Doctors, What’s The Most Shocking Reaction You've Received After Telling Someone Their Loved One Just Died?

Doctors, What’s The Most Shocking Reaction You've Received After Telling Someone Their Loved One Just Died?

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Doctors and nurses, what's the most shocking reaction you have
ever received after telling someone their loved one had just
died? Story one My husband is a
retired state trooper. A few years ago, he had to
deliver a notification to a man whose fiance had passed away in
a wreck. When he broke the news, the man
shrugged and said that's all right, she wasn't worth anything
anyway. Another memorable case was a 16

(00:21):
year old boy, we'll call him Josh, who passed away after
swerving off the road at a high rate of speed.
My husband went to Josh's house to notify his parents and their
other son, Michael came to the door with them.
Michael was 8 years old and autistic.
When my husband delivered the devastating news.
Michael began jumping up and down with excitement, repeating
Does this mean I get to have Josh's room now?

(00:42):
Does it? Can I have his room now?
Josh isn't coming home. He's not alive.
Can I have his room? I want Josh's room, my husband
said it was heartbreaking to watch the parents absorb the
loss of one son while the other,not fully understanding,
repeated over and over again that he wanted Josh's room.
The last one that really stands out to me is when my husband had
to deliver a passing notification to a woman who was

(01:04):
a flight attendant. She had just gotten married a
few months earlier and her husband had passed away in a car
accident while she was at work in the air.
My husband called the airline she worked for to find out where
she was and they told him her plane was about to land back at
the airport in our city. He and another trooper went to
the airport to await her arrival.
When her plane touched down, shewas escorted to an empty room

(01:24):
where my husband and the other trooper were waiting to deliver
the news. When they broke the news of her
husband's death, she just staredat them in silence, her face
expressionless for about 10 seconds.
Then she finally said he went, not knowing I love him.
That morning, before she left for work, they had gotten into
an argument. As she was walking out the door,
he stopped her and told her he loved her.
She looked at him, slammed the door and left without saying it

(01:47):
back. He died before she ever had the
chance. This one breaks my heart the
most and is the reason I never go to sleep or leave the house
angry or without telling my husband I love him.
Before we continue, do us a quick favor, smash that like
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Story 2. I worked in medical surgical for
a few years at the beginning of my career as a nurse.

(02:08):
Sure, we had a few patients hereand there who were just admitted
for observation. The first cancer patient I lost
in my career seemed like one of those.
When he was admitted to our floor, he was always cheerful,
polite, and never admitted to feeling ill in any way.
One of the nicest people you could ever meet.
I remember him because of this. He had stage 4B lung cancer and
never once asked for anything. Over the course of a few months,

(02:30):
I got to know him better. It turned out he had thought he
just had a bad cold, only to learn shortly afterward that he
was dying. It's cruel, but that's life
sometimes. It isn't always pretty.
When he found out, he seemed at peace with it all.
Then, almost unbelievably, he began working like a madman from
his hospital bed. Every time I went into his room
to check on him or give him medications, he was writing in a

(02:51):
notebook. He only received visitors once
while he was with us, and it washis wife brought by a friend.
She had never learned to drive because she never wanted or
needed to. He had spent his entire life
taking care of her completely and totally.
It turned out that all the writing in his notebooks was him
leaving her notes on how to do things.
He had literally taken care of her since they were in high
school. She didn't even know how to use

(03:12):
a dishwasher. I think of him from time to
time, especially when I've had arough go with love in my life.
The few times I asked him about his wife were some of the rare
moments I saw his face light up with delight.
It's comforting to know that love like that exists.
Story 3. I had a patient who was flown in
from far away with a non survivable accidental burn.
The only family member present at the hospital was an adult

(03:35):
child who responded in an appropriate way.
Shock, disbelief, sadness and denial.
When I shared the news the patient's spouse was still at
home, hours away. I called them to explain the
severity of the burn and the urgent need to get to the
hospital hospital to say their goodbyes.
Their response was simply OK. Thank you doctor.
Most people would be frantic, but this spouse remained

(03:55):
completely calm, more concerned about getting the house cleaned
up than the impending death of their partner.
The patient surprisingly made itthrough the night and the family
brought the spouse to the hospital the next morning.
I spoke with the spouse and realized that when the patient
left the house with the paramedics, they already knew
there was no chance of survival.I was merely confirming what
they had already accepted, that they were losing their partner

(04:17):
of almost 40 years. Their concern was focused on the
House as they could no longer bear to look at the footprints
burned into the carpet. The patient passed shortly after
the spouse arrived. When someone's clothing catches
fire, almost everything they come into contact with can be
singed or catch fire as well. Many patients panic and run
outside, forgetting to stop, drop and roll.

(04:37):
It is actually not uncommon to hear from family members that
even though there was no structure fire, the floor or
furniture ended up burned. Story four.
I was a second year resident in family medicine doing an ICU
rotation at a major downtown hospital in a large city.
One night we admitted a patient with sickle cell disease who
developed acute chest syndrome and decompensated rapidly.

(04:58):
That night we worked to stabilize him and he held on
more or less. I told the family that if his
lungs held up there was a chancehe could do OK.
I went home post call and returned to find him in multi
system failure, his lungs givingout with essentially nothing
left to do. The attendings liked having U.S.
Navy Family medicine residents handle the talk with families.
We must have been good at it since I already knew this

(05:20):
family. They were happy to see me and
said you're up. I took a second year internal
medicine resident with me to observe and the attending
brought us to the family room todeliver the news.
There were about 20 to 30 familymembers there, all ages and
backgrounds. The power of attorney was his
daughter, who didn't know him well but was the closest
relative since his parents and wife had already passed.
I began to break the news. That thing I mentioned about his

(05:42):
lungs holding out, well unfortunately they aren't
anymore and nothing else is either.
The four medications keeping hisheart pumping won't work much
longer. We need to talk about what to
do. They asked.
Pull the plug and I replied yes,maybe.
A handful of young girls who weren't the power of attorney
all started crying. One actually ran screaming down
the hall. The men in their teens and 20s

(06:03):
began swearing under their breath and gathered in the
corner, glaring at me with a look that said they were
planning how to make the same thing happened to me as to their
family member. I'm guessing the other resident
and attending slowly sank back into the room, like Homer
backing into the hedge. Because I was left alone to
handle the rest of the event. I tried to get the daughter to
make a decision, but reasonably she couldn't.

(06:24):
She eventually passed the responsibility to one of his
cousins. The middle-aged relatives began
arguing, each convinced they were right and everyone else was
wrong. No one could agree except that I
was wrong, didn't know what I was talking about, and had
apparently lied to them the other night.
They eventually deferred to the next generation.
His aunt was there with a few older relatives sitting quietly
in a corner. She was far more reserved,

(06:45):
understood the situation, and seemed to come to terms with it
quickly. She thought it was best not to
let him sit suffer and tried to convince the daughter to sign
the paper, but the daughter couldn't bring herself to do it
and began crying. After a few more minutes of
talking, crying and arguing, another man I hadn't seen yet
began speaking. I just talked with Brother Ben
the other day about this exact thing.

(07:05):
He knew he was in bad shape and soon he would get to go back to
Jesus. It was apparently the family's
pastor and he started preaching.With each sentence, more people
join the circle around me, the POA, and the pastor until
everyone was gathered again. With every mention of Ben and
Jesus, there was another Amen orHallelujah.
The room filled with shouts of praise.
Finally, the daughter said, yes,let's do it to a resounding

(07:29):
chorus of praise. Jesus.
After about 15 minutes of all this, we finally signed the
papers. I spotted the other two doctors
in the corner, the other residents sitting quietly, eyes
wide, in the hall. The intensive care attendant of
over 12 years said, well, that'sthe craziest thing I've ever
seen, and I knew he had seen a lot already.
That ICU was intense and I have quite a few other stories from

(07:50):
just that single month. Story 5.
I was a transporting EMT. We were called to confirm a
passing in a residence. When we arrived we were directed
to a dimly lit room where an older man was lying on the
floor. He was slightly cyanotic but
still warm with no lividity or rigor.
We began setting up for CPR and applying patches when the family

(08:11):
started shouting at us. You're not bringing back paps.
That's when we noticed the four family members shouting were
each holding guns. Soon, more family members
arrived, also armed. Each new arrival would be told
they're trying to make paps alive again.
In a short amount of time, therewere about 15 people all angry
and carrying shotguns and rifles.
My partner and I decided to leave and wait in the ambulance

(08:33):
until the police arrived. While we were waiting, two more
pickup trucks showed up with a few more family members also
carrying guns. I guess the police knew the
family well. The back story was that Paps was
going to be admitted to Hospice the following week for a
terminal condition, which nobodycould be bothered to explain to
us. The most bizarre 1 though
involved my own family. Despite having seen hundreds of

(08:54):
people pass in my career, this still stands out.
My grandmother passed away in Hospice and had donated her body
to science to be studied and dissected by medical students.
My mother and uncle wrote on herwith a sharpie things like cut
here and dotted lines, apparently to make the students
laugh when they received her body.
Story 6. I'm an EMT and have seen a few

(09:15):
of these situations, but the worst was one I observed
indirectly. A young woman in her 20s passed
away instantly in a high speed collision.
She was alone in the car on a cold November night, a
tragically abrupt way to pass. The crash was so severe that we
considered towing the car back to the Firehouse so the
firefighters could perform the extrication behind closed doors.
They loaded her into our ambulance to transport her to

(09:37):
the hospital for pronouncement, as basic EMT's pronouncement
wasn't within our protocols. We arrived at the ER and parked
up front, outside the bays usually reserved for ambulances.
We didn't want to take up space with a patient who was clearly
already deceased. One of the ER doctors came out,
pronounced her there, and told us to sit tight.
The family was on their way. Apparently all the family had

(09:58):
been told was that their daughter had been in an accident
and that they needed to get to the hospital immediately.
So we sat in the ambulance with a young woman already gone,
covered under a sheet. She was only a few years older
than me, and I knew her vaguely from around town.
It was a surreal and unsettling experience.
A pickup truck screeched into the ER parking lot a few minutes
later, and a man and woman aboutmy parents age tumbled out

(10:20):
before it even stopped running into the ER.
The parents. A few minutes later, the lights
in the family waiting room just across the sidewalk from our
ambulance came on. A nurse brought the parents in.
We couldn't hear anything, but we could see the exchange.
The nurse said, Have a seat, please.
The doctor will be right with you.
She left and closed the door, leaving the parents alone,
terrified about what was coming.The mother wrung her hands and

(10:42):
paced while the father stood stiff and stoic.
This was going to be devastating.
We saw the Doctor Who had pronounced her coming down the
hall with a nurse and a social worker in tow.
He reached the door, hesitated for a moment, straightened his
his tie and turned to the women with him.
We couldn't hear what he said, but it was clear he asked.
Ready. He opened the door and the
parents whipped around. We watched as he introduced

(11:03):
himself and delivered a short explanation.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but your daughter passed.
At the scene of the accident, the mother simply melted.
I've never seen a human just dissolve like that, as if her
bones had turned to Jelly. The father caught her before she
hit the floor, looking as thoughhe'd been struck with a sack of
cement in the gut. He doubled over but held her,
guiding her to the couch. We just sat there, watching this

(11:24):
horrific silent scene unfold before us.
It felt terrible to intrude on their private moment, and we
talked about it afterward in thecab of the ambulance.
In a way, we felt like part of that family, at least for the
short time we took care of theirdaughter.
We treated her body with as muchrespect as we could, carefully
transporting her to the hospitalto prevent further damage,
keeping her safe while they wereon route, and making sure she

(11:46):
was never alone. That was nearly 40 years ago,
and she has now been gone twice as long as she was alive.
I still think about her and thatnight every once in a while.
Now, as a father of children about her age, it's almost too
painful to bear. That was only one of hundreds of
accidents I responded to over myEMS and firefighting career, and
it wasn't even the worst. But it was the one that left the

(12:06):
deepest mark on me and I often wonder how that poor family
coped with it. Story Seven I explained to a
husband that after his wife was struck by a car while crossing
the street, there was significant bleeding in her
abdomen. Despite my operative attempt,
his wife passed away on the table.
I expressed my sorrow for his loss.
He nodded and asked, OK, thanks,When do you think she will be

(12:28):
ready to go home? He completely blocked out
everything I had said. The husband was from out of town
visiting his aunt, so the socialworker arranged a sit down
meeting after calling the aunt to the hospital.
He had been in the crosswalk with his wife and children
children when he saw the car striker at the scene.
His wife was talking and was then transported to the
hospital, so he wanted to believe everything was going to
be all right. Eventually, he became angry at

(12:50):
EMS, the emergency department, the nursing staff and me.
I was subpoenaed in the case against the driver, but it was
settled before reaching court. Story 8 Your 95 year old aunt is
in the final stages of lung cancer.
There was a sudden emotionally disproportionate outpouring of
grief from her nephew, who from what I understood, had not been
particularly close to his aunt, though he was her closest living

(13:12):
relative. It's just not fair.
I paused and let him continue speaking.
My CMT frowned, not quite understanding where the
conversation was going. Bravely pressing on with the
dialogue, my CMT followed the pre planned route.
It could be days or weeks. She currently has a very good
appetite. Her nephew isn't really
listening. He interjects.
She chain smoked, you know. Funny, isn't it, how you can

(13:33):
smoke 50 cigarettes a day and nothing happens until you're
almost 100? My wife never smoked.
His voice trails off. My stomach did an uncomfortable
twist and I glance at my CMT, who looks back at me as if to
say, what on earth is he talkingabout?
I don't blame her, you know, he goes on.
She started smoking after her husband died.
She was one of the factory workers in the Second World War

(13:55):
and she was so close to him. They never had any children.
But I asked her not to smoke around my wife, Roy Castle, you
know, it took his life. Finally, it dawned on my CMT and
me. Sir, did your wife pass away
from lung cancer? His eyes swelled with tears and
we both struggled to remain professional, trying not to cry
ourselves. It turned out that second hand
smoke exposure had caused his wife to pass away several years

(14:18):
earlier from lung cancer, as they had allowed his aunt to
live with them after his uncle died.
His wife had never smoked in herlife, and we were completely
unprepared for the raw, angry grief he had clearly harbored
toward his aunt for indirectly taking the love of his life from
him. That, I think, was the most
difficult Breaking Bad News moment I've ever had to witness
or help deliver, mostly because it was completely unexpected and

(14:40):
because he was so raw, angry andinconsolable over his wife life.
Smoking isn't worth it, and it'snot just about you.
Story 9. When I was a Pediatrics resident
working in the neonatal intensive care unit, a set of
twins was delivered far too early.
The parents had already chosen names for Twin A and Twin B.
Both survived delivery, but TwinB passed away overnight.

(15:01):
When we broke the terrible news to the parents, they were
understandably devastated. What always struck me as
unusual, though, was what they did next.
They decided to switch the namesso that the surviving twin would
have the name they liked more. I often think back on the twin
who passed and feel a deep sadness about the whole
situation. Story 10.
The young female driver passed away instantly, while the young

(15:21):
female passenger emerged withouta scratch As rescuers extricated
her from the vehicle, someone told her that her friend had not
survived. She simply said oh OK,
completely disconnected from thesituation.
A total mental shutdown. In stark contrast, I once
responded to a 90 year old womanwho was very chronically ill and
living at home with a hospital bed in the living room.

(15:42):
Since there were no advance directives, we had to go all in
full. ACLS, intubation, the whole 9
yards. It was obvious the efforts were
futile and we told the family what to expect.
After the pronouncement, one family member absolutely lost
it, screaming so loudly that it was impossible to think,
Collapsing to the floor in full on theatrical Patricks.
Arguments erupted, more yelling followed, and more people

(16:05):
collapsed. The scene became so chaotic that
the police had to intervene justto calm everyone down.
This was easily the most emotionally explosive reaction
I've ever witnessed in a situation that everyone had
known was coming. We had an elderly patient at
home who didn't respond to treatment, and we prepared the
family ahead of time for the likely pronouncement.
When the time came, we told the daughter and she completely

(16:26):
snapped into denial. She began yelling at us,
insisting we were wrong, that her parent wasn't dead, and that
we shouldn't say foolish things.She demanded that we transport
him to the hospital so the doctors there could fix him.
No matter how gently we explained the reality, she
refused to accept it. It was one of the most extreme
cases of denial I've ever seen. Even after being prepped for the

(16:46):
outcome, she could not let go. I've also been part of a few
pediatric passing notifications and every time there has been an
absolutely ear piercing Primal Scream from the mother of the
deceased. Many others have noted this
instinct as well. In similar cases, we informed a
family that the father was having a major heart attack and
that we were rushing him straight to angioplasty and

(17:07):
cardiac surgery. It was a serious situation with
a relatively high risk of death or complications.
The teenage daughter didn't evenglance up from her cell phone to
say goodbye to her father. It nearly broke my heart because
I have a young daughter at home and I would have been devastated
if she had treated me that way. It was particularly upsetting
because one of the hardest partsof medicine is when we don't get

(17:27):
the opportunity to notify familyor the patient that the
situation is dire. They don't even get a moment to
anticipate the possible outcome.We picked up a middle-aged
gentleman who is experiencing neurological symptoms,
confusion, maybe some weakness. We told the family to meet us at
the hospital, explaining it was a possible stroke.
It wasn't urgent, but we had thestroke team notified and we're

(17:50):
taking it seriously. Then, on route, he seized,
requiring sedation and intubation.
It turned out to be a major brain bleed, a hemorrhagic
stroke, which can initially present similarly to a regular
occlusive stroke. He would never wake from the
sedation before his death. I had to break the news to the
family at the hospital that things had gone sideways.
I wish they had known before we left that it would be the last

(18:12):
conversation they had with him. This is why I make a point to
prepare families and why I appreciate it when they take us
seriously. Story 11.
I'm a second year hematology slash oncology fellow, a Doctor
Who has completed residency and internal medicine and is
training to become an independent hematologist
oncologist. As a preface, we unfortunately
deliver bad news frequently. Whenever someone asks how my day

(18:35):
went, I usually say something like great, I only made two
people cry today. One of the most memorable cases
happened recently. A man in his 20s, Muslim, with a
very treatable and possibly curable lymphoma, was ready to
start chemotherapy. We had completed all the work up
and I had thoroughly explained the treatment plan to him,
providing handouts and guidance.He was always alone, but I knew

(18:57):
he had a large family, reportedly 15 siblings, his
mother and a stepmother, so I suggested he have one of his
family members present to help him through the process.
The patient's mother eventually showed up and he asked me to
come into the room. It turned out he hadn't told her
anything about why he was in thehospital.
I began to explain, and the moment I said lymphoma, a blood
and bone marrow cancer, his mother started shaking.

(19:19):
She got up from the chair, rushed to the trash can and
vomited several times before pacing around the room for the
rest of our conversation. To complicate matters further,
the patient left before startingchemotherapy to pursue
alternative treatments with antioxidants, despite repeated
warnings that delaying therapy could to seriously affect his
outcome. I don't know what ultimately
happened to him. Story 12A child with congenital

(19:41):
lupus was admitted. The family had refused most
treatments. The child was on 24/7 dialysis
and desperately needed a kidney transplant.
We told the parents that withoutthe transplant, their child
would not survive. They insisted they had faith
their child would live without one.
They were wrong. The mother was devastated,
repeatedly saying that God should have saved her child.

(20:02):
The father became angry and leftthe hospital.
The grandmother kept repeating, God took my child because he had
fulfilled his purpose on earth. I took that last part to heart
and have since done everything in my power to empower every
child I see, helping them achieve the best possible
quality and quantity of life. There was no prosecution.
The child passed from complications of their illness.

(20:23):
The parents had the right to refuse medical intervention
until physicians obtained court approval.
And we were too. In the state I was in, official
court intervention was required to override parental wishes
based on religion. We did not receive it in time.
Additionally, the DNR had been signed on admission at the start
of the hospital visit, which wasentirely legal since the child

(20:43):
was already actively passing. It was not rescinded prior to
the patient coding a second timeand ultimately passing.
Story 13. When I worked in a large inner
city ERA, family brought in their grandmother who had gone
to take a nap in the living roomon her chair.
When she didn't wake up for 8 to10 hours, the family called EMS
and brought her in. By the time she arrived it was

(21:03):
very obvious she had not been alive for half the day.
The patient was stiff and we pronounced her deceased.
When I called the family into the room to inform them that
they're 88 year old with no healthy organs and on dialysis
had passed, they first accused me of lying and then of causing
her death. Police had to be called when a
particularly boisterous 14 year old female became threatening,

(21:23):
repeating what many families say.
She was fine this morning. People don't just pass away.
Unfortunately, that is ultimately how everyone exits.
Story 14 This woman was visitingthe area with her friends when
she began experiencing heavy vaginal bleeding.
I explained that bleeding in a post menopausal woman is always
concerning. She also had a copious necrotic

(21:45):
tumor protruding from her uterus.
I told her that we would not know for certain until the
pathologist examined it under the microscope, but it was
concerning for cancer. Long story short, it takes
several days for the final pathology report to come back,
but she stabilized and was able to go home in the meantime.
Unfortunately, the pathology came back as a rare and
aggressive form of cancer. I was no longer involved in her

(22:06):
care but was saddened to hear about the diagnosis.
As a courtesy, I called her to make sure she had all the
necessary information and support before seeing the
gynecologic oncologist. She responded.
Oh, I thought you were calling to apologize.
I'll never forget you telling methat you think I have cancer.
It's part of the stages of grief, denial, and anger.
But it still hurt that I went out of my way to check in and

(22:28):
she responded with so much angerand blame.
True. Until we have a definitive
diagnosis, we can't say for certain whether it is one thing
or another, which I had explained to her.
Still, when we have a serious concern, we owe it to our
patients to share that information.
Anything less would be unethical.
Story 15 I'm a nursing assistant, so I'm a bit down the

(22:48):
chain of command. We had a Lithuanian couple come
into the Ed. They didn't speak a word of
English. They had come for one last
holiday before their baby was due, but the woman was rushed
straight off the plane into an ambulance due to severe
abdominal cramps and heavy bleeding.
The doctor had to translate thatthe baby had passed.
I will honestly never forget those screams for the rest of my
career. Blood curdling, pure heartbroken

(23:08):
screams from both of them the entire day.
Every single staff member was shaken and upset.
It's not like we haven't experienced patient deaths
before, even children don't always survive.
But the sheer raw heartbreak of that moment was unlike anything
I've ever seen. They were utterly destroyed.
Story 16. I was at a delivery where both
the mother and baby were having problems.

(23:29):
While we were saving the baby, the OR team was simultaneously
trying to save of the mother. We were able to save the baby,
but unfortunately the mother didnot survive.
As we were leaving with the babyfor the NICU, the OR doctor
informed the father and his family that his wife had passed.
When he saw his baby, he asked when his wife could begin
breastfeeding. The grandmother fell to the
floor crying, but the father hada look as if he were just waking

(23:52):
up, unable to process what was happening.
Watching him visit the NICU was heartbreaking.
You could see him trying to holdit all in while caring for his
newborn. Story 17 One of my patients had
squamous cell carcinoma in situ on his lip, which I caught early
and was completely removed during the biopsy.
We still recommended topical chemotherapy on the area to
ensure that all abnormal cells were eradicated.

(24:14):
For those unfamiliar, it is applied like a lotion and
generally only causes local skinside effects.
It was actually good news, but Iwanted to emphasize that he
remains at higher risk for developing new cancers.
I also advised that his childrenmay share the same genetic
predisposition. He needs to ensure that both he
and his children use sunscreen and lip balm with SPF and that

(24:34):
he follows up every six months. He was a native Spanish speaker,
but his English seemed above average, so I didn't want to use
a translator if I didn't have to.
Judging by his age and how upsethe became, I clearly
overestimated his English skills.
He managed to pick up the buzzwords cancer, more cancer
chemotherapy and his children have a higher chance of getting
cancer. But he missed all the important

(24:55):
context. He came to believe that he was
not going to live and that his children wouldn't either.
I quickly got a translator and explained everything again.
Although he was still distraughtfrom the emotional roller
coaster moments earlier, he finally understood what was
actually happening. In the end, my worst reaction
was simply my own mistake. Story 18.
A 60 year old man came to the EDA few weeks ago with abdominal

(25:18):
pain and ACT scan revealed a 10 centimeter mass in his pancreas.
He always had a smile on his face and joked with me while in
the hospital. He thanked me and my resident
team every time I entered the room or walked by and called us
in for help. It's remarkable how some people
maintain a sense of calm even when you are trying to hold back
your own emotions while telling someone they may have seen their
last Christmas story. 19 as a resident in the ICU.

(25:41):
I had a 30 something mail code around 5:00 AM.
We managed to bring him back after about 30 minutes, but the
problem was that he would start coding again shortly after
compressions and another round of epinephrine and he would come
back only to go through it all again.
With each code overhead, the family would quietly stand, walk
outside and sit on chairs they brought from home.
No emotion, no tears. They just had this look as if

(26:03):
saying he had come back before and would again.
My attending, an old Air Force medical care doctor, told the
family that after 5 cycles, continuing was essentially
torture. They disagreed.
I signed out to the oncoming resident and later heard that
they finally let him pass around11:00 AM.
In my state, we have to wait 48 hours after deciding to withdraw
care. After a few days, the patient's

(26:25):
wife of 50 years made the decision to withdraw care.
She struggled with guilt, feeling she was causing her
husband to suffer. He had previously undergone
surgery to remove a lung and hisremaining lung had severe
pneumonia that was not improving.
He went into ventricular tachycardia and passed 2 hours
before we were scheduled to remove the tube.
I have never seen such a weight lifted off a family member as I
did when she told me. He knew I couldn't do it so he

(26:47):
did it himself. The one I will never forget was
the withdrawal of care for a 17 year old.
He had been driving home from football practice with his
little brother when he flipped his car.
He suffered A traumatic brain injury and never regained
consciousness. His brother walked away without
a scratch. The father was devastated but
eventually thanked us for our care and respect after about
four days. I will never forget the hatred

(27:09):
and the look the mother gave themedical staff in that room.
She never spoke a word. We were the team who couldn't
and wouldn't save her son. She walked out when organ
donation was brought up. My second bronc as a resident
was performed on the 17 year oldso the team could assess how
suitable his lungs were for donation.
A month later, the organ donation group sent me a letter
thanking me for my service. It detailed the approximate age

(27:32):
of each organ recipient, what organ they received, and their
hobbies. I have that letter framed and
hanging in my house. Story 20.
This was three years ago, shortly after I had begun my
hospital training. I was placed in a consultation
room for the week. The doctor told me the next
patient had undergone numerous treatments for her bowel cancer,
but the disease was returning too quickly.

(27:52):
There was nothing more the hospital could offer that day.
We were tasked with telling her that she had an estimated 3
months left to live. They walked into the room and
she looked as if she already understood what we were about
about to say. Her husband, however, was
distraught. Tears streamed down his face and
I did my best to offer advice and comfort while the doctor
returned to his paperwork. It was one of the most harrowing

(28:13):
experiences I'd had in the hospital up to that point,
listening to his desperate pleas, asking if there was
anything we could do to help. His wife tried to console him,
but I could see she needed support as much as he did.
Story 21 I work in orthopedics. I once dealt with a car crash
involving 7 family members. The youngest was a nine year old
with open fractures to both legs.

(28:33):
We rushed him straight into the theater, but he developed rapid
onset sepsis compounded by bloodloss and a pulmonary embolism.
He passed on the table before surgery could properly begin.
Despite a large number of staff,there was nothing more we could
do. The father was the last to find
out as he had suffered A fractured skull and was
transferred to a different trauma hospital.
The crash had occurred halfway between the two two hospitals,

(28:55):
so patients were split up due tourgency and need.
He had a brain bleed and remained in the ICU for a week.
His wife didn't tell him about their sons passing until he left
the ICU fearing it would triggera set back in his recovery.
I heard that when the father found out he self discharged and
attempted to end his life. I hope he is doing all right now
and receiving the support he needs, but unfortunately being

(29:16):
in a different area it's hard toconfirm.
I believe it was actually his wife who had been driving.
As a side note, Please ensure that your headrest in a car is
properly adjusted. I see many heads, skull and neck
injuries caused by improper headrest placement.
Just today I treated a patient with a fractured C5 due to this.
If you drive the same car regularly, it only takes a

(29:36):
moment to set it correctly. Exactly.
Combined with a seat belt. The headrest isn't just for
comfort, it's there to save lives.
Story 22 I am ATV news photographer.
The stuff you see on the news. I shoot and edit that video.
About 20 years ago, roughly an hour outside of Macon, GA, 4
high school boys were in a car traveling 60 to 70 mph around

(29:57):
the speed limit for that road, maybe slightly over on a rural
state highway. Up ahead was a four way stop.
When you are a 17 year old boy, four way stops are a huge
annoyance because you have to come into a complete stop and
then accelerate back up to 70 mph.
It was late at night, almost midnight, and it wasn't uncommon
for young reckless boys to ghostthe intersection or on approach,

(30:18):
flip off their headlights and fly through at speed.
This intersection might see three to four cars an hour at
that time of day, and it only takes about half a second to fly
through. It's stupid, but usually not
particularly dangerous. On this particular occasion, a
woman and her mother were on their way home and entered the
intersection just as these boys ghosted it.
The car the women were in was completely bisected.

(30:39):
Tragically, all four boys and the two women passed away.
These boys attended a high school with maybe 30 to 40
students. School was cancelled for a few
days, and on the day before classes were set to resume, the
students from their class, A class of about 10 to 15, held a
small memorial at the intersection.
They had lost roughly a third oftheir classmates in the crash.
The memorial was entirely run bythe students with no adults

(31:02):
present, though they had alertedthe media so it was just me and
them. They had erected 4 white Wooden
Crosses and pounded them into the roadside using rocks.
The kids, as kids in that situation, were kind of awkward.
They drove the crosses in and nobody really knew what to say
when the last one was set. Everyone just looked at one
another, sharing a silent, heavymoment.
Then one boy, in a quiet, thoughtful, somber tone said,

(31:25):
all right, who's got the kerosene and a lighter?
The group froze, horrified. Time seemed to stop.
Then, almost simultaneously, we all burst out laughing.
The harder they laughed, the more they cried.
It was one of the most memorablemoments of my life and somehow
exactly the right thing to say at that moment.
Story 23. This happened during my intern

(31:46):
year on the vascular surgery service.
The ER paged us about an older woman being transferred from an
outside hospital with a rupturedaortic aneurysm.
Aortic aneurysm ruptures carry avery poor prognosis, but
interestingly, a person activelypassing from one can still be
relatively coherent and not in severe pain.
A couple of minutes after I leftthe ER room, the patient passed.

(32:08):
Her daughter and best friend arrived shortly afterward,
presumably having been with her at the 1st hospital.
I took them to a quiet room awayfrom the ER chaos and broke the
news. Naturally, they were shocked.
We were just talking to her. They said she didn't seem to be
in that much pain. Both statements were true.
Aortic aneurysm ruptures can be a surprisingly low pain way to
pass, but that reality can be very difficult for loved ones to

(32:29):
process in such a short amount of time.
Alternatively, there was a 40 something year old mother of two
who had been admitted for nauseaand vomiting.
She died from multi system organfailure, heart attacks, strokes,
ischemic colitis and pulmonary embolism, all triggered by a
rare clotting disorder that decided to manifest itself all
at once. For the first time.
I had to tell her family that their loved 1A previously

(32:51):
healthy mother was not going to survive.
On top of that, I had to recommend that her family get
screened for this rare conditionas it could affect them too.
This was easily one of the hardest conversations I've ever
had. Story 24.
Both the husband and the father were told simultaneously, and
their reactions, though both grieving, were very different.
The news that the patient, a 24 year old, had passed was

(33:13):
completely unexpected. The husband wailed openly for
about a minute, while the fatherremained far more contained and
rational, immediately discussingthe multiple mismanagements in
patient care that it occurred. This happened when I was a
senior OBGYN resident. Another hospital had just
performed the patient's third caesarean section on Good Friday
afternoon and had encountered a placenta which they believed

(33:34):
they could control without a caesarean hysterectomy.
A few hours later, she began hemorrhaging.
They took her back to the OR, but the bleeding was so severe
that the hospital began running out of blood.
The patient then had to be transferred to us via a 40
minute ambulance ride. We believed we could save her as
long as she didn't arrest and wewere able to provide enough
blood products. We met her at the ambulance Bay

(33:55):
with rapid infusers and the fullOR team was scrubbed and ready
to take her back to surgery. She eventually received 30 units
of blood from 30 different donors.
Three other doctors and I workedfuriously to stop all her
bleeding, but she had developed full blown disseminated
intravascular coagulation. Her blood no longer had clotting
factors, all surfaces began bleeding spontaneously, and she

(34:16):
started bleeding into her lungs going into hypoxic arrest.
What hit me hardest was the moment I realized she might not
make it. I hadn't expected her to pass
until I began hearing the oxygensaturation monitor beep at lower
and lower tones, eventually dipping into the 60s.
I will never forget the deep gutwrenching sensation you get in
your belly when you know the patient you are working on is
about to pass away. The patient's father and husband

(34:39):
were both caught completely off guard.
I had never heard a man wail like that until that moment when
I came to tell them that their loved one had passed.
I am not religious, but I was profoundly thankful that our
hospital had and an on call chaplain which helped me process
the situation. A few hours later I started my
week long vacation, which may seem like poor timing, but it
actually helped me cope with thetragedy.

(35:01):
The other hospital faced a massive lawsuit due to multiple
lapses in care. I later learned that the doctor
involved sought psychiatric careafterward for depression.
Story 25 I'm a pediatric ER doctor, and while we don't see
many passings where I work, theydo happen.
A woman's daughter suffered a severe asthma attack at home.
Mom called 911, but the little girl's breathing and heart

(35:22):
stopped shortly before EMS arrived.
Despite our efforts in the ER, we weren't able to revive her.
We always try to get parents into the room when we're working
on their children. Studies show that parents report
a better experience when they are present, even if the outcome
is not positive. But this mother couldn't manage
it. She kept walking in circles in
the waiting room, wailing. I left the resuscitation room

(35:43):
several times to try to speak with her, encouraging her to
come be with her daughter. But each time she looked at me,
she would collapse into the nearest chair, then get up and
circle the room, crying again. By that point, we had long since
cleared the waiting room of everyone else.
I felt awful, but it soon becameclear that we weren't going to
succeed, so I had to call it. It took the mother at least half
an hour before she could manage to enter the room and see her

(36:05):
daughter. When she did, she could only
stay for about 5 minutes. The whole time she kept
whispering to her daughter that everything was going to be OK
and that mom would take care of her.
Fortunately, most of my work involves managing basically
healthy children, fevers, brokenbones, or unusual rashes, so
moments like this, though devastating, are thankfully
rare. Story 26 I'm a resident

(36:27):
physician. We had a patient in their mid
40s listed for an organ transplant status 1A, the
highest urgency. The patient had a spouse and
children and despite the fragility of their health,
remained interactive with both family and staff.
Even tethered to equipment delivering life sustaining
therapy. They could manage a feeble but
good-natured walk around the unit.
Warm and gracious, the patient maintained a sense of humor

(36:48):
despite A devastating illness, earning the admiration of
everyone on staff. Then the call came.
A suitable donor organ was available.
The procurement team flew to thedonor hospital, harvested the
organ, and returned with a cooler full of hope.
At our hospital, the patient wasprepped for surgery and the
anesthesiologist wished them sweet dreams before they went
under. Out with the old and in with the

(37:08):
new. The surgery was flawless, and
the patient was wheeled to the ICU.
Vital signs were initially reassuring, but then the blood
pressure began to drop. Intravenous fluids were
administered, powerful medications were given, and
imaging and laboratory tests were performed, but nothing
explained the deterioration. Suddenly he had no pulse.
A mass massive resuscitation effort began immediately.

(37:29):
More than a dozen physicians, nurses, respiratory therapists
and pharmacists threw their expertise and muscle into saving
him. Nothing worked.
The cardiothoracic surgeon was called to initiate complete
heart lung bypass. For over an hour and a half, the
team fought tirelessly, heroically, to bring back this
remarkable spouse, devoted parent and irreplaceable
individual. In the end, the intensivist gave

(37:50):
the final pronouncement. The nurses were devastated.
The physicians were shattered. Then came the family.
I'll never forget it. After the team had cleaned the
room and restored some semblanceof peace to the body and
countenance of the patient, the spouse and one of their children
approached the final door separating them from their loved
one. The child whispered.
I don't think I can go in there and try to step back.

(38:12):
Her sole surviving parent gentlyushered her through the doorway
just as the child let out a fullthroated, soul wrenching whale.
Her mother joined her in tears and for 30 minutes they shouted
at the universe for the cruel hand they had been dealt.
Most of the staff were crying too, unable to stop grieving.
They wept while tending to this broken family while still caring
for the other patients and theirown anxious loved ones in

(38:34):
neighboring rooms. Story 27 I had a patient in his
50s pass away in a single room on the ward surrounded by his
Portuguese family, mostly women,wives, sisters and in laws.
All at least in their 40s. We knew he was deteriorating and
had no plans to resuscitate him.A few days into his admission he
passed while the family was visiting.
The nurse called me in to confirm the death, and the room

(38:57):
was completely silent as everyone watched.
After I confirmed what they already knew, the family
suddenly mobbed me, hugging me, kissing my hands, kissing my
cheeks, and thanking me profusely for looking after
their relative. It wasn't what I expected at
all. It felt like a sudden collective
release of tension. Somehow I think they were just
relieved that he was no longer suffering.
Story 28. The most memorable part was

(39:19):
speaking with the family matriarch, a strong, influential
businesswoman whose children hadtaken over several of the towns
businesses. We initially admitted her for a
stroke, but further review revealed multiple brain
metastases. The family wanted everything
done. She was mentally alert at 94 and
expressed a desire to undergo chemotherapy and surgery.
I discussed all her options, including pursuing comfort

(39:42):
focused care, and she ultimatelychose the latter.
She went into Hospice and passedaway peacefully a few months
later. She asked me what I would do,
given that I had recently cared for my own grandparents under
similar circumstances. I gave her both perspectives.
Aggressive treatment might buy afew months but would involve
surgeries and illness, while comfort measures would focus on
quality. Of life.

(40:03):
I believe she was at peace with her decision.
The family however, seemed upsetthat I had even offered her that
choice. Story 29 I'm a cardiology fellow
and I think the hardest moment was speaking with the wife of a
40 year old man who had passed away from complications of a
massive St. elevation MI. He had suffered a heart attack
and arrived with a very delayed presentation.

(40:24):
We took him to the Cath lab and opened the blockage, but his
cardiac ejection fraction was only about 10% while normal is
around 60%. The course went reasonably well
for the next 48 hours. He had a balloon pump, an
advanced form of circulatory support, placed in the lab,
which was later removed successfully and things seemed
stable. But as often happens in these

(40:44):
cases, everything changed quickly.
He went into AVT storm that rapidly deteriorated into VF, an
arrhythmia incompatible with life and proved very refractory
to shocks and anti arrhythmics. We attempted cannulation for
ECMO but he ultimately did not survive.
Telling his wife was terrible, especially because he had seemed
to be doing well before deteriorating so suddenly.

(41:06):
She collapsed and I had to catchher before she hit the ground.
It happened right in the middle of the CCU and we had to lift
her into a waiting room where she lay crying and screaming for
at least an hour. It was absolutely heartbreaking.
Story 30. I work in the ICU so when I have
to call someone to tell them their loved one's status has
changed or that they have passed, it is generally

(41:26):
traumatic and unexpected. Unlike in a palliative unit
where families are often prepared.
I had a patient who was not intubated and was genuinely a
nice guy. I spent most of my night shift
talking with him about his family in life.
I came back from my break at 3:00 AM and heard my relief
partner yelling get the crash cart.
I had a bad feeling about him soI had somewhat anticipated this,
but the family certainly had not.

(41:48):
Calling his son to say you need to pick up your mother and get
here as soon as possible was hard enough, but calling back to
say I'm so sorry but despite ourbest efforts your father did not
make it was devastating. This was a grown man.
I heard his phone dropped to thefloor and he began sobbing to
his wife, muttering incoherentlybetween sobs.
I didn't know if he would pick up the phone again, so I stayed

(42:09):
on the line to listen for a little while.
If your partner is a nurse, givethem an extra hug today.
It's not common for me as the nurse to be the one calling
family members to tell them their loved ones have passed.
While it is standard practice toprovide families with updates,
our unit has a policy that one family member gets updates every
shift or as needed. I had just called the son to
inform him that his father was doing poorly, so it made sense

(42:32):
for me to phone again as a familiar voice.
Honestly, kudos to all ICU nurses from the other side.
As a patient's mother, I want tothank you for all the hard work
you do. I promise it does not go
unnoticed. My daughter was 2 weeks old when
I received a call from her ICU nurse saying listen, she's in
trouble and we are trying our very best to save her, but you
need to come here right now and say goodbye.

(42:54):
I was already on my way there after having stepped out to get
something to eat. I literally ran to the hospital.
They had closed down the ICU unit and asked other parents and
relatives to leave. As an ICU nurse, you know that
usually means something really serious has happened or there
has been a fatality. I spoke to one of the parents in
the waiting room and said they've just called me to go see
the baby but they've shut the unit. 1 of the parents then had

(43:16):
to tell me they've shut the unitbecause of the baby.
I saw them working on her. You need to get in there and say
goodbye. I burst in and ran to her
hysterically crying, trying and not knowing what to do with
myself. I was met with a team of
surgeons, doctors and nurses surrounding her, shocking her,
intubating her and initiating life saving measures.
It was horrific but I could see how hard they were working to
save her. Miraculously, she managed to

(43:38):
pull through by the skin of her teeth.
She turns 5 in two days and I couldn't be prouder of her or
more thankful for the medical team that saved her life.
I couldn't make calls like that on a regular basis, so more
power to you. You are a superhero.
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