June 2, 2023 • 46 mins
Join Divya Parekh and Angelique Medow to discover how to love yourself so that you can care for others on a deeper and more meaningful level. Angelique will share how learning to truly love yourself frees you and others from the bondage of co-dependent, resentful, unhappy, toxic relationships.
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Click this link to learn more https://success.divyaparekh.com/unfairadvantage/
Beyond Confidence is broadcast live Tuesdays at 10AM ET.
Beyond Confidence TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Beyond Confidence Radio Show is broadcast on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com).
Beyond Confidence Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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(00:00):
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(00:24):
Radio. This is Beyond Confidence withyour host Dvaparnk. Do you want to
live a more fulfilling life? Doyou want to live your legacy and achieve
your personal, professional, and financialgoals? Well? Coming up on Diva
Park's Beyond Confidence, you will hearreal stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and
achievers who have stepped into discomfort,shanner their status quo, and are living
(00:47):
the life they want. You willlearn how relationships are the key to achieving
your aspirations and financial goals. Movingyour career business forward does not have to
happen at the expense of your personalor family life, or vice versa.
Learn more www dot dvaparnk dot comand you can connect with div at contact
at dvapark dot com. This isBeyond Confidence and now here's your host,
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Via Park. Good morning, thisis Divia and it's Tuesday, and love
this day because I get to bewith you. So for each and every
one of you who have got ourbooks, I want to thank you because
together we can make a difference.Partial profits from the book sales do go
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to Kiva dot org where we helpentrepreneurs from all across the globe, especially
women entrepreneurs. And if you're thinkingwhich books to get, both the Entrepreneurs
Garden as well as expert to Influencerare going to help you get what you
want and live the lifestyle you deserve. And of course there are other several
(01:55):
other books that you can feel freeto get it. Sales of any books
go to partial profits from and goto keep it dot org. And I'm
going to invite you, like always, to spend one hour of your time
every month supporting someone without any stringsattached. Let's keep let's start this kind
(02:19):
of circle and let's keep it going. And let's invite our guests and so
welcome Anti League. Hello, wonderfulto be here. Thank you so much
for having me. Oh it's apleasure having you were here. So tell
us, Angelick, if you remembera moment or a time or a person
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from your childhood that left a markon you. Oh wow. You know,
it's so important that we take thetime to remember these things because those
marks can affect us for the wholerest of our life. And it was
my grandmother and my other side.My grandmother was a great cook, and
she also used to garden, andjust the fact that she would take time
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to share what it is that shereally know and was important on her heart
really made an effect on me.What about you, Oh, great question.
So I was very lucky to havesome really really good people in my
life who left an impact. AlthoughI gotta say it the most impact,
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I mean that different levels of impact. There was this big, beautiful tropical
tree in our backyard with strong,sturdy limbs, and of course my parents
didn't like it. There. Iwould just kind of climb up and take
my books with me and read it. You know. I would even sometimes
take my blanket, and whenever myparents tried to give me a time out,
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I would be climbing on the topmostlimbs and like sticking on it,
and they'd be like, please,okay, you're no longer in time,
would just come down, So Ithink so it was a fun time for
me, but not so much asfor my parents. So as you kind
of grew up under the influence ofyour grandma, and she liked gardening,
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and so what would you say thatyou took away from your association with her,
You know, I would, Iwould make that comparison to the way
that you talked about the tree,And I too, agree that trees give
us a grounding, give us alife force. They hold down our earth,
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and they bring us fresh air.And people who are living in their
presence, who aren't trying to besomething, who just truly are loving what
they do and they're great at it. That's what she was and represented to
me, and that's what trees dofor us every day too. They just
be If we can all be thetree, we'd all be the best person
we can be. Right, absolutely, you said it. So as you
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continued growing, what did you interestin you? My interests were always an
understanding humanity. I felt like itmade a lot more sense to look outside
into the nature and see how itworked. But humans were a bit confusing
to me. So I've always beenfascinated with the inner workings of how people
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made decisions and what decisions made themhappy and unhappy, and why they made
them. So the psychology in suchhas always been very important to me.
Well, human beings are complicated.You are so right. Human beings are
really fascinating, just like any creatureof the planet. But human beings,
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being human beings with the brain thathas developed in comparison to way further ahead
than any other species on the planet, definitely of interest. And I can
relate to that because I was alwaysfascinated by how did the body work,
how did the mind work? Inthis sense, how is everything happening on
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its own? So that's where ittook me down the path of biochemistry and
neural science. So that's said.You mentioned that you know you were interested
in psychology, So what were someof your initial undertakings in your life.
I went through school and I wentthrough college as well, and I have
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when I started studying psychology, Iadmired it, but I found, at
least for me and my perspective,I always wanted applicable information and there's a
lot of study about the mind,but the actual application of how to use
it and what works and what doesn'tis what I wasn't finding in psychiatry.
So I do have a minor inphilosophy, and I've also gone to do
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intensive months long studies with folks likecosmologists John Dobson, who's a mentor of
mine, and other spiritual people whoknew how to actually apply the information and
walk the walk, so to speak. So, my you asked about how
it really manifested for me? Howdid it how did it play out?
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I just continued along the path,so I found things that worked and finding
people who knew how to walk it. That's what makes it work. You're
absolutely right on the spot that it'syou know, you could have the best
intentions in the world, you couldhave all the information in the world,
and yet if you don't have thatimplementation, that to implementation done the right
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way, then you're not going tobe able to bring that change or take
Without that action, it just remainsa dream or always or a goal.
It does not become reality or results. So you really said that, So
as you travel through your life walkingwith people who had already achieved it,
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and I'm really a fan of thattoo, because I've done the same.
And when you work with someone orwhen you follow someone, I mean sometimes
you can just be reading books,consuming podcasts, you could be working with
someone. When you take the learningsof people who have already been through all
of what you may go through,you are getting a shortcut to where you
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want to go. So that's sucha great way of doing it. So
yes, tell us more about wheredid it finally lead you? Well,
where it led me was to recognizingthat even people, though people were incredibly
intelligent, like the doctors of psychiatryand such I knew from also my research,
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having a background and degree in journalismas well, but seventy percent of
the people who are teaching these things, who are psychiatrists, don't actually apply
it. They have the same problemsthat they're teaching about. So for me,
I realized that there really wasn't adegree, so to speak, for
walking your talk. And I foundthat to be unsettling really in humanity,
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that we would be okay with afacade of a degree that we don't know
how to walk. And so Idecided I was going to create my own
and just by doing my podcasts anddoing my studies and then only talking and
speaking about things that I've actually applied, and I surround myself with other people
who have also applied it, becauseI believe that there's something that comes from
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studying with people who've applied it thatisn't just the knowledge that we're sharing.
It's like what emanates out of thetree. It's not just oxygen and not
just beauty, but there's a presenceabout the tree. There's a presence about
being in with a master. It'scalled SATs on. When you sit with
someone who's actually embodying what it isthat we are seeking, that it emanates
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out of them and it seeps intous like we're absorbing it like a sponge,
and it's on an unconscious level.And that's really important. We need
more people who can embody their truth. M love that love that word presence,
and it again kind of brings usback to mindfulness and being present,
being in the moment, and alot of people will question that, what
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does being in the moment even mean. It's been living the life, embracing
wherever you are at and without thepast and the future, and of course
everybody's definition can be different. It'sabout accepting it as you kind of go
back to the tree. I lovenature. Tree will not question what you're
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doing underneath it, or it willnot question anybody else. The nature knows
how to live in harmony. Andthat's so much more like we need to
bring in not only non personal livesbut also as a humanity. What do
you think of that? It's vital. It's vital because we need to accept
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no life, just like the tree. We need to We can accept beauty
and people under it. We canaccept the winds, we can accept the
rain and the weather. That doesn'tnecessarily mean we always like all of it,
but being in acceptance of it meansthat we aren't causing stress for ourselves.
And when we're not in stress,we're also not causing stress for other
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people generally in addition to whatever theycreate for themselves. Right right, So
it's it's it's it's vital. Greatpoint. You put it beautifully. So
now let me ask you this.So here we are, we know what
needs to be done, and weknow that like implementation is there. People
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know. Most people are aware ofthings. So for example, one simple
thing, oh, I gotta exercise, or I gotta eat healthy, or
I gotta sleep eight hours a day, and yet what is it that stops
them from implementing it? Well,what I've found stops them is the same
thing that stopped me, and thatis if we're not aware of what it
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is and we don't take time tolisten, we don't ever get to the
bottom of it. We end upchasing other people's issues and drama and addictions
of any sort. So we needto one be willing, because if we're
not willing, that's the key.If we're not willing, it's not going
anywhere. Just try to teach someonesomething they don't want to learn, it
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doesn't work. They have to bewilling. So that's the first step is
if we're willing to ask ourselves importantquestions like why am I doing this?
And it can't be something that we'reblaming on life or our spouse or our
job. It has to be reallycoming from within because it's always co ownership.
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You know, sure, maybe ourspouse caused us a little stress,
but what is it that's going insideof us? What's going on in there
that makes us think it's okay todo things that are poisonous for us?
For example, so you mentioned thatas it happened to me. Could you
expand on that? Oh, sure, sure, I don't mind at all.
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As a matter of fact, Ifeel that if when we're at the
point when we're ready to talk aboutwhat it was that we were addicted to,
we're no longer addicted. People whoare offended, like that's the first
key. If we're offended by admittingor having someone point out the fact that
we have an addiction, we're probablystill addicted. You know, it's not
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an issue once we've gone beyond it. And I had an addiction at a
young age to binge eating donuts.I don't know if anybody there ever has
anything that they can relate to onthat, but I tell you what I
thought donuts could solve my problems becauseI was raised in a situation where my
mother was in deep depression for muchof my growing up years, and she
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also had a back problem, sothat left her bedridden sometimes. And then
my dad was a workaholic, sohe was gone all the time, and
that left me caretaking everybody really,including my younger brother. And the only
time I found that I could dosomething that was only of my own volition
or my own choice was at nightlate at night after all the chores were
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done, so it was probably midnight, and I had my secret stash of
my white box of Antonman's colors inmy room under my bed, and I
could go grocery shopping. So Iwas lucky enough to be able to be
the person to have the donuts andknew where they were, and it had
my height my head stash. AndI got down to the bottom of the
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box of donuts. I'd eaten everysingle ask frum. I mean, I'm
holding the white container and the cellophaneis crackling a little bit, and I'm
trying to stay quiet. And Iget down to the bottom and pull up
my little crones and I'm nabbling.And as I'm sitting there, getting started
to get what they call it,like the Jones is realizing I don't have
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any more donuts and I want moredonuts. I had two choices. Am
I going to try to jump outthe window and go get myself some more
donuts at the gas station? Oram I going to sit here and give
myself the opportunity to learn a littlebit like I am stuffed, I'm sick
to my stomach. I'm sick.I'm literally sick, and yet I still
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want more donuts. So I realizedit's not an hunger issue. I'm not
hungry. So if I'm not hungryand I don't really want donuts, that
led to self wind cry what doI really want? What do I really
want? And I'm sitting there inmy bedroom and I'm a teenage, a
young teenager. I don't know howold I was, I don't remember.
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But also you are are still achild. Oh yeah, still a child.
And you know, at the timewhen you were supposed to be playing
out, you had all the responsibilityat home and you were taking care of
your mom and you were taking careof the younger brother. I don't know
how many kids would do that andnot sneak out or shunned the responsibilities.
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And so it's yeah, it's importantto have compassion as well. So tell
us, like, you know,how did you even become a very I
mean you are so young at thattime? Well I was, But yet
at the same time, when youhave other people around you aren't responsible,
we become over responsible, which actuallybecame a psychological problem. I mean I
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had hyper vigilance issues. I wasalways wanting to make sure everything was okay,
and everybody else was okay. Butas a child, in some ways
it really helped me because I knewI couldn't get help from either one of
my parents, and the answer tothe question what do I really want was
a really important answer. It ledto another question, but my answer was
I really wanted love, which Ifound is basically the answer to most every
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addiction I so far, I've nevermet anybody and worked with anybody as a
mentor with someone who that wasn't theanswer, And so that led me to
it saying, well, I can'tget it to from my parents. I
can't get love from them because they'redealing with their themselves. So where can
I get it? And how doI experience love? And that helped me
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to learn some things that I coulddo, even as a young child,
to love myself. So that ledme to start a self love you movement.
M So tell us when you're thatyoung child, when you realize or
when did you become aware of thatthere was something going on? And when
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did you question and what was theresult of it? Well, I think
we can any of us can knowif how do we know we have an
addiction? You know, we lieabout it. We say, oh,
I don't have that problem, orno, I don't need to have all
those donuts, or or we mightpretend we don't eat donuts and we're in
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front of other people, we hidethem, like I hid my box of
donuts. Or we deny, wedeny, you know that there's an issue,
we just avoid the whole problem overall. So lying, denying, and
hiding are three ways that we canknow that we have a problem. So
I did that with donuts. Butthere are more than one addiction. Usually
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people have two to three addictions.When we have one, we have more
than one because it's really not theissue with the addiction. So if you're
open to it, like you know, I love you here, like did
you have any other addictions that youwould avail? Oh, yes, yes
I did, and I had towork through those as well. What I
didn't know it was the more recentovercoming of addictions was codependency. The one
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one in the middle of that thatI had worked out was workaholism. So
I had done all those things reallyas a source or way to be able
to achieve the recognition for myself thatI felt that I needed because I couldn't
get love from outside of me inthe way that I felt that I needed
it and I couldn't succeed in mylove relationships with my family, so I
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thought, well, I can succeedat work, so let's just keep doing
that. M So, what I'mhearing is that that workoholism, and we
will explore that because so many peopleare workoholics, and sometimes they even take
pride in that. Oh yes,guilty. I even like to be a
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workaholic. And if somebody's going forwork life balance, and it's like hmm,
so of course, you know that'sthe different generations and especially millennials and
zigen up bringing, that change aboutwhere having the time with family and time
for oneself is really really important.So when we talk about work coholism,
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So what's showing up for me isthat that vacuum which could be filled by
love is being filled by work.That Okay, if I work, you
know, I'll get recognized and thatexternal validation somehow replaces to some extent that
love that you were seeking. Yes, and that is absolutely true. And
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in my case, I took iteven a step farther because my work was
always about giving to other people thesame way it was in my family growing
up, so I still wasn't.I didn't I did not try to get
validation from even the accolades. Asa matter of fact, I didn't want
people to point out that I wasdoing a good job because there were other
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issues growing up in my family whereit's just not a good idea to get
praised by other people because there's jealousyand competition and other things that I didn't
understand that. And even doing whatI'm doing right now, it took a
lot of personal inner work in orderto do what I'm doing right now with
this was this is not my norm. I'm actually an introvert who does the
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extrovert thing just so that I canaccomplish sharing a message that I believe is
vital and important so that someone outthere may or may not choose to inspire
themselves. Now, thank you somuch for being open and vulnerable and sharing
your story. Absolutely if that's theonly way that we can all really make
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a connection. And I want toacknowledge you and give you a shout out
for the work you've done yourself,because that's one of the hardest things to
do, and for not only dothe work and move beyond it but recognizing
it that there was this cycle whichfinish initiated in your childhood and then it
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continued because you were used to giving, giving, giving, and taking care
of others. So how did yourealize that workoholism was a repetition and how
did you overcome it? Because I'msure there's so many other people, men
and women, a lie who couldbenefit from your experience. Well, how
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I realized it may or may notbe similar to other people, But I
have an several intuitive gifts, andso I knew at a young age what
ended up being confirmed to me byother masters, and that is we pick
up the sole issues of our parents. So at the time of our conception,
we will pick up whatever issues ourparents have not healed within themselves.
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So I already knew my dad.I started to reflect. Then I knew
my dad had workoholism, and Iknew the issues that my mom had.
So I just one by one startedanalyzing myself and saying, where is what
they have similar to what's going onwith me? And how am I seeing
that playing out in my own life? So it came to observation, questioning,
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self inquiry, and observation to determinewhere is this showing up like little
sprouts or roots coming up from thatoriginal issue of my parents, So you
are able to notice yourselves. Let'ssay there is somebody who's an alcoholic and
yep, their spouse and their children, and it could be a man or
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a woman. I'm not happy withthem obviously because family wants their time all
the looking for his time with them, and let's set this professional or an
entrepreneur is not giving them. Sohow can they get out of it?
Well, when we look and recognizewhat am I getting out of avoiding them,
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you know what am I getting outof not allowing that connection. So
in my example, what I wasgetting out of choosing work over deeper connection
with others is that connection with otherswas always painful. Love was pain and
growing up, so it wasn't safefor me to connect with others that were
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close to me, like family orpeople that were in my intimate relationships as
well, because that always repeats itselfuntil we heal it. So it's really
turning it back to ourselves. Howare we gaining by not connecting? And
one other side note, you mentionedthat our family wants time with us,
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and it depends what kind of personthey are. You know, time is
time, but quality time I don'tknow that anyone actually defined that. And
that's where it really gets real.If we're actually able to connect with a
child, even for a shorter periodof time, they can feel that they
know that. Same with our spouseor our other friends and relations. It
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doesn't take hours and hours of timetogether when we're actually truly there and with
us connected within, connected without.Does that make sense? Oh? Absolutely,
Like the quality of time is almosta moment stollen in time. And
I will share that there's so manyof my friends and I'm blessed to have
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quite a few friends like that thatwe will not even talk for a few
years. Time goes by, youknow, you're in different states, people
are busy with their lives, andwhen we connect, it's almost like the
time stops and we pick back upright where we had left. So I
totally understand it's not the length oftime, it's the quality of time,
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because you could be with someone fordays and days together, and yet if
you're not enjoying each other's company andpinpointing, and there are flights and so
what's the point of having that timetogether? It's singing that joy and love
back into those moments because those moments, once gone, are gone. Yes,
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beautifully said, And just for theif there's anybody out there who is
in a relationship with someone who's anarcissist, that doesn't really apply. And
I can speak that firsthand, becauseyou could spend all the time in the
world with someone who has a narcissisticpersonality disorder and you can offer all the
connection you want to offer, butyou're never going to get the connection because
they're not connected with themselves. Soyou'll be seeking something in pain for years
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and feeling like it's all you andthat there's must be something wrong with you
that you can't get in, thatcan't get a connection or an equality time,
no matter how much time you spendwith this person. So just yourself
a break. If you don't knowwhat narcissistic personality disorder is, look it
up and start to look into codependencyand enabling because being on the opposite side
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of that and being the enabler toa codependent with addictions like serious addictions that
cause themselves harm on bodily level aswell as others. You know, people
who haven't done it don't understand it, but you can learn about it absolutely.
Could you speak more to that,because I'm sure there are a lot
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of women out there and a lotof men as well, like whether in
these toxic relationships where nothing they're beingtogether is not doing anything for one person
or maybe doing it And as youtalked about the codependency and enabler, that'll
be very helpful. Well, yes, it kind of goes back to what
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we spoke about earlier when I said, if we have an addiction to anything,
even if it's enabling, even ifit's codependency, we have to ask
ourselves what are we getting out ofthat? That was the only way I
knew how to give, because that'sthe only way that I could give.
In my family of origin, itwasn't reciprocal because they couldn't connect with themselves,
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with my mom being depressed and mydad being totally disconnected from his own
emotions, having experiences in war andjust choosing to never disconnect with his emotions
because he considered that weak. So, because that's all I ever knew,
I felt like if I could justeventually keep giving and doing what I'm doing,
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that someone that I would be inconnection with would be able to give
back. But unfortunately, that's notthe way that life, God or whatever
you want to call it, createdlife. That's not the way it works.
We actually have to see the cycleof codependency and addiction in order to
work ourselves out of it. It'snot going to work itself out by itself.
(28:56):
Yeah, So is there a morespecific question you have about the codependency
and narcissistic dynamic, because there areso many things to talk about there.
Yeah, let's just kind of lookat from two different perspectives. Like,
let's say if there is a personand their bosses like that and what could
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they do? Or there's an entrepreneurand you know, they keep on attracting
the same type of clients and thenthey find because I had one of my
clients like that, and that theytake on. They're initially like really really
thrilled. Yes, you know,I'm so excited and bringing on this client,
and then they find that whatever they'redoing is not pleasing either the boss
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or the client. So something ina situation like that, well, when
we're in a codependent narcissistic relationship lookingto find any type of validation from them
or agreement from them that anything we'vedone is right or good, or acknowledgement
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that we're worthy or that we havedone enough where we can't look for any
of those things from them, notbecause we're judging them and saying you can't,
you can't, but because there's adeeper issue. Narcissists do not have
a sense of self. What doesthat mean? That means that if you
don't have, for example, ahand, and you say I want to
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open my hand, so I'm goingto take one finger and open it up,
and then another one and another one. If we don't have a sense
of self, which is the hand, there's nothing to open. They can't
change because there's nothing there. Theyhaven't taken the time to find out who
they are on a on a characterlevel, saying I believe in integrity and
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I'm only going to stand for integrity, I believe in honesty, I'm only
going to speak honestlye etc. Theyhaven't done that. Why is that?
Because they were probably raised by someonewho made them change in order to be
acceptable, So all they know isto be a chameleon. So they might
argue for abortion in one discussion withsomeone who believes in that, and then
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they might go five minutes later andargue the exact opposite with someone else and
speak at it as if it isthem, because it is them. They
have no sense of interior, skeletalsoul self. They don't have a self.
So it would take severe, cataclysmicchange if that, for them to
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change, because they can't see whythere's anything wrong with their behavior. And
very often they will be very successfulin life and very charismatic, and then
when they get home, it's justlike you flipped a light switch and they
become their other personality and take itout on you. And you'll see that
as a boss, like you talkedabout working with someone who has narcissistic personality
(31:59):
disorder, you have to ask yourself, why am I willing to accept this?
Building up our self worth is theonly way to truly get out of
the cycle. And we have todo that ourself. No one can do
it for us. That's really agreat point, that there is no sense
(32:22):
of self, and if there isno moral compass, then what is guiding
them? There's nothing there to guidethem. Now, actually there is.
There is what's guiding And I don'tmean to I just I want people.
I want people to know this.There is something guiding them validation, approval,
power, control, money, sex, that's what's guiding them. It's
(32:49):
instant gratification in one way or another, and it's usually comes into a very
attractive package. Yeah, and thisis this is important that you know you
realize it that like, no matterwhat you have done, it's not going
to make a difference. So recognizingthat and making a dissension. As you
(33:12):
talked about, it's not only aboutthe intention, it's about the implementation of
it and deciding whether to make achoice or not. And you always usually
you talk about some three you know, three to four tips on overcoming any
types of addiction. Can you shedlight on that. Yes, whether it's
codependency, whether it's workaholism, whetherit's food, whether it's strength, whatever
(33:37):
it is. If we can justtake five minutes when we're having that it'sy
feeling of I've got to have it. I've got to have it, no
matter what it is, whether it'seven just looking at our phones right and
just checking what's going on there.Take five minutes to sit outside, put
your rear end on the ground,take some deep breaths under that tree.
(34:00):
Like our wonderful host expressed the joyof being with a tree and ask yourself
the question what do I really want? And don't be afraid to just breathe.
You don't have to have an answer, and you don't need to go
(34:22):
searching in your mind for it either. You can't think your way to the
answer. The answer is just goingto come to you out of your heart.
And if you think that I'm soundingooey gooey and impossible when I say
things like this, you just haveto try it, because until you do,
you will be using your mind toget to your answers for everything,
(34:43):
and logic will not take you there. Check with any of the masters,
you can do your research online.Thinking will not take you to those deep
kind of answers. Ask yourself,what do I really want? It is
getting in touch with your intuition andletting the answer come to you. And
if it doesn't come in once you'vetalked about acceptance, being accepting of the
(35:06):
thing in the situation, and youhave mentioned something really very powerful over here
is taking that pause. And whileyou're taking that pause and learning to understand
yourself, and when you understand yourselfas the saying ghost and all thyself,
it makes options more options available andIt also allows you to make choices,
(35:31):
even if it is in tiny,tiny steps. So tell us, like
you know how you have taken thisknowledge and combined in your books, because
I can definitely see it in thebackground. Well, thank you after I
had come to that tip. Ialso work with a physician, doctor what
Quita Callaway, who endorses this tip. She has worked since nineteen ninety in
(35:57):
her private practice, but she alsostudied it at emery, and she knew
that she wanted to go into privatepractice because medical and other type of conventional
medicines go after symptoms. They're tryingto treat a symptom. They don't treat
the root cause. This tip thatI just mentioned, asking yourself what do
(36:22):
I really want? Goes after theroot cause. And think of how powerful
that is that you can ask yourselfthe question that is the root cause of
why you do that thing that isharming you, and you are the only
one who can answer that question.Very powerful, and that's what these books
also do behind you. I've createdthirteen different styles of books. I've got
(36:45):
eleven journals that are on the bottomself. I've got two different books for
affirmations, one with a journal andone without it's a copytable book and my
deck of cards as well. Andthese affirmations are affirmative words that are used
to both challenge some of your existingbeliefs that may not be helpful to you,
that could be limiting, and alsoencourage you in your growth and self
(37:07):
worth. Oh that's powerful. Sotell us you have shared, you have
written extensively, and you also havea deck of cards. What would you
say are some of your favorite affirmations? Oh goodness, my favorite is to
(37:29):
be able to provide affirmations for others. Actually that's the that's the honest answer.
Would you like to have get anaffirmation today? Yeah? Absolutely,
Okay, I've got to go rightback here to my deck of cards,
so you get it's a nice hardcoverbox and it's the amur Realists flower that's
(37:50):
on the top, and amurialis is. I don't know if anybody under or
knows the floral information of what there'sa meaning behind flowers, and flowers were
actually used medicinally before any type ofpharmaceuticals, so there is an element of
easing disease that the amaillists can offerto us. So you might want to
(38:12):
look up those those qualities of theamarellists if you have any issues with anxiety,
depression or addictions. So I've gotseventy two cards here, and I'd
love it if you would think ofa question in your mind that you might
like to have an answer or affirmationto, and think of a question that
(38:37):
you don't mind sharing later for others, if you would, so that you
can share that, and then youtell me when to stop shuffling, and
that'll be your card. Go ahead, stop it, okay. So the
photographs on these cards, there wego. The photographs are meant to connect
(38:59):
with your subconscious mind because they evokefeelings. So I'd like for you to
feel the feelings within your whole bodywhen you look at this card. What
feelings do you feel? Harmony?Harmony? That's lovely. Now what about
(39:22):
within your body? Are you canyou sense what's happening within your body?
Yes? Calm, calm, okay, wonderful. All right. Now,
I'm going to flip the card overand it's going to have words on it.
(39:45):
And that's amazing. It's that's rightin with me. So to share
with us how that fits with whatit is that you asked to Well,
the question was that how can Ibring more of nature in my life?
And what I've started doing is justthis week past week, is I'm going
(40:07):
out and sitting in my backyard moreas long as it's not a you know,
podcast or where I'm doing because herethe cardinals, the cardinals are very
very chirpy right now, or thedogs barking. I don't know how the
audience would take that. So callswhere you know, I'll ask for people's
(40:30):
permation. Are you good if Igo back? So I'm taking some of
my meetings in my backyard and alsotrying to like fully charge my computer and
go out there and work. Sothat's what's the question. Very good,
So that ties in perfectly what itis that you're asking. And people can
(40:50):
use the decks of cards and affirmationslike that, And for example, you
might have a card that card andjust put it up as a reminder maybe
in your bathroom mirror or your desk, so that it's a visual not only
to confirm it on a subconscious levelfor you that you heard you that you
want to spend more time in nature, and that you're paying attention, you're
not ignoring your inner needs and innerwants. And it's also just a little
(41:15):
tip, like something to say,hey, when you look down at it
and see it, it's time togo outside. Absolutely, Oh, what
a fascinating exercise. Yes, andyou can use the journals as well with
that, And so for example,when you were listening to your inner your
(41:36):
body messages, you could ask yourselfhow do I feel and write that in
the journal. And then you couldask yourself what do I think and write
that in the journal, and thenask yourself what do I want? And
some of those questions you might nothave answers to, but just by asking
the question, it'll start to stirsome things up and you'll get to know
(41:57):
yourself even better, if that's possiblefor someone like you. Oh, I
am at the lowest rung of theladder, Lotti, so much more to
learn. Life is a continuous learningjourney and always Yeah, and that was
beautiful. So if you were topart wait some tips or share any of
(42:21):
your other wisdom nuggets as we wrapit up, please go ahead. I
would just encourage you. You know, there are things we might be afraid
of that are underneath what it isthat we're doing that's harming us. But
there's nothing to be truly afraid ofexcept staying stuck. Because when we're stuck,
(42:47):
nothing is ever going to change.And if that's good enough, you
can stay there. But if youwant something better, don't be afraid to
take the time to look within.It's like we don't want to be afraid
of it, Like we're afraid ofthe dark when we're a child, and
we are afraid that there's something underthe bed. The monsters under the bed
are only things that we're imagining.Now. I'm not saying that there aren't
(43:10):
things out there that are harmful.I'm just saying that what's in your mind
isn't something that ought to scare you. If you had just shut the lights
out and listen a little longer andask yourself some questions, you'll find that
the entire world will open up foryou with them and without beautiful. Thank
you for sharing that, and thankyou for joining us today. And where
(43:34):
can people find you? And thankyou so much for asking us? Thank
you, thank you. I'd loveto be able to meet anyone in person.
I have my company will You asan inspirational multimedia company that provides personal
growth, adventure, travel tours andunconditional tips for love so with that said,
you can go to willugrow dot com. You could join me in the
(43:59):
Smoky Mountains of East Tennessee to goon a tour up in the Smoky Mountain
to take a beautiful hike and domeditation up there, or in South Carolina
on Hunting Island. We'll also havesome other two ravel tours coming up over
the years, So just keep checkingback to will you Grow dot com.
Or if you have a personal questionyou'd like to reach out, feel free
to go to my website and justdrop me a line there. You can
(44:22):
also see my YouTube channel, willyou Grow Adventure Love So hope to see
you soon. Absolutely, and wherecan they find your books and will you
grow dot com? There's a sectionthere that has my books and and also
if you'd like to sign up forfree affirmations in your inbox once a week,
there's a spot there right up atthe top of the home page where
(44:44):
you can click on that and geta free delivery of a happy affirmation message
in your inbox every Monday morning.Oh fantastic. Thank you so much Aniley
for sharing you, thank you yesand joining Thank you. I enjoyed our
conversation. Oh thank you so much, and your stories about the trees are
inspirational and very heartwarming for sure.Oh, thank you and thank you listeners
(45:10):
so blessed to have you in ourlives because we love you and without you,
the show would not be possible.So reach out to us with any
questions you have and who can webring so that you can live the life
you deserve and you get the toolsand strategies and inspiration. So reach out
(45:34):
to us as you always do,and I'm super thankful for that and let
us know. And last, butnone the least, thank you one for
making the show possible. So untilnext time, be well and take care.
Thank you for being part of BeyondConfidence. With your host Devia Park,
we hope you have learned more abouthow to start living the life you
want. Each week on Beyond Confidence, you hear stories of real people who've
(45:59):
experienced grew by overcoming their fears andbuilding meaningful relationships. During Beyond Confidence,
Divia Park shares what happened to herwhen she stepped out of her comfort zone
to work directly with people across theglobe. She not only coaches people how
to form hard connections, but alsotransform relationships to mutually beneficial partnerships as they
strive to live the life they want. If you are ready to live the
(46:21):
life you want and leverage your strengths, learn more at www dot dvapark dot
com and you can connect with Divaat contact at dvapark dot com. We
look forward to you joining us nextweek
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(00:24):
Radio. This is Beyond Confidence withyour host Dvaparnk. Do you want to
live a more fulfilling life? Doyou want to live your legacy and achieve
your personal, professional, and financialgoals? Well? Coming up on Diva
Park's Beyond Confidence, you will hearreal stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and
achievers who have stepped into discomfort,shanner their status quo, and are living
(00:47):
the life they want. You willlearn how relationships are the key to achieving
your aspirations and financial goals. Movingyour career business forward does not have to
happen at the expense of your personalor family life, or vice versa.
Learn more www dot dvaparnk dot comand you can connect with div at contact
at dvapark dot com. This isBeyond Confidence and now here's your host,
(01:10):
Via Park. Good morning, thisis Divia and it's Tuesday, and love
this day because I get to bewith you. So for each and every
one of you who have got ourbooks, I want to thank you because
together we can make a difference.Partial profits from the book sales do go
(01:32):
to Kiva dot org where we helpentrepreneurs from all across the globe, especially
women entrepreneurs. And if you're thinkingwhich books to get, both the Entrepreneurs
Garden as well as expert to Influencerare going to help you get what you
want and live the lifestyle you deserve. And of course there are other several
(01:55):
other books that you can feel freeto get it. Sales of any books
go to partial profits from and goto keep it dot org. And I'm
going to invite you, like always, to spend one hour of your time
every month supporting someone without any stringsattached. Let's keep let's start this kind
(02:19):
of circle and let's keep it going. And let's invite our guests and so
welcome Anti League. Hello, wonderfulto be here. Thank you so much
for having me. Oh it's apleasure having you were here. So tell
us, Angelick, if you remembera moment or a time or a person
(02:45):
from your childhood that left a markon you. Oh wow. You know,
it's so important that we take thetime to remember these things because those
marks can affect us for the wholerest of our life. And it was
my grandmother and my other side.My grandmother was a great cook, and
she also used to garden, andjust the fact that she would take time
(03:06):
to share what it is that shereally know and was important on her heart
really made an effect on me.What about you, Oh, great question.
So I was very lucky to havesome really really good people in my
life who left an impact. AlthoughI gotta say it the most impact,
(03:29):
I mean that different levels of impact. There was this big, beautiful tropical
tree in our backyard with strong,sturdy limbs, and of course my parents
didn't like it. There. Iwould just kind of climb up and take
my books with me and read it. You know. I would even sometimes
take my blanket, and whenever myparents tried to give me a time out,
(03:55):
I would be climbing on the topmostlimbs and like sticking on it,
and they'd be like, please,okay, you're no longer in time,
would just come down, So Ithink so it was a fun time for
me, but not so much asfor my parents. So as you kind
of grew up under the influence ofyour grandma, and she liked gardening,
(04:20):
and so what would you say thatyou took away from your association with her,
You know, I would, Iwould make that comparison to the way
that you talked about the tree,And I too, agree that trees give
us a grounding, give us alife force. They hold down our earth,
(04:42):
and they bring us fresh air.And people who are living in their
presence, who aren't trying to besomething, who just truly are loving what
they do and they're great at it. That's what she was and represented to
me, and that's what trees dofor us every day too. They just
be If we can all be thetree, we'd all be the best person
we can be. Right, absolutely, you said it. So as you
(05:05):
continued growing, what did you interestin you? My interests were always an
understanding humanity. I felt like itmade a lot more sense to look outside
into the nature and see how itworked. But humans were a bit confusing
to me. So I've always beenfascinated with the inner workings of how people
(05:29):
made decisions and what decisions made themhappy and unhappy, and why they made
them. So the psychology in suchhas always been very important to me.
Well, human beings are complicated.You are so right. Human beings are
really fascinating, just like any creatureof the planet. But human beings,
(05:51):
being human beings with the brain thathas developed in comparison to way further ahead
than any other species on the planet, definitely of interest. And I can
relate to that because I was alwaysfascinated by how did the body work,
how did the mind work? Inthis sense, how is everything happening on
(06:11):
its own? So that's where ittook me down the path of biochemistry and
neural science. So that's said.You mentioned that you know you were interested
in psychology, So what were someof your initial undertakings in your life.
I went through school and I wentthrough college as well, and I have
(06:32):
when I started studying psychology, Iadmired it, but I found, at
least for me and my perspective,I always wanted applicable information and there's a
lot of study about the mind,but the actual application of how to use
it and what works and what doesn'tis what I wasn't finding in psychiatry.
So I do have a minor inphilosophy, and I've also gone to do
(06:55):
intensive months long studies with folks likecosmologists John Dobson, who's a mentor of
mine, and other spiritual people whoknew how to actually apply the information and
walk the walk, so to speak. So, my you asked about how
it really manifested for me? Howdid it how did it play out?
(07:15):
I just continued along the path,so I found things that worked and finding
people who knew how to walk it. That's what makes it work. You're
absolutely right on the spot that it'syou know, you could have the best
intentions in the world, you couldhave all the information in the world,
and yet if you don't have thatimplementation, that to implementation done the right
(07:43):
way, then you're not going tobe able to bring that change or take
Without that action, it just remainsa dream or always or a goal.
It does not become reality or results. So you really said that, So
as you travel through your life walkingwith people who had already achieved it,
(08:07):
and I'm really a fan of thattoo, because I've done the same.
And when you work with someone orwhen you follow someone, I mean sometimes
you can just be reading books,consuming podcasts, you could be working with
someone. When you take the learningsof people who have already been through all
of what you may go through,you are getting a shortcut to where you
(08:35):
want to go. So that's sucha great way of doing it. So
yes, tell us more about wheredid it finally lead you? Well,
where it led me was to recognizingthat even people, though people were incredibly
intelligent, like the doctors of psychiatryand such I knew from also my research,
(09:01):
having a background and degree in journalismas well, but seventy percent of
the people who are teaching these things, who are psychiatrists, don't actually apply
it. They have the same problemsthat they're teaching about. So for me,
I realized that there really wasn't adegree, so to speak, for
walking your talk. And I foundthat to be unsettling really in humanity,
(09:26):
that we would be okay with afacade of a degree that we don't know
how to walk. And so Idecided I was going to create my own
and just by doing my podcasts anddoing my studies and then only talking and
speaking about things that I've actually applied, and I surround myself with other people
who have also applied it, becauseI believe that there's something that comes from
(09:50):
studying with people who've applied it thatisn't just the knowledge that we're sharing.
It's like what emanates out of thetree. It's not just oxygen and not
just beauty, but there's a presenceabout the tree. There's a presence about
being in with a master. It'scalled SATs on. When you sit with
someone who's actually embodying what it isthat we are seeking, that it emanates
(10:11):
out of them and it seeps intous like we're absorbing it like a sponge,
and it's on an unconscious level.And that's really important. We need
more people who can embody their truth. M love that love that word presence,
and it again kind of brings usback to mindfulness and being present,
being in the moment, and alot of people will question that, what
(10:33):
does being in the moment even mean. It's been living the life, embracing
wherever you are at and without thepast and the future, and of course
everybody's definition can be different. It'sabout accepting it as you kind of go
back to the tree. I lovenature. Tree will not question what you're
(10:54):
doing underneath it, or it willnot question anybody else. The nature knows
how to live in harmony. Andthat's so much more like we need to
bring in not only non personal livesbut also as a humanity. What do
you think of that? It's vital. It's vital because we need to accept
(11:18):
no life, just like the tree. We need to We can accept beauty
and people under it. We canaccept the winds, we can accept the
rain and the weather. That doesn'tnecessarily mean we always like all of it,
but being in acceptance of it meansthat we aren't causing stress for ourselves.
And when we're not in stress,we're also not causing stress for other
(11:39):
people generally in addition to whatever theycreate for themselves. Right right, So
it's it's it's it's vital. Greatpoint. You put it beautifully. So
now let me ask you this.So here we are, we know what
needs to be done, and weknow that like implementation is there. People
(12:00):
know. Most people are aware ofthings. So for example, one simple
thing, oh, I gotta exercise, or I gotta eat healthy, or
I gotta sleep eight hours a day, and yet what is it that stops
them from implementing it? Well,what I've found stops them is the same
thing that stopped me, and thatis if we're not aware of what it
(12:22):
is and we don't take time tolisten, we don't ever get to the
bottom of it. We end upchasing other people's issues and drama and addictions
of any sort. So we needto one be willing, because if we're
not willing, that's the key.If we're not willing, it's not going
anywhere. Just try to teach someonesomething they don't want to learn, it
(12:45):
doesn't work. They have to bewilling. So that's the first step is
if we're willing to ask ourselves importantquestions like why am I doing this?
And it can't be something that we'reblaming on life or our spouse or our
job. It has to be reallycoming from within because it's always co ownership.
(13:07):
You know, sure, maybe ourspouse caused us a little stress,
but what is it that's going insideof us? What's going on in there
that makes us think it's okay todo things that are poisonous for us?
For example, so you mentioned thatas it happened to me. Could you
expand on that? Oh, sure, sure, I don't mind at all.
(13:30):
As a matter of fact, Ifeel that if when we're at the
point when we're ready to talk aboutwhat it was that we were addicted to,
we're no longer addicted. People whoare offended, like that's the first
key. If we're offended by admittingor having someone point out the fact that
we have an addiction, we're probablystill addicted. You know, it's not
(13:50):
an issue once we've gone beyond it. And I had an addiction at a
young age to binge eating donuts.I don't know if anybody there ever has
anything that they can relate to onthat, but I tell you what I
thought donuts could solve my problems becauseI was raised in a situation where my
mother was in deep depression for muchof my growing up years, and she
(14:13):
also had a back problem, sothat left her bedridden sometimes. And then
my dad was a workaholic, sohe was gone all the time, and
that left me caretaking everybody really,including my younger brother. And the only
time I found that I could dosomething that was only of my own volition
or my own choice was at nightlate at night after all the chores were
(14:33):
done, so it was probably midnight, and I had my secret stash of
my white box of Antonman's colors inmy room under my bed, and I
could go grocery shopping. So Iwas lucky enough to be able to be
the person to have the donuts andknew where they were, and it had
my height my head stash. AndI got down to the bottom of the
(14:56):
box of donuts. I'd eaten everysingle ask frum. I mean, I'm
holding the white container and the cellophaneis crackling a little bit, and I'm
trying to stay quiet. And Iget down to the bottom and pull up
my little crones and I'm nabbling.And as I'm sitting there, getting started
to get what they call it,like the Jones is realizing I don't have
(15:16):
any more donuts and I want moredonuts. I had two choices. Am
I going to try to jump outthe window and go get myself some more
donuts at the gas station? Oram I going to sit here and give
myself the opportunity to learn a littlebit like I am stuffed, I'm sick
to my stomach. I'm sick.I'm literally sick, and yet I still
(15:37):
want more donuts. So I realizedit's not an hunger issue. I'm not
hungry. So if I'm not hungryand I don't really want donuts, that
led to self wind cry what doI really want? What do I really
want? And I'm sitting there inmy bedroom and I'm a teenage, a
young teenager. I don't know howold I was, I don't remember.
(15:58):
But also you are are still achild. Oh yeah, still a child.
And you know, at the timewhen you were supposed to be playing
out, you had all the responsibilityat home and you were taking care of
your mom and you were taking careof the younger brother. I don't know
how many kids would do that andnot sneak out or shunned the responsibilities.
(16:21):
And so it's yeah, it's importantto have compassion as well. So tell
us, like, you know,how did you even become a very I
mean you are so young at thattime? Well I was, But yet
at the same time, when youhave other people around you aren't responsible,
we become over responsible, which actuallybecame a psychological problem. I mean I
(16:44):
had hyper vigilance issues. I wasalways wanting to make sure everything was okay,
and everybody else was okay. Butas a child, in some ways
it really helped me because I knewI couldn't get help from either one of
my parents, and the answer tothe question what do I really want was
a really important answer. It ledto another question, but my answer was
I really wanted love, which Ifound is basically the answer to most every
(17:08):
addiction I so far, I've nevermet anybody and worked with anybody as a
mentor with someone who that wasn't theanswer, And so that led me to
it saying, well, I can'tget it to from my parents. I
can't get love from them because they'redealing with their themselves. So where can
I get it? And how doI experience love? And that helped me
(17:30):
to learn some things that I coulddo, even as a young child,
to love myself. So that ledme to start a self love you movement.
M So tell us when you're thatyoung child, when you realize or
when did you become aware of thatthere was something going on? And when
(17:53):
did you question and what was theresult of it? Well, I think
we can any of us can knowif how do we know we have an
addiction? You know, we lieabout it. We say, oh,
I don't have that problem, orno, I don't need to have all
those donuts, or or we mightpretend we don't eat donuts and we're in
(18:14):
front of other people, we hidethem, like I hid my box of
donuts. Or we deny, wedeny, you know that there's an issue,
we just avoid the whole problem overall. So lying, denying, and
hiding are three ways that we canknow that we have a problem. So
I did that with donuts. Butthere are more than one addiction. Usually
(18:34):
people have two to three addictions.When we have one, we have more
than one because it's really not theissue with the addiction. So if you're
open to it, like you know, I love you here, like did
you have any other addictions that youwould avail? Oh, yes, yes
I did, and I had towork through those as well. What I
didn't know it was the more recentovercoming of addictions was codependency. The one
(19:00):
one in the middle of that thatI had worked out was workaholism. So
I had done all those things reallyas a source or way to be able
to achieve the recognition for myself thatI felt that I needed because I couldn't
get love from outside of me inthe way that I felt that I needed
it and I couldn't succeed in mylove relationships with my family, so I
(19:23):
thought, well, I can succeedat work, so let's just keep doing
that. M So, what I'mhearing is that that workoholism, and we
will explore that because so many peopleare workoholics, and sometimes they even take
pride in that. Oh yes,guilty. I even like to be a
(19:45):
workaholic. And if somebody's going forwork life balance, and it's like hmm,
so of course, you know that'sthe different generations and especially millennials and
zigen up bringing, that change aboutwhere having the time with family and time
for oneself is really really important.So when we talk about work coholism,
(20:06):
So what's showing up for me isthat that vacuum which could be filled by
love is being filled by work.That Okay, if I work, you
know, I'll get recognized and thatexternal validation somehow replaces to some extent that
love that you were seeking. Yes, and that is absolutely true. And
(20:29):
in my case, I took iteven a step farther because my work was
always about giving to other people thesame way it was in my family growing
up, so I still wasn't.I didn't I did not try to get
validation from even the accolades. Asa matter of fact, I didn't want
people to point out that I wasdoing a good job because there were other
(20:52):
issues growing up in my family whereit's just not a good idea to get
praised by other people because there's jealousyand competition and other things that I didn't
understand that. And even doing whatI'm doing right now, it took a
lot of personal inner work in orderto do what I'm doing right now with
this was this is not my norm. I'm actually an introvert who does the
(21:18):
extrovert thing just so that I canaccomplish sharing a message that I believe is
vital and important so that someone outthere may or may not choose to inspire
themselves. Now, thank you somuch for being open and vulnerable and sharing
your story. Absolutely if that's theonly way that we can all really make
(21:40):
a connection. And I want toacknowledge you and give you a shout out
for the work you've done yourself,because that's one of the hardest things to
do, and for not only dothe work and move beyond it but recognizing
it that there was this cycle whichfinish initiated in your childhood and then it
(22:02):
continued because you were used to giving, giving, giving, and taking care
of others. So how did yourealize that workoholism was a repetition and how
did you overcome it? Because I'msure there's so many other people, men
and women, a lie who couldbenefit from your experience. Well, how
(22:26):
I realized it may or may notbe similar to other people, But I
have an several intuitive gifts, andso I knew at a young age what
ended up being confirmed to me byother masters, and that is we pick
up the sole issues of our parents. So at the time of our conception,
we will pick up whatever issues ourparents have not healed within themselves.
(22:48):
So I already knew my dad.I started to reflect. Then I knew
my dad had workoholism, and Iknew the issues that my mom had.
So I just one by one startedanalyzing myself and saying, where is what
they have similar to what's going onwith me? And how am I seeing
that playing out in my own life? So it came to observation, questioning,
(23:11):
self inquiry, and observation to determinewhere is this showing up like little
sprouts or roots coming up from thatoriginal issue of my parents, So you
are able to notice yourselves. Let'ssay there is somebody who's an alcoholic and
yep, their spouse and their children, and it could be a man or
(23:34):
a woman. I'm not happy withthem obviously because family wants their time all
the looking for his time with them, and let's set this professional or an
entrepreneur is not giving them. Sohow can they get out of it?
Well, when we look and recognizewhat am I getting out of avoiding them,
(23:59):
you know what am I getting outof not allowing that connection. So
in my example, what I wasgetting out of choosing work over deeper connection
with others is that connection with otherswas always painful. Love was pain and
growing up, so it wasn't safefor me to connect with others that were
(24:23):
close to me, like family orpeople that were in my intimate relationships as
well, because that always repeats itselfuntil we heal it. So it's really
turning it back to ourselves. Howare we gaining by not connecting? And
one other side note, you mentionedthat our family wants time with us,
(24:44):
and it depends what kind of personthey are. You know, time is
time, but quality time I don'tknow that anyone actually defined that. And
that's where it really gets real.If we're actually able to connect with a
child, even for a shorter periodof time, they can feel that they
know that. Same with our spouseor our other friends and relations. It
(25:07):
doesn't take hours and hours of timetogether when we're actually truly there and with
us connected within, connected without.Does that make sense? Oh? Absolutely,
Like the quality of time is almosta moment stollen in time. And
I will share that there's so manyof my friends and I'm blessed to have
(25:33):
quite a few friends like that thatwe will not even talk for a few
years. Time goes by, youknow, you're in different states, people
are busy with their lives, andwhen we connect, it's almost like the
time stops and we pick back upright where we had left. So I
totally understand it's not the length oftime, it's the quality of time,
(25:56):
because you could be with someone fordays and days together, and yet if
you're not enjoying each other's company andpinpointing, and there are flights and so
what's the point of having that timetogether? It's singing that joy and love
back into those moments because those moments, once gone, are gone. Yes,
(26:22):
beautifully said, And just for theif there's anybody out there who is
in a relationship with someone who's anarcissist, that doesn't really apply. And
I can speak that firsthand, becauseyou could spend all the time in the
world with someone who has a narcissisticpersonality disorder and you can offer all the
connection you want to offer, butyou're never going to get the connection because
they're not connected with themselves. Soyou'll be seeking something in pain for years
(26:48):
and feeling like it's all you andthat there's must be something wrong with you
that you can't get in, thatcan't get a connection or an equality time,
no matter how much time you spendwith this person. So just yourself
a break. If you don't knowwhat narcissistic personality disorder is, look it
up and start to look into codependencyand enabling because being on the opposite side
(27:08):
of that and being the enabler toa codependent with addictions like serious addictions that
cause themselves harm on bodily level aswell as others. You know, people
who haven't done it don't understand it, but you can learn about it absolutely.
Could you speak more to that,because I'm sure there are a lot
(27:29):
of women out there and a lotof men as well, like whether in
these toxic relationships where nothing they're beingtogether is not doing anything for one person
or maybe doing it And as youtalked about the codependency and enabler, that'll
be very helpful. Well, yes, it kind of goes back to what
(27:52):
we spoke about earlier when I said, if we have an addiction to anything,
even if it's enabling, even ifit's codependency, we have to ask
ourselves what are we getting out ofthat? That was the only way I
knew how to give, because that'sthe only way that I could give.
In my family of origin, itwasn't reciprocal because they couldn't connect with themselves,
(28:12):
with my mom being depressed and mydad being totally disconnected from his own
emotions, having experiences in war andjust choosing to never disconnect with his emotions
because he considered that weak. So, because that's all I ever knew,
I felt like if I could justeventually keep giving and doing what I'm doing,
(28:33):
that someone that I would be inconnection with would be able to give
back. But unfortunately, that's notthe way that life, God or whatever
you want to call it, createdlife. That's not the way it works.
We actually have to see the cycleof codependency and addiction in order to
work ourselves out of it. It'snot going to work itself out by itself.
(28:56):
Yeah, So is there a morespecific question you have about the codependency
and narcissistic dynamic, because there areso many things to talk about there.
Yeah, let's just kind of lookat from two different perspectives. Like,
let's say if there is a personand their bosses like that and what could
(29:18):
they do? Or there's an entrepreneurand you know, they keep on attracting
the same type of clients and thenthey find because I had one of my
clients like that, and that theytake on. They're initially like really really
thrilled. Yes, you know,I'm so excited and bringing on this client,
and then they find that whatever they'redoing is not pleasing either the boss
(29:41):
or the client. So something ina situation like that, well, when
we're in a codependent narcissistic relationship lookingto find any type of validation from them
or agreement from them that anything we'vedone is right or good, or acknowledgement
(30:03):
that we're worthy or that we havedone enough where we can't look for any
of those things from them, notbecause we're judging them and saying you can't,
you can't, but because there's adeeper issue. Narcissists do not have
a sense of self. What doesthat mean? That means that if you
don't have, for example, ahand, and you say I want to
(30:27):
open my hand, so I'm goingto take one finger and open it up,
and then another one and another one. If we don't have a sense
of self, which is the hand, there's nothing to open. They can't
change because there's nothing there. Theyhaven't taken the time to find out who
they are on a on a characterlevel, saying I believe in integrity and
(30:52):
I'm only going to stand for integrity, I believe in honesty, I'm only
going to speak honestlye etc. Theyhaven't done that. Why is that?
Because they were probably raised by someonewho made them change in order to be
acceptable, So all they know isto be a chameleon. So they might
argue for abortion in one discussion withsomeone who believes in that, and then
(31:15):
they might go five minutes later andargue the exact opposite with someone else and
speak at it as if it isthem, because it is them. They
have no sense of interior, skeletalsoul self. They don't have a self.
So it would take severe, cataclysmicchange if that, for them to
(31:37):
change, because they can't see whythere's anything wrong with their behavior. And
very often they will be very successfulin life and very charismatic, and then
when they get home, it's justlike you flipped a light switch and they
become their other personality and take itout on you. And you'll see that
as a boss, like you talkedabout working with someone who has narcissistic personality
(31:59):
disorder, you have to ask yourself, why am I willing to accept this?
Building up our self worth is theonly way to truly get out of
the cycle. And we have todo that ourself. No one can do
it for us. That's really agreat point, that there is no sense
(32:22):
of self, and if there isno moral compass, then what is guiding
them? There's nothing there to guidethem. Now, actually there is.
There is what's guiding And I don'tmean to I just I want people.
I want people to know this.There is something guiding them validation, approval,
power, control, money, sex, that's what's guiding them. It's
(32:49):
instant gratification in one way or another, and it's usually comes into a very
attractive package. Yeah, and thisis this is important that you know you
realize it that like, no matterwhat you have done, it's not going
to make a difference. So recognizingthat and making a dissension. As you
(33:12):
talked about, it's not only aboutthe intention, it's about the implementation of
it and deciding whether to make achoice or not. And you always usually
you talk about some three you know, three to four tips on overcoming any
types of addiction. Can you shedlight on that. Yes, whether it's
codependency, whether it's workaholism, whetherit's food, whether it's strength, whatever
(33:37):
it is. If we can justtake five minutes when we're having that it'sy
feeling of I've got to have it. I've got to have it, no
matter what it is, whether it'seven just looking at our phones right and
just checking what's going on there.Take five minutes to sit outside, put
your rear end on the ground,take some deep breaths under that tree.
(34:00):
Like our wonderful host expressed the joyof being with a tree and ask yourself
the question what do I really want? And don't be afraid to just breathe.
You don't have to have an answer, and you don't need to go
(34:22):
searching in your mind for it either. You can't think your way to the
answer. The answer is just goingto come to you out of your heart.
And if you think that I'm soundingooey gooey and impossible when I say
things like this, you just haveto try it, because until you do,
you will be using your mind toget to your answers for everything,
(34:43):
and logic will not take you there. Check with any of the masters,
you can do your research online.Thinking will not take you to those deep
kind of answers. Ask yourself,what do I really want? It is
getting in touch with your intuition andletting the answer come to you. And
if it doesn't come in once you'vetalked about acceptance, being accepting of the
(35:06):
thing in the situation, and youhave mentioned something really very powerful over here
is taking that pause. And whileyou're taking that pause and learning to understand
yourself, and when you understand yourselfas the saying ghost and all thyself,
it makes options more options available andIt also allows you to make choices,
(35:31):
even if it is in tiny,tiny steps. So tell us, like
you know how you have taken thisknowledge and combined in your books, because
I can definitely see it in thebackground. Well, thank you after I
had come to that tip. Ialso work with a physician, doctor what
Quita Callaway, who endorses this tip. She has worked since nineteen ninety in
(35:57):
her private practice, but she alsostudied it at emery, and she knew
that she wanted to go into privatepractice because medical and other type of conventional
medicines go after symptoms. They're tryingto treat a symptom. They don't treat
the root cause. This tip thatI just mentioned, asking yourself what do
(36:22):
I really want? Goes after theroot cause. And think of how powerful
that is that you can ask yourselfthe question that is the root cause of
why you do that thing that isharming you, and you are the only
one who can answer that question.Very powerful, and that's what these books
also do behind you. I've createdthirteen different styles of books. I've got
(36:45):
eleven journals that are on the bottomself. I've got two different books for
affirmations, one with a journal andone without it's a copytable book and my
deck of cards as well. Andthese affirmations are affirmative words that are used
to both challenge some of your existingbeliefs that may not be helpful to you,
that could be limiting, and alsoencourage you in your growth and self
(37:07):
worth. Oh that's powerful. Sotell us you have shared, you have
written extensively, and you also havea deck of cards. What would you
say are some of your favorite affirmations? Oh goodness, my favorite is to
(37:29):
be able to provide affirmations for others. Actually that's the that's the honest answer.
Would you like to have get anaffirmation today? Yeah? Absolutely,
Okay, I've got to go rightback here to my deck of cards,
so you get it's a nice hardcoverbox and it's the amur Realists flower that's
(37:50):
on the top, and amurialis is. I don't know if anybody under or
knows the floral information of what there'sa meaning behind flowers, and flowers were
actually used medicinally before any type ofpharmaceuticals, so there is an element of
easing disease that the amaillists can offerto us. So you might want to
(38:12):
look up those those qualities of theamarellists if you have any issues with anxiety,
depression or addictions. So I've gotseventy two cards here, and I'd
love it if you would think ofa question in your mind that you might
like to have an answer or affirmationto, and think of a question that
(38:37):
you don't mind sharing later for others, if you would, so that you
can share that, and then youtell me when to stop shuffling, and
that'll be your card. Go ahead, stop it, okay. So the
photographs on these cards, there wego. The photographs are meant to connect
(38:59):
with your subconscious mind because they evokefeelings. So I'd like for you to
feel the feelings within your whole bodywhen you look at this card. What
feelings do you feel? Harmony?Harmony? That's lovely. Now what about
(39:22):
within your body? Are you canyou sense what's happening within your body?
Yes? Calm, calm, okay, wonderful. All right. Now,
I'm going to flip the card overand it's going to have words on it.
(39:45):
And that's amazing. It's that's rightin with me. So to share
with us how that fits with whatit is that you asked to Well,
the question was that how can Ibring more of nature in my life?
And what I've started doing is justthis week past week, is I'm going
(40:07):
out and sitting in my backyard moreas long as it's not a you know,
podcast or where I'm doing because herethe cardinals, the cardinals are very
very chirpy right now, or thedogs barking. I don't know how the
audience would take that. So callswhere you know, I'll ask for people's
(40:30):
permation. Are you good if Igo back? So I'm taking some of
my meetings in my backyard and alsotrying to like fully charge my computer and
go out there and work. Sothat's what's the question. Very good,
So that ties in perfectly what itis that you're asking. And people can
(40:50):
use the decks of cards and affirmationslike that, And for example, you
might have a card that card andjust put it up as a reminder maybe
in your bathroom mirror or your desk, so that it's a visual not only
to confirm it on a subconscious levelfor you that you heard you that you
want to spend more time in nature, and that you're paying attention, you're
not ignoring your inner needs and innerwants. And it's also just a little
(41:15):
tip, like something to say,hey, when you look down at it
and see it, it's time togo outside. Absolutely, Oh, what
a fascinating exercise. Yes, andyou can use the journals as well with
that, And so for example,when you were listening to your inner your
(41:36):
body messages, you could ask yourselfhow do I feel and write that in
the journal. And then you couldask yourself what do I think and write
that in the journal, and thenask yourself what do I want? And
some of those questions you might nothave answers to, but just by asking
the question, it'll start to stirsome things up and you'll get to know
(41:57):
yourself even better, if that's possiblefor someone like you. Oh, I
am at the lowest rung of theladder, Lotti, so much more to
learn. Life is a continuous learningjourney and always Yeah, and that was
beautiful. So if you were topart wait some tips or share any of
(42:21):
your other wisdom nuggets as we wrapit up, please go ahead. I
would just encourage you. You know, there are things we might be afraid
of that are underneath what it isthat we're doing that's harming us. But
there's nothing to be truly afraid ofexcept staying stuck. Because when we're stuck,
(42:47):
nothing is ever going to change.And if that's good enough, you
can stay there. But if youwant something better, don't be afraid to
take the time to look within.It's like we don't want to be afraid
of it, Like we're afraid ofthe dark when we're a child, and
we are afraid that there's something underthe bed. The monsters under the bed
are only things that we're imagining.Now. I'm not saying that there aren't
(43:10):
things out there that are harmful.I'm just saying that what's in your mind
isn't something that ought to scare you. If you had just shut the lights
out and listen a little longer andask yourself some questions, you'll find that
the entire world will open up foryou with them and without beautiful. Thank
you for sharing that, and thankyou for joining us today. And where
(43:34):
can people find you? And thankyou so much for asking us? Thank
you, thank you. I'd loveto be able to meet anyone in person.
I have my company will You asan inspirational multimedia company that provides personal
growth, adventure, travel tours andunconditional tips for love so with that said,
you can go to willugrow dot com. You could join me in the
(43:59):
Smoky Mountains of East Tennessee to goon a tour up in the Smoky Mountain
to take a beautiful hike and domeditation up there, or in South Carolina
on Hunting Island. We'll also havesome other two ravel tours coming up over
the years, So just keep checkingback to will you Grow dot com.
Or if you have a personal questionyou'd like to reach out, feel free
to go to my website and justdrop me a line there. You can
(44:22):
also see my YouTube channel, willyou Grow Adventure Love So hope to see
you soon. Absolutely, and wherecan they find your books and will you
grow dot com? There's a sectionthere that has my books and and also
if you'd like to sign up forfree affirmations in your inbox once a week,
there's a spot there right up atthe top of the home page where
(44:44):
you can click on that and geta free delivery of a happy affirmation message
in your inbox every Monday morning.Oh fantastic. Thank you so much Aniley
for sharing you, thank you yesand joining Thank you. I enjoyed our
conversation. Oh thank you so much, and your stories about the trees are
inspirational and very heartwarming for sure.Oh, thank you and thank you listeners
(45:10):
so blessed to have you in ourlives because we love you and without you,
the show would not be possible.So reach out to us with any
questions you have and who can webring so that you can live the life
you deserve and you get the toolsand strategies and inspiration. So reach out
(45:34):
to us as you always do,and I'm super thankful for that and let
us know. And last, butnone the least, thank you one for
making the show possible. So untilnext time, be well and take care.
Thank you for being part of BeyondConfidence. With your host Devia Park,
we hope you have learned more abouthow to start living the life you
want. Each week on Beyond Confidence, you hear stories of real people who've
(45:59):
experienced grew by overcoming their fears andbuilding meaningful relationships. During Beyond Confidence,
Divia Park shares what happened to herwhen she stepped out of her comfort zone
to work directly with people across theglobe. She not only coaches people how
to form hard connections, but alsotransform relationships to mutually beneficial partnerships as they
strive to live the life they want. If you are ready to live the
(46:21):
life you want and leverage your strengths, learn more at www dot dvapark dot
com and you can connect with Divaat contact at dvapark dot com. We
look forward to you joining us nextweek
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