Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
You're listening to Beyond the Cheaters, The Detective Gomez Files,
and now here is Detective Gometz. Welcome to another episode
to Beyond Cheers the Detective Gomes Files. I'm your host,
Take to Gomez and you know, ladies and gentlemen, you know,
as we all get a little bit older these days,
it's always tough to date. And today we have Miss Anna.
(00:24):
It's going to be on our shoulder, and she's going
to tell us some experiences she's been going through herself
and through with some of her friends as she gets older.
And have some of our friends have goten a little
bit older, you know, they're we're all not in her
twenties anymore. So there's some things that she wants to
share with you as an audience. I want to look
out for as you date, dating as you get older.
So let's bring miss Anna on the air right now.
(00:45):
Uh Anna, how are you?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I'm doing good? How are you?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Very very good? Thanks for being on the podcast today.
You know, as I did as part of the intro
that you know, as we get older and we're dating,
there's things you still have to look out for. Not
but there's an angel. Not everybody else there's going to
tell you the truth. And there's some things that that
you brought to my attention that think are very very
important that maybe you'd like to share with us, and
some of the experiences that you have gone through, So
(01:12):
tell us, tell us about it.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Ana, Well, first of all, I was married for like
fifteen years, so I kind of came from the dating
experiences back then. So dating now from when I was
you know, younger, is totally different from dating now. Okay,
So back in the day, used to meet people organically, right,
(01:35):
and now whenever you meet somebody, most of the stuff,
especially with COVID, is all online, right, and I kind
of feel like everybody has like their like person like
like they're it's not them, it's they're like they're like you.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Know, the alter ego.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yes, absolutely, so it's not really them. You're dating, right,
And with social media and all the different platforms cheating,
and I think people think that there is better options
out there, so that's why they people are not ready
to commit.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Okay. I have seen, you know, I've seen just through
social media course, people on even asking for your phone
number and where they go, what's your Instagram or what's
your snap? Snap and I'll get a hold of you there.
Do you see it? Also?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Yes, everybody, they don't even they don't want your phone number.
They want to know what your social media looks like.
And let's be real, social media is fake. So that's
not really getting to know that person. You're only getting
to know what the world what you want the world
to see. So I don't think that's a fair way
of dating or a fair way of getting to know somebody,
(02:40):
because you're literally just meeting the person they want you
to see.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Okay, do you see that? You know, just just with yourself,
you see it with your friends. I mean, I mean,
how are you experiences? I mean you're single right now,
obviously right?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Okay, so you go to the grocery store and there's
some guy hitting on you and you're like, dude, why
do you want my Instagram?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Know?
Speaker 1 (03:00):
I mean, is that what they're asking for? Now?
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Well, to tell you the truth, like when I I
don't really go out that much because I'm kind of
a little bit of a homebody. But when I do
go out in public, nobody ever really talks to me.
So nobody is ever I've never actually gone out and
somebody's approached me to kind of talk to me. So
it's probably not since I was back in the club days,
(03:22):
which was like in my twenties. Did that happen where
somebody would be like, hey, let me buy you a drink?
Somebody coming up to me? Now? Is that doesn't happen?
So I have been on like dating apps. You know,
have Facebook, I have Instagram, I have LinkedIn. As you're older,
LinkedIn is kind of one of those things that you
want to have as for your business. And so I
(03:46):
just feel that, I mean, it's harder to meet people organically.
And as I talked to my nieces and my my
own daughter, like it's hard for people to meet they're
having the same issues that I'm having at and so,
and it has all to do with social media.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
You're you're exactly right. I mean it's really hard to
meet somebody and you're only you're only seeing what they
want you to see on social media, right, so you
really can't see who they really are. I mean, like
because because I'm probably you know, a little bit older
than you, but I remember going to the bar and hey,
can I buy your drink? Can I talk to you?
(04:27):
Or whatever? Whatever? You know, you could strike up some
type of conversation. Now it's either texting or in box
me or d M me or something like that. There's
no way to really get to know somebody and pick
up the phone and talk to somebody.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
You know. That's something that as I'm older, that I
do ask for. I do say I want to talk
to you on the phone because I do not want
to meet somebody and like, you know, kind of like
a first date type thing and not get to get
a sense. Because I feel like when you talk to
somebody on the phone, you kind of get a sense
(05:01):
of who they are and if there's any kind of
like chemistry, your vibe is good. So something that I
do request is that we talk on the phone. And
I feel like men these days it's just behind a text,
you know. Texting is so hard to getting to know
somebody in the first place.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
You know, pick up the damn phone, you know, or
call me you know, or you know, and do you
do you see that? Men now also are very very
Do they ever ask you to pay for the dinner
or pay for the launch or anything like that, or
do you run run across anything like that where they
expect you to do more.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I personally don't because I feel like I set my
expectations kind of high, like whenever you know, they're like, okay,
can I take you to like, you know, let's just
say to drink coffee or something. And I'm not a
coffee person, but I'm like, okay, you know what, if
you make it past whatever I need you to make
it past. I tell them the restaurants that I want
(05:57):
to go to, Okay, and I'll say, like, these are
my restaurants, and if you want to go to these restaurants,
then you can pick.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Okay, give me Chick fil a something like that, or
a little bit, a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
It's fine.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Okay, well no, that's good. But at least they know
what to expect, right you're talking to them, I mean,
you're telling them to look, this is kind of like
where I like to eat. This is kind of like
if we're going to go out. This is where like
I'm giving you some options, you know, not just take
me to here are the waffle house for dinner or
anything like that. Right, you want to go someplace nice,
(06:37):
but you have certain expectations and leads you're laying out online.
That's fair. I think that's fair because if you don't
tell them, then he may take you some someplace that
you don't don't like, maybe don't like the food, or
maybe don't like the atmosphere, and you're like and you're
gonna have a look on your face like I don't
want to be here. You might just walk out. Who knows,
you know, yeah yeah no.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
And I feel like, especially on a first date, like
you do want to put you know it. I'm not
always saying that I want fine dining because like I'm
literally I will go for somebody who has a good
heart then like a big wallet. So I'm not going
for I literally care more about somebody's heart. So but
I am saying at like in the beginning, you have
to make an effort. You have to kind of like
(07:18):
you know, because yeah, like you just have to kind
of show up and be like, Okay, this is who I.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Am, and you know, makes make some kind of impression
if you really like the girl, yeah, you know, you
gotta do something. You can't just you can't just you know,
you get You're right, You've got to make some effort
because if not first pressions or everything, and if you
don't make a good first impression, it's like Okay, on
to the next guy, right, Yeah, is there anything? Is
(07:43):
there anything that you know that and you know, like,
give me your top three things that have just turned
you off completely by a first date.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Hey, I hate to admit this, but like I have
gone on a lot of I have gone on a
lot of dates things that I I don't like about people,
and I feel like sometimes maybe I'm a little bit
picky on what it's, but my thing is it's never
(08:12):
looks wise right, It's always personality type stuff. I feel
like people, it's like, you know, men like actually guys
who extra like gentlemen. They I feel like, it's very hard.
They don't really exist anymore. Somebody who it's it's and women,
and this is something women want. It's literally the little things.
(08:34):
I don't think men realize this. Women will go and
fight harder for a man who does little things like
you know, open doors, get them flowers when they don't
expect it. It's literally writing cards about how much they
miss them. I mean, it's literally the little things. Yes,
we like big things, but it's the little things that
(08:56):
actually stick in our hearts that we will that's what
makes us fall for somebody.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
What you cherish. You cherish those things. Do you remember
those things like I used to do this for me,
He did that for me, you know, And anybody can
buy a big Christmas gift and bursure to give us
the little things that keeps the relationship going on a
daily basis that you know, you could be like I
could be texting, Hey, I'm thinking about you right now,
and I'm what we're here working about thinking about you
right now. You're like, oh, he's thinking about whatever, whatever
(09:23):
it might be, just to just to make your day
knowing that that you're a part of his daily routine.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Yeah. It literally little things like even if it's a text,
like thinking about you. I saw something that reminded me
of you today. Just little things like that women appreciate
so much more than the bigger things, like it really
is it really truly is true?
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Good? Good?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
No?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
I think that's I think it's very important. Well, what
are some of the things that kind of that kind
of turn you off about a first date?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Okay, so, so I what is Let me just tell
you one of my worst dates that I ever had
care so and this is something that totally turned me
off about the whole experience. So I went on a
date with this this guy who he you know, he
(10:11):
had like a lot of money, but like I didn't
really know that he had a lot of money. And
when we went to the restaurant, he had like a
lot of money, which was like you know, hundreds or whatever,
and so he was literally tipping everybody one hundred dollars,
like I'm talking like the postess, the people who sat
us down. Everybody was getting tipped like a hundred dollar bill, right, okay,
(10:37):
And he he was a cool like I didn't even
care about that, and he was so he was in
a relationship for a very long time and he had
just recently got single. And he got really drunk on
the date. And I mean he because he was ordering
he was ordering double whiskeys. I mean it was literally
(10:58):
and he ordered me everything on the met He was
really nice until he got really drunk, so he turned
into somebody weird and I had to get uber right
and it was just like the whole date, which could
have been a good date, turned out really bad.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
So so drinking, drinking too much on a first date
can really destroy oh.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. And then also something
that I'll say that I've had an experience with is
if you're giving too much, you expect too much from
the first date. I've had a guy who has been
on a date with me and said after that first
date that he knew I was the one, okay, And
(11:43):
like I was like, okay, like this is it creeped
me out because you don't even know me. But she said, well,
I just know you're you're the person for me, And
I thought that was really weird too. So women are
not the only ones that can be a little bit
you know, clinging, like you know, I.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Mean, because you, being a little bit older, realized, look, man, okay,
you got to get to know him before you know
I'm the one first of all. Let's get that straight. Okay,
don't you know? But but you, being older realized that
Now when we're younger, it's a little bit different. But
as you're older, like, no, it doesn't work like that.
You got to get to know somebody, you got you're married,
(12:23):
so you know that. You know, it's one thing to
date somebody you know, and there's one thing to live
with somebody. It's one thing to marry somebody. Yeah, yeah,
it's you know, a big difference when you move in
with somebody. It's a complete different story than dating somebody. Yeah, big,
big difference.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Yeah, No, I mean and he got he actually got
mad at me because he said, you know, he he
had wrote books and he had done all this stuff,
and he was like, I know, I could feel it,
like I know God brought you to me and you're
like my person. And he was like after the first date,
he was like, you are literally my person and need
(13:00):
to move in together. WHOA what?
Speaker 1 (13:04):
I was scare of the hell out of me. Yeah,
that's crazy. All right. Well, okay, and let me ask
you a couple of cheating questions here. Since we got
your let me ask I'm gonna ask you four questions
about infidelity and cheating. Okay, yeah, okay. First question is
why do you think people cheat so much now in
twenty twenty five. Why do people cheat in relationships?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Well, you know, something that I've always said is that
when you're with somebody, you have to evolve to the
person if you love them, right, you have to. You
don't and let's just say you've been with them for
a very long time, you can't stay that person because
people grow and so you have to kind of grow
into whoever like to fit that person. Right. So I
(13:50):
feel like in relationships that people cheat because one of
like somebody's getting lazy and not putting as much effort
into the relationship. And so I feel like you should always,
you know, act like y'all are. This is like your
first date, you know. I just feel that people get
(14:15):
complacent and they don't really put the effort that they
used to put in. And I feel and even as
a woman, right, we have to look good for our
men and we have to be that person because not
all the time, but you have to show up because
you know what, you know, you just you just have
to you have to like be.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
It. I like how you said you have to show up.
You have to show up as the wife, the woman.
You've got to show up because you don't show up,
then somebody else, somebody else will. Okay, how about this
one here? So you see your your friends, you see
your friend's husband out with another woman in a they're
(15:00):
kind of cozying up together. You know he's married to
your best friend. What are you gonna do? You're gonna
tell her or maybe or let her find out on
her own.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I'm definitely gonna tell her because I don't. I feel
like something about I feel about cheating is it's never.
It's never. Okay, if you don't want to be with somebody,
you should communication is like the best thing, and you
should tell them like, hey, I'm not feeling it, something's up,
and like we need to fix this. So I feel
(15:31):
like instead of looking at for somewhere else, which a
lot of people do these days, and they're not trying
to fix things at home. So I would definitely tell
that my like my my friend, Okay, I saw your
man with somebody else. But also I would kind of
confront him also to kind of tell him like, hey,
I know what you're doing because and maybe he might
(15:53):
because you know, it's hard to leave a situation, especially
whenever you're like so invested into it. So you know,
my friend might be like, oh, well, I'm still gonna
stay with him because most most let's be real, like
most people, whenever they find out somebody is cheating, they stay.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yeah, they stayt someone's got to pay the bills, you know,
someone's got to pay the car, or someone's got to
pay the house. Not it's got to be done.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yeah, So I would I would tell both. I would
tell him. I'd be like, hey, so he knows, I
know what's up. And I would also tell my friend
and be like, this is what I saw and it
sucks because being cheated on, cheated on really does hurt.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
It does. Okay, how about this one? So, uh, do
you believe in second chances? Do you believe that if
somebody cheats on somebody, is there any chance that it
can be worked out after the infidelity has occurred?
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Yes, and no. Like, I do feel like people can change,
but they have to want to change. I think that
some major therapy needs to be in play and to
find out why the cheated cheating started out in the
first place. Okay, So I feel like you have to
(17:10):
get kind of get to the root of the problem
of why it even happened, because you know, women and
men are it doesn't happen. I feel like overnight there's there.
It's it's a process, and there's signs, you know, and
so you have to kind of look out for those signs.
And if something feels weird and something doesn't it doesn't
(17:34):
feel right. The women's intuition is always kind of right,
or even with the man right, Like, if something doesn't
feel right, it probably isn't.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Okay, all right, so it would also it just depends
on what but you said. Therapy could correct that the second,
but it takes two to go to therapy too, right.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
You have to want to write, you have to want
to fix the relationship. I mean, you know, whatever people
say like once a cheat, always a cheater. I don't
necessarily believe that. I do think that if you love
somebody enough you could you could change. It just depends
on if you love them enough to want to change.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Okay, that's fair enough. Okay, here's the last one for you.
Who cheats more?
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Oh? No? Who?
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Okay? Last one? I got one more for this one?
Who cheats more? Men or women?
Speaker 2 (18:30):
You know, I'm gonna go with men?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Why I feel and I feel like because men, oh
I I feel like see like okay, so like I
don't know, like that's I don't know, maybe it's half
enough because like you know, no, no, no, I'm gonna
(18:56):
go with I'm gonna go with men, okay. And I'm
gonna go with men because because I feel like sometimes,
like I said, like women get kind of lazy and
they're the way that they you know, something I've always
said is that if you're with somebody, you have to
be like you have to you have to always be
(19:20):
on it, like and I'm talking about beyond it with
because especially if he's providing for you, and he's doing
in this day and age, right it's usually fifty to fifty,
but if he's like fix and stuff for you, and
you know, and women like it's it's an amazing thing
to be a woman, to be able to get dressed up,
(19:40):
to be able to be, you know, everything that they
saw whenever you first met them. Right. So I feel like,
you know, men sometimes are looking for something that they're
not getting at home. So be that person in bed,
be that person you know in the kitchen, be that person.
And you know, I don't know if it's because I'm
(20:01):
like old school or whatever, but I am the type
of woman that I will serve my man and I
will continue to do it until I die, like, and
I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I think
it's a lot of women these days are like, oh,
like equal rights, equal this, and that's not I feel like,
yes to a certain point, but there's nothing wrong with
(20:21):
showing my man, hey, I got you just the way
that you expect him to do the same for you.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
I think that's very well, very well way to think.
And because like you want us guys, we're visual creatures
right right we are. I like your hair this way,
I want maybe hey, and could you hear you this
way for you? Mark? Sure, whatever you want, where it
takes to make you happy or please you? What could
you make make this for dinner for me?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
No problem, you want this, I'll make it for you.
I mean I want to eat it, but I'll make
it for you if you want that what you want, Danny,
So you know, but you're right going back to what
you said. I think, like what you said, the way
he met you, what turned him on to gravitate towards
you and make that relationship happen in the beginning is
what you got to keep doing, you know, till the end,
(21:08):
because that's what makes us guys happy. Whatever it may be,
little things. Can you put that bow in your hair,
whatever it may be, just do it, you know, just
to make us happy.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
The last thing we want to be told. I will
tell you to this day, somebody once a long time
ago that I'm not doing that for you, Danny. And
I'm like okay, all right, okay, why not even ask?
You know, so then it's like a dog getting kicked,
you know, like, okay, you're go and kick a dog
so many times and he's not going to come back
one day.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. And I also feel like men
want to feel like men again, you know what I mean?
And I feel like now today, like there's a lot
of women that are like, oh, like no, women need
to feel like women and men need to feel like men,
and that's just how it should be.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Okay, another one here for you. You know, there's a
lot of women that put up different memes and things
like that on Facebook, and they're constantly putting up I'm
waiting for the man that's worth my worth and my
worth and this, and I'm worth that and all that,
and I'm going to wait till I find that person
that that you know, that's I'm not gonna give away
(22:16):
my worth because he's not worth all that kind of
you've seen those stuff, right, you know, Well, what do
you think about women that are constantly talking about you know,
they're going to wait till that perfect person walks in
the front door. Do you sometimes yet you have to
kind of bend a little bit sometimes relationship to to
make it work. I mean, not everybody's gonna be perfect.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Well, I don't think that anybody out there is perfect.
And I think that as you get older, you're you
kind of see, you know, the dating pool gets different
and you have to kind of everybody's kind of like
set in their ways and stuff like that. So I
feel you have to adjust your thinking and realize it's
(22:53):
like a give and take, you know, and there is
because there is nobody perfect. You're we are, else are
not perfect, so to expect that from somebody else. And
I think women that do put stuff like you know,
I'm waiting for this this perfect person they know in
their hearts that doesn't exist. But you know, it's all
(23:16):
about like manifestations and stuff like that. So maybe they're thinking, like, Okay,
if I put it out there like he's coming, But
that's that's not what it works. How it works. I
feel like you kind of have to be more open
to people's flaws and see what's what you're willing to
put up with and what you're not.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Okay, yeah, because I'm a friend of mine a manifest
that she's gonna date somebody else but it's gonna come
back to me.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
In the end.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
I go, Yeah, you keep telling yourself that I don't
know what to tell you. Man. Well, okay, okay, one
more for you. You think there's still true love out there,
and you know a lot of women now have gone
to the point when you know, screw it. I don't
want to board for anymore. I just want someone to
help me pay my bills. That's all I want. I'll
find your sugar daddy.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
You know because cases before where guys have met these
women on different websites and they're afraid they're trying to
take their money, they're taking their business. So you think
some women now just say screw the love to pay
my bills. And I'm happy to try. I want to travel.
I got my passport, I'm ready to go. Do you
think that's kind of where it's going now as far
as women.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
You know, I guess because like the women that I know,
we actually are looking for true love, Like we really
do want to find our best friend, somebody who we
could just you know, who knows everything about us, who
could talk to about any and everything about how bad
(24:45):
our day was. And my friends are beautiful like the
people that I know are beautiful women inside and out
and they're not and they could get you know, men
who have lots of money, but it's at the end
of the day like that doesn't matter, Like money goes, comes,
(25:05):
and you're stuck with that person on the inside. So
I do feel like true love does exist. I feel
that we just need to dig a little bit harder
and not keep searching for something because I feel like
with us with social media, as soon as you find
something wrong with them, you're like, Okay, next, let me
go find somebody else who doesn't have you know, a
(25:26):
big toe, you know what I mean. So I feel
like we're so quick to jump to the next best
thing that we're not focusing on the person in front
of us. That's probably a good person and that probably
they're a match, but we're just not getting to know them.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Yeah you can't. You can't just fall in love with
the photograph you got a got and get to know
the person behind the photograph. Yea, yeah, okay, Well, and
let me any advice for the women out there or
men you want give us some advice real quick before
we cut you loose on dating and as you get older,
any kind of viy you want to give our audience
before you go.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I think my only advice is just get to know
the person on a on a deeper level of than
just a text message like hey, you know, how's your day,
what's up? Get to actually know them, have some real
conversations with that person. Once you get to actually know, like,
(26:23):
take it deeper than just you know that that first
initial meeting. Just because the first initial meeting isn't what
you expect, give them some time because that person could
be your person, but you might be looking for something
else that is already in that person. So I feel
like we shouldn't just blow people off in the beginning
(26:46):
just because they give you the ick, because there could
be somebody. There could be something in that person that
you might like.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Very well, very well, said Mary. Missana, we won't thank
you for being part of Beyond Yours the Detective goalless
files to day and had a great conversation. We'll be
sure and share this with our listeners. Okay, thank you,
thank you, bye bye. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we'll thank
miss Anna for being part of our show today. We
also want to thank our sponsor, mister Wan Hernandez with
(27:12):
the Wan her Nana's Law firm. You can be involved
in a car accident, contact him two one four nine
zero zero zero zero zero zero or visit him at
Juan Law dot com. Or if you're going through divorce,
contact Miss Victoria Duabe. She's a specialist in a divorces
child custody. She can help you. Contact her at two
one four three fifty five. And of course you can
(27:33):
uh going through a cheating situation, contact this guy, Detective Gomez.
It's me be more than glad to help you, So
don't be afraid to find out the truth because I
will help you. We'll get you there, all right. Take
care and I'll see you next time. I'll be on
cheers the Technical Spot. Thank you for listening our show day,
Liasies and gentlemen. We want to thank our sponsor, Wan
(27:54):
her Nanda's Law and you can visit them at Juan
Law dot com or contact them at two one four
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contact them today.
You're listening to Beyond the Cheaters, The Detective Gomez Files,
and now here is Detective Gometz. Welcome to another episode
to Beyond Cheers the Detective Gomes Files. I'm your host,
Take to Gomez and you know, ladies and gentlemen, you know,
as we all get a little bit older these days,
it's always tough to date. And today we have Miss Anna.
(00:24):
It's going to be on our shoulder, and she's going
to tell us some experiences she's been going through herself
and through with some of her friends as she gets older.
And have some of our friends have goten a little
bit older, you know, they're we're all not in her
twenties anymore. So there's some things that she wants to
share with you as an audience. I want to look
out for as you date, dating as you get older.
So let's bring miss Anna on the air right now.
(00:45):
Uh Anna, how are you?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I'm doing good? How are you?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Very very good? Thanks for being on the podcast today.
You know, as I did as part of the intro
that you know, as we get older and we're dating,
there's things you still have to look out for. Not
but there's an angel. Not everybody else there's going to
tell you the truth. And there's some things that that
you brought to my attention that think are very very
important that maybe you'd like to share with us, and
some of the experiences that you have gone through, So
(01:12):
tell us, tell us about it.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Ana, Well, first of all, I was married for like
fifteen years, so I kind of came from the dating
experiences back then. So dating now from when I was
you know, younger, is totally different from dating now. Okay,
So back in the day, used to meet people organically, right,
(01:35):
and now whenever you meet somebody, most of the stuff,
especially with COVID, is all online, right, and I kind
of feel like everybody has like their like person like
like they're it's not them, it's they're like they're like you.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Know, the alter ego.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yes, absolutely, so it's not really them. You're dating, right,
And with social media and all the different platforms cheating,
and I think people think that there is better options
out there, so that's why they people are not ready
to commit.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Okay. I have seen, you know, I've seen just through
social media course, people on even asking for your phone
number and where they go, what's your Instagram or what's
your snap? Snap and I'll get a hold of you there.
Do you see it? Also?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Yes, everybody, they don't even they don't want your phone number.
They want to know what your social media looks like.
And let's be real, social media is fake. So that's
not really getting to know that person. You're only getting
to know what the world what you want the world
to see. So I don't think that's a fair way
of dating or a fair way of getting to know somebody,
(02:40):
because you're literally just meeting the person they want you
to see.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Okay, do you see that? You know, just just with yourself,
you see it with your friends. I mean, I mean,
how are you experiences? I mean you're single right now,
obviously right?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Okay, so you go to the grocery store and there's
some guy hitting on you and you're like, dude, why
do you want my Instagram?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Know?
Speaker 1 (03:00):
I mean, is that what they're asking for? Now?
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Well, to tell you the truth, like when I I
don't really go out that much because I'm kind of
a little bit of a homebody. But when I do
go out in public, nobody ever really talks to me.
So nobody is ever I've never actually gone out and
somebody's approached me to kind of talk to me. So
it's probably not since I was back in the club days,
(03:22):
which was like in my twenties. Did that happen where
somebody would be like, hey, let me buy you a drink?
Somebody coming up to me? Now? Is that doesn't happen?
So I have been on like dating apps. You know,
have Facebook, I have Instagram, I have LinkedIn. As you're older,
LinkedIn is kind of one of those things that you
want to have as for your business. And so I
(03:46):
just feel that, I mean, it's harder to meet people organically.
And as I talked to my nieces and my my
own daughter, like it's hard for people to meet they're
having the same issues that I'm having at and so,
and it has all to do with social media.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
You're you're exactly right. I mean it's really hard to
meet somebody and you're only you're only seeing what they
want you to see on social media, right, so you
really can't see who they really are. I mean, like
because because I'm probably you know, a little bit older
than you, but I remember going to the bar and hey,
can I buy your drink? Can I talk to you?
(04:27):
Or whatever? Whatever? You know, you could strike up some
type of conversation. Now it's either texting or in box
me or d M me or something like that. There's
no way to really get to know somebody and pick
up the phone and talk to somebody.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
You know. That's something that as I'm older, that I
do ask for. I do say I want to talk
to you on the phone because I do not want
to meet somebody and like, you know, kind of like
a first date type thing and not get to get
a sense. Because I feel like when you talk to
somebody on the phone, you kind of get a sense
(05:01):
of who they are and if there's any kind of
like chemistry, your vibe is good. So something that I
do request is that we talk on the phone. And
I feel like men these days it's just behind a text,
you know. Texting is so hard to getting to know
somebody in the first place.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
You know, pick up the damn phone, you know, or
call me you know, or you know, and do you
do you see that? Men now also are very very
Do they ever ask you to pay for the dinner
or pay for the launch or anything like that, or
do you run run across anything like that where they
expect you to do more.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I personally don't because I feel like I set my
expectations kind of high, like whenever you know, they're like, okay,
can I take you to like, you know, let's just
say to drink coffee or something. And I'm not a
coffee person, but I'm like, okay, you know what, if
you make it past whatever I need you to make
it past. I tell them the restaurants that I want
(05:57):
to go to, Okay, and I'll say, like, these are
my restaurants, and if you want to go to these restaurants,
then you can pick.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Okay, give me Chick fil a something like that, or
a little bit, a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
It's fine.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Okay, well no, that's good. But at least they know
what to expect, right you're talking to them, I mean,
you're telling them to look, this is kind of like
where I like to eat. This is kind of like
if we're going to go out. This is where like
I'm giving you some options, you know, not just take
me to here are the waffle house for dinner or
anything like that. Right, you want to go someplace nice,
(06:37):
but you have certain expectations and leads you're laying out online.
That's fair. I think that's fair because if you don't
tell them, then he may take you some someplace that
you don't don't like, maybe don't like the food, or
maybe don't like the atmosphere, and you're like and you're
gonna have a look on your face like I don't
want to be here. You might just walk out. Who knows,
you know, yeah yeah no.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
And I feel like, especially on a first date, like
you do want to put you know it. I'm not
always saying that I want fine dining because like I'm
literally I will go for somebody who has a good
heart then like a big wallet. So I'm not going
for I literally care more about somebody's heart. So but
I am saying at like in the beginning, you have
to make an effort. You have to kind of like
(07:18):
you know, because yeah, like you just have to kind
of show up and be like, Okay, this is who I.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Am, and you know, makes make some kind of impression
if you really like the girl, yeah, you know, you
gotta do something. You can't just you can't just you know,
you get You're right, You've got to make some effort
because if not first pressions or everything, and if you
don't make a good first impression, it's like Okay, on
to the next guy, right, Yeah, is there anything? Is
(07:43):
there anything that you know that and you know, like,
give me your top three things that have just turned
you off completely by a first date.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Hey, I hate to admit this, but like I have
gone on a lot of I have gone on a
lot of dates things that I I don't like about people,
and I feel like sometimes maybe I'm a little bit
picky on what it's, but my thing is it's never
(08:12):
looks wise right, It's always personality type stuff. I feel
like people, it's like, you know, men like actually guys
who extra like gentlemen. They I feel like, it's very hard.
They don't really exist anymore. Somebody who it's it's and women,
and this is something women want. It's literally the little things.
(08:34):
I don't think men realize this. Women will go and
fight harder for a man who does little things like
you know, open doors, get them flowers when they don't
expect it. It's literally writing cards about how much they
miss them. I mean, it's literally the little things. Yes,
we like big things, but it's the little things that
(08:56):
actually stick in our hearts that we will that's what
makes us fall for somebody.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
What you cherish. You cherish those things. Do you remember
those things like I used to do this for me,
He did that for me, you know, And anybody can
buy a big Christmas gift and bursure to give us
the little things that keeps the relationship going on a
daily basis that you know, you could be like I
could be texting, Hey, I'm thinking about you right now,
and I'm what we're here working about thinking about you
right now. You're like, oh, he's thinking about whatever, whatever
(09:23):
it might be, just to just to make your day
knowing that that you're a part of his daily routine.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Yeah. It literally little things like even if it's a text,
like thinking about you. I saw something that reminded me
of you today. Just little things like that women appreciate
so much more than the bigger things, like it really
is it really truly is true?
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Good? Good?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
No?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
I think that's I think it's very important. Well, what
are some of the things that kind of that kind
of turn you off about a first date?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Okay, so, so I what is Let me just tell
you one of my worst dates that I ever had
care so and this is something that totally turned me
off about the whole experience. So I went on a
date with this this guy who he you know, he
(10:11):
had like a lot of money, but like I didn't
really know that he had a lot of money. And
when we went to the restaurant, he had like a
lot of money, which was like you know, hundreds or whatever,
and so he was literally tipping everybody one hundred dollars,
like I'm talking like the postess, the people who sat
us down. Everybody was getting tipped like a hundred dollar bill, right, okay,
(10:37):
And he he was a cool like I didn't even
care about that, and he was so he was in
a relationship for a very long time and he had
just recently got single. And he got really drunk on
the date. And I mean he because he was ordering
he was ordering double whiskeys. I mean it was literally
(10:58):
and he ordered me everything on the met He was
really nice until he got really drunk, so he turned
into somebody weird and I had to get uber right
and it was just like the whole date, which could
have been a good date, turned out really bad.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
So so drinking, drinking too much on a first date
can really destroy oh.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. And then also something
that I'll say that I've had an experience with is
if you're giving too much, you expect too much from
the first date. I've had a guy who has been
on a date with me and said after that first
date that he knew I was the one, okay, And
(11:43):
like I was like, okay, like this is it creeped
me out because you don't even know me. But she said, well,
I just know you're you're the person for me, And
I thought that was really weird too. So women are
not the only ones that can be a little bit
you know, clinging, like you know, I.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Mean, because you, being a little bit older, realized, look, man, okay,
you got to get to know him before you know
I'm the one first of all. Let's get that straight. Okay,
don't you know? But but you, being older realized that
Now when we're younger, it's a little bit different. But
as you're older, like, no, it doesn't work like that.
You got to get to know somebody, you got you're married,
(12:23):
so you know that. You know, it's one thing to
date somebody you know, and there's one thing to live
with somebody. It's one thing to marry somebody. Yeah, yeah,
it's you know, a big difference when you move in
with somebody. It's a complete different story than dating somebody. Yeah, big,
big difference.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Yeah, No, I mean and he got he actually got
mad at me because he said, you know, he he
had wrote books and he had done all this stuff,
and he was like, I know, I could feel it,
like I know God brought you to me and you're
like my person. And he was like after the first date,
he was like, you are literally my person and need
(13:00):
to move in together. WHOA what?
Speaker 1 (13:04):
I was scare of the hell out of me. Yeah,
that's crazy. All right. Well, okay, and let me ask
you a couple of cheating questions here. Since we got
your let me ask I'm gonna ask you four questions
about infidelity and cheating. Okay, yeah, okay. First question is
why do you think people cheat so much now in
twenty twenty five. Why do people cheat in relationships?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Well, you know, something that I've always said is that
when you're with somebody, you have to evolve to the
person if you love them, right, you have to. You
don't and let's just say you've been with them for
a very long time, you can't stay that person because
people grow and so you have to kind of grow
into whoever like to fit that person. Right. So I
(13:50):
feel like in relationships that people cheat because one of
like somebody's getting lazy and not putting as much effort
into the relationship. And so I feel like you should always,
you know, act like y'all are. This is like your
first date, you know. I just feel that people get
(14:15):
complacent and they don't really put the effort that they
used to put in. And I feel and even as
a woman, right, we have to look good for our
men and we have to be that person because not
all the time, but you have to show up because
you know what, you know, you just you just have
to you have to like be.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
It. I like how you said you have to show up.
You have to show up as the wife, the woman.
You've got to show up because you don't show up,
then somebody else, somebody else will. Okay, how about this
one here? So you see your your friends, you see
your friend's husband out with another woman in a they're
(15:00):
kind of cozying up together. You know he's married to
your best friend. What are you gonna do? You're gonna
tell her or maybe or let her find out on
her own.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I'm definitely gonna tell her because I don't. I feel
like something about I feel about cheating is it's never.
It's never. Okay, if you don't want to be with somebody,
you should communication is like the best thing, and you
should tell them like, hey, I'm not feeling it, something's up,
and like we need to fix this. So I feel
(15:31):
like instead of looking at for somewhere else, which a
lot of people do these days, and they're not trying
to fix things at home. So I would definitely tell
that my like my my friend, Okay, I saw your
man with somebody else. But also I would kind of
confront him also to kind of tell him like, hey,
I know what you're doing because and maybe he might
(15:53):
because you know, it's hard to leave a situation, especially
whenever you're like so invested into it. So you know,
my friend might be like, oh, well, I'm still gonna
stay with him because most most let's be real, like
most people, whenever they find out somebody is cheating, they stay.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yeah, they stayt someone's got to pay the bills, you know,
someone's got to pay the car, or someone's got to
pay the house. Not it's got to be done.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yeah, So I would I would tell both. I would
tell him. I'd be like, hey, so he knows, I
know what's up. And I would also tell my friend
and be like, this is what I saw and it
sucks because being cheated on, cheated on really does hurt.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
It does. Okay, how about this one? So, uh, do
you believe in second chances? Do you believe that if
somebody cheats on somebody, is there any chance that it
can be worked out after the infidelity has occurred?
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Yes, and no. Like, I do feel like people can change,
but they have to want to change. I think that
some major therapy needs to be in play and to
find out why the cheated cheating started out in the
first place. Okay, So I feel like you have to
(17:10):
get kind of get to the root of the problem
of why it even happened, because you know, women and
men are it doesn't happen. I feel like overnight there's there.
It's it's a process, and there's signs, you know, and
so you have to kind of look out for those signs.
And if something feels weird and something doesn't it doesn't
(17:34):
feel right. The women's intuition is always kind of right,
or even with the man right, Like, if something doesn't
feel right, it probably isn't.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Okay, all right, so it would also it just depends
on what but you said. Therapy could correct that the second,
but it takes two to go to therapy too, right.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
You have to want to write, you have to want
to fix the relationship. I mean, you know, whatever people
say like once a cheat, always a cheater. I don't
necessarily believe that. I do think that if you love
somebody enough you could you could change. It just depends
on if you love them enough to want to change.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Okay, that's fair enough. Okay, here's the last one for you.
Who cheats more?
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Oh? No? Who?
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Okay? Last one? I got one more for this one?
Who cheats more? Men or women?
Speaker 2 (18:30):
You know, I'm gonna go with men?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Why I feel and I feel like because men, oh
I I feel like see like okay, so like I
don't know, like that's I don't know, maybe it's half
enough because like you know, no, no, no, I'm gonna
(18:56):
go with I'm gonna go with men, okay. And I'm
gonna go with men because because I feel like sometimes,
like I said, like women get kind of lazy and
they're the way that they you know, something I've always
said is that if you're with somebody, you have to
be like you have to you have to always be
(19:20):
on it, like and I'm talking about beyond it with
because especially if he's providing for you, and he's doing
in this day and age, right it's usually fifty to fifty,
but if he's like fix and stuff for you, and
you know, and women like it's it's an amazing thing
to be a woman, to be able to get dressed up,
(19:40):
to be able to be, you know, everything that they
saw whenever you first met them. Right. So I feel like,
you know, men sometimes are looking for something that they're
not getting at home. So be that person in bed,
be that person you know in the kitchen, be that person.
And you know, I don't know if it's because I'm
(20:01):
like old school or whatever, but I am the type
of woman that I will serve my man and I
will continue to do it until I die, like, and
I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I think
it's a lot of women these days are like, oh,
like equal rights, equal this, and that's not I feel like,
yes to a certain point, but there's nothing wrong with
(20:21):
showing my man, hey, I got you just the way
that you expect him to do the same for you.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
I think that's very well, very well way to think.
And because like you want us guys, we're visual creatures
right right we are. I like your hair this way,
I want maybe hey, and could you hear you this
way for you? Mark? Sure, whatever you want, where it
takes to make you happy or please you? What could
you make make this for dinner for me?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
No problem, you want this, I'll make it for you.
I mean I want to eat it, but I'll make
it for you if you want that what you want, Danny,
So you know, but you're right going back to what
you said. I think, like what you said, the way
he met you, what turned him on to gravitate towards
you and make that relationship happen in the beginning is
what you got to keep doing, you know, till the end,
(21:08):
because that's what makes us guys happy. Whatever it may be,
little things. Can you put that bow in your hair,
whatever it may be, just do it, you know, just
to make us happy.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
The last thing we want to be told. I will
tell you to this day, somebody once a long time
ago that I'm not doing that for you, Danny. And
I'm like okay, all right, okay, why not even ask?
You know, so then it's like a dog getting kicked,
you know, like, okay, you're go and kick a dog
so many times and he's not going to come back
one day.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. And I also feel like men
want to feel like men again, you know what I mean?
And I feel like now today, like there's a lot
of women that are like, oh, like no, women need
to feel like women and men need to feel like men,
and that's just how it should be.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Okay, another one here for you. You know, there's a
lot of women that put up different memes and things
like that on Facebook, and they're constantly putting up I'm
waiting for the man that's worth my worth and my
worth and this, and I'm worth that and all that,
and I'm going to wait till I find that person
that that you know, that's I'm not gonna give away
(22:16):
my worth because he's not worth all that kind of
you've seen those stuff, right, you know, Well, what do
you think about women that are constantly talking about you know,
they're going to wait till that perfect person walks in
the front door. Do you sometimes yet you have to
kind of bend a little bit sometimes relationship to to
make it work. I mean, not everybody's gonna be perfect.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Well, I don't think that anybody out there is perfect.
And I think that as you get older, you're you
kind of see, you know, the dating pool gets different
and you have to kind of everybody's kind of like
set in their ways and stuff like that. So I
feel you have to adjust your thinking and realize it's
(22:53):
like a give and take, you know, and there is
because there is nobody perfect. You're we are, else are
not perfect, so to expect that from somebody else. And
I think women that do put stuff like you know,
I'm waiting for this this perfect person they know in
their hearts that doesn't exist. But you know, it's all
(23:16):
about like manifestations and stuff like that. So maybe they're thinking, like, Okay,
if I put it out there like he's coming, But
that's that's not what it works. How it works. I
feel like you kind of have to be more open
to people's flaws and see what's what you're willing to
put up with and what you're not.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Okay, yeah, because I'm a friend of mine a manifest
that she's gonna date somebody else but it's gonna come
back to me.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
In the end.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
I go, Yeah, you keep telling yourself that I don't
know what to tell you. Man. Well, okay, okay, one
more for you. You think there's still true love out there,
and you know a lot of women now have gone
to the point when you know, screw it. I don't
want to board for anymore. I just want someone to
help me pay my bills. That's all I want. I'll
find your sugar daddy.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
You know because cases before where guys have met these
women on different websites and they're afraid they're trying to
take their money, they're taking their business. So you think
some women now just say screw the love to pay
my bills. And I'm happy to try. I want to travel.
I got my passport, I'm ready to go. Do you
think that's kind of where it's going now as far
as women.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
You know, I guess because like the women that I know,
we actually are looking for true love, Like we really
do want to find our best friend, somebody who we
could just you know, who knows everything about us, who
could talk to about any and everything about how bad
(24:45):
our day was. And my friends are beautiful like the
people that I know are beautiful women inside and out
and they're not and they could get you know, men
who have lots of money, but it's at the end
of the day like that doesn't matter, Like money goes, comes,
(25:05):
and you're stuck with that person on the inside. So
I do feel like true love does exist. I feel
that we just need to dig a little bit harder
and not keep searching for something because I feel like
with us with social media, as soon as you find
something wrong with them, you're like, Okay, next, let me
go find somebody else who doesn't have you know, a
(25:26):
big toe, you know what I mean. So I feel
like we're so quick to jump to the next best
thing that we're not focusing on the person in front
of us. That's probably a good person and that probably
they're a match, but we're just not getting to know them.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Yeah you can't. You can't just fall in love with
the photograph you got a got and get to know
the person behind the photograph. Yea, yeah, okay, Well, and
let me any advice for the women out there or
men you want give us some advice real quick before
we cut you loose on dating and as you get older,
any kind of viy you want to give our audience
before you go.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I think my only advice is just get to know
the person on a on a deeper level of than
just a text message like hey, you know, how's your day,
what's up? Get to actually know them, have some real
conversations with that person. Once you get to actually know, like,
(26:23):
take it deeper than just you know that that first
initial meeting. Just because the first initial meeting isn't what
you expect, give them some time because that person could
be your person, but you might be looking for something
else that is already in that person. So I feel
like we shouldn't just blow people off in the beginning
(26:46):
just because they give you the ick, because there could
be somebody. There could be something in that person that
you might like.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Very well, very well, said Mary. Missana, we won't thank
you for being part of Beyond Yours the Detective goalless
files to day and had a great conversation. We'll be
sure and share this with our listeners. Okay, thank you,
thank you, bye bye. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we'll thank
miss Anna for being part of our show today. We
also want to thank our sponsor, mister Wan Hernandez with
(27:12):
the Wan her Nana's Law firm. You can be involved
in a car accident, contact him two one four nine
zero zero zero zero zero zero or visit him at
Juan Law dot com. Or if you're going through divorce,
contact Miss Victoria Duabe. She's a specialist in a divorces
child custody. She can help you. Contact her at two
one four three fifty five. And of course you can
(27:33):
uh going through a cheating situation, contact this guy, Detective Gomez.
It's me be more than glad to help you, So
don't be afraid to find out the truth because I
will help you. We'll get you there, all right. Take
care and I'll see you next time. I'll be on
cheers the Technical Spot. Thank you for listening our show day,
Liasies and gentlemen. We want to thank our sponsor, Wan
(27:54):
her Nanda's Law and you can visit them at Juan
Law dot com or contact them at two one four
nine zero zero zero zero zero zero. They helped me
through an accident and they can help you too, so
contact them today.
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