I should have been
discussing it with. One Friday after work, Paul and
I went to a new restaurant near the school for dinner.
We sat at the bar and had a few drinks as I explained how
unsettled I felt knowing I had to tell my husband what had
(13:59):
happened. He asked me how I thought
William would take the news, andI told Paul he might want to
call in sick the day after I told William just in case.
He asked if I seriously thought William would beat his ass, and
I told him no, but I knew it would mean the end of Paul and I
conversing and messaging, and rightfully so.
Paul confessed he didn't think he would would have made it
through his breakup if it hadn'tbeen for me.
I assured him I was glad to be of assistance and didn't regret
(14:20):
helping him when the realizationour friendship would end sunk
in. I think we were both a little
depressed. I drank too much, he drank too
much, and I ended up back at Paul's apartment doing a lot
more than kissing. As soon as it was over, my
conscience kicked in. Yes, it should have kicked in
long before, but I knew beyond all shadow of any doubt my
marriage was over and done with.William and I both had said
(14:41):
society has allowed far too manysecond chances for people that
didn't deserve them. Yes, humans do make mistakes.
While we both believed anyone who cheated did deserve a second
chance, it could never be with the one they betrayed.
Life might give them the opportunity to love someone else
again, but any opportunities with a cheated spouse was
totally undeserved and detrimental to both parties.
Things got very complicated whenWilliam arrived home from Tulsa.
(15:04):
I happened to be having my period, so I knew there would be
no intimacy between us. Thankfully, not in a million
years would I have subjected my husband to any diseases.
Regardless of how much I wanted to Make Love to William one last
time, I couldn't allow that to happen.
I wrote out a long letter to William confessing what I've
done and planned to give it to him after a face to face
confession. To this day, I don't know what
(15:24):
happened for William to discoverwhat was going on.
For all I know, he had been monitoring my online
conversation with Paul from day one.
I never got to ask him how he discovered my betrayal, and the
realization he'd learned what I've done before I had the
chance to tell him caused me to fall to my knees and swear I
plan to tell him. William didn't believe that, and
I wouldn't have either. He had a stack of the text
between Paul and I printed out, though I didn't deny any of what
(15:47):
he accused me of. That honesty came far too late.
He packed a few things in a suitcase and left me on a Monday
evening. Wednesday night he drove to a
shopping center, parked his car,and took his own life.
To know I had destroyed our relationship was torture to my
soul like I'd never known. To know I'd even robbed him of a
chance to find someone else to be happy with ruin me.
The realization I didn't just end my relationship with
(16:09):
William, but every relationship he'd had or would have caused
more guilt than I could ever express.
I could go into all the things that have happened since William
passed away, but a lot of it would be details far too many
wouldn't truly care about. Suffice it to say, his family
hates me and my family. My family was disgusted by my
actions and continues to be to this day.
Their love for me didn't die, but their disappointment and
(16:30):
shame toward me will never end. And that's how it should be.
No, the results were not anything I intended.
But when choices are made that cause pain and suffering, we are
still guilty for causing that grief.
I see a therapist twice a week to try and work through things.
I was introduced to someone through my therapist that is
genuinely helping me sort through my feelings.
Years ago she intentionally set a small fire to set off alarms
(16:51):
to scare her ex-boyfriend and the girl he just started seeing.
The fire spread quickly and whathad been intended as a the joke
caused multiple people to lose their lives.
She and I have discussed so manythings about her story and mine.
Things can never be the way theyonce were, nor should they be.
But if I am to keep living, I need a plan to make what is left
of my life as meaningful as possible.
So that is basically my story. Anyone who wants to post
(17:13):
messages of hate for me and tellme what a wretched person I am,
go right ahead. I won't be replying to it, but
if it helps you get rid of any rage you have, make me your
verbal punching bag. Those with specific questions I
will answer as best I can, no matter how much some things may
hurt to discuss or admit. For those that read this who
have been cheated on, yes, many of you may have been
intentionally betrayed, but those who had a significant
(17:35):
other who was just as perplexed why they cheated as you were,
listen to my story. It doesn't make one damn thing I
did right, just the opposite. But if it helps you to
understand that you did little to nothing to cause the
infidelity, so be it. Those unrepentant cheaters.
I hope you do read my cautionarytale and know that you have the
ability to destroy. You won't just be destroying
someone else, you will be destroying your relationship
(17:56):
with many people and a huge partof yourself.
I realize I have no room to preach to or judge anyone accept
myself. I just don't want anyone to find
their William and lose them. I don't want anyone to sink to
the depths I did or cause the pain and sorrow I did.
And most of all I want all the people who have great
relationships to cherish it and never take it for granted.
As humans we are not immune to being able to be swayed under
(18:17):
the wrong conditions in series of events.
When we love someone we carry part of their soul around with
us. Just one betrayal makes it
impossible for that person to hold that piece of you again.
I had my husband's heart in my hands and I now deserve the fact
I will never again hold his heart, nor will he ever again
hold me. This life has far too much pain
without harming the very ones welove, and love is far too
(18:38):
precious to risk on anything. TLDRI cheated, which caused my
husband to commit suicide mere days after confronting me.
This is intended as a final response update first, someone
shared a link to a post asking if William posted it.
William didn't have Reddit that I know of, and considering he's
been dead a year, I doubt it washim.
That was a sad story as well. I truly hope the AOP did not
(18:58):
take his own life. For those trying to
psychoanalize me to make some sense out of the things I've
done, I appreciate the effort. Even if it was for your own self
interests. None of the many professionals I
have seen so far have a good theory as to why I let things
happen. I feel like there should be some
valid reason why I did what I did to I just can't come up with
one and it wouldn't be a valid reason to do what I did if I
(19:18):
found one. For those that swear this is
fake, I can't fathom a reason anyone would post this for a
reason other than to warn and perhaps help.
It certainly wasn't a karma grab.
I've barely responded so it wasn't for attention and it
certainly wasn't to lift my spirits because I've rightfully
been slammed from my betrayal. Admitting to something horrible
is not easy. Imagining it never happened
doesn't help me, but you all do you.
(19:40):
I do not keep in contact with Paul and have not heard from him
since before William committed suicide.
The only things I know about himare second hand from people I
worked with. I have no interest in being with
Paul or having him in my life inany way.
So those thinking I plan my vileactions to ride off into the
sunset with a first year lacrosse coach now bless you
all. I won't be commenting anymore,
(20:00):
but I'll leave the post up as resource in case someone needs
it in the future. Bless you all.
May you have stellar lives full of happiness, but most of all,
peace. OK, the kiss happened, maybe you
could call that a moment of weakness, but even then you were
asking for it and you're enjoyedit, you wanted it.
But then instead of stay TF awayfrom the guy who is threatening
your marriage, you go out with him.
(20:20):
Can you honestly say you didn't know what was going to happen?
That you didn't want it to happen?
You came back and spend time alone with Appen, at a bar no
less. You drink and confide in each
other. Can you tell me honestly not
only that you didn't know what would happen, but that you
didn't also want it to happen? Affairs can begin as innocent
friends, then perpetual sliding past boundaries until the
infidelity occurs. Emotional infidelity occurs
(20:42):
often before the physical aspect.
String boundaries that shouldn'tbe crossed that are enforced
swiftly and effectively. I hope that you've learned how
easy it is to go down a path to infidelity and that you can find
happiness in the future while being faithful to someone.
The cost of my infidelity. At the suggestion of my
therapist, I've decided to writeout and share what has
transpired in my life over the last year.
To get this to make any coherentsense took lots of edits and
couple of rewrites. I used to be a fairly talented
writer, but I fell out of practice years ago.
This forum was recommended to meby a friend as a method of
confession, penance and a warning to share with others.
(00:21):
I did something truly horrible for which the consequences were
beyond even the worst thing I could have ever imagined.
I am sharing this with a full knowledge.
Many will despise me for what I I did and the events that took
place because of my betrayal. Reading my own words is
revolting because I know in a very real sense what I did is
unforgivable. I understand far too well how
needlessly tragic the events that transpired truly were.
(00:42):
My hope is simply that my story can be shared with anyone in any
relationship and perhaps some future betrayal won't happen.
More specifically, I hope someone who is currently
cheating on their significant other or even thinking about it
might read this and it makes them pause.
Many might think my example of what can go wrong being
unfaithful is an extreme rarity that seldom occurs.
I've been told by people far more knowledgeable than I am
(01:05):
that my situation is sadly far from unique, but I'm willing to
take the hate I will receive by sharing this if it keeps even
one person from breaking the heart of someone they love.
I am a 28 year old female. When I was married to a
wonderful man I will call William, 8 months ago my husband
confronted me with proof I have been both emotionally and
physically unfaithful. A few days after he confronted
(01:25):
me about my infidelity, my husband committed suicide.
I realized just typing those words out has caused people,
people I don't even know, to hate me.
I couldn't believe I had the capability to do something that
evil to harm someone I'd loved since we were children.
But I did it. If you'd asked either me or
William if either of us would ever be unfaithful, we both
would have laughed. But to my own shock and
(01:45):
surprise, I allowed myself to lose focus and straight.
I knew it would destroy him if he ever found out, but I took
the heart of the man I loved andcrushed it so cruelly he
couldn't endure the pain of his life anymore.
Those of you thinking right now that I don't deserve to be
breathing, I agree with you. I agree with you so much.
I've attempted on 2 occasions tomake that a reality.
I'm assured there is a reason I'm still here.
(02:05):
For the moment, I've convinced myself that the longer I live,
the more I suffer. And I don't deserve the mercy of
a suicide. If we're being honest.
William and I grew up together. I can remember my very early
youth and have no time in my memory.
Did I not know William? We were in the same Sunday
school classes, public school classes, and our families had
been friends long before he and I ever came along.
(02:26):
He could always make me laugh. Kids can be mean, but William
never was. I realized I thought he was cute
in 6th grade. It wasn't an official crush
until high school. William and I have been our one
and only loves from early high school all the way through
college. Together we were best friends
and cherished each other so much.
After graduation, we took a yearto get good, stable jobs near
our families and decided to get married.
(02:47):
We took vacations together. We made love at any moment we
got the chance. We were ravenous for each other.
The only time tax was at the table was during that time of
the month. But we'd Make Love for hours.
Beautiful moments of passion, and I threw it all away for
something tawdry, cheap, and worthless.
We were planning to have children.
We knew their names. We were both virgins.
He was my first everything and Iwas his first everything.
(03:10):
Part of me wishes I could say I had a drunken one night I might
stand trying to keep that for myhusband, but he found out.
No, I got emotionally and physically involved with a man
who was inferior to my husband in every way, shape and form.
I didn't even consider the possibility that a friendship
with another man could lead to an attachment for me.
My husband and I had a strong marriage.
As foolish as that sounds to saynow, we really did.
(03:33):
My husband was the epitome of strength.
I was the one who was weak, though before this, I considered
myself a strong one. It's just that no one ever told
me that while our relationship was so very strong, no
relationship is bulletproof. There is not a day that goes by
that I don't wish someone had walked up and shot me the minute
before anything I did became secretive.
It is an indisputable fact. The world would be far a far
(03:55):
better place with my husband here and alive instead of me.
There is no rationalizing away truth like that.
I had so many chances to stop itbefore anything happened and I
had absolutely no reason to allow anything to happen.
After a brief and heated conversation, he walked out and
I never spoke to him again. I tried to contact him in any in
every way I could think of. My God, I tried to reach out so
(04:15):
many times just to let him know that I am truly sorry.
Just to know I hate what I did. My texts to him never showed
anything but an unread status tome, so I doubt he read any
emails or heard any voicemails either.
But everyone said I needed to give him space and time to
think. Two nights after William
confronted me at 3:17 AM, there was a loud knock at the front
door. I turned on the lights.
(04:37):
I thought at first it might be someone in a drunken stupor
wanting to curse me out or worse.
Then there was another loud knock and I threw on a hoodie
before heading to the door. When I opened the door to see
two policemen, I knew they couldhave been there for many things,
but I knew in an instant why they were there.
There were telling me that my husband's body had been found
due to an apparent suicide. Destroyed me.
I dropped to my knees and waileda shriek of agony.
(04:59):
I tore at my skin and hair as the police tried to calm me
down. By the time the EMT's got there,
I was sitting on the steps, rocking back and forth,
repeating that I was so, so sorry.
Yeah, there was no way I was making it to the funeral, even
if William's family had allowed any of my family to attend.
I was kept sedated for days. The first thing I wanted to do
when I got out was visit William's grave, but nobody knew
(05:20):
where his parents had him buried.
They had every right. But that cut deeply, and I tried
to cut deeply that night when I tried to take my life for the
first time. I've now been hospitalized now
twice for attempted suicide. Not asking for pity, In fact, I
don't want it. Nothing can take this heartache
away, and nothing can even numb it.
Part of me wishes I had somehow forced him to see me, just for a
mere moment, to tell him how sorry I am and that I knew our
(05:42):
marriage was over. But I didn't get that.
No, I didn't deserve it. And I have to face the fact that
what I did was in fact so vile that making my husband see me
might have forced him to take his life even sooner.
Many people have said to me my actions were what led him to
take his life. I don't think there is any
doubt. Until that horrible day, he'd
been so unbelievably happy. We both had been.
He left no suicide note to verify I was his cause of death,
(06:06):
but we had been so happy. We love spending nearly every
moment together. To go from that kind of bliss to
that kind of grief in such a short span of time ended him.
I ended him. My words, actions, and thoughts
betrayed us both. Regret doesn't kill you.
If it did, I would have died before my husband ever
confronted me. When COVID hit, William and I
quarantined together. I was fortunate enough to teach
(06:26):
for an exclusive private school.The benefactors assured us our
salary was paid as long as the need for isolation persisted.
William worked from home and made a lot of progress on a
project he was placed in charge of.
The entire world was worried andafraid, but we had each other
and we so enjoyed making the most of it.
Watching movies in bed, feeding each other food, playing like 2
little kids. I am utterly, truly, completely
(06:49):
sorry to those that lost a lovedone due to that horrible
disease. What the world went through was
a literal plague upon humanity that caused so much needless
death. But my husband and I got closer
in those weeks than we ever had before and our bond had been
strong. We joked about how so many
people were hating having to spend time with family or God
forbid their wife or husband. We simply couldn't get enough of
(07:09):
each other. After the first month we had to
agree to limit tax to once a dayfor about a week.
Our only argument the entire quarantine was about having to
do laundry just to put clean sheets on the bed yet again.
And I cheated on that man which drove him to exit this life due
to my evil actions. A man I had such a close bond
with. I was an idiot in so many ways,
but for me to think because of that bond, no temptation was
(07:31):
enough to get me to stray with idiocy.
I hate myself in so many ways for so many reasons, but knowing
I had it all is the most difficult pill to swallow.
My affair was atypical of most in many ways.
Some aspects of the relationshipand betrayal were slightly less
vile, some were colder and even more evil.
The man I had an affair with I will call Paul.
I first encountered him in Groupzoom meetings during the
(07:52):
pandemic. I found him brash and smug with
no valid reason to act that way.He it was the school's lacrosse
coach, and I remember in those Zoom meetings being glad that as
an English teacher I would have to interact with him very
little. The first time we met face to
face, we shook hands and had some small talk.
There was 0 attraction, at leastfor me, toward him, but I didn't
sense any lustful attention emulating from him toward me.
(08:13):
During that introduction I learned he was engaged and I
told him I was happily married to a man I adored.
No actual tension, nothing even hinting that would ever be a
possibility. The school began allowing half
the staff in all areas and half the students to attend school
for a week while the other half used Zoom.
The next week the other half would attend on site and vice
versa. That was supposed to assist with
social distancing and the students feelings of isolation
(08:36):
while eating lunch. One day before my next class
began, I got an e-mail from Paul.
He had written out some toasts and jokes for his upcoming
wedding and wanted me to edit what he'd written.
I was used to being sent writingto edit, so that was nothing I
felt important enough to tell William.
Coupled with the fact that all pertained to Paul's wedding and
I saw no reason to give my husband a boring detail about
that day. The e-mail obtained a toast to
(08:57):
his parents as well as to the parents of the bride.
I took what he'd said and added a few phrases to pull at the
heartstrings of all who attended.
The jokes directed at his brother, the best man, were
absolutely hilarious, but a little vulgar for my liking at a
wedding. I said as much when I sent back
his edited speeches. He laughed and said I just don't
know his family and that ball busting was a family tradition.
That e-mail exchange began several months of corresponding
(09:19):
back and forth. But as difficult as it may
believe, not until the very end did anything become
inappropriate. Not once did anything become
flirtatious or estrual. Well, we did talk about tax, but
from a purely scientific and psychological point of view, our
tax talks at that point would have made the biggest
nymphomania in history drier than the Sahara.
There was nothing emotional or physically stimulating to those
(09:41):
conversations and I enjoyed our corresponding due to the fact I
was certain there was no temptation on either end.
We discussed race, politics, religion, science, sports, all
the things people are hesitant to discuss due to differing
opinions. Some of the discussions even got
heated. I was called approved more than
once due to my opinions about tax.
Yes, I proved him wrong, but I wish to God he'd been right for
(10:04):
the longest time. All of this took place during
work hours. My husband and I had a landline
for emergencies, but as soon as we enter the door at home, our
smartphones were turned off. Paul didn't even have my number
to text until I emailed him witha zinger at the end.
Late in the day. He demanded my number to refute
what I'd sent. Dozens of other Co workers had
my e-mail and I thought nothing of that.
I seriously don't think Paul hadany interest in pursuing me
(10:26):
either, as at the time he was smitten with his fiance.
But about a month before their big day, Paul found out his
girlfriend had been carrying on an affair with her high school
boyfriend for over a year. He was in shock and deeply hurt
by the whole situation. I unwittingly became his person
to vent to. I don't know where in our string
of conversations that things crossed a line, but I began to
feel truly sorry for Paul. I truly despised his fiance for
(10:49):
what she'd done, and I saw nothing wrong with that.
But after a particularly rough night for him, he came to school
looking frazzled and I could tell he'd been crying.
I gave him a hug and talked to him a bit.
He asked if I could stay after school to talk since I had a
couple hours after work each daybefore William got home.
I agreed. In hindsight, I realized now
what drew me into my conversations with Paul was a
(11:10):
different opinion. William and I had discussed most
any topic two people could discuss.
I knew before his reply what William would say when I asked
him a question the vast majorityof the time.
I guess I wanted a surprise whenI talked or verbal conflict.
It was stupid, pathetic and weak, but that is what led to
the affair. Things with William were ideal
and we spent every available moment together.
(11:30):
I had mentioned a Co worker named Paul in passing to William
but as there was truly nothing going on I didn't expound upon
anything and he saw no reason tocry.
When Paul started seeing a new woman, I felt no jealousy and
honestly only happiness for him.But William had to go out of
town to a construction site in Tulsa for three weeks while he
was away. We face timed every day and I
(11:51):
missed him morning, noon and night.
But with sudden spare time, I found myself also texting with
Paul just to pass the time instead of an occasional hour or
two. After school, Paul and I often
had time to grab a bite to eat and a drink or two before
heading to our separate homes. Oddly enough, the thing that led
us to become physical was me being a klutz and the school
nurse not working that week. I sprained my ankle one day
(12:12):
walking up some steps to go get at lunch.
Since the nurse was not on site.I went to Paul, assuming he is a
coach, had numbing spray or an ace bandage.
He was working on my ankle when I happened to notice he had an
apparent erection. I was a bit taken aback he was
getting aroused in some way until I realized from his
position he could see slightly up my skirt.
I have to admit for a moment I found the fact I was turning him
(12:33):
on was stimulating in some way. I adjusted myself to see if a
slightly better view would get him more worked up.
He called me out on it. I laughed and told him he could
work out his frustrations with his new girlfriend.
Suddenly he kissed me and I pushed him away.
He kissed me again and I didn't.We made out for a few minutes
before I realized what I was doing.
I hurriedly got out of his classroom and made it down the
halls to my classroom. I said in disbelief of what had
(12:56):
just occurred. I didn't plan for it to happen
and I was certain Paul didn't either.
I didn't know if I should call William and tell him that moment
will wait until he got home thatnight.
But when I talked to Paul after classes, he apologized, urged me
not to bring any conflict into my marriage and remain just
friends. I didn't want to give William
more distress about as he was out of town and focused on his
job assignment. After talking with William that
(13:17):
night about how things were going in Tulsa, I decided to
wait and tell him when he got home his company was having some
issues with the client having the manpower to keep the project
running smoothly. There were things William could
not get done due to the delays, which many had to spend two
extra weeks in Tulsa. Paul was there for me to discuss
what had happened between us. I couldn't tell any of my women
friends. I couldn't rely on any family
(13:38):
members as they all rightfully loved William to pieces.
I guess random strangers on a site like this would have been
the best option had I known about it, but the person I was
venting to was the very last person I should have been
discussing it with. One Friday after work, Paul and
I went to a new restaurant near the school for dinner.
We sat at the bar and had a few drinks as I explained how
unsettled I felt knowing I had to tell my husband what had
(13:59):
happened. He asked me how I thought
William would take the news, andI told Paul he might want to
call in sick the day after I told William just in case.
He asked if I seriously thought William would beat his ass, and
I told him no, but I knew it would mean the end of Paul and I
conversing and messaging, and rightfully so.
Paul confessed he didn't think he would would have made it
through his breakup if it hadn'tbeen for me.
I assured him I was glad to be of assistance and didn't regret
(14:20):
helping him when the realizationour friendship would end sunk
in. I think we were both a little
depressed. I drank too much, he drank too
much, and I ended up back at Paul's apartment doing a lot
more than kissing. As soon as it was over, my
conscience kicked in. Yes, it should have kicked in
long before, but I knew beyond all shadow of any doubt my
marriage was over and done with.William and I both had said
(14:41):
society has allowed far too manysecond chances for people that
didn't deserve them. Yes, humans do make mistakes.
While we both believed anyone who cheated did deserve a second
chance, it could never be with the one they betrayed.
Life might give them the opportunity to love someone else
again, but any opportunities with a cheated spouse was
totally undeserved and detrimental to both parties.
Things got very complicated whenWilliam arrived home from Tulsa.
(15:04):
I happened to be having my period, so I knew there would be
no intimacy between us. Thankfully, not in a million
years would I have subjected my husband to any diseases.
Regardless of how much I wanted to Make Love to William one last
time, I couldn't allow that to happen.
I wrote out a long letter to William confessing what I've
done and planned to give it to him after a face to face
confession. To this day, I don't know what
(15:24):
happened for William to discoverwhat was going on.
For all I know, he had been monitoring my online
conversation with Paul from day one.
I never got to ask him how he discovered my betrayal, and the
realization he'd learned what I've done before I had the
chance to tell him caused me to fall to my knees and swear I
plan to tell him. William didn't believe that, and
I wouldn't have either. He had a stack of the text
between Paul and I printed out, though I didn't deny any of what
(15:47):
he accused me of. That honesty came far too late.
He packed a few things in a suitcase and left me on a Monday
evening. Wednesday night he drove to a
shopping center, parked his car,and took his own life.
To know I had destroyed our relationship was torture to my
soul like I'd never known. To know I'd even robbed him of a
chance to find someone else to be happy with ruin me.
The realization I didn't just end my relationship with
(16:09):
William, but every relationship he'd had or would have caused
more guilt than I could ever express.
I could go into all the things that have happened since William
passed away, but a lot of it would be details far too many
wouldn't truly care about. Suffice it to say, his family
hates me and my family. My family was disgusted by my
actions and continues to be to this day.
Their love for me didn't die, but their disappointment and
(16:30):
shame toward me will never end. And that's how it should be.
No, the results were not anything I intended.
But when choices are made that cause pain and suffering, we are
still guilty for causing that grief.
I see a therapist twice a week to try and work through things.
I was introduced to someone through my therapist that is
genuinely helping me sort through my feelings.
Years ago she intentionally set a small fire to set off alarms
(16:51):
to scare her ex-boyfriend and the girl he just started seeing.
The fire spread quickly and whathad been intended as a the joke
caused multiple people to lose their lives.
She and I have discussed so manythings about her story and mine.
Things can never be the way theyonce were, nor should they be.
But if I am to keep living, I need a plan to make what is left
of my life as meaningful as possible.
So that is basically my story. Anyone who wants to post
(17:13):
messages of hate for me and tellme what a wretched person I am,
go right ahead. I won't be replying to it, but
if it helps you get rid of any rage you have, make me your
verbal punching bag. Those with specific questions I
will answer as best I can, no matter how much some things may
hurt to discuss or admit. For those that read this who
have been cheated on, yes, many of you may have been
intentionally betrayed, but those who had a significant
(17:35):
other who was just as perplexed why they cheated as you were,
listen to my story. It doesn't make one damn thing I
did right, just the opposite. But if it helps you to
understand that you did little to nothing to cause the
infidelity, so be it. Those unrepentant cheaters.
I hope you do read my cautionarytale and know that you have the
ability to destroy. You won't just be destroying
someone else, you will be destroying your relationship
(17:56):
with many people and a huge partof yourself.
I realize I have no room to preach to or judge anyone accept
myself. I just don't want anyone to find
their William and lose them. I don't want anyone to sink to
the depths I did or cause the pain and sorrow I did.
And most of all I want all the people who have great
relationships to cherish it and never take it for granted.
As humans we are not immune to being able to be swayed under
(18:17):
the wrong conditions in series of events.
When we love someone we carry part of their soul around with
us. Just one betrayal makes it
impossible for that person to hold that piece of you again.
I had my husband's heart in my hands and I now deserve the fact
I will never again hold his heart, nor will he ever again
hold me. This life has far too much pain
without harming the very ones welove, and love is far too
(18:38):
precious to risk on anything. TLDRI cheated, which caused my
husband to commit suicide mere days after confronting me.
This is intended as a final response update first, someone
shared a link to a post asking if William posted it.
William didn't have Reddit that I know of, and considering he's
been dead a year, I doubt it washim.
That was a sad story as well. I truly hope the AOP did not
(18:58):
take his own life. For those trying to
psychoanalize me to make some sense out of the things I've
done, I appreciate the effort. Even if it was for your own self
interests. None of the many professionals I
have seen so far have a good theory as to why I let things
happen. I feel like there should be some
valid reason why I did what I did to I just can't come up with
one and it wouldn't be a valid reason to do what I did if I
(19:18):
found one. For those that swear this is
fake, I can't fathom a reason anyone would post this for a
reason other than to warn and perhaps help.
It certainly wasn't a karma grab.
I've barely responded so it wasn't for attention and it
certainly wasn't to lift my spirits because I've rightfully
been slammed from my betrayal. Admitting to something horrible
is not easy. Imagining it never happened
doesn't help me, but you all do you.
(19:40):
I do not keep in contact with Paul and have not heard from him
since before William committed suicide.
The only things I know about himare second hand from people I
worked with. I have no interest in being with
Paul or having him in my life inany way.
So those thinking I plan my vileactions to ride off into the
sunset with a first year lacrosse coach now bless you
all. I won't be commenting anymore,
(20:00):
but I'll leave the post up as resource in case someone needs
it in the future. Bless you all.
May you have stellar lives full of happiness, but most of all,
peace. OK, the kiss happened, maybe you
could call that a moment of weakness, but even then you were
asking for it and you're enjoyedit, you wanted it.
But then instead of stay TF awayfrom the guy who is threatening
your marriage, you go out with him.
(20:20):
Can you honestly say you didn't know what was going to happen?
That you didn't want it to happen?
You came back and spend time alone with Appen, at a bar no
less. You drink and confide in each
other. Can you tell me honestly not
only that you didn't know what would happen, but that you
didn't also want it to happen? Affairs can begin as innocent
friends, then perpetual sliding past boundaries until the
infidelity occurs. Emotional infidelity occurs
(20:42):
often before the physical aspect.
String boundaries that shouldn'tbe crossed that are enforced
swiftly and effectively. I hope that you've learned how
easy it is to go down a path to infidelity and that you can find
happiness in the future while being faithful to someone.
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