Wife Spent A Week At a Drug Den & Got Pregnant From A Sick Junkie

Wife Spent A Week At a Drug Den & Got Pregnant From A Sick Junkie

Episode Transcript

(00:05):
How I went no contact and how itworked.
I recorded a final audio messageon my phone, about 20 minutes.
I talked of all the good times, what I knew were leads, gas,
lighting and the things that I knew would touch her.
The good times we had, the things she was missing out on.
I then told her I was blocking her on all levels and said my

(00:26):
goodbye. How I wanted to say goodbye and
send it. I deliberately did it in the
morning when I knew I would be swamped at West work for the
next few days so that I simply wouldn't have time to wonder
about anything. I then blocked her on every
single social media account. I also did all her friends and
family. She can keep them.
I have enough good friends who haven't been turned against me.

(00:48):
I then marked her emails as spam.
I never checked my spam. I then blocked her phone
numbers, personal and work, all friends and family.
I then got an app and copied alltexts and images from my phone
to my laptop. I then copied everything to a
portable hard drive and put it away.
I can't remember where it is. I then deleted everything from

(01:11):
my phone, laptop, emails, everything.
Some of it was easy, some of it was soul destroying but she was
so toxic I had no choice. I then went to the doctor's and
told them what I've been through, Lying about 16 affairs
she had before she met me and talking to all the men behind my
back, probably having affairs when with me and blaming me for

(01:31):
being paranoid, saying I needed help etcetera.
It was hard to talk to the doctor but being honest about it
was the right thing to do. I needed real help.
I was put into therapy and diagnosed as suffering acute
PTSD and moderate depression dueto insomnia.
I used to wake up every 45 minutes missing her, crying,
wanting to die. I can't die because I'm a dad.

(01:54):
Then not being able to sleep again.
I did my therapy and got myself a new therapist who I've been
seeing for about a year now. She never contacted me because
she can't contact me in blockingher like I did.
I gave myself closure on my terms and freed myself of those
gut wrenching feelings when she would try gaslighting me when

(02:14):
she would try turning positive things I was saying into
negatives. It's been about 112 years now.
Trust me it works. Peace and good luck to anyone
considering. Update to anyone who feels like
their life is over or so much time wasted.
Believe me 8 years of hell. I gave everything and all I got

(02:34):
in return was many layers of abuse.
I realized it's killing me. I knew it would be unbearable
pain but I have duties to my daughter, not to a spoiled child
masquerading as an adult. For first time in my life I went
single and accepted it was needed.
Fast forward one year, a lot of therapy.
I'm now almost five years sober.I quit smoking over 1-2 year

(02:57):
now. I've paid off most my debt, I
invested spare money, put some away for daughter.
I've bought car, work is good, lots of opportunities.
I now take good money. Now I'm present and good terms
with landlord, family, friends. My garden is tidy, tidying house
takes time but no longer neglected after weekends wasted.

(03:20):
Am slowly reconnecting with old friends.
I dropped during toxic times andin seven weeks time I'm taking
my daughter, 12 years old, on a tropical adventure where we will
go diving, eat good food, hang on beaches, watch sunsets and
sunrises and do all the things adad should do with his daughter
before she moves on into her ownlife.

(03:41):
I stayed in the toxic relationships because I feared
being single and felt these people gave me status.
Loyal to others, not to myself. Abuse became acceptable.
I was letting others affect my life.
Not anymore. To anyone who feels like their
life is over or so much time wasted.
It's a cliche, but I truly do believe the hardest, cruelest,

(04:03):
unfair, almost impossible lessons are the ones we learn
the most from Redditors. Reaction story 2 after redditor
1. Congrats.
It's a lot of work but it's so rewarding when you can come out
on the other side of it. Redditor 2.
Great job OP, really proud of you.
I'm about to step into the same with my three kids.

(04:23):
Wife cheated and divorce is about to be filed.
I've been feeling the same as you and have been afraid of the
unknown and being lonely so these kind of posts are really
great to see. Gives me hope for the future.
Redditor 3. Life is worth living Story 2.
I got the closure that I thoughtwould never come.
My soon to be ex-wife picked up our daughter and seemed down.

(04:46):
Me being me I asked what was wrong.
Though I kicked myself instantly.
I can't see people in pain. What came was a good hour long
conversation about how much she messed up her life.
I was recovering from a mental breakdown when she ended things.
She'd been having an affair, I moved out while the house went
up for sale because she had nowhere to go.

(05:06):
She thanked me by moving him in and introducing him to my
daughter straight away. It was a horrid existence, never
felt pain like it before and I hope I never do again.
She told me about his double life, the lies, the cheating,
the other woman just like her. He was seeing that he'd proposed
to the third woman who was supposed to be her friend, and
the messages to others. I was happy about the apparent

(05:29):
jealousy he felt towards me. He lived rent free in my head
for so long that I'm glad I was wrong about them being happy.
She told me how she spent longerthan 10 minutes dropping our
daughter off. He thought we were sleeping
together. How he hated most of all that
she didn't hate me. She told me that her family, who
so hurtfully cut me off, hated her for what she did to me and

(05:50):
wouldn't speak to him at all. Seems he was very controlling.
I'm worried my daughter has seenarguments in fighting.
There have been time she's been angry herself with no apparent
cause. For now, she seems very happy,
so I won't worry so much. Tears fell.
She told me she regrets how easily she gave up on me and how
she treated me. I didn't feel smug.

(06:11):
I didn't feel happy she was sad or hurt.
I felt sorry for her. Most of all, I feel vindicated.
I feel like a knot in my chest I've had for so long has lifted
and I can finally breathe properly for the first time.
I felt so guilty for so long, like it was all my fault.
I felt like such an unlovable fool.
I'm not naive enough to think this is how she always felt, nor

(06:33):
am I ignoring the fact that she knows how happy I am with my
current partner, who I honestly think is the love of my life.
All I could think about was her,how much she cares, how she
builds me up, all just because she loves me.
I just don't feel angry anymore.I looked into the eyes of
someone who caused me so much pain, who I love so much and

(06:53):
threw me away anyway, and I feltthe same as I feel when a client
tells me their troubles. No love, no longing, just
attached empathy I have with thepeople I work with.
I finally feel like it's behind me.
I finally feel like I've completely moved past the pain.
I just needed to tell someone. Who better to understand than
you. Lovely bunch.
I hope every one of you gets to feel this way one day.

(07:16):
Story 3 Strange relations for 15years since we were 15.
Married now divorcing. Affair is a coffin nail.
The intro. Me 30 AM and my soon to be
ex-wife 30F. Both are from a relatively small
town in a small Slavic country. The one that made headlines back
in 2020 and again in 2022. It all started in 2005.

(07:40):
We went to school together and we're never actually considered
a couple, but rather sweetheartsbased on the bond that existed
between us back in those days. Her daddy issues date back to
this very period as well. Long story short, dad made huge
debts and disappeared. Single mom left behind two kids.
Mobsters coming and searching for the missing dad literally

(08:01):
every day. I guess this is where the trauma
comes from. I will elaborate on the trauma
and its impact below. We went to university together
in 2009, same uni, different departments and I was hoping to
convert this bond into a full-fledged relationship.
But this is the point where it all started to go wrong.
We have been on and off since that year, had some 2-3 days of

(08:24):
wildest time and then got split again for some 812 months.
Theory of attraction could have explained a lot back in a day
but ironically enough I discovered it 3 weeks ago.
This is where I could have takena different route if only I
knew. This all lasted till 2014.
We both had relations with otherpeople in between our brief

(08:44):
rendezvous but eventually got drifted towards each other at
the end of each cycle. Yeah, this never ending anxious,
preoccupied, fearful, avoid and curse. 2014 was the year when it
all began officially. She reached out to me, persuaded
me that she did some soul searching and was ready to give
it a go. It took me almost a year to
trust her completely and eventually it worked.

(09:07):
We split twice in 2016 and 2017 for some 4-5 weeks but never
ceased communicating. She asked for a separation once
I slammed the door. The second time we both just got
emotional, nothing really serious.
Although this might have signified future issues.
This is where I could have takena different route, if only I
knew. Moved in together in 2017.

(09:30):
Got married in 2019 right after we moved into our first own
flat. 20/19 was the year when I got sick.
Low grade fever for some 6 plus month and other symptoms on me
CFS. But eventually I went through
it, at least for now. This was the point where her
libido started to gradually fadeaway as she later confessed.
Not that easy to have S time with a sick man, but we were

(09:52):
still in love. Remember I mentioned trauma?
She was really struggling with some issues including chronic
depression, eating disorder, separation issues, took care of
her mom more than she should do,etcetera.
She has been seeing therapist ona regular basis since 2017, has
been taking SSRI's ever since which eventually messed with our

(10:12):
relations. And as it often happens, she is
extremely gifted, applied arts, design, etcetera, but never
actually believing in herself. I was always there as she
herself confessed. We made some minor mistakes but
never let her down and was extremely supporting.
As the COVID started in 2020, weboth admitted we grew extremely

(10:34):
closer despite spending almost 100% of time together in a small
flat. Her depression and eating
disorder almost went into a remission and we couldn't be
happier. Spent lots of time together
inside and outside. Dream job.
I am a game producer and love ofmy life next to me.
With pandemic raging somewhere. Purchased and moved into our new

(10:55):
flat in 2021. Renovated it together.
Had some minor semi friendly arguments but nothing serious.
TikTok D-Day approaching end of 2021.
Beginning of 2022 is the time when I felt something was
starting to go wrong. First the gut feeling, then as
time becomes rare. Still not a dead bedroom though.

(11:16):
She is drifting further emotionally.
She starts to display major signs of uncertainty, whether we
are headed in the right direction as a couple, etcetera,
etcetera. Eventually I dug into books and
pushed myself to start working on this whole thing seriously
while she was trying to figure out what's going in her head.
Countdown begins in March 2022. She asks for some time alone in

(11:38):
a city in a country located nearby, some one hour flight,
and I willingly agree and purchase tickets for her when
she is back. It was never the same
disengagement, absence of physical contact, etcetera.
We still talk though, discuss things and try to approach
things differently. I already know fearful
avoidance, are scared of long conversation, and the new

(11:58):
tactics even have some minor effect.
April 2022. She asks for a brief separation
one month to do some soul searching in the same city as
before I purchased tickets. She assures me she is willing to
work and asks me to find a family counselor while she is
away. Messages me every day though I'm
trying to stay pretty much distanced to give her time with

(12:20):
herself. Bam D-Day is here.
I felt something was wrong from the first day she was there.
You know, liars are often exposed when they made-up an
excessive amount of details for their stories.
This is why I felt something waswrong and bam, I accidentally
ran across the profile of her exfrom probably 2012 Instagram

(12:41):
recommended section. Which was quite surprising per
SE because we shared a good laugh when the guy, semi
unemployed pseudo intellectual wannabe musician reached out to
her in 2015 while we were already in serious relations.
I did a brief search across the digital footprint and guess
what? She is staying with him while
texting me and assuring she is working on herself.

(13:03):
I messaged her today telling I am aware of this.
She immediately denounces our marriage O the paradigmatic
avoidant coping and says she wants divorce as soon as she's
back. Read done sleeping with this
guy. I do not object.
And here I go, sitting in the flat we built together, full of
stuff we shared together and grieving.

(13:23):
Moving out to my friend's flat tomorrow since I don't want to
spend any more time at our home.Obviously I am willing to fix
this, but at the same time it ispretty much obvious despite all
side factors like that. It is like a rebound from a
crisis which in turn emerged from the avoidant partner
involving too much interrelations that the damage
done is far beyond reparable. Time to move on I guess.

(13:47):
Thanks for reading this stream of coin juiciness to this point.
You are a hero to have toleratedthis.
Any advice or support is appreciated.
I am at the beginning of scrapping the past 15 years, 1/2
of my life actually, and puttingall this asset together from the
very beginning. Three weeks since D-Day.
Moderately positive update. It's been some three weeks since

(14:09):
D-Day, so I decided to share some insights with my fellow Co
survivors. Here are some updates, takeaways
and reflections formulated as tips.
Some of you might find it helpful.
Sorry for my language, I am froma Slavic country.
D0. Some of the fellow redditors
told me she would reach out at some point or another asking

(14:30):
whether we could fix this and start again like most of WSS do
when the affair fog is gone. Oh well, this is where it gets
funny. WW took one day to reach out.
It would have been reasonable toexpect remorse, but hell no.
Instead she is trying to rug sweep this and make some subtle
attempts to reason with me. Feels like a comedy of errors

(14:53):
SMH. A bad one actually.
I have not made my mind regarding reconciliation yet
since she is still away. As soon as she's back we will
have hell of a talking to do, but I'd estimate the chances is
very slim. She is in therapy with a new IC
and seems to make slight progress at least with sorting
her own issues, but obviously still not fully comprehend what

(15:17):
she has done and what she is about to face.
One therapy IC I've been in therapy since day 2.
Upon discovery, I owe much to a friend who provided a reliable
counselor who was available ASAP.
My advice here would be pretty much obvious.
Seek therapy immediately. There were literally millions of

(15:37):
people in your current situation, and probably dozens
among the clients of any decent therapist.
Considering the divorce rate in any country, that means the
methodology supposed to help youheal and move on is well
designed and well tested. CBTEMDR, you name it.
I am now trying to combine different approaches to
eventually find what works best for me long term. 2 Balance

(16:01):
between staying preoccupied and compulsive compensatory
activities. First week was kind of surreal
because I increased physical activity exponentially, yet
stress was already taking its toll on my physic.
Week 2 and I calmed down a bit, shifting focus to some more
cognitively engaging activities.Took singing classes, got back

(16:22):
to drawing and composing music, and balance these activities
with jogging. Gravel biking works just fine.
Three time for yourself. Funny enough, this situation
provides a lot of time to assessyour own status from a different
standpoint. I was to some extent aware that
we were in codependent relationships, but God, it feels

(16:43):
so good to spend some quality time with yourself instead of
being constantly preoccupied with trying to read what's on
your partner's mind or trying todamage control her mood swings.
I even imagine Doc and Marty approaching me at some point and
offering a chance to prevent what's happened.
My response would be negative. This situation shed light on the

(17:03):
darkest corners of our marriage and Lance the Abscess that could
have been plaguing my life for some more time.
Four baby steps. I honestly feel like riding on a
sinusoidal wave these days. Some days feel better than ever
before, taking time to truly appreciate people I once took
for granted, enjoying new found hobbies, etcetera.

(17:24):
Other days are just constantly roaming in the dark and feeling
the shadows of suicidal thoughtslurking behind my back, but the
proportion of the former and thelatter has changed immensely in
favor of the former. There's a light at the end of
the tunnel, and no, this is not a freight train coming your way.
I guess one might consider himself truly healed at the

(17:45):
point is she is 100% comfortablewith him herself rather than
establishing new relationships which might still bear some
traits of rebound. 5 post traumatic growth.
I found myself too much absorbedby YouTube videos, Reddit posts
and forums on coping with infidelity, divorce,
reconciliation, etcetera. At some point, not anymore.

(18:07):
Yes, I am too emphatic and they either give me a false glimpse
of hope or bring me down to the point when I think my life might
not be as happy as it once was. Instead, I tried to focus on
some general topics of healing, coping with stress, developing
mindfulness and assertiveness, etcetera etcetera.
I particularly mentioned a concept of post traumatic growth

(18:27):
because it intuitively feels very healthy to try and see
positive outcomes of the tragedyyou're still facing.
Fake it till you make it I guess.
Six health tips. Just as I mentioned earlier, I
definitely started to face the physical consequences of the
stress, poor sleep, losing weight and I was already very

(18:48):
lean, etcetera. Pills definitely help.
Consult with your healthcare specialist and don't hesitate to
add some supplements to your meal plan.
I am not sure I am able to list what I am taking.
It might not be allowed. Welcomed by the subreddit rules.
Plus it is purely individual, but anyone can do the research
update. Why me nasty infidelity details?

(19:09):
STBXW came back from her trip couple of days ago and we
finally sat down to discuss our not existing future.
Obviously she trickle truth to me, attempted to share the blame
with me but I assume I managed to damage control this properly.
Anyways, some nasty details resurfaced.
She really spent a week in a kind of drug den she used

(19:32):
throughout all this week and barely remember some hours of
her life. Side note, she doesn't have a
history of drug abuse and as faras I know never really tried
anything before her ex or probably future fiance.
Lowell is really a total misfit.No work, constant substance
abuse. Still fully dependent on his
parents though. He is 30 something.

(19:54):
She talks of him with a barely hidden disgust and disdain now.
How ironic he is OK with duckinga still married woman.
She even tried to convince me heis not to blame because it was
she who initiated the visit which ended up this way.
They are having unprotected SX multiple times under the
influence. Imagine what might be there

(20:16):
except for STD's. Not really saying HIV but and
finally she is now pregnant. All this feels so surreal.
I sometimes can't believe I am amidst of this.
Why can't figure out how come? How come the woman I loved,
respected and cared for so much and who responded equally most
of the time during the days of our marriage, ended up pregnant

(20:38):
from a drug addict who looks sick and might be actually sick
with something more serious thanactually addiction?
How was this possible that she swapped a decent man?
I know I am, and it's not a narcissistic pretending in a
family bed in a best district ofour city for a misfit on a dirty
sofa some 800 kilometers away. And most importantly, she felt

(20:59):
the signs of pregnancy throughout the this three weeks
but never even took a test. She can't even respond why
limiting her answers to I did not want to Seems like the if I
ignore it maybe it will go away thing my therapist assumed
according to the way she discusses the events as if it
was not her but someone else andwithdraws from taking any steps

(21:20):
to fix the consequences, at least for her own body.
No STD tests, no pregnancy test,nothing for weeks.
That a dissociative identity disorder or something similar
might be the reason. Obviously it will never ever be
diagnosed. The self-destructive behavior
will continue. Imagine she comes back pregnant
and sick from it all and immediately visits the gym.

(21:43):
Clearly quite absurd. She never was and probably never
will be able to fully process her trauma or to face the
consequences. The only thing she is afraid of
is that the truth might come to light and friends relatives will
judge her. Perfect depiction of guilt
versus remorse thing. The immense guilt is consuming
her throughout most of her life but she always rug sweeps it.

(22:06):
I guess it was just a matter of time.
It is only now that I understandthe degree to what this human
being was broken inside all thistime but managed to conceal it
deep within until it bursted outone day.
I understand how this pendulum works and how she's always
longing to fall down and then rise up to feel some dopamine
kick in. My therapist called it using
drugs in a dirty gutter one day and attempting to ascend Everest

(22:29):
the other. I wish I could have detected
this downward spiral earlier. All this situation put me
through the worst pain in my life, but luckily enough nothing
can hurt me more anytime in the future.
Understanding this is soothing. I was ready for the brutal
picture and did a couple of EMDRsessions these weeks.
It helped battle mine movies immensely.

(22:50):
But I wasn't actually ready for the pregnancy thing and it hit
my ego badly because we were discussing kids starting this
year but did not manage to conceive.
Her health issues were considered to be the reason and
she addressed them. It happens that either she is
now cured or the real undiagnosed issue was me.
I feel a weird mixture of disgust and compassion to this

(23:11):
human being so totally and gracefully broken.
I am really thankful it all tookjust months or weeks to
collapse. Anyone knows acute stress is
better than chronic. I continue my healing and the
best thing I heard yesterday wasI have very mixed and complex
feelings for you but I think I do not believe in our family
anymore. Oh I bet you don't darling.

(23:33):
Thank you for reading this update quote from Aww that says
it all to anyone who's browsing this sub right now.
I know you barely do this out ofcuriosity.
I know you currently might be roaming in the darkest place
you've ever been to. Some of you might even cherish
hopes to reconcile or whatever. Do not.

(23:53):
Eventually we all will find ourselves much better off.
This is the way. Here's a quote from a dialogue
with my cheating STBXW to illustrate what cheating and
cheaters are. WWI feel neither guilt nor
remorse because our marriage wasdead long before I cheated.
We should have divorced long ago.
Me. I asked you whether you want a

(24:15):
divorce quite a few times several weeks before you
cheated. You hesitated and said no and
proceeded to ask me find a family therapist to mend this.
Why WWI don't remember that and I don't remember you asking
either. Me.
Why then didn't you tell me we are done when you were on right
on your way to cheat? I got you tickets, called you a

(24:37):
taxi, gave you money. WWI didn't tell you out of pity
me So you didn't want to hurt myfeelings with the truth I asked
for earlier but considered getting pregnant from a sick
looking junkie will not hurt them.
WW redditors reactions. Redditor 1.
I didn't tell you out of cowardice.
Redditor follow up. That's usually the answer.

(25:00):
These types set the bar so low Iactually almost admire the ones
that come forward the next day. Redditor 2.
What a roller coaster. And now she is pregnant.
Divorce and renounce all ties. Frankly, at the point of
splitting things, take your personal things and leave
everything else to her. They're going to be needing it
in the flophouse. And there's such a strange

(25:21):
irony. And still being the good guy
when they raised their little crack baby in a dresser drawer
that you gifted them. Oh, those lying liars and the
lies they lie. What liars.
No baby deserves that family. As soon as you're free and
clear, report them to child services as a two finger salute.
When their junkie affair crackedend baby is born.

(25:42):
They can Instagram the raid. Why would a liar feel guilty or
remorse over anything? Take all the cheaters and put
them on an island. Call it cheater island, they can
fornicate in drugs and depravityuntil their society collapses
from its inability to consider anything past its short sighted
immediate wants. And we need to call in Snake

(26:02):
Pliskin to go in and clean house.
OP answer. Love your reference to escape
from so much black heart. Not sure whether the baby would
eventually be born. I doubt that since she is
already enrolled into abortion process.
Not that easy in our country butwho really cares.
Splitting assets is another painin the TBH but all made it

(26:23):
through Redditor 3. What a narcissist.
Just stop talking to her. She will never tell the truth,
always has to lie in gaslight because she is too much of A
coward to deal with the consequences of her actions.
Redditor follow up. So true.
Cowardice under the premise of not wanting to hurt you.
Duh. You screwed around and got

(26:45):
caught. That hurt more than anything you
can say afterwards. Coward.